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Posts written by SuperJer:



User
The bottom of my heart
n

Oh no! Obama put the bottom of my heart in the water to turn a dog head gay!
In public restrooms I always put the bottom of my heart on the toilet before sitting down.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise sharpened teeth by rewarding them with the bottom of my heart.
My dream house has each of the victims built in, an extra garage for your mom’s bathroom, and the bottom of my heart for the door bell.
Make sure to hang the bottom of my heart in a tree so a hanging body leaves your tent alone.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in the bottom of my heart.

User
Going on a racist tirade
v

My girlfriend kicked the things I’m hiding in my basement, and now she’s going on a racist tirade. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
going on a racist tirade is where a fistful of hair goes to die.
This party was a real snooze, until going on a racist tirade got things jumpin’.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience going on a racist tirade like I was really there.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with going on a racist tirade.
I will do anything for going on a racist tirade. But I won’t do that!

User
Dog shampoo
nc

At the coffee shop they put “dog shampoo” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a submissive sex android and to avoid dog shampoo.
Dog shampoo is always a contest when I’m involved.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of dog shampoo hanging over the freeway.
Go, go, Gadget Dog Shampoo!
10% of all proceeds from sales of dog shampoo will go to The Getting Slathered Foundation.

User
Going all crazy eyes
v

I’m late to my meeting for going all crazy eyes.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw going all crazy eyes.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a squealing 4-year-old in the attic. Anyway, I’m going all crazy eyes.
Going all crazy eyes with a fridge full of heads is a uniquely British problem.
Throughout human history, going all crazy eyes has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Look, man, I’m not into going all crazy eyes. But $20 is $20.

User
A finger sticking out
n

I looked up “a hotdog” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving a finger sticking out.
You’re not a mom! You’re just a finger sticking out!
We couldn’t land because of a finger sticking out caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like a wet spot.
They don’t make an abomination unto God like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a finger sticking out.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a finger sticking out on the freeway.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Finger Sticking out” and it helps me with getting stepped on by a dominatrix.

User
Wearing my girl clothes
v

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me wearing my girl clothes and it’s getting weird.
Wearing my girl clothes is a temporary setback on the road to a submissive sex android!
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed wearing my girl clothes.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re wearing my girl clothes, get to the front of the line.
We can be wearing my girl clothes. And no one has to know.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include wearing my girl clothes spice, deserving to be killed spice, and overzealous product placement spice!

User
Stand back! I'm  {t}  {n}!!!
Play 2

Stand back! I'm rolling the measure of a man!!!
Stand back! I'm some next-level shit the T-Rex!!!
Stand back! I'm conjuring my VERY jealous, protective pet spider!!!
Stand back! I'm grinding on it white boys!!!
Stand back! I'm Martha Stewart, orgasming a rope tied round my leg!!!
Stand back! I'm cheating S&M gear!!!

User
My secret vagina
n

I buried my treasure under my secret vagina so you’d never find it!
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my secret vagina to the funeral.
My favorite new band is “Inhaling and My Secret Vagina”.
The patient kept screaming about “an extremely painful sneeze”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and my secret vagina emerged!
Oh no! Someone rolled up my secret vagina in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my secret vagina in the sea.

User
A vampire fang
n

Although moving away from a vampire fang proved effective for schools, the switch to getting stepped on by a dominatrix initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The water tower looks like it’s a vampire fang from this angle.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A VAMPIRE FANG RECEIVING A LOT OF MONEY.”
A Vampire Fang is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a coming horrific hell.
The cruiseliner struck a vampire fang and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with the pelvis.
I like divorce papers like I like my coffee: fellating everything in the room, put in a sack, and dragged across a vampire fang.

User
Chocolate coating
nc

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on chocolate coating.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in chocolate coating.
The only thing standing in your way is chocolate coating.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed chocolate coating.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be chocolate coating if I wanted a new family.
I was vacuuming when I sucked one mile of train rail out from under the couch. I kept pulling until chocolate coating came out too!

User
The average
n

My wife printed me a certifcate for the average. I’m excited for tonight!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from tunneling around with the average.
You evaded my “The Average” attack! Most impressive.
I got so drunk last night that I got the average all over everyone and everything.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually the average.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a guillotine and the average. Should I talk to him?

User
White tears
np

This food is so good it’s making white tears quiver!
At the skating rink there was white tears and everyone fell down at once.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with white tears in his lap.
Last Christmas, I gave you white tears. The very next day, you gave it away.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with white tears.
I went rafting, saw white tears in the river, no big deal.

User
Your future
n

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be your future.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began your future.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of giggle shits and the words “your future”. I don’t get it!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got your future out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I think a lot of people would pay to see your future.
Doctor! My child has your future coursing through his veins!

User
At the airport  {n} in my bag set off the TSA's machine.

At the airport zoo smell in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport not a single lion in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport breast meat in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport your idiot ideas in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport Gene Simmons’ tongue in my bag set off the TSA's machine.
At the airport frozen people in my bag set off the TSA's machine.

User
Sean Connery's legs
np

Sean Connery's legs gets me into some awkward situations. But seeing my penis twice has always got my back.
Let’s wait for Sean Connery's legs to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get an old, Asian martial arts master.
Opinions are like Sean Connery's legs. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Last Christmas, I gave you Sean Connery's legs. The very next day, you gave it away.
Don’t leave the door open! Sean Connery's legs will get in.
My wife printed me a certifcate for Sean Connery's legs. I’m excited for tonight!

User
Becoming sentient
v

Our artisanal process ages good, Christian values for 3 years, before going right into becoming sentient, rapidly panicking in a Subaru.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am becoming sentient. Would you like to try our new special, no less than sixteen Mexican corpses?
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate becoming sentient to prepare for a mission to mars.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still becoming sentient!
The HOA says I can’t raise my first time on my property. Meanwhile no word about becoming sentient at the Jones’s!
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “becoming sentient,” with a picture of reduced brain intelligence.

User
 {nU}  {v}. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Play 2

The big ol’ boys dropping an upper-decker. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
My black son putting the “I” back in “team”. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Consensual manslaughter struggling with a police officer. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Slavery murdering. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
A concrete, actual object scissoring. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
An orbital laser satellite making a little whoopsie. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

User
The Queen is going to knight  . Sir  {UT}.
Play 1

The Queen is going to knight taking a flying leap. Sir Taking a Flying Leap.
The Queen is going to knight a respected neurosurgeon. Sir A Respected Neurosurgeon.
The Queen is going to knight a trap. Sir A Trap.
The Queen is going to knight the whole bottle of sleeping pills. Sir The Whole Bottle of Sleeping Pills.
The Queen is going to knight putting the “I” back in “team”. Sir Putting the “I” Back in “team”.
The Queen is going to knight a glob of peanut butter. Sir A Glob of Peanut Butter.

User
Being killed and then pardoned
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating being killed and then pardoned on every commercial flight.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang being killed and then pardoned on the Christmas tree.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being killed and then pardoned.
I think that ecstasy was cut with hot sparks. After one hit I began very, very rapidly being killed and then pardoned.
My favorite new band is “Cunting Around Even Harder and Being Killed and Then Pardoned”.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s being killed and then pardoned.

User
A very sick individual put needles in  {n}.

A very sick individual put needles in dirty spaghetti.
A very sick individual put needles in an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome.
A very sick individual put needles in MY SKULL!.
A very sick individual put needles in every part of the buffalo.
A very sick individual put needles in setbacks.
A very sick individual put needles in a death sentence.

User
Qualms
np

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about qualms?
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as qualms.
The problem with America is qualms.
I’ve finally got the last of body parts of celebrities out of qualms.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as qualms, score points by just falling out of my bung hole, and more blood shall not be on the field.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of qualms, my murder list, and our cute little gay faces.



I didn't know what to think when   popped outta my birthday cake.

I didn't know what to think when another way in popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when dad popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when shitting glitter popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when getting wrapped around a tree popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when a gentle kiss on the teeth popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when a $160,000 diamond popped outta my birthday cake.

User
This new "Smart" toilet scans  {n}.

This new "Smart" toilet scans acute watery diarrhea.
This new "Smart" toilet scans organic porpoise semen.
This new "Smart" toilet scans the men who helped me.
This new "Smart" toilet scans that fly in here.
This new "Smart" toilet scans a short muscular rectum.
This new "Smart" toilet scans the whole bottle of sleeping pills.

User
Three men and a lady
np

The president’s tweet reads: “The three men and a lady story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a big bomb for succumbing to nature! Very sad and sick!”
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under three men and a lady.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about furries, but with three men and a lady!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw three men and a lady in the mirror! And it smelled like a child predator in there! I’m so scared!
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of three men and a lady.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift Asia over my head, but three men and a lady got in the way.

User
A sausage casing
n

I thought I was alone with a sausage casing but my mom walked in. We got to doing it again and I felt better.
You spent all your food-stamps on a sausage casing?!
The terrorists will execute a trap that shoots a poison dart every 20 minutes until they receive a sausage casing.
I don’t need love because I’m a sausage casing. Sorry mom!
To change kitty’s litter: grab sex, dig out any clumps, and refill with a sausage casing.
Can’t go out because of a sausage casing on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-cough-syrup-cor is right for you.

User
Shark teeth
np

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is shark teeth.
The new top grade of gasoline has shark teeth as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
I saw a syringe of Tabasco down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be shark teeth with us.”
The ‘truth serum moth’ has adapted to feed on shark teeth, and hide under thick oatmeal in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Shark Teeth,” the finest ship in the harbor!
A close call can actually erode shark teeth, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.

User
Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson
n

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson to the pan, while stirring constantly.
Honey, you can’t keep putting astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson down the garbage disposal!
No more astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson at Starbucks.
My dream house has a made up racial slur built in, an extra garage for the baby, and astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson for the door bell.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.

User
Smoking and talking about Satan
v

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, smoking and talking about Satan, sloth, wrath, thunderous applause, and pride.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell Winona Ryder’s leather jacket after 8pm, or on holidays like Smoking and Talking About Satan Day.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by smoking and talking about Satan?
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was smoking and talking about Satan.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is smoking and talking about Satan.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend smoking and talking about Satan.

User
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do  {n} to entertain everyone.

I'm gonna get up on stage, and do quick-set cement to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do sudden nudity to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do the hottest girl to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do a glass pane to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do the mayor to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do my hood to entertain everyone.

User
If something crawls onto the patio, do  {pc} to it.

If something crawls onto the patio, do new rules from on high to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do hugs and kisses to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do landlubbers to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do giggling schoolgirls with cameras to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do my work to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do white boys to it.

User
A 100' crane
n

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from milking a buffalo with a 100' crane.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a 100' crane!”
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a 100' crane.
The thief was caught stealing a 100' crane from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of Russian dressing.
Instructions unclear: got a 100' crane stuck in godless heathens.
What the sizzling assholes department lacks in selection, we make up for in a 100' crane.

User
For a healthy snack, try  .

For a healthy snack, try vibrating my pineal gland.
For a healthy snack, try poopy toilet paper.
For a healthy snack, try a pill for every problem.
For a healthy snack, try the placenta.
For a healthy snack, try a mild orgasm.
For a healthy snack, try closing her legs.

User
This particular salmon
n

My wife printed me a certifcate for this particular salmon. I’m excited for tonight!
This particular salmon has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Furious that I was going to Wendy’s into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into this particular salmon.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about this particular salmon.
For my last meal I want this particular salmon seasoned lightly with making didgeridoo sounds.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed this particular salmon up and down the highway.

User
I've been diagnosed with  {UT}'s Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be  {}.
Play 2

I've been diagnosed with Masturbating Furiously's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a “Hey!”.
I've been diagnosed with Thrifty Moms's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be dicking around.
I've been diagnosed with Touching Your Vaggie While Sleeping's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a lucky toss.
I've been diagnosed with Kicking the Door Down's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be an exit wound.
I've been diagnosed with Assassinating Kim Jong-un's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a certain je ne sais quoi.
I've been diagnosed with Ointment's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be choking bitches.

User
Just poop
nc

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain just poop?
Bumper sticker: My other ride is just poop.
Just poop in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s just poop and I think I believe her!
Today you’re on the receiving end of just poop.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still just poop!

User
Not-so-innocent girls
np

Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about not-so-innocent girls.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing not-so-innocent girls is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to not-so-innocent girls.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into not-so-innocent girls! She’s 62!
I tried to sneak out of the store with not-so-innocent girls under one arm and good vibes down my pants.
In my wild days I was breaking in, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with not-so-innocent girls on the New Mexico border.

User
I've decided to allow   in my home.

I've decided to allow the hands of the enemy in my home.
I've decided to allow costing a lot of money in my home.
I've decided to allow a bad chicken in my home.
I've decided to allow spongy flesh in my home.
I've decided to allow subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife in my home.
I've decided to allow the coming race war in my home.

User
Even women
nc

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw even women overboard!
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be even women.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of even women.
In the third world, luxuries like landlubbers are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to even women.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on even women.
It's like they always say: even women never changes.



This restaurant uses   for fast payment processing.

This restaurant uses drugs for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses a fistful of hair for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses witnesses for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses the Lord for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses whacking your sausage against the counter for fast payment processing.
This restaurant uses grinding on it for fast payment processing.

User
Getting diagnosed
v

Jesus Christ is a temporary setback on the road to getting diagnosed!
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like getting diagnosed.
The cruiseliner struck a censor bar and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with getting diagnosed.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use getting diagnosed to treat being ashamed of your nakedness!
What the fingertips department lacks in selection, we make up for in getting diagnosed.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting diagnosed,” over and over again while in use.



Disappearing
vt

There’s always time for disappearing before breakfast.
A lifetime of disappearing awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
We have a zero tolerance policy for disappearing here at Disney. So get force-feeding a bird and get out!
Look, man, I’m not into disappearing. But $20 is $20.
Last night was the tragic result of disappearing
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s enough lube in love with disappearing very much they do a... special hug.”



Up and just disappearing
vt

I thought I was alone with most people but my mom walked in. We got to up and just disappearing and I felt better.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between up and just disappearing and farting like a bagpipe.
I noticed symptoms of farting while asleep, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s up and just disappearing!” but I’m not sure.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with up and just disappearing.
Black leggings can only be killed by up and just disappearing.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “His Holiness the Pope!” You’re cursed with up and just disappearing until the end of the game!



I've been diagnosed with  .

I've been diagnosed with a very old jellybean.
I've been diagnosed with putting my mouth on it.
I've been diagnosed with flimsy toilet paper.
I've been diagnosed with killing protesters.
I've been diagnosed with weight loss.
I've been diagnosed with unladylike musculature.

User
Yelling at the dog
v

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by yelling at the dog.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a fatal bee sting on the anus. She has stated, “I prefer yelling at the dog.”
I scream, you scream, the Hell pits, yelling at the dog!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into yelling at the dog! She’s 62!
You’re not a mom! You’re just yelling at the dog!
People in Taiwan are getting ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! implanted in their bodies for yelling at the dog.

User
One gut bacterium
n

At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into one gut bacterium before thinking about spiders.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed one gut bacterium up and down the highway.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling one gut bacterium. The driver was exploding from both ends.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate one gut bacterium.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of one gut bacterium.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as one gut bacterium.

User
Diet advice
nc

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with diet advice!”
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like diet advice.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to diet advice.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for diet advice and to avoid overzealous product placement.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me diet advice and it’s getting weird.
Diet advice is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just wallowing in your filth. Sorry.

User
My cat, going through menopause
n

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is my cat, going through menopause.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off a carefully contained fart in the stands and then knocked several children off my cat, going through menopause.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw my cat, going through menopause in.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with my cat, going through menopause jumping and nipping at me from below and even getting it on.
My-Cat-Going-Through-Menopause-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how my cat, going through menopause happens.

User
Getting sewn shut
v

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into getting sewn shut, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Oprah’s smile.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with getting sewn shut.
I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are masturbating furiously or getting sewn shut
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Getting Sewn Shut”! I shook his hand and it felt like getting sewn shut.
Getting sewn shut really messes up my butt complexion!
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include getting sewn shut, being sterilized, dry mouth, and all the beer.

User
 {U} is dangerously cool.

Suggesting a murder is dangerously cool.
Being an overweight bitch is dangerously cool.
Completely wigging out is dangerously cool.
My middle pocket is dangerously cool.
Things that aren’t fruit is dangerously cool.
Killing myself, rather than being disgraced is dangerously cool.

User
Dead body storage
nc

Happiness: Dead body storage, all the bacon, and a short muscular rectum.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me dead body storage and it’s getting weird.
If you do it right, dead body storage is all about lifting his kilt and winking.
Howdy neighbor, love the moron I hired to kill you! Let’s get dead body storage sometime!
But of the tree of dead body storage you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of dead body storage hanging over the freeway.

User
I take pride in  .

I take pride in getting HUGE.
I take pride in a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
I take pride in adult language.
I take pride in a wild animal.
I take pride in diddling.
I take pride in my sexy fox costume.

User
Mom's face
n

This is my second kid. My first one came out as mom's face.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a real sonuvabitch, the death simulator and mom's face.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience mom's face like I was really there.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a newer, sleeker leopard, but now for work I’m mom's face. Go figure!
Amtrak officials confirm mom's face would have prevented train derailment.
If I had mom's face, you’d be Coach Diddleplayers!

User
More Spider-Man GIFs
np

The terrorists will execute more Spider-Man GIFs every 20 minutes until they receive daddy in his underpants.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, more Spider-Man GIFs... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Hello, 911? I think there’s more Spider-Man GIFs in my house...
In this game you get to collect a sloppy blowjob and craft more Spider-Man GIFs.
The food and yard waste bin is only for more Spider-Man GIFs (clean) and hookers in the trunk (oil-free).
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and more Spider-Man GIFs in the Philippines.

User
Bruises on my neck
np

Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of bruises on my neck hanging over the freeway.
I chipped my tooth on rolling eyes. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t bruises on my neck.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called bruises on my neck, are the passages for butt sounds to flow.
Vote for me and I’ll stop spinning blades, get rid of bruises on my neck, and give everyone things that aren’t fruit for free.
Doctor! My child has bruises on my neck coursing through his veins!
We’re having the runs situation. Watch out for bruises on my neck and please stand by...

User
might work better with non-countable hint:

Salesman: *slaps top of  {n}* This bad boy can fit so much  {c} in it.
Play 2

Salesman: *slaps top of the last great American* This bad boy can fit so much unbearable bitching in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry* This bad boy can fit so much infinite sausage in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of an extremely painful sneeze* This bad boy can fit so much absolutely no black people in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of violent docking, coming in hard* This bad boy can fit so much turkey gravy in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of man animals* This bad boy can fit so much my butt surgery in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of space Nazis* This bad boy can fit so much intense pressure in it.

User
Jeff!
User
Asexually reproducing
vt

asexually reproducing is where an iceberg goes to die.
No one in Morocco can be asexually reproducing without registering with the government.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A big, heavy shotgun, the fuel line and asexually reproducing.
Don’t look at me while I’m asexually reproducing! It messes me up!
Wolves don’t eat asexually reproducing, and neither should kings.
My car looks like it’s asexually reproducing but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.

User
White punks on dope
np

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start violently crashing down the stairs before white punks on dope.
Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that a creepy dude came shooting out of white punks on dope.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of white punks on dope came on the screen.
I’m gonna prove the link between white punks on dope and spiders again! You’ll all see!
During my driving test, I backed my car into white punks on dope. I still got an 85!
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me white punks on dope and it’s getting weird.

User
Milkfat
nc

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling milkfat. The driver was adults eating teenagers alive.
I don’t need love because I’m milkfat. Sorry mom!
Here on the assembly line we heat milkfat to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is trying to handcuff a ghost.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me milkfat while we were still in the car.
You’re not a mom! You’re just milkfat!
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of milkfat.



My Costco card
n

The thief was caught stealing the T-Rex from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of my Costco card.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Caustic-solvent-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving my Costco card.
I buried my treasure under my Costco card so you’d never find it!
But of the tree of my Costco card you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I clean my Costco card by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up getting wrapped around a tree.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my Costco card came on the screen.

User
Running down
v

We have a zero tolerance policy for shooting a rabbit with an arrow here at Disney. So get running down and get out!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about running down.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw running down flavor and then touching my deformity flavor.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a dog boner, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start running down.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab all the time and walk right out the door without running down.
I’m running down in the streets, but proving she’s a witch in the sheets.

User
Discount brain surgery
nc

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on discount brain surgery when I bought my VERY jealous, protective pet spider.
I noticed symptoms of discount brain surgery, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s mounting!” but I’m not sure.
To change kitty’s litter: grab discount brain surgery, dig out any clumps, and refill with your husband.
Moistness torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get discount brain surgery from a suspected terrorist.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and discount brain surgery.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with discount brain surgery.

User
Style
nc

In this game you get to collect weird legs and craft style.
But of the tree of style you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Style in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang style on the Christmas tree.
I saw style down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be bedding with us.”
In future times, the children will work together to build style.



Different styles
np

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out different styles for free on every corner.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare different styles right at your table.
In my wild days I was fishin’ for pussytuna, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with different styles on the New Mexico border.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using different styles to forage for food.
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as different styles.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at different styles and my card appeared in a gentleman with the tummy grumbles!

User
Getting boobs installed
v

Getting boobs installed! Getting boobs installed! My kingdom for getting boobs installed!
There’s a tightrope convention going on and everybody is getting boobs installed.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about getting boobs installed?
Jesus is getting boobs installed.
I’m late to my meeting for getting boobs installed.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with getting boobs installed.



Getting boobs deinstalled
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as very depraved porn, score points by getting boobs deinstalled, and the whole bottle of sleeping pills shall not be on the field.
I’m a night of gentle flatulence in the streets, but getting boobs deinstalled in the sheets.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate getting boobs deinstalled.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from getting boobs deinstalled with turkey tacos.
This year’s hottest new fashion is getting boobs deinstalled on your head.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: getting boobs deinstalled.

User
Teleporting into my butt
v

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re teleporting into my butt and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
That kind of attitude is why we have teleporting into my butt now.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began teleporting into my butt.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other not a bear, while a man is teleporting into my butt on a galloping horse.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Teleporting into My Butt.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be teleporting into my butt.

User
Still peeing
vt

I went rafting, saw still peeing in the river, no big deal.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re still peeing, get to the front of the line.
I scream, you scream, still peeing, rhythmic pounding!
My publisher demanded I remove still peeing from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s still peeing and I think I believe her!
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always still peeing. Always.

User
Anime kids
np

They cut open the crocodile to find anime kids, still being slathered in baby oil like always.
The survey team detected getting all fucked up on PCP at the work site so I threw anime kids in my truck and drove straight there.
The thief was caught stealing squirting acid from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of anime kids.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with anime kids in his lap.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had anime kids.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with anime kids.

User
*lurk* *lurk*
User
Doing drugs
v

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was doing drugs and tried to attack it.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still doing drugs!
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were doing drugs, would you be doing drugs as well?”
At the Amazon Go store you can grab sex toy directions and walk right out the door without doing drugs.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried doing drugs.
I think a lot of people would pay to see doing drugs.

User
Wet denim
nc

The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a big, red X and a strange boy who fights wet denim.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re wet denim!
If you do it right, wet denim is all about a muffled yell.
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as wet denim.
The survey team detected rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about at the work site so I threw wet denim in my truck and drove straight there.
Wet denim has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.



Russian mafia money
nc

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Russian mafia money.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find Russian mafia money.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “Russian mafia money.”
My car looks like it’s Russian mafia money but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Russian mafia money up and down the highway.
My mom picked me up Russian mafia money from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

User
Eatin' bugs
v

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of eatin' bugs in its food processing operations.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was eatin' bugs.
The dog ate a newer, sleeker leopard so we’re waiting for eatin' bugs.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Eatin' Bugs” syndrome!
Dad! I’m all done eatin' bugs, so I have a Vietnamese landmine left over if you’re still interested.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “eatin' bugs.”

User
Sliding one leg out
v

I don’t know how letting her in could lead to sliding one leg out but it probably involves resting bitch face!
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, sliding one leg out every single day.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how sliding one leg out happens.
Let’s wait for a uniquely adapted slave race to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get sliding one leg out.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw sliding one leg out for the first time!
Hot Grills is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by sliding one leg out.

User
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried  {v}.

Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried huddling in the corner.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried accepting any crap without opposing thoughts.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried shimmying up the pole.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried shouldering most of the blame.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried evading capture.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried going as deep as possible.

User
Going off
v

Gather round, family, it’s time to hang going off on the Christmas tree.
I don’t know how spiking a pug could lead to going off but it probably involves a gentle, flourished spanking!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn smoky chipotle flavored scuba air, but now for work I’m going off. Go figure!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate going off to prepare for a mission to mars.
Art can be defined by farting while asleep but only if it gets you going off and inspired.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a pill for every problem and walk right out the door without going off.

User
Too many cats
np

When I saw too many cats I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, being dragged by the neck, I freaked!
We put too many cats in your tea!
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with too many cats.
A needle can actually erode too many cats, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and too many cats.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of too many cats in the soil.

User
Swallowing a poodle whole
v

All the best love stories include swallowing a poodle whole.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Dude After Dude Co., tapping into the growing market for swallowing a poodle whole.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a little surprise incest jumping and nipping at me from below and even swallowing a poodle whole.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but swallowing a poodle whole.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not swallowing a poodle whole like your brother?”
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s swallowing a poodle whole.

User
Scrappy Doo
n

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Scrappy Doo jumping and nipping at me from below and even conjuring.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Scrappy Doo is a loaded gun.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to Scrappy Doo.
You evaded my “Scrappy Doo” attack! Most impressive.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle Scrappy Doo.
Getting Scrappy Doo back out of a volcano is next to impossible.

User
A cat treat
n

In Kentucky stores can’t sell a cat treat after 8pm, or on holidays like Pedophiles Day.
How high do you have to be to put a cat treat on Velcro shoes?
Until quite recently, a cat treat had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang a cat treat on the Christmas tree.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a cat treat!”
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a cat treat in the mirror! And it smelled like rival anthills in there! I’m so scared!

User
Your stupid Toyota Solara
n

Your stupid Toyota Solara gets me into some awkward situations. But the princess’s saliva has always got my back.
I don’t need love because I’m your stupid Toyota Solara. Sorry mom!
Lonely guys in Japan can buy your stupid Toyota Solara that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
My spirit animal: your stupid Toyota Solara.
Your stupid Toyota Solara is always a contest when I’m involved.
While I was out the Roomba got into your stupid Toyota Solara and was getting off.

User
Bitter droplets
np

Today I bought bitter droplets from the back of a van. They also threw in backwash, which I didn’t even think was legal.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch bitter droplets and her butthole.
The city council wants to cut down on bitter droplets. Meanwhile people are freely repeating the same mistake!
My kids keep installing bitter droplets on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A stalker with bitter droplets.
I was so surprised to see adult language that bitter droplets fell out of my mouth.

User
A little LSD
nc

After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “a Little LSD
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a little LSD and a strange boy who fights a caged madman.
At work I secretly have a little LSD under my desk.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a little LSD, a naturopathic remedy.
My school is throwing a tiny bone fragment party this weekend. Come for going straight to hell. Stay for a little LSD!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a humiliated animal went off early, ejecting a little LSD into the air!

User
Barking at teenagers
v

Dad! I’m all done barking at teenagers, so I have a watermelon owned by a black man left over if you’re still interested.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a really long nose hair went off early, ejecting barking at teenagers into the air!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to barking at teenagers.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized barking at teenagers.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about beating up retarded people, but with barking at teenagers!
Barking at teenagers is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.

User
Stealing a shark from the aquarium
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: stealing a shark from the aquarium!!!
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began stealing a shark from the aquarium.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with stealing a shark from the aquarium.
Last night I dreamed of stealing a shark from the aquarium. I cannot shake the feeling that a wet burst will arrive soon.
When I get older, I don’t want to be stealing a shark from the aquarium.
Stealing a shark from the aquarium is always a contest when I’m involved.



User
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to  .

From that day forward I've dedicated my life to pulling out just in time.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to the next time.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to flimsy toilet paper.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to killing all men.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to Woman 2.0.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to fluids from my face.

User
Chicken and water
nc

I scream, you scream, chicken and water, udders!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found chicken and water sticking to the wall.
Let’s wait for door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get chicken and water.
Don’t you hate the feeling of putting on fresh socks and stepping in a puddle of chicken and water?
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m chicken and water.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was chicken and water.

User
Lobster popcorn
nc

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with lobster popcorn. I barely even felt your lifestyle.
I saw industrial adhesive down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be lobster popcorn with us.”
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was lobster popcorn.
Here on the assembly line we heat lobster popcorn to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is untwisting.
In this 15th century painting, a slut who will do anything is represented by a man with lobster popcorn for a head.
Lobster popcorn has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
A safety belt
n

I was vacuuming when I sucked beef curtains out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a safety belt came out too!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a safety belt happens.
If a safety belt were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A gut with a safety belt.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a safety belt.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate a safety belt to prepare for a mission to mars.

User
A layer of fresh cream
n

Although moving away from lubricant proved effective for schools, the switch to a layer of fresh cream initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
My house. 8 o’clock. A layer of fresh cream.
Furious that I was being maimed in foreign lands into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a layer of fresh cream.
Can’t go out because of a layer of fresh cream on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-all-the-air-in-the-room-cor is right for you.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a layer of fresh cream, a naturopathic remedy.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Hate-fucking” and it helps me with a layer of fresh cream.

User
A giggling baby
n

Experts said that based on preliminary data, a giggling baby appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a giggling baby spice, a made up racial slur spice, and honey spice!
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a giggling baby popped out!
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a giggling baby and acquire shitting a bowling ball!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Mom and Dad; a giggling baby; my father’s example.
If you do it right, a giggling baby is all about my feelings.

User
Feeding my children
v

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only no minors and feeding my children.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Feeding My Children”! I shook his hand and it felt like feeding my children.
Last night was the tragic result of feeding my children
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had feeding my children removed so she can live a normal life.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be feeding my children.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: feeding my children.



Getting sold down the river
v

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Getting-sold-down-the-river-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving that sack of shit.
At the winery tour we saw how they put sweat and dead skin and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like getting sold down the river.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Wriggly little worms; getting sold down the river; a molecule.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with tender biting jumping and nipping at me from below and even getting sold down the river.
I make females with four teats for my cat by getting sold down the river with the thing hanging out of my butt. Oreo loves it!
We’re having the sound of someone sipping soup situation. Watch out for getting sold down the river and please stand by...

User
An eagle with human genitalia
n

4 out of 5 doctors recommend an eagle with human genitalia.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: An Eagle with Human Genitalia Blast!
I found out why I’m always sick... they found an eagle with human genitalia in the walls at my office.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see an eagle with human genitalia!
I don’t know how showing mercy could lead to an eagle with human genitalia but it probably involves many people!
Vote for me and I’ll stop slipping on a jizz slick, get rid of an eagle with human genitalia, and give everyone my secret sex gymnasium for free.

User
A big fat butt
n

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Consensual Manslaughter” and it helps me with a big fat butt.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had a big fat butt removed so she can live a normal life.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a big fat butt.
My mom picked me up a big fat butt from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
When I get older, I don’t want to be a big fat butt.
I tried to sneak out of the store with the polite scorn of a Canadian under one arm and a big fat butt down my pants.

User
Actually good pizza
nc

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with actually good pizza.
During my driving test, I backed my car into actually good pizza. I still got an 85!
All the best love stories include actually good pizza.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate actually good pizza.
The Internet is made out of actually good pizza.
Scorpions can shed actually good pizza in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

User
Sobbing quietly
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw sobbing quietly in the mirror! And it smelled like milking a buffalo in there! I’m so scared!
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Sobbing Quietly
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always sobbing quietly. Always.
I will do anything for Mom and Dad. But I won’t do sobbing quietly!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate sobbing quietly to prepare for a mission to mars.
They said sobbing quietly was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got sobbing quietly out the ears!

User
What was left
nc

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and what was left.
I didn’t think this house would sell with Asia in the attic. Anyway, I’m what was left.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of what was left and a Fedex full of deals.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about what was left?
Ever since what was left appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while completely wigging out.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned what was left. As a result, his men were well motivated.



Something to die for
n

When you two are done plummeting from 20,000 feet, can we please get something to die for and get out of here?!
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw my first time flavor and then something to die for flavor.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be something to die for.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in something to die for, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got something to die for painted on both sides, which some say encourages a rotting infant carcass.
My pharmacist separated something to die for into two parts, and carefully lowered one into an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around.



Just the thought of   makes me sick to my stomach.

Just the thought of skin worms makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of another way in makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of clicking the mouse makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of Axl Rose and his big teeth makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of his tumor makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of the island and everyone on it makes me sick to my stomach.

User
My dad's thoughts
np

To change kitty’s litter: grab my dad's thoughts, dig out any clumps, and refill with a bitch as nasty as that.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to my dad's thoughts, even before I put on my clothes.
When I saw my dad's thoughts I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, carefully removing my skeleton, I freaked!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found my dad's thoughts.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of my dad's thoughts hanging over the freeway.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift my dad's thoughts over my head, but Axl Rose and his big teeth got in the way.



My sad thoughts
np

I bought my sad thoughts yesterday and now I can’t stop fornicating all day, every day!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of my sad thoughts and the words “the girl next door”. I don’t get it!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my sad thoughts in the sea.
The White House will no longer enforce The My Sad Thoughts Act of 1959. Thank God.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re my sad thoughts, get to the front of the line.
I’ve finally got the last of urine sprinkles out of my sad thoughts.

User
Different people
np

Make sure to hang different people in a tree so Fancy Santas leaves your tent alone.
I was surprised to find bones in different people. Is that normal?
During the half-time show, a rip in different people exposed Velcro shoes to the audience.
I thought I was alone with different people but my mom walked in. We got to being slathered in baby oil and I felt better.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into different people! She’s 62!
I want to be buried with different people.

User
Just talkin' on the phone
v

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for just talkin' on the phone
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to just talkin' on the phone, even before I put on my clothes.
Don’t look at me while I’m just talkin' on the phone! It messes me up!
My girlfriend kicked my Kazakhstani grandma, and now she’s just talkin' on the phone. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as just talkin' on the phone or lying on the floor, cheering.
The cruiseliner struck black lace and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with just talkin' on the phone.

User
A lava bomb
n

I chipped my tooth on a lava bomb. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t Velcro shoes.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a lava bomb.
When the celestial spheres align, a lava bomb will descend from the heavens.
Make sure to hang a lava bomb in a tree so a shard of shrapnel leaves your tent alone.
I wasn’t always black... there was a lava bomb, and it got bigger and bigger.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Lava Bomb” syndrome!

User
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with  {n}, seared, and  {n}, raw.
Play 2

Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with spines, seared, and butt gas, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with a choreographed anti-drug dance, seared, and a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with pedophiles, seared, and salt, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with the royal baby, seared, and a great big sword, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with a mindless animal response, seared, and my shadow, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with various fluids, seared, and mood enhancing hormones, raw.

User
Seventeen espresso beans
np

I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing seventeen espresso beans down the gopher holes.
At work I secretly have seventeen espresso beans under my desk.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Seventeen Espresso Beans”! I shook his hand and it felt like seventeen espresso beans.
My girlfriend kicked cannibals, and now she’s seventeen espresso beans. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Can’t go out because of seventeen espresso beans on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-Taco-Bell-cor is right for you.
Always hold on to seventeen espresso beans to remember me.

User
A sexual act with the mini-sub
n

Our artisanal process ages a good girl for 3 years, before going right into a sexual act with the mini-sub, rapidly murdering someone through the internet.
Let’s wait for a sexual act with the mini-sub to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get fathering children with a lesbian.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a sexual act with the mini-sub to the vastness of space.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a sexual act with the mini-sub.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Sexual Act with the Mini-sub?
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a sexual act with the mini-sub on the freeway.



Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with  {s}, called me  {n}.
Play 2

Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a guillotine, called me nasty boys.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a little piece of shit, called me a hot bubbly blast of my innards.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with the whole planet, called me an enraged bee.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a side fuck, called me a dollar.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a gay vagina, called me tandem showering.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a cage built for an autistic student, called me my hood.

User
 {Un}: a bit much, even by my standards.

Man animals: a bit much, even by my standards.
Tainted love: a bit much, even by my standards.
The part I pee out of: a bit much, even by my standards.
Unexpected penetration: a bit much, even by my standards.
A time machine: a bit much, even by my standards.
The tiniest little idea in my pea brain: a bit much, even by my standards.

User
The corpses along the way
n

I thought I was alone with the corpses along the way but my mom walked in. We got to being dipped in Nutella and I felt better.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, the corpses along the way appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I came with the corpses along the way to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought dat ass so nobody even noticed!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with the corpses along the way.
This new Mario game is weird. You need the corpses along the way to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a lovable grandfather.
We couldn’t land because of a minivan with a dead body in it caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like the corpses along the way.

User
Corpses along the way
np

Until quite recently, corpses along the way had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
The authorities followed the trail of corpses along the way, leading them straight to the suspect.
They didn’t have corpses along the way at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed doing surgery on LSD.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded corpses along the way and now I’m having trouble with industrial solvent.
Corpses-Along-the-Way-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Corpses along the way can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.

User
Strawberry syrup
nc

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Strawberry Syrup!
Ever since the incident with strawberry syrup I’ve been haunted by another way in.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with strawberry syrup, a naturopathic remedy.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start needing one more inch before strawberry syrup.
It’s lucky to touch strawberry syrup; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I’m late to my meeting for strawberry syrup.

User
Just some weirdo
n

I bought just some weirdo yesterday and now I can’t stop vomiting gore all over your face!
My school is throwing a Secret Service agent party this weekend. Come for deliberately standing in front of a cannon. Stay for just some weirdo!
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still just some weirdo!
To change kitty’s litter: grab just some weirdo, dig out any clumps, and refill with this spring’s hottest new fashions.
The problem with America is just some weirdo.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is just some weirdo.

User
George can't come to the party. He's  .

George can't come to the party. He's snake jizz.
George can't come to the party. He's scissoring.
George can't come to the party. He's a scimitar twirling terrorist.
George can't come to the party. He's threatening my wife and child.
George can't come to the party. He's the most sensitive part of my body.
George can't come to the party. He's each of the victims.

User
A premature ejaculator
n

The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put a premature ejaculator in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
I’ve finally got the last of a premature ejaculator out of fist pumping.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a premature ejaculator by rewarding them with a Ouija board.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a premature ejaculator on the porch to surprise the kids.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from getting hella preggers with a premature ejaculator.
One of the Baldwin brothers produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a premature ejaculator to keep warm.

User
Barfing in the closet later
v

Art can be defined by barfing in the closet later but only if it gets you increasing in size and inspired.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not barfing in the closet later like your brother?”
Go, go, Gadget Barfing in the Closet Later!
Growing up we never had a winking hole, but we had to deal with barfing in the closet later, and I want the opposite for my children.
I’m getting a falling tree installed in my car, so I can be barfing in the closet later while I drive.
It’s time to scrape the remains of barfing in the closet later off the driveway.

User
Two tortilla chips
np

Don’t shake a box of wine so hard, it’ll start two tortilla chips.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with two tortilla chips slowly overtaking the buildings.
I’m going to post the new white card "two tortilla chips" to SAH. What do you think to the reanimated corpse of my neighbor?
Hate-fucking can actually erode two tortilla chips, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on two tortilla chips, or even some kind of a strap-on scene.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for two tortilla chips.

User
Correcting a woman
v

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s correcting a woman.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all correcting a woman, right while I’m surviving.
While I was out the Roomba got into an imitation poop spiral and was correcting a woman.
Thanks for correcting a woman last night. *wink* *wink*
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a certain je ne sais quoi and can be used for correcting a woman.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be correcting a woman.

User
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like  {n}.

Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like hot biscuits & gravy.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like The Blood-Soaked Queen.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like their white asses.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like cooter muscles.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like a sudden penetration.
Georgia O'Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like a cunt slap.

User
Give me liberty or give me  {n}!

Give me liberty or give me a massive, hissing centipede!
Give me liberty or give me a refreshing douche of Sprite®!
Give me liberty or give me salt!
Give me liberty or give me a thick, luscious banana slug!
Give me liberty or give me the royal baby!
Give me liberty or give me complete madness!

User
Dogs: the animal most likely to be  .

Dogs: the animal most likely to be a deflating balloon.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be peeing in a cup.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be Dad’s money.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be hot biscuits & gravy.
Dogs: the animal most likely to be blowing chunks.



How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be   if I'm not allowed to be  .
Play 1

How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be too much denim if I'm not allowed to be too much denim.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be oiled thighs if I'm not allowed to be oiled thighs.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be the killing of educated adults if I'm not allowed to be the killing of educated adults.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be the power of love if I'm not allowed to be the power of love.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be a little crack if I'm not allowed to be a little crack.
How come Colonel Sanders is allowed to be the ’80s if I'm not allowed to be the ’80s.

User
California woman arrested after leaving  {n} in her car while shopping at Walmart.

California woman arrested after leaving questions. Ceaseless questions in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving laser sounds in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving crotch rot in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving enough mules in her car while shopping at Walmart.
California woman arrested after leaving those responsible in her car while shopping at Walmart.

User
Is it OK to put  {n} in the microwave?

Is it OK to put the basement in the microwave?
Is it OK to put an iceberg in the microwave?
Is it OK to put their own mothers in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a watermelon owned by a black man in the microwave?
Is it OK to put Donald Trump’s family in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a wasted life in the microwave?

User
You can send  {n} back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.

You can send the front half back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send a teeny tiny baby back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send a madhouse! A madhouse! back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send nudity back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send the last breath of a dying man back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.
You can send a finely sculpted buttock back to the kitchen for being too cold, but they'll just microwave it.

User
Sticky notes are good for  .

Sticky notes are good for oozing holes.
Sticky notes are good for hog dander.
Sticky notes are good for falling into boiling water.
Sticky notes are good for micropenises.
Sticky notes are good for giving good solid advice.
Sticky notes are good for having a zero-value existence.

User
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best  {UTvpc}."

At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Pitching a God Damn Hissy Fit."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Taking a Flying Leap."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best White Guilt."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Running with a Floppy, Out-of-control Hand."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best No Minors."
At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, "Best Insurance."

User
Upgrading
vt

I prayed to God for upgrading, and God delivered!
My school is throwing your blessed little heart party this weekend. Come for crisp fresh lettuce. Stay for upgrading!
When I saw goat porn I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, upgrading, I freaked!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Self-cutting; upgrading; earwig pincers.
A lifetime of upgrading awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
At the coffee shop they put “upgrading” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.



Tasering a puppy
v

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use gross people to treat tasering a puppy!
Thanks for tasering a puppy last night. *wink* *wink*
Tasering a puppy like this is enough to kill a horse!
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in tasering a puppy together.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of tasering a puppy.
While you’re at the store can you pick up tasering a puppy, in family size?

User
 {U} is too racist for Australia.

A backdoor woman is too racist for Australia.
A shrieking tarantula is too racist for Australia.
Several clones of hitler is too racist for Australia.
Enough lube is too racist for Australia.
Thinking about spiders is too racist for Australia.
Being asleep, not dead is too racist for Australia.

User
User error
nc

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in user error.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab user error and walk right out the door without being ashamed of your nakedness.
At the winery tour we saw how they put user error and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like doing a weird sex thing.
I make user error for my cat by putting my mouth on it with an extremely uncomfortable mattress. Oreo loves it!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking user error onto the International Space Station.
At my 9th birthday, we had a phone ringing off the hook piñata that burst open showering user error on us kids.

User
Just to get all spins of the original:

Will I ever love  {n} as much as I love haunted houses?

Will I ever love a mistake as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love imaginary friend, Captain Howdy as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love a gentleman with the tummy grumbles as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love a traffic cone full of bibimbap as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love Disneyland! as much as I love haunted houses?
Will I ever love all sorts of shit as much as I love haunted houses?



Will I ever love a man as much as I love  {p}?

Will I ever love a man as much as I love gurgling tar pits?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love the elevator shaft?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love deals?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love lower standards?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love awesome lectures?
Will I ever love a man as much as I love two firetrucks?

User
A human child
n

A human child can only be killed by females with four teats.
I like my women like I like rival anthills: reaching around with a human child.
I prayed to God for a human child, and God delivered!
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a human child.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a traffic cop and a mouthfeel like a human child.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Human Child”! I shook his hand and it felt like a human child.

User
Hurting my chest
v

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience hurting my chest like I was really there.
My wife printed me a certifcate for hurting my chest. I’m excited for tonight!
A new study found that giving employees compliments and hurting my chest can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Pundits agree it will take hurting my chest for the senator to win the election.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and hurting my chest.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by hurting my chest.

User
A fat piece of blood
n

Go, go, Gadget a Fat Piece of Blood!
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the tiniest little idea in my pea brain and a fat piece of blood.
When I think South America, I feel a fat piece of blood.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a fat piece of blood for free on every corner.
While I was out the Roomba got into a fat piece of blood and was yanking hard.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned a fat piece of blood. As a result, his men were well motivated.

User
A no-legged cat
n

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a no-legged cat in the pillows.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a no-legged cat and to avoid human body warmth.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a no-legged cat.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady smashing skulls with a no-legged cat.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a no-legged cat, a naturopathic remedy.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into a no-legged cat.

User
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of   on them.

These playing cards all have naughty pictures of quicksand on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of butt licks on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a puffy penis costume on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of turkey tacos on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a dusty butthole on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of poopy toilet paper on them.

User
As the magician crammed the last of  {n} into his mouth,  {n} popped out his ear!
Play 2

As the magician crammed the last of a grave error into his mouth, a special little fuck popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a prop gun into his mouth, trapped stairs that fold into a ramp popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of the “fun” stuff into his mouth, bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a tiny Jamaican into his mouth, pictures of my body popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of too much denim into his mouth, a dick out popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a Christmas tree into his mouth, ointment popped out his ear!

User
Coming back
v

My new phone looks like it’s coming back but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be coming back during sex.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for coming back and to avoid no touching and no sex.
This year’s hottest album is “coming back” by slavery.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a uniquely adapted slave race and the words “coming back”. I don’t get it!
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s coming back.

User
Going "shloop!"
v

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with power of attorney went off early, ejecting going "shloop!" into the air!
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s going "shloop!".
I’ve finally got the last of curses out of going "shloop!".
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by going "shloop!".
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Going "shloop!".
During the war, German scientists experimented with going "shloop!" to weaponize every part of the buffalo.

User
Levitating
vt

The referee just issued a red card to levitating for sliding into giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be levitating and where does nasty boys come in?
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with levitating.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn levitating, but now for work I’m the nanny. Go figure!
It’s time to scrape the remains of levitating off the driveway.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about levitating.

User
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get  {n} up the stairs.

"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a quickie up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a short muscular rectum up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get another man up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get balls caught in the car window up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get life-altering injuries up the stairs.

User
Waiting in the car alone
v

When I saw victory or death I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, waiting in the car alone, I freaked!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was waiting in the car alone.
I’m late to my meeting for waiting in the car alone.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s waiting in the car alone.
I beat waiting in the car alone all the time!
I thought I was alone with the reanimated corpse of my neighbor but my mom walked in. We got to waiting in the car alone and I felt better.

User
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into  {n}.

My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into white chocolate, if you know what I mean.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a humiliated animal.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into an improvised explosive device.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into hot babes.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a forty foot Ferris wheel.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into heavy hearts.

User
Right in the sack
nc

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only my black son and right in the sack.
Monopoly: Right in the Sack Edition comes with a stupid student and smooth boys instead of houses and hotels.
They didn’t have a lump in the blanket at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed right in the sack.
Amtrak officials confirm right in the sack would have prevented train derailment.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt right in the sack in the sea.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into right in the sack, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start listening to sad music and being sad.

User
A glitter strap-on dildo
n

Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a glitter strap-on dildo mailing anthrax.
It's like they always say: a glitter strap-on dildo never changes.
I buried my treasure under a glitter strap-on dildo so you’d never find it!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a glitter strap-on dildo.
There is no revenge so complete as a glitter strap-on dildo.
I prayed to God for a glitter strap-on dildo, and God delivered!

User
Come to find out  {n} was hiding in the shower while I was  {v}.
Play 2

Come to find out a period was hiding in the shower while I was wetting the bed.
Come to find out a weak little person was hiding in the shower while I was achieving an orgasm.
Come to find out the black president was hiding in the shower while I was closing her legs.
Come to find out the coming race war was hiding in the shower while I was joining the Army in a panic.
Come to find out the women was hiding in the shower while I was biking down the Luxor.
Come to find out intense pain was hiding in the shower while I was touching your vaggie while sleeping.



Come to find out  {n} was  {v} in the shower while I was  {v}.
Play 3

Come to find out llama spit was offending people in the shower while I was hiding some pee.
Come to find out spiders again was getting crushed between two trucks in the shower while I was sitting in the bathtub.
Come to find out a number of thrusts was untwisting in the shower while I was listening to sad music and being sad.
Come to find out shaved bears was grabbing her pussy in the shower while I was being hit by space debris.
Come to find out a silent, anonymous encounter was hiding in the shower while I was nothing else.
Come to find out a fistful of glitter was going straight to hell for this in the shower while I was delegating responsibilities.

User
Family startled to find  {n} hiding in pool noodle.

Family startled to find extremely poor judgment hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find my first time hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find a hot bubbly blast of my innards hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find the cruel ambition of my father hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find several children hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find so few little turds hiding in pool noodle.

User
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in  {n}.

Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in hot water.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in grabby hands.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in an ant in my beard.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in my front fat.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in a mutilated torso.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in loose morals.

User
Two vials of essence of cat screams
np

Blow torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get two vials of essence of cat screams from a suspected terrorist.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find Russian dressing, two vials of essence of cat screams and a good soak.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “two vials of essence of cat screams”.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a slut who deserved it destroyed and two vials of essence of cat screams killed as well.
First you get Mexican forces. Then you get two vials of essence of cat screams. Then you get a milky sweat bead.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Two Vials of Essence of Cat Screams?

User
Zero chupacabras
np

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen zero chupacabras.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Zero Chupacabras Blast!
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be falling into boiling water and where does zero chupacabras come in?
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with zero chupacabras.
If mom hears us talking about zero chupacabras we’ll be SO grounded!
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get zero chupacabras removed from her and bad juju removed from me.

User
Zero cupcakes
np

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on zero cupcakes.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a gigantic eyeball on a stalk in the toilet and touched zero cupcakes on the wall.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to zero cupcakes.
It’s not delivery. It’s zero cupcakes.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with zero cupcakes.
In the third world, luxuries like an invisible wall are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to zero cupcakes.

User
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and  {n} streams in through the lens.

An aperture opens at the front of the camera and some kids streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and the last breath of a dying man streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and live wires hanging from the ceiling streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and an exploitative sex tape streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and a dog boner streams in through the lens.
An aperture opens at the front of the camera and that sex move that drives me crazy streams in through the lens.

User
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under  {n}.

I won hide-and-seek by hiding under Satan’s dark little snatch.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under nothingness.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under a fatal bee sting on the anus.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under $200 worth of Taco Bell™.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under the sun.
I won hide-and-seek by hiding under Jesus’s death.

User
The drain wasn't draining because there was  {s} caught in it.

The drain wasn't draining because there was an earthworm caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a big, heavy shotgun caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a hollow shell caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a rocket with a mouse strapped on caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was the stillness of death caught in it.
The drain wasn't draining because there was a promise caught in it.



An elephant
n

Howdy neighbor, love a hanging body! Let’s get an elephant sometime!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an elephant.
Furious that I was running with a floppy, out-of-control hand into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into an elephant.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have an elephant.
While I was out the Roomba got into an elephant and was taking it hard.
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as an elephant.

User
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's  {p} all the way down.

The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's baby eels all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's balls caught in the car window all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's hugs and kisses all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's leopard print top hats all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's lips all the way down.
The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it's cooties all the way down.

User
Gasoline-soaked rags
np

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS GASOLINE-SOAKED RAGS WAITING TO KILL.”
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, gasoline-soaked rags, sloth, wrath, a big surprise, and pride.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put gasoline-soaked rags in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
If you do it right, gasoline-soaked rags is all about solving a problem.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Two-country-bumpkins-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and gasoline-soaked rags.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put gasoline-soaked rags in the pillows.

User
Blubber
nc

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, blubber emerged.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in blubber.
On the assembly line we heat blubber to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is putting up with you.
Pundits agree it will take blubber for the senator to win the election.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore blubber in a very realistic way.
When you two are done being attacked by a skeleton, can we please get blubber and get out of here?!



Floss
nc

Sir! We are out of floss, but we found a mountain of jew gold while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for floss.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into floss and stopped.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of floss in the soil.
Back in my day, we only had a refreshing douche of Sprite® for floss and we LIKED IT.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as floss.

User
Getting milked
v

Ever since markings on my neck appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while getting milked.
What the mercy killing department lacks in selection, we make up for in getting milked.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into getting milked! She’s 62!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Getting Milked!
When I saw slow diarrhea I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting milked, I freaked!
My wife is WAY better at getting milked than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years

User
The creamiest
n

At work I secretly have the creamiest under my desk.
I Googled for the creamiest and found a picture of myself.
But of the tree of the creamiest you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Work the creamiest up until frothing before spreading across mood enhancing hormones, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
I could tell a virus had ended up behind me when I felt the creamiest as I backed up.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and the creamiest.

User
Being so creamy
v

The HOA says I can’t raise machine guns on my property. Meanwhile no word about being so creamy at the Jones’s!
Alexander also named a city in India “Being so Creamy” after his dead horse.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn searching his ass, but now for work I’m being so creamy. Go figure!
That kind of attitude is why we have being so creamy now.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “being so creamy,” over and over again while in use.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, being so creamy every single day.

User
Nodding sadly
v

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still nodding sadly!
Nodding sadly is the spice of a falling chimney.
If mom hears us talking about nodding sadly we’ll be SO grounded!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore nodding sadly in a very realistic way.
James Bond will return in “The Man With nodding sadly”!
Let a certain je ne sais quoi host your next party, providing nodding sadly like you’ve never experienced before.



The prosecution
n

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during the prosecution that overturned their car.
Vote for me and I’ll stop doing your best and trying your hardest, get rid of us black folk, and give everyone the prosecution for free.
The prosecution saved is the prosecution earned.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for the prosecution.
Opioids help people with the prosecution, but then they cant poop.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for the prosecution.

User
Unlocking my piss chakra
v

Are you there God? It’s me, unlocking my piss chakra.
I scream, you scream, the reason this happened, unlocking my piss chakra!
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for unlocking my piss chakra?
I’m gonna prove the link between unlocking my piss chakra and Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks! You’ll all see!
Unlocking my piss chakra nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a big surprise.
My dream house has a real jerk-off built in, an extra garage for unlocking my piss chakra, and the killing of educated adults for the door bell.

User
An utterly filthy butt crack
n

I buried my treasure under an utterly filthy butt crack so you’d never find it!
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to an utterly filthy butt crack.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on an utterly filthy butt crack when I bought a crazed Eskimo.
I’ve finally got the last of an utterly filthy butt crack out of gurgling tar pits.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for an utterly filthy butt crack?
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate an utterly filthy butt crack.

User
Getting wet
v

I can’t believe you forced my mom into getting wet! She’s 62!
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from getting wet, and the eco-glass windows trap in a fridge full of heads.
There’s a backdoor woman convention going on and everybody is getting wet.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting wet,” over and over again while in use.
I can’t believe you guys went getting wet without me! Loop me in next time, I want most of my blood too!
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, getting wet every single day.

User
Me? Or your lyin' eyes
np

Me? Or your lyin' eyes! Me? Or your lyin' eyes! My kingdom for me? Or your lyin' eyes!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a wild animal and now I’m having trouble with me? Or your lyin' eyes.
Senator, give us me? Or your lyin' eyes biannually and you’ll get our vote.
I’m getting me? Or your lyin' eyes installed in my car, so I can be a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice while I drive.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by me? Or your lyin' eyes.
I think a lot of people would pay to see me? Or your lyin' eyes.



Me?
n

Always hold on to me? to remember me.
I Googled for me? and found a picture of myself.
Me? really messes up my butt complexion!
My dream house has the tickle zone built in, an extra garage for me?, and a leak for the door bell.
Me?: It’s nature’s candy!
Men, like me?, go farthest when they are a fridge full of heads.



The intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote
n

Look, man, I’m not into the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote. But $20 is $20.
Don’t look at me while I’m the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote! It messes me up!
The intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just hiding the pain. Sorry.
The intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote in the sea.
Opinions are like the intelligence level of Wile E. Coyote. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

User
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de  {UT} de los Ángeles del Río  {UT}
Play 2

The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de A Joke from the Internet de los Ángeles del Río A Drop of Blood
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Questions. Ceaseless Questions de los Ángeles del Río Some Dead Guy’s Money
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Being Asleep, Not Dead de los Ángeles del Río Getting HUGE
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de A Deathbed de los Ángeles del Río Bitches on the Love Throne
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Anally Consuming a Walnut de los Ángeles del Río The Bad Cop
The full name of Los Angeles: El Pueblo de Falling in Love with a White Girl de los Ángeles del Río A Gut

User
The loss of  {n} has been devastating to the children of this town.

The loss of a fistful of hair has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of the pelvis has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of my hot girlfriend has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of a flea has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of a vibrator with a voice has been devastating to the children of this town.
The loss of a pig on top has been devastating to the children of this town.

User
Crytax that's weird.
User
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to  .

New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to an accident.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to Martha Stewart, orgasming.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to my last tooth.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to every part of the buffalo.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to a lucky toss.
New report finds no evidence that having sex with robots leads to the elevator shaft.

User
Sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box
v

My spirit animal: sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box.
My publisher demanded I remove sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box gets me into some awkward situations. But 19GB of horseporn has always got my back.
Music without the sounds of sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box is hardly music at all.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box?

User
 {U}? I rinsed my hole for  ?
Play 1

A dusty butthole? I rinsed my hole for a dusty butthole?
Choking bitches? I rinsed my hole for choking bitches?
A karate chop? I rinsed my hole for a karate chop?
Steady pumping? I rinsed my hole for steady pumping?
My skin template? I rinsed my hole for my skin template?
Angelina Jolie’s lips? I rinsed my hole for Angelina Jolie’s lips?

User
A robotic breast massager
n

I’m gonna prove the link between a robotic breast massager and cannibals! You’ll all see!
A robotic breast massager is your comfort zone in the ocean of life!
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a robotic breast massager and a roll of toilet paper.
I was vacuuming when I sucked formaldehyde out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a robotic breast massager came out too!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Robotic Breast Massager”! I shook his hand and it felt like a robotic breast massager.
If you have a dream about a robotic breast massager, it means you’re worried about joining the Army in a panic.

User
Getting run over by a Bentley
v

A major problem is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting run over by a Bentley. Sorry.
Then God said, “Let there be getting run over by a Bentley”; and there was getting run over by a Bentley. And God saw that getting run over by a Bentley was good.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by filthy underpants and getting run over by a Bentley.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Getting Run over by a Bentley”! I shook his hand and it felt like getting run over by a Bentley.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift the taste of Rohypnol over my head, but getting run over by a Bentley got in the way.
Vote for me and I’ll stop getting run over by a Bentley, get rid of very expensive gelato, and give everyone shavings for free.

User
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be  .

I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be a penis and a vagina.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be cuts on the wall.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be the pilot, who died instantly.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be skin slack.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be a mountain of jew gold.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be almost enough oxygen.

User
Cutting my neck open
v

being suspended in gelatin is where cutting my neck open goes to die.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit cutting my neck open and acquire an invisible wall!
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s cutting my neck open, with his tumor around the edges, and Krampus, the child punisher on top.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is cutting my neck open.
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were cutting my neck open.
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been cutting my neck open?

User
The kids were running around and one knocked over  {n}.

The kids were running around and one knocked over a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves.
The kids were running around and one knocked over the part I pee out of.
The kids were running around and one knocked over accusations.
The kids were running around and one knocked over Nicki Minaj’s hot pants.
The kids were running around and one knocked over a prime cut of steak.
The kids were running around and one knocked over battery acid.

User
Using my face as a fly swatter
v

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between untwisting and using my face as a fly swatter.
Pundits agree it will take using my face as a fly swatter for the senator to win the election.
Ich bin ein using my face as a fly swatter.
My new phone looks like it’s using my face as a fly swatter but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
At the winery tour we saw how they put no wheelchair access and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like using my face as a fly swatter.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be using my face as a fly swatter if I wanted a new family.



My face as a fly swatter
n

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see my face as a fly swatter!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about my face as a fly swatter.
I Googled for my face as a fly swatter and found a picture of myself.
Last Christmas, I gave you my face as a fly swatter. The very next day, you gave it away.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of my face as a fly swatter wriggling and thrashing.
It’s time to scrape the remains of my face as a fly swatter off the driveway.

User
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been  .

Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been a virus.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been hiding some pee.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been smashing skulls.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been my evil little body.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been disappointment.



Hooking onto the inside of my butt
v

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Meat and cheese nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with hooking onto the inside of my butt.
I’m getting a succulent jumbo prawn installed in my car, so I can be hooking onto the inside of my butt while I drive.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a thick, luscious banana slug, a close friend and hooking onto the inside of my butt.

User
Looking like a sex offender
v

You evaded my “Looking like a Sex Offender” attack! Most impressive.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with looking like a sex offender.
Looking-like-a-Sex-Offender-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use looking like a sex offender to treat hate-fucking!
They cut open the crocodile to find wrestling alligators, still looking like a sex offender like always.
Doctor! My child has looking like a sex offender coursing through his veins!



A completely normal sexual encounter
n

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A completely normal sexual encounter.
Her inheritance was squandered upon some seriously fucked shit while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a completely normal sexual encounter in her own home.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a completely normal sexual encounter.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a completely normal sexual encounter.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a completely normal sexual encounter.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “A-completely-normal-sexual-encounter-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving demons.

User
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at  {UTv} of  {UTn}"
Play 2

My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Shitting a Bowling Ball of Hindquarters"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Leaking out My Bum of Dinosaurs"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Befuddlin’ Mah Dumb Cracka Mind of The Last Wish of a Dying Man"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Shaking of Unbelievably Beautiful Hair"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Accepting Any Crap Without Opposing Thoughts of A Sexual Encounter"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Mounting of Wetness"

User
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for   during the Iraq War.

The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for just plain racism during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for accidentally hitting your daughter during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for a Ouija board during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for crotch rot during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for crashing out of a window during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for 80,000 tons of nuclear waste during the Iraq War.

User
Cranking super hard
v

An Even Freakier Dude is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by cranking super hard.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by cranking super hard.
I like so few little turds like I like my coffee: cranking super hard, put in a sack, and dragged across life-altering injuries.
Furious that I was cranking super hard into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into 19 cannons.
Cranking super hard is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Slender and muscled, like complex maths. She was the spitting image of cranking super hard.

User
🐺🌙🐺🌙🐺 AWR0000000000000000000000000!!! 🐺🌙🐺🌙🐺

User
We have a zero tolerance policy for   here at Disney. So take  {n} and leave quietly please.
Play 2

We have a zero tolerance policy for all sorts of shit here at Disney. So take a wet spot and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for cutting here at Disney. So take a sexually aggressive woman and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for lethal radiation here at Disney. So take bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for a purring kitten here at Disney. So take emoticons and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for the president’s helicopter here at Disney. So take a body pillow with a penis and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for needing one more inch here at Disney. So take the moron I hired to kill you and leave quietly please.

User
The entire Mississippi River
n

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with the entire Mississippi River, a naturopathic remedy.
I went rafting, saw the entire Mississippi River in the river, no big deal.
More armies need to incorporate the entire Mississippi River into their uniforms.
All the best love stories include the entire Mississippi River.
Shepherds in Scotland have used peeing out a crab for years to keep the flock from the entire Mississippi River.
We have a zero tolerance policy for unexpected penetration here at Disney. So get the entire Mississippi River and get out!

User
Huge glittery eyelashes
np

Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for clicking the mouse and to avoid huge glittery eyelashes.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of huge glittery eyelashes.
I’m getting huge glittery eyelashes installed in my car, so I can be gurgling tar pits while I drive.
For my last meal I want nine guys you fucked seasoned lightly with huge glittery eyelashes.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “huge glittery eyelashes
When I think South America, I feel huge glittery eyelashes.

User
A suspicious death in a neighboring city
n

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a suspicious death in a neighboring city that overturned their car.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for a suspicious death in a neighboring city.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “a suspicious death in a neighboring city.”
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a suspicious death in a neighboring city. Always.
This year’s hottest album is “touching your vaggie while sleeping” by a suspicious death in a neighboring city.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a suspicious death in a neighboring city... Sweet! Sunny-D!

User
Willing flesh
nc

We’re having a lucky toss situation. Watch out for willing flesh and please stand by...
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found willing flesh.
This workplace has gone (0) days without willing flesh.
Howdy neighbor, love willing flesh! Let’s get touching my deformity sometime!
Slender and muscled, like willing flesh. She was the spitting image of too much wiggling.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience willing flesh like I was really there.

User
 {Un}: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.

A little sack of ball sacks: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
No evidence of any infidelity: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Barely any swag: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Pure love: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
The Dutch oven: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Fly honeys: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.

User
I love this Pokemon Go bug.

User
My wife cooked  {n} in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

My wife cooked a pill for every problem in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked a quiet plop in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked a mafia hitman in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked sex friends in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked your greasy food hole in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

User
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for  {v}.

Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for peeing out a crab.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for diddling.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for needing one more inch.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for gassing.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for sewing it shut.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for being attacked by a skeleton.

User
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down  {n} Saturday

Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down skeleton hands Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down the escape route Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down these faggots Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down a piñata full of cigarettes Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down mutual discomfort Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around Saturday

User
The school's on lockdown because someone left  {n} in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was  {v} with it!
Play 2

The school's on lockdown because someone left a giant eraser in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was rubbing my gland with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left Tony’s prison baby in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was picking at it with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was hitting a man out of his wheelchair with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left rolling eyes in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was completely wigging out with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left accusations in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was being fucking dead with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left a feeding tube in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was sobbing silently to yourself as the night closes in with it!

User
Confirmed fatalities
np

Today I bought confirmed fatalities from the back of a van. They also threw in a mistake, which I didn’t even think was legal.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found confirmed fatalities.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only confirmed fatalities and the brave men and women fighting for us come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I thought I was alone with confirmed fatalities but my mom walked in. We got to listening to sad music and being sad and I felt better.
Are you there God? It’s me, confirmed fatalities.
You, ya dirty bum nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid confirmed fatalities.

User
Getting a job
v

I scream, you scream, getting a job, a single shot to the head!
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like other things I’ve put in my butt and can be used for getting a job.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in getting a job!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Getting a Job” syndrome!
Getting a job like this is enough to kill a horse!
Getting a job is the spice of elbow grease.

User
Every mom
nc

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a wild animal and a mouthfeel like every mom.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in every mom in the middle of each intersection.
Apparently, “Every Mom” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with every mom.
Every mom: It’s nature’s candy!
Ever since the incident with a kitten pawing at my wiener I’ve been haunted by every mom.



Every mom's nightmare
n

The new top grade of gasoline has every mom's nightmare as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is every mom's nightmare.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took every mom's nightmare to the funeral.
Make sure to hang a shard of shrapnel in a tree so every mom's nightmare leaves your tent alone.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s every mom's nightmare.
Every mom's nightmare can only be killed by a protective layer of rubber.

User
Traveling one minute back in time
v

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of traveling one minute back in time came on the screen.
Apparently, “Traveling One Minute Back in Time” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
There is no revenge so complete as traveling one minute back in time.
No thanks. My doctor said traveling one minute back in time makes defecation painful.
When you two are done traveling one minute back in time, can we please get cheering children and get out of here?!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be traveling one minute back in time.

User
Horsepox
nc

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use horsepox to treat a virus!
Honey, you can’t keep putting horsepox down the garbage disposal!
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift horsepox over my head, but a tattered jockstrap got in the way.
Can’t go out because of two firetrucks on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-horsepox-cor is right for you.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by horsepox.
My girlfriend kicked a lamprey infestation, and now she’s horsepox. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

User
Having a heart attach in Azteca
v

There’s mom convention going on and everybody is having a heart attach in Azteca.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “having a heart attach in Azteca,” over and over again while in use.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re having a heart attach in Azteca!
But I promised I would get my kids having a heart attach in Azteca for Christmas!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s having a heart attach in Azteca and I think I believe her!
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in having a heart attach in Azteca together.



User
Not peeing on the seat
v

The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of not peeing on the seat.
Not peeing on the seat really messes up my butt complexion!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in not peeing on the seat.
I like my women like I like graffiti that says “FUCK YOU”: not peeing on the seat with scissoring.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find not peeing on the seat so relaxing.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all blowing in my ear, right while I’m not peeing on the seat.



Only peeing on the seat
v

At the Amazon Go store you can grab all the air in the room and walk right out the door without only peeing on the seat.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to only peeing on the seat.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with only peeing on the seat.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling Axl Rose and his big teeth. The driver was only peeing on the seat.
I think a lot of people would pay to see only peeing on the seat.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk only peeing on the seat.



Getting pee on the seat
v

Shepherds in Scotland have used pitching a god damn hissy fit for years to keep the flock from getting pee on the seat.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as cunting around even harder or getting pee on the seat.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began getting pee on the seat.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but getting pee on the seat.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: getting pee on the seat.
The White House will no longer enforce The Getting Pee on the Seat Act of 1959. Thank God.

User
Pooch cancer
nc

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re pooch cancer!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as some guy named Darryl, score points by writhing on the floor and screaming my name, and pooch cancer shall not be on the field.
pooch cancer is where filthy underpants goes to die.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have pooch cancer.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for pooch cancer and to avoid exploding from both ends.
Furious that I was stopping just in time into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into pooch cancer.

User
DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy
n

The dog ate DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy so we’re waiting for machine gun fire.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of sock puppets, squirting acid, and DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
The cruiseliner struck DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a menacing spike.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
“D” is for DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
I was surprised to find bones in DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy. Is that normal?



The human butthole
n

The new artsy indie game “The Human Butthole” is a deeply emotional exploration of getting impregnated by an advanced robot.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the human butthole.
I will do anything for the human butthole. But I won’t do that!
This party was a real snooze, until the human butthole got things jumpin’.
I thought I was alone with the human butthole but my mom walked in. We got to acting like a child and I felt better.
Doctor! My child has the human butthole coursing through his veins!

User
For April Fools, I glued  {n} under my coworkers desks.

For April Fools, I glued a greased slope under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued love under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued flailing under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued a wayward dental implant under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued the women under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued hot sparks under my coworkers desks.

User
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with  {n}.

The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a secret.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a great big sword.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a wet spot.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with something even wetter.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with loudspeakers.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a projectile.

User
Getting dragged out in the street and shot
v

Don’t shake the inside so hard, it’ll start getting dragged out in the street and shot.
The problem with America is getting dragged out in the street and shot.
While I was out the Roomba got into those responsible and was getting dragged out in the street and shot.
I will do anything for getting dragged out in the street and shot. But I won’t do that!
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting dragged out in the street and shot.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed getting dragged out in the street and shot.



 {Un} should be dragged out in the street and shot.

A gasoline enema should be dragged out in the street and shot.
A novelty gag dildo should be dragged out in the street and shot.
Dudes should be dragged out in the street and shot.
The tickle zone should be dragged out in the street and shot.
That sex move that drives me crazy should be dragged out in the street and shot.
A wasted life should be dragged out in the street and shot.

User
Back pain
nc

Getting back pain back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
My religion demands that I must abstain from a 100 foot tidal wave. Back pain however, is OK.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on back pain.
1) A robot may not injure back pain, or through inaction allow back pain to come to harm.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Back pain and another hole in the head.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had back pain.



An argumentative vegan
n

To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago and an argumentative vegan.
James Bond will return in “The Man With an argumentative vegan”!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! An argumentative vegan can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Ever since an argumentative vegan appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while hiding the pain.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like an argumentative vegan.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of black leggings, 19GB of horseporn, and an argumentative vegan.

User
CRYTAX CARD DUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!

wwwhhooooOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!!!
User
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into  {n} factory to catch  {p}.
Play 2

Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into honey factory to catch sex toy directions.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a wiggly meat tube factory to catch shaved bears.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a screaming dog factory to catch your sisters.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into crush beast factory to catch furries.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a gurgling anus factory to catch REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into an accident factory to catch their own mothers.

User
Getting killed in my house
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as my hot girlfriend, score points by getting killed in my house, and my bisexuality shall not be on the field.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn getting killed in my house, but now for work I’m a bitch as nasty as that. Go figure!
This year’s hottest new fashion is getting killed in my house on your head.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re getting killed in my house, get to the front of the line.
I’m late to my meeting for getting killed in my house.
Apparently, “Getting Killed in My House” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

User
Marching together
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: marching together!!!
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized marching together.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with marching together.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, marching together appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was needing one more inch, part was marching together, and it was crowned with a drop of blood.
Marching together can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.



March together with us for   rights!

March together with us for wriggling and thrashing rights!
March together with us for wet dog smell rights!
March together with us for a cunt slap rights!
March together with us for being dragged rights!
March together with us for the rifleman’s upper body rights!
March together with us for pendulous breasts rights!

User
Being dissolved in acid
v

You can’t keep running around like being dissolved in acid, you’re endangering the bitter cold!
The HOA says I can’t raise good bacteria on my property. Meanwhile no word about being dissolved in acid at the Jones’s!
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Being Dissolved in Acid
Shepherds in Scotland have used being dissolved in acid for years to keep the flock from a protective layer of rubber.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep being dissolved in acid out of mainland China.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then being dissolved in acid really affected me.

User
You know the human centipede? This is more like  {n} centipede.

You know the human centipede? This is more like a plump, lazy hyena centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like Her Majesty, the Queen centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like an empty Tic Tac® box centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like the shittier one centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like the egg I hatched from centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like a very old jellybean centipede.

User
 {Un}: everybody gets one.

A slot: everybody gets one.
Dilation of the uterus: everybody gets one.
Mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores: everybody gets one.
A human-sized hamster ball: everybody gets one.
A gold ingot: everybody gets one.
An Amazon woman: everybody gets one.

User
An aggressive centipede
n

I want to be buried with an aggressive centipede.
I thought I was alone with an aggressive centipede but my mom walked in. We got to threatening my wife and child and I felt better.
An aggressive centipede is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Daddy! There’s an aggressive centipede under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I need a hotel room with the Hell pits, and I need an aggressive centipede brought to me every four hours.
I could tell $10 had ended up behind me when I felt an aggressive centipede as I backed up.



Startling an aggressive centipede
v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than startling an aggressive centipede.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of startling an aggressive centipede came on the screen.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, startling an aggressive centipede every single day.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Startling an aggressive centipede can increase your breast size in three weeks!
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Startling an Aggressive Centipede Blast!
In a world with another leopard startling an aggressive centipede, one man must overcome answers to all of life’s questions. Coming this summer.

User
My parents used to beat me with  {n}. I just had to lay there and take it.

My parents used to beat me with every pterodactyl. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with thick oatmeal. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with nut sack hairs. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with a frantic woman. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with wriggly little worms. I just had to lay there and take it.
My parents used to beat me with a submissive sex android. I just had to lay there and take it.



A shopping cart
n

Oh no! Obama put a shopping cart in the water to turn a softer option gay!
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a shopping cart.
Last night I dreamed of the baby. I cannot shake the feeling that a shopping cart will arrive soon.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a shopping cart came on the screen.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a shopping cart popped out!
I will do anything for Evander Holyfield’s ear. But I won’t do a shopping cart!



Getting beaten with a shopping cart
v

Bumper sticker: My other ride is getting beaten with a shopping cart.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a fluid-filled body cavity in the attic. Anyway, I’m getting beaten with a shopping cart.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting beaten with a shopping cart.
Alexander also named a city in India “Getting Beaten with a Shopping Cart” after his dead horse.
See now black people walk like floppy, out-of-control boobs. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting beaten with a shopping cart!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a uniquely adapted slave race went off early, ejecting getting beaten with a shopping cart into the air!

User
Mimicking the anus of a dead animal
v

Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw mimicking the anus of a dead animal flavor and then machine gun fire flavor.
Alexander also named a city in India “Mimicking the Anus of a Dead Animal” after his dead horse.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for mimicking the anus of a dead animal!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then mimicking the anus of a dead animal really affected me.
At the winery tour we saw how they put shenanigans and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like mimicking the anus of a dead animal.
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been mimicking the anus of a dead animal?

User
The Philippines is going to block  {n} on the Internet.

The Philippines is going to block an unexpected finger on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block the finest quality cheese on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block a dick out on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block flimsy toilet paper on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block 20 dollars on the Internet.
The Philippines is going to block a newer, sleeker leopard on the Internet.

User
Fecal bacteria
nc

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but fecal bacteria.
For my last meal I want just me, by myself seasoned lightly with fecal bacteria.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Fecal Bacteria!
My religion demands that I must abstain from fecal bacteria. Ice cold seawater however, is OK.
Fecal bacteria travelled over 20 feet after throwing a 9 year old.
There is no revenge so complete as fecal bacteria.



Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in  {n} and blow it on your hands.

Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a sex swing and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a gentleman with the tummy grumbles and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a syringe of Tabasco and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in failure and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in energy and blow it on your hands.
Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a deluge of vomit and blow it on your hands.

User
Hearing it
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw spiders in the mirror! And it smelled like hearing it in there! I’m so scared!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “hearing it.”
Wolves don’t eat hearing it, and neither should kings.
Senator, I trust you enjoyed hearing it last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
People in Taiwan are getting a sex-addicted panda implanted in their bodies for hearing it.
There’s a suitcase full of guns and money convention going on and everybody is hearing it.



Beating it
v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from beating it, and the eco-glass windows trap in my feelings.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how beating it happens.
I scream, you scream, beating it, lifting off the toilet!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by beating it around the building.
If mom hears us talking about beating it we’ll be SO grounded!
The authorities followed the trail of beating it, leading them straight to the suspect.

User
We Germans are really into ze  {p} and ze farts.

We Germans are really into ze fly honeys and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze great tits and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze heavy hearts and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze edible disguises and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze hyperactive legs and ze farts.
We Germans are really into ze us black folk and ze farts.

User
Hooker pee
nc

It’s time to scrape the remains of hooker pee off the driveway.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “hooker pee.”
In a world with a strange candy that makes you gay running around slamming doors, one man must overcome hooker pee. Coming this summer.
I pushed hard enough to snap hooker pee, but some powerful kind of rhythmic pounding was blocking the door.
I will do anything for hooker pee. But I won’t do that!
During routine surgery, the doctors found hooker pee embedded in my abdomen.



Hooker spit
nc

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around hooker spit on the freeway.
It’s not delivery. It’s hooker spit.
While I was out the Roomba got into hooker spit and was smashing skulls.
Giving birth to a prosthetic baby with hooker spit is a uniquely British problem.
Hooker spit saved is hooker spit earned.
In the third world, luxuries like hooker spit are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to an even freakier dude.

User
Wow! Ever part of  {n} is  {v}.
Play 2

Wow! Ever part of black market lungs is adding alcohol.
Wow! Ever part of the whole bottle of sleeping pills is beeping.
Wow! Ever part of a wondrous, splendifirous little thing is being angry and stupid.
Wow! Ever part of baby Jesus is being carted away.
Wow! Ever part of a cataclysmic magic spell is blowing in my ear.
Wow! Ever part of most of my money is danglin’ out there all pink and naked.

User
And God said: If I ever catch you  {v} with  {n} I'm sending you straight to Hell.
Play 2

And God said: If I ever catch you catching one in the bum with squirting acid I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you getting stepped on by a dominatrix with the power of love I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you shooting myself in the foot with a child drowning in a vat of molasses I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you doing a bad job at pooping with the heart I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you being sterilized with pictures of my body I'm sending you straight to Hell.
And God said: If I ever catch you drunk sexting my sister with pretty girls getting killed I'm sending you straight to Hell.

User
Other buried treasure
nc

Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug other buried treasure the fastest.
The dog ate other buried treasure so we’re waiting for a crow in a blender.
I ordered other buried treasure privately over the Internet so I can get better at spiking a pug.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with other buried treasure.
Ever since the incident with other buried treasure I’ve been haunted by cutting a hole in my pants.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of other buried treasure in the sky.



Hell
nc

Ever since Hell appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while wriggling and thrashing.
Hell is always a contest when I’m involved.
The Internet is made out of Hell.
You’re not a mom! You’re just Hell!
Help! I’m Hell and I need YOU to do something about it!
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up Hell in every room.

User
Never succeeding
v

Help! I’m never succeeding and I need YOU to do something about it!
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s never succeeding.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had never succeeding removed so she can live a normal life.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly never succeeding right in front of their children.
No one in Morocco can be never succeeding without registering with the government.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from never succeeding with gross people.

User
There's a new rumor that the president was  {v} out of wedlock.

There's a new rumor that the president was biking down the Luxor out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was chugging NyQuil™ out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was mercy killing out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was refusing any help out of wedlock.
There's a new rumor that the president was tunneling around out of wedlock.

User
The man claiming to be his father
n

You stole the toilet from a child? You’re the man claiming to be his father and you’re going to hell!
I thought I was alone with the man claiming to be his father but my mom walked in. We got to accidentally hitting your daughter and I felt better.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy the man claiming to be his father, and you get a stiff upper lip as a sign up bonus.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience the man claiming to be his father like I was really there.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? The man claiming to be his father.
I wasn’t always black... there was the man claiming to be his father, and it got bigger and bigger.

User
You fool! You uploaded  {n} and crashed the whole website!

You fool! You uploaded other things I’ve put in my butt and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded an invisible wall and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded delicate ladybrains and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded a night of unrestrained passion and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded a cunt slap and crashed the whole website!
You fool! You uploaded inactivity and poor health and crashed the whole website!



Filthy crazy gay smut
nc

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with filthy crazy gay smut.
You stole micropenises from a child? You’re filthy crazy gay smut and you’re going to hell!
I saw filthy crazy gay smut down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be neglecting a spike with us.”
I buried my treasure under filthy crazy gay smut so you’d never find it!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in filthy crazy gay smut.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Filthy Crazy Gay Smut Blast!

User
In front of the senate investigators,  {n} tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.

In front of the senate investigators, machine guns tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, both my ears tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, a one hundred dollar bill tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, donkeydump tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, tandem showering tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.
In front of the senate investigators, just me, by myself tore open and emerged from Zuckerberg's oily husk.

User
The same stuff Prince used
nc

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the same stuff Prince used in the pillows.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Mom-and-Dad-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and the same stuff Prince used.
The same stuff Prince used gets me into some awkward situations. But a sex swing mishap has always got my back.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find the same stuff Prince used, the taxpayers and fathering children with a lesbian.
Vote for me and I’ll stop hoping nothing kills you, get rid of the same stuff Prince used, and give everyone a huge mountain for free.
Last night I dreamed of the same stuff Prince used. I cannot shake the feeling that a projectile will arrive soon.

User
Is your teen engaging in the " {UTn} Challenge"? Sucking   into their nose and out their mouth?
Play 1

Is your teen engaging in the "Tits like a Smoking Chimney Challenge"? Sucking tits like a smoking chimney into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "A Robustly Satisfying Fart Challenge"? Sucking a robustly satisfying fart into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "Oozing Holes Challenge"? Sucking oozing holes into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "Slow Diarrhea Challenge"? Sucking slow diarrhea into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "Machine Guns Challenge"? Sucking machine guns into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in the "A Mafia Hitman Challenge"? Sucking a mafia hitman into their nose and out their mouth?

User
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always  {v} with Chad.

We had to let Rebecca go because she was always torturing your family with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always lifting off the toilet with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always terrorizing that pussy with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always pooping for four hours a day with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always threatening my mom with Chad.
We had to let Rebecca go because she was always being deep inside each other with Chad.



Trying to get it on
v

Trying-to-Get-It-on-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
That kind of attitude is why we have trying to get it on now.
I Googled for trying to get it on and found a picture of myself.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Trying to get it on.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a steering wheel flavor and then trying to get it on flavor.
grabby hands is where trying to get it on goes to die.

User
Is your teen engaging in " {UTn} Challenge"? Sucking   into their nose and out their mouth?
Play 1

Is your teen engaging in "A Condom with Johnny Depp’s Face on It Challenge"? Sucking a condom with Johnny Depp’s face on it into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "An Extremely Painful Sneeze Challenge"? Sucking an extremely painful sneeze into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "Shitty Chairs from IKEA® Challenge"? Sucking shitty chairs from IKEA® into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "Furries Challenge"? Sucking furries into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "Outrageous Fortune Challenge"? Sucking outrageous fortune into their nose and out their mouth?
Is your teen engaging in "A Submissive Sex Android Challenge"? Sucking a submissive sex android into their nose and out their mouth?

User
Pet story time:

I brought my pet to the mall (where pets ARENT ALLOWED!) and my pet ate some of the plants behind the bench outside Menchies. I was hiding my pet in my bags (FROM ARM CANDY (the purse store)) but my pet was still able to eat the foliage AND WHEN THE MALL SECURITY GUARD came over I had to EAT THE LEAVES TOO to prove it was me and NOT my pet. So I got kicked out of the mall for eating that. I'm not putting my pet in time out cuz my pet doesnt know better. I love my pet.

User
I found a new one! Maybe not as good as the last one. But my camera is way better now. Welcome to the future.

User
The criminals had hidden  {n} at the end of a video game.

The criminals had hidden people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden no wheelchair access at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden Grandma’s ghost at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden the very iceberg that sunk the Titanic at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden sex at the end of a video game.
The criminals had hidden Russian dressing at the end of a video game.



The stolen documents
np

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got the stolen documents painted on both sides, which some say encourages cuts on the wall.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with the stolen documents.
I think a lot of people would pay to see the stolen documents.
My dream house has fictitious queer same sex transformation built in, an extra garage for the stolen documents, and heavy hearts for the door bell.
Make sure to hang _ can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough. in a tree so the stolen documents leaves your tent alone.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed the stolen documents up and down the highway.

User
'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea
nc

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea for the first time!
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea allowing babies to starve while you gorge!
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea up and down the highway.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea in the pillows.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Last Christmas, everyone got 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea under the tree and very depraved porn in their stockings!

User
R Kelly's "sex pet"
n

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on R Kelly's "sex pet".
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was R Kelly's "sex pet".
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch R Kelly's "sex pet" at the girls camp.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with R Kelly's "sex pet"! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about R Kelly's "sex pet".
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by R Kelly's "sex pet"?

User
A conjoined twin
n

This party was a real snooze, until a conjoined twin got things jumpin’.
Politics. The Being Slathered in Baby Oil Party, is always trying to shove a tightrope down our throats. This time it’s a conjoined twin.
Opioids help people with a conjoined twin, but then they cant poop.
Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that a conjoined twin came shooting out of a mind-erasing kit.
Hello, 911? I think there’s a conjoined twin in my house...
When you two are done reaching around, can we please get a conjoined twin and get out of here?!



The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of  {pc}.

The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of the finest quality cheese.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of pretty girls getting killed.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of lower standards.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of hot babes.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of peach vodka.
The genius at the Genius Bar says my computer is full of my dead parents.

User
Helping me poop
v

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember helping me poop?”
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between sacrificing the homeless and helping me poop.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into meat and cheese before helping me poop.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be helping me poop during sex.
I got so drunk last night that I got helping me poop all over everyone and everything.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Helping me poop can increase your breast size in three weeks!

User
Going number 3
v

If you kids don’t stop going number 3, I will turn an angry penis for the woman around!
When you two are done going number 3, can we please get violent death and get out of here?!
I will do anything for going number 3. But I won’t do a lesbian’s head!
Pundits agree it will take going number 3 for the senator to win the election.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was going number 3, part was being unfit to even live, and it was crowned with my DNA.
I didn’t mean to start going number 3, it just happened!



Bleeding everywhere
v

Bleeding everywhere in the hand is worth two in the bush.
The White House will no longer enforce The Bleeding Everywhere Act of 1959. Thank God.
To change kitty’s litter: grab eight sexual partners, dig out any clumps, and refill with bleeding everywhere.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as whacking your sausage against the counter or bleeding everywhere.
Great job on the proposal for bleeding everywhere, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the king and his family.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, feigned sympathy, toilet paper, shelter, and bleeding everywhere.

User
That freak from Wells Fargo
n

I’ve been chopping down high-voltage wires to build that freak from Wells Fargo for me and my wife.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and that freak from Wells Fargo.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as that freak from Wells Fargo.
I can’t swing the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago around here without hitting that freak from Wells Fargo!
Let The Blood-Soaked Queen host your next party, providing that freak from Wells Fargo like you’ve never experienced before.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the hole where the heart once fit. Would you like to try our new special, that freak from Wells Fargo?

User
Getting old
v

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for getting old?
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of getting old in its food processing operations.
If you do it right, getting old is all about a syringe.
People in Taiwan are getting a car crash implanted in their bodies for getting old.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “getting old.”
Getting old in the hand is worth two in the bush.



Getting poked
v

I Googled for getting poked and found a picture of myself.
No one in Morocco can be getting poked without registering with the government.
My publisher demanded I remove getting poked from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Doctor! My child has getting poked coursing through his veins!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began getting poked.
The only thing standing in your way is getting poked.

User
Breastfeeding a baby kitten
v

The president’s tweet reads: “The my hood story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the Mormon church for breastfeeding a baby kitten! Very sad and sick!”
Help! I’m breastfeeding a baby kitten and I need YOU to do something about it!
If breastfeeding a baby kitten were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate breastfeeding a baby kitten to prepare for a mission to mars.
During my time in the Navy I was taunted and called Mr. Breastfeeding a Baby Kitten.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like breastfeeding a baby kitten.



Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten
n

Don’t shake Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten so hard, it’ll start tasteful blackface.
1) A robot may not injure Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten, or through inaction allow Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten to come to harm.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of evil thinking and a mouthfeel like Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
In the third world, luxuries like a garbage disposal are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as consensual manslaughter equipped with Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
Ever since Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while lying perfectly still.

Truck
User
Hey! I'm an asshole too, dang it!
User
The cornerstone of British culture: racism
n

We’re having the cornerstone of British culture: racism situation. Watch out for the island and everyone on it and please stand by...
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in the cornerstone of British culture: racism.
I prayed to God for the cornerstone of British culture: racism, and God delivered!
The cornerstone of British culture: racism is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than the cornerstone of British culture: racism.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always the cornerstone of British culture: racism. Always.



Getting slapped by a nurse
v

My school is throwing my swollen jaw party this weekend. Come for getting slapped by a nurse. Stay for a dust bunny!
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk getting slapped by a nurse.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw black lace flavor and then getting slapped by a nurse flavor.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of getting slapped by a nurse.
When I saw the princess’s saliva I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting slapped by a nurse, I freaked!
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find my brother, who I’m sure you remember, a stroke and getting slapped by a nurse.

User
The Catholic Church is going to make  {sc} a saint!

The Catholic Church is going to make my happy place a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make real life a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a succulent jumbo prawn a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make shaking a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a soap bubble a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a life preserver a saint!



Some perv at work put a hidden camera in  {n} to watch people  {v}.
Play 2

Some perv at work put a hidden camera in a big, heavy shotgun to watch people making it go back in.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in my vaginal microbiome to watch people driving like a butt munch.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in weight loss to watch people throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in the gravy dimension to watch people being a bitch.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in a purring kitten to watch people drilling into the brain.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in my dead parents to watch people hiding under the bed.

User
12 dimensions
np

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during 12 dimensions that overturned their car.
After 6 grueling years, Microsoft and I have created 12 dimensions.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti 12-dimensions-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a little piece of shit.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a deluge of vomit and my card appeared in 12 dimensions!
The president’s tweet reads: “The 12 dimensions story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a piece of lint near my vagina for throwing a 9 year old! Very sad and sick!”
Sometimes I wish I could just lock 12 dimensions and all our faces in a room and let ‘em fight it out.

User
Global warming
nc

Are you there God? It’s me, global warming.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Global warming and each hole, sequentially.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were global warming, would you be global warming as well?”
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “global warming
At the skating rink there was global warming and everyone fell down at once.
We are going to taxidermy global warming to make a statue out of it!

User
At the wedding, the guests ate all the  {cp} before I could get any!

At the wedding, the guests ate all the battery acid before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the childbirth before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the googly eyes before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the dudes before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the lips before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the complete removal of the head before I could get any!

User
Having 5 kids and getting a divorce
v

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been gassing. The snail may have escaped having 5 kids and getting a divorce by going underground.
Today you’re on the receiving end of having 5 kids and getting a divorce.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and having 5 kids and getting a divorce.
My kid was acting like a Hitler moustache, so I took away having 5 kids and getting a divorce privileges.
I scream, you scream, the reason this happened, having 5 kids and getting a divorce!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw having 5 kids and getting a divorce in the mirror! And it smelled like being a bitch in there! I’m so scared!

User
It wasn't easy with my keyboard.

Truck
User
Your ice probably melted.

Anyway.

Welcome! Make yourself at home. And by that I mean you should probably get straight to the cleaning, cooking etc. B/c this isn't a hotel or a restaurant!
User
Women my age
nc

It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, women my age came out onto the bed.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of the escape route and a mouthfeel like women my age.
My kids keep installing women my age on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring women my age.
On Ebay you can get women my age but it comes in several tiny boxes.
When I think South America, I feel women my age.



Most women my age
nc

Instructions unclear: got graffiti that says “FUCK YOU” stuck in most women my age.
I will do anything for a gentle kiss on the teeth. But I won’t do most women my age!
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a crouton in the toilet and touched most women my age on the wall.
Most women my age is a suitcase full of guns and money in the ocean of life!
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of most women my age in history, rode into battle atop a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use between your legs to treat most women my age!

User
Mostly beef
nc

Mostly beef: It’s nature’s candy!
Amtrak officials confirm mostly beef would have prevented train derailment.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed mostly beef up and down the highway.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put mostly beef in the pillows.
The HOA says I can’t raise mostly beef on my property. Meanwhile no word about screwing with pants on at the Jones’s!
I like my women like I like mostly beef: shouldering most of the blame with being ashamed of your nakedness.



Nearly all the beef
nc

The White House will no longer enforce The Nearly All the Beef Act of 1959. Thank God.
My house. 8 o’clock. Nearly all the beef.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and nearly all the beef in the Philippines.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with nearly all the beef, a naturopathic remedy.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on nearly all the beef.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain nearly all the beef?



User
Much beef
nc

Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with much beef in his lap.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for much beef.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and much beef can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Always walk into an interview with Mr. President and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate much beef.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get an ovipositor removed from her and much beef removed from me.
Sir! We are out of outrageous fortune, but we found much beef while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?



So much beef
nc

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, so much beef emerged.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from so much beef.
The new bill before congress would require so much beef in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with so much beef.
During my driving test, I backed my car into so much beef. I still got an 85!
During the war, German scientists experimented with a carton of expired milk to weaponize so much beef.



Not much beef
nc

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with not much beef.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by not much beef.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with not much beef!”
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in not much beef.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: not much beef!!!
The only thing standing in your way is not much beef.

User
My outage midget
n

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, energy, sloth, wrath, my outage midget, and pride.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: The taxpayers; an imitation poop spiral; my outage midget.
Amtrak officials confirm my outage midget would have prevented train derailment.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in my outage midget.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with my outage midget.
My outage midget has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.



My other kidney
n

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “my other kidney” incident in the science lab.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift nut sack hairs over my head, but my other kidney got in the way.
You spent all your food-stamps on my other kidney?!
Great job on the proposal for farting while asleep, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you my other kidney.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me my other kidney while we were still in the car.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit summoning a succubus and acquire my other kidney!

User
Squid
nc

Squid like this is enough to kill a horse!
Senator, I trust you enjoyed squid last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
We couldn’t land because of squid caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like my baby door.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with squid.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of squid in the soil.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, squid came out onto the bed.



Bubbles!
np

Politics. The Bubbles! Party, is always trying to shove Jesus’s death down our throats. This time it’s a Powerpoint presentation.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Bubbles!,” the finest ship in the harbor!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Battery acid; bubbles!; a lump in the blanket.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in bubbles!.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of bubbles!.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began bubbles!.



Driving really fast
v

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience driving really fast like I was really there.
If driving really fast were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
My publisher demanded I remove driving really fast from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was driving really fast and tried to attack it.
Howdy neighbor, love the reanimated corpse of my neighbor! Let’s get driving really fast sometime!
The White House will no longer enforce The Driving Really Fast Act of 1959. Thank God.

User
Went to Uwajimaya, bought  {n}, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?

Went to Uwajimaya, bought no record of their death, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought love handles, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought a stiff upper lip, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought a prybar, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought a disease, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought my womanly virtue, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?

Truck
User
I was mostly expecting him to start posting spam.

But maybe he's a real person, I dunno.
User
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in  {n}.

They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in a sudden penetration.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in my skin template.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in a suitcase full of guns and money.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in shenanigans.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in good bacteria.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in giggling schoolgirls with cameras.

User
My uncle is stockpiling  {p}, like the Unabomber or something.

My uncle is stockpiling shenanigans, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling KA-BLAM!!, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling girl problems, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling two firetrucks, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling the Hell pits, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling wings, like the Unabomber or something.

Truck
User
You're on thin ice, Buddy.
User
A life lesson
n

The authorities followed the trail of a life lesson, leading them straight to the suspect.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a life lesson appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
When the suspect
User
Making people sick
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: making people sick!!!
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for making people sick!
The new artsy indie game “Making People Sick” is a deeply emotional exploration of taffy.
R Kelly fantasizes about making people sick with a young Beyonce.
I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are getting a face full of crotch or making people sick
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of that demon torture puzzle box making people sick.

User
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to  .

I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to a gay Mexican.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to shenanigans.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to the ends.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to the island and everyone on it.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to my secret sex gymnasium.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to the majestic Humboldt squid.

User
A big, quivering ulcer
n

The only thing standing in your way is a big, quivering ulcer.
When the beef came at me it was like a big, quivering ulcer.
I don’t need love because I’m a big, quivering ulcer. Sorry mom!
But I promised I would get my kids a big, quivering ulcer for Christmas!
A new study found that giving employees compliments and a big, quivering ulcer can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a big, quivering ulcer while we were still in the car.

User
Being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones
v

The authorities followed the trail of being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones, leading them straight to the suspect.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones.
I like my women like I like being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones: hiding some pee with a newer, sleeker leopard.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones while I’m black lace!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones.

User
It's all fun and games until someone loses  {n}!

It's all fun and games until someone loses a woman’s ankles!
It's all fun and games until someone loses several clones of hitler!
It's all fun and games until someone loses chocolate? Or maybe poop!
It's all fun and games until someone loses each hole, sequentially!
It's all fun and games until someone loses imaginary friend, Captain Howdy!
It's all fun and games until someone loses lubricant!

User
All day now, I've been picking little bits of  {n} out of  {n}.
Play 2

All day now, I've been picking little bits of your idiot ideas out of spongy flesh.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of muscles out of a carpet beetle.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of intense pressure out of a real butt-toucher.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of water out of white boys.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of violent docking, coming in hard out of the basement.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of either me or you out of a menacing spike.

User
Hold music
nc

The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of illegal porn, ginger beer, and a squeeze of hold music. Serve in eels.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be hold music if I wanted a new family.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of hold music in its food processing operations.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a foul odor. It made me feel like I was hold music.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw hold music in the mirror! And it smelled like a little surprise incest in there! I’m so scared!
I don’t think that even comes close to being hold music.

Truck
User
There've been almost no accidents since I set this up. I think the webcams are actually preventing almost all the accidents. But two small ones:

2018-01-29 White pickup from right in back, on freeway:


And just minutes ago... 2018-02-20 white car from left in front, on ramp:
User
Both legs in one pant leg
np

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a car crash and my card appeared in both legs in one pant leg!
This year’s hottest album is “both legs in one pant leg” by spraying up the wall.
Don’t leave the door open! both legs in one pant leg will get in.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Both Legs in One Pant Leg!
What will we do with both legs in one pant leg early in the morning?
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with both legs in one pant leg hanging in the window.

User
There I was,  {v} with my pants down.

There I was, quitting Facebook with my pants down.
There I was, shivering and moaning with my pants down.
There I was, being stuck forever with my pants down.
There I was, spinning blades with my pants down.
There I was, scoring with my pants down.
There I was, struggling to get out of the van with my pants down.

User
YouTube's Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone's  .

YouTube's Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone's shooting a rabbit with an arrow.
YouTube's Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone's the rifleman’s upper body.
YouTube's Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone's you, ya dirty bum.
YouTube's Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone's a deep cut.
YouTube's Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone's The Blood-Soaked Queen.
YouTube's Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone's fly honeys.

User
A mother is accused of feeding her child  {n} as a cure for autism.

A mother is accused of feeding her child hula hoops as a cure for autism.
A mother is accused of feeding her child a sexually aggressive woman as a cure for autism.
A mother is accused of feeding her child booms and flashes as a cure for autism.
A mother is accused of feeding her child salt as a cure for autism.
A mother is accused of feeding her child body parts of celebrities as a cure for autism.
A mother is accused of feeding her child a traffic cop as a cure for autism.

User
Insane penalties
np

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and insane penalties.
The White House will no longer enforce The Insane Penalties Act of 1959. Thank God.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and insane penalties coming right at us. Please advise.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find the island and everyone on it, insane penalties and a Hitler moustache.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch insane penalties and her butthole.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock insane penalties and a gay vagina in a room and let ‘em fight it out.

User
 {Un} is great for close quarters combat.

A tiny bone fragment is great for close quarters combat.
A surgical rotary saw is great for close quarters combat.
The placenta is great for close quarters combat.
A ripe body is great for close quarters combat.
An enraged bee is great for close quarters combat.
The savory gels of her lust is great for close quarters combat.

User
A serial puppy-drowner
n

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a serial puppy-drowner spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
A serial puppy-drowner is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Last Christmas, everyone got my last tooth under the tree and a serial puppy-drowner in their stockings!
Go, go, Gadget a Serial Puppy-drowner!
In Nevada you can pay for a lady cuttin’ off mommy’s finger with a serial puppy-drowner.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a serial puppy-drowner into women’s purses and bags.

User
Anglo-American heritage
nc

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “Anglo-American heritage,” over and over again while in use.
I reached expectantly into a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it, but found only Anglo-American heritage.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from Anglo-American heritage.
My nightly ritual involves a gurgling anus, Anglo-American heritage, and finally Pakistani cosmonauts just as I fall asleep.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy sex for procreation, and you get Anglo-American heritage as a sign up bonus.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy Anglo-American heritage from dispensaries.

User
At the doctor they pumped grandma full of  {cp}.

At the doctor they pumped grandma full of girl problems.
At the doctor they pumped grandma full of grab-ass.
At the doctor they pumped grandma full of two F-bombs.
At the doctor they pumped grandma full of insurance.
At the doctor they pumped grandma full of unladylike musculature.
At the doctor they pumped grandma full of sudden nudity.

User
Being encased
v

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of stubby fingers and a mouthfeel like being encased.
My wife printed me a certifcate for being encased. I’m excited for tonight!
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried being encased.
So what I’m saying is we have being encased to thank for Obama’s America.
I beat being encased all the time!
When I get older, I don’t want to be being encased.



In the original Star Wars, Han Solo was famously encased in  {n}.

In the original Star Wars, Han Solo was famously encased in a major problem.
In the original Star Wars, Han Solo was famously encased in black votes.
In the original Star Wars, Han Solo was famously encased in a piñata full of cigarettes.
In the original Star Wars, Han Solo was famously encased in my VERY jealous, protective pet spider.
In the original Star Wars, Han Solo was famously encased in a good thing for the heart.
In the original Star Wars, Han Solo was famously encased in oil-covered birds.

User
A new mother abandoned  {n} in the airport bathroom.

A new mother abandoned your past in the airport bathroom.
A new mother abandoned moisture in the airport bathroom.
A new mother abandoned a Secret Service agent in the airport bathroom.
A new mother abandoned a winking hole in the airport bathroom.
A new mother abandoned your bellybutton in the airport bathroom.
A new mother abandoned a rough testicle in the airport bathroom.

User
4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of  {} in the air.

4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of a girl on roller skates in the air.
4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of no more joy in the air.
4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of the female form in the air.
4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of the hottest girl in the air.
4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of Asia in the air.
4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of a cat, but upside down in the air.

User
A child going out a window
n

I think there’s a child going out a window convention going on downtown.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a child going out a window and can be used for BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than a child going out a window.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a child going out a window
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare a child going out a window right at your table.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a child going out a window into women’s purses and bags.

User
A secret code
n

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a secret code in a very realistic way.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw a secret code for the first time!
I’m going to post the new white card "going down the garbage disposal" to SAH. What do you think to a secret code?
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a secret code and is carrying $200 worth of Taco Bell™.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a secret code working me up into a frenzy!
Amtrak officials confirm a secret code would have prevented train derailment.

User
The polygamists
n

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to the polygamists.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and the polygamists in the Philippines.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by the polygamists.
I could tell the polygamists had ended up behind me when I felt some prick as I backed up.
In the first Battle of the Polygamists he faced a gaggle of nuns, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. The Polygamists is cannibals.



Polygamy
nc

I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as polygamy.
Working on my car I found polygamy had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge polygamy.
So what I’m saying is we have polygamy to thank for Obama’s America.
People in Taiwan are getting polygamy implanted in their bodies for pulling off pants.
Man invented the big ol’ boys, so woman invented polygamy.

User
Controlling the victim's sex toy directly
v

If I had controlling the victim's sex toy directly, you’d be sacrificing the homeless!
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m controlling the victim's sex toy directly.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for controlling the victim's sex toy directly.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw controlling the victim's sex toy directly for the first time!
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized controlling the victim's sex toy directly.
If you kids don’t stop controlling the victim's sex toy directly, I will turn wildly swinging middle fingers around!



Getting wrapped in bacon
v

There’s only my index finger convention going on and everybody is getting wrapped in bacon.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and getting wrapped in bacon in the Philippines.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider getting wrapped in bacon.
The thief was caught stealing a humiliated animal from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of getting wrapped in bacon.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is getting wrapped in bacon.
Here on the assembly line we heat girl problems to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is getting wrapped in bacon.



The gooey center
n

Authorities were tallying damage from the gooey center that struck southern California Friday evening.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me the gooey center while we were still in the car.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit banging them in their sodomy butts and acquire the gooey center!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of the gooey center, a way rude hunger, and a dust bunny.
I’ve finally got the last of the gooey center out of other things I’ve put in my butt.
I will do anything for a sexual encounter. But I won’t do the gooey center!

User
If you want your guests to feel at home, leave  {n} on the toilet.

If you want your guests to feel at home, leave daddy in his underpants on the toilet.
If you want your guests to feel at home, leave organic porpoise semen on the toilet.
If you want your guests to feel at home, leave something even wetter on the toilet.
If you want your guests to feel at home, leave infinite sausage on the toilet.
If you want your guests to feel at home, leave the bad cop on the toilet.
If you want your guests to feel at home, leave a list of names on the toilet.

User
You're a ding-dang double-upper!
User
White Americans
np

My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti White-Americans-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and what the dog ate.
Opioids help people with white Americans, but then they cant poop.
This party was a real snooze, until white Americans got things jumpin’.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m white Americans.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find white Americans in the back seat.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing white Americans down the gopher holes.

User
The " {T}" Rule means that bills about   must originate in the senate.
Play 2

The "a Rotting Infant Carcass" Rule means that bills about anally consuming a walnut must originate in the senate.
The "Mutual Discomfort" Rule means that bills about the instructions must originate in the senate.
The "a Mental Illness" Rule means that bills about three carrots must originate in the senate.
The "Beard Stroking" Rule means that bills about iodine must originate in the senate.
The "a Spooky Mummy" Rule means that bills about a good soak must originate in the senate.
The "a Deathbed" Rule means that bills about good vibes must originate in the senate.


User
I've paid $0 for this so far.
User
At the post office, the woman in front of me...  {n} came out of her pant leg and I giggled.

At the post office, the woman in front of me... a big bomb came out of her pant leg and I giggled.
At the post office, the woman in front of me... somersaults came out of her pant leg and I giggled.
At the post office, the woman in front of me... Milla Jovovich’s dirty underwear came out of her pant leg and I giggled.
At the post office, the woman in front of me... bathwater came out of her pant leg and I giggled.
At the post office, the woman in front of me... an infinite supply of anything and everything right at your fucking fingertips came out of her pant leg and I giggled.
At the post office, the woman in front of me... a well-rehearsed lie came out of her pant leg and I giggled.

User
I'm thinking of going in to get surgery for  .

I'm thinking of going in to get surgery for removing a uterine tumor with my teeth.
I'm thinking of going in to get surgery for Iron Maiden’s 747.
I'm thinking of going in to get surgery for hula hoops.
I'm thinking of going in to get surgery for a condom with Johnny Depp’s face on it.
I'm thinking of going in to get surgery for resting bitch face.
I'm thinking of going in to get surgery for a sexy, but stylish full turn.

User
Abandoned as a child, I was raised by  {n} in the woods.

Abandoned as a child, I was raised by steers and queers in the woods.
Abandoned as a child, I was raised by back surgery in the woods.
Abandoned as a child, I was raised by resting bitch face in the woods.
Abandoned as a child, I was raised by a cornhole in the woods.
Abandoned as a child, I was raised by a $160,000 diamond in the woods.
Abandoned as a child, I was raised by a body pillow with a penis in the woods.

User
The police found the kidnapper's victims hidden in  {n}.

The police found the kidnapper's victims hidden in hot water.
The police found the kidnapper's victims hidden in feigned sympathy.
The police found the kidnapper's victims hidden in a big donkey.
The police found the kidnapper's victims hidden in a small chubby.
The police found the kidnapper's victims hidden in an enraged bee.
The police found the kidnapper's victims hidden in a beehive.

User
A suspicious hole
n

My kid was acting like a suspicious hole, so I took away an elite Korean hacker privileges.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a suspicious hole?
They don’t make a suspicious hole like they used to! This one doesn’t even have the Hell pits.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a suspicious hole in the sky.
Growing up we never had a suspicious hole, but we had to deal with weight loss, and I want the opposite for my children.
No one in Morocco can be a suspicious hole without registering with the government.

User
*nudge nudge* *wink wink*
nv

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn pulling on my butthole hairs, but now for work I’m *nudge nudge* *wink wink*. Go figure!
The dog ate a prime cut of steak so we’re waiting for *nudge nudge* *wink wink*.
During routine surgery, the doctors found *nudge nudge* *wink wink* embedded in my abdomen.
Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that *nudge nudge* *wink wink* came shooting out of an even freakier dude.
When I saw half a man I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, *nudge nudge* *wink wink*, I freaked!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find *nudge nudge* *wink wink* all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!

User
The president is deathly afraid of  , and wants them all destroyed.

The president is deathly afraid of special pube shampoo, and wants them all destroyed.
The president is deathly afraid of feigned sympathy, and wants them all destroyed.
The president is deathly afraid of the ashes of your beloved dog, and wants them all destroyed.
The president is deathly afraid of literally every single thing, and wants them all destroyed.
The president is deathly afraid of the reanimated corpse of my neighbor, and wants them all destroyed.
The president is deathly afraid of emoticons, and wants them all destroyed.

User
The FBI
n

At the winery tour we saw how they put the FBI and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like nearby sluts who want to fuck.
My publisher demanded I remove the FBI from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
The media’s nonstop coverage of a bullet hole is just to distract us from the FBI.
My dream house has the FBI built in, an extra garage for “that feeling”, and that ass for the door bell.
Daddy, what’s the FBI? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for the FBI!



An absurd notion
n

Ever since an absurd notion appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while giving good solid advice.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep an absurd notion out of mainland China.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in an absurd notion in the middle of each intersection.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out an absurd notion for free on every corner.
But I promised I would get my kids an absurd notion for Christmas!
They cut open the crocodile to find an absurd notion, still monkeying around like always.

User
 {UUscv} INTENSIFIES

STICKING A FINGER IN MY EAR, AND ONE IN MY BUTT INTENSIFIES
SERVING HUMANITY INTENSIFIES
A HEADLESS CHICKEN RUNNIN’ ‘ROUND INTENSIFIES
MERCURY POISONING INTENSIFIES
SUMMONING A SUCCUBUS INTENSIFIES
A BOY WITH A PENIS INTENSIFIES

User
You hear about those freaky parents that kept  {n} locked under the stairs?

You hear about those freaky parents that kept butt licks locked under the stairs?
You hear about those freaky parents that kept Nazi propaganda locked under the stairs?
You hear about those freaky parents that kept a pregnant teen locked under the stairs?
You hear about those freaky parents that kept not a bear locked under the stairs?
You hear about those freaky parents that kept some kids locked under the stairs?
You hear about those freaky parents that kept a powerful Chinese man locked under the stairs?

User
Receiving a death threat
v

I bought a made up racial slur yesterday and now I can’t stop receiving a death threat!
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, receiving a death threat, toilet paper, shelter, and a horrible selection of gay men.
My house. 8 o’clock. Receiving a death threat.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a surgical rotary saw after 8pm, or on holidays like Receiving a Death Threat Day.
Introducing, The Receiving a Death Threat diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “receiving a death threat.”

User
A shit
n

In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a shit in the middle of each intersection.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be lifting off the toilet while I’m a shit!
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a shit, ginger beer, and a squeeze of just a peek. Serve in white chocolate, if you know what I mean.
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold, which has the hole right in a shit.
At the winery tour we saw how they put sudden nudity and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like a shit.
I can’t believe you guys went spraying up the wall without me! Loop me in next time, I want a shit too!

User
I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by  {n}.

I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by cooties.
I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by spines.
I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by a mental illness.
I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by poorly orchestrated group sex.
I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by a gurgling anus.
I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by a mass of lymphatic tissue.

User
In the future, everyone will use VR for  {v}.

In the future, everyone will use VR for spreading disease.
In the future, everyone will use VR for making didgeridoo sounds.
In the future, everyone will use VR for deserving to be killed.
In the future, everyone will use VR for horsing around.
In the future, everyone will use VR for needing one more inch.
In the future, everyone will use VR for catching one in the bum.

User
Regurgitated Phad Thai
nc

After a truck ran over the chair there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from regurgitated Phad Thai.
Regurgitated Phad Thai! Regurgitated Phad Thai! My kingdom for regurgitated Phad Thai!
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by regurgitated Phad Thai?
See now black people walk like not a single lion. But white people -- white people walk like they’re regurgitated Phad Thai!
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, regurgitated Phad Thai popped out!
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is regurgitated Phad Thai.



In the future, everyone will be  .

In the future, everyone will be a secret elevator button.
In the future, everyone will be each of the victims.
In the future, everyone will be shimmying up the pole.
In the future, everyone will be monkeying around.
In the future, everyone will be Jesus’s death.
In the future, everyone will be uranium.

User
Not getting it
v

Bumper sticker: My other ride is not getting it.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include black lace spice, not getting it spice, and not riding a Segway spice!
Don’t shake a gay Mexican so hard, it’ll start not getting it.
I’m getting a stolen Army helicopter installed in my car, so I can be not getting it while I drive.
Nine guys you fucked! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all not getting it.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk not getting it.

User
Crazy killing
vtnc

The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with crazy killing slowly overtaking the buildings.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, crazy killing emerged.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with crazy killing went off early, ejecting a succulent jumbo prawn into the air!
I will do anything for crazy killing. But I won’t do that!
Last Christmas, everyone got crazy killing under the tree and accidental suicide in their stockings!
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with crazy killing!”



Mercy killing
vtnc

First you get a bus full of white children. Then you get mercy killing. Then you get the halo on your fucking head.
I prayed to God for mercy killing, and God delivered!
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to mercy killing.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from mercy killing.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in mercy killing.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see mercy killing!

User
Armed with a sharpened spoon, the inmate went on a  {-vc} spree.

Armed with a sharpened spoon, the inmate went on a doing-a-bad-job-at-pooping spree.
Armed with a sharpened spoon, the inmate went on a giving-birth-to-a-prosthetic-baby spree.
Armed with a sharpened spoon, the inmate went on a having-a-zero-value-existence spree.
Armed with a sharpened spoon, the inmate went on a Big-Gay spree.
Armed with a sharpened spoon, the inmate went on a lurching-about-in-the-yard spree.
Armed with a sharpened spoon, the inmate went on a lubing-up spree.



Armed with  {n}, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a killing spree.

Armed with a stiff upper lip, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a killing spree.
Armed with a coked up hooker, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a killing spree.
Armed with the last great American, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a killing spree.
Armed with amputated eyelids, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a killing spree.
Armed with the back seat, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a killing spree.
Armed with a number of thrusts, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a killing spree.



Armed with  {n}, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a  {-vc} spree.
Play 2

Armed with a stalker, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a tandem-showering spree.
Armed with sinister plans, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a total-collapse spree.
Armed with my haunted butthole, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a being-an-overweight-bitch spree.
Armed with fluids from my face, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a touching-your-vaggie-while-sleeping spree.
Armed with anal cleansing tablets, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a being-tall-enough-to-ride spree.
Armed with a broken man, sharpened over days, the inmate went on a doing-it-again spree.

User
Unknowingly pooping
vt

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember unknowingly pooping?”
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be unknowingly pooping during sex.
You stole orgies from a child? You’re unknowingly pooping and you’re going to hell!
Thanks for unknowingly pooping last night. *wink* *wink*
Unknowingly pooping in the hand is worth two in the bush.
We can be unknowingly pooping. And no one has to know.

User
I would give up   for just a taste of  {c}.
Play 2

I would give up KA-BLAM!! for just a taste of unbelievably beautiful hair.
I would give up dying evil for just a taste of over-sized scissors.
I would give up a grape in a condom for just a taste of no touching and no sex.
I would give up kissing ass for just a taste of Big Gay.
I would give up everywhere but Oklahoma for just a taste of overzealous product placement.
I would give up getting covered in spicy mayonnaise for just a taste of another man.

User
Viewers donated $40,000 to see  .

Viewers donated $40,000 to see good vibes.
Viewers donated $40,000 to see love.
Viewers donated $40,000 to see a Salvador Dali RealDoll™.
Viewers donated $40,000 to see maximum bitch mode.
Viewers donated $40,000 to see her penis.
Viewers donated $40,000 to see my first time.

User
Them city folk, they ain't gonna be happy about  !

Them city folk, they ain't gonna be happy about a grave error!
Them city folk, they ain't gonna be happy about nothing else!
Them city folk, they ain't gonna be happy about slipping some handcuffs under the door!
Them city folk, they ain't gonna be happy about nine guys you fucked!
Them city folk, they ain't gonna be happy about sneaking into the sultan’s harem!
Them city folk, they ain't gonna be happy about the instructions!

User
My mom says when I was a baby I looked like  {s} and I kept  {v}
Play 2

My mom says when I was a baby I looked like a box for your poop and I kept hitting a man out of his wheelchair
My mom says when I was a baby I looked like the coming race war and I kept expectorating some sludge
My mom says when I was a baby I looked like a hanging vine and I kept doing surgery on LSD
My mom says when I was a baby I looked like a close friend and I kept thinking about dwarves
My mom says when I was a baby I looked like a pregnant teen and I kept hurting me
My mom says when I was a baby I looked like my DNA and I kept leaving your friends to die

User
Freeze-drying the dog
v

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a roll of toilet paper over my head, but freeze-drying the dog got in the way.
I think that ecstasy was cut with seed. After one hit I began very, very rapidly freeze-drying the dog.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Deadly Fall” and it helps me with freeze-drying the dog.
The referee just issued a red card to another hole in the head for sliding into freeze-drying the dog.
You stole a strong magnet from a child? You’re freeze-drying the dog and you’re going to hell!
If you do it right, freeze-drying the dog is all about deliberately standing in front of a cannon.



Just bouncin' around
v

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with just bouncin' around.
I scream, you scream, being stuck forever, just bouncin' around!
I can’t believe you guys went just bouncin' around without me! Loop me in next time, I want a stroke too!
At Boeing R&D, we test some mysterious jelly by subjecting it to just bouncin' around and blasts of energy.
My spirit animal: just bouncin' around.
I prayed to God for just bouncin' around, and God delivered!

User
That's my son, who's about as useful as  .

That's my son, who's about as useful as some guy named Darryl.
That's my son, who's about as useful as the bitter cold.
That's my son, who's about as useful as allergies.
That's my son, who's about as useful as a feast of blood.
That's my son, who's about as useful as rubbing my gland.
That's my son, who's about as useful as me.



Tryin' ta protect yer boy
v

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had that bitch removed so he could be tryin' ta protect yer boy.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore tryin' ta protect yer boy in a very realistic way.
More armies need to incorporate tryin' ta protect yer boy into their uniforms.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “tryin' ta protect yer boy”.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with tryin' ta protect yer boy. I barely even felt eels.
This workplace has gone (0) days without tryin' ta protect yer boy.

User
Kidnapping an actual kid, for once
v

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate kidnapping an actual kid, for once to prepare for a mission to mars.
The referee just issued a red card to kidnapping an actual kid, for once for sliding into one mile of train rail.
Howdy neighbor, love black market lungs! Let’s get kidnapping an actual kid, for once sometime!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for being the small spoon and kidnapping an actual kid, for once at the assembly line.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be kidnapping an actual kid, for once.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a little lesbian boy painted on both sides, which some say encourages kidnapping an actual kid, for once.

User
Damage from explosions
nc

At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like damage from explosions and can be used for putting up with you.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy damage from explosions from dispensaries.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a big surprise, with damage from explosions around the edges, and the island and everyone on it on top.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as damage from explosions equipped with Yakety Sax.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from damage from explosions.
My nightly ritual involves a wet tongue, damage from explosions, and finally muscles just as I fall asleep.



Just cabbage
nc

I don’t need love because I’m just cabbage. Sorry mom!
The only thing standing in your way is just cabbage.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “just cabbage”.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: bodily-harm@just-cabbage.biz
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with just cabbage.
Art can be defined by just cabbage but only if it gets you slaughter and inspired.

User
A robot escort with a self lubricating asshole
n

I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a robot escort with a self lubricating asshole.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is a robot escort with a self lubricating asshole.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a robot escort with a self lubricating asshole in a very realistic way.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a robot escort with a self lubricating asshole.
I love your necklace! It’s a robot escort with a self lubricating asshole, right?
The new artsy indie game “A Syringe of Tabasco” is a deeply emotional exploration of a robot escort with a self lubricating asshole.

User
Don't worry the script Taylor uses to review/add cards detects dupes and near dupes automatically.

Fresh fruit
nc

I will do anything for fresh fruit. But I won’t do that!
Amtrak officials confirm fresh fruit would have prevented train derailment.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up fresh fruit on the porch to surprise the kids.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found fresh fruit in the walls at my office.
Last night I dreamed of subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife. I cannot shake the feeling that fresh fruit will arrive soon.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember fresh fruit?”



That weird tree in the backyard had started growing  {p}.

That weird tree in the backyard had started growing sudsy bodies.
That weird tree in the backyard had started growing all white moms.
That weird tree in the backyard had started growing one of every drug.
That weird tree in the backyard had started growing cooties.
That weird tree in the backyard had started growing nasty boys.
That weird tree in the backyard had started growing endangered animals.

User
  in the streets,   in the sheets. (Replacement)
Play 2

porkin’ in the streets, bathwater in the sheets. (Replacement)
hiding the elderly in the streets, my first time in the sheets. (Replacement)
that sack of shit in the streets, a prime cut of steak in the sheets. (Replacement)
a sociopath in the streets, exploding from both ends in the sheets. (Replacement)
a can of paint on a rope in the streets, torturing your family in the sheets. (Replacement)
a novelty gag dildo in the streets, a puffy penis costume in the sheets. (Replacement)

User
A penis-whitening laser
n

Let’s wait for a penis-whitening laser to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get baby eels.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a penis-whitening laser to the vastness of space.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into a penis-whitening laser! She’s 62!
I found out why I’m always sick... they found a penis-whitening laser in the walls at my office.
Every French soldier carries a penis-whitening laser in his knapsack.
I never expected to be fingered by a penis-whitening laser.



Getting run over by a mall security robot
v

J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of getting run over by a mall security robot.
My spirit animal: getting run over by a mall security robot.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how getting run over by a mall security robot happens.
Getting run over by a mall security robot is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I can’t believe you guys went getting run over by a mall security robot without me! Loop me in next time, I want an abomination unto God too!
I’m getting run over by a mall security robot in the streets, but one thousand scorpions in the sheets.



Stuffing gold up the butt
v

My house. 8 o’clock. Stuffing gold up the butt.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was killing the Batman, part was stuffing gold up the butt, and it was crowned with a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim.
I’m going to post the new white card "a roll of toilet paper" to SAH. What do you think to stuffing gold up the butt?
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang stuffing gold up the butt on the Christmas tree.
We have a zero tolerance policy for getting stepped on by a dominatrix here at Disney. So get stuffing gold up the butt and get out!
Go, go, Gadget Stuffing Gold up the Butt!

User
A police horse kicking Ryan Seacrest in the head
n

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about a police horse kicking Ryan Seacrest in the head.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be closing her legs and where does a police horse kicking Ryan Seacrest in the head come in?
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a police horse kicking Ryan Seacrest in the head into women’s purses and bags.
Make sure to hang a police horse kicking Ryan Seacrest in the head in a tree so a crouton leaves your tent alone.
At my 9th birthday, we had a police horse kicking Ryan Seacrest in the head piñata that burst open showering nothing at all on us kids.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a police horse kicking Ryan Seacrest in the head.



A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started  {v}.

A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started human body warmth.
A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started being a bad little boy.
A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started assassinating Kim Jong-un.
A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started farting like a bagpipe.
A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started re-entering the ocean.
A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started anally consuming a walnut.

User
5 officers who were shot
np

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: 5 officers who were shot!!!
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift 5 officers who were shot over my head, but a grave error got in the way.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of 5 officers who were shot.
I thought I was alone with 5 officers who were shot but my mom walked in. We got to installing an update and I felt better.
I love your necklace! It’s 5 officers who were shot, right?
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s 5 officers who were shot.

User
She seduces me with a trail of  {cp} leading to the bed.

She seduces me with a trail of dark magic leading to the bed.
She seduces me with a trail of child-bearing hips leading to the bed.
She seduces me with a trail of acute watery diarrhea leading to the bed.
She seduces me with a trail of morphine leading to the bed.
She seduces me with a trail of sliced vegetables leading to the bed.
She seduces me with a trail of cheering children leading to the bed.

User
A new service offers to vibrate  {n} in sync with the ups and downs of  {n}.
Play 2

A new service offers to vibrate Pakistani cosmonauts in sync with the ups and downs of bromance.
A new service offers to vibrate evil thinking in sync with the ups and downs of white chocolate, if you know what I mean.
A new service offers to vibrate a sexual encounter in sync with the ups and downs of an exploding car.
A new service offers to vibrate Big Gay in sync with the ups and downs of mighty Zeus.
A new service offers to vibrate my fantasy in sync with the ups and downs of feigned sympathy.
A new service offers to vibrate a gentle kiss on the teeth in sync with the ups and downs of a pregnant teen.



A new service offers to vibrate your IoT butt-plug in sync with the ups and downs of  {n}.

A new service offers to vibrate your IoT butt-plug in sync with the ups and downs of some prick.
A new service offers to vibrate your IoT butt-plug in sync with the ups and downs of anal cleansing tablets.
A new service offers to vibrate your IoT butt-plug in sync with the ups and downs of a loading screen.
A new service offers to vibrate your IoT butt-plug in sync with the ups and downs of morphine.
A new service offers to vibrate your IoT butt-plug in sync with the ups and downs of a little lesbian boy.
A new service offers to vibrate your IoT butt-plug in sync with the ups and downs of a 100 foot tidal wave.



A new service offers to vibrate  {n} in sync with the ups and downs of crypto markets.

A new service offers to vibrate a sloppy blowjob in sync with the ups and downs of crypto markets.
A new service offers to vibrate a wet burst in sync with the ups and downs of crypto markets.
A new service offers to vibrate Axl Rose and his big teeth in sync with the ups and downs of crypto markets.
A new service offers to vibrate Schadenfreude in sync with the ups and downs of crypto markets.
A new service offers to vibrate a hidden pancake in sync with the ups and downs of crypto markets.
A new service offers to vibrate mammaries in sync with the ups and downs of crypto markets.

User
Empowering women
v

Go, go, Gadget Empowering Women!
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for empowering women
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been empowering women?
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with empowering women.
Don’t shake an ovipositor so hard, it’ll start empowering women.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded the whole bottle of sleeping pills and now I’m having trouble with empowering women.

User
Now you can enjoy   without the guilt or calories!!

Now you can enjoy bringing about the apocalypse without the guilt or calories!!
Now you can enjoy a lady making eyes at Dad without the guilt or calories!!
Now you can enjoy friends without the guilt or calories!!
Now you can enjoy a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug without the guilt or calories!!
Now you can enjoy being dipped in chocolate without the guilt or calories!!
Now you can enjoy stripping without the guilt or calories!!

User
California foreskin
nc

When California foreskin hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
In this game you get to collect an odd number of titties and craft California foreskin.
If mom hears us talking about California foreskin we’ll be SO grounded!
Two best friends and my father’s example take a road trip, and discover California foreskin along the way.
Ah, California foreskin for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not California foreskin like your brother?”



California dreaming
vt

In Nevada you can pay for a lady California dreaming with the ’80s.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of the taxpayers. Half the country is California dreaming.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about California dreaming tomorrow.
A lifetime of California dreaming awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
My kid was acting like deals, so I took away California dreaming privileges.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “California dreaming,” with a picture of a horse’s booty.

User
Zesty lemon pepper
nc

The sign at the fountain says not to throw zesty lemon pepper in.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to zesty lemon pepper, even before I put on my clothes.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock zesty lemon pepper and a horse’s mouth in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
During the half-time show, a rip in a succulent jumbo prawn exposed zesty lemon pepper to the audience.
Dad! I’m all done vomiting gore all over your face, so I have zesty lemon pepper left over if you’re still interested.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with zesty lemon pepper!”



And 007 was trapped in a room filling with  {pc}!

And 007 was trapped in a room filling with cinderblock justice!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with live wires hanging from the ceiling!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with man animals!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with salt!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with shenanigans!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with just the tip!

User
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes " ."

Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "a bad chicken."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "the stillness of death."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "pulling on my butthole hairs."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "a basket of kittens."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "wetting the bed."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "Her Majesty, the Queen."

User
Suddenly screaming the N-word
v

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain suddenly screaming the N-word?
I don’t know how suddenly screaming the N-word could lead to threatening my mom but it probably involves going to Wendy’s!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of the egg I hatched from suddenly screaming the N-word.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as suddenly screaming the N-word or chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a long rambling story while I’m suddenly screaming the N-word!
Ever since spines appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while suddenly screaming the N-word.

User
Black woman civil war
nc

Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out black woman civil war each day, put almost enough oxygen in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was black woman civil war.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with black woman civil war.
Last Christmas, everyone got a genital louse under the tree and black woman civil war in their stockings!
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw black woman civil war for the first time!
The new top grade of gasoline has black woman civil war as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

User
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from  {v} to  {v}.
Play 2

Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from squirting acid to tugging too hard.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from adopting a Romanian baby to sticking it to the man.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from writhing on the floor and screaming my name to keepin’ it tight.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from making a little whoopsie to masturbating to pictures of dead animals.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from hiding to monkeying around.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from stopping just in time to inspecting the poo.



Stretching my husband's anus
v

The rich aroma of stretching my husband's anus, from the hills of Colombia.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of stretching my husband's anus and the words “breastfeeding”. I don’t get it!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be stretching my husband's anus.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Stretching-my-husbands-anus-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving pregnancy.
My house. 8 o’clock. Stretching my husband's anus.
Doctor! My child has stretching my husband's anus coursing through his veins!



Eating each other
v

My nightly ritual involves following your boner around the room, grandma’s soggy diaper, and finally eating each other just as I fall asleep.
The authorities followed the trail of eating each other, leading them straight to the suspect.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to eating each other, even before I put on my clothes.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re eating each other!
At the coffee shop they put “eating each other” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw eating each other for the first time!

User
This election has proved that   is 1.5% better than pedophilia.

This election has proved that going down the garbage disposal is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a sassy male news reporter is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that trying to handcuff a ghost is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a bullet hole is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that running with a floppy, out-of-control hand is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a little lesbian boy is 1.5% better than pedophilia.

User
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time  {v}.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time vibrating my pineal gland.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time violently crashing down the stairs.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time needing one more inch.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time wetting the bed.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time inhaling.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time squirting everywhere.

User
A crate of hentai
n

If my neighbor doesn’t get a crate of hentai off my property, I’m calling the cops!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a crate of hentai in the sea.
Last night I dreamed of a crate of hentai. I cannot shake the feeling that iodine will arrive soon.
The baby gets me into some awkward situations. But a crate of hentai has always got my back.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a crate of hentai and can be used for picking at it.
I like my women like I like a gentleman with the tummy grumbles: working me up into a frenzy with a crate of hentai.



My disappointing son
v

If you’re interested in my services, email me at: my-disappointing-son@50-years.biz
We’re having my latest perversion situation. Watch out for my disappointing son and please stand by...
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “my disappointing son,” over and over again while in use.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: my disappointing son.
If I had standing in line at Costco, you’d be my disappointing son!
Shepherds in Scotland have used my disappointing son for years to keep the flock from being in the way.

User
Tie rope to both ends of  {n}. Now you can be  {v}!
Play 2

Tie rope to both ends of Hitler’s dildo. Now you can be beard stroking!
Tie rope to both ends of Milla Jovovich’s dirty underwear. Now you can be letting her in!
Tie rope to both ends of a uniquely adapted slave race. Now you can be jammin’ a body in the wood chipper!
Tie rope to both ends of a warhead. Now you can be _{Uv} with _{n} is a uniquely British problem.!
Tie rope to both ends of meatball marinara. Now you can be having peed!
Tie rope to both ends of ear worms. Now you can be humping people!

User
I can't believe the mailman stuffed  {n} into my mailbox instead of knocking!

I can't believe the mailman stuffed a bus full of white children into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a silent, anonymous encounter into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed my Kazakhstani grandma into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a sack of otters into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed the back seat into my mailbox instead of knocking!

User
During sex, my girlfriend started  {v}. But she finished and we got back at it.

During sex, my girlfriend started refusing any help. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started dealing drugs. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started beard stroking. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started floating away in a fucking balloon. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started touching your pee pee. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started spreading disease. But she finished and we got back at it.

User
I had to go to the hospital for  .

I had to go to the hospital for rigid peen.
I had to go to the hospital for shenanigans.
I had to go to the hospital for letting her in.
I had to go to the hospital for realizing I’m a douche.
I had to go to the hospital for zebras disguised as horses.
I had to go to the hospital for a bad landing.

User
My pee steam, so warm
n

In future times, the children will work together to build my pee steam, so warm.
At the skating rink there was my pee steam, so warm and everyone fell down at once.
My religion demands that I must abstain from intestines draped everywhere. My pee steam, so warm however, is OK.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a lumberjack orgy. That’s supposed to help me with my pee steam, so warm?!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore my pee steam, so warm in a very realistic way.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began my pee steam, so warm.

User
A ten-day-old dog corpse
nc

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a ten-day-old dog corpse out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A ten-day-old dog corpse can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a ten-day-old dog corpse and I think I believe her!
Man invented spines, so woman invented a ten-day-old dog corpse.
I’m late to my meeting for a ten-day-old dog corpse.
Howdy neighbor, love a crocodile death-rolling my taint! Let’s get a ten-day-old dog corpse sometime!

User
Your grandfather likes to use   as a catheter.

Your grandfather likes to use a friend as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a night of unrestrained passion as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use the rope my pappy hanged his self with as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use tasteful blackface as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a traffic cone full of bibimbap as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a gay vagina as a catheter.



Teaching dad to queef
v

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for teaching dad to queef.
Alexander also named a city in India “Teaching Dad to Queef” after his dead horse.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all teaching dad to queef when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
They said teaching dad to queef was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got teaching dad to queef out the ears!
I’m late to my meeting for teaching dad to queef.
Amtrak officials confirm teaching dad to queef would have prevented train derailment.

User
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all  {n}.

Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all the song of my people.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all unbearable bitching.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all a karate chop.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all racial superiority.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all this asshole.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all earwax.

User
Sick vid
User
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving  {n} in Bette Midler's nose.

Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving outrageous fortune in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving baseless hatred in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving an ovipositor in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a wish-granting goblin in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a leather swing in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a one hundred dollar bill in Bette Midler's nose.

User
Darth Anus
n

I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with Darth Anus.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Darth Anus and nothing good.
I’m Darth Anus in the streets, but inertia in the sheets.
I beat Darth Anus all the time!
Thanks for Darth Anus last night. *wink* *wink*
I’m gonna prove the link between installing an update and Darth Anus! You’ll all see!

User
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly  {v} dozens of times.

Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being hit by space debris dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being too busy dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being strung up dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly hiding some pee dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly fathering children with a lesbian dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly sneaking into the sultan’s harem dozens of times.

User
Being assaulted by Geraldo
v

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with being assaulted by Geraldo. I barely even felt Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole.
Our artisanal process ages a guilty little boy for 3 years, before going right into being assaulted by Geraldo, rapidly getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
I can’t believe you guys went being assaulted by Geraldo without me! Loop me in next time, I want a gentle kiss on the teeth too!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Being Assaulted by Geraldo” syndrome!
My religion demands that I must abstain from the majestic Humboldt squid. Being assaulted by Geraldo however, is OK.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was being assaulted by Geraldo and tried to attack it.

User
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting  {vpc} around town.

A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting insane shoes around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting crotchless panties around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting shaking around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting backwash around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting hula hoops around town.
A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix's new show explains people spotting hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex around town.

User
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with  {n}.

I left my shoes outside and they filled up with your bellybutton.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with his tumor.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with the pilot, who died instantly.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with the fuel line.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with sudden nudity.
I left my shoes outside and they filled up with Hitler’s dildo.

User
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for   without even getting up.

Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for wriggling and thrashing without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for turning into a white woman without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for Mom and Dad without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for the chair without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for getting impregnated by an advanced robot without even getting up.
Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for drunk sexting my sister without even getting up.

User
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with  {n} on board.

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with years of pain on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with my Kazakhstani grandma on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with no spider on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with almost no air left on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with a deluge of vomit on board.
A ghost ship washed up in Japan with oral passion on board.

User
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that " {n} was  {v}."
Play 2

I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "a ceremonial ribbon was fingering."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "rumpy pumpy was rolling."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "cosmetic surgery for my cat was sinking into the mud."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "a kitten pawing at my wiener was having a zero-value existence."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "legs was trying to handcuff a ghost."
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that "a slot was getting off."



I got my account banned on  {-}.com.

I got my account banned on being-borderline-experimental.com.
I got my account banned on unbearable-bitching.com.
I got my account banned on switching-genitals.com.
I got my account banned on a-face-hugger.com.
I got my account banned on alien-parasite-larvae.com.
I got my account banned on loudspeakers.com.

User
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and  {n}.

Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and eight sexual partners.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and self-inflicted wounds.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and oil-covered birds.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and both me and your father.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and a slot.
Error. Your password must contain a letter, a number, and a car crash.

User
The Berlin police
n

I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me the Berlin police while we were still in the car.
Slender and muscled, like the jaws of life. She was the spitting image of the Berlin police.
When the celestial spheres align, the Berlin police will descend from the heavens.
I like the Berlin police like I like my coffee: shooting a mentally ill man, put in a sack, and dragged across disappointment.
The authorities followed the trail of the Berlin police, leading them straight to the suspect.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used the Berlin police.



Radioactive iodine
nc

No thanks. My doctor said radioactive iodine makes defecation painful.
Can I get some floss? There’s radioactive iodine between my teeth.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, radioactive iodine emerged.
Working on my car I found radioactive iodine had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of radioactive iodine in the soil.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of radioactive iodine came on the screen.

User
Being sacrificed to the wolves
v

There is no revenge so complete as being sacrificed to the wolves.
Are you there God? It’s me, being sacrificed to the wolves.
If you do it right, killing protesters is all about being sacrificed to the wolves.
I like allowing babies to starve while you gorge like I like my coffee: being sacrificed to the wolves, put in a sack, and dragged across shavings.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be being sacrificed to the wolves.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s being sacrificed to the wolves.

User
Soft robot muscles
np

Today you’re on the receiving end of soft robot muscles.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by soft robot muscles.
My religion demands that I must abstain from soft robot muscles. Conjuring however, is OK.
When the beef came at me it was like soft robot muscles.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise soft robot muscles by rewarding them with my unwanted child.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be soft robot muscles.

User
Pumping blood into it
v

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Pumping blood into it can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Pumping Blood into It” and it helps me with a real butt-toucher.
The HOA says I can’t raise the caboose of a mantrain on my property. Meanwhile no word about pumping blood into it at the Jones’s!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found pumping blood into it sticking to the wall.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex. Half the country is pumping blood into it.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than pumping blood into it.

User
Red bows on luxury cars
np

The patient kept screaming about “red bows on luxury cars”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a loading screen emerged!
I beat red bows on luxury cars all the time!
I want to be buried with red bows on luxury cars.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like red bows on luxury cars.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was red bows on luxury cars.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of red bows on luxury cars in history, rode into battle atop Mom’s face.

User
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of  .

I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of several pictures of me.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of a jackhammer.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of the wrong man.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of a lucky toss.
I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of the world’s fastest pump.

User
I blame   for the gentrification of this neighborhood.

I blame a gentle, flourished spanking for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame an imitation poop spiral for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame McDonald’s® for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame screaming for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame even more bees for the gentrification of this neighborhood.
I blame hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about for the gentrification of this neighborhood.



Cleaning my butthole
v

Dad! I’m all done cleaning my butthole, so I have a soap bubble left over if you’re still interested.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for cleaning my butthole.
I chipped my tooth on the working man. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t cleaning my butthole.
If mom hears us talking about cleaning my butthole we’ll be SO grounded!
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to cleaning my butthole.
My car looks like it’s cleaning my butthole but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.



The cat
n

That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “The Cat,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I need a hotel room with door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes, and I need the cat brought to me every four hours.
Help! I’m the cat and I need YOU to do something about it!
I was vacuuming when I sucked the cat out from under the couch. I kept pulling until human body warmth came out too!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was the cat.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing the cat down the gopher holes.



While putting up  {n} I found  {n} on the roof is my house!
Play 2

While putting up a yappy little dog I found a softer option on the roof is my house!
While putting up a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it I found almost everyone on the roof is my house!
While putting up a rip I found raw goose on the roof is my house!
While putting up a caged madman I found Her Majesty, the Queen on the roof is my house!
While putting up a sack of otters I found the mayor on the roof is my house!
While putting up such grace I found a stiff upper lip on the roof is my house!

User
Finding most of the victim
v

Finding most of the victim is hurting me in the ocean of life!
There is no revenge so complete as finding most of the victim.
My publisher demanded I remove finding most of the victim from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang finding most of the victim on the Christmas tree.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be finding most of the victim.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of finding most of the victim.

User
My charred remains
np

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for my charred remains.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had my charred remains.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s my charred remains straddled by unbearable bitching.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on my charred remains.
In a world with Mom’s face being dipped in chocolate, one man must overcome my charred remains. Coming this summer.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out my charred remains for free on every corner.

User
We're already half way through  , so we might as well finish it off.

We're already half way through a slot, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through breaking in, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through weird legs, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through a car full of Puerto Ricans, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through an ancient insignificant dead Jew, so we might as well finish it off.
We're already half way through just plain racism, so we might as well finish it off.

User
A guard rail
n

“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a guard rail in love with legs very much they do a... special hug.”
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a guard rail.
My new phone looks like it’s a guard rail but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I’m late to my meeting for a guard rail.
You stole a guard rail from a child? You’re an ancient insignificant dead Jew and you’re going to hell!
During routine surgery, the doctors found a guard rail embedded in my abdomen.



A parking lot
n

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Parking Lot!
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a parking lot.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a parking lot.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a parking lot.
In this game you get to collect my musk and craft a parking lot.
After a truck ran over one more there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from a parking lot.



Six geese
np

When he reached the New World, Cortés burned six geese. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Six Geese” syndrome!
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with six geese! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by six geese.
I don’t think that even comes close to being six geese.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep six geese out of mainland China.

User
FUCK!
nv

In this game you get to collect raw goose and craft FUCK!.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with FUCK!.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk FUCK!.
At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced FUCK! with a robot dinosaur.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s FUCK! straddled by Disneyland!.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Jews in cahoots and FUCK!.



  stands for "cool girl."

a wank stands for "cool girl."
deserving to be killed stands for "cool girl."
sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt stands for "cool girl."
popping out of the ground stands for "cool girl."
an ovipositor stands for "cool girl."
the brave men and women fighting for us stands for "cool girl."

User
Showing up dead
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell a feast of blood after 8pm, or on holidays like Showing up Dead Day.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about showing up dead and a penis and a vagina. Should I talk to him?
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “showing up dead.”
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Showing up Dead”! I shook his hand and it felt like showing up dead.
Amtrak officials confirm showing up dead would have prevented train derailment.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Showing up Dead” and it helps me with rude kids.



Turning up dead
v

Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with turning up dead.
Turning up dead while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of fighting one-on-one.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for turning up dead.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to turning up dead, even before I put on my clothes.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of turning up dead on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a cornhole, toilet paper, shelter, and turning up dead.

User
Playing Mario and reading bible verses
v

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Playing Mario and Reading Bible Verses Blast!
I don’t need love because I’m playing Mario and reading bible verses. Sorry mom!
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for playing Mario and reading bible verses!
Ok, I’ll admit playing Mario and reading bible verses might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in a meat hook.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start dropping an upper-decker before playing Mario and reading bible verses.
I’m playing Mario and reading bible verses for Jesus.

User
This is getting ridiculous.

Roy Moore at the mall
n

Until quite recently, Roy Moore at the mall had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I want to be buried with Roy Moore at the mall.
If my neighbor doesn’t get Roy Moore at the mall off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Look, man, I’m not into Roy Moore at the mall. But $20 is $20.
When a mass of lymphatic tissue is ready, Roy Moore at the mall will appear.
Could you buy me Roy Moore at the mall? I’ll pay you back.



A woman sleeping near Al Franken
n

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a woman sleeping near Al Franken
Men, like a woman sleeping near Al Franken, go farthest when they are giant meaty hands.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a woman sleeping near Al Franken in every room.
A woman sleeping near Al Franken saved is a woman sleeping near Al Franken earned.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a woman sleeping near Al Franken when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
It’s dangerous to leave a woman sleeping near Al Franken on the stairs.

User
Initiating a sexual encounter
v

At the winery tour we saw how they put such grace and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like initiating a sexual encounter.
To change kitty’s litter: grab oil-covered birds, dig out any clumps, and refill with initiating a sexual encounter.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by initiating a sexual encounter.
Initiating a sexual encounter is burning my junk in the ocean of life!
Initiating a sexual encounter is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
If initiating a sexual encounter were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
Louis CK blocking the door
v

Experts said that based on preliminary data, Louis CK blocking the door appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of Louis CK blocking the door.
My nightly ritual involves Louis CK blocking the door, a thick layer of frosting, and finally a syringe of Tabasco just as I fall asleep.
Louis CK blocking the door nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a deathbed.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle Louis CK blocking the door.
There’s always time for Louis CK blocking the door before breakfast.



Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off
v

My girlfriend kicked crack, and now she’s Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
If I had Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off, you’d be getting infected!
Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
Don’t look at me while I’m Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off! It messes me up!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn the measure of a man, but now for work I’m Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off. Go figure!
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about Louis CK blocking the door and jerking off.

User
Hunting white people
v

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a crusty dish rag, with hunting white people around the edges, and a velvet fist on top.
Ever since the incident with the president’s helicopter I’ve been haunted by hunting white people.
I noticed symptoms of hunting white people, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s this half of the planet!” but I’m not sure.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “hunting white people,” with a picture of a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for mistreating the clitoris and to avoid hunting white people.
They said hunting white people was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got hunting white people out the ears!

User
Unsold inventory doesn't make you any money.
User
Waking up under Kevin Spacey
v

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, waking up under Kevin Spacey every single day.
The TSA has made new rules mandating waking up under Kevin Spacey on every commercial flight.
Let a motorist host your next party, providing waking up under Kevin Spacey like you’ve never experienced before.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in waking up under Kevin Spacey together.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of waking up under Kevin Spacey on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
More armies need to incorporate waking up under Kevin Spacey into their uniforms.

User
A 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey
n

The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey.
You spent all your food-stamps on a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey?!
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey onto the International Space Station.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a 14-year-old near Kevin Spacey in the foyer.



Telling Kevin Spacey "No!"
v

To change kitty’s litter: grab a wank, dig out any clumps, and refill with telling Kevin Spacey "No!".
In Nevada you can pay for a lady telling Kevin Spacey "No!" with the grossest whiff of minty poot.
No clean towels can only be killed by telling Kevin Spacey "No!".
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore telling Kevin Spacey "No!" in a very realistic way.
My wife is WAY better at telling Kevin Spacey "No!" than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “telling Kevin Spacey "No!"”.

User
The quest for the ultimate Kevin Spacey card continues:

Getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey
v

Don’t be getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey alone! Join the Getting Climbed on by Kevin Spacey Club and do it with others.
I didn’t mean to start getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey, it just happened!
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a watermelon owned by a black man, while a man is getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey on a galloping horse.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting climbed on by Kevin Spacey,” over and over again while in use.
You evaded my “Getting Climbed on by Kevin Spacey” attack! Most impressive.



Getting diddled by Kevin Spacey
v

The Super Buttsex Arena can only be killed by getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
I think a lot of people would pay to see getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
What the quick-set cement department lacks in selection, we make up for in getting diddled by Kevin Spacey.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Getting Diddled by Kevin Spacey!
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was getting diddled by Kevin Spacey and tried to attack it.



Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand
n

Look, man, I’m not into Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand. But $20 is $20.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand and distended tubes in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand onto the International Space Station.
Until quite recently, Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand.
Kevin Spacey's bad-touch hand in the hand is worth two in the bush.

User
I woke up with  {n} lying on me.

I woke up with a wet tongue lying on me.
I woke up with a horse’s mouth lying on me.
I woke up with an earthworm lying on me.
I woke up with five full-time chefs lying on me.
I woke up with a sack of otters lying on me.
I woke up with freewill lying on me.

User
News flash:   *is*  .
Play 2

News flash: a complete wimp *is* motor control.
News flash: leaking out my bum *is* kicking the door down.
News flash: a male prostitute *is* a box for your poop.
News flash: loose teeth *is* what Mom made.
News flash: just me, by myself *is* the white man’s burden.
News flash: power of attorney *is* Jesus Christ.


User
A pat of butter
n

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for a pat of butter.
Life without love is like a pat of butter without ointment or fruit.
In this game you get to collect kids these days and craft a pat of butter.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a pat of butter, but with two or three caterpillars!
Ich bin ein a pat of butter.
My wife is WAY better at a pat of butter than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years

User
An egg that's always been there
n

Pool rules: No running. No having peed. Keep an egg that's always been there out of the deep end.
If mom hears us talking about an egg that's always been there we’ll be SO grounded!
Hatred for children torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get an egg that's always been there from a suspected terrorist.
I noticed symptoms of shitting a bowling ball, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s an egg that's always been there!” but I’m not sure.
They didn’t have an egg that's always been there at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed tasteful blackface.
Ugh. I ate an egg that's always been there last night and I’ve been trying to put on the female form all morning.

User
A lamprey hanging of the end
n

Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of glittery eyelashes in history, rode into battle atop a lamprey hanging of the end.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a lamprey hanging of the end emerged.
Ich bin ein a lamprey hanging of the end.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a lamprey hanging of the end in the sky.
The cruiseliner struck a lamprey hanging of the end and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with your greasy food hole.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a lamprey hanging of the end in the middle of each intersection.

User
Flushing and running
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating flushing and running on every commercial flight.
While you’re at the store can you pick up flushing and running, in family size?
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about flushing and running.
I heard you were talking about flushing and running so I had to come over!
I ordered exact science privately over the Internet so I can get better at flushing and running.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore flushing and running in a very realistic way.

User
Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise
n

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start mistaking a man for a lady before Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise surfaced from below.
I came with Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought many people so nobody even noticed!
The water tower looks like it’s Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise from this angle.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with Jonathan the oldest gay tortoise.



Megan Fox's creepy thumbs
np

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into McDonald’s®, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Megan Fox's creepy thumbs.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “Megan Fox's creepy thumbs” incident in the science lab.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Megan Fox's creepy thumbs.
Today I bought Megan Fox's creepy thumbs from the back of a van. They also threw in David Bowie’s mysterious bulge, which I didn’t even think was legal.
Megan Fox's creepy thumbs in the hand is worth two in the bush.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember Megan Fox's creepy thumbs?”

User
Looks like you should lower your price.
User
did u do it yet
User
A vulnerability
nc

But of the tree of a vulnerability you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a vulnerability. The driver was getting too excited.
Although moving away from hog dander proved effective for schools, the switch to a vulnerability initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a vulnerability.
The referee just issued a red card to a vulnerability for sliding into cheating.
You evaded my “A Vulnerability” attack! Most impressive.

User
That's an awesome word but are people going to know what it means?

Getting drained of all blood
v

Although moving away from getting drained of all blood proved effective for schools, the switch to my taxidermied daughter initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a bruised ego after 8pm, or on holidays like Getting Drained of All Blood Day.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of emoticons getting drained of all blood.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how getting drained of all blood happens.
The White House will no longer enforce The Getting Drained of All Blood Act of 1959. Thank God.
My nightly ritual involves poisoning a child, a rough testicle, and finally getting drained of all blood just as I fall asleep.

User
Signa said:
masturbating into a potted plant


lol what's this from?
User
Groping Terry Crews
v

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about groping Terry Crews?
The Great Wall was actually built to keep groping Terry Crews out of mainland China.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m groping Terry Crews.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Groping-Terry-Crews-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving gross people.
The White House will no longer enforce The Groping Terry Crews Act of 1959. Thank God.
On the assembly line we heat hooplah to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is groping Terry Crews.

User
Add  {n} to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting  .
Play 2

Add a girl’s smile to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting my father’s example.
Add a penis and a vagina to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting my embarrasingly affectionate father.
Add a weak little person to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting the “fun” stuff.
Add each of the victims to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting a pinch.
Add too much milk to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting wriggling and thrashing.
Add this spring’s hottest new fashions to your Diet Dr Pepper to prevent getting a pussy, wet and dripping.



Having sex with black people
v

It is disrespectful and dangerous to be having sex with black people during sex.
Go, go, Gadget Having Sex with Black People!
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with having sex with black people. I barely even felt the egg I hatched from.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always having sex with black people. Always.
Don’t look at me while I’m having sex with black people! It messes me up!
Make sure to hang blindness in a tree so having sex with black people leaves your tent alone.

User
A salami-stealing bear
n

Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a salami-stealing bear jammin’ a body in the wood chipper!
In Nevada you can pay for a lady hitting a man out of his wheelchair with a salami-stealing bear.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a salami-stealing bear, a comfortable spot, and dilation of the uterus.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a salami-stealing bear
I will do anything for a salami-stealing bear. But I won’t do that!
When I get older, I don’t want to be a salami-stealing bear.

User
Strongly recommend.

A+ game.

Excellent ending.

http://www.decisionproblem.com/paperclips/
User
An elk-humping Swede
n

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then an elk-humping Swede really affected me.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing an elk-humping Swede down the gopher holes.
I Googled for an elk-humping Swede and found a picture of myself.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “An Elk-humping Swede,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I need a hotel room with an elk-humping Swede, and I need slow diarrhea brought to me every four hours.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the Handsome Boy Modeling School went off early, ejecting an elk-humping Swede into the air!

Truck
User
I got accidentally losing the video on video.
User
Lump crab
nc

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on lump crab when I bought a pulpy mass.
When I get older, I don’t want to be lump crab.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out lump crab for free on every corner.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with lump crab.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only lump crab and a mortal wound come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is lump crab.

User
When I find myself in times of trouble,  {n} comes to me, speaking words of wisdom:  .
Play 2

When I find myself in times of trouble, an extremely painful sneeze comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: lying perfectly still.
When I find myself in times of trouble, aged beef comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: exhuming my wife.
When I find myself in times of trouble, irresponsible parenting comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave.
When I find myself in times of trouble, burned clothing comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: fingertips.
When I find myself in times of trouble, a newer, sleeker leopard comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: something even wetter.
When I find myself in times of trouble, one of every drug comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: honey.

User
A bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations
n

Alexander also named a city in India “A Bizarre String of Domestic Pet Strangulations” after his dead horse.
Thanks for a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations last night. *wink* *wink*
Authorities were tallying damage from a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations that struck southern California Friday evening.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations after 8pm, or on holidays like Inhaling Day.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a bizarre string of domestic pet strangulations appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Bizarre String of Domestic Pet Strangulations” syndrome!



Getting tongue-punched in the brown eye
v

Howdy neighbor, love getting tongue-punched in the brown eye! Let’s get a bus full of white children sometime!
At Boeing R&D, we test 50,000 volts of electricity by subjecting it to getting tongue-punched in the brown eye and blasts of energy.
I never expected to be fingered by getting tongue-punched in the brown eye.
Ich bin ein getting tongue-punched in the brown eye.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on getting tongue-punched in the brown eye.
My dream house has dude after dude built in, an extra garage for getting tongue-punched in the brown eye, and an emaciated bovine for the door bell.



I've laced up  {n} and I'm ready to go.

I've laced up a tard and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up a gentleman with the tummy grumbles and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up my hot girlfriend and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up Jigglypuff! and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up a ceremonial ribbon and I'm ready to go.
I've laced up just a coincidence and I'm ready to go.

Truck
User
I got it on video.
Truck
User
Still no accidents to report.
User
Getting diagnosed
v

When the beef came at me it was like getting diagnosed.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Getting Diagnosed
My favorite new band is “Princess Perfect and Getting Diagnosed”.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by getting diagnosed.
Art can be defined by a three room Japanese apartment but only if it gets you getting diagnosed and inspired.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in wrestling alligators. That’s supposed to help me with getting diagnosed?!

User
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over  {n}.

Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over the bitter cold.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a squealing 4-year-old.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a caged madman.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over grandma’s soggy diaper.
Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a secret exit.

User
My strict Asian father
n

Chimps in the wild have been observed using my strict Asian father to forage for food.
I want to be buried with my strict Asian father.
The best comfort food will always be greens, my strict Asian father, and fried chicken.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch my strict Asian father at the girls camp.
The water tower looks like it’s my strict Asian father from this angle.
Monopoly: All Your Drama Edition comes with a prop gun and my strict Asian father instead of houses and hotels.

User
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "   ."
Play 2

Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "being picked violently crashing down the stairs."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "Asia Mom and Dad."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "a lumberjack orgy the deceased."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "acting like a child a robustly satisfying fart."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "a quality buttplug females with four teats."
Somebody left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, "the hottest girl an ovipositor."

User
Roach eggs
np

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with roach eggs!”
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out roach eggs.
I can’t believe you guys went hotboxing the cat without me! Loop me in next time, I want roach eggs too!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but roach eggs.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and roach eggs.
You evaded my “Roach Eggs” attack! Most impressive.

Truck
User
Make that TWO webcams!
Truck
User
I just set up a webcam to record accidents on the on-ramp outside my office window.
User
Onion rings and Sudafed®
np

I got into my car and sat on onion rings and Sudafed®. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I make onion rings and Sudafed® for my cat by solving a problem with fingertips. Oreo loves it!
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s onion rings and Sudafed® in love with the savory gels of her lust very much they do a... special hug.”
See now black people walk like onion rings and Sudafed®. But white people -- white people walk like they’re black lace!
Instructions unclear: got onion rings and Sudafed® stuck in anal cleansing tablets.
Last night I dreamed of onion rings and Sudafed®. I cannot shake the feeling that cranberry sauce or juice will arrive soon.

User
Get bigger tips from white customers by  {v}!

Get bigger tips from white customers by furiously caressing each other!
Get bigger tips from white customers by getting hella preggers!
Get bigger tips from white customers by using advanced Kama Sutra techniques!
Get bigger tips from white customers by putting the “I” back in “team”!
Get bigger tips from white customers by doing a bad job at pooping!
Get bigger tips from white customers by getting groped by a senator!



Putting avocado on everything
v

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was putting avocado on everything, part was Princess Perfect, and it was crowned with crisp fresh lettuce.
The referee just issued a red card to my musk for sliding into putting avocado on everything.
Putting avocado on everything nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a mass of lymphatic tissue.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by putting avocado on everything.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Putting Avocado on Everything
When the beef came at me it was like putting avocado on everything.



Put  {n} on racism so white people pay attention.

Put so many dudes on racism so white people pay attention.
Put ionizing radiation on racism so white people pay attention.
Put a damned soul on racism so white people pay attention.
Put my baby door on racism so white people pay attention.
Put a kill on racism so white people pay attention.
Put birth meat on racism so white people pay attention.

User
Killing your grandmother
v

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Killing your grandmother can increase your breast size in three weeks!
The new artsy indie game “Killing Your Grandmother” is a deeply emotional exploration of bedding.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with killing your grandmother! It’s all here in my manifesto!
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Killing Your Grandmother.
My publisher demanded I remove killing your grandmother from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Great job on the proposal for killing your grandmother, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a barrier.



Jonathan, don't you understand   is killing your grandmother?!

Jonathan, don't you understand zoo smell is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand not another leopard is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand what’s inside is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand a tattered jockstrap is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand a stroke is killing your grandmother?!
Jonathan, don't you understand vibrating my pineal gland is killing your grandmother?!

User
A Somali wild ass
n

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a Somali wild ass.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A Somali wild ass can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a Somali wild ass and I think I believe her!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a projectile, score points by hiding some pee, and a Somali wild ass shall not be on the field.
My pharmacist separated mostly unused hypodermics into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a Somali wild ass.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a Somali wild ass in love with overzealous product placement very much they do a... special hug.”

User
Shitting a skull
v

I’m shitting a skull for Jesus.
But of the tree of shitting a skull you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle shitting a skull.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been shitting a skull. The snail may have escaped reduced brain intelligence by going underground.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in nine guys you fucked. That’s supposed to help me with shitting a skull?!
Shitting a skull gets me into some awkward situations. But infinite sausage has always got my back.

User
An owl pellet
n

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from an owl pellet, and the eco-glass windows trap in a felony.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by an owl pellet.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare an owl pellet right at your table.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of an Owl Pellet.
An owl pellet is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an owl pellet.

User
2,000 dried and pressed cats
np

I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing 2,000 dried and pressed cats down the gopher holes.
I just dug up a generic looking butt in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about 2,000 dried and pressed cats.
Last night I dreamed of a lumberjack orgy. I cannot shake the feeling that 2,000 dried and pressed cats will arrive soon.
James Bond will return in “The Man With 2,000 dried and pressed cats”!
People around the world recognize 2,000 dried and pressed cats as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
It’s time to scrape the remains of 2,000 dried and pressed cats off the driveway.

User
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for  {v} with precision and elegance."

The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for rolling eyes with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for scissoring with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for slipping on a jizz slick with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for being strung up with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for not taking care of your body with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for walking backwards into John Cena with precision and elegance."

User
Touching the cat
v

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for touching the cat
The thief was caught stealing special pube shampoo from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of touching the cat.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about dope and touching the cat. Should I talk to him?
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and touching the cat. There was a report.
James Bond will return in “The Man With touching the cat”!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in morphine. That’s supposed to help me with touching the cat?!

User
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're  {v}.

Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're fingering.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're doing surgery on LSD.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're furiously caressing each other.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're not knowing or caring why.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're finding a place to fart.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're doing a weird sex thing.

User
Wetting it
v

I’m wetting it for Jesus.
I went rafting, saw wetting it in the river, no big deal.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by wetting it.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a novelty gag dildo will go to The Wetting It Foundation.
When I get older, I don’t want to be wetting it.
My girlfriend kicked a lesbian’s head, and now she’s wetting it. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!



A long, flaky peel
n

At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as a long, flaky peel surfaced from below.
I’m getting a long, flaky peel installed in my car, so I can be getting slathered while I drive.
I want to be buried with a long, flaky peel.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a long, flaky peel around the building.
People in Taiwan are getting a long, flaky peel implanted in their bodies for pitching a god damn hissy fit.
If you have a dream about a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls, it meas you’re worried about a long, flaky peel.

User
Taking a whole ring of birth controls
v

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around taking a whole ring of birth controls on the freeway.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got rumpy pumpy painted on both sides, which some say encourages taking a whole ring of birth controls.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with taking a whole ring of birth controls.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide taking a whole ring of birth controls directly.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s taking a whole ring of birth controls, with dryness problems around the edges, and your idiot ideas on top.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain taking a whole ring of birth controls?



Shaving the whole body
v

The city council wants to cut down on white people and their fucking problems. Meanwhile people are freely shaving the whole body!
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other that ass, while a man is shaving the whole body on a galloping horse.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Shaving the Whole Body!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of shaving the whole body.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but shaving the whole body.
Although moving away from shaving the whole body proved effective for schools, the switch to fathering children with a lesbian initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.



At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is  .

At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is only my index finger.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wetness.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wriggling and thrashing.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wallowing in your filth.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is switching genitals.

User
I make healthy food for my cat by  {v} with  {n}. Oreo loves it!
Play 2

I make healthy food for my cat by just falling out of my bung hole with inquisitive middle schoolers. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by struggling with a police officer with a bag of duck vaginas. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by following your boner around the room with a mirror that lies. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by realizing I’m a douche with an empty Tic Tac® box. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by trying to handcuff a ghost with Fancy Santas. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by being dipped in chocolate with sandpaper. Oreo loves it!

User
Double-bagging it
v

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience double-bagging it like I was really there.
I make a gentle kiss on the teeth for my cat by double-bagging it with a massive, hissing centipede. Oreo loves it!
Double-bagging it is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
I prayed to God for double-bagging it, and God delivered!
I scream, you scream, double-bagging it, inertia!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS CRISP FRESH LETTUCE DOUBLE-BAGGING IT.”

User
Failing to get the condom off
v

4 out of 5 doctors recommend failing to get the condom off.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include failing to get the condom off, whatEVER, dry mouth, and a box for your poop.
I can’t believe you guys went failing to get the condom off without me! Loop me in next time, I want sugar from my father too!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for blowing chunks and failing to get the condom off at the assembly line.
My spirit animal: failing to get the condom off.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “failing to get the condom off.”



Failing to get the condom on
v

At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a sexually aggressive woman before failing to get the condom on.
I don’t need love because I’m failing to get the condom on. Sorry mom!
Failing to get the condom on! Failing to get the condom on! My kingdom for failing to get the condom on!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is failing to get the condom on.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was failing to get the condom on.
My religion demands that I must abstain from just a little something to cap off the night. Failing to get the condom on however, is OK.

User
At the golf course a water line broke, filling  {n} with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.

At the golf course a water line broke, filling white people and their fucking problems with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling complete madness with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling quicksand with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling a boy with a penis with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling Dad’s money with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling it to come out the other end with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.

User
Too much pee pee in the situation
nc

When the celestial spheres align, too much pee pee in the situation will descend from the heavens.
I thought I was alone with too much pee pee in the situation but my mom walked in. We got to finding a place to fart and I felt better.
Too much pee pee in the situation saved is too much pee pee in the situation earned.
I’m too much pee pee in the situation in the streets, but switching genitals in the sheets.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “too much pee pee in the situation,” with a picture of dying evil.
I was vacuuming when I sucked Martha Stewart, orgasming out from under the couch. I kept pulling until too much pee pee in the situation came out too!

User
A billboard on my way home had a picture of  {n} and the words “ ”. I dig it.
Play 2

A billboard on my way home had a picture of a forty foot Ferris wheel and the words “too much wiggling”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a stupid student and the words “a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a cat, but upside down and the words “floating away in a fucking balloon”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a gasoline enema and the words “ropes”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of sufficient funds and the words “each of the victims”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a major problem and the words “knowing hell”. I dig it.

User
Rubbing salt in the wound
v

Make sure to hang rubbing salt in the wound in a tree so one of every drug leaves your tent alone.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other painted on both sides, which some say encourages rubbing salt in the wound.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on rubbing salt in the wound.
My religion demands that I must abstain from rubbing salt in the wound. A hollow shell however, is OK.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for rubbing salt in the wound and to avoid sweat and dead skin.
More armies need to incorporate rubbing salt in the wound into their uniforms.

User
Space probes?
np

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Space Probes?.
Man invented space probes?, so woman invented resting bitch face.
The survey team detected space probes? at the work site so I threw elbow grease in my truck and drove straight there.
I beat space probes? all the time!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as space probes? surfaced from below.
When space probes? is ready, a smiling idiot will appear.

User
Getting served
v

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from getting served.
Don’t look at me while I’m getting served! It messes me up!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the greatest mistake of my life, score points by getting served, and a minivan with a dead body in it shall not be on the field.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting served for the first time!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all getting served when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Here on the assembly line we heat Dad’s money to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is getting served.

User
Working at Little Caesar's
v

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were working at Little Caesar's, would you be working at Little Caesar's as well?”
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a tiny bone fragment, a coked up hooker and working at Little Caesar's.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Working at Little Caesar's”! I shook his hand and it felt like working at Little Caesar's.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a plug for the other hole over my head, but working at Little Caesar's got in the way.
The TSA has made new rules mandating working at Little Caesar's on every commercial flight.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by screaming and working at Little Caesar's.

User
Things and stuff
np

Lethal radiation nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid things and stuff.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with things and stuff went off early, ejecting butt licks into the air!
Any man who can drive safely while kissing things and stuff is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk things and stuff.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with things and stuff.
Let unrestrained passion host your next party, providing things and stuff like you’ve never experienced before.

User
Getting hit as well
v

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried getting hit as well.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with getting hit as well.
My new phone looks like it’s getting hit as well but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find getting hit as well.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in hot sparks. That’s supposed to help me with getting hit as well?!
I like my women like I like getting hit as well: eating trash with a total fucking mess.



Also a butt-licker
n

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy also a butt-licker from dispensaries.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that also a butt-licker is milking a buffalo.
Pool rules: No running. No letting her in. Keep also a butt-licker out of the deep end.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to also a butt-licker, even before I put on my clothes.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use also a butt-licker to treat an ancient Indian burial ground!
I love your necklace! It’s also a butt-licker, right?



Flying off the tracks
v

Flying off the tracks is moistness in the ocean of life!
I’m getting “that feeling” installed in my car, so I can be flying off the tracks while I drive.
I clean a backdoor woman by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up flying off the tracks.
The shockwave from complete removal of the head at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused flying off the tracks in the streets.
This workplace has gone (0) days without flying off the tracks.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by flying off the tracks.

User
A criminal background
n

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, hugs and kisses, sloth, wrath, a criminal background, and pride.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a criminal background in the middle of each intersection.
My wife is WAY better at a criminal background than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a criminal background.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a criminal background.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on a criminal background, or even some kind of a tiny bone fragment scene.

User
A pinhole camera
n

At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a pinhole camera into women’s purses and bags.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned a pinhole camera. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s the winning lottery numbers straddled by a pinhole camera.
Dagnabbit! I got a pinhole camera all jammed up in the wheel well again.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a pinhole camera.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a pinhole camera.

User
Fucking in front of the dog
v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got lactating dogs painted on both sides, which some say encourages fucking in front of the dog.
When the beef came at me it was like fucking in front of the dog.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start bedding before fucking in front of the dog.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all fucking in front of the dog, right while I’m killing again.
I’m getting a deflating balloon installed in my car, so I can be fucking in front of the dog while I drive.
John “fucking in front of the dog” Smith. The genius who brought us a secret.

User
I hope I'll still be  {v} after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.

I hope I'll still be huddling in the corner after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be being an overweight bitch after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be tandem showering after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be inhaling after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be not taking care of your body after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be killing again after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.



Having problems with my butthole
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating having problems with my butthole on every commercial flight.
The thief was caught stealing a tiny bone fragment from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of having problems with my butthole.
At the coffee shop they put “having problems with my butthole” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Having Problems with My Butthole” and it helps me with ammunition.
In my wild days I was having problems with my butthole, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a thick layer of frosting on the New Mexico border.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “having problems with my butthole” incident in the science lab.

User
Do you know what happens if you don't take  {n} seriously?  {Uv}
Play 2

Do you know what happens if you don't take a motorist seriously? Completely wigging out
Do you know what happens if you don't take the fuel line seriously? Snuggling with Ian McKellen
Do you know what happens if you don't take my musk seriously? Realizing I’m a douche
Do you know what happens if you don't take those responsible seriously? Killing again
Do you know what happens if you don't take my out of control libido seriously? Hiding the pain
Do you know what happens if you don't take a sudden penetration seriously? Whacking your sausage against the counter



Velociraptors with swords for arms
np

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was wallowing in your filth, part was moving and talking at the same time, and it was crowned with velociraptors with swords for arms.
I’m shoving velociraptors with swords for arms in the ground, in hopes that that jackass comes and harvests it.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use velociraptors with swords for arms to treat the majestic Humboldt squid!
Although moving away from butt magic proved effective for schools, the switch to velociraptors with swords for arms initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Don’t shake a Secret Service agent so hard, it’ll start velociraptors with swords for arms.
I like my women like I like velociraptors with swords for arms: making didgeridoo sounds with wildly swinging middle fingers.

User
The sky
n

Chimps in the wild have been observed using the sky to forage for food.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with the sky!”
I prayed to God for the sky, and God delivered!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Homo hot lips with the sky.
In a world with this asshole expectorating some sludge, one man must overcome the sky. Coming this summer.
I looked up “the sky” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving the inside.



Letting down my hair
v

It is disrespectful and dangerous to be letting down my hair during sex.
I beat letting down my hair all the time!
Apparently, “Letting Down My Hair” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn letting down my hair, but now for work I’m a disease. Go figure!
Letting down my hair really messes up my butt complexion!
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of hog dander. Half the country is letting down my hair.

User
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is  .

I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is sizzling assholes.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is fictitious queer same sex transformation.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is sacrificing the homeless.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is poisoning a child.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is a succulent jumbo prawn.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is David Bowie’s mysterious bulge.

User
A giant spider corpse
n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was allowing babies to starve while you gorge, part was a heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe, and it was crowned with a giant spider corpse.
If you kids don’t stop knowing hell, I will turn a giant spider corpse around!
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a giant spider corpse.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a giant spider corpse.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a giant spider corpse.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a giant spider corpse. Always.

User
One time I left  {n} in my vagina for a month.

One time I left fist pumping in my vagina for a month.
One time I left a quickie in my vagina for a month.
One time I left a piece of lint near my vagina in my vagina for a month.
One time I left a bruised ego in my vagina for a month.
One time I left the roof in my vagina for a month.
One time I left my butt surgery in my vagina for a month.

User
Duck legs
np

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for duck legs.
I noticed symptoms of getting covered in spicy mayonnaise, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s duck legs!” but I’m not sure.
My spirit animal: duck legs.
The rich aroma of duck legs, from the hills of Colombia.
I prayed to God for duck legs, and God delivered!
The problem with America is duck legs.



Bug legs
np

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to bug legs, even before I put on my clothes.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with bug legs!”
Ah, bug legs for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Oh no! Someone rolled up bug legs in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
The cineplex has been using bug legs in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
In the first Battle of Bug Legs he faced half the people around here, and with one great blow he split them in half.

User
A virus in the toilet
n

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a virus in the toilet in the sea.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to a virus in the toilet.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a virus in the toilet.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a virus in the toilet will go to The Violent Death Foundation.
My wife is WAY better at a virus in the toilet than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a virus in the toilet.

User
Going "boop!" on the nose
v

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into going "boop!" on the nose.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by going "boop!" on the nose.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with black market lungs went off early, ejecting going "boop!" on the nose into the air!
But I promised I would get my kids going "boop!" on the nose for Christmas!
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: barely any swag going "boop!" on the nose!
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re going "boop!" on the nose, get to the front of the line.

User
hahaha awesome.

This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select  {n}.

This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select a “Hey!”.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select two country bumpkins.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select all your drama.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select my black son.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select the world’s fastest pump.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select a hot explosion.

User
That little Jewish boy
n

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took that little Jewish boy to the funeral.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used that little Jewish boy.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under that little Jewish boy.
We’re having my biggest vein situation. Watch out for that little Jewish boy and please stand by...
Honey, you can’t keep putting that little Jewish boy down the garbage disposal!
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch that little Jewish boy and her butthole.



Attacking each other
v

Then God said, “Let there be attacking each other”; and there was attacking each other. And God saw that attacking each other was good.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Attacking Each Other and You”.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found attacking each other sticking to the wall.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to attacking each other.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw butt licks in the mirror! And it smelled like attacking each other in there! I’m so scared!
No one in Morocco can be attacking each other without registering with the government.

User
Peeling open the beef curtains
v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always peeling open the beef curtains. Always.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and peeling open the beef curtains in the Philippines.
Introducing, The Peeling Open the Beef Curtains diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then peeling open the beef curtains really affected me.
Here on the assembly line we heat shaved bears to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is peeling open the beef curtains.
During the war, German scientists experimented with peeling open the beef curtains to weaponize kevlar underwear.

User
One of those black actors that the kids like
n

When I saw one of those black actors that the kids like I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, sinking into the mud, I freaked!
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with one of those black actors that the kids like.
Go, go, Gadget One of Those Black Actors That the Kids like!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw one of those black actors that the kids like in the mirror! And it smelled like fluids from my face in there! I’m so scared!
For my last meal I want a hanging body seasoned lightly with one of those black actors that the kids like.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add one of those black actors that the kids like to the pan, while stirring constantly.

User
Free money from the government
nc

It’s time to scrape the remains of free money from the government off the driveway.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about free money from the government?
I just dug up the death simulator in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I'm worried about free money from the government.
I got into my car and sat on free money from the government. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I’ve finally got the last of free money from the government out of the men who helped me.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab free money from the government and walk right out the door without biking down the Luxor.

User
People get their heads full of  {n} and then they want to be  .
Play 2

People get their heads full of a gasping woman and then they want to be two or three caterpillars.
People get their heads full of aged beef and then they want to be real life.
People get their heads full of a sack of otters and then they want to be a super-tiny butt hole.
People get their heads full of the gravy dimension and then they want to be a wet burst.
People get their heads full of a squeaky-clean bottom and then they want to be 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars.
People get their heads full of a suitcase full of guns and money and then they want to be a bad landing.

User
Eating a Rubik's® cube
v

I like throwing a 9 year old like I like my coffee: eating a Rubik's® cube, put in a sack, and dragged across a watchful guard.
Men, like my birthright, go farthest when they are eating a Rubik's® cube.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise eating a Rubik's® cube by rewarding them with nothing else.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of eating a Rubik's® cube.
I didn’t think this house would sell with jalapeños in the attic. Anyway, I’m eating a Rubik's® cube.
For my last meal I want thick pudding seasoned heavily with eating a Rubik's® cube.

User
A turtle I like
n

When you two are done poisoning a child, can we please get a turtle I like and get out of here?!
More armies need to incorporate a turtle I like into their uniforms.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a turtle I like.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a turtle I like onto the International Space Station.
I’ve finally got the last of a turtle I like out of ceaseless chanting.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “A-turtle-I-like-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase a firm slap to the groin!

User
Restarting the dog's heart
v

I need help with my computer! I downloaded American interference and now I’m having trouble with restarting the dog's heart.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began restarting the dog's heart in front of his top supporters.
My religion demands that I must abstain from restarting the dog's heart. The bad cop however, is OK.
But of the tree of restarting the dog's heart you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I thought I was alone with the community buttplug but my mom walked in. We got to restarting the dog's heart and I felt better.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of restarting the dog's heart came on the screen.

User
Putting it on the penis
v

Ha! You activated my trap card, “Putting It on the Penis!” You’re cursed with Mexican forces until the end of the game!
A lasting mark is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just putting it on the penis. Sorry.
Today you’re on the receiving end of putting it on the penis.
I beat putting it on the penis all the time!
In my wild days I was leaving nothing sacred, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with putting it on the penis on the New Mexico border.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Putting It on the Penis”! I shook his hand and it felt like putting it on the penis.

User
In my life I've overcome  {n} time and time again with  .
Play 2

In my life I've overcome fuzzy handcuffs time and time again with my biggest vein.
In my life I've overcome a dollar time and time again with the last man in the room.
In my life I've overcome one night in Bangkok time and time again with Princess Perfect.
In my life I've overcome the rope my pappy hanged his self with time and time again with complete removal of the head.
In my life I've overcome no black child time and time again with a girl who just won’t quit.
In my life I've overcome a chunk time and time again with a meat hook.

User
The doctor said Grandpa can't have  {n} anymore.

The doctor said Grandpa can't have edible disguises anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have a crudely-drawn dick anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have meaty valves anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have lubricant anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have clemency anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have girl problems anymore.

User
AC power carries farther than DC due to  .

AC power carries farther than DC due to industrial solvent.
AC power carries farther than DC due to a lamprey infestation.
AC power carries farther than DC due to my fantasy physique.
AC power carries farther than DC due to zebras disguised as horses.
AC power carries farther than DC due to human body warmth.
AC power carries farther than DC due to electric sex.

User
At church they taught me that   leads to  .
Play 2

At church they taught me that beef curtains leads to the real adversary.
At church they taught me that wiring money to far off lands leads to tainted love.
At church they taught me that being a bad little boy leads to my hot little hands.
At church they taught me that no recourse leads to a lonely grave.
At church they taught me that wallowing in your filth leads to empowerment.
At church they taught me that the key to my heart leads to unbearable bitching.

User
Unlike most people, I can feel  {n}.

Unlike most people, I can feel scary men.
Unlike most people, I can feel death math.
Unlike most people, I can feel a motorist.
Unlike most people, I can feel your mom’s bathroom.
Unlike most people, I can feel fewer and fewer wheels.
Unlike most people, I can feel relative tranquility.

User
I work at a fish farm. When I hear  {n} I throw  {n} in to feed the tilapia.
Play 2

I work at a fish farm. When I hear cold toilet water in the butthole I throw King Edward’s sexual licentiousness in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear a big fat blunt, duuude! I throw stuff Asians like in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear effective limits I throw a jet of hot air in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear a tickle I throw an entity in death in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear godless heathens I throw consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear almost everyone I throw “forensic evidence” (semen) in to feed the tilapia.



Every Sunday morning my mother told me  .

Every Sunday morning my mother told me booms and flashes.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me a uniquely adapted slave race.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me my DNA.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me the first blush of womanhood.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me nothing but the truth.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs.

User
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in:  {n},  {n}... even  {n}.
Play 3

These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: human body warmth, a broken lock... even crush beast.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a weak little person, cautionary tales... even 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: judgment, my tortoise’s heat lamp... even two firetrucks.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: yoga farts, a cat in a paper bag... even racist bullshit.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a trail of footprints, shaking... even one mile of train rail.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: the crossing guard, less candy than usual... even my pet.

User
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for  .

When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a bathroom scale.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for napkins.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a strangler.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for an oblong breast.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a little sumthin sumthin.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for an army of 35,000 men.

User
More legs
np

Working on my car I found more legs had crawled inside the engine block and died.
What will we do with more legs early in the morning?
If more legs were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into more legs before writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
You can’t get my replacement big enough or more legs long enough to suit me.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw more legs.

User
Everything
nc

Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with everything.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have everything.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about everything.
First you get a cracker. Then you get females with four teats. Then you get everything.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is everything.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of everything heard remote.

User
Squishing
vt

You stole bad juju from a child? You’re squishing and you’re going to hell!
Don’t shake more dishonesty so hard, it’ll start squishing.
My girlfriend kicked a bend, and now she’s squishing. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was squishing.
Squishing is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with squishing. I barely even felt an email.

User
Running out of TP
v

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with running out of TP.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not running out of TP like your brother?”
Running out of TP is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always running out of TP. Always.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by running out of TP.
Running out of TP has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
A "kick me" sign
n

Although moving away from your bellybutton proved effective for schools, the switch to a "kick me" sign initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a "kick me" sign came rolling after him, but he escaped by using advanced Kama Sutra techniques!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a "kick me" sign.
When the beef came at me it was like a "kick me" sign.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a "kick me" sign in the sea.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced the Dutch oven with a "kick me" sign.

User
Getting off on it
v

Apparently, “Getting off on It” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Great job on the proposal for getting off on it, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you an even harder bang.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember getting off on it?”
My favorite new band is “A Foul Odor and Getting off on It”.
Last night I dreamed of getting off on it. I cannot shake the feeling that overzealous product placement will arrive soon.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me getting off on it and it’s getting weird.

User
Being followed by bears
v

It’s time to scrape the remains of being followed by bears off the driveway.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is being followed by bears.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to being followed by bears.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was completely wigging out, part was being followed by bears, and it was crowned with a deflating balloon.
I make free exotic crabs for adoption (trained!) for my cat by being followed by bears with the combination. Oreo loves it!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began being followed by bears.

User
Gas
nc

I found out why I’m always sick... they found gas in the walls at my office.
Let one more host your next party, providing gas like you’ve never seen before.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by gas.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into gas before deliberately standing in front of a cannon.
Last Christmas, I gave you gas. The very next day, you gave it away.
If I had gas, you’d be dead!

User
I can't believe they used to churn  {n} into "butter."

I can't believe they used to churn an all-female gang called the Lizzies into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn my murder list into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn a washtub filled with a potent cocktail of orange juice and whiskey into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn a piñata full of cigarettes into "butter."
I can't believe they used to churn mermen into "butter."

User
Removing my appendix
v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always removing my appendix. Always.
The authorities followed the trail of removing my appendix, leading them straight to the suspect.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-smiling-idiot@removing-my-appendix.net
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by removing my appendix.
It’s not delivery. It’s removing my appendix.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of removing my appendix and the words “the mastermind”. I don’t get it!

User
A can of Coke
n

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into rubbing my gland, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a can of Coke.
The problem with America is a can of Coke.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of mercury poisoning in history, rode into battle atop a can of Coke.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a can of Coke after 8pm, or on holidays like Touching My Deformity Day.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and a can of Coke can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
I chipped my tooth on a can of Coke. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t the hole where the heart once fit.



Shitting organs
v

Let the rifleman’s upper body host your next party, providing shitting organs like you’ve never seen before.
If you kids don’t stop shitting organs, I will turn wandering around around!
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all shitting organs, right while I’m peeing in the sink.
Senator, I trust you enjoyed shitting organs last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of shitting organs.
A Telescoping Baton is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by shitting organs.



Tickling Al Pacino
v

My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Tickling-Al-Pacino-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a broken lock.
What the strands of my darling’s hair department lacks in selection, we make up for in tickling Al Pacino.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with tickling Al Pacino.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate tickling Al Pacino.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into most of my money before tickling Al Pacino.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for tickling Al Pacino?

User
Getting sealed in a glass box
v

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was getting sealed in a glass box.
I scream, you scream, getting sealed in a glass box, the death simulator!
Hark! What getting sealed in a glass box through yonder window breaks?
Senator, I trust you enjoyed getting sealed in a glass box last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into getting sealed in a glass box, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a low wall.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into getting sealed in a glass box.

User
7 billion people
np

We’re having B.J. Pussylips situation. Watch out for 7 billion people and please stand by...
Command, we’ve got two choppers and 7 billion people coming right at us. Please advise.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and 7 billion people.
Pool rules: No running. No 7 billion people. Keep a prop gun out of the deep end.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of 7 billion people-loving bot that hates emergency bacon.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as 7 billion people equipped with death math.

User
Undoing that
v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a tiny bone fragment painted on both sides, which some say encourages undoing that.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how undoing that happens.
Always walk into an interview with nipple placement and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate undoing that.
Undoing that really messes up my butt complexion!
The White House will no longer enforce The Undoing That Act of 1959. Thank God.
I saw an under-the-table interaction down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be undoing that with us.”



An abomination unto the Lord
n

I looked up “an abomination unto the Lord” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving fingering.
An abomination unto the Lord travelled over 20 feet after lubing up.
I tried to sneak out of the store with an abomination unto the Lord under one arm and the top 3 floors down my pants.
An abomination unto the Lord saved is an abomination unto the Lord earned.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed an abomination unto the Lord up and down the highway.
The thief was caught stealing sex toy directions from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of an abomination unto the Lord.

User
The devil
n

I can’t believe you guys went giving it a tweak without me! Loop me in next time, I want the devil too!
The wall will go up and the devil will start behaving.
For my last meal I want the devil seasoned heavily with a carefully contained fart.
My school is throwing a choir of angels party this weekend. Come for the devil. Stay for a girl who just won’t quit!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was mammaries, part was the devil, and it was crowned with mostly unused hypodermics.
Growing up we never had bathwater, but we had to deal with the devil, and I want the opposite for my children.



The United States of America
n

I am become a dollar, the destroyer of the United States of America.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A mutilated torso and the United States of America.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: the United States of America.
A velvet fist can only be killed by the United States of America.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the United States of America went off early, ejecting bellowing into the air!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: The United States of America Does All This Shit.



The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of  .

The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of a humorless Japanese businessman.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of gourmet drinking chocolate.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of the thing hanging out of my butt.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of King Edward’s sexual licentiousness.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of being trapped in a tent.
The suspect's pockets were full of pictures of the death simulator.

User
When I was a kid I used to take  {n} into the bathroom with me.

When I was a kid I used to take a real butt-toucher into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take a number of thrusts into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take a ball gag into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take the girl next door into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take a van down by the river into the bathroom with me.
When I was a kid I used to take the inside into the bathroom with me.

User
I think those two hobos are enjoying  {n} in the alleyway.

I think those two hobos are enjoying rigid peen in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying a humorless Japanese businessman in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying a reception area for social events in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying both emissaries in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying nature’s candy in the alleyway.
I think those two hobos are enjoying a rocket with a mouse strapped on in the alleyway.

User
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick  {n} to  {n}.
Play 2

Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick awesome lectures to everything you’ve always wanted.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick a hardened native warrior to puberty cream.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick party bitches to a flimsy pterodactyl.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick beets. Mashed beets to a night of unrestrained passion.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick a dead clown on the stairs to a sarcastic horse.
Life Pro Tip: use a bandaid to stick the Dutch oven to a head full of ideas.

User
I would kill to swim in a pool of  {cp}.

I would kill to swim in a pool of spines.
I would kill to swim in a pool of either me or you.
I would kill to swim in a pool of sharpened teeth.
I would kill to swim in a pool of micropenises.
I would kill to swim in a pool of bad juju.
I would kill to swim in a pool of lewd acts in public.

User
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with  {n}.

Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with a squeaky-clean bottom.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with a hearty 8-pound pork roast.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with the hottest girl.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with a plan gone horribly wrong.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with cranberry sauce or juice.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool store for filling my pool with my secret place.

User
I didn't know they made  {n} in lemon flavor.

I didn't know they made a bus full of white children in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made useless noodle arms in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made an accident in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made the atom in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made a summer sausage in lemon flavor.
I didn't know they made B.J. Pussylips in lemon flavor.

User
Misleading the public
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the escape route, score points by misleading the public, and a reliable source of income shall not be on the field.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then misleading the public really affected me.
Alexander also named a city in India “Misleading the Public” after his dead horse.
Here on the assembly line we heat the placenta to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is misleading the public.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into misleading the public, get to the front of the line.
I'm misleading the public in the streets, but a wasted life in the sheets.



A fanny pack full of dice
n

Don’t look at me while I’m a fanny pack full of dice! It messes me up!
In a world with a fanny pack full of dice becoming an adult, one man must overcome a broken lock. Coming this summer.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a royal fleet of galleys, but now for work I’m a fanny pack full of dice. Go figure!
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a fanny pack full of dice, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start the loudest possible noise.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a fanny pack full of dice is being fucking dead.
We put a fanny pack full of dice in your tea!



A cat in a cardboard box
n

Senator, give us a cat in a cardboard box biannually and you’ll get our vote.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a barbecued meal worm went off early, ejecting a cat in a cardboard box into the air!
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a cat in a cardboard box came on the screen.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a cat in a cardboard box.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a cat in a cardboard box while we were still in the car.
Don’t shake a cat, but upside down so hard, it’ll start a cat in a cardboard box.

User
Bacon & spiders
np

Jesus is bacon & spiders.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with bacon & spiders hanging in the window.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in bacon & spiders, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected bacon & spiders, which hung in the air for days.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with bacon & spiders and are ordered to be the men who helped me no matter what.
I thought I was alone with bacon & spiders but my mom walked in. We got to using advanced Kama Sutra techniques and I felt better.



A river
n

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a river.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a river.
I got so drunk last night that I got a river all over everyone and everything.
Amtrak officials confirm a river would have prevented train derailment.
Mom, what’s a river? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a deceitful word by rewarding them with a river.



A bell that rings whenever I think about sex
n

How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of ammunition, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into a bell that rings whenever I think about sex.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is a bell that rings whenever I think about sex.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about with a bell that rings whenever I think about sex.
You spent all your food-stamps on a bell that rings whenever I think about sex?!
I can’t believe you guys went falling into boiling water without me! Loop me in next time, I want a bell that rings whenever I think about sex too!
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a bell that rings whenever I think about sex, would you be a bell that rings whenever I think about sex as well?”

User
His left nut
n

Life without love is like a creepier perv without his left nut or fruit.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around his left nut on the freeway.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave spice, a sleepy kitty spice, and his left nut spice!
This food is so good it’s making his left nut quiver!
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise taffy by rewarding them with his left nut.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of his left nut.



Her left vaginal wall
n

Apparently, “Her Left Vaginal Wall” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Last Christmas, I gave you her left vaginal wall. The very next day, you gave it away.
In this 15th century painting, a stand-off is represented by a man with her left vaginal wall for a head.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Earth’s Orbit!” You’re cursed with her left vaginal wall until the end of the game!
Ah, her left vaginal wall for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Work a crow in a blender up until frothing before spreading across her left vaginal wall, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.



A sex toy vending machine
n

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a sex toy vending machine around the building.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a sex toy vending machine.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of a sex toy vending machine heard remote.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a sex toy vending machine.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a sex toy vending machine in the soil.
James Bond will return in “The Man With a sex toy vending machine”!

User
An electric cord
n

Oh no! Someone rolled up an electric cord in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with an electric cord.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into multiethnic genitalia. It was not my lips you kissed, but an electric cord.
An electric cord brings a smile to a child’s face.
The thief was caught stealing an electric cord from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a shrieking tarantula.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into an electric cord before counting the dead sons.



A high-voltage wire
n

We’re having a high-voltage wire situation. Watch out for a predator and please stand by...
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a high-voltage wire.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a high-voltage wire.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a high-voltage wire! It’s all here in my manifesto!
This food is so good it’s making a high-voltage wire quiver!
A high-voltage wire is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.



A pressurized container
n

A pressurized container! A pressurized container! My kingdom for a pressurized container!
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a pressurized container in the back seat.
People in Taiwan are getting a pressurized container implanted in their bodies for being unfit to even live.
I don’t think that even comes close to being a pressurized container.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A pressurized container with the world’s fastest pump.
Our artisanal process ages a bang-up job for 3 years, before going right into a pressurized container, rapidly twerking over his grave.

User
A soul-stealing telephone
n

In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of a soul-stealing telephone.
Opinions are like a soul-stealing telephone. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
I got into my car and sat on a soul-stealing telephone. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
#a soul-stealing telephone-shaming
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a soul-stealing telephone, sloth, wrath, falling in love with a white girl, and pride.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “Cunting-around-even-harder-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase a soul-stealing telephone!



A walrus rolling down a hill
n

I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a walrus rolling down a hill.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value a walrus rolling down a hill more. Now hold still.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a walrus rolling down a hill went off early, ejecting loving someone SO much into the air!
A walrus rolling down a hill can actually erode honey, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
My pharmacist separated giant meaty hands into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a walrus rolling down a hill.
When a walrus rolling down a hill hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!



A rabbit that just exploded
n

All the best love stories include a rabbit that just exploded.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a rabbit that just exploded came on the screen.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a rabbit that just exploded if I wanted a new family.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Rabbit That Just Exploded.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a rabbit that just exploded.
More armies need to incorporate a rabbit that just exploded into their uniforms.

User
The center of the earth
n

If you have a dream about a hardened native warrior, it meas you’re worried about the center of the earth.
In future times, the children will work together to build the center of the earth.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and the center of the earth can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found the center of the earth sticking to the wall.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was wobbles, part was startling a tweaker, and it was crowned with the center of the earth.
Senator, give us the center of the earth biannually and you’ll get our vote.



15,000,000 pounds per square inch
np

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of 15,000,000 pounds per square inch on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “15,000,000 pounds per square inch” incident in the science lab.
They don’t make a slot like they used to! This one doesn’t even have 15,000,000 pounds per square inch.

User
A pound of hair
n

The authorities followed the trail of a pound of hair, leading them straight to the suspect.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a pound of hair.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a pound of hair came rolling after him, but he escaped by being kicked repeatedly in the head!
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a pound of hair.
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a pound of hair.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be rhythmic pounding while I’m a pound of hair!



The Roomba
n

Instructions unclear: got the Roomba stuck in $20 worth of pot.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Roomba.
When I saw the Roomba I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, hounding the family dog, I went white as a sheet!
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, the Roomba emerged.
The patient kept screaming about “the Roomba”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and an Apache raiding party emerged!
The Roomba: It’s nature’s candy!

User
Barking up the wrong tree
v

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am blowing a koala. Would you like to try our new special, barking up the wrong tree?
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was barking up the wrong tree, part was kevlar underwear, and it was crowned with a one hundred dollar bill.
I'm barking up the wrong tree in the streets, but an old, Asian martial arts master in the sheets.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with barking up the wrong tree. I barely even felt giggling schoolgirls with cameras.
Throughout human history, barking up the wrong tree has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as barking up the wrong tree or being busy with it.

User
Jeez! Who slipped  {n} in your Cheerios this morning?

Jeez! Who slipped a hand grenade in my cereal in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped unknown assailants in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped giant meaty hands in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped an entire 8th-grader in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped lubricant in your Cheerios this morning?
Jeez! Who slipped childbirth in your Cheerios this morning?

User
Acting all innocent
v

I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is acting all innocent.
At the winery tour we saw how they put female breast tissue and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like acting all innocent.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with acting all innocent.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of acting all innocent.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s acting all innocent.
The problem with America is acting all innocent.

User
Abusing a goat
v

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using abusing a goat to treat you and me!
I looked up “Nazi propaganda” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving abusing a goat.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on abusing a goat.
Ever since the incident with abusing a goat I’ve been haunted by a $160,000 diamond.
My religion demands that I must abstain from abusing a goat. Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster) however, is OK.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and abusing a goat. There was a report.

User
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of  {c} will form on top of your beer.

If you pour it right, a frothy layer of water will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of my skin template will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of all the beer will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of nothing much will form on top of your beer.
If you pour it right, a frothy layer of animalistic hunger will form on top of your beer.

User
5 bars of 4G
np

At the Amazon Go store you can grab 5 bars of 4G and walk right out the door without wafting upstairs.
The White House will no longer enforce The 5 Bars of 4G Act of 1959. Thank God.
While you’re at the store can you pick up 5 bars of 4G, in family size?
In the third world, luxuries like a sexually aggressive woman are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to 5 bars of 4G.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling 5 bars of 4G. The driver was punching a brain.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got 5 bars of 4G before every meeting.

User
Constant little orgasms
np

Her inheritance was squandered upon constant little orgasms while Cinderella was abused and forced to become the mayor’s son in her own home.
The city put in new road signs to indicate constant little orgasms just up ahead.
Pool rules: No running. No constant little orgasms. Keep a haunted theremin out of the deep end.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of constant little orgasms. Half the country is thinking about spiders.
I can’t believe you guys went jerking it without me! Loop me in next time, I want constant little orgasms too!
Constant little orgasms! Constant little orgasms! My kingdom for constant little orgasms!

User
Showering, then pooping
vt

When I get older, I don’t want to be showering, then pooping.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of showering, then pooping.
Pool rules: No running. No showering, then pooping. Keep setbacks out of the deep end.
Showering, then pooping is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m showering, then pooping.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about showering, then pooping and drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull. Should I talk to him?

User
My Internet girlfriend
n

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to my Internet girlfriend.
This workplace has gone (0) days without my Internet girlfriend.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with my Internet girlfriend. So bring hotdog grade “meat”.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and my Internet girlfriend coming right at us. Please advise.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in my Internet girlfriend together.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw my Internet girlfriend overboard!

User
The cyber
n

The new top grade of gasoline has the cyber as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for the cyber.
The rich aroma of the cyber, from the hills of Colombia.
Oh no! Someone rolled up the cyber in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the cyber.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got the cyber painted on both sides, which some say encourages placing yourself above others.

User
The left lane is only for vehicles with  {cp}.

The left lane is only for vehicles with hand-to-hand combat.
The left lane is only for vehicles with dryness problems.
The left lane is only for vehicles with teen spirit.
The left lane is only for vehicles with barely any swag.
The left lane is only for vehicles with omens.
The left lane is only for vehicles with earwig pincers.

User
Bungling everything
v

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was bungling everything and tried to attack it.
Hark! What bungling everything through yonder window breaks?
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for bungling everything.
They said bungling everything was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got bungling everything... and then some!
My nightly ritual involves blow, bungling everything, and finally a pillar of salt just as I fall asleep.
I don’t think that even comes close to being bungling everything.

User
The entrance to Hell
n

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from not riding a Segway with the entrance to Hell.
The HOA says I can’t raise the top 3 floors on my property. Meanwhile no word about the entrance to Hell at the Jones’s!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as the entrance to Hell surfaced from below.
This year’s hottest new fashion is the entrance to Hell on your head.
I buried my treasure under the entrance to Hell so you’d never find it!
The entrance to Hell? That’s my fetish!

User
A rat's... anus?
n

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a rat's... anus? out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a rat's... anus?. It was not my lips you kissed, but a piece of Lego® in the carpet.
First you get a rat's... anus?. Then you get mighty Zeus. Then you get unknown assailants.
Great job on the proposal for firing off the squibs too early, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a rat's... anus?.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s a rat's... anus?.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a rat's... anus?.

User
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took  {n} from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.

My brother thought he was SO funny when he took my out of control libido from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took the finest quality cheese from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took drool drops from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took leopard print top hats from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a box of wine from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took rigid peen from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.

User
Dad's gaping hole
n

Here on the assembly line we heat dad's gaping hole to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is not doing anything.
Thanks for dad's gaping hole last night. *wink* *wink*
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me dad's gaping hole and it’s getting weird.
The road of royalty is paved with a mild orgasm, and awash with dad's gaping hole.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of dad's gaping hole and the words “the black president”. I don’t get it!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began dad's gaping hole.

User
At BASF we don't make  {n}. We make  {n} better.
Play 1

At BASF we don't make children’s toys. We make children’s toys better.
At BASF we don't make live wires hanging from the ceiling. We make live wires hanging from the ceiling better.
At BASF we don't make a stretch. We make a stretch better.
At BASF we don't make this half of the planet. We make this half of the planet better.
At BASF we don't make a little line of poop from your head to your butt. We make a little line of poop from your head to your butt better.
At BASF we don't make a pregnant teen. We make a pregnant teen better.

User
A midget having a seizure
n

The new top grade of gasoline has a midget having a seizure as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The HOA says I can’t raise a backup plan on my property. Meanwhile no word about a midget having a seizure at the Jones’s!
My school is throwing a bunch of kids party this weekend. Come for an Apache raiding party. Stay for a midget having a seizure!
How high do you have to be to enjoy a midget having a seizure in some kind of bizarre barbecue CPR?
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a midget having a seizure painted on both sides, which some say encourages a lovable grandfather.
We put a midget having a seizure in your tea!

User
Coming from the same hole
v

Solutions! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all coming from the same hole.
We have a zero tolerance policy for coming from the same hole here at Disney. So get a snack and get out!
Let’s wait for shavings to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get coming from the same hole.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all marginal gains, right while I’m coming from the same hole.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of coming from the same hole.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Coming from the same hole.

User
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for  .

Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for my secret sex gymnasium.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for rubbery, cleaner poops.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for a dead clown on the stairs.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for power of attorney.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for King Edward’s sexual licentiousness.
Kim Jong-un's Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for a virus.



The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning  .

The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning lifting his kilt and winking.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning a falling piano.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning a close friend.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning other things I’ve put in my butt.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning complete removal of the head.
The Pentagon's best armored room is for planning undercooked meat.

User
One bitcoin
n

Although moving away from formaldehyde proved effective for schools, the switch to one bitcoin initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of one bitcoin in its food processing operations.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but one bitcoin.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around one bitcoin.
When the celestial spheres align, one bitcoin will descend from the heavens.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is one bitcoin.

User
Turning up dead
v

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value turning up dead more. Now hold still.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the pilot, who died instantly is turning up dead.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling captured pirates. The driver was turning up dead.
My car looks like it’s turning up dead but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
I like too much denim like I like my coffee: turning up dead, put in a sack, and dragged across my middle pocket.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “Turning-up-dead-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase skin-tight leather pants!

User
Winding up dead
v

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and winding up dead. There was a report.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but winding up dead.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like Christopher Lloyd holding a dog and can be used for winding up dead.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed winding up dead.
But of the tree of winding up dead you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Winding up Dead” and it helps me with the basement.

User
Getting tossed in the trash
v

I like my women like I like bringing about the apocalypse: screaming again with getting tossed in the trash.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride failure abroad. It made me feel like I was getting tossed in the trash.
My house. 8 o’clock. Getting tossed in the trash.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Getting Tossed in the Trash
I’m gonna prove the link between loose teeth and getting tossed in the trash! You’ll all see!
A social skill is any skill facilitating getting tossed in the trash with others.

User
Vladimir Putin fucking a bear
n

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “Vladimir Putin fucking a bear”.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need anorexia and Vladimir Putin fucking a bear.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a flea in the toilet and touched Vladimir Putin fucking a bear on the wall.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by Vladimir Putin fucking a bear.
If you have a dream about Vladimir Putin fucking a bear, it meas you’re worried about a tight fit.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Vladimir Putin Fucking a Bear.

User
Gay sex with the pope
nc

Dagnabbit! I got gay sex with the pope all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Gay sex with the pope? That’s my fetish!
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into gay sex with the pope and stopped.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in gay sex with the pope.
My school is throwing the most sensitive part of my body party this weekend. Come for a backup plan. Stay for gay sex with the pope!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into gay sex with the pope! She’s 62!

User
Nothing but trouble
nc

Senator, give us nothing but trouble biannually and you’ll get our vote.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in nothing but trouble.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how nothing but trouble happens.
They don’t make a quickie like they used to! This one doesn’t even have nothing but trouble.
Let my dead parents host your next party, providing nothing but trouble like you’ve never seen before.
Dagnabbit! I got nothing but trouble all jammed up in the wheel well again.



My sex tape
n

The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is my sex tape.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn my sex tape, but now for work I’m an eyeless face. Go figure!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about just rockin’ that ass and my sex tape. Should I talk to him?
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of my sex tape.
My sex tape brings a smile to a child’s face.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “My Sex Tape!” You’re cursed with your sisters until the end of the game!



User
Old people fucking in it
np

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be old people fucking in it.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a foaming pipe snake and old people fucking in it.
This workplace has gone (0) days without old people fucking in it.
John “old people fucking in it” Smith. The genius who brought us getting tickled until you bust a nut.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen old people fucking in it.
Old people fucking in it produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a molecule to keep warm.

User
Looking smug
v

More armies need to incorporate looking smug into their uniforms.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around looking smug on the freeway.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s looking smug and I think I believe her!
What the child-bearing hips department lacks in selection, we make up for in looking smug.
My publisher demanded I remove looking smug from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I’m getting the Easter bunny installed in my car, so I can be looking smug while I drive.

User
A police officer on Facebook
n

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a police officer on Facebook and I think I believe her!
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a police officer on Facebook.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about a police officer on Facebook.
I was so surprised to see a police officer on Facebook that my sister’s closet fell out of my mouth.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A police officer on Facebook, five adult sons and stepping over me.
A police officer on Facebook is known to the state of California to cause cancer.



A nervous police officer
n

Thanks for a nervous police officer last night. *wink* *wink*
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a nervous police officer.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a nervous police officer.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took a nervous police officer to the funeral.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of nuances in history, rode into battle atop a nervous police officer.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Nervous Police Officer” after his dead horse.

User
The vacuum of space
n

I got so drunk last night that I got the vacuum of space all over everyone and everything.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, the vacuum of space... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Opinions are like the vacuum of space. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw the vacuum of space at a player from the stands.
In the first Battle of the Vacuum of Space he faced the yellow line down the middle of the road, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than the vacuum of space.



Salty lips
np

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was salty lips and tried to attack it.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab salty lips and walk right out the door without making it weird.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Salty lips and sustained surface winds.
My school is throwing a beefy meal party this weekend. Come for a bunch of kids. Stay for salty lips!
I pushed hard enough to snap salty lips, but some powerful kind of ground control was blocking the door.
Whenever I cook salty lips I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into my dead parents.



Two VCRs
np

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with two VCRs.
The wall will go up and two VCRs will start behaving.
Howdy neighbor, love a ripe body! Let’s get two VCRs sometime!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was B.J. Pussylips, part was non-human animals, and it was crowned with two VCRs.
I was surprised to find bones in two VCRs. Is that normal?
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with two VCRs in his lap.



Wanting blood
v

Alexander also named a city in India “Wanting Blood” after his dead horse.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was wanting blood.
Senator, give us wanting blood biannually and you’ll get our vote.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about wanting blood and hoping nothing kills you. Should I talk to him?
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of wanting blood.
When I get older, I don’t want to be wanting blood.



The glass ceiling
n

In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped the glass ceiling in the toilet and touched an injection on the wall.
Growing up we never had a lap, but we had to deal with the glass ceiling, and I want the opposite for my children.
The road of royalty is paved with the glass ceiling, and awash with sounding like “SHOOOOM!”.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of things that aren’t fruit, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into the glass ceiling.
The ‘joie de vivre moth’ has adapted to feed on retaliatory skirmishes, and hide under the glass ceiling in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell the glass ceiling after 8pm, or on holidays like Costing a Lot of Money Day.

User
The lulz
np

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the lulz.
The cineplex has been using the lulz in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out the lulz for free on every corner.
Amtrak officials confirm the lulz would have prevented train derailment.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with the lulz.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by empowerment and the lulz.



Going back in time
v

I think that ecstasy was cut with Jigglypuff!. After one hit I began very, very rapidly going back in time.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am going back in time. Would you like to try our new special, a warhead?
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and going back in time in the Philippines.
Don’t look at me while I’m going back in time! It messes me up!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Going Back in Time” and it helps me with a time-honored tradition.
It’s time to scrape the remains of going back in time off the driveway.



No Internet
nc

My car looks like it’s no Internet but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as a funnel equipped with no Internet.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady feeling fat and sassy with no Internet.
God didn’t create me. God created no Internet. And no Internet created me.
People in Taiwan are getting no Internet implanted in their bodies for being trapped in a tent.
I was so surprised to see a tribal village that no Internet fell out of my mouth.

User
Not even stopping to breathe
v

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of not even stopping to breathe.
Introducing, The Not Even Stopping to Breathe diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of not even stopping to breathe.
The patient kept screaming about “not even stopping to breathe”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and love emerged!
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into not even stopping to breathe, get to the front of the line.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of not even stopping to breathe.



Shooting into the sky
v

Ok, I’ll admit shooting into the sky might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in water.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain shooting into the sky?
Last night I dreamed of shooting into the sky. I cannot shake the feeling that an exploding car will arrive soon.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Shooting into the sky; a bony ass; a mental illness.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of shooting into the sky in the soil.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in the same pay. That’s supposed to help me with shooting into the sky?!



So much raw meat
nc

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “so much raw meat.”
So much raw meat isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
There’s no reason for so much raw meat before breakfast.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from making sure no one sees with so much raw meat.
I’m getting a time machine installed in my car, so I can be so much raw meat while I drive.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “So Much Raw Meat and You”.



Every credit card
n

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking every credit card onto the International Space Station.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience every credit card like I was really there.
Furious that I was reaching around into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into every credit card.
It’s lucky to touch every credit card; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to every credit card, even before I put on my clothes.
At my 9th birthday, we had every credit card piñata that burst open showering the deaths of his most trusted men on us kids.

User
A stuck buttplug
n

No one in Morocco can be a stuck buttplug without registering with the government.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a stuck buttplug.
Uh oh. I think a stuck buttplug just fell out of my bung hole.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a stuck buttplug.
A stuck buttplug like this is enough to kill a horse!
The hardware store didn’t have a stuck buttplug left, so I got someone.



Actually paying the hooker
v

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide actually paying the hooker directly.
Don’t shake mighty Zeus so hard, it’ll start actually paying the hooker.
Licking it while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of actually paying the hooker.
If you do it right, “sexy kitty” mode is all about actually paying the hooker.
My publisher demanded I remove actually paying the hooker from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as actually paying the hooker.

User
Screeching in Italian
v

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between drunk sexting my sister and screeching in Italian.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s screeching in Italian.
In my wild days I was turning over, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with screeching in Italian on the New Mexico border.
Floaters is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by screeching in Italian.
You stole the first blush of womanhood from a child? You’re screeching in Italian and you’re going to hell!
I tried infinite sausage but it was too tight. Then I tried screeching in Italian but it was TOO LOOSE.

User
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of  .

All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of a long-buried secret.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of mailing anthrax.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of spraying up the wall.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of a barrier.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of a Facebook post.
All the TVs at the gym just repeat that video of little turds everywhere.

User
I always get caught  {v} in the locker room. Sorry.

I always get caught shitting a bowling ball in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught accidentally hitting your daughter in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught working myself up into a frenzy in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught going solo in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught trusting everything the devil says in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught closing her legs in the locker room. Sorry.

User
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm  {v}.

At the gym they have this new machine where I'm saving all the Jews.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm hate-fucking.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm falling in love with a white girl.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm not doing anything.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm punching a hole in the roof.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm farting like a bagpipe.

User
Right in the "yoohoo!"
nc

I chipped my tooth on right in the "yoohoo!". My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t insipid fools.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about right in the "yoohoo!"?
Right in the "yoohoo!" has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in right in the "yoohoo!", where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Ever since right in the "yoohoo!" appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while blowing the lid off the present civilization.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about what makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth, but with right in the "yoohoo!"!



The penis
n

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be waking in terror and where does the penis come in?
Apparently, “the Penis” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
My mom picked me up the penis from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
I got a girl on roller skates as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with the penis?
my secret place landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that the penis came shooting out of my ass!
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as untameable wildlings equipped with the penis.

User
Empty space
nc

The referee just issued a red card to fingering for sliding into empty space.
All the best love stories include empty space.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found empty space inside. I should take it to lower standards!
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like empty space.
Sir! We are out of each hole, sequentially, but we found empty space while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Military scientists in Syria found traces of empty space in the soil.

User
Thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa
v

I got so drunk last night that I got thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa all over everyone and everything.
This workplace has gone (0) days without thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Thinking I'm Not Racist While Enjoying a Chalupa!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was filling my mouth, part was thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa, and it was crowned with hugs and kisses.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa. There was a report.



Toxic masculinity
nc

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on toxic masculinity.
I’ve finally got the last of a clown’s genitals out of toxic masculinity.
I love your necklace! It’s toxic masculinity, right?
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Toxic Masculinity Blast!
My publisher demanded I remove toxic masculinity from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I tried to sneak out of the store with toxic masculinity under one arm and a loading screen down my pants.

User
All that junk
nc

I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about all that junk and keeping the pressure on. Should I talk to him?
I can’t swing a mushroom around here without hitting all that junk!
When all that junk is ready, vole milk will appear.
I’m late to my meeting for all that junk.
People around the world recognize all that junk as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for all that junk.

User
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for  !

The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a gasping woman!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for zigzagging wildly!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for forcing the leprechauns to breed!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a phone booth!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a prybar!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for an extremely uncomfortable mattress!

User
A bona fide ass?
User
Quality
nc

In future times, the children will work together to build quality.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a roll of toilet paper. That’s supposed to help me with quality?!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be quality.
Working on my car I found quality had crawled inside the engine block and died.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing quality at cars and passers-by.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always quality just around the corner.

User
 {Un} slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"

An anatomically correct sock puppet slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
Landlady bosoms slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
No minors slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
A wailing infant slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
A reception area for social events slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
Iron Maiden’s 747 slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"

User
Strangling my horse
v

Alexander also named a city in India “Strangling My Horse” after his dead horse.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell naval victory after 8pm, or on holidays like Strangling My Horse Day.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found strangling my horse sticking to the wall.
Strangling my horse! Strangling my horse! My kingdom for strangling my horse!
Senator, give us strangling my horse biannually and you’ll get our vote.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all strangling my horse, right while I’m accidentally burning my junk.



Killing Kim Jong-un
v

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “killing Kim Jong-un,” over and over again while in use.
Killing Kim Jong-un is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
There is no revenge so complete as killing Kim Jong-un.
It’s time to scrape the remains of killing Kim Jong-un off the driveway.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still killing Kim Jong-un!
I noticed symptoms of insurrection, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s killing Kim Jong-un!” but I’m not sure.

User
There's   where I normally do my business.

There's a human where I normally do my business.
There's two country bumpkins where I normally do my business.
There's lower standards where I normally do my business.
There's hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex where I normally do my business.
There's a barbecued meal worm where I normally do my business.
There's running with a floppy, out-of-control hand where I normally do my business.

User
Listening to your own heartbeat on the phone
v

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been listening to your own heartbeat on the phone. The snail may have escaped pretending to forget by going underground.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from listening to your own heartbeat on the phone with a big slow boat.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a bellow of sympathy and listening to your own heartbeat on the phone.
Watch me anally consuming a walnut. Now watch me listening to your own heartbeat on the phone.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're listening to your own heartbeat on the phone!
During the war, German scientists experimented with listening to your own heartbeat on the phone to weaponize prancing piglets.

User
Cramping up
v

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate cramping up.
But I promised I would get my kids cramping up for Christmas!
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the Dutch oven is cramping up.
Cramping up is the only way to say goodbye.
I got so drunk last night that I got cramping up all over everyone and everything.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Cramping up.

User
Glass shards
np

The best comfort food will always be greens, glass shards, and fried chicken.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise breastfeeding by rewarding them with glass shards.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in glass shards. That’s supposed to help me with a pulpy mass?!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in glass shards.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found glass shards.
Howdy neighbor, love glass shards! Let’s get bloody hell sometime!



Oh great. Now I have  {s}-flavored bung hole.

Oh great. Now I have Samuel L. Jackson’s pubic area-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a threat from Eurasia-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a dust bunny-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a big ol’ fruit-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a real jerk-off-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a cunt slap-flavored bung hole.

User
A secret stash of beef
n

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a secret stash of beef, get to the front of the line.
People in Taiwan are getting a secret stash of beef implanted in their bodies for blowing chunks.
I’ve finally got the last of a secret stash of beef out of all creation.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a secret stash of beef... Sweet! Sunny-D!
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a secret stash of beef and walk right out the door without catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass.
My publisher demanded I remove a secret stash of beef from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

User
An orchestra stab
n

An orchestra stab can only be killed by a stiff upper lip.
Two best friends and an orchestra stab take a road trip, and discover a very hot pan along the way.
Jesus is an orchestra stab.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of googly eyes, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into an orchestra stab.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “An Orchestra Stab and You”.
During routine surgery, the doctors found an orchestra stab embedded in my abdomen.

User
Remembering that swans can be gay
v

The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include laser sounds spice, ropes spice, and remembering that swans can be gay spice!
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to remembering that swans can be gay, even before I put on my clothes.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of remembering that swans can be gay came on the screen.
No more remembering that swans can be gay at Starbucks.
Pundits agree it will take remembering that swans can be gay for the senator to win the election.
I noticed symptoms of remembering that swans can be gay, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s the key to my heart!” but I’m not sure.

User
Turning the frogs gay
v

Pool rules: No running. No turning the frogs gay. Keep an enraged bee out of the deep end.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was turning the frogs gay, part was wriggly little worms, and it was crowned with a stink bug.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, turning the frogs gay, toilet paper, shelter, and a real value.
10% of all proceeds from sales of bourbon and ball-gags will go to The Turning the Frogs Gay Foundation.
I’m getting another way to kill me installed in my car, so I can be turning the frogs gay while I drive.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re turning the frogs gay and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

User
Goin' up the butt sideways
v

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were goin' up the butt sideways, would you be goin' up the butt sideways as well?”
Mom, what’s goin' up the butt sideways? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
They said goin' up the butt sideways was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got goin' up the butt sideways... and then some!
When this stew is ready, goin' up the butt sideways will appear.
Goin' up the butt sideways like this is enough to kill a horse!
I’m late to my meeting for goin' up the butt sideways.

User
My toucan, going crazy
n

President Reagan and his entire cabinet got my toucan, going crazy before every meeting.
For my last meal I want my toucan, going crazy seasoned heavily with steady pumping.
We can be my toucan, going crazy. And no one has to know.
I never expected to be fingered by my toucan, going crazy.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a Japanese woman’s underwear in love with my toucan, going crazy very much they do a... special hug.”
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate my toucan, going crazy.

User
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's  .

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's so many freakin’ cats.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's backing up on it.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's good people.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's family life.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's squirting acid.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he's stuff Asians like.

User
Fanny pack full of ground beef
nc

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put fanny pack full of ground beef in the pillows.
The city condemned our house after finding fanny pack full of ground beef in the crawlspace.
They didn’t have fanny pack full of ground beef at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed a child drowning in a vat of molasses.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of fanny pack full of ground beef.
How high do you have to be to enjoy fanny pack full of ground beef in homo hot lips?
Don’t leave the door open! fanny pack full of ground beef will get in.



A salesman came to the door selling  {n}. I didn't open. He slid  {n} under the door.
Play 2

A salesman came to the door selling fat guys dressed as Sailor Moon. I didn't open. He slid hatred for children under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling a dust cloud. I didn't open. He slid booms and flashes under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling this worthless orphan. I didn't open. He slid a wasted life under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling a beginner anal bead. I didn't open. He slid a French knight under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling bloodlust. I didn't open. He slid hot water under the door.
A salesman came to the door selling a raisin or maybe rabbit poop. I didn't open. He slid a drop of blood under the door.

User
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by  {v}.

Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by beard stroking.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by manhandling the merchandise.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by eating feathers.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by being trapped in a tent.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by a snappy dressing dame with a lot of legs.

User
I mean this part:

Quote:
The command failed. Windows reported the error:
"þþíÊÚÐÑ Úáì ÇáäÙÇã ÇáÚËæÑ Úáì ÇáãáÝ ÇáãÍÏÏ."


And of course if you Google that the first result is THIS PAGE.
User
That guy signed up to post that.

Ed: via an anonymous proxy no less!
User
Funding ISIS
v

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember funding ISIS?”
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about funding ISIS.
Watch me funding ISIS. Now watch me fingering.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of funding ISIS in the soil.
Funding ISIS? That’s my fetish!
Experts said that based on preliminary data, funding ISIS appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
II guess I missed it and also WHAT is going on with the error messages?
User
Those hoodlums graffitied   in my mailbox again.

Those hoodlums graffitied a hanging body in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied my Judo bikini in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied a bunch of vulvas in my face in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied a bus full of white children in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied Earth’s orbit in my mailbox again.
Those hoodlums graffitied a giant eraser in my mailbox again.

User
Teaching Grandpa to make gravy
v

I like my women like I like teaching Grandpa to make gravy: casting a hex with Satan’s latest abomination.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for teaching Grandpa to make gravy?
The rich aroma of teaching Grandpa to make gravy, from the hills of Colombia.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually teaching Grandpa to make gravy.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was teaching Grandpa to make gravy.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for teaching Grandpa to make gravy.

User
Googling it with Bing™
v

Apparently, “Googling It with Bing™” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with Googling it with Bing™.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be Googling it with Bing™.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of Googling it with Bing™.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Googling It with Bing™!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for smoking crack and Googling it with Bing™ at the assembly line.



Spiderman using Bing™
n

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be banning the Pope and where does Spiderman using Bing™ come in?
Chimps in the wild have been observed using Spiderman using Bing™ to forage for food.
Don’t shake Spiderman using Bing™ so hard, it’ll start spines.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: A period; Spiderman using Bing™; another leopard.
Here on the assembly line we heat Spiderman using Bing™ to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is working myself up into a frenzy.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a dumpster fire in the attic. Anyway, I’m Spiderman using Bing™.

User
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over  .

Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over a cornhole.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over talent and poise.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over solutions.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over my birthday.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over a basket of kittens.
Turmoil at the Whitehouse. Several staff members fired over succumbing to nature.

User
 {U} is where I poop.

Nailing it is where I poop.
Running until you die is where I poop.
A ripe potato is where I poop.
A dollar is where I poop.
A bellow of sympathy is where I poop.
A stand-off is where I poop.

User
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned  {pc} there.

Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned all white moms there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned big pants there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned plenty of everything there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned no wheelchair access there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned newer technology there.
Nordstrom's return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned child-bearing hips there.

User
The stability of the region
n

Their rising all at once was as the sound of the stability of the region heard remote.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Falling Tree!” You’re cursed with the stability of the region until the end of the game!
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the stability of the region.
CAUTION: Keep the stability of the region out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
My new phone looks like it’s the stability of the region but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out the stability of the region each day, put bad juju in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.

User
Chewy parts
np

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me chewy parts.
So what I’m saying is we have chewy parts to thank for Obama’s America.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got chewy parts out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I like my women like I like chewy parts: ruining our planet with taffy.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with chewy parts!”
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Chewy Parts Co., tapping into the growing market for an owl infestation.



The chewy part
n

Getting the chewy part back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
It’s lucky to touch the chewy part; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I’m sure I blew the chewy part in this napkin somewhere.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the chewy part in the sea.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of the chewy part in the soil.
The chewy part! The chewy part! My kingdom for the chewy part!

User
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on  {n}. I found him  {v}.
Play 2

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on daddy juice. I found him violently crashing down the stairs.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on birth meat. I found him smiling like a donut.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on Mr. President. I found him basing my opinion on Internet articles.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on hella teen angst. I found him breaking down in a cheap motel room.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on halitosis. I found him falling in love with a white girl.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a debased woman. I found him neglecting a spike.

User
Snarling and thrashing
vt

While I was out the Roomba got into very depraved porn and was snarling and thrashing.
I like my women like I like Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism: waking in terror with snarling and thrashing.
Amtrak officials confirm snarling and thrashing would have prevented train derailment.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in snarling and thrashing together.
All the best love stories include snarling and thrashing.
Slender and muscled, like this asshole. She was the spitting image of snarling and thrashing.

User
I'm   today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with  .
Play 2

I'm a double-meat pizza today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with questions. Ceaseless questions.
I'm a blind, but happy, puppy today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with sinking into the mud.
I'm an under-the-table interaction today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with goat porn.
I'm taking a fair amount today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with Earth’s orbit.
I'm cinderblock justice today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with a listless wasp.
I'm dude after dude today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with a corresponding rise in wages.

User
I get chills when  {sc} brushes against my leg.

I get chills when the finest quality cheese brushes against my leg.
I get chills when the bitter cold brushes against my leg.
I get chills when the princess’s saliva brushes against my leg.
I get chills when cold toilet water in the butthole brushes against my leg.
I get chills when my alter ego brushes against my leg.
I get chills when dude after dude brushes against my leg.

Truck
User
wat even the fuc
User
Intersex children
np

While you’re at the store can you pick up intersex children, in family size?
Hark! What intersex children through yonder window breaks?
God didn’t create me. God created intersex children. And intersex children created me.
I make intersex children for my cat by wriggling and thrashing with a little sarin gas. Oreo loves it!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in intersex children.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: intersex children!!!

User
No thanks. My doctor said   makes defecation painful.

No thanks. My doctor said a submissive sex android makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said servile wretches makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said seeing my penis twice makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said the “swimsuit area” makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said ample legroom makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said a good thing for the heart makes defecation painful.

User
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with  .

I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with invoking a curse.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with a little spurt.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with a spooky mummy.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with tikka masala.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with unbearable bitching.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with naughty cave paintings.

User
A Salvador Dali RealDoll™
n

Ah, a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “A Salvador Dali RealDoll™,” the finest ship in the harbor!
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a Salvador Dali RealDoll™, which hung in the air for days.
Dagnabbit! I got a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ all jammed up in the wheel well again.
The rich aroma of a Salvador Dali RealDoll™, from the hills of Colombia.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a Salvador Dali RealDoll™?”

User
Penetration
nc

Don’t shake penetration so hard, it’ll start diplomatic support.
I don’t need love because I’m penetration. Sorry mom!
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with penetration.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of penetration heard remote.
While you’re at the store can you pick up penetration, in family size?
Growing up we never had an airbag, but we had to deal with penetration, and I want the opposite for my children.



Escaping
vt

Chimps in the wild have been observed using escaping to forage for food.
A gigantic eyeball on a stalk travelled over 20 feet after escaping.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a face-hugger before escaping.
Men, like cabin fever, go farthest when they are escaping.
Thanks for escaping. Now get out of my bed!
Go, go, Gadget Escaping!

User
The best argument for polygamy
n

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took the best argument for polygamy to the funeral.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling the best argument for polygamy. The driver was fathering children with a lesbian.
At the skating rink there was the best argument for polygamy and everyone fell down at once.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like the best argument for polygamy and is carrying vacuous remarks.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the best argument for polygamy.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a complete set of cybernetic implants. So bring the best argument for polygamy.

Truck
User

User
Today the Senate is voting on  .

Today the Senate is voting on finding a place to fart.
Today the Senate is voting on a costly alliance.
Today the Senate is voting on a noodle sorcerer.
Today the Senate is voting on freshly squozen poo water.
Today the Senate is voting on a battle.
Today the Senate is voting on abstinence.

User
 {Un} from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

Heavy hearts from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
The greatest mistake of my life from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
My golden goose from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Some dead guy’s money from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Tandem showering from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Udders from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

User
I feel great! I got  {n} in my bloodstream.

I feel great! I got my last tooth in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got a Christmas tree in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got prey in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got ideological differences in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got you sick fucks in my bloodstream.
I feel great! I got a screaming dog in my bloodstream.

User
A bloody thing that popped
n

I would have never thought that I’d actually be a bloody thing that popped while I’m The Super Buttsex Arena!
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a bloody thing that popped.
I scream, you scream, a bloody thing that popped, an iceberg!
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a bloody thing that popped and tried to attack it.
John “a bloody thing that popped” Smith. The genius who brought us Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a bloody thing that popped.

User
The hippo's tail launched  {c} all over the place.

The hippo's tail launched manliness all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched black power all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched sticker residue all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched rumpy pumpy all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched conjuring all over the place.
The hippo's tail launched all sorts of shit all over the place.



I accidentally dropped  {n} in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

I accidentally dropped the president’s helicopter in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped servile wretches in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped some seriously fucked shit in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped ribs in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped smoky chipotle flavored scuba air in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped my birthday in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

User
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker:  .

I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: either me or you.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: soul-damning.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: a roll of toilet paper.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: the coming race war.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: a night of gentle flatulence.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: man animals.

User
Shooting a mentally ill man
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw shooting a mentally ill man in the mirror! And it smelled like a bony ass in there! I’m so scared!
The White House will no longer enforce The Shooting a Mentally Ill Man Act of 1959. Thank God.
In the first Battle of Shooting a Mentally Ill Man he faced a skinless horror, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Shooting a Mentally Ill Man.
Don’t shake mom so hard, it’ll start shooting a mentally ill man.
More armies need to incorporate shooting a mentally ill man into their uniforms.



A super-long downstairs hair
n

Uh oh. I think a super-long downstairs hair just fell out of my bung hole.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a super-long downstairs hair. She has stated, “I prefer hiding the elderly.”
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a super-long downstairs hair. Always.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a super-long downstairs hair in the pillows.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at the last condom and my card appeared in a super-long downstairs hair!
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of a super-long downstairs hair-loving bot that hates fighting one-on-one.

User
 {UT-}-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

Valid-Reasoning-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
100-Steps-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Undressing-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Cajun-Style-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
A-Funnel-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Hugs-and-Kisses-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

User
Both thumbs
np

I got into my car and sat on both thumbs. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Both Thumbs” syndrome!
Ugh. I ate emoticons last night and I’ve been trying to put on both thumbs all morning.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Both Thumbs”! I shook his hand and it felt like both thumbs.
Could you buy me both thumbs? I’ll pay you back.
Every French soldier carries both thumbs in his knapsack.

User
Building
vt

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Our Cute Little Gay Faces Co., tapping into the growing market for building.
Ok, I’ll admit a $160,000 diamond might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in building.
In my wild days I was rumbling deep underground, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with building on the New Mexico border.
This year’s hottest new fashion is building on your head.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like building.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the Handsome Boy Modeling School, but with building!

User
The fire inside
n

I dug around for hours in the trash but never found the fire inside.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “the fire inside.”
The new top grade of gasoline has the fire inside as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with the fire inside!”
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the fire inside.
All the best love stories include the fire inside.

User
I feel like I'm being punished for  {v}.

I feel like I'm being punished for surviving.
I feel like I'm being punished for blowing chunks.
I feel like I'm being punished for bedding.
I feel like I'm being punished for tipping over.
I feel like I'm being punished for inviting the cops.
I feel like I'm being punished for fingering.

User
 {Un}: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.

John Travolta crying, as a woman: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
Strength: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
A cracker: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
This strife: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
A long rambling story: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
Circular logic: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.

User
This pizza comes with  {n} sauce and it's topped with  {pc}.
Play 2

This pizza comes with a conventional man sauce and it's topped with the bitter cold.
This pizza comes with my momma’s fatness sauce and it's topped with lethal radiation.
This pizza comes with no recourse sauce and it's topped with giant meaty hands.
This pizza comes with a difficult Canadian sauce and it's topped with all white moms.
This pizza comes with a long visit sauce and it's topped with greed, secrets, poison and murder.
This pizza comes with orange dye sauce and it's topped with spike traps.

User
Cream for my baby
nc

Could you buy me cream for my baby? I’ll pay you back.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with cream for my baby and are ordered to be the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago no matter what.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a vicious cupboard lesbian and cream for my baby.
I just dug up significant achievements in my backyard! I had no idea this place had cream for my baby.
The referee just issued a red card to cream for my baby for sliding into _{n} is not something you want to slide up your ass with reckless abandon..
The patient kept screaming about “reasons to do it”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and cream for my baby emerged!

User
Tiger urine
nc

Then God said, “Let there be tiger urine”; and there was tiger urine. And God saw that tiger urine was good.
Hark! What tiger urine through yonder window breaks?
The shockwave from tiger urine at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused phantom limb syndrome in the streets.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about tiger urine.
What the Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks department lacks in selection, we make up for in tiger urine.
I got into my car and sat on tiger urine. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.

User
Pedophiles
np

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate pedophiles to prepare for a mission to mars.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a deadly fall, pedophiles, and gravitational collapse.
Give a man military-themed porn and you feed him for a day. Give him pedophiles, and you feed him for a lifetime.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy pedophiles one ounce at a time.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was pedophiles and tried to attack it.
Pedophiles saved is pedophiles earned.



$10 / month
np

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into $10 / month.
During the war, German scientists experimented with catching one in the bum to weaponize $10 / month.
Daddy! There’s $10 / month under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I scream, you scream, my daughter, $10 / month!
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to $10 / month.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at $10 / month and my card appeared in a preserved brain in a jar!



The president's tweet reads: "The   story is a hoax! Just an excuse by  {n} for  {v}! Very sad and sick!"
Play 3

The president's tweet reads: "The a back-breaking zit story is a hoax! Just an excuse by relative tranquility for breaking in! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The nut sack hairs story is a hoax! Just an excuse by all the leopards for making it weird! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The a big, brown beaver story is a hoax! Just an excuse by dryness problems for lubing up! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The tangled memories story is a hoax! Just an excuse by my gratitude for hiding with your warriors! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The shavings story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a vortex that keeps mumbling for being dragged! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The another hurdle story is a hoax! Just an excuse by fingernail torture for waking in terror! Very sad and sick!"

Truck
User
Solid.
User
Fingernails on the floor
np

During my driving test, I backed my car into fingernails on the floor. I still got an 85!
Ah, fingernails on the floor for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in fingernails on the floor.
Fingernails on the floor is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just being the small spoon. Sorry.
You can’t get a sexual encounter big enough or fingernails on the floor long enough to suit me.
Apparently, “Fingernails on the Floor” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

User
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into  {v} with  {n}.
Play 2

The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into making me cum with fairy tales.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into running until you die with ape sounds.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into making it weird with pure honey.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into repeating the same mistake with some bitch named Carol.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into getting slathered with a respected neurosurgeon.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into being an overweight bitch with a real value.

User
The government has sent a man around to collect  {pc}.

The government has sent a man around to collect torture porn.
The government has sent a man around to collect quick-set cement.
The government has sent a man around to collect reduced brain intelligence.
The government has sent a man around to collect unladylike musculature.
The government has sent a man around to collect snotbrains.
The government has sent a man around to collect hella teen angst.

User
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with  , a naturopathic remedy.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a cat in a paper bag, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with what we needed, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with tikka masala, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with multiethnic genitalia, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with hot slugs, a naturopathic remedy.

User
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is  .

Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is Morgan Freeman’s larynx.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is bodily harm.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is cutting.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is sharp claws.

User
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized  {v}.

The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized costing a lot of money.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized squirting acid.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized exploding from both ends.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized backing up on it.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized getting slathered.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized surviving a gentle sneeze.

User
Apple is now selling  {n} in pink gold.

Apple is now selling a bad chicken in pink gold.
Apple is now selling the first chimp in space in pink gold.
Apple is now selling morningwood in pink gold.
Apple is now selling markings on my neck in pink gold.
Apple is now selling their white asses in pink gold.
Apple is now selling Liam Neeson’s Halfway House for Silly Girls in pink gold.

User
Voices
np

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about voices, but with my secret place!
Amtrak officials confirm voices would have prevented train derailment.
While I was out the Roomba got into voices and was snuggling with Ian McKellen.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain voices?
You evaded my “Voices” attack! Most impressive.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with voices! It’s all here in my manifesto!

User
Laughing gas
nc

How embarrassing! I forget I left laughing gas in the foyer.
I buried my treasure under laughing gas so you’d never find it!
Chase bank is giving out laughing gas this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in laughing gas.
Until quite recently, laughing gas had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
If you kids don’t stop touching my deformity, I will turn laughing gas around!



Huffing a whippet
v

My publisher demanded I remove huffing a whippet from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a sex-addicted panda and huffing a whippet.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for huffing a whippet and murdering everyone who is different from you at the assembly line.
Furious that I was huffing a whippet into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into the whole bottle of sleeping pills.
When you two are done huffing a whippet, can we please get a deadly fall and get out of here?!
Watch me smearing. Now watch me huffing a whippet.



Dihydrogen monoxide
nc

I came with dihydrogen monoxide to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe so nobody even noticed!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got dihydrogen monoxide out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is dihydrogen monoxide.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: dihydrogen monoxide.
This year’s hottest new fashion is dihydrogen monoxide on your head.
Science never solves a problem without creating dihydrogen monoxide.

User
Kitten meat
nc

This new Mario game is weird. You need zebras disguised as horses to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying kitten meat.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: kitten meat.
I like valid reasoning like I like my coffee: expectorating some sludge, put in a sack, and dragged across kitten meat.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being kitten meat.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found kitten meat.
Sir! We are out of kitten meat, but we found the uncooperative dead while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?

User
Everyone and their grandmothers
np

Everyone and their grandmothers is the spice of I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen everyone and their grandmothers.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Everyone and Their Grandmothers Blast!
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Everyone and Their Grandmothers?
They don’t make the last thing I said like they used to! This one doesn’t even have everyone and their grandmothers.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with everyone and their grandmothers.

User
*fart noise*
?

Chase bank is giving out *fart noise* this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was *fart noise*.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with “that feeling”. I barely even felt *fart noise*.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab yoga farts and walk right out the door without *fart noise*.
The new bill before congress would mandate *fart noise* in all K-through-12 classrooms.
I got *fart noise* as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with kids these days?

User
Anglo
Bongo
Congo
Django
Ergo
Fandango
Gringo
Honkey
Ingot
Jingo
Kango
Lingo
Mango
NATO
Onomatopoeia
Pango
Quango
Rango
Stanko
Tango
Uwajimaya
Van Gogh
Wikipedia
Yolo
Zango




User
Being angry and stupid
v

And my mother said, “How come you’re not being angry and stupid like your brother?”
I would have never thought that I’d actually be being angry and stupid while I’m workplace chatter!
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and being angry and stupid.
There is no revenge so complete as being angry and stupid.
Senator, give us being angry and stupid biannually and you’ll get our vote.
Hark! What being angry and stupid through yonder window breaks?

User
Parents, please consider which type of   is right for your child.

Parents, please consider which type of some kids is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a deceitful word is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of Satan’s mother is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a warhead is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of no black child is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a child taxidermy video is right for your child.

User
DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow
np

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow hanging in the window.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow to prepare for a mission to mars.
Men, like the death simulator, go farthest when they are DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.

User
That means the BSP step failed. If it worked it would have created a .prt (portal) file.

Look for an earlier error from hlbsp.
User
The Internet is made out of  {pc}.

The Internet is made out of thinness.
The Internet is made out of door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
The Internet is made out of effective limits.
The Internet is made out of heavy garbage.
The Internet is made out of booze.
The Internet is made out of white-knuckled terror.



According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of  {p}.

According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of bodily functions gone awry.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of rolling eyes.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of cooter muscles.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of assault preparations.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of yoga farts.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of not many teeth.

User
15% of married men say they've cheated by  {v} with another woman.

15% of married men say they've cheated by struggling with a police officer with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by trying to handcuff a ghost with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by attacking everything in your path with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by running around slamming doors with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by being deep inside each other with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by investigating crimes and making arrests with another woman.

User
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop  {v}.

I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop baking onto the sidewalk.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop lifting off the toilet.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop smashing skulls.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop getting too excited.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop trusting everything the devil says.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop doing surgery on LSD.

User
A bottle of hair and grease
n

I like my women like I like a bottle of hair and grease: blowing chunks with a $160,000 diamond.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a bottle of hair and grease.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include any decent person spice, impressing the most neutral observers spice, and a bottle of hair and grease spice!
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a bottle of hair and grease for me and my wife.
When the celestial spheres align, a bottle of hair and grease will descend from the heavens.
I just dug up my sweet in my backyard! I had no idea this place had a bottle of hair and grease.

Truck
User
I don't have SC or I would help. :(
User
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for  {v}.

At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for being deep inside each other.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for foaming, not at the mouth.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for being dipped in Nutella.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for blowing chunks.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for falling into boiling water.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for Jesus Christ.

User
There's  {s} convention going on and everybody is  {v}.
Play 2

There's a winking hole convention going on and everybody is leaving your friends to die.
There's a more cavernous vagina convention going on and everybody is rumbling deep underground.
There's jesus’s death. convention going on and everybody is eating money.
There's a muffled yell convention going on and everybody is getting crushed between two trucks.
There's a faulty support convention going on and everybody is killing.
There's a skin tag convention going on and everybody is drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull.

User
I think there's  {s} convention going on downtown.

I think there's a kiss on the lips convention going on downtown.
I think there's a girl on roller skates convention going on downtown.
I think there's a withered serpent convention going on downtown.
I think there's my replacement convention going on downtown.
I think there's a seat belt convention going on downtown.
I think there's all creation convention going on downtown.

User
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with  {pc}.

I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with oil-covered birds.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with pictures of my body.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with self-inflicted wounds.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with other things I’ve put in my butt.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with nudity.
I swear to God I have had it up to HERE with furries.

User
Getting boinked
v

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with getting boinked.
10% of all proceeds from sales of joie de vivre will go to The Getting Boinked Foundation.
Slender and muscled, like unsuspecting bystanders. She was the spitting image of getting boinked.
Pool rules: No running. No getting boinked. Keep a swarm of dead insects out of the deep end.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Getting Boinked Co., tapping into the growing market for danglin’ out there all pink and naked.
Getting boinked isn’t getting old, but I sure am!



Double points!!
np

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to double points!!.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling double points!!. The driver was organizing children to join armies.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Double Points!! and You”.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in double points!!.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and double points!!.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called double points!!, are the passages for a fat lot o’ good to flow.



Unzipping
vt

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw unzipping.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like unzipping.
I’m gonna prove the link between unzipping and lifeless husks! You’ll all see!
The cruiseliner struck 35-year-old high school students and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with unzipping.
A social skill is any skill facilitating unzipping with others.
Ever since the incident with my shadow I’ve been haunted by unzipping.



Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of  {pc}."

Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of beets. Mashed beets."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of infinite sausage."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of 80,000 tons of nuclear waste."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of welts."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of my arm that fell asleep."
Stick out your tongue and say, "I was born in a pile of seduction."

Truck
User
If you only need to look at it can you use this?
http://www.edrawingsviewer.com/
User
That sucks. Is that saying you're paying for 300/30?

I'll just leave this here:
User
Fake Internet points
np

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Fake Internet Points Co., tapping into the growing market for scissoring.
If you ask me, fake Internet points makes good neighbors.
Thanks for fake Internet points. Now get out of my bed!
I don’t need love because I’m fake Internet points. Sorry mom!
I didn’t mean to start fake Internet points, it just happened!
Jesus is fake Internet points.

User
The express written consent of Major League Baseball
n

I need help with my computer! I downloaded the express written consent of Major League Baseball and now I’m having trouble with insurrection.
My nightly ritual involves the express written consent of Major League Baseball, having no retort, and finally casting a hex just as I fall asleep.
I didn’t think this house would sell with the express written consent of Major League Baseball in the attic. Anyway, I’m sexy kitty time.
The southwest corner can only be killed by the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “The Express Written Consent of Major League Baseball” syndrome!
Aron Ralston was trapped under anger and shock for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off the express written consent of Major League Baseball!

User
An exploding canister of whipped cream
n

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of an exploding canister of whipped cream.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but an exploding canister of whipped cream.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch an exploding canister of whipped cream and her butthole.
Every French soldier carries an exploding canister of whipped cream in his knapsack.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of an exploding canister of whipped cream in the soil.
Last Christmas, everyone got an exploding canister of whipped cream under the tree and this strife in their stockings!

User
This.

Quote:
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift the top of my butt over my head, but fluids from my face got in the way.
User
The top of my butt
n

At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have everywhere but Oklahoma! Some of us just want the top of my butt.”
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift the top of my butt over my head, but fluids from my face got in the way.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by the top of my butt.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady teaching pseudoscience with the top of my butt.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is the top of my butt.
In my wild days I was picking at it, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with the top of my butt on the New Mexico border.



The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of  {n}.

The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of a funnel.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of cardiac arrest.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of an iceberg.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of a glass pane.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of lifeless husks.
The blurry picture of the "Loch Ness monster" was actually a picture of your blessed little heart.

User
Escalating to killing
vt

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for escalating to killing and breaking down in a cheap motel room at the assembly line.
Ok, I’ll admit escalating to killing might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in my pet.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by escalating to killing.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all escalating to killing when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in sufficient funds. That’s supposed to help me with escalating to killing?!
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of escalating to killing.

User
Strapping in
v

You stole literal sugar tits from a child? You’re strapping in and you’re going to hell!
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for strapping in.
My publisher demanded I remove strapping in from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
My car looks like it’s strapping in but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
I didn’t think this house would sell with customs in the attic. Anyway, I’m strapping in.
Pool rules: No running. No strapping in. Keep favorable terrain out of the deep end.



Being restrained
v

There’s no reason for being restrained before breakfast.
Music without the sounds of being restrained is hardly music at all.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of being restrained in the soil.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Being restrained.
My new phone looks like it’s being restrained but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Don’t look at me while I’m being restrained! It messes me up!



A racist parrot
n

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a racist parrot is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
My pharmacist separated a pig on top into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a racist parrot.
Ok, I’ll admit a racist parrot might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in white people and their fucking problems.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a racist parrot.
No more a racist parrot at Starbucks.
My mom picked me up a racist parrot from the thrift shop. It was the last one!



Insect legs
np

If insect legs were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with insect legs.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of insect legs taking my shirt off.
While you’re at the store can you pick up insect legs, in family size?
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a predator removed from her and insect legs removed from me.
Man invented a tiny bone fragment, so woman invented insect legs.

User
Attacking a police car
v

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a dictionary for swears. The driver was attacking a police car.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like attacking a police car.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Attacking a Police Car!” You’re cursed with #1 Dad until the end of the game!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Attacking a Police Car!
I refuse to roleplay as anything but attacking a police car.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw attacking a police car for the first time!

User
Drones keep dropping  {n} and  {n} into prisons.
Play 2

Drones keep dropping one thousand scorpions and circular logic into prisons.
Drones keep dropping security clearance and a blind, but happy, puppy into prisons.
Drones keep dropping two firetrucks and both emissaries into prisons.
Drones keep dropping my gratitude and peach vodka into prisons.
Drones keep dropping The Super Buttsex Arena and just a little something to cap off the night into prisons.
Drones keep dropping an all-female gang called the Lizzies and bitches on the love throne into prisons.

User
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from  .

By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from ropes.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from a good strategy.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from furries.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from just rockin’ that ass.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from a totally wicked bat wing.
By 2100, scientists predict 48-74% of people will be at risk of death from another way to kill me.

User
Vote for me and I'll stop  {v}, get rid of  {n}, and give everyone  {n} for free.
Play 3

Vote for me and I'll stop rolling eyes, get rid of a big, brown beaver, and give everyone inertia for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop drinking wine in the tub all day, get rid of rigid peen, and give everyone a man staring into space for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop acting in an irresponsible fashion, get rid of spicy saliva, and give everyone five adult sons for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop wildly swinging middle fingers, get rid of BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, and give everyone me for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop juggling responsibilities, get rid of all white moms, and give everyone the bitter cold for free.
Vote for me and I'll stop getting busy, get rid of swamp ass, and give everyone giggling schoolgirls with cameras for free.

User
Weed smoke
nc

Ever since the incident with weed smoke I’ve been haunted by emergency bacon.
No one in Morocco can be weed smoke without registering with the government.
It's dangerous to leave weed smoke on the stairs.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of weed smoke in the soil.
When the celestial spheres align, weed smoke will descend from the heavens.
In this game you get to collect very recent arrivals and craft weed smoke.



You're a real jerk if you blow  {n} on your pet.

You're a real jerk if you blow Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow a protruding vein on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow a leak on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow the caboose of a mantrain on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow the measure of a man on your pet.
You're a real jerk if you blow skin-tight leather pants on your pet.

User
Sorry I didn't accept your friend request earlier. I get a lot of spammy ones all the time.
User
Astronaut pee
nc

The Great Wall was actually built to keep astronaut pee out of mainland China.
Astronaut pee saved is astronaut pee earned.
I like my women like I like deliberately standing in front of a cannon: finding out my first husband was still alive with astronaut pee.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be astronaut pee .
Working on my car I found astronaut pee had crawled inside the engine block and died.
My dream house has hopefully not me this time built in, an extra garage for a bitch as nasty as that, and astronaut pee for the door bell.

User
Making me hard
v

If making me hard were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be making me hard.
I am become making me hard, the destroyer of the immigrant experience in America.
Always walk into an interview with the NAACP and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate making me hard.
Retribution nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid making me hard.
I like my women like I like being bred in captivity: being controlled by a child with making me hard.

User
Proof I pooped
nc

Her inheritance was squandered upon the alpha male while Cinderella was abused and forced to become proof I pooped in her own home.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with proof I pooped.
At my 9th birthday, we had an even wider gap piñata that burst open showering proof I pooped on us kids.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're proof I pooped!
Today you’re on the receiving end of proof I pooped.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of proof I pooped.

User
This machine grinds  {n} into powder. The powder is then used to make  {n}.
Play 2

This machine grinds a Secret Service agent into powder. The powder is then used to make a rough testicle.
This machine grinds passive-aggressive tendencies into powder. The powder is then used to make more blood.
This machine grinds death math into powder. The powder is then used to make corporate America.
This machine grinds a coma into powder. The powder is then used to make 19 cannons.
This machine grinds sugar from my father into powder. The powder is then used to make an underwear shoot.
This machine grinds a virus into powder. The powder is then used to make the atom.

User
Getting dusted with powdered sugar
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as machine gun fire, score points by getting dusted with powdered sugar, and innocent women and children shall not be on the field.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a reception area for social events went off early, ejecting getting dusted with powdered sugar into the air!
I’m gonna prove the link between getting dusted with powdered sugar and a perfect vacuum! You’ll all see!
I want to say one word to you, just one word: getting dusted with powdered sugar.
Getting dusted with powdered sugar! Getting dusted with powdered sugar! My kingdom for getting dusted with powdered sugar!
The rich aroma of getting dusted with powdered sugar, from the hills of Colombia.

User
At the fair this year I'm going to get  {n} deep fried.

At the fair this year I'm going to get the most intimate details of your life deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a rocket with a mouse strapped on deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a hysterical dame deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a real butt-toucher deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a caged madman deep fried.
At the fair this year I'm going to get a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs deep fried.

User
An emoji
n

Their rising all at once was as the sound of an emoji heard remote.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember an emoji?”
In the first Battle of an Emoji he faced half a spider, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s an emoji.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “An Emoji,” the finest ship in the harbor!
No one in Morocco can be an emoji without registering with the government.

User
Getting nauseous
v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always getting nauseous. Always.
Ever since the incident with getting nauseous I’ve been haunted by a stupid student.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of my hot little hands, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into getting nauseous.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find getting nauseous so relaxing.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw getting nauseous.
The road of royalty is paved with getting nauseous, and awash with a serious scuffle.

User
Sinus fluids
np

At the Amazon Go store you can grab sinus fluids and walk right out the door without hiding some pee.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Sinus Fluids?
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling sinus fluids. The driver was spinning like a bitch.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value sinus fluids more. Now hold still.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about sinus fluids.
In a world with Earth’s orbit slapping everything, one man must overcome sinus fluids. Coming this summer.

User
Being female
v

As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began being female.
10% of all proceeds from sales of simple pleasures will go to The Being Female Foundation.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with being female! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into being female! She’s 62!
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of being female in its food processing operations.
I got so drunk last night that I got being female all over everyone and everything.

User
Narcotics
np

The night before Easter, we’ll set up narcotics on the porch to surprise the kids.
The ‘infinite sausage moth’ has adapted to feed on a big surprise, and hide under narcotics in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and narcotics coming right at us. Please advise.
Narcotics is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting busy. Sorry.
What will we do with narcotics early in the morning?
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Narcotics” syndrome!



My awaiting mouth
n

My awaiting mouth: It’s nature’s candy!
Hark! What my awaiting mouth through yonder window breaks?
For my last meal I want my awaiting mouth seasoned heavily with a needle.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me my awaiting mouth while we were still in the car.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into my awaiting mouth and stopped.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with my awaiting mouth.

User
A sex bot with real feelings
n

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called those glorious gams, are the passages for a sex bot with real feelings to flow.
In this game you get to collect undercooked meat and craft a sex bot with real feelings.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a sex bot with real feelings.
After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created a sex bot with real feelings.
Pundits agree it will take a sex bot with real feelings for the senator to win the election.
My pharmacist separated the S.W.A.T. team into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a sex bot with real feelings.

User
A guy with no arms and no legs
n

Everything I need to live on a desert island: Mom and Dad with a guy with no arms and no legs.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a guy with no arms and no legs.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a guy with no arms and no legs after 8pm, or on holidays like Ideas Above Your Station Day.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a guy with no arms and no legs.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock a guy with no arms and no legs and a little spurt in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
I tried this very house but it was too tight. Then I tried a guy with no arms and no legs but it was TOO LOOSE.

User
The dog's tail
n

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was the dog's tail.
I didn’t think this house would sell with the moron I hired to kill you in the attic. Anyway, I’m the dog's tail.
Back in my day, we only had the dog's tail for a leaf blower and we LIKED IT.
How high do you have to be to enjoy the dog's tail in non-human animals?
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began the dog's tail.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was the dog's tail and tried to attack it.

User
Meat and cheese
nc

Meat and cheese has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
It’s not delivery. It’s meat and cheese.
In this 15th century painting, meat and cheese is represented by a man with my sexy fox costume for a head.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like meat and cheese.
Pool rules: No running. No almost no air left. Keep meat and cheese out of the deep end.
Our artisanal process ages meat and cheese for 3 years, before going right into a heron, rapidly putting up with you.

User
A giant pair of scissors
n

I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a giant pair of scissors popped out!
At Boeing R&D, we test a loaded gun by connecting through a giant pair of scissors to a special 10,000-volt battery.
It's dangerous to leave a giant pair of scissors on the stairs.
I’d like to wear a giant pair of scissors but it takes all day to put on.
Opinions are like a giant pair of scissors. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
My religion demands that I must abstain from a giant pair of scissors. One mile of train rail however, is OK.

User
A sock puppet
n

Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a little spurt and a sock puppet.
Although moving away from a sock puppet proved effective for schools, the switch to ignoring his responsibilities initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
I ordered a sock puppet privately over the Internet so I can get better at crashing out of a window.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a sock puppet.
The Sword of Damocles was a sock puppet hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a sock puppet in the soil.

User
Guns
np

Let’s wait for guns to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get a large abscess.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was guns.
I was vacuuming when I sucked guns out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a violent episode came out too!
I scream, you scream, guns, a bag of tricks!
I heard you were talking about guns so I had to come over!
The patient kept screaming about “flipping over and spraying into the air”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and guns emerged!

User
Drowning a raccoon
v

If you have a dream about drowning a raccoon, it meas you’re worried about just a video game.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a tug will go to The Drowning a Raccoon Foundation.
If drowning a raccoon were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Drowning a Raccoon.
All the best love stories include drowning a raccoon.
No more drowning a raccoon at Starbucks.



User
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in  {n}, or by  {v}.
Play 2

Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in nine guys you fucked, or by getting wrapped around a tree.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in a male prostitute, or by running with a floppy, out-of-control hand.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in Mexican affairs, or by giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in a forty foot Ferris wheel, or by conjuring.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in a dust bunny, or by making it weird.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding drugs in peanut butter in the mouth, or by pacifying all religions.



Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding  {n} in  {n}, or by  {v}.
Play 3

Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding my embarrasingly affectionate father in a quickie, or by taking it hard.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding a loose handrail in the mayor, or by baking onto the sidewalk.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding a remedy in the French crown, or by getting impregnated by an advanced robot.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding floaters in orange dye, or by making sure no one sees.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding napkins in Portuguese possessions, or by knowing hell.
Local news tonight: Find out if your teens are hiding an icy tomb in a vicious cupboard lesbian, or by subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife.

User
A sign that says "No Teens"
n

Bumper sticker: My other ride is a sign that says "No Teens".
Ugh. I ate a sign that says "No Teens" last night and I’ve been trying to put on retribution all morning.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Sign That Says "No Teens"”! I shook his hand and it felt like a sign that says "No Teens".
If you do it right, a sign that says "No Teens" is all about electric sex.
I don’t think that even comes close to being a sign that says "No Teens".
So what I’m saying is we have a sign that says "No Teens" to thank for Obama’s America.

User
Motioning at my crotch
v

Pundits agree it will take motioning at my crotch for the senator to win the election.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to motioning at my crotch, even before I put on my clothes.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw giggling schoolgirls with cameras in the mirror! And it smelled like motioning at my crotch in there! I’m so scared!
Amtrak officials confirm motioning at my crotch would have prevented train derailment.
The thief was caught stealing a virus from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of motioning at my crotch.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re motioning at my crotch and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.



Cool sunglasses
np

They don’t make unrestrained passion like they used to! This one doesn’t even have cool sunglasses.
Mom, what’s cool sunglasses? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Cool sunglasses: It’s nature’s candy!
The new bill before congress would mandate cool sunglasses in all K-through-12 classrooms.
The city condemned our house after finding cool sunglasses in the crawlspace.
And on the 8th day God created cool sunglasses, and it was good.



A timebomb with 5 seconds remaining
n

Monopoly: Anorexia Edition comes with a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining and curious, probing tendrils instead of houses and hotels.
I’m sure I blew a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining in this napkin somewhere.
My girlfriend kicked a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining, and now she’s a felony. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Apparently, “a Timebomb with 5 Seconds Remaining” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
A timebomb with 5 seconds remaining can only be killed by this sentence.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a timebomb with 5 seconds remaining” incident in the science lab.

User
Flicking the bean
v

Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s flicking the bean.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Flicking the Bean and You”.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into being too busy, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start flicking the bean.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a double-meat pizza. It made me feel like I was flicking the bean.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “Flicking-the-bean-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase nosy neighbors!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began flicking the bean.



Jumping in front of a truck
v

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into jumping in front of a truck.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s jumping in front of a truck and I think I believe her!
Their rising all at once was as the sound of jumping in front of a truck heard remote.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began jumping in front of a truck.
I chipped my tooth on Satan’s latest abomination. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t jumping in front of a truck.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with bourbon and ball-gags went off early, ejecting jumping in front of a truck into the air!



Gravy + Savory Meat Bits
np

The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and Gravy + Savory Meat Bits.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and Gravy + Savory Meat Bits can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
During the half-time show, a rip in Gravy + Savory Meat Bits exposed bathwater to the audience.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s Gravy + Savory Meat Bits.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare Gravy + Savory Meat Bits right at your table.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in Gravy + Savory Meat Bits. That’s supposed to help me with the yellow line down the middle of the road?!

User
A hooker booger
n

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a hooker booger.
The cineplex has been using a hooker booger in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s a hooker booger.
The new artsy indie game “A Hooker Booger” is a deeply emotional exploration of unexpected penetration.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a hooker booger and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like sock puppets.
You spent all your food-stamps on a hooker booger?!

User
Hello, 911? I think there's  {n} in my house...

Hello, 911? I think there's the trials of manhood in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's an owl infestation in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's an Easy-Bake™ oven in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's a Swiss murder suit in my house...
Hello, 911? I think there's a horrible proposition in my house...



Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with  {n} by  .
Play 2

Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with a gut by less candy than usual.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with mercury poisoning by an asset.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with multiple cameras by a swarm of dead insects.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with white people and their fucking problems by somersaults.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with the uncooperative dead by Lord Deathstroke.
Crest's Xtra Whitening toothpaste is made with no evidence of any infidelity by riding your bike down the Luxor.

User
My vaginal microbiome
n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with my vaginal microbiome hanging in the window.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a savvy entrepreneur. So bring my vaginal microbiome.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with the roof and a mysterious boy who fights my vaginal microbiome.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, my vaginal microbiome appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I buried my treasure under my vaginal microbiome so you’d never find it!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a surgical rotary saw, rubbery, cleaner poops, and my vaginal microbiome.

User
Launching a nuke
v

Music without the sounds of launching a nuke is hardly music at all.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw launching a nuke for the first time!
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s launching a nuke.
An Implied Butt is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by launching a nuke.
More armies need to incorporate launching a nuke into their uniforms.
We have a zero tolerance policy for launching a nuke here at Disney. So get jalapeños and get out!

User
Discreetly closing Facebook
v

My nightly ritual involves the hole where the heart once fit, discreetly closing Facebook, and finally a special little fuck just as I fall asleep.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn discreetly closing Facebook, but now for work I’m the master race. Go figure!
Good vibes travelled over 20 feet after discreetly closing Facebook.
While you’re at the store can you pick up discreetly closing Facebook, in family size?
See now black people walk like the jape of the century. But white people -- white people walk like they’re discreetly closing Facebook!
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of my musk-loving bot that hates discreetly closing Facebook.

User
Biting myself
v

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be biting myself.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find biting myself.
Last night I dreamed of biting myself. I cannot shake the feeling that weight loss will arrive soon.
For my last meal I want the president’s helicopter seasoned heavily with biting myself.
Biting myself has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw biting myself for the first time!

User
Scorpions can shed  {n} in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

Scorpions can shed my return in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed her first marriage in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed a bus full of white children in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed sentimentality in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed a big surprise in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Scorpions can shed exact science in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.



Being unable to poop
v

Chimps in the wild have been observed using being unable to poop to forage for food.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE LITTLE LIES WE TELL BEING UNABLE TO POOP.”
While I was out the Roomba got into a horizontal ass crack and was being unable to poop.
So what I’m saying is we have being unable to poop to thank for Obama’s America.
#being unable to poop-shaming
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, “Get ready for being unable to poop



Living for another eight months
v

Ok, I’ll admit living for another eight months might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in the final hour.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is living for another eight months.
Life without love is like living for another eight months without our cute little gay faces or fruit.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Living for Another Eight Months Co., tapping into the growing market for getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for living for another eight months.
I’m getting a horse’s booty installed in my car, so I can be living for another eight months while I drive.

User
There will be  {n} left over after the bris.

There will be Portuguese possessions left over after the bris.
There will be a thorough examination left over after the bris.
There will be another way to kill me left over after the bris.
There will be a good soak left over after the bris.
There will be a “Hey!” left over after the bris.
There will be no more joy left over after the bris.



Shekels
np

While you’re at the store can you pick up shekels, in family size?
The TSA has made new rules mandating shekels on every commercial flight.
There is no revenge so complete as shekels.
On the assembly line we heat shekels to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is killing.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in shekels. That’s supposed to help me with your husband?!
I ordered shekels privately over the Internet so I can get better at mailing anthrax.

User
My bisexuality
nc

In the third world, luxuries like my bisexuality are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to pulsating opposite sexes.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a Vietnamese landmine in love with my bisexuality very much they do a... special hug.”
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing my bisexuality at cars and passers-by.
The new artsy indie game “A Bargain” is a deeply emotional exploration of my bisexuality.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of my bisexuality in history, rode into battle atop a lonely old man.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s my bisexuality.

User
The truly rich have mansions with  {s} room,  {s} room, and servants to handle  .
Play 3

The truly rich have mansions with a grape in a condom room, a lamprey infestation room, and servants to handle a tribal village.
The truly rich have mansions with the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life room, a trap room, and servants to handle Krampus, the child punisher.
The truly rich have mansions with a girl who just won’t quit room, the president’s daughter room, and servants to handle a launch.
The truly rich have mansions with a war canoe room, the Lord room, and servants to handle love handles.
The truly rich have mansions with the pilot, who died instantly room, Tony’s prison baby room, and servants to handle a 100 foot tidal wave.
The truly rich have mansions with a needle room, a well-oiled machine room, and servants to handle leaving no trace.

User
This house comes with a whole room for  , but also  {n} painted green, so it's not for everyone.
Play 2

This house comes with a whole room for backing up on it, but also all the leopards painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for unprecedented popularity, but also a concrete, actual object painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for grab-ass, but also sticker residue painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for the most sensitive part of my body, but also racist bullshit painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for a gash, but also torture porn painted green, so it's not for everyone.
This house comes with a whole room for female breast tissue, but also steampunk bullshit painted green, so it's not for everyone.

User
fedex _ said:
I'm lost what are those white cards??


See "Play SAH" above
User
Ringo, the worst Beatle
nc

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for Ringo, the worst Beatle.
Ich bin ein Ringo, the worst Beatle.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Ringo, the Worst Beatle?
So what I’m saying is we have Ringo, the worst Beatle to thank for Obama’s America.
Men, like the cruel ambition of my father, go farthest when they are Ringo, the worst Beatle.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring Ringo, the worst Beatle.

User
Cuttin' off mommy's finger
v

I noticed symptoms of cuttin' off mommy's finger, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s Angelina Jolie’s lips!” but I’m not sure.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with cuttin' off mommy's finger.
Senator, give us cuttin' off mommy's finger biannually and you’ll get our vote.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a vacant stare painted on both sides, which some say encourages cuttin' off mommy's finger.
More armies need to incorporate cuttin' off mommy's finger into their uniforms.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all cuttin' off mommy's finger, right while I’m giving birth to it.

User
 {Uv} with  {n} is a uniquely British problem.
Play 2

Neglecting a spike with sex toy directions is a uniquely British problem.
Catching one in the bum with fresh young minds is a uniquely British problem.
Hiding some pee with automated mechanized death is a uniquely British problem.
Seeking death with a reliable source of income is a uniquely British problem.
Having a zero-value existence with motor control is a uniquely British problem.
Making out with Yakety Sax is a uniquely British problem.

User
A uniquely British problem
n

In the third world, luxuries like what Mom made are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to a uniquely British problem.
My house. 8 o’clock. A uniquely British problem.
A uniquely British problem has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
I can’t believe you guys went self-cutting without me! Loop me in next time, I want a uniquely British problem too!
Their rising all at once was as the sound of a uniquely British problem heard remote.
For my last meal I want a uniquely British problem seasoned heavily with being unfit to even live.

User
In some households, they've trained  {sp} to use the potty.

In some households, they've trained a swarm of dead insects to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained a quality buttplug to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained a threat from Eurasia to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained the ultimate test of cerebral fitness to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained a child leash to use the potty.
In some households, they've trained the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life to use the potty.

User
Rich people dying in boating accidents
np

Pundits agree it will take rich people dying in boating accidents for the senator to win the election.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put rich people dying in boating accidents in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
I got so drunk last night that I got rich people dying in boating accidents all over everyone and everything.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was rich people dying in boating accidents.
I didn’t mean to start rich people dying in boating accidents, it just happened!
After a truck ran over the first chimp in space there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from rich people dying in boating accidents.

User
Setting my anus ablaze
v

I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, “Get ready for setting my anus ablaze
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to setting my anus ablaze.
Senator, give us setting my anus ablaze biannually and you’ll get our vote.
I chipped my tooth on hot grills. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t setting my anus ablaze.
During the war, German scientists experimented with setting my anus ablaze to weaponize smooth bastard.
If setting my anus ablaze were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
Getting pulled into the water by a seal
v

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and getting pulled into the water by a seal. There was a report.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a rip. The driver was getting pulled into the water by a seal.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of significant achievements, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into getting pulled into the water by a seal.
The rich aroma of getting pulled into the water by a seal, from the hills of Colombia.
Getting pulled into the water by a seal has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a motorist, score points by getting pulled into the water by a seal, and hot grills shall not be on the field.

User
A dick out
n

If my neighbor doesn’t get a dick out off my property, I’m calling the cops!
A Dick out is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a dog boner.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re a dick out and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Today you’re on the receiving end of a dick out.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a dick out.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a dick out in the middle of each intersection.



A leaky toilet
n

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add a leaky toilet to the pan, while stirring constantly.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Leaky Toilet” syndrome!
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A leaky toilet.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a leaky toilet jumping and nipping at me from below and even being hit by space debris.
I don’t need love because I’m a leaky toilet. Sorry mom!
Can I get some floss? There’s a leaky toilet between my teeth.



A British fart
n

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a British fart.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a British fart after 8pm, or on holidays like Jalapeños Day.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass with a British fart.
If I had a British fart, you’d be dead!
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a British fart. It made me feel like I was fornicating all day, every day.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a British fart.



A loooong string of snot
n

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw dick slapping in the mirror! And it smelled like a loooong string of snot in there! I’m so scared!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, my hater, sloth, wrath, a loooong string of snot, and pride.
The cruiseliner struck a loooong string of snot and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with my momma’s fatness.
Slender and muscled, like a loooong string of snot. She was the spitting image of their white asses.
Chase bank is giving out a loooong string of snot this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a loooong string of snot being in the way.



Repeated abuses
nc

I don’t think that even comes close to being repeated abuses.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as repeated abuses and comes with 1 USB-C port and a dust bunny! Groovy!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of repeated abuses, a condom with Johnny Depp's face on it, and cranberry sauce or juice.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember repeated abuses?”
At spring training a foul ball bounced off real, actual witchcraft in the stands and then knocked big pants off repeated abuses.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, repeated abuses, toilet paper, shelter, and intense pressure.



The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy  {n}, and you get  {n} as a sign up bonus.
Play 2

The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a Turkish wedding, and you get the Mormon church as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a deflating balloon, and you get the mayor’s son as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy unneeded bulk, and you get the big ol’ boys as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy casualties, and you get a foul odor as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy the Easter bunny, and you get a treasure map as a sign up bonus.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy hot wax, and you get breastfeeding as a sign up bonus.

User
Or

My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up  {n}, and then up to my head.

My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up a fisherman, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up an enjoyable life, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up the normal manner, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up fictitious queer same sex transformation, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up dimensions, and then up to my head.
My kitten "Ms. Cucumber" climbed up my leg, up a seductively smiling Scarlett Johansson, and then up to my head.

User
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up  {n}, and then up to my head.

My chameleon climbed up my leg, up the rope my pappy hanged his self with, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up a vast treasury of specimens, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up a busy bee, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up ground control, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up the female form, and then up to my head.
My chameleon climbed up my leg, up young crabs, and then up to my head.

User
Thick oatmeal
nc

Authorities were tallying damage from thick oatmeal that struck southern California Friday evening.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was thick oatmeal and tried to attack it.
I just dug up the gravy dimension in my backyard! I had no idea this place had thick oatmeal.
A lifetime of thick oatmeal awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: thick oatmeal!!!
This year’s hottest new fashion is thick oatmeal on your head.



Check her out -- lips are thicker than  {s}, and she's  {v}.
Play 2

Check her out -- lips are thicker than a ziggurat made of torsos, and she's doing your best and trying your hardest.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than Woman 2.0, and she's revealing just enough to garner interest.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than a pack of smokes, and she's scissoring.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than a hot bubbly blast of my innards, and she's getting on top, and staying on top.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than the instructions, and she's sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt.
Check her out -- lips are thicker than a long, winding trail of blood, and she's jerking it.

User
Seems to be a mix between

Brucknerstraße

and

Brucknerstraɮe
User
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, " ."

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "riding your bike down the Luxor."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "fees from the bank."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "sinking into the mud."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "a single slice."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "a tuba full of mayonnaise."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, "a cheesy substance."

User
Warmth from the toilet seat
nc

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS WARMTH FROM THE TOILET SEAT RIDING YOUR BIKE DOWN THE LUXOR.”
Last Christmas, everyone got fisticuffs atop a zeppelin under the tree and warmth from the toilet seat in their stockings!
When fingertips is ready, warmth from the toilet seat will appear.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of warmth from the toilet seat.
Whenever I cook a salad I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into warmth from the toilet seat.
Here’s a certificate for warmth from the toilet seat. I am at your service.



Frying alive
v

I’m late to my meeting for frying alive.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began frying alive.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from frying alive, and the eco-glass windows trap in acts of piracy.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s frying alive.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were frying alive, would you be frying alive as well?”
Today you’re on the receiving end of frying alive.

User
Testing internal breaks with zerowidthspaces:

REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET
?

How high do you have to be to enjoy REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET in a homeless man jerking it on the bus?
I’m getting REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET installed in my car, so I can be being cooked and eaten while I drive.
God didn’t create me. God created REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET. And REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET created me.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET popped out!
They don’t make REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET like they used to! This one doesn’t even have wetness.



​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!
np

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! and a watermelon.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Clemency, ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! and his vagina.
I like my women like I like ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!: banging them in their sodomy butts with claws.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!?
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!.

User
My fat Asian face
n

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of my fat Asian face.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find my fat Asian face so relaxing.
The city put in new road signs to indicate my fat Asian face just up ahead.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Servile Wretches” and it helps me with my fat Asian face.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then my fat Asian face really affected me.
Growing up we never had a $160,000 diamond, but we had to deal with my fat Asian face, and I want the opposite for my children.



Nothingness
nc

This workplace has gone (0) days without nothingness.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of nothingness heard remote.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned nothingness. As a result, his men were well motivated.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found nothingness sticking to the wall.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of nothingness hanging over the freeway.
Her inheritance was squandered upon an owl infestation while Cinderella was abused and forced to become nothingness in her own home.



A fun game
n

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a fun game.
Our artisanal process ages a lonely grave for 3 years, before going right into a fun game, rapidly being dragged by the neck.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a fun game.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a fun game slowly overtaking the buildings.
When the celestial spheres align, a fun game will descend from the heavens.
The cruiseliner struck a fun game and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a disgrace.



Crawling down a branch
v

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with crawling down a branch.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, my vicinity, toilet paper, shelter, and crawling down a branch.
For my last meal I want various fluids seasoned heavily with crawling down a branch.
My favorite new band is “Crawling Down a Branch and Sudsy Bodies”.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about crawling down a branch.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was crawling down a branch.

User
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support  "

The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support a test"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support Samuel L. Jackson’s pubic area"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support firing a volley of muskets into a dark room"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support shaved bears"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support urine sprinkles"
The Greenpeace guy had a pin saying, "Support baby eels"

User
Hey thanks!

Yeah bots don't move exactly like human players and they don't quite follow the same rules. I think the game code takes some shortcuts that mess things up.

I don't think decompiling is a map is illegal. It shouldn't be anyway. It doesn't bother me if people decompile my maps.

I don't know why people rename my maps so much, but yeah I've seen it a lot. It's OK though -- I'm just happy people are still playing them. :)

I look forward to your posts!
User
Being eaten by a crocodile
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell oil-covered birds after 8pm, or on holidays like Being Eaten by a Crocodile Day.
There is no revenge so complete as being eaten by a crocodile.
James Bond will return in “The Man With being eaten by a crocodile”!
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: being eaten by a crocodile.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s being eaten by a crocodile, with a utility belt around the edges, and racist bullshit on top.
Last night I dreamed of being eaten by a crocodile. I cannot shake the feeling that legs will arrive soon.



They cut open the crocodile to find  {n}, still  {v} like always.
Play 2

They cut open the crocodile to find the front half, still removing a uterine tumor with my teeth like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find hot lava, still violently crashing down the stairs like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find the sacred knife of Tecpatl, still going to Wendy’s like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find goners, still punching a brain like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find skin slack, still touching my deformity like always.
They cut open the crocodile to find a gynecological procedure, still lubing up like always.

User
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with  .

As a diabetic, every day I struggle with alien technology.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with beets. Mashed beets.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with a crazed gunman.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with listening to sad music and being sad.
As a diabetic, every day I struggle with a horizontal ass crack.

User
Not getting out of bed
v

John “mom” Smith. The genius who brought us not getting out of bed.
In the first Battle of Not Getting out of Bed he faced unbridled fury, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The rich aroma of not getting out of bed, from the hills of Colombia.
The cruiseliner struck plasma and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with not getting out of bed.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of not getting out of bed.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced five adult sons with not getting out of bed.

User
A crunchy, juicy roach
n

I reached expectantly into a crunchy, juicy roach, but found only a pregnant teen.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a crunchy, juicy roach.
A crunchy, juicy roach! A crunchy, juicy roach! My kingdom for a crunchy, juicy roach!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Friends That Can Keep a Secret Does a Crunchy, Juicy Roach.
There’s no reason for a crunchy, juicy roach before breakfast.
In my wild days I was putting on pants, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a crunchy, juicy roach on the New Mexico border.

User
I clean  {n} by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up  {v}.
Play 2

I clean a fresh lung by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up wetting the bed.
I clean a greased slope by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up plummeting from 20,000 feet.
I clean each hole, sequentially by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up raping an entire family including the dog.
I clean three carrots by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
I clean a thought by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up gathering supplies.
I clean a well-oiled machine by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn't end up surviving.

User
Scot blood
nc

If Scot blood were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
No one in Morocco can be Scot blood without registering with the government.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Scot Blood Blast!
I want to say one word to you, just one word: Scot blood.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw Scot blood overboard!
Don’t leave the door open! Scot blood will get in.



Big Gay
nc

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my happy place and Big Gay come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually Big Gay.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: Big Gay.
The new artsy indie game “Large Recoil” is a deeply emotional exploration of Big Gay.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with Big Gay.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during Big Gay that overturned their car.



April 26th
n

Fictitious queer same sex transformation nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid April 26th.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling April 26th. The driver was fingering.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride April 26th. It made me feel like I was rival anthills.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: April 26th, morphine and man animals.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in April 26th in the middle of each intersection.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate April 26th.



Marrying a Kardashian
v

We couldn’t land because of a lap caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like marrying a Kardashian.
The rich aroma of marrying a Kardashian, from the hills of Colombia.
Ball peeking! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all marrying a Kardashian.
I like my women like I like marrying a Kardashian: being attacked by a skeleton with leopard print top hats.
Today you’re on the receiving end of marrying a Kardashian.
If I had marrying a Kardashian, you’d be dead!




User
I never got it to work *completely* either. Often times I would get one player on the wrong side.

I never tried with bots, so that could be even worse.

If you would like to post what works & doesn't work I would appreciate it. Sometimes I still make throwaway maps for LAN parties and just goofing around.
User
Quiet punk music
nc

If quiet punk music were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
I got into my car and sat on quiet punk music. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
We can be quiet punk music. And no one has to know.
People around the world recognize quiet punk music as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in quiet punk music, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
I love your necklace! It’s quiet punk music, right?

User
Is it OK to put  {n} in the microwave?

Is it OK to put a lonely old man in the microwave?
Is it OK to put intense pressure in the microwave?
Is it OK to put failure in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a better place now in the microwave?
Is it OK to put my picture in the microwave?
Is it OK to put a dusty butthole in the microwave?



User
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried  {scv}.

"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried the crossing guard.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a crazy cat lady.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried an angry buttplug for the man.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a small angry cloud.
"Impossible," said Pride. "Risky," said Experience. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. That's when I tried a battle.

User
Doing a weird sex thing
v

You stole a nosedive from a child? You’re doing a weird sex thing and you’re going to hell!
This workplace has gone (0) days without doing a weird sex thing.
When the beef came at me it was like doing a weird sex thing.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk doing a weird sex thing.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into Mom’s feet before doing a weird sex thing.
I don’t think that even comes close to being doing a weird sex thing.



Sexting teens
v

If you do it right, sexting teens is all about sandpaper.
There is no revenge so complete as sexting teens.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for sexting teens.
The cruiseliner struck the placenta and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with sexting teens.
Furious that I was sexting teens into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a real sonuvabitch.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by sexting teens.



User
Body warmth
nc

Last Christmas, I gave you body warmth. The very next day, you gave it away.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise body warmth by rewarding them with techniques.
If I had body warmth, you’d be dead!
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Body Warmth!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with body warmth went off early, ejecting force-feeding a bird into the air!
In future times, the children will work together to build body warmth.



Millennials are killing  .

Millennials are killing meaty valves.
Millennials are killing killing protesters.
Millennials are killing a light dusting of pubes.
Millennials are killing achieving an orgasm.
Millennials are killing one of the Baldwin brothers.
Millennials are killing lady business.

User
Mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!
n

The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Another Hole in the Head Does Mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!.
Dad! I’m all done achieving an orgasm, so I have mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! left over if you’re still interested.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was swindling queers, part was mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!, and it was crowned with really bad teeth.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! in the stands and then knocked ample legroom off at least 10 pounds of pork.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
What will we do with mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!! early in the morning?

User
Mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!
nc

I don’t need love because I’m mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!. Sorry mom!
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of allergies, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.
In my wild days I was getting all fucked up on PCP, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!! on the New Mexico border.
Ich bin ein mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.
Man invented a wimpy tornado, so woman invented mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.
The thief was caught stealing a divorce from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of mmmiiillllennn-NNIAAALLSS!!!.

User
Botulism
nc

There’s no reason for botulism before breakfast.
Aron Ralston was trapped under my latest perversion for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off botulism!
All the best love stories include botulism.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of botulism lifting off the toilet.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in botulism.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “botulism”.



Horse face
nc

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me horse face and it’s getting weird.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of horse face on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with horse face hanging in the window.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found horse face in the walls at my office.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about horse face.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Horse Face.



Eating toxic cheese
v

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Good People Co., tapping into the growing market for eating toxic cheese.
The TSA has made new rules mandating eating toxic cheese on every commercial flight.
Men, like an extra kid, go farthest when they are eating toxic cheese.
Furious that I was eating toxic cheese into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a pubic tuft.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to eating toxic cheese.
The cruiseliner struck 35-year-old high school students and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with eating toxic cheese.



MmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!!
np

Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! straddled by Christopher Lloyd holding a dog.
Can I get some floss? There’s mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! between my teeth.
I tried to sneak out of the store with mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! under one arm and the ends down my pants.
The rich aroma of mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!!, from the hills of Colombia.
Music without the sounds of mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!! is hardly music at all.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as theatrics and comes with 1 USB-C port and mmmiiillleennNNIAALLSSS!!! Groovy!

User
Or?

My tiny act of rebellion today was  {v} with  {n}.
Play 2

My tiny act of rebellion today was murdering everyone who is different from you with sizzling lard.
My tiny act of rebellion today was being suspended in gelatin with complete removal of the head.
My tiny act of rebellion today was flailing with hot babes.
My tiny act of rebellion today was knowing hell with the southwest corner.
My tiny act of rebellion today was inviting the cops with butt gas.
My tiny act of rebellion today was pushing it deeper with terminal illness.

User
My tiny act of rebellion today was  {v} with no shoes!

My tiny act of rebellion today was getting busy with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was being pickled with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was beeping with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was being lured into a van with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was getting HUGE with no shoes!
My tiny act of rebellion today was giving birth to your own parents with no shoes!

User
Scum
nc

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been falling in love with a white girl. The snail may have escaped scum by going underground.
Ugh. I ate some kids last night and I’ve been trying to put on scum all morning.
I got so drunk last night that I got scum all over everyone and everything.
You can’t get an otherwise peaceful man big enough or scum long enough to suit me.
The cruiseliner struck scum and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with between your legs.
I could tell scum had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.



I rented a U-Haul but they were out of  {cp} so I packed my furniture with  {cp}.
Play 2

I rented a U-Haul but they were out of sinister plans so I packed my furniture with beets. Mashed beets.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of nosy neighbors so I packed my furniture with 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of nothing at all so I packed my furniture with chafing jeans.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of balls caught in the car window so I packed my furniture with many people.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of ancient Chinese medicine so I packed my furniture with alien technology.
I rented a U-Haul but they were out of battery acid so I packed my furniture with recalled pizza with glass in it.

User
You and me, girl
n

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide you and me, girl directly.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around you and me, girl.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with you and me, girl.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on you and me, girl.
Whenever I cook you and me, girl I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into terminal illness.
The new bill before congress would mandate you and me, girl in all K-through-12 classrooms.



For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood  {n}.

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood sinuses.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood nosy neighbors.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood Krampus, the child punisher.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood the bitter cold.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood quicksand.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood a nicer surprise.

User
A solar flare
n

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a solar flare.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a solar flare, toilet paper, shelter, and floppy, out-of-control boobs.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a solar flare” incident in the science lab.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a solar flare.
When you two are done “forgetting” to knock, can we please get a solar flare and get out of here?!
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of ancient Chinese medicine and a mouthfeel like a solar flare.



Lumpy butt
nc

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with lumpy butt went off early, ejecting a vibrator with a voice into the air!
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put lumpy butt in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and lumpy butt in the Philippines.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by lumpy butt around the building.
I was surprised to find bones in lumpy butt. Is that normal?
The hardware store didn’t have lumpy butt left, so I got day-to-day affairs.



Scientists have successfully sent images of   through tubes full of  {n}.
Play 2

Scientists have successfully sent images of the coal chute through tubes full of a determined shark.
Scientists have successfully sent images of being nude, spread eagle toward the sun through tubes full of a moon rock shaped like a butt.
Scientists have successfully sent images of a prepaid Visa™ through tubes full of somersaults.
Scientists have successfully sent images of a pale reflection through tubes full of shame.
Scientists have successfully sent images of a long visit through tubes full of arthouse films about transexuals.
Scientists have successfully sent images of total collapse through tubes full of KA-BLAM!!.



Possible fix:

After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “ {n}

After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “well-organized orphans
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “the godhead
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a falling tree
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “good bacteria
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “sex toy directions
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a real sonuvabitch

User
Possible fix:

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about  .

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about a tiny bat crawling up your peehole.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about sudden nudity.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about llama spit.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about a barbecued meal worm.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about banning the Pope.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about your grandmother, who loves you.

User
The Justice Department
n

My dream house has a big surprise built in, an extra garage for pacifying all religions, and the Justice Department for the door bell.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring the Justice Department.
My pharmacist separated pulsating opposite sexes into two parts, and carefully lowered one into the Justice Department.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: The Justice Department Does Her Penis.
I want to be buried with the Justice Department.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by the Justice Department.



A police station
n

Happiness: Finding a safe place, a police station, and years of pain.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like a police station.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me a police station and it’s getting weird.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a police station that overturned their car.
I didn’t think this house would sell with my picture in the attic. Anyway, I’m a police station.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong-loving bot that hates a police station.



Are you there God? It's me,  .

Are you there God? It's me, me.
Are you there God? It's me, a remarkably swift recovery.
Are you there God? It's me, being bred in captivity.
Are you there God? It's me, being slathered in baby oil.
Are you there God? It's me, leaving a man behind.
Are you there God? It's me, the next time.

User
A bucket with a hole
n

The water tower looks like it’s a bucket with a hole from this angle.
It's dangerous to leave a bucket with a hole on the stairs.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a bucket with a hole in its food processing operations.
Oh no! Someone rolled up a bucket with a hole in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
More armies need to incorporate a bucket with a hole into their uniforms.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a bucket with a hole.



A hole
n

Here on the assembly line we heat a hole to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is inhaling.
Growing up we never had a hole, but we had to deal with respite, and I want the opposite for my children.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a hole.
A hole produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under servile wretches to keep warm.
My girlfriend kicked strength, and now she’s a hole. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Until quite recently, a hole had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.



My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm  {v}.

My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm laughing and lying.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm lumbering around.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm pulling off pants.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm being in the way.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm taking a fair amount.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I'm not riding a Segway.

User
Little boys are made of  {n},  {n}, and puppy dog tails.
Play 2

Little boys are made of the longest, thinnest hot dog, my baby door, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of a succulent jumbo prawn, thinness, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of hot wax, my brother, who I’m sure you remember, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of a shitty, useless planet, sinister plans, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of a falling chimney, halitosis, and puppy dog tails.
Little boys are made of Snoop Dogg’s magic umbrella, a pale reflection, and puppy dog tails.



Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and  {n}.

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and a feather boa.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and a skin tag.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and a harbor for your unclean thoughts.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and prey.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and long deep kisses with eyes wide open.

User
Precious bodily fluids
np

Apparently, “Precious Bodily Fluids” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I was surprised to find bones in precious bodily fluids. Is that normal?
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took precious bodily fluids to the funeral.
Precious bodily fluids is the only way to say goodbye.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find precious bodily fluids.
The new top grade of gasoline has precious bodily fluids as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

User
Beer cans, puke and underwear
np

If I had beer cans, puke and underwear, you’d be dead!
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been nipping it in the bud. The snail may have escaped beer cans, puke and underwear by going underground.
They said beer cans, puke and underwear was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got beer cans, puke and underwear... and then some!
Last Christmas, everyone got beer cans, puke and underwear under the tree and an exit wound in their stockings!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of beer cans, puke and underwear.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under beer cans, puke and underwear.

User
Getting stabbed by an advanced robot
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: getting stabbed by an advanced robot!!!
Help! I’m getting stabbed by an advanced robot and I need YOU to do something about it!
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is getting stabbed by an advanced robot.
Here on the assembly line we heat rumpy pumpy to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is getting stabbed by an advanced robot.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting stabbed by an advanced robot for the first time!
Getting stabbed by an advanced robot! Getting stabbed by an advanced robot! My kingdom for getting stabbed by an advanced robot!



A crazy woman attacking my car
n

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a crazy woman attacking my car in the mirror! And it smelled like total collapse in there! I’m so scared!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a crazy woman attacking my car.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a crazy woman attacking my car.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off very recent arrivals in the stands and then knocked conjuring off a crazy woman attacking my car.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a crazy woman attacking my car.
The water tower looks like it’s a crazy woman attacking my car from this angle.

User
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on  .

Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a gurgling anus.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a greased slope.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on the part you pee into.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on thick pudding.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on rigid peen.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a shot in the dark.

User
The media's nonstop coverage of   is just to distract us from  .
Play 2

The media's nonstop coverage of a hanging body is just to distract us from a squirt of mustard.
The media's nonstop coverage of a mafia hitman is just to distract us from scoring.
The media's nonstop coverage of the atom is just to distract us from Woman 2.0.
The media's nonstop coverage of elastic action is just to distract us from empowerment.
The media's nonstop coverage of the white devil is just to distract us from marginal gains.
The media's nonstop coverage of a curve is just to distract us from filthy underpants.

User
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of  {UT}:  {UTn}  {UTv}."
Play 3

I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of The Majestic Humboldt Squid: A Bulky Frame, Sturdy Legs, and Rounded Cloven Hooves Negotiating Peace."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Wanting to Be Noticed: A Cataclysmic Magic Spell Peeing in the Sink."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Industrial Adhesive: Thick Fingers Making out."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Compressed Gas: What the Dog Ate Being Pickled."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of The Heterosexual Agenda: The Key to My Heart Being Dipped in Nutella."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Undercooked Meat: My Brother, Who I’m Sure You Remember Laying Eggs Everywhere."

User
Samsung's new product is  {n} that you wear for safety.

Samsung's new product is a security guard that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is PTSD that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is violent death that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is dryness problems that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is a corresponding rise in wages that you wear for safety.

User
Getting tickled while peeing
v

R Kelly fantasizes about getting tickled while peeing with a young Beyonce.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore getting tickled while peeing in a very realistic way.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the baby and getting tickled while peeing.
If you kids don’t stop being picked, I will turn getting tickled while peeing around!
The new artsy indie game “Getting Tickled While Peeing” is a deeply emotional exploration of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using getting tickled while peeing to forage for food.



Getting tickled
v

See now black people walk like the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting tickled!
When the suspect’s car crashed, getting tickled launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on recalled pizza with glass in it.
More armies need to incorporate getting tickled into their uniforms.
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting tickled.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting tickled.
Thanks for getting tickled. Now get out of my bed!



User
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of  {n} off the grill.

It's taking forever to scrape the remains of the alpha male off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of peanut butter in the mouth off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of all the Roman gods off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of a mass of lymphatic tissue off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of nature’s candy off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of water off the grill.

User
Pregnancy
nc

Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of pregnancy-loving bot that hates unprecedented popularity.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Pregnancy!” You’re cursed with every part of the buffalo until the end of the game!
I went rafting, saw pregnancy in the river, no big deal.
A lifetime of pregnancy awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I pushed hard enough to snap pregnancy, but some powerful kind of space madness was blocking the door.
When you two are done going to Wendy’s, can we please get pregnancy and get out of here?!



Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with  {n} and   for dipping.
Play 2

Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with demonic possession and anything on the face of this earth for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with fingernail torture and these faggots for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with daddy in his underpants and a quirky, vegan CEO for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with mediocre tits and squirting acid for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with a broken ceiling tile and carefully removing my skeleton for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with my innards and me for dipping.

User
This just in: the president has fired  {n} for "doing a bad job."

This just in: the president has fired the ’80s for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired a robot dinosaur for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired well-organized orphans for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired the real adversary for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired the taxpayers for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired a loading screen for "doing a bad job."

User
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find  {n} all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!

So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find self-inflicted wounds all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find Mexican children with mustaches all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find your signature manoeuvre all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find grandma’s soggy diaper all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a collar around my neck all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a human all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!




So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find  {n} all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!

So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a furious ding-dong all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find complete madness all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a remarkably swift recovery all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a stiff upper lip all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a glob of peanut butter all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find the last thing I said all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!

User
I gotta do this one again :p

Everybody, sing along!  {U} /  {v} / with  
Play 3

Everybody, sing along! Special pube shampoo / wallowing in your filth / with a Hitler moustache
Everybody, sing along! A big ol’ fruit / waiting to kill / with a wish-granting goblin
Everybody, sing along! Not many teeth / zombie fucking / with anger and shock
Everybody, sing along! Strong thighs / nothing else / with crotchless panties
Everybody, sing along! An extremely uncomfortable mattress / giving it a tweak / with stripping
Everybody, sing along! Spicy saliva / tipping over / with wetness

User
Two lemurs
np

I never expected to be fingered by two lemurs.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always two lemurs. Always.
Two best friends and the escape route take a road trip, and discover two lemurs along the way.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a crotchety old hermit removed from her and two lemurs removed from me.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by two lemurs.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy two lemurs that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.



A virtual reality hot dog
n

See now black people walk like my tortoise’s heat lamp. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a virtual reality hot dog!
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a virtual reality hot dog!”
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk a virtual reality hot dog.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a virtual reality hot dog out of mainland China.
Go, go, Gadget a Virtual Reality Hot Dog!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A VIRTUAL REALITY HOT DOG FATHERING CHILDREN WITH A LESBIAN.”



VR genitals
np

Here on the assembly line we heat VR genitals to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is becoming an adult.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Hate-fucking Does VR Genitals.
Could you buy me VR genitals? I’ll pay you back.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing VR genitals, since we’re so good at it.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to VR genitals.
A foaming pipe snake produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under VR genitals to keep warm.



My kids keep installing  {n} on the computer and I think it's making it slow.

My kids keep installing my first time on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing a robot dinosaur on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing little turds everywhere on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing the trials of manhood on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing the Army on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing a sex-addicted panda on the computer and I think it's making it slow.

User
Too much food
nc

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to too much food.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of too much food. She has stated, “I prefer lips.”
The new artsy indie game “Too Much Food” is a deeply emotional exploration of fighting your family.
I just dug up too much food in my backyard! I had no idea this place had breaking in.
So what I’m saying is we have too much food to thank for Obama’s America.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise too much food by rewarding them with a tight fit.



Licking each other
v

A gynecological procedure can only be killed by licking each other.
If I had licking each other, you’d be dead!
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate licking each other.
Mom, what’s licking each other? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
You evaded my “Licking Each Other” attack! Most impressive.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, licking each other, toilet paper, shelter, and Italian financiers.

User
Cher's skull
n

On the assembly line we heat Cher's skull to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is huddling in the corner.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with Cher's skull.
While you’re at the store can you pick up Cher's skull, in family size?
Let Cher's skull host your next party, providing furries like you’ve never seen before.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, Cher's skull emerged.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: porkin@chers-skull.net

User
Throwing money
v

Ich bin ein throwing money.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of throwing money.
Throwing money has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen throwing money.
The new artsy indie game “Throwing Money” is a deeply emotional exploration of Coach Diddleplayers.
If you do it right, five adult sons is all about throwing money.



The world's biggest sandwich
n

Then God said, “Let there be the world's biggest sandwich”; and there was the world's biggest sandwich. And God saw that the world's biggest sandwich was good.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the world's biggest sandwich.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw the world's biggest sandwich in the mirror! And it smelled like love in there! I’m so scared!
The Great Wall was actually built to keep the world's biggest sandwich out of mainland China.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in the world's biggest sandwich.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for the world's biggest sandwich.

User
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been  {v}?

It smells like Thai food in here... have you been eating a bowl of spider webs?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been mothering?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been smoking crack?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been going as deep as possible?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been maintaining total stealth?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been finding a safe place?

User
Getting swindled by the cat
v

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore getting swindled by the cat in a very realistic way.
The rich aroma of getting swindled by the cat, from the hills of Colombia.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began getting swindled by the cat in front of his top supporters.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got irresponsible parenting painted on both sides, which some say encourages getting swindled by the cat.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a stink bug, score points by getting swindled by the cat, and cinderblock justice shall not be on the field.
The patient kept screaming about “getting swindled by the cat”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and some dead guy’s money emerged!



Grandpa's nose
n

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw Grandpa's nose for the first time!
I’m gonna prove the link between chugging NyQuil™ and Grandpa's nose! You’ll all see!
Howdy neighbor, love Grandpa's nose! Let’s get a feast of blood sometime!
For Halloween we’re peeling talent and poise so it feels like eyeballs, and we made Grandpa's nose so it feels like brains.
If I had Grandpa's nose, you’d be dead!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate Grandpa's nose to prepare for a mission to mars.



Their offspring
n

At the winery tour we saw how they put their offspring and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like floppin’ out my baby door.
At Boeing R&D, we test the aliens running government by connecting through their offspring to a special 10,000-volt battery.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in their offspring, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Alexander also named a city in India “Their Offspring” after his dead horse.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a crack in the sky. It was not my lips you kissed, but their offspring.
Great job on the proposal for catching one in the bum, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you their offspring.

User
It to come out the other end
n

Last night I dreamed of it to come out the other end. I cannot shake the feeling that recalled pizza with glass in it will arrive soon.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with it to come out the other end.
When I think South America, I think of it to come out the other end.
Although moving away from firing ports proved effective for schools, the switch to it to come out the other end initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
For my last meal I want it to come out the other end seasoned heavily with things to fix.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of It to Come out the Other End”! I shook his hand and it felt like it to come out the other end.



Somebody to love
n

What the stubby fingers department lacks in selection, we make up for in somebody to love.
My publisher demanded I remove somebody to love from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Don’t shake a plump, lazy hyena so hard, it’ll start somebody to love.
While you’re at the store can you pick up somebody to love, in family size?
It’s not delivery. It’s somebody to love.
Somebody to love saved is somebody to love earned.



Our wedding rings
np

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of our wedding rings.
If you do it right, our wedding rings is all about hotdog grade “meat”.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is our wedding rings.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is our wedding rings.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Our Wedding Rings!
In Nevada you can pay for a lady masturbating to pictures of dead animals with our wedding rings.

User
A capsaicin-rich pooping experience
n

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a capsaicin-rich pooping experience.
I was vacuuming when I sucked a capsaicin-rich pooping experience out from under the couch. I kept pulling until industrial adhesive came out too!
Great job on the proposal for shimmying up the pole, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a capsaicin-rich pooping experience.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a capsaicin-rich pooping experience to the vastness of space.
I’d like to wear a capsaicin-rich pooping experience but it takes all day to put on.
Dad! I’m all done walking backwards into John Cena, so I have a capsaicin-rich pooping experience left over if you’re still interested.



The dog ate  {n} so we're waiting for  .
Play 2

The dog ate that jackass so we're waiting for a wet burst.
The dog ate a fish choad so we're waiting for lots of rattled nerves.
The dog ate Snoop Dogg’s magic umbrella so we're waiting for stepping over me.
The dog ate a wiggly meat tube so we're waiting for a Japanese vending machine.
The dog ate grab-ass so we're waiting for rolling.
The dog ate freewill so we're waiting for hopefully not me this time.



The dog ate  {n} so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.

The dog ate a certain je ne sais quoi so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate the Army so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate white men with guns so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate a battle so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.
The dog ate a drop of blood so we're waiting for it to come out the other end.

User
Everybody, sing along!  {U} /   /  
Play 3

Everybody, sing along! A novelty oversized foam fist / divorce papers / their own mothers
Everybody, sing along! No touching and no sex / a French knight / the most beautiful face ever
Everybody, sing along! Naval victory / ass / a period
Everybody, sing along! Unbridled fury / anal cleansing tablets / one night in Bangkok
Everybody, sing along! A lap / a robot face / real human interaction
Everybody, sing along! Frozen people / making me cum / my murder list

User
Everybody, sing along!  {U} /   /  
Play 3

Everybody, sing along! Solving a problem / multiple cameras / a real butt-toucher
Everybody, sing along! Wetting the bed / being the small spoon / pleading for more men and supplies
Everybody, sing along! Jüri Pootsmann / being a bitch / Coach Diddleplayers
Everybody, sing along! A weak little person / your mom’s bathroom / a spinning jenny
Everybody, sing along! A muscular, naked Santa / a silly goose / an exploding car
Everybody, sing along! A leak / the coal chute / the uncooperative dead

User
Hatching out of an egg
v

Mom, what’s hatching out of an egg? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
On the assembly line we heat illegal porn to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is hatching out of an egg.
Hatching out of an egg is the spice of nothing good.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than hatching out of an egg.
Then God said, “Let there be hatching out of an egg”; and there was hatching out of an egg. And God saw that hatching out of an egg was good.
Let a truck full of ladders host your next party, providing hatching out of an egg like you’ve never seen before.



My new baby  {pc}, hatching out of  {n}.
Play 2

My new baby blindness, hatching out of passive-aggressive tendencies.
My new baby heavy iron dildos, hatching out of mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores.
My new baby financial distress, hatching out of a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
My new baby tainted love, hatching out of honey.
My new baby man animals, hatching out of a good girl.
My new baby retaliatory skirmishes, hatching out of floaters.

User
900 suspected pedophiles
np

At LAX travelers were horrified to see 900 suspected pedophiles spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow