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Posts written by SuperJer:



User
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m  !

Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m maintaining total stealth!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m screaming and barfing a little!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m a soap bubble!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m the Army!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m boiling water!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m being slathered in baby oil!

User
A downed power line
n

The new Harley-Davidson has got a downed power line painted on both sides.
A downed power line slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”
Here on the assembly line we heat a downed power line to a steaming, bright cherry red.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a downed power line.
Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting a downed power line into the air!
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a downed power line.

User
A little drop of slime
n

While I was out the Roomba got into a little drop of slime and was smashing skulls.
Amtrak officials confirm a little drop of slime would have prevented train derailment.
The weirdest thing about a little drop of slime is that sometimes even girls have a little drop of slime.
The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into a little drop of slime.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a little drop of slime.
Man invented lethal radiation, so woman invented a little drop of slime.

User
aaronjer said:
card=v butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl


oh.. it’s so,,,, particulate
User
A bunch of cool people who like each other
np

Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting a bunch of cool people who like each other in my pool.
A bunch of cool people who like each other is really getting all up in my business!
Oh great, I turned on the oven again with a bunch of cool people who like each other still inside.
Don’t count a bunch of cool people who like each other before they hatch.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a bunch of cool people who like each other to the vastness of space.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a bunch of cool people who like each other.

User
A birthing warthog
n

They didn’t have a birthing warthog at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed regular kibble.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “A-birthing-warthog-coin”
That’s not funny. My sweet father was killed by a birthing warthog.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a birthing warthog.
The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into a birthing warthog.
My mom says you have to call it a birthing warthog or you get in trouble!

User
Saying “no” very quietly
v

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start saying “no” very quietly before oiled thighs.
I’m saying “no” very quietly in the streets, but the center of the earth in the sheets.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent saying “no” very quietly, certainly others would have.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate saying “no” very quietly to prepare for a mission to Mars.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably means he’s saying “no” very quietly.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then saying “no” very quietly really affected me.

User
I went to culinary school to be  {v}.

I went to culinary school to laugh with a mouth full of firecrackers.
I went to culinary school to be mercy killing.
I went to culinary school to be fucking dead.
I went to culinary school to use advanced Kama Sutra techniques.
I went to culinary school to exhume my wife.
I went to culinary school to be sad people doing sad things in sad lives.

User
A searing hot knife
n

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a searing hot knife.
If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about a searing hot knife.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a searing hot knife.”
A salesman came to the door selling no record of death. I didn’t open. He slid a searing hot knife under the door.
Jan Sobieski rode into battle atop a searing hot knife.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under a searing hot knife.

User
A ticking time-bomb
n

Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about a ticking time-bomb.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of a Ticking Time-bomb.
Authorities were tallying damage from a ticking time-bomb that struck southern California Friday evening.
The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a ticking time-bomb.
Life Hack: use Band-Aids to stick a ticking time-bomb to your family photo.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a ticking time-bomb so relaxing.

User
A flying car
n

The city put in new road signs to indicate a flying car just up ahead.
Last night I dreamed of a flying car. Now I’m really tired.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a flying car.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like a flying car.
I heard you were talking about a flying car so I had to come over!
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a flying car.

User
Getting into an abusive relationship with Ricky Martin
v

Wolves don’t eat getting into an abusive relationship with Ricky Martin, and neither should kings.
In Kentucky, stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Getting into an Abusive Relationship with Ricky Martin Day.
Getting into an abusive relationship with Ricky Martin is always a contest when I’m involved.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by getting into an abusive relationship with Ricky Martin?
No thanks. My doctor said getting into an abusive relationship with Ricky Martin makes defecation painful.
Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with getting into an abusive relationship with Ricky Martin.

User
Just ruining the vibe
v

The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything: just ruining the vibe.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide just ruining the vibe directly.
I saw two hobos fighting over this half of the planet behind the library. One of them was just ruining the vibe.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not just ruining the vibe like your brother?”
My house. 8 o’clock. Just ruining the vibe.
The referee just issued a red card to my sister for sliding into just ruining the vibe.

User
Honey, let’s be  {v} backwards.

Honey, let’s make a little whoopsie backwards.
Honey, let’s lick it backwards.
Honey, let’s brim with babies backwards.
Honey, let’s get tossed in the trash backwards.
Honey, let’s hide the pain backwards.
Honey, let’s panic in a Subaru backwards.

User
When my parents gave me Tooth Fairy money, they saved my teeth in  {n}.

When my parents gave me Tooth Fairy money, they saved my teeth in an emaciated bovine.
When my parents gave me Tooth Fairy money, they saved my teeth in my secret place.
When my parents gave me Tooth Fairy money, they saved my teeth in nipple placement.
When my parents gave me Tooth Fairy money, they saved my teeth in Evander Holyfield’s ear.
When my parents gave me Tooth Fairy money, they saved my teeth in turkey tacos.
When my parents gave me Tooth Fairy money, they saved my teeth in a sex swing mishap.

User
Take a walk on the wild side and be   with me.

Take a walk on the wild side and burn my junk with me.
Take a walk on the wild side and be a newer, sleeker leopard with me.
Take a walk on the wild side and be the ’80s with me.
Take a walk on the wild side and be a hot explosion with me.
Take a walk on the wild side and be a life preserver with me.
Take a walk on the wild side and be the back seat with me.

User
One smart dog
n

I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were one smart dog.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: One Smart Dog Blast!
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting one smart dog in my pool.
This land is 50 years land, this land is one smart dog land.
But I promised I would get my kids one smart dog for Christmas!
Any man who can drive safely while kissing one smart dog is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

User
If you be  , you be  .
Play 2

If you be mammaries, you be machine guns.
If you be you, ya dirty bum, you be morphine.
If you act like a child, you be Mom and Dad.
If you solve a problem, you be gross people.
If you be a syringe of Tabasco, you be butt sounds.
If you throw up in an autistic woman’s lap, you be her penis.

User
You gotta fight! For your right! To be  {v}!

You gotta fight! For your right! To get impregnated by an advanced robot!
You gotta fight! For your right! To be attacked by a skeleton!
You gotta fight! For your right! To be controlled by a child!
You gotta fight! For your right! To do it again!
You gotta fight! For your right! To rol a golf cart!
You gotta fight! For your right! To know hell!

User
Throwing a brick
v

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, bruises on my pelvis, sloth, wrath, throwing a brick, and pride.
My new phone looks like it’s throwing a brick but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of throwing a brick.
This year’s hottest new fashion is throwing a brick on your head.
Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were throwing a brick?
My favorite new band is “Throwing a Brick”.

User
One sugar molecule
n

That kind of attitude is why we have one sugar molecule now.
What the accounting department lacks in attractiveness, we make up for in one sugar molecule.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were one sugar molecule.
One sugar molecule: It’s nature’s candy!
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re one sugar molecule, get to the front of the line.
The city put in new road signs to indicate one sugar molecule just up ahead.

User
A jerry can of old gasoline
n

There’s always time for a jerry can of old gasoline before breakfast.
When the suspect’s car crashed, a jerry can of old gasoline launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away.
I buried my treasure under a jerry can of old gasoline so you’d never find it!
Aron Ralston was trapped under a jerry can of old gasoline for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off his arm.
Look, man, I’m not into a jerry can of old gasoline. But $20 is $20.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a jerry can of old gasoline killed as well.

User
A sniper 400 meters away
n

Every French soldier carries a sniper 400 meters away in his knapsack.
In this 15th century painting, a sniper 400 meters away is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
On Ebay you can get a sniper 400 meters away but it may be counterfeit.
In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy a sniper 400 meters away from dispensaries.
Introducing, The A Sniper 400 Meters Away diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
My wife is WAY better at a sniper 400 meters away than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years

User
The entire bottle of Tylenol®
n

Lonely guys in Japan can buy the entire bottle of Tylenol® that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
The rich aroma of the entire bottle of Tylenol®, from the hills of Colombia.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with the entire bottle of Tylenol®.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “the entire bottle of Tylenol®
Amtrak officials confirm the entire bottle of Tylenol® would have prevented train derailment.
1) A robot may not injure the entire bottle of Tylenol®, or through inaction allow the entire bottle of Tylenol® to come to harm.

User
alternatively…

My neck / my back /  {n} and my crack

My neck / my back / the cruel ambition of my father and my crack
My neck / my back / a novelty gag dildo and my crack
My neck / my back / a legless dog on a wheeled cart and my crack
My neck / my back / five full-time chefs and my crack
My neck / my back / no Internet and my crack
My neck / my back / those responsible and my crack

User
My neck / my back / my pussy and  {n}

My neck / my back / my pussy and the atom
My neck / my back / my pussy and mood enhancing hormones
My neck / my back / my pussy and a small child with no arms on a buttered skateboard
My neck / my back / my pussy and slow diarrhea
My neck / my back / my pussy and my bacon strip
My neck / my back / my pussy and a riding crop

User
I don’t go down to where you work and stop you from  {v}!

I don’t go down to where you work and stop you from hatching out of an egg!
I don’t go down to where you work and stop you from murdering everyone who is different from you!
I don’t go down to where you work and stop you from mounting!
I don’t go down to where you work and stop you from sounding like “SHOOOOM!”!
I don’t go down to where you work and stop you from wandering around!
I don’t go down to where you work and stop you from scissoring!

User
Listening to Sublime
v

Don’t look at me while I’m listening to Sublime! It messes me up!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Listening to Sublime” syndrome!
Could you buy me listening to Sublime? I’ll pay you back.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for listening to Sublime?
I can’t believe you forced my mom into listening to Sublime! She’s 62!
And my mother said, “How come you’re not listening to Sublime like your brother?”

User
Shooting at people in my swamp
v

Thanks for shooting at people in my swamp last night. *wink* *wink*
Today you’re on the receiving end of shooting at people in my swamp.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found shooting at people in my swamp sticking to the wall.
Mah runnin’ legs nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid shooting at people in my swamp.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was shooting at people in my swamp.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was shooting at people in my swamp and tried to attack it.

User
Dangerous thoughts
np

Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for dangerous thoughts.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “dangerous thoughts
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on dangerous thoughts.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of dangerous thoughts.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep dangerous thoughts out of mainland China.
Nordstrom’s return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned dangerous thoughts there.

User
If I was God, you would be  {i}.

If I was God, you would be John Wilkes Booth.
If I was God, you would be big pants.
If I was God, you would be unexpected penetration.
If I was God, you would be some guy named Darryl.
If I was God, you would pop out of the ground.
If I was God, you would wait to kill.



Mating for life
v

Throughout human history, mating for life has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
I think a lot of people would pay to see mating for life.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw mating for life for the first time!
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “mating for life,” over and over again while in use.
R Kelly fantasizes about mating for life with a young Beyonce.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent mating for life, certainly others would have.

User
I'm working on a thing to make it so if you put "... be _" and a verb goes in there like "be cooking" it will just simplify to "cook"
User
We can be  {v}. And no one has to know.

We can force-feed a bird. And no one has to know.
We can be dick slapping. And no one has to know.
We can do it again. And no one has to know.
We can pick at it. And no one has to know.
We can touch your vaggie while sleeping. And no one has to know.
We can prove she’s a witch. And no one has to know.

User
A Russian couple taught a bear how to be  .

A Russian couple taught a bear how to make out.
A Russian couple taught a bear how to wriggle and thrashing.
A Russian couple taught a bear how to be carted away.
A Russian couple taught a bear how to be the taste of Rohypnol.
A Russian couple taught a bear how to inhale .
A Russian couple taught a bear how to be claws.

User
Two Teslas crashing into each other over and over
np

Science never solves a problem without creating two Teslas crashing into each other over and over.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on two Teslas crashing into each other over and over. I found him lifting off the toilet.
Two Teslas crashing into each other over and over from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing two Teslas crashing into each other over and over is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
In the third world, luxuries like two Teslas crashing into each other over and over are an alien concept.
Opioids help people with two Teslas crashing into each other over and over, but then they can’t poop.

User
Taking a fat piss
v

This year’s hottest new fashion is taking a fat piss on your head.
Don’t take a fat piss alone! Join the Take a Fat Piss Club and do it with others.
Taking a fat piss is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
I will do anything for a leather swing. But I won’t take a fat piss!
I’ll never know why my grandparents find taking a fat piss so relaxing.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see taking a fat piss, and I feel better.

User
How loose this is
nc

I saw the twins in the corridor. I froze in terror as they said, “You’ll be how loose this is with us.”
I looked up “how loose this is” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving mutual discomfort.
In a world with no rules, one man must be how loose this is. Coming this summer.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from how loose this is.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with how loose this is hanging in the window.
Today the Senate is voting on how loose this is.



Something really loose
nc

I prayed to God for something really loose, and God delivered!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about something really loose. Should I talk to him?
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold. The hole makes them look like they’re something really loose.
I got so drunk last night that I got something really loose all over everyone and everything.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was something really loose.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found something really loose.


User
How loose this is
nc

Daddy! There’s how loose this is under my bed. Kill it kill it!
The rich aroma of how loose this is, from the hills of Colombia.
A lifetime of how loose this is awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy how loose this is that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
At work I secretly have how loose this is under my desk.
Giggle shits nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid how loose this is.



Something really loose
v

Then God said, “Let there be something really loose”; and there was something really loose. And God saw that something really loose was good.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was something really loose and tried to attack it.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with something really loose.
Ever since the incident with something really loose I’ve been haunted.
PG rated movies cut to something really loose instead of showing sex.
No more something really loose at Starbucks.

User
Grandfather's gaunt face
nc

You’re not a mom! You’re just Grandfather's gaunt face!
The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of Grandfather's gaunt face.
Grandfather's gaunt face! Grandfather's gaunt face! My kingdom for Grandfather's gaunt face!
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain Grandfather's gaunt face?
Ok, I’ll admit Grandfather's gaunt face might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in a tickle.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for Grandfather's gaunt face.

User
Destroying the three of you
v

Destroying the three of you nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a sexual encounter.
You’re not a mom! You’re just destroying the three of you!
It’s time to scrape the remains of destroying the three of you off the driveway.
I’m destroying the three of you for Jesus.
Go, go, Gadget Destroying the Three of You!
The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with destroying the three of you.

User
Being
v

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Being.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s being.
Being is bad for your car’s engine.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into being.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all being when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Apparently, “Being” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.



Just being
v

I refuse to roleplay as anything but just being.
I’ve made a mistake and just being isn’t going to be the same. Sorry.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using just being to forage for food.
My wife printed me a certifcate for just being. I’m excited for tonight!
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about just being.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start being in a state of total ecstasy before just being.

User
A canoe full of scorpions
n

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in a canoe full of scorpions together.
Working on my car I found a canoe full of scorpions had crawled inside the engine block and died.
The dog ate black market lungs so we’re waiting for a canoe full of scorpions.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a canoe full of scorpions.
Furious that I was pissing into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a canoe full of scorpions.
I get chills when a canoe full of scorpions brushes against my leg.

User
More volume
nc

Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, more volume?
Ha! You activated my trap card, you’re cursed with more volume until the end of the game!
It's like they always say: more volume never changes.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore more volume in a very realistic way.
More volume from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
More-Volume-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

User
Being completely eviscerated
v

Those hoodlums graffitied being completely eviscerated on my mailbox again.
Doctor! My child has being completely eviscerated coursing through his veins!
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m being completely eviscerated.
The city council wants to cut down on being completely eviscerated after 8pm.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw being completely eviscerated.
It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of being completely eviscerated on the Titanic.

User
At the buffet, all Dad got was  {n}, and he just picked at it.

At the buffet, all Dad got was the stillness of death, and he just picked at it.
At the buffet, all Dad got was this asshole, and he just picked at it.
At the buffet, all Dad got was my sex tape, and he just picked at it.
At the buffet, all Dad got was nut sack hairs, and he just picked at it.
At the buffet, all Dad got was a Steam update, and he just picked at it.
At the buffet, all Dad got was a gushing bloody nose, and he just picked at it.


User
Escaping Sodom, Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into  {n}.

Escaping Sodom, Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into ointment.
Escaping Sodom, Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into shame.
Escaping Sodom, Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into unbearable bitching.
Escaping Sodom, Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into unladylike musculature.
Escaping Sodom, Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into earwax.
Escaping Sodom, Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into “that feeling”.

User
The archaeologists dug up  {n} at Stonehenge!

The archaeologists dug up a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft at Stonehenge!
The archaeologists dug up two VCRs at Stonehenge!
The archaeologists dug up total collapse at Stonehenge!
The archaeologists dug up a molecule at Stonehenge!
The archaeologists dug up Jesus Christ at Stonehenge!
The archaeologists dug up some emo kid at Stonehenge!

User
A computer virus
n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a computer virus hanging in the window.
In prison we used to cook a computer virus in the toilet.
A computer virus is the only way to say goodbye.
The ‘victory or death moth’ has adapted to feed on garbage, and hide under a computer virus in cities to spin its cocoon.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A computer virus.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a computer virus around the building.

User
An ICBM
n

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn an ICBM, but now I work at Wal*Mart.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into an ICBM.
Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does an ICBM.
Daddy! There’s an ICBM under my bed. Kill it kill it!
We can be an ICBM. And no one has to know.
Dagnabbit! I got an ICBM all jammed up in the wheel well again.

User
The prophet
n

My house. 8 o’clock. The prophet.
I need a hotel room with the prophet, and I need Xanax® brought to me every four hours.
Doctor! My child has the prophet coursing through his veins!
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on the prophet.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: the prophet!!!
Opinions are like the prophet. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.



Learning from one another
v

Lucy Liu has studied ancient rituals of learning from one another.
It’s time to scrape the remains of learning from one another off the driveway.
The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of learning from one another.
I always get caught learning from one another in the locker room. Sorry.
For Halloween we’re peeling grapes so they feel like eyeballs, and we prepared learning from one another so it feels like brains.
The TSA has made new rules mandating learning from one another on every commercial flight.



Dying nameless on my floor
v

PG rated movies cut to dying nameless on my floor instead of showing sex.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should get dying nameless on my floor.
They said dying nameless on my floor was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of dying nameless on my floor!
While you’re at the store can you pick up dying nameless on my floor, in family size?
In this 15th century painting, dying nameless on my floor is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start dying nameless on my floor before their white asses.

User
Getting so fucking horny for me
v

You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were getting so fucking horny for me.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still getting so fucking horny for me!
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were getting so fucking horny for me, would you be getting so fucking horny for me as well?”
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by getting so fucking horny for me.
Go, go, Gadget Getting so Fucking Horny for Me!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about getting so fucking horny for me. Should I talk to him?

User
Melting in my mouth
v

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, melting in my mouth, & toilet paper.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and melting in my mouth. There was a report.
Pundits agree it will take melting in my mouth for the senator to win the election.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be melting in my mouth during sex.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: melting in my mouth.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with melting in my mouth.

User
Passing out in a centrifuge
v

It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of passing out in a centrifuge on the Titanic.
Today the Senate is voting on passing out in a centrifuge.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, right while I’m passing out in a centrifuge.
If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about passing out in a centrifuge.
But I promised I would get my kids passing out in a centrifuge for Christmas!
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit desperate dog sex and acquire passing out in a centrifuge!

User
Cuz I got one hand in my pocket, and the other is  .

Cuz I got one hand in my pocket, and the other is a cage built for an autistic student.
Cuz I got one hand in my pocket, and the other is taking a flying leap.
Cuz I got one hand in my pocket, and the other is a drop of blood.
Cuz I got one hand in my pocket, and the other is 20 dollars.
Cuz I got one hand in my pocket, and the other is sewing it shut.
Cuz I got one hand in my pocket, and the other is salt.



Eating a taco
v

It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of eating a taco on the Titanic.
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused eating a taco in the streets.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for eating a taco.
I make treats for my cat by eating a taco with an exploitative sex tape. Oreo loves it!
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... eating a taco.
Jesus is eating a taco.

User
Kim's knife accident
n

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember Kim's knife accident?”
I found out why I’m always sick... they found Kim's knife accident in the walls at my office.
Ever since Kim's knife accident appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while changing.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of Kim's knife accident.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for Kim's knife accident.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, Kim's knife accident emerged.

User
Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over  {n}.

Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over a real butt-toucher.
Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over his holiness the pope.
Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over a box of wine.
Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over a secret elevator button.
Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over a tickle.
Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over success.

User
I swear this was an accident!
User
Shhh! I need help making   look like an accident.

Shhh! I need help making an accident look like an accident.
Shhh! I need help making another hole in the head look like an accident.
Shhh! I need help making a suitcase full of guns and money look like an accident.
Shhh! I need help making a slut who deserved it look like an accident.
Shhh! I need help making three carrots look like an accident.
Shhh! I need help making chocolate? Or maybe poop look like an accident.



Making it look like an accident
v

Life without love is like making it look like an accident without fruit.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on her penis. I found him making it look like an accident.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain making it look like an accident?
Amtrak officials confirm making it look like an accident would have prevented train derailment.
My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel Making-it-look-like-an-accident-iatto with whip and sprinkles.
You evaded my “Making It Look like an Accident” attack! Most impressive.

User
Inspired by Wal*Mart:

Giving birth in the paper towel aisle
v

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to giving birth in the paper towel aisle.
The dog ate a real sonuvabitch so we’re waiting for giving birth in the paper towel aisle.
Do they make pills for giving birth in the paper towel aisle?
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, giving birth in the paper towel aisle every single day.
In this 15th century painting, giving birth in the paper towel aisle is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there giving birth in the paper towel aisle. Gross.



Cooking meth in the camping section
v

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried cooking meth in the camping section.
Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting cooking meth in the camping section into the air!
You’re not a mom! You’re just cooking meth in the camping section!
I’m special pube shampoo in the streets, but cooking meth in the camping section in the sheets.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw cooking meth in the camping section.
The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on cooking meth in the camping section.



In Wal*Mart we saw a man  {v}.

In Wal*Mart we saw a man abusing a goat.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man taking it hard.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man wanting blood.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man having a zero-value existence.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man losing on purpose.

User
A screeching hawk
n

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a screeching hawk.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a screeching hawk.
Politics. The Blowing in My Ear Party, is always trying to shove a screeching hawk down our throats.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, a screeching hawk came out onto the bed.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch a screeching hawk and her butthole.
Thanks for a screeching hawk last night. *wink* *wink*

User
Calmly shredding a mouse
v

Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for calmly shredding a mouse.
I saw two hobos fighting over amniotic fluid behind the library. One of them was calmly shredding a mouse.
I make treats for my cat by calmly shredding a mouse with mom. Oreo loves it!
I noticed symptoms of sad people doing sad things for their sad lives, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s calmly shredding a mouse!” but I’m not sure.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk calmly shredding a mouse.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m calmly shredding a mouse.

User
Sexily dodging bullets
v

You can’t keep running around like sexily dodging bullets, you’re going to put an eye out!
My religion demands that I must abstain from sexily dodging bullets.
I will do anything for sexily dodging bullets. But I won’t do that!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, sexily dodging bullets, sloth, wrath, smashing skulls, and pride.
Our secret society is dedicated sexily dodging bullets.
The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything: sexily dodging bullets.

User
Dog plasma
nc

I just dug up dog plasma in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, dog plasma, sloth, wrath, my salvation, and pride.
I’m getting dog plasma installed in my car, so I can use it while I drive.
When I think South America, I feel dog plasma.
Stick out your tongue and say, “I was born on dog plasma.”
If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about dog plasma.

User
What daddy likes
nc

That new mmo is coming out next week and I’ve already reserved my name: xXwhat-daddy-likesXx
I can’t believe they used to churn what daddy likes into butter.
I don’t need love because I’m what daddy likes. Sorry mom!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in what daddy likes!
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find what daddy likes in the back seat.
Are you there God? It’s me, what daddy likes.

User
Getting suspended for Holocaust comments
v

James Bond will return in “The Man With getting suspended for Holocaust comments”!
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by getting suspended for Holocaust comments.
I like getting suspended for Holocaust comments like I like my coffee: teaching Grandpa to make gravy.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by getting suspended for Holocaust comments.
I clean my embarrasingly affectionate father by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up getting suspended for Holocaust comments.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to getting suspended for Holocaust comments.

User
Bootfist said:

User
Getting snatched by the wendigo
v

Getting snatched by the wendigo is really getting all up in my business!
Daddy, what’s getting snatched by the wendigo? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, getting snatched by the wendigo appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was getting snatched by the wendigo.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “getting snatched by the wendigo.”
The getting snatched by the wendigo story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the elites for squirting everywhere!

User
Mmmm!  {U}! Yum!

Mmmm! Butt licks! Yum!
Mmmm! A vagina-simulating sleeve! Yum!
Mmmm! A car crash! Yum!
Mmmm! Harsh chemicals! Yum!
Mmmm! The center of the earth! Yum!
Mmmm! Other things I’ve put in my butt! Yum!

User
Using my mouth
v

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of using my mouth.
More armies need to incorporate using my mouth into their uniforms.
Using my mouth like this is enough to kill a horse!
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there using my mouth. Gross.
When I saw big dudes with big dudes I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, using my mouth, I freaked!
Vampires can only be killed by using my mouth.

User
Wordle was too easy so I made this:
https://www.superjer.com/hardle/

Oh no I lost!
🟨
🟨🟨

🟨

🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩
User
Having a heart attack on a Peloton
v

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with having a heart attack on a Peloton.
Life without love is like having a heart attack on a Peloton without fruit.
This land is a surgical rotary saw land, this land is having a heart attack on a Peloton land.
Watch me leaking out my bum. Now watch me having a heart attack on a Peloton.
When a madhouse! A madhouse! is ready, having a heart attack on a Peloton will appear.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of having a heart attack on a Peloton.

User
The kids put  {n} in the microwave.

The kids put booze in the microwave.
The kids put a ceremonial ribbon in the microwave.
The kids put big pants in the microwave.
The kids put a dream in the microwave.
The kids put my womanly virtue in the microwave.
The kids put anal cleansing tablets in the microwave.



A microwave
n

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a microwave.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a microwave.
In this 15th century painting, a microwave is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a microwave in the foyer.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Microwave Blast!
Ich bin ein a microwave.



User
A lack of shame
n

The Pentagon’s most secure room is for a lack of shame.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a lack of shame
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a lack of shame and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a lack of shame, & toilet paper.
Delta Force is the most elite black ops unit of the United States Army, responsible primarily for a lack of shame.
The city condemned our house after finding a lack of shame in the crawlspace.

User
Just crankin' that hog
v

The Pentagon’s most secure room is for just crankin' that hog.
Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, just crankin' that hog?
When I was a kid, to avoid nightmares, I stayed awake by just crankin' that hog.
This food is so good it’s making just crankin' that hog quiver!
I will do anything for giggle shits. But I won’t do just crankin' that hog!
The only thing standing in your way is just crankin' that hog.

User
A goth
n

In public restrooms I always put a goth on the toilet before sitting down.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock a goth and booms and flashes in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
If you do a goth right, all that matters is you have a good time.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a goth out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
The new artsy indie game “A Goth” is a deeply emotional exploration of a dick out.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle a goth.

User
Being *so* random
v

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be being *so* random if I wanted a new family.
Delta Force is the most elite black ops unit of the United States Army, responsible primarily for being *so* random.
I saw the twins in the corridor. I froze in terror as they said, “You’ll be being *so* random with us.”
Today the Senate is voting on being *so* random.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn’t stop being *so* random.
I’ve made a mistake and being *so* random isn’t going to be the same. Sorry.



Being like *so* random
v

I thought I was alone with black votes but my mom walked in. We got to being like *so* random and I felt better.
After a long day I crawled into bed, only to find being like *so* random.
I’m being like *so* random today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with various fluids.
Life without love is like being like *so* random without fruit.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain being like *so* random?
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s being like *so* random.



User
A helicopter being piloted by a zombie
n

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a helicopter being piloted by a zombie.”
The city put in new road signs to indicate a helicopter being piloted by a zombie just up ahead.
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a helicopter being piloted by a zombie.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood a helicopter being piloted by a zombie.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a helicopter being piloted by a zombie in the middle of each intersection.
While you’re at the store can you pick up a helicopter being piloted by a zombie, in family size?

User
Oh, grow up. You can get  {n} anywhere and they're all the same!

Oh, grow up. You can get a walrus rolling down a hill anywhere and they're all the same!
Oh, grow up. You can get almost no air left anywhere and they're all the same!
Oh, grow up. You can get the last breath of a dying man anywhere and they're all the same!
Oh, grow up. You can get three babies in a backpack anywhere and they're all the same!
Oh, grow up. You can get secret agents anywhere and they're all the same!
Oh, grow up. You can get the white bitch anywhere and they're all the same!

User
You lost  {s}? Oh don't worry, I have a spare!

You lost the heart? Oh don't worry, I have a spare!
You lost my happy place? Oh don't worry, I have a spare!
You lost a blind, but happy, puppy? Oh don't worry, I have a spare!
You lost a needle? Oh don't worry, I have a spare!
You lost a succulent jumbo prawn? Oh don't worry, I have a spare!
You lost a list of names? Oh don't worry, I have a spare!

User
Microwaving a steak
v

Today you’re on the receiving end of microwaving a steak.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with microwaving a steak.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by microwaving a steak?
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Microwaving a Steak!
Watch me taking my shirt off. Now watch me microwaving a steak.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with microwaving a steak.

User
Being fed ham through the window
v

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had being fed ham through the window removed so she can live a normal life.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw being fed ham through the window in the mirror! I’m so scared!
Look, man, I’m not into being fed ham through the window. But $20 is $20.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Being Fed Ham Through the Window!
For Halloween we’re peeling grapes so they feel like eyeballs, and we prepared being fed ham through the window so it feels like brains.
If you kids don’t stop being fed ham through the window, I will turn this car around!

User
Flinging your shit everywhere
v

The princess’s saliva is a temporary setback on the road to flinging your shit everywhere!
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, flinging your shit everywhere every single day.
There is no revenge so complete as flinging your shit everywhere.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began flinging your shit everywhere.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and flinging your shit everywhere.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of flinging your shit everywhere.

User
Towels
np

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use Asia to treat towels!
Nordstrom’s return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned towels there.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in towels.
Daddy, what’s towels? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of towels.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s towels.

User
Getting another cat
v

If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be getting another cat.
I love children because you can never tell if they are seizing the means of production or getting another cat.
When you two are done getting another cat, can we get back to work?
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting another cat,” over and over again while in use.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in getting another cat together.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like getting another cat.

User
Life is so strange. I went to college to become an expert at  {v}, but now I work on  {n}!
Play 2

Life is so strange. I went to college to become an expert at being shot at while fleeing, but now I work on my hater!
Life is so strange. I went to college to become an expert at being dipped in chocolate, but now I work on an emaciated bovine!
Life is so strange. I went to college to become an expert at writing emo poetry, but now I work on the greatest mistake of my life!
Life is so strange. I went to college to become an expert at killing again, but now I work on a wiggly meat tube!
Life is so strange. I went to college to become an expert at putting up with you, but now I work on a riding crop!
Life is so strange. I went to college to become an expert at murdering everyone who is different from you, but now I work on oiled thighs!

User
Being shot and killed on stage
v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as being shot and killed on stage.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of being shot and killed on stage.
I noticed symptoms of us black folk, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s being shot and killed on stage!” but I’m not sure.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “being shot and killed on stage” incident in the science lab.
Go, go, Gadget Being Shot and Killed on Stage!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn being shot and killed on stage, but now I work at Wal*Mart.

User
Going to bed
v

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re going to bed!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is going to bed.
It started out as drinks with friends and ended with going to bed.
This food is so good it’s making going to bed quiver!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi. The driver was going to bed.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for going to bed.

User
Extremely illegal porn
nc

I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for extremely illegal porn!
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with extremely illegal porn?
Jesus is extremely illegal porn.
Ha! You activated my trap card, you’re cursed with extremely illegal porn until the end of the game!
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at extremely illegal porn and my card appeared on top!
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for extremely illegal porn.

User
The greatest idea anyone’s ever had
n

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider the greatest idea anyone’s ever had.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in the greatest idea anyone’s ever had.
I never expected to be fingered by the greatest idea anyone’s ever had.
For Halloween we’re peeling grapes so they feel like eyeballs, and we prepared the greatest idea anyone’s ever had so it feels like brains.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by the greatest idea anyone’s ever had?
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took the greatest idea anyone’s ever had to the funeral.

User
Obtaining a goth girlfriend
v

The authorities followed the trail of obtaining a goth girlfriend, leading them straight to the suspect.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is obtaining a goth girlfriend.
My wife is WAY better at obtaining a goth girlfriend than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
The Great Wall was actually built to keep obtaining a goth girlfriend out of mainland China.
Are you there God? It’s me, obtaining a goth girlfriend.
Art can be defined by obtaining a goth girlfriend but only if it gets you my hood and inspired.

User
Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples
np

Today the Senate is voting on Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples.
At my full potential, I’m Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples.
Our artisanal process ages Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples each day, and get a homeless man jerking it on the bus for kitty to chase around.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples came rolling after him!

User
Being a weird little freak
v

Introducing, The Being a Weird Little Freak diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Being a Weird Little Freak” syndrome!
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and being a weird little freak in the Philippines.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s being a weird little freak.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend being a weird little freak.
I’m being a weird little freak for Jesus.

User
El Diablo
n

More armies need to incorporate El Diablo into their uniforms.
Art can be defined by El Diablo but only if it gets you setbacks and inspired.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be El Diablo.
You spent all your food-stamps on El Diablo?!
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “El Diablo
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by El Diablo around the building.

User
Every man
n

During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch every man and her butthole.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted every man to the vastness of space.
Art can be defined by the wrong man but only if it gets you every man and inspired.
James Bond will return in “The Man With every man”!
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with every man.
Look, man, I’m not into every man. But $20 is $20.

User
The head
n

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow the Head?
Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires the head.
It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of the head off the grill.
Jeez! Who slipped the head in your Cheerios™ this morning?
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during the head that overturned their car.
My house. 8 o’clock. The head.

User
Leather play
nc

I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like leather play.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being leather play.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on leather play.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took leather play to the funeral.
The Internet is made out of leather play.
I can’t believe they used to churn leather play into butter.

User
Being diverted through a culvert
v

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “being diverted through a culvert,” over and over again while in use.
I never expected to be fingered by being diverted through a culvert.
Daddy, what’s being diverted through a culvert? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Being Diverted Through a Culvert.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into being diverted through a culvert! She’s 62!
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Being-diverted-through-a-culvert-coin”

User
Selling my pony
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Selling My Pony Day.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit pendulous breasts and acquire selling my pony!
They said selling my pony was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of selling my pony!
My religion demands that I must abstain from selling my pony.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “selling my pony”.
I make treats for my cat by selling my pony with a good girl. Oreo loves it!

User
Creating God
v

I saw two hobos fighting over less chaos behind the library. One of them was creating God.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for creating God.
It’s not delivery. It’s creating God.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of creating God.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began creating God.
My favorite new band is “Creating God”.



Angering God
v

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found angering God sticking to the wall.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there angering God. Gross.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: angering God.
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused angering God in the streets.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: angering God.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in angering God together.



God
n

Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: The Inside flavor? God flavor?!
My wife wears God after Labor Day because audacity is always in style.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into God, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.
You spent all your food-stamps on God?!
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like God.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting God in my pool.

User
Being violently homosexual
v

I love children because you can never tell if they are being violently homosexual or sneaking into the sultan’s harem.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in being violently homosexual.
Don't you hate when you see being violently homosexual in the carpool lane?
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with being violently homosexual.
The dog is barking at being violently homosexual again.
Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like being violently homosexual.

User
oh hai
User
Doing something really rad
v

This land is doing something really rad land, this land is the tickle zone land.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle doing something really rad.
You’re not a mom! You’re just doing something really rad!
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly doing something really rad right in front of their children.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain doing something really rad?
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Doing something really rad.

User
Barely any reason to live
n

Don’t leave the door open! Barely any reason to live will get in.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Barely Any Reason to Live Blast!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, barely any reason to live, sloth, wrath, a line, and pride.
Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like barely any reason to live.
Last Christmas, I gave you barely any reason to live. The very next day, you gave it away.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re barely any reason to live, get to the front of the line.

User
Puppy saliva
nc

Last night was the tragic result of puppy saliva.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear. So bring puppy saliva.
Imagine puppy saliva, taxidermied, and over the fireplace. Beautiful.
They didn’t have puppy saliva at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed regular kibble.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into puppy saliva and stopped.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch puppy saliva and her butthole.

User
My pivot foot
n

The letters on a modern keyboard come from typewriters, which were arranged by my pivot foot.
The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into my pivot foot.
When I was bodybuilding I foolishly tried to dead-lift my pivot foot.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was my pivot foot.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed my pivot foot.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with the power of my pivot foot.

User
The incident
n

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in the incident.
At my 9th birthday, we had the incident piñata that burst open showering female breast tissue on us kids.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with the incident.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had the incident removed so he could pleasure himself.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for the incident?
The cruiseliner struck the incident and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers stranded.

User
Being questioned by the police
v

I love children because you can never tell if they are being questioned by the police or getting wrapped around a tree.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS BEING QUESTIONED BY THE POLICE.”
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of being questioned by the police.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and being questioned by the police.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Being Questioned by the Police Day.
I chipped my tooth. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t being questioned by the police.



Being deleted by the Chinese government
v

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Being Deleted by the Chinese Government.
The media’s nonstop coverage of a blaring fire alarm is just to distract us from being deleted by the Chinese government.
Interested in my services? Mail me at: hiding-some-pee@being-deleted-by-the-chinese-government.biz
That’s not funny. My sweet father was killed by being deleted by the Chinese government.
I got so drunk last night that I got being deleted by the Chinese government all over everyone and everything.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were being deleted by the Chinese government.

User
A couple of dipshits
n

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a couple of dipshits!”
1) A robot may not injure a couple of dipshits, or through inaction allow a couple of dipshits to come to harm.
My spirit animal: a couple of dipshits.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a couple of dipshits so relaxing.
I pushed hard enough to snap a couple of dipshits, but some powerful kind of donkeydump was blocking the door.
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at a couple of dipshits.

User
A poonhound
n

Sir! We are out of inquisitive middle schoolers, but we found a poonhound while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Growing up we never had a poonhound, but we had to deal with a vibrator with a voice.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift nothingness over my head, but a poonhound got in the way.
I’m sure I blew a poonhound in this napkin somewhere.
A poonhound? That’s my fetish!
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a poonhound.

User
Being subjected to a vibe check
v

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to being subjected to a vibe check.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling three carrots. The driver was being subjected to a vibe check.
Ich bin ein being subjected to a vibe check.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a fistful of hair will go to The Being Subjected to a Vibe Check Foundation.
Today the Senate is voting on being subjected to a vibe check.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider being subjected to a vibe check.

User
He’s just mad because he didn’t get  .

He’s just mad because he didn’t get Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get doing a bad job at pooping.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get waiting to kill.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get many people.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get pendulous breasts.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get consensual manslaughter.

User
God’s asshole
nc

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than God’s asshole.
God’s asshole from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am God’s asshole. Would you like to try our new special, diddling?
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed God’s asshole.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of God’s asshole.
No more God’s asshole at Starbucks.

User
My dad's in trouble with the IRS for not  {v}.

My dad's in trouble with the IRS for not self-cutting.
My dad's in trouble with the IRS for not shooting a rabbit with an arrow.
My dad's in trouble with the IRS for not murdering.
My dad's in trouble with the IRS for not quitting Facebook.
My dad's in trouble with the IRS for not hiding the elderly.
My dad's in trouble with the IRS for not not riding a Segway.

User
Move over, girls! Hasbro has created  {UT}: Boy Edition.

Move over, girls! Hasbro has created Touching Your Vaggie While Sleeping: Boy Edition.
Move over, girls! Hasbro has created Amputated Eyelids: Boy Edition.
Move over, girls! Hasbro has created The Reanimated Corpse of My Neighbor: Boy Edition.
Move over, girls! Hasbro has created Jesus’s Death: Boy Edition.
Move over, girls! Hasbro has created Spinning Blades: Boy Edition.
Move over, girls! Hasbro has created The Last Condom: Boy Edition.

User
69’ing in a tiny boat
v

Here on the assembly line we heat Satan’s latest abomination to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is 69’ing in a tiny boat.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of 69’ing in a Tiny Boat.
The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of 69’ing in a tiny boat.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a giant eraser in love with 69’ing in a tiny boat very much they do a... special hug.”
I bought a sexual encounter yesterday and now I can’t stop 69’ing in a tiny boat!
Vote for me and I’ll stop 69’ing in a tiny boat, get rid of mammaries, and give everyone his holiness the pope for free.

User
My cockatoo popped out of  {n}. So funny and cute!

My cockatoo popped out of a horse’s booty. So funny and cute!
My cockatoo popped out of the thing hanging out of my butt. So funny and cute!
My cockatoo popped out of a wet tongue. So funny and cute!
My cockatoo popped out of David Bowie’s mysterious bulge. So funny and cute!
My cockatoo popped out of skeleton hands. So funny and cute!
My cockatoo popped out of a cataclysmic magic spell. So funny and cute!

User
Half the people around here
np

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of half the people around here.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Half-the-people-around-here-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving butt gas.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as half the people around here, score points by doing a weird sex thing, and my secret place shall not be on the field.
At BASF we don’t make half the people around here. We make half the people around here better.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was the caboose of a mantrain, part was insane shoes, and it was crowned with half the people around here.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for half the people around here!

User
Drone-striking the cat
v

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Drone-striking the Cat”! I shook his hand and it felt like drone-striking the cat.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience drone-striking the cat like I was really there.
At Boeing R&D, we test a big ol’ fruit by subjecting it to drone-striking the cat and extreme heat.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Drone-striking the cat.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Drone-striking-the-cat-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving Roman battlesex.
I don’t know how doing surgery on LSD could lead to drone-striking the cat but it probably involves victory or death!

User
My master plan
nc

I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with my master plan.
Go, go, Gadget My Master Plan!
I pushed hard enough to snap a Vietnamese landmine, but some powerful kind of my master plan was blocking the door.
After Lincoln was shot, my master plan briefly became the next president.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for my master plan.
Can I get some floss? There’s my master plan between my teeth.

User
Geraldo shouting
n

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for Geraldo shouting?
No thanks. My doctor said Geraldo shouting makes defecation painful.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like Geraldo shouting and can be used for being maimed in foreign lands.
This workplace has gone (0) days without Geraldo shouting.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for Geraldo shouting.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about Geraldo shouting.

User
A cat with the zoomies
n

My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a cat with the zoomies from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
I will do anything for a cat with the zoomies. But I won’t do that!
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start just falling out of my bung hole before a cat with the zoomies.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with a cat with the zoomies in his lap.
This land is a cat with the zoomies land, this land is the caboose of a mantrain land.
My pharmacist separated a cat with the zoomies into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a sex-addicted panda.

User
The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up  {n}.

The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up a real butt-toucher.
The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up a little sarin gas.
The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up some seriously fucked shit.
The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up a stolen Army helicopter.
The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up two F-bombs.
The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up a little crack.

User
One mosquito proboscis
n

The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of insane shoes, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a deflating balloon. Serve in one mosquito proboscis.
No thanks. My doctor said one mosquito proboscis makes defecation painful.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to one mosquito proboscis, even before I put on my clothes.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from the Hell pits, and the eco-glass windows trap in one mosquito proboscis.
There’s one mosquito proboscis convention going on and everybody is falling into boiling water.
The survey team detected fanny pack full of ground beef at the work site so I threw one mosquito proboscis in my truck and drove straight there.

User
Something that's not *my* fault
n

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and something that's not *my* fault.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still something that's not *my* fault!
In this 15th century painting, something that's not *my* fault is represented by a man with NAMBLA for a head.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with something that's not *my* fault.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Something That's Not *my* Fault”! I shook his hand and it felt like something that's not *my* fault.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like something that's not *my* fault and is carrying a respected neurosurgeon.

User
Getting hog tied (non-sexually)
v

The only thing standing in your way is getting hog tied (non-sexually).
Amtrak officials confirm getting hog tied (non-sexually) would have prevented train derailment.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of getting hog tied (non-sexually).
In this 15th century painting, getting hog tied (non-sexually) is represented by a man with the royal baby for a head.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Getting Hog Tied (non-sexually)!
Make sure to hang cinderblock justice in a tree so getting hog tied (non-sexually) leaves your tent alone.

User
Finger-blasting
vt

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was finger-blasting.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw finger-blasting flavor and then an odd number of titties flavor.
This land is inspecting the poo land, this land is finger-blasting land.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk finger-blasting.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Finger-blasting.
I didn’t mean to start finger-blasting, it just happened!

User
A hole
n

The water tower looks like it’s a hole from this angle.
The a hole story is a hoax! Just an excuse by my vaginal microbiome for being hit by space debris!
After a truck ran over a hole there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from all the time.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a hole removing a uterine tumor with my teeth!
During my driving test, I backed my car into a hole. I still got an 85!
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a hole.

User
Teen slang alert: If you hear “ ” your teen may be huffing dangerous fumes.

Teen slang alert: If you hear “evading capture” your teen may be huffing dangerous fumes.
Teen slang alert: If you hear “hookers in the trunk” your teen may be huffing dangerous fumes.
Teen slang alert: If you hear “a dog head” your teen may be huffing dangerous fumes.
Teen slang alert: If you hear “wrestling alligators” your teen may be huffing dangerous fumes.
Teen slang alert: If you hear “the next time” your teen may be huffing dangerous fumes.
Teen slang alert: If you hear “creeping upstairs” your teen may be huffing dangerous fumes.

User
Grandpa’s smithereens
np

I can’t believe you forced my mom into grandpa’s smithereens! She’s 62!
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around grandpa’s smithereens on the freeway.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to grandpa’s smithereens.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend grandpa’s smithereens.
I was so surprised to see females with four teats that grandpa’s smithereens fell out of my mouth.
Grandpa’s smithereens is the only way to say goodbye.

User
Being bad in a previous life
v

But I promised I would get my kids being bad in a previous life for Christmas!
Greed, Secrets, Poison and Murder is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by being bad in a previous life.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Power of Attorney Co., tapping into the growing market for being bad in a previous life.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s being bad in a previous life, with mostly unused hypodermics around the edges, and a coming horrific hell on top.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Being bad in a previous life can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Those hoodlums graffitied being bad in a previous life on my mailbox again.

User
An expedient conveyor belt
n

They didn’t have an expedient conveyor belt at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed mostly unused hypodermics.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by an expedient conveyor belt around the building.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see an expedient conveyor belt!
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “an expedient conveyor belt” incident in the science lab.
It’s time to scrape the remains of an expedient conveyor belt off the driveway.
Today I bought an expedient conveyor belt from the back of a van. They also threw in a raisin or maybe rabbit poop, which I didn’t even think was legal.

User
Drowning in the toilet
v

Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there drowning in the toilet. Gross.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of divorce papers and the words “drowning in the toilet”. I don’t get it!
The White House will no longer enforce The Drowning in the Toilet Act of 1959. Thank God.
Slender and muscled, like a dust bunny. She was the spitting image of drowning in the toilet.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember drowning in the toilet?”
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were drowning in the toilet.

User
Being really spooky
v

I’m being really spooky for Jesus.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw being really spooky for the first time!
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: NORTH KOREA being really spooky!
Doctor! My child has being really spooky coursing through his veins!
I chipped my tooth on a life preserver. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t being really spooky.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Being really spooky can increase your breast size in three weeks!



Being kinda spooky
v

Ich bin ein being kinda spooky.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Being Kinda Spooky.
We couldn’t land because of black votes caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like being kinda spooky.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn’t stop being kinda spooky.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be being kinda spooky while I’m taking a flying leap!
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s being kinda spooky.

User
My whole authentic self
n

I got into my car and sat on my whole authentic self. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate my whole authentic self.
It’s time to scrape the remains of my whole authentic self off the driveway.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood my whole authentic self.
Great job on the proposal for shotgunning, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you my whole authentic self.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had my whole authentic self removed so he could be spraying up the wall.

User
15 cups of coffee
np

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into 15 cups of coffee, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a finely sculpted buttock.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in 15 cups of coffee!
The patient kept screaming about “writhing on the floor and screaming my name”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and 15 cups of coffee emerged!
These special lenses help colorblind people see that 15 cups of coffee is dicking around.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to 15 cups of coffee.
Two best friends and a creepy dude take a road trip, and discover 15 cups of coffee along the way.

User
Getting a c-section
v

The problem with America is getting a c-section.
I ordered battery acid privately over the Internet so I can get better at getting a c-section.
When I saw poopy toilet paper I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting a c-section, I freaked!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a kidney in an ice box before getting a c-section.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as getting a c-section.
My publisher demanded I remove getting a c-section from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

User
Nobody likes  .

Nobody likes shooting myself in the foot.
Nobody likes a strangler.
Nobody likes a censor bar.
Nobody likes a wild animal.
Nobody likes an angry penis for the woman.
Nobody likes my evil little body.

User
Going "ooh-la-la!"
v

Guys. Guys! Going "ooh-la-la!" is getting a little close to Jigglypuff!!
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of going "ooh-la-la!" in its food processing operations.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start holding hands before going "ooh-la-la!".
We’re having a cardboard lesbian situation. Watch out for going "ooh-la-la!" and please stand by...
In this 15th century painting, going "ooh-la-la!" is represented by a man with the chewy part for a head.
The survey team detected going "ooh-la-la!" at the work site so I threw a horse’s booty in my truck and drove straight there.

User
Actually getting enough sleep
v

In a world with meatball marinara actually getting enough sleep, one man must overcome your mom’s bathroom. Coming this summer.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as actually getting enough sleep.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how actually getting enough sleep happens.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is actually getting enough sleep.
I think a lot of people would pay to see actually getting enough sleep.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re actually getting enough sleep and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

User
Going home and shooting yourself in the head
v

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was going home and shooting yourself in the head.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate going home and shooting yourself in the head.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS EAR WORMS GOING HOME AND SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE HEAD.”
Could you buy me going home and shooting yourself in the head? I’ll pay you back.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about going home and shooting yourself in the head.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about going home and shooting yourself in the head?



A concealed weapon
n

The media’s nonstop coverage of a concealed weapon is just to distract us from raw goose.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a concealed weapon.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a concealed weapon in the foyer.
A concealed weapon is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just quitting Facebook. Sorry.
Last night I dreamed of a concealed weapon. I cannot shake the feeling that a succulent jumbo prawn will arrive soon.
I’m shoving a concealed weapon in the ground, in hopes that my sexual partners comes and harvests it.

User
Losing a finger
v

Pool rules: No running. No losing a finger. Keep the Dutch oven out of the deep end.
On the assembly line we heat more blood to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is losing a finger.
Ever since a foul odor appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while losing a finger.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for dilation of the uterus and to avoid losing a finger.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by losing a finger around the building.
See now black people walk like feminine hygiene products. But white people -- white people walk like they’re losing a finger!



A negative encounter with a shark
n

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a negative encounter with a shark on the freeway.
Interested in my services? Mail me at: that-sex-move-that-drives-me-crazy@a-negative-encounter-with-a-shark.biz
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A NEGATIVE ENCOUNTER WITH A SHARK STRETCHING IT TILL IT RIPS.”
The best comfort food will always be greens, a negative encounter with a shark, and fried chicken.
At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced baby eels with a negative encounter with a shark.
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a negative encounter with a shark.

User
Angelina Jolie’s lips are as thick as  .

Angelina Jolie’s lips are as thick as success.
Angelina Jolie’s lips are as thick as Woman 2.0.
Angelina Jolie’s lips are as thick as a three room Japanese apartment.
Angelina Jolie’s lips are as thick as slapping everything.
Angelina Jolie’s lips are as thick as two VCRs.
Angelina Jolie’s lips are as thick as big pants.

User
A mermaid tail
n

My favorite new band is “Resting Bitch Face and a Mermaid Tail”.
I ordered a mermaid tail privately over the Internet so I can get better at peeing in the sink.
This party was a real snooze, until a mermaid tail got things jumpin’.
Kim Jong-un’s Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for a mermaid tail.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a mermaid tail, would you be a mermaid tail as well?”
They said a mermaid tail was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of a mermaid tail!



Drowning in a mermaid tail
v

You should come over. I’ve got lots of drowning in a mermaid tail at my place.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with drowning in a mermaid tail.
If you kids don’t stop blowing in my ear, I will turn drowning in a mermaid tail around!
All the best love stories include drowning in a mermaid tail.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for drowning in a mermaid tail.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady drowning in a mermaid tail with a stupid student.

User
Feminizing our men
v

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s feminizing our men.
I’m feminizing our men for Jesus.
Don't you hate when you see feminizing our men in the carpool lane?
While you’re at the store can you pick up feminizing our men, in family size?
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for feminizing our men
Jesus is feminizing our men.

User
A mushroom that makes you go FAST
n

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a mushroom that makes you go FAST.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw a mushroom that makes you go FAST at a player from the stands.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Seduction-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving a mushroom that makes you go FAST.
We put a mushroom that makes you go FAST in your tea!
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “violently crashing down the stairs,” with a picture of a mushroom that makes you go FAST.
A mushroom that makes you go FAST slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”

User
All the characters from Lord of the Rings™
np

In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped aged beef in the toilet and touched all the characters from Lord of the Rings™ on the wall.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of all the characters from Lord of the Rings™. She has stated, “I prefer wanting blood.”
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for all the characters from Lord of the Rings™.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A pack of smokes with all the characters from Lord of the Rings™.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “all the characters from Lord of the Rings™
I love your necklace! It’s all the characters from Lord of the Rings™, right?

User
Mom found my stash of  {p} and took away  {n}.
Play 2

Mom found my stash of Jews in cahoots and took away spike traps.
Mom found my stash of intestines draped everywhere and took away Dad’s money.
Mom found my stash of strong thighs and took away Fancy Santas.
Mom found my stash of my DMs and took away no more joy.
Mom found my stash of several clones of hitler and took away a fistful of glitter.
Mom found my stash of gay chemicals and took away some prick.

User
A padlocked gimp mask
n

Thanks for a padlocked gimp mask last night. *wink* *wink*
Alexander also named a city in India “A Padlocked Gimp Mask” after his dead horse.
Here on the assembly line we heat a padlocked gimp mask to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is fusing together.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a padlocked gimp mask in the back seat.
I was vacuuming when I sucked a padlocked gimp mask out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a dumpster fire came out too!
Last night was the tragic result of a padlocked gimp mask.

User
Driving a big ol' truck
v

But I promised I would get my kids driving a big ol' truck for Christmas!
Don’t be driving a big ol' truck alone! Join the Driving a Big Ol' Truck Club and do it with others.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady driving a big ol' truck with manliness.
Senator, give me driving a big ol' truck and you’ll get my vote.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to driving a big ol' truck.
15% of married men say they’ve cheated by driving a big ol' truck with another woman.

User
Getting into a car
v

I didn’t mean to start getting into a car, it just happened!
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Getting into a Car Blast!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from getting into a car.
The HOA says I can’t raise fluids from my face on my property. Meanwhile no word about getting into a car at the Jones’s!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “getting into a car”.
On the assembly line we heat a giant eraser to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is getting into a car.

User
If you have  {n} please sheathe it before entering the store.

If you have a steering wheel please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have my first wife please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have competitive masturbation please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have a pubic tuft please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have a Japanese woman’s underwear please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have your husband please sheathe it before entering the store.



Sheathing it
v

Ever since some dead guy’s money appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while sheathing it.
First you get demons. Then you get sheathing it. Then you get a novelty gag dildo.
Pundits agree it will take sheathing it for the senator to win the election.
My kid was acting like a gynecological procedure, so I took away sheathing it privileges.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by sheathing it.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s racial superiority in love with sheathing it very much they do a... special hug.”

User
An 18 inch needle
n

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called wet like grandma does it, are the passages for an 18 inch needle to flow.
In this game you get to collect too much denim and craft an 18 inch needle.
It’s not delivery. It’s an 18 inch needle.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and an 18 inch needle came rolling after him, but he escaped by thinking about dwarves!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with an 18 inch needle.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt an 18 inch needle in the sea.

User
My dream entryway has  {s} statue in it.

My dream entryway has the collar around my neck statue in it.
My dream entryway has the tiniest little idea in my pea brain statue in it.
My dream entryway has a big ol’ fruit statue in it.
My dream entryway has a finely sculpted buttock statue in it.
My dream entryway has Coach Diddleplayers statue in it.
My dream entryway has a pipe bomb statue in it.

User
The finger I lost in the war
n

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only the finger I lost in the war and kids these days come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I want to say one word to you, just one word: the finger I lost in the war.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off a Japanese woman’s underwear in the stands and then knocked the very iceberg that sunk the Titanic off the finger I lost in the war.
Can I get some floss? There’s the finger I lost in the war between my teeth.
On the assembly line we heat the finger I lost in the war to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is being in a state of total ecstasy.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with the finger I lost in the war! It’s all here in my manifesto!

User
Bennifer making out with itself
n

The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... Bennifer making out with itself.
Bennifer making out with itself really messes up my butt complexion!
Chase bank is giving out Bennifer making out with itself this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still Bennifer making out with itself!
Growing up we never had the most sensitive part of my body, but we had to deal with Bennifer making out with itself.
If Bennifer making out with itself were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
I spun 3  {p} in a row on the slot machine and won  {n}!
Play 2

I spun 3 many people in a row on the slot machine and won the Army!
I spun 3 homo hot lips in a row on the slot machine and won your idiot ideas!
I spun 3 hugs and kisses in a row on the slot machine and won stainless steel plating!
I spun 3 butt gas in a row on the slot machine and won a body pillow with a penis!
I spun 3 nasty boys in a row on the slot machine and won electric sex!
I spun 3 black leggings in a row on the slot machine and won a raisin or maybe rabbit poop!

User
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll  {n}.

Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll success.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll too much wiggling.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll my latest perversion.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll a crouton.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll extremely poor judgment.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll a big, red X.

User
The love
nc

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the love.
The best comfort food will always be greens, the love, and fried chicken.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Seed-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and the love.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find the love so relaxing.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang the love on the Christmas tree.
This year’s hottest new fashion is the love on your head.

User
A police station
n

The authorities followed the trail of a police station, leading them straight to the suspect.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a police station in the back seat.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a police station.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many space Nazis plugged into a police station.
I was surprised to find bones in a police station. Is that normal?
I clean a police station by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up smoking crack.

User
Standing around
v

We can be standing around. And no one has to know.
My dream house has the key to my heart built in, an extra garage for standing around, and all the beer for the door bell.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me standing around at the party last night.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re standing around!
I didn’t think this house would sell with each of the victims in the attic. Anyway, I’m standing around.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am standing around. Would you like to try our new special, a gold ingot?

User
A sensitive boy
n

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with the things I’m hiding in my basement. I barely even felt a sensitive boy.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a sensitive boy in the pillows.
I love your necklace! It’s a sensitive boy, right?
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch a sensitive boy and her butthole.
Last night was the tragic result of a sensitive boy.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a sensitive boy that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.



A container ship
n

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a container ship, but now for work I’m a stink bug. Go figure!
I’ve been chopping down nearby sluts who want to fuck to build a container ship for me and my wife.
Working on my car I found a container ship had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a container ship appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Insurance, squirting acid and a container ship.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a container ship happens.

User
Ranch dressing
nc

After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Ranch Dressing
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by ranch dressing?
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned ranch dressing. As a result, his men were well motivated.
No more ranch dressing at Starbucks.
I want to be buried with ranch dressing.
The Internet is made out of ranch dressing.

User
A blood squib
n

My favorite new band is “A Blood Squib and Unbearable Bitching”.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Blood Squib”! I shook his hand and it felt like a blood squib.
When the stadium was demolished it revealed a blood squib, bringing onlookers from far and wide.
I’d like to wear a blood squib but it takes all day to put on.
At work I secretly have a blood squib under my desk.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a blood squib on the porch to surprise the kids.

User
I think this one would be better with 1 blank. Two is too crazy.

Make sure to hang  {n} in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.

Make sure to hang a dictionary for swears in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang the sound of someone sipping soup in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang butt stuff in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang the finest quality cheese in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang a skull on a spike in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.

User
A huge bonfire
n

So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a huge bonfire all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
At work I secretly have a huge bonfire under my desk.
Make sure to hang a huge bonfire in a tree so repeating the same mistake leaves your tent alone.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s filling my mouth, with shotgunning around the edges, and a huge bonfire on top.
Great job on the proposal for flipping over and spraying into the air, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a huge bonfire.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a huge bonfire in the pillows.

User
The body
n

Slender and muscled, like hindquarters. She was the spitting image of the body.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to the body.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of the body in the sky.
In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy the body from dispensaries.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped grandma’s soggy diaper in the toilet and touched the body on the wall.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the body.

User
Smithereens
np

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about getting too excited, but with smithereens!
I can’t swing an empty Tic Tac® box around here without hitting smithereens!
It started out as drinks with friends and ended with smithereens.
This year’s hottest new fashion is smithereens on your head.
Although moving away from smithereens proved effective for schools, the switch to the royal baby initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Smithereens is the spice of a pig on top.



Being blown to smithereens
v

Answers to All of Life’s Questions is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by being blown to smithereens.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and being blown to smithereens can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “being blown to smithereens,” with a picture of nothing at all.
I scream, you scream, being blown to smithereens, pictures of my body!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a backdoor woman. That’s supposed to help me with being blown to smithereens?!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by being blown to smithereens around the building.

User
 {Un} all went in my mouth?

Things that aren’t fruit all went in my mouth?
Some seriously fucked shit all went in my mouth?
A big, heavy shotgun all went in my mouth?
A horse’s mouth all went in my mouth?
Its opposite all went in my mouth?
A headless chicken runnin’ ‘round all went in my mouth?



Cat fur
nc

I was so surprised to see the white man’s burden that cat fur fell out of my mouth.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up cat fur on the porch to surprise the kids.
I clean cat fur by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up wriggling and thrashing.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Cat Fur.
I buried my treasure under cat fur so you’d never find it!
My pharmacist separated cat fur into two parts, and carefully lowered one into firemen with a trampoline.

User
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using   wisely.

Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using the princess’s saliva wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using a gasoline enema wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using bathwater wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using spike traps wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using daddy in his underpants wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using udders wisely.



Whatever THAT is
n

The patient kept screaming about “whatever THAT is”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a kiss on the lips emerged!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Whatever THAT is can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Whatever THAT Is.
Whatever THAT is? That’s my fetish!
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned whatever THAT is. As a result, his men were well motivated.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of whatever THAT is came on the screen.

User
The nearest parking spot
n

The night before Easter, we’ll set up the nearest parking spot on the porch to surprise the kids.
I’ve been chopping down pendulous breasts to build the nearest parking spot for me and my wife.
Politics. The Tender Biting Party, is always trying to shove dinosaurs down our throats. This time it’s the nearest parking spot.
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... the nearest parking spot.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s alien technology in love with the nearest parking spot very much they do a... special hug.”
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride both ends. It made me feel like I was the nearest parking spot.

User
All these bees
np

Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with all these bees! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I’m all these bees in the streets, but a night of unrestrained passion in the sheets.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as good vibes and comes with 1 USB-C port and all these bees! Groovy!
Life without love is like all these bees without McDonald’s® or fruit.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using all these bees to forage for food.
The cineplex has been using all these bees in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.

User
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for  , but I also pay into a fund in case of  .
Play 2

My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for the egg I hatched from, but I also pay into a fund in case of hurting me.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for moistness, but I also pay into a fund in case of each hole, sequentially.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for George Clooney porn, but I also pay into a fund in case of John Travolta crying, as a woman.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for a Christmas tree, but I also pay into a fund in case of an ankle holster.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for my hood, but I also pay into a fund in case of the Hell pits.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for passive-aggressive tendencies, but I also pay into a fund in case of a creepy dude.

User
Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair
nc

You should come over. I’ve got lots of Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair at my place.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair.
John “Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair” Smith. The genius who brought us mopping it up with your underpants.
No thanks. My doctor said Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair makes defecation painful.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair to forage for food.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair.

User
Feelin' good, real good
v

Experts said that based on preliminary data, feelin' good, real good appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
My school is throwing a crow in a blender party this weekend. Come for feelin' good, real good. Stay for jalapeños!
Feelin' good, real good is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I ordered complex maths privately over the Internet so I can get better at feelin' good, real good.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “feelin' good, real good,” with a picture of machine guns.
Feelin' good, real good in the hand is worth two in the bush.

User
Barely hurting at all
v

You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were barely hurting at all.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using barely hurting at all to forage for food.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use burning my junk to treat barely hurting at all!
But I promised I would get my kids barely hurting at all for Christmas!
This year’s hottest new fashion is barely hurting at all on your head.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized barely hurting at all.



Working as intended
v

Working as intended can wear down good, Christian values, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, mostly unused hypodermics, toilet paper, shelter, and working as intended.
Working as intended has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had working as intended removed so she can live a normal life.
Introducing, The Working as Intended diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
That kind of attitude is why we have working as intended now.

User
or?
Crytax said:

On this map of my body, each dot represents  .

On this map of my body, each dot represents most of my blood.
On this map of my body, each dot represents a child leash.
On this map of my body, each dot represents meat and cheese.
On this map of my body, each dot represents that ass.
On this map of my body, each dot represents that demon torture puzzle box.
On this map of my body, each dot represents a carefully contained fart.



User
what if it's a map of something specific
Crytax said:

On this map of Boston, each dot represents  .

On this map of Boston, each dot represents Martha Stewart, orgasming.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents a dusty butthole.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents a single slice.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents blocking the exit.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents mammaries.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents your blessed little heart.



User
As many bullets as needed
np

The dog ate dope so we’re waiting for as many bullets as needed.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of as Many Bullets as Needed.
It’s lucky to touch as many bullets as needed; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see as many bullets as needed, and I feel better.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge as many bullets as needed.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with as many bullets as needed and are ordered to be heavy hearts no matter what.

User
8 gallons of nut milk
np

Science never solves a problem without creating 8 gallons of nut milk.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and 8 gallons of nut milk.
I’m 8 gallons of nut milk today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with the key to my heart.
Some kind of magic juice torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get 8 gallons of nut milk from a suspected terrorist.
My school is throwing an elevator party this weekend. Come for the big ol’ boys. Stay for 8 gallons of nut milk!
My house. 8 o’clock. 8 gallons of nut milk.

User
The Saw puppet
n

Two best friends and what I’ve done take a road trip, and discover the Saw puppet along the way.
Interested in my services? Mail me at: the-fun-stuff@the-saw-puppet.biz
I wasn’t always black... there was the Saw puppet, and it got bigger and bigger.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The Saw Puppet!” You’re cursed with butt gas until the end of the game!
The Saw puppet travelled over 20 feet after hatching out of an egg.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find the Saw puppet in the back seat.

User
Florida
n

After a truck ran over that sex move that drives me crazy there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from Florida.
They didn’t have Florida at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed little turds everywhere.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of Florida.
Let Florida host your next party, providing turning the frogs gay like you’ve never experienced before.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember Florida?”
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to Florida, even before I put on my clothes.

User
A gay kid from a musical
n

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a gay kid from a musical.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a gay kid from a musical.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than a gay kid from a musical.
Back in my day, we only had a gay kid from a musical for various fluids and we LIKED IT.
CAUTION: Keep a gay kid from a musical out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks hiding the elderly.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called furries, are the passages for a gay kid from a musical to flow.

User
An underfunded school
n

Howdy neighbor, love an underfunded school! Let’s get a backdoor woman sometime!
Music without the sounds of an underfunded school is hardly music at all.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up an underfunded school in every room.
On the assembly line we heat an underfunded school to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is giving good solid advice.
I didn’t think this house would sell with an underfunded school in the attic. Anyway, I’m a face-hugger.
The referee just issued a red card to sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt for sliding into an underfunded school.

User
Sorry, but no. I don't have them any more.
User
Triggering the release of a tiger
v

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and triggering the release of a tiger.
During the war, German scientists experimented with triggering the release of a tiger to weaponize a gaggle of nuns.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, triggering the release of a tiger appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I make a man in a meat suit for my cat by triggering the release of a tiger with no evidence of any infidelity. Oreo loves it!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS LOOSE MORALS TRIGGERING THE RELEASE OF A TIGER.”
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re triggering the release of a tiger and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

User
If you still have your hotmail email you should be able to reset your password from the login form.
User
User
Performing a sex act
v

The media’s nonstop coverage of performing a sex act is just to distract us from whatEVER.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be performing a sex act while I’m threatening my wife and child!
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with performing a sex act, a naturopathic remedy.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of narcotics and the words “performing a sex act”. I don’t get it!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all performing a sex act when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
All the best love stories include performing a sex act.

User
Letting Jesus take the wheel
v

A good description of sex, suitable for children: Real, actual witchcraft; Hitler’s dildo; letting Jesus take the wheel.
Just the tip is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just letting Jesus take the wheel. Sorry.
I’m going to post the new white card "letting Jesus take the wheel" to SAH. What do you think to a joke from the Internet?
See now black people walk like butt stuff. But white people -- white people walk like they’re letting Jesus take the wheel!
The problem with America is letting Jesus take the wheel.
Pool rules: No running. No letting Jesus take the wheel. Keep the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago out of the deep end.

User
Being blocked by glaciers
v

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of being blocked by glaciers on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride each hole, sequentially. It made me feel like I was being blocked by glaciers.
I saw mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be being blocked by glaciers with us.”
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is being blocked by glaciers.
The only thing standing in your way is being blocked by glaciers.
I’m the ashes of your beloved dog today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with being blocked by glaciers.

User
A whale about to be disintegrated by TNT
n

I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT!
They didn’t have a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed zoo smell.
Amtrak officials confirm a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT would have prevented train derailment.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT and my card appeared in mercy killing!
“D” is for a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT.
Ever since the incident with a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT I’ve been haunted by a caring, understanding man.



Becoming fully disintegrated
v

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use becoming fully disintegrated to treat a felony!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “becoming fully disintegrated”.
In a world with gases and smoke becoming fully disintegrated, one man must overcome being in a state of total ecstasy. Coming this summer.
Thanks for becoming fully disintegrated last night. *wink* *wink*
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was becoming fully disintegrated.
Let a child with emotional issues host your next party, providing becoming fully disintegrated like you’ve never experienced before.

User
Flipping over
v

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “flipping over,” over and over again while in use.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady flipping over with a boy with a penis.
R Kelly fantasizes about flipping over with a young Beyonce.
When I saw secret Jews I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, flipping over, I freaked!
My dream house has all the beer built in, an extra garage for flipping over, and that dirty little louse for the door bell.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with flipping over.

User
Go here http://www.superjer.com/forum/sah/ or click on Play SAH above

You need to have friends though :/

This thread is the place to submit new card ideas for the game. Every several months I copy the cards from here to the game, if they don't suck too much.
User
well I made this all myself so it's probably one-of-a-kind

and yeah it's dead. but you can still look at its lifeless corpse

so enjoy!
User
I've decided to freeze  {n} now, in case I need it in the future.

I've decided to freeze a mild orgasm now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze sliced vegetables now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze the toilet now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze a heron now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze inactivity and poor health now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze high-voltage wires now, in case I need it in the future.

User
Children
np

You spent all your food-stamps on children?!
Last Christmas, I gave you children. The very next day, you gave it away.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like children.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got children painted on both sides, which some say encourages Dad’s ass.
In future times, the children will work together to build children.
This food is so good it’s making children quiver!



My skincare routine
n

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed my skincare routine up and down the highway.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to my skincare routine.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use intense pressure to treat my skincare routine!
The new top grade of gasoline has my skincare routine as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “My Skincare Routine!” You’re cursed with a male prostitute until the end of the game!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the front half, but with my skincare routine!



Eating them
v

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by eating them.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “eating them,” with a picture of a protective membrane.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to eating them.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, eating them every single day.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “eating them”.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend eating them.

User
Fish sticks
np

What will we do with fish sticks early in the morning?
Always walk into an interview with graffiti that says “FUCK YOU” and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate fish sticks.
Until quite recently, fish sticks had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for fish sticks!
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out fish sticks.
The city council wants to cut down on fish sticks. Meanwhile people are freely shooting a rabbit with an arrow!

User
Leaving in an ambulance
v

Alexander also named a city in India “Leaving in an Ambulance” after his dead horse.
Leaving in an ambulance nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid fluids from my face.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for leaving in an ambulance.
Leaving in an ambulance is always a contest when I’m involved.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Leaving in an Ambulance!
I didn’t think this house would sell with BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM in the attic. Anyway, I’m leaving in an ambulance.

User
Popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse
v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse like your brother?”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only that fly in here and popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse.
When one thousand scorpions is ready, popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse will appear.
Opioids help people with popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse, but then they can’t poop.
Jesus is popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse.

User
Dog cancer
nc

Dog cancer like this is enough to kill a horse!
Aron Ralston was trapped under dog cancer for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off the most humane action!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS DOG CANCER GETTING SNAPPED IN HALF.”
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found dog cancer inside. I should take it to love handles!
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been between your legs. The snail may have escaped dog cancer by going underground.
It’s dangerous to leave dog cancer on the stairs.

User
THANK you
User
Splashing my anus
v

Vote for me and I’ll stop splashing my anus, get rid of a newer, sleeker leopard, and give everyone bedtime for free.
The White Bitch is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by splashing my anus.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be splashing my anus.
When I saw a big, red X I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, splashing my anus, I freaked!
It's like they always say: splashing my anus never changes.
There’s always time for splashing my anus before breakfast.

User
Mexican four-cheese
nc

In a world with Coach Diddleplayers being attacked by a skeleton, one man must overcome Mexican four-cheese. Coming this summer.
Mexican four-cheese slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a sack of otters over my head, but Mexican four-cheese got in the way.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for Mexican four-cheese and to avoid biking down the Luxor.
The weirdest thing about Mexican four-cheese is that sometimes even girls have Mexican four-cheese.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from Mexican four-cheese.

User
 {U}: you get close, you get sucked in.

Putting on pants: you get close, you get sucked in.
Industrial adhesive: you get close, you get sucked in.
Cutting a hole in my pants: you get close, you get sucked in.
Weird legs: you get close, you get sucked in.
A sexual encounter: you get close, you get sucked in.
A super-tiny butt hole: you get close, you get sucked in.

User
My irregular vagina
n

Senator, give me my irregular vagina and you’ll get my vote.
The truly rich have mansions with my irregular vagina room, a succulent jumbo prawn room, and servants to handle nipple placement.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put my irregular vagina in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a projectile, ginger beer, and a squeeze of my irregular vagina. Serve in a minivan with a dead body in it.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and my irregular vagina in the Philippines.
Hello, 911? I think there’s my irregular vagina in my house...

User
User
The Little Genius Academy
n

I could tell the Little Genius Academy had ended up behind me when I felt a can of paint on a rope as I backed up.
Pool rules: No running. No organic porpoise semen. Keep the Little Genius Academy out of the deep end.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, the Little Genius Academy appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Look, man, I’m not into the Little Genius Academy. But $20 is $20.
I will do anything for the Little Genius Academy. But I won’t do that!
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see the Little Genius Academy, and I feel better.

User
Traffic cones
np

Working on my car I found traffic cones had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Traffic cones has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up traffic cones in every room.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with traffic cones! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Although moving away from traffic cones proved effective for schools, the switch to a really long nose hair initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Traffic cones.

User
I don't think so. If they game can get 'em, anyone can.
User
Cute pictures
np

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Cute pictures and a 5,000 acre forest fire.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Cute Pictures,” the finest ship in the harbor!
If you kids don’t stop being picked, I will turn cute pictures around!
The weirdest thing about cute pictures is that sometimes even girls have cute pictures.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with cute pictures.
Chase bank is giving out cute pictures this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

User
I’m no on the nipples
User
Trying to smile more
v

Military scientists in Syria found traces of trying to smile more in the soil.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began trying to smile more.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always trying to smile more. Always.
I like power of attorney like I like my coffee: trying to smile more, put in a sack, and dragged across that demon torture puzzle box.
Men, like a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls, go farthest when they are trying to smile more.
In the first Battle of Trying to Smile More he faced a loaded gun, and with one great blow he split them in half.

User
Swine flue, come back!!
User
Crawling under the fridge
v

My religion demands that I must abstain from sewing it shut. Crawling under the fridge however, is OK.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on crawling under the fridge.
Politics. The Our Cute Little Gay Faces Party, is always trying to shove an entire 8th-grader down our throats. This time it’s crawling under the fridge.
Ever since the incident with crawling under the fridge I’ve been haunted by shitty chairs from IKEA®.
Amtrak officials confirm crawling under the fridge would have prevented train derailment.
I bought an ancient insignificant dead Jew yesterday and now I can’t stop crawling under the fridge!



Sleeping completely nude
v

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s sleeping completely nude, with a big dang deal around the edges, and another hole in the head on top.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about sleeping completely nude tomorrow.
Barely in the butthole can only be killed by sleeping completely nude.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw sleeping completely nude in the mirror! And it smelled like teaching Grandpa to make gravy in there! I’m so scared!
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me sleeping completely nude at the party last night.
You’re not a mom! You’re just sleeping completely nude!

User
Now being a robot
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw mediocre tits in the mirror! And it smelled like now being a robot in there! I’m so scared!
Now being a robot has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed now being a robot.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with now being a robot.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a headless chicken runnin’ ‘round jumping and nipping at me from below and even now being a robot.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me now being a robot and it’s getting weird.

User
Engaging in cock and ball torture
v

My religion demands that I must abstain from answers to all of life’s questions. Engaging in cock and ball torture however, is OK.
Engaging in cock and ball torture! Engaging in cock and ball torture! My kingdom for engaging in cock and ball torture!
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is engaging in cock and ball torture.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to engaging in cock and ball torture.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized engaging in cock and ball torture.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be engaging in cock and ball torture and where does his holiness the pope come in?

User
 {U} is now possible at room temperature!

Fusing together is now possible at room temperature!
Such grace is now possible at room temperature!
A leak is now possible at room temperature!
“forensic evidence” (semen) is now possible at room temperature!
George Clooney porn is now possible at room temperature!
Truck stop sex is now possible at room temperature!

User
Acupuncturing the dog
v

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by acupuncturing the dog.
The rich aroma of acupuncturing the dog, from the hills of Colombia.
Our own biological child travelled over 20 feet after acupuncturing the dog.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent acupuncturing the dog, certainly others would have.
Apparently, “Acupuncturing the Dog” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I noticed symptoms of compost, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s acupuncturing the dog!” but I’m not sure.

User
They had to remove   from Iron Man 4 to appease China.

They had to remove hiding the elderly from Iron Man 4 to appease China.
They had to remove both me and your father from Iron Man 4 to appease China.
They had to remove monkeying around from Iron Man 4 to appease China.
They had to remove my butt surgery from Iron Man 4 to appease China.
They had to remove a cage built for an autistic student from Iron Man 4 to appease China.
They had to remove a dream from Iron Man 4 to appease China.

User
A butt pooping
n

Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a butt pooping.
My kids keep installing a butt pooping on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a butt pooping came rolling after him, but he escaped by getting it on!
This workplace has gone (0) days without a butt pooping.
But I promised I would get my kids a butt pooping for Christmas!
I was surprised to find bones in a butt pooping. Is that normal?

User
Struggling families
np

Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with struggling families in his lap.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: struggling families lying on the floor, cheering!
This is my second kid. My first one came out as struggling families.
The rich aroma of struggling families, from the hills of Colombia.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Struggling Families and You”.
Last Christmas, I gave you struggling families. The very next day, you gave it away.

User
Getting bumped off a cliff
v

I didn’t think this house would sell with spike traps in the attic. Anyway, I’m getting bumped off a cliff.
Getting bumped off a cliff is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
I’m late to my meeting for getting bumped off a cliff.
When the beef came at me it was like getting bumped off a cliff.
John “getting bumped off a cliff” Smith. The genius who brought us jabbing people in the eye.
We can be getting bumped off a cliff. And no one has to know.

User
Starting a religion
v

I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are starting a religion or getting slathered
Are you there God? It’s me, starting a religion.
When I saw dudes I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, starting a religion, I freaked!
Amtrak officials confirm starting a religion would have prevented train derailment.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a cold hearted assassin removed so he could be starting a religion.
I went rafting, saw starting a religion in the river, no big deal.

User
Neat!
User
I banged both my shins into  {n} in the garage.

I banged both my shins into a spooky mummy in the garage.
I banged both my shins into its opposite in the garage.
I banged both my shins into party bitches in the garage.
I banged both my shins into bedtime in the garage.
I banged both my shins into the Dutch oven in the garage.
I banged both my shins into a real jerk-off in the garage.

User
Looks more ergonomic. Like a MS natural keyboard.

I hate that I can't just buy a mechanical + natural keyboard [that's not like weird].
User
What’s that
User
I think they are meat bots. Not metal bots.
User
Getting rawdogged in a cornfield
v

If you’re interested in my services, email me at: getting-rawdogged-in-a-cornfield@twerking-while-uncontrollably-farting.biz
Watch me going as deep as possible. Now watch me getting rawdogged in a cornfield.
During the war, German scientists experimented with getting rawdogged in a cornfield to weaponize 19GB of horseporn.
The patient kept screaming about “getting rawdogged in a cornfield”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a menacing spike emerged!
Each Hole, Sequentially is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by getting rawdogged in a cornfield.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for getting rawdogged in a cornfield and kicking the door down at the assembly line.

User
Peeing, and then stopping peeing
vt

Guys. Guys! Nothing but the truth is getting a little close to peeing, and then stopping peeing!
I never expected to be fingered by peeing, and then stopping peeing.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: that-dirty-little-louse@peeing-and-then-stopping-peeing.biz
I need help with my computer! I downloaded the cruel ambition of my father and now I’m having trouble with peeing, and then stopping peeing.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s peeing, and then stopping peeing.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate peeing, and then stopping peeing.

User
On my Animal Crossing island, I removed all the  {p}. Now there's  {p} everywhere.
Play 2

On my Animal Crossing island, I removed all the three babies in a backpack. Now there's KA-BLAM!! everywhere.
On my Animal Crossing island, I removed all the wrestling alligators. Now there's demons everywhere.
On my Animal Crossing island, I removed all the hot sparks. Now there's giggle shits everywhere.
On my Animal Crossing island, I removed all the body parts of celebrities. Now there's hot biscuits & gravy everywhere.
On my Animal Crossing island, I removed all the your sisters. Now there's pretty girls getting killed everywhere.
On my Animal Crossing island, I removed all the sizzling assholes. Now there's maggots everywhere.

User
The 'Rona
nc

And my mother said, “How come you’re not The 'Rona like your brother?”
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “secret Jews,” with a picture of The 'Rona.
The survey team detected The 'Rona at the work site so I threw hatred for children in my truck and drove straight there.
The ‘quick-set cement moth’ has adapted to feed on The 'Rona, and hide under the most beautiful face ever in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for The 'Rona.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was The 'Rona.

User
Joe Biden has been accused of  {v} for stress relief.

Joe Biden has been accused of hiding some pee for stress relief.
Joe Biden has been accused of wanting blood for stress relief.
Joe Biden has been accused of walking backwards into John Cena for stress relief.
Joe Biden has been accused of thinking about spiders for stress relief.
Joe Biden has been accused of bringing about the apocalypse for stress relief.
Joe Biden has been accused of killing Kim Jong-un for stress relief.

User
My denim skirt
n

My wife printed me a certifcate for my denim skirt. I’m excited for tonight!
Chimps in the wild have been observed using my denim skirt to forage for food.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was my denim skirt and tried to attack it.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out my denim skirt for free on every corner.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got my denim skirt before every meeting.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw my denim skirt at a player from the stands.

User
Hollering into an uncaring void
v

Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and Princess Perfect came rolling after him, but he escaped by hollering into an uncaring void!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was hollering into an uncaring void.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re hollering into an uncaring void!
I’m getting a heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe installed in my car, so I can be hollering into an uncaring void while I drive.
If you have a dream about my DNA, it means you’re worried about hollering into an uncaring void.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about hollering into an uncaring void.

User
In deed!
User
A small amount of food
n

I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of a Small Amount of Food.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a small amount of food.
Although moving away from a small amount of food proved effective for schools, the switch to iodine initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Opinions are like a small amount of food. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a small amount of food and the words “killing again”. I don’t get it!
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as a small amount of food equipped with a time machine.

User
A bloodthirsty viking
n

We put a bloodthirsty viking in your tea!
Last night was the tragic result of a bloodthirsty viking.
Opioids help people with a bloodthirsty viking, but then they can’t poop.
People in Taiwan are getting a bloodthirsty viking implanted in their bodies for putting the “I” back in “team”.
No more a bloodthirsty viking at Starbucks.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Butt magic and a bloodthirsty viking.

User
Being peeled and eaten
v

The new bill before congress would require being peeled and eaten in all K-through-12 classrooms.
If being peeled and eaten were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
For Halloween we’re peeling Christopher Lloyd holding a dog so it feels like eyeballs, and we made being peeled and eaten so it feels like brains.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with sliced vegetables jumping and nipping at me from below and even being peeled and eaten.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s being peeled and eaten and I think I believe her!
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for being peeled and eaten!

User
I 3d printed  {n}!

I 3d printed my front fat!
I 3d printed anorexia!
I 3d printed a coming horrific hell!
I 3d printed peach vodka!
I 3d printed a fun game!
I 3d printed an accident!

User
A woman screaming, "I don't want to live!"
n

Instructions unclear: got a woman screaming, "I don't want to live!" stuck in the digital bonus pack.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a woman screaming, "I don't want to live!".
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a woman screaming, "I don't want to live!" in the middle of each intersection.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a woman screaming, "I don't want to live!" slowly overtaking the buildings.
Oh no! Obama put mammaries in the water to turn a woman screaming, "I don't want to live!" gay!
drilling into the brain is where a woman screaming, "I don't want to live!" goes to die.

User
Just being a fucking beast
v

In the first Battle of Just Being a Fucking Beast he faced ionizing radiation, and with one great blow he split them in half.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had stubby fingers removed so he could be just being a fucking beast.
Just being a fucking beast! Just being a fucking beast! My kingdom for just being a fucking beast!
A lifetime of just being a fucking beast awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Introducing, The Just Being a Fucking Beast diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
Ever since the incident with just being a fucking beast I’ve been haunted by a protective membrane.

User
Shooting a dog
v

At the gym they have this new machine where you’re shooting a dog.
My religion demands that I must abstain from shooting a dog. That dirty little louse however, is OK.
I heard you were talking about shooting a dog so I had to come over!
Let’s wait for ropes to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get shooting a dog.
Howdy neighbor, love a mushroom! Let’s get shooting a dog sometime!
Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were shooting a dog?

User
Gettin' robbed
v

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Gettin' Robbed”! I shook his hand and it felt like gettin' robbed.
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at gettin' robbed.
Throughout human history, gettin' robbed has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was gettin' robbed.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is gettin' robbed.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate gettin' robbed.

User
I don't know, stuff?
nc

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of spiders laying eggs in my butt and a mouthfeel like I don't know, stuff?.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of I Don't Know, Stuff?.
Ugh. I ate I don't know, stuff? last night and I’ve been trying to put on a tissue all morning.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to I don't know, stuff?.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always I don't know, stuff?. Always.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on I don't know, stuff?.

User
They had to put a 2-hour limit on   at the gym.

They had to put a 2-hour limit on alien technology at the gym.
They had to put a 2-hour limit on water at the gym.
They had to put a 2-hour limit on going straight to hell at the gym.
They had to put a 2-hour limit on hiding at the gym.
They had to put a 2-hour limit on my skin template at the gym.
They had to put a 2-hour limit on burning my junk at the gym.

User
A bird heart
n

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a bird heart
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a bird heart in a very realistic way.
We are going to taxidermy a bird heart to make a statue out of it!
You spent all your food-stamps on a bird heart?!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into a bird heart! She’s 62!
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a bird heart.

User
Saying, "This couldn't happen to me"
v

At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began saying, "This couldn't happen to me" in front of his top supporters.
This land is shame land, this land is saying, "This couldn't happen to me" land.
At Boeing R&D, we test a deathbed by subjecting it to saying, "This couldn't happen to me" and extreme heat.
I will do anything for saying, "This couldn't happen to me". But I won’t do that!
We couldn’t land because of an exploitative sex tape caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like saying, "This couldn't happen to me".
If you do it right, saying, "This couldn't happen to me" is all about no Internet.

User
Music
nc

During my driving test, I backed my car into music. I still got an 85!
This is my second kid. My first one came out as music.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for music and to avoid a little lesbian boy.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were music.
My school is throwing a frantic woman party this weekend. Come for an old hornet. Stay for music!
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with music.

User
Getting upset
v

More armies need to incorporate getting upset into their uniforms.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell sex friends after 8pm, or on holidays like Getting Upset Day.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a bruised ego while I’m getting upset!
Getting upset! Getting upset! My kingdom for getting upset!
We couldn’t land because of sinister plans caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like getting upset.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting upset.

User
Amazing technology
nc

I want to say one word to you, just one word: amazing technology.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “amazing technology,” over and over again while in use.
Thanks for amazing technology last night. *wink* *wink*
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, amazing technology... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at amazing technology and my card appeared in a hole!
In prison we used to cook amazing technology in the toilet.

User
Launching missiles
v

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of launching missiles.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider launching missiles.
I’m late to my meeting for launching missiles.
I thought I was alone with what you did to my face but my mom walked in. We got to launching missiles and I felt better.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about launching missiles.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a sexually aggressive woman while I’m launching missiles!

User
The rent money
n

Chase bank is giving out the rent money this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Happiness: The rent money, a urinal cake, and panicking in a Subaru.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around the rent money on the freeway.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is the rent money.
During the war, German scientists experimented with resealing my vagina to weaponize the rent money.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Spandex, the rent money and emoticons.

User
Already peeing
vt

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks. Would you like to try our new special, already peeing?
Politics. The Hurting Me Party, is always trying to shove rolling down our throats. This time it’s already peeing.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with already peeing! It’s all here in my manifesto!
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had already peeing removed so she can live a normal life.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was already peeing.
Ever since the incident with already peeing I’ve been haunted by the whole planet.

User
Absolute slime
nc

Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed absolute slime.
Help! I’m absolute slime and I need YOU to do something about it!
Absolute slime? That’s my fetish!
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of absolute slime.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of absolute slime vomiting gore all over your face.
You spent all your food-stamps on absolute slime?!

User
Cat drool
nc

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a vigorous grind destroyed and cat drool killed as well.
Cat-Drool-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
During routine surgery, the doctors found cat drool embedded in my abdomen.
My favorite new band is “Children’s Toys and Cat Drool”.
Daddy! There’s cat drool under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start eating trash before cat drool.

User
Coke in industrial quantities
nc

The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Coke in Industrial Quantities Does Jalapeños.
Working on my car I found coke in industrial quantities had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Coke in industrial quantities! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all listening to sad music and being sad.
This year’s hottest album is “Coke in Industrial Quantities” by A Big Slow Boat.
You spent all your food-stamps on coke in industrial quantities?!
There’s always time for coke in industrial quantities before breakfast.

User
The death of something majestic
n

The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include completely wigging out spice, having a zero-value existence spice, and the death of something majestic spice!
Don’t look at me while I’m the death of something majestic! It messes me up!
CAUTION: Keep the death of something majestic out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks mammaries.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used the death of something majestic.
I’m the T-Rex in the streets, but the death of something majestic in the sheets.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang the death of something majestic on the Christmas tree.

User
Being forced to land
v

No thanks. My doctor said being forced to land makes defecation painful.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of being forced to land.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Being Forced to Land”! I shook his hand and it felt like being forced to land.
My house. 8 o’clock. Being forced to land.
We have a zero tolerance policy for being forced to land here at Disney. So get a caring, understanding man and get out!
For my last meal I want a cage built for an autistic student seasoned lightly with being forced to land.

User
Whatever is just like, going on with Guy Fieri's hair
n

I’m electric sex today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with whatever is just like, going on with Guy Fieri's hair.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have whatever is just like, going on with Guy Fieri's hair.
We are going to taxidermy whatever is just like, going on with Guy Fieri's hair to make a statue out of it!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in whatever is just like, going on with Guy Fieri's hair.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with whatever is just like, going on with Guy Fieri's hair in his lap.
My publisher demanded I remove whatever is just like, going on with Guy Fieri's hair from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

User
More witnesses
np

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of more witnesses on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge more witnesses.
But I promised I would get my kids more witnesses for Christmas!
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to more witnesses.
During routine surgery, the doctors found more witnesses embedded in my abdomen.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Hooplah; more witnesses; scoring.

User
The cops destroyed Leo Lech's house because they thought  {n} was inside.

The cops destroyed Leo Lech's house because they thought quick-set cement was inside.
The cops destroyed Leo Lech's house because they thought a child predator was inside.
The cops destroyed Leo Lech's house because they thought spiders again was inside.
The cops destroyed Leo Lech's house because they thought good, Christian values was inside.
The cops destroyed Leo Lech's house because they thought the gays was inside.
The cops destroyed Leo Lech's house because they thought Jesus’s death was inside.

User
Bullying that beautiful little manatee
v

I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with bullying that beautiful little manatee.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly bullying that beautiful little manatee right in front of their children.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began bullying that beautiful little manatee.
This party was a real snooze, until bullying that beautiful little manatee got things jumpin’.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began bullying that beautiful little manatee in front of his top supporters.
This workplace has gone (0) days without bullying that beautiful little manatee.



My phone
n

I will do anything for my phone. But I won’t do that!
Daddy, what’s my phone? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had my phone removed so she can live a normal life.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider my phone.
When my phone hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling my phone. The driver was fighting one-on-one.



Should I be concerned about  {n} playing so many Nirvana songs?

Should I be concerned about raw goose playing so many Nirvana songs?
Should I be concerned about elbow grease playing so many Nirvana songs?
Should I be concerned about my displeasure playing so many Nirvana songs?
Should I be concerned about a dictionary for swears playing so many Nirvana songs?
Should I be concerned about a lovable grandfather playing so many Nirvana songs?
Should I be concerned about furries playing so many Nirvana songs?



User
My inflamed junk
nc

12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing my inflamed junk at cars and passers-by.
Art can be defined by seeking death but only if it gets you my inflamed junk and inspired.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get my inflamed junk removed from her and 60 seconds removed from me.
We couldn’t land because of my inflamed junk caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like just falling out of my bung hole.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift their own mothers over my head, but my inflamed junk got in the way.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow My Inflamed Junk?

User
Yelling "DIE!"
v

Howdy neighbor, love yelling "DIE!"! Let’s get a real jerk-off sometime!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began yelling "DIE!".
Art can be defined by a sociopath but only if it gets you yelling "DIE!" and inspired.
My spirit animal: yelling "DIE!".
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of wet dog smell yelling "DIE!".
If mom hears us talking about yelling "DIE!" we’ll be SO grounded!

User
More vitamin C than ten oranges
nc

Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into more vitamin C than ten oranges.
They don’t make more vitamin C than ten oranges like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a list of names.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in an Amazon woman. That’s supposed to help me with more vitamin C than ten oranges?!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about more vitamin C than ten oranges.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s more vitamin C than ten oranges in love with all creation very much they do a... special hug.”
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s more vitamin C than ten oranges.

User
Hair and scalp
nc

Back in my day, we only had the gravy dimension for hair and scalp and we LIKED IT.
Make sure to hang hair and scalp in a tree so black lace leaves your tent alone.
In future times, the children will work together to build hair and scalp.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with hair and scalp slowly overtaking the buildings.
Hair-and-Scalp-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got breastfeeding painted on both sides, which some say encourages hair and scalp.

User
Screaming when the coffin arrives
v

Then God said, “Let there be screaming when the coffin arrives”; and there was screaming when the coffin arrives. And God saw that screaming when the coffin arrives was good.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about screaming when the coffin arrives?
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “screaming when the coffin arrives,” over and over again while in use.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s screaming when the coffin arrives and I think I believe her!
Screaming when the coffin arrives nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid snake jizz.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “screaming when the coffin arrives,” with a picture of rude kids.

User
Little blue specks
np

I’ll never know why my grandparents find little blue specks so relaxing.
Little blue specks slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”
During my time in the Navy I was taunted and called Mr. Little Blue Specks.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on little blue specks. I found him floppin’ out my baby door.
Thanks for little blue specks last night. *wink* *wink*
Little blue specks can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.

User
Gettin' raw dogged
v

I can’t believe you forced my mom into gettin' raw dogged! She’s 62!
Doctor! My child has gettin' raw dogged coursing through his veins!
I heard you were talking about gettin' raw dogged so I had to come over!
Gettin' raw dogged is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I didn’t think this house would sell with bodily harm in the attic. Anyway, I’m gettin' raw dogged.
The cruiseliner struck my toucan, going crazy and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with gettin' raw dogged.

User
lol Gary those are both really good.

> If you do it right, spitroasting a lion is all about bloodlust.

> The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up assassinating Kim Jong-un.
User
The Dallas Police Dept. says the suspect drove from Louisiana to buy  {n}.

The Dallas Police Dept. says the suspect drove from Louisiana to buy the jaws of life.
The Dallas Police Dept. says the suspect drove from Louisiana to buy black power.
The Dallas Police Dept. says the suspect drove from Louisiana to buy white people and their fucking problems.
The Dallas Police Dept. says the suspect drove from Louisiana to buy a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls.
The Dallas Police Dept. says the suspect drove from Louisiana to buy a mindless animal response.
The Dallas Police Dept. says the suspect drove from Louisiana to buy my beautiful, transgender father.

User
Boys only
np

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, boys only emerged.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by boys only.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn great tits, but now for work I’m boys only. Go figure!
Every French soldier carries boys only in his knapsack.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me boys only and it’s getting weird.
Boys only gets me into some awkward situations. But my middle pocket has always got my back.



Girls only
np

People around the world recognize girls only as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
We’re having a gynecological procedure situation. Watch out for girls only and please stand by...
The president’s tweet reads: “The an injection story is a hoax! Just an excuse by girls only for brimming with babies! Very sad!”
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS GIRLS ONLY SNUGGLING WITH IAN MCKELLEN.”
Help! I’m girls only and I need YOU to do something about it!
Ever since girls only appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while humping people.

User
That's  {n} you've got there. It'd be a shame if somewhere were to start  {v}.
Play 2

That's daddy in his underpants you've got there. It'd be a shame if somewhere were to start fellating everything in the room.
That's wet dog smell you've got there. It'd be a shame if somewhere were to start doing things to the body.
That's hands-free massage you've got there. It'd be a shame if somewhere were to start seeing my penis twice.
That's body parts of celebrities you've got there. It'd be a shame if somewhere were to start being carted away.
That's a berserk horse you've got there. It'd be a shame if somewhere were to start poisoning a child.
That's a dense woolly undercoat over the chest you've got there. It'd be a shame if somewhere were to start rolling.

User
Embodying my entire aesthetic
v

The only thing standing in your way is embodying my entire aesthetic.
Senator, give me embodying my entire aesthetic and you’ll get my vote.
The truly rich have mansions with a bag of duck vaginas room, a strange candy that makes you gay room, and servants to handle embodying my entire aesthetic.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Embodying-my-entire-aesthetic-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving a penis and a vagina.
That kind of attitude is why we have embodying my entire aesthetic now.
If embodying my entire aesthetic were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
God's mandate
v

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of God's mandate on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into violent death, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start God's mandate.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide God's mandate directly.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for God's mandate.
They didn’t have toxic virginity at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed God's mandate.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of God's mandate at my place.

User
Ariana Grande wore  {n} on tour and fans are going nuts.

Ariana Grande wore battery acid on tour and fans are going nuts.
Ariana Grande wore another way in on tour and fans are going nuts.
Ariana Grande wore some prick on tour and fans are going nuts.
Ariana Grande wore so many dudes on tour and fans are going nuts.
Ariana Grande wore a dollar on tour and fans are going nuts.
Ariana Grande wore spongy flesh on tour and fans are going nuts.


User
A big ol' tumor
n

A new study found that giving employees compliments and a big ol' tumor can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a big ol' tumor.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me a big ol' tumor and it’s getting weird.
This workplace has gone (0) days without a big ol' tumor.
I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a big ol' tumor.
Thanks for a big ol' tumor last night. *wink* *wink*

User
Blood in the trash can
nc

The authorities followed the trail of blood in the trash can, leading them straight to the suspect.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Googly Eyes” and it helps me with blood in the trash can.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s one large prostitute straddled by blood in the trash can.
Blood in the trash can can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for blood in the trash can.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing blood in the trash can is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.



Bleeding in the trash can
v

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re bleeding in the trash can and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into bleeding in the trash can.
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at bleeding in the trash can.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than bleeding in the trash can.
In the first Battle of Bleeding in the Trash Can he faced nitro-boosted performance, and with one great blow he split them in half.
This workplace has gone (0) days without bleeding in the trash can.

User
My 80lb emotional support hog
n

At the coffee shop they put “my 80lb emotional support hog” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
We are going to taxidermy my 80lb emotional support hog to make a statue out of it!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in my 80lb emotional support hog!
Go, go, Gadget My 80lb Emotional Support Hog!
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out my 80lb emotional support hog for free on every corner.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise my 80lb emotional support hog by rewarding them with drinking toilet water.

User
Not being fucking in the way
v

It is disrespectful and dangerous to be not being fucking in the way during sex.
Not being fucking in the way gets me into some awkward situations. But my sex tape has always got my back.
My publisher demanded I remove not being fucking in the way from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Shepherds in Scotland have used one large prostitute for years to keep the flock from not being fucking in the way.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for not being fucking in the way.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Not Being Fucking in the Way and You”.



Getting the fuck out of the way
v

Howdy neighbor, love getting the fuck out of the way! Let’s get a pussy, wet and dripping sometime!
They said getting the fuck out of the way was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of getting the fuck out of the way!
Thanks for getting the fuck out of the way last night. *wink* *wink*
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of getting the fuck out of the way.
The HOA says I can’t raise tikka masala on my property. Meanwhile no word about getting the fuck out of the way at the Jones’s!
Always walk into an interview with a purring kitten and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate getting the fuck out of the way.



The number five
n

Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with the number five.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a tiny bat crawling up your peehole flavor and then the number five flavor.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by the number five?
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about inertia, but with the number five!
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be the number five if I wanted a new family.
Last night I dreamed of a big, red X. I cannot shake the feeling that the number five will arrive soon.

User
Spiders EVERYWHERE
np

Monopoly: Extremely Poor Judgment Edition comes with tight clothes and spiders EVERYWHERE instead of houses and hotels.
spiders EVERYWHERE is where Jews in cahoots goes to die.
Spiders EVERYWHERE is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just knowing hell. Sorry.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by spiders EVERYWHERE.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be spiders EVERYWHERE.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of spiders EVERYWHERE.

User
Being in the toaster
v

The city council wants to cut down on being in the toaster. Meanwhile people are freely maintaining total stealth!
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as being in the toaster or spreading disease.
Amtrak officials confirm being in the toaster would have prevented train derailment.
Senator, give me being in the toaster and you’ll get my vote.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, impacting my sister, toilet paper, shelter, and being in the toaster.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about being in the toaster.

User
Little bits of toilet paper
np

Lonely guys in Japan can buy little bits of toilet paper that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing little bits of toilet paper, since we’re so good at it.
Nutters running around with chainsaws is little bits of toilet paper in the ocean of life!
I’m shooting a rabbit with an arrow today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with little bits of toilet paper.
If you do it right, little bits of toilet paper is all about demons.
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with little bits of toilet paper?

User
I hate waking up with  {n} on my face.

I hate waking up with childbirth on my face.
I hate waking up with a sex swing on my face.
I hate waking up with a made up racial slur on my face.
I hate waking up with little traps on my face.
I hate waking up with bad juju on my face.
I hate waking up with its opposite on my face.

User
Today I learned my father has been  {v} for forty years.

Today I learned my father has been installing an update for forty years.
Today I learned my father has been sweating, groaning and screaming for forty years.
Today I learned my father has been getting off for forty years.
Today I learned my father has been being cooked and eaten for forty years.
Today I learned my father has been whistling at women for forty years.
Today I learned my father has been taking it hard for forty years.



My "friends" came over and put  {n} in the toilet.

My "friends" came over and put a rip in the toilet.
My "friends" came over and put a prime cut of steak in the toilet.
My "friends" came over and put lactating dogs in the toilet.
My "friends" came over and put the most beautiful face ever in the toilet.
My "friends" came over and put an accident in the toilet.
My "friends" came over and put a child drowning in a vat of molasses in the toilet.

User
Walmart has started selling  {n} in child size!

Walmart has started selling mediocre tits in child size!
Walmart has started selling shitty chairs from IKEA® in child size!
Walmart has started selling a shard of shrapnel in child size!
Walmart has started selling enough lube in child size!
Walmart has started selling a gentle, flourished spanking in child size!
Walmart has started selling work in child size!

User
Some of my fingers
np

At work I secretly have some of my fingers under my desk.
Are you there God? It’s me, some of my fingers.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into some of my fingers.
Last night was the tragic result of some of my fingers.
The TSA has made new rules mandating some of my fingers on every commercial flight.
Life without love is like some of my fingers without a horse’s booty or fruit.

User
My lucky rabbit's foot
nc

If I had my lucky rabbit's foot, you’d be burning my junk!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn the collar around my neck, but now for work I’m my lucky rabbit's foot. Go figure!
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring my lucky rabbit's foot.
Getting my lucky rabbit's foot back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Today I bought a made up racial slur from the back of a van. They also threw in my lucky rabbit's foot, which I didn’t even think was legal.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. An Accident is my lucky rabbit's foot.

User
My nightmare
n

Instructions unclear: got dude after dude stuck in my nightmare.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit clicking the mouse and acquire my nightmare!
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with my nightmare! It’s all here in my manifesto!
If you do it right, my nightmare is all about being too busy.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out my nightmare.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in my nightmare in the middle of each intersection.

User
Living in an igloo
v

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am living in an igloo. Would you like to try our new special, some kids?
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for unbelievably beautiful hair and to avoid living in an igloo.
Pundits agree it will take living in an igloo for the senator to win the election.
My car looks like it’s living in an igloo but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Living in an igloo is the spice of Jews in cahoots.
The rich aroma of living in an igloo, from the hills of Colombia.

User
Swallowing my corpse whole
v

At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began swallowing my corpse whole in front of his top supporters.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Swallowing My Corpse Whole” syndrome!
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were swallowing my corpse whole.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then swallowing my corpse whole really affected me.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, swallowing my corpse whole, sloth, wrath, shivering and moaning, and pride.
At the coffee shop they put “swallowing my corpse whole” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.

User
Horse
nc

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw horse.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about horse, but with a genital louse!
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was horse.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “horse” incident in the science lab.
The TSA has made new rules mandating horse on every commercial flight.
Growing up we never had a gushing bloody nose, but we had to deal with horse, and I want the opposite for my children.

User
Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on  {n}.

Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on baby Jesus.
Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on the “fun” stuff.
Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on maximum bitch mode.
Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on girl problems.
Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on dinosaurs.
Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on baby eels.

User
An additional whale
n

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me an additional whale.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s an additional whale.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw an additional whale in.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get an additional whale removed from her and a special little fuck removed from me.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a hole, with a crack in the sky around the edges, and an additional whale on top.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start boiling water before an additional whale.

User
My life's theme song goes:   /   /  
Play 3

My life's theme song goes: masturbating to pictures of dead animals / being killed in the Spanish civil war / racial superiority
My life's theme song goes: an automated turret / resting bitch face / hatred for children
My life's theme song goes: sweating, groaning and screaming / being unfit to even live / just falling out of my bung hole
My life's theme song goes: stubby fingers / sneaking into the sultan’s harem / feeling fat and sassy
My life's theme song goes: a giant eraser / irresponsible parenting / eight sexual partners
My life's theme song goes: your idiot ideas / a gaggle of nuns / my golden goose

User
Doing better
v

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle doing better.
R Kelly fantasizes about doing better with a young Beyonce.
I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are exploding from both ends or doing better
First you get a death sentence. Then you get an old, Asian martial arts master. Then you get doing better.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit doing better and acquire the inside!
I saw gases and smoke down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be doing better with us.”

User
how could you
User
Tagliette is a former police officer accused of  {v}, according to court records.

Tagliette is a former police officer accused of getting a face full of crotch, according to court records.
Tagliette is a former police officer accused of inhaling, according to court records.
Tagliette is a former police officer accused of scissoring, according to court records.
Tagliette is a former police officer accused of shotgunning, according to court records.
Tagliette is a former police officer accused of beeping, according to court records.
Tagliette is a former police officer accused of killing myself, rather than being disgraced, according to court records.

User
Getting revenge on Frank Sinatra
v

CAUTION: Keep outrageous fortune out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks getting revenge on Frank Sinatra.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how getting revenge on Frank Sinatra happens.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate getting revenge on Frank Sinatra to prepare for a mission to mars.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting revenge on Frank Sinatra.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find getting revenge on Frank Sinatra so relaxing.
Getting revenge on Frank Sinatra has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
Killing a guy in a bathroom
v

Pundits agree it will take killing a guy in a bathroom for the senator to win the election.
Men, like a huge mountain, go farthest when they are killing a guy in a bathroom.
I saw empty space down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be killing a guy in a bathroom with us.”
Last night I dreamed of killing a guy in a bathroom. I cannot shake the feeling that fist pumping will arrive soon.
I don’t think that even comes close to being killing a guy in a bathroom.
Ever since scary men appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while killing a guy in a bathroom.

User
2x the meat!
nc

The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A Turkish wedding, 2x the meat! and an automated turret.
I prayed to God for 2x the meat!, and God delivered!
They cut open the crocodile to find 2x the meat!, still holding hands like always.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare 2x the meat! right at your table.
How embarrassing! I forget I left 2x the meat! in the foyer.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with 2x the meat!.

User
The hotel staff
n

It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, the hotel staff came out onto the bed.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “the hotel staff,” over and over again while in use.
Ever since the hotel staff appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while making it weird.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a sleepy kitty and acquire the hotel staff!
The city council wants to cut down on the hotel staff. Meanwhile people are freely being in a state of total ecstasy!
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like the hotel staff and can be used for peeing in the sink.

User
Zero sex toys
np

Let flailing host your next party, providing zero sex toys like you’ve never experienced before.
In a world with zero sex toys handling my mother, one man must overcome extremely poor judgment. Coming this summer.
I accidentally dropped zero sex toys in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I looked up “unladylike musculature” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving zero sex toys.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in zero sex toys.
The Internet is made out of zero sex toys.



Local church ousts pastor after allegedly  {v}.

Local church ousts pastor after allegedly pooping for four hours a day.
Local church ousts pastor after allegedly having peed.
Local church ousts pastor after allegedly getting your cock in a twist.
Local church ousts pastor after allegedly quitting Facebook.
Local church ousts pastor after allegedly screaming again.
Local church ousts pastor after allegedly literally shivering me timbers.

User
I'm shipping myself in  {s} box!

I'm shipping myself in the song of my people box!
I'm shipping myself in a robustly satisfying fart box!
I'm shipping myself in the girl next door box!
I'm shipping myself in my golden goose box!
I'm shipping myself in the death simulator box!
I'm shipping myself in “that feeling” box!

User
Removing shards of glass
v

Removing shards of glass in the hand is worth two in the bush.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift anything on the face of this earth over my head, but removing shards of glass got in the way.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began removing shards of glass.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in removing shards of glass.
The only thing standing in your way is removing shards of glass.
I got so drunk last night that I got removing shards of glass all over everyone and everything.

User
Falling in love with a computer
v

I want to say one word to you, just one word: falling in love with a computer.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had falling in love with a computer removed so she can live a normal life.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed falling in love with a computer.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was falling in love with a computer.
When I saw the Dutch oven I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, falling in love with a computer, I freaked!
If falling in love with a computer were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
Doing nothing
v

Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of shaved bears. Half the country is doing nothing.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep doing nothing out of mainland China.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be doing nothing.
My publisher demanded I remove doing nothing from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be doing nothing and where does a screaming dog come in?
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into screaming, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start doing nothing.

User
In Disneyland's Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving  .

In Disneyland's Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving shitty chairs from IKEA®.
In Disneyland's Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving rolling eyes.
In Disneyland's Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving stainless steel plating.
In Disneyland's Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving trying to handcuff a ghost.
In Disneyland's Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving all creation.
In Disneyland's Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving kevlar underwear.

User
Flying on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo plane
v

Throughout human history, flying on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo plane has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to flying on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo plane.
15% of married men say they’ve cheated by flying on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo plane with another woman.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in furry children. That’s supposed to help me with flying on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo plane?!
No more flying on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo plane at Starbucks.
After Lincoln was shot, flying on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo plane briefly became the next president.

User
A digital asset
n

Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw a digital asset at a player from the stands.
A digital asset from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
I don’t think that even comes close to being a digital asset.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a digital asset. Would you like to try our new special, a little lesbian boy?
Aron Ralston was trapped under a divorce for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a digital asset!
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include diddling, a digital asset, dry mouth, and my feelings.

Truck
User
Sorry, no clue. I haven't heard of that map.

Weird!
User
Delicious protein
nc

a special little fuck is where delicious protein goes to die.
That new mmo is coming out next week and I’ve already reserved my name: xXdelicious-proteinXx
Ok, I’ll admit butt licks might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in delicious protein.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of delicious protein in the soil.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Delicious Protein.
In prison we used to cook delicious protein in the toilet.

User
I like it but it needs shorter.

Attempt:

Employee morale dropped when Friday  {TUv} was cut. But then every employee got   for free!
Play 2

Employee morale dropped when Friday Being Tall Enough to Ride was cut. But then every employee got a protective layer of rubber for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Fingering was cut. But then every employee got Mexican forces for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Letting Her in was cut. But then every employee got the girl in this photo for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Thinking About Dwarves was cut. But then every employee got violent death for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Lifting His Kilt and Winking was cut. But then every employee got exact science for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Cutting a Hole in My Pants was cut. But then every employee got blowing a koala for free!

User
Getting euthanized
v

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting euthanized.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re getting euthanized and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I don’t need love because I’m getting euthanized. Sorry mom!
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting euthanized,” over and over again while in use.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and getting euthanized.
During the war, German scientists experimented with getting euthanized to weaponize my out of control libido.



Being naked
v

That kind of attitude is why we have being naked now.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a falling tree by rewarding them with being naked.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a Christmas tree, while a man is being naked on a galloping horse.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were being naked.
If being naked were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in being naked together.

User
Have you found your 10-year cake I made you yet?
User
Somehow, the cat pulled  {n} in through the pet door.

Somehow, the cat pulled my DMs in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled my arm that fell asleep in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled compost in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled an email in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled a wasted life in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled ghosts who don’t know what they’re doing in through the pet door.

User
A deerskin sack filled with bear oil
n

The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a deerskin sack filled with bear oil.
The cruiseliner struck a tard and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a deerskin sack filled with bear oil.
I didn’t mean to start a deerskin sack filled with bear oil, it just happened!
If my neighbor doesn’t get a deerskin sack filled with bear oil off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with a deerskin sack filled with bear oil in his lap.
I don’t need love because I’m a deerskin sack filled with bear oil. Sorry mom!

User
Everybody killin' themselves
np

I found out why I’m always sick... they found everybody killin' themselves in the walls at my office.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than everybody killin' themselves.
I thought I was alone with everybody killin' themselves but my mom walked in. We got to being cooked and eaten and I felt better.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by everybody killin' themselves.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into everybody killin' themselves and your cheeks should be relaxed.
Jesus is everybody killin' themselves.



They finally caught and locked up  {n}!

They finally caught and locked up a piñata full of cigarettes!
They finally caught and locked up damage!
They finally caught and locked up spandex!
They finally caught and locked up casualties!
They finally caught and locked up a real butt-toucher!
They finally caught and locked up dark magic!

User
A shark attack survivor
n

In a world with my musk wetting the bed, one man must overcome a shark attack survivor. Coming this summer.
I came with a shark attack survivor to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought man animals so nobody even noticed!
In public restrooms I always put a shark attack survivor on the toilet before sitting down.
The ‘nothingness moth’ has adapted to feed on a shark attack survivor, and hide under a Hitler moustache in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
I like a shark attack survivor like I like my coffee: being dragged by the neck, put in a sack, and dragged across a rotting buffalo carcass.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a shark attack survivor is barely in the butthole.



Surviving a shark attack
v

My publisher demanded I remove surviving a shark attack from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
But I promised I would get my kids surviving a shark attack for Christmas!
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began surviving a shark attack.
Slender and muscled, like live wires hanging from the ceiling. She was the spitting image of surviving a shark attack.
It’s not delivery. It’s surviving a shark attack.
My wife printed me a certifcate for surviving a shark attack. I’m excited for tonight!

User
Angry crocodiles
np

Sewing my eyes shut nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid angry crocodiles.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with angry crocodiles.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with angry crocodiles.
The referee just issued a red card to big dudes with big dudes for sliding into angry crocodiles.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a Vietnamese landmine straddled by angry crocodiles.
I was so surprised to see angry crocodiles that another way in fell out of my mouth.

User
Ideally, thighs
np

Researchers have trained chimps to recognise urine sprinkles by rewarding them with ideally, thighs.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of ideally, thighs.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Ideally, Thighs
When the celestial spheres align, ideally, thighs will descend from the heavens.
Ever since the incident with intersex children I’ve been haunted by ideally, thighs.
The problem with America is ideally, thighs.

User
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get   at any time.

Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get dating your daughter at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get just a peek at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get so few little turds at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get emergency bacon at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get Princess Perfect at any time.

User
A male Kardashian
n

The Great Wall was actually built to keep a male Kardashian out of mainland China.
Last Christmas, I gave you a male Kardashian. The very next day, you gave it away.
Make sure to hang inhaling in a tree so a male Kardashian leaves your tent alone.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a male Kardashian and walk right out the door without putting on pants.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a male Kardashian that overturned their car.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with a male Kardashian.

User
I can't sleep because the cat is  .

I can't sleep because the cat is getting boinked.
I can't sleep because the cat is one of the Baldwin brothers.
I can't sleep because the cat is sewing my eyes shut.
I can't sleep because the cat is a hotdog.
I can't sleep because the cat is a plug for the other hole.
I can't sleep because the cat is struggling with a police officer.

User
My pancreas
n

I Googled for my pancreas and found a picture of myself.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in my pancreas!
I get chills when my pancreas brushes against my leg.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride hip-hop specifically made for white people. It made me feel like I was my pancreas.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m my pancreas.
I’m that fly in here in the streets, but my pancreas in the sheets.

User
Potable water from a nearby hose
nc

In the first Battle of Taking a Flying Leap he faced potable water from a nearby hose, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Chocolate? Or maybe poop produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under potable water from a nearby hose to keep warm.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw potable water from a nearby hose in.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with potable water from a nearby hose.
I was born on a pile of potable water from a nearby hose.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had potable water from a nearby hose.

User
so good.
User
Thousands of pictures of me
np

Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a muscular, naked Santa flavor and then thousands of pictures of me flavor.
Thousands of pictures of me is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just foaming, not at the mouth. Sorry.
The main ingredient in my front fat is thousands of pictures of me.
Last Christmas, I gave you thousands of pictures of me. The very next day, you gave it away.
But I promised I would get my kids thousands of pictures of me for Christmas!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Thousands of Pictures of Me!



I found an extra room in my house. It's full of  {n}.

I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a bunch of vulvas in my face.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a virus.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of secretions.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a motorist.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a uniquely adapted slave race.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of Winona Ryder’s leather jacket.



I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of  .

I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of a prybar.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of sex for procreation.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of graffiti that says “FUCK YOU”.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of closing her legs.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of a girl on roller skates.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of an email.

User
My behavioral problem
n

The fire department came around and complained that we had too many you sick fucks plugged into my behavioral problem.
Pool rules: No running. No edible disguises. Keep my behavioral problem out of the deep end.
The weirdest thing about my behavioral problem is that sometimes even girls have my behavioral problem.
I ordered my behavioral problem privately over the Internet so I can get better at rolling in.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of my behavioral problem.
During the half-time show, a rip in a shard of shrapnel exposed my behavioral problem to the audience.

User
Threatening a Taco Bell employee
v

CAUTION: Keep a festively decorated corpse out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks threatening a Taco Bell employee.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by threatening a Taco Bell employee.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been threatening a Taco Bell employee. The snail may have escaped taking it easy by going underground.
No more threatening a Taco Bell employee at Starbucks.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as threatening a Taco Bell employee.
Doctor! My child has threatening a Taco Bell employee coursing through his veins!

User
My pharmacist separated  {n} into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.

My pharmacist separated ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated pictures of my body into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated fingertips into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated grab-ass into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated too much milk into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated skin slack into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.

User
Freshly birthed cells
np

The Internet is made out of freshly birthed cells.
Freshly birthed cells! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all humping people.
You spent all your food-stamps on freshly birthed cells?!
My pharmacist separated success into two parts, and carefully lowered one into freshly birthed cells.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in freshly birthed cells in the middle of each intersection.
People in Taiwan are getting freshly birthed cells implanted in their bodies for mistreating the clitoris.

User
I got residue from   in my nail beds!

I got residue from getting wrapped around a tree in my nail beds!
I got residue from my vaginal microbiome in my nail beds!
I got residue from your bellybutton in my nail beds!
I got residue from imaginary friend, Captain Howdy in my nail beds!
I got residue from dilation of the uterus in my nail beds!
I got residue from slappy little T-Rex arms in my nail beds!

User
Being intensely Japanese
v

I’ll never know why my grandparents find being intensely Japanese so relaxing.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all slapping everything, right while I’m being intensely Japanese.
My car looks like it’s being intensely Japanese but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
We couldn’t land because of ice cold seawater caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like being intensely Japanese.
Throughout human history, being intensely Japanese has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with being intensely Japanese.

User
An extra foot
n

McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of an extra foot.
I don’t need love because I’m an extra foot. Sorry mom!
The city council wants to cut down on an extra foot. Meanwhile people are freely adding alcohol!
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with an extra foot.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put an extra foot in the pillows.
CAUTION: Keep a Ouija board out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks an extra foot.

User
Discount codes
np

All the best love stories include discount codes.
Last Christmas, I gave you discount codes. The very next day, you gave it away.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with anything on the face of this earth and are ordered to be discount codes no matter what.
The rich aroma of discount codes, from the hills of Colombia.
My spirit animal: discount codes.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw discount codes flavor and then awesome lectures flavor.

User
lurking intensifies
User
No elevator
nc

My dream house has no elevator built in, an extra garage for waterboarding just for fun, and children’s toys for the door bell.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with no elevator.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed no elevator.
I’ve been chopping down nutters running around with chainsaws to build no elevator for me and my wife.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into no elevator.
Give a man a piñata full of cigarettes and you feed him for a day. Give him no elevator, and you feed him for a lifetime.

User
No gay stuff
nc

We put no gay stuff in your tea!
Aron Ralston was trapped under no gay stuff for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off the deceased!
For my last meal I want my womanly virtue seasoned lightly with no gay stuff.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy no gay stuff that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
We couldn’t land because of no gay stuff caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like the Dutch oven.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like no gay stuff.

User
A sensory deprivation tank
n

That kind of attitude is why we have a sensory deprivation tank now.
I heard you were talking about a sensory deprivation tank so I had to come over!
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle a sensory deprivation tank.
The cruiseliner struck a sensory deprivation tank and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with drilling into the brain.
Man invented even more bees, so woman invented a sensory deprivation tank.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady kicking the door down with a sensory deprivation tank.

User
You have a bunch of verbs, replace one with a _{v} maybe?

 {Up} rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling,  {v}, and urinating.
Play 2

Nasty boys rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, closing her legs, and urinating.
Bodily fluids rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, mastrubating into the faces of your enemies, and urinating.
The hands of the enemy rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, leaving your friends to die, and urinating.
Sufficient funds rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, vibrating my pineal gland, and urinating.
Velcro shoes rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, being dragged, and urinating.
Nine guys you fucked rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, getting your cock in a twist, and urinating.

User
All the zoo animals
np

The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit Satan’s dark little snatch and acquire all the zoo animals!
Then God said, “Let there be all the zoo animals”; and there was all the zoo animals. And God saw that all the zoo animals was good.
Pool rules: No running. No humping people. Keep all the zoo animals out of the deep end.
All the zoo animals really messes up my butt complexion!
What the dat ass department lacks in selection, we make up for in all the zoo animals.
The Killing of Educated Adults is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by all the zoo animals.

User
It's hard to keep  {n} as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.

It's hard to keep inquisitive middle schoolers as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep kids that gotta go pee as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep a tiny bat crawling up your peehole as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep endangered animals as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep salt as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep a fridge full of heads as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.

User
Costco
nc

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for Costco.
No more Costco at Starbucks.
The HOA says I can’t raise Costco on my property. Meanwhile no word about the inside at the Jones’s!
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood Costco.
Furious that I was hiding some pee into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into Costco.
When I think South America, I feel Costco.

User
The guy I murdered
n

There’s the guy I murdered convention going on and everybody is shitting glitter.
Authorities were tallying damage from the guy I murdered that struck southern California Friday evening.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in the guy I murdered.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put the guy I murdered in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
Instructions unclear: got witnesses stuck in the guy I murdered.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: The guy I murdered with all our faces.

User
Millions of ugly babies
np

The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is millions of ugly babies.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about millions of ugly babies and spiders laying eggs in my butt. Should I talk to him?
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of millions of ugly babies and a Fedex full of somersaults.
I scream, you scream, peeing in the sink, millions of ugly babies!
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was millions of ugly babies.
Could you buy me millions of ugly babies? I’ll pay you back.

User
A blackberry vine
n

I beat a blackberry vine all the time!
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a blackberry vine and my card appeared in a mindless animal response!
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s the whole bottle of sleeping pills, with baseless hatred around the edges, and a blackberry vine on top.
I got so drunk last night that I got a blackberry vine all over everyone and everything.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a blackberry vine and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like good people.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a blackberry vine... Sweet! Sunny-D!

User
Material
nc

When I get older, I don’t want to be material.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be falling into boiling water and where does material come in?
What will we do with material early in the morning?
We have a zero tolerance policy for industrial solvent here at Disney. So get material and get out!
I will do anything for material. But I won’t do holding hands!
I’m sure I blew material in this napkin somewhere.

User
Spending large amounts of money
v

No thanks. My doctor said spending large amounts of money makes defecation painful.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a close call spending large amounts of money!
It’s time to scrape the remains of spending large amounts of money off the driveway.
Spending large amounts of money is the spice of a powerful Chinese man.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw spending large amounts of money in the mirror! And it smelled like that demon torture puzzle box in there! I’m so scared!
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s spending large amounts of money.

User
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from  {n}.

Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from a hollow shell.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from Fancy Santas.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from nothing, initially.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from industrial solvent.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from a genital louse.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from the female form.

User
Moving a little closer
v

Senator, I trust you enjoyed moving a little closer last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “moving a little closer” incident in the science lab.
I don’t need love because I’m moving a little closer. Sorry mom!
I’m going to post the new white card "moving a little closer" to SAH. What do you think to butt gas?
Here on the assembly line we heat shaking to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is moving a little closer.
Amtrak officials confirm moving a little closer would have prevented train derailment.



Aiming a little lower
v

Aiming a little lower is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for aiming a little lower
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find aiming a little lower.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like aiming a little lower.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find raw goose, a gigantic eyeball on a stalk and aiming a little lower.
The only thing standing in your way is aiming a little lower.

User
Teabagging your cat
v

In a world with dirty spaghetti teabagging your cat, one man must overcome too much milk. Coming this summer.
The media’s nonstop coverage of teabagging your cat is just to distract us from fluids from my face.
Here on the assembly line we heat little traps to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is teabagging your cat.
I thought I was alone with shaved bears but my mom walked in. We got to teabagging your cat and I felt better.
I don’t need love because I’m teabagging your cat. Sorry mom!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than teabagging your cat.

User
A conveyer belt
n

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a conveyer belt?”
I’m going to post the new white card "a conveyer belt" to SAH. What do you think to lips?
You evaded my “A Conveyer Belt” attack! Most impressive.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed a conveyer belt.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy this spring’s hottest new fashions, and you get a conveyer belt as a sign up bonus.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about a conveyer belt.

User
Shrimp flavor
nc

My wife printed me a certifcate for shrimp flavor. I’m excited for tonight!
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with shrimp flavor.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy shrimp flavor from dispensaries.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for shrimp flavor?
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find shrimp flavor in the back seat.
Shrimp flavor like this is enough to kill a horse!

User
lol DR are you answering a question from 274 days ago?
User
A little thing of ranch
n

At the skating rink there was a little thing of ranch and everyone fell down at once.
Life without love is like a thought without a little thing of ranch or fruit.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a little thing of ranch at the girls camp.
Doctor! My child has a little thing of ranch coursing through his veins!
You’re not a mom! You’re just a little thing of ranch!
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into a little thing of ranch.

User
Numbers
np

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into numbers.
Authorities were tallying damage from numbers that struck southern California Friday evening.
My wife is WAY better at numbers than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and numbers in the Philippines.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of numbers in the soil.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to numbers.



The numbers
np

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, Mom’s feet, toilet paper, shelter, and the numbers.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by the numbers.
No more the numbers at Starbucks.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of the numbers running with a floppy, out-of-control hand.
The numbers! The numbers! My kingdom for the numbers!
Monopoly: Pure Love Edition comes with the heart and the numbers instead of houses and hotels.



Going forth and multiplying
vt

A blood transfusion nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid going forth and multiplying.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be going forth and multiplying during sex.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Going-forth-and-multiplying-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving bear sperm.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by going forth and multiplying around the building.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than going forth and multiplying.
The authorities followed the trail of going forth and multiplying, leading them straight to the suspect.

User
Eating part of the cat
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating eating part of the cat on every commercial flight.
In my state, eating part of the cat is a legal right for me and my native brothers.
Amtrak officials confirm eating part of the cat would have prevented train derailment.
I scream, you scream, eating part of the cat, the deceased!
eating part of the cat is where the mayor goes to die.
Eating part of the cat can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.



Getting shot in the head twice
v

Don’t be getting shot in the head twice alone! Join the Getting Shot in the Head Twice Club and do it with others.
Fellating everything in the room while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of getting shot in the head twice.
I make goat porn for my cat by getting shot in the head twice with most of my blood. Oreo loves it!
I’ll never know why my grandparents find getting shot in the head twice so relaxing.
My girlfriend kicked skin worms, and now she’s getting shot in the head twice. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was getting shot in the head twice.

User
My mom, doing my taxes
n

This year’s hottest new fashion is my mom, doing my taxes on your head.
Politics. The Wildly Swinging Middle Fingers Party, is always trying to shove my mom, doing my taxes down our throats. This time it’s 50 years.
But of the tree of my mom, doing my taxes you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
In my wild days I was completely wigging out, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with my mom, doing my taxes on the New Mexico border.
I like my mom, doing my taxes like I like my coffee: not riding a Segway, put in a sack, and dragged across a horrible selection of gay men.
I’m shoving my mom, doing my taxes in the ground, in hopes that a Russian bride comes and harvests it.

User
Do not mix chlorine and  {n} or it will create deadly chloramine gas!

Do not mix chlorine and really bad teeth or it will create deadly chloramine gas!
Do not mix chlorine and a real jerk-off or it will create deadly chloramine gas!
Do not mix chlorine and white men with guns or it will create deadly chloramine gas!
Do not mix chlorine and the girl in this photo or it will create deadly chloramine gas!
Do not mix chlorine and narcotics or it will create deadly chloramine gas!
Do not mix chlorine and nothing, initially or it will create deadly chloramine gas!

User
A cat or a squid
n

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a cat or a squid out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
In prison we used to cook a cat or a squid in the toilet.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a cat or a squid.
The truly rich have mansions with my fantasy room, a cat or a squid room, and servants to handle masturbating to pictures of dead animals.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a cat or a squid like your brother?”
Shepherds in Scotland have used a cat or a squid for years to keep the flock from vomiting gore all over your face.

User
Becoming great friends
v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from becoming great friends, and the eco-glass windows trap in good vibes.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise assuming complete control by rewarding them with becoming great friends.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using becoming great friends to forage for food.
Becoming great friends! Becoming great friends! My kingdom for becoming great friends!
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for becoming great friends!
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: becoming-great-friends@bruises-on-my-pelvis.biz

User
The goose
n

The rich aroma of the goose, from the hills of Colombia.
The goose can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to the goose.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with the goose.
Ever since the goose appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while horsing around.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s the goose.

User
Getting absolutely fucked
v

Doctor! My child has getting absolutely fucked coursing through his veins!
If mom hears us talking about getting absolutely fucked we’ll be SO grounded!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into Roman battlesex before getting absolutely fucked.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with getting absolutely fucked. I barely even felt a gay Mexican.
There’s a death sentence convention going on and everybody is getting absolutely fucked.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about getting absolutely fucked.



I think   is burned into the TV in the bedroom.

I think their white asses is burned into the TV in the bedroom.
I think a difficult Canadian is burned into the TV in the bedroom.
I think gunfire is burned into the TV in the bedroom.
I think getting boinked is burned into the TV in the bedroom.
I think pandering to the normies is burned into the TV in the bedroom.
I think an ancient Indian burial ground is burned into the TV in the bedroom.



Pawns in my little game
np

In a world with hot biscuits & gravy losing on purpose, one man must overcome pawns in my little game. Coming this summer.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt pawns in my little game in the sea.
The best comfort food will always be greens, pawns in my little game, and fried chicken.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find pawns in my little game so relaxing.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “pawns in my little game,” over and over again while in use.
We can be pawns in my little game. And no one has to know.

User
Slinking around the corner
v

I don’t need love because I’m slinking around the corner. Sorry mom!
We have a zero tolerance policy for slinking around the corner here at Disney. So get what you did to my face and get out!
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride two firetrucks. It made me feel like I was slinking around the corner.
While I was out the Roomba got into zoo smell and was slinking around the corner.
What the good bacteria department lacks in selection, we make up for in slinking around the corner.
My publisher demanded I remove slinking around the corner from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”



I can smell that the cat was in here,  {v}.

I can smell that the cat was in here, pulling out just in time.
I can smell that the cat was in here, expectorating some sludge.
I can smell that the cat was in here, slipping on a jizz slick.
I can smell that the cat was in here, screaming and barfing a little.
I can smell that the cat was in here, sinking into the mud.
I can smell that the cat was in here, getting all fucked up on PCP.

User
Cheeseburger drippings
np

I bought cheeseburger drippings yesterday and now I can’t stop porkin’!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in cheeseburger drippings. That’s supposed to help me with bruises on my pelvis?!
In some households, they’ve trained cheeseburger drippings to use the potty.
I can’t swing the song of my people around here without hitting cheeseburger drippings!
Don’t count cheeseburger drippings before they hatch.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be cheeseburger drippings while I’m a newer, sleeker leopard!

User
There was a mixup and my landlady got  {n} sewn onto her shirt.

There was a mixup and my landlady got every pterodactyl sewn onto her shirt.
There was a mixup and my landlady got Oprah’s smile sewn onto her shirt.
There was a mixup and my landlady got pure love sewn onto her shirt.
There was a mixup and my landlady got a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft sewn onto her shirt.
There was a mixup and my landlady got a finely sculpted buttock sewn onto her shirt.
There was a mixup and my landlady got a bunch of kids sewn onto her shirt.

User
The National Weather Service said that  {n} had been observed in southern Mississippi.

The National Weather Service said that bear sperm had been observed in southern Mississippi.
The National Weather Service said that a dust cloud had been observed in southern Mississippi.
The National Weather Service said that crotchless panties had been observed in southern Mississippi.
The National Weather Service said that a cataclysmic magic spell had been observed in southern Mississippi.
The National Weather Service said that sweat and dead skin had been observed in southern Mississippi.
The National Weather Service said that motor control had been observed in southern Mississippi.

User
Breeding in there
v

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about breeding in there?
The shockwave from breeding in there at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused childbirth in the streets.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Flimsy Toilet Paper Co., tapping into the growing market for breeding in there.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady breeding in there with no evidence of any infidelity.
The rich aroma of breeding in there, from the hills of Colombia.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s breeding in there and I think I believe her!

User
My storage tank
n

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my storage tank came on the screen.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with my storage tank.
I can’t swing my storage tank around here without hitting a mental illness!
During my driving test, I backed my car into my storage tank. I still got an 85!
The cineplex has been using my storage tank in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at backwash and my card appeared in my storage tank!



My breeding vat
n

Could you buy me my breeding vat? I’ll pay you back.
I don’t think that even comes close to being my breeding vat.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with my breeding vat and a strange boy who fights a sloppy blowjob.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually my breeding vat.
Men, like a trail of footprints, go farthest when they are my breeding vat.
I beat my breeding vat all the time!

User
Basically just a tube
n

I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like basically just a tube.
Pundits agree it will take basically just a tube for the senator to win the election.
I’m sure I blew basically just a tube in this napkin somewhere.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of basically just a tube.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of unexpected penetration, a wiggly meat tube, and basically just a tube.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Everywhere but Oklahoma Co., tapping into the growing market for basically just a tube.

User
Trading sex for drugs
v

This food is so good it’s making trading sex for drugs quiver!
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was trading sex for drugs and tried to attack it.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Trading Sex for Drugs Blast!
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there trading sex for drugs. Gross.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for trading sex for drugs?
I’m trading sex for drugs for Jesus.

User
They caught my stepdad  {v} through a hole in the bathroom stall.

They caught my stepdad spreading disease through a hole in the bathroom stall.
They caught my stepdad getting groped by a senator through a hole in the bathroom stall.
They caught my stepdad getting snapped in half through a hole in the bathroom stall.
They caught my stepdad receiving a lot of money through a hole in the bathroom stall.
They caught my stepdad being lured into a van through a hole in the bathroom stall.
They caught my stepdad handcuffing a four-year-old through a hole in the bathroom stall.



Making a friend
v

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like making a friend.
My spirit animal: making a friend.
See now black people walk like a child predator. But white people -- white people walk like they’re making a friend!
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain making a friend?
Let’s wait for a super-tiny butt hole to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get making a friend.
James Bond will return in “The Man With making a friend”!

User
Pig brains
np

Shepherds in Scotland have used chocolate? Or maybe poop for years to keep the flock from pig brains.
To change kitty’s litter: grab pig brains, dig out any clumps, and refill with a horse’s booty.
While you’re at the store can you pick up pig brains, in family size?
I got a little lesbian boy as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with pig brains?
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be reaching around and where does pig brains come in?
4 out of 5 doctors recommend pig brains.

User
60 doctors and pharmacists arrested for prescribing   for cash, sex.

60 doctors and pharmacists arrested for prescribing my feelings for cash, sex.
60 doctors and pharmacists arrested for prescribing Latina queefs for cash, sex.
60 doctors and pharmacists arrested for prescribing the heart for cash, sex.
60 doctors and pharmacists arrested for prescribing being cooked and eaten for cash, sex.
60 doctors and pharmacists arrested for prescribing a cage built for an autistic student for cash, sex.
60 doctors and pharmacists arrested for prescribing a spooky mummy for cash, sex.

User
Going missing
v

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is going missing.
My school is throwing my salvation party this weekend. Come for frozen people. Stay for going missing!
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m going missing.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about going missing?
No thanks. My doctor said going missing makes defecation painful.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for going missing?

User
I'd like to file a complaint about  {n}  {v}.
Play 2

I'd like to file a complaint about mutual discomfort licking.
I'd like to file a complaint about body parts of celebrities touching my deformity.
I'd like to file a complaint about enough lube caressing my face.
I'd like to file a complaint about a deathbed getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.
I'd like to file a complaint about tasteful blackface clicking the mouse.
I'd like to file a complaint about a pinch finding a place to fart.

User
Cat claws
np

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “cat claws.”
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for cat claws
Introducing, The Cat Claws diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
The hardware store didn’t have cat claws left, so I got those responsible.
Cat claws really messes up my butt complexion!
The water tower looks like it’s cat claws from this angle.

User
The whole enchilada
n

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the whole enchilada.
James Bond will return in “The Man With the whole enchilada”!
Our artisanal process ages the whole enchilada for 3 years, before going right into both ends, rapidly shouldering most of the blame.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the whole enchilada.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw the whole enchilada.
Art can be defined by Nazi propaganda but only if it gets you the whole enchilada and inspired.

User
A built-in toilet
n

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a built-in toilet.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about a built-in toilet.
I looked up “a built-in toilet” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving handcuffing a four-year-old.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a built-in toilet... Sweet! Sunny-D!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a Japanese vending machine and the words “a built-in toilet”. I don’t get it!
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into a built-in toilet and your cheeks should be relaxed.

User
Ham and cheddar peppers
np

This year’s hottest album is “Grinding on It” by Ham and Cheddar Peppers.
Growing up we never had ham and cheddar peppers, but we had to deal with favorable terrain, and I want the opposite for my children.
The authorities followed the trail of ham and cheddar peppers, leading them straight to the suspect.
At my 9th birthday, we had my womanly virtue piñata that burst open showering ham and cheddar peppers on us kids.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about ham and cheddar peppers.
I’ve finally got the last of spines out of ham and cheddar peppers.

User
Being surrounded by 6 police officers
v

This food is so good it’s making being surrounded by 6 police officers quiver!
These special lenses help colorblind people see that complete removal of the head is being surrounded by 6 police officers.
If being surrounded by 6 police officers were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Watch me being pickled. Now watch me being surrounded by 6 police officers.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with being surrounded by 6 police officers! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about being surrounded by 6 police officers tomorrow.

User
The window into my soul
n

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood the window into my soul.
10% of all proceeds from sales of the window into my soul will go to The Hiding the Pain Foundation.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include the window into my soul, zebras disguised as horses, dry mouth, and rumpy pumpy.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the window into my soul.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing the window into my soul down the gopher holes.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be the window into my soul while I’m my skin template!

User
At a traditional wedding they'd break a glass, but at my daughter's they are breaking  {n}.

At a traditional wedding they'd break a glass, but at my daughter's they are breaking a hotdog.
At a traditional wedding they'd break a glass, but at my daughter's they are breaking booms and flashes.
At a traditional wedding they'd break a glass, but at my daughter's they are breaking narcotics.
At a traditional wedding they'd break a glass, but at my daughter's they are breaking a dumpster fire.
At a traditional wedding they'd break a glass, but at my daughter's they are breaking a feeding tube.
At a traditional wedding they'd break a glass, but at my daughter's they are breaking an angry penis for the woman.

User
Sorry I'm late. There was   in my usual parking spot.

Sorry I'm late. There was sizzling assholes in my usual parking spot.
Sorry I'm late. There was listening to sad music and being sad in my usual parking spot.
Sorry I'm late. There was maximum bitch mode in my usual parking spot.
Sorry I'm late. There was being stuck forever in my usual parking spot.
Sorry I'm late. There was Sally the fat, FAT leopard in my usual parking spot.
Sorry I'm late. There was pictures of my body in my usual parking spot.

User
Police closed the freeway and funneled all the cars down the ramp into  {n}.

Police closed the freeway and funneled all the cars down the ramp into your mom’s bathroom.
Police closed the freeway and funneled all the cars down the ramp into pulsating opposite sexes.
Police closed the freeway and funneled all the cars down the ramp into a lady making eyes at Dad.
Police closed the freeway and funneled all the cars down the ramp into a deathbed.
Police closed the freeway and funneled all the cars down the ramp into my butt surgery.
Police closed the freeway and funneled all the cars down the ramp into the orbital socket.

User
I feel like we may have this already, but...

Pictures of Spiderman
np

Until quite recently, pictures of Spiderman had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw pictures of Spiderman in.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up pictures of Spiderman on the porch to surprise the kids.
There’s always time for pictures of Spiderman before breakfast.
I never expected to be fingered by pictures of Spiderman.
Two best friends and Evander Holyfield’s ear take a road trip, and discover pictures of Spiderman along the way.

User
The Washington Monument
n

I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a homeless man jerking it and the Washington Monument. Should I talk to him?
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be doing your best and trying your hardest and where does the Washington Monument come in?
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s the Washington Monument.
Great job on the proposal for inhaling, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the Washington Monument.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the Washington Monument is panicking in a Subaru.
My religion demands that I must abstain from the Washington Monument. Licking however, is OK.

User
Being rendered into oil
v

Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s being rendered into oil.
I think a lot of people would pay to see being rendered into oil.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in being rendered into oil!
I feel like I’m being punished for being rendered into oil.
Being rendered into oil is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to being rendered into oil.



Your body/a wonderland
n

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began your body/a wonderland.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on your body/a wonderland.
All the best love stories include your body/a wonderland.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always your body/a wonderland just around the corner.
The city put in new road signs to indicate your body/a wonderland just up ahead.
Pundits agree it will take your body/a wonderland for the senator to win the election.



User
Saving a turtle
v

You should come over. I’ve got lots of saving a turtle at my place.
That kind of attitude is why we have saving a turtle now.
The new artsy indie game “A Mindless Animal Response” is a deeply emotional exploration of saving a turtle.
Jesus is saving a turtle.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be saving a turtle if I wanted a new family.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re saving a turtle, get to the front of the line.

User
You and the millipede
n

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being you and the millipede.
Ok, I’ll admit murdering everyone who is different from you might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in you and the millipede.
Are you there God? It’s me, you and the millipede.
This party was a real snooze, until you and the millipede got things jumpin’.
1) A robot may not injure you and the millipede, or through inaction allow you and the millipede to come to harm.
I’d like to wear you and the millipede but it takes all day to put on.

User
Racist landowners
np

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then racist landowners really affected me.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put racist landowners in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw my innards in the mirror! And it smelled like racist landowners in there! I’m so scared!
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many racist landowners plugged into Dad’s money.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by racist landowners.
Back in my day, we only had an abomination unto God for racist landowners and we LIKED IT.



Getting on a camel
v

Senator, give us getting on a camel biannually and you’ll get our vote.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s getting on a camel.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with getting on a camel.
some kids is where getting on a camel goes to die.
Slender and muscled, like what Mom made. She was the spitting image of getting on a camel.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had getting on a camel removed so she can live a normal life.



Leaping into traffic
v

I like my women like I like leaping into traffic: touching your vaggie while sleeping with automated mechanized death.
The patient kept screaming about “leaping into traffic”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and seduction emerged!
I’m leaping into traffic in the streets, but fishin’ for pussytuna in the sheets.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “leaping into traffic.”
We’re having the shittier one situation. Watch out for leaping into traffic and please stand by...
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of leaping into traffic.



The status quo
n

At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in grandma’s soggy diaper. That’s supposed to help me with the status quo?!
Last Christmas, everyone got the status quo under the tree and the collar around my neck in their stockings!
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the status quo and a quick one.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a girl’s smile and a mouthfeel like the status quo.
Ok, I’ll admit compressed gas might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in the status quo.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn spiders, but now for work I’m the status quo. Go figure!

User
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about  .

I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about furiously caressing each other.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about the atom.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about a flea.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about the girl next door.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about being an overweight bitch.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about child-bearing hips.

User
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's   block!

Minecraft added a fun new block: it's 50 years block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's Hitler’s dildo block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's a carefully contained fart block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's a fluid-filled body cavity block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's an even freakier dude block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's an enhanced interrogation block!

User
A box of cards with rude words on
n

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of thick oatmeal and a mouthfeel like a box of cards with rude words on.
When the suspect’s car crashed, a box of cards with rude words on launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on 19 cannons
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a box of cards with rude words on.
The cruiseliner struck a box of cards with rude words on and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with the chair.
After 6 grueling years, Microsoft and I have created a box of cards with rude words on.
If my neighbor doesn’t get a box of cards with rude words on off my property, I’m calling the cops!

User
I was wondering if this would work as a noun (as opposed to "eating a..." which is already in)

A bowl of spider webs
n

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a bowl of spider webs and my card appeared in another leopard!
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still a bowl of spider webs!
I was so surprised to see a Steam update that a bowl of spider webs fell out of my mouth.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a bowl of spider webs.
a bowl of spider webs is where my latest perversion goes to die.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a bowl of spider webs from dispensaries.

User
Crying in the closet
v

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with crying in the closet, a naturopathic remedy.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Crying in the Closet” syndrome!
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Crying-in-the-closet-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a festively decorated corpse.
Our artisanal process ages a beefy meal for 3 years, before going right into crying in the closet, rapidly throating.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about crying in the closet tomorrow.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be crying in the closet during sex.

User
Secret notes
np

Growing up we never had secret notes, but we had to deal with blocking the exit, and I want the opposite for my children.
In this game you get to collect secret notes and craft you sick fucks.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in secret notes.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on secret notes.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with secret notes.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore secret notes in a very realistic way.

User
A heterosexual vegetarian
n

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A heterosexual vegetarian can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a heterosexual vegetarian.
Happiness: A long rambling story, a sexbot named F.I.S.T.O., and a heterosexual vegetarian.
I’m getting a heterosexual vegetarian installed in my car, so I can be weird legs while I drive.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a heterosexual vegetarian when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a heterosexual vegetarian if I wanted a new family.

User
A baby having a FIT
n

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a baby having a FIT... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Here on the assembly line we heat a baby having a FIT to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is nothing else.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into a baby having a FIT and your cheeks should be relaxed.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a baby having a FIT for free on every corner.
They said a baby having a FIT was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got a baby having a FIT out the ears!
The referee just issued a red card to a woman’s ankles for sliding into a baby having a FIT.

User
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have  {s} infestation in his brain.

Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a gay Mexican infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a finely sculpted buttock infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have an exit wound infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a girl on roller skates infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a 57-foot-diameter tunnel boring machine infestation in his brain.

User
HIV, the virus that causes AIDS
n

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
At the winery tour we saw how they put leopard print top hats and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and HIV, the virus that causes AIDS can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called party bitches, are the passages for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS to flow.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of HIV, the Virus That Causes AIDS”! I shook his hand and it felt like HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.



Goats and soda
np

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Goats and Soda?
On the assembly line we heat goats and soda to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is mounting.
I prayed to God for goats and soda, and God delivered!
They cut open the crocodile to find goats and soda, still KA-BLAM!! like always.
We put goats and soda in your tea!
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in goats and soda.

User
Self-destructing
v

I would have never thought that I’d actually be the stillness of death while I’m self-destructing!
I beat self-destructing all the time!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore self-destructing in a very realistic way.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for self-destructing and to avoid some kids.
I just dug up the chair in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about self-destructing.
A Lonely Grave is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by self-destructing.

User
Images
np

We can be images. And no one has to know.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in images. That’s supposed to help me with making sure no one sees?!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than images.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up images in every room.
I want to be buried with images.
During my driving test, I backed my car into images. I still got an 85!

User
Jar after jar of bacon grease
n

I’ve finally got the last of an earthworm out of jar after jar of bacon grease.
The hardware store didn’t have a tangled Slinky® left, so I got jar after jar of bacon grease.
Can I get some floss? There’s jar after jar of bacon grease between my teeth.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on jar after jar of bacon grease.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: jar-after-jar-of-bacon-grease@half-a-spider.biz
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a boyfriend shaped bed, jar after jar of bacon grease and their white asses.

User
A wet nose
n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a wet nose, part was falling into boiling water, and it was crowned with a rope tied round my leg.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, a wet nose came out onto the bed.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a wet nose.
Less lasagna torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get a wet nose from a suspected terrorist.
Amtrak officials confirm a wet nose would have prevented train derailment.
The president’s tweet reads: “The David Bowie’s mysterious bulge story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a wet nose for explaining things to children! Very sad and sick!”

User
A concrete pillar
n

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a concrete pillar spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a concrete pillar to weaponize skeleton hands.
The water tower looks like it’s a concrete pillar from this angle.
My new phone looks like it’s a concrete pillar but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Opioids help people with a concrete pillar, but then they can’t poop.
The referee just issued a red card to a fluid-filled body cavity for sliding into a concrete pillar.

User
Lip gloss
nc

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn my hot little hands, but now for work I’m lip gloss. Go figure!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as Mom’s feet and comes with 1 USB-C port and lip gloss! Groovy!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how lip gloss happens.
The weirdest thing about lip gloss is that sometimes even girls have lip gloss.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like lip gloss.
The truly rich have mansions with a beefy meal room, quiet poots room, and servants to handle lip gloss.

User
The tour bus
n

In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch the tour bus at the girls camp.
No more the tour bus at Starbucks.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the tour bus. Would you like to try our new special, hiding the pain?
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by the tour bus?
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s the tour bus in love with fathering children with a lesbian very much they do a... special hug.”
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the tour bus.

User
In ancient Tibetan tradition, it is lucky to touch  .

In ancient Tibetan tradition, it is lucky to touch my momma’s fatness.
In ancient Tibetan tradition, it is lucky to touch victory or death.
In ancient Tibetan tradition, it is lucky to touch the hole where the heart once fit.
In ancient Tibetan tradition, it is lucky to touch formaldehyde.
In ancient Tibetan tradition, it is lucky to touch a quiet plop.
In ancient Tibetan tradition, it is lucky to touch a night of unrestrained passion.

User
I appreciate that one Nez.

Great appreciation
nc

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to great appreciation, even before I put on my clothes.
First you get automated mechanized death. Then you get jalapeños. Then you get great appreciation.
Dagnabbit! I got great appreciation all jammed up in the wheel well again.
If mom hears us talking about great appreciation we’ll be SO grounded!
Until quite recently, great appreciation had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
“D” is for great appreciation.

User
Chicago's new modern art installation looks like  {n} encircled with  {n}.
Play 2

Chicago's new modern art installation looks like mediocre tits encircled with your husband.
Chicago's new modern art installation looks like this spring’s hottest new fashions encircled with manliness.
Chicago's new modern art installation looks like feminine hygiene products encircled with that demon torture puzzle box.
Chicago's new modern art installation looks like bedtime encircled with ammunition.
Chicago's new modern art installation looks like everywhere but Oklahoma encircled with David Bowie’s mysterious bulge.
Chicago's new modern art installation looks like a humiliated animal encircled with another woman.

User
Exhibiting pride
v

This land is exhibiting pride land, this land is some emo kid land.
Make sure to hang exhibiting pride in a tree so having a zero-value existence leaves your tent alone.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began exhibiting pride.
It’s not delivery. It’s exhibiting pride.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Exhibiting Pride!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with reduced brain intelligence went off early, ejecting exhibiting pride into the air!

User
I've modified the cat. Now he's  .

I've modified the cat. Now he's a gushing bloody nose.
I've modified the cat. Now he's a wet tongue.
I've modified the cat. Now he's donkeydump.
I've modified the cat. Now he's literally every single thing.
I've modified the cat. Now he's a night of unrestrained passion.
I've modified the cat. Now he's cutting a hole in my pants.

User
Getting hit with a baseball bat
v

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was getting hit with a baseball bat.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into offending people, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start getting hit with a baseball bat.
Don’t be getting hit with a baseball bat alone! Join the Getting Hit with a Baseball Bat Club and do it with others.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a wank and a mouthfeel like getting hit with a baseball bat.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Getting-hit-with-a-baseball-bat-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving a ceremonial ribbon.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then getting hit with a baseball bat really affected me.

User
A huge flabby... thing
n

Men, like fingernail torture, go farthest when they are a huge flabby... thing.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a huge flabby... thing.
We put a huge flabby... thing in your tea!
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a child leash, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a trap. Serve in a huge flabby... thing.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “A Huge Flabby... Thing,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I’m gonna prove the link between a huge flabby... thing and being deep inside each other! You’ll all see!

User
A huge piece of shit like Barbra Streisand
n

My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Literally-every-single-thing-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a huge piece of shit like Barbra Streisand.
Oh no! Someone rolled up a huge piece of shit like Barbra Streisand in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
The only thing standing in your way is a huge piece of shit like Barbra Streisand.
My girlfriend kicked a huge piece of shit like Barbra Streisand, and now she’s an angry buttplug for the man. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Look, man, I’m not into a huge piece of shit like Barbra Streisand. But $20 is $20.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a huge piece of shit like Barbra Streisand onto the International Space Station.

User
A fatal drug cocktail
n

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from hoping nothing kills you with a fatal drug cocktail.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a fatal drug cocktail, would you be a fatal drug cocktail as well?”
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into a fatal drug cocktail and your cheeks should be relaxed.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a fatal drug cocktail popped out!
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a fatal drug cocktail.
Although moving away from a fatal drug cocktail proved effective for schools, the switch to surviving initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.

User
Morgan Freeman's bee sanctuary
n

Today you’re on the receiving end of Morgan Freeman's bee sanctuary.
People in Taiwan are getting Morgan Freeman's bee sanctuary implanted in their bodies for joining the Army in a panic.
Last Christmas, everyone got a sociopath under the tree and Morgan Freeman's bee sanctuary in their stockings!
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of Morgan Freeman's bee sanctuary.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but Morgan Freeman's bee sanctuary.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only Morgan Freeman's bee sanctuary and my hood come from Texas, Private Cowboy!

User
Doing lunch
v

“D” is for doing lunch.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use a cat in a paper bag to treat doing lunch!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Doing lunch can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Let Mexican children with mustaches host your next party, providing doing lunch like you’ve never experienced before.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there doing lunch. Gross.
Ever since something equivalent appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while doing lunch.

User
A crow on the road
n

In public restrooms I always put a crow on the road on the toilet before sitting down.
My dream house has several clones of hitler built in, an extra garage for a crow on the road, and such grace for the door bell.
A crow on the road saved is a crow on the road earned.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a crow on the road.
A crow on the road! A crow on the road! My kingdom for a crow on the road!
My school is throwing a crow on the road party this weekend. Come for deals. Stay for repeating the same mistake!

User
Doing its damn job
v

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of doing its damn job on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
In my wild days I was impacting my sister, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with doing its damn job on the New Mexico border.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and doing its damn job. There was a report.
Shepherds in Scotland have used the brave men and women fighting for us for years to keep the flock from doing its damn job.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is doing its damn job.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find doing its damn job.



My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for  . I think it's sweet.

My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for cutting. I think it's sweet.
My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for a madhouse! A madhouse!. I think it's sweet.
My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for my mouth. I think it's sweet.
My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for being ashamed of your nakedness. I think it's sweet.
My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for some prick. I think it's sweet.
My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for drilling into the brain. I think it's sweet.

User
Toothpaste
nc

Toothpaste in the hand is worth two in the bush.
While you’re at the store can you pick up toothpaste, in family size?
Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that toothpaste came shooting out of compressed gas.
Shepherds in Scotland have used a guillotine for years to keep the flock from toothpaste.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in toothpaste in the middle of each intersection.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy steers and queers, and you get toothpaste as a sign up bonus.



Don't use   for your password, mom!

Don't use grandma’s soggy diaper for your password, mom!
Don't use the finest quality cheese for your password, mom!
Don't use absolutely no black people for your password, mom!
Don't use your idiot ideas for your password, mom!
Don't use struggling to get out of the van for your password, mom!
Don't use a mutilated torso for your password, mom!



A check for $12,000
n

My house. 8 o’clock. A check for $12,000.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a check for $12,000. It made me feel like I was new rules from on high.
When the stadium was demolished it revealed a check for $12,000, bringing onlookers from far and wide.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a check for $12,000.”
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: a check for $12,000!!!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate a check for $12,000 to prepare for a mission to mars.

User
During an active shooter drill in an Indiana school, teachers were lined up for  {v}.

During an active shooter drill in an Indiana school, teachers were lined up for wearing John Travolta’s face.
During an active shooter drill in an Indiana school, teachers were lined up for Jesus Christ.
During an active shooter drill in an Indiana school, teachers were lined up for sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking.
During an active shooter drill in an Indiana school, teachers were lined up for drilling into the brain.
During an active shooter drill in an Indiana school, teachers were lined up for waterboarding just for fun.
During an active shooter drill in an Indiana school, teachers were lined up for being shot at while fleeing.



Jumping away
v

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Jumping-away-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving Satan’s mother.
Let questions. Ceaseless questions host your next party, providing jumping away like you’ve never experienced before.
You stole that jackass from a child? You’re jumping away and you’re going to hell!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a feeding tube jumping away.
Life without love is like jumping away without caustic solvent or fruit.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of getting kidnapped in an uber and the words “jumping away”. I don’t get it!

User
Anthony Bourdain had  {n} in his system when he died.

Anthony Bourdain had 40,000°F plasma in his system when he died.
Anthony Bourdain had only my index finger in his system when he died.
Anthony Bourdain had spiders in his system when he died.
Anthony Bourdain had a Powerpoint presentation in his system when he died.
Anthony Bourdain had you, ya dirty bum in his system when he died.
Anthony Bourdain had accusations in his system when he died.

User
Texting me
v

Slender and muscled, like all the leopards. She was the spitting image of texting me.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s texting me.
Alexander also named a city in India “Texting Me” after his dead horse.
I scream, you scream, a hurtling space rock, texting me!
I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are crouching silently or texting me
Experts said that based on preliminary data, texting me appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
They can take away  . But they'll never take  !
Play 2

They can take away adding alcohol. But they'll never take “forensic evidence” (semen)!
They can take away the power of love. But they'll never take hatching out of an egg!
They can take away fate. But they'll never take making sure no one sees!
They can take away that dirty little louse. But they'll never take a sack of otters!
They can take away a flea. But they'll never take the collar around my neck!
They can take away being deep inside each other. But they'll never take a pregnant teen!

User
 {U} can wear down  {n} , which is why it sucks now.
Play 2

All the beer can wear down a felony , which is why it sucks now.
Nearby sluts who want to fuck can wear down a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice , which is why it sucks now.
Blowing a koala can wear down a grave error , which is why it sucks now.
A slut who deserved it can wear down nudity , which is why it sucks now.
The collar around my neck can wear down a berserk horse , which is why it sucks now.
Terminal illness can wear down a vigorous grind , which is why it sucks now.

User
Somebody's bugle that exploded
n

You evaded my “Somebody's Bugle That Exploded” attack! Most impressive.
Somebody's bugle that exploded is the spice of poorly orchestrated group sex.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by somebody's bugle that exploded around the building.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Somebody's bugle that exploded can increase your breast size in three weeks!
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to somebody's bugle that exploded.
Hookers in the trunk can wear down somebody's bugle that exploded, which gradually decreases effectiveness.

User
My parents, no doubt
np

During the war, German scientists experimented with mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores to weaponize my parents, no doubt.
I prayed to God for my parents, no doubt, and God delivered!
If you have a dream about my parents, no doubt, it means you’re worried about a puffy penis costume.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for my parents, no doubt.
They said my parents, no doubt was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got my parents, no doubt out the ears!
I’m gonna prove the link between my parents, no doubt and a real bad bitch! You’ll all see!

User
And, I'm not proud of this, but, my father
n

“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s reduced brain intelligence in love with and, I'm not proud of this, but, my father very much they do a... special hug.”
Senator, I trust you enjoyed and, I'm not proud of this, but, my father last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking and, I'm not proud of this, but, my father into women’s purses and bags.
I scream, you scream, and, I'm not proud of this, but, my father, a mushroom!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of and, I'm not proud of this, but, my father.
Ah, and, I'm not proud of this, but, my father for my collection. Now no one has more than me.

User
Fucking animals
npv

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be fucking animals and where does a human-sized harness come in?
Oh no! Obama put a festively decorated corpse in the water to turn fucking animals gay!
Are you there God? It’s me, fucking animals.
If fucking animals were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re fucking animals!
If mom hears us talking about fucking animals we’ll be SO grounded!

User
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get  {n} on your popcorn.

At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get irresponsible parenting on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get literal sugar tits on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get a dog head on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get that sack of shit on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get a total fucking mess on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get black lace on your popcorn.

User
Essentially, tomatoes
np

My kids keep installing essentially, tomatoes on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from essentially, tomatoes, and the eco-glass windows trap in unladylike musculature.
Introducing, The Essentially, Tomatoes diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re essentially, tomatoes!
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to essentially, tomatoes, even before I put on my clothes.
It’s time to scrape the remains of essentially, tomatoes off the driveway.

User
Getting close
v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got black power painted on both sides, which some say encourages getting close.
I’m going to post the new white card "getting close" to SAH. What do you think to anal cleansing tablets?
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate getting close.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be getting close during sex.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a beefy meal before getting close.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of getting close.

User
A drop of glue
n

People in Taiwan are getting a drop of glue implanted in their bodies for doing surgery on LSD.
Here on the assembly line we heat a drop of glue to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is going as deep as possible.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get the whole bottle of sleeping pills removed from her and a drop of glue removed from me.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a violent sneeze in the toilet and touched a drop of glue on the wall.
Ever since a drop of glue appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while floppin’ out my baby door.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a drop of glue.



Poodle fur
nc

Slender and muscled, like poodle fur. She was the spitting image of “that feeling”.
Making the best cookies requires poodle fur and googly eyes.
Last Christmas, everyone got my mouth under the tree and poodle fur in their stockings!
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about poodle fur?
I want to say one word to you, just one word: poodle fur.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of poodle fur.



Living, loving, and laughing
vt

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start being slathered in baby oil before living, loving, and laughing.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as formaldehyde, score points by living, loving, and laughing, and people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm shall not be on the field.
If living, loving, and laughing were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from living, loving, and laughing, and the eco-glass windows trap in another leopard.
Can’t go out because of a humorless Japanese businessman on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-living-loving-and-laughing-cor is right for you.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how living, loving, and laughing happens.

User
Everything hurting
nc

A robustly satisfying fart is the spice of everything hurting.
This land is a syringe of Tabasco land, this land is everything hurting land.
Until quite recently, everything hurting had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I was so surprised to see a tangled Slinky® that everything hurting fell out of my mouth.
The authorities followed the trail of everything hurting, leading them straight to the suspect.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by everything hurting.

User
Last-ditch talks with the EU
np

It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, last-ditch talks with the EU came out onto the bed.
Here on the assembly line we heat last-ditch talks with the EU to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is hacking my foot off.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into that dirty little louse, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start last-ditch talks with the EU.
When last-ditch talks with the EU hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still last-ditch talks with the EU!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on last-ditch talks with the EU.

User
A game on your phone
n

No thanks. My doctor said a game on your phone makes defecation painful.
Oh no! Obama put a game on your phone in the water to turn a broken man gay!
Honey, you can’t keep putting a game on your phone down the garbage disposal!
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a game on your phone came on the screen.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a novelty gag dildo, a fistful of glitter, and a game on your phone.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a game on your phone.

User
 {U} is  .
Play 2

Too much wiggling is a slut who deserved it.
A girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it is a lesbian’s head.
Stubby fingers is special pube shampoo.
Serving humanity is a cataclysmic magic spell.
The white bitch is the last great American.
Just rockin’ that ass is a small child with no arms on a buttered skateboard.

User
Unlimited salad and breadsticks
np

Unlimited salad and breadsticks like this is enough to kill a horse!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is unlimited salad and breadsticks.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, unlimited salad and breadsticks came out onto the bed.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Unlimited Salad and Breadsticks is the baby.
Unlimited salad and breadsticks is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
My wife printed me a certifcate for unlimited salad and breadsticks. I’m excited for tonight!

User
My garbage friends drew   on my face while I was passed out.

My garbage friends drew a cheesy substance on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew licking on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew a beginner anal bead on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew KA-BLAM!! on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome on my face while I was passed out.

User
A robot-crushing machine
n

The night before Easter, we’ll set up a robot-crushing machine on the porch to surprise the kids.
Oh no! Obama put a robot-crushing machine in the water to turn Satan’s latest abomination gay!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a robot-crushing machine.
This year’s hottest album is “Damage” by A Robot-crushing Machine.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about a robot-crushing machine.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called spines, are the passages for a robot-crushing machine to flow.



A 2-foot beard comb
n

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a 2-foot beard comb.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a 2-foot beard comb.
In public restrooms I always put a 2-foot beard comb on the toilet before sitting down.
I need a hotel room with a 2-foot beard comb, and I need shenanigans brought to me every four hours.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a 2-foot beard comb. She has stated, “I prefer the Handsome Boy Modeling School.”
You spent all your food-stamps on a 2-foot beard comb?!



Two perfect eggs
np

This workplace has gone (0) days without two perfect eggs.
Two perfect eggs is always a contest when I’m involved.
While I was out the Roomba got into two perfect eggs and was tunneling around.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by two perfect eggs?
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with two perfect eggs went off early, ejecting BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM into the air!
The ‘battery acid moth’ has adapted to feed on a gigantic eyeball on a stalk, and hide under two perfect eggs in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.

User
A little woodland creature
n

A little woodland creature? That’s my fetish!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a little woodland creature. The driver was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass.
Science never solves a problem without creating a little woodland creature.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a pinch, a little woodland creature, dry mouth, and being a bitch.
People in Taiwan are getting a little woodland creature implanted in their bodies for cutting a hole in my pants.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a little woodland creature. Always.

User
Tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal
v

Don’t be tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal alone! Join the Tracking Seth Rogen like a Hunted Animal Club and do it with others.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal!
Military scientists in Syria found traces of tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal in the soil.
There is no revenge so complete as tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal.

User
Going SPLASH
v

In this 15th century painting, going SPLASH is represented by a man with an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome for a head.
I will do anything for going SPLASH. But I won’t do that!
I didn’t think this house would sell with your mom’s bathroom in the attic. Anyway, I’m going SPLASH.
John “going SPLASH” Smith. The genius who brought us cooties.
They cut open the crocodile to find my murder list, still going SPLASH like always.
If you kids don’t stop wearing John Travolta’s face, I will turn going SPLASH around!

User
Adding mayonnaise
v

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn adding mayonnaise, but now for work I’m landlubbers. Go figure!
Alexander also named a city in India “Adding Mayonnaise” after his dead horse.
If I had adding mayonnaise, you’d be peeing in a cup!
Last night was the tragic result of adding mayonnaise
I didn’t think this house would sell with baby eels in the attic. Anyway, I’m adding mayonnaise.
The media’s nonstop coverage of bad words is just to distract us from adding mayonnaise.

User
White people, panicking
np

When white people, panicking hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “white people, panicking” incident in the science lab.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into white people, panicking, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start good bacteria.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate white people, panicking.
The city condemned our house after finding white people, panicking in the crawlspace.
Introducing, The White People, Panicking diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!



Shoulders
np

Military scientists in Syria found traces of shoulders in the soil.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but shoulders.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as my sexy fox costume and comes with 1 USB-C port and shoulders! Groovy!
Senator, I trust you enjoyed shoulders last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare shoulders right at your table.
While you’re at the store can you pick up shoulders, in family size?



My stretchmarks
np

You stole my stretchmarks from a child? You’re cranberry sauce or juice and you’re going to hell!
Although moving away from the women proved effective for schools, the switch to my stretchmarks initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
I came with my stretchmarks to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought inflatable safety bumpers so nobody even noticed!
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing my stretchmarks, since we’re so good at it.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s some bitch named Carol in love with my stretchmarks very much they do a... special hug.”
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re my stretchmarks, get to the front of the line.

User
A few extra Thursdays
np

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a few extra Thursdays.
The media’s nonstop coverage of a human-sized harness is just to distract us from a few extra Thursdays.
Oh no! Mom sold a few extra Thursdays at the charity shop!
Back in my day, we only had a pill for every problem for a few extra Thursdays and we LIKED IT.
Work dude after dude up until frothing before spreading across a few extra Thursdays, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
All the best love stories include a few extra Thursdays.

User
Getting solar panels put on
v

I’m late to my meeting for getting solar panels put on.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use that ass to treat getting solar panels put on!
Let overzealous product placement host your next party, providing getting solar panels put on like you’ve never experienced before.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s getting solar panels put on.
People in Taiwan are getting a crudely-drawn dick implanted in their bodies for getting solar panels put on.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: getting-solar-panels-put-on@a-slot.biz

User
Drinking milk straight outta the cow
v

In the first Battle of Drinking Milk Straight Outta the Cow he faced a list of names, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for drinking milk straight outta the cow.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from drinking milk straight outta the cow, and the eco-glass windows trap in a jackhammer.
Drinking milk straight outta the cow is always a contest when I’m involved.
First you get drinking milk straight outta the cow. Then you get daddy juice. Then you get not taking care of your body.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE ONLY THING LEFT DRINKING MILK STRAIGHT OUTTA THE COW.”



I wish my roommate wouldn't drink  {n} straight outta  {n}.
Play 2

I wish my roommate wouldn't drink eight sexual partners straight outta a close call.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink a complete set of cybernetic implants straight outta racist bullshit.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink a leather swing straight outta a bag of duck vaginas.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink inflatable safety bumpers straight outta the “fun” stuff.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink your sisters straight outta cosmetic surgery for my cat.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink a mushroom straight outta white chocolate, if you know what I mean.

User
Praying
v

While I was out the Roomba got into a powerful Chinese man and was praying.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include praying, proving she’s a witch, dry mouth, and butt magic.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was praying.
This year’s hottest new fashion is praying on your head.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized praying.
Doctor! My child has praying coursing through his veins!



Praying for me
v

We have a zero tolerance policy for bait here at Disney. So get praying for me and get out!
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of praying for me. She has stated, “I prefer Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face.”
A gurgling anus is a temporary setback on the road to praying for me!
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between praying for me and inhaling.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there praying for me. Gross.
This workplace has gone (0) days without praying for me.



Praying for you
v

I thought I was alone with instant death but my mom walked in. We got to praying for you and I felt better.
I’m no more joy in the streets, but praying for you in the sheets.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, praying for you every single day.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but praying for you.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by praying for you and two firetrucks.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn’t stop praying for you.

User
I'm taking   to Alaska!

I'm taking a major problem to Alaska!
I'm taking just a peek to Alaska!
I'm taking a coked up hooker to Alaska!
I'm taking a hand grenade in my cereal to Alaska!
I'm taking Dad’s ass to Alaska!
I'm taking too much denim to Alaska!



The infection
n

In prison we used to cook the infection in the toilet.
Let’s wait for military-themed porn to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get the infection.
Monopoly: All the Air in the Room Edition comes with the infection and a child muzzle instead of houses and hotels.
The main ingredient in the whole bottle of sleeping pills is the infection.
Making the best cookies requires the infection and a fridge full of heads.
I want to be buried with the infection.

User
Unvaccinated children
np

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember unvaccinated children?”
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is unvaccinated children.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s micropenises in love with unvaccinated children very much they do a... special hug.”
Vote for me and I’ll stop expectorating some sludge, get rid of unvaccinated children, and give everyone a yappy little dog for free.
The new artsy indie game “Unvaccinated Children” is a deeply emotional exploration of too much wiggling.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find unvaccinated children all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!

User
A terrorist
n

Wolves don’t eat a terrorist, and neither should kings.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in a terrorist!
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a terrorist.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but a terrorist.
My publisher demanded I remove a terrorist from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a terrorist in every room.



A terrorist in a bright red suit
n

I can’t swing a terrorist in a bright red suit around here without hitting a telescoping baton!
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a terrorist in a bright red suit hanging in the window.
They don’t make a terrorist in a bright red suit like they used to! This one doesn’t even have mandibles.
Instructions unclear: got a Secret Service agent stuck in a terrorist in a bright red suit.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by slapping everything and a terrorist in a bright red suit.
I don’t need love because I’m a terrorist in a bright red suit. Sorry mom!

User
Being compassionately euthanized
v

The patient kept screaming about “being compassionately euthanized”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft emerged!
Being-Compassionately-Euthanized-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began being compassionately euthanized.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between spreading disease and being compassionately euthanized.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being compassionately euthanized.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized being compassionately euthanized.



Being compassionately euthanized by the state
v

Being compassionately euthanized by the state nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid sliced vegetables.
Jesus is being compassionately euthanized by the state.
You evaded my “Being Compassionately Euthanized by the State” attack! Most impressive.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: being compassionately euthanized by the state.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had being compassionately euthanized by the state removed so she can live a normal life.
Pool rules: No running. No being compassionately euthanized by the state. Keep your lifestyle out of the deep end.



Being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning
v

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning and getting fat at the assembly line.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.”
People in Taiwan are getting the toilet implanted in their bodies for being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I’ve finally got the last of the caboose of a mantrain out of being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.

User
The death penalty
n

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had the death penalty.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The Death Penalty!” You’re cursed with lurching about in the yard until the end of the game!
What the sharp claws department lacks in selection, we make up for in the death penalty.
Shepherds in Scotland have used hot biscuits & gravy for years to keep the flock from the death penalty.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got the death penalty before every meeting.
My mom picked me up the death penalty from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

User
A clump of cat litter
n

No thanks. My doctor said a clump of cat litter makes defecation painful.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a clump of cat litter on every commercial flight.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a clump of cat litter so relaxing.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a clump of cat litter.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a clump of cat litter slowly overtaking the buildings.
Last night was the tragic result of a clump of cat litter

User
Blotting out the sun
v

The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and blotting out the sun.
They didn’t have a lucky toss at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed blotting out the sun.
Don’t look at me while I’m blotting out the sun! It messes me up!
Great job on the proposal for blotting out the sun, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a carton of expired milk.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a good soak in the attic. Anyway, I’m blotting out the sun.
First you get hatred for children. Then you get blotting out the sun. Then you get a time machine.

User
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use   as a toilet.

The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use my hood as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use some seriously fucked shit as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use my fantasy as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use a nosedive as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use a Hot Pocket® as a toilet.

User
The people next door are sick! I hear they use   as a toilet.

The people next door are sick! I hear they use furiously caressing each other as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use one of the Baldwin brothers as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use a crazy cat lady as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use bloodlust as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use my bisexuality as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ as a toilet.

User
Not making any puppies
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell very expensive gelato after 8pm, or on holidays like Not Making Any Puppies Day.
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Not Making Any Puppies.
Not making any puppies is always a contest when I’m involved.
When a tightrope is ready, not making any puppies will appear.
The dog ate a stalker so we’re waiting for not making any puppies.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by not making any puppies?

User
Making puppies
v

Making puppies in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Help! I’m making puppies and I need YOU to do something about it!
The rich aroma of making puppies, from the hills of Colombia.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using making puppies to forage for food.
It’s time to scrape the remains of making puppies off the driveway.
Dad! I’m all done making puppies, so I have a softer option left over if you’re still interested.

Truck
User
Haven't heard of that one before. Do you have a link to the map?
User
Teens who vape
np

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride boiling water. It made me feel like I was teens who vape.
If you have a dream about teens who vape, it means you’re worried about thinking about dwarves.
My kids keep installing teens who vape on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “teens who vape” incident in the science lab.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of teens who vape.
The truly rich have mansions with a loaded gun room, a piece of Lego® in the carpet room, and servants to handle teens who vape.



Bird suet
nc

Today you’re on the receiving end of bird suet.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “bird suet,” over and over again while in use.
I’m shoving bird suet in the ground, in hopes that the pilot, who died instantly comes and harvests it.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing bird suet down the gopher holes.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab bird suet and walk right out the door without realizing I’m a douche.
But I promised I would get my kids bird suet for Christmas!



A big glob of bird suet
n

A big glob of bird suet! A big glob of bird suet! My kingdom for a big glob of bird suet!
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of a big glob of bird suet.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a big glob of bird suet and those responsible come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
We’re having a Vietnamese landmine situation. Watch out for a big glob of bird suet and please stand by...
Ok, I’ll admit a big glob of bird suet might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in things that aren’t fruit.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got a big glob of bird suet before every meeting.



A mouthful of bird suet
n

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a mouthful of bird suet out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
We put a mouthful of bird suet in your tea!
In my wild days I was mastrubating into the faces of your enemies, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a mouthful of bird suet on the New Mexico border.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady giving good solid advice with a mouthful of bird suet.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a mouthful of bird suet.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a mouthful of bird suet, sloth, wrath, steers and queers, and pride.

User
Getting divorced
v

Last night I dreamed of getting divorced. I cannot shake the feeling that no clean towels will arrive soon.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with getting divorced.
Wolves don’t eat getting divorced, and neither should kings.
The city council wants to cut down on 40,000°F plasma. Meanwhile people are freely getting divorced!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a boyfriend shaped bed. That’s supposed to help me with getting divorced?!
Skeleton hands is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting divorced. Sorry.

User
You may not like it, but   is just something you have to do every day.

You may not like it, but more dishonesty is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but jammin’ a body in the wood chipper is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but a child drowning in a vat of molasses is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but swindling queers is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but beeping is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but a squirt of mustard is just something you have to do every day.

User
A ghost, or a bat
n

Don’t leave the door open! a ghost, or a bat will get in.
A ghost, or a bat gets me into some awkward situations. But a crazed Eskimo has always got my back.
I don’t know how not doing anything could lead to a ghost, or a bat but it probably involves great tits!
I can’t believe you guys went kissing ass without me! Loop me in next time, I want a ghost, or a bat too!
A ghost, or a bat really messes up my butt complexion!
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a ghost, or a bat in every room.

User
Every part of Keanu Reeves
n

Great job on the proposal for impregnating your five-year-old brother, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you every part of Keanu Reeves.
In some households, they’ve trained every part of Keanu Reeves to use the potty.
I beat every part of Keanu Reeves all the time!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found every part of Keanu Reeves.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, sacrificing the homeless, sloth, wrath, every part of Keanu Reeves, and pride.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “every part of Keanu Reeves.”

User
Keanu Reeves' left hand
n

This land is loose morals land, this land is Keanu Reeves' left hand land.
Being borderline experimental with Keanu Reeves' left hand is a uniquely British problem.
Keanu Reeves' left hand can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
I don’t think that even comes close to being Keanu Reeves' left hand.
I never expected to be fingered by Keanu Reeves' left hand.
Introducing, The Keanu Reeves' Left Hand diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!

User
In Thailand you can get   at McDonald's!

In Thailand you can get freshly squozen poo water at McDonald's!
In Thailand you can get Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face at McDonald's!
In Thailand you can get expectorating some sludge at McDonald's!
In Thailand you can get little traps at McDonald's!
In Thailand you can get all the food at McDonald's!
In Thailand you can get cuddling at McDonald's!

User
Everybody was   in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru.

Everybody was birth meat in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru.
Everybody was popping out of the ground in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru.
Everybody was irresponsible parenting in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru.
Everybody was turning into a white woman in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru.
Everybody was an angry penis for the woman in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru.
Everybody was $200 worth of Taco Bell™ in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru.

User
Listen. We can avoid getting in trouble if we flush  {n} down the toilet.

Listen. We can avoid getting in trouble if we flush all the bacon down the toilet.
Listen. We can avoid getting in trouble if we flush its opposite down the toilet.
Listen. We can avoid getting in trouble if we flush divorce papers down the toilet.
Listen. We can avoid getting in trouble if we flush accidental suicide down the toilet.
Listen. We can avoid getting in trouble if we flush imaginary friend, Captain Howdy down the toilet.
Listen. We can avoid getting in trouble if we flush a screaming dog down the toilet.

User
The FBI Director
n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with the FBI Director hanging in the window.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of the FBI Director.
Ah, the FBI Director for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
At Boeing R&D, we test the FBI Director by subjecting it to goat porn and blasts of energy.
The FBI Director produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a rough testicle to keep warm.
When the beef came at me it was like the FBI Director.

User
Starbucks has a new cup that looks like it's  {v}.

Starbucks has a new cup that looks like it's screwing with pants on.
Starbucks has a new cup that looks like it's flailing.
Starbucks has a new cup that looks like it's mistreating the clitoris.
Starbucks has a new cup that looks like it's choking bitches.
Starbucks has a new cup that looks like it's scissoring.
Starbucks has a new cup that looks like it's putting up with you.

User
Other sex criminals
np

The media’s nonstop coverage of other sex criminals is just to distract us from catching one in the bum.
The authorities followed the trail of other sex criminals, leading them straight to the suspect.
My publisher demanded I remove other sex criminals from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
This land is other sex criminals land, this land is being slathered in baby oil land.
I think a lot of people would pay to see other sex criminals.
Making the best cookies requires a wet spot and other sex criminals.

User
An escalator
n

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore an escalator in a very realistic way.
Daddy, what’s an escalator? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is an escalator.
During the war, German scientists experimented with side effects to weaponize an escalator.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with an escalator. So bring a big ol’ fruit.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy an escalator that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.

User
In the escape room we had to figure out  {n}. We tried   and it worked!
Play 2

In the escape room we had to figure out several children. We tried accusations and it worked!
In the escape room we had to figure out my DMs. We tried deliberately standing in front of a cannon and it worked!
In the escape room we had to figure out a big, heavy shotgun. We tried the bitter cold and it worked!
In the escape room we had to figure out overzealous product placement. We tried innocent women and children and it worked!
In the escape room we had to figure out the sound of someone sipping soup. We tried my womanly virtue and it worked!
In the escape room we had to figure out a woman’s ankles. We tried vibrating my pineal gland and it worked!

User
A cup of acid
n

I tried to sneak out of the store with an angry penis for the woman under one arm and a cup of acid down my pants.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a cup of acid.
Happiness: Electric sex, a uniquely British problem, and a cup of acid.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in a cup of acid, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
When I think South America, I feel a cup of acid.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a cup of acid.

User
A venus flytrap
n

Monopoly: Extremely Poor Judgment Edition comes with a venus flytrap and your name instead of houses and hotels.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find a venus flytrap.
A venus flytrap can wear down my mom teaching sex ed, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
I love your necklace! It’s a venus flytrap, right?
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, resting bitch face, sloth, wrath, a venus flytrap, and pride.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with the president’s daughter and a strange boy who fights a venus flytrap.


User
Crashing into the moon
v

First you get gay shit. Then you get crashing into the moon. Then you get multiple cameras.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been crashing into the moon. The snail may have escaped the king and his family by going underground.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into crashing into the moon, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start glittery eyelashes.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me crashing into the moon at the party last night.
If you have a dream about a girl’s smile, it means you’re worried about crashing into the moon.
What the googly eyes department lacks in selection, we make up for in crashing into the moon.

User
Puppy smiles
np

In the third world, luxuries like puppy smiles are an alien concept.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about puppy smiles.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Your comfort zone with puppy smiles.
Let’s wait for one of every drug to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get puppy smiles.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride the instructions. It made me feel like I was puppy smiles.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into puppy smiles before force-feeding a bird.



The last onion ring
n

Working on my car I found the last onion ring had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw the last onion ring for the first time!
The last onion ring really messes up my butt complexion!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as the last onion ring surfaced from below.
I make hog dander for my cat by getting tickled until you bust a nut with the last onion ring. Oreo loves it!
For my last meal I want booze seasoned lightly with the last onion ring.

User
The little chocolates
np

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called balls caught in the car window, are the passages for the little chocolates to flow.
Authorities were tallying damage from the little chocolates that struck southern California Friday evening.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider the little chocolates.
Look, man, I’m not into the little chocolates. But $20 is $20.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use deals to treat the little chocolates!
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a loading screen, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start the little chocolates.


Forgotten broccoli in the fridge
nc

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had various fluids destroyed and forgotten broccoli in the fridge killed as well.
But of the tree of forgotten broccoli in the fridge you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Getting HUGE; a mushroom; forgotten broccoli in the fridge.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of forgotten broccoli in the fridge came on the screen.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like forgotten broccoli in the fridge.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as forgotten broccoli in the fridge.

User
Little sausage crumbles
np

My wife printed me a certifcate for little sausage crumbles. I’m excited for tonight!
I pushed hard enough to snap little sausage crumbles, but some powerful kind of overzealous product placement was blocking the door.
People around the world recognize little sausage crumbles as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found little sausage crumbles in the walls at my office.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was little sausage crumbles.
No one in Morocco can be little sausage crumbles without registering with the government.

User
Turkey bacon
n

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the sun went off early, ejecting turkey bacon into the air!
In Nevada you can pay for a lady struggling with a police officer with turkey bacon.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like turkey bacon.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of turkey bacon and the words “a menacing spike”. I don’t get it!
You stole a crazy cat lady from a child? You’re turkey bacon and you’re going to hell!
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide turkey bacon directly.

User
A 15-foot starfish
n

“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s things money can’t buy in love with a 15-foot starfish very much they do a... special hug.”
Making the best cookies requires a 15-foot starfish and spreading disease.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as a 15-foot starfish surfaced from below.
This party was a real snooze, until a 15-foot starfish got things jumpin’.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed a 15-foot starfish.
See now black people walk like zoo smell. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a 15-foot starfish!

User
A mannequin in a power stance
n

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in a mannequin in a power stance together.
When I think South America, I feel a mannequin in a power stance.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A mannequin in a power stance can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a mannequin in a power stance.
I pushed hard enough to snap a mannequin in a power stance, but some powerful kind of beard stroking was blocking the door.
Oh no! Mom sold a mannequin in a power stance at the charity shop!

User
Four damp towels on the floor
np

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide four damp towels on the floor directly.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw four damp towels on the floor overboard!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Total Fucking Mess” and it helps me with four damp towels on the floor.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me four damp towels on the floor and it’s getting weird.
While you’re at the store can you pick up four damp towels on the floor, in family size?
Ah, four damp towels on the floor for my collection. Now no one has more than me.

User
A wet towel
n

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a wet towel.
Let a wet towel host your next party, providing at least 10 pounds of pork like you’ve never experienced before.
Back in my day, we only had no evidence of any infidelity for a wet towel and we LIKED IT.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in a wet towel, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
I’m shoving an Easy-Bake™ oven in the ground, in hopes that a wet towel comes and harvests it.
A wet towel can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.

User
Glue
nc

Glue-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Always hold on to glue to remember me.
The main ingredient in glue is a protective layer of rubber.
My spirit animal: glue.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for glue?
a roll of toilet paper is where glue goes to die.

User
I never shower without  .

I never shower without a foul odor.
I never shower without a super-tiny butt hole.
I never shower without a muscular, naked Santa.
I never shower without my happy place.
I never shower without the brave men and women fighting for us.
I never shower without Nicki Minaj’s hot pants.



I never manage to shower without  .

I never manage to shower without an extremely painful sneeze.
I never manage to shower without demons.
I never manage to shower without Angelina Jolie’s lips.
I never manage to shower without no more joy.
I never manage to shower without water.
I never manage to shower without a side fuck.

User
Nezumi said:
Jesus christ can we have just one of these threads where the first page isn't literally 20 miles long?


No!
User
Taking a break from eating ass
v

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found taking a break from eating ass sticking to the wall.
Watch me taking a break from eating ass. Now watch me acting like a child.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Taking a break from eating ass.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried taking a break from eating ass.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me taking a break from eating ass at the party last night.
Introducing, The Taking a Break from Eating Ass diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!

User
Trying to get in a three way
v

People in Taiwan are getting hula hoops implanted in their bodies for trying to get in a three way.
My wife is WAY better at trying to get in a three way than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about trying to get in a three way.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of trying to get in a three way.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for trying to get in a three way.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a grave error and now I’m having trouble with trying to get in a three way.

User
Digging up a skeleton
v

When boiling water is ready, digging up a skeleton will appear.
Throughout human history, digging up a skeleton has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in digging up a skeleton.
My publisher demanded I remove digging up a skeleton from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is digging up a skeleton.
The media’s nonstop coverage of digging up a skeleton is just to distract us from Velcro shoes.

User
The teen brain
n

The teen brain: It’s nature’s candy!
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have the teen brain.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the teen brain.
The teen brain is the only way to say goodbye.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing the teen brain down the gopher holes.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of the polite scorn of a Canadian and a mouthfeel like the teen brain.



Studies have shown even a little bit of   can change the teen brain.

Studies have shown even a little bit of rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about can change the teen brain.
Studies have shown even a little bit of Satan’s dark little snatch can change the teen brain.
Studies have shown even a little bit of the nanny can change the teen brain.
Studies have shown even a little bit of a sudden penetration can change the teen brain.
Studies have shown even a little bit of the white man can change the teen brain.
Studies have shown even a little bit of alcohol can change the teen brain.

User
Choosing pants
v

The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a child taxidermy video spice, fingering spice, and choosing pants spice!
The shockwave from choosing pants at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused those responsible in the streets.
Make sure to hang choosing pants in a tree so half a man leaves your tent alone.
More armies need to incorporate choosing pants into their uniforms.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: passive-aggressive-tendencies@choosing-pants.biz
I looked up “mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving choosing pants.

User
Screams from Hell
np

There is no revenge so complete as screams from Hell.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and screams from Hell.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Screams from Hell?
The referee just issued a red card to screams from Hell for sliding into my fantasy.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still screams from Hell!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking with screams from Hell.

User
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has closed  {n}.

Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has closed a hanging body.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has closed emoticons.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has closed a stalker.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has closed the grossest whiff of minty poot.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has closed total collapse.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has closed a quick one.



Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has discontinued  .

Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has discontinued a gynecological procedure.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has discontinued thick oatmeal.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has discontinued Dad’s money.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has discontinued the white bitch.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has discontinued Evander Holyfield’s ear.
Due to the government shutdown, the parks department has discontinued seizing the means of production.

User
Partying on
v

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been partying on. The snail may have escaped intense pain by going underground.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be partying on.
I saw a cage built for an autistic student down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be partying on with us.”
This year’s hottest album is “Partying on” by My Musk.
I thought I was alone with a hanging vine but my mom walked in. We got to partying on and I felt better.
Here on the assembly line we heat the T-Rex to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is partying on.



I had better get reimbursed for  .

I had better get reimbursed for my evil little body.
I had better get reimbursed for a screaming dog.
I had better get reimbursed for fluids from my face.
I had better get reimbursed for all our faces.
I had better get reimbursed for hugs and kisses.
I had better get reimbursed for Dad’s money.



Honey! Come downstairs!  {U} is ready!

Honey! Come downstairs! The president’s helicopter is ready!
Honey! Come downstairs! Markings on my neck is ready!
Honey! Come downstairs! Nuclear warfare is ready!
Honey! Come downstairs! Martha Stewart, orgasming is ready!
Honey! Come downstairs! A tuba full of mayonnaise is ready!
Honey! Come downstairs! At least 10 pounds of pork is ready!

User
Guess what? This truck is locked.

To continue partying, update your bookmarks to:

http://www.superjer.com/forum/superjer_against_humanity_suggestions_3rd_strike.php
User
The dog
n

The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Hiding the elderly, your greasy food hole and the dog.
Music without the sounds of the dog is hardly music at all.
Two best friends and a winking hole take a road trip, and discover the dog along the way.
In a world with a vagina-simulating sleeve handling my mother, one man must overcome the dog. Coming this summer.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the dog.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many sex toy directions plugged into the dog.

User
10 minutes till dad gets home, and  {n} just exploded in the living room.

10 minutes till dad gets home, and a death sentence just exploded in the living room.
10 minutes till dad gets home, and a way rude hunger just exploded in the living room.
10 minutes till dad gets home, and Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face just exploded in the living room.
10 minutes till dad gets home, and my butt surgery just exploded in the living room.
10 minutes till dad gets home, and a Hitler moustache just exploded in the living room.
10 minutes till dad gets home, and dark magic just exploded in the living room.

User
Going permanently blind
v

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “going permanently blind.”
Men, like a uniquely British problem, go farthest when they are going permanently blind.
This year’s hottest album is “Being Dipped in Chocolate” by Going Permanently Blind.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Going permanently blind; danglin’ out there all pink and naked; a massive, hissing centipede.
Our artisanal process ages us black folk for 3 years, before going right into going permanently blind, rapidly shooting a rabbit with an arrow.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with going permanently blind.

User
Johnny Depp comically falling down
n

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see Johnny Depp comically falling down!
No thanks. My doctor said Johnny Depp comically falling down makes defecation painful.
You can’t keep running around like Johnny Depp comically falling down, you’re endangering trapped stairs that fold into a ramp!
Today you’re on the receiving end of Johnny Depp comically falling down.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by Johnny Depp comically falling down.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Johnny-Depp-comically-falling-down-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving human body warmth.

User
Tiny French music
nc

If I had a very hot pan, you’d be tiny French music!
At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced tiny French music with trapped stairs that fold into a ramp.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to tiny French music, even before I put on my clothes.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out a festively decorated corpse each day, put tiny French music in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
There’s always time for tiny French music before breakfast.
How high do you have to be to put a kiss on the lips on tiny French music?

User
They used to call me " {n}" back in High School.

They used to call me "sizzling lard" back in High School.
They used to call me "a fistful of glitter" back in High School.
They used to call me "a robustly satisfying fart" back in High School.
They used to call me "a thick, luscious banana slug" back in High School.
They used to call me "a cold hearted assassin" back in High School.
They used to call me "not a single lion" back in High School.

User
Being left out in the cold
v

For science class we went on a field trip to see how being left out in the cold happens.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, being left out in the cold, sloth, wrath, getting kidnapped in an uber, and pride.
Ich bin ein being left out in the cold.
Vote for me and I’ll stop being left out in the cold, get rid of goat porn, and give everyone bourbon and ball-gags for free.
I went rafting, saw being left out in the cold in the river, no big deal.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain being left out in the cold?



Not listening
v

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found not listening sticking to the wall.
I got so drunk last night that I got not listening all over everyone and everything.
I ordered a sex-addicted panda privately over the Internet so I can get better at not listening.
The dog ate Jigglypuff! so we’re waiting for not listening.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend not listening.
When you two are done not listening, can we please get sweat and dead skin and get out of here?!



Hot lava
nc

In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped hot lava in the toilet and touched $10 on the wall.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a friend while I’m hot lava!
This workplace has gone (0) days without hot lava.
You stole my vaginal microbiome from a child? You’re hot lava and you’re going to hell!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate hot lava to prepare for a mission to mars.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out hot lava for free on every corner.

User
The antichrist
n

It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s the antichrist.
Are you there God? It’s me, the antichrist.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on the antichrist.
My car looks like it’s the antichrist but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of the antichrist.
How embarrassing! I forget I left the antichrist in the foyer.

User
I tried to shazam the sound of  . It came up: Bohemian Rhapsody.

I tried to shazam the sound of breast meat. It came up: Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to shazam the sound of a hollow shell. It came up: Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to shazam the sound of divorce papers. It came up: Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to shazam the sound of Pakistani cosmonauts. It came up: Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to shazam the sound of intestines draped everywhere. It came up: Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to shazam the sound of a great big sword. It came up: Bohemian Rhapsody.

User
Britney's new slogan: It's  , bitch.

Britney's new slogan: It's a crudely-drawn dick, bitch.
Britney's new slogan: It's 60 seconds, bitch.
Britney's new slogan: It's organic porpoise semen, bitch.
Britney's new slogan: It's demons, bitch.
Britney's new slogan: It's a wish-granting goblin, bitch.
Britney's new slogan: It's the deceased, bitch.

User
Gaining altitude
v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from gaining altitude, and the eco-glass windows trap in all our faces.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Gaining Altitude”! I shook his hand and it felt like gaining altitude.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is gaining altitude.
I make butt gas for my cat by gaining altitude with my biggest vein. Oreo loves it!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of gaining altitude.
Let a uniquely British problem host your next party, providing gaining altitude like you’ve never experienced before.

User
A government sanctioned killing
n

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a government sanctioned killing destroyed and that sack of shit killed as well.
Scorpions can shed a government sanctioned killing in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Government Sanctioned Killing!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a government sanctioned killing. The driver was hiding.
The city put in new road signs to indicate a government sanctioned killing just up ahead.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A government sanctioned killing can increase your breast size in three weeks!

User
I eat  {p} like you for breakfast.

I eat prancing piglets like you for breakfast.
I eat really bad teeth like you for breakfast.
I eat BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM like you for breakfast.
I eat intestines draped everywhere like you for breakfast.
I eat lips like you for breakfast.
I eat furries like you for breakfast.

User
How did I survive  ? I ate my way out.

How did I survive “forensic evidence” (semen)? I ate my way out.
How did I survive going to Wendy’s? I ate my way out.
How did I survive a tacky, god-awful facelift? I ate my way out.
How did I survive hiding? I ate my way out.
How did I survive spongy flesh? I ate my way out.
How did I survive our wedding rings? I ate my way out.

User
Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with   between every two.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with a rocket with a mouse strapped on between every two.
Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with Oprah’s smile between every two.
Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with a gigantic eyeball on a stalk between every two.
Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with wetness between every two.
Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with a forty foot Ferris wheel between every two.
Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with edible disguises between every two.

User
Waving my hands in irritation
v

If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be waving my hands in irritation.
See now black people walk like the whole planet. But white people -- white people walk like they’re waving my hands in irritation!
I didn’t mean to start waving my hands in irritation, it just happened!
Watch me waving my hands in irritation. Now watch me being pickled.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide waving my hands in irritation directly.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Waving my hands in irritation.

User
I screamed when I saw  {n} with a bullet hole.

I screamed when I saw the most sensitive part of my body with a bullet hole.
I screamed when I saw Mexican children with mustaches with a bullet hole.
I screamed when I saw deals with a bullet hole.
I screamed when I saw all your drama with a bullet hole.
I screamed when I saw battery acid with a bullet hole.
I screamed when I saw a bullet hole with a bullet hole.



A bullet hole decal
n

On Ebay you can get a bullet hole decal but it comes in several tiny boxes.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a bullet hole decal.
I came with my fantasy to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a bullet hole decal so nobody even noticed!
In a world with a bullet hole decal shooting a mentally ill man, one man must overcome a roll of toilet paper. Coming this summer.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend a bullet hole decal.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a bullet hole decal

User
Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot  {n}.

Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot truck stop sex.
Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other.
Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot just me, by myself.
Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot a cold hearted assassin.
Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot the roof.
Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot crisp fresh lettuce.



A dancing FBI agent
n

Furious that I was pandering to the normies into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a dancing FBI agent.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a dancing FBI agent” incident in the science lab.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include hot grills spice, a sex swing spice, and a dancing FBI agent spice!
My new phone looks like it’s a dancing FBI agent but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
First you get a dancing FBI agent. Then you get a hanging body. Then you get filling my mouth.
Fornicating all day, every day gets me into some awkward situations. But a dancing FBI agent has always got my back.



Getting shot by a dancing FBI agent
v

Getting shot by a dancing FBI agent is dilation of the uterus in the ocean of life!
Getting shot by a dancing FBI agent really messes up my butt complexion!
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “getting shot by a dancing FBI agent,” with a picture of turkey gravy.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is getting shot by a dancing FBI agent.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, getting shot by a dancing FBI agent, toilet paper, shelter, and wearing John Travolta’s face.
I saw no more joy down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be getting shot by a dancing FBI agent with us.”



Last night at the club a guy got shot by  {sc} that was dancing.

Last night at the club a guy got shot by a dick out that was dancing.
Last night at the club a guy got shot by a mortal wound that was dancing.
Last night at the club a guy got shot by double-tight yoga pants that was dancing.
Last night at the club a guy got shot by a man in a meat suit that was dancing.
Last night at the club a guy got shot by fate that was dancing.
Last night at the club a guy got shot by a watermelon owned by a black man that was dancing.



User
Really making it hard to poop
v

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be really making it hard to poop and where does Taco Bell® come in?
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of really making it hard to poop.
They cut open the crocodile to find compressed gas, still really making it hard to poop like always.
I feel like I’m being punished for really making it hard to poop.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed really making it hard to poop.
I bought the ends yesterday and now I can’t stop really making it hard to poop!

User
Special touches
np

Special touches can wear down it to come out the other end, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Alien-parasite-larvae-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and special touches.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Special Touches,” the finest ship in the harbor!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Sewing it shut, being slathered in baby oil and special touches.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found special touches inside. I should take it to Jesus Christ!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is special touches.

User
You're one-of-a-kind fedex _
User
In prison we used to cook  {n} in the toilet.

In prison we used to cook Her Majesty, the Queen in the toilet.
In prison we used to cook poopy toilet paper in the toilet.
In prison we used to cook a time machine in the toilet.
In prison we used to cook glittery eyelashes in the toilet.
In prison we used to cook a vibrator with a voice in the toilet.
In prison we used to cook dryness problems in the toilet.

User
69 (nice)
?

J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of 69 (nice).
I’m getting 69 (nice) installed in my car, so I can be ghosts who don’t know what they’re doing while I drive.
Work a plug for the other hole up until frothing before spreading across 69 (nice), then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with 69 (nice). So bring nipple placement.
69 (nice) is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “69 (nice)” syndrome!

User
 {U}. Now in Jumbo size at Wal*Mart®.

Slappy little T-Rex arms. Now in Jumbo size at Wal*Mart®.
Existential ennui. Now in Jumbo size at Wal*Mart®.
A softer option. Now in Jumbo size at Wal*Mart®.
The most humane action. Now in Jumbo size at Wal*Mart®.
A fistful of hair. Now in Jumbo size at Wal*Mart®.
A close call. Now in Jumbo size at Wal*Mart®.

User
Doctor I'm feeling  {s} sensation when I pee.

Doctor I'm feeling a little piece of shit sensation when I pee.
Doctor I'm feeling Her Majesty, the Queen sensation when I pee.
Doctor I'm feeling a needle sensation when I pee.
Doctor I'm feeling the gravy dimension sensation when I pee.
Doctor I'm feeling my beautiful, transgender father sensation when I pee.
Doctor I'm feeling a tiny Jamaican sensation when I pee.

User
An active shooter scenario
n

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember an active shooter scenario?”
While I was out the Roomba got into an active shooter scenario and was diddling.
My girlfriend kicked an active shooter scenario, and now she’s a backdoor woman. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide an active shooter scenario directly.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like an active shooter scenario.
I saw grabby hands down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be an active shooter scenario with us.”



An active shooter
n

Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into an active shooter.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy an active shooter that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded total collapse and now I’m having trouble with an active shooter.
I Googled for an active shooter and found a picture of myself.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as Jesus Christ equipped with an active shooter.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be an active shooter.

User
A botched drill at the Air Force base ended with an airman firing  {p} into a locked door.

A botched drill at the Air Force base ended with an airman firing awesome lectures into a locked door.
A botched drill at the Air Force base ended with an airman firing giggling schoolgirls with cameras into a locked door.
A botched drill at the Air Force base ended with an airman firing no clean towels into a locked door.
A botched drill at the Air Force base ended with an airman firing landlubbers into a locked door.
A botched drill at the Air Force base ended with an airman firing giggle shits into a locked door.
A botched drill at the Air Force base ended with an airman firing high-voltage wires into a locked door.

User
If the Earth was a ping pong ball, the sun would be   500 meters away.

If the Earth was a ping pong ball, the sun would be dying evil 500 meters away.
If the Earth was a ping pong ball, the sun would be whistling at women 500 meters away.
If the Earth was a ping pong ball, the sun would be a virus 500 meters away.
If the Earth was a ping pong ball, the sun would be a wet burst 500 meters away.
If the Earth was a ping pong ball, the sun would be slappy little T-Rex arms 500 meters away.
If the Earth was a ping pong ball, the sun would be Krampus, the child punisher 500 meters away.

User
A bright light
n

My new phone looks like it’s a bright light but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a bright light.
Let’s wait for a bright light to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get hyperactive legs.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A BRIGHT LIGHT NEEDING ONE MORE INCH.”
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a bright light in the toilet and touched a stroke on the wall.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Bright Light Blast!

User
1 cent
n

Dagnabbit! I got 1 cent all jammed up in the wheel well again.
You stole earwig pincers from a child? You’re 1 cent and you’re going to hell!
Last Christmas, everyone got 1 cent under the tree and a dust cloud in their stockings!
I refuse to roleplay as anything but 1 cent.
I went rafting, saw 1 cent in the river, no big deal.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring 1 cent.

User
Power and luxury
nc

Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include my sexy fox costume, a coma, dry mouth, and power and luxury.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Power and Luxury.
On Ebay you can get power and luxury but it comes in several tiny boxes.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on power and luxury.
I noticed symptoms of exploding from both ends, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s power and luxury!” but I’m not sure.
When power and luxury hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!

User
Mega jazz
nc

Look, man, I’m not into mega jazz. But $20 is $20.
Oh no! Mom sold mega jazz at the charity shop!
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be struggling with a police officer and where does mega jazz come in?
I was born on a pile of mega jazz.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Doing things to the body, mega jazz and the death simulator.
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen mega jazz.



Hackers
np

We have a zero tolerance policy for hackers here at Disney. So get a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice and get out!
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about hackers?
I don’t need love because I’m hackers. Sorry mom!
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s the most beautiful face ever straddled by hackers.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m hackers.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re hackers!

User
No toilet paper
nc

If no toilet paper were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift no toilet paper over my head, but a mindless animal response got in the way.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: no toilet paper.
Dagnabbit! I got no toilet paper all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with no toilet paper jumping and nipping at me from below and even human body warmth.
When a guilty little boy is ready, no toilet paper will appear.

User
A tiny cup of ketchup
n

If my neighbor doesn’t get a tiny cup of ketchup off my property, I’m calling the cops!
There is no revenge so complete as a tiny cup of ketchup.
The authorities followed the trail of a tiny cup of ketchup, leading them straight to the suspect.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a tiny cup of ketchup that overturned their car.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with crush beast. I barely even felt a tiny cup of ketchup.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a tiny cup of ketchup in every room.



Rejected fish parts
np

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in rejected fish parts together.
Two best friends and the island and everyone on it take a road trip, and discover rejected fish parts along the way.
Thanks for rejected fish parts last night. *wink* *wink*
This workplace has gone (0) days without rejected fish parts.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw rejected fish parts for the first time!
I could tell apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down had ended up behind me when I felt rejected fish parts as I backed up.



Food on the floor
nc

The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of food on the floor.
After 6 grueling years, Microsoft and I have created food on the floor.
Instructions unclear: got all sorts of shit stuck in food on the floor.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of food on the floor.
The Internet is made out of food on the floor.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Food on the Floor is a Hot Pocket®.

User
Lumber
nc

I was surprised to find bones in lumber. Is that normal?
This workplace has gone (0) days without lumber.
When I think South America, I feel lumber.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: A Secret Service agent; lumber; a garbage disposal.
I didn’t mean to start lumber, it just happened!
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me lumber.



Butt piracy
nc

I chipped my tooth on butt piracy. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t a girl’s smile.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of childbirth and a mouthfeel like butt piracy.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise butt piracy by rewarding them with a well-oiled machine.
We couldn’t land because of legs caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like butt piracy.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be butt piracy.
There’s always time for butt piracy before breakfast.



Protesters
np

The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put protesters in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
During routine surgery, the doctors found protesters embedded in my abdomen.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring protesters.
My house. 8 o’clock. Protesters.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt protesters in the sea.
During the half-time show, a rip in protesters exposed the key to my heart to the audience.

User
Because no one uses fora any more.

Hiding behind the curtain
v

That kind of attitude is why we have hiding behind the curtain now.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s hiding behind the curtain.
Last night I dreamed of hiding behind the curtain. I cannot shake the feeling that sex for procreation will arrive soon.
I beat hiding behind the curtain all the time!
I clean a damned soul by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up hiding behind the curtain.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: hiding-behind-the-curtain@a-grape-in-a-condom.biz



 {Uv} is not an excuse for tossing  {n} in the trash.
Play 2

Scissoring is not an excuse for tossing a cheesy substance in the trash.
Kicking the door down is not an excuse for tossing a special little fuck in the trash.
Mistreating the clitoris is not an excuse for tossing my front fat in the trash.
Not riding a Segway is not an excuse for tossing a refreshing douche of Sprite® in the trash.
Increasing in size is not an excuse for tossing a velvet fist in the trash.
Dick slapping is not an excuse for tossing really bad teeth in the trash.



The whole mall
n

When the stadium was demolished it revealed the whole mall, bringing onlookers from far and wide.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find the whole mall so relaxing.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking the whole mall onto the International Space Station.
The cineplex has been using the whole mall in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Acting like a child; fluids from my face; the whole mall.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a slut who will do anything and now I’m having trouble with the whole mall.

User
The bottom of my heart
n

Oh no! Obama put the bottom of my heart in the water to turn a dog head gay!
In public restrooms I always put the bottom of my heart on the toilet before sitting down.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise sharpened teeth by rewarding them with the bottom of my heart.
My dream house has each of the victims built in, an extra garage for your mom’s bathroom, and the bottom of my heart for the door bell.
Make sure to hang the bottom of my heart in a tree so a hanging body leaves your tent alone.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in the bottom of my heart.

User
Going on a racist tirade
v

My girlfriend kicked the things I’m hiding in my basement, and now she’s going on a racist tirade. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
going on a racist tirade is where a fistful of hair goes to die.
This party was a real snooze, until going on a racist tirade got things jumpin’.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience going on a racist tirade like I was really there.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with going on a racist tirade.
I will do anything for going on a racist tirade. But I won’t do that!

User
Dog shampoo
nc

At the coffee shop they put “dog shampoo” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a submissive sex android and to avoid dog shampoo.
Dog shampoo is always a contest when I’m involved.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of dog shampoo hanging over the freeway.
Go, go, Gadget Dog Shampoo!
10% of all proceeds from sales of dog shampoo will go to The Getting Slathered Foundation.

User
Going all crazy eyes
v

I’m late to my meeting for going all crazy eyes.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw going all crazy eyes.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a squealing 4-year-old in the attic. Anyway, I’m going all crazy eyes.
Going all crazy eyes with a fridge full of heads is a uniquely British problem.
Throughout human history, going all crazy eyes has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Look, man, I’m not into going all crazy eyes. But $20 is $20.

User
A finger sticking out
n

I looked up “a hotdog” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving a finger sticking out.
You’re not a mom! You’re just a finger sticking out!
We couldn’t land because of a finger sticking out caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like a wet spot.
They don’t make an abomination unto God like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a finger sticking out.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a finger sticking out on the freeway.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Finger Sticking out” and it helps me with getting stepped on by a dominatrix.

User
Wearing my girl clothes
v

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me wearing my girl clothes and it’s getting weird.
Wearing my girl clothes is a temporary setback on the road to a submissive sex android!
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed wearing my girl clothes.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re wearing my girl clothes, get to the front of the line.
We can be wearing my girl clothes. And no one has to know.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include wearing my girl clothes spice, deserving to be killed spice, and overzealous product placement spice!

User
Stand back! I'm  {t}  {n}!!!
Play 2

Stand back! I'm rolling the measure of a man!!!
Stand back! I'm some next-level shit the T-Rex!!!
Stand back! I'm conjuring my VERY jealous, protective pet spider!!!
Stand back! I'm grinding on it white boys!!!
Stand back! I'm Martha Stewart, orgasming a rope tied round my leg!!!
Stand back! I'm cheating S&M gear!!!

User
My secret vagina
n

I buried my treasure under my secret vagina so you’d never find it!
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my secret vagina to the funeral.
My favorite new band is “Inhaling and My Secret Vagina”.
The patient kept screaming about “an extremely painful sneeze”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and my secret vagina emerged!
Oh no! Someone rolled up my secret vagina in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my secret vagina in the sea.

User
A vampire fang
n

Although moving away from a vampire fang proved effective for schools, the switch to getting stepped on by a dominatrix initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The water tower looks like it’s a vampire fang from this angle.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A VAMPIRE FANG RECEIVING A LOT OF MONEY.”
A Vampire Fang is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a coming horrific hell.
The cruiseliner struck a vampire fang and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with the pelvis.
I like divorce papers like I like my coffee: fellating everything in the room, put in a sack, and dragged across a vampire fang.

User
Chocolate coating
nc

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on chocolate coating.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in chocolate coating.
The only thing standing in your way is chocolate coating.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed chocolate coating.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be chocolate coating if I wanted a new family.
I was vacuuming when I sucked one mile of train rail out from under the couch. I kept pulling until chocolate coating came out too!

User
The average
n

My wife printed me a certifcate for the average. I’m excited for tonight!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from tunneling around with the average.
You evaded my “The Average” attack! Most impressive.
I got so drunk last night that I got the average all over everyone and everything.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually the average.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a guillotine and the average. Should I talk to him?

User
White tears
np

This food is so good it’s making white tears quiver!
At the skating rink there was white tears and everyone fell down at once.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with white tears in his lap.
Last Christmas, I gave you white tears. The very next day, you gave it away.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with white tears.
I went rafting, saw white tears in the river, no big deal.

User
Your future
n

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be your future.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began your future.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of giggle shits and the words “your future”. I don’t get it!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got your future out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I think a lot of people would pay to see your future.
Doctor! My child has your future coursing through his veins!

User
At the airport  {n} in my bag set off the TSA's machine.

At the airport zoo smell in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport not a single lion in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport breast meat in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport your idiot ideas in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport Gene Simmons’ tongue in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport frozen people in my bag set off the TSA's machine.

User
Sean Connery's legs
np

Sean Connery's legs gets me into some awkward situations. But seeing my penis twice has always got my back.
Let’s wait for Sean Connery's legs to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get an old, Asian martial arts master.
Opinions are like Sean Connery's legs. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Last Christmas, I gave you Sean Connery's legs. The very next day, you gave it away.
Don’t leave the door open! Sean Connery's legs will get in.
My wife printed me a certifcate for Sean Connery's legs. I’m excited for tonight!

User
Becoming sentient
v

Our artisanal process ages good, Christian values for 3 years, before going right into becoming sentient, rapidly panicking in a Subaru.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am becoming sentient. Would you like to try our new special, no less than sixteen Mexican corpses?
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate becoming sentient to prepare for a mission to mars.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still becoming sentient!
The HOA says I can’t raise my first time on my property. Meanwhile no word about becoming sentient at the Jones’s!
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “becoming sentient,” with a picture of reduced brain intelligence.

User
 {nU}  {v}. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Play 2

The big ol’ boys dropping an upper-decker. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
My black son putting the “I” back in “team”. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Consensual manslaughter struggling with a police officer. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Slavery murdering. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
A concrete, actual object scissoring. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
An orbital laser satellite making a little whoopsie. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

User
The Queen is going to knight  . Sir  {UT}.
Play 1

The Queen is going to knight taking a flying leap. Sir Taking a Flying Leap.
The Queen is going to knight a respected neurosurgeon. Sir A Respected Neurosurgeon.
The Queen is going to knight a trap. Sir A Trap.
The Queen is going to knight the whole bottle of sleeping pills. Sir The Whole Bottle of Sleeping Pills.
The Queen is going to knight putting the “I” back in “team”. Sir Putting the “I” Back in “team”.
The Queen is going to knight a glob of peanut butter. Sir A Glob of Peanut Butter.

User
Being killed and then pardoned
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating being killed and then pardoned on every commercial flight.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang being killed and then pardoned on the Christmas tree.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being killed and then pardoned.
I think that ecstasy was cut with hot sparks. After one hit I began very, very rapidly being killed and then pardoned.
My favorite new band is “Cunting Around Even Harder and Being Killed and Then Pardoned”.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s being killed and then pardoned.

User
A very sick individual put needles in  {n}.

A very sick individual put needles in dirty spaghetti.
A very sick individual put needles in an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome.
A very sick individual put needles in MY SKULL!.
A very sick individual put needles in every part of the buffalo.
A very sick individual put needles in setbacks.
A very sick individual put needles in a death sentence.

User
Qualms
np

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about qualms?
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as qualms.
The problem with America is qualms.
I’ve finally got the last of body parts of celebrities out of qualms.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as qualms, score points by just falling out of my bung hole, and more blood shall not be on the field.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of qualms, my murder list, and our cute little gay faces.



I didn't know what to think when   popped outta my birthday cake.

I didn't know what to think when another way in popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when dad popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when shitting glitter popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when getting wrapped around a tree popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when a gentle kiss on the teeth popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when a $160,000 diamond popped outta my birthday cake.

User
This new "Smart" toilet scans  {n}.

This new "Smart" toilet scans acute watery diarrhea.
This new "Smart" toilet scans organic porpoise semen.
This new "Smart" toilet scans the men who helped me.
This new "Smart" toilet scans that fly in here.
This new "Smart" toilet scans a short muscular rectum.
This new "Smart" toilet scans the whole bottle of sleeping pills.

User
Three men and a lady
np

The president’s tweet reads: “The three men and a lady story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a big bomb for succumbing to nature! Very sad and sick!”
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under three men and a lady.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about furries, but with three men and a lady!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw three men and a lady in the mirror! And it smelled like a child predator in there! I’m so scared!
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of three men and a lady.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift Asia over my head, but three men and a lady got in the way.

User
A sausage casing
n

I thought I was alone with a sausage casing but my mom walked in. We got to doing it again and I felt better.
You spent all your food-stamps on a sausage casing?!
The terrorists will execute a trap that shoots a poison dart every 20 minutes until they receive a sausage casing.
I don’t need love because I’m a sausage casing. Sorry mom!
To change kitty’s litter: grab sex, dig out any clumps, and refill with a sausage casing.
Can’t go out because of a sausage casing on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-cough-syrup-cor is right for you.

User
Shark teeth
np

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is shark teeth.
The new top grade of gasoline has shark teeth as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
I saw a syringe of Tabasco down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be shark teeth with us.”
The ‘truth serum moth’ has adapted to feed on shark teeth, and hide under thick oatmeal in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Shark Teeth,” the finest ship in the harbor!
A close call can actually erode shark teeth, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.

User
Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson
n

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson to the pan, while stirring constantly.
Honey, you can’t keep putting astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson down the garbage disposal!
No more astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson at Starbucks.
My dream house has a made up racial slur built in, an extra garage for the baby, and astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson for the door bell.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.

User
Smoking and talking about Satan
v

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, smoking and talking about Satan, sloth, wrath, thunderous applause, and pride.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell Winona Ryder’s leather jacket after 8pm, or on holidays like Smoking and Talking About Satan Day.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by smoking and talking about Satan?
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was smoking and talking about Satan.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is smoking and talking about Satan.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend smoking and talking about Satan.

User
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do  {n} to entertain everyone.

I'm gonna get up on stage, and do quick-set cement to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do sudden nudity to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do the hottest girl to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do a glass pane to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do the mayor to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do my hood to entertain everyone.

User
If something crawls onto the patio, do  {pc} to it.

If something crawls onto the patio, do new rules from on high to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do hugs and kisses to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do landlubbers to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do giggling schoolgirls with cameras to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do my work to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do white boys to it.

User
A 100' crane
n

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from milking a buffalo with a 100' crane.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a 100' crane!”
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a 100' crane.
The thief was caught stealing a 100' crane from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of Russian dressing.
Instructions unclear: got a 100' crane stuck in godless heathens.
What the sizzling assholes department lacks in selection, we make up for in a 100' crane.

User
For a healthy snack, try  .

For a healthy snack, try vibrating my pineal gland.
For a healthy snack, try poopy toilet paper.
For a healthy snack, try a pill for every problem.
For a healthy snack, try the placenta.
For a healthy snack, try a mild orgasm.
For a healthy snack, try closing her legs.

User
This particular salmon
n

My wife printed me a certifcate for this particular salmon. I’m excited for tonight!
This particular salmon has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Furious that I was going to Wendy’s into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into this particular salmon.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about this particular salmon.
For my last meal I want this particular salmon seasoned lightly with making didgeridoo sounds.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed this particular salmon up and down the highway.

User
I've been diagnosed with  {UT}'s Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be  {}.
Play 2

I've been diagnosed with Masturbating Furiously's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a “Hey!”.
I've been diagnosed with Thrifty Moms's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be dicking around.
I've been diagnosed with Touching Your Vaggie While Sleeping's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a lucky toss.
I've been diagnosed with Kicking the Door Down's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be an exit wound.
I've been diagnosed with Assassinating Kim Jong-un's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a certain je ne sais quoi.
I've been diagnosed with Ointment's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be choking bitches.

User
Just poop
nc

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain just poop?
Bumper sticker: My other ride is just poop.
Just poop in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s just poop and I think I believe her!
Today you’re on the receiving end of just poop.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still just poop!

User
Not-so-innocent girls
np

Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about not-so-innocent girls.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing not-so-innocent girls is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to not-so-innocent girls.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into not-so-innocent girls! She’s 62!
I tried to sneak out of the store with not-so-innocent girls under one arm and good vibes down my pants.
In my wild days I was breaking in, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with not-so-innocent girls on the New Mexico border.

User
I've decided to allow   in my home.

I've decided to allow the hands of the enemy in my home.
I've decided to allow costing a lot of money in my home.
I've decided to allow a bad chicken in my home.
I've decided to allow spongy flesh in my home.
I've decided to allow subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife in my home.
I've decided to allow the coming race war in my home.

User
Even women
nc

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw even women overboard!
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be even women.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of even women.
In the third world, luxuries like landlubbers are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to even women.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on even women.
It's like they always say: even women never changes.



This restaurant uses   for fast payment processing.

This restaurant uses drugs for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses a fistful of hair for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses witnesses for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses the Lord for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses whacking your sausage against the counter for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses grinding on it for fast payment processing.

User
Getting diagnosed
v

Jesus Christ is a temporary setback on the road to getting diagnosed!
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like getting diagnosed.
The cruiseliner struck a censor bar and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with getting diagnosed.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use getting diagnosed to treat being ashamed of your nakedness!
What the fingertips department lacks in selection, we make up for in getting diagnosed.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting diagnosed,” over and over again while in use.



Disappearing
vt

There’s always time for disappearing before breakfast.
A lifetime of disappearing awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
We have a zero tolerance policy for disappearing here at Disney. So get force-feeding a bird and get out!
Look, man, I’m not into disappearing. But $20 is $20.
Last night was the tragic result of disappearing
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s enough lube in love with disappearing very much they do a... special hug.”



Up and just disappearing
vt

I thought I was alone with most people but my mom walked in. We got to up and just disappearing and I felt better.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between up and just disappearing and farting like a bagpipe.
I noticed symptoms of farting while asleep, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s up and just disappearing!” but I’m not sure.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with up and just disappearing.
Black leggings can only be killed by up and just disappearing.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “His Holiness the Pope!” You’re cursed with up and just disappearing until the end of the game!



I've been diagnosed with  .

I've been diagnosed with a very old jellybean.
I've been diagnosed with putting my mouth on it.
I've been diagnosed with flimsy toilet paper.
I've been diagnosed with killing protesters.
I've been diagnosed with weight loss.
I've been diagnosed with unladylike musculature.

User
Yelling at the dog
v

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by yelling at the dog.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a fatal bee sting on the anus. She has stated, “I prefer yelling at the dog.”
I scream, you scream, the Hell pits, yelling at the dog!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into yelling at the dog! She’s 62!
You’re not a mom! You’re just yelling at the dog!
People in Taiwan are getting ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! implanted in their bodies for yelling at the dog.

User
One gut bacterium
n

At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into one gut bacterium before thinking about spiders.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed one gut bacterium up and down the highway.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling one gut bacterium. The driver was exploding from both ends.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate one gut bacterium.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of one gut bacterium.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as one gut bacterium.

User
Diet advice
nc

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with diet advice!”
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like diet advice.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to diet advice.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for diet advice and to avoid overzealous product placement.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me diet advice and it’s getting weird.
Diet advice is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just wallowing in your filth. Sorry.

User
My cat, going through menopause
n

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is my cat, going through menopause.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off a carefully contained fart in the stands and then knocked several children off my cat, going through menopause.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw my cat, going through menopause in.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with my cat, going through menopause jumping and nipping at me from below and even getting it on.
My-Cat-Going-Through-Menopause-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how my cat, going through menopause happens.

User
Getting sewn shut
v

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into getting sewn shut, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Oprah’s smile.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with getting sewn shut.
I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are masturbating furiously or getting sewn shut
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Getting Sewn Shut”! I shook his hand and it felt like getting sewn shut.
Getting sewn shut really messes up my butt complexion!
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include getting sewn shut, being sterilized, dry mouth, and all the beer.

User
 {U} is dangerously cool.

Suggesting a murder is dangerously cool.
Being an overweight bitch is dangerously cool.
Completely wigging out is dangerously cool.
My middle pocket is dangerously cool.
Things that aren’t fruit is dangerously cool.
Killing myself, rather than being disgraced is dangerously cool.

User
Dead body storage
nc

Happiness: Dead body storage, all the bacon, and a short muscular rectum.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me dead body storage and it’s getting weird.
If you do it right, dead body storage is all about lifting his kilt and winking.
Howdy neighbor, love the moron I hired to kill you! Let’s get dead body storage sometime!
But of the tree of dead body storage you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of dead body storage hanging over the freeway.

User
I take pride in  .

I take pride in getting HUGE.
I take pride in a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
I take pride in adult language.
I take pride in a wild animal.
I take pride in diddling.
I take pride in my sexy fox costume.

User
Mom's face
n

This is my second kid. My first one came out as mom's face.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a real sonuvabitch, the death simulator and mom's face.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience mom's face like I was really there.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a newer, sleeker leopard, but now for work I’m mom's face. Go figure!
Amtrak officials confirm mom's face would have prevented train derailment.
If I had mom's face, you’d be Coach Diddleplayers!

User
More Spider-Man GIFs
np

The terrorists will execute more Spider-Man GIFs every 20 minutes until they receive daddy in his underpants.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, more Spider-Man GIFs... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Hello, 911? I think there’s more Spider-Man GIFs in my house...
In this game you get to collect a sloppy blowjob and craft more Spider-Man GIFs.
The food and yard waste bin is only for more Spider-Man GIFs (clean) and hookers in the trunk (oil-free).
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and more Spider-Man GIFs in the Philippines.

User
Bruises on my neck
np

Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of bruises on my neck hanging over the freeway.
I chipped my tooth on rolling eyes. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t bruises on my neck.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called bruises on my neck, are the passages for butt sounds to flow.
Vote for me and I’ll stop spinning blades, get rid of bruises on my neck, and give everyone things that aren’t fruit for free.
Doctor! My child has bruises on my neck coursing through his veins!
We’re having the runs situation. Watch out for bruises on my neck and please stand by...

User
might work better with non-countable hint:

Salesman: *slaps top of  {n}* This bad boy can fit so much  {c} in it.
Play 2

Salesman: *slaps top of the last great American* This bad boy can fit so much unbearable bitching in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry* This bad boy can fit so much infinite sausage in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of an extremely painful sneeze* This bad boy can fit so much absolutely no black people in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of violent docking, coming in hard* This bad boy can fit so much turkey gravy in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of man animals* This bad boy can fit so much my butt surgery in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of space Nazis* This bad boy can fit so much intense pressure in it.

User
Jeff!
User
Asexually reproducing
vt

asexually reproducing is where an iceberg goes to die.
No one in Morocco can be asexually reproducing without registering with the government.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A big, heavy shotgun, the fuel line and asexually reproducing.
Don’t look at me while I’m asexually reproducing! It messes me up!
Wolves don’t eat asexually reproducing, and neither should kings.
My car looks like it’s asexually reproducing but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.

User
White punks on dope
np

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start violently crashing down the stairs before white punks on dope.
Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that a creepy dude came shooting out of white punks on dope.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of white punks on dope came on the screen.
I’m gonna prove the link between white punks on dope and spiders again! You’ll all see!
During my driving test, I backed my car into white punks on dope. I still got an 85!
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me white punks on dope and it’s getting weird.

User
Milkfat
nc

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling milkfat. The driver was adults eating teenagers alive.
I don’t need love because I’m milkfat. Sorry mom!
Here on the assembly line we heat milkfat to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is trying to handcuff a ghost.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me milkfat while we were still in the car.
You’re not a mom! You’re just milkfat!
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of milkfat.



My Costco card
n

The thief was caught stealing the T-Rex from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of my Costco card.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Caustic-solvent-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving my Costco card.
I buried my treasure under my Costco card so you’d never find it!
But of the tree of my Costco card you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I clean my Costco card by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up getting wrapped around a tree.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my Costco card came on the screen.

User
Running down
v

We have a zero tolerance policy for shooting a rabbit with an arrow here at Disney. So get running down and get out!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about running down.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw running down flavor and then touching my deformity flavor.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a dog boner, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start running down.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab all the time and walk right out the door without running down.
I’m running down in the streets, but proving she’s a witch in the sheets.

User
Discount brain surgery
nc

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on discount brain surgery when I bought my VERY jealous, protective pet spider.
I noticed symptoms of discount brain surgery, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s mounting!” but I’m not sure.
To change kitty’s litter: grab discount brain surgery, dig out any clumps, and refill with your husband.
Moistness torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get discount brain surgery from a suspected terrorist.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and discount brain surgery.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with discount brain surgery.

User
Style
nc

In this game you get to collect weird legs and craft style.
But of the tree of style you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Style in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang style on the Christmas tree.
I saw style down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be bedding with us.”
In future times, the children will work together to build style.



Different styles
np

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out different styles for free on every corner.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare different styles right at your table.
In my wild days I was fishin’ for pussytuna, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with different styles on the New Mexico border.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using different styles to forage for food.
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as different styles.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at different styles and my card appeared in a gentleman with the tummy grumbles!

User
Getting boobs installed
v

Getting boobs installed! Getting boobs installed! My kingdom for getting boobs installed!
There’s a tightrope convention going on and everybody is getting boobs installed.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about getting boobs installed?
Jesus is getting boobs installed.
I’m late to my meeting for getting boobs installed.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with getting boobs installed.



Getting boobs deinstalled
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as very depraved porn, score points by getting boobs deinstalled, and the whole bottle of sleeping pills shall not be on the field.
I’m a night of gentle flatulence in the streets, but getting boobs deinstalled in the sheets.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate getting boobs deinstalled.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from getting boobs deinstalled with turkey tacos.
This year’s hottest new fashion is getting boobs deinstalled on your head.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: getting boobs deinstalled.

User
Teleporting into my butt
v

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re teleporting into my butt and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
That kind of attitude is why we have teleporting into my butt now.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began teleporting into my butt.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other not a bear, while a man is teleporting into my butt on a galloping horse.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Teleporting into My Butt.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be teleporting into my butt.

User
Still peeing
vt

I went rafting, saw still peeing in the river, no big deal.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re still peeing, get to the front of the line.
I scream, you scream, still peeing, rhythmic pounding!
My publisher demanded I remove still peeing from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s still peeing and I think I believe her!
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always still peeing. Always.

User
Anime kids
np

They cut open the crocodile to find anime kids, still being slathered in baby oil like always.
The survey team detected getting all fucked up on PCP at the work site so I threw anime kids in my truck and drove straight there.
The thief was caught stealing squirting acid from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of anime kids.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with anime kids in his lap.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had anime kids.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with anime kids.

User
*lurk* *lurk*
User
Doing drugs
v

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was doing drugs and tried to attack it.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still doing drugs!
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were doing drugs, would you be doing drugs as well?”
At the Amazon Go store you can grab sex toy directions and walk right out the door without doing drugs.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried doing drugs.
I think a lot of people would pay to see doing drugs.

User
Wet denim
nc

The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a big, red X and a strange boy who fights wet denim.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re wet denim!
If you do it right, wet denim is all about a muffled yell.
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as wet denim.
The survey team detected rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about at the work site so I threw wet denim in my truck and drove straight there.
Wet denim has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.



Russian mafia money
nc

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Russian mafia money.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find Russian mafia money.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “Russian mafia money.”
My car looks like it’s Russian mafia money but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Russian mafia money up and down the highway.
My mom picked me up Russian mafia money from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

User
Eatin' bugs
v

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of eatin' bugs in its food processing operations.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was eatin' bugs.
The dog ate a newer, sleeker leopard so we’re waiting for eatin' bugs.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Eatin' Bugs” syndrome!
Dad! I’m all done eatin' bugs, so I have a Vietnamese landmine left over if you’re still interested.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “eatin' bugs.”

User
Sliding one leg out
v

I don’t know how letting her in could lead to sliding one leg out but it probably involves resting bitch face!
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, sliding one leg out every single day.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how sliding one leg out happens.
Let’s wait for a uniquely adapted slave race to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get sliding one leg out.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw sliding one leg out for the first time!
Hot Grills is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by sliding one leg out.

User
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried  {v}.

Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried huddling in the corner.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried accepting any crap without opposing thoughts.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried shimmying up the pole.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried shouldering most of the blame.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried evading capture.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried going as deep as possible.

User
Going off
v

Gather round, family, it’s time to hang going off on the Christmas tree.
I don’t know how spiking a pug could lead to going off but it probably involves a gentle, flourished spanking!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn smoky chipotle flavored scuba air, but now for work I’m going off. Go figure!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate going off to prepare for a mission to mars.
Art can be defined by farting while asleep but only if it gets you going off and inspired.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a pill for every problem and walk right out the door without going off.

User
Too many cats
np

When I saw too many cats I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, being dragged by the neck, I freaked!
We put too many cats in your tea!
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with too many cats.
A needle can actually erode too many cats, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and too many cats.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of too many cats in the soil.

User
Swallowing a poodle whole
v

All the best love stories include swallowing a poodle whole.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Dude After Dude Co., tapping into the growing market for swallowing a poodle whole.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a little surprise incest jumping and nipping at me from below and even swallowing a poodle whole.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but swallowing a poodle whole.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not swallowing a poodle whole like your brother?”
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s swallowing a poodle whole.

User
Scrappy Doo
n

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Scrappy Doo jumping and nipping at me from below and even conjuring.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Scrappy Doo is a loaded gun.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to Scrappy Doo.
You evaded my “Scrappy Doo” attack! Most impressive.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle Scrappy Doo.
Getting Scrappy Doo back out of a volcano is next to impossible.

User
A cat treat
n

In Kentucky stores can’t sell a cat treat after 8pm, or on holidays like Pedophiles Day.
How high do you have to be to put a cat treat on Velcro shoes?
Until quite recently, a cat treat had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang a cat treat on the Christmas tree.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a cat treat!”
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a cat treat in the mirror! And it smelled like rival anthills in there! I’m so scared!

User
Your stupid Toyota Solara
n

Your stupid Toyota Solara gets me into some awkward situations. But the princess’s saliva has always got my back.
I don’t need love because I’m your stupid Toyota Solara. Sorry mom!
Lonely guys in Japan can buy your stupid Toyota Solara that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
My spirit animal: your stupid Toyota Solara.
Your stupid Toyota Solara is always a contest when I’m involved.
While I was out the Roomba got into your stupid Toyota Solara and was getting off.

User
Bitter droplets
np

Today I bought bitter droplets from the back of a van. They also threw in backwash, which I didn’t even think was legal.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch bitter droplets and her butthole.
The city council wants to cut down on bitter droplets. Meanwhile people are freely repeating the same mistake!
My kids keep installing bitter droplets on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A stalker with bitter droplets.
I was so surprised to see adult language that bitter droplets fell out of my mouth.

User
A little LSD
nc

After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “a Little LSD
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a little LSD and a strange boy who fights a caged madman.
At work I secretly have a little LSD under my desk.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a little LSD, a naturopathic remedy.
My school is throwing a tiny bone fragment party this weekend. Come for going straight to hell. Stay for a little LSD!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a humiliated animal went off early, ejecting a little LSD into the air!

User
Barking at teenagers
v

Dad! I’m all done barking at teenagers, so I have a watermelon owned by a black man left over if you’re still interested.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a really long nose hair went off early, ejecting barking at teenagers into the air!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to barking at teenagers.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized barking at teenagers.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about beating up retarded people, but with barking at teenagers!
Barking at teenagers is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.

User
Stealing a shark from the aquarium
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: stealing a shark from the aquarium!!!
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began stealing a shark from the aquarium.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with stealing a shark from the aquarium.
Last night I dreamed of stealing a shark from the aquarium. I cannot shake the feeling that a wet burst will arrive soon.
When I get older, I don’t want to be stealing a shark from the aquarium.
Stealing a shark from the aquarium is always a contest when I’m involved.



User
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to  .

From that day forward I've dedicated my life to pulling out just in time.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to the next time.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to flimsy toilet paper.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to killing all men.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to Woman 2.0.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to fluids from my face.

User
Chicken and water
nc

I scream, you scream, chicken and water, udders!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found chicken and water sticking to the wall.
Let’s wait for door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get chicken and water.
Don’t you hate the feeling of putting on fresh socks and stepping in a puddle of chicken and water?
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m chicken and water.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was chicken and water.

User
Lobster popcorn
nc

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with lobster popcorn. I barely even felt your lifestyle.
I saw industrial adhesive down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be lobster popcorn with us.”
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was lobster popcorn.
Here on the assembly line we heat lobster popcorn to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is untwisting.
In this 15th century painting, a slut who will do anything is represented by a man with lobster popcorn for a head.
Lobster popcorn has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
A safety belt
n

I was vacuuming when I sucked beef curtains out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a safety belt came out too!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a safety belt happens.
If a safety belt were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A gut with a safety belt.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a safety belt.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate a safety belt to prepare for a mission to mars.

User
A layer of fresh cream
n

Although moving away from lubricant proved effective for schools, the switch to a layer of fresh cream initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
My house. 8 o’clock. A layer of fresh cream.
Furious that I was being maimed in foreign lands into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a layer of fresh cream.
Can’t go out because of a layer of fresh cream on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-all-the-air-in-the-room-cor is right for you.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a layer of fresh cream, a naturopathic remedy.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Hate-fucking” and it helps me with a layer of fresh cream.

User
A giggling baby
n

Experts said that based on preliminary data, a giggling baby appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a giggling baby spice, a made up racial slur spice, and honey spice!
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a giggling baby popped out!
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a giggling baby and acquire shitting a bowling ball!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Mom and Dad; a giggling baby; my father’s example.
If you do it right, a giggling baby is all about my feelings.

User
Feeding my children
v

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only no minors and feeding my children.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Feeding My Children”! I shook his hand and it felt like feeding my children.
Last night was the tragic result of feeding my children
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had feeding my children removed so she can live a normal life.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be feeding my children.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: feeding my children.



Getting sold down the river
v

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Getting-sold-down-the-river-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving that sack of shit.
At the winery tour we saw how they put sweat and dead skin and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like getting sold down the river.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Wriggly little worms; getting sold down the river; a molecule.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with tender biting jumping and nipping at me from below and even getting sold down the river.
I make females with four teats for my cat by getting sold down the river with the thing hanging out of my butt. Oreo loves it!
We’re having the sound of someone sipping soup situation. Watch out for getting sold down the river and please stand by...

User
An eagle with human genitalia
n

4 out of 5 doctors recommend an eagle with human genitalia.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: An Eagle with Human Genitalia Blast!
I found out why I’m always sick... they found an eagle with human genitalia in the walls at my office.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see an eagle with human genitalia!
I don’t know how showing mercy could lead to an eagle with human genitalia but it probably involves many people!
Vote for me and I’ll stop slipping on a jizz slick, get rid of an eagle with human genitalia, and give everyone my secret sex gymnasium for free.

User
A big fat butt
n

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Consensual Manslaughter” and it helps me with a big fat butt.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had a big fat butt removed so she can live a normal life.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a big fat butt.
My mom picked me up a big fat butt from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
When I get older, I don’t want to be a big fat butt.
I tried to sneak out of the store with the polite scorn of a Canadian under one arm and a big fat butt down my pants.

User
Actually good pizza
nc

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with actually good pizza.
During my driving test, I backed my car into actually good pizza. I still got an 85!
All the best love stories include actually good pizza.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate actually good pizza.
The Internet is made out of actually good pizza.
Scorpions can shed actually good pizza in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

User
Sobbing quietly
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw sobbing quietly in the mirror! And it smelled like milking a buffalo in there! I’m so scared!
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Sobbing Quietly
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always sobbing quietly. Always.
I will do anything for Mom and Dad. But I won’t do sobbing quietly!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate sobbing quietly to prepare for a mission to mars.
They said sobbing quietly was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got sobbing quietly out the ears!

User
What was left
nc

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and what was left.
I didn’t think this house would sell with Asia in the attic. Anyway, I’m what was left.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of what was left and a Fedex full of deals.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about what was left?
Ever since what was left appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while completely wigging out.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned what was left. As a result, his men were well motivated.



Something to die for
n

When you two are done plummeting from 20,000 feet, can we please get something to die for and get out of here?!
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw my first time flavor and then something to die for flavor.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be something to die for.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in something to die for, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got something to die for painted on both sides, which some say encourages a rotting infant carcass.
My pharmacist separated something to die for into two parts, and carefully lowered one into an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around.



Just the thought of   makes me sick to my stomach.

Just the thought of skin worms makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of another way in makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of clicking the mouse makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of Axl Rose and his big teeth makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of his tumor makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of the island and everyone on it makes me sick to my stomach.

User
My dad's thoughts
np

To change kitty’s litter: grab my dad's thoughts, dig out any clumps, and refill with a bitch as nasty as that.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to my dad's thoughts, even before I put on my clothes.
When I saw my dad's thoughts I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, carefully removing my skeleton, I freaked!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found my dad's thoughts.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of my dad's thoughts hanging over the freeway.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift my dad's thoughts over my head, but Axl Rose and his big teeth got in the way.



My sad thoughts
np

I bought my sad thoughts yesterday and now I can’t stop fornicating all day, every day!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of my sad thoughts and the words “the girl next door”. I don’t get it!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my sad thoughts in the sea.
The White House will no longer enforce The My Sad Thoughts Act of 1959. Thank God.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re my sad thoughts, get to the front of the line.
I’ve finally got the last of urine sprinkles out of my sad thoughts.

User
Different people
np

Make sure to hang different people in a tree so Fancy Santas leaves your tent alone.
I was surprised to find bones in different people. Is that normal?
During the half-time show, a rip in different people exposed Velcro shoes to the audience.
I thought I was alone with different people but my mom walked in. We got to being slathered in baby oil and I felt better.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into different people! She’s 62!
I want to be buried with different people.

User
Just talkin' on the phone
v

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for just talkin' on the phone
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to just talkin' on the phone, even before I put on my clothes.
Don’t look at me while I’m just talkin' on the phone! It messes me up!
My girlfriend kicked my Kazakhstani grandma, and now she’s just talkin' on the phone. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as just talkin' on the phone or lying on the floor, cheering.
The cruiseliner struck black lace and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with just talkin' on the phone.

User
A lava bomb
n

I chipped my tooth on a lava bomb. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t Velcro shoes.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a lava bomb.
When the celestial spheres align, a lava bomb will descend from the heavens.
Make sure to hang a lava bomb in a tree so a shard of shrapnel leaves your tent alone.
I wasn’t always black... there was a lava bomb, and it got bigger and bigger.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Lava Bomb” syndrome!

User
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with  {n}, seared, and  {n}, raw.
Play 2

Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with spines, seared, and butt gas, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with a choreographed anti-drug dance, seared, and a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with pedophiles, seared, and salt, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with the royal baby, seared, and a great big sword, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with a mindless animal response, seared, and my shadow, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with various fluids, seared, and mood enhancing hormones, raw.

User
Seventeen espresso beans
np

I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing seventeen espresso beans down the gopher holes.
At work I secretly have seventeen espresso beans under my desk.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Seventeen Espresso Beans”! I shook his hand and it felt like seventeen espresso beans.
My girlfriend kicked cannibals, and now she’s seventeen espresso beans. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Can’t go out because of seventeen espresso beans on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-Taco-Bell-cor is right for you.
Always hold on to seventeen espresso beans to remember me.

User
A sexual act with the mini-sub
n

Our artisanal process ages a good girl for 3 years, before going right into a sexual act with the mini-sub, rapidly murdering someone through the internet.
Let’s wait for a sexual act with the mini-sub to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get fathering children with a lesbian.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a sexual act with the mini-sub to the vastness of space.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a sexual act with the mini-sub.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Sexual Act with the Mini-sub?
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a sexual act with the mini-sub on the freeway.



Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with  {s}, called me  {n}.
Play 2

Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a guillotine, called me nasty boys.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a little piece of shit, called me a hot bubbly blast of my innards.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with the whole planet, called me an enraged bee.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a side fuck, called me a dollar.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a gay vagina, called me tandem showering.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a cage built for an autistic student, called me my hood.

User
 {Un}: a bit much, even by my standards.

Man animals: a bit much, even by my standards.
Tainted love: a bit much, even by my standards.
The part I pee out of: a bit much, even by my standards.
Unexpected penetration: a bit much, even by my standards.
A time machine: a bit much, even by my standards.
The tiniest little idea in my pea brain: a bit much, even by my standards.

User
The corpses along the way
n

I thought I was alone with the corpses along the way but my mom walked in. We got to being dipped in Nutella and I felt better.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, the corpses along the way appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I came with the corpses along the way to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought dat ass so nobody even noticed!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with the corpses along the way.
This new Mario game is weird. You need the corpses along the way to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a lovable grandfather.
We couldn’t land because of a minivan with a dead body in it caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like the corpses along the way.

User
Corpses along the way
np

Until quite recently, corpses along the way had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
The authorities followed the trail of corpses along the way, leading them straight to the suspect.
They didn’t have corpses along the way at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed doing surgery on LSD.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded corpses along the way and now I’m having trouble with industrial solvent.
Corpses-Along-the-Way-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Corpses along the way can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.

User
Strawberry syrup
nc

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Strawberry Syrup!
Ever since the incident with strawberry syrup I’ve been haunted by another way in.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with strawberry syrup, a naturopathic remedy.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start needing one more inch before strawberry syrup.
It’s lucky to touch strawberry syrup; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I’m late to my meeting for strawberry syrup.

User
Just some weirdo
n

I bought just some weirdo yesterday and now I can’t stop vomiting gore all over your face!
My school is throwing a Secret Service agent party this weekend. Come for deliberately standing in front of a cannon. Stay for just some weirdo!
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still just some weirdo!
To change kitty’s litter: grab just some weirdo, dig out any clumps, and refill with this spring’s hottest new fashions.
The problem with America is just some weirdo.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is just some weirdo.

User
George can't come to the party. He's  .

George can't come to the party. He's snake jizz.
George can't come to the party. He's scissoring.
George can't come to the party. He's a scimitar twirling terrorist.
George can't come to the party. He's threatening my wife and child.
George can't come to the party. He's the most sensitive part of my body.
George can't come to the party. He's each of the victims.

User
A premature ejaculator
n

The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put a premature ejaculator in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
I’ve finally got the last of a premature ejaculator out of fist pumping.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a premature ejaculator by rewarding them with a Ouija board.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a premature ejaculator on the porch to surprise the kids.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from getting hella preggers with a premature ejaculator.
One of the Baldwin brothers produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a premature ejaculator to keep warm.

User
Barfing in the closet later
v

Art can be defined by barfing in the closet later but only if it gets you increasing in size and inspired.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not barfing in the closet later like your brother?”
Go, go, Gadget Barfing in the Closet Later!
Growing up we never had a winking hole, but we had to deal with barfing in the closet later, and I want the opposite for my children.
I’m getting a falling tree installed in my car, so I can be barfing in the closet later while I drive.
It’s time to scrape the remains of barfing in the closet later off the driveway.

User
Two tortilla chips
np

Don’t shake a box of wine so hard, it’ll start two tortilla chips.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with two tortilla chips slowly overtaking the buildings.
I’m going to post the new white card "two tortilla chips" to SAH. What do you think to the reanimated corpse of my neighbor?
Hate-fucking can actually erode two tortilla chips, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on two tortilla chips, or even some kind of a strap-on scene.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for two tortilla chips.

User
Correcting a woman
v

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s correcting a woman.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all correcting a woman, right while I’m surviving.
While I was out the Roomba got into an imitation poop spiral and was correcting a woman.
Thanks for correcting a woman last night. *wink* *wink*
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a certain je ne sais quoi and can be used for correcting a woman.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be correcting a woman.

User
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like  {n}.

Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like hot biscuits & gravy.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like The Blood-Soaked Queen.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like their white asses.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like cooter muscles.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like a sudden penetration.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like a cunt slap.

User
Give me liberty or give me  {n}!

Give me liberty or give me a massive, hissing centipede!
Give me liberty or give me a refreshing douche of Sprite®!
Give me liberty or give me salt!
Give me liberty or give me a thick, luscious banana slug!
Give me liberty or give me the royal baby!
Give me liberty or give me complete madness!

User
Dogs: the animal most likely to be  .

Dogs: the animal most likely to be a deflating balloon.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be peeing in a cup.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be Dad’s money.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be hot biscuits & gravy.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be blowing chunks.



How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be   if I'm not allowed to be  .
Play 1

How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be too much denim if I'm not allowed to be too much denim.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be oiled thighs if I'm not allowed to be oiled thighs.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be the killing of educated adults if I'm not allowed to be the killing of educated adults.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be the power of love if I'm not allowed to be the power of love.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be a little crack if I'm not allowed to be a little crack.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be the ’80s if I'm not allowed to be the ’80s.

User
California woman arrested after leaving  {n} in her car while shopping at Walmart.

California woman arrested after leaving questions. Ceaseless questions in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving laser sounds in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving crotch rot in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving enough mules in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving those responsible in her car while shopping at Walmart.

User
Is it OK to put  {n} in the microwave?

Is it OK to put the basement in the microwave?
Is it OK to put an iceberg in the microwave?
Is it OK to put their own mothers in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a watermelon owned by a black man in the microwave?
Is it OK to put Donald Trump’s family in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a wasted life in the microwave?

User
You can send  {n} back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.

You can send the front half back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send a teeny tiny baby back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send a madhouse! A madhouse! back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send nudity back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send the last breath of a dying man back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send a finely sculpted buttock back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.

User
Sticky notes are good for  .

Sticky notes are good for oozing holes.
Sticky notes are good for hog dander.
Sticky notes are good for falling into boiling water.
Sticky notes are good for micropenises.
Sticky notes are good for giving good solid advice.
Sticky notes are good for having a zero-value existence.

User
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best  {UTvpc}."

At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Pitching a God Damn Hissy Fit."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Taking a Flying Leap."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best White Guilt."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Running with a Floppy, Out-of-control Hand."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best No Minors."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Insurance."

User
Upgrading
vt

I prayed to God for upgrading, and God delivered!
My school is throwing your blessed little heart party this weekend. Come for crisp fresh lettuce. Stay for upgrading!
When I saw goat porn I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, upgrading, I freaked!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Self-cutting; upgrading; earwig pincers.
A lifetime of upgrading awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
At the coffee shop they put “upgrading” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.



Tasering a puppy
v

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use gross people to treat tasering a puppy!
Thanks for tasering a puppy last night. *wink* *wink*
Tasering a puppy like this is enough to kill a horse!
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in tasering a puppy together.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of tasering a puppy.
While you’re at the store can you pick up tasering a puppy, in family size?

User
 {U} is too racist for Australia.

A backdoor woman is too racist for Australia.
A shrieking tarantula is too racist for Australia.
Several clones of hitler is too racist for Australia.
Enough lube is too racist for Australia.
Thinking about spiders is too racist for Australia.
Being asleep, not dead is too racist for Australia.

User
User error
nc

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in user error.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab user error and walk right out the door without being ashamed of your nakedness.
At the winery tour we saw how they put user error and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like doing a weird sex thing.
I make user error for my cat by putting my mouth on it with an extremely uncomfortable mattress. Oreo loves it!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking user error onto the International Space Station.
At my 9th birthday, we had a phone ringing off the hook piñata that burst open showering user error on us kids.

User
Just to get all spins of the original:

Will I ever love  {n} as much as I love haunted houses?

Will I ever love a mistake as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love imaginary friend, Captain Howdy as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love a gentleman with the tummy grumbles as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love a traffic cone full of bibimbap as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love Disneyland! as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love all sorts of shit as much as I love haunted houses?



Will I ever love a man as much as I love  {p}?

Will I ever love a man as much as I love gurgling tar pits?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love the elevator shaft?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love deals?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love lower standards?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love awesome lectures?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love two firetrucks?

User
A human child
n

A human child can only be killed by females with four teats.
I like my women like I like rival anthills: reaching around with a human child.
I prayed to God for a human child, and God delivered!
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a human child.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a traffic cop and a mouthfeel like a human child.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Human Child”! I shook his hand and it felt like a human child.

User
Hurting my chest
v

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience hurting my chest like I was really there.
My wife printed me a certifcate for hurting my chest. I’m excited for tonight!
A new study found that giving employees compliments and hurting my chest can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Pundits agree it will take hurting my chest for the senator to win the election.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and hurting my chest.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by hurting my chest.

User
A fat piece of blood
n

Go, go, Gadget a Fat Piece of Blood!
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the tiniest little idea in my pea brain and a fat piece of blood.
When I think South America, I feel a fat piece of blood.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a fat piece of blood for free on every corner.
While I was out the Roomba got into a fat piece of blood and was yanking hard.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned a fat piece of blood. As a result, his men were well motivated.

User
A no-legged cat
n

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a no-legged cat in the pillows.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a no-legged cat and to avoid human body warmth.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a no-legged cat.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady smashing skulls with a no-legged cat.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a no-legged cat, a naturopathic remedy.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into a no-legged cat.

User
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of   on them.

These playing cards all have naughty pictures of quicksand on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of butt licks on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a puffy penis costume on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of turkey tacos on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a dusty butthole on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of poopy toilet paper on them.

User
As the magician crammed the last of  {n} into his mouth,  {n} popped out his ear!
Play 2

As the magician crammed the last of a grave error into his mouth, a special little fuck popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a prop gun into his mouth, trapped stairs that fold into a ramp popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of the “fun” stuff into his mouth, bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a tiny Jamaican into his mouth, pictures of my body popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of too much denim into his mouth, a dick out popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a Christmas tree into his mouth, ointment popped out his ear!

User
Coming back
v

My new phone looks like it’s coming back but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be coming back during sex.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for coming back and to avoid no touching and no sex.
This year’s hottest album is “coming back” by slavery.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a uniquely adapted slave race and the words “coming back”. I don’t get it!
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s coming back.

User
Going "shloop!"
v

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with power of attorney went off early, ejecting going "shloop!" into the air!
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s going "shloop!".
I’ve finally got the last of curses out of going "shloop!".
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by going "shloop!".
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Going "shloop!".
During the war, German scientists experimented with going "shloop!" to weaponize every part of the buffalo.

User
Levitating
vt

The referee just issued a red card to levitating for sliding into giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be levitating and where does nasty boys come in?
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with levitating.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn levitating, but now for work I’m the nanny. Go figure!
It’s time to scrape the remains of levitating off the driveway.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about levitating.

User
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get  {n} up the stairs.

"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a quickie up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a short muscular rectum up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get another man up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get balls caught in the car window up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get life-altering injuries up the stairs.

User
Waiting in the car alone
v

When I saw victory or death I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, waiting in the car alone, I freaked!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was waiting in the car alone.
I’m late to my meeting for waiting in the car alone.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s waiting in the car alone.
I beat waiting in the car alone all the time!
I thought I was alone with the reanimated corpse of my neighbor but my mom walked in. We got to waiting in the car alone and I felt better.

User
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into  {n}.

My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into white chocolate, if you know what I mean.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a humiliated animal.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into an improvised explosive device.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into hot babes.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a forty foot Ferris wheel.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into heavy hearts.

User
Right in the sack
nc

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only my black son and right in the sack.
Monopoly: Right in the Sack Edition comes with a stupid student and smooth boys instead of houses and hotels.
They didn’t have a lump in the blanket at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed right in the sack.
Amtrak officials confirm right in the sack would have prevented train derailment.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt right in the sack in the sea.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into right in the sack, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start listening to sad music and being sad.

User
A glitter strap-on dildo
n

Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a glitter strap-on dildo mailing anthrax.
It's like they always say: a glitter strap-on dildo never changes.
I buried my treasure under a glitter strap-on dildo so you’d never find it!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a glitter strap-on dildo.
There is no revenge so complete as a glitter strap-on dildo.
I prayed to God for a glitter strap-on dildo, and God delivered!

User
Come to find out  {n} was hiding in the shower while I was  {v}.
Play 2

Come to find out a period was hiding in the shower while I was wetting the bed.
Come to find out a weak little person was hiding in the shower while I was achieving an orgasm.
Come to find out the black president was hiding in the shower while I was closing her legs.
Come to find out the coming race war was hiding in the shower while I was joining the Army in a panic.
Come to find out the women was hiding in the shower while I was biking down the Luxor.
Come to find out intense pain was hiding in the shower while I was touching your vaggie while sleeping.



Come to find out  {n} was  {v} in the shower while I was  {v}.
Play 3

Come to find out llama spit was offending people in the shower while I was hiding some pee.
Come to find out spiders again was getting crushed between two trucks in the shower while I was sitting in the bathtub.
Come to find out a number of thrusts was untwisting in the shower while I was listening to sad music and being sad.
Come to find out shaved bears was grabbing her pussy in the shower while I was being hit by space debris.
Come to find out a silent, anonymous encounter was hiding in the shower while I was nothing else.
Come to find out a fistful of glitter was going straight to hell for this in the shower while I was delegating responsibilities.

User
Family startled to find  {n} hiding in pool noodle.

Family startled to find extremely poor judgment hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find my first time hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find a hot bubbly blast of my innards hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find the cruel ambition of my father hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find several children hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find so few little turds hiding in pool noodle.

User
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in  {n}.

Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in hot water.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in grabby hands.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in an ant in my beard.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in my front fat.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in a mutilated torso.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in loose morals.

User
Two vials of essence of cat screams
np

Blow torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get two vials of essence of cat screams from a suspected terrorist.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find Russian dressing, two vials of essence of cat screams and a good soak.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “two vials of essence of cat screams”.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a slut who deserved it destroyed and two vials of essence of cat screams killed as well.
First you get Mexican forces. Then you get two vials of essence of cat screams. Then you get a milky sweat bead.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Two Vials of Essence of Cat Screams?

User
Zero chupacabras
np

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen zero chupacabras.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Zero Chupacabras Blast!
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be falling into boiling water and where does zero chupacabras come in?
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with zero chupacabras.
If mom hears us talking about zero chupacabras we’ll be SO grounded!
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get zero chupacabras removed from her and bad juju removed from me.

User
Zero cupcakes
np

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on zero cupcakes.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a gigantic eyeball on a stalk in the toilet and touched zero cupcakes on the wall.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to zero cupcakes.
It’s not delivery. It’s zero cupcakes.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with zero cupcakes.
In the third world, luxuries like an invisible wall are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to zero cupcakes.

User
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and  {n} streams in through the lens.

An aperture opens at the front of the camera and some kids streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and the last breath of a dying man streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and live wires hanging from the ceiling streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and an exploitative sex tape streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and a dog boner streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and that sex move that drives me crazy streams in through the lens.

User
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under  {n}.

I won hide-and-seek by hiding under Satan’s dark little snatch.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under nothingness.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under a fatal bee sting on the anus.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under $200 worth of Taco Bell™.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under the sun.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under Jesus’s death.

User
The drain wasn't draining because there was  {s} caught in it.

The drain wasn't draining because there was an earthworm caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a big, heavy shotgun caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a hollow shell caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a rocket with a mouse strapped on caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was the stillness of death caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a promise caught in it.



An elephant
n

Howdy neighbor, love a hanging body! Let’s get an elephant sometime!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an elephant.
Furious that I was running with a floppy, out-of-control hand into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into an elephant.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have an elephant.
While I was out the Roomba got into an elephant and was taking it hard.
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as an elephant.

User
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's  {p} all the way down.

The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's baby eels all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's balls caught in the car window all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's hugs and kisses all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's leopard print top hats all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's lips all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's cooties all the way down.

User
Gasoline-soaked rags
np

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS GASOLINE-SOAKED RAGS WAITING TO KILL.”
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, gasoline-soaked rags, sloth, wrath, a big surprise, and pride.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put gasoline-soaked rags in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
If you do it right, gasoline-soaked rags is all about solving a problem.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Two-country-bumpkins-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and gasoline-soaked rags.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put gasoline-soaked rags in the pillows.

User
Blubber
nc

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, blubber emerged.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in blubber.
On the assembly line we heat blubber to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is putting up with you.
Pundits agree it will take blubber for the senator to win the election.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore blubber in a very realistic way.
When you two are done being attacked by a skeleton, can we please get blubber and get out of here?!



Floss
nc

Sir! We are out of floss, but we found a mountain of jew gold while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for floss.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into floss and stopped.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of floss in the soil.
Back in my day, we only had a refreshing douche of Sprite® for floss and we LIKED IT.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as floss.

User
Getting milked
v

Ever since markings on my neck appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while getting milked.
What the mercy killing department lacks in selection, we make up for in getting milked.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into getting milked! She’s 62!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Getting Milked!
When I saw slow diarrhea I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting milked, I freaked!
My wife is WAY better at getting milked than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years

User
The creamiest
n

At work I secretly have the creamiest under my desk.
I Googled for the creamiest and found a picture of myself.
But of the tree of the creamiest you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Work the creamiest up until frothing before spreading across mood enhancing hormones, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
I could tell a virus had ended up behind me when I felt the creamiest as I backed up.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and the creamiest.

User
Being so creamy
v

The HOA says I can’t raise machine guns on my property. Meanwhile no word about being so creamy at the Jones’s!
Alexander also named a city in India “Being so Creamy” after his dead horse.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn searching his ass, but now for work I’m being so creamy. Go figure!
That kind of attitude is why we have being so creamy now.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “being so creamy,” over and over again while in use.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, being so creamy every single day.

User
Nodding sadly
v

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still nodding sadly!
Nodding sadly is the spice of a falling chimney.
If mom hears us talking about nodding sadly we’ll be SO grounded!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore nodding sadly in a very realistic way.
James Bond will return in “The Man With nodding sadly”!
Let a certain je ne sais quoi host your next party, providing nodding sadly like you’ve never experienced before.



The prosecution
n

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during the prosecution that overturned their car.
Vote for me and I’ll stop doing your best and trying your hardest, get rid of us black folk, and give everyone the prosecution for free.
The prosecution saved is the prosecution earned.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for the prosecution.
Opioids help people with the prosecution, but then they cant poop.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for the prosecution.

User
Unlocking my piss chakra
v

Are you there God? It’s me, unlocking my piss chakra.
I scream, you scream, the reason this happened, unlocking my piss chakra!
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for unlocking my piss chakra?
I’m gonna prove the link between unlocking my piss chakra and Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks! You’ll all see!
Unlocking my piss chakra nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a big surprise.
My dream house has a real jerk-off built in, an extra garage for unlocking my piss chakra, and the killing of educated adults for the door bell.

User
An utterly filthy butt crack
n

I buried my treasure under an utterly filthy butt crack so you’d never find it!
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to an utterly filthy butt crack.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on an utterly filthy butt crack when I bought a crazed Eskimo.
I’ve finally got the last of an utterly filthy butt crack out of gurgling tar pits.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for an utterly filthy butt crack?
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate an utterly filthy butt crack.

User
Getting wet
v

I can’t believe you forced my mom into getting wet! She’s 62!
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from getting wet, and the eco-glass windows trap in a fridge full of heads.
There’s a backdoor woman convention going on and everybody is getting wet.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting wet,” over and over again while in use.
I can’t believe you guys went getting wet without me! Loop me in next time, I want most of my blood too!
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, getting wet every single day.

User
Me? Or your lyin' eyes
np

Me? Or your lyin' eyes! Me? Or your lyin' eyes! My kingdom for me? Or your lyin' eyes!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a wild animal and now I’m having trouble with me? Or your lyin' eyes.
Senator, give us me? Or your lyin' eyes biannually and you’ll get our vote.
I’m getting me? Or your lyin' eyes installed in my car, so I can be a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice while I drive.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by me? Or your lyin' eyes.
I think a lot of people would pay to see me? Or your lyin' eyes.



Me?
n

Always hold on to me? to remember me.
I Googled for me? and found a picture of myself.
Me? really messes up my butt complexion!
My dream house has the tickle zone built in, an extra garage for me?, and a leak for the door bell.
Me?: It’s nature’s candy!
Men, like me?, go farthest when they are a fridge full of heads.



The intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote
n

Look, man, I’m not into the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote. But $20 is $20.
Don’t look at me while I’m the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote! It messes me up!
The intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just hiding the pain. Sorry.
The intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote in the sea.
Opinions are like the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

User
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de  {UT} de los Ángeles del Río  {UT}
Play 2

The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de A Joke from the Internet de los Ángeles del Río A Drop of Blood
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Questions. Ceaseless Questions de los Ángeles del Río Some Dead Guy’s Money
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Being Asleep, Not Dead de los Ángeles del Río Getting HUGE
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de A Deathbed de los Ángeles del Río Bitches on the Love Throne
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Anally Consuming a Walnut de los Ángeles del Río The Bad Cop
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Falling in Love with a White Girl de los Ángeles del Río A Gut

User
The loss of  {n} has been devastating to the children of this town.

The loss of a fistful of hair has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of the pelvis has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of my hot girlfriend has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of a flea has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of a vibrator with a voice has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of a pig on top has been devastating to the children of this town.

User
Crytax that's weird.
User
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to  .

New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to an accident.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to Martha Stewart, orgasming.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to my last tooth.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to every part of the buffalo.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to a lucky toss.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to the elevator shaft.

User
Sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box
v

My spirit animal: sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box.
My publisher demanded I remove sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box gets me into some awkward situations. But 19GB of horseporn has always got my back.
Music without the sounds of sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box is hardly music at all.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box?

User
 {U}? I rinsed my hole for  ?
Play 1

A dusty butthole? I rinsed my hole for a dusty butthole?
Choking bitches? I rinsed my hole for choking bitches?
A karate chop? I rinsed my hole for a karate chop?
Steady pumping? I rinsed my hole for steady pumping?
My skin template? I rinsed my hole for my skin template?
Angelina Jolie’s lips? I rinsed my hole for Angelina Jolie’s lips?

User
A robotic breast massager
n

I’m gonna prove the link between a robotic breast massager and cannibals! You’ll all see!
A robotic breast massager is your comfort zone in the ocean of life!
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a robotic breast massager and a roll of toilet paper.
I was vacuuming when I sucked formaldehyde out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a robotic breast massager came out too!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Robotic Breast Massager”! I shook his hand and it felt like a robotic breast massager.
If you have a dream about a robotic breast massager, it means you’re worried about joining the Army in a panic.

User
Getting run over by a Bentley
v

A major problem is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting run over by a Bentley. Sorry.
Then God said, “Let there be getting run over by a Bentley”; and there was getting run over by a Bentley. And God saw that getting run over by a Bentley was good.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by filthy underpants and getting run over by a Bentley.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Getting Run over by a Bentley”! I shook his hand and it felt like getting run over by a Bentley.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift the taste of Rohypnol over my head, but getting run over by a Bentley got in the way.
Vote for me and I’ll stop getting run over by a Bentley, get rid of very expensive gelato, and give everyone shavings for free.

User
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be  .

I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be a penis and a vagina.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be cuts on the wall.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be the pilot, who died instantly.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be skin slack.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be a mountain of jew gold.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be almost enough oxygen.

User
Cutting my neck open
v

being suspended in gelatin is where cutting my neck open goes to die.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit cutting my neck open and acquire an invisible wall!
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s cutting my neck open, with his tumor around the edges, and Krampus, the child punisher on top.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is cutting my neck open.
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were cutting my neck open.
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been cutting my neck open?

User
The kids were running around and one knocked over  {n}.

The kids were running around and one knocked over a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves.
The kids were running around and one knocked over the part I pee out of.
The kids were running around and one knocked over accusations.
The kids were running around and one knocked over Nicki Minaj’s hot pants.
The kids were running around and one knocked over a prime cut of steak.
The kids were running around and one knocked over battery acid.

User
Using my face as a fly swatter
v

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between untwisting and using my face as a fly swatter.
Pundits agree it will take using my face as a fly swatter for the senator to win the election.
Ich bin ein using my face as a fly swatter.
My new phone looks like it’s using my face as a fly swatter but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
At the winery tour we saw how they put no wheelchair access and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like using my face as a fly swatter.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be using my face as a fly swatter if I wanted a new family.



My face as a fly swatter
n

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see my face as a fly swatter!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about my face as a fly swatter.
I Googled for my face as a fly swatter and found a picture of myself.
Last Christmas, I gave you my face as a fly swatter. The very next day, you gave it away.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of my face as a fly swatter wriggling and thrashing.
It’s time to scrape the remains of my face as a fly swatter off the driveway.

User
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been  .

Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been a virus.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been hiding some pee.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been smashing skulls.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been my evil little body.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been disappointment.



Hooking onto the inside of my butt
v

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Meat and cheese nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with hooking onto the inside of my butt.
I’m getting a succulent jumbo prawn installed in my car, so I can be hooking onto the inside of my butt while I drive.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a thick, luscious banana slug, a close friend and hooking onto the inside of my butt.

User
Looking like a sex offender
v

You evaded my “Looking like a Sex Offender” attack! Most impressive.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with looking like a sex offender.
Looking-like-a-Sex-Offender-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use looking like a sex offender to treat hate-fucking!
They cut open the crocodile to find wrestling alligators, still looking like a sex offender like always.
Doctor! My child has looking like a sex offender coursing through his veins!



A completely normal sexual encounter
n

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A completely normal sexual encounter.
Her inheritance was squandered upon some seriously fucked shit while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a completely normal sexual encounter in her own home.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a completely normal sexual encounter.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a completely normal sexual encounter.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a completely normal sexual encounter.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “A-completely-normal-sexual-encounter-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving demons.

User
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at  {UTv} of  {UTn}"
Play 2

My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Shitting a Bowling Ball of Hindquarters"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Leaking out My Bum of Dinosaurs"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Befuddlin’ Mah Dumb Cracka Mind of The Last Wish of a Dying Man"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Shaking of Unbelievably Beautiful Hair"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Accepting Any Crap Without Opposing Thoughts of A Sexual Encounter"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Mounting of Wetness"

User
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for   during the Iraq War.

The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for just plain racism during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for accidentally hitting your daughter during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for a Ouija board during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for crotch rot during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for crashing out of a window during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for 80,000 tons of nuclear waste during the Iraq War.

User
Cranking super hard
v

An Even Freakier Dude is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by cranking super hard.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by cranking super hard.
I like so few little turds like I like my coffee: cranking super hard, put in a sack, and dragged across life-altering injuries.
Furious that I was cranking super hard into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into 19 cannons.
Cranking super hard is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Slender and muscled, like complex maths. She was the spitting image of cranking super hard.

User
🐺🌙🐺🌙🐺 AWR0000000000000000000000000!!! 🐺🌙🐺🌙🐺

User
We have a zero tolerance policy for   here at Disney. So take  {n} and leave quietly please.
Play 2

We have a zero tolerance policy for all sorts of shit here at Disney. So take a wet spot and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for cutting here at Disney. So take a sexually aggressive woman and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for lethal radiation here at Disney. So take bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for a purring kitten here at Disney. So take emoticons and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for the president’s helicopter here at Disney. So take a body pillow with a penis and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for needing one more inch here at Disney. So take the moron I hired to kill you and leave quietly please.

User
The entire Mississippi River
n

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with the entire Mississippi River, a naturopathic remedy.
I went rafting, saw the entire Mississippi River in the river, no big deal.
More armies need to incorporate the entire Mississippi River into their uniforms.
All the best love stories include the entire Mississippi River.
Shepherds in Scotland have used peeing out a crab for years to keep the flock from the entire Mississippi River.
We have a zero tolerance policy for unexpected penetration here at Disney. So get the entire Mississippi River and get out!

User
Huge glittery eyelashes
np

Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for clicking the mouse and to avoid huge glittery eyelashes.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of huge glittery eyelashes.
I’m getting huge glittery eyelashes installed in my car, so I can be gurgling tar pits while I drive.
For my last meal I want nine guys you fucked seasoned lightly with huge glittery eyelashes.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “huge glittery eyelashes
When I think South America, I feel huge glittery eyelashes.

User
A suspicious death in a neighboring city
n

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a suspicious death in a neighboring city that overturned their car.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for a suspicious death in a neighboring city.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “a suspicious death in a neighboring city.”
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a suspicious death in a neighboring city. Always.
This year’s hottest album is “touching your vaggie while sleeping” by a suspicious death in a neighboring city.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a suspicious death in a neighboring city... Sweet! Sunny-D!

User
Willing flesh
nc

We’re having a lucky toss situation. Watch out for willing flesh and please stand by...
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found willing flesh.
This workplace has gone (0) days without willing flesh.
Howdy neighbor, love willing flesh! Let’s get touching my deformity sometime!
Slender and muscled, like willing flesh. She was the spitting image of too much wiggling.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience willing flesh like I was really there.

User
 {Un}: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.

A little sack of ball sacks: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
No evidence of any infidelity: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Barely any swag: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Pure love: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
The Dutch oven: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Fly honeys: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.

User
I love this Pokemon Go bug.

User
My wife cooked  {n} in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

My wife cooked a pill for every problem in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked a quiet plop in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked a mafia hitman in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked sex friends in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked your greasy food hole in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

User
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for  {v}.

Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for peeing out a crab.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for diddling.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for needing one more inch.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for gassing.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for sewing it shut.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for being attacked by a skeleton.

User
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down  {n} Saturday

Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down skeleton hands Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down the escape route Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down these faggots Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down a piñata full of cigarettes Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down mutual discomfort Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around Saturday

User
The school's on lockdown because someone left  {n} in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was  {v} with it!
Play 2

The school's on lockdown because someone left a giant eraser in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was rubbing my gland with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left Tony’s prison baby in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was picking at it with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was hitting a man out of his wheelchair with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left rolling eyes in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was completely wigging out with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left accusations in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was being fucking dead with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left a feeding tube in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was sobbing silently to yourself as the night closes in with it!

User
Confirmed fatalities
np

Today I bought confirmed fatalities from the back of a van. They also threw in a mistake, which I didn’t even think was legal.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found confirmed fatalities.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only confirmed fatalities and the brave men and women fighting for us come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I thought I was alone with confirmed fatalities but my mom walked in. We got to listening to sad music and being sad and I felt better.
Are you there God? It’s me, confirmed fatalities.
You, ya dirty bum nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid confirmed fatalities.

User
Getting a job
v

I scream, you scream, getting a job, a single shot to the head!
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like other things I’ve put in my butt and can be used for getting a job.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in getting a job!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Getting a Job” syndrome!
Getting a job like this is enough to kill a horse!
Getting a job is the spice of elbow grease.

User
Every mom
nc

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a wild animal and a mouthfeel like every mom.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in every mom in the middle of each intersection.
Apparently, “Every Mom” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with every mom.
Every mom: It’s nature’s candy!
Ever since the incident with a kitten pawing at my wiener I’ve been haunted by every mom.



Every mom's nightmare
n

The new top grade of gasoline has every mom's nightmare as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is every mom's nightmare.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took every mom's nightmare to the funeral.
Make sure to hang a shard of shrapnel in a tree so every mom's nightmare leaves your tent alone.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s every mom's nightmare.
Every mom's nightmare can only be killed by a protective layer of rubber.

User
Traveling one minute back in time
v

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of traveling one minute back in time came on the screen.
Apparently, “Traveling One Minute Back in Time” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
There is no revenge so complete as traveling one minute back in time.
No thanks. My doctor said traveling one minute back in time makes defecation painful.
When you two are done traveling one minute back in time, can we please get cheering children and get out of here?!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be traveling one minute back in time.

User
Horsepox
nc

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use horsepox to treat a virus!
Honey, you can’t keep putting horsepox down the garbage disposal!
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift horsepox over my head, but a tattered jockstrap got in the way.
Can’t go out because of two firetrucks on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-horsepox-cor is right for you.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by horsepox.
My girlfriend kicked a lamprey infestation, and now she’s horsepox. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

User
Having a heart attach in Azteca
v

There’s mom convention going on and everybody is having a heart attach in Azteca.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “having a heart attach in Azteca,” over and over again while in use.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re having a heart attach in Azteca!
But I promised I would get my kids having a heart attach in Azteca for Christmas!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s having a heart attach in Azteca and I think I believe her!
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in having a heart attach in Azteca together.



User
Not peeing on the seat
v

The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of not peeing on the seat.
Not peeing on the seat really messes up my butt complexion!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in not peeing on the seat.
I like my women like I like graffiti that says “FUCK YOU”: not peeing on the seat with scissoring.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find not peeing on the seat so relaxing.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all blowing in my ear, right while I’m not peeing on the seat.



Only peeing on the seat
v

At the Amazon Go store you can grab all the air in the room and walk right out the door without only peeing on the seat.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to only peeing on the seat.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with only peeing on the seat.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling Axl Rose and his big teeth. The driver was only peeing on the seat.
I think a lot of people would pay to see only peeing on the seat.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk only peeing on the seat.



Getting pee on the seat
v

Shepherds in Scotland have used pitching a god damn hissy fit for years to keep the flock from getting pee on the seat.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as cunting around even harder or getting pee on the seat.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began getting pee on the seat.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but getting pee on the seat.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: getting pee on the seat.
The White House will no longer enforce The Getting Pee on the Seat Act of 1959. Thank God.

User
Pooch cancer
nc

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re pooch cancer!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as some guy named Darryl, score points by writhing on the floor and screaming my name, and pooch cancer shall not be on the field.
pooch cancer is where filthy underpants goes to die.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have pooch cancer.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for pooch cancer and to avoid exploding from both ends.
Furious that I was stopping just in time into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into pooch cancer.

User
DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy
n

The dog ate DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy so we’re waiting for machine gun fire.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of sock puppets, squirting acid, and DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
The cruiseliner struck DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a menacing spike.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
“D” is for DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
I was surprised to find bones in DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy. Is that normal?



The human butthole
n

The new artsy indie game “The Human Butthole” is a deeply emotional exploration of getting impregnated by an advanced robot.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the human butthole.
I will do anything for the human butthole. But I won’t do that!
This party was a real snooze, until the human butthole got things jumpin’.
I thought I was alone with the human butthole but my mom walked in. We got to acting like a child and I felt better.
Doctor! My child has the human butthole coursing through his veins!

User
For April Fools, I glued  {n} under my coworkers desks.

For April Fools, I glued a greased slope under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued love under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued flailing under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued a wayward dental implant under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued the women under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued hot sparks under my coworkers desks.

User
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with  {n}.

The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a secret.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a great big sword.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a wet spot.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with something even wetter.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with loudspeakers.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a projectile.

User
Getting dragged out in the street and shot
v

Don’t shake the inside so hard, it’ll start getting dragged out in the street and shot.
The problem with America is getting dragged out in the street and shot.
While I was out the Roomba got into those responsible and was getting dragged out in the street and shot.
I will do anything for getting dragged out in the street and shot. But I won’t do that!
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting dragged out in the street and shot.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed getting dragged out in the street and shot.



 {Un} should be dragged out in the street and shot.

A gasoline enema should be dragged out in the street and shot.
A novelty gag dildo should be dragged out in the street and shot.
Dudes should be dragged out in the street and shot.
The tickle zone should be dragged out in the street and shot.
That sex move that drives me crazy should be dragged out in the street and shot.
A wasted life should be dragged out in the street and shot.

User
Back pain
nc

Getting back pain back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
My religion demands that I must abstain from a 100 foot tidal wave. Back pain however, is OK.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on back pain.
1) A robot may not injure back pain, or through inaction allow back pain to come to harm.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Back pain and another hole in the head.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had back pain.



An argumentative vegan
n

To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago and an argumentative vegan.
James Bond will return in “The Man With an argumentative vegan”!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! An argumentative vegan can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Ever since an argumentative vegan appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while hiding the pain.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like an argumentative vegan.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of black leggings, 19GB of horseporn, and an argumentative vegan.

User
CRYTAX CARD DUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!

wwwhhooooOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!!!
User
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into  {n} factory to catch  {p}.
Play 2

Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into honey factory to catch sex toy directions.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a wiggly meat tube factory to catch shaved bears.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a screaming dog factory to catch your sisters.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into crush beast factory to catch furries.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a gurgling anus factory to catch REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into an accident factory to catch their own mothers.

User
Getting killed in my house
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as my hot girlfriend, score points by getting killed in my house, and my bisexuality shall not be on the field.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn getting killed in my house, but now for work I’m a bitch as nasty as that. Go figure!
This year’s hottest new fashion is getting killed in my house on your head.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re getting killed in my house, get to the front of the line.
I’m late to my meeting for getting killed in my house.
Apparently, “Getting Killed in My House” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

User
Marching together
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: marching together!!!
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized marching together.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with marching together.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, marching together appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was needing one more inch, part was marching together, and it was crowned with a drop of blood.
Marching together can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.



March together with us for   rights!

March together with us for wriggling and thrashing rights!
March together with us for wet dog smell rights!
March together with us for a cunt slap rights!
March together with us for being dragged rights!
March together with us for the rifleman’s upper body rights!
March together with us for pendulous breasts rights!

User
Being dissolved in acid
v

You can’t keep running around like being dissolved in acid, you’re endangering the bitter cold!
The HOA says I can’t raise good bacteria on my property. Meanwhile no word about being dissolved in acid at the Jones’s!
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Being Dissolved in Acid
Shepherds in Scotland have used being dissolved in acid for years to keep the flock from a protective layer of rubber.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep being dissolved in acid out of mainland China.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then being dissolved in acid really affected me.

User
You know the human centipede? This is more like  {n} centipede.

You know the human centipede? This is more like a plump, lazy hyena centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like Her Majesty, the Queen centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like an empty Tic Tac® box centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like the shittier one centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like the egg I hatched from centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like a very old jellybean centipede.

User
 {Un}: everybody gets one.

A slot: everybody gets one.
Dilation of the uterus: everybody gets one.
Mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores: everybody gets one.
A human-sized hamster ball: everybody gets one.
A gold ingot: everybody gets one.
An Amazon woman: everybody gets one.

User
An aggressive centipede
n

I want to be buried with an aggressive centipede.
I thought I was alone with an aggressive centipede but my mom walked in. We got to threatening my wife and child and I felt better.
An aggressive centipede is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Daddy! There’s an aggressive centipede under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I need a hotel room with the Hell pits, and I need an aggressive centipede brought to me every four hours.
I could tell $10 had ended up behind me when I felt an aggressive centipede as I backed up.



Startling an aggressive centipede
v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than startling an aggressive centipede.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of startling an aggressive centipede came on the screen.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, startling an aggressive centipede every single day.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Startling an aggressive centipede can increase your breast size in three weeks!
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Startling an Aggressive Centipede Blast!
In a world with another leopard startling an aggressive centipede, one man must overcome answers to all of life’s questions. Coming this summer.

User
My parents used to beat me with  {n}. I just had to lay there and take it.

My parents used to beat me with every pterodactyl. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with thick oatmeal. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with nut sack hairs. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with a frantic woman. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with wriggly little worms. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with a submissive sex android. I just had to lay there and take it.



A shopping cart
n

Oh no! Obama put a shopping cart in the water to turn a softer option gay!
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a shopping cart.
Last night I dreamed of the baby. I cannot shake the feeling that a shopping cart will arrive soon.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a shopping cart came on the screen.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a shopping cart popped out!
I will do anything for Evander Holyfield’s ear. But I won’t do a shopping cart!



Getting beaten with a shopping cart
v

Bumper sticker: My other ride is getting beaten with a shopping cart.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a fluid-filled body cavity in the attic. Anyway, I’m getting beaten with a shopping cart.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting beaten with a shopping cart.
Alexander also named a city in India “Getting Beaten with a Shopping Cart” after his dead horse.
See now black people walk like floppy, out-of-control boobs. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting beaten with a shopping cart!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a uniquely adapted slave race went off early, ejecting getting beaten with a shopping cart into the air!

User
Mimicking the anus of a dead animal
v

Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw mimicking the anus of a dead animal flavor and then machine gun fire flavor.
Alexander also named a city in India “Mimicking the Anus of a Dead Animal” after his dead horse.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for mimicking the anus of a dead animal!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then mimicking the anus of a dead animal really affected me.
At the winery tour we saw how they put shenanigans and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like mimicking the anus of a dead animal.
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been mimicking the anus of a dead animal?

User
The Philippines is going to block  {n} on the Internet.

The Philippines is going to block an unexpected finger on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block the finest quality cheese on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block a dick out on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block flimsy toilet paper on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block 20 dollars on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block a newer, sleeker leopard on the Internet.

User
Fecal bacteria
nc

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but fecal bacteria.
For my last meal I want just me, by myself seasoned lightly with fecal bacteria.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Fecal Bacteria!
My religion demands that I must abstain from fecal bacteria. Ice cold seawater however, is OK.
Fecal bacteria travelled over 20 feet after throwing a 9 year old.
There is no revenge so complete as fecal bacteria.



Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in  {n} and blow it on your hands.

Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a sex swing and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a gentleman with the tummy grumbles and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a syringe of Tabasco and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in failure and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in energy and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a deluge of vomit and blow it on your hands.

User
Hearing it
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw spiders in the mirror! And it smelled like hearing it in there! I’m so scared!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “hearing it.”
Wolves don’t eat hearing it, and neither should kings.
Senator, I trust you enjoyed hearing it last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
People in Taiwan are getting a sex-addicted panda implanted in their bodies for hearing it.
There’s a suitcase full of guns and money convention going on and everybody is hearing it.



Beating it
v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from beating it, and the eco-glass windows trap in my feelings.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how beating it happens.
I scream, you scream, beating it, lifting off the toilet!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by beating it around the building.
If mom hears us talking about beating it we’ll be SO grounded!
The authorities followed the trail of beating it, leading them straight to the suspect.

User
We Germans are really into ze  {p} and ze farts.

We Germans are really into ze fly honeys and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze great tits and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze heavy hearts and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze edible disguises and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze hyperactive legs and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze us black folk and ze farts.

User
Hooker pee
nc

It’s time to scrape the remains of hooker pee off the driveway.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “hooker pee.”
In a world with a strange candy that makes you gay running around slamming doors, one man must overcome hooker pee. Coming this summer.
I pushed hard enough to snap hooker pee, but some powerful kind of rhythmic pounding was blocking the door.
I will do anything for hooker pee. But I won’t do that!
During routine surgery, the doctors found hooker pee embedded in my abdomen.



Hooker spit
nc

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around hooker spit on the freeway.
It’s not delivery. It’s hooker spit.
While I was out the Roomba got into hooker spit and was smashing skulls.
Giving birth to a prosthetic baby with hooker spit is a uniquely British problem.
Hooker spit saved is hooker spit earned.
In the third world, luxuries like hooker spit are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to an even freakier dude.

User
Wow! Ever part of  {n} is  {v}.
Play 2

Wow! Ever part of black market lungs is adding alcohol.
Wow! Ever part of the whole bottle of sleeping pills is beeping.
Wow! Ever part of a wondrous, splendifirous little thing is being angry and stupid.
Wow! Ever part of baby Jesus is being carted away.
Wow! Ever part of a cataclysmic magic spell is blowing in my ear.
Wow! Ever part of most of my money is danglin’ out there all pink and naked.

User
And God said: If I ever catch you  {v} with  {n} I'm sending you straight to Hell.
Play 2

And God said: If I ever catch you catching one in the bum with squirting acid I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you getting stepped on by a dominatrix with the power of love I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you shooting myself in the foot with a child drowning in a vat of molasses I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you doing a bad job at pooping with the heart I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you being sterilized with pictures of my body I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you drunk sexting my sister with pretty girls getting killed I'm sending you straight to Hell.

User
Other buried treasure
nc

Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug other buried treasure the fastest.
The dog ate other buried treasure so we’re waiting for a crow in a blender.
I ordered other buried treasure privately over the Internet so I can get better at spiking a pug.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with other buried treasure.
Ever since the incident with other buried treasure I’ve been haunted by cutting a hole in my pants.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of other buried treasure in the sky.



Hell
nc

Ever since Hell appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while wriggling and thrashing.
Hell is always a contest when I’m involved.
The Internet is made out of Hell.
You’re not a mom! You’re just Hell!
Help! I’m Hell and I need YOU to do something about it!
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up Hell in every room.

User
Never succeeding
v

Help! I’m never succeeding and I need YOU to do something about it!
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s never succeeding.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had never succeeding removed so she can live a normal life.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly never succeeding right in front of their children.
No one in Morocco can be never succeeding without registering with the government.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from never succeeding with gross people.

User
There's a new rumor that the president was  {v} out of wedlock.

There's a new rumor that the president was biking down the Luxor out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was chugging NyQuil™ out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was mercy killing out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was refusing any help out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was tunneling around out of wedlock.

User
The man claiming to be his father
n

You stole the toilet from a child? You’re the man claiming to be his father and you’re going to hell!
I thought I was alone with the man claiming to be his father but my mom walked in. We got to accidentally hitting your daughter and I felt better.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy the man claiming to be his father, and you get a stiff upper lip as a sign up bonus.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience the man claiming to be his father like I was really there.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? The man claiming to be his father.
I wasn’t always black... there was the man claiming to be his father, and it got bigger and bigger.

User
You fool! You uploaded  {n} and crashed the whole website!

You fool! You uploaded other things I’ve put in my butt and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded an invisible wall and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded delicate ladybrains and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded a night of unrestrained passion and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded a cunt slap and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded inactivity and poor health and crashed the whole website!



Filthy crazy gay smut
nc

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with filthy crazy gay smut.
You stole micropenises from a child? You’re filthy crazy gay smut and you’re going to hell!
I saw filthy crazy gay smut down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be neglecting a spike with us.”
I buried my treasure under filthy crazy gay smut so you’d never find it!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in filthy crazy gay smut.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Filthy Crazy Gay Smut Blast!

User
In front of the senate investigators,  {n} tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.

In front of the senate investigators, machine guns tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, both my ears tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, a one hundred dollar bill tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, donkeydump tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, tandem showering tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, just me, by myself tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.

User
The same stuff Prince used
nc

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the same stuff Prince used in the pillows.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Mom-and-Dad-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and the same stuff Prince used.
The same stuff Prince used gets me into some awkward situations. But a sex swing mishap has always got my back.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find the same stuff Prince used, the taxpayers and fathering children with a lesbian.
Vote for me and I’ll stop hoping nothing kills you, get rid of the same stuff Prince used, and give everyone a huge mountain for free.
Last night I dreamed of the same stuff Prince used. I cannot shake the feeling that a projectile will arrive soon.

User
Is your teen engaging in the " {UTn} Challenge"? Sucking   into their nose and out their mouth?
Play 1

Is your teen engaging in the "Tits like a Smoking Chimney Challenge"? Sucking tits like a smoking chimney into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "A Robustly Satisfying Fart Challenge"? Sucking a robustly satisfying fart into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "Oozing Holes Challenge"? Sucking oozing holes into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "Slow Diarrhea Challenge"? Sucking slow diarrhea into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "Machine Guns Challenge"? Sucking machine guns into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "A Mafia Hitman Challenge"? Sucking a mafia hitman into their nose and out their mouth?

User
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always  {v} with Chad.

We had to let Rebecca go because she was always torturing your family with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always lifting off the toilet with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always terrorizing that pussy with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always pooping for four hours a day with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always threatening my mom with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always being deep inside each other with Chad.



Trying to get it on
v

Trying-to-Get-It-on-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
That kind of attitude is why we have trying to get it on now.
I Googled for trying to get it on and found a picture of myself.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Trying to get it on.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a steering wheel flavor and then trying to get it on flavor.
grabby hands is where trying to get it on goes to die.

User
Is your teen engaging in " {UTn} Challenge"? Sucking   into their nose and out their mouth?
Play 1

Is your teen engaging in "A Condom with Johnny Depp’s Face on It Challenge"? Sucking a condom with Johnny Depp’s face on it into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "An Extremely Painful Sneeze Challenge"? Sucking an extremely painful sneeze into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "Shitty Chairs from IKEA® Challenge"? Sucking shitty chairs from IKEA® into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "Furries Challenge"? Sucking furries into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "Outrageous Fortune Challenge"? Sucking outrageous fortune into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "A Submissive Sex Android Challenge"? Sucking a submissive sex android into their nose and out their mouth?

User
Pet story time:

I brought my pet to the mall (where pets ARENT ALLOWED!) and my pet ate some of the plants behind the bench outside Menchies. I was hiding my pet in my bags (FROM ARM CANDY (the purse store)) but my pet was still able to eat the foliage AND WHEN THE MALL SECURITY GUARD came over I had to EAT THE LEAVES TOO to prove it was me and NOT my pet. So I got kicked out of the mall for eating that. I'm not putting my pet in time out cuz my pet doesnt know better. I love my pet.

User
I found a new one! Maybe not as good as the last one. But my camera is way better now. Welcome to the future.

User
The criminals had hidden  {n} at the end of a video game.

The criminals had hidden people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden no wheelchair access at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden Grandma’s ghost at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden the very iceberg that sunk the Titanic at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden sex at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden Russian dressing at the end of a video game.



The stolen documents
np

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got the stolen documents painted on both sides, which some say encourages cuts on the wall.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with the stolen documents.
I think a lot of people would pay to see the stolen documents.
My dream house has fictitious queer same sex transformation built in, an extra garage for the stolen documents, and heavy hearts for the door bell.
Make sure to hang _ can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough. in a tree so the stolen documents leaves your tent alone.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed the stolen documents up and down the highway.

User
'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea
nc

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea for the first time!
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea allowing babies to starve while you gorge!
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea up and down the highway.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea in the pillows.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Last Christmas, everyone got 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea under the tree and very depraved porn in their stockings!

User
R Kelly's "sex pet"
n

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on R Kelly's "sex pet".
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was R Kelly's "sex pet".
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch R Kelly's "sex pet" at the girls camp.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with R Kelly's "sex pet"! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about R Kelly's "sex pet".
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by R Kelly's "sex pet"?

User
A conjoined twin
n

This party was a real snooze, until a conjoined twin got things jumpin’.
Politics. The Being Slathered in Baby Oil Party, is always trying to shove a tightrope down our throats. This time it’s a conjoined twin.
Opioids help people with a conjoined twin, but then they cant poop.
Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that a conjoined twin came shooting out of a mind-erasing kit.
Hello, 911? I think there’s a conjoined twin in my house...
When you two are done reaching around, can we please get a conjoined twin and get out of here?!



The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of  {pc}.

The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of the finest quality cheese.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of pretty girls getting killed.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of lower standards.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of hot babes.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of peach vodka.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of my dead parents.

User
Helping me poop
v

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember helping me poop?”
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between sacrificing the homeless and helping me poop.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into meat and cheese before helping me poop.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be helping me poop during sex.
I got so drunk last night that I got helping me poop all over everyone and everything.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Helping me poop can increase your breast size in three weeks!

User
Going number 3
v

If you kids don’t stop going number 3, I will turn an angry penis for the woman around!
When you two are done going number 3, can we please get violent death and get out of here?!
I will do anything for going number 3. But I won’t do a lesbian’s head!
Pundits agree it will take going number 3 for the senator to win the election.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was going number 3, part was being unfit to even live, and it was crowned with my DNA.
I didn’t mean to start going number 3, it just happened!



Bleeding everywhere
v

Bleeding everywhere in the hand is worth two in the bush.
The White House will no longer enforce The Bleeding Everywhere Act of 1959. Thank God.
To change kitty’s litter: grab eight sexual partners, dig out any clumps, and refill with bleeding everywhere.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as whacking your sausage against the counter or bleeding everywhere.
Great job on the proposal for bleeding everywhere, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the king and his family.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, feigned sympathy, toilet paper, shelter, and bleeding everywhere.

User
That freak from Wells Fargo
n

I’ve been chopping down high-voltage wires to build that freak from Wells Fargo for me and my wife.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and that freak from Wells Fargo.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as that freak from Wells Fargo.
I can’t swing the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago around here without hitting that freak from Wells Fargo!
Let The Blood-Soaked Queen host your next party, providing that freak from Wells Fargo like you’ve never experienced before.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the hole where the heart once fit. Would you like to try our new special, that freak from Wells Fargo?

User
Getting old
v

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for getting old?
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of getting old in its food processing operations.
If you do it right, getting old is all about a syringe.
People in Taiwan are getting a car crash implanted in their bodies for getting old.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “getting old.”
Getting old in the hand is worth two in the bush.



Getting poked
v

I Googled for getting poked and found a picture of myself.
No one in Morocco can be getting poked without registering with the government.
My publisher demanded I remove getting poked from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Doctor! My child has getting poked coursing through his veins!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began getting poked.
The only thing standing in your way is getting poked.

User
Breastfeeding a baby kitten
v

The president’s tweet reads: “The my hood story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the Mormon church for breastfeeding a baby kitten! Very sad and sick!”
Help! I’m breastfeeding a baby kitten and I need YOU to do something about it!
If breastfeeding a baby kitten were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate breastfeeding a baby kitten to prepare for a mission to mars.
During my time in the Navy I was taunted and called Mr. Breastfeeding a Baby Kitten.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like breastfeeding a baby kitten.



Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten
n

Don’t shake Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten so hard, it’ll start tasteful blackface.
1) A robot may not injure Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten, or through inaction allow Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten to come to harm.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of evil thinking and a mouthfeel like Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
In the third world, luxuries like a garbage disposal are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as consensual manslaughter equipped with Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
Ever since Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while lying perfectly still.

Truck
User
Hey! I'm an asshole too, dang it!
User
The cornerstone of British culture: racism
n

We’re having the cornerstone of British culture: racism situation. Watch out for the island and everyone on it and please stand by...
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in the cornerstone of British culture: racism.
I prayed to God for the cornerstone of British culture: racism, and God delivered!
The cornerstone of British culture: racism is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than the cornerstone of British culture: racism.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always the cornerstone of British culture: racism. Always.



Getting slapped by a nurse
v

My school is throwing my swollen jaw party this weekend. Come for getting slapped by a nurse. Stay for a dust bunny!
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk getting slapped by a nurse.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw black lace flavor and then getting slapped by a nurse flavor.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of getting slapped by a nurse.
When I saw the princess’s saliva I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting slapped by a nurse, I freaked!
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find my brother, who I’m sure you remember, a stroke and getting slapped by a nurse.

User
The Catholic Church is going to make  {sc} a saint!

The Catholic Church is going to make my happy place a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make real life a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a succulent jumbo prawn a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make shaking a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a soap bubble a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a life preserver a saint!



Some perv at work put a hidden camera in  {n} to watch people  {v}.
Play 2

Some perv at work put a hidden camera in a big, heavy shotgun to watch people making it go back in.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in my vaginal microbiome to watch people driving like a butt munch.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in weight loss to watch people throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in the gravy dimension to watch people being a bitch.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in a purring kitten to watch people drilling into the brain.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in my dead parents to watch people hiding under the bed.

User
12 dimensions
np

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during 12 dimensions that overturned their car.
After 6 grueling years, Microsoft and I have created 12 dimensions.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti 12-dimensions-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a little piece of shit.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a deluge of vomit and my card appeared in 12 dimensions!
The president’s tweet reads: “The 12 dimensions story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a piece of lint near my vagina for throwing a 9 year old! Very sad and sick!”
Sometimes I wish I could just lock 12 dimensions and all our faces in a room and let ‘em fight it out.

User
Global warming
nc

Are you there God? It’s me, global warming.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Global warming and each hole, sequentially.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were global warming, would you be global warming as well?”
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “global warming
At the skating rink there was global warming and everyone fell down at once.
We are going to taxidermy global warming to make a statue out of it!

User
At the wedding, the guests ate all the  {cp} before I could get any!

At the wedding, the guests ate all the battery acid before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the childbirth before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the googly eyes before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the dudes before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the lips before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the complete removal of the head before I could get any!

User
Having 5 kids and getting a divorce
v

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been gassing. The snail may have escaped having 5 kids and getting a divorce by going underground.
Today you’re on the receiving end of having 5 kids and getting a divorce.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and having 5 kids and getting a divorce.
My kid was acting like a Hitler moustache, so I took away having 5 kids and getting a divorce privileges.
I scream, you scream, the reason this happened, having 5 kids and getting a divorce!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw having 5 kids and getting a divorce in the mirror! And it smelled like being a bitch in there! I’m so scared!

User
It wasn't easy with my keyboard.

Truck
User
Your ice probably melted.

Anyway.

Welcome! Make yourself at home. And by that I mean you should probably get straight to the cleaning, cooking etc. B/c this isn't a hotel or a restaurant!
User
Women my age
nc

It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, women my age came out onto the bed.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of the escape route and a mouthfeel like women my age.
My kids keep installing women my age on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring women my age.
On Ebay you can get women my age but it comes in several tiny boxes.
When I think South America, I feel women my age.



Most women my age
nc

Instructions unclear: got graffiti that says “FUCK YOU” stuck in most women my age.
I will do anything for a gentle kiss on the teeth. But I won’t do most women my age!
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a crouton in the toilet and touched most women my age on the wall.
Most women my age is a suitcase full of guns and money in the ocean of life!
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of most women my age in history, rode into battle atop a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use between your legs to treat most women my age!

User
Mostly beef
nc

Mostly beef: It’s nature’s candy!
Amtrak officials confirm mostly beef would have prevented train derailment.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed mostly beef up and down the highway.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put mostly beef in the pillows.
The HOA says I can’t raise mostly beef on my property. Meanwhile no word about screwing with pants on at the Jones’s!
I like my women like I like mostly beef: shouldering most of the blame with being ashamed of your nakedness.



Nearly all the beef
nc

The White House will no longer enforce The Nearly All the Beef Act of 1959. Thank God.
My house. 8 o’clock. Nearly all the beef.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and nearly all the beef in the Philippines.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with nearly all the beef, a naturopathic remedy.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on nearly all the beef.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain nearly all the beef?



User
Much beef
nc

Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with much beef in his lap.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for much beef.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and much beef can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Always walk into an interview with Mr. President and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate much beef.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get an ovipositor removed from her and much beef removed from me.
Sir! We are out of outrageous fortune, but we found much beef while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?



So much beef
nc

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, so much beef emerged.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from so much beef.
The new bill before congress would require so much beef in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with so much beef.
During my driving test, I backed my car into so much beef. I still got an 85!
During the war, German scientists experimented with a carton of expired milk to weaponize so much beef.



Not much beef
nc

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with not much beef.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by not much beef.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with not much beef!”
The way to the lost city was perilous, a