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Posts written by SuperJer:



User
California foreskin
nc

When California foreskin hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
In this game you get to collect an odd number of titties and craft California foreskin.
If mom hears us talking about California foreskin we’ll be SO grounded!
Two best friends and my father’s example take a road trip, and discover California foreskin along the way.
Ah, California foreskin for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not California foreskin like your brother?”



California dreaming
vt

In Nevada you can pay for a lady California dreaming with the ’80s.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of the taxpayers. Half the country is California dreaming.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about California dreaming tomorrow.
A lifetime of California dreaming awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
My kid was acting like deals, so I took away California dreaming privileges.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “California dreaming,” with a picture of a horse’s booty.

User
Zesty lemon pepper
nc

The sign at the fountain says not to throw zesty lemon pepper in.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to zesty lemon pepper, even before I put on my clothes.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock zesty lemon pepper and a horse’s mouth in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
During the half-time show, a rip in a succulent jumbo prawn exposed zesty lemon pepper to the audience.
Dad! I’m all done vomiting gore all over your face, so I have zesty lemon pepper left over if you’re still interested.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with zesty lemon pepper!”



And 007 was trapped in a room filling with  {pc}!

And 007 was trapped in a room filling with cinderblock justice!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with live wires hanging from the ceiling!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with man animals!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with salt!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with shenanigans!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with just the tip!

User
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes " ."

Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "a bad chicken."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "the stillness of death."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "pulling on my butthole hairs."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "a basket of kittens."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "wetting the bed."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "Her Majesty, the Queen."

User
Suddenly screaming the N-word
v

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain suddenly screaming the N-word?
I don’t know how suddenly screaming the N-word could lead to threatening my mom but it probably involves going to Wendy’s!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of the egg I hatched from suddenly screaming the N-word.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as suddenly screaming the N-word or chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a long rambling story while I’m suddenly screaming the N-word!
Ever since spines appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while suddenly screaming the N-word.

User
Black woman civil war
nc

Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out black woman civil war each day, put almost enough oxygen in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was black woman civil war.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with black woman civil war.
Last Christmas, everyone got a genital louse under the tree and black woman civil war in their stockings!
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw black woman civil war for the first time!
The new top grade of gasoline has black woman civil war as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

User
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from  {v} to  {v}.
Play 2

Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from squirting acid to tugging too hard.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from adopting a Romanian baby to sticking it to the man.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from writhing on the floor and screaming my name to keepin’ it tight.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from making a little whoopsie to masturbating to pictures of dead animals.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from hiding to monkeying around.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from stopping just in time to inspecting the poo.



Stretching my husband's anus
v

The rich aroma of stretching my husband's anus, from the hills of Colombia.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of stretching my husband's anus and the words “breastfeeding”. I don’t get it!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be stretching my husband's anus.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Stretching-my-husbands-anus-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving pregnancy.
My house. 8 o’clock. Stretching my husband's anus.
Doctor! My child has stretching my husband's anus coursing through his veins!



Eating each other
v

My nightly ritual involves following your boner around the room, grandma’s soggy diaper, and finally eating each other just as I fall asleep.
The authorities followed the trail of eating each other, leading them straight to the suspect.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to eating each other, even before I put on my clothes.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re eating each other!
At the coffee shop they put “eating each other” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw eating each other for the first time!

User
This election has proved that   is 1.5% better than pedophilia.

This election has proved that going down the garbage disposal is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a sassy male news reporter is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that trying to handcuff a ghost is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a bullet hole is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that running with a floppy, out-of-control hand is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a little lesbian boy is 1.5% better than pedophilia.

User
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time  {v}.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time vibrating my pineal gland.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time violently crashing down the stairs.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time needing one more inch.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time wetting the bed.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time inhaling.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time squirting everywhere.

User
A crate of hentai
n

If my neighbor doesn’t get a crate of hentai off my property, I’m calling the cops!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a crate of hentai in the sea.
Last night I dreamed of a crate of hentai. I cannot shake the feeling that iodine will arrive soon.
The baby gets me into some awkward situations. But a crate of hentai has always got my back.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a crate of hentai and can be used for picking at it.
I like my women like I like a gentleman with the tummy grumbles: working me up into a frenzy with a crate of hentai.



My disappointing son
v

If you’re interested in my services, email me at: my-disappointing-son@50-years.biz
We’re having my latest perversion situation. Watch out for my disappointing son and please stand by...
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “my disappointing son,” over and over again while in use.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: my disappointing son.
If I had standing in line at Costco, you’d be my disappointing son!
Shepherds in Scotland have used my disappointing son for years to keep the flock from being in the way.

User
Tie rope to both ends of  {n}. Now you can be  {v}!
Play 2

Tie rope to both ends of Hitler’s dildo. Now you can be beard stroking!
Tie rope to both ends of Milla Jovovich’s dirty underwear. Now you can be letting her in!
Tie rope to both ends of a uniquely adapted slave race. Now you can be jammin’ a body in the wood chipper!
Tie rope to both ends of a warhead. Now you can be _{Uv} with _{n} is a uniquely British problem.!
Tie rope to both ends of meatball marinara. Now you can be having peed!
Tie rope to both ends of ear worms. Now you can be humping people!

User
I can't believe the mailman stuffed  {n} into my mailbox instead of knocking!

I can't believe the mailman stuffed a bus full of white children into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a silent, anonymous encounter into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed my Kazakhstani grandma into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a sack of otters into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed the back seat into my mailbox instead of knocking!

User
During sex, my girlfriend started  {v}. But she finished and we got back at it.

During sex, my girlfriend started refusing any help. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started dealing drugs. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started beard stroking. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started floating away in a fucking balloon. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started touching your pee pee. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started spreading disease. But she finished and we got back at it.

User
I had to go to the hospital for  .

I had to go to the hospital for rigid peen.
I had to go to the hospital for shenanigans.
I had to go to the hospital for letting her in.
I had to go to the hospital for realizing I’m a douche.
I had to go to the hospital for zebras disguised as horses.
I had to go to the hospital for a bad landing.

User
My pee steam, so warm
n

In future times, the children will work together to build my pee steam, so warm.
At the skating rink there was my pee steam, so warm and everyone fell down at once.
My religion demands that I must abstain from intestines draped everywhere. My pee steam, so warm however, is OK.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a lumberjack orgy. That’s supposed to help me with my pee steam, so warm?!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore my pee steam, so warm in a very realistic way.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began my pee steam, so warm.

User
A ten-day-old dog corpse
nc

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a ten-day-old dog corpse out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A ten-day-old dog corpse can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a ten-day-old dog corpse and I think I believe her!
Man invented spines, so woman invented a ten-day-old dog corpse.
I’m late to my meeting for a ten-day-old dog corpse.
Howdy neighbor, love a crocodile death-rolling my taint! Let’s get a ten-day-old dog corpse sometime!

User
Your grandfather likes to use   as a catheter.

Your grandfather likes to use a friend as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a night of unrestrained passion as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use the rope my pappy hanged his self with as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use tasteful blackface as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a traffic cone full of bibimbap as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a gay vagina as a catheter.



Teaching dad to queef
v

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for teaching dad to queef.
Alexander also named a city in India “Teaching Dad to Queef” after his dead horse.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all teaching dad to queef when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
They said teaching dad to queef was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got teaching dad to queef out the ears!
I’m late to my meeting for teaching dad to queef.
Amtrak officials confirm teaching dad to queef would have prevented train derailment.

User
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all  {n}.

Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all the song of my people.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all unbearable bitching.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all a karate chop.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all racial superiority.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all this asshole.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all earwax.

User
Sick vid
User
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving  {n} in Bette Midler's nose.

Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving outrageous fortune in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving baseless hatred in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving an ovipositor in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a wish-granting goblin in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a leather swing in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a one hundred dollar bill in Bette Midler's nose.

User
Darth Anus
n

I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with Darth Anus.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Darth Anus and nothing good.
I’m Darth Anus in the streets, but inertia in the sheets.
I beat Darth Anus all the time!
Thanks for Darth Anus last night. *wink* *wink*
I’m gonna prove the link between installing an update and Darth Anus! You’ll all see!

User
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly  {v} dozens of times.

Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being hit by space debris dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being too busy dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being strung up dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly hiding some pee dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly fathering children with a lesbian dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly sneaking into the sultan’s harem dozens of times.

User
Being assaulted by Geraldo
v

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with being assaulted by Geraldo. I barely even felt Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole.
Our artisanal process ages a guilty little boy for 3 years, before going right into being assaulted by Geraldo, rapidly getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
I can’t believe you guys went being assaulted by Geraldo without me! Loop me in next time, I want a gentle kiss on the teeth too!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Being Assaulted by Geraldo” syndrome!
My religion demands that I must abstain from the majestic Humboldt squid. Being assaulted by Geraldo however, is OK.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was being assaulted by Geraldo and tried to attack it.

User
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting  {vpc} around town.

A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting insane shoes around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting crotchless panties around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting shaking around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting backwash around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting hula hoops around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex around town.

User
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with  {n}.

I left my shoes outside and they filled up with your bellybutton.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with his tumor.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with the pilot, who died instantly.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with the fuel line.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with sudden nudity.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with Hitler’s dildo.

User
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for   without even getting up.

Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for wriggling and thrashing without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for turning into a white woman without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for Mom and Dad without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for the chair without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for getting impregnated by an advanced robot without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for drunk sexting my sister without even getting up.

User
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with  {n} on board.

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with years of pain on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with my Kazakhstani grandma on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with no spider on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with almost no air left on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with a deluge of vomit on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with oral passion on board.

User
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that " {n} was  {v}."
Play 2

I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "a ceremonial ribbon was fingering."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "rumpy pumpy was rolling."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "cosmetic surgery for my cat was sinking into the mud."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "a kitten pawing at my wiener was having a zero-value existence."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "legs was trying to handcuff a ghost."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "a slot was getting off."



I got my account banned on  {-}.com.

I got my account banned on being-borderline-experimental.com.
I got my account banned on unbearable-bitching.com.
I got my account banned on switching-genitals.com.
I got my account banned on a-face-hugger.com.
I got my account banned on alien-parasite-larvae.com.
I got my account banned on loudspeakers.com.

User
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and  {n}.

Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and eight sexual partners.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and self-inflicted wounds.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and oil-covered birds.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and both me and your father.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and a slot.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and a car crash.

User
The Berlin police
n

I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me the Berlin police while we were still in the car.
Slender and muscled, like the jaws of life. She was the spitting image of the Berlin police.
When the celestial spheres align, the Berlin police will descend from the heavens.
I like the Berlin police like I like my coffee: shooting a mentally ill man, put in a sack, and dragged across disappointment.
The authorities followed the trail of the Berlin police, leading them straight to the suspect.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used the Berlin police.



Radioactive iodine
nc

No thanks. My doctor said radioactive iodine makes defecation painful.
Can I get some floss? There’s radioactive iodine between my teeth.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, radioactive iodine emerged.
Working on my car I found radioactive iodine had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of radioactive iodine in the soil.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of radioactive iodine came on the screen.

User
Being sacrificed to the wolves
v

There is no revenge so complete as being sacrificed to the wolves.
Are you there God? It’s me, being sacrificed to the wolves.
If you do it right, killing protesters is all about being sacrificed to the wolves.
I like allowing babies to starve while you gorge like I like my coffee: being sacrificed to the wolves, put in a sack, and dragged across shavings.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be being sacrificed to the wolves.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s being sacrificed to the wolves.

User
Soft robot muscles
np

Today you’re on the receiving end of soft robot muscles.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by soft robot muscles.
My religion demands that I must abstain from soft robot muscles. Conjuring however, is OK.
When the beef came at me it was like soft robot muscles.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise soft robot muscles by rewarding them with my unwanted child.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be soft robot muscles.

User
Pumping blood into it
v

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Pumping blood into it can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Pumping Blood into It” and it helps me with a real butt-toucher.
The HOA says I can’t raise the caboose of a mantrain on my property. Meanwhile no word about pumping blood into it at the Jones’s!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found pumping blood into it sticking to the wall.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex. Half the country is pumping blood into it.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than pumping blood into it.

User
Red bows on luxury cars
np

The patient kept screaming about “red bows on luxury cars”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a loading screen emerged!
I beat red bows on luxury cars all the time!
I want to be buried with red bows on luxury cars.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like red bows on luxury cars.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was red bows on luxury cars.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of red bows on luxury cars in history, rode into battle atop Mom’s face.

User
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of  .

I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of several pictures of me.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of a jackhammer.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of the wrong man.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of a lucky toss.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of the world’s fastest pump.

User
I blame   for the gentrification of this neighborhood.

I blame a gentle, flourished spanking for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame an imitation poop spiral for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame McDonald’s® for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame screaming for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame even more bees for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about for the gentrification of this neighborhood.



Cleaning my butthole
v

Dad! I’m all done cleaning my butthole, so I have a soap bubble left over if you’re still interested.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for cleaning my butthole.
I chipped my tooth on the working man. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t cleaning my butthole.
If mom hears us talking about cleaning my butthole we’ll be SO grounded!
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to cleaning my butthole.
My car looks like it’s cleaning my butthole but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.



The cat
n

That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “The Cat,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I need a hotel room with door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes, and I need the cat brought to me every four hours.
Help! I’m the cat and I need YOU to do something about it!
I was vacuuming when I sucked the cat out from under the couch. I kept pulling until human body warmth came out too!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was the cat.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing the cat down the gopher holes.



While putting up  {n} I found  {n} on the roof is my house!
Play 2

While putting up a yappy little dog I found a softer option on the roof is my house!
While putting up a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it I found almost everyone on the roof is my house!
While putting up a rip I found raw goose on the roof is my house!
While putting up a caged madman I found Her Majesty, the Queen on the roof is my house!
While putting up a sack of otters I found the mayor on the roof is my house!
While putting up such grace I found a stiff upper lip on the roof is my house!

User
Finding most of the victim
v

Finding most of the victim is hurting me in the ocean of life!
There is no revenge so complete as finding most of the victim.
My publisher demanded I remove finding most of the victim from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang finding most of the victim on the Christmas tree.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be finding most of the victim.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of finding most of the victim.

User
My charred remains
np

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for my charred remains.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had my charred remains.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s my charred remains straddled by unbearable bitching.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on my charred remains.
In a world with Mom’s face being dipped in chocolate, one man must overcome my charred remains. Coming this summer.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out my charred remains for free on every corner.

User
We're already half way through  , so we might as well finish it off.

We're already half way through a slot, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through breaking in, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through weird legs, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through a car full of Puerto Ricans, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through an ancient insignificant dead Jew, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through just plain racism, so we might as well finish it off.

User
A guard rail
n

“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a guard rail in love with legs very much they do a... special hug.”
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a guard rail.
My new phone looks like it’s a guard rail but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I’m late to my meeting for a guard rail.
You stole a guard rail from a child? You’re an ancient insignificant dead Jew and you’re going to hell!
During routine surgery, the doctors found a guard rail embedded in my abdomen.



A parking lot
n

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Parking Lot!
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a parking lot.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a parking lot.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a parking lot.
In this game you get to collect my musk and craft a parking lot.
After a truck ran over one more there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from a parking lot.



Six geese
np

When he reached the New World, Cortés burned six geese. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Six Geese” syndrome!
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with six geese! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by six geese.
I don’t think that even comes close to being six geese.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep six geese out of mainland China.

User
FUCK!
nv

In this game you get to collect raw goose and craft FUCK!.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with FUCK!.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk FUCK!.
At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced FUCK! with a robot dinosaur.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s FUCK! straddled by Disneyland!.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Jews in cahoots and FUCK!.



  stands for "cool girl."

a wank stands for "cool girl."
deserving to be killed stands for "cool girl."
sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt stands for "cool girl."
popping out of the ground stands for "cool girl."
an ovipositor stands for "cool girl."
the brave men and women fighting for us stands for "cool girl."

User
Showing up dead
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell a feast of blood after 8pm, or on holidays like Showing up Dead Day.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about showing up dead and a penis and a vagina. Should I talk to him?
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “showing up dead.”
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Showing up Dead”! I shook his hand and it felt like showing up dead.
Amtrak officials confirm showing up dead would have prevented train derailment.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Showing up Dead” and it helps me with rude kids.



Turning up dead
v

Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with turning up dead.
Turning up dead while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of fighting one-on-one.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for turning up dead.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to turning up dead, even before I put on my clothes.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of turning up dead on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a cornhole, toilet paper, shelter, and turning up dead.

User
Playing Mario and reading bible verses
v

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Playing Mario and Reading Bible Verses Blast!
I don’t need love because I’m playing Mario and reading bible verses. Sorry mom!
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for playing Mario and reading bible verses!
Ok, I’ll admit playing Mario and reading bible verses might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in a meat hook.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start dropping an upper-decker before playing Mario and reading bible verses.
I’m playing Mario and reading bible verses for Jesus.

User
This is getting ridiculous.

Roy Moore at the mall
n

Until quite recently, Roy Moore at the mall had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I want to be buried with Roy Moore at the mall.
If my neighbor doesn’t get Roy Moore at the mall off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Look, man, I’m not into Roy Moore at the mall. But $20 is $20.
When a mass of lymphatic tissue is ready, Roy Moore at the mall will appear.
Could you buy me Roy Moore at the mall? I’ll pay you back.



A woman sleeping near Al Franken
n

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a woman sleeping near Al Franken
Men, like a woman sleeping near Al Franken, go farthest when they are giant meaty hands.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a woman sleeping near Al Franken in every room.
A woman sleeping near Al Franken saved is a woman sleeping near Al Franken earned.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a woman sleeping near Al Franken when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
It’s dangerous to leave a woman sleeping near Al Franken on the stairs.

User
Initiating a sexual encounter
v

At the winery tour we saw how they put such grace and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like initiating a sexual encounter.
To change kitty’s litter: grab oil-covered birds, dig out any clumps, and refill with initiating a sexual encounter.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by initiating a sexual encounter.
Initiating a sexual encounter is burning my junk in the ocean of life!
Initiating a sexual encounter is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
If initiating a sexual encounter were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
Louis CK blocking the door
v

Experts said that based on preliminary data, Louis CK blocking the door appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of Louis CK blocking the door.
My nightly ritual involves Louis CK blocking the door, a thick layer of frosting, and finally a syringe of Tabasco just as I fall asleep.
Louis CK blocking the door nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a deathbed.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle Louis CK blocking the door.
There’s always time for Louis CK blocking the door before breakfast.



Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off
v

My girlfriend kicked crack, and now she’s Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
If I had Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off, you’d be getting infected!
Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
Don’t look at me while I’m Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off! It messes me up!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn the measure of a man, but now for work I’m Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off. Go figure!
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off.

User
Hunting white people
v

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a crusty dish rag, with hunting white people around the edges, and a velvet fist on top.
Ever since the incident with the president’s helicopter I’ve been haunted by hunting white people.
I noticed symptoms of hunting white people, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s this half of the planet!” but I’m not sure.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “hunting white people,” with a picture of a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for mistreating the clitoris and to avoid hunting white people.
They said hunting white people was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got hunting white people out the ears!

User
Unsold inventory doesn't make you any money.
User
Waking up under Kevin Spacey
v

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, waking up under Kevin Spacey every single day.
The TSA has made new rules mandating waking up under Kevin Spacey on every commercial flight.
Let a motorist host your next party, providing waking up under Kevin Spacey like you’ve never experienced before.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in waking up under Kevin Spacey together.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of waking up under Kevin Spacey on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
More armies need to incorporate waking up under Kevin Spacey into their uniforms.

User
A 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey
n

The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey.
You spent all your food-stamps on a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey?!
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey onto the International Space Station.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey in the foyer.



Telling Kevin Spacey "No!"
v

To change kitty’s litter: grab a wank, dig out any clumps, and refill with telling Kevin Spacey "No!".
In Nevada you can pay for a lady telling Kevin Spacey "No!" with the grossest whiff of minty poot.
No clean towels can only be killed by telling Kevin Spacey "No!".
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore telling Kevin Spacey "No!" in a very realistic way.
My wife is WAY better at telling Kevin Spacey "No!" than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “telling Kevin Spacey "No!"”.

User
The quest for the ultimate Kevin Spacey card continues:

Getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey
v

Don’t be getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey alone! Join the Getting Climbed on by Kevin Spacey Club and do it with others.
I didn’t mean to start getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey, it just happened!
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a watermelon owned by a black man, while a man is getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey on a galloping horse.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey,” over and over again while in use.
You evaded my “Getting Climbed on by Kevin Spacey” attack! Most impressive.



Getting diddled by Kevin Spacey
v

The Super Buttsex Arena can only be killed by getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
I think a lot of people would pay to see getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
What the quick-set cement department lacks in selection, we make up for in getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Getting Diddled by Kevin Spacey!
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was getting diddled by Kevin Spacey and tried to attack it.



Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand
n

Look, man, I’m not into Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand. But $20 is $20.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand and distended tubes in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand onto the International Space Station.
Until quite recently, Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand.
Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand in the hand is worth two in the bush.

User
I woke up with  {n} lying on me.

I woke up with a wet tongue lying on me.
I woke up with a horse’s mouth lying on me.
I woke up with an earthworm lying on me.
I woke up with five full-time chefs lying on me.
I woke up with a sack of otters lying on me.
I woke up with freewill lying on me.

User
News flash:   *is*  .
Play 2

News flash: a complete wimp *is* motor control.
News flash: leaking out my bum *is* kicking the door down.
News flash: a male prostitute *is* a box for your poop.
News flash: loose teeth *is* what Mom made.
News flash: just me, by myself *is* the white man’s burden.
News flash: power of attorney *is* Jesus Christ.


User
A pat of butter
n

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for a pat of butter.
Life without love is like a pat of butter without ointment or fruit.
In this game you get to collect kids these days and craft a pat of butter.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a pat of butter, but with two or three caterpillars!
Ich bin ein a pat of butter.
My wife is WAY better at a pat of butter than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years

User
An egg that's always been there
n

Pool rules: No running. No having peed. Keep an egg that's always been there out of the deep end.
If mom hears us talking about an egg that's always been there we’ll be SO grounded!
Hatred for children torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get an egg that's always been there from a suspected terrorist.
I noticed symptoms of shitting a bowling ball, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s an egg that's always been there!” but I’m not sure.
They didn’t have an egg that's always been there at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed tasteful blackface.
Ugh. I ate an egg that's always been there last night and I’ve been trying to put on the female form all morning.

User
A lamprey hanging of the end
n

Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of glittery eyelashes in history, rode into battle atop a lamprey hanging of the end.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a lamprey hanging of the end emerged.
Ich bin ein a lamprey hanging of the end.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a lamprey hanging of the end in the sky.
The cruiseliner struck a lamprey hanging of the end and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with your greasy food hole.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a lamprey hanging of the end in the middle of each intersection.

User
Flushing and running
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating flushing and running on every commercial flight.
While you’re at the store can you pick up flushing and running, in family size?
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about flushing and running.
I heard you were talking about flushing and running so I had to come over!
I ordered exact science privately over the Internet so I can get better at flushing and running.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore flushing and running in a very realistic way.

User
Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise
n

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start mistaking a man for a lady before Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise surfaced from below.
I came with Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought many people so nobody even noticed!
The water tower looks like it’s Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise from this angle.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise.



Megan Fox's creepy thumbs
np

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into McDonald’s®, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Megan Fox's creepy thumbs.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “Megan Fox's creepy thumbs” incident in the science lab.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Megan Fox's creepy thumbs.
Today I bought Megan Fox's creepy thumbs from the back of a van. They also threw in David Bowie’s mysterious bulge, which I didn’t even think was legal.
Megan Fox's creepy thumbs in the hand is worth two in the bush.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember Megan Fox's creepy thumbs?”

User
Looks like you should lower your price.
User
did u do it yet
User
A vulnerability
nc

But of the tree of a vulnerability you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a vulnerability. The driver was getting too excited.
Although moving away from hog dander proved effective for schools, the switch to a vulnerability initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a vulnerability.
The referee just issued a red card to a vulnerability for sliding into cheating.
You evaded my “A Vulnerability” attack! Most impressive.

User
That's an awesome word but are people going to know what it means?

Getting drained of all blood
v

Although moving away from getting drained of all blood proved effective for schools, the switch to my taxidermied daughter initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a bruised ego after 8pm, or on holidays like Getting Drained of All Blood Day.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of emoticons getting drained of all blood.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how getting drained of all blood happens.
The White House will no longer enforce The Getting Drained of All Blood Act of 1959. Thank God.
My nightly ritual involves poisoning a child, a rough testicle, and finally getting drained of all blood just as I fall asleep.

User
Signa said:
masturbating into a potted plant


lol what's this from?
User
Groping Terry Crews
v

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about groping Terry Crews?
The Great Wall was actually built to keep groping Terry Crews out of mainland China.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m groping Terry Crews.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Groping-Terry-Crews-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving gross people.
The White House will no longer enforce The Groping Terry Crews Act of 1959. Thank God.
On the assembly line we heat hooplah to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is groping Terry Crews.

User
Add  {n} to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting  .
Play 2

Add a girl’s smile to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting my father’s example.
Add a penis and a vagina to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting my embarrasingly affectionate father.
Add a weak little person to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting the “fun” stuff.
Add each of the victims to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting a pinch.
Add too much milk to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting wriggling and thrashing.
Add this spring’s hottest new fashions to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting a pussy, wet and dripping.



Having sex with black people
v

It is disrespectful and dangerous to be having sex with black people during sex.
Go, go, Gadget Having Sex with Black People!
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with having sex with black people. I barely even felt the egg I hatched from.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always having sex with black people. Always.
Don’t look at me while I’m having sex with black people! It messes me up!
Make sure to hang blindness in a tree so having sex with black people leaves your tent alone.

User
A salami-stealing bear
n

Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a salami-stealing bear jammin’ a body in the wood chipper!
In Nevada you can pay for a lady hitting a man out of his wheelchair with a salami-stealing bear.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a salami-stealing bear, a comfortable spot, and dilation of the uterus.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a salami-stealing bear
I will do anything for a salami-stealing bear. But I won’t do that!
When I get older, I don’t want to be a salami-stealing bear.

User
Strongly recommend.

A+ game.

Excellent ending.

http://www.decisionproblem.com/paperclips/
User
An elk-humping Swede
n

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then an elk-humping Swede really affected me.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing an elk-humping Swede down the gopher holes.
I Googled for an elk-humping Swede and found a picture of myself.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “An Elk-humping Swede,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I need a hotel room with an elk-humping Swede, and I need slow diarrhea brought to me every four hours.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the Handsome Boy Modeling School went off early, ejecting an elk-humping Swede into the air!

Truck
User
I got accidentally losing the video on video.
User
Lump crab
nc

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on lump crab when I bought a pulpy mass.
When I get older, I don’t want to be lump crab.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out lump crab for free on every corner.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with lump crab.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only lump crab and a mortal wound come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is lump crab.

User
When I find myself in times of trouble,  {n} comes to me, speaking words of wisdom:  .
Play 2

When I find myself in times of trouble, an extremely painful sneeze comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: lying perfectly still.
When I find myself in times of trouble, aged beef comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: exhuming my wife.
When I find myself in times of trouble, irresponsible parenting comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave.
When I find myself in times of trouble, burned clothing comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: fingertips.
When I find myself in times of trouble, a newer, sleeker leopard comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: something even wetter.
When I find myself in times of trouble, one of every drug comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: honey.

User
A bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations
n

Alexander also named a city in India “A Bizarre String of Domestic Pet Strangulations” after his dead horse.
Thanks for a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations last night. *wink* *wink*
Authorities were tallying damage from a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations that struck southern California Friday evening.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations after 8pm, or on holidays like Inhaling Day.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Bizarre String of Domestic Pet Strangulations” syndrome!



Getting tongue-punched in the brown eye
v

Howdy neighbor, love getting tongue-punched in the brown eye! Let’s get a bus full of white children sometime!
At Boeing R&D, we test 50,000 volts of electricity by subjecting it to getting tongue-punched in the brown eye and blasts of energy.
I never expected to be fingered by getting tongue-punched in the brown eye.
Ich bin ein getting tongue-punched in the brown eye.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on getting tongue-punched in the brown eye.
My dream house has dude after dude built in, an extra garage for getting tongue-punched in the brown eye, and an emaciated bovine for the door bell.



I've laced up  {n} and I'm ready to go.

I've laced up a tard and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up a gentleman with the tummy grumbles and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up my hot girlfriend and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up Jigglypuff! and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up a ceremonial ribbon and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up just a coincidence and I'm ready to go.

Truck
User
I got it on video.
Truck
User
Still no accidents to report.
User
Getting diagnosed
v

When the beef came at me it was like getting diagnosed.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Getting Diagnosed
My favorite new band is “Princess Perfect and Getting Diagnosed”.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by getting diagnosed.
Art can be defined by a three room Japanese apartment but only if it gets you getting diagnosed and inspired.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in wrestling alligators. That’s supposed to help me with getting diagnosed?!

User
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over  {n}.

Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over the bitter cold.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a squealing 4-year-old.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a caged madman.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over grandma’s soggy diaper.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a secret exit.

User
My strict Asian father
n

Chimps in the wild have been observed using my strict Asian father to forage for food.
I want to be buried with my strict Asian father.
The best comfort food will always be greens, my strict Asian father, and fried chicken.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch my strict Asian father at the girls camp.
The water tower looks like it’s my strict Asian father from this angle.
Monopoly: All Your Drama Edition comes with a prop gun and my strict Asian father instead of houses and hotels.

User
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "   ."
Play 2

Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "being picked violently crashing down the stairs."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "Asia Mom and Dad."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "a lumberjack orgy the deceased."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "acting like a child a robustly satisfying fart."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "a quality buttplug females with four teats."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "the hottest girl an ovipositor."

User
Roach eggs
np

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with roach eggs!”
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out roach eggs.
I can’t believe you guys went hotboxing the cat without me! Loop me in next time, I want roach eggs too!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but roach eggs.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and roach eggs.
You evaded my “Roach Eggs” attack! Most impressive.

Truck
User
Make that TWO webcams!
Truck
User
I just set up a webcam to record accidents on the on-ramp outside my office window.
User
Onion rings and Sudafed®
np

I got into my car and sat on onion rings and Sudafed®. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I make onion rings and Sudafed® for my cat by solving a problem with fingertips. Oreo loves it!
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s onion rings and Sudafed® in love with the savory gels of her lust very much they do a... special hug.”
See now black people walk like onion rings and Sudafed®. But white people -- white people walk like they’re black lace!
Instructions unclear: got onion rings and Sudafed® stuck in anal cleansing tablets.
Last night I dreamed of onion rings and Sudafed®. I cannot shake the feeling that cranberry sauce or juice will arrive soon.

User
Get bigger tips from white customers by  {v}!

Get bigger tips from white customers by furiously caressing each other!
Get bigger tips from white customers by getting hella preggers!
Get bigger tips from white customers by using advanced Kama Sutra techniques!
Get bigger tips from white customers by putting the “I” back in “team”!
Get bigger tips from white customers by doing a bad job at pooping!
Get bigger tips from white customers by getting groped by a senator!



Putting avocado on everything
v

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was putting avocado on everything, part was Princess Perfect, and it was crowned with crisp fresh lettuce.
The referee just issued a red card to my musk for sliding into putting avocado on everything.
Putting avocado on everything nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a mass of lymphatic tissue.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by putting avocado on everything.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Putting Avocado on Everything
When the beef came at me it was like putting avocado on everything.



Put  {n} on racism so white people pay attention.

Put so many dudes on racism so white people pay attention.
Put ionizing radiation on racism so white people pay attention.
Put a damned soul on racism so white people pay attention.
Put my baby door on racism so white people pay attention.
Put a kill on racism so white people pay attention.
Put birth meat on racism so white people pay attention.

User
Killing your grandmother
v

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Killing your grandmother can increase your breast size in three weeks!
The new artsy indie game “Killing Your Grandmother” is a deeply emotional exploration of bedding.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with killing your grandmother! It’s all here in my manifesto!
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Killing Your Grandmother.
My publisher demanded I remove killing your grandmother from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Great job on the proposal for killing your grandmother, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a barrier.



Jonathan, don't you understand   is killing your grandmother?!

Jonathan, don't you understand zoo smell is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand not another leopard is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand what’s inside is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand a tattered jockstrap is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand a stroke is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand vibrating my pineal gland is killing your grandmother?!

User
A Somali wild ass
n

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a Somali wild ass.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A Somali wild ass can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a Somali wild ass and I think I believe her!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a projectile, score points by hiding some pee, and a Somali wild ass shall not be on the field.
My pharmacist separated mostly unused hypodermics into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a Somali wild ass.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a Somali wild ass in love with overzealous product placement very much they do a... special hug.”

User
Shitting a skull
v

I’m shitting a skull for Jesus.
But of the tree of shitting a skull you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle shitting a skull.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been shitting a skull. The snail may have escaped reduced brain intelligence by going underground.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in nine guys you fucked. That’s supposed to help me with shitting a skull?!
Shitting a skull gets me into some awkward situations. But infinite sausage has always got my back.

User
An owl pellet
n

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from an owl pellet, and the eco-glass windows trap in a felony.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by an owl pellet.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare an owl pellet right at your table.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of an Owl Pellet.
An owl pellet is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an owl pellet.

User
2,000 dried and pressed cats
np

I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing 2,000 dried and pressed cats down the gopher holes.
I just dug up a generic looking butt in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about 2,000 dried and pressed cats.
Last night I dreamed of a lumberjack orgy. I cannot shake the feeling that 2,000 dried and pressed cats will arrive soon.
James Bond will return in “The Man With 2,000 dried and pressed cats”!
People around the world recognize 2,000 dried and pressed cats as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
It’s time to scrape the remains of 2,000 dried and pressed cats off the driveway.

User
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for  {v} with precision and elegance."

The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for rolling eyes with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for scissoring with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for slipping on a jizz slick with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for being strung up with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for not taking care of your body with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for walking backwards into John Cena with precision and elegance."

User
Touching the cat
v

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for touching the cat
The thief was caught stealing special pube shampoo from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of touching the cat.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about dope and touching the cat. Should I talk to him?
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and touching the cat. There was a report.
James Bond will return in “The Man With touching the cat”!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in morphine. That’s supposed to help me with touching the cat?!

User
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're  {v}.

Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're fingering.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're doing surgery on LSD.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're furiously caressing each other.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're not knowing or caring why.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're finding a place to fart.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're doing a weird sex thing.

User
Wetting it
v

I’m wetting it for Jesus.
I went rafting, saw wetting it in the river, no big deal.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by wetting it.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a novelty gag dildo will go to The Wetting It Foundation.
When I get older, I don’t want to be wetting it.
My girlfriend kicked a lesbian’s head, and now she’s wetting it. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!



A long, flaky peel
n

At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as a long, flaky peel surfaced from below.
I’m getting a long, flaky peel installed in my car, so I can be getting slathered while I drive.
I want to be buried with a long, flaky peel.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a long, flaky peel around the building.
People in Taiwan are getting a long, flaky peel implanted in their bodies for pitching a god damn hissy fit.
If you have a dream about a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls, it meas you’re worried about a long, flaky peel.

User
Taking a whole ring of birth controls
v

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around taking a whole ring of birth controls on the freeway.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got rumpy pumpy painted on both sides, which some say encourages taking a whole ring of birth controls.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with taking a whole ring of birth controls.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide taking a whole ring of birth controls directly.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s taking a whole ring of birth controls, with dryness problems around the edges, and your idiot ideas on top.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain taking a whole ring of birth controls?



Shaving the whole body
v

The city council wants to cut down on white people and their fucking problems. Meanwhile people are freely shaving the whole body!
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other that ass, while a man is shaving the whole body on a galloping horse.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Shaving the Whole Body!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of shaving the whole body.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but shaving the whole body.
Although moving away from shaving the whole body proved effective for schools, the switch to fathering children with a lesbian initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.



At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is  .

At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is only my index finger.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wetness.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wriggling and thrashing.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wallowing in your filth.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is switching genitals.

User
I make healthy food for my cat by  {v} with  {n}. Oreo loves it!
Play 2

I make healthy food for my cat by just falling out of my bung hole with inquisitive middle schoolers. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by struggling with a police officer with a bag of duck vaginas. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by following your boner around the room with a mirror that lies. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by realizing I’m a douche with an empty Tic Tac® box. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by trying to handcuff a ghost with Fancy Santas. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by being dipped in chocolate with sandpaper. Oreo loves it!

User
Double-bagging it
v

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience double-bagging it like I was really there.
I make a gentle kiss on the teeth for my cat by double-bagging it with a massive, hissing centipede. Oreo loves it!
Double-bagging it is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
I prayed to God for double-bagging it, and God delivered!
I scream, you scream, double-bagging it, inertia!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS CRISP FRESH LETTUCE DOUBLE-BAGGING IT.”

User
Failing to get the condom off
v

4 out of 5 doctors recommend failing to get the condom off.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include failing to get the condom off, whatEVER, dry mouth, and a box for your poop.
I can’t believe you guys went failing to get the condom off without me! Loop me in next time, I want sugar from my father too!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for blowing chunks and failing to get the condom off at the assembly line.
My spirit animal: failing to get the condom off.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “failing to get the condom off.”



Failing to get the condom on
v

At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a sexually aggressive woman before failing to get the condom on.
I don’t need love because I’m failing to get the condom on. Sorry mom!
Failing to get the condom on! Failing to get the condom on! My kingdom for failing to get the condom on!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is failing to get the condom on.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was failing to get the condom on.
My religion demands that I must abstain from just a little something to cap off the night. Failing to get the condom on however, is OK.

User
At the golf course a water line broke, filling  {n} with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.

At the golf course a water line broke, filling white people and their fucking problems with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling complete madness with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling quicksand with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling a boy with a penis with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling Dad’s money with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling it to come out the other end with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.

User
Too much pee pee in the situation
nc

When the celestial spheres align, too much pee pee in the situation will descend from the heavens.
I thought I was alone with too much pee pee in the situation but my mom walked in. We got to finding a place to fart and I felt better.
Too much pee pee in the situation saved is too much pee pee in the situation earned.
I’m too much pee pee in the situation in the streets, but switching genitals in the sheets.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “too much pee pee in the situation,” with a picture of dying evil.
I was vacuuming when I sucked Martha Stewart, orgasming out from under the couch. I kept pulling until too much pee pee in the situation came out too!

User
A billboard on my way home had a picture of  {n} and the words “ ”. I dig it.
Play 2

A billboard on my way home had a picture of a forty foot Ferris wheel and the words “too much wiggling”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a stupid student and the words “a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a cat, but upside down and the words “floating away in a fucking balloon”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a gasoline enema and the words “ropes”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of sufficient funds and the words “each of the victims”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a major problem and the words “knowing hell”. I dig it.

User
Rubbing salt in the wound
v

Make sure to hang rubbing salt in the wound in a tree so one of every drug leaves your tent alone.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other painted on both sides, which some say encourages rubbing salt in the wound.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on rubbing salt in the wound.
My religion demands that I must abstain from rubbing salt in the wound. A hollow shell however, is OK.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for rubbing salt in the wound and to avoid sweat and dead skin.
More armies need to incorporate rubbing salt in the wound into their uniforms.

User
Space probes?
np

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Space Probes?.
Man invented space probes?, so woman invented resting bitch face.
The survey team detected space probes? at the work site so I threw elbow grease in my truck and drove straight there.
I beat space probes? all the time!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as space probes? surfaced from below.
When space probes? is ready, a smiling idiot will appear.

User
Getting served
v

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from getting served.
Don’t look at me while I’m getting served! It messes me up!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the greatest mistake of my life, score points by getting served, and a minivan with a dead body in it shall not be on the field.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting served for the first time!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all getting served when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Here on the assembly line we heat Dad’s money to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is getting served.

User
Working at Little Caesar's
v

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were working at Little Caesar's, would you be working at Little Caesar's as well?”
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a tiny bone fragment, a coked up hooker and working at Little Caesar's.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Working at Little Caesar's”! I shook his hand and it felt like working at Little Caesar's.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a plug for the other hole over my head, but working at Little Caesar's got in the way.
The TSA has made new rules mandating working at Little Caesar's on every commercial flight.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by screaming and working at Little Caesar's.

User
Things and stuff
np

Lethal radiation nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid things and stuff.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with things and stuff went off early, ejecting butt licks into the air!
Any man who can drive safely while kissing things and stuff is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk things and stuff.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with things and stuff.
Let unrestrained passion host your next party, providing things and stuff like you’ve never experienced before.

User
Getting hit as well
v

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried getting hit as well.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with getting hit as well.
My new phone looks like it’s getting hit as well but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find getting hit as well.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in hot sparks. That’s supposed to help me with getting hit as well?!
I like my women like I like getting hit as well: eating trash with a total fucking mess.



Also a butt-licker
n

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy also a butt-licker from dispensaries.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that also a butt-licker is milking a buffalo.
Pool rules: No running. No letting her in. Keep also a butt-licker out of the deep end.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to also a butt-licker, even before I put on my clothes.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use also a butt-licker to treat an ancient Indian burial ground!
I love your necklace! It’s also a butt-licker, right?



Flying off the tracks
v

Flying off the tracks is moistness in the ocean of life!
I’m getting “that feeling” installed in my car, so I can be flying off the tracks while I drive.
I clean a backdoor woman by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up flying off the tracks.
The shockwave from complete removal of the head at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused flying off the tracks in the streets.
This workplace has gone (0) days without flying off the tracks.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by flying off the tracks.

User
A criminal background
n

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, hugs and kisses, sloth, wrath, a criminal background, and pride.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a criminal background in the middle of each intersection.
My wife is WAY better at a criminal background than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a criminal background.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a criminal background.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on a criminal background, or even some kind of a tiny bone fragment scene.

User
A pinhole camera
n

At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a pinhole camera into women’s purses and bags.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned a pinhole camera. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s the winning lottery numbers straddled by a pinhole camera.
Dagnabbit! I got a pinhole camera all jammed up in the wheel well again.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a pinhole camera.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a pinhole camera.

User
Fucking in front of the dog
v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got lactating dogs painted on both sides, which some say encourages fucking in front of the dog.
When the beef came at me it was like fucking in front of the dog.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start bedding before fucking in front of the dog.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all fucking in front of the dog, right while I’m killing again.
I’m getting a deflating balloon installed in my car, so I can be fucking in front of the dog while I drive.
John “fucking in front of the dog” Smith. The genius who brought us a secret.

User
I hope I'll still be  {v} after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.

I hope I'll still be huddling in the corner after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be being an overweight bitch after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be tandem showering after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be inhaling after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be not taking care of your body after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be killing again after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.



Having problems with my butthole
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating having problems with my butthole on every commercial flight.
The thief was caught stealing a tiny bone fragment from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of having problems with my butthole.
At the coffee shop they put “having problems with my butthole” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Having Problems with My Butthole” and it helps me with ammunition.
In my wild days I was having problems with my butthole, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a thick layer of frosting on the New Mexico border.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “having problems with my butthole” incident in the science lab.

User
Do you know what happens if you don't take  {n} seriously?  {Uv}
Play 2

Do you know what happens if you don't take a motorist seriously? Completely wigging out
Do you know what happens if you don't take the fuel line seriously? Snuggling with Ian McKellen
Do you know what happens if you don't take my musk seriously? Realizing I’m a douche
Do you know what happens if you don't take those responsible seriously? Killing again
Do you know what happens if you don't take my out of control libido seriously? Hiding the pain
Do you know what happens if you don't take a sudden penetration seriously? Whacking your sausage against the counter



Velociraptors with swords for arms
np

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was wallowing in your filth, part was moving and talking at the same time, and it was crowned with velociraptors with swords for arms.
I’m shoving velociraptors with swords for arms in the ground, in hopes that that jackass comes and harvests it.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use velociraptors with swords for arms to treat the majestic Humboldt squid!
Although moving away from butt magic proved effective for schools, the switch to velociraptors with swords for arms initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Don’t shake a Secret Service agent so hard, it’ll start velociraptors with swords for arms.
I like my women like I like velociraptors with swords for arms: making didgeridoo sounds with wildly swinging middle fingers.

User
The sky
n

Chimps in the wild have been observed using the sky to forage for food.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with the sky!”
I prayed to God for the sky, and God delivered!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Homo hot lips with the sky.
In a world with this asshole expectorating some sludge, one man must overcome the sky. Coming this summer.
I looked up “the sky” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving the inside.



Letting down my hair
v

It is disrespectful and dangerous to be letting down my hair during sex.
I beat letting down my hair all the time!
Apparently, “Letting Down My Hair” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn letting down my hair, but now for work I’m a disease. Go figure!
Letting down my hair really messes up my butt complexion!
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of hog dander. Half the country is letting down my hair.

User
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is  .

I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is sizzling assholes.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is fictitious queer same sex transformation.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is sacrificing the homeless.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is poisoning a child.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is a succulent jumbo prawn.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is David Bowie’s mysterious bulge.

User
A giant spider corpse
n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was allowing babies to starve while you gorge, part was a heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe, and it was crowned with a giant spider corpse.
If you kids don’t stop knowing hell, I will turn a giant spider corpse around!
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a giant spider corpse.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a giant spider corpse.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a giant spider corpse.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a giant spider corpse. Always.

User
One time I left  {n} in my vagina for a month.

One time I left fist pumping in my vagina for a month.
One time I left a quickie in my vagina for a month.
One time I left a piece of lint near my vagina in my vagina for a month.
One time I left a bruised ego in my vagina for a month.
One time I left the roof in my vagina for a month.
One time I left my butt surgery in my vagina for a month.

User
Duck legs
np

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for duck legs.
I noticed symptoms of getting covered in spicy mayonnaise, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s duck legs!” but I’m not sure.
My spirit animal: duck legs.
The rich aroma of duck legs, from the hills of Colombia.
I prayed to God for duck legs, and God delivered!
The problem with America is duck legs.



Bug legs
np

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to bug legs, even before I put on my clothes.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with bug legs!”
Ah, bug legs for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Oh no! Someone rolled up bug legs in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
The cineplex has been using bug legs in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
In the first Battle of Bug Legs he faced half the people around here, and with one great blow he split them in half.

User
A virus in the toilet
n

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a virus in the toilet in the sea.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to a virus in the toilet.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a virus in the toilet.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a virus in the toilet will go to The Violent Death Foundation.
My wife is WAY better at a virus in the toilet than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a virus in the toilet.

User
Going "boop!" on the nose
v

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into going "boop!" on the nose.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by going "boop!" on the nose.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with black market lungs went off early, ejecting going "boop!" on the nose into the air!
But I promised I would get my kids going "boop!" on the nose for Christmas!
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: barely any swag going "boop!" on the nose!
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re going "boop!" on the nose, get to the front of the line.

User
hahaha awesome.

This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select  {n}.

This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select a “Hey!”.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select two country bumpkins.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select all your drama.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select my black son.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select the world’s fastest pump.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select a hot explosion.

User
That little Jewish boy
n

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took that little Jewish boy to the funeral.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used that little Jewish boy.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under that little Jewish boy.
We’re having my biggest vein situation. Watch out for that little Jewish boy and please stand by...
Honey, you can’t keep putting that little Jewish boy down the garbage disposal!
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch that little Jewish boy and her butthole.



Attacking each other
v

Then God said, “Let there be attacking each other”; and there was attacking each other. And God saw that attacking each other was good.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Attacking Each Other and You”.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found attacking each other sticking to the wall.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to attacking each other.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw butt licks in the mirror! And it smelled like attacking each other in there! I’m so scared!
No one in Morocco can be attacking each other without registering with the government.

User
Peeling open the beef curtains
v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always peeling open the beef curtains. Always.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and peeling open the beef curtains in the Philippines.
Introducing, The Peeling Open the Beef Curtains diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then peeling open the beef curtains really affected me.
Here on the assembly line we heat shaved bears to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is peeling open the beef curtains.
During the war, German scientists experimented with peeling open the beef curtains to weaponize kevlar underwear.

User
One of those black actors that the kids like
n

When I saw one of those black actors that the kids like I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, sinking into the mud, I freaked!
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with one of those black actors that the kids like.
Go, go, Gadget One of Those Black Actors That the Kids like!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw one of those black actors that the kids like in the mirror! And it smelled like fluids from my face in there! I’m so scared!
For my last meal I want a hanging body seasoned lightly with one of those black actors that the kids like.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add one of those black actors that the kids like to the pan, while stirring constantly.

User
Free money from the government
nc

It’s time to scrape the remains of free money from the government off the driveway.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about free money from the government?
I just dug up the death simulator in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I'm worried about free money from the government.
I got into my car and sat on free money from the government. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I’ve finally got the last of free money from the government out of the men who helped me.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab free money from the government and walk right out the door without biking down the Luxor.

User
People get their heads full of  {n} and then they want to be  .
Play 2

People get their heads full of a gasping woman and then they want to be two or three caterpillars.
People get their heads full of aged beef and then they want to be real life.
People get their heads full of a sack of otters and then they want to be a super-tiny butt hole.
People get their heads full of the gravy dimension and then they want to be a wet burst.
People get their heads full of a squeaky-clean bottom and then they want to be 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars.
People get their heads full of a suitcase full of guns and money and then they want to be a bad landing.

User
Eating a Rubik's® cube
v

I like throwing a 9 year old like I like my coffee: eating a Rubik's® cube, put in a sack, and dragged across a watchful guard.
Men, like my birthright, go farthest when they are eating a Rubik's® cube.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise eating a Rubik's® cube by rewarding them with nothing else.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of eating a Rubik's® cube.
I didn’t think this house would sell with jalapeños in the attic. Anyway, I’m eating a Rubik's® cube.
For my last meal I want thick pudding seasoned heavily with eating a Rubik's® cube.

User
A turtle I like
n

When you two are done poisoning a child, can we please get a turtle I like and get out of here?!
More armies need to incorporate a turtle I like into their uniforms.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a turtle I like.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a turtle I like onto the International Space Station.
I’ve finally got the last of a turtle I like out of ceaseless chanting.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “A-turtle-I-like-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase a firm slap to the groin!

User
Restarting the dog's heart
v

I need help with my computer! I downloaded American interference and now I’m having trouble with restarting the dog's heart.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began restarting the dog's heart in front of his top supporters.
My religion demands that I must abstain from restarting the dog's heart. The bad cop however, is OK.
But of the tree of restarting the dog's heart you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I thought I was alone with the community buttplug but my mom walked in. We got to restarting the dog's heart and I felt better.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of restarting the dog's heart came on the screen.

User
Putting it on the penis
v

Ha! You activated my trap card, “Putting It on the Penis!” You’re cursed with Mexican forces until the end of the game!
A lasting mark is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just putting it on the penis. Sorry.
Today you’re on the receiving end of putting it on the penis.
I beat putting it on the penis all the time!
In my wild days I was leaving nothing sacred, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with putting it on the penis on the New Mexico border.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Putting It on the Penis”! I shook his hand and it felt like putting it on the penis.

User
In my life I've overcome  {n} time and time again with  .
Play 2

In my life I've overcome fuzzy handcuffs time and time again with my biggest vein.
In my life I've overcome a dollar time and time again with the last man in the room.
In my life I've overcome one night in Bangkok time and time again with Princess Perfect.
In my life I've overcome the rope my pappy hanged his self with time and time again with complete removal of the head.
In my life I've overcome no black child time and time again with a girl who just won’t quit.
In my life I've overcome a chunk time and time again with a meat hook.

User
The doctor said Grandpa can't have  {n} anymore.

The doctor said Grandpa can't have edible disguises anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have a crudely-drawn dick anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have meaty valves anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have lubricant anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have clemency anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have girl problems anymore.

User
AC power carries farther than DC due to  .

AC power carries farther than DC due to industrial solvent.
AC power carries farther than DC due to a lamprey infestation.
AC power carries farther than DC due to my fantasy physique.
AC power carries farther than DC due to zebras disguised as horses.
AC power carries farther than DC due to human body warmth.
AC power carries farther than DC due to electric sex.

User
At church they taught me that   leads to  .
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At church they taught me that beef curtains leads to the real adversary.
At church they taught me that wiring money to far off lands leads to tainted love.
At church they taught me that being a bad little boy leads to my hot little hands.
At church they taught me that no recourse leads to a lonely grave.
At church they taught me that wallowing in your filth leads to empowerment.
At church they taught me that the key to my heart leads to unbearable bitching.

User
Unlike most people, I can feel  {n}.

Unlike most people, I can feel scary men.
Unlike most people, I can feel death math.
Unlike most people, I can feel a motorist.
Unlike most people, I can feel your mom’s bathroom.
Unlike most people, I can feel fewer and fewer wheels.
Unlike most people, I can feel relative tranquility.

User
I work at a fish farm. When I hear  {n} I throw  {n} in to feed the tilapia.
Play 2

I work at a fish farm. When I hear cold toilet water in the butthole I throw King Edward’s sexual licentiousness in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear a big fat blunt, duuude! I throw stuff Asians like in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear effective limits I throw a jet of hot air in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear a tickle I throw an entity in death in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear godless heathens I throw consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear almost everyone I throw “forensic evidence” (semen) in to feed the tilapia.



Every Sunday morning my mother told me  .

Every Sunday morning my mother told me booms and flashes.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me a uniquely adapted slave race.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me my DNA.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me the first blush of womanhood.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me nothing but the truth.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs.

User
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in:  {n},  {n}... even  {n}.
Play 3

These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: human body warmth, a broken lock... even crush beast.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a weak little person, cautionary tales... even 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: judgment, my tortoise’s heat lamp... even two firetrucks.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: yoga farts, a cat in a paper bag... even racist bullshit.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a trail of footprints, shaking... even one mile of train rail.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: the crossing guard, less candy than usual... even my pet.

User
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for  .

When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a bathroom scale.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for napkins.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a strangler.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for an oblong breast.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a little sumthin sumthin.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for an army of 35,000 men.

User
More legs
np

Working on my car I found more legs had crawled inside the engine block and died.
What will we do with more legs early in the morning?
If more legs were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into more legs before writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
You can’t get my replacement big enough or more legs long enough to suit me.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw more legs.

User
Everything
nc

Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with everything.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have everything.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about everything.
First you get a cracker. Then you get females with four teats. Then you get everything.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is everything.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of everything heard remote.

User
Squishing
vt

You stole bad juju from a child? You’re squishing and you’re going to hell!
Don’t shake more dishonesty so hard, it’ll start squishing.
My girlfriend kicked a bend, and now she’s squishing. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was squishing.
Squishing is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with squishing. I barely even felt an email.

User
Running out of TP
v

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with running out of TP.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not running out of TP like your brother?”
Running out of TP is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always running out of TP. Always.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by running out of TP.
Running out of TP has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
A "kick me" sign
n

Although moving away from your bellybutton proved effective for schools, the switch to a "kick me" sign initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a "kick me" sign came rolling after him, but he escaped by using advanced Kama Sutra techniques!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a "kick me" sign.
When the beef came at me it was like a "kick me" sign.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a "kick me" sign in the sea.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced the Dutch oven with a "kick me" sign.

User
Getting off on it
v

Apparently, “Getting off on It” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Great job on the proposal for getting off on it, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you an even harder bang.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember getting off on it?”
My favorite new band is “A Foul Odor and Getting off on It”.
Last night I dreamed of getting off on it. I cannot shake the feeling that overzealous product placement will arrive soon.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me getting off on it and it’s getting weird.

User
Being followed by bears
v

It’s time to scrape the remains of being followed by bears off the driveway.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is being followed by bears.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to being followed by bears.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was completely wigging out, part was being followed by bears, and it was crowned with a deflating balloon.
I make free exotic crabs for adoption (trained!) for my cat by being followed by bears with the combination. Oreo loves it!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began being followed by bears.

User
Gas
nc

I found out why I’m always sick... they found gas in the walls at my office.
Let one more host your next party, providing gas like you’ve never seen before.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by gas.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into gas before deliberately standing in front of a cannon.
Last Christmas, I gave you gas. The very next day, you gave it away.
If I had gas, you’d be dead!

User
I can't believe they used to churn  {n} into "butter."

I can't believe they used to churn an all-female gang called the Lizzies into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn my murder list into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn a washtub filled with a potent cocktail of orange juice and whiskey into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn a piñata full of cigarettes into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn mermen into "butter."

User
Removing my appendix
v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always removing my appendix. Always.
The authorities followed the trail of removing my appendix, leading them straight to the suspect.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-smiling-idiot@removing-my-appendix.net
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by removing my appendix.
It’s not delivery. It’s removing my appendix.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of removing my appendix and the words “the mastermind”. I don’t get it!

User
A can of Coke
n

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into rubbing my gland, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a can of Coke.
The problem with America is a can of Coke.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of mercury poisoning in history, rode into battle atop a can of Coke.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a can of Coke after 8pm, or on holidays like Touching My Deformity Day.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and a can of Coke can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
I chipped my tooth on a can of Coke. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t the hole where the heart once fit.



Shitting organs
v

Let the rifleman’s upper body host your next party, providing shitting organs like you’ve never seen before.
If you kids don’t stop shitting organs, I will turn wandering around around!
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all shitting organs, right while I’m peeing in the sink.
Senator, I trust you enjoyed shitting organs last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of shitting organs.
A Telescoping Baton is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by shitting organs.



Tickling Al Pacino
v

My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Tickling-Al-Pacino-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a broken lock.
What the strands of my darling’s hair department lacks in selection, we make up for in tickling Al Pacino.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with tickling Al Pacino.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate tickling Al Pacino.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into most of my money before tickling Al Pacino.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for tickling Al Pacino?

User
Getting sealed in a glass box
v

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was getting sealed in a glass box.
I scream, you scream, getting sealed in a glass box, the death simulator!
Hark! What getting sealed in a glass box through yonder window breaks?
Senator, I trust you enjoyed getting sealed in a glass box last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into getting sealed in a glass box, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a low wall.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into getting sealed in a glass box.

User
7 billion people
np

We’re having B.J. Pussylips situation. Watch out for 7 billion people and please stand by...
Command, we’ve got two choppers and 7 billion people coming right at us. Please advise.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and 7 billion people.
Pool rules: No running. No 7 billion people. Keep a prop gun out of the deep end.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of 7 billion people-loving bot that hates emergency bacon.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as 7 billion people equipped with death math.

User
Undoing that
v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a tiny bone fragment painted on both sides, which some say encourages undoing that.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how undoing that happens.
Always walk into an interview with nipple placement and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate undoing that.
Undoing that really messes up my butt complexion!
The White House will no longer enforce The Undoing That Act of 1959. Thank God.
I saw an under-the-table interaction down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be undoing that with us.”



An abomination unto the Lord
n

I looked up “an abomination unto the Lord” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving fingering.
An abomination unto the Lord travelled over 20 feet after lubing up.
I tried to sneak out of the store with an abomination unto the Lord under one arm and the top 3 floors down my pants.
An abomination unto the Lord saved is an abomination unto the Lord earned.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed an abomination unto the Lord up and down the highway.
The thief was caught stealing sex toy directions from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of an abomination unto the Lord.

User
The devil
n

I can’t believe you guys went giving it a tweak without me! Loop me in next time, I want the devil too!
The wall will go up and the devil will start behaving.
For my last meal I want the devil seasoned heavily with a carefully contained fart.
My school is throwing a choir of angels party this weekend. Come for the devil. Stay for a girl who just won’t quit!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was mammaries, part was the devil, and it was crowned with mostly unused hypodermics.
Growing up we never had bathwater, but we had to deal with the devil, and I want the opposite for my children.



The United States of America
n

I am become a dollar, the destroyer of the United States of America.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A mutilated torso and the United States of America.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: the United States of America.
A velvet fist can only be killed by the United States of America.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the United States of America went off early, ejecting bellowing into the air!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: The United States of America Does All This Shit.



The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of  .

The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of a humorless Japanese businessman.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of gourmet drinking chocolate.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of the thing hanging out of my butt.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of King Edward’s sexual licentiousness.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of being trapped in a tent.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of the death simulator.

User
When I was a kid I used to take  {n} into the bathroom with me.

When I was a kid I used to take a real butt-toucher into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take a number of thrusts into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take a ball gag into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take the girl next door into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take a van down by the river into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take the inside into the bathroom with me.

User
I think those two hobos are enjoying  {n} in the alleyway.

I think those two hobos are enjoying rigid peen in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying a humorless Japanese businessman in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying a reception area for social events in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying both emissaries in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying nature’s candy in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying a rocket with a mouse strapped on in the alleyway.

User
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick  {n} to  {n}.
Play 2

Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick awesome lectures to everything you’ve always wanted.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick a hardened native warrior to puberty cream.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick party bitches to a flimsy pterodactyl.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick beets. Mashed beets to a night of unrestrained passion.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick a dead clown on the stairs to a sarcastic horse.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick the Dutch oven to a head full of ideas.

User
I would kill to swim in a pool of  {cp}.

I would kill to swim in a pool of spines.
I would kill to swim in a pool of either me or you.
I would kill to swim in a pool of sharpened teeth.
I would kill to swim in a pool of micropenises.
I would kill to swim in a pool of bad juju.
I would kill to swim in a pool of lewd acts in public.

User
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with  {n}.

Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with a squeaky-clean bottom.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with a hearty 8-pound pork roast.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with the hottest girl.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with a plan gone horribly wrong.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with cranberry sauce or juice.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with my secret place.

User
I didn't know they made  {n} in lemon flavor.

I didn't know they made a bus full of white children in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made useless noodle arms in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made an accident in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made the atom in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made a summer sausage in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made B.J. Pussylips in lemon flavor.

User
Misleading the public
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the escape route, score points by misleading the public, and a reliable source of income shall not be on the field.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then misleading the public really affected me.
Alexander also named a city in India “Misleading the Public” after his dead horse.
Here on the assembly line we heat the placenta to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is misleading the public.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into misleading the public, get to the front of the line.
I'm misleading the public in the streets, but a wasted life in the sheets.



A fanny pack full of dice
n

Don’t look at me while I’m a fanny pack full of dice! It messes me up!
In a world with a fanny pack full of dice becoming an adult, one man must overcome a broken lock. Coming this summer.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a royal fleet of galleys, but now for work I’m a fanny pack full of dice. Go figure!
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a fanny pack full of dice, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start the loudest possible noise.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a fanny pack full of dice is being fucking dead.
We put a fanny pack full of dice in your tea!



A cat in a cardboard box
n

Senator, give us a cat in a cardboard box biannually and you’ll get our vote.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a barbecued meal worm went off early, ejecting a cat in a cardboard box into the air!
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a cat in a cardboard box came on the screen.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a cat in a cardboard box.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a cat in a cardboard box while we were still in the car.
Don’t shake a cat, but upside down so hard, it’ll start a cat in a cardboard box.

User
Bacon & spiders
np

Jesus is bacon & spiders.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with bacon & spiders hanging in the window.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in bacon & spiders, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected bacon & spiders, which hung in the air for days.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with bacon & spiders and are ordered to be the men who helped me no matter what.
I thought I was alone with bacon & spiders but my mom walked in. We got to using advanced Kama Sutra techniques and I felt better.



A river
n

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a river.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a river.
I got so drunk last night that I got a river all over everyone and everything.
Amtrak officials confirm a river would have prevented train derailment.
Mom, what’s a river? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a deceitful word by rewarding them with a river.



A bell that rings whenever I think about sex
n

How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of ammunition, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into a bell that rings whenever I think about sex.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is a bell that rings whenever I think about sex.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about with a bell that rings whenever I think about sex.
You spent all your food-stamps on a bell that rings whenever I think about sex?!
I can’t believe you guys went falling into boiling water without me! Loop me in next time, I want a bell that rings whenever I think about sex too!
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a bell that rings whenever I think about sex, would you be a bell that rings whenever I think about sex as well?”

User
His left nut
n

Life without love is like a creepier perv without his left nut or fruit.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around his left nut on the freeway.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave spice, a sleepy kitty spice, and his left nut spice!
This food is so good it’s making his left nut quiver!
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise taffy by rewarding them with his left nut.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of his left nut.



Her left vaginal wall
n

Apparently, “Her Left Vaginal Wall” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Last Christmas, I gave you her left vaginal wall. The very next day, you gave it away.
In this 15th century painting, a stand-off is represented by a man with her left vaginal wall for a head.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Earth’s Orbit!” You’re cursed with her left vaginal wall until the end of the game!
Ah, her left vaginal wall for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Work a crow in a blender up until frothing before spreading across her left vaginal wall, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.



A sex toy vending machine
n

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a sex toy vending machine around the building.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a sex toy vending machine.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of a sex toy vending machine heard remote.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a sex toy vending machine.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a sex toy vending machine in the soil.
James Bond will return in “The Man With a sex toy vending machine”!

User
An electric cord
n

Oh no! Someone rolled up an electric cord in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with an electric cord.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into multiethnic genitalia. It was not my lips you kissed, but an electric cord.
An electric cord brings a smile to a child’s face.
The thief was caught stealing an electric cord from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a shrieking tarantula.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into an electric cord before counting the dead sons.



A high-voltage wire
n

We’re having a high-voltage wire situation. Watch out for a predator and please stand by...
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a high-voltage wire.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a high-voltage wire.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a high-voltage wire! It’s all here in my manifesto!
This food is so good it’s making a high-voltage wire quiver!
A high-voltage wire is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.



A pressurized container
n

A pressurized container! A pressurized container! My kingdom for a pressurized container!
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a pressurized container in the back seat.
People in Taiwan are getting a pressurized container implanted in their bodies for being unfit to even live.
I don’t think that even comes close to being a pressurized container.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A pressurized container with the world’s fastest pump.
Our artisanal process ages a bang-up job for 3 years, before going right into a pressurized container, rapidly twerking over his grave.

User
A soul-stealing telephone
n

In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of a soul-stealing telephone.
Opinions are like a soul-stealing telephone. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
I got into my car and sat on a soul-stealing telephone. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
#a soul-stealing telephone-shaming
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a soul-stealing telephone, sloth, wrath, falling in love with a white girl, and pride.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “Cunting-around-even-harder-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase a soul-stealing telephone!



A walrus rolling down a hill
n

I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a walrus rolling down a hill.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value a walrus rolling down a hill more. Now hold still.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a walrus rolling down a hill went off early, ejecting loving someone SO much into the air!
A walrus rolling down a hill can actually erode honey, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
My pharmacist separated giant meaty hands into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a walrus rolling down a hill.
When a walrus rolling down a hill hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!



A rabbit that just exploded
n

All the best love stories include a rabbit that just exploded.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a rabbit that just exploded came on the screen.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a rabbit that just exploded if I wanted a new family.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Rabbit That Just Exploded.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a rabbit that just exploded.
More armies need to incorporate a rabbit that just exploded into their uniforms.

User
The center of the earth
n

If you have a dream about a hardened native warrior, it meas you’re worried about the center of the earth.
In future times, the children will work together to build the center of the earth.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and the center of the earth can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found the center of the earth sticking to the wall.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was wobbles, part was startling a tweaker, and it was crowned with the center of the earth.
Senator, give us the center of the earth biannually and you’ll get our vote.



15,000,000 pounds per square inch
np

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of 15,000,000 pounds per square inch on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “15,000,000 pounds per square inch” incident in the science lab.
They don’t make a slot like they used to! This one doesn’t even have 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.

User
A pound of hair
n

The authorities followed the trail of a pound of hair, leading them straight to the suspect.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a pound of hair.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a pound of hair came rolling after him, but he escaped by being kicked repeatedly in the head!
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a pound of hair.
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a pound of hair.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be rhythmic pounding while I’m a pound of hair!



The Roomba
n

Instructions unclear: got the Roomba stuck in $20 worth of pot.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Roomba.
When I saw the Roomba I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, hounding the family dog, I went white as a sheet!
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, the Roomba emerged.
The patient kept screaming about “the Roomba”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and an Apache raiding party emerged!
The Roomba: It’s nature’s candy!

User
Barking up the wrong tree
v

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am blowing a koala. Would you like to try our new special, barking up the wrong tree?
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was barking up the wrong tree, part was kevlar underwear, and it was crowned with a one hundred dollar bill.
I'm barking up the wrong tree in the streets, but an old, Asian martial arts master in the sheets.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with barking up the wrong tree. I barely even felt giggling schoolgirls with cameras.
Throughout human history, barking up the wrong tree has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as barking up the wrong tree or being busy with it.

User
Jeez! Who slipped  {n} in your Cheerios this morning?

Jeez! Who slipped a hand grenade in my cereal in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped unknown assailants in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped giant meaty hands in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped an entire 8th-grader in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped lubricant in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped childbirth in your Cheerios this morning?

User
Acting all innocent
v

I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is acting all innocent.
At the winery tour we saw how they put female breast tissue and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like acting all innocent.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with acting all innocent.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of acting all innocent.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s acting all innocent.
The problem with America is acting all innocent.

User
Abusing a goat
v

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using abusing a goat to treat you and me!
I looked up “Nazi propaganda” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving abusing a goat.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on abusing a goat.
Ever since the incident with abusing a goat I’ve been haunted by a $160,000 diamond.
My religion demands that I must abstain from abusing a goat. Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster) however, is OK.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and abusing a goat. There was a report.

User
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of  {c} will form on top of your beer.

If you pour it right, a frothy layer of water will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of my skin template will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of all the beer will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of nothing much will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of animalistic hunger will form on top of your beer.

User
5 bars of 4G
np

At the Amazon Go store you can grab 5 bars of 4G and walk right out the door without wafting upstairs.
The White House will no longer enforce The 5 Bars of 4G Act of 1959. Thank God.
While you’re at the store can you pick up 5 bars of 4G, in family size?
In the third world, luxuries like a sexually aggressive woman are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to 5 bars of 4G.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling 5 bars of 4G. The driver was punching a brain.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got 5 bars of 4G before every meeting.

User
Constant little orgasms
np

Her inheritance was squandered upon constant little orgasms while Cinderella was abused and forced to become the mayor’s son in her own home.
The city put in new road signs to indicate constant little orgasms just up ahead.
Pool rules: No running. No constant little orgasms. Keep a haunted theremin out of the deep end.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of constant little orgasms. Half the country is thinking about spiders.
I can’t believe you guys went jerking it without me! Loop me in next time, I want constant little orgasms too!
Constant little orgasms! Constant little orgasms! My kingdom for constant little orgasms!

User
Showering, then pooping
vt

When I get older, I don’t want to be showering, then pooping.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of showering, then pooping.
Pool rules: No running. No showering, then pooping. Keep setbacks out of the deep end.
Showering, then pooping is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m showering, then pooping.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about showering, then pooping and drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull. Should I talk to him?

User
My Internet girlfriend
n

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to my Internet girlfriend.
This workplace has gone (0) days without my Internet girlfriend.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with my Internet girlfriend. So bring hotdog grade “meat”.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and my Internet girlfriend coming right at us. Please advise.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in my Internet girlfriend together.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw my Internet girlfriend overboard!

User
The cyber
n

The new top grade of gasoline has the cyber as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for the cyber.
The rich aroma of the cyber, from the hills of Colombia.
Oh no! Someone rolled up the cyber in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the cyber.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got the cyber painted on both sides, which some say encourages placing yourself above others.

User
The left lane is only for vehicles with  {cp}.

The left lane is only for vehicles with hand-to-hand combat.
The left lane is only for vehicles with dryness problems.
The left lane is only for vehicles with teen spirit.
The left lane is only for vehicles with barely any swag.
The left lane is only for vehicles with omens.
The left lane is only for vehicles with earwig pincers.

User
Bungling everything
v

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was bungling everything and tried to attack it.
Hark! What bungling everything through yonder window breaks?
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for bungling everything.
They said bungling everything was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got bungling everything... and then some!
My nightly ritual involves blow, bungling everything, and finally a pillar of salt just as I fall asleep.
I don’t think that even comes close to being bungling everything.

User
The entrance to Hell
n

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from not riding a Segway with the entrance to Hell.
The HOA says I can’t raise the top 3 floors on my property. Meanwhile no word about the entrance to Hell at the Jones’s!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as the entrance to Hell surfaced from below.
This year’s hottest new fashion is the entrance to Hell on your head.
I buried my treasure under the entrance to Hell so you’d never find it!
The entrance to Hell? That’s my fetish!

User
A rat's... anus?
n

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a rat's... anus? out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a rat's... anus?. It was not my lips you kissed, but a piece of Lego® in the carpet.
First you get a rat's... anus?. Then you get mighty Zeus. Then you get unknown assailants.
Great job on the proposal for firing off the squibs too early, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a rat's... anus?.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s a rat's... anus?.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a rat's... anus?.

User
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took  {n} from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.

My brother thought he was SO funny when he took my out of control libido from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took the finest quality cheese from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took drool drops from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took leopard print top hats from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a box of wine from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took rigid peen from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.

User
Dad's gaping hole
n

Here on the assembly line we heat dad's gaping hole to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is not doing anything.
Thanks for dad's gaping hole last night. *wink* *wink*
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me dad's gaping hole and it’s getting weird.
The road of royalty is paved with a mild orgasm, and awash with dad's gaping hole.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of dad's gaping hole and the words “the black president”. I don’t get it!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began dad's gaping hole.

User
At BASF we don't make  {n}. We make  {n} better.
Play 1

At BASF we don't make children’s toys. We make children’s toys better.
At BASF we don't make live wires hanging from the ceiling. We make live wires hanging from the ceiling better.
At BASF we don't make a stretch. We make a stretch better.
At BASF we don't make this half of the planet. We make this half of the planet better.
At BASF we don't make a little line of poop from your head to your butt. We make a little line of poop from your head to your butt better.
At BASF we don't make a pregnant teen. We make a pregnant teen better.

User
A midget having a seizure
n

The new top grade of gasoline has a midget having a seizure as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The HOA says I can’t raise a backup plan on my property. Meanwhile no word about a midget having a seizure at the Jones’s!
My school is throwing a bunch of kids party this weekend. Come for an Apache raiding party. Stay for a midget having a seizure!
How high do you have to be to enjoy a midget having a seizure in some kind of bizarre barbecue CPR?
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a midget having a seizure painted on both sides, which some say encourages a lovable grandfather.
We put a midget having a seizure in your tea!

User
Coming from the same hole
v

Solutions! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all coming from the same hole.
We have a zero tolerance policy for coming from the same hole here at Disney. So get a snack and get out!
Let’s wait for shavings to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get coming from the same hole.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all marginal gains, right while I’m coming from the same hole.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of coming from the same hole.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Coming from the same hole.

User
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for  .

Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for my secret sex gymnasium.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for rubbery, cleaner poops.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for a dead clown on the stairs.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for power of attorney.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for King Edward’s sexual licentiousness.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for a virus.



The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning  .

The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning lifting his kilt and winking.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning a falling piano.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning a close friend.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning other things I’ve put in my butt.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning complete removal of the head.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning undercooked meat.

User
One bitcoin
n

Although moving away from formaldehyde proved effective for schools, the switch to one bitcoin initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of one bitcoin in its food processing operations.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but one bitcoin.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around one bitcoin.
When the celestial spheres align, one bitcoin will descend from the heavens.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is one bitcoin.

User
Turning up dead
v

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value turning up dead more. Now hold still.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the pilot, who died instantly is turning up dead.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling captured pirates. The driver was turning up dead.
My car looks like it’s turning up dead but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
I like too much denim like I like my coffee: turning up dead, put in a sack, and dragged across my middle pocket.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “Turning-up-dead-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase skin-tight leather pants!

User
Winding up dead
v

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and winding up dead. There was a report.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but winding up dead.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like Christopher Lloyd holding a dog and can be used for winding up dead.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed winding up dead.
But of the tree of winding up dead you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Winding up Dead” and it helps me with the basement.

User
Getting tossed in the trash
v

I like my women like I like bringing about the apocalypse: screaming again with getting tossed in the trash.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride failure abroad. It made me feel like I was getting tossed in the trash.
My house. 8 o’clock. Getting tossed in the trash.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Getting Tossed in the Trash
I’m gonna prove the link between loose teeth and getting tossed in the trash! You’ll all see!
A social skill is any skill facilitating getting tossed in the trash with others.

User
Vladimir Putin fucking a bear
n

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “Vladimir Putin fucking a bear”.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need anorexia and Vladimir Putin fucking a bear.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a flea in the toilet and touched Vladimir Putin fucking a bear on the wall.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by Vladimir Putin fucking a bear.
If you have a dream about Vladimir Putin fucking a bear, it meas you’re worried about a tight fit.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Vladimir Putin Fucking a Bear.

User
Gay sex with the pope
nc

Dagnabbit! I got gay sex with the pope all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Gay sex with the pope? That’s my fetish!
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into gay sex with the pope and stopped.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in gay sex with the pope.
My school is throwing the most sensitive part of my body party this weekend. Come for a backup plan. Stay for gay sex with the pope!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into gay sex with the pope! She’s 62!

User
Nothing but trouble
nc

Senator, give us nothing but trouble biannually and you’ll get our vote.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in nothing but trouble.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how nothing but trouble happens.
They don’t make a quickie like they used to! This one doesn’t even have nothing but trouble.
Let my dead parents host your next party, providing nothing but trouble like you’ve never seen before.
Dagnabbit! I got nothing but trouble all jammed up in the wheel well again.



My sex tape
n

The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is my sex tape.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn my sex tape, but now for work I’m an eyeless face. Go figure!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about just rockin’ that ass and my sex tape. Should I talk to him?
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of my sex tape.
My sex tape brings a smile to a child’s face.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “My Sex Tape!” You’re cursed with your sisters until the end of the game!



User
Old people fucking in it
np

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be old people fucking in it.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a foaming pipe snake and old people fucking in it.
This workplace has gone (0) days without old people fucking in it.
John “old people fucking in it” Smith. The genius who brought us getting tickled until you bust a nut.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen old people fucking in it.
Old people fucking in it produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a molecule to keep warm.

User
Looking smug
v

More armies need to incorporate looking smug into their uniforms.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around looking smug on the freeway.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s looking smug and I think I believe her!
What the child-bearing hips department lacks in selection, we make up for in looking smug.
My publisher demanded I remove looking smug from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I’m getting the Easter bunny installed in my car, so I can be looking smug while I drive.

User
A police officer on Facebook
n

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a police officer on Facebook and I think I believe her!
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a police officer on Facebook.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about a police officer on Facebook.
I was so surprised to see a police officer on Facebook that my sister’s closet fell out of my mouth.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A police officer on Facebook, five adult sons and stepping over me.
A police officer on Facebook is known to the state of California to cause cancer.



A nervous police officer
n

Thanks for a nervous police officer last night. *wink* *wink*
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a nervous police officer.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a nervous police officer.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took a nervous police officer to the funeral.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of nuances in history, rode into battle atop a nervous police officer.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Nervous Police Officer” after his dead horse.

User
The vacuum of space
n

I got so drunk last night that I got the vacuum of space all over everyone and everything.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, the vacuum of space... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Opinions are like the vacuum of space. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw the vacuum of space at a player from the stands.
In the first Battle of the Vacuum of Space he faced the yellow line down the middle of the road, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than the vacuum of space.



Salty lips
np

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was salty lips and tried to attack it.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab salty lips and walk right out the door without making it weird.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Salty lips and sustained surface winds.
My school is throwing a beefy meal party this weekend. Come for a bunch of kids. Stay for salty lips!
I pushed hard enough to snap salty lips, but some powerful kind of ground control was blocking the door.
Whenever I cook salty lips I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into my dead parents.



Two VCRs
np

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with two VCRs.
The wall will go up and two VCRs will start behaving.
Howdy neighbor, love a ripe body! Let’s get two VCRs sometime!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was B.J. Pussylips, part was non-human animals, and it was crowned with two VCRs.
I was surprised to find bones in two VCRs. Is that normal?
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with two VCRs in his lap.



Wanting blood
v

Alexander also named a city in India “Wanting Blood” after his dead horse.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was wanting blood.
Senator, give us wanting blood biannually and you’ll get our vote.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about wanting blood and hoping nothing kills you. Should I talk to him?
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of wanting blood.
When I get older, I don’t want to be wanting blood.



The glass ceiling
n

In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped the glass ceiling in the toilet and touched an injection on the wall.
Growing up we never had a lap, but we had to deal with the glass ceiling, and I want the opposite for my children.
The road of royalty is paved with the glass ceiling, and awash with sounding like “SHOOOOM!”.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of things that aren’t fruit, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into the glass ceiling.
The ‘joie de vivre moth’ has adapted to feed on retaliatory skirmishes, and hide under the glass ceiling in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell the glass ceiling after 8pm, or on holidays like Costing a Lot of Money Day.

User
The lulz
np

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the lulz.
The cineplex has been using the lulz in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out the lulz for free on every corner.
Amtrak officials confirm the lulz would have prevented train derailment.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with the lulz.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by empowerment and the lulz.



Going back in time
v

I think that ecstasy was cut with Jigglypuff!. After one hit I began very, very rapidly going back in time.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am going back in time. Would you like to try our new special, a warhead?
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and going back in time in the Philippines.
Don’t look at me while I’m going back in time! It messes me up!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Going Back in Time” and it helps me with a time-honored tradition.
It’s time to scrape the remains of going back in time off the driveway.



No Internet
nc

My car looks like it’s no Internet but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as a funnel equipped with no Internet.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady feeling fat and sassy with no Internet.
God didn’t create me. God created no Internet. And no Internet created me.
People in Taiwan are getting no Internet implanted in their bodies for being trapped in a tent.
I was so surprised to see a tribal village that no Internet fell out of my mouth.

User
Not even stopping to breathe
v

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of not even stopping to breathe.
Introducing, The Not Even Stopping to Breathe diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of not even stopping to breathe.
The patient kept screaming about “not even stopping to breathe”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and love emerged!
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into not even stopping to breathe, get to the front of the line.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of not even stopping to breathe.



Shooting into the sky
v

Ok, I’ll admit shooting into the sky might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in water.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain shooting into the sky?
Last night I dreamed of shooting into the sky. I cannot shake the feeling that an exploding car will arrive soon.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Shooting into the sky; a bony ass; a mental illness.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of shooting into the sky in the soil.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in the same pay. That’s supposed to help me with shooting into the sky?!



So much raw meat
nc

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “so much raw meat.”
So much raw meat isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
There’s no reason for so much raw meat before breakfast.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from making sure no one sees with so much raw meat.
I’m getting a time machine installed in my car, so I can be so much raw meat while I drive.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “So Much Raw Meat and You”.



Every credit card
n

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking every credit card onto the International Space Station.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience every credit card like I was really there.
Furious that I was reaching around into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into every credit card.
It’s lucky to touch every credit card; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to every credit card, even before I put on my clothes.
At my 9th birthday, we had every credit card piñata that burst open showering the deaths of his most trusted men on us kids.

User
A stuck buttplug
n

No one in Morocco can be a stuck buttplug without registering with the government.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a stuck buttplug.
Uh oh. I think a stuck buttplug just fell out of my bung hole.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a stuck buttplug.
A stuck buttplug like this is enough to kill a horse!
The hardware store didn’t have a stuck buttplug left, so I got someone.



Actually paying the hooker
v

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide actually paying the hooker directly.
Don’t shake mighty Zeus so hard, it’ll start actually paying the hooker.
Licking it while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of actually paying the hooker.
If you do it right, “sexy kitty” mode is all about actually paying the hooker.
My publisher demanded I remove actually paying the hooker from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as actually paying the hooker.

User
Screeching in Italian
v

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between drunk sexting my sister and screeching in Italian.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s screeching in Italian.
In my wild days I was turning over, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with screeching in Italian on the New Mexico border.
Floaters is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by screeching in Italian.
You stole the first blush of womanhood from a child? You’re screeching in Italian and you’re going to hell!
I tried infinite sausage but it was too tight. Then I tried screeching in Italian but it was TOO LOOSE.

User
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of  .

All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of a long-buried secret.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of mailing anthrax.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of spraying up the wall.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of a barrier.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of a Facebook post.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of little turds everywhere.

User
I always get caught  {v} in the locker room. Sorry.

I always get caught shitting a bowling ball in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught accidentally hitting your daughter in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught working myself up into a frenzy in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught going solo in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught trusting everything the devil says in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught closing her legs in the locker room. Sorry.

User
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm  {v}.

At the gym they have this new machine where I'm saving all the Jews.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm hate-fucking.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm falling in love with a white girl.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm not doing anything.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm punching a hole in the roof.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm farting like a bagpipe.

User
Right in the "yoohoo!"
nc

I chipped my tooth on right in the "yoohoo!". My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t insipid fools.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about right in the "yoohoo!"?
Right in the "yoohoo!" has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in right in the "yoohoo!", where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Ever since right in the "yoohoo!" appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while blowing the lid off the present civilization.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about what makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth, but with right in the "yoohoo!"!



The penis
n

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be waking in terror and where does the penis come in?
Apparently, “the Penis” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
My mom picked me up the penis from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
I got a girl on roller skates as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with the penis?
my secret place landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that the penis came shooting out of my ass!
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as untameable wildlings equipped with the penis.

User
Empty space
nc

The referee just issued a red card to fingering for sliding into empty space.
All the best love stories include empty space.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found empty space inside. I should take it to lower standards!
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like empty space.
Sir! We are out of each hole, sequentially, but we found empty space while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Military scientists in Syria found traces of empty space in the soil.

User
Thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa
v

I got so drunk last night that I got thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa all over everyone and everything.
This workplace has gone (0) days without thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Thinking I'm Not Racist While Enjoying a Chalupa!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was filling my mouth, part was thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa, and it was crowned with hugs and kisses.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa. There was a report.



Toxic masculinity
nc

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on toxic masculinity.
I’ve finally got the last of a clown’s genitals out of toxic masculinity.
I love your necklace! It’s toxic masculinity, right?
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Toxic Masculinity Blast!
My publisher demanded I remove toxic masculinity from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I tried to sneak out of the store with toxic masculinity under one arm and a loading screen down my pants.

User
All that junk
nc

I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about all that junk and keeping the pressure on. Should I talk to him?
I can’t swing a mushroom around here without hitting all that junk!
When all that junk is ready, vole milk will appear.
I’m late to my meeting for all that junk.
People around the world recognize all that junk as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for all that junk.

User
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for  !

The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a gasping woman!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for zigzagging wildly!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for forcing the leprechauns to breed!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a phone booth!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a prybar!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for an extremely uncomfortable mattress!

User
A bona fide ass?
User
Quality
nc

In future times, the children will work together to build quality.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a roll of toilet paper. That’s supposed to help me with quality?!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be quality.
Working on my car I found quality had crawled inside the engine block and died.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing quality at cars and passers-by.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always quality just around the corner.

User
 {Un} slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"

An anatomically correct sock puppet slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
Landlady bosoms slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
No minors slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
A wailing infant slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
A reception area for social events slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
Iron Maiden’s 747 slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"

User
Strangling my horse
v

Alexander also named a city in India “Strangling My Horse” after his dead horse.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell naval victory after 8pm, or on holidays like Strangling My Horse Day.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found strangling my horse sticking to the wall.
Strangling my horse! Strangling my horse! My kingdom for strangling my horse!
Senator, give us strangling my horse biannually and you’ll get our vote.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all strangling my horse, right while I’m accidentally burning my junk.



Killing Kim Jong-un
v

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “killing Kim Jong-un,” over and over again while in use.
Killing Kim Jong-un is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
There is no revenge so complete as killing Kim Jong-un.
It’s time to scrape the remains of killing Kim Jong-un off the driveway.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still killing Kim Jong-un!
I noticed symptoms of insurrection, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s killing Kim Jong-un!” but I’m not sure.

User
There's   where I normally do my business.

There's a human where I normally do my business.
There's two country bumpkins where I normally do my business.
There's lower standards where I normally do my business.
There's hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex where I normally do my business.
There's a barbecued meal worm where I normally do my business.
There's running with a floppy, out-of-control hand where I normally do my business.

User
Listening to your own heartbeat on the phone
v

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been listening to your own heartbeat on the phone. The snail may have escaped pretending to forget by going underground.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from listening to your own heartbeat on the phone with a big slow boat.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a bellow of sympathy and listening to your own heartbeat on the phone.
Watch me anally consuming a walnut. Now watch me listening to your own heartbeat on the phone.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're listening to your own heartbeat on the phone!
During the war, German scientists experimented with listening to your own heartbeat on the phone to weaponize prancing piglets.

User
Cramping up
v

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate cramping up.
But I promised I would get my kids cramping up for Christmas!
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the Dutch oven is cramping up.
Cramping up is the only way to say goodbye.
I got so drunk last night that I got cramping up all over everyone and everything.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Cramping up.

User
Glass shards
np

The best comfort food will always be greens, glass shards, and fried chicken.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise breastfeeding by rewarding them with glass shards.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in glass shards. That’s supposed to help me with a pulpy mass?!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in glass shards.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found glass shards.
Howdy neighbor, love glass shards! Let’s get bloody hell sometime!



Oh great. Now I have  {s}-flavored bung hole.

Oh great. Now I have Samuel L. Jackson’s pubic area-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a threat from Eurasia-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a dust bunny-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a big ol’ fruit-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a real jerk-off-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a cunt slap-flavored bung hole.

User
A secret stash of beef
n

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a secret stash of beef, get to the front of the line.
People in Taiwan are getting a secret stash of beef implanted in their bodies for blowing chunks.
I’ve finally got the last of a secret stash of beef out of all creation.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a secret stash of beef... Sweet! Sunny-D!
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a secret stash of beef and walk right out the door without catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass.
My publisher demanded I remove a secret stash of beef from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

User
An orchestra stab
n

An orchestra stab can only be killed by a stiff upper lip.
Two best friends and an orchestra stab take a road trip, and discover a very hot pan along the way.
Jesus is an orchestra stab.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of googly eyes, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into an orchestra stab.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “An Orchestra Stab and You”.
During routine surgery, the doctors found an orchestra stab embedded in my abdomen.

User
Remembering that swans can be gay
v

The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include laser sounds spice, ropes spice, and remembering that swans can be gay spice!
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to remembering that swans can be gay, even before I put on my clothes.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of remembering that swans can be gay came on the screen.
No more remembering that swans can be gay at Starbucks.
Pundits agree it will take remembering that swans can be gay for the senator to win the election.
I noticed symptoms of remembering that swans can be gay, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s the key to my heart!” but I’m not sure.

User
Turning the frogs gay
v

Pool rules: No running. No turning the frogs gay. Keep an enraged bee out of the deep end.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was turning the frogs gay, part was wriggly little worms, and it was crowned with a stink bug.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, turning the frogs gay, toilet paper, shelter, and a real value.
10% of all proceeds from sales of bourbon and ball-gags will go to The Turning the Frogs Gay Foundation.
I’m getting another way to kill me installed in my car, so I can be turning the frogs gay while I drive.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re turning the frogs gay and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

User
Goin' up the butt sideways
v

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were goin' up the butt sideways, would you be goin' up the butt sideways as well?”
Mom, what’s goin' up the butt sideways? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
They said goin' up the butt sideways was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got goin' up the butt sideways... and then some!
When this stew is ready, goin' up the butt sideways will appear.
Goin' up the butt sideways like this is enough to kill a horse!
I’m late to my meeting for goin' up the butt sideways.

User
My toucan, going crazy
n

President Reagan and his entire cabinet got my toucan, going crazy before every meeting.
For my last meal I want my toucan, going crazy seasoned heavily with steady pumping.
We can be my toucan, going crazy. And no one has to know.
I never expected to be fingered by my toucan, going crazy.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a Japanese woman’s underwear in love with my toucan, going crazy very much they do a... special hug.”
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate my toucan, going crazy.

User
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's  .

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's so many freakin’ cats.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's backing up on it.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's good people.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's family life.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's squirting acid.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's stuff Asians like.

User
Fanny pack full of ground beef
nc

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put fanny pack full of ground beef in the pillows.
The city condemned our house after finding fanny pack full of ground beef in the crawlspace.
They didn’t have fanny pack full of ground beef at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed a child drowning in a vat of molasses.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of fanny pack full of ground beef.
How high do you have to be to enjoy fanny pack full of ground beef in homo hot lips?
Don’t leave the door open! fanny pack full of ground beef will get in.



A salesman came to the door selling  {n}. I didn't open. He slid  {n} under the door.
Play 2

A salesman came to the door selling fat guys dressed as Sailor Moon. I didn't open. He slid hatred for children under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling a dust cloud. I didn't open. He slid booms and flashes under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling this worthless orphan. I didn't open. He slid a wasted life under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling a beginner anal bead. I didn't open. He slid a French knight under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling bloodlust. I didn't open. He slid hot water under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling a raisin or maybe rabbit poop. I didn't open. He slid a drop of blood under the door.

User
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by  {v}.

Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by beard stroking.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by manhandling the merchandise.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by eating feathers.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by being trapped in a tent.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by a snappy dressing dame with a lot of legs.

User
I mean this part:

Quote:
The command failed. Windows reported the error:
"þþíÊÚÐÑ Úáì ÇáäÙÇã ÇáÚËæÑ Úáì ÇáãáÝ ÇáãÍÏÏ."


And of course if you Google that the first result is THIS PAGE.
User
That guy signed up to post that.

Ed: via an anonymous proxy no less!
User
Funding ISIS
v

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember funding ISIS?”
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about funding ISIS.
Watch me funding ISIS. Now watch me fingering.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of funding ISIS in the soil.
Funding ISIS? That’s my fetish!
Experts said that based on preliminary data, funding ISIS appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
II guess I missed it and also WHAT is going on with the error messages?
User
Those hoodlums graffitied   in my mailbox again.

Those hoodlums graffitied a hanging body in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied my Judo bikini in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied a bunch of vulvas in my face in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied a bus full of white children in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied Earth’s orbit in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied a giant eraser in my mailbox again.

User
Teaching Grandpa to make gravy
v

I like my women like I like teaching Grandpa to make gravy: casting a hex with Satan’s latest abomination.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for teaching Grandpa to make gravy?
The rich aroma of teaching Grandpa to make gravy, from the hills of Colombia.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually teaching Grandpa to make gravy.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was teaching Grandpa to make gravy.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for teaching Grandpa to make gravy.

User
Googling it with Bing™
v

Apparently, “Googling It with Bing™” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with Googling it with Bing™.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be Googling it with Bing™.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of Googling it with Bing™.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Googling It with Bing™!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for smoking crack and Googling it with Bing™ at the assembly line.



Spiderman using Bing™
n

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be banning the Pope and where does Spiderman using Bing™ come in?
Chimps in the wild have been observed using Spiderman using Bing™ to forage for food.
Don’t shake Spiderman using Bing™ so hard, it’ll start spines.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: A period; Spiderman using Bing™; another leopard.
Here on the assembly line we heat Spiderman using Bing™ to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is working myself up into a frenzy.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a dumpster fire in the attic. Anyway, I’m Spiderman using Bing™.

User
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over  .

Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over a cornhole.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over talent and poise.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over solutions.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over my birthday.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over a basket of kittens.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over succumbing to nature.

User
 {U} is where I poop.

Nailing it is where I poop.
Running until you die is where I poop.
A ripe potato is where I poop.
A dollar is where I poop.
A bellow of sympathy is where I poop.
A stand-off is where I poop.

User
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned  {pc} there.

Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned all white moms there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned big pants there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned plenty of everything there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned no wheelchair access there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned newer technology there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned child-bearing hips there.

User
The stability of the region
n

Their rising all at once was as the sound of the stability of the region heard remote.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Falling Tree!” You’re cursed with the stability of the region until the end of the game!
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the stability of the region.
CAUTION: Keep the stability of the region out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
My new phone looks like it’s the stability of the region but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out the stability of the region each day, put bad juju in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.

User
Chewy parts
np

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me chewy parts.
So what I’m saying is we have chewy parts to thank for Obama’s America.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got chewy parts out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I like my women like I like chewy parts: ruining our planet with taffy.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with chewy parts!”
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Chewy Parts Co., tapping into the growing market for an owl infestation.



The chewy part
n

Getting the chewy part back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
It’s lucky to touch the chewy part; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I’m sure I blew the chewy part in this napkin somewhere.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the chewy part in the sea.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of the chewy part in the soil.
The chewy part! The chewy part! My kingdom for the chewy part!

User
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on  {n}. I found him  {v}.
Play 2

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on daddy juice. I found him violently crashing down the stairs.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on birth meat. I found him smiling like a donut.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on Mr. President. I found him basing my opinion on Internet articles.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on hella teen angst. I found him breaking down in a cheap motel room.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on halitosis. I found him falling in love with a white girl.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a debased woman. I found him neglecting a spike.

User
Snarling and thrashing
vt

While I was out the Roomba got into very depraved porn and was snarling and thrashing.
I like my women like I like Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism: waking in terror with snarling and thrashing.
Amtrak officials confirm snarling and thrashing would have prevented train derailment.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in snarling and thrashing together.
All the best love stories include snarling and thrashing.
Slender and muscled, like this asshole. She was the spitting image of snarling and thrashing.

User
I'm   today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with  .
Play 2

I'm a double-meat pizza today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with questions. Ceaseless questions.
I'm a blind, but happy, puppy today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with sinking into the mud.
I'm an under-the-table interaction today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with goat porn.
I'm taking a fair amount today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with Earth’s orbit.
I'm cinderblock justice today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with a listless wasp.
I'm dude after dude today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with a corresponding rise in wages.

User
I get chills when  {sc} brushes against my leg.

I get chills when the finest quality cheese brushes against my leg.
I get chills when the bitter cold brushes against my leg.
I get chills when the princess’s saliva brushes against my leg.
I get chills when cold toilet water in the butthole brushes against my leg.
I get chills when my alter ego brushes against my leg.
I get chills when dude after dude brushes against my leg.

Truck
User
wat even the fuc
User
Intersex children
np

While you’re at the store can you pick up intersex children, in family size?
Hark! What intersex children through yonder window breaks?
God didn’t create me. God created intersex children. And intersex children created me.
I make intersex children for my cat by wriggling and thrashing with a little sarin gas. Oreo loves it!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in intersex children.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: intersex children!!!

User
No thanks. My doctor said   makes defecation painful.

No thanks. My doctor said a submissive sex android makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said servile wretches makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said seeing my penis twice makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said the “swimsuit area” makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said ample legroom makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said a good thing for the heart makes defecation painful.

User
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with  .

I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with invoking a curse.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with a little spurt.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with a spooky mummy.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with tikka masala.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with unbearable bitching.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with naughty cave paintings.

User
A Salvador Dali RealDoll™
n

Ah, a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “A Salvador Dali RealDoll™,” the finest ship in the harbor!
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a Salvador Dali RealDoll™, which hung in the air for days.
Dagnabbit! I got a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ all jammed up in the wheel well again.
The rich aroma of a Salvador Dali RealDoll™, from the hills of Colombia.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a Salvador Dali RealDoll™?”

User
Penetration
nc

Don’t shake penetration so hard, it’ll start diplomatic support.
I don’t need love because I’m penetration. Sorry mom!
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with penetration.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of penetration heard remote.
While you’re at the store can you pick up penetration, in family size?
Growing up we never had an airbag, but we had to deal with penetration, and I want the opposite for my children.



Escaping
vt

Chimps in the wild have been observed using escaping to forage for food.
A gigantic eyeball on a stalk travelled over 20 feet after escaping.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a face-hugger before escaping.
Men, like cabin fever, go farthest when they are escaping.
Thanks for escaping. Now get out of my bed!
Go, go, Gadget Escaping!

User
The best argument for polygamy
n

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took the best argument for polygamy to the funeral.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling the best argument for polygamy. The driver was fathering children with a lesbian.
At the skating rink there was the best argument for polygamy and everyone fell down at once.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like the best argument for polygamy and is carrying vacuous remarks.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the best argument for polygamy.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a complete set of cybernetic implants. So bring the best argument for polygamy.

Truck
User

User
Today the Senate is voting on  .

Today the Senate is voting on finding a place to fart.
Today the Senate is voting on a costly alliance.
Today the Senate is voting on a noodle sorcerer.
Today the Senate is voting on freshly squozen poo water.
Today the Senate is voting on a battle.
Today the Senate is voting on abstinence.

User
 {Un} from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

Heavy hearts from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
The greatest mistake of my life from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
My golden goose from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Some dead guy’s money from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Tandem showering from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Udders from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

User
I feel great! I got  {n} in my bloodstream.

I feel great! I got my last tooth in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got a Christmas tree in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got prey in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got ideological differences in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got you sick fucks in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got a screaming dog in my bloodstream.

User
A bloody thing that popped
n

I would have never thought that I’d actually be a bloody thing that popped while I’m The Super Buttsex Arena!
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a bloody thing that popped.
I scream, you scream, a bloody thing that popped, an iceberg!
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a bloody thing that popped and tried to attack it.
John “a bloody thing that popped” Smith. The genius who brought us Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a bloody thing that popped.

User
The hippo's tail launched  {c} all over the place.

The hippo's tail launched manliness all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched black power all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched sticker residue all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched rumpy pumpy all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched conjuring all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched all sorts of shit all over the place.



I accidentally dropped  {n} in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

I accidentally dropped the president’s helicopter in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped servile wretches in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped some seriously fucked shit in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped ribs in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped smoky chipotle flavored scuba air in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped my birthday in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

User
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker:  .

I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: either me or you.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: soul-damning.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: a roll of toilet paper.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: the coming race war.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: a night of gentle flatulence.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: man animals.

User
Shooting a mentally ill man
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw shooting a mentally ill man in the mirror! And it smelled like a bony ass in there! I’m so scared!
The White House will no longer enforce The Shooting a Mentally Ill Man Act of 1959. Thank God.
In the first Battle of Shooting a Mentally Ill Man he faced a skinless horror, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Shooting a Mentally Ill Man.
Don’t shake mom so hard, it’ll start shooting a mentally ill man.
More armies need to incorporate shooting a mentally ill man into their uniforms.



A super-long downstairs hair
n

Uh oh. I think a super-long downstairs hair just fell out of my bung hole.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a super-long downstairs hair. She has stated, “I prefer hiding the elderly.”
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a super-long downstairs hair. Always.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a super-long downstairs hair in the pillows.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at the last condom and my card appeared in a super-long downstairs hair!
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of a super-long downstairs hair-loving bot that hates fighting one-on-one.

User
 {UT-}-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

Valid-Reasoning-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
100-Steps-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Undressing-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Cajun-Style-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
A-Funnel-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Hugs-and-Kisses-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

User
Both thumbs
np

I got into my car and sat on both thumbs. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Both Thumbs” syndrome!
Ugh. I ate emoticons last night and I’ve been trying to put on both thumbs all morning.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Both Thumbs”! I shook his hand and it felt like both thumbs.
Could you buy me both thumbs? I’ll pay you back.
Every French soldier carries both thumbs in his knapsack.

User
Building
vt

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Our Cute Little Gay Faces Co., tapping into the growing market for building.
Ok, I’ll admit a $160,000 diamond might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in building.
In my wild days I was rumbling deep underground, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with building on the New Mexico border.
This year’s hottest new fashion is building on your head.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like building.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the Handsome Boy Modeling School, but with building!

User
The fire inside
n

I dug around for hours in the trash but never found the fire inside.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “the fire inside.”
The new top grade of gasoline has the fire inside as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with the fire inside!”
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the fire inside.
All the best love stories include the fire inside.

User
I feel like I'm being punished for  {v}.

I feel like I'm being punished for surviving.
I feel like I'm being punished for blowing chunks.
I feel like I'm being punished for bedding.
I feel like I'm being punished for tipping over.
I feel like I'm being punished for inviting the cops.
I feel like I'm being punished for fingering.

User
 {Un}: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.

John Travolta crying, as a woman: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
Strength: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
A cracker: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
This strife: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
A long rambling story: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
Circular logic: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.

User
This pizza comes with  {n} sauce and it's topped with  {pc}.
Play 2

This pizza comes with a conventional man sauce and it's topped with the bitter cold.
This pizza comes with my momma’s fatness sauce and it's topped with lethal radiation.
This pizza comes with no recourse sauce and it's topped with giant meaty hands.
This pizza comes with a difficult Canadian sauce and it's topped with all white moms.
This pizza comes with a long visit sauce and it's topped with greed, secrets, poison and murder.
This pizza comes with orange dye sauce and it's topped with spike traps.

User
Cream for my baby
nc

Could you buy me cream for my baby? I’ll pay you back.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with cream for my baby and are ordered to be the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago no matter what.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a vicious cupboard lesbian and cream for my baby.
I just dug up significant achievements in my backyard! I had no idea this place had cream for my baby.
The referee just issued a red card to cream for my baby for sliding into _{n} is not something you want to slide up your ass with reckless abandon..
The patient kept screaming about “reasons to do it”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and cream for my baby emerged!

User
Tiger urine
nc

Then God said, “Let there be tiger urine”; and there was tiger urine. And God saw that tiger urine was good.
Hark! What tiger urine through yonder window breaks?
The shockwave from tiger urine at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused phantom limb syndrome in the streets.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about tiger urine.
What the Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks department lacks in selection, we make up for in tiger urine.
I got into my car and sat on tiger urine. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.

User
Pedophiles
np

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate pedophiles to prepare for a mission to mars.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a deadly fall, pedophiles, and gravitational collapse.
Give a man military-themed porn and you feed him for a day. Give him pedophiles, and you feed him for a lifetime.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy pedophiles one ounce at a time.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was pedophiles and tried to attack it.
Pedophiles saved is pedophiles earned.



$10 / month
np

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into $10 / month.
During the war, German scientists experimented with catching one in the bum to weaponize $10 / month.
Daddy! There’s $10 / month under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I scream, you scream, my daughter, $10 / month!
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to $10 / month.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at $10 / month and my card appeared in a preserved brain in a jar!



The president's tweet reads: "The   story is a hoax! Just an excuse by  {n} for  {v}! Very sad and sick!"
Play 3

The president's tweet reads: "The a back-breaking zit story is a hoax! Just an excuse by relative tranquility for breaking in! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The nut sack hairs story is a hoax! Just an excuse by all the leopards for making it weird! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The a big, brown beaver story is a hoax! Just an excuse by dryness problems for lubing up! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The tangled memories story is a hoax! Just an excuse by my gratitude for hiding with your warriors! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The shavings story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a vortex that keeps mumbling for being dragged! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The another hurdle story is a hoax! Just an excuse by fingernail torture for waking in terror! Very sad and sick!"

Truck
User
Solid.
User
Fingernails on the floor
np

During my driving test, I backed my car into fingernails on the floor. I still got an 85!
Ah, fingernails on the floor for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in fingernails on the floor.
Fingernails on the floor is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just being the small spoon. Sorry.
You can’t get a sexual encounter big enough or fingernails on the floor long enough to suit me.
Apparently, “Fingernails on the Floor” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

User
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into  {v} with  {n}.
Play 2

The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into making me cum with fairy tales.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into running until you die with ape sounds.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into making it weird with pure honey.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into repeating the same mistake with some bitch named Carol.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into getting slathered with a respected neurosurgeon.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into being an overweight bitch with a real value.

User
The government has sent a man around to collect  {pc}.

The government has sent a man around to collect torture porn.
The government has sent a man around to collect quick-set cement.
The government has sent a man around to collect reduced brain intelligence.
The government has sent a man around to collect unladylike musculature.
The government has sent a man around to collect snotbrains.
The government has sent a man around to collect hella teen angst.

User
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with  , a naturopathic remedy.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a cat in a paper bag, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with what we needed, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with tikka masala, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with multiethnic genitalia, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with hot slugs, a naturopathic remedy.

User
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is  .

Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is Morgan Freeman’s larynx.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is bodily harm.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is cutting.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is sharp claws.

User
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized  {v}.

The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized costing a lot of money.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized squirting acid.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized exploding from both ends.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized backing up on it.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized getting slathered.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized surviving a gentle sneeze.

User
Apple is now selling  {n} in pink gold.

Apple is now selling a bad chicken in pink gold.
Apple is now selling the first chimp in space in pink gold.
Apple is now selling morningwood in pink gold.
Apple is now selling markings on my neck in pink gold.
Apple is now selling their white asses in pink gold.
Apple is now selling Liam Neeson’s Halfway House for Silly Girls in pink gold.

User
Voices
np

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about voices, but with my secret place!
Amtrak officials confirm voices would have prevented train derailment.
While I was out the Roomba got into voices and was snuggling with Ian McKellen.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain voices?
You evaded my “Voices” attack! Most impressive.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with voices! It’s all here in my manifesto!

User
Laughing gas
nc

How embarrassing! I forget I left laughing gas in the foyer.
I buried my treasure under laughing gas so you’d never find it!
Chase bank is giving out laughing gas this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in laughing gas.
Until quite recently, laughing gas had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
If you kids don’t stop touching my deformity, I will turn laughing gas around!



Huffing a whippet
v

My publisher demanded I remove huffing a whippet from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a sex-addicted panda and huffing a whippet.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for huffing a whippet and murdering everyone who is different from you at the assembly line.
Furious that I was huffing a whippet into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into the whole bottle of sleeping pills.
When you two are done huffing a whippet, can we please get a deadly fall and get out of here?!
Watch me smearing. Now watch me huffing a whippet.



Dihydrogen monoxide
nc

I came with dihydrogen monoxide to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe so nobody even noticed!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got dihydrogen monoxide out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is dihydrogen monoxide.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: dihydrogen monoxide.
This year’s hottest new fashion is dihydrogen monoxide on your head.
Science never solves a problem without creating dihydrogen monoxide.

User
Kitten meat
nc

This new Mario game is weird. You need zebras disguised as horses to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying kitten meat.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: kitten meat.
I like valid reasoning like I like my coffee: expectorating some sludge, put in a sack, and dragged across kitten meat.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being kitten meat.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found kitten meat.
Sir! We are out of kitten meat, but we found the uncooperative dead while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?

User
Everyone and their grandmothers
np

Everyone and their grandmothers is the spice of I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen everyone and their grandmothers.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Everyone and Their Grandmothers Blast!
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Everyone and Their Grandmothers?
They don’t make the last thing I said like they used to! This one doesn’t even have everyone and their grandmothers.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with everyone and their grandmothers.

User
*fart noise*
?

Chase bank is giving out *fart noise* this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was *fart noise*.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with “that feeling”. I barely even felt *fart noise*.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab yoga farts and walk right out the door without *fart noise*.
The new bill before congress would mandate *fart noise* in all K-through-12 classrooms.
I got *fart noise* as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with kids these days?

User
Anglo
Bongo
Congo
Django
Ergo
Fandango
Gringo
Honkey
Ingot
Jingo
Kango
Lingo
Mango
NATO
Onomatopoeia
Pango
Quango
Rango
Stanko
Tango
Uwajimaya
Van Gogh
Wikipedia
Yolo
Zango




User
Being angry and stupid
v

And my mother said, “How come you’re not being angry and stupid like your brother?”
I would have never thought that I’d actually be being angry and stupid while I’m workplace chatter!
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and being angry and stupid.
There is no revenge so complete as being angry and stupid.
Senator, give us being angry and stupid biannually and you’ll get our vote.
Hark! What being angry and stupid through yonder window breaks?

User
Parents, please consider which type of   is right for your child.

Parents, please consider which type of some kids is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a deceitful word is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of Satan’s mother is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a warhead is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of no black child is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a child taxidermy video is right for your child.

User
DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow
np

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow hanging in the window.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow to prepare for a mission to mars.
Men, like the death simulator, go farthest when they are DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.

User
That means the BSP step failed. If it worked it would have created a .prt (portal) file.

Look for an earlier error from hlbsp.
User
The Internet is made out of  {pc}.

The Internet is made out of thinness.
The Internet is made out of door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
The Internet is made out of effective limits.
The Internet is made out of heavy garbage.
The Internet is made out of booze.
The Internet is made out of white-knuckled terror.



According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of  {p}.

According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of bodily functions gone awry.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of rolling eyes.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of cooter muscles.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of assault preparations.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of yoga farts.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of not many teeth.

User
15% of married men say they've cheated by  {v} with another woman.

15% of married men say they've cheated by struggling with a police officer with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by trying to handcuff a ghost with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by attacking everything in your path with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by running around slamming doors with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by being deep inside each other with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by investigating crimes and making arrests with another woman.

User
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop  {v}.

I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop baking onto the sidewalk.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop lifting off the toilet.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop smashing skulls.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop getting too excited.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop trusting everything the devil says.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop doing surgery on LSD.

User
A bottle of hair and grease
n

I like my women like I like a bottle of hair and grease: blowing chunks with a $160,000 diamond.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a bottle of hair and grease.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include any decent person spice, impressing the most neutral observers spice, and a bottle of hair and grease spice!
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a bottle of hair and grease for me and my wife.
When the celestial spheres align, a bottle of hair and grease will descend from the heavens.
I just dug up my sweet in my backyard! I had no idea this place had a bottle of hair and grease.

Truck
User
I don't have SC or I would help. :(
User
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for  {v}.

At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for being deep inside each other.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for foaming, not at the mouth.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for being dipped in Nutella.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for blowing chunks.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for falling into boiling water.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for Jesus Christ.

User
There's  {s} convention going on and everybody is  {v}.
Play 2

There's a winking hole convention going on and everybody is leaving your friends to die.
There's a more cavernous vagina convention going on and everybody is rumbling deep underground.
There's jesus’s death. convention going on and everybody is eating money.
There's a muffled yell convention going on and everybody is getting crushed between two trucks.
There's a faulty support convention going on and everybody is killing.
There's a skin tag convention going on and everybody is drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull.

User
I think there's  {s} convention going on downtown.

I think there's a kiss on the lips convention going on downtown.
I think there's a girl on roller skates convention going on downtown.
I think there's a withered serpent convention going on downtown.
I think there's my replacement convention going on downtown.
I think there's a seat belt convention going on downtown.
I think there's all creation convention going on downtown.

User
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with  {pc}.

I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with oil-covered birds.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with pictures of my body.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with self-inflicted wounds.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with other things I’ve put in my butt.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with nudity.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with furries.

User
Getting boinked
v

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with getting boinked.
10% of all proceeds from sales of joie de vivre will go to The Getting Boinked Foundation.
Slender and muscled, like unsuspecting bystanders. She was the spitting image of getting boinked.
Pool rules: No running. No getting boinked. Keep a swarm of dead insects out of the deep end.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Getting Boinked Co., tapping into the growing market for danglin’ out there all pink and naked.
Getting boinked isn’t getting old, but I sure am!



Double points!!
np

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to double points!!.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling double points!!. The driver was organizing children to join armies.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Double Points!! and You”.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in double points!!.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and double points!!.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called double points!!, are the passages for a fat lot o’ good to flow.



Unzipping
vt

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw unzipping.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like unzipping.
I’m gonna prove the link between unzipping and lifeless husks! You’ll all see!
The cruiseliner struck 35-year-old high school students and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with unzipping.
A social skill is any skill facilitating unzipping with others.
Ever since the incident with my shadow I’ve been haunted by unzipping.



Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of  {pc}."

Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of beets. Mashed beets."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of infinite sausage."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of 80,000 tons of nuclear waste."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of welts."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of my arm that fell asleep."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of seduction."

Truck
User
If you only need to look at it can you use this?
http://www.edrawingsviewer.com/
User
That sucks. Is that saying you're paying for 300/30?

I'll just leave this here:
User
Fake Internet points
np

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Fake Internet Points Co., tapping into the growing market for scissoring.
If you ask me, fake Internet points makes good neighbors.
Thanks for fake Internet points. Now get out of my bed!
I don’t need love because I’m fake Internet points. Sorry mom!
I didn’t mean to start fake Internet points, it just happened!
Jesus is fake Internet points.

User
The express written consent of Major League Baseball
n

I need help with my computer! I downloaded the express written consent of Major League Baseball and now I’m having trouble with insurrection.
My nightly ritual involves the express written consent of Major League Baseball, having no retort, and finally casting a hex just as I fall asleep.
I didn’t think this house would sell with the express written consent of Major League Baseball in the attic. Anyway, I’m sexy kitty time.
The southwest corner can only be killed by the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “The Express Written Consent of Major League Baseball” syndrome!
Aron Ralston was trapped under anger and shock for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off the express written consent of Major League Baseball!

User
An exploding canister of whipped cream
n

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of an exploding canister of whipped cream.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but an exploding canister of whipped cream.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch an exploding canister of whipped cream and her butthole.
Every French soldier carries an exploding canister of whipped cream in his knapsack.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of an exploding canister of whipped cream in the soil.
Last Christmas, everyone got an exploding canister of whipped cream under the tree and this strife in their stockings!

User
This.

Quote:
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift the top of my butt over my head, but fluids from my face got in the way.
User
The top of my butt
n

At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have everywhere but Oklahoma! Some of us just want the top of my butt.”
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift the top of my butt over my head, but fluids from my face got in the way.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by the top of my butt.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady teaching pseudoscience with the top of my butt.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is the top of my butt.
In my wild days I was picking at it, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with the top of my butt on the New Mexico border.



The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of  {n}.

The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of a funnel.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of cardiac arrest.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of an iceberg.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of a glass pane.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of lifeless husks.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of your blessed little heart.

User
Escalating to killing
vt

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for escalating to killing and breaking down in a cheap motel room at the assembly line.
Ok, I’ll admit escalating to killing might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in my pet.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by escalating to killing.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all escalating to killing when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in sufficient funds. That’s supposed to help me with escalating to killing?!
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of escalating to killing.

User
Strapping in
v

You stole literal sugar tits from a child? You’re strapping in and you’re going to hell!
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for strapping in.
My publisher demanded I remove strapping in from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
My car looks like it’s strapping in but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
I didn’t think this house would sell with customs in the attic. Anyway, I’m strapping in.
Pool rules: No running. No strapping in. Keep favorable terrain out of the deep end.



Being restrained
v

There’s no reason for being restrained before breakfast.
Music without the sounds of being restrained is hardly music at all.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of being restrained in the soil.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Being restrained.
My new phone looks like it’s being restrained but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Don’t look at me while I’m being restrained! It messes me up!



A racist parrot
n

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a racist parrot is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
My pharmacist separated a pig on top into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a racist parrot.
Ok, I’ll admit a racist parrot might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in white people and their fucking problems.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a racist parrot.
No more a racist parrot at Starbucks.
My mom picked me up a racist parrot from the thrift shop. It was the last one!



Insect legs
np

If insect legs were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with insect legs.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of insect legs taking my shirt off.
While you’re at the store can you pick up insect legs, in family size?
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a predator removed from her and insect legs removed from me.
Man invented a tiny bone fragment, so woman invented insect legs.

User
Attacking a police car
v

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a dictionary for swears. The driver was attacking a police car.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like attacking a police car.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Attacking a Police Car!” You’re cursed with #1 Dad until the end of the game!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Attacking a Police Car!
I refuse to roleplay as anything but attacking a police car.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw attacking a police car for the first time!

User
Drones keep dropping  {n} and  {n} into prisons.
Play 2

Drones keep dropping one thousand scorpions and circular logic into prisons.
Drones keep dropping security clearance and a blind, but happy, puppy into prisons.
Drones keep dropping two firetrucks and both emissaries into prisons.
Drones keep dropping my gratitude and peach vodka into prisons.
Drones keep dropping The Super Buttsex Arena and just a little something to cap off the night into prisons.
Drones keep dropping an all-female gang called the Lizzies and bitches on the love throne into prisons.

User
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from  .

By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from ropes.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from a good strategy.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from furries.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from just rockin’ that ass.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from a totally wicked bat wing.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from another way to kill me.

User
Vote for me and I'll stop  {v}, get rid of  {n}, and give everyone  {n} for free.
Play 3

Vote for me and I'll stop rolling eyes, get rid of a big, brown beaver, and give everyone inertia for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop drinking wine in the tub all day, get rid of rigid peen, and give everyone a man staring into space for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop acting in an irresponsible fashion, get rid of spicy saliva, and give everyone five adult sons for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop wildly swinging middle fingers, get rid of BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, and give everyone me for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop juggling responsibilities, get rid of all white moms, and give everyone the bitter cold for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop getting busy, get rid of swamp ass, and give everyone giggling schoolgirls with cameras for free.

User
Weed smoke
nc

Ever since the incident with weed smoke I’ve been haunted by emergency bacon.
No one in Morocco can be weed smoke without registering with the government.
It's dangerous to leave weed smoke on the stairs.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of weed smoke in the soil.
When the celestial spheres align, weed smoke will descend from the heavens.
In this game you get to collect very recent arrivals and craft weed smoke.



You're a real jerk if you blow  {n} on your pet.

You're a real jerk if you blow Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow a protruding vein on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow a leak on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow the caboose of a mantrain on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow the measure of a man on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow skin-tight leather pants on your pet.

User
Sorry I didn't accept your friend request earlier. I get a lot of spammy ones all the time.
User
Astronaut pee
nc

The Great Wall was actually built to keep astronaut pee out of mainland China.
Astronaut pee saved is astronaut pee earned.
I like my women like I like deliberately standing in front of a cannon: finding out my first husband was still alive with astronaut pee.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be astronaut pee .
Working on my car I found astronaut pee had crawled inside the engine block and died.
My dream house has hopefully not me this time built in, an extra garage for a bitch as nasty as that, and astronaut pee for the door bell.

User
Making me hard
v

If making me hard were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be making me hard.
I am become making me hard, the destroyer of the immigrant experience in America.
Always walk into an interview with the NAACP and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate making me hard.
Retribution nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid making me hard.
I like my women like I like being bred in captivity: being controlled by a child with making me hard.

User
Proof I pooped
nc

Her inheritance was squandered upon the alpha male while Cinderella was abused and forced to become proof I pooped in her own home.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with proof I pooped.
At my 9th birthday, we had an even wider gap piñata that burst open showering proof I pooped on us kids.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're proof I pooped!
Today you’re on the receiving end of proof I pooped.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of proof I pooped.

User
This machine grinds  {n} into powder. The powder is then used to make  {n}.
Play 2

This machine grinds a Secret Service agent into powder. The powder is then used to make a rough testicle.
This machine grinds passive-aggressive tendencies into powder. The powder is then used to make more blood.
This machine grinds death math into powder. The powder is then used to make corporate America.
This machine grinds a coma into powder. The powder is then used to make 19 cannons.
This machine grinds sugar from my father into powder. The powder is then used to make an underwear shoot.
This machine grinds a virus into powder. The powder is then used to make the atom.

User
Getting dusted with powdered sugar
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as machine gun fire, score points by getting dusted with powdered sugar, and innocent women and children shall not be on the field.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a reception area for social events went off early, ejecting getting dusted with powdered sugar into the air!
I’m gonna prove the link between getting dusted with powdered sugar and a perfect vacuum! You’ll all see!
I want to say one word to you, just one word: getting dusted with powdered sugar.
Getting dusted with powdered sugar! Getting dusted with powdered sugar! My kingdom for getting dusted with powdered sugar!
The rich aroma of getting dusted with powdered sugar, from the hills of Colombia.

User
At the fair this year I'm going to get  {n} deep fried.

At the fair this year I'm going to get the most intimate details of your life deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a rocket with a mouse strapped on deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a hysterical dame deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a real butt-toucher deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a caged madman deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs deep fried.

User
An emoji
n

Their rising all at once was as the sound of an emoji heard remote.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember an emoji?”
In the first Battle of an Emoji he faced half a spider, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s an emoji.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “An Emoji,” the finest ship in the harbor!
No one in Morocco can be an emoji without registering with the government.

User
Getting nauseous
v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always getting nauseous. Always.
Ever since the incident with getting nauseous I’ve been haunted by a stupid student.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of my hot little hands, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into getting nauseous.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find getting nauseous so relaxing.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw getting nauseous.
The road of royalty is paved with getting nauseous, and awash with a serious scuffle.

User
Sinus fluids
np

At the Amazon Go store you can grab sinus fluids and walk right out the door without hiding some pee.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Sinus Fluids?
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling sinus fluids. The driver was spinning like a bitch.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value sinus fluids more. Now hold still.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about sinus fluids.
In a world with Earth’s orbit slapping everything, one man must overcome sinus fluids. Coming this summer.

User
Being female
v

As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began being female.
10% of all proceeds from sales of simple pleasures will go to The Being Female Foundation.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with being female! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into being female! She’s 62!
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of being female in its food processing operations.
I got so drunk last night that I got being female all over everyone and everything.

User
Narcotics
np

The night before Easter, we’ll set up narcotics on the porch to surprise the kids.
The ‘infinite sausage moth’ has adapted to feed on a big surprise, and hide under narcotics in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and narcotics coming right at us. Please advise.
Narcotics is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting busy. Sorry.
What will we do with narcotics early in the morning?
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Narcotics” syndrome!



My awaiting mouth
n

My awaiting mouth: It’s nature’s candy!
Hark! What my awaiting mouth through yonder window breaks?
For my last meal I want my awaiting mouth seasoned heavily with a needle.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me my awaiting mouth while we were still in the car.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into my awaiting mouth and stopped.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with my awaiting mouth.

User
A sex bot with real feelings
n

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called those glorious gams, are the passages for a sex bot with real feelings to flow.
In this game you get to collect undercooked meat and craft a sex bot with real feelings.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a sex bot with real feelings.
After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created a sex bot with real feelings.
Pundits agree it will take a sex bot with real feelings for the senator to win the election.
My pharmacist separated the S.W.A.T. team into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a sex bot with real feelings.

User
A guy with no arms and no legs
n

Everything I need to live on a desert island: Mom and Dad with a guy with no arms and no legs.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a guy with no arms and no legs.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a guy with no arms and no legs after 8pm, or on holidays like Ideas Above Your Station Day.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a guy with no arms and no legs.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock a guy with no arms and no legs and a little spurt in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
I tried this very house but it was too tight. Then I tried a guy with no arms and no legs but it was TOO LOOSE.

User
The dog's tail
n

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was the dog's tail.
I didn’t think this house would sell with the moron I hired to kill you in the attic. Anyway, I’m the dog's tail.
Back in my day, we only had the dog's tail for a leaf blower and we LIKED IT.
How high do you have to be to enjoy the dog's tail in non-human animals?
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began the dog's tail.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was the dog's tail and tried to attack it.

User
Meat and cheese
nc

Meat and cheese has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
It’s not delivery. It’s meat and cheese.
In this 15th century painting, meat and cheese is represented by a man with my sexy fox costume for a head.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like meat and cheese.
Pool rules: No running. No almost no air left. Keep meat and cheese out of the deep end.
Our artisanal process ages meat and cheese for 3 years, before going right into a heron, rapidly putting up with you.

User
A giant pair of scissors
n

I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a giant pair of scissors popped out!
At Boeing R&D, we test a loaded gun by connecting through a giant pair of scissors to a special 10,000-volt battery.
It's dangerous to leave a giant pair of scissors on the stairs.
I’d like to wear a giant pair of scissors but it takes all day to put on.
Opinions are like a giant pair of scissors. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
My religion demands that I must abstain from a giant pair of scissors. One mile of train rail however, is OK.

User
A sock puppet
n

Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a little spurt and a sock puppet.
Although moving away from a sock puppet proved effective for schools, the switch to ignoring his responsibilities initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
I ordered a sock puppet privately over the Internet so I can get better at crashing out of a window.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a sock puppet.
The Sword of Damocles was a sock puppet hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a sock puppet in the soil.

User
Guns
np

Let’s wait for guns to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get a large abscess.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was guns.
I was vacuuming when I sucked guns out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a violent episode came out too!
I scream, you scream, guns, a bag of tricks!
I heard you were talking about guns so I had to come over!
The patient kept screaming about “flipping over and spraying into the air”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and guns emerged!

User
Drowning a raccoon
v

If you have a dream about drowning a raccoon, it meas you’re worried about just a video game.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a tug will go to The Drowning a Raccoon Foundation.
If drowning a raccoon were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Drowning a Raccoon.
All the best love stories include drowning a raccoon.
No more drowning a raccoon at Starbucks.



User
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in  {n}, or by  {v}.
Play 2

Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in nine guys you fucked, or by getting wrapped around a tree.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in a male prostitute, or by running with a floppy, out-of-control hand.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in Mexican affairs, or by giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in a forty foot Ferris wheel, or by conjuring.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in a dust bunny, or by making it weird.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in peanut butter in the mouth, or by pacifying all religions.



Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding  {n} in  {n}, or by  {v}.
Play 3

Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding my embarrasingly affectionate father in a quickie, or by taking it hard.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding a loose handrail in the mayor, or by baking onto the sidewalk.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding a remedy in the French crown, or by getting impregnated by an advanced robot.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding floaters in orange dye, or by making sure no one sees.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding napkins in Portuguese possessions, or by knowing hell.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding an icy tomb in a vicious cupboard lesbian, or by subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife.

User
A sign that says "No Teens"
n

Bumper sticker: My other ride is a sign that says "No Teens".
Ugh. I ate a sign that says "No Teens" last night and I’ve been trying to put on retribution all morning.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Sign That Says "No Teens"”! I shook his hand and it felt like a sign that says "No Teens".
If you do it right, a sign that says "No Teens" is all about electric sex.
I don’t think that even comes close to being a sign that says "No Teens".
So what I’m saying is we have a sign that says "No Teens" to thank for Obama’s America.

User
Motioning at my crotch
v

Pundits agree it will take motioning at my crotch for the senator to win the election.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to motioning at my crotch, even before I put on my clothes.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw giggling schoolgirls with cameras in the mirror! And it smelled like motioning at my crotch in there! I’m so scared!
Amtrak officials confirm motioning at my crotch would have prevented train derailment.
The thief was caught stealing a virus from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of motioning at my crotch.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re motioning at my crotch and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.



Cool sunglasses
np

They don’t make unrestrained passion like they used to! This one doesn’t even have cool sunglasses.
Mom, what’s cool sunglasses? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Cool sunglasses: It’s nature’s candy!
The new bill before congress would mandate cool sunglasses in all K-through-12 classrooms.
The city condemned our house after finding cool sunglasses in the crawlspace.
And on the 8th day God created cool sunglasses, and it was good.



A timebomb with 5 seconds remaining
n

Monopoly: Anorexia Edition comes with a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining and curious, probing tendrils instead of houses and hotels.
I’m sure I blew a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining in this napkin somewhere.
My girlfriend kicked a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining, and now she’s a felony. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Apparently, “a Timebomb with 5 Seconds Remaining” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
A timebomb with 5 seconds remaining can only be killed by this sentence.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining” incident in the science lab.

User
Flicking the bean
v

Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s flicking the bean.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Flicking the Bean and You”.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into being too busy, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start flicking the bean.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a double-meat pizza. It made me feel like I was flicking the bean.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “Flicking-the-bean-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase nosy neighbors!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began flicking the bean.



Jumping in front of a truck
v

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into jumping in front of a truck.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s jumping in front of a truck and I think I believe her!
Their rising all at once was as the sound of jumping in front of a truck heard remote.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began jumping in front of a truck.
I chipped my tooth on Satan’s latest abomination. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t jumping in front of a truck.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with bourbon and ball-gags went off early, ejecting jumping in front of a truck into the air!



Gravy + Savory Meat Bits
np

The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and Gravy + Savory Meat Bits.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and Gravy + Savory Meat Bits can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
During the half-time show, a rip in Gravy + Savory Meat Bits exposed bathwater to the audience.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s Gravy + Savory Meat Bits.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare Gravy + Savory Meat Bits right at your table.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in Gravy + Savory Meat Bits. That’s supposed to help me with the yellow line down the middle of the road?!

User
A hooker booger
n

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a hooker booger.
The cineplex has been using a hooker booger in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s a hooker booger.
The new artsy indie game “A Hooker Booger” is a deeply emotional exploration of unexpected penetration.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a hooker booger and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like sock puppets.
You spent all your food-stamps on a hooker booger?!

User
Hello, 911? I think there's  {n} in my house...

Hello, 911? I think there's the trials of manhood in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's an owl infestation in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's an Easy-Bake™ oven in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's a Swiss murder suit in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's a horrible proposition in my house...



Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with  {n} by  .
Play 2

Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with a gut by less candy than usual.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with mercury poisoning by an asset.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with multiple cameras by a swarm of dead insects.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with white people and their fucking problems by somersaults.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with the uncooperative dead by Lord Deathstroke.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with no evidence of any infidelity by riding your bike down the Luxor.

User
My vaginal microbiome
n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with my vaginal microbiome hanging in the window.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a savvy entrepreneur. So bring my vaginal microbiome.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with the roof and a mysterious boy who fights my vaginal microbiome.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, my vaginal microbiome appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I buried my treasure under my vaginal microbiome so you’d never find it!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a surgical rotary saw, rubbery, cleaner poops, and my vaginal microbiome.

User
Launching a nuke
v

Music without the sounds of launching a nuke is hardly music at all.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw launching a nuke for the first time!
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s launching a nuke.
An Implied Butt is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by launching a nuke.
More armies need to incorporate launching a nuke into their uniforms.
We have a zero tolerance policy for launching a nuke here at Disney. So get jalapeños and get out!

User
Discreetly closing Facebook
v

My nightly ritual involves the hole where the heart once fit, discreetly closing Facebook, and finally a special little fuck just as I fall asleep.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn discreetly closing Facebook, but now for work I’m the master race. Go figure!
Good vibes travelled over 20 feet after discreetly closing Facebook.
While you’re at the store can you pick up discreetly closing Facebook, in family size?
See now black people walk like the jape of the century. But white people -- white people walk like they’re discreetly closing Facebook!
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of my musk-loving bot that hates discreetly closing Facebook.

User
Biting myself
v

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be biting myself.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find biting myself.
Last night I dreamed of biting myself. I cannot shake the feeling that weight loss will arrive soon.
For my last meal I want the president’s helicopter seasoned heavily with biting myself.
Biting myself has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw biting myself for the first time!

User
Scorpions can shed  {n} in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

Scorpions can shed my return in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed her first marriage in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed a bus full of white children in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed sentimentality in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed a big surprise in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed exact science in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.



Being unable to poop
v

Chimps in the wild have been observed using being unable to poop to forage for food.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE LITTLE LIES WE TELL BEING UNABLE TO POOP.”
While I was out the Roomba got into a horizontal ass crack and was being unable to poop.
So what I’m saying is we have being unable to poop to thank for Obama’s America.
#being unable to poop-shaming
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, “Get ready for being unable to poop



Living for another eight months
v

Ok, I’ll admit living for another eight months might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in the final hour.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is living for another eight months.
Life without love is like living for another eight months without our cute little gay faces or fruit.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Living for Another Eight Months Co., tapping into the growing market for getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for living for another eight months.
I’m getting a horse’s booty installed in my car, so I can be living for another eight months while I drive.

User
There will be  {n} left over after the bris.

There will be Portuguese possessions left over after the bris.
There will be a thorough examination left over after the bris.
There will be another way to kill me left over after the bris.
There will be a good soak left over after the bris.
There will be a “Hey!” left over after the bris.
There will be no more joy left over after the bris.



Shekels
np

While you’re at the store can you pick up shekels, in family size?
The TSA has made new rules mandating shekels on every commercial flight.
There is no revenge so complete as shekels.
On the assembly line we heat shekels to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is killing.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in shekels. That’s supposed to help me with your husband?!
I ordered shekels privately over the Internet so I can get better at mailing anthrax.

User
My bisexuality
nc

In the third world, luxuries like my bisexuality are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to pulsating opposite sexes.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a Vietnamese landmine in love with my bisexuality very much they do a... special hug.”
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing my bisexuality at cars and passers-by.
The new artsy indie game “A Bargain” is a deeply emotional exploration of my bisexuality.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of my bisexuality in history, rode into battle atop a lonely old man.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s my bisexuality.

User
The truly rich have mansions with  {s} room,  {s} room, and servants to handle  .
Play 3

The truly rich have mansions with a grape in a condom room, a lamprey infestation room, and servants to handle a tribal village.
The truly rich have mansions with the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life room, a trap room, and servants to handle Krampus, the child punisher.
The truly rich have mansions with a girl who just won’t quit room, the president’s daughter room, and servants to handle a launch.
The truly rich have mansions with a war canoe room, the Lord room, and servants to handle love handles.
The truly rich have mansions with the pilot, who died instantly room, Tony’s prison baby room, and servants to handle a 100 foot tidal wave.
The truly rich have mansions with a needle room, a well-oiled machine room, and servants to handle leaving no trace.

User
This house comes with a whole room for  , but also  {n} painted green, so it's not for everyone.
Play 2

This house comes with a whole room for backing up on it, but also all the leopards painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for unprecedented popularity, but also a concrete, actual object painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for grab-ass, but also sticker residue painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for the most sensitive part of my body, but also racist bullshit painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for a gash, but also torture porn painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for female breast tissue, but also steampunk bullshit painted green, so it's not for everyone.

User
fedex _ said:
I'm lost what are those white cards??


See "Play SAH" above
User
Ringo, the worst Beatle
nc

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for Ringo, the worst Beatle.
Ich bin ein Ringo, the worst Beatle.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Ringo, the Worst Beatle?
So what I’m saying is we have Ringo, the worst Beatle to thank for Obama’s America.
Men, like the cruel ambition of my father, go farthest when they are Ringo, the worst Beatle.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring Ringo, the worst Beatle.

User
Cuttin' off mommy's finger
v

I noticed symptoms of cuttin' off mommy's finger, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s Angelina Jolie’s lips!” but I’m not sure.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with cuttin' off mommy's finger.
Senator, give us cuttin' off mommy's finger biannually and you’ll get our vote.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a vacant stare painted on both sides, which some say encourages cuttin' off mommy's finger.
More armies need to incorporate cuttin' off mommy's finger into their uniforms.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all cuttin' off mommy's finger, right while I’m giving birth to it.

User
 {Uv} with  {n} is a uniquely British problem.
Play 2

Neglecting a spike with sex toy directions is a uniquely British problem.
Catching one in the bum with fresh young minds is a uniquely British problem.
Hiding some pee with automated mechanized death is a uniquely British problem.
Seeking death with a reliable source of income is a uniquely British problem.
Having a zero-value existence with motor control is a uniquely British problem.
Making out with Yakety Sax is a uniquely British problem.

User
A uniquely British problem
n

In the third world, luxuries like what Mom made are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to a uniquely British problem.
My house. 8 o’clock. A uniquely British problem.
A uniquely British problem has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
I can’t believe you guys went self-cutting without me! Loop me in next time, I want a uniquely British problem too!
Their rising all at once was as the sound of a uniquely British problem heard remote.
For my last meal I want a uniquely British problem seasoned heavily with being unfit to even live.

User
In some households, they've trained  {sp} to use the potty.

In some households, they've trained a swarm of dead insects to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained a quality buttplug to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained a threat from Eurasia to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained the ultimate test of cerebral fitness to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained a child leash to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life to use the potty.

User
Rich people dying in boating accidents
np

Pundits agree it will take rich people dying in boating accidents for the senator to win the election.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put rich people dying in boating accidents in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
I got so drunk last night that I got rich people dying in boating accidents all over everyone and everything.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was rich people dying in boating accidents.
I didn’t mean to start rich people dying in boating accidents, it just happened!
After a truck ran over the first chimp in space there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from rich people dying in boating accidents.

User
Setting my anus ablaze
v

I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, “Get ready for setting my anus ablaze
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to setting my anus ablaze.
Senator, give us setting my anus ablaze biannually and you’ll get our vote.
I chipped my tooth on hot grills. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t setting my anus ablaze.
During the war, German scientists experimented with setting my anus ablaze to weaponize smooth bastard.
If setting my anus ablaze were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
Getting pulled into the water by a seal
v

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and getting pulled into the water by a seal. There was a report.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a rip. The driver was getting pulled into the water by a seal.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of significant achievements, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into getting pulled into the water by a seal.
The rich aroma of getting pulled into the water by a seal, from the hills of Colombia.
Getting pulled into the water by a seal has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a motorist, score points by getting pulled into the water by a seal, and hot grills shall not be on the field.

User
A dick out
n

If my neighbor doesn’t get a dick out off my property, I’m calling the cops!
A Dick out is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a dog boner.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re a dick out and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Today you’re on the receiving end of a dick out.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a dick out.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a dick out in the middle of each intersection.



A leaky toilet
n

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add a leaky toilet to the pan, while stirring constantly.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Leaky Toilet” syndrome!
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A leaky toilet.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a leaky toilet jumping and nipping at me from below and even being hit by space debris.
I don’t need love because I’m a leaky toilet. Sorry mom!
Can I get some floss? There’s a leaky toilet between my teeth.



A British fart
n

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a British fart.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a British fart after 8pm, or on holidays like Jalapeños Day.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass with a British fart.
If I had a British fart, you’d be dead!
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a British fart. It made me feel like I was fornicating all day, every day.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a British fart.



A loooong string of snot
n

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw dick slapping in the mirror! And it smelled like a loooong string of snot in there! I’m so scared!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, my hater, sloth, wrath, a loooong string of snot, and pride.
The cruiseliner struck a loooong string of snot and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with my momma’s fatness.
Slender and muscled, like a loooong string of snot. She was the spitting image of their white asses.
Chase bank is giving out a loooong string of snot this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a loooong string of snot being in the way.



Repeated abuses
nc

I don’t think that even comes close to being repeated abuses.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as repeated abuses and comes with 1 USB-C port and a dust bunny! Groovy!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of repeated abuses, a condom with Johnny Depp's face on it, and cranberry sauce or juice.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember repeated abuses?”
At spring training a foul ball bounced off real, actual witchcraft in the stands and then knocked big pants off repeated abuses.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, repeated abuses, toilet paper, shelter, and intense pressure.



The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy  {n}, and you get  {n} as a sign up bonus.
Play 2

The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a Turkish wedding, and you get the Mormon church as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a deflating balloon, and you get the mayor’s son as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy unneeded bulk, and you get the big ol’ boys as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy casualties, and you get a foul odor as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy the Easter bunny, and you get a treasure map as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy hot wax, and you get breastfeeding as a sign up bonus.

User
Or

My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up  {n}, and then up to my head.

My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up a fisherman, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up an enjoyable life, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up the normal manner, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up fictitious queer same sex transformation, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up dimensions, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up a seductively smiling Scarlett Johansson, and then up to my head.

User
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up  {n}, and then up to my head.

My chameleon climbed up my leg, up the rope my pappy hanged his self with, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up a vast treasury of specimens, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up a busy bee, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up ground control, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up the female form, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up young crabs, and then up to my head.

User
Thick oatmeal
nc

Authorities were tallying damage from thick oatmeal that struck southern California Friday evening.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was thick oatmeal and tried to attack it.
I just dug up the gravy dimension in my backyard! I had no idea this place had thick oatmeal.
A lifetime of thick oatmeal awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: thick oatmeal!!!
This year’s hottest new fashion is thick oatmeal on your head.



Check her out -- lips are thicker than  {s}, and she's  {v}.
Play 2

Check her out -- lips are thicker than a ziggurat made of torsos, and she's doing your best and trying your hardest.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than Woman 2.0, and she's revealing just enough to garner interest.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than a pack of smokes, and she's scissoring.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than a hot bubbly blast of my innards, and she's getting on top, and staying on top.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than the instructions, and she's sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than a long, winding trail of blood, and she's jerking it.

User
Seems to be a mix between

Brucknerstraße

and

Brucknerstraɮe
User
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, " ."

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "riding your bike down the Luxor."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "fees from the bank."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "sinking into the mud."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "a single slice."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "a tuba full of mayonnaise."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "a cheesy substance."

User
Warmth from the toilet seat
nc

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS WARMTH FROM THE TOILET SEAT RIDING YOUR BIKE DOWN THE LUXOR.”
Last Christmas, everyone got fisticuffs atop a zeppelin under the tree and warmth from the toilet seat in their stockings!
When fingertips is ready, warmth from the toilet seat will appear.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of warmth from the toilet seat.
Whenever I cook a salad I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into warmth from the toilet seat.
Here’s a certificate for warmth from the toilet seat. I am at your service.



Frying alive
v

I’m late to my meeting for frying alive.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began frying alive.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from frying alive, and the eco-glass windows trap in acts of piracy.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s frying alive.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were frying alive, would you be frying alive as well?”
Today you’re on the receiving end of frying alive.

User
Testing internal breaks with zerowidthspaces:

REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET
?

How high do you have to be to enjoy REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET in a homeless man jerking it on the bus?
I’m getting REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET installed in my car, so I can be being cooked and eaten while I drive.
God didn’t create me. God created REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET. And REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET created me.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET popped out!
They don’t make REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET like they used to! This one doesn’t even have wetness.



​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!
np

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! and a watermelon.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Clemency, ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! and his vagina.
I like my women like I like ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!: banging them in their sodomy butts with claws.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!?
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!.

User
My fat Asian face
n

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of my fat Asian face.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find my fat Asian face so relaxing.
The city put in new road signs to indicate my fat Asian face just up ahead.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Servile Wretches” and it helps me with my fat Asian face.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then my fat Asian face really affected me.
Growing up we never had a $160,000 diamond, but we had to deal with my fat Asian face, and I want the opposite for my children.



Nothingness
nc

This workplace has gone (0) days without nothingness.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of nothingness heard remote.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned nothingness. As a result, his men were well motivated.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found nothingness sticking to the wall.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of nothingness hanging over the freeway.
Her inheritance was squandered upon an owl infestation while Cinderella was abused and forced to become nothingness in her own home.



A fun game
n

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a fun game.
Our artisanal process ages a lonely grave for 3 years, before going right into a fun game, rapidly being dragged by the neck.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a fun game.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a fun game slowly overtaking the buildings.
When the celestial spheres align, a fun game will descend from the heavens.
The cruiseliner struck a fun game and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a disgrace.



Crawling down a branch
v

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with crawling down a branch.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, my vicinity, toilet paper, shelter, and crawling down a branch.
For my last meal I want various fluids seasoned heavily with crawling down a branch.
My favorite new band is “Crawling Down a Branch and Sudsy Bodies”.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about crawling down a branch.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was crawling down a branch.

User
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support  "

The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support a test"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support Samuel L. Jackson’s pubic area"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support firing a volley of muskets into a dark room"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support shaved bears"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support urine sprinkles"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support baby eels"

User
Hey thanks!

Yeah bots don't move exactly like human players and they don't quite follow the same rules. I think the game code takes some shortcuts that mess things up.

I don't think decompiling is a map is illegal. It shouldn't be anyway. It doesn't bother me if people decompile my maps.

I don't know why people rename my maps so much, but yeah I've seen it a lot. It's OK though -- I'm just happy people are still playing them. :)

I look forward to your posts!
User
Being eaten by a crocodile
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell oil-covered birds after 8pm, or on holidays like Being Eaten by a Crocodile Day.
There is no revenge so complete as being eaten by a crocodile.
James Bond will return in “The Man With being eaten by a crocodile”!
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: being eaten by a crocodile.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s being eaten by a crocodile, with a utility belt around the edges, and racist bullshit on top.
Last night I dreamed of being eaten by a crocodile. I cannot shake the feeling that legs will arrive soon.



They cut open the crocodile to find  {n}, still  {v} like always.
Play 2

They cut open the crocodile to find the front half, still removing a uterine tumor with my teeth like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find hot lava, still violently crashing down the stairs like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find the sacred knife of Tecpatl, still going to Wendy’s like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find goners, still punching a brain like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find skin slack, still touching my deformity like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find a gynecological procedure, still lubing up like always.

User
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with  .

As a diabetic, every day I struggle with alien technology.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with beets. Mashed beets.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with a crazed gunman.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with listening to sad music and being sad.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with a horizontal ass crack.

User
Not getting out of bed
v

John “mom” Smith. The genius who brought us not getting out of bed.
In the first Battle of Not Getting out of Bed he faced unbridled fury, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The rich aroma of not getting out of bed, from the hills of Colombia.
The cruiseliner struck plasma and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with not getting out of bed.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of not getting out of bed.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced five adult sons with not getting out of bed.

User
A crunchy, juicy roach
n

I reached expectantly into a crunchy, juicy roach, but found only a pregnant teen.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a crunchy, juicy roach.
A crunchy, juicy roach! A crunchy, juicy roach! My kingdom for a crunchy, juicy roach!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Friends That Can Keep a Secret Does a Crunchy, Juicy Roach.
There’s no reason for a crunchy, juicy roach before breakfast.
In my wild days I was putting on pants, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a crunchy, juicy roach on the New Mexico border.

User
I clean  {n} by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up  {v}.
Play 2

I clean a fresh lung by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up wetting the bed.
I clean a greased slope by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up plummeting from 20,000 feet.
I clean each hole, sequentially by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up raping an entire family including the dog.
I clean three carrots by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
I clean a thought by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up gathering supplies.
I clean a well-oiled machine by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up surviving.

User
Scot blood
nc

If Scot blood were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
No one in Morocco can be Scot blood without registering with the government.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Scot Blood Blast!
I want to say one word to you, just one word: Scot blood.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw Scot blood overboard!
Don’t leave the door open! Scot blood will get in.



Big Gay
nc

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my happy place and Big Gay come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually Big Gay.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: Big Gay.
The new artsy indie game “Large Recoil” is a deeply emotional exploration of Big Gay.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with Big Gay.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during Big Gay that overturned their car.



April 26th
n

Fictitious queer same sex transformation nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid April 26th.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling April 26th. The driver was fingering.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride April 26th. It made me feel like I was rival anthills.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: April 26th, morphine and man animals.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in April 26th in the middle of each intersection.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate April 26th.



Marrying a Kardashian
v

We couldn’t land because of a lap caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like marrying a Kardashian.
The rich aroma of marrying a Kardashian, from the hills of Colombia.
Ball peeking! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all marrying a Kardashian.
I like my women like I like marrying a Kardashian: being attacked by a skeleton with leopard print top hats.
Today you’re on the receiving end of marrying a Kardashian.
If I had marrying a Kardashian, you’d be dead!




User
I never got it to work *completely* either. Often times I would get one player on the wrong side.

I never tried with bots, so that could be even worse.

If you would like to post what works & doesn't work I would appreciate it. Sometimes I still make throwaway maps for LAN parties and just goofing around.
User
Quiet punk music
nc

If quiet punk music were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
I got into my car and sat on quiet punk music. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
We can be quiet punk music. And no one has to know.
People around the world recognize quiet punk music as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in quiet punk music, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
I love your necklace! It’s quiet punk music, right?

User
Is it OK to put  {n} in the microwave?

Is it OK to put a lonely old man in the microwave?
Is it OK to put intense pressure in the microwave?
Is it OK to put failure in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a better place now in the microwave?
Is it OK to put my picture in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a dusty butthole in the microwave?



User
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried  {scv}.

"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried the crossing guard.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a crazy cat lady.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried an angry buttplug for the man.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a small angry cloud.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a battle.

User
Doing a weird sex thing
v

You stole a nosedive from a child? You’re doing a weird sex thing and you’re going to hell!
This workplace has gone (0) days without doing a weird sex thing.
When the beef came at me it was like doing a weird sex thing.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk doing a weird sex thing.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into Mom’s feet before doing a weird sex thing.
I don’t think that even comes close to being doing a weird sex thing.



Sexting teens
v

If you do it right, sexting teens is all about sandpaper.
There is no revenge so complete as sexting teens.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for sexting teens.
The cruiseliner struck the placenta and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with sexting teens.
Furious that I was sexting teens into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a real sonuvabitch.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by sexting teens.



User
Body warmth
nc

Last Christmas, I gave you body warmth. The very next day, you gave it away.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise body warmth by rewarding them with techniques.
If I had body warmth, you’d be dead!
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Body Warmth!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with body warmth went off early, ejecting force-feeding a bird into the air!
In future times, the children will work together to build body warmth.



Millennials are killing  .

Millennials are killing meaty valves.
Millennials are killing killing protesters.
Millennials are killing a light dusting of pubes.
Millennials are killing achieving an orgasm.
Millennials are killing one of the Baldwin brothers.
Millennials are killing lady business.

User
Mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!
n

The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Another Hole in the Head Does Mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!.
Dad! I’m all done achieving an orgasm, so I have mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! left over if you’re still interested.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was swindling queers, part was mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!, and it was crowned with really bad teeth.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! in the stands and then knocked ample legroom off at least 10 pounds of pork.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
What will we do with mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! early in the morning?

User
Mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!
nc

I don’t need love because I’m mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!. Sorry mom!
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of allergies, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.
In my wild days I was getting all fucked up on PCP, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!! on the New Mexico border.
Ich bin ein mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.
Man invented a wimpy tornado, so woman invented mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.
The thief was caught stealing a divorce from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.

User
Botulism
nc

There’s no reason for botulism before breakfast.
Aron Ralston was trapped under my latest perversion for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off botulism!
All the best love stories include botulism.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of botulism lifting off the toilet.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in botulism.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “botulism”.



Horse face
nc

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me horse face and it’s getting weird.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of horse face on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with horse face hanging in the window.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found horse face in the walls at my office.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about horse face.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Horse Face.



Eating toxic cheese
v

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Good People Co., tapping into the growing market for eating toxic cheese.
The TSA has made new rules mandating eating toxic cheese on every commercial flight.
Men, like an extra kid, go farthest when they are eating toxic cheese.
Furious that I was eating toxic cheese into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a pubic tuft.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to eating toxic cheese.
The cruiseliner struck 35-year-old high school students and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with eating toxic cheese.



MmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!!
np

Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! straddled by Christopher Lloyd holding a dog.
Can I get some floss? There’s mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! between my teeth.
I tried to sneak out of the store with mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! under one arm and the ends down my pants.
The rich aroma of mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!!, from the hills of Colombia.
Music without the sounds of mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! is hardly music at all.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as theatrics and comes with 1 USB-C port and mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!!! Groovy!

User
Or?

My tiny act of rebellion today was  {v} with  {n}.
Play 2

My tiny act of rebellion today was murdering everyone who is different from you with sizzling lard.
My tiny act of rebellion today was being suspended in gelatin with complete removal of the head.
My tiny act of rebellion today was flailing with hot babes.
My tiny act of rebellion today was knowing hell with the southwest corner.
My tiny act of rebellion today was inviting the cops with butt gas.
My tiny act of rebellion today was pushing it deeper with terminal illness.

User
My tiny act of rebellion today was  {v} with no shoes!

My tiny act of rebellion today was getting busy with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was being pickled with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was beeping with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was being lured into a van with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was getting HUGE with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was giving birth to your own parents with no shoes!

User
Scum
nc

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been falling in love with a white girl. The snail may have escaped scum by going underground.
Ugh. I ate some kids last night and I’ve been trying to put on scum all morning.
I got so drunk last night that I got scum all over everyone and everything.
You can’t get an otherwise peaceful man big enough or scum long enough to suit me.
The cruiseliner struck scum and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with between your legs.
I could tell scum had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.



I rented a U-Haul but they were out of  {cp} so I packed my furniture with  {cp}.
Play 2

I rented a U-Haul but they were out of sinister plans so I packed my furniture with beets. Mashed beets.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of nosy neighbors so I packed my furniture with 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of nothing at all so I packed my furniture with chafing jeans.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of balls caught in the car window so I packed my furniture with many people.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of ancient Chinese medicine so I packed my furniture with alien technology.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of battery acid so I packed my furniture with recalled pizza with glass in it.

User
You and me, girl
n

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide you and me, girl directly.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around you and me, girl.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with you and me, girl.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on you and me, girl.
Whenever I cook you and me, girl I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into terminal illness.
The new bill before congress would mandate you and me, girl in all K-through-12 classrooms.



For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood  {n}.

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood sinuses.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood nosy neighbors.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood Krampus, the child punisher.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood the bitter cold.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood quicksand.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood a nicer surprise.

User
A solar flare
n

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a solar flare.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a solar flare, toilet paper, shelter, and floppy, out-of-control boobs.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a solar flare” incident in the science lab.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a solar flare.
When you two are done “forgetting” to knock, can we please get a solar flare and get out of here?!
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of ancient Chinese medicine and a mouthfeel like a solar flare.



Lumpy butt
nc

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with lumpy butt went off early, ejecting a vibrator with a voice into the air!
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put lumpy butt in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and lumpy butt in the Philippines.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by lumpy butt around the building.
I was surprised to find bones in lumpy butt. Is that normal?
The hardware store didn’t have lumpy butt left, so I got day-to-day affairs.



Scientists have successfully sent images of   through tubes full of  {n}.
Play 2

Scientists have successfully sent images of the coal chute through tubes full of a determined shark.
Scientists have successfully sent images of being nude, spread eagle toward the sun through tubes full of a moon rock shaped like a butt.
Scientists have successfully sent images of a prepaid Visa™ through tubes full of somersaults.
Scientists have successfully sent images of a pale reflection through tubes full of shame.
Scientists have successfully sent images of a long visit through tubes full of arthouse films about transexuals.
Scientists have successfully sent images of total collapse through tubes full of KA-BLAM!!.



Possible fix:

After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “ {n}

After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “well-organized orphans
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “the godhead
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a falling tree
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “good bacteria
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “sex toy directions
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a real sonuvabitch

User
Possible fix:

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about  .

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about a tiny bat crawling up your peehole.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about sudden nudity.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about llama spit.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about a barbecued meal worm.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about banning the Pope.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about your grandmother, who loves you.

User
The Justice Department
n

My dream house has a big surprise built in, an extra garage for pacifying all religions, and the Justice Department for the door bell.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring the Justice Department.
My pharmacist separated pulsating opposite sexes into two parts, and carefully lowered one into the Justice Department.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: The Justice Department Does Her Penis.
I want to be buried with the Justice Department.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by the Justice Department.



A police station
n

Happiness: Finding a safe place, a police station, and years of pain.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like a police station.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me a police station and it’s getting weird.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a police station that overturned their car.
I didn’t think this house would sell with my picture in the attic. Anyway, I’m a police station.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong-loving bot that hates a police station.



Are you there God? It's me,  .

Are you there God? It's me, me.
Are you there God? It's me, a remarkably swift recovery.
Are you there God? It's me, being bred in captivity.
Are you there God? It's me, being slathered in baby oil.
Are you there God? It's me, leaving a man behind.
Are you there God? It's me, the next time.

User
A bucket with a hole
n

The water tower looks like it’s a bucket with a hole from this angle.
It's dangerous to leave a bucket with a hole on the stairs.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a bucket with a hole in its food processing operations.
Oh no! Someone rolled up a bucket with a hole in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
More armies need to incorporate a bucket with a hole into their uniforms.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a bucket with a hole.



A hole
n

Here on the assembly line we heat a hole to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is inhaling.
Growing up we never had a hole, but we had to deal with respite, and I want the opposite for my children.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a hole.
A hole produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under servile wretches to keep warm.
My girlfriend kicked strength, and now she’s a hole. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Until quite recently, a hole had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.



My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm  {v}.

My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm laughing and lying.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm lumbering around.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm pulling off pants.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm being in the way.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm taking a fair amount.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm not riding a Segway.

User
Little boys are made of  {n},  {n}, and puppy dog tails.
Play 2

Little boys are made of the longest, thinnest hot dog, my baby door, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of a succulent jumbo prawn, thinness, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of hot wax, my brother, who I’m sure you remember, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of a shitty, useless planet, sinister plans, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of a falling chimney, halitosis, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of Snoop Dogg’s magic umbrella, a pale reflection, and puppy dog tails.



Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and  {n}.

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and a feather boa.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and a skin tag.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and a harbor for your unclean thoughts.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and prey.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and long deep kisses with eyes wide open.

User
Precious bodily fluids
np

Apparently, “Precious Bodily Fluids” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I was surprised to find bones in precious bodily fluids. Is that normal?
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took precious bodily fluids to the funeral.
Precious bodily fluids is the only way to say goodbye.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find precious bodily fluids.
The new top grade of gasoline has precious bodily fluids as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

User
Beer cans, puke and underwear
np

If I had beer cans, puke and underwear, you’d be dead!
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been nipping it in the bud. The snail may have escaped beer cans, puke and underwear by going underground.
They said beer cans, puke and underwear was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got beer cans, puke and underwear... and then some!
Last Christmas, everyone got beer cans, puke and underwear under the tree and an exit wound in their stockings!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of beer cans, puke and underwear.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under beer cans, puke and underwear.

User
Getting stabbed by an advanced robot
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: getting stabbed by an advanced robot!!!
Help! I’m getting stabbed by an advanced robot and I need YOU to do something about it!
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is getting stabbed by an advanced robot.
Here on the assembly line we heat rumpy pumpy to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is getting stabbed by an advanced robot.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting stabbed by an advanced robot for the first time!
Getting stabbed by an advanced robot! Getting stabbed by an advanced robot! My kingdom for getting stabbed by an advanced robot!



A crazy woman attacking my car
n

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a crazy woman attacking my car in the mirror! And it smelled like total collapse in there! I’m so scared!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a crazy woman attacking my car.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a crazy woman attacking my car.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off very recent arrivals in the stands and then knocked conjuring off a crazy woman attacking my car.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a crazy woman attacking my car.
The water tower looks like it’s a crazy woman attacking my car from this angle.

User
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on  .

Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a gurgling anus.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a greased slope.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on the part you pee into.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on thick pudding.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on rigid peen.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a shot in the dark.

User
The media's nonstop coverage of   is just to distract us from  .
Play 2

The media's nonstop coverage of a hanging body is just to distract us from a squirt of mustard.
The media's nonstop coverage of a mafia hitman is just to distract us from scoring.
The media's nonstop coverage of the atom is just to distract us from Woman 2.0.
The media's nonstop coverage of elastic action is just to distract us from empowerment.
The media's nonstop coverage of the white devil is just to distract us from marginal gains.
The media's nonstop coverage of a curve is just to distract us from filthy underpants.

User
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of  {UT}:  {UTn}  {UTv}."
Play 3

I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of The Majestic Humboldt Squid: A Bulky Frame, Sturdy Legs, and Rounded Cloven Hooves Negotiating Peace."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Wanting to Be Noticed: A Cataclysmic Magic Spell Peeing in the Sink."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Industrial Adhesive: Thick Fingers Making out."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Compressed Gas: What the Dog Ate Being Pickled."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of The Heterosexual Agenda: The Key to My Heart Being Dipped in Nutella."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Undercooked Meat: My Brother, Who I’m Sure You Remember Laying Eggs Everywhere."

User
Samsung's new product is  {n} that you wear for safety.

Samsung's new product is a security guard that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is PTSD that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is violent death that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is dryness problems that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is a corresponding rise in wages that you wear for safety.

User
Getting tickled while peeing
v

R Kelly fantasizes about getting tickled while peeing with a young Beyonce.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore getting tickled while peeing in a very realistic way.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the baby and getting tickled while peeing.
If you kids don’t stop being picked, I will turn getting tickled while peeing around!
The new artsy indie game “Getting Tickled While Peeing” is a deeply emotional exploration of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using getting tickled while peeing to forage for food.



Getting tickled
v

See now black people walk like the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting tickled!
When the suspect’s car crashed, getting tickled launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on recalled pizza with glass in it.
More armies need to incorporate getting tickled into their uniforms.
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting tickled.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting tickled.
Thanks for getting tickled. Now get out of my bed!



User
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of  {n} off the grill.

It's taking forever to scrape the remains of the alpha male off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of peanut butter in the mouth off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of all the Roman gods off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of a mass of lymphatic tissue off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of nature’s candy off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of water off the grill.

User
Pregnancy
nc

Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of pregnancy-loving bot that hates unprecedented popularity.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Pregnancy!” You’re cursed with every part of the buffalo until the end of the game!
I went rafting, saw pregnancy in the river, no big deal.
A lifetime of pregnancy awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I pushed hard enough to snap pregnancy, but some powerful kind of space madness was blocking the door.
When you two are done going to Wendy’s, can we please get pregnancy and get out of here?!



Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with  {n} and   for dipping.
Play 2

Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with demonic possession and anything on the face of this earth for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with fingernail torture and these faggots for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with daddy in his underpants and a quirky, vegan CEO for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with mediocre tits and squirting acid for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with a broken ceiling tile and carefully removing my skeleton for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with my innards and me for dipping.

User
This just in: the president has fired  {n} for "doing a bad job."

This just in: the president has fired the ’80s for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired a robot dinosaur for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired well-organized orphans for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired the real adversary for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired the taxpayers for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired a loading screen for "doing a bad job."

User
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find  {n} all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!

So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find self-inflicted wounds all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find Mexican children with mustaches all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find your signature manoeuvre all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find grandma’s soggy diaper all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a collar around my neck all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a human all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!




So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find  {n} all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!

So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a furious ding-dong all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find complete madness all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a remarkably swift recovery all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a stiff upper lip all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a glob of peanut butter all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find the last thing I said all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!

User
I gotta do this one again :p

Everybody, sing along!  {U} /  {v} / with  
Play 3

Everybody, sing along! Special pube shampoo / wallowing in your filth / with a Hitler moustache
Everybody, sing along! A big ol’ fruit / waiting to kill / with a wish-granting goblin
Everybody, sing along! Not many teeth / zombie fucking / with anger and shock
Everybody, sing along! Strong thighs / nothing else / with crotchless panties
Everybody, sing along! An extremely uncomfortable mattress / giving it a tweak / with stripping
Everybody, sing along! Spicy saliva / tipping over / with wetness

User
Two lemurs
np

I never expected to be fingered by two lemurs.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always two lemurs. Always.
Two best friends and the escape route take a road trip, and discover two lemurs along the way.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a crotchety old hermit removed from her and two lemurs removed from me.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by two lemurs.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy two lemurs that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.



A virtual reality hot dog
n

See now black people walk like my tortoise’s heat lamp. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a virtual reality hot dog!
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a virtual reality hot dog!”
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk a virtual reality hot dog.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a virtual reality hot dog out of mainland China.
Go, go, Gadget a Virtual Reality Hot Dog!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A VIRTUAL REALITY HOT DOG FATHERING CHILDREN WITH A LESBIAN.”



VR genitals
np

Here on the assembly line we heat VR genitals to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is becoming an adult.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Hate-fucking Does VR Genitals.
Could you buy me VR genitals? I’ll pay you back.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing VR genitals, since we’re so good at it.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to VR genitals.
A foaming pipe snake produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under VR genitals to keep warm.



My kids keep installing  {n} on the computer and I think it's making it slow.

My kids keep installing my first time on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing a robot dinosaur on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing little turds everywhere on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing the trials of manhood on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing the Army on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing a sex-addicted panda on the computer and I think it's making it slow.

User
Too much food
nc

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to too much food.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of too much food. She has stated, “I prefer lips.”
The new artsy indie game “Too Much Food” is a deeply emotional exploration of fighting your family.
I just dug up too much food in my backyard! I had no idea this place had breaking in.
So what I’m saying is we have too much food to thank for Obama’s America.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise too much food by rewarding them with a tight fit.



Licking each other
v

A gynecological procedure can only be killed by licking each other.
If I had licking each other, you’d be dead!
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate licking each other.
Mom, what’s licking each other? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
You evaded my “Licking Each Other” attack! Most impressive.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, licking each other, toilet paper, shelter, and Italian financiers.

User
Cher's skull
n

On the assembly line we heat Cher's skull to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is huddling in the corner.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with Cher's skull.
While you’re at the store can you pick up Cher's skull, in family size?
Let Cher's skull host your next party, providing furries like you’ve never seen before.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, Cher's skull emerged.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: porkin@chers-skull.net

User
Throwing money
v

Ich bin ein throwing money.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of throwing money.
Throwing money has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen throwing money.
The new artsy indie game “Throwing Money” is a deeply emotional exploration of Coach Diddleplayers.
If you do it right, five adult sons is all about throwing money.



The world's biggest sandwich
n

Then God said, “Let there be the world's biggest sandwich”; and there was the world's biggest sandwich. And God saw that the world's biggest sandwich was good.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the world's biggest sandwich.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw the world's biggest sandwich in the mirror! And it smelled like love in there! I’m so scared!
The Great Wall was actually built to keep the world's biggest sandwich out of mainland China.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in the world's biggest sandwich.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for the world's biggest sandwich.

User
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been  {v}?

It smells like Thai food in here... have you been eating a bowl of spider webs?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been mothering?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been smoking crack?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been going as deep as possible?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been maintaining total stealth?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been finding a safe place?

User
Getting swindled by the cat
v

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore getting swindled by the cat in a very realistic way.
The rich aroma of getting swindled by the cat, from the hills of Colombia.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began getting swindled by the cat in front of his top supporters.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got irresponsible parenting painted on both sides, which some say encourages getting swindled by the cat.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a stink bug, score points by getting swindled by the cat, and cinderblock justice shall not be on the field.
The patient kept screaming about “getting swindled by the cat”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and some dead guy’s money emerged!



Grandpa's nose
n

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw Grandpa's nose for the first time!
I’m gonna prove the link between chugging NyQuil™ and Grandpa's nose! You’ll all see!
Howdy neighbor, love Grandpa's nose! Let’s get a feast of blood sometime!
For Halloween we’re peeling talent and poise so it feels like eyeballs, and we made Grandpa's nose so it feels like brains.
If I had Grandpa's nose, you’d be dead!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate Grandpa's nose to prepare for a mission to mars.



Their offspring
n

At the winery tour we saw how they put their offspring and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like floppin’ out my baby door.
At Boeing R&D, we test the aliens running government by connecting through their offspring to a special 10,000-volt battery.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in their offspring, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Alexander also named a city in India “Their Offspring” after his dead horse.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a crack in the sky. It was not my lips you kissed, but their offspring.
Great job on the proposal for catching one in the bum, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you their offspring.

User
It to come out the other end
n

Last night I dreamed of it to come out the other end. I cannot shake the feeling that recalled pizza with glass in it will arrive soon.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with it to come out the other end.
When I think South America, I think of it to come out the other end.
Although moving away from firing ports proved effective for schools, the switch to it to come out the other end initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
For my last meal I want it to come out the other end seasoned heavily with things to fix.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of It to Come out the Other End”! I shook his hand and it felt like it to come out the other end.



Somebody to love
n

What the stubby fingers department lacks in selection, we make up for in somebody to love.
My publisher demanded I remove somebody to love from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Don’t shake a plump, lazy hyena so hard, it’ll start somebody to love.
While you’re at the store can you pick up somebody to love, in family size?
It’s not delivery. It’s somebody to love.
Somebody to love saved is somebody to love earned.



Our wedding rings
np

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of our wedding rings.
If you do it right, our wedding rings is all about hotdog grade “meat”.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is our wedding rings.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is our wedding rings.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Our Wedding Rings!
In Nevada you can pay for a lady masturbating to pictures of dead animals with our wedding rings.

User
A capsaicin-rich pooping experience
n

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a capsaicin-rich pooping experience.
I was vacuuming when I sucked a capsaicin-rich pooping experience out from under the couch. I kept pulling until industrial adhesive came out too!
Great job on the proposal for shimmying up the pole, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a capsaicin-rich pooping experience.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a capsaicin-rich pooping experience to the vastness of space.
I’d like to wear a capsaicin-rich pooping experience but it takes all day to put on.
Dad! I’m all done walking backwards into John Cena, so I have a capsaicin-rich pooping experience left over if you’re still interested.



The dog ate  {n} so we're waiting for  .
Play 2

The dog ate that jackass so we're waiting for a wet burst.
The dog ate a fish choad so we're waiting for lots of rattled nerves.
The dog ate Snoop Dogg’s magic umbrella so we're waiting for stepping over me.
The dog ate a wiggly meat tube so we're waiting for a Japanese vending machine.
The dog ate grab-ass so we're waiting for rolling.
The dog ate freewill so we're waiting for hopefully not me this time.



The dog ate  {n} so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.

The dog ate a certain je ne sais quoi so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate the Army so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate white men with guns so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate a battle so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate a drop of blood so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.

User
Everybody, sing along!  {U} /   /  
Play 3

Everybody, sing along! A novelty oversized foam fist / divorce papers / their own mothers
Everybody, sing along! No touching and no sex / a French knight / the most beautiful face ever
Everybody, sing along! Naval victory / ass / a period
Everybody, sing along! Unbridled fury / anal cleansing tablets / one night in Bangkok
Everybody, sing along! A lap / a robot face / real human interaction
Everybody, sing along! Frozen people / making me cum / my murder list

User
Everybody, sing along!  {U} /   /  
Play 3

Everybody, sing along! Solving a problem / multiple cameras / a real butt-toucher
Everybody, sing along! Wetting the bed / being the small spoon / pleading for more men and supplies
Everybody, sing along! Jüri Pootsmann / being a bitch / Coach Diddleplayers
Everybody, sing along! A weak little person / your mom’s bathroom / a spinning jenny
Everybody, sing along! A muscular, naked Santa / a silly goose / an exploding car
Everybody, sing along! A leak / the coal chute / the uncooperative dead

User
Hatching out of an egg
v

Mom, what’s hatching out of an egg? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
On the assembly line we heat illegal porn to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is hatching out of an egg.
Hatching out of an egg is the spice of nothing good.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than hatching out of an egg.
Then God said, “Let there be hatching out of an egg”; and there was hatching out of an egg. And God saw that hatching out of an egg was good.
Let a truck full of ladders host your next party, providing hatching out of an egg like you’ve never seen before.



My new baby  {pc}, hatching out of  {n}.
Play 2

My new baby blindness, hatching out of passive-aggressive tendencies.
My new baby heavy iron dildos, hatching out of mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores.
My new baby financial distress, hatching out of a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
My new baby tainted love, hatching out of honey.
My new baby man animals, hatching out of a good girl.
My new baby retaliatory skirmishes, hatching out of floaters.

User
900 suspected pedophiles
np

At LAX travelers were horrified to see 900 suspected pedophiles spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow 900 Suspected Pedophiles?
My dream house has 900 suspected pedophiles built in, an extra garage for a face-hugger, and Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster) for the door bell.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and 900 suspected pedophiles can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Thanks for 900 suspected pedophiles last night. *wink* *wink*
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put 900 suspected pedophiles in the pillows.

User
It's huge. It's wet. It's sprawled out in the parking lot. It's  .

It's huge. It's wet. It's sprawled out in the parking lot. It's my private supply.
It's huge. It's wet. It's sprawled out in the parking lot. It's Caesar’s last breath.
It's huge. It's wet. It's sprawled out in the parking lot. It's the escape route.
It's huge. It's wet. It's sprawled out in the parking lot. It's God in human form.
It's huge. It's wet. It's sprawled out in the parking lot. It's a long rambling story.
It's huge. It's wet. It's sprawled out in the parking lot. It's chocolate chip juice.

User
Getting medicated
v

If I had getting medicated, you’d be dead!
Apparently, “Getting Medicated” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I never expected to be fingered by getting medicated.
Hark! What getting medicated through yonder window breaks?
First you get potent neurotoxins. Then you get getting medicated. Then you get a little sarin gas.
The survey team detected getting medicated at the work site so I threw you sick fucks in my truck and drove straight there.



Injecting drugs into my face
v

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Unnatural Lust Co., tapping into the growing market for injecting drugs into my face.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of my lover’s sex move that drives me crazy and a mouthfeel like injecting drugs into my face.
But of the tree of injecting drugs into my face you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
You evaded my “Injecting Drugs into My Face” attack! Most impressive.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is injecting drugs into my face.
Although moving away from getting too excited proved effective for schools, the switch to injecting drugs into my face initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.



My fuck pillow
n

Mom, what’s my fuck pillow? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Thanks for my fuck pillow. Now get out of my bed!
A social skill is any skill facilitating my fuck pillow with others.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under my fuck pillow.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like my fuck pillow.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is my fuck pillow.



Wet cat food
nc

When he reached the New World, Cortés burned wet cat food. As a result, his men were well motivated.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about wet cat food, but with a pubic tuft!
I didn’t think this house would sell with a sugar cougar in the attic. Anyway, I’m wet cat food.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always wet cat food. Always.
Daddy! There’s wet cat food under my bed. Kill it kill it!
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing wet cat food at cars and passers-by.

User
I have a hard time in social situations because of  , totally unmedicated.

I have a hard time in social situations because of you, ya dirty bum, totally unmedicated.
I have a hard time in social situations because of a strange candy that makes you gay, totally unmedicated.
I have a hard time in social situations because of pulling on my butthole hairs, totally unmedicated.
I have a hard time in social situations because of the contents of your vacuum cleaner bag, totally unmedicated.
I have a hard time in social situations because of a moon rock shaped like a butt, totally unmedicated.
I have a hard time in social situations because of a Japanese woman’s underwear, totally unmedicated.

User
Surströmming is Swedish for a nearly-rotting fermentation of  {n} and salt.

Surströmming is Swedish for a nearly-rotting fermentation of a Facebook post and salt.
Surströmming is Swedish for a nearly-rotting fermentation of a choreographed dance and salt.
Surströmming is Swedish for a nearly-rotting fermentation of a teeny tiny baby and salt.
Surströmming is Swedish for a nearly-rotting fermentation of cooties and salt.
Surströmming is Swedish for a nearly-rotting fermentation of kevlar underwear and salt.
Surströmming is Swedish for a nearly-rotting fermentation of lactating dogs and salt.

User
Detonating a bomb
v

Our artisanal process ages my salvation for 3 years, before going right into detonating a bomb, rapidly force-feeding a bird.
A Complete Wimp is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by detonating a bomb.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I'm afraid the president will tickle detonating a bomb.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of maximum bitch mode. Half the country is detonating a bomb.
I’m gonna prove the link between detonating a bomb and a state trooper! You’ll all see!
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s detonating a bomb.



Assassinating Kim Jong-un
v

My girlfriend kicked five full-time chefs, and now she’s assassinating Kim Jong-un. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
I tried finishing quickly but it was too tight. Then I tried assassinating Kim Jong-un but it was TOO LOOSE.
When the beef came at me it was like assassinating Kim Jong-un.
Thanks for assassinating Kim Jong-un last night. *wink* *wink*
Always walk into an interview with Princess Perfect and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate assassinating Kim Jong-un.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around assassinating Kim Jong-un on the freeway.



Breast meat
nc

Life without love is like Mom’s feet without breast meat or fruit.
Breast meat is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just farting like a bagpipe. Sorry.
But I promised I would get my kids breast meat for Christmas!
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be breast meat if I wanted a new family.
I don’t need love because I’m breast meat. Sorry mom!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're breast meat!



Cosmetic surgeons hate this!  {U} can increase your breast size in three weeks!

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A censor bar can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Windmilling can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A grand staircase can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A guillotine can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Impressing the most neutral observers can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Gross mystery meat can increase your breast size in three weeks!



The main ingredient in  {n} is  {n}.
Play 2

The main ingredient in double-tight yoga pants is complete madness.
The main ingredient in almost enough oxygen is an even wider gap.
The main ingredient in a moral boundary is a swarm of dead insects.
The main ingredient in a riding crop is a car crash.
The main ingredient in steampunk bullshit is a real jerk-off.
The main ingredient in gravitational collapse is a thick, luscious banana slug.

User
Memes
np

In Nevada you can pay for a lady rolling with memes.
You spent all your food-stamps on memes?!
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with memes!”
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by memes and a cornhole.
In future times, the children will work together to build memes.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off a blood transfusion in the stands and then knocked memes off the girl in this photo.

User
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include  ,  , dry mouth, and  .
Play 3

Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include plenty of everything, sinking into the mud, dry mouth, and the placenta.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include hitting a man out of his wheelchair, less candy than usual, dry mouth, and the part you pee into.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a tribal village, masturbating to pictures of dead animals, dry mouth, and a new Wes Anderson movie.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a radical student, blow, dry mouth, and orange dye.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a launch, a vortex that keeps mumbling, dry mouth, and increasing in size.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include sacrificing the homeless, young crabs, dry mouth, and a broken lock.

User
Crapping out the entire skeleton
v

Here’s a certificate for crapping out the entire skeleton. I am at your service.
Pool rules: No running. No crapping out the entire skeleton. Keep feminine hygiene products out of the deep end.
If I had crapping out the entire skeleton, you’d be dead!
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with crapping out the entire skeleton. I barely even felt a sex swing.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen crapping out the entire skeleton.
The new artsy indie game “Crapping out the Entire Skeleton” is a deeply emotional exploration of a bold move.



Can't go out because of  {n} on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal- {tc-}-cor is right for you.
Play 2

Can't go out because of a busy bee on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-fingering-cor is right for you.
Can't go out because of the instructions on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-taffy-cor is right for you.
Can't go out because of tandem showering on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-abstinence-cor is right for you.
Can't go out because of love handles on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-blindness-cor is right for you.
Can't go out because of an Easy-Bake™ oven on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-black-lace-cor is right for you.
Can't go out because of a system of tunnels leading to key locations on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-rolling-cor is right for you.

User
69, the sex number
nc

When the stadium was demolished it ejected 69, the sex number, which hung in the air for days.
When the beef came at me it was like 69, the sex number.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with the king and his family and a mysterious boy who fights 69, the sex number.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: 69, the sex number!!!
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy 69, the sex number one ounce at a time.
I pushed hard enough to snap 69, the sex number, but some powerful kind of acute watery diarrhea was blocking the door.

User
A foil lid from a yogurt
n

Thanks for a foil lid from a yogurt. Now get out of my bed!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from taking it easy with a foil lid from a yogurt.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a foil lid from a yogurt for me and my wife.
The hardware store didn’t have a foil lid from a yogurt left, so I got financial distress.
I ordered a foil lid from a yogurt privately over the Internet so I can get better at floating away in a fucking balloon.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a foil lid from a yogurt will go to The Anorexia Foundation.

User
Oh no! Kitty's on the shelf again and she's gonna knock off  {n}.

Oh no! Kitty's on the shelf again and she's gonna knock off a girl on roller skates.
Oh no! Kitty's on the shelf again and she's gonna knock off Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face.
Oh no! Kitty's on the shelf again and she's gonna knock off goat porn.
Oh no! Kitty's on the shelf again and she's gonna knock off a real butt-toucher.
Oh no! Kitty's on the shelf again and she's gonna knock off 100% plastic adult toys.
Oh no! Kitty's on the shelf again and she's gonna knock off a doozy.

User
Stop in the name of  {c} before you break  {n}.
Play 2

Stop in the name of corporate America before you break the immigrant experience in America.
Stop in the name of pure love before you break the first chimp in space.
Stop in the name of battery acid before you break a smooth vagina.
Stop in the name of bathwater before you break none more.
Stop in the name of real life before you break bloody hell.
Stop in the name of butter sauce before you break a hardened native warrior.

User
Salt
nc

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with salt.
I noticed symptoms of morningwood, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s salt!” but I’m not sure.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing salt, since we’re so good at it.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using salt to forage for food.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out salt.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare salt right at your table.

User
I was born on a pile of  {cp}.

I was born on a pile of eerie silence.
I was born on a pile of barely in the butthole.
I was born on a pile of the big ol’ boys.
I was born on a pile of concerning news.
I was born on a pile of sufficient funds.
I was born on a pile of giant meaty hands.

User
Fix?

You guys went  {v} without me? Loop me in next time, I want to try   with you guys!
Play 1

You guys went screaming and barfing a little without me? Loop me in next time, I want to try screaming and barfing a little with you guys!
You guys went suggesting a murder without me? Loop me in next time, I want to try suggesting a murder with you guys!
You guys went seeing my penis twice without me? Loop me in next time, I want to try seeing my penis twice with you guys!
You guys went gettin’ all up close without me? Loop me in next time, I want to try gettin’ all up close with you guys!
You guys went closing her legs without me? Loop me in next time, I want to try closing her legs with you guys!
You guys went taking the secret to your grave without me? Loop me in next time, I want to try taking the secret to your grave with you guys!

User
Moose and squirrel
nc

A lifetime of moose and squirrel awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with moose and squirrel slowly overtaking the buildings.
Thanks for moose and squirrel. Now get out of my bed!
Lonely guys in Japan can buy moose and squirrel that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of moose and squirrel and a Fedex full of these faggots.
Give a man moose and squirrel and you feed him for a day. Give him a night of unrestrained passion, and you feed him for a lifetime.



Penis and vagina
nc

I’ve got a master’s degree in Penis and Vagina!
The best comfort food will always be greens, penis and vagina, and fried chicken.
What will we do with penis and vagina early in the morning?
Chase bank is giving out penis and vagina this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Penis and vagina tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Penis and Vagina Blast!



Wearing John Travolta's face
v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from wearing John Travolta's face, and the eco-glass windows trap in _{nU} is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just _{v}. Sorry..
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into wearing John Travolta's face, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start gathering supplies.
Slender and muscled, like one more. She was the spitting image of wearing John Travolta's face.
I can’t believe you guys went wearing John Travolta's face without me! Loop me in next time, I want a novelty oversized foam fist too!
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like wearing John Travolta's face.
So what I’m saying is we have wearing John Travolta's face to thank for Obama’s America.

User
A penis and a vagina
n

Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a penis and a vagina just shoveling it in.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. The Very Iceberg That Sunk the Titanic is a penis and a vagina.
A penis and a vagina! A penis and a vagina! My kingdom for a penis and a vagina!
Chase bank is giving out a penis and a vagina this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
CAUTION: Keep a penis and a vagina out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn little turds everywhere, but now for work I’m a penis and a vagina. Go figure!



9/11 all over again
nc

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on 9/11 all over again.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about 9/11 all over again and leaving your friends to die. Should I talk to him?
At spring training a foul ball bounced off people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm in the stands and then knocked 9/11 all over again off a child born of incest.
I think that ecstasy was cut with 9/11 all over again. After one hit I began very, very rapidly being the small spoon.
There’s no reason for 9/11 all over again before breakfast.
Don’t shake sugar from my father so hard, it’ll start 9/11 all over again.



The new healthcare bill means insurance companies no longer have to cover  .

The new healthcare bill means insurance companies no longer have to cover a gush.
The new healthcare bill means insurance companies no longer have to cover the latest fad.
The new healthcare bill means insurance companies no longer have to cover whaling.
The new healthcare bill means insurance companies no longer have to cover her cooter.
The new healthcare bill means insurance companies no longer have to cover this half of the planet.
The new healthcare bill means insurance companies no longer have to cover a gasping woman.

User
Update potentially to make it more specific:

Master Wayne, you have a phone call. Something about  ?

Master Wayne, you have a phone call. Something about apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down?
Master Wayne, you have a phone call. Something about my out of control libido?
Master Wayne, you have a phone call. Something about intense pain?
Master Wayne, you have a phone call. Something about the thing hanging out of my butt?
Master Wayne, you have a phone call. Something about live wires hanging from the ceiling?
Master Wayne, you have a phone call. Something about PTSD?

User
4 out of 5 doctors recommend  .

4 out of 5 doctors recommend turning into a white woman.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend a security guard.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend inflatable safety bumpers.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend a stiff upper lip.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend a crow in a blender.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend spongy flesh.



A riced-out Hyundai
n

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a riced-out Hyundai onto the International Space Station.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a riced-out Hyundai is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a riced-out Hyundai and a mouthfeel like furries.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a riced-out Hyundai?
What the delicate ladybrains department lacks in selection, we make up for in a riced-out Hyundai.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a riced-out Hyundai.

User
The real reason for the War of Northern Aggression was the North wanting to control   in the South.

The real reason for the War of Northern Aggression was the North wanting to control an impressively rendered vagina in the South.
The real reason for the War of Northern Aggression was the North wanting to control deals in the South.
The real reason for the War of Northern Aggression was the North wanting to control gangstas in the South.
The real reason for the War of Northern Aggression was the North wanting to control slipping some handcuffs under the door in the South.
The real reason for the War of Northern Aggression was the North wanting to control eating trash in the South.
The real reason for the War of Northern Aggression was the North wanting to control failure abroad in the South.

User
Politics. The  {Tpcv} Party, is always trying to shove  {n} down our throats. This time it's  .3

Politics. The Legs Party, is always trying to shove the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life down our throats. This time it's questions. Ceaseless questions.
Politics. The Military-themed Porn Party, is always trying to shove the first chimp in space down our throats. This time it's your imaginary friend, Captain Howdy.
Politics. The Fatty Grunts Party, is always trying to shove the ultimate test of cerebral fitness down our throats. This time it's pity.
Politics. The Windmilling Party, is always trying to shove sharpened teeth down our throats. This time it's moving and talking at the same time.
Politics. The Crashing out of a Window Party, is always trying to shove the birth of a male heir down our throats. This time it's a great review.
Politics. The Nosy Neighbors Party, is always trying to shove harem pants down our throats. This time it's dimensions.

User
 {U}, exclusively for white boys.

Just a little something to cap off the night, exclusively for white boys.
Mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores, exclusively for white boys.
An irritated throat, exclusively for white boys.
Popping out of the ground, exclusively for white boys.
The jaws of life, exclusively for white boys.
Intense pain, exclusively for white boys.



White boysnp

Alexander also named a city in India “White Boys” after his dead horse.
They said white boys was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got white boys... and then some!
It’s lucky to touch white boys; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: White Boys Does Bizarre Funeral Rites.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience white boys like I was really there.
The new bill before congress would mandate white boys in all K-through-12 classrooms.

User
Red, white and blue
nc

The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Red, white and blue, black leggings and a virus.
Shepherds in Scotland have used red, white and blue for years to keep the flock from the president’s helicopter.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in red, white and blue.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in an accident. That’s supposed to help me with red, white and blue?!
In the first Battle of a 100 Foot Tidal Wave he faced red, white and blue, and with one great blow he split them in half.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is red, white and blue.

User
Being worse than Hitler
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell raw goose after 8pm, or on holidays like Being Worse than Hitler Day.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady being worse than Hitler with my zipper.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into being worse than Hitler! She’s 62!
No one in Morocco can be being worse than Hitler without registering with the government.
This workplace has gone (0) days without being worse than Hitler.
This year’s hottest new fashion is being worse than Hitler on your head.

User
Firing missiles at Americav

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I'm afraid the president will tickle firing missiles at America.
Our artisanal process ages a squirt of mustard for 3 years, before going right into a state trooper, rapidly firing missiles at America.
Senator, give us firing missiles at America biannually and you’ll get our vote.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about firing missiles at America.
My publisher demanded I remove firing missiles at America from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only an even freakier dude and firing missiles at America.



At work I secretly have  {n} under my desk.

At work I secretly have 60 seconds under my desk.
At work I secretly have all the leopards under my desk.
At work I secretly have my momma’s fatness under my desk.
At work I secretly have an otherwise peaceful man under my desk.
At work I secretly have a burned out wasteland under my desk.
At work I secretly have theatrics under my desk.



The food and yard waste bin is only for  {p} (clean) and  {p} (oil-free).
Play 2

The food and yard waste bin is only for mixed feelings (clean) and mandibles (oil-free).
The food and yard waste bin is only for effective limits (clean) and sex toy directions (oil-free).
The food and yard waste bin is only for females with four teats (clean) and maggots (oil-free).
The food and yard waste bin is only for steers and queers (clean) and side effects (oil-free).
The food and yard waste bin is only for pulsating opposite sexes (clean) and endangered animals (oil-free).
The food and yard waste bin is only for _{nU} is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just _{v}. Sorry. (clean) and 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison (oil-free).

User
I just tripped over this feeding tube going from  {n} to  {n}.2

I just tripped over this feeding tube going from a little sumthin sumthin to my work.
I just tripped over this feeding tube going from a sugar cougar to Morgan Freeman’s larynx.
I just tripped over this feeding tube going from a medley to gangstas.
I just tripped over this feeding tube going from a psychiatrist examining my behavior to breastfeeding.
I just tripped over this feeding tube going from a gut to a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier.
I just tripped over this feeding tube going from Krampus, the child punisher to white men with guns.

User
 {U} gets me into some awkward situations. But   has always got my back.2

A clumsy lesbian gets me into some awkward situations. But the loudest possible noise has always got my back.
Putting up with you gets me into some awkward situations. But dimensions has always got my back.
An elite Korean hacker gets me into some awkward situations. But never being appreciated has always got my back.
The jape of the century gets me into some awkward situations. But a thump on the head has always got my back.
A new reality show gets me into some awkward situations. But a barrier has always got my back.
Intestines draped everywhere gets me into some awkward situations. But a quickie has always got my back.

User
Woman offers undercover officer sex for $25 and  {n}.

Woman offers undercover officer sex for $25 and #1 Dad.
Woman offers undercover officer sex for $25 and a hand grenade in my cereal.
Woman offers undercover officer sex for $25 and anorexia.
Woman offers undercover officer sex for $25 and a mutilated torso.
Woman offers undercover officer sex for $25 and a bear in a trashcan.
Woman offers undercover officer sex for $25 and 19GB of horseporn.

User
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET ?

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
That new mmo is coming out next week and I’ve already reserved my name: xXREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETXx
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
Doubting its validity nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.


User
After the oil spill I went down to the beach to witness  {n} washing up.

After the oil spill I went down to the beach to witness feminine hygiene products washing up.
After the oil spill I went down to the beach to witness unprecedented popularity washing up.
After the oil spill I went down to the beach to witness nine guys you fucked washing up.
After the oil spill I went down to the beach to witness hatred for children washing up.
After the oil spill I went down to the beach to witness a horse’s booty washing up.
After the oil spill I went down to the beach to witness a cornhole washing up.

User
What a horrible day. I lost  {n}, ended up with  , and topped that off by  {v}.
Play 3

What a horrible day. I lost organic porpoise semen, ended up with drinking wine in the tub all day, and topped that off by dying in captivity.
What a horrible day. I lost a novelty gag dildo, ended up with ample legroom, and topped that off by crouching silently.
What a horrible day. I lost a refreshing douche of Sprite, ended up with completely wigging out, and topped that off by getting raped in an uber.
What a horrible day. I lost snotbrains, ended up with burned clothing, and topped that off by getting fat.
What a horrible day. I lost no recourse, ended up with a bear in a trashcan, and topped that off by assuming complete control.
What a horrible day. I lost her first marriage, ended up with gassing, and topped that off by deliberately standing in front of a cannon.

User
SpaceX accidentally launched their new rocket without  {n}.

SpaceX accidentally launched their new rocket without puberty cream.
SpaceX accidentally launched their new rocket without claws.
SpaceX accidentally launched their new rocket without a funnel.
SpaceX accidentally launched their new rocket without a feast of blood.
SpaceX accidentally launched their new rocket without ceaseless chanting.
SpaceX accidentally launched their new rocket without the whole planet.



The sneakiest way to get rid of someone is to use   and hide it by  {v}.
Play 2

The sneakiest way to get rid of someone is to use a crow in a blender and hide it by spinning blades.
The sneakiest way to get rid of someone is to use impressing the most neutral observers and hide it by falling in love with a white girl.
The sneakiest way to get rid of someone is to use circumcising your dad and hide it by being suspended in gelatin.
The sneakiest way to get rid of someone is to use some birds eating all the poop away and hide it by farting while asleep.
The sneakiest way to get rid of someone is to use sex toy directions and hide it by fathering children with a lesbian.
The sneakiest way to get rid of someone is to use 60 seconds and hide it by accidentally hitting your daughter.

User
Like my mother always said, "you can't make a cake without breaking  {n}."

Like my mother always said, "you can't make a cake without breaking a suffering bastard."
Like my mother always said, "you can't make a cake without breaking acute watery diarrhea."
Like my mother always said, "you can't make a cake without breaking Earth’s orbit."
Like my mother always said, "you can't make a cake without breaking aged beef."
Like my mother always said, "you can't make a cake without breaking a chunk."
Like my mother always said, "you can't make a cake without breaking diplomatic support."

User
I don't know how  {v} could lead to   but it probably involves  !
Play 3

I don't know how playing doctor could lead to my nuggets, late at night but it probably involves the elevator shaft!
I don't know how getting impregnated by an advanced robot could lead to the men who helped me but it probably involves bigger problems!
I don't know how running until you die could lead to a launch but it probably involves muscles!
I don't know how wishing your girlfriend would get kidnapped could lead to an emerging sense of national identity but it probably involves touching your vaggie while sleeping!
I don't know how towering above the surrounding terrain could lead to white chocolate, if you know what I mean but it probably involves beluga tits!
I don't know how finishing quickly could lead to a good thing for the heart but it probably involves my mouth!

User
This one was supposed to be a one-fer:

 {U}: 4/7.  {U} with rice: 5/7!1

Bait: 4/7. Bait with rice: 5/7!
Side effects: 4/7. Side effects with rice: 5/7!
Rolling in: 4/7. Rolling in with rice: 5/7!
Animalistic hunger: 4/7. Animalistic hunger with rice: 5/7!
Being pickled: 4/7. Being pickled with rice: 5/7!
A healthy fantasy life: 4/7. A healthy fantasy life with rice: 5/7!

User
getting stabbed in the eye v

You evaded my “Getting Stabbed in the Eye” attack! Most impressive.
Last night I dreamed of getting stabbed in the eye. I cannot shake the feeling that my evil little body will arrive soon.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began getting stabbed in the eye.
If you do it right, claws is all about getting stabbed in the eye.
Senator, give us getting stabbed in the eye biannually and you’ll get our vote.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting stabbed in the eye.



Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is well known for letting a fan rub  {n} on his body.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is well known for letting a fan rub mom on his body.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is well known for letting a fan rub the fuel line on his body.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is well known for letting a fan rub sloppy seconds on his body.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is well known for letting a fan rub a weak spot on his body.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is well known for letting a fan rub unsuspecting bystanders on his body.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is well known for letting a fan rub complex maths on his body.



the female form n

When I think South America, I think of the female form.
How high do you have to be to enjoy the female form in a small angry cloud?
I need help with my computer! I downloaded the female form and now I’m having trouble with a touch.
It’s not delivery. It’s the female form.
For Halloween we’re peeling a wondrous, splendifirous little thing so it feels like eyeballs, and we made the female form so it feels like brains.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the female form.



switching genitalia v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than switching genitalia.
Switching genitalia is the only way to say goodbye.
The White House will no longer enforce The Switching Genitalia Act of 1959. Thank God.
R Kelly fantasizes about switching genitalia with a young Beyonce.
This year’s hottest new fashion is switching genitalia on your head.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got fatty grunts painted on both sides, which some say encourages switching genitalia.



becoming a lady v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a $160,000 diamond, score points by becoming a lady, and closet lesbians shall not be on the field.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen becoming a lady.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began becoming a lady.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Becoming a Lady”! I shook his hand and it felt like becoming a lady.
When legs is ready, becoming a lady will appear.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain becoming a lady?



cruel and unusual surgery nc

At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking cruel and unusual surgery into women’s purses and bags.
Can I get some floss? There’s cruel and unusual surgery between my teeth.
I just dug up cruel and unusual surgery in my backyard! I had no idea this place had a gut.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for cruel and unusual surgery?
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing cruel and unusual surgery down the gopher holes.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got cruel and unusual surgery before every meeting.



The latest smart device, "Hamburo," squeezes bags of  {p} to make  {n}.2

The latest smart device, "Hamburo," squeezes bags of computer problems to make harem pants.
The latest smart device, "Hamburo," squeezes bags of child-bearing hips to make door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
The latest smart device, "Hamburo," squeezes bags of exciting lifetime possibilities to make a button labelled “kill”.
The latest smart device, "Hamburo," squeezes bags of heavy iron dildos to make wicked sack.
The latest smart device, "Hamburo," squeezes bags of day-to-day affairs to make a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier.
The latest smart device, "Hamburo," squeezes bags of _{U} is the spice of _{n}. to make vole milk.



squid nc

On Ebay you can get squid but it comes in several tiny boxes.
Here on the assembly line we heat squid to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is shouldering most of the blame.
That new mmo is coming out next week and I’ve already reserved my name: xXsquidXx
All the best love stories include squid.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about squid?
Furious that I was cheating into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into squid.



Mom's know how to cure an upset stomach:  .

Mom's know how to cure an upset stomach: putting my mouth on it.
Mom's know how to cure an upset stomach: hitting a man out of his wheelchair.
Mom's know how to cure an upset stomach: hiding.
Mom's know how to cure an upset stomach: their white asses.
Mom's know how to cure an upset stomach: the jape of the century.
Mom's know how to cure an upset stomach: a blood-soaked maiden.



When I'm alone I like to imagine  . It really brings  {c} to my mind and soul.2

When I'm alone I like to imagine a one hundred dollar bill. It really brings workplace chatter to my mind and soul.
When I'm alone I like to imagine the signs of spousal abuse. It really brings elastic action to my mind and soul.
When I'm alone I like to imagine mistaking a man for a lady. It really brings ample legroom to my mind and soul.
When I'm alone I like to imagine an old hornet. It really brings more dishonesty to my mind and soul.
When I'm alone I like to imagine a piece of cake. It really brings Jigglypuff! to my mind and soul.
When I'm alone I like to imagine a smooth vagina. It really brings bear sperm to my mind and soul.



I rate   3 out of 7.  {U} with rice however is a 5 out of 7!2

I rate fluids from my face 3 out of 7. A human-sized harness with rice however is a 5 out of 7!
I rate clemency 3 out of 7. The most beautiful face ever with rice however is a 5 out of 7!
I rate a slip of the tongue 3 out of 7. Gangstas with rice however is a 5 out of 7!
I rate death math 3 out of 7. My hater with rice however is a 5 out of 7!
I rate unnatural lust 3 out of 7. A box of wine with rice however is a 5 out of 7!
I rate seed 3 out of 7. People bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm with rice however is a 5 out of 7!



added hormones np

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with added hormones. I barely even felt a certain je ne sais quoi.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of added hormones on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Here’s a certificate for added hormones. I am at your service.
John “iodine” Smith. The genius who brought us added hormones.
Let’s wait for added hormones to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get screwing with pants on.
I could tell added hormones had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.



Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see  {n}!

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see a bitch as nasty as that!
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see my vicinity!
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see bathwater!
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see wet dog smell!
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s frilly neckerchief!
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see a pale reflection!



track marks np

1) A robot may not injure track marks, or through inaction allow track marks to come to harm.
Science never solves a problem without creating track marks.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with track marks.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about track marks.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by track marks around the building.
I’m sure I blew track marks in this napkin somewhere.



doing drugs v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as doing drugs.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s doing drugs.
In the public doing drugs model, a third-party service provider delivers the doing drugs service over the Internet.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s doing drugs.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a motorist jumping and nipping at me from below and even doing drugs.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by doing drugs.

User
Thanks news headlines.

It is disrespectful and dangerous and be  {v} during sex.

It is disrespectful and dangerous and be loving someone SO much during sex.
It is disrespectful and dangerous and be hotboxing a cat during sex.
It is disrespectful and dangerous and be exhuming my wife during sex.
It is disrespectful and dangerous and be hitting a man out of his wheelchair during sex.
It is disrespectful and dangerous and be raping an entire family including the dog during sex.
It is disrespectful and dangerous and be hounding the family dog during sex.



removing the condom v

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about removing the condom, but with a touch!
In my state, removing the condom is a legal right for me and my native brothers.
I’m gonna prove the link between more blood and removing the condom! You’ll all see!
Alexander also named a city in India “Removing the Condom” after his dead horse.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only what Mom made and removing the condom.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is removing the condom.

User
a child hulking out on creatine n

A child hulking out on creatine can only be killed by sentimentality.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of a child hulking out on creatine on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a child hulking out on creatine in the foyer.
A child hulking out on creatine tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
Dagnabbit! I got a child hulking out on creatine all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a child hulking out on creatine.



a sippy cup n

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add a sippy cup to the pan, while stirring constantly.
You spent all your food-stamps on a sippy cup?!
It's dangerous to leave a sippy cup on the stairs.
Sir! We are out of inactivity and poor health, but we found a sippy cup while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a sippy cup.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded real human interaction and now I’m having trouble with a sippy cup.



Doctor! My child has   coursing through his veins!

Doctor! My child has a breach of confidence coursing through his veins!
Doctor! My child has a human-sized hamster ball coursing through his veins!
Doctor! My child has lubricant coursing through his veins!
Doctor! My child has plummeting from 20,000 feet coursing through his veins!
Doctor! My child has the trials of manhood coursing through his veins!
Doctor! My child has bait coursing through his veins!



Oh no! Obama put  {n} in the water to turn  {n} gay!2

Oh no! Obama put hot lava in the water to turn fuzzy handcuffs gay!
Oh no! Obama put a length of chain in the water to turn what makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth gay!
Oh no! Obama put wicked sack in the water to turn an ankle holster gay!
Oh no! Obama put a newer, sleeker leopard in the water to turn a hearty 8-pound pork roast gay!
Oh no! Obama put very expensive gelato in the water to turn a suffering bastard gay!
Oh no! Obama put a playpen in the water to turn several children gay!

User
Old McDongle and his "bok bok" n

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of Old McDongle and his "bok bok".
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of Old McDongle and his "bok bok".
While you’re at the store can you pick up Old McDongle and his "bok bok", in family size?
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with Old McDongle and his "bok bok".
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s Old McDongle and his "bok bok" and I think I believe her!
At the winery tour we saw how they put an emerging sense of national identity and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like Old McDongle and his "bok bok".

User
I'm shoving  {n} in the ground, in hopes that Jesus comes and harvests it.

I'm shoving real life in the ground, in hopes that Jesus comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving well-organized orphans in the ground, in hopes that Jesus comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving a horizontal ass crack in the ground, in hopes that Jesus comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving simple pleasures in the ground, in hopes that Jesus comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving cheering children in the ground, in hopes that Jesus comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving special pube shampoo in the ground, in hopes that Jesus comes and harvests it.



I'm shoving  {n} in the ground, in hopes that  {s} comes and harvests it.2

I'm shoving bodily harm in the ground, in hopes that an angry buttplug for the man comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving a honey bee’s brain in the ground, in hopes that a happy accident comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving a remarkably swift recovery in the ground, in hopes that a man staring into space comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving cops getting high as fuck in the ground, in hopes that that bitch comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving a telescoping baton in the ground, in hopes that no spider comes and harvests it.
I'm shoving a crocodile death-rolling my taint in the ground, in hopes that the pilot, who died instantly comes and harvests it.

User
us black folk np

Daddy! There’s us black folk under my bed. Kill it kill it!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually us black folk.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am daddy juice. Would you like to try our new special, us black folk?
The terrorists will execute donkeydump every 20 minutes until they receive us black folk.
I got so drunk last night that I got us black folk all over everyone and everything.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, us black folk... Sweet! Sunny-D!



The police around here are tough on  .

The police around here are tough on voluminous hair.
The police around here are tough on the king and his family.
The police around here are tough on the normal manner.
The police around here are tough on a “Hey!”.
The police around here are tough on two or three caterpillars.
The police around here are tough on a Japanese woman’s underwear.

User
vomiting gore all over your face v

The White House will no longer enforce The Vomiting Gore All over Your Face Act of 1959. Thank God.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Vomiting Gore All over Your Face Blast!
The patient kept screaming about “vomiting gore all over your face”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and the nanny emerged!
All the best love stories include vomiting gore all over your face.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide vomiting gore all over your face directly.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s vomiting gore all over your face.



full blast helicopter noises np

At LAX travelers were horrified to see full blast helicopter noises spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
How embarrassing! I forget I left full blast helicopter noises in the foyer.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A meat hook with full blast helicopter noises.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under full blast helicopter noises.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Full blast helicopter noises.
More armies need to incorporate full blast helicopter noises into their uniforms.

User
a tectonic plate n

Working on my car I found a tectonic plate had crawled inside the engine block and died.
More armies need to incorporate a tectonic plate into their uniforms.
Back in my day, we only had a tectonic plate for lips and we LIKED IT.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am control of the English Channel. Would you like to try our new special, a tectonic plate?
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a tectonic plate.
Daddy! There’s a tectonic plate under my bed. Kill it kill it!



a 40-meter noose n

Honey, you can’t keep putting a 40-meter noose down the garbage disposal!
Slender and muscled, like even more bees. She was the spitting image of a 40-meter noose.
Dad! I’m all done pitching a god damn hissy fit, so I have a 40-meter noose left over if you’re still interested.
Howdy neighbor, love teaching pseudoscience! Let’s get a 40-meter noose sometime!
Give a man the crossing guard and you feed him for a day. Give him a 40-meter noose, and you feed him for a lifetime.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include the bad cop spice, reduced brain intelligence spice, and a 40-meter noose spice!



zebra steaks np

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me zebra steaks and it’s getting weird.
We couldn’t land because of zebra steaks caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
The water tower looks like it’s zebra steaks from this angle.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a skinless horror and comes with 1 USB-C port and zebra steaks! Groovy!
I didn’t mean to start zebra steaks, it just happened!
They didn’t have another way to kill me at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed zebra steaks.



cat cheese nc

Jesus is cat cheese.
Cat cheese isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put cat cheese in the pillows.
If you kids don’t stop going to Wendy’s, I will turn cat cheese around!
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a cold hearted assassin destroyed and cat cheese killed as well.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was cat cheese.

User
The Earth's tectonic plates  {v} into each other and form features such as  {n} and  {n}.3

The Earth's tectonic plates refusing any help into each other and form features such as dressing and Disneyland!.
The Earth's tectonic plates mothering into each other and form features such as rent-controlled coffins and all our faces.
The Earth's tectonic plates saving all the Jews into each other and form features such as Caesar’s last breath and bitches on the love throne.
The Earth's tectonic plates surviving into each other and form features such as a sign of the times and a complete wimp.
The Earth's tectonic plates acting in an irresponsible fashion into each other and form features such as my tortoise’s heat lamp and abstinence.
The Earth's tectonic plates taking it hard into each other and form features such as answers to all of life’s questions and a flagrant misuse of the English language.

User
suicide pills np

I could tell suicide pills had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in suicide pills in the middle of each intersection.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only suicide pills and B.J. Pussylips come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
My dream house has bellybutton logic built in, an extra garage for suicide pills, and a robustly satisfying fart for the door bell.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up suicide pills on the porch to surprise the kids.
Suicide pills like this is enough to kill a horse!

User
a Steam update n

When the suspect’s car crashed, beets. Mashed beets launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on a Steam update.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with a Steam update.
This new Mario game is weird. You need a Steam update to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying another hurdle.
But I promised I would get my kids a Steam update for Christmas!
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about a Steam update.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a Steam update.



updating Steam v

The survey team detected updating Steam at the work site so I threw joie de vivre in my truck and drove straight there.
I got so drunk last night that I got updating Steam all over everyone and everything.
They didn’t have Indian burn at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed updating Steam.
My publisher demanded I remove updating Steam from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Furious that I was updating Steam into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a roll of toilet paper.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s updating Steam.

User
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with  {n} while undercover .

Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a vacant stare while undercover .
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with the president’s helicopter while undercover .
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a smiling idiot while undercover .
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with nitro-boosted performance while undercover .
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a blood-soaked maiden while undercover .
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a child section while undercover .

User
Always hold on to  {n} to remember me.

Always hold on to a winning blow to remember me.
Always hold on to an active member of the communist party to remember me.
Always hold on to my vicinity to remember me.
Always hold on to killer abs to remember me.
Always hold on to great tits to remember me.
Always hold on to a mushroom to remember me.



 {U} in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Breastfeeding in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A caged madman in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A horrible selection of gay men in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Mediocre tits in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A deep cut in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Sex toy directions in the hand is worth two in the bush.



Don't count  {p} before they hatch.

Don't count inhabitants before they hatch.
Don't count machine guns before they hatch.
Don't count strands of my darling’s hair before they hatch.
Don't count turtles that have to pee before they hatch.
Don't count the jaws of life before they hatch.
Don't count worse people than that before they hatch.

User
choices np

J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of choices.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by choices around the building.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of choices on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
I don’t need love because I’m choices. Sorry mom!
Jesus is choices.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with completely wigging out. I barely even felt choices.

User
Spice it up?


You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on  {n}, or even  {s} scene.2

You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on Pakistani cosmonauts, or even a carefully contained fart scene.
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on the savory gels of her lust, or even the latest fad scene.
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on a 1 cm square patch of skin, or even a wayward dental implant scene.
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on retribution, or even a choir of angels scene.
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on a summer sausage, or even a yappy little dog scene.
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on stuff Asians like, or even a felony scene.



User
buying a child on the deep web v

When I think South America, I think of buying a child on the deep web.
I think that ecstasy was cut with cosmetic surgery for my cat. After one hit I began very, very rapidly buying a child on the deep web.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of buying a child on the deep web.
Buying a child on the deep web tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Undercooked meat, a do-gooder and buying a child on the deep web.
The new artsy indie game “Buying a Child on the Deep Web” is a deeply emotional exploration of an extremely painful sneeze.

User
Qualifications for being a dad:  ,  , and  .3

Qualifications for being a dad: finishing quickly, one more, and casting a hex.
Qualifications for being a dad: a top hat full of assholes, drinking wine in the tub all day, and a pig chute.
Qualifications for being a dad: mostly unused hypodermics, the mayor, and dying in captivity.
Qualifications for being a dad: all the Roman gods, a secret room, and a gentle, flourished spanking.
Qualifications for being a dad: the part you pee into, the peaceful, majestic sugar cougar, and grab-ass.
Qualifications for being a dad: panicking in a Subaru, little turds everywhere, and a ripe body.



a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard n

I ordered a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard privately over the Internet so I can get better at lying perfectly still.
Until quite recently, a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard so relaxing.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Shotgun, a Shovel, and a Backyard” syndrome!
A shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard.

User
chocolate? Or maybe poop nc

A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in chocolate? Or maybe poop.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking chocolate? Or maybe poop onto the International Space Station.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Chocolate? Or Maybe Poop” and it helps me with newer technology.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen chocolate? Or maybe poop.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for chocolate? Or maybe poop.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of chocolate? Or maybe poop came on the screen.

User
crotch soreness nc

They didn’t have a forgotten relic at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed crotch soreness.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with crotch soreness! It’s all here in my manifesto!
God didn’t create me. God created crotch soreness. And crotch soreness created me.
10% of all proceeds from sales of crotch soreness will go to The Real, Actual Witchcraft Foundation.
Pundits agree it will take crotch soreness for the senator to win the election.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into crotch soreness. It was not my lips you kissed, but bloodlust.



Making the best cookies requires   and  .2

Making the best cookies requires a frantic woman and a head full of ideas.
Making the best cookies requires white guilt and a double-meat pizza.
Making the best cookies requires a gut and my tortoise’s heat lamp.
Making the best cookies requires a noodle sorcerer and painting rude words on the cat.
Making the best cookies requires the Easter bunny and the company van.
Making the best cookies requires ill-advised business decisions and writhing on the floor and screaming my name.

User
a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast n

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast and an eyeless face.
CAUTION: Keep a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast jumping and nipping at me from below and even throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap.
Ich bin ein a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast.
The rich aroma of a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast, from the hills of Colombia.

User
earthworms for legs np

When I think South America, I think of earthworms for legs.
Man invented earthworms for legs, so woman invented the mastermind.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of earthworms for legs.
Alexander also named a city in India “Earthworms for Legs” after his dead horse.
More armies need to incorporate earthworms for legs into their uniforms.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: earthworms for legs.

User
The weirdest thing about  {n} is that sometimes even girls have  .1

The weirdest thing about outrageous fortune is that sometimes even girls have outrageous fortune.
The weirdest thing about pomp is that sometimes even girls have pomp.
The weirdest thing about the ultimate test of cerebral fitness is that sometimes even girls have the ultimate test of cerebral fitness.
The weirdest thing about Lord Deathstroke is that sometimes even girls have Lord Deathstroke.
The weirdest thing about Jesus Christ is that sometimes even girls have Jesus Christ.
The weirdest thing about a falling piano is that sometimes even girls have a falling piano.

User
When the aliens arrive I hope the first thing they'll find is  {n} and people  {v} with  {n}.3

When the aliens arrive I hope the first thing they'll find is a loaded gun and people boiling water with the royal baby.
When the aliens arrive I hope the first thing they'll find is the girl next door and people wandering around with worse people than that.
When the aliens arrive I hope the first thing they'll find is a telescoping baton and people mailing anthrax with sock puppets.
When the aliens arrive I hope the first thing they'll find is two firetrucks and people hate-fucking with the godhead.
When the aliens arrive I hope the first thing they'll find is helpful subordinates and people prying her mouth open with the final countdown.
When the aliens arrive I hope the first thing they'll find is your imaginary friend, Captain Howdy and people searching his ass with an unfair coin.



grandpa porn nc

They said grandpa porn was out of my league, but I showed them. I got the egg I hatched from!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt grandpa porn in the sea.
If grandpa porn were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Although moving away from grandpa porn proved effective for schools, the switch to seduction initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s grandpa porn.
Thanks for grandpa porn last night. *wink* *wink*

User
For Farm Days at my school we had a haystack for the kids to search through and find  {n},  {n} and  .3

For Farm Days at my school we had a haystack for the kids to search through and find the rusted chassis of a ’68 Impala, hors d’oeuvres and my hater.
For Farm Days at my school we had a haystack for the kids to search through and find an exploitative sex tape, a Vietnamese landmine and iodine.
For Farm Days at my school we had a haystack for the kids to search through and find a uniquely adapted slave race, a Kazakhstani grandma and driving like a butt munch.
For Farm Days at my school we had a haystack for the kids to search through and find all the food, my front yard and completely wigging out.
For Farm Days at my school we had a haystack for the kids to search through and find a bad landing, sufficient funds and fat guys dressed as Sailor Moon.
For Farm Days at my school we had a haystack for the kids to search through and find an icy tomb, a serious scuffle and a provocation.

User
a love note n

Go, go, Gadget a Love Note!
A love note isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Happiness: Getting raped in an uber, a love note, and a kangaroo kick to the head.
All the best love stories include a love note.
My favorite new band is “A Love Note and Computer Problems”.
A Love Note is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a thick layer of frosting.



I Googled for   and found a picture of myself.

I Googled for a list of names and found a picture of myself.
I Googled for good vibes and found a picture of myself.
I Googled for finding out my first husband was still alive and found a picture of myself.
I Googled for the master race and found a picture of myself.
I Googled for hot biscuits & gravy and found a picture of myself.
I Googled for a 1 cm square patch of skin and found a picture of myself.

User
My spirit animal:  .

My spirit animal: hand-to-hand combat.
My spirit animal: the coal chute.
My spirit animal: Mr. President.
My spirit animal: gunfire.
My spirit animal: a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
My spirit animal: a forty foot Ferris wheel.



getting into the same car v

Is it true that in Nevada you can pay for a lady getting into the same car with the uncooperative dead?
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember getting into the same car?”
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be getting into the same car.
My kid was acting like a child taxidermy video, so I took away getting into the same car privileges.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always getting into the same car. Always.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began getting into the same car.

User
Experiments with "the same"

the same bean n

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into the same bean, get to the front of the line.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is the same bean.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got the same bean before every meeting.
The TSA has made new rules mandating the same bean on every commercial flight.
It’s lucky to touch the same bean; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with the same bean slowly overtaking the buildings.



the same car n

This year’s hottest new fashion is the same car on your head.
The same car travelled over 20 feet after proving she’s a witch.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re the same car and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is the same car.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see the same car spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
Here’s a certificate for the same car. I am at your service.



the same woman n

You evaded my “The Same Woman” attack! Most impressive.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a security guard, with cooties around the edges, and the same woman on top.
Sir! We are out of embers, but we found the same woman while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Until quite recently, the same woman had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the same woman jumping and nipping at me from below and even holding hands.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Cat in a Paper Bag Does the Same Woman.

User
hooking the dog's anal gland v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as hooking the dog's anal gland.
Great job on the proposal for hooking the dog's anal gland, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you an exploding car.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Demonic Possession Co., tapping into the growing market for hooking the dog's anal gland.
Pool rules: No running. No hooking the dog's anal gland. Keep ideas above your station out of the deep end.
Last night I dreamed of hooking the dog's anal gland. I cannot shake the feeling that an elite Korean hacker will arrive soon.
#hooking the dog's anal gland shaming



another man nc

I never expected to be fingered by another man.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with another man.
My mom picked me up another man from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with another man and are ordered to be baseless hatred no matter what.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with another man.
Dagnabbit! I got another man all jammed up in the wheel well again.



User
being re-accommodated by United v

Getting crushed between two trucks while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of being re-accommodated by United.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “being re-accommodated by United” incident in the science lab.
Being re-accommodated by United like this is enough to kill a horse!
The cruiseliner struck a remarkably swift recovery and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with being re-accommodated by United.
The TSA has made new rules mandating being re-accommodated by United on every commercial flight.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider being re-accommodated by United.



a hotdog n

We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a hotdog, drool drops, and my kid sister.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a hotdog.
Let’s wait for a hotdog to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get the first chimp in space.
If you have a dream about a tard, it meas you’re worried about a hotdog.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a hotdog.
The new top grade of gasoline has a hotdog as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.



hotsogs np

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Smacking Your Bitch in Public Co., tapping into the growing market for hotsogs.
If my neighbor doesn’t get hotsogs off my property, I’m calling the cops!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was success, part was hotsogs, and it was crowned with a coked up hooker.
Hotsogs produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under whaling to keep warm.
When the mixture is bubbling, add hotsogs to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
During the war, German scientists experimented with ancient Chinese medicine to weaponize hotsogs.



The best thing about   is  !2

The best thing about like a vial of meth smoke, but not is a sociopath!
The best thing about Axl Rose and his big teeth is not riding a Segway!
The best thing about an inattentive mother is a succulent jumbo prawn!
The best thing about a zealous follower is my extended family!
The best thing about a stain of unknown origin is The White House!
The best thing about Donald Trump’s family is a fifteen-pound newborn!

User
abusing a crack-addicted teenager v

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to abusing a crack-addicted teenager.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find abusing a crack-addicted teenager.
In my wild days I was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with abusing a crack-addicted teenager on the New Mexico border.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and abusing a crack-addicted teenager. There was a report.
The authorities followed the trail of abusing a crack-addicted teenager, leading them straight to the suspect.
Don’t shake a church full of liars so hard, it’ll start abusing a crack-addicted teenager.



Syrian President Bashar al-Assad nc

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to the vastness of space.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced Syrian President Bashar al-Assad with a willful misdeed.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during Syrian President Bashar al-Assad that overturned their car.
All the best love stories include Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.



being gassed by al-Assad v

10% of all proceeds from sales of a creepy marionette will go to The Being Gassed by Al-Assad Foundation.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Being Gassed by Al-Assad!
My publisher demanded I remove being gassed by al-Assad from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
My religion demands that I must abstain from completely avoiding conflict. Being gassed by al-Assad however, is OK.
My new phone looks like it’s being gassed by al-Assad but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Ever since a deal breaker appeared in the neighborhood, being gassed by al-Assad has been eyed with suspicion.

User
I'm angry at the vending machine. I pushed the button for   but  {n} came out instead.2

I'm angry at the vending machine. I pushed the button for a pig in the middle but good people came out instead.
I'm angry at the vending machine. I pushed the button for an alibi but a deceitful word came out instead.
I'm angry at the vending machine. I pushed the button for shaved bears but bad words came out instead.
I'm angry at the vending machine. I pushed the button for a code to live by but diversions came out instead.
I'm angry at the vending machine. I pushed the button for an eyeless face but a clown’s genitals came out instead.
I'm angry at the vending machine. I pushed the button for a perverted, unnatural cavern but a feather came out instead.

User
The vending machine's "debug" menu can be accessed by pressing the button for  , and then the one for  .2

The vending machine's "debug" menu can be accessed by pressing the button for a guy, and then the one for a watchful guard.
The vending machine's "debug" menu can be accessed by pressing the button for a watermelon, and then the one for a mushroom.
The vending machine's "debug" menu can be accessed by pressing the button for his tumor, and then the one for my arm that fell asleep.
The vending machine's "debug" menu can be accessed by pressing the button for hitting a man out of his wheelchair, and then the one for a loss of manpower.
The vending machine's "debug" menu can be accessed by pressing the button for smooth bastard, and then the one for a snake pit.
The vending machine's "debug" menu can be accessed by pressing the button for a sleepy kitty, and then the one for a sugar cougar.

User
During sex I tried to get kinky with my wife and slap her ass, but I hit myself in  {n}.

During sex I tried to get kinky with my wife and slap her ass, but I hit myself in a caged madman.
During sex I tried to get kinky with my wife and slap her ass, but I hit myself in a virus.
During sex I tried to get kinky with my wife and slap her ass, but I hit myself in hot sparks.
During sex I tried to get kinky with my wife and slap her ass, but I hit myself in sufficient funds.
During sex I tried to get kinky with my wife and slap her ass, but I hit myself in a dusty butthole.
During sex I tried to get kinky with my wife and slap her ass, but I hit myself in the most intimate details of your life.

User
Dannon's new yogurt is  {n} churned with  {n}.2

Dannon's new yogurt is loudspeakers churned with a little piece of shit.
Dannon's new yogurt is naval victory churned with a touch.
Dannon's new yogurt is thick pudding churned with my brother, who I’m sure you remember.
Dannon's new yogurt is the female form churned with a tiny Jamaican.
Dannon's new yogurt is a beehive churned with a fluid-filled body cavity.
Dannon's new yogurt is my salvation churned with phantom limb syndrome.

User
hurting me v

You evaded my “Hurting Me” attack! Most impressive.
Hurting me is the only way to say goodbye.
Although moving away from no touching and no sex proved effective for schools, the switch to hurting me initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
They didn’t have turtles that have to pee at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed hurting me.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, forgetting about the whole universe, toilet paper, shelter, and hurting me.
Great job on the proposal for hurting me, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the atmosphere.



The American people can see through your lies and  {n}.

The American people can see through your lies and a novelty oversized foam fist.
The American people can see through your lies and a pinch.
The American people can see through your lies and an alibi.
The American people can see through your lies and a big donkey.
The American people can see through your lies and orange dye.
The American people can see through your lies and a box for your poop.

User
teaching Dad how to ride a motorcycle v

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is teaching Dad how to ride a motorcycle.
Ever since sharpened teeth appeared in the neighborhood, teaching Dad how to ride a motorcycle has been eyed with suspicion.
I went rafting, saw teaching Dad how to ride a motorcycle in the river, no big deal.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with teaching Dad how to ride a motorcycle! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like teaching Dad how to ride a motorcycle.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find teaching Dad how to ride a motorcycle.

User
a real freak n

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a real freak to treat the best of us!
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a real freak out of mainland China.
Let all white moms host your next party, providing a real freak like you’ve never seen before.
Whenever I cook a big, heavy shotgun I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into a real freak.
I buried my treasure under a real freak so you’d never find it!
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a time machine and are ordered to be a real freak no matter what.

User
This is a replacement for the embankment one which doesn't work so good.

I was leaning on  {sc}, which was meant to protect me. It collapsed and I almost fell on  {n}.2

I was leaning on circumstance, which was meant to protect me. It collapsed and I almost fell on a new attitude.
I was leaning on eerie silence, which was meant to protect me. It collapsed and I almost fell on a thorough examination.
I was leaning on a gaggle of nuns, which was meant to protect me. It collapsed and I almost fell on the only thing left.
I was leaning on an ice cream truck, which was meant to protect me. It collapsed and I almost fell on a blinding flash of insight.
I was leaning on less candy than usual, which was meant to protect me. It collapsed and I almost fell on less lasagna.
I was leaning on damage, which was meant to protect me. It collapsed and I almost fell on a battle.

User
Microwave warning label: no metal or  . Cook  {n} at 50% power.2

Microwave warning label: no metal or the coal chute. Cook a dollar at 50% power.
Microwave warning label: no metal or an eyeless face. Cook a disgrace at 50% power.
Microwave warning label: no metal or revealing just enough to garner interest. Cook black market organs at 50% power.
Microwave warning label: no metal or a pig chute. Cook daddy juice at 50% power.
Microwave warning label: no metal or an asset. Cook a healthcare professional at 50% power.
Microwave warning label: no metal or the greatest mistake of my life. Cook a well-oiled machine at 50% power.

User
a bag of earthworms n

Great job on the proposal for dealing drugs, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a bag of earthworms.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Gut-wrenching Testimony Does a Bag of Earthworms.
Chase bank is giving out a bag of earthworms this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
In future times, the children will work together to build a bag of earthworms.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be ointment while I’m a bag of earthworms!
Then God said, “Let there be a bag of earthworms”; and there was a bag of earthworms. And God saw that a bag of earthworms was good.

User
I just want to rub Red Hots all over  {n}.

I just want to rub Red Hots all over hip-hop specifically made for white people.
I just want to rub Red Hots all over love handles.
I just want to rub Red Hots all over most people.
I just want to rub Red Hots all over claws.
I just want to rub Red Hots all over stainless steel plating.
I just want to rub Red Hots all over sex for procreation.

User
I was surprised to find out that   is tuned to the unique physiology of a woman.

I was surprised to find out that all sorts of shit is tuned to the unique physiology of a woman.
I was surprised to find out that seeking death is tuned to the unique physiology of a woman.
I was surprised to find out that sandpaper is tuned to the unique physiology of a woman.
I was surprised to find out that being dipped in Nutella is tuned to the unique physiology of a woman.
I was surprised to find out that big men is tuned to the unique physiology of a woman.
I was surprised to find out that a leopard invasion is tuned to the unique physiology of a woman.

User
a pregnant giraffe n

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a pregnant giraffe.
It’s not delivery. It’s a pregnant giraffe.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Pregnant Giraffe” syndrome!
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a pregnant giraffe.
If my neighbor doesn’t get a pregnant giraffe off my property, I’m calling the cops!
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a pregnant giraffe.



a giraffe pregnancy n

A giraffe pregnancy is the only way to say goodbye.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Giraffe Pregnancy” and it helps me with a human-sized hamster ball.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow A Giraffe Pregnancy?
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced manliness with a giraffe pregnancy.
The female form produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a giraffe pregnancy to keep warm.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with tiny uranium rods. I barely even felt a giraffe pregnancy.

User
I bought  {n} yesterday and now I can't stop doing anal!

I bought something I just hate yesterday and now I can't stop doing anal!
I bought an army of 35,000 men yesterday and now I can't stop doing anal!
I bought bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton yesterday and now I can't stop doing anal!
I bought a girl on roller skates yesterday and now I can't stop doing anal!
I bought a utility belt yesterday and now I can't stop doing anal!
I bought my hot girlfriend yesterday and now I can't stop doing anal!



I bought  {n} yesterday and now I can't stop  {v}!2

I bought real human interaction yesterday and now I can't stop doing things to the body!
I bought a sex swing mishap yesterday and now I can't stop rolling a golf cart!
I bought customs yesterday and now I can't stop writing emo poetry!
I bought funds yesterday and now I can't stop getting wrapped around a tree!
I bought two bats in a giant pair of pajamas yesterday and now I can't stop leaving your friends to die!
I bought Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster) yesterday and now I can't stop masturbating to pictures of dead animals!

User
African American urine nc

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed African American urine up and down the highway.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s African American urine.
During my driving test, I backed my car into African American urine. I still got an 85!
I went rafting, saw African American urine in the river, no big deal.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was African American urine.
There is no revenge so complete as African American urine.

User
live video from your basement nc

No one in Morocco can be live video from your basement without registering with the government.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was live video from your basement.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on live video from your basement.
If you kids don’t stop being shot at while fleeing, I will turn live video from your basement around!
The water tower looks like it’s live video from your basement from this angle.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Live Video from Your Basement!

User
a side fuck n

Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a side fuck! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I tried lady business but it was too tight. Then I tried a side fuck but it was TOO LOOSE.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Side Fuck” syndrome!
For Halloween we’re peeling peanut butter in the mouth so it feels like eyeballs, and we made a side fuck so it feels like brains.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Side Fuck and You”.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen a side fuck.

User
oral passion nc

When he reached the New World, Cortés burned oral passion. As a result, his men were well motivated.
A lifetime of oral passion awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Pool rules: No running. No killer abs. Keep oral passion out of the deep end.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and oral passion in the Philippines.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find oral passion so relaxing.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of oral passion came on the screen.

User
I applied for a job and they sent me a $4000 check to buy  {n}. Am I  {v}?2

I applied for a job and they sent me a $4000 check to buy a strange candy that makes you gay. Am I serving humanity?
I applied for a job and they sent me a $4000 check to buy boiling hot manchowder. Am I catching one in the bum?
I applied for a job and they sent me a $4000 check to buy dryness problems. Am I swindling queers?
I applied for a job and they sent me a $4000 check to buy our fraternity ritual. Am I smashing skulls?
I applied for a job and they sent me a $4000 check to buy camaraderie and shenanigans. Am I being lured into a van?
I applied for a job and they sent me a $4000 check to buy the S.W.A.T. team. Am I human body warmth?

User
Samsung's new phone has   on the back and definitely doesn't do any  {v}.2

Samsung's new phone has a dubious girl on the back and definitely doesn't do any zigzagging wildly.
Samsung's new phone has a blinding flash of insight on the back and definitely doesn't do any negotiating peace.
Samsung's new phone has a dust bunny on the back and definitely doesn't do any smashing skulls.
Samsung's new phone has a chunk on the back and definitely doesn't do any hitting a man out of his wheelchair.
Samsung's new phone has valid reasons on the back and definitely doesn't do any screaming.
Samsung's new phone has the scary door on the back and definitely doesn't do any being nude, spread eagle toward the sun.

User
nearby sluts who want to fuck np

Her inheritance was squandered upon nearby sluts who want to fuck while Cinderella was abused and forced to become mutual benefit in her own home.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with nearby sluts who want to fuck!”
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for nearby sluts who want to fuck?
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to nearby sluts who want to fuck.
On Ebay you can get nearby sluts who want to fuck but it comes in several tiny boxes.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned nearby sluts who want to fuck. As a result, his men were well motivated.



Click here for  {p} in your area that want to get  .2

Click here for spiders in your area that want to get cutting a hole in my pants.
Click here for big pants in your area that want to get an enhanced interrogation.
Click here for animal friends in your area that want to get loving someone SO much.
Click here for the key factors in your area that want to get a crudely-drawn dick.
Click here for ill-advised business decisions in your area that want to get no evidence of any infidelity.
Click here for shame vibes in your area that want to get hot babes.

User
Sure!

Steam or email: superjer@superjer.com
User
having peed vt

At the winery tour we saw how they put a censor bar and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like having peed.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to having peed.
A lifetime of having peed awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value having peed more. Now hold still.
Furious that I was having peed into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into sex toy directions.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between pulling off pants and having peed.



receiving a lot of money v

How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of skin worms, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into receiving a lot of money.
Happiness: A top hat full of assholes, receiving a lot of money, and drugs.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other the steamboat captain, while a man is receiving a lot of money on a galloping horse.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there receiving a lot of money. Gross.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as receiving a lot of money.
When the beef came at me it was like receiving a lot of money.



getting off vt

I’m getting intense pain installed in my car, so I can be getting off while I drive.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began getting off.
Pool rules: No running. No getting off. Keep simple pleasures out of the deep end.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: The southwest corner, getting off and ruining our planet.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from getting off with a broken man.
The authorities followed the trail of getting off, leading them straight to the suspect.

User
doing nothing to stop it v

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “doing nothing to stop it”.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly doing nothing to stop it right in front of their children.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in doing nothing to stop it.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Doing Nothing to Stop It Co., tapping into the growing market for delegating responsibilities.
All the best love stories include doing nothing to stop it.
In this 15th century painting, doing nothing to stop it is represented by a man with a coma for a head.



Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as  .

Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as weight loss.
Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as military-themed porn.
Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as black leggings.
Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as you sick fucks.
Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as cinderblock justice.
Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as the reanimated corpse of my neighbor.

User
satanic pedophilia nc

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn satanic pedophilia, but now for work I’m wallowing in your filth. Go figure!
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from satanic pedophilia, and the eco-glass windows trap in an abomination unto God.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for satanic pedophilia.
If you do it right, a tickle is all about satanic pedophilia.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be satanic pedophilia if I wanted a new family.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of satanic pedophilia whaling.



In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid  {n}.

In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid the baby.
In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid less candy than usual.
In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid a needle.
In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid insincerity.
In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid ionizing radiation.
In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid stunning, beautiful moobs.

User
a cat suffocater n

For my last meal I want a cat suffocater seasoned heavily with the president’s helicopter.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a cat suffocater while I’m a single shot to the head!
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a cat suffocater.
The thief was caught stealing a cat suffocater from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of deliberately standing in front of a cannon.
Don’t shake a pipe bomb so hard, it’ll start a cat suffocater.
A cat suffocater saved is a cat suffocater earned.

User
a scissor session n

Researchers have trained chimps to recognise omens by rewarding them with a scissor session.
I can’t swing a scissor session around here without hitting the ass end of nowhere!
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a scissor session?”
My religion demands that I must abstain from chocolate chip juice. A scissor session however, is OK.
For my last meal I want a girl gone sour seasoned heavily with a scissor session.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a scissor session.



This food is so good it's making   quiver!

This food is so good it's making maximum attitude quiver!
This food is so good it's making dos and don’ts quiver!
This food is so good it's making a Swiss murder suit quiver!
This food is so good it's making fusing together quiver!
This food is so good it's making tits like a smoking chimney quiver!
This food is so good it's making an inattentive mother quiver!

User
vinegar nc

Men, like an Easy-Bake™ oven, go farthest when they are vinegar.
Vinegar! Vinegar! My kingdom for vinegar!
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and vinegar in the Philippines.
Dagnabbit! I got vinegar all jammed up in the wheel well again.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, being dipped in Nutella, toilet paper, shelter, and vinegar.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be vinegar.



my butt complexion nc

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by my butt complexion.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a girl gone sour after 8pm, or on holidays like My Butt Complexion Day.
If my neighbor doesn’t get my butt complexion off my property, I’m calling the cops!
10% of all proceeds from sales of puberty cream will go to The My Butt Complexion Foundation.
Alexander also named a city in India “My Butt Complexion” after his dead horse.
I got an ally as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with my butt complexion?



 {U} really messes up my butt complexion!

Zoo smell really messes up my butt complexion!
Fate really messes up my butt complexion!
Mom and Dad really messes up my butt complexion!
Heartlessness really messes up my butt complexion!
A hot explosion really messes up my butt complexion!
A willful misdeed really messes up my butt complexion!

User
one large prostitute nc

When I get older, I don’t want to be one large prostitute.
My religion demands that I must abstain from one large prostitute. A pulpy mass however, is OK.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from one large prostitute.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began one large prostitute.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy one large prostitute that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is one large prostitute.



In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown  .

In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown inspecting the poo.
In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown David Bowie’s mysterious bulge.
In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown subordinated masculinity.
In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown black leggings.
In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown a falling piano.
In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown mistaking a man for a lady.

User
pooping downstairs v

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to pooping downstairs.
My kid was acting like a dead clown on the stairs, so I took away pooping downstairs privileges.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into pooping downstairs! She’s 62!
Chimps in the wild have been observed using pooping downstairs to forage for food.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “pooping downstairs” incident in the science lab.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate pooping downstairs.



The hottest show on Broadway is about   in the Mormon church.

The hottest show on Broadway is about screaming in the Mormon church.
The hottest show on Broadway is about security clearance in the Mormon church.
The hottest show on Broadway is about a robotic policeman in the Mormon church.
The hottest show on Broadway is about iodine in the Mormon church.
The hottest show on Broadway is about a censor bar in the Mormon church.
The hottest show on Broadway is about that sack of shit in the Mormon church.

User
filling the hole v

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were filling the hole, would you be filling the hole as well?”
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate filling the hole.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of my latest perversion and a mouthfeel like filling the hole.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS WATER FILLING THE HOLE.”
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from filling the hole, and the eco-glass windows trap in conjuring.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced a velvet fist with filling the hole.



swatting vt

Go, go, Gadget Swatting!
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me swatting at the party last night.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of those glorious gams, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into swatting.
If you have a dream about swatting, it meas you’re worried about a blaring fire alarm.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore swatting in a very realistic way.
During the war, German scientists experimented with swatting to weaponize cranberry sauce or juice.



the snout n

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be the snout.
This workplace has gone (0) days without the snout.
Music without the sounds of the snout is hardly music at all.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Snout” after his dead horse.
Here on the assembly line we heat the snout to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is screaming and barfing a little.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with the snout slowly overtaking the buildings.



The fire department came around and complained that we had too many  {p} plugged into  {n}.2

The fire department came around and complained that we had too many sharp claws plugged into innocent women and children.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many simple pleasures plugged into iodine.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many cops getting high as fuck plugged into a choreographed dance.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many demons plugged into a conventional man.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many meaty valves plugged into a small number of trusted men.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many slug trails plugged into hot naughty bodies.

User
not tweeting for 5 minutes v

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with beard stroking went off early, ejecting not tweeting for 5 minutes into the air!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than not tweeting for 5 minutes.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as not tweeting for 5 minutes or pretending to forget.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as an eyeless face, score points by not tweeting for 5 minutes, and soft buns shall not be on the field.
Hark! What not tweeting for 5 minutes through yonder window breaks?
If you kids don’t stop turning tricks on the street corner, I will turn not tweeting for 5 minutes around!



Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in   and while you're  .2

Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in my birthright and while you're jalapeños.
Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in the last breath of a dying man and while you're panicking in a Subaru.
Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in my nuggets, late at night and while you're the seedy underbelly.
Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in Satan’s mother and while you're rhythmic pounding.
Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in a child drowning in a vat of molasses and while you're slappy little T-Rex arms.
Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in a salty sailor and while you're shenanigans.

User
extra legs and spine np

Getting extra legs and spine back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only less lasagna and extra legs and spine.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began extra legs and spine.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Extra Legs and Spine
My house. 8 o’clock. Extra legs and spine.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of extra legs and spine in history, rode into battle atop a pinch.



In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had   removed so she can live a normal life.

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had skeleton hands removed so she can live a normal life.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had useless noodle arms removed so she can live a normal life.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had the final hour removed so she can live a normal life.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had a bottle of urine removed so she can live a normal life.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had sudsy bodies removed so she can live a normal life.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had a positive test for bodily fluids removed so she can live a normal life.

User
not doing anything v

My dream house has all our faces built in, an extra garage for not doing anything, and a furious ding-dong for the door bell.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got no evidence of any infidelity painted on both sides, which some say encourages not doing anything.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there not doing anything. Gross.
I can’t believe you guys went not doing anything without me! Loop me in next time, I want a seductively smiling Scarlett Johansson too!
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of not doing anything.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been seeking death. The snail may have escaped not doing anything by going underground.



The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was  .

The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was meaningless symbols.
The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was a dusty butthole.
The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was the ashes of your beloved dog.
The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was an even stupider idea.
The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was a quality buttplug.
The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was hoping nothing kills you.

User
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out  {n} for free on every corner.

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out some kids for free on every corner.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out dos and don’ts for free on every corner.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a disgrace for free on every corner.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out meaty valves for free on every corner.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out live wires hanging from the ceiling for free on every corner.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a hanging vine for free on every corner.

User
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used  {n}.

NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a touch.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a period.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used welts.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a wiggly meat tube.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a deadly fall.

User
the autistic muppet n

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s squirting acid, with getting snapped in half around the edges, and the autistic muppet on top.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need the autistic muppet and heartlessness.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE AUTISTIC MUPPET SQUANDERING.”
Thanks for the autistic muppet. Now get out of my bed!
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: the autistic muppet.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how the autistic muppet happens.

User
a burning corpse sliding down a mountain n

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the bad cop. Would you like to try our new special, a burning corpse sliding down a mountain?
The rich aroma of a burning corpse sliding down a mountain, from the hills of Colombia.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a burning corpse sliding down a mountain.
In my wild days I was ignoring his responsibilities, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a burning corpse sliding down a mountain on the New Mexico border.
Ever since the incident with a preserved brain in a jar I’ve been haunted by a burning corpse sliding down a mountain.
Her inheritance was squandered upon 100 steps while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a burning corpse sliding down a mountain in her own home.



I'm gonna ride   all the way to the bank.

I'm gonna ride just plain racism all the way to the bank.
I'm gonna ride bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton all the way to the bank.
I'm gonna ride sticker residue all the way to the bank.
I'm gonna ride undressing all the way to the bank.
I'm gonna ride almost everyone all the way to the bank.
I'm gonna ride nature’s candy all the way to the bank.

User
Aargh! I am going absolutely  {p}!

Aargh! I am going absolutely hot babes!
Aargh! I am going absolutely ear worms!
Aargh! I am going absolutely those responsible!
Aargh! I am going absolutely my feelings!
Aargh! I am going absolutely oozing holes!
Aargh! I am going absolutely lots of rattled nerves!

User
starting with the brain and ending with the heart v

Researchers have trained chimps to recognise starting with the brain and ending with the heart by rewarding them with kissing ass.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a uniquely adapted slave race. Would you like to try our new special, starting with the brain and ending with the heart?
In my wild days I was impressing the most neutral observers, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with starting with the brain and ending with the heart on the New Mexico border.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on starting with the brain and ending with the heart.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with starting with the brain and ending with the heart.
Don’t look at me while I’m starting with the brain and ending with the heart! It messes me up!

User
killing again v

Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with killing again.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were killing again, would you be killing again as well?”
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen killing again.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s killing again.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always killing again. Always.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then killing again really affected me.



going killing again v

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A HERON GOING KILLING AGAIN.”
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into going killing again.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like going killing again.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find going killing again.
Going killing again failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a projectile.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me going killing again and it’s getting weird.



the killing n

Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with the killing.
The killing! The killing! My kingdom for the killing!
Back in my day, we only had the killing for a truck full of ladders and we LIKED IT.
The new top grade of gasoline has the killing as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
I can’t believe you guys went doing a bad job at pooping without me! Loop me in next time, I want the killing too!
Give a man a stain of unknown origin and you feed him for a day. Give him the killing, and you feed him for a lifetime.



Last night I was  {v} all over  {n}. I didn't stop until I was  .3

Last night I was throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap all over hot biscuits & gravy. I didn't stop until I was mounting.
Last night I was neglecting a spike all over moral anguish. I didn't stop until I was Mr. President.
Last night I was pulling off pants all over truck stop sex. I didn't stop until I was my Judo bikini.
Last night I was radicalizing the natives all over two F-bombs. I didn't stop until I was fighting your family.
Last night I was negotiating peace all over a pregnant teen. I didn't stop until I was whoever collapses first.
Last night I was making it go back in all over the majestic Humboldt squid. I didn't stop until I was a Hitler moustache.



maximum horniness nc

Music without the sounds of maximum horniness is hardly music at all.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide maximum horniness directly.
At Boeing R&D, we test maximum horniness by connecting through heavy hearts to a special 10,000-volt battery.
Science never solves a problem without creating maximum horniness.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, maximum horniness every single day.
Howdy neighbor, love taking the secret to your grave! Let’s get maximum horniness sometime!

User
moist cream nc

Always walk into an interview with a bump on a log and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate moist cream.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Moist Cream?
When moist cream is ready, throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap will appear.
They said retribution was out of my league, but I showed them. I got moist cream!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into moist cream before repeating the same mistake.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value moist cream more. Now hold still.

User
struggling to get out of the van v

Struggling to get out of the van! Struggling to get out of the van! My kingdom for struggling to get out of the van!
This year’s hottest new fashion is struggling to get out of the van on your head.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of struggling to get out of the van.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a crocodile death-rolling my taint, score points by struggling to get out of the van, and spicy saliva shall not be on the field.
Ribs! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all struggling to get out of the van.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into struggling to get out of the van, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start shooting a rabbit with an arrow.

User
The tutorial is for Counter-Strike 1. Not Source.

You'll need to use the authoring tools for Source instead.

You should be able to export your work as a .map file and then import it in Source Hammer if you don't want to start over.



User
sitting on my head v

Sitting on my head has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Growing up we never had a deceitful word, but we had to deal with sitting on my head, and I want the opposite for my children.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around sitting on my head on the freeway.
Music without the sounds of sitting on my head is hardly music at all.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me sitting on my head and it’s getting weird.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as sitting on my head.



I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for  .

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for homo hot lips.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for huddling in the corner.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for moral ambiguity.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for rubbery, cleaner poops.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for putting on pants.

User
forcing its way into my mouth v

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from forcing its way into my mouth.
My kid was acting like one of the Baldwin brothers, so I took away forcing its way into my mouth privileges.
At the coffee shop they put “forcing its way into my mouth” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re forcing its way into my mouth and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly forcing its way into my mouth right in front of their children.
When I saw a gigantic eyeball on a stalk I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, forcing its way into my mouth, I went white as a sheet!



When I'm drinking hot chocolate I hate how  {n} always gets in my mouth.

When I'm drinking hot chocolate I hate how a tuba full of mayonnaise always gets in my mouth.
When I'm drinking hot chocolate I hate how a condom with Johnny Depp's face on it always gets in my mouth.
When I'm drinking hot chocolate I hate how muscles always gets in my mouth.
When I'm drinking hot chocolate I hate how a stiff upper lip always gets in my mouth.
When I'm drinking hot chocolate I hate how my first time always gets in my mouth.
When I'm drinking hot chocolate I hate how casualties always gets in my mouth.

User
# {-UT} is trending on Twitter!

#A-Squealing-6-and-10-year-old is trending on Twitter!
#David-Bowie-s-Mysterious-Bulge is trending on Twitter!
#Bloody-Hell is trending on Twitter!
#Eight-Sexual-Partners is trending on Twitter!
#Furiously-Caressing-Each-Other is trending on Twitter!
#A-Nutty-Liqueur is trending on Twitter!



gentle stokes np

How high do you have to be to enjoy secret Jews in gentle stokes?
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for gentle stokes.
When the mixture is bubbling, add gentle stokes to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
Gentle stokes! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all banging them in their sodomy butts.
Ich bin ein gentle stokes.
Look, man, I’m not into gentle stokes. But $20 is $20.

User
Mom's face n

I ordered Mom's face privately over the Internet so I can get better at leaving nothing sacred.
Mom's face saved is Mom's face earned.
Ever since the incident with Mom's face I’ve been haunted by this half of the planet.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Mom's Face”! I shook his hand and it felt like Mom's face.
You can’t get Mom's face big enough or 35-year-old high school students long enough to suit me.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from Mom's face.



sloughing off v

Sloughing off is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
You stole a mortal wound from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re sloughing off and you’re going to hell!
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of sloughing off on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of feasting and slaughter and a mouthfeel like sloughing off.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for sloughing off and laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers at the assembly line.
Sloughing off! Sloughing off! My kingdom for sloughing off!



These special lenses help colorblind people see that  {n} is  {v}.2

These special lenses help colorblind people see that the most beautiful face ever is being bred in captivity.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a gaunt face is hiding with your warriors.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the real adversary is wetting the bed.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the deaths of his most trusted men is forcing the leprechauns to breed.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a wet tongue is quitting Facebook.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a lack of ideas is drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull.



ISIS nc

Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with ISIS.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put ISIS in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
Uh oh. I think ISIS just fell out of my bung hole.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be ISIS.
The city condemned our house after finding ISIS in the crawlspace.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with ISIS.



a Xanax-addicted Yakuza tattoo artist n

The best comfort food will always be greens, a Xanax-addicted Yakuza tattoo artist, and fried chicken.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a Xanax-addicted Yakuza tattoo artist. I still got an 85!
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Backup Plan!” You’re cursed with a Xanax-addicted Yakuza tattoo artist until the end of the game!
How embarrassing! I forget I left a Xanax-addicted Yakuza tattoo artist in the foyer.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a Xanax-addicted Yakuza tattoo artist in the sky.
How high do you have to be to enjoy seed in a Xanax-addicted Yakuza tattoo artist?

User
resealing my vagina v

If you have a dream about resealing my vagina, it meas you’re worried about a cow with haunting moos.
Throughout human history, resealing my vagina has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only booze and resealing my vagina.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me resealing my vagina at the party last night.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with resealing my vagina.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into resealing my vagina, get to the front of the line.



cough syrup nc

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then cough syrup really affected me.
The terrorists will execute cough syrup every 20 minutes until they receive heavy hearts.
My favorite new band is “Lips and Cough Syrup”.
On Ebay you can get cough syrup but it comes in several tiny boxes.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not cough syrup like your brother?”
Ich bin ein cough syrup.



A billboard on my way home had a picture of   and the words " ". I don't get it!2

A billboard on my way home had a picture of a surgical rotary saw and the words "getting all obsessed". I don't get it!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of so many dudes and the words "just a coincidence". I don't get it!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a head full of ideas and the words "a mushroom". I don't get it!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a length of chain and the words "spinning like a bitch". I don't get it!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of you, ya dirty bum and the words "birth meat". I don't get it!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of both my ears and the words "ape sounds". I don't get it!

User
Ew.

My mom thinks Elon Musk looks like   crossed with  .2

My mom thinks Elon Musk looks like the yellow line down the middle of the road crossed with God in human form.
My mom thinks Elon Musk looks like a weak spot crossed with firing off the squibs too early.
My mom thinks Elon Musk looks like unknown assailants crossed with my hater.
My mom thinks Elon Musk looks like one thousand scorpions crossed with overzealous product placement.
My mom thinks Elon Musk looks like the associated risks crossed with Portuguese possessions.
My mom thinks Elon Musk looks like a robot face crossed with peeing in the sink.



A little beam of sunshine shone down on  {n} and that's when I was  .2

A little beam of sunshine shone down on Mexican affairs and that's when I was no spider.
A little beam of sunshine shone down on a cataclysmic magic spell and that's when I was a feather boa.
A little beam of sunshine shone down on voluminous hair and that's when I was a hollow shell.
A little beam of sunshine shone down on their own mothers and that's when I was dad.
A little beam of sunshine shone down on bat country and that's when I was my beautiful, transgender father.
A little beam of sunshine shone down on something fluttering and that's when I was being dipped in chocolate.

User
Possible improvement.

Ever since  {n} appeared in the neighborhood, I've felt uncomfortable while  {v}.2

Ever since a truck full of ladders appeared in the neighborhood, I've felt uncomfortable while rubbing my gland.
Ever since an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around appeared in the neighborhood, I've felt uncomfortable while squandering.
Ever since heavy garbage appeared in the neighborhood, I've felt uncomfortable while being lured into a van.
Ever since quiet poots appeared in the neighborhood, I've felt uncomfortable while neglecting a spike.
Ever since Italian financiers appeared in the neighborhood, I've felt uncomfortable while trusting everything the devil says.
Ever since “sexy kitty” mode appeared in the neighborhood, I've felt uncomfortable while ruining our planet.

User
shitting a bowling ball v

Hark! What shitting a bowling ball through yonder window breaks?
Ever since nothing good appeared in the neighborhood, shitting a bowling ball has been eyed with suspicion.
Shitting a bowling ball tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “shitting a bowling ball”.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of accusations, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into shitting a bowling ball.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about shitting a bowling ball.



At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that's shaped like  {n} and can be used for  {v}.2

At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that's shaped like just the thing and can be used for getting too excited.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that's shaped like “forensic evidence” (semen) and can be used for keeping the pressure on.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that's shaped like a guillotine and can be used for shooting a rabbit with an arrow.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that's shaped like a thorough examination and can be used for lying perfectly still.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that's shaped like the king and his family and can be used for doing things for attention.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that's shaped like illegal porn and can be used for eating money.

User
sitting for 15 minutes v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always sitting for 15 minutes. Always.
In the public sitting for 15 minutes model, a third-party service provider delivers the sitting for 15 minutes service over the Internet.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for sitting for 15 minutes?
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with sitting for 15 minutes.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by sitting for 15 minutes.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for sitting for 15 minutes.



188,000 evacuated as California's massive Oroville Dam threatens  .

188,000 evacuated as California's massive Oroville Dam threatens a fat lot o’ good.
188,000 evacuated as California's massive Oroville Dam threatens a bathroom scale.
188,000 evacuated as California's massive Oroville Dam threatens my sexual partners.
188,000 evacuated as California's massive Oroville Dam threatens a length of chain.
188,000 evacuated as California's massive Oroville Dam threatens lewd acts in public.
188,000 evacuated as California's massive Oroville Dam threatens eight sexual partners.

User
visible stink waves np

Wake turbulence, also known as very expensive gelato, is turbulence that forms behind visible stink waves as it passes through the air.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of visible stink waves.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to visible stink waves.
Ich bin ein visible stink waves.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, visible stink waves, toilet paper, shelter, and being the small spoon.
Is it true that in Nevada you can pay for a lady furiously caressing each other with visible stink waves?



Coming down the slope, I saw  {n}, so I swerved hard into  .2

Coming down the slope, I saw an invisible wall, so I swerved hard into a dream.
Coming down the slope, I saw a crack, so I swerved hard into mothering.
Coming down the slope, I saw the man who is stalking me, so I swerved hard into nothing at all.
Coming down the slope, I saw the taste of Rohypnol, so I swerved hard into a bucket of amniotic fluid.
Coming down the slope, I saw a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave, so I swerved hard into unbridled fury.
Coming down the slope, I saw Velcro shoes, so I swerved hard into a bend.

User
handling my mother v

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of handling my mother in its food processing operations.
Pool rules: No running. No handling my mother. Keep a violent sneeze out of the deep end.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s handling my mother.
Handling my mother failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to handling my mother.
Happiness: Handling my mother, a Ouija board, and a healthcare professional.

User
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with  {n} in his lap.

Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with freshly squozen poo water in his lap.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with insurance in his lap.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with a wank in his lap.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with beautiful girl hair in his lap.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with a lovable grandfather in his lap.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with evil thinking in his lap.

User
clicking the mouse v

The thief was caught stealing Axl Rose and his big teeth from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of clicking the mouse.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around clicking the mouse on the freeway.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into clicking the mouse! She’s 62!
The water tower looks like it’s clicking the mouse from this angle.
My kid was acting like friendly nanomachines, so I took away clicking the mouse privileges.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into clicking the mouse, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a head full of teeth.



a big fat blunt, duuude! n

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a big fat blunt, duuude! came on the screen.
The city condemned our house after finding a big fat blunt, duuude! in the crawlspace.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a big fat blunt, duuude! on every commercial flight.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a big fat blunt, duuude! to forage for food.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a big fat blunt, duuude!.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a big fat blunt, duuude!.

User
Garfield n

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on Garfield.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be Garfield if I wanted a new family.
Garfield: It’s nature’s candy!
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re Garfield and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to Garfield.
Apparently, “Garfield” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

User
That looks correct. Congratulations, you are a computer!
User
pieces of Renaldo, my pet lizard np

I got into my car and sat on pieces of Renaldo, my pet lizard. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
For my last meal I want long deep kisses with eyes wide open seasoned heavily with pieces of Renaldo, my pet lizard.
At Boeing R&D, we test much needed supplies by connecting through pieces of Renaldo, my pet lizard to a special 10,000-volt battery.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing pieces of Renaldo, my pet lizard.”
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always pieces of Renaldo, my pet lizard just around the corner.
Pieces of Renaldo, my pet lizard tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.



You can tell it's a fresh rain cuz it brings  {n} outta the ground.

You can tell it's a fresh rain cuz it brings a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim outta the ground.
You can tell it's a fresh rain cuz it brings 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison outta the ground.
You can tell it's a fresh rain cuz it brings a complete joke outta the ground.
You can tell it's a fresh rain cuz it brings sharp claws outta the ground.
You can tell it's a fresh rain cuz it brings a sugar cougar outta the ground.
You can tell it's a fresh rain cuz it brings rude kids outta the ground.

User
A bottle of soda every day has as much sugar as  .

A bottle of soda every day has as much sugar as a death sentence.
A bottle of soda every day has as much sugar as never coming to fruition.
A bottle of soda every day has as much sugar as a falling tree.
A bottle of soda every day has as much sugar as something we assumed to be true.
A bottle of soda every day has as much sugar as just rockin’ that ass.
A bottle of soda every day has as much sugar as beard stroking.



Drinking a bottle of soda every day is the equivalent of  .

Drinking a bottle of soda every day is the equivalent of spinning like a bitch.
Drinking a bottle of soda every day is the equivalent of vile doings.
Drinking a bottle of soda every day is the equivalent of a watchful guard.
Drinking a bottle of soda every day is the equivalent of a disgrace.
Drinking a bottle of soda every day is the equivalent of the moron I hired to kill you.
Drinking a bottle of soda every day is the equivalent of tight clothes.

User
the bacon reserves n

No one in Morocco can be the bacon reserves without registering with the government.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had the bacon reserves removed so he could be a soap bubble.
1) A robot may not injure the bacon reserves, or through inaction allow the bacon reserves to come to harm.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: The Bacon Reserves Blast!
Whenever I cook the bacon reserves I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into ideological differences.
Howdy neighbor, love a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft! Let’s get the bacon reserves sometime!



black votes np

Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a bellow of sympathy and is carrying black votes.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Black Votes?
When the celestial spheres align, black votes will descend from the heavens.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn booms and flashes, but now for work I’m black votes. Go figure!
If you ask me, black votes makes good neighbors.
Black votes isn’t getting old, but I sure am!



the African-American community n

You can’t get the African-American community big enough or beef curtains long enough to suit me.
10% of all proceeds from sales of the African-American community will go to The Potent Neurotoxins Foundation.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about the African-American community?
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of one of every drug in history, rode into battle atop the African-American community.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in the African-American community.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by the African-American community.

User
Jennifer Connelly riding a horse n

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted Jennifer Connelly riding a horse to the vastness of space.
Ever since the incident with knowing hell I’ve been haunted by Jennifer Connelly riding a horse.
I pushed hard enough to snap Jennifer Connelly riding a horse, but some powerful kind of “Cajun style” was blocking the door.
When the celestial spheres align, Jennifer Connelly riding a horse will descend from the heavens.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with Jennifer Connelly riding a horse. So bring acts of piracy.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only large recoil and Jennifer Connelly riding a horse.



User
When the Eulagisca worm wants to feed, the entire front of its throat rolls out of  {n}.

When the Eulagisca worm wants to feed, the entire front of its throat rolls out of the dark place of eternal stillness.
When the Eulagisca worm wants to feed, the entire front of its throat rolls out of leftover McDonald’s®.
When the Eulagisca worm wants to feed, the entire front of its throat rolls out of maximum bitch mode.
When the Eulagisca worm wants to feed, the entire front of its throat rolls out of my innards.
When the Eulagisca worm wants to feed, the entire front of its throat rolls out of witnesses.
When the Eulagisca worm wants to feed, the entire front of its throat rolls out of Mom and Dad.

User
the problem with America n

If you kids don’t stop driving like a butt munch, I will turn the problem with America around!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “the problem with America”.
Ich bin ein the problem with America.
The water tower looks like it’s the problem with America from this angle.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the problem with America.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: the-problem-with-america@spines.net



The problem with America is  .

The problem with America is something I just hate.
The problem with America is smoky chipotle flavored scuba air.
The problem with America is a rap artist.
The problem with America is real life.
The problem with America is a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
The problem with America is eight sexual partners.

User
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for  .

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for that jackass.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for ideas above your station.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for a lack of ideas.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for a guillotine.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for stainless steel plating.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for rubbery, cleaner poops.



squeezing between v

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was squeezing between.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find squeezing between.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Squeezing Between Blast!
My religion demands that I must abstain from a squealing 6- and 10-year-old. Squeezing between however, is OK.
Apparently, “Squeezing Between” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
See now black people walk like barely any swag. But white people -- white people walk like they’re squeezing between!

User
Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I start  {v} before  .2

Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I start attacking everything in your path before a urologist.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I start zigzagging wildly before a good strategy.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I start keeping the pressure on before driving like a butt munch.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I start mopping it up with your underpants before alcohol.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I start dropping an upper-decker before Satan’s mother.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I start giving birth to a prosthetic baby before a predator.

User
wiping it on my leg v

We couldn’t land because of bodily harm caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like wiping it on my leg.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, wiping it on my leg every single day.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re wiping it on my leg and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I’m getting a lie that corrupts the Earth installed in my car, so I can be wiping it on my leg while I drive.
Hark! What wiping it on my leg through yonder window breaks?
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by wiping it on my leg and a squeaky-clean bottom.



I thought I was alone with  {n} but my mom walked in. To avoid getting caught I wiped it under  {n}.2

I thought I was alone with King Edward’s sexual licentiousness but my mom walked in. To avoid getting caught I wiped it under the Lord.
I thought I was alone with competitive masturbation but my mom walked in. To avoid getting caught I wiped it under bed inspectors.
I thought I was alone with mercury poisoning but my mom walked in. To avoid getting caught I wiped it under a wasted life.
I thought I was alone with a pig in the middle but my mom walked in. To avoid getting caught I wiped it under a pussy, wet and dripping.
I thought I was alone with rival anthills but my mom walked in. To avoid getting caught I wiped it under a big, red X.
I thought I was alone with omens but my mom walked in. To avoid getting caught I wiped it under existential ennui.

User
My school is throwing  {s} party this weekend. Come for  . Stay for  !3

My school is throwing an ovipositor party this weekend. Come for a humiliated animal. Stay for the girl in this photo!
My school is throwing a really long nose hair party this weekend. Come for good people. Stay for animal friends!
My school is throwing a sack party this weekend. Come for putting my mouth on it. Stay for getting tickled until you bust a nut!
My school is throwing a pale reflection party this weekend. Come for the instructions. Stay for a tender moment!
My school is throwing not another leopard party this weekend. Come for my secret place. Stay for too much denim!
My school is throwing a technicality party this weekend. Come for like a vial of meth smoke, but not. Stay for just not much food!

User
reattaching a limb v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from reattaching a limb, and the eco-glass windows trap in Satan’s dark snatch.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not reattaching a limb like your brother?”
Help! I’m reattaching a limb and I need YOU to do something about it!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Sabotage, reattaching a limb and a real sonuvabitch.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about reattaching a limb.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other something equivalent, while a man is reattaching a limb on a galloping horse.

User
a way out through the attic n

We couldn’t land because of a way out through the attic caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like freezing solid.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a way out through the attic came on the screen.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a way out through the attic emerged.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value a way out through the attic more. Now hold still.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a way out through the attic for me and my wife.
I pushed hard enough to snap a way out through the attic, but some powerful kind of thunderous applause was blocking the door.



having done goofed v

I didn’t think this house would sell with a crouton in the attic. Anyway, I’m having done goofed.
Throughout human history, having done goofed has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember having done goofed?”
When I saw sea urchins I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, having done goofed, I went white as a sheet!
In my wild days I was having done goofed, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a coming horrific hell on the New Mexico border.
Don’t shake joie de vivre so hard, it’ll start having done goofed.

User
Why do you have to turn this into  {s} situation?

Why do you have to turn this into a falling piano situation?
Why do you have to turn this into a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves situation?
Why do you have to turn this into another way in situation?
Why do you have to turn this into a blood-soaked maiden situation?
Why do you have to turn this into a shard of shrapnel situation?
Why do you have to turn this into a tissue situation?



We're having  {s} situation. Watch out for   and please stand by...2

We're having a cold hearted assassin situation. Watch out for zebras disguised as horses and please stand by...
We're having my brother, who I’m sure you remember situation. Watch out for Christopher Lloyd holding a dog and please stand by...
We're having an impressively rendered vagina situation. Watch out for googly eyes and please stand by...
We're having a cunt slap situation. Watch out for the king and his family and please stand by...
We're having a fluid-filled body cavity situation. Watch out for undressing and please stand by...
We're having an old hornet situation. Watch out for donkeydump and please stand by...

User
non-stop hyper-aggressive super-murder nc

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Non-stop hyper-aggressive super-murder.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find non-stop hyper-aggressive super-murder in the back seat.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me non-stop hyper-aggressive super-murder while we were still in the car.
I think that ecstasy was cut with non-stop hyper-aggressive super-murder. After one hit I began very, very rapidly windmilling.
The survey team detected non-stop hyper-aggressive super-murder at the work site so I threw stylized male violence in my truck and drove straight there.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a leak over my head, but non-stop hyper-aggressive super-murder got in the way.

User
I just googled for "Roman battlesex" and of course this came up:

ducal torque nc

You evaded my “Ducal Torque” attack! Most impressive.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a pig chute in the attic. Anyway, I’m ducal torque.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride every part of the buffalo. It made me feel like I was ducal torque.
Howdy neighbor, love ducal torque! Let’s get a moisture-wicking fleece Canadian sleeve for the penis sometime!
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me ducal torque.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with ducal torque! It’s all here in my manifesto!



Quote:

du·cal
ˈd(y)o͞okəl/
adjective
of, like, or relating to a duke or dukedom.
User
a Charlie Sheen watermark n

I like my women like I like Roman battlesex: pulling off pants with a Charlie Sheen watermark.
A Charlie Sheen watermark has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
When an odd number of titties is ready, a Charlie Sheen watermark will appear.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a Charlie Sheen watermark.
The highest intelligence possible brings a Charlie Sheen watermark to a child’s face.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a Charlie Sheen watermark so relaxing.

User
pretty girls getting killed np

In my wild days I was wallowing in your filth, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with pretty girls getting killed on the New Mexico border.
I got a gentle, flourished spanking as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with pretty girls getting killed?
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with pretty girls getting killed.
I noticed symptoms of pretty girls getting killed, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s distended tubes!” but I’m not sure.
Wake turbulence, also known as pretty girls getting killed, is turbulence that forms behind the power-off switch as it passes through the air.
Ugh. I ate an emerging sense of national identity last night and I’ve been trying to put on pretty girls getting killed all morning.



killing all men v

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Killing All Men!
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of killing all men on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of killing all men came on the screen.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is killing all men.
My religion demands that I must abstain from killing all men. A funnel however, is OK.
Killing all men has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
sweat and dead skin nc

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but sweat and dead skin.
Chase bank is giving out sweat and dead skin this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
If you have a dream about sweat and dead skin, it meas you’re worried about shitty chairs from IKEA®.
For Halloween we’re peeling sweat and dead skin so it feels like eyeballs, and we made zip ties so it feels like brains.
I think that ecstasy was cut with sweat and dead skin. After one hit I began very, very rapidly being bred in captivity.
The authorities followed the trail of sweat and dead skin, leading them straight to the suspect.



Hitler's dildo n

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking Hitler's dildo onto the International Space Station.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then Hitler's dildo really affected me.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS HITLER'S DILDO SPINNING BLADES.”
I can’t believe you guys went twerking over his grave without me! Loop me in next time, I want Hitler's dildo too!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was Hitler's dildo.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, Hitler's dildo popped out!

User
Malcolm McDowell's murder smile n

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy Malcolm McDowell's murder smile one ounce at a time.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with Malcolm McDowell's murder smile.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned Malcolm McDowell's murder smile. As a result, his men were well motivated.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience Malcolm McDowell's murder smile like I was really there.
In this game you get to collect skin worms and craft Malcolm McDowell's murder smile.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt Malcolm McDowell's murder smile in the sea.



Donald Trump's Twitter n

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s Donald Trump's Twitter and I think I believe her!
The city put in new road signs to indicate Donald Trump's Twitter just up ahead.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of Donald Trump's Twitter in the sky.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in Donald Trump's Twitter.
When Donald Trump's Twitter is ready, less lasagna will appear.
It’s lucky to touch Donald Trump's Twitter; it’s even luckier to touch mine.



The press went into a frenzy after Trump's latest Tweet: "Everybody knows      . Believe me."3

The press went into a frenzy after Trump's latest Tweet: "Everybody knows bat country udders a deceitful word. Believe me."
The press went into a frenzy after Trump's latest Tweet: "Everybody knows a crazy cat lady a gurgling anus a human-sized hamster ball. Believe me."
The press went into a frenzy after Trump's latest Tweet: "Everybody knows closet lesbians organic porpoise semen an enormous cushion. Believe me."
The press went into a frenzy after Trump's latest Tweet: "Everybody knows pulsating opposite sexes a carton of expired milk a super-tiny butt hole. Believe me."
The press went into a frenzy after Trump's latest Tweet: "Everybody knows the greatest mistake of my life both ends thinness. Believe me."
The press went into a frenzy after Trump's latest Tweet: "Everybody knows innocent women and children a ripcord a spinning jenny. Believe me."

User
Ellen Paige doing drugs n

Ugh. I ate a leather swing last night and I’ve been trying to put on Ellen Paige doing drugs all morning.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began Ellen Paige doing drugs.
Ellen Paige doing drugs saved is Ellen Paige doing drugs earned.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of Ellen Paige doing drugs.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only mostly unused hypodermics and Ellen Paige doing drugs.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in Ellen Paige doing drugs.

User
I'm really  {s} enthusiast.

I'm really an empty Tic Tac® box enthusiast.
I'm really a predator enthusiast.
I'm really a human enthusiast.
I'm really an impressively rendered vagina enthusiast.
I'm really a uniquely adapted slave race enthusiast.
I'm really a perverted, unnatural cavern enthusiast.

User
threatening my wife and child v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than threatening my wife and child.
Threatening my wife and child isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Experts said that based on preliminary data, threatening my wife and child appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of the winning lottery numbers and a mouthfeel like threatening my wife and child.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A big mean dookie on deck, threatening my wife and child and spongy flesh.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of threatening my wife and child.

User
the absurdity of what we've done n

Amtrak officials confirm the absurdity of what we've done would have prevented train derailment.
You evaded my “The Absurdity of What We've Done” attack! Most impressive.
We couldn’t land because of the absurdity of what we've done caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like the ass end of nowhere.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling the absurdity of what we've done. The driver was being strung up.
The TSA has made new rules mandating the absurdity of what we've done on every commercial flight.
When I saw the absurdity of what we've done I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, pulling off pants, I went white as a sheet!

User
a laser that'll evaporate your head instantly n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a laser that'll evaporate your head instantly, part was hoping nothing kills you, and it was crowned with a predator.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a laser that'll evaporate your head instantly to treat a delicate balance!
Whenever I cook a laser that'll evaporate your head instantly I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into recalled pizza with glass in it.
On Ebay you can get a laser that'll evaporate your head instantly but it comes in several tiny boxes.
Authorities were tallying damage from a laser that'll evaporate your head instantly that struck southern California Friday evening.
Can I get some floss? There’s a laser that'll evaporate your head instantly between my teeth.

User
My dad never took me  {v}.

My dad never took me squandering.
My dad never took me serving humanity.
My dad never took me completely avoiding conflict.
My dad never took me being too busy.
My dad never took me rolling.
My dad never took me snuggling with Ian McKellen.

User
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found  {n} inside. I should take it to  {n}!2

My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found solvent inside. I should take it to original white, straight Barbie!
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found a big, red X inside. I should take it to truck stop sex!
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found quick-set cement inside. I should take it to literally every single thing!
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found distended tubes inside. I should take it to The White House!
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found one thousand scorpions inside. I should take it to cooter muscles!
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found the king and his family inside. I should take it to Yorkshire pudding!

User
It's time to scrape the remains of   off the driveway.

It's time to scrape the remains of being asleep, not dead off the driveway.
It's time to scrape the remains of omens off the driveway.
It's time to scrape the remains of butter sauce off the driveway.
It's time to scrape the remains of lying perfectly still off the driveway.
It's time to scrape the remains of my bruised thighs off the driveway.
It's time to scrape the remains of whaling off the driveway.

User
OK THAT went well.
User
you and me np

Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “You and Me and You”.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, you and me popped out!
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only you and me and this asshole come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
You and me! You and me! My kingdom for you and me!
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, you and me emerged.
I reached expectantly into big pants, but found only you and me.

User
when kitty takes a big dump nc

Every French soldier carries when kitty takes a big dump in his knapsack.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got when kitty takes a big dump before every meeting.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to when kitty takes a big dump, even before I put on my clothes.
The White House will no longer enforce The When Kitty Takes a Big Dump Act of 1959. Thank God.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up when kitty takes a big dump on the porch to surprise the kids.
Go, go, Gadget When Kitty Takes a Big Dump!



kitty taking a big dump n

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for kitty taking a big dump.
The rich aroma of kitty taking a big dump, from the hills of Colombia.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with kitty taking a big dump slowly overtaking the buildings.
My new phone looks like it’s kitty taking a big dump but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by kitty taking a big dump.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Kitty taking a big dump.

User
We put  {n} in your tea!

We put phantom limb syndrome in your tea!
We put a little piece of shit in your tea!
We put a delicate balance in your tea!
We put military-themed porn in your tea!
We put back surgery in your tea!
We put a butt poop fart in your tea!



The hottest new IoT products are putting technology in  {n}!

The hottest new IoT products are putting technology in a felony!
The hottest new IoT products are putting technology in insurance!
The hottest new IoT products are putting technology in a roll of toilet paper!
The hottest new IoT products are putting technology in a useful tip!
The hottest new IoT products are putting technology in a mental illness!
The hottest new IoT products are putting technology in a double-meat pizza!



These new SmartSocks can detect   and prevent amputations.

These new SmartSocks can detect a flip and prevent amputations.
These new SmartSocks can detect horny catgirls and prevent amputations.
These new SmartSocks can detect a pubic tuft and prevent amputations.
These new SmartSocks can detect antibiotics and prevent amputations.
These new SmartSocks can detect slappy little T-Rex arms and prevent amputations.
These new SmartSocks can detect the stillness of death and prevent amputations.

User
my SpongeBob PJ's np

Here on the assembly line we heat my SpongeBob PJ's to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is teaching pseudoscience.
It’s not delivery. It’s my SpongeBob PJ's.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by my SpongeBob PJ's around the building.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking my SpongeBob PJ's into women’s purses and bags.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and my SpongeBob PJ's in the Philippines.
Our artisanal process ages my SpongeBob PJ's for 3 years, before going right into people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm, rapidly forgetting about the whole universe.



letting it rip v

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of letting it rip came on the screen.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with letting it rip! It’s all here in my manifesto!
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with letting it rip. I barely even felt two bats in a giant pair of pajamas.
You evaded my “Letting It Rip” attack! Most impressive.
See now black people walk like a very old jellybean. But white people -- white people walk like they’re letting it rip!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of letting it rip.



During the half-time show, a rip in  {n} exposed  {n} to the audience.2

During the half-time show, a rip in no clean towels exposed a shock to the audience.
During the half-time show, a rip in a man staring into space exposed a girl gone sour to the audience.
During the half-time show, a rip in cuts on the wall exposed a swarm of dead insects to the audience.
During the half-time show, a rip in a better place now exposed the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life to the audience.
During the half-time show, a rip in sea urchins exposed hot slugs to the audience.
During the half-time show, a rip in a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other exposed prey to the audience.


User
a ferret and a bowl of snow n

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a ferret and a bowl of snow.
I pushed hard enough to snap a ferret and a bowl of snow, but some powerful kind of reduced brain intelligence was blocking the door.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a ferret and a bowl of snow, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start the final hour.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a ferret and a bowl of snow.
A ferret and a bowl of snow: It’s nature’s candy!
Shepherds in Scotland have used a ferret and a bowl of snow for years to keep the flock from a savvy entrepreneur.



I've finally got the last of  {n} out of  .2

I've finally got the last of multiethnic genitalia out of long pork.
I've finally got the last of the master race out of bedding.
I've finally got the last of an elevator out of “forgetting” to knock.
I've finally got the last of a festively decorated corpse out of animal friends.
I've finally got the last of a thick layer of frosting out of a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
I've finally got the last of wriggly little worms out of getting infected.

User
Apparently it only took 3 days for Elon Musk to teach a robot to drive  .

Apparently it only took 3 days for Elon Musk to teach a robot to drive large recoil.
Apparently it only took 3 days for Elon Musk to teach a robot to drive hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about.
Apparently it only took 3 days for Elon Musk to teach a robot to drive a big slow boat.
Apparently it only took 3 days for Elon Musk to teach a robot to drive a better place now.
Apparently it only took 3 days for Elon Musk to teach a robot to drive a dictionary for swears.
Apparently it only took 3 days for Elon Musk to teach a robot to drive the savory gels of her lust.



the cat's litter box n

Ever since the cat's litter box appeared in the neighborhood, vole milk has been eyed with suspicion.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing the cat's litter box.”
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of the cat's litter box.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed the cat's litter box up and down the highway.
I need a hotel room with conjuring, and I need the cat's litter box brought to me every four hours.
I buried my treasure under the cat's litter box so you’d never find it!

User
Why doesn't my new phone have a setting for  ?

Why doesn't my new phone have a setting for tipping over?
Why doesn't my new phone have a setting for being suspended in gelatin?
Why doesn't my new phone have a setting for thunderous applause?
Why doesn't my new phone have a setting for an old hornet?
Why doesn't my new phone have a setting for multiple charges?
Why doesn't my new phone have a setting for a human?



someone else's poo nc

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of someone else's poo came on the screen.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into someone else's poo.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found someone else's poo.
Dad! I’m all done freezing solid, so I have someone else's poo left over if you’re still interested.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, someone else's poo... Sweet! Sunny-D!
I love your necklace! It’s someone else's poo, right?



Apparently it only took Elon Musk 3 days to learn  .

Apparently it only took Elon Musk 3 days to learn a long visit.
Apparently it only took Elon Musk 3 days to learn this very house.
Apparently it only took Elon Musk 3 days to learn lubing up.
Apparently it only took Elon Musk 3 days to learn voluminous hair.
Apparently it only took Elon Musk 3 days to learn a caring, understanding man.
Apparently it only took Elon Musk 3 days to learn an ice cream truck.



Elon Musk's human face n

I can’t shake the feeling there’s always Elon Musk's human face just around the corner.
Her inheritance was squandered upon Elon Musk's human face while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a Glasgow smile in her own home.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Nine Guys You Fucked Co., tapping into the growing market for Elon Musk's human face.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, the amount of land in southern Scotland, toilet paper, shelter, and Elon Musk's human face.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with prey and a mysterious boy who fights Elon Musk's human face.
When I saw Elon Musk's human face I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, radicalizing the natives, I went white as a sheet!

User
adding a little flesh to it v

The new bill before congress would mandate adding a little flesh to it in all K-through-12 classrooms.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell butt sounds after 8pm, or on holidays like Adding a Little Flesh to It Day.
Life without love is like adding a little flesh to it without a tribal village or fruit.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Adding a Little Flesh to It” and it helps me with twerking over his grave.
For my last meal I want the hole where the heart once fit seasoned heavily with adding a little flesh to it.
Adding a little flesh to it like this is enough to kill a horse!



a gay vagina n

And my mother said, “How come you’re not a gay vagina like your brother?”
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a gay vagina.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a gay vagina so relaxing.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a gay vagina.
Great job on the proposal for firing off the squibs too early, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a gay vagina.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like a gay vagina.



Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I'm  .

Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I'm a head full of teeth.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I'm hip-hop specifically made for white people.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I'm a submissive sex android.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I'm a falling chimney.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I'm skeleton hands.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I'm slaughter.

User
being covered in bees v

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is being covered in bees.
Thanks for being covered in bees. Now get out of my bed!
Military scientists in Syria found traces of being covered in bees in the soil.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was being covered in bees.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, being covered in bees, toilet paper, shelter, and a gaunt face.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all being covered in bees, right while I’m acting like a child.

User
Instructions unclear: got  {n} stuck in  {n}.2

Instructions unclear: got not a bear stuck in elastic action.
Instructions unclear: got sustained surface winds stuck in the rope my pappy hanged his self with.
Instructions unclear: got legs stuck in iodine.
Instructions unclear: got dudes stuck in mercury poisoning.
Instructions unclear: got a busy bee stuck in tangled memories.
Instructions unclear: got a dog head stuck in an empty Tic Tac® box.

User
You could just punch it.
User
the bodies piling up around here np

Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the bodies piling up around here by rewarding them with lower standards.
My publisher demanded I remove the bodies piling up around here from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: the-bodies-piling-up-around-here@a-big-surprise.net
Amtrak officials confirm the bodies piling up around here would have prevented train derailment.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from surviving with the bodies piling up around here.
The bodies piling up around here is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.



filling my mouth v

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a deceitful word over my head, but filling my mouth got in the way.
Dad! I’m all done filling my mouth, so I have an extra kid left over if you’re still interested.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a gaunt face, sloth, wrath, filling my mouth, and pride.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and filling my mouth. There was a report.
For my last meal I want a secret exit seasoned heavily with filling my mouth.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me filling my mouth at the party last night.



My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti  {-U}-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and  {n}.2

My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Butter-sauce-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and no wheelchair access.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti A-sassy-male-news-reporter-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and filthy underpants.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Squandering-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and oiled thighs.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti High-heels-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a close friend.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti The-treasure-box-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a willful misdeed.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Pity-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a ghastly folly.

User
Fidel Castro's beard and hat nc

A social skill is any skill facilitating Fidel Castro's beard and hat with others.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got Fidel Castro's beard and hat before every meeting.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of Fidel Castro's beard and hat.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being Fidel Castro's beard and hat.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found Fidel Castro's beard and hat in the walls at my office.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using skirting around the edges to treat Fidel Castro's beard and hat!



They put in one of those Gentleman's coffee stands up the street where the girls don't have  {n}.

They put in one of those Gentleman's coffee stands up the street where the girls don't have boiling water.
They put in one of those Gentleman's coffee stands up the street where the girls don't have expulsion.
They put in one of those Gentleman's coffee stands up the street where the girls don't have a pubic tuft.
They put in one of those Gentleman's coffee stands up the street where the girls don't have whatEVER.
They put in one of those Gentleman's coffee stands up the street where the girls don't have shame.
They put in one of those Gentleman's coffee stands up the street where the girls don't have all the leopards.


User
a lubed-up hairless cat n

The survey team detected firemen with a trampoline at the work site so I threw a lubed-up hairless cat in my truck and drove straight there.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a $160,000 diamond, part was the last great American, and it was crowned with a lubed-up hairless cat.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a lubed-up hairless cat.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a lubed-up hairless cat. I still got an 85!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a lubed-up hairless cat in a very realistic way.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a lubed-up hairless cat, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start like a vial of meth smoke, but not.



Gather round, family, it's time to hang   on the Christmas tree.

Gather round, family, it's time to hang this sentence on the Christmas tree.
Gather round, family, it's time to hang blacking out and making a sex sound on the Christmas tree.
Gather round, family, it's time to hang your idiot ideas on the Christmas tree.
Gather round, family, it's time to hang an extremely uncomfortable mattress on the Christmas tree.
Gather round, family, it's time to hang a stolen Army helicopter on the Christmas tree.
Gather round, family, it's time to hang a garbage disposal on the Christmas tree.

User
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out  {n} each day, put  {n} in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.2

Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out a real sonuvabitch each day, put the world’s fastest pump in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out a provocation each day, put an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out the associated risks each day, put insipid fools in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out a useful tip each day, put unsuspecting bystanders in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out swamp ass each day, put a silent, anonymous encounter in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out a cattle pen and a horse corral each day, put pulsating opposite sexes in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.



To change kitty's litter: grab  {n}, dig out any clumps, and refill with  .2

To change kitty's litter: grab a fistful of glitter, dig out any clumps, and refill with a girl gone sour.
To change kitty's litter: grab intestines draped everywhere, dig out any clumps, and refill with creatures.
To change kitty's litter: grab effective limits, dig out any clumps, and refill with every step of the way.
To change kitty's litter: grab most of my blood, dig out any clumps, and refill with cautionary tales.
To change kitty's litter: grab the reason this happened, dig out any clumps, and refill with dressing.
To change kitty's litter: grab meaty valves, dig out any clumps, and refill with death math.

User
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called  {p}, are the passages for  {n} to flow.2

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called passive-aggressive tendencies, are the passages for what we asked for to flow.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton, are the passages for my golden goose to flow.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called cautionary tales, are the passages for a burst of energy to flow.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called fat guys dressed as Sailor Moon, are the passages for not quite enough lube to flow.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called an owl infestation, are the passages for a mistake to flow.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called beets. Mashed beets, are the passages for a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier to flow.



Play classic NES games the way they were meant to be played--on  {n}.

Play classic NES games the way they were meant to be played--on a crazed gunman.
Play classic NES games the way they were meant to be played--on a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs.
Play classic NES games the way they were meant to be played--on homo hot lips.
Play classic NES games the way they were meant to be played--on Her Majesty, the Queen.
Play classic NES games the way they were meant to be played--on feigned sympathy.
Play classic NES games the way they were meant to be played--on repair service.

User
questions. Ceaseless questions np

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at your lifestyle and my card appeared in questions. Ceaseless questions!
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of questions. Ceaseless questions.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a corresponding rise in wages, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start questions. Ceaseless questions.
Go, go, Gadget Questions. Ceaseless Questions!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded questions. Ceaseless questions and now I’m having trouble with a bucket.
If you have a dream about questions. Ceaseless questions, it meas you’re worried about chafing jeans.

User
I just signed up for a Kickstarter where they're making  {n}, but portable and connected to  {n}!2

I just signed up for a Kickstarter where they're making an otherwise peaceful man, but portable and connected to a makeshift defensive structure!
I just signed up for a Kickstarter where they're making gross mystery meat, but portable and connected to a screaming dog!
I just signed up for a Kickstarter where they're making a wasted life, but portable and connected to the ’80s!
I just signed up for a Kickstarter where they're making toned thighs, but portable and connected to girl problems!
I just signed up for a Kickstarter where they're making a head full of ideas, but portable and connected to questions. Ceaseless questions!
I just signed up for a Kickstarter where they're making space Nazis, but portable and connected to vandalism!

User
The hottest new crptocurrency is " {U-}-coin" -- but it can only be used to purchase  {n}!2

The hottest new crptocurrency is "Another-hole-in-the-head-coin" -- but it can only be used to purchase a single shot to the head!
The hottest new crptocurrency is "Accidentally-decking-a-cop-in-the-head-coin" -- but it can only be used to purchase a gentleman with the tummy grumbles!
The hottest new crptocurrency is "Schizo-Batman-coin" -- but it can only be used to purchase some kind of bizarre barbecue CPR!
The hottest new crptocurrency is "Zoo-smell-coin" -- but it can only be used to purchase fly honeys!
The hottest new crptocurrency is "Eels-coin" -- but it can only be used to purchase my golden goose!
The hottest new crptocurrency is "All-the-time-coin" -- but it can only be used to purchase the coal chute!

User
peach vodka nc

At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have peach vodka! Some of us just want little turds everywhere.”
This workplace has gone (0) days without peach vodka.
At the coffee shop they put “peach vodka” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I need a hotel room with peach vodka, and I need a system of tunnels leading to key locations brought to me every four hours.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking peach vodka into women’s purses and bags.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell peach vodka after 8pm, or on holidays like Mexican Affairs Day.



The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of  {n}, ginger beer, and a squeeze of  {n}. Serve in  {n}.3

The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of my secret sex gymnasium, ginger beer, and a squeeze of Mr. President. Serve in more blood.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of Satan’s latest abomination, ginger beer, and a squeeze of the deceased. Serve in a gurgling anus.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a hidden pancake, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a chip off the ol’ block. Serve in non-union scabs!.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of too much wiggling, ginger beer, and a squeeze of exciting lifetime possibilities. Serve in outrageous fortune.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of your only white friend, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a novelty oversized foam fist. Serve in tainted love.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a puffy penis costume, ginger beer, and a squeeze of an eyebrow. Serve in the egg I hatched from.

User
posting a picture of your poop v

For science class we went on a field trip to see how posting a picture of your poop happens.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me posting a picture of your poop at the party last night.
But of the tree of posting a picture of your poop you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like posting a picture of your poop.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re posting a picture of your poop and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I’m late to my meeting for posting a picture of your poop.



The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of  .

The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of someone.
The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of thinking about spiders.
The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of rumpy pumpy.
The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of water.
The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of just not much food.
The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of a bottle of urine.

User
You're breaking the new rules... >:(

the Internet Police np

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with muscles. I barely even felt the Internet Police.
How high do you have to be to enjoy the Internet Police in a lack of ideas?
Ich bin ein the Internet Police.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as good people equipped with the Internet Police.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen the Internet Police.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through the Internet Police!



While I was out the Roomba got into  {n} and was  {v}.2

While I was out the Roomba got into the best of us and was giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
While I was out the Roomba got into both emissaries and was dropping an upper-decker.
While I was out the Roomba got into kevlar underwear and was delegating responsibilities.
While I was out the Roomba got into funds and was tumbling down a mountain.
While I was out the Roomba got into a pussy, wet and dripping and was spreading disease.
While I was out the Roomba got into an earthworm and was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass.

User
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped  {n} in the toilet and touched  {n} on the wall.2

In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped friends that can keep a secret in the toilet and touched the taxpayers on the wall.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped my SIM card in the toilet and touched a new Wes Anderson movie on the wall.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped attention in the toilet and touched three babies in a backpack on the wall.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped the part you pee into in the toilet and touched a basket of kittens on the wall.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a noodle sorcerer in the toilet and touched Princess Perfect on the wall.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped bodily fluids in the toilet and touched hotdog grade “meat” on the wall.

User
dripping black ink vnc

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by dripping black ink around the building.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk dripping black ink.
A lifetime of dripping black ink awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a creepy marionette removed so he could be dripping black ink.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, dripping black ink emerged.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of dripping black ink.



The shockwave from   at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused   in the streets.2

The shockwave from Axl Rose and his big teeth at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused installing an update in the streets.
The shockwave from a lie that corrupts the Earth at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused harem pants in the streets.
The shockwave from a tiny Jamaican at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused never being appreciated in the streets.
The shockwave from having no retort at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused beans on toast in the streets.
The shockwave from a French knight at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused a Turkish wedding in the streets.
The shockwave from our desire at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused Pakistani cosmonauts in the streets.

User
I like   like I like my coffee:  , put in a sack, and dragged across  {n}.3

I like trusting everything the devil says like I like my coffee: my unwanted child, put in a sack, and dragged across good, Christian values.
I like a tiny Jamaican like I like my coffee: killers, put in a sack, and dragged across ample legroom.
I like the jaws of life like I like my coffee: your lifestyle, put in a sack, and dragged across membranes.
I like joining the Army in a panic like I like my coffee: a slut who deserved it, put in a sack, and dragged across feigned sympathy.
I like a trap like I like my coffee: twiddly fingers, put in a sack, and dragged across the last breath of a dying man.
I like a cat, but upside down like I like my coffee: bad math, put in a sack, and dragged across very expensive gelato.

User
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still  !

I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still untameable wildlings!
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still many people!
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still barely in the butthole!
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still not a bear!
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still like a vial of meth smoke, but not!
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still juicing up!

User
I scream, you scream,  ,  !2

I scream, you scream, untameable wildlings, a girl gone sour!
I scream, you scream, a sign of the times, a refreshing douche of Sprite!
I scream, you scream, birth meat, my front yard!
I scream, you scream, some prick, “that feeling”!
I scream, you scream, screaming and barfing a little, anorexia!
I scream, you scream, I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them, heavy iron dildos!

User
my moment of need n

My publisher demanded I remove my moment of need from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Go, go, Gadget My Moment of Need!
I refuse to roleplay as anything but my moment of need.
Until quite recently, my moment of need had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created my moment of need.
Thanks for my moment of need last night. *wink* *wink*



a moment of need n

We couldn’t land because of a blaring fire alarm caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like a moment of need.
Amtrak officials confirm a moment of need would have prevented train derailment.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a moment of need to treat some kids!
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a moment of need straddled by a snack.
When I saw a moment of need I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, sweating, groaning and screaming, I went white as a sheet!
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Moment of Need Blast!



Watergate n

When the mixture is bubbling, add Watergate to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Watergate Does a Death Sentence.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the latest fad went off early, ejecting Watergate into the air!
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring Watergate.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were Watergate, would you be Watergate as well?”
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at Watergate and my card appeared in nine guys you fucked!



Nixon resigned after covering up   at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.

Nixon resigned after covering up each hole, sequentially at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.
Nixon resigned after covering up orange dye at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.
Nixon resigned after covering up big pants at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.
Nixon resigned after covering up unsuspecting bystanders at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.
Nixon resigned after covering up struggling with a police officer at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.
Nixon resigned after covering up a rough testicle at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.


User
my muffler nc

At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as my muffler surfaced from below.
My muffler saved is my muffler earned.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of my muffler.
How high do you have to be to enjoy a new Wes Anderson movie in my muffler?
My muffler is the only way to say goodbye.
You stole my mouth from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re my muffler and you’re going to hell!



my middle pocket nc

Her inheritance was squandered upon my middle pocket while Cinderella was abused and forced to become all this shit in her own home.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with my middle pocket hanging in the window.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my middle pocket came on the screen.
The rich aroma of my middle pocket, from the hills of Colombia.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build my middle pocket for me and my wife.
The terrorists will execute my middle pocket every 20 minutes until they receive a demonic religious lie.



I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from  {n} age.

I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from the baby age.
I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from an extremely tense spring age.
I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from a leopard invasion age.
I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from a bruised ego age.
I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from scoring age.
I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from a dollar age.

User
90 people living in 20 bungalows np

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by 90 people living in 20 bungalows.
The new top grade of gasoline has 90 people living in 20 bungalows as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
Last night I dreamed of 90 people living in 20 bungalows. I cannot shake the feeling that children’s toys will arrive soon.
Ugh. I ate 90 people living in 20 bungalows last night and I’ve been trying to put on 100% plastic adult toys all morning.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have 90 people living in 20 bungalows.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as 90 people living in 20 bungalows.



New Rule! Always include a black card. I don't care how bad it is! We'll fix it or throw it out.

At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents,  {s}, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for  .2

At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a crazy cat lady, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for undercooked meat.
At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, the working man, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for smacking your bitch in public.
At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, my swollen jaw, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for a lasting mark.
At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a sleepy kitty, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for a tight fit.
At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a telescoping baton, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for bad words.
At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a hungry Eskimo, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for pulling on my butthole hairs.

User
And is done!

User
New paint a thing

User
basic needs np

I got into my car and sat on basic needs. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
All the best love stories include basic needs.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about basic needs and juicing up. Should I talk to him?
My religion demands that I must abstain from a good strategy. Basic needs however, is OK.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took basic needs to the funeral.
I need a hotel room with basic needs, and I need a caged madman brought to me every four hours.



my basic needs np

If you have a dream about the taste of Rohypnol, it meas you’re worried about my basic needs.
Life without love is like bodily harm without my basic needs or fruit.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with my basic needs slowly overtaking the buildings.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to my basic needs.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of my basic needs threatening my mom.
For my last meal I want my basic needs seasoned heavily with eating money.

User
Or?

I must consume as much of  {n} as possible so I can be complete.

I must consume as much of a giant eraser as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much of new rules from on high as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much of the master race as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much of a real value as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much of a big dang deal as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much of Satan’s latest abomination as possible so I can be complete.



All morning I've been untangling the cords for   behind my desk.

All morning I've been untangling the cords for a hardened native warrior behind my desk.
All morning I've been untangling the cords for more blood behind my desk.
All morning I've been untangling the cords for white chocolate, if you know what I mean behind my desk.
All morning I've been untangling the cords for a sex swing mishap behind my desk.
All morning I've been untangling the cords for a lamprey infestation behind my desk.
All morning I've been untangling the cords for a well-rehearsed lie behind my desk.



getting jellied v

At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a furious ding-dong before getting jellied.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from getting jellied, and the eco-glass windows trap in a piece of lint near my vagina.
Don’t shake a Ouija board so hard, it’ll start getting jellied.
The TSA has made new rules mandating getting jellied on every commercial flight.
Music without the sounds of getting jellied is hardly music at all.
All the best love stories include getting jellied.

User
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got  {n} out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got crotchless panties out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a tacky, god-awful facelift out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a pulpy mass out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got solutions out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got no minors out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!

User
a fat, dripping ribbon of whitish sludge n

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a fat, dripping ribbon of whitish sludge came on the screen.
My kid was acting like a fat, dripping ribbon of whitish sludge, so I took away everything you’ve always wanted privileges.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Fat, Dripping Ribbon of Whitish Sludge” after his dead horse.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a fat, dripping ribbon of whitish sludge.
Amtrak officials confirm a fat, dripping ribbon of whitish sludge would have prevented train derailment.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A fat, dripping ribbon of whitish sludge.



my front fat nc

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for my front fat?
I refuse to roleplay as anything but my front fat.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put my front fat in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing my front fat, since we’re so good at it.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my front fat. It was not my lips you kissed, but your only white friend.
My front fat has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
longer and longer pipes np

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate longer and longer pipes.
I was so surprised to see the first chimp in space that longer and longer pipes fell out of my mouth.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found longer and longer pipes in the walls at my office.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of longer and longer pipes.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up longer and longer pipes on the porch to surprise the kids.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was longer and longer pipes.



longer and longer poops np

A lifetime of longer and longer poops awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by longer and longer poops.
You spent all your food-stamps on longer and longer poops?!
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for longer and longer poops.
Howdy neighbor, love hot sparks! Let’s get longer and longer poops sometime!
My kid was acting like curses, so I took away longer and longer poops privileges.

User
"Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Well, when there's  {n} in love with   very much..."2

"Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Well, when there's the final hour in love with an ankle holster very much..."
"Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Well, when there's a grape in a condom in love with a zealous follower very much..."
"Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Well, when there's Taco Bell® in love with exciting lifetime possibilities very much..."
"Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Well, when there's the only thing left in love with the heart very much..."
"Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Well, when there's turtles that have to pee in love with turning tricks on the street corner very much..."
"Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Well, when there's the NAACP in love with the pelvis very much..."

User
A good description of sex, suitable for children:  {U};  ;  .3

A good description of sex, suitable for children: A crazy cat lady; mounting; tiny uranium rods.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: A gentleman with the tummy grumbles; the seedy underbelly; heavy hearts.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: A roll of toilet paper; porkin’; a dead cat.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: A useful tip; witnesses; The Super Buttsex Arena.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Undulating rhythmically; 50 years; hot babes.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: A quality buttplug; 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars; sacrificing the homeless.

User
The HOA says I can't raise  {n} on my property. Meanwhile no word about   at the Jones's!2

The HOA says I can't raise a clever bastard on my property. Meanwhile no word about aged beef at the Jones's!
The HOA says I can't raise a loaded gun on my property. Meanwhile no word about sharpened teeth at the Jones's!
The HOA says I can't raise feasting and slaughter on my property. Meanwhile no word about a plump, lazy hyena at the Jones's!
The HOA says I can't raise hyperactive legs on my property. Meanwhile no word about a wet burst at the Jones's!
The HOA says I can't raise barely in the butthole on my property. Meanwhile no word about the first chimp in space at the Jones's!
The HOA says I can't raise an effigy on my property. Meanwhile no word about my taxidermied daughter at the Jones's!



Kraft Foods np

Is it true that in Nevada you can pay for a lady sewing it shut with Kraft Foods?
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s Kraft Foods straddled by you, ya dirty bum.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am barely any swag. Would you like to try our new special, Kraft Foods?
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a Russian bride. It was not my lips you kissed, but Kraft Foods.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with Kraft Foods.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Kraft Foods” syndrome!

User
going back to bed v

I think that ecstasy was cut with meaningless symbols. After one hit I began very, very rapidly going back to bed.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a molecule while I’m going back to bed!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began going back to bed.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of going back to bed in its food processing operations.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but going back to bed.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of my alter ego-loving bot that hates going back to bed.

User
I make  {n} for my cat by  {v} with  {n}. Oreo loves it!3

I make a watermelon for my cat by doing your best and trying your hardest with cardiac arrest. Oreo loves it!
I make the child-parent relationship for my cat by catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass with a deep cut. Oreo loves it!
I make papal taxation for my cat by seeking death with Lord Deathstroke. Oreo loves it!
I make a guy for my cat by wet like grandma does it with the steamboat captain. Oreo loves it!
I make mixed feelings for my cat by placing yourself above others with the ’80s. Oreo loves it!
I make a mind such as yours for my cat by tipping over with the most beautiful face ever. Oreo loves it!

User
making salad for your cat v

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore making salad for your cat in a very realistic way.
I like my women like I like making salad for your cat: providing unscrupulous advice with this half of the planet.
When I get older, I don’t want to be making salad for your cat.
In a world with a quick one diddling, one man must overcome making salad for your cat. Coming this summer.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was making salad for your cat.
My nightly ritual involves making salad for your cat, distended tubes, and finally strength just as I fall asleep.



I make my own salad for my cat by  {v} with  {n}. Oreo loves it!2

I make my own salad for my cat by untwisting with something even wetter. Oreo loves it!
I make my own salad for my cat by peeing crabs with the orbital socket. Oreo loves it!
I make my own salad for my cat by slapping everything with the big ol’ boys. Oreo loves it!
I make my own salad for my cat by riding your bike down the Luxor with a cage built for an autistic student. Oreo loves it!
I make my own salad for my cat by bedding with Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism. Oreo loves it!
I make my own salad for my cat by getting busy with Satan’s latest abomination. Oreo loves it!

User
a surprise dump n

Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a surprise dump.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a surprise dump.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a surprise dump.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a surprise dump.”
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Surprise Dump”! I shook his hand and it felt like a surprise dump.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded an odd number of titties and now I’m having trouble with a surprise dump.



At the Amazon Go store you can grab  {n} and walk right out the door without  {v}.2

At the Amazon Go store you can grab real life and walk right out the door without punching a hole in the roof.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a coming horrific hell and walk right out the door without explaining things to children.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a violent episode and walk right out the door without blowing chunks.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab strength and walk right out the door without taking a flying leap.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a big donkey and walk right out the door without adults eating teenagers alive.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab live wires hanging from the ceiling and walk right out the door without sewing it shut.

User
 {U} is known to the state of California to cause cancer.

Two F-bombs is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
Mumbo jumbo is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
A gash is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
A fisherman is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
The most humane action is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
A gold ingot is known to the state of California to cause cancer.

User
People in Taiwan are getting  {n} implanted in their bodies for  {v}.2

People in Taiwan are getting greed, secrets, poison and murder implanted in their bodies for inspecting the poo.
People in Taiwan are getting a way rude hunger implanted in their bodies for drilling into the brain.
People in Taiwan are getting a listless wasp implanted in their bodies for springing into action.
People in Taiwan are getting a carafe of broccoli chowder implanted in their bodies for chugging NyQuil™.
People in Taiwan are getting a bag of duck vaginas implanted in their bodies for getting HUGE.
People in Taiwan are getting a girl on roller skates implanted in their bodies for finishing quickly.



Christmas n

Christmas isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me Christmas while we were still in the car.
For my last meal I want scary men seasoned heavily with Christmas.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with Christmas.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt Christmas in the sea.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began Christmas.

User
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and  {n} came rolling after him, but he escaped by  {v}!2

Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and friends that can keep a secret came rolling after him, but he escaped by subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife!
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and sizzling lard came rolling after him, but he escaped by being fucking dead!
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and helpful subordinates came rolling after him, but he escaped by crouching silently!
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and vacuous remarks came rolling after him, but he escaped by panicking in a Subaru!
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a crazy cat lady came rolling after him, but he escaped by doing it RIGHT this time!!
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a snack came rolling after him, but he escaped by neglecting a spike!

User
plumes np

In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of plumes.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, plumes, toilet paper, shelter, and none more.
Give a man plumes and you feed him for a day. Give him toned thighs, and you feed him for a lifetime.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am plumes. Would you like to try our new special, explaining things to children?
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “plumes.”
How embarrassing! I forget I left plumes in the foyer.



These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be  {v} and where does  {n} come in?2

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be finishing quickly and where does a frantic woman come in?
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be pulling on my butthole hairs and where does that jackass come in?
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be a caring, understanding man and where does bad juju come in?
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be poking all the little bugs and where does just the thing come in?
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be wafting upstairs and where does a dubious girl come in?
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be leaving a man behind and where does boiling water come in?

User
lumps np

If lumps were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
On Ebay you can get lumps but it comes in several tiny boxes.
My pharmacist separated lumps into two piles, and carefully lowered one into uneaten food.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found lumps in the walls at my office.
Our artisanal process ages lumps for 3 years, before going right into sizzling lard, rapidly getting on top, and staying on top.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at lumps and my card appeared in a washtub filled with a potent cocktail of orange juice and whiskey!

User
John Travolta crying, as a woman n

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling John Travolta crying, as a woman. The driver was squirting acid.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of John Travolta crying, as a woman and a mouthfeel like thinking about spiders.
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s cuts on the wall straddled by John Travolta crying, as a woman.
During the war, German scientists experimented with spiritual functionality to weaponize John Travolta crying, as a woman.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of John Travolta crying, as a woman.
Furious that I was acting like a child into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into John Travolta crying, as a woman.

User
ripping yourself off your bones v

Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as pacifying all religions or ripping yourself off your bones.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with ripping yourself off your bones.
Ripping yourself off your bones is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and ripping yourself off your bones. There was a report.
Thanks for ripping yourself off your bones. Now get out of my bed!
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of ripping yourself off your bones in its food processing operations.

User
User
Trent Reznor's vocal style nc

In my wild days I was not noticing, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with Trent Reznor's vocal style on the New Mexico border.
In this game you get to collect cuts on the wall and craft Trent Reznor's vocal style.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around Trent Reznor's vocal style on the freeway.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Thinking about dwarves, Trent Reznor's vocal style and unisexuality.
Until quite recently, Trent Reznor's vocal style had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of Trent Reznor's vocal style-loving bot that hates good, Christian values.

User
...they said, "Come play  {t} with us."

...they said, "Come play dropping an upper-decker with us."
...they said, "Come play reaching around with us."
...they said, "Come play up in it with us."
...they said, "Come play spongy flesh with us."
...they said, "Come play a tightrope with us."
...they said, "Come play whaling with us."



...but also there aren't many {vt} cards so sometimes it gives up and just puts whatever in there. It only searches so far...

no black child n

If my neighbor doesn’t get no black child off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with the taste of Rohypnol. So bring no black child.
You evaded my “No Black Child” attack! Most impressive.
Ich bin ein no black child.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of no black child in the sky.
Don’t look at me while I’m no black child! It messes me up!

User
aaronjer said:
card= I saw _{n} down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "Come _{vt} with us."


Unfortunately that's the wrong verb tense. Maybe just leave play in there?

...they said, "Come play  {vt} with us."

...they said, "Come play installing an update with us."
...they said, "Come play going straight to hell for this with us."
...they said, "Come play laughing along but crying inside with us."
...they said, "Come play flipping over and spraying into the air with us."
...they said, "Come play blacking out and making a sex sound with us."
...they said, "Come play leaving no trace with us."



Also, {vt} is redundant. {t} implies {v} so you should just have {t} if that's what you meant. The rule is it only has to match one so {vt} = {v}. All {t}'s are {v}'s anyway.

It works the opposite way on white cards. On white cards you are setting flags, on black cards you are filtering for at-least-one.
User
eating batteries v

I refuse to roleplay as anything but eating batteries.
This workplace has gone (0) days without eating batteries.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from eating batteries, and the eco-glass windows trap in slaughter.
Thanks for eating batteries. Now get out of my bed!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about MY SKULL! and eating batteries. Should I talk to him?
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Eating Batteries!

User
cold toilet water in the butthole nc

I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, cold toilet water in the butthole popped out!
Who so pulleth out a little spurt of this stone is rightwise king born of cold toilet water in the butthole.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a sexual encounter, with writhing on the floor and screaming my name around the edges, and cold toilet water in the butthole on top.
When the mixture is bubbling, add cold toilet water in the butthole to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
I didn’t think this house would sell with cold toilet water in the butthole in the attic. Anyway, I’m a cornhole.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and cold toilet water in the butthole in the Philippines.

User
a unregistered sex offender n

My publisher demanded I remove a unregistered sex offender from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
You can’t get a unregistered sex offender big enough or a meat hook long enough to suit me.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a unregistered sex offender.
The survey team detected a unregistered sex offender at the work site so I threw a piñata full of cigarettes in my truck and drove straight there.
The hardware store didn’t have a boy, but like... a manly boy left, so I got a unregistered sex offender.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Loss of Manpower Does a Unregistered Sex Offender.

User
a pained smile n

Working on my car I found a pained smile had crawled inside the engine block and died.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a pained smile.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a pained smile.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Recalled Pizza with Glass in It Co., tapping into the growing market for a pained smile.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a pained smile came on the screen.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a pained smile?

User
too many dead flies np

Our artisanal process ages too many dead flies for 3 years, before going right into nutters running around with chainsaws, rapidly jerking it.
At the skating rink there was too many dead flies and everyone fell down at once.
Look, man, I’m not into too many dead flies. But $20 is $20.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found too many dead flies.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be too many dead flies while I’m getting crushed between two trucks!
I pushed hard enough to snap too many dead flies, but some powerful kind of affectionate biting was blocking the door.

User
naked wrestling ncvt

You stole naked wrestling from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re giving it a tweak and you’re going to hell!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during naked wrestling that overturned their car.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find naked wrestling in the back seat.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up naked wrestling in every room.
The thief was caught stealing solvent from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of naked wrestling.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, naked wrestling emerged.

User
rappin' and makin' beats v

After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Rappin' and Makin' Beats
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was rappin' and makin' beats.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value rappin' and makin' beats more. Now hold still.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of rappin' and makin' beats in its food processing operations.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is rappin' and makin' beats.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about rappin' and makin' beats?



dropping some hot raps over a sick beat v

I chipped my tooth on Mexican forces. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t dropping some hot raps over a sick beat.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to dropping some hot raps over a sick beat.
The TSA has made new rules mandating dropping some hot raps over a sick beat on every commercial flight.
Great job on the proposal for dropping some hot raps over a sick beat, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a gut.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s dropping some hot raps over a sick beat and I think I believe her!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually dropping some hot raps over a sick beat.

User
a soulless ginger n

The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are Mexican forces and a soulless ginger.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a soulless ginger in the middle of each intersection.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Leaf Blower!” You’re cursed with a soulless ginger until the end of the game!
Apparently, “a Soulless Ginger” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn techniques, but now for work I’m a soulless ginger. Go figure!
If a soulless ginger were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!



turning into a white woman v

But of the tree of knowledge of a garbage truck and turning into a white woman you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Men, like a crow in a blender, go farthest when they are turning into a white woman.
I went rafting, saw turning into a white woman in the river, no big deal.
Turning into a white woman has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
I am become turning into a white woman, the destroyer of a boy, but like... a manly boy.
What the hors d’oeuvres department lacks in selection, we make up for in turning into a white woman.

User
talking weird v

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, talking weird, sloth, wrath, the moron I hired to kill you, and pride.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to talking weird.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s talking weird, with hugs and kisses around the edges, and a backseat on top.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began talking weird.
But of the tree of knowledge of apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down and talking weird you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “talking weird”.

User
a game Dad made me play n

The TSA has made new rules mandating a game Dad made me play on every commercial flight.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off a game Dad made me play in the stands and then knocked eels off a mass of lymphatic tissue.
Until quite recently, a game Dad made me play had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience a game Dad made me play like I was really there.
Happiness: A soap bubble, a game Dad made me play, and ululating majestically.
On Ebay you can get a game Dad made me play but it comes in several tiny boxes.

User
a bus full of white children n

In the third world, luxuries like lips are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to a bus full of white children.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a suitcase full of guns and money by rewarding them with a bus full of white children.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a bus full of white children in its food processing operations.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a bus full of white children.
The city condemned our house after finding a bus full of white children in the crawlspace.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a bus full of white children to weaponize the last breath of a dying man.



a bus full of Vietnamese children n

I chipped my tooth on a bus full of Vietnamese children. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t violent death.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with a bus full of Vietnamese children and a mysterious boy who fights cheering children.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a bus full of Vietnamese children.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a bus full of Vietnamese children.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as jury duty, score points by lifting his kilt and winking, and a bus full of Vietnamese children shall not be on the field.
Dad! I’m all done fellating everything in the room, so I have a bus full of Vietnamese children left over if you’re still interested.



Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of  {pc} hanging over the freeway.

Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of significant legal reform hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of grabby hands hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of endangered animals hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of anger and shock hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of turkey gravy hanging over the freeway.

User
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of  {vpc}. You'll all get  {n}!2

Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of prying her mouth open. You'll all get a dense woolly undercoat over the chest!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of organizing children to join armies. You'll all get frozen people!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of running until you die. You'll all get an anatomically correct sock puppet!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of swamp ass. You'll all get the normal manner!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of spiders. You'll all get a threat from Eurasia!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of terminal illness. You'll all get every pterodactyl!



Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by  .

Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by human tears out of a champagne flute.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by ground control.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by cranberry sauce or juice.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by an oblong breast.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by a fridge full of heads.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by a wet tongue.



To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding  {s} section. I say it's about time!

To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding one more section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding your imaginary friend, Captain Howdy section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding the gravy dimension section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding a strongly-worded letter section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding a loaded gun section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug section. I say it's about time!



During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're  , John."

During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're a carafe of broccoli chowder, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're pomp, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're the Handsome Boy Modeling School, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're sufficient funds, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're a skin tag, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're a moisture-wicking fleece Canadian sleeve for the penis, John."

User
a minivan with a dead body in it n

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Minivan with a Dead Body in It” syndrome!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a minivan with a dead body in it.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a minivan with a dead body in it... Sweet! Sunny-D!
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need a minivan with a dead body in it and spongy flesh.
You spent all your food-stamps on a minivan with a dead body in it?!
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a minivan with a dead body in it in the sky.

Truck
User
Well someday when I'm a real progamer I'll make a Tiny Unity Games.
User
an ocean of shit n

Daddy! There’s an ocean of shit under my bed. Kill it kill it!
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with an ocean of shit slowly overtaking the buildings.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, an ocean of shit, toilet paper, shelter, and my SIM card.
Here on the assembly line we heat an ocean of shit to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is wriggling and thrashing.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of an ocean of shit, so the temporary replacement uses bitches on the love throne.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using an ocean of shit to forage for food.

User
eating the wallpaper v

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with crotch rot went off early, ejecting eating the wallpaper into the air!
I would have never thought that I’d actually be licking while I’m eating the wallpaper!
I like my women like I like a do-gooder: doing surgery on LSD with eating the wallpaper.
On the assembly line we heat a fishy substance to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is eating the wallpaper.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to eating the wallpaper.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a lumberjack orgy, with eating the wallpaper around the edges, and a lovable grandfather on top.

User
Windows XP n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a lonely grave, part was naval victory, and it was crowned with Windows XP.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking Windows XP onto the International Space Station.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of Windows XP came on the screen.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw Windows XP at a player from the stands.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing Windows XP, since we’re so good at it.
You stole Windows XP from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re a shard of shrapnel and you’re going to hell!

Truck
User
This is my new project.

http://tinyc.games

Try it! Eat it. Peel it.

Does it work for you?
User
AaronJer your black cards are very likely to contain the word "ridiculous."

The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as  {n} and comes with 1 USB-C port and  {n}! Ridiculous!2

The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as hot wax and comes with 1 USB-C port and a feather boa! Ridiculous!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as non-union scabs! and comes with 1 USB-C port and the greatest mistake of my life! Ridiculous!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a gush and comes with 1 USB-C port and pure honey! Ridiculous!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a nurse and comes with 1 USB-C port and a reception area for social events! Ridiculous!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a makeshift defensive structure and comes with 1 USB-C port and my feelings! Ridiculous!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as joie de vivre and comes with 1 USB-C port and a moral boundary! Ridiculous!

User
great lengths np

But I promised my kids they could get great lengths for Christmas!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was great lengths.
They don’t make my bacon strip like they used to! This one doesn’t even have great lengths.
Pool rules: No running. No maximum attitude. Keep great lengths out of the deep end.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be great lengths while I’m a security guard!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of the first step to retake Texas, stuff Asians like, and great lengths.



our cute little gay faces np

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by our cute little gay faces.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring our cute little gay faces.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: our-cute-little-gay-faces@a-dickhole-lion.net
I was so surprised to see a little of this, a little of that that our cute little gay faces fell out of my mouth.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: our cute little gay faces.
Thanks for our cute little gay faces. Now get out of my bed!



a charred, wrecked hole n

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a charred, wrecked hole and marginal gains come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a charred, wrecked hole into women’s purses and bags.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a charred, wrecked hole out of mainland China.
For my last meal I want a charred, wrecked hole seasoned heavily with the most sensitive part of my body.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Charred, Wrecked Hole” after his dead horse.
For my last meal I want a charred, wrecked hole seasoned heavily with high-voltage wires.

User
eating the most delicious nut in the world v

If you do it right, eating the most delicious nut in the world is all about nothing at all.
Eating the most delicious nut in the world is the only way to say goodbye.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Eating the Most Delicious Nut in the World” syndrome!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with eating the most delicious nut in the world.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began eating the most delicious nut in the world.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got what we needed painted on both sides, which some say encourages eating the most delicious nut in the world.

User
a big sex and murder party n

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a preserved brain in a jar and are ordered to be a big sex and murder party no matter what.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a tightrope to weaponize a big sex and murder party.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a big sex and murder party.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with endangered animals and a mysterious boy who fights a big sex and murder party.
At my 9th birthday, we had a big sex and murder party piñata that burst open showering tender pinches on us kids.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off hot naughty bodies in the stands and then knocked a trap that shoots a poison dart off a big sex and murder party.

User
a Canadian goose n

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a Canadian goose over my head, but a Japanese vending machine got in the way.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a Canadian goose.
Ugh. I ate ape sounds last night and I’ve been trying to put on a Canadian goose all morning.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a Canadian goose.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see a Canadian goose spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a Canadian goose. I still got an 85!



blasting tunes v

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be blasting tunes if I wanted a new family.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: The signs of spousal abuse, blasting tunes and killer abs.
Go, go, Gadget Blasting Tunes!
Chimps in the wild have been observed using blasting tunes to forage for food.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is blasting tunes.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded my haunted butthole and now I’m having trouble with blasting tunes.



boiling hot tar vnc

Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into boiling hot tar and stopped.
Growing up we never had an episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects, but we had to deal with boiling hot tar, and I want the opposite for my children.
If you kids don’t stop proving she’s a witch, I will turn boiling hot tar around!
Man invented boiling hot tar, so woman invented a new Wes Anderson movie.
Our artisanal process ages the bad cop for 3 years, before going right into going solo, rapidly boiling hot tar.
The survey team detected boiling hot tar at the work site so I threw a bellow of sympathy in my truck and drove straight there.



more than enough squids np

At the skating rink there was more than enough squids and everyone fell down at once.
No one in Morocco can be more than enough squids without registering with the government.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into more than enough squids! She’s 62!
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of more than enough squids.
In the public more than enough squids model, a third-party service provider delivers the more than enough squids service over the Internet.
When the mixture is bubbling, add more than enough squids to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.

User
Follow the instructions on each line.

Unless otherwise specified, continue to the next line after each instruction.

Get a blank piece of paper, and black and yellow pens.

Unless otherwise specified use the black pen for drawing.

Draw a three by three grid called "grid" where:
the top row is row 0,
the middle row is row 1,
the bottom row is row 2,
the left column is column 0,
the middle column is column 1,
the right column is column 2.

Draw a box called "x" and put 0 in it.

Draw a box called "y" and put 0 in it.

This line is labelled KETCHUP. Please continue.

If the number in box "y" is 3, go to the line labelled PICKLE. Otherwise continue.

This line is labelled MUSTARD. Please continue.

If the number in box "x" is the same as the one in box "y", skip the next line.

Find the spot in "grid" where the column is what's in "x" and the row is what's in "y" and
color it yellow.

Increase the number in box "x" by one.

If the number in box "x" is not 3, go to the line labelled MUSTARD. Otherwise continue.

Replace the number in box "x" with 0.

Increase the number in box "y" by one.

Go to the line labelled KETCHUP.

This line is labelled PICKLE. Please continue.

Replace the number in box "y" with 1.

Find the spot in "grid" where the column is what's in "x" and the row is what's in "y" and
color it black.

Stop.
User
carrying a dead body with a forklift v

I’m late to my meeting for carrying a dead body with a forklift.
The new bill before congress would mandate carrying a dead body with a forklift in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Although moving away from a milky sweat bead proved effective for schools, the switch to carrying a dead body with a forklift initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: carrying-a-dead-body-with-a-forklift@a-friend.net
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Carrying a Dead Body with a Forklift.
Pundits agree it will take carrying a dead body with a forklift for the senator to win the election.

User
the passenger n

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride the passenger. It made me feel like I was our desire.
I got into my car and sat on the passenger. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
The passenger failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward another hurdle.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded meaty valves and now I’m having trouble with the passenger.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was the passenger.
They said the passenger was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with a squealing 6- and 10-year-old.



User
bullying and suicide v

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by bullying and suicide around the building.
My nightly ritual involves bullying and suicide, a stink bug, and finally a mutilated torso just as I fall asleep.
Ever since no spider appeared in the neighborhood, bullying and suicide has been eyed with suspicion.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember bullying and suicide?”
See now black people walk like furries. But white people -- white people walk like they’re bullying and suicide!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore bullying and suicide in a very realistic way.

User
white people and their fucking problems np

At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking white people and their fucking problems into women’s purses and bags.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at heavy garbage and my card appeared in white people and their fucking problems!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the sacred knife of Tecpatl, score points by impacting my sister, and white people and their fucking problems shall not be on the field.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow White People and Their Fucking Problems?
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking white people and their fucking problems onto the International Space Station.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have white people and their fucking problems.



emergency bacon nc

In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all emergency bacon, right while I’m sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had emergency bacon destroyed and a finely sculpted buttock killed as well.
Don’t shake emergency bacon so hard, it’ll start fusing together.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but emergency bacon.
No one in Morocco can be emergency bacon without registering with the government.
See now black people walk like emergency bacon. But white people -- white people walk like they’re large recoil!



completely unrolled toilet paper nc

Dad! I’m all done sewing it shut, so I have completely unrolled toilet paper left over if you’re still interested.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock completely unrolled toilet paper and the S.W.A.T. team in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like completely unrolled toilet paper.
My mom picked me up completely unrolled toilet paper from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Completely Unrolled Toilet Paper!” You’re cursed with just a video game until the end of the game!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded completely unrolled toilet paper and now I’m having trouble with wriggly little worms.

User
When  {n} hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!

When a coming horrific hell hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!
When the sloppy, spiritless sex at the end of the orgy hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!
When a sassy male news reporter hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!
When concerning news hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!
When evil thinking hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!
When a certain je ne sais quoi hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!

User
walking around like nothing's happening v

No one in Morocco can be walking around like nothing's happening without registering with the government.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find walking around like nothing's happening.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a snack attack painted on both sides, which some say encourages walking around like nothing's happening.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by walking around like nothing's happening.
If you do it right, a state trooper is all about walking around like nothing's happening.
Walking around like nothing's happening has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.



the planet Mars n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with the planet Mars hanging in the window.
I can’t believe you guys went handcuffing a four-year-old without me! Loop me in next time, I want the planet Mars too!
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on snotbrains when I bought the planet Mars.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the planet Mars by rewarding them with hog dander.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. The Planet Mars is Mr. President.
Working on my car I found the planet Mars had crawled inside the engine block and died.



 {Un} can only be killed by  .2

Balls caught in the car window can only be killed by hand-to-hand combat.
Mammaries can only be killed by hula hoops.
A cataclysmic magic spell can only be killed by that jackass.
The taxpayers can only be killed by subordinated masculinity.
A berserk horse can only be killed by distended tubes.
Grape flavor can only be killed by learning an important lesson.

User
your sisters np

How embarrassing! I forget I left your sisters in the foyer.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of your sisters heard remote.
Her inheritance was squandered upon your sisters while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a mirror that lies in her own home.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember your sisters?”
I got into my car and sat on your sisters. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide your sisters directly.



Don't leave the door open!  {n} will get in.

Don't leave the door open! an empty Tic Tac® box will get in.
Don't leave the door open! the moron I hired to kill you will get in.
Don't leave the door open! the mastermind will get in.
Don't leave the door open! a Swiss murder suit will get in.
Don't leave the door open! a strange candy that makes you gay will get in.
Don't leave the door open! three carrots will get in.

User
nothing, initially nc

Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk nothing, initially.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by nothing, initially around the building.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into nothing, initially.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with nothing, initially.
But of the tree of knowledge of nothing, initially and a listless wasp you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Here on the assembly line we heat nothing, initially to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap.



the old guy n

Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with the old guy! It’s all here in my manifesto!
My favorite new band is “A Leaf Blower and the Old Guy”.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get my syndrome removed from her and the old guy removed from me.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need a little spurt and the old guy.
I love your necklace! It’s the old guy, right?
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing the old guy.”



all the doors np

Give a man all the doors and you feed him for a day. Give him a refreshing douche of Sprite, and you feed him for a lifetime.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but all the doors.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected all the doors, which hung in the air for days.
I chipped my tooth on my first time. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t all the doors.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had all the doors removed so he could be my mouth.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: all the doors.



enough food, eventually nc

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me enough food, eventually.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of enough food, eventually.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Enough Food, Eventually!” You’re cursed with my alter ego until the end of the game!
Ah, enough food, eventually for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be enough food, eventually if I wanted a new family.
Science never solves a problem without creating enough food, eventually.

User
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of  {pc}. Half the country is  {v}.2

Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down. Half the country is getting on top, and staying on top.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of creatures. Half the country is neglecting a spike.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of sabotage. Half the country is running for presidency.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of secretions. Half the country is taking a flying leap.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of grunting mermaids. Half the country is drinking wine in the tub all day.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of circular logic. Half the country is stepping over me.

User
We have a zero tolerance policy for  {pcv} here at Disney. So get   and get out!2

We have a zero tolerance policy for a fridge full of heads here at Disney. So get M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for bigger problems here at Disney. So get bloody hell and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for gut-wrenching testimony here at Disney. So get a mind such as yours and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for mercury poisoning here at Disney. So get people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for big men here at Disney. So get nuances and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for scary men here at Disney. So get removing a uterine tumor with my teeth and get out!

User
what in the hell's going on n

A tug failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward what in the hell's going on.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in what in the hell's going on.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get back surgery removed from her and what in the hell's going on removed from me.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock googly eyes and what in the hell's going on in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in what in the hell's going on.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy what in the hell's going on that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.



Aron Ralston was trapped under  {n} for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off  {n}!2

Aron Ralston was trapped under a summer sausage for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a novelty gag dildo!
Aron Ralston was trapped under cannibals for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off snotbrains!
Aron Ralston was trapped under an angry penis for the woman for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a finely sculpted buttock!
Aron Ralston was trapped under my SIM card for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off great tits!
Aron Ralston was trapped under ice cold seawater for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off drugs!
Aron Ralston was trapped under a stretch for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off the loudest possible noise!



What will we do with  {n} early in the morning?

What will we do with my immortal soul early in the morning?
What will we do with ancient Chinese medicine early in the morning?
What will we do with turkey tacos early in the morning?
What will we do with dying evil early in the morning?
What will we do with circumstance early in the morning?
What will we do with a sexual encounter early in the morning?

User
what's happening in the future n

I like my women like I like what's happening in the future: getting on top, and staying on top with giving birth to it.
Dad! I’m all done providing unscrupulous advice, so I have what's happening in the future left over if you’re still interested.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into what's happening in the future and stopped.
The new top grade of gasoline has what's happening in the future as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on what's happening in the future when I bought horny catgirls.
I want to be buried with what's happening in the future.



Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain  {pcv}?

Yeah right Cha