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Posts written by aaronjer:



User
You can expect  {n} to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.

You can expect a Ouija board to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect sufficient funds to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect so many freakin’ cats to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect a guillotine to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect my skin to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect dark magic to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.

User
Emergency repopulation
nc

4 out of 5 doctors recommend emergency repopulation.
I like emergency repopulation like I like my coffee: getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have emergency repopulation on the top.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn emergency repopulation, but now I work at Wal*Mart.
Our artisanal process ages emergency repopulation for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.
At Boeing R&D, we test what’s inside by subjecting it to emergency repopulation and extreme heat.

User
Being a big boy now
v

Being a big boy now is a temporary setback on the road to my innards!
Last night was the tragic result of being a big boy now.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around being a big boy now on the freeway.
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were being a big boy now.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by being a big boy now.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of being a big boy now.

User
The sweatiest beef ever recorded in history or myth
n

At the new Asian-inspired spot downtown, the chef will prepare the sweatiest beef ever recorded in history or myth right at your table.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for the sweatiest beef ever recorded in history or myth.
Art can be defined by the sweatiest beef ever recorded in history or myth but only if it gets you floppin’ out my baby door and inspired.
If I was God, you would be the sweatiest beef ever recorded in history or myth.
Senator, give me the sweatiest beef ever recorded in history or myth and you’ll get my vote.
Ich bin ein the sweatiest beef ever recorded in history or myth.

User
Arby's sauce, head-to-toe
nc

You stole Arby's sauce, head-to-toe from a child?
Senator, give me Arby's sauce, head-to-toe and you’ll get my vote.
In future times, the children will work together to build Arby's sauce, head-to-toe.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with Arby's sauce, head-to-toe, a naturopathic remedy.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of Arby's sauce, head-to-toe in the sky.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add Arby's sauce, head-to-toe to the pan, while stirring constantly.

User
I'm all full of  ! I need a  -ectomy!
Play 1

I'm all full of conjuring! I need a conjuring-ectomy!
I'm all full of my brother, who I’m sure you remember! I need a my brother, who I’m sure you remember-ectomy!
I'm all full of killers! I need a killers-ectomy!
I'm all full of the most sensitive part of my body! I need a the most sensitive part of my body-ectomy!
I'm all full of unexpected penetration! I need a unexpected penetration-ectomy!
I'm all full of barely in the butthole! I need a barely in the butthole-ectomy!

User
Eating   directly out of the fridge is a sure sign of depression.

Eating this asshole directly out of the fridge is a sure sign of depression.
Eating spandex directly out of the fridge is a sure sign of depression.
Eating oil-covered birds directly out of the fridge is a sure sign of depression.
Eating the tiniest little idea in my pea brain directly out of the fridge is a sure sign of depression.
Eating reaching around directly out of the fridge is a sure sign of depression.
Eating a rough testicle directly out of the fridge is a sure sign of depression.

User
My sister's nudes
np

Dagnabbit! I got my sister's nudes all jammed up in the wheel well again.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s my sister's nudes.
At Boeing R&D, we test my sister's nudes by subjecting it to skeleton hands and extreme heat.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my sister's nudes came on the screen.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “my sister's nudes.”
The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of my sister's nudes.

User
The funnel I used
n

Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about the funnel I used.
I think there’s the funnel I used convention going on downtown.
Ah, the funnel I used for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw the funnel I used.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being the funnel I used.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the funnel I used.

User
Butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl
v

I went rafting, saw butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl in the river, no big deal.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn’t stop butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl in a very realistic way.
The secret to a happy marriage: butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl.
The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything: butt chugging a KFC Famous Bowl.

User
Cummy pussy
nc

It has been prophesized that the young king will eventually be killed by cummy pussy.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for cummy pussy.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with cummy pussy.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of cummy pussy in the soil.
They don’t make cummy pussy like they used to!
Daddy! There’s cummy pussy under my bed. Kill it kill it!

User
They found  {n} buried in the creases of  {n}. Authorities are mystified.
Play 2

They found drool drops buried in the creases of a traffic cone full of bibimbap. Authorities are mystified.
They found a giant eraser buried in the creases of funds. Authorities are mystified.
They found a blind, but happy, puppy buried in the creases of mom. Authorities are mystified.
They found less chaos buried in the creases of spandex. Authorities are mystified.
They found even more bees buried in the creases of hooplah. Authorities are mystified.
They found my shadow buried in the creases of $20 worth of pot. Authorities are mystified.

User
Girls who just wanna have fun
np

Ah, girls who just wanna have fun for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
You can’t keep running around like girls who just wanna have fun, you’re going to put an eye out!
After 6 years in development, I have created girls who just wanna have fun.
I’m girls who just wanna have fun in the streets, but an invisible wall in the sheets.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for girls who just wanna have fun.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore girls who just wanna have fun in a very realistic way.

User
Why's there   in here? Oh, it must be for couples.

Why's there throwing a 9 year old in here? Oh, it must be for couples.
Why's there hatred for children in here? Oh, it must be for couples.
Why's there a censor bar in here? Oh, it must be for couples.
Why's there crashing out of a window in here? Oh, it must be for couples.
Why's there anal cleansing tablets in here? Oh, it must be for couples.
Why's there a crow in a blender in here? Oh, it must be for couples.

User
Little pink oysters
np

At the coffee shop they put “little pink oysters” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of little pink oysters.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always little pink oysters. Always.
I noticed symptoms of little pink oysters, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s Donald Trump’s tweets!” but I’m not sure.
In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy little pink oysters from dispensaries.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed little pink oysters up and down the highway.

User
A devastating explosion
n

It’s not delivery. It’s a devastating explosion.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for a devastating explosion.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a devastating explosion happens.
I accidentally dropped a devastating explosion in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
Don’t leave the door open! A devastating explosion will get in.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a devastating explosion.

User
A bear that's doing whatever the fuck it wants
n

We’re having a bear that's doing whatever the fuck it wants situation. Please stand by...
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a bear that's doing whatever the fuck it wants
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a bear that's doing whatever the fuck it wants.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Bear That's Doing Whatever the Fuck It Wants?
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a bear that's doing whatever the fuck it wants.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a bear that's doing whatever the fuck it wants.

User
Crazy horny Bigfoot
n

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “crazy horny Bigfoot”.
Can I get some floss? There’s crazy horny Bigfoot between my teeth.
After a truck ran over crazy horny Bigfoot it was indistinguisable from road tar.
Do they make pills for crazy horny Bigfoot?
Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does Crazy Horny Bigfoot.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Crazy horny Bigfoot.

User
Really screwing the pooch this time
v

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s really screwing the pooch this time and I think I believe her!
Let’s wait for Mom to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get really screwing the pooch this time.
They cut open the crocodile to find Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole, still really screwing the pooch this time like always.
The impacting my sister story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the elites for really screwing the pooch this time!
I Googled for really screwing the pooch this time and found a picture of myself.
At my full potential, I’m really screwing the pooch this time.

User
Blacks, gays, and Mexicans
np

The media’s nonstop coverage of throwing a 9 year old is just to distract us from blacks, gays, and Mexicans.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m blacks, gays, and Mexicans.
No thanks. My doctor said blacks, gays, and Mexicans makes defecation painful.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by blacks, gays, and Mexicans.
Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? Blacks, gays, and Mexicans.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me blacks, gays, and Mexicans.

User
Getting raped by Donald Duck
v

The Green Party’s new campaign slogan: Getting Raped by Donald Duck.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting raped by Donald Duck for the first time!
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk getting raped by Donald Duck.
In a world with no rules, one man must be getting raped by Donald Duck. Coming this summer.
At Boeing R&D, we test a bag of duck vaginas by subjecting it to getting raped by Donald Duck and extreme heat.
I heard you were talking about getting raped by Donald Duck so I had to come over!

User
Just drugging the woman
v

If you do just drugging the woman right, all that matters is you have a good time.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for just drugging the woman.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with just drugging the woman! It’s all here in my manifesto!
These snails have evolved to live underground without light or just drugging the woman.
There’s always time for just drugging the woman before breakfast.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, just drugging the woman, & toilet paper.

User
Cummy penis disease
n

I like cummy penis disease like I like my coffee: proving she’s a witch.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is cummy penis disease.
Ok, I’ll admit an Easy-Bake™ oven might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in cummy penis disease.
They didn’t have cummy penis disease at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed regular kibble.
I saw the twins in the corridor. I froze in terror as they said, “You’ll be cummy penis disease with us.”
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from cummy penis disease.

User
You can lead  {n} to  , but you can't make them suck.
Play 2

You can lead whatEVER to sloppy seconds, but you can't make them suck.
You can lead bedtime to success, but you can't make them suck.
You can lead fate to sitting in the bathtub, but you can't make them suck.
You can lead a cat in a cardboard box to a strong magnet, but you can't make them suck.
You can lead an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome to high-voltage wires, but you can't make them suck.
You can lead nutters running around with chainsaws to a crack in the sky, but you can't make them suck.

User
The faulty sleigh that got Santa killed
n

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and the faulty sleigh that got Santa killed.
For my last meal I want the faulty sleigh that got Santa killed.
Sir! We are out of MREs, but we found the faulty sleigh that got Santa killed in these crates. Shall we ration it to the men?
It’s dangerous to leave the faulty sleigh that got Santa killed on the stairs.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in the faulty sleigh that got Santa killed.
I didn’t mean to start the faulty sleigh that got Santa killed, it just happened!

User
The sun-dried tomatoes I picked off
np

At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced the instructions with the sun-dried tomatoes I picked off.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of the sun-dried tomatoes I picked off.
Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with the sun-dried tomatoes I picked off.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s the sun-dried tomatoes I picked off.
The food and yard waste bin is only for the sun-dried tomatoes I picked off (clean) and enough mules (oil-free).
The MacBook Air weighs 1.1 lbs and comes with a USB-C port and the sun-dried tomatoes I picked off! Groovy!

User
Jammy dodgers
np

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “jammy dodgers” incident in the science lab.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up jammy dodgers on the porch to surprise the kids.
I will do anything for jammy dodgers. But I won’t do that!
At the Amazon Go store you can grab jammy dodgers and walk right out the door without not doing anything.
It’s not delivery. It’s jammy dodgers.
Today the Senate is voting on jammy dodgers.

User
My long term plan for glans
n

John “human body warmth” Smith. The genius who brought us my long term plan for glans.
My long term plan for glans: It’s nature’s candy!
The sign at the fountain says not to throw my long term plan for glans in.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began my long term plan for glans.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate my long term plan for glans to prepare for a mission to Mars.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during my long term plan for glans that overturned their car.

User
Hanging around near the orphanage
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: hanging around near the orphanage!!!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was hanging around near the orphanage.
Hanging around near the orphanage while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of an accident.
I make treats for my cat by hanging around near the orphanage with gas. Oreo loves it!
No one in Morocco can be hanging around near the orphanage without registering with the government.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized hanging around near the orphanage.

User
Sexy dress-up time
n

Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with sexy dress-up time.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “sexy dress-up time.”
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s sexy dress-up time.
My wife is WAY better at sexy dress-up time than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with sexy dress-up time.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in sexy dress-up time.

User
Something you only like because it's warm:  .

Something you only like because it's warm: the cruel ambition of my father.
Something you only like because it's warm: being pickled.
Something you only like because it's warm: big pants.
Something you only like because it's warm: shimmying up the pole.
Something you only like because it's warm: a fun game.
Something you only like because it's warm: man animals.

User
Footage of the frogsuit
n

Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with footage of the frogsuit?
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be footage of the frogsuit.
The only thing standing in your way is footage of the frogsuit.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found footage of the frogsuit sticking to the wall.
For Halloween we’re peeling grapes so they feel like eyeballs, and we prepared footage of the frogsuit so it feels like brains.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Footage-of-the-frogsuit-coin”

User
Staying near the treeline
v

It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s staying near the treeline.
Ha! You activated my trap card, you’re cursed with staying near the treeline until the end of the game!
We’re at the circus! There are jugglers, and a man is staying near the treeline on a galloping horse.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Staying-near-the-treeline-coin”
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at staying near the treeline.
While I was out the Roomba got into insurance and was staying near the treeline.

User
Humans who have guns and will kill you
np

I can’t shake the feeling there’s always humans who have guns and will kill you just around the corner.
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at humans who have guns and will kill you.
The authorities followed the trail of humans who have guns and will kill you, leading them straight to the suspect.
I got into my car and sat on humans who have guns and will kill you. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Make sure to hang humans who have guns and will kill you in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate humans who have guns and will kill you to prepare for a mission to Mars.

User
Got drunk and woke up in bed with  {n}. I think an apology is in order.

Got drunk and woke up in bed with a bullet hole. I think an apology is in order.
Got drunk and woke up in bed with rumpy pumpy. I think an apology is in order.
Got drunk and woke up in bed with a genital louse. I think an apology is in order.
Got drunk and woke up in bed with fluids from my face. I think an apology is in order.
Got drunk and woke up in bed with a Hitler moustache. I think an apology is in order.
Got drunk and woke up in bed with a Salvador Dali RealDoll™. I think an apology is in order.

User
Went to the clinic cuz I got   in my throat. They dislodged it with  .
Play 2

Went to the clinic cuz I got a barrier in my throat. They dislodged it with a gasoline enema.
Went to the clinic cuz I got hugs and kisses in my throat. They dislodged it with most of my blood.
Went to the clinic cuz I got the Mormon church in my throat. They dislodged it with a crudely-drawn dick.
Went to the clinic cuz I got a scary noise in my throat. They dislodged it with some next-level shit.
Went to the clinic cuz I got setbacks in my throat. They dislodged it with white guilt.
Went to the clinic cuz I got taking a flying leap in my throat. They dislodged it with a sexual encounter.

User
Pee in the throat
?

The rich aroma of pee in the throat, from the hills of Colombia.
My brother and I started a business pee in the throat, since we’re so good at it.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like pee in the throat.
Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires pee in the throat.
I didn’t think this house would sell with pee in the throat in the attic.
If mom hears us talking about pee in the throat we’ll be SO grounded!

User
I never should have eaten  . I could feel   under my skin and meat.
Play 2

I never should have eaten ass. I could feel hot lava under my skin and meat.
I never should have eaten my haunted butthole. I could feel giant meaty hands under my skin and meat.
I never should have eaten getting attacked by a garbage truck. I could feel my salvation under my skin and meat.
I never should have eaten spongy flesh. I could feel Schadenfreude under my skin and meat.
I never should have eaten a gasping woman. I could feel an extremely painful sneeze under my skin and meat.
I never should have eaten a real sonuvabitch. I could feel half a spider under my skin and meat.

User
A big dumb daddy
n

The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with a big dumb daddy.
At my 9th birthday, we had a big dumb daddy piñata that burst open showering morphine on us kids.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A big dumb daddy can increase your breast size in three weeks!
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a big dumb daddy from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a big dumb daddy.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a big dumb daddy for free on every corner.

User
I need  {n} to put me in my place.

I need a wet spot to put me in my place.
I need a fun game to put me in my place.
I need just plain racism to put me in my place.
I need beard stroking to put me in my place.
I need quick-set cement to put me in my place.
I need a vibrator with a voice to put me in my place.

User
Wrenching apart the strip club ATM
v

Doctor! My child has wrenching apart the strip club ATM coursing through his veins!
I’m a grape in a condom today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with wrenching apart the strip club ATM.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by wrenching apart the strip club ATM?
Never shake a baby. It could lead to wrenching apart the strip club ATM.
Class, turn to page 105 and read “Wrenching Apart the Strip Club ATM and You”.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk wrenching apart the strip club ATM.

User
My toilet pistol
n

The Great Wall was actually built to keep my toilet pistol out of mainland China.
Thanks for my toilet pistol last night. *wink* *wink*
This food is so good it’s making my toilet pistol quiver!
If mom hears us talking about my toilet pistol we’ll be SO grounded!
The pharmacist separated my toilet pistol into two parts, and gave me both.
Getting my toilet pistol back out of a volcano is next to impossible.

User
Bathing my disabled child
v

The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of bathing my disabled child.
Bathing my disabled child has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Bathing my disabled child is a uniquely British problem.
Bathing my disabled child is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Politics. The Bathing My Disabled Child Party, is always trying to shove my many black friends down our throats.
“D” is for bathing my disabled child.

User
Slowly filling with urine
v

It has been prophesized that the young king will eventually be killed by slowly filling with urine.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began slowly filling with urine.
We’re at the circus! There are jugglers, and a man is slowly filling with urine on a galloping horse.
All the best love stories include slowly filling with urine.
Men, like nipple placement, go farthest when they are slowly filling with urine.
I heard you were talking about slowly filling with urine so I had to come over!

User
The last remaining Germans
np

I Googled for the last remaining Germans and found a picture of myself.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find the last remaining Germans so relaxing.
What will we do with the last remaining Germans early in the morning?
I bought the last remaining Germans yesterday and now I can’t stop stripping!
Daddy! There’s the last remaining Germans under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Where do the last remaining Germans come from? Some parents tell their children they are brought by a stork.

User
My stomach contents, hurtling
nc

Help! I’m my stomach contents, hurtling and I need YOU to do something about it!
If my neighbor doesn’t get my stomach contents, hurtling off my property, I’m calling the cops!
While you’re at the store can you pick up my stomach contents, hurtling, in family size?
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got my stomach contents, hurtling before every meeting.
The water tower looks like it’s my stomach contents, hurtling from this angle.
It has been prophesized that the young king will eventually be killed by my stomach contents, hurtling.

User
Getting into position for sex
v

This year’s hottest new fashion is getting into position for sex on your head.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by getting into position for sex?
Getting into position for sex is the only way to say goodbye.
The honey story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the elites for getting into position for sex!
Getting into position for sex can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
The strongest Sumo training technique is getting into position for sex.

User
Large amounts of ham, directly
nc

Thanks for large amounts of ham, directly last night. *wink* *wink*
Large-Amounts-of-Ham-Directly-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires large amounts of ham, directly.
I’m gonna prove the link between a hot explosion and large amounts of ham, directly! You’ll all see!
More armies need to incorporate large amounts of ham, directly into their uniforms.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with large amounts of ham, directly.

User
My special place just for you
n

Amtrak officials confirm my special place just for you would have prevented train derailment.
Authorities were tallying damage from my special place just for you that struck southern California Friday evening.
Daddy! There’s my special place just for you under my bed. Kill it kill it!
At BASF, we don't *make* my special place just for you, we make my special place just for you *better*.
My new phone looks like it’s my special place just for you but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of my special place just for you.

User
Just make sure   is genital safe.

Just make sure slow diarrhea is genital safe.
Just make sure absolutely no black people is genital safe.
Just make sure a shrieking tarantula is genital safe.
Just make sure the pilot, who died instantly is genital safe.
Just make sure sizzling lard is genital safe.
Just make sure poorly orchestrated group sex is genital safe.

User
Kangaroos have a claw that can slice your abdomen so deep that  {n} will fall right out.

Kangaroos have a claw that can slice your abdomen so deep that $18 worth of Taco Bell™ will fall right out.
Kangaroos have a claw that can slice your abdomen so deep that backwash will fall right out.
Kangaroos have a claw that can slice your abdomen so deep that puberty cream will fall right out.
Kangaroos have a claw that can slice your abdomen so deep that a fatal bee sting on the anus will fall right out.
Kangaroos have a claw that can slice your abdomen so deep that alien technology will fall right out.
Kangaroos have a claw that can slice your abdomen so deep that insane shoes will fall right out.

User
Your boys
np

I will do anything for your boys. But I won’t do that!
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with your boys.
I’m getting your boys installed in my car, so I can use it while I drive.
I got into my car and sat on your boys. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused your boys in the streets.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and your boys can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.

User
My fingerling potatoes with parmesan
np

Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with my fingerling potatoes with parmesan.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with my fingerling potatoes with parmesan.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow My Fingerling Potatoes with Parmesan?
You can’t keep running around like my fingerling potatoes with parmesan, you’re going to put an eye out!
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl-on-my-fingerling-potatoes-with-parmesan, or even some kind of an-ancient-Indian-burial-ground scene.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember my fingerling potatoes with parmesan?”

User
Miraculously surviving the plague
v

Watch me getting fat. Now watch me miraculously surviving the plague.
Wolves don’t eat miraculously surviving the plague, and neither should kings.
The only thing standing in your way is miraculously surviving the plague.
Are you there God? It’s me, miraculously surviving the plague.
Apparently, “Miraculously Surviving the Plague” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of miraculously surviving the plague and the words “the part I pee out of”. I don’t get it!

User
Defecation-induced orgasms
np

For Christmas, everyone got defecation-induced orgasms in their stockings!
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience defecation-induced orgasms like I was really there.
They said defecation-induced orgasms was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of defecation-induced orgasms!
Opinions are like defecation-induced orgasms. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Where do defecation-induced orgasms come from? Some parents tell their children they are brought by a stork.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but defecation-induced orgasms.

User
A robotic attack spider
n

Always walk into an interview with a robotic attack spider and confidence, and you’ll get the job.
My new phone looks like it’s a robotic attack spider but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
But of the tree of a robotic attack spider you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I came with a robotic attack spider to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a squirt of mustard so nobody even noticed!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear. So bring a robotic attack spider.
In this 15th century painting, a robotic attack spider is represented by a man with cheese for a head.

User
A little fenced-off area
n

I came with an electric cord to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a little fenced-off area so nobody even noticed!
When this spring’s hottest new fashions is ready, a little fenced-off area will appear.
It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of a little fenced-off area off the grill.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a little fenced-off area on the freeway.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear. So bring a little fenced-off area.
Last Christmas, I gave you a little fenced-off area. The very next day, you gave it away.

User
THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK
nc

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK in the sea.
I love your necklace! It’s THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK, right?
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK. Half the country is being followed by bears.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK removed so he could pleasure himself.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK.
I will do anything for THE HIVE CLUSTER IS UNDER ATTACK. But I won’t do allowing babies to starve while you gorge!

User
Daddy's favorite
n

Interested in my services? Mail me at: daddys-favorite@bromance.biz
My kid was acting up, so I took away daddy's favorite privileges.
Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, daddy's favorite?
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate daddy's favorite to prepare for a mission to Mars.
Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were daddy's favorite?
The new Harley-Davidson has got daddy's favorite painted on both sides.

User
  can fit through tiny holes due to a lack of bone structure.

hot naughty bodies can fit through tiny holes due to a lack of bone structure.
a weak little person can fit through tiny holes due to a lack of bone structure.
a squirt of mustard can fit through tiny holes due to a lack of bone structure.
tikka masala can fit through tiny holes due to a lack of bone structure.
the white man’s burden can fit through tiny holes due to a lack of bone structure.
toxic virginity can fit through tiny holes due to a lack of bone structure.

User
The tightest one
n

My brother thought he was SO funny when he took the tightest one from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
Chase bank is giving out the tightest one this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in the tightest one, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
The tightest one is really getting all up in my business!
In this 15th century painting, the tightest one is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything: the tightest one.

User
Giving birth to  {n} was the most beautiful moment of my life.

Giving birth to a gasoline enema was the most beautiful moment of my life.
Giving birth to Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry was the most beautiful moment of my life.
Giving birth to my unwanted child was the most beautiful moment of my life.
Giving birth to the hands of the enemy was the most beautiful moment of my life.
Giving birth to nitro-boosted performance was the most beautiful moment of my life.
Giving birth to a kitten pawing at my wiener was the most beautiful moment of my life.

User
A robot that will eventually kill us all
n

The rich aroma of a robot that will eventually kill us all, from the hills of Colombia.
A robot that will eventually kill us all saved is a robot that will eventually kill us all earned.
Vote for me and I’ll get rid of a robot that will eventually kill us all, and give everyone 50 years for free.
“D” is for a robot that will eventually kill us all.
Last night was the tragic result of a robot that will eventually kill us all.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should get a robot that will eventually kill us all.

User
Police found   in the suspect's bulging abdomen.

Police found porkin’ in the suspect's bulging abdomen.
Police found a weak little person in the suspect's bulging abdomen.
Police found boiling water in the suspect's bulging abdomen.
Police found live wires hanging from the ceiling in the suspect's bulging abdomen.
Police found beating up Dracula in the suspect's bulging abdomen.
Police found doing it RIGHT this time! in the suspect's bulging abdomen.

User
Digging into the itchy lump on my back, the doctors found  .

Digging into the itchy lump on my back, the doctors found exhuming my wife.
Digging into the itchy lump on my back, the doctors found no more joy.
Digging into the itchy lump on my back, the doctors found the stillness of death.
Digging into the itchy lump on my back, the doctors found tipping over.
Digging into the itchy lump on my back, the doctors found a prime cut of steak.
Digging into the itchy lump on my back, the doctors found a trap that shoots a poison dart.

User
Teeth and a spinal cord
n

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had teeth and a spinal cord.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch teeth and a spinal cord at the girls camp.
My mom says you have to call it teeth and a spinal cord or you get in trouble!
Dad! I’m all done in the bathroom. I have teeth and a spinal cord left over if you’re still interested.
I’ve made a mistake and teeth and a spinal cord isn’t going to be the same. Sorry.
The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with teeth and a spinal cord.



Teeth and a spinal cord inside the lump
n

Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with teeth and a spinal cord inside the lump.
Welcome to factory. This machine over here makes teeth and a spinal cord inside the lump.
At Boeing R&D, we test barely any swag by subjecting it to teeth and a spinal cord inside the lump and extreme heat.
They don’t make teeth and a spinal cord inside the lump like they used to!
All the best love stories include teeth and a spinal cord inside the lump.
Last Christmas, I gave you teeth and a spinal cord inside the lump. The very next day, you gave it away.

User
The smooth touch of daddy
n

If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about the smooth touch of daddy.
The ‘racist bullshit moth’ has adapted to feed on garbage, and hide under the smooth touch of daddy in cities to spin its cocoon.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see the smooth touch of daddy, and I feel better.
Imagine the smooth touch of daddy, taxidermied, and over the fireplace. Beautiful.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have the smooth touch of daddy on the top.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me the smooth touch of daddy and it’s getting weird.

User
A belly full of eggs
n

You should come over. I’ve got lots of a belly full of eggs at my place.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a belly full of eggs, even before I put on my clothes.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a belly full of eggs?”
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a belly full of eggs.
Science never solves a problem without creating a belly full of eggs.
I thought I was alone with a belly full of eggs but my mom walked in. We got to thinking about dwarves and I felt better.

User
Boiling hot devil cum
nc

Boiling hot devil cum like this is enough to kill a horse!
In the bathroom at the mall I dropped boiling hot devil cum in the toilet.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with boiling hot devil cum.
John “my immortal soul” Smith. The genius who brought us boiling hot devil cum.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for boiling hot devil cum.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for boiling hot devil cum.

User
Takin' a peek at m'balls
v

In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, right while I’m takin' a peek at m'balls.
Ever since the incident with takin' a peek at m'balls I’ve been haunted.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide takin' a peek at m'balls directly.
Let’s wait for Mom to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get takin' a peek at m'balls.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not takin' a peek at m'balls like your brother?”
That’s not funny. My sweet father was killed by takin' a peek at m'balls.

User
My big boy underpants
n

I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of My Big Boy Underpants.
When the celestial spheres align, my big boy underpants will descend from the heavens.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride my big boy underpants.
While you’re at the store can you pick up my big boy underpants, in family size?
In future times, the children will work together to build my big boy underpants.
If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about my big boy underpants.

User
A closet full of sex-crazed housecats
n

Men, like a closet full of sex-crazed housecats, go farthest when they are adding alcohol.
I get chills when a closet full of sex-crazed housecats brushes against my leg.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s a closet full of sex-crazed housecats.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a closet full of sex-crazed housecats to the vastness of space.
I think a lot of people would pay to see a closet full of sex-crazed housecats.
At my full potential, I’m a closet full of sex-crazed housecats.

User
A feline anus
n

I buried my treasure under a feline anus so you’d never find it!
James Bond will return in “The Man With a feline anus”!
The dog is barking at a feline anus again.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A feline anus can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Always hold on to a feline anus to remember me.
Chase bank is giving out a feline anus this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

User
My daddy giving me what I deserve
v

When I saw a list of names I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, my daddy giving me what I deserve, I freaked!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for my daddy giving me what I deserve at the assembly line.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not my daddy giving me what I deserve like your brother?”
“D” is for my daddy giving me what I deserve.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is my daddy giving me what I deserve.
I chipped my tooth. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t my daddy giving me what I deserve.

User
Once they repealed the law, everybody started fuckin'  .

Once they repealed the law, everybody started fuckin' a big dang deal.
Once they repealed the law, everybody started fuckin' getting boinked.
Once they repealed the law, everybody started fuckin' distended tubes.
Once they repealed the law, everybody started fuckin' backing up on it.
Once they repealed the law, everybody started fuckin' so many freakin’ cats.
Once they repealed the law, everybody started fuckin' a friend.

User
Almost non-stop orgasms
np

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s almost non-stop orgasms.
The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on almost non-stop orgasms.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around almost non-stop orgasms on the freeway.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re almost non-stop orgasms!
At the Amazon Go store you can grab almost non-stop orgasms and walk right out the door without murdering someone through the internet.
Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for almost non-stop orgasms.

User
The pee of women
nc

The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into the pee of women.
I came with steers and queers to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought the pee of women so nobody even noticed!
James Bond will return in “The Man With the pee of women”!
Opioids help people with the pee of women, but then they can’t poop.
Today I bought Nicki Minaj’s hot pants from the back of a van. They also threw in the pee of women, which I didn’t even think was legal.
In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of the Pee of Women.

User
Watching  {n} use   is oddly satisfying.
Play 2

Watching micropenises use a coked up hooker is oddly satisfying.
Watching thrifty moms use seed is oddly satisfying.
Watching the majestic Humboldt squid use oiled thighs is oddly satisfying.
Watching the back seat use chugging NyQuil™ is oddly satisfying.
Watching a minivan with a dead body in it use complete removal of the head is oddly satisfying.
Watching a karate chop use catching one in the bum is oddly satisfying.

User
An insanely, ridiculously long foreskin
n

The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin.
You’re not a mom! You’re just an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin!
The problem with America is an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin.
But of the tree of an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Could you buy me an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin? I’ll pay you back.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin.

User
All the sperm cells
np

No one in Morocco can be all the sperm cells without registering with the government.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, all the sperm cells popped out!
I got into my car and sat on all the sperm cells. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with all the sperm cells! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Today you’re on the receiving end of all the sperm cells.
I prayed to God for all the sperm cells, and God delivered!

User
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys   anyway.

I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys the savory gels of her lust anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys prey anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys the hands of the enemy anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys competitive masturbation anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys witnesses anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys a tard anyway.

User
Everyone I hate
nc

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to everyone I hate.
The rich aroma of everyone I hate, from the hills of Colombia.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed everyone I hate.
The everyone I hate story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the elites for hatching out of an egg!
I didn’t think this house would sell with everyone I hate in the attic.
Opinions are like everyone I hate. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

User
A sad boy with two broken arms
n

I want to be buried with a sad boy with two broken arms.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a sad boy with two broken arms.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a sad boy with two broken arms in its food processing operations.
Wolves don’t eat a sad boy with two broken arms, and neither should kings.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with a sad boy with two broken arms.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put a sad boy with two broken arms in the slot, but I forget to take it out.

User
My magic cape
n

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still my magic cape!
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my magic cape and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I reached expectantly into another leopard, but found only my magic cape.
Throw my magic cape at your enemies to distract them.
When the beef came at me it was like my magic cape.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see my magic cape spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.

User
Real heroes don't wear  , they wear  .
Play 2

Real heroes don't wear some next-level shit, they wear getting groped by a senator.
Real heroes don't wear killing protesters, they wear a mortal wound.
Real heroes don't wear bedding, they wear strong thighs.
Real heroes don't wear a homeless man jerking it on the bus, they wear daddy in his underpants.
Real heroes don't wear my beautiful, transgender father, they wear flailing.
Real heroes don't wear a determined shark, they wear success.

User
Sex toys designed for adults
np

Music without the sounds of sex toys designed for adults is hardly music at all.
I heard you were talking about sex toys designed for adults so I had to come over!
My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel Sex-toys-designed-for-adults-iatto with whip and sprinkles.
Sex toys designed for adults has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Could you buy me sex toys designed for adults? I’ll pay you back.
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with sex toys designed for adults?

User
I was unable to move when I felt  {n} enter my anus.

I was unable to move when I felt a bloody thing that popped enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt a crusty dish rag enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt pregnancy enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt frozen people enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt a dusty butthole enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt a dead clown on the stairs enter my anus.

User
The cool fluid
n

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for the cool fluid.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw the cool fluid at a player from the stands.
You stole the cool fluid from a child?
Ever since the incident with the cool fluid I’ve been haunted.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Cool Fluid” after his dead horse.
No thanks. My doctor said the cool fluid makes defecation painful.

User
How come   stinks so bad this time?

How come no black child stinks so bad this time?
How come Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole stinks so bad this time?
How come rolling eyes stinks so bad this time?
How come a big bomb stinks so bad this time?
How come dat ass stinks so bad this time?
How come the reanimated corpse of my neighbor stinks so bad this time?

User
Everything except your dick
n

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out everything except your dick for free on every corner.
Amtrak officials confirm everything except your dick would have prevented train derailment.
Everything except your dick slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”
Sometimes I wish I could just lock everything except your dick and a frantic woman in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
Jesus is everything except your dick.
John “a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim” Smith. The genius who brought us everything except your dick.

User
An actual 1-up that really works
n

Experts said that based on preliminary data, an actual 1-up that really works appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “an actual 1-up that really works”.
The city council wants to cut down on an actual 1-up that really works after 8pm.
The city put in new road signs to indicate an actual 1-up that really works just up ahead.
I accidentally dropped an actual 1-up that really works in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s an actual 1-up that really works.

User
Generally a pretty nice guy
n

The referee just issued a red card to my sister for sliding into generally a pretty nice guy.
I was vacuuming when I sucked generally a pretty nice guy out from under the couch.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on generally a pretty nice guy.
Apparently, “Generally a Pretty Nice Guy” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Generally a pretty nice guy saved is generally a pretty nice guy earned.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Generally a pretty nice guy.

User
His sexy scars
np

Let Martha host your next party, providing his sexy scars like you’ve never experienced before.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find his sexy scars all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, his sexy scars, & toilet paper.
His-Sexy-Scars-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk his sexy scars.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into his sexy scars, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.

User
A sudden hysterectomy
n

Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires a sudden hysterectomy.
James Bond will return in “The Man With a sudden hysterectomy”!
More armies need to incorporate a sudden hysterectomy into their uniforms.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a sudden hysterectomy that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
A sudden hysterectomy has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Don’t leave the door open! A sudden hysterectomy will get in.

User
Getting revenge on my stepmom
v

Daddy, what’s getting revenge on my stepmom? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use salt to treat getting revenge on my stepmom!
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see getting revenge on my stepmom, and I feel better.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “getting revenge on my stepmom” incident in the science lab.
Life without love is like getting revenge on my stepmom without fruit.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: getting revenge on my stepmom!!!

User
Not being such a bitch
v

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into not being such a bitch.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “not being such a bitch.”
Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires not being such a bitch.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience not being such a bitch like I was really there.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried not being such a bitch.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of not being such a bitch.

User
A werewolf or the Hulk
n

My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel A-werewolf-or-the-Hulk-iatto with whip and sprinkles.
Then God said, “Let there be a werewolf or the Hulk”; and there was a werewolf or the Hulk. And God saw that a werewolf or the Hulk was good.
The authorities followed the trail of a werewolf or the Hulk, leading them straight to the suspect.
It's like they always say: a werewolf or the Hulk never changes.
Let’s wait for Mom to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get a werewolf or the Hulk.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a werewolf or the Hulk

User
Lasting psychological consequences
nc

When I was bodybuilding I foolishly tried to dead-lift lasting psychological consequences.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have lasting psychological consequences.
Lasting psychological consequences is always a contest when I’m involved.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with lasting psychological consequences.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for lasting psychological consequences.
On Ebay you can get lasting psychological consequences but it may be counterfeit.

User
My daddy stranglers
np

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted my daddy stranglers to the vastness of space.
I’m Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “My Daddy Stranglers,” the finest ship in the harbor!
You should come over. I’ve got lots of my daddy stranglers at my place.
Happiness: New rules from on high, my daddy stranglers, and rival anthills.
I looked up “the loudest possible noise” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving my daddy stranglers.
I bought my daddy stranglers yesterday and now I can’t stop screaming again!

User
The torture chamber
n

Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see the torture chamber, and I feel better.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: The torture chamber.
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused the torture chamber in the streets.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE TORTURE CHAMBER.”
All the best love stories include the torture chamber.
I prayed to God for the torture chamber, and God delivered!

User
Going out in a blaze of glory
v

Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “going out in a blaze of glory,” with a picture of a dolphin.
I’m going out in a blaze of glory today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with a strange candy that makes you gay.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see going out in a blaze of glory, and I feel better.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be going out in a blaze of glory.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of thick oatmeal. Half the country is going out in a blaze of glory.
My house. 8 o’clock. Going out in a blaze of glory.

User
The launch codes
n

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “the launch codes” incident in the science lab.
If you do the launch codes right, all that matters is you have a good time.
Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with the launch codes.
Are you there God? It’s me, the launch codes.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into the launch codes, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many electronics plugged into the launch codes.

User
A devastated urethra
n

How embarrassing! I forget I left a devastated urethra in the foyer.
The cineplex has been using a devastated urethra in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a devastated urethra on the freeway.
Pundits agree it will take a devastated urethra for the senator to win the election.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a devastated urethra and the words “adding alcohol”. I don’t get it!
After Lincoln was shot, a devastated urethra briefly became the next president.

User
A monster that eats your organs
n

Two best friends and an adorable alien take a road trip, and discover a monster that eats your organs along the way.
Jan Sobieski rode into battle atop a monster that eats your organs.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for a monster that eats your organs.
The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of a monster that eats your organs.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a monster that eats your organs on the freeway.
My mom picked me up a monster that eats your organs from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

User
Milk
?

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had milk removed so he could pleasure himself.
My kid was acting up, so I took away milk privileges.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with milk, a naturopathic remedy.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider milk.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have milk on the top.
Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by milk.

User
His child bride
n

His-Child-Bride-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
They said his child bride was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of his child bride!
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at his child bride and my card appeared on top!
After 6 years in development, I have created his child bride.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing his child bride is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of his child bride in its food processing operations.

User
My night-sheathe
n

The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a tiny bat crawling up your peehole and acquire my night-sheathe!
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “my night-sheathe.”
Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that several clones of hitler came shooting out of my night-sheathe.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in my night-sheathe. That’s supposed to help me with rude kids?!
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is my night-sheathe.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with my night-sheathe.



A fresh new layer of skin
n

Ok, I’ll admit a fresh new layer of skin might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in high-fiving an entire family including the dog.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a fresh new layer of skin all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about a fresh new layer of skin.
The Spice girls are getting back together with a new member: A Fresh New Layer of Skin Spice!
People in Taiwan are getting a fresh new layer of skin implanted in their bodies for smearing.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of a fresh new layer of skin.

User
Daddy
n

I refuse to roleplay as anything but daddy.
Let Martha host your next party, providing daddy like you’ve never experienced before.
United Airlines had a passenger beaten and dragged off a plane when he refused to give up daddy.
Today I bought a coked up hooker from the back of a van. They also threw in daddy, which I didn’t even think was legal.
My dream house has a dispensor for daddy built in.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around daddy on the freeway.

User
I have  {n}. For safe return, deposit  {n} in  {n} by midnight.
Play 3

I have slavery. For safe return, deposit a big donkey in the last condom by midnight.
I have reduced brain intelligence. For safe return, deposit crush beast in a boyfriend shaped bed by midnight.
I have insane shoes. For safe return, deposit hot biscuits & gravy in tikka masala by midnight.
I have a uniquely British problem. For safe return, deposit micropenises in just the tip by midnight.
I have three carrots. For safe return, deposit cough syrup in a can of Coke by midnight.
I have a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice. For safe return, deposit crotch rot in a wank by midnight.

User
An infinite feedback loop of turbo-violence
n

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began an infinite feedback loop of turbo-violence.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch an infinite feedback loop of turbo-violence at the girls camp.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was an infinite feedback loop of turbo-violence and tried to attack it.
Sky watchers are excited to gaze upon the Super Blood Moon, which is caused by an infinite feedback loop of turbo-violence.
An infinite feedback loop of turbo-violence gets me into some awkward situations. But I won’t stop.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride an infinite feedback loop of turbo-violence.

User
Stimulating lactation
v

The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized stimulating lactation.
The letters on a modern keyboard come from typewriters, which were arranged by stimulating lactation.
Stimulating lactation nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid a dusty butthole.
I always get caught stimulating lactation in the locker room. Sorry.
In this 15th century painting, stimulating lactation is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
Look, man, I’m not into stimulating lactation. But $20 is $20.

User
My personal lubrication
nc

The TSA has made new rules mandating my personal lubrication on every commercial flight.
In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy my personal lubrication from dispensaries.
My personal lubrication like this is enough to kill a horse!
Jesus is my personal lubrication.
This year’s hottest album is “My Personal Lubrication” by No More Joy.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be my personal lubrication.

User
Pulsating squid monsters
np

We put pulsating squid monsters in your tea!
I’m a dog head today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with pulsating squid monsters.
I accidentally dropped pulsating squid monsters in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
More armies need to incorporate pulsating squid monsters into their uniforms.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw pulsating squid monsters.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found pulsating squid monsters sticking to the wall.

User
A quality pair of ovaries
n

The fire department came around and complained that we had too many electronics plugged into a quality pair of ovaries.
My school is throwing a quality pair of ovaries party this weekend. I don’t really want to go...
But of the tree of a quality pair of ovaries you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... a quality pair of ovaries.
Pundits agree it will take a quality pair of ovaries for the senator to win the election.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a quality pair of ovaries in its food processing operations.

User
Murdering them quietly
v

The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of murdering them quietly.
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen murdering them quietly.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for murdering them quietly.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with murdering them quietly, a naturopathic remedy.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for murdering them quietly.
Vampires can only be killed by murdering them quietly.

User
In the odd new Mario game, Mario collects  {n} and saves Peach from   of all things.
Play 2

In the odd new Mario game, Mario collects a big donkey and saves Peach from self-inflicted wounds of all things.
In the odd new Mario game, Mario collects a raisin or maybe rabbit poop and saves Peach from struggling with a police officer of all things.
In the odd new Mario game, Mario collects a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls and saves Peach from gunfire of all things.
In the odd new Mario game, Mario collects a telescoping baton and saves Peach from total collapse of all things.
In the odd new Mario game, Mario collects one of the Baldwin brothers and saves Peach from undressing of all things.
In the odd new Mario game, Mario collects 19GB of horseporn and saves Peach from the chewy part of all things.

User
A noodly-armed manbaby with no skills
n

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a noodly-armed manbaby with no skills.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a noodly-armed manbaby with no skills in every room.
I like a noodly-armed manbaby with no skills like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer!
After 6 years in development, I have created a noodly-armed manbaby with no skills.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always a noodly-armed manbaby with no skills just around the corner.
While you’re at the store can you pick up a noodly-armed manbaby with no skills, in family size?

User
Oh, you're wondering about  ? Yeah, I farted way too hard.

Oh, you're wondering about pregnancy? Yeah, I farted way too hard.
Oh, you're wondering about Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster)? Yeah, I farted way too hard.
Oh, you're wondering about a hidden pancake? Yeah, I farted way too hard.
Oh, you're wondering about self-cutting? Yeah, I farted way too hard.
Oh, you're wondering about a glob of peanut butter? Yeah, I farted way too hard.
Oh, you're wondering about a vibrator with a voice? Yeah, I farted way too hard.

User
My broken legs
np

Ah, my broken legs for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Alexander also named a city in India “My Broken Legs” after his dead horse.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me my broken legs and it’s getting weird.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be my broken legs if I wanted a new family.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out my broken legs for free on every corner.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on my broken legs.

User
Where the finger is sticking out
n

I got into my car and sat on where the finger is sticking out. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to where the finger is sticking out, even before I put on my clothes.
My dream house has a dispensor for where the finger is sticking out built in.
Can’t go out because of where the finger is sticking out on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-power-of-attorney-cor is right for you.
Where the finger is sticking out saved is where the finger is sticking out earned.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still where the finger is sticking out!

User
Hitler specifically
n

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for Hitler specifically.
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold. The hole makes them look like they’re Hitler specifically.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a blood transfusion and acquire Hitler specifically!
The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on Hitler specifically.
That kind of attitude is why we have Hitler specifically now.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as Hitler specifically surfaced from below.

User
I'm cursed. My first husband left me for  {n}, and my second husband left me for  {n}.
Play 2

I'm cursed. My first husband left me for the instructions, and my second husband left me for a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice.
I'm cursed. My first husband left me for a glob of peanut butter, and my second husband left me for a mutilated torso.
I'm cursed. My first husband left me for rumpy pumpy, and my second husband left me for endangered animals.
I'm cursed. My first husband left me for just a coincidence, and my second husband left me for enough lube.
I'm cursed. My first husband left me for a “Hey!”, and my second husband left me for gas.
I'm cursed. My first husband left me for something even wetter, and my second husband left me for a greased slope.

User
You, ya little shit
n

The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate you, ya little shit.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in you, ya little shit.
I make treats for my cat by sad people doing sad things for their sad lives with you, ya little shit. Oreo loves it!
I just dug up you, ya little shit in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!
For my last meal I want you, ya little shit.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had you, ya little shit removed so she can live a normal life.

User
My runecrafted battlesword
n

Are you there God? It’s me, my runecrafted battlesword.
I buried my treasure under my runecrafted battlesword so you’d never find it!
My publisher demanded I remove my runecrafted battlesword from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s my runecrafted battlesword and I think I believe her!
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for my runecrafted battlesword
No thanks. My doctor said my runecrafted battlesword makes defecation painful.

User
Far too many lesbians
np

I accidentally dropped far too many lesbians in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
Every French soldier carries far too many lesbians in his knapsack.
In the third world, luxuries like far too many lesbians are an alien concept.
When the stadium was demolished it revealed far too many lesbians, bringing onlookers from far and wide.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into far too many lesbians, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.
What the accounting department lacks in attractiveness, we make up for in far too many lesbians.



Nowhere near enough lesbians
np

My spirit animal: nowhere near enough lesbians.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does nowhere near enough lesbians come in?
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get nowhere near enough lesbians removed from us both.
In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Nowhere Near Enough Lesbians.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, nowhere near enough lesbians... Sweet! Sunny-D!
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted nowhere near enough lesbians to the vastness of space.

User
The majority of birds
n

Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl-on-the-majority-of-birds, or even some kind of my-secret-place scene.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to the majority of birds, even before I put on my clothes.
After a long day I crawled into bed, only to find the majority of birds.
I’m the majority of birds today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with no black child.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the majority of birds.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for the majority of birds.

User
Peeing out their weiner
v

This land is peeing out their weiner land, this land is unrestrained passion land.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find peeing out their weiner so relaxing.
It started out as drinks with friends and ended with peeing out their weiner.
Doctor! My child has peeing out their weiner coursing through his veins!
Let’s wait for Mom to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get peeing out their weiner.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, peeing out their weiner appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
Duck cheese
n

Go, go, Gadget Duck Cheese!
You can’t keep running around like duck cheese, you’re going to put an eye out!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “duck cheese”.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but duck cheese.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as duck cheese.
These penguins lay eggs which must stay under duck cheese to keep warm.

User
A 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11
n

I came with your comfort zone to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 so nobody even noticed!
A 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
If you do a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 right, all that matters is you have a good time.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11.
The hardware store didn’t have a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 left, so I got duct tape and plastic.
The weirdest thing about a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 is that sometimes even girls have a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11.

User
Unexpectedly cumming
vt

That kind of attitude is why we have unexpectedly cumming now.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in unexpectedly cumming!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with unexpectedly cumming.
It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of unexpectedly cumming on the Titanic.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with unexpectedly cumming.
In the iconic opening to Back to the Future, Marty McFly was unexpectedly cumming after hooking up his electric guitar and strumming.

User
Unexpected cum
nc

In public restrooms I always put unexpected cum on the toilet before sitting down.
The city condemned our house after finding unexpected cum in the crawlspace.
This party was a real snooze, until unexpected cum got things jumpin’.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “unexpected cum.”
James Bond will return in “The Man With unexpected cum”!
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s unexpected cum.

User
The folds of my vagina
np

I looked up “the folds of my vagina” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving a certain je ne sais quoi.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: The folds of my vagina and apple slices.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under the folds of my vagina.
I’ve got a master’s degree in the Folds of My Vagina!
Oh great, I turned on the oven again with the folds of my vagina still inside.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does the folds of my vagina come in?

User
Sex with your girlfriend
nc

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out sex with your girlfriend for free on every corner.
My new phone looks like it’s sex with your girlfriend but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I think that ecstasy was cut with sex with your girlfriend. Now I'm freaking out.
The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into sex with your girlfriend.
For my last meal I want sex with your girlfriend.
At the new Asian-inspired spot downtown, the chef will prepare sex with your girlfriend right at your table.

User
Getting in trouble in Target
v

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for getting in trouble in Target at the assembly line.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how getting in trouble in Target happens.
But of the tree of getting in trouble in Target you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Lucy Liu has studied ancient rituals of getting in trouble in Target.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting in trouble in Target,” over and over again while in use.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with getting in trouble in Target.

User
A chicken that don't act right
n

My publisher demanded I remove a chicken that don't act right from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A chicken that don't act right.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a chicken that don't act right that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a chicken that don't act right.
I just dug up a chicken that don't act right in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!
When the celestial spheres align, a chicken that don't act right will descend from the heavens.

User
Snaking around
v

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “snaking around.”
Happiness: My butt surgery, a gay vagina, and snaking around.
What the accounting department lacks in attractiveness, we make up for in snaking around.
My spirit animal: snaking around.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of snaking around came on the screen.
There’s always time for snaking around before breakfast.

User
Several approximations of a penis
np

I clean several approximations of a penis by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up shivering and moaning.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in several approximations of a penis in the middle of each intersection.
The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of several approximations of a penis.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate several approximations of a penis.
People around the world recognize several approximations of a penis as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in several approximations of a penis.

User
A halloween-themed marshmallow
n

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle a halloween-themed marshmallow.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a halloween-themed marshmallow and is carrying hot grills.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a halloween-themed marshmallow
A halloween-themed marshmallow is always a contest when I’m involved.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a halloween-themed marshmallow knowing hell!
I wasn’t always black... there was a halloween-themed marshmallow, and it got bigger and bigger.

User
Significantly more fluid than expected
nc

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “significantly more fluid than expected.”
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and significantly more fluid than expected came rolling after him, but he escaped by wearing a noose to be edgy!
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with significantly more fluid than expected.
Jeez! Who slipped significantly more fluid than expected in your Cheerios™ this morning?
That kind of attitude is why we have significantly more fluid than expected now.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as significantly more fluid than expected surfaced from below.

User
Less centipedes and more penis
np

Less centipedes and more penis has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as less centipedes and more penis equipped with careful penetration.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into less centipedes and more penis! She’s 62!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with just a coincidence. So bring less centipedes and more penis.
The shockwave from a Secret Service agent at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused less centipedes and more penis in the streets.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of less centipedes and more penis.

User
Just you, surprisingly
n

Pool rules: No running. No enough mules. Keep just you, surprisingly out of the deep end.
There is no revenge so complete as just you, surprisingly.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of just you, surprisingly in the soil.
Just you, surprisingly is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just taking it easy. Sorry.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add just you, surprisingly to the pan, while stirring constantly.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found just you, surprisingly sticking to the wall.

User
An awful handy
n

The TSA has made new rules mandating an awful handy on every commercial flight.
It’s not delivery. It’s an awful handy.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me an awful handy and it’s getting weird.
Today I bought an awful handy from the back of a van. They also threw in an empty Tic Tac® box, which I didn’t even think was legal.
At BASF, we don't *make* an awful handy, we make an awful handy *better*.
The authorities followed the trail of an awful handy, leading them straight to the suspect.

User
My spaghett
nc

The best comfort food will always be greens, my spaghett, and fried chicken.
For Halloween we’re peeling my spaghett so it feels like eyeballs, and we made jerking it so it feels like brains.
I clean my spaghett by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up killing the Batman.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found my spaghett inside. I should take it to Pakistani cosmonauts!
There’s always time for my spaghett before breakfast.
My wife is WAY better at my spaghett than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years

User
While  {n} is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.

While a gasping woman is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While Velcro shoes is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While words is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While the rope my pappy hanged his self with is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While a small chubby is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While hate-fucking is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.

User
An extremely ugly person named Buttfeast
n

I came with an extremely ugly person named Buttfeast to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought his holiness the pope so nobody even noticed!
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience an extremely ugly person named Buttfeast like I was really there.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had an extremely ugly person named Buttfeast removed so she can live a normal life.
An extremely ugly person named Buttfeast like this is enough to kill a horse!
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate an extremely ugly person named Buttfeast.
I’m sure I blew an extremely ugly person named Buttfeast in this napkin somewhere.

User
A satisfying public execution
n

Ha! You activated my trap card, “Going as Deep as Possible!” You’re cursed with a satisfying public execution until the end of the game!
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a satisfying public execution and a gold ingot come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a satisfying public execution getting it on!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Satisfying Public Execution” and it helps me with working me up into a frenzy.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a satisfying public execution, sloth, wrath, being followed by bears, and pride.
Life without love is like a satisfying public execution without ear worms or fruit.

User
Getting complete control over Donald Duck
v

We couldn’t land because of a dust cloud caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like getting complete control over Donald Duck.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for getting complete control over Donald Duck.
My school is throwing a glass pane party this weekend. Come for a Vietnamese landmine. Stay for getting complete control over Donald Duck!
The Green Party’s new campaign slogan: Getting Complete Control over Donald Duck.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s getting complete control over Donald Duck.
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting complete control over Donald Duck.

User
Your precious family
n

We’re having a garage sale to get rid of empty space, your precious family, and a sexy, but stylish full turn.
I got a 57-foot-diameter tunnel boring machine as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with your precious family?
We’re having your precious family situation. Watch out for more legs and please stand by...
Stick out your tongue and say, “I was born on your precious family.”
The Great Wall was actually built to keep your precious family out of mainland China.
The only thing standing in your way is your precious family.

User
A group of kids capable of repopulating
n

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a pulpy mass when I bought a group of kids capable of repopulating.
I think a lot of people would pay to see a group of kids capable of repopulating.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise furiously caressing each other by rewarding them with a group of kids capable of repopulating.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took a group of kids capable of repopulating to the funeral.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a group of kids capable of repopulating for free on every corner.
At the skating rink there was a group of kids capable of repopulating and everyone fell down at once.

User
50-60 lbs. of beef or a 5-6 year old kid
n

50-60 lbs. of beef or a 5-6 year old kid in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of 50-60 lbs. of beef or a 5-6 year old kid.
Don’t shake 50-60 lbs. of beef or a 5-6 year old kid so hard, it’ll start my taxidermied daughter.
Senator, give me 50-60 lbs. of beef or a 5-6 year old kid and you’ll get my vote.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of 50-60 lbs. of beef or a 5-6 year old kid at my place.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab 50-60 lbs. of beef or a 5-6 year old kid and walk right out the door without accepting any crap without opposing thoughts.

User
I officially notify that you are   and that you must gluttonously consume  {n}
Play 2

I officially notify that you are furiously caressing each other and that you must gluttonously consume a leak
I officially notify that you are the death simulator and that you must gluttonously consume a bloody thing that popped
I officially notify that you are a prybar and that you must gluttonously consume Nicki Minaj’s hot pants
I officially notify that you are drinking toilet water and that you must gluttonously consume a good girl
I officially notify that you are $18 worth of Taco Bell™ and that you must gluttonously consume an Amazon woman
I officially notify that you are being bred in captivity and that you must gluttonously consume very depraved porn

User
Rock hard swaths of man penis
np

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had rock hard swaths of man penis removed so he could be an elevator.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was rock hard swaths of man penis.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually rock hard swaths of man penis.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a perfect vacuum and rock hard swaths of man penis. Should I talk to him?
Her inheritance was squandered upon rock hard swaths of man penis while Cinderella was abused and forced to become love in her own home.
Don’t look at me while I’m rock hard swaths of man penis! It messes me up!

User
Wearing a placenta
v

The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of wearing a placenta.
When I was a kid, to avoid nightmares, I stayed awake by wearing a placenta.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide wearing a placenta directly.
It's like they always say: wearing a placenta never changes.
The new artsy indie game “Wearing a Placenta” is a deeply emotional exploration of falling in love with a white girl.
In the first Battle of Wearing a Placenta he faced my momma’s fatness, and with one great blow he split them in half.

User
Older men with an enlarged prostate
np

Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk older men with an enlarged prostate.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: older men with an enlarged prostate being an overweight bitch!
I’m getting older men with an enlarged prostate installed in my car, so I can be a thought while I drive.
Slender and muscled, like mammaries. She was the spitting image of older men with an enlarged prostate.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around older men with an enlarged prostate on the freeway.
At Boeing R&D, we test older men with an enlarged prostate by subjecting it to sex and extreme heat.

User
Your still-living flesh
n

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for your still-living flesh
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “More Dishonesty” and it helps me with your still-living flesh.
When I was a kid I used to take your still-living flesh into the bathroom with me.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at your still-living flesh and my card appeared in bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found your still-living flesh sticking to the wall.
Although moving away from a deathbed proved effective for schools, the switch to your still-living flesh initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.

User
Long strips of human meat
np

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, unrestrained passion, sloth, wrath, long strips of human meat, and pride.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Long Strips of Human Meat Co., tapping into the growing market for boiling water.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into long strips of human meat, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Winona Ryder’s leather jacket.
Back in my day, we only had a child with emotional issues for long strips of human meat and we LIKED IT.
I was surprised to find bones in long strips of human meat. Is that normal?
There’s always time for long strips of human meat before breakfast.

User
Kielbasa I had yesterday
nc

Interested in my services? Mail me at: space-nazis@kielbasa-i-had-yesterday.biz
On Ebay you can get kielbasa I had yesterday but it may be counterfeit.
Imagine kielbasa I had yesterday, taxidermied, and over the fireplace. Beautiful.
Meet me by that sculpture downtown. You know, it’s a protective membrane balanced on kielbasa I had yesterday.
If I had kielbasa I had yesterday, you’d be a yappy little dog!
Jeez! Who slipped kielbasa I had yesterday in your Cheerios™ this morning?

User
Whatever they want
nc

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add whatever they want to the pan, while stirring constantly.
A salesman came to the door selling grandma’s soggy diaper. I didn’t open. He slid whatever they want under the door.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all whatever they want when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to whatever they want.
Thanks for whatever they want last night. *wink* *wink*
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a foul odor spice, whatever they want spice, and a pubic tuft spice!



Whatever I want
nc

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see whatever I want!
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... whatever I want.
Although moving away from our own biological child proved effective for schools, the switch to whatever I want initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Another man, whatever I want and just not much food.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of white boys and a Fedex full of whatever I want.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock whatever I want and a dollar in a room and let ‘em fight it out.

User
Getting trapped in an elevator
v

I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about getting trapped in an elevator tomorrow.
Amtrak officials confirm getting trapped in an elevator would have prevented train derailment.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of getting trapped in an elevator came on the screen.
See now black people walk like wetness. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting trapped in an elevator!
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were getting trapped in an elevator.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “getting trapped in an elevator”.

User
A big, strong man
n

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a big, strong man destroyed and complete removal of the head killed as well.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock the pelvis and a big, strong man in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
All the best love stories include a big, strong man.
In public restrooms I always put a big, strong man on the toilet before sitting down.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a big, strong man.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a big, strong man?

User
The flirting couch
n

I beat the flirting couch all the time!
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find the flirting couch in the back seat.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being the flirting couch.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with the flirting couch! It’s all here in my manifesto!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of the Flirting Couch”! I shook his hand and it felt like the flirting couch.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of the flirting couch.

User
The mouth of someone you love
n

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, the mouth of someone you love, sloth, wrath, exhuming, and pride.
I was vacuuming when I sucked oiled thighs out from under the couch. I kept pulling until the mouth of someone you love came out too!
Can I get some floss? There’s the mouth of someone you love between my teeth.
I saw success down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be the mouth of someone you love with us.”
I’m shoving the mouth of someone you love in the ground, in hopes that a happy ending at a low price comes and harvests it.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be the mouth of someone you love.

User
A completely real person who wasn't me
n

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a completely real person who wasn't me.
I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a completely real person who wasn't me.
Apparently, “a Completely Real Person Who Wasn't Me” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a completely real person who wasn't me.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start holding hands before a completely real person who wasn't me.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a completely real person who wasn't me.

User
A lot of very solid pieces
np

Help! I’m a lot of very solid pieces and I need YOU to do something about it!
Always hold on to a lot of very solid pieces to remember me.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a lot of very solid pieces?”
Opinions are like a lot of very solid pieces. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Work accusations up until frothing before spreading across a lot of very solid pieces, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
A lot of very solid pieces? That’s my fetish!

User
Two of those three people
np

12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing two of those three people at cars and passers-by.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by two of those three people.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Gettin’ all up close; two of those three people; bloodlust.
Pundits agree it will take two of those three people for the senator to win the election.
The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of two of those three people.
Sir! We are out of two of those three people, but we found Krampus, the child punisher while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?

User
This precious booze
n

The ‘all the air in the room moth’ has adapted to feed on this precious booze, and hide under a real jerk-off in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
People in Taiwan are getting this precious booze implanted in their bodies for having no gag reflex.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s the tickle zone in love with this precious booze very much they do a... special hug.”
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the most humane action by rewarding them with this precious booze.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and this precious booze in the Philippines.
Being picked is how this precious booze always dies.

User
All the nightmarish characteristics of a real horse
nc

On the assembly line we heat all the nightmarish characteristics of a real horse to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers.
During the war, German scientists experimented with door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes to weaponize all the nightmarish characteristics of a real horse.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti All-the-nightmarish-characteristics-of-a-real-horse-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a soul-stealing telephone.
Daddy, what’s all the nightmarish characteristics of a real horse? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
All-the-Nightmarish-Characteristics-of-a-Real-Horse-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Amtrak officials confirm all the nightmarish characteristics of a real horse would have prevented train derailment.

User
Hundreds of meters of war veteran dick
nc

The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of hundreds of meters of war veteran dick.
Man invented the back seat, so woman invented hundreds of meters of war veteran dick.
Hundreds of meters of war veteran dick travelled over 20 feet after closing her legs.
I noticed symptoms of wriggling and thrashing, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s hundreds of meters of war veteran dick!” but I’m not sure.
My spirit animal: hundreds of meters of war veteran dick.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Hundreds of Meters of War Veteran Dick.

User
What we've all been planning
n

The sign at the fountain says not to throw what we've all been planning in.
After Lincoln was shot, what we've all been planning briefly became the next president.
Emergency Bacon is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by what we've all been planning.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of what we've all been planning on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by what we've all been planning.
This workplace has gone (0) days without what we've all been planning.

User
A downloadable activity kit
n

After a truck ran over a downloadable activity kit there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from wrestling alligators.
Class, turn to page 105 and read “A Downloadable Activity Kit and You”.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a downloadable activity kit.
I will do anything for a downloadable activity kit. But I won’t do that!
In this game you get to collect fluids from my face and craft a downloadable activity kit.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing a downloadable activity kit, since we’re so good at it.

User
I have an idea!  , but for kids! And they all get  !
Play 2

I have an idea! nasty boys, but for kids! And they all get sex friends!
I have an idea! squirting acid, but for kids! And they all get most of my blood!
I have an idea! pictures of my body, but for kids! And they all get the front half!
I have an idea! eight sexual partners, but for kids! And they all get a cat in a cardboard box!
I have an idea! sacrificing the homeless, but for kids! And they all get giant meaty hands!
I have an idea! a big, red X, but for kids! And they all get the president’s daughter!

User
A Nazi fortress in the Alps
n

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re a Nazi fortress in the Alps, get to the front of the line.
But I promised I would get my kids a Nazi fortress in the Alps for Christmas!
After a truck ran over a Nazi fortress in the Alps there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from ice cold seawater.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a Nazi fortress in the Alps. I still got an 85!
Introducing, The A Nazi Fortress in the Alps diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
All the best love stories include a Nazi fortress in the Alps.

User
The one day he lets me have sex
n

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with the one day he lets me have sex, a naturopathic remedy.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is the one day he lets me have sex.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for the one day he lets me have sex.
I saw a crazed Eskimo down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be the one day he lets me have sex with us.”
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with the one day he lets me have sex slowly overtaking the buildings.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for the one day he lets me have sex.

User
Your choice of orifice
n

Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Frantic Woman!” You’re cursed with your choice of orifice until the end of the game!
My mom picked me up your choice of orifice from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
The media’s nonstop coverage of your husband is just to distract us from your choice of orifice.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that your choice of orifice is fellating everything in the room.
A salesman came to the door selling a phone ringing off the hook. I didn’t open. He slid your choice of orifice under the door.
When you two are done getting boinked, can we please get your choice of orifice and get out of here?!

User
A dracula and a draculina
n

A dracula and a draculina is the only way to say goodbye.
The rich aroma of a dracula and a draculina, from the hills of Colombia.
I was surprised to find bones in a dracula and a draculina. Is that normal?
The problem with America is a dracula and a draculina.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “a dracula and a draculina,” with a picture of a big fat blunt, duuude!.
Although moving away from a dracula and a draculina proved effective for schools, the switch to victory or death initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.

User
Prepare  {n}, the greatness of  {n} will come in seven days!
Play 2

Prepare your panties, the greatness of a big fat blunt, duuude! will come in seven days!
Prepare a quiet plop, the greatness of ass will come in seven days!
Prepare a friend, the greatness of automated mechanized death will come in seven days!
Prepare my bacon strip, the greatness of love handles will come in seven days!
Prepare Dad’s ass, the greatness of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest will come in seven days!
Prepare a censor bar, the greatness of wetness will come in seven days!

User
Once  {s} is soft and pliable, add   until satisfied.
Play 2

Once a cage built for an autistic student is soft and pliable, add industrial adhesive until satisfied.
Once the women is soft and pliable, add giving birth to a prosthetic baby until satisfied.
Once a thick, luscious banana slug is soft and pliable, add spinning blades until satisfied.
Once a scissor session is soft and pliable, add a little sumthin sumthin until satisfied.
Once a backdoor woman is soft and pliable, add laser sounds until satisfied.
Once the caboose of a mantrain is soft and pliable, add complete ecstasy until satisfied.

User
My custom ramekins
np

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with my custom ramekins went off early, ejecting a big donkey into the air!
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in my custom ramekins in the middle of each intersection.
When my custom ramekins is ready, a deluge of vomit will appear.
Ah, my custom ramekins for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Daddy, what’s my custom ramekins? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of my custom ramekins on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.

User
Feeding your daughter
v

Thanks for feeding your daughter last night. *wink* *wink*
Feeding your daughter has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Every pterodactyl is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just feeding your daughter. Sorry.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of feeding your daughter in its food processing operations.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find feeding your daughter so relaxing.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about feeding your daughter, but with porkin’!

User
Kung-fu teenagers
np

I Googled for kung-fu teenagers and found a picture of myself.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of kung-fu teenagers came on the screen.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “kung-fu teenagers”.
If my neighbor doesn’t get kung-fu teenagers off my property, I’m calling the cops!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of kung-fu teenagers.
This year’s hottest album is “Kung-fu Teenagers” by Sacrificing the Homeless.

User
Your choice of gel or cream
nc

I could tell your choice of gel or cream had ended up behind me when I felt burned clothing as I backed up.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to your choice of gel or cream.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “your choice of gel or cream
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Your Choice of Gel or Cream!
We are going to taxidermy your choice of gel or cream to make a statue out of it!
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got your choice of gel or cream before every meeting.

User
Elongated spider hands
np

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Elongated spider hands can increase your breast size in three weeks!
The media’s nonstop coverage of the instructions is just to distract us from elongated spider hands.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of hindquarters, ginger beer, and a squeeze of elongated spider hands. Serve in a pregnant teen.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually elongated spider hands.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing elongated spider hands is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
The patient kept screaming about “elongated spider hands”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and acute watery diarrhea emerged!

User
Horrific groin cysts
np

10% of all proceeds from sales of horrific groin cysts will go to The Nothing at All Foundation.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got just a coincidence painted on both sides, which some say encourages horrific groin cysts.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into horrific groin cysts! She’s 62!
Music without the sounds of horrific groin cysts is hardly music at all.
I love your necklace! It’s horrific groin cysts, right?
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of horrific groin cysts.

User
My discharge
nc

Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug my discharge the fastest.
Can’t go out because of my discharge on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-dope-cor is right for you.
My school is throwing my father’s example party this weekend. Come for many people. Stay for my discharge!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be my discharge.
This year’s hottest new fashion is my discharge on your head.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, my discharge, sloth, wrath, the women, and pride.

User
Surfacing above the soil in mid-june
v

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, surfacing above the soil in mid-june, sloth, wrath, mighty Zeus, and pride.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m surfacing above the soil in mid-june.
Furious that I was surfacing above the soil in mid-june into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into heavy hearts.
Childbirth nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid surfacing above the soil in mid-june.
Senator, give me surfacing above the soil in mid-june and you’ll get my vote.
Pool rules: No running. No surfacing above the soil in mid-june. Keep a bag of duck vaginas out of the deep end.

User
Pearly penile papules
np

I need a hotel room with pearly penile papules, and I need terminal illness brought to me every four hours.
Go, go, Gadget Pearly Penile Papules!
My wife is WAY better at pearly penile papules than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Butt Licks is pearly penile papules.
Making the best cookies requires re-entering the ocean and pearly penile papules.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, pearly penile papules came out onto the bed.

User
Entering the stomach
v

I looked up “entering the stomach” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving an exit wound.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m entering the stomach.
Don’t be entering the stomach alone! Join the Entering the Stomach Club and do it with others.
The TSA has made new rules mandating entering the stomach on every commercial flight.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by entering the stomach.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found entering the stomach sticking to the wall.

User
The meat underneath
n

Then God said, “Let there be the meat underneath”; and there was the meat underneath. And God saw that the meat underneath was good.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A collar that blows up your head if you try to leave and the meat underneath.
My kids keep installing the meat underneath on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle the meat underneath.
At the coffee shop they put “the meat underneath” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
During the war, German scientists experimented with the meat underneath to weaponize the Mormon church.



Revealing the meat underneath
v

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and revealing the meat underneath.
In this 15th century painting, revealing the meat underneath is represented by a man with a boy with a penis for a head.
“D” is for revealing the meat underneath.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk revealing the meat underneath.
My out of control libido! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all revealing the meat underneath.
The thief was caught stealing empty space from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of revealing the meat underneath.

User
Having full on sex with me
v

If mom hears us talking about having full on sex with me we’ll be SO grounded!
In this 15th century painting, having full on sex with me is represented by a man with two country bumpkins for a head.
On the assembly line we heat a purring kitten to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is having full on sex with me.
The shockwave from having full on sex with me at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused making it weird in the streets.
I heard you were talking about having full on sex with me so I had to come over!
They cut open the crocodile to find a man in a meat suit, still having full on sex with me like always.

User
Spitroasting the doberman
v

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about spitroasting the doberman.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about spitroasting the doberman.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is spitroasting the doberman.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with spitroasting the doberman.
No more spitroasting the doberman at Starbucks.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been spitroasting the doberman. The snail may have escaped not a single lion by going underground.

User
My special pooping room
n

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for my special pooping room.
The dog ate my special pooping room so we’re waiting for a dog head.
Slender and muscled, like my special pooping room. She was the spitting image of S&M gear.
Then God said, “Let there be my special pooping room”; and there was my special pooping room. And God saw that my special pooping room was good.
Happiness: A three room Japanese apartment, the Hell pits, and my special pooping room.
I buried my treasure under my special pooping room so you’d never find it!

User
Some insect traits
np

Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of some insect traits being too busy.
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... some insect traits.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded crack and now I’m having trouble with some insect traits.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of some insect traits in the sky.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that some insect traits is writing emo poetry.
You spent all your food-stamps on some insect traits?!

User
A clean penis
n

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a clean penis spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a clean penis, and I feel better.
One thousand scorpions is a temporary setback on the road to a clean penis!
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a human flavor and then a clean penis flavor.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a clean penis. Always.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for a clean penis.

User
Two adult men living together
n

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Two-adult-men-living-together-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving grandma’s soggy diaper.
Aron Ralston was trapped under that dirty little louse for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off two adult men living together!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by two adult men living together around the building.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: two adult men living together.
Two adult men living together is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling two adult men living together. The driver was getting snapped in half.

User
A moist fetus
n

My kids keep installing a moist fetus on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into spinning blades, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a moist fetus.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a roll of toilet paper, toilet paper, shelter, and a moist fetus.
Don’t leave the door open! A moist fetus will get in.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Allowing-babies-to-starve-while-you-gorge-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a moist fetus.
In a world with a tiny bat crawling up your peehole getting stepped on by a dominatrix, one man must overcome a moist fetus. Coming this summer.

User
A generic companion mammal
n

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A generic companion mammal.
I want to be buried with a generic companion mammal.
I reached expectantly into daddy in his underpants, but found only a generic companion mammal.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a generic companion mammal, and I feel better.
At Boeing R&D, we test a sloppy blowjob by subjecting it to a generic companion mammal and extreme heat.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from costing a lot of money with a generic companion mammal.

User
Her boy chowder
nc

My girlfriend kicked her boy chowder, and now she’s poopy toilet paper. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Ever since the incident with a hot explosion I’ve been haunted by her boy chowder.
Guys. Guys! Llama spit is getting a little close to her boy chowder!
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about her boy chowder.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. The Gravy Dimension is her boy chowder.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Her Boy Chowder.

User
A matryoshka doll full of cat poop
n

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “a matryoshka doll full of cat poop,” over and over again while in use.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a matryoshka doll full of cat poop.
Help! I’m a matryoshka doll full of cat poop and I need YOU to do something about it!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a matryoshka doll full of cat poop.”
A matryoshka doll full of cat poop in the hand is worth two in the bush.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a matryoshka doll full of cat poop from dispensaries.

User
Milky chowder
nc

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood milky chowder.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re milky chowder!
Always walk into an interview with milky chowder and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate glittery eyelashes.
Honey, you can’t keep putting milky chowder down the garbage disposal!
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a big, heavy shotgun, ginger beer, and a squeeze of milky chowder. Serve in just the tip.
Can I get some floss? There’s milky chowder between my teeth.

User
A well-executed spin jump
n

I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of a Well-executed Spin Jump.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Pakistani cosmonauts and a well-executed spin jump.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a well-executed spin jump that overturned their car.
Growing up we never had giggle shits, but we had to deal with a well-executed spin jump.
I chipped my tooth on a crudely-drawn dick. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t a well-executed spin jump.
A well-executed spin jump gets me into some awkward situations. But a good girl has always got my back.

User
The diet of  {npc} consists primarily of fish, but also includes  {npc}.
Play 2

The diet of the reanimated corpse of my neighbor consists primarily of fish, but also includes sweat and dead skin.
The diet of the power of love consists primarily of fish, but also includes failure.
The diet of peeeeeeeEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEnnnnnnnNN​NNNNNisssss​sssssssssss​ssssss consists primarily of fish, but also includes nipple placement.
The diet of a weak spot consists primarily of fish, but also includes one mile of train rail.
The diet of apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down consists primarily of fish, but also includes a 57-foot-diameter tunnel boring machine.
The diet of Christopher Lloyd holding a dog consists primarily of fish, but also includes a humiliated animal.

User
Leopards dying at unprecedented rates
np

On Ebay you can get leopards dying at unprecedented rates but it may be counterfeit.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like leopards dying at unprecedented rates and can be used for vomiting gore all over your face.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Leopards dying at unprecedented rates and evil thinking.
My dream house has leopards dying at unprecedented rates built in, an extra garage for Disneyland!, and a really long nose hair for the door bell.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from leopards dying at unprecedented rates, and the eco-glass windows trap in our own biological child.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: leopards dying at unprecedented rates.

User
The whole purpose of having a toilet
n

At the Amazon Go store you can grab the whole purpose of having a toilet and walk right out the door without burning my junk.
I like my women like I like the whole purpose of having a toilet: leaving your friends to die with deliberately standing in front of a cannon.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used the whole purpose of having a toilet.
The whole purpose of having a toilet! The whole purpose of having a toilet! My kingdom for the whole purpose of having a toilet!
Music without the sounds of the whole purpose of having a toilet is hardly music at all.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was the whole purpose of having a toilet and tried to attack it.

User
A very fast jet of particles
n

During my driving test, I backed my car into a very fast jet of particles. I still got an 85!
My spirit animal: a very fast jet of particles.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s screaming, with a very fast jet of particles around the edges, and a tuba full of mayonnaise on top.
My wife wears a very fast jet of particles after Labor Day because audacity is always in style.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a very fast jet of particles” incident in the science lab.
No one in Morocco can be a very fast jet of particles without registering with the government.

User
The endless onslaught of sperm
n

Ah, the endless onslaught of sperm for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with the endless onslaught of sperm.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to the endless onslaught of sperm.
I love your necklace! It’s the endless onslaught of sperm, right?
The endless onslaught of sperm can wear down exact science, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under the endless onslaught of sperm.

User
Muscle turds
np

It’s time to scrape the remains of muscle turds off the driveway.
I was so surprised to see muscle turds that the ends fell out of my mouth.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a cat in a paper bag. She has stated, “I prefer muscle turds.”
10% of all proceeds from sales of anything on the face of this earth will go to The Muscle Turds Foundation.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of muscle turds in its food processing operations.
Alexander also named a city in India “Muscle Turds” after his dead horse.

User
A donkey that has been utterly defeated
n

You can’t keep running around like a donkey that has been utterly defeated, you’re endangering poorly orchestrated group sex!
Sir! We are out of gay shit, but we found a donkey that has been utterly defeated while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were a donkey that has been utterly defeated.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a donkey that has been utterly defeated.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a donkey that has been utterly defeated painted on both sides, which some say encourages a fun game.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a donkey that has been utterly defeated. I found him plummeting from 20,000 feet.

User
Someone else's pee stream
n

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be slipping on a jizz slick and where does someone else's pee stream come in?
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, switching genitals, sloth, wrath, someone else's pee stream, and pride.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a sarcastic horse. It made me feel like I was someone else's pee stream.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called leopard print top hats, are the passages for someone else's pee stream to flow.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Someone Else's Pee Stream.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: T-boning an ambulance, someone else's pee stream and a mindless animal response.

User
The noise you make
nc

At the coffee shop they put “the noise you make” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for the noise you make.
Introducing, The The Noise You Make diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find the noise you make.
Opinions are like the noise you make. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in the noise you make. That’s supposed to help me with a grave error?!

User
My other daughter, Jenny
n

These special lenses help colorblind people see that my other daughter, Jenny is blowing in my ear.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s my other daughter, Jenny.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in my other daughter, Jenny.
It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of my other daughter, Jenny off the grill.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in my other daughter, Jenny.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on my other daughter, Jenny when I bought another leopard.

User
My adult daughter
n

I saw my adult daughter down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be torturing your family with us.”
This new Mario game is weird. You need my adult daughter to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying crush beast.
Always hold on to my adult daughter to remember me.
Chase bank is giving out my adult daughter this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
I thought I was alone with my adult daughter but my mom walked in. We got to touching my deformity and I felt better.
Go, go, Gadget My Adult Daughter!

User
Your son's exposed balls
np

The best comfort food will always be greens, your son's exposed balls, and fried chicken.
Guys. Guys! Some kind of magic juice is getting a little close to your son's exposed balls!
For my last meal I want Dad’s ass seasoned lightly with your son's exposed balls.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about your son's exposed balls.
I like your son's exposed balls like I like my coffee: yanking hard, put in a sack, and dragged across complete removal of the head.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of bedding and a Fedex full of your son's exposed balls.

User
The merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight
n

A new study found that giving employees compliments and the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
That kind of attitude is why we have the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight now.
This food is so good it’s making the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight quiver!
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight removed from her and an unexpected finger removed from me.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight in the pillows.
My wife printed me a certifcate for the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight. I’m excited for tonight!

User
Somebody else's pussy
n

Somebody else's pussy? That’s my fetish!
If mom hears us talking about somebody else's pussy we’ll be SO grounded!
Experts said that based on preliminary data, somebody else's pussy appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had somebody else's pussy removed so she can live a normal life.
At work I secretly have somebody else's pussy under my desk.
How high do you have to be to put somebody else's pussy on greed, secrets, poison and murder?

User
A gremlin that wants your poop
n

I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a gremlin that wants your poop.
My favorite new band is “A Nosedive and a Gremlin That Wants Your Poop”.
This land is a gremlin that wants your poop land, this land is KA-BLAM!! land.
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a gremlin that wants your poop.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a gremlin that wants your poop and can be used for mailing anthrax.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a gremlin that wants your poop and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like reduced brain intelligence.

User
Exercise with my sister
nc

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to exercise with my sister, even before I put on my clothes.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like exercise with my sister.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got exercise with my sister out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I want to be buried with exercise with my sister.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s exercise with my sister.
Exercise with my sister has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
The two remaining Beastie Boys
n

Her inheritance was squandered upon the two remaining Beastie Boys while Cinderella was abused and forced to become it to come out the other end in her own home.
When you two are done hatching out of an egg, can we please get the two remaining Beastie Boys and get out of here?!
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include the two remaining Beastie Boys, Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face, dry mouth, and my DNA.
Great job on the proposal for shooting a rabbit with an arrow, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the two remaining Beastie Boys.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit oral passion and acquire the two remaining Beastie Boys!
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed the two remaining Beastie Boys.

User
What looks to me like a real penis
n

But I promised I would get my kids what looks to me like a real penis for Christmas!
I got what looks to me like a real penis as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with two firetrucks?
In this game you get to collect hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex and craft what looks to me like a real penis.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using what looks to me like a real penis to forage for food.
My displeasure torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get what looks to me like a real penis from a suspected terrorist.
The Sword of Damocles was what looks to me like a real penis hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.

User
Using the bathroom in a normal way
v

While you’re at the store can you pick up using the bathroom in a normal way, in family size?
10% of all proceeds from sales of Angelina Jolie’s lips will go to The Using the Bathroom in a Normal Way Foundation.
I’m using the bathroom in a normal way today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with tikka masala.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re using the bathroom in a normal way, get to the front of the line.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A finely sculpted buttock, the ’80s and using the bathroom in a normal way.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m using the bathroom in a normal way.


User
Sex that gets you pregnant
nc

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by sex that gets you pregnant.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with sex that gets you pregnant jumping and nipping at me from below and even threatening my wife and child.
My girlfriend kicked sex that gets you pregnant, and now she’s a Japanese vending machine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from sex that gets you pregnant.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into sex that gets you pregnant.
I was surprised to find bones in sex that gets you pregnant. Is that normal?

User
A woman who just got out of the shower
n

Back in my day, we only had a woman who just got out of the shower for the women and we LIKED IT.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Woman Who Just Got out of the Shower?
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a woman who just got out of the shower.
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with a woman who just got out of the shower?
It’s lucky to touch a woman who just got out of the shower; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
In my wild days I was licking, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a woman who just got out of the shower on the New Mexico border.

User
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore  {n} with  {n} to fasten it.
Play 2

Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore a Japanese woman’s underwear with you and me to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore my salvation with a fridge full of heads to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore another way to kill me with delicate ladybrains to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore ribs with the escape route to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore steers and queers with half the people around here to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore a gold ingot with a promise to fasten it.

User
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of  , but there are two definition systems:   and  .
Play 3

Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of John Wilkes Booth, but there are two definition systems: whatEVER and drinking toilet water.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of space Nazis, but there are two definition systems: llama spit and circumcising your dad.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of complex maths, but there are two definition systems: rhythmic pounding and popping out of the ground.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of Satan’s mother, but there are two definition systems: a humiliated animal and hot sparks.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of another way in, but there are two definition systems: leaking out my bum and the thing hanging out of my butt.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of leopard print top hats, but there are two definition systems: industrial solvent and a piece of lint near my vagina.

User
The man upstairs
n

I like the man upstairs like I like my coffee: spreading disease, put in a sack, and dragged across bedding.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a plug for the other hole, the man upstairs and a strange candy that makes you gay.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around the man upstairs.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The Man Upstairs!” You’re cursed with backing up on it until the end of the game!
Authorities were tallying damage from the man upstairs that struck southern California Friday evening.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and the man upstairs can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.

User
What's left of it
nc

You stole water from a child? You’re what's left of it and you’re going to hell!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of what's left of it and the words “a cornhole”. I don’t get it!
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for what's left of it.
Can I get some floss? There’s what's left of it between my teeth.
I’m getting the next time installed in my car, so I can be what's left of it while I drive.
Senator, give me what's left of it and you’ll get my vote.

User
The pudding I have available
nc

Aron Ralston was trapped under the pudding I have available for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a police officer on Facebook!
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see the pudding I have available, and I feel better.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE PUDDING I HAVE AVAILABLE SNUGGLING WITH IAN MCKELLEN.”
10% of all proceeds from sales of cosmetic surgery for my cat will go to The The Pudding I Have Available Foundation.
After a truck ran over literally every single thing there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from the pudding I have available.
The truly rich have mansions with an imitation poop spiral room, the deceased room, and servants to handle the pudding I have available.

User
A normal skeleton
n

Today you’re on the receiving end of a normal skeleton.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a normal skeleton in the foyer.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s a normal skeleton.
What will we do with a normal skeleton early in the morning?
The cruiseliner struck some emo kid and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a normal skeleton.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Normal Skeleton” after his dead horse.

User
Half the guys I know
nc

Last Christmas, I gave you half the guys I know. The very next day, you gave it away.
In my wild days I was being unfit to even live, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with half the guys I know on the New Mexico border.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing half the guys I know at cars and passers-by.
I will do anything for half the guys I know. But I won’t do that!
My pharmacist separated half the guys I know into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a protective layer of rubber.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Half the Guys I Know!

User
During shore leave, the sailors were caught  {v} with underage  {pcv}.
Play 2

During shore leave, the sailors were caught floating away in a fucking balloon with underage going as deep as possible.
During shore leave, the sailors were caught going down the garbage disposal with underage terminal illness.
During shore leave, the sailors were caught handling my mother with underage exploding from both ends.
During shore leave, the sailors were caught succumbing to nature with underage maggots.
During shore leave, the sailors were caught fishin’ for pussytuna with underage untwisting.
During shore leave, the sailors were caught wearing John Travolta’s face with underage filling my mouth.

User
5 young studs down below
np

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with 5 young studs down below. I barely even felt hot grills.
Opinions are like 5 young studs down below. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: 5 young studs down below.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to 5 young studs down below, even before I put on my clothes.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then 5 young studs down below really affected me.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, 5 young studs down below popped out!

User
Being allowed to wear undies again
v

R Kelly fantasizes about being allowed to wear undies again with a young Beyonce.
Don’t shake a dense woolly undercoat over the chest so hard, it’ll start being allowed to wear undies again.
You evaded my “Being Allowed to Wear Undies Again” attack! Most impressive.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “being allowed to wear undies again,” with a picture of two firetrucks.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is being allowed to wear undies again.
We couldn’t land because of her cooter caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like being allowed to wear undies again.

User
Your next boner
n

Here on the assembly line we heat your next boner to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is being asleep, not dead.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a virus, ginger beer, and a squeeze of your next boner. Serve in a powerful Chinese man.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is your next boner.
I don’t need love because I’m your next boner. Sorry mom!
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me your next boner while we were still in the car.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of your next boner in the soil.

User
Catching on fire and jumping into a coffin
v

Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of McDonald’s®. Half the country is catching on fire and jumping into a coffin.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s catching on fire and jumping into a coffin.
Catching on fire and jumping into a coffin is always a contest when I’m involved.
Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were catching on fire and jumping into a coffin?
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then catching on fire and jumping into a coffin really affected me.
Make sure to hang a robustly satisfying fart in a tree so catching on fire and jumping into a coffin leaves your tent alone.

User
Catching on fire
v

Jesus is catching on fire.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began catching on fire in front of his top supporters.
I’m catching on fire in the streets, but dat ass in the sheets.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: nothing, initially catching on fire!
Men, like so much raw meat, go farthest when they are catching on fire.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all catching on fire when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!

User
Jumping into a coffin
v

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of jumping into a coffin.
In a world with gay shit flipping over and spraying into the air, one man must overcome jumping into a coffin. Coming this summer.
The dog ate black votes so we’re waiting for jumping into a coffin.
Thanks for jumping into a coffin last night. *wink* *wink*
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is jumping into a coffin.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re jumping into a coffin and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

User
A curly little tube for slurpin' nectar
n

Opioids help people with a curly little tube for slurpin' nectar, but then they can’t poop.
The ‘caustic solvent moth’ has adapted to feed on distended tubes, and hide under a curly little tube for slurpin' nectar in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
Shepherds in Scotland have used a curly little tube for slurpin' nectar for years to keep the flock from a pussy, wet and dripping.
I never expected to be fingered by a curly little tube for slurpin' nectar.
I Googled for a curly little tube for slurpin' nectar and found a picture of myself.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a curly little tube for slurpin' nectar, but with mailing anthrax!

User
The pterodactyl in question
n

The pterodactyl in question travelled over 20 feet after inhaling.
In public restrooms I always put the pterodactyl in question on the toilet before sitting down.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Loudspeakers and the pterodactyl in question.
The pterodactyl in question is the only way to say goodbye.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Pterodactyl in Question” after his dead horse.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need my mouth and the pterodactyl in question.

User
The illegal killing of a black man
n

Don’t shake a wasted life so hard, it’ll start the illegal killing of a black man.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for the illegal killing of a black man.
Senator, give me the illegal killing of a black man and you’ll get my vote.
This new Mario game is weird. You need the illegal killing of a black man to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying iodine.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see the illegal killing of a black man!
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by the illegal killing of a black man?

User
The legal killing of a black man
n

Today I bought all the bacon from the back of a van. They also threw in the legal killing of a black man, which I didn’t even think was legal.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady doing it again with the legal killing of a black man.
During my driving test, I backed my car into the legal killing of a black man. I still got an 85!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than the legal killing of a black man.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on the legal killing of a black man, or even some kind of a dead cat scene.
A falling tree can wear down the legal killing of a black man, which gradually decreases effectiveness.

User
My idiot roommate Kyle
n

Alexander also named a city in India “My Idiot Roommate Kyle” after his dead horse.
Life without love is like my idiot roommate Kyle without abstinence or fruit.
Ich bin ein my idiot roommate Kyle.
We have a zero tolerance policy for catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass here at Disney. So get my idiot roommate Kyle and get out!
At my 9th birthday, we had my idiot roommate Kyle piñata that burst open showering REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET on us kids.
I clean my idiot roommate Kyle by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up getting fat.

User
The exact same crab as the last time
n

It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of the exact same crab as the last time off the grill.
Slender and muscled, like the exact same crab as the last time. She was the spitting image of finding a place to fart.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and the exact same crab as the last time.
I chipped my tooth on the exact same crab as the last time. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t being cooked and eaten.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of unbelievably beautiful hair. She has stated, “I prefer the exact same crab as the last time.”
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: The exact same crab as the last time, not riding a Segway and a legless dog on a wheeled cart.

User
The bathroom I was raped in
n

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw the bathroom I was raped in overboard!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the bathroom I was raped in, but with Tony’s prison baby!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in the bathroom I was raped in.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got the bathroom I was raped in before every meeting.
The thief was caught stealing a crack in the sky from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of the bathroom I was raped in.
Nut sack hairs is a temporary setback on the road to the bathroom I was raped in!

User
A safe place for Harrison Ford
n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a safe place for Harrison Ford hanging in the window.
The main ingredient in a safe place for Harrison Ford is the tickle zone.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent a safe place for Harrison Ford, certainly others would have.
I’m late to my meeting for a safe place for Harrison Ford.
No more a safe place for Harrison Ford at Starbucks.
During the half-time show, a rip in this asshole exposed a safe place for Harrison Ford to the audience.

User
Surprising the kids with incest
v

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a rope tied round my leg. I found him surprising the kids with incest.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like loose morals and can be used for surprising the kids with incest.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, backing up on it, toilet paper, shelter, and surprising the kids with incest.
I saw my hood down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be surprising the kids with incest with us.”
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into impacting my sister, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start surprising the kids with incest.
I thought I was alone with the rope my pappy hanged his self with but my mom walked in. We got to surprising the kids with incest and I felt better.

User
Some amount of incest
nc

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw some amount of incest.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had some amount of incest.
While you’re at the store can you pick up some amount of incest, in family size?
I got into my car and sat on some amount of incest. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up some amount of incest on the porch to surprise the kids.
I got so drunk last night that I got some amount of incest all over everyone and everything.

User
The colder of my two feet
n

The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a gentle kiss on the teeth and comes with 1 USB-C port and the colder of my two feet! Groovy!
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got the colder of my two feet before every meeting.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in the colder of my two feet!
Daddy! There’s the colder of my two feet under my bed. Kill it kill it!
The media’s nonstop coverage of the colder of my two feet is just to distract us from a menacing spike.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had the colder of my two feet.

User
Rare pulls from my booster box
np

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by rare pulls from my booster box.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Rare Pulls from My Booster Box is earwig pincers.
Our artisanal process ages a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier for 3 years, before going right into rare pulls from my booster box, rapidly squirting acid.
I didn’t mean to start rare pulls from my booster box, it just happened!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of rare pulls from my booster box.
Chase bank is giving out rare pulls from my booster box this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

User
The lemurs we all love
np

They cut open the crocodile to find the lemurs we all love, still allowing babies to starve while you gorge like always.
An elevator nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid the lemurs we all love.
The TSA has made new rules mandating the lemurs we all love on every commercial flight.
Are you there God? It’s me, the lemurs we all love.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with the lemurs we all love in his lap.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “The-lemurs-we-all-love-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving dat ass.

User
An overwhelming lust for Asian penises
n

Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “an overwhelming lust for Asian penises,” with a picture of divorce papers.
Making the best cookies requires a tacky, god-awful facelift and an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of an overwhelming lust for Asian penises at my place.
After Lincoln was shot, an overwhelming lust for Asian penises briefly became the next president.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.

User
A teenage lesbian in a bathtub
n

A teenage lesbian in a bathtub is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting crushed between two trucks. Sorry.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a teenage lesbian in a bathtub.
No one in Morocco can be a teenage lesbian in a bathtub without registering with the government.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be a teenage lesbian in a bathtub.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out a teenage lesbian in a bathtub each day, put a caged madman in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
I just dug up a teenage lesbian in a bathtub in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about an elite Korean hacker.

User
Armfuls of free treasure
np

Don’t shake the royal baby so hard, it’ll start armfuls of free treasure.
I scream, you scream, a day at the beach, armfuls of free treasure!
I can’t believe you guys went painting rude words on the cat without me! Loop me in next time, I want armfuls of free treasure too!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from armfuls of free treasure.
Armfuls of free treasure? That’s my fetish!
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s good bacteria in love with armfuls of free treasure very much they do a... special hug.”

Truck
User
User
I like internets!
User
In Disney's beguiling animated romp,  {n}—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about  .
Play 2

In Disney's beguiling animated romp, a strangler—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about damage.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, friends that can keep a secret—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about the runs.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, the latest fad—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about my secret sex gymnasium.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about exhuming my wife.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, other things I’ve put in my butt—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about a demon torture puzzle box.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, a bear in a trashcan—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about a flea.

User
The scum of the Earth
n

“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s the scum of the Earth in love with thinking about spiders very much they do a... special hug.”
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw the scum of the Earth.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Intense Pain” and it helps me with the scum of the Earth.
Strength can only be killed by the scum of the Earth.
Her inheritance was squandered upon the scum of the Earth while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a prop gun in her own home.
How embarrassing! I forget I left the scum of the Earth in the foyer.

User
A hard worker with lots of big jobs
n

Here’s a certificate for a hard worker with lots of big jobs. I am at your service.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a hard worker with lots of big jobs.
When the suspect’s car crashed, a hard worker with lots of big jobs launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on most people.
Back in my day, we only had alcohol for a hard worker with lots of big jobs and we LIKED IT.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a hard worker with lots of big jobs so relaxing.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw a hard worker with lots of big jobs overboard!

User
Monkeying around
v

At the Amazon Go store you can grab military-themed porn and walk right out the door without monkeying around.
I am become monkeying around, the destroyer of a puffed up chest.
The White House will no longer enforce The Monkeying Around Act of 1959. Thank God.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on monkeying around.
Growing up we never had bizarre funeral rites, but we had to deal with monkeying around, and I want the opposite for my children.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're monkeying around!

User
A smiling chimp in a beanie
n

I went rafting, saw a smiling chimp in a beanie in the river, no big deal.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a smiling chimp in a beanie.
Daddy! There’s a smiling chimp in a beanie under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a smiling chimp in a beanie came on the screen.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on that jackass when I bought a smiling chimp in a beanie.
The community buttplug can actually erode a smiling chimp in a beanie, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.

User
Wiggle room
nc

Happiness: A foul odor, wiggle room, and juicing up.
Life without love is like long deep kisses with eyes wide open without wiggle room or fruit.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with wiggle room.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen wiggle room.
I was so surprised to see wiggle room that deviant urges fell out of my mouth.
The city condemned our house after finding wiggle room in the crawlspace.

User
A kind note from gram-gram
n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was impacting my sister, part was dank memes, and it was crowned with a kind note from gram-gram.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a kind note from gram-gram directly.
When I get older, I don’t want to be a kind note from gram-gram.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “An Upstart!” You’re cursed with a kind note from gram-gram until the end of the game!
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a kind note from gram-gram on the porch to surprise the kids.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a kind note from gram-gram one ounce at a time.

User
A fat man's problem
n

At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a fat man's problem into women’s purses and bags.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a fat man's problem.
A fat man's problem is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of water in history, rode into battle atop a fat man's problem.
I could tell a fat man's problem had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.
There is no revenge so complete as a fat man's problem.

User
Gay furries
np

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got gay furries painted on both sides, which some say encourages a rope tied round my leg.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with gay furries! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Apparently, “Gay Furries” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Gay furries nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid a fat lot o’ good.
Thanks for gay furries last night. *wink* *wink*
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of gay furries bucking.



Gay furry drama
nc

But I promised I would get my kids gay furry drama for Christmas!
More armies need to incorporate gay furry drama into their uniforms.
I reached expectantly into gay furry drama, but found only what I’ve done.
On Ebay you can get gay furry drama but it comes in several tiny boxes.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in gay furry drama.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “gay furry drama,” over and over again while in use.

User
Yankin' me ol' chain
v

So what I’m saying is we have yankin' me ol' chain to thank for Obama’s America.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate yankin' me ol' chain to prepare for a mission to mars.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am yankin' me ol' chain. Would you like to try our new special, pork and alcohol?
Throughout human history, yankin' me ol' chain has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Men, like nothing good, go farthest when they are yankin' me ol' chain.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a flip, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start yankin' me ol' chain.

User
A rotting infant carcass
n

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a rotting infant carcass.
Let’s wait for a secret room to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get a rotting infant carcass.
Can I get some floss? There’s a rotting infant carcass between my teeth.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a rotting infant carcass slowly overtaking the buildings.
My favorite new band is “Chugging NyQuil™ and a Rotting Infant Carcass”.
If you kids don’t stop summoning a succubus, I will turn a rotting infant carcass around!

User
that sexy German with them big legs n

Chase bank is giving out that sexy German with them big legs this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Her inheritance was squandered upon crack while Cinderella was abused and forced to become that sexy German with them big legs in her own home.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about that sexy German with them big legs?
Pool rules: No running. No dark magic. Keep that sexy German with them big legs out of the deep end.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began that sexy German with them big legs.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with that sexy German with them big legs.

User
 {n} can expose a curved nail that lashes out and strikes at up to two meters, thanks to a tensely coiled, specialized muscle.

females with four teats can expose a curved nail that lashes out and strikes at up to two meters, thanks to a tensely coiled, specialized muscle.
all creation can expose a curved nail that lashes out and strikes at up to two meters, thanks to a tensely coiled, specialized muscle.
ammunition can expose a curved nail that lashes out and strikes at up to two meters, thanks to a tensely coiled, specialized muscle.
balls caught in the car window can expose a curved nail that lashes out and strikes at up to two meters, thanks to a tensely coiled, specialized muscle.
my syndrome can expose a curved nail that lashes out and strikes at up to two meters, thanks to a tensely coiled, specialized muscle.
a good job can expose a curved nail that lashes out and strikes at up to two meters, thanks to a tensely coiled, specialized muscle.

User
peanut butter that talks while you chew it n

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for peanut butter that talks while you chew it?
I found out why I’m always sick... they found peanut butter that talks while you chew it in the walls at my office.
My nightly ritual involves a friend, peanut butter that talks while you chew it, and finally my secret sex gymnasium just as I fall asleep.
Peanut butter that talks while you chew it failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward Satan’s latest abomination.
I came with a backup plan to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought peanut butter that talks while you chew it so nobody even noticed!
If you have a dream about an elite Korean hacker, it meas you’re worried about peanut butter that talks while you chew it.

User
Riley's exposed, nubile dong n

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to Riley's exposed, nubile dong.
I need a hotel room with Riley's exposed, nubile dong, and I need zoo smell brought to me every four hours.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge Riley's exposed, nubile dong.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen Riley's exposed, nubile dong.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider Riley's exposed, nubile dong.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from Riley's exposed, nubile dong.

User
coon cheese nc

Dagnabbit! I got coon cheese all jammed up in the wheel well again.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in coon cheese, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of coon cheese came on the screen.
Here’s a certificate for coon cheese. I am at your service.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of halitosis and a Fedex full of coon cheese.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build coon cheese for me and my wife.

User
I tried   over   because people said I look like a potato.2

I tried a wet tongue over attacking everything in your path because people said I look like a potato.
I tried a totally wicked bat wing over fingertips because people said I look like a potato.
I tried a beefy meal over an ancient insignificant dead Jew because people said I look like a potato.
I tried entering hibernation over your best friend because people said I look like a potato.
I tried a madhouse! A madhouse! over feasting and slaughter because people said I look like a potato.
I tried a lasting mark over the royal baby because people said I look like a potato.

User
a virginal potato n

I want to say one word to you, just one word: a virginal potato.
Getting a virginal potato back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a virginal potato jumping and nipping at me from below and even squandering.
Sir! We are out of everything you’ve always wanted, but we found a virginal potato while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a virginal potato to forage for food.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with peanut butter in the mouth and are ordered to be a virginal potato no matter what.

User
imitation without understanding vt

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between imitation without understanding and making it go back in.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “imitation without understanding.”
Then God said, “Let there be imitation without understanding”; and there was imitation without understanding. And God saw that imitation without understanding was good.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Imitation Without Understanding.
Imitation without understanding can actually erode lacerations, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a big chicken order. The driver was imitation without understanding.

User
I found what I thought was   in the pantry... made dinner... turns out it was  ...2

I found what I thought was giving birth to it in the pantry... made dinner... turns out it was my sister’s closet...
I found what I thought was Tony’s prison baby in the pantry... made dinner... turns out it was lubricant...
I found what I thought was sinuses in the pantry... made dinner... turns out it was shitting glitter...
I found what I thought was a bitter rivalry in the pantry... made dinner... turns out it was rumpy pumpy...
I found what I thought was a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls in the pantry... made dinner... turns out it was ground control...
I found what I thought was buffing that vagina in the pantry... made dinner... turns out it was their own mothers...

User
my absolute favorite nc

Whenever I cook a dog boner I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into my absolute favorite.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with a flagrant misuse of the English language and a mysterious boy who fights my absolute favorite.
For my last meal I want my absolute favorite seasoned heavily with a traffic cop.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am ideas above your station. Would you like to try our new special, my absolute favorite?
Let’s wait for my absolute favorite to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get a pillar of salt.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen my absolute favorite.

User
Japanese blood horoscopes np

What were you doing in here? I keep finding Japanese blood horoscopes between the couch cushions.
A deal breaker brings Japanese blood horoscopes to a child’s face.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for Japanese blood horoscopes.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and Japanese blood horoscopes in the Philippines.
A social skill is any skill facilitating Japanese blood horoscopes with others.
Her inheritance was squandered upon Japanese blood horoscopes while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a big, red X in her own home.

User
a softer option n

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Softer Option!
A social skill is any skill facilitating a softer option with others.
Growing up we never had a lasting mark, but we had to deal with a softer option, and I want the opposite for my children.
Working on my car I found a softer option had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Uh oh. I think a softer option just fell out of my bung hole.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a softer option in the pillows.

User
a huge mouth and no anus n

The cruiseliner struck a huge mouth and no anus and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with rival anthills.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a huge mouth and no anus.
Growing up we never had a huge mouth and no anus, but we had to deal with unbelievably beautiful hair, and I want the opposite for my children.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a huge mouth and no anus in the foyer.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a huge mouth and no anus and being suspended in gelatin.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from the French crown, and the eco-glass windows trap in a huge mouth and no anus.

User
My brother... He's only four, so he can't do any damage, it's   I'm worried about

My brother... He's only four, so he can't do any damage, it's sewing it shut I'm worried about
My brother... He's only four, so he can't do any damage, it's door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes I'm worried about
My brother... He's only four, so he can't do any damage, it's floppin’ out my baby door I'm worried about
My brother... He's only four, so he can't do any damage, it's total collapse I'm worried about
My brother... He's only four, so he can't do any damage, it's MY SKULL! I'm worried about
My brother... He's only four, so he can't do any damage, it's fairy tales I'm worried about

User
showing mercy v

The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of showing mercy.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for showing mercy?
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with showing mercy.
At the coffee shop they put “showing mercy” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by showing mercy around the building.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw showing mercy for the first time!

User
impregnating your five-year-old brother v

I refuse to roleplay as anything but impregnating your five-year-old brother.
In my wild days I was prying her mouth open, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with impregnating your five-year-old brother on the New Mexico border.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for impregnating your five-year-old brother.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only David Bowie’s mysterious bulge and impregnating your five-year-old brother.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of impregnating your five-year-old brother.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Impregnating Your Five-year-old Brother!

User
YOU ARE A POWERFUL NECROMANCER
User
being kind to a stupid tranny v

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were being kind to a stupid tranny, would you be being kind to a stupid tranny as well?”
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being kind to a stupid tranny.
If you kids don’t stop cheating, I will turn being kind to a stupid tranny around!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a dirigible death match, but now for work I’m being kind to a stupid tranny. Go figure!
On the assembly line we heat a lie that corrupts the Earth to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is being kind to a stupid tranny.
The survey team detected being kind to a stupid tranny at the work site so I threw rigid peen in my truck and drove straight there.

User
a girl's smile n

Here’s a certificate for a girl's smile. I am at your service.
1) A robot may not injure a girl's smile, or through inaction allow a girl's smile to come to harm.
Ugh. I ate the most humane action last night and I’ve been trying to put on a girl's smile all morning.
If my neighbor doesn’t get a girl's smile off my property, I’m calling the cops!
I was so surprised to see a girl's smile that a comfortable spot fell out of my mouth.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a girl's smile. I still got an 85!

User
the boy's amusement n

At LAX travelers were horrified to see the boy's amusement spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
This workplace has gone (0) days without the boy's amusement.
Great job on the proposal for putting the “I” back in “team”, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the boy's amusement.
I went rafting, saw the boy's amusement in the river, no big deal.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the boy's amusement.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with the boy's amusement.

User
allowing me to die v

All the best love stories include allowing me to die.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A More Imminent Danger” and it helps me with allowing me to die.
Allowing me to die is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
You stole the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re allowing me to die and you’re going to hell!
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with allowing me to die.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about allowing me to die and mistreating the clitoris. Should I talk to him?

User
Just found a sealed room in my house, it had an awful lot of  . Also there was  . Should I tell the police?2

Just found a sealed room in my house, it had an awful lot of firing ports. Also there was stuff Asians like. Should I tell the police?
Just found a sealed room in my house, it had an awful lot of Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor. Also there was Liam Neeson’s Halfway House for Silly Girls. Should I tell the police?
Just found a sealed room in my house, it had an awful lot of a great review. Also there was less chaos. Should I tell the police?
Just found a sealed room in my house, it had an awful lot of a kitten pawing at my wiener. Also there was a pregnant teen. Should I tell the police?
Just found a sealed room in my house, it had an awful lot of some prick. Also there was zigzagging wildly. Should I tell the police?
Just found a sealed room in my house, it had an awful lot of the white man’s burden. Also there was what may become a boner. Should I tell the police?

User
lurching about in the yard v

See now black people walk like gangstas. But white people -- white people walk like they’re lurching about in the yard!
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with lurching about in the yard.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with lurching about in the yard.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from lurching about in the yard with a watermelon owned by a black man.
They said lurching about in the yard was out of my league, but I showed them. I got a good thing for the heart!
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re lurching about in the yard and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

User
casually promoting incest v

I got so drunk last night that I got casually promoting incest all over everyone and everything.
Ich bin ein casually promoting incest.
The rich aroma of casually promoting incest, from the hills of Colombia.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a special little fuck, while a man is casually promoting incest on a galloping horse.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only disturbing trends and casually promoting incest.
The thief was caught stealing mediocre tits from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of casually promoting incest.



casual incest nc

1) A robot may not injure casual incest, or through inaction allow casual incest to come to harm.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Casual Incest!
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a Christmas tree when I bought casual incest.
Apparently, “Casual Incest” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am casual incest. Would you like to try our new special, a cat in a paper bag?
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy casual incest one ounce at a time.



Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, saw   flavor and then   flavor. I'll have cookies from now on.2

Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, saw anal cleansing tablets flavor and then spinning like a bitch flavor. I'll have cookies from now on.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, saw an automated turret flavor and then floating away in a fucking balloon flavor. I'll have cookies from now on.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, saw a positive test for bodily fluids flavor and then a gush flavor. I'll have cookies from now on.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, saw the T-Rex flavor and then joining the Army in a panic flavor. I'll have cookies from now on.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, saw a Russian bride flavor and then Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s frilly neckerchief flavor. I'll have cookies from now on.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, saw a wet burst flavor and then a fish choad flavor. I'll have cookies from now on.

User
unsolicited pics np

Pundits agree it will take unsolicited pics for the senator to win the election.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got creatures painted on both sides, which some say encourages unsolicited pics.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Unsolicited Pics!
Lonely guys in Japan can buy unsolicited pics that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Unsolicited pics isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up unsolicited pics in every room.



sending unsolicited pics to anyone and everyone v

On the assembly line we heat a feather to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is sending unsolicited pics to anyone and everyone.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn sending unsolicited pics to anyone and everyone, but now for work I’m lower standards. Go figure!
I’m sending unsolicited pics to anyone and everyone for Jesus.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by sending unsolicited pics to anyone and everyone.
In my state, sending unsolicited pics to anyone and everyone is a legal right for me and my native brothers.
Hark! What sending unsolicited pics to anyone and everyone through yonder window breaks?

User
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He's always bein' all   when he drinks egg nog. It's so weird!

I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He's always bein' all a thought when he drinks egg nog. It's so weird!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He's always bein' all sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt when he drinks egg nog. It's so weird!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He's always bein' all those responsible when he drinks egg nog. It's so weird!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He's always bein' all getting crushed between two trucks when he drinks egg nog. It's so weird!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He's always bein' all a coked up hooker when he drinks egg nog. It's so weird!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He's always bein' all a really long nose hair when he drinks egg nog. It's so weird!

User
making out with your bed-ridden uncle v

On the assembly line we heat a lonely old man to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is making out with your bed-ridden uncle.
This workplace has gone (0) days without making out with your bed-ridden uncle.
It’s not delivery. It’s making out with your bed-ridden uncle.
Making out with your bed-ridden uncle is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I went rafting, saw making out with your bed-ridden uncle in the river, no big deal.
A sack of pugs nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid making out with your bed-ridden uncle.

Truck
User
I knew you'd come back for us. I always held out hope.
User
rage-fucking retards ?

At spring training a foul ball bounced off my bruised thighs in the stands and then knocked rage-fucking retards off love handles.
Rage-fucking retards is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
During my driving test, I backed my car into rage-fucking retards. I still got an 85!
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of rage-fucking retards in the sky.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from chugging NyQuil™ with rage-fucking retards.
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s rage-fucking retards straddled by inhabitants.

User
Work  {n} up until frothing before spreading across  {n}. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.2

Work Princess Perfect up until frothing before spreading across a ball gag. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.
Work my sister’s closet up until frothing before spreading across the finest quality cheese. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.
Work sustained surface winds up until frothing before spreading across just me, by myself. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.
Work setbacks up until frothing before spreading across a polite way to say no. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.
Work a willful misdeed up until frothing before spreading across every part of the buffalo. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.
Work most of my blood up until frothing before spreading across two F-bombs. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.

User
getting drunk with criminals v

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by getting drunk with criminals.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember getting drunk with criminals?”
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Getting Drunk with Criminals” and it helps me with damage.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Getting Drunk with Criminals and You”.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of getting drunk with criminals.
Apparently, “Getting Drunk with Criminals” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

User
What else ya got?
User
the hottest girl n

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Shame Co., tapping into the growing market for the hottest girl.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always the hottest girl. Always.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into the hottest girl before lifting his kilt and winking.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to the hottest girl, even before I put on my clothes.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of the hottest girl came on the screen.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be the hottest girl.

User
drowning in the bathtub v

When the beef came at me it was like drowning in the bathtub.
I’m drowning in the bathtub for Jesus.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was punching a hole in the roof, part was drowning in the bathtub, and it was crowned with breastfeeding.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually drowning in the bathtub.
My favorite new band is “Drowning in the Bathtub and the ’80s”.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a thorough examination and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like drowning in the bathtub.

User
a gushing bloody nose n

I would have never thought that I’d actually be a gushing bloody nose while I’m the king and his family!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A gushing bloody nose, an injection and a sex-addicted panda.
We can be a gushing bloody nose. And no one has to know.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as a gushing bloody nose equipped with Grandma’s ghost.
Shepherds in Scotland have used a vast treasury of specimens for years to keep the flock from a gushing bloody nose.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for a gushing bloody nose?



cunting around even harder v

The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of cunting around even harder.
Cunting around even harder failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward reasons to do it.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with cunting around even harder.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen cunting around even harder.
Ever since the incident with a mutilated torso I’ve been haunted by cunting around even harder.
But I promised I would get my kids cunting around even harder for Christmas!

User
my sex vest n

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be my sex vest if I wanted a new family.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen my sex vest.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell my sex vest after 8pm, or on holidays like Hounding the Family Dog Day.
How high do you have to be to enjoy Morgan Freeman’s larynx in my sex vest?
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was my sex vest.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with my sex vest! It’s all here in my manifesto!

User
denting the leather on my sex vest v

I want to say one word to you, just one word: denting the leather on my sex vest.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep denting the leather on my sex vest out of mainland China.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Denting the Leather on My Sex Vest!” You’re cursed with a kitten pawing at my wiener until the end of the game!
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be denting the leather on my sex vest if I wanted a new family.
Throughout human history, denting the leather on my sex vest has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider denting the leather on my sex vest.

User
a randy pooch n

Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a randy pooch.
Ich bin ein a randy pooch.
Great job on the proposal for rubbing my gland, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a randy pooch.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a randy pooch to weaponize bodily functions gone awry.
It’s lucky to touch a randy pooch; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Jesus is a randy pooch.



Five by five, command, we've got two choppers and  {n} coming right at us. Please advise.

Five by five, command, we've got two choppers and a garbage disposal coming right at us. Please advise.
Five by five, command, we've got two choppers and a Japanese woman’s underwear coming right at us. Please advise.
Five by five, command, we've got two choppers and rigid peen coming right at us. Please advise.
Five by five, command, we've got two choppers and special pube shampoo coming right at us. Please advise.
Five by five, command, we've got two choppers and Schadenfreude coming right at us. Please advise.
Five by five, command, we've got two choppers and the runs coming right at us. Please advise.

User
donning a wizard hat in public v

If you do it right, a real sonuvabitch is all about donning a wizard hat in public.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, donning a wizard hat in public every single day.
Life without love is like donning a wizard hat in public without someone or fruit.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for donning a wizard hat in public.
Don’t look at me while I’m donning a wizard hat in public! It messes me up!
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with donning a wizard hat in public.



being creepy like sex wizards v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always being creepy like sex wizards. Always.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're being creepy like sex wizards!
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience being creepy like sex wizards like I was really there.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began being creepy like sex wizards.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Moral anguish, affectionate biting and being creepy like sex wizards.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s being creepy like sex wizards and I think I believe her!

User
a sad little monkey n

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a sad little monkey!”
Working on my car I found a sad little monkey had crawled inside the engine block and died.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: a sad little monkey.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a sad little monkey.
Although moving away from a sad little monkey proved effective for schools, the switch to a clown’s genitals initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
But of the tree of a sad little monkey you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

User
a sea of fire n

A sea of fire! A sea of fire! My kingdom for a sea of fire!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, being impulsive and temperamental, sloth, wrath, a sea of fire, and pride.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a sea of fire that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like a sea of fire.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Sea of Fire!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a sea of fire.

User
deadly spore clouds np

Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with deadly spore clouds.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Deadly Spore Clouds” syndrome!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with deadly spore clouds. So bring spices.
Authorities were tallying damage from deadly spore clouds that struck southern California Friday evening.
The city condemned our house after finding deadly spore clouds in the crawlspace.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for deadly spore clouds.

User
scalding steam n

10% of all proceeds from sales of scalding steam will go to The Prey Foundation.
CAUTION: Keep scalding steam out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
My mom picked me up scalding steam from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
When the stadium was demolished it ejected scalding steam, which hung in the air for days.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found scalding steam in the walls at my office.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for scalding steam.

User
racial superiority nc

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Racial Superiority Blast!
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with racial superiority.
Racial superiority! Racial superiority! My kingdom for racial superiority!
Always walk into an interview with racial superiority and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate a ghastly folly.
Last Christmas, everyone got corporate America under the tree and racial superiority in their stockings!
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted racial superiority to the vastness of space.

User
that pair of Omnisexual SuperPants n

I’m late to my meeting for that pair of Omnisexual SuperPants.
The survey team detected that pair of Omnisexual SuperPants at the work site so I threw a sleepy kitty in my truck and drove straight there.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide that pair of Omnisexual SuperPants directly.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider that pair of Omnisexual SuperPants.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from squirting acid with that pair of Omnisexual SuperPants.
But of the tree of that pair of Omnisexual SuperPants you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

User
a big heavy rock that will squish you n

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been sinking into the mud. The snail may have escaped a big heavy rock that will squish you by going underground.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a big heavy rock that will squish you to forage for food.
What the gross mystery meat department lacks in selection, we make up for in a big heavy rock that will squish you.
CAUTION: Keep a big heavy rock that will squish you out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a big heavy rock that will squish you.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me a big heavy rock that will squish you and it’s getting weird.

User
a little baggy full of tasty snacks n

They don’t make a little baggy full of tasty snacks like they used to! This one doesn’t even have spicy saliva.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a little baggy full of tasty snacks and I think I believe her!
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw a little baggy full of tasty snacks at a player from the stands.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a little baggy full of tasty snacks.
At the coffee shop they put “a little baggy full of tasty snacks” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I reached expectantly into a friend, but found only a little baggy full of tasty snacks.

User
a sleeve of oreos n

An elephant with floppy trunk syndrome nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid a sleeve of oreos.
How high do you have to be to enjoy a sleeve of oreos in a crack in the sky?
My pharmacist separated a sleeve of oreos into two piles, and carefully lowered one into literally every single thing.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “A Sleeve of Oreos,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Great job on the proposal for joining the Army in a panic, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a sleeve of oreos.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a sleeve of oreos.

User
a lever that opens my butt n

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a lever that opens my butt?
My car looks like it’s a lever that opens my butt but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about sudsy bodies and a lever that opens my butt. Should I talk to him?
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a lever that opens my butt.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a lever that opens my butt! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw a lever that opens my butt for the first time!

User
an eerily life-like statue of Donald Trump n

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking an eerily life-like statue of Donald Trump onto the International Space Station.
The rich aroma of an eerily life-like statue of Donald Trump, from the hills of Colombia.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a trail of footprints, curses, and an eerily life-like statue of Donald Trump.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for an eerily life-like statue of Donald Trump.
On the assembly line we heat an eerily life-like statue of Donald Trump to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is deliberately standing in front of a cannon.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find an eerily life-like statue of Donald Trump in the back seat.

User
a mountain of jew gold nc

At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have a mountain of jew gold! Some of us just want NAMBLA.”
The best comfort food will always be greens, a mountain of jew gold, and fried chicken.
After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created a mountain of jew gold.
A mountain of jew gold nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid Schizo Batman.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with this half of the planet and a mysterious boy who fights a mountain of jew gold.
Here’s a certificate for a mountain of jew gold. I am at your service.

User
the tastiest grinder ever n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife, part was filthy underpants, and it was crowned with the tastiest grinder ever.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around the tastiest grinder ever on the freeway.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Truck Full of Ladders Does the Tastiest Grinder Ever.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then the tastiest grinder ever really affected me.
Dagnabbit! I got the tastiest grinder ever all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw the tastiest grinder ever for the first time!

User
my dead parents np

Chimps in the wild have been observed using my dead parents to forage for food.
We can be my dead parents. And no one has to know.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with my dead parents.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock my dead parents and five full-time chefs in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing my dead parents, since we’re so good at it.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of my dead parents.

User
going to jail v

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into going to jail, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start an elevator.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Going to Jail”! I shook his hand and it felt like going to jail.
The White House will no longer enforce The Going to Jail Act of 1959. Thank God.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, going to jail appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Furious that I was going to jail into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores.
My publisher demanded I remove going to jail from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

User
hunting at the playground v

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, hunting at the playground, toilet paper, shelter, and a remedy.
In my state, hunting at the playground is a legal right for me and my native brothers.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from hunting at the playground with the last thing I said.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn hunting at the playground, but now for work I’m oil-covered birds. Go figure!
Dad! I’m all done hunting at the playground, so I have another hurdle left over if you’re still interested.
Here on the assembly line we heat breastfeeding to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is hunting at the playground.

User
choking bitches v

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of choking bitches on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Twiddly fingers! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all choking bitches.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only daddy juice and choking bitches.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for choking bitches.
It’s not delivery. It’s choking bitches.
My religion demands that I must abstain from choking bitches. Turning around when you see your ex however, is OK.

User
a clown with a hatchet n

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re a clown with a hatchet and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a clown with a hatchet on the porch to surprise the kids.
The new bill before congress would mandate a clown with a hatchet in all K-through-12 classrooms.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a clown with a hatchet.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see a clown with a hatchet spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with the heterosexual agenda. So bring a clown with a hatchet.

User
an evil alien with a ray gun n

I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me an evil alien with a ray gun while we were still in the car.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is an evil alien with a ray gun.
They don’t make an evil alien with a ray gun like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a bag of super salty chips.
I can’t believe you guys went painting rude words on the cat without me! Loop me in next time, I want an evil alien with a ray gun too!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of an evil alien with a ray gun.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as an evil alien with a ray gun, score points by being a bad little boy, and fuzzy handcuffs shall not be on the field.

User
a crusty build-up n

If you do it right, fighting your family is all about a crusty build-up.
I wasn’t always black... there was a crusty build-up, and it got bigger and bigger.
Pool rules: No running. No llama spit. Keep a crusty build-up out of the deep end.
God didn’t create me. God created a crusty build-up. And a crusty build-up created me.
I love your necklace! It’s a crusty build-up, right?
Two best friends and a crusty build-up take a road trip, and discover a breach of confidence along the way.

User
pee in the face n

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on pee in the face.
Last Christmas, everyone got a curve under the tree and pee in the face in their stockings!
At LAX travelers were horrified to see pee in the face spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift too much denim over my head, but pee in the face got in the way.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to pee in the face.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me pee in the face and it’s getting weird.

User
getting skinned alive v

Apparently, “Getting Skinned Alive” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
When a remarkably swift recovery is ready, getting skinned alive will appear.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for getting skinned alive?
But I promised my kids they could get getting skinned alive for Christmas!
I am become getting skinned alive, the destroyer of a wet tongue.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of getting skinned alive.

User
scalping the white people v

If you do it right, the last great American is all about scalping the white people.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from scalping the white people, and the eco-glass windows trap in techniques.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be scalping the white people if I wanted a new family.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate scalping the white people.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in scalping the white people.
There is no revenge so complete as scalping the white people.

User
drowning the children v

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of drowning the children on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “drowning the children” incident in the science lab.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about drowning the children.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using drowning the children to forage for food.
Don’t shake an anatomically correct sock puppet so hard, it’ll start drowning the children.
Giving birth to a prosthetic baby nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid drowning the children.

User
playing naked in the fountain v

Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk playing naked in the fountain.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how playing naked in the fountain happens.
Playing naked in the fountain failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward an airbag.
Ever since an improvised explosive device appeared in the neighborhood, playing naked in the fountain has been eyed with suspicion.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and playing naked in the fountain in the Philippines.
My nightly ritual involves valid reasoning, loving someone SO much, and finally playing naked in the fountain just as I fall asleep.

User
a casually masturbating woman n

The new bill before congress would mandate a casually masturbating woman in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Daddy! There’s a casually masturbating woman under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a casually masturbating woman in the soil.
But I promised my kids they could get a casually masturbating woman for Christmas!
My favorite new band is “A Casually Masturbating Woman and a Swiss Murder Suit”.
Last Christmas, I gave you a casually masturbating woman. The very next day, you gave it away.

User
a nipple slip n

A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with a nipple slip.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A muffled yell and a nipple slip.
I want to be buried with a nipple slip.
In this 15th century painting, a military laboratory is represented by a man with a nipple slip for a head.
My father’s example produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a nipple slip to keep warm.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for a nipple slip?

User
a runaway buzzsaw n

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow A Runaway Buzzsaw?
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a runaway buzzsaw.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always a runaway buzzsaw just around the corner.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a runaway buzzsaw.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a runaway buzzsaw in the Philippines.
Two best friends and an ancient Indian burial ground take a road trip, and discover a runaway buzzsaw along the way.

User
a vagina that smiles n

Music without the sounds of a vagina that smiles is hardly music at all.
Although moving away from a vagina that smiles proved effective for schools, the switch to many people initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
In this 15th century painting, reduced brain intelligence is represented by a man with a vagina that smiles for a head.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Eskimo Settlements Co., tapping into the growing market for a vagina that smiles.
If you have a dream about a vagina that smiles, it meas you’re worried about a bunch of vulvas in my face.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a vagina that smiles.

User
my lovely bits np

Getting my lovely bits back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
In the public my lovely bits model, a third-party service provider delivers the my lovely bits service over the Internet.
A social skill is any skill facilitating my lovely bits with others.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like my lovely bits.
Let a piece of Lego® in the carpet host your next party, providing my lovely bits like you’ve never seen before.
Who so pulleth out a slip of the tongue of this stone is rightwise king born of my lovely bits.

User
a guilty little boy n

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a guilty little boy.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen a guilty little boy.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a guilty little boy in the soil.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a guilty little boy.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a guilty little boy. Always.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a guilty little boy so relaxing.

User
a smoking crater filled with blood n

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a smoking crater filled with blood in the pillows.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Smoking Crater Filled with Blood” after his dead horse.
Don’t look at me while I’m a smoking crater filled with blood! It messes me up!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about hotboxing a cat, but with a smoking crater filled with blood!
I can’t believe you guys went adopting a Romanian baby without me! Loop me in next time, I want a smoking crater filled with blood too!
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with my person and a mysterious boy who fights a smoking crater filled with blood.

User
I saw  {n} down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be   with us."2

I saw an even stupider idea down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be mammaries with us."
I saw a photocopy of your face down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be glittery eyelashes with us."
I saw a deceitful word down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be a battalion of ruthless, killer cyborgs with us."
I saw military-themed porn down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be being in the way with us."
I saw dope down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be a more imminent danger with us."
I saw hella teen angst down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be getting crushed between two trucks with us."

User
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for  "

I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for God in human form"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for unrestrained passion"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for insipid fools"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for ill-advised business decisions"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for useless noodle arms"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for a firm slap to the groin"

User
The road of royalty is paved with  , and awash with  .2

The road of royalty is paved with a deal breaker, and awash with a watermelon.
The road of royalty is paved with this spring’s hottest new fashions, and awash with a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
The road of royalty is paved with a great big sword, and awash with the shittier one.
The road of royalty is paved with insincerity, and awash with horny catgirls.
The road of royalty is paved with three carrots, and awash with a quiver of love arrows.
The road of royalty is paved with an enchanted ring, and awash with money.

User
the monster who murdered your husband n

Happiness: The monster who murdered your husband, violent death, and the finest quality cheese.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the monster who murdered your husband by rewarding them with a falling tree.
I love your necklace! It’s the monster who murdered your husband, right?
I’m getting the monster who murdered your husband installed in my car, so I can be the only thing left while I drive.
If you have a dream about the monster who murdered your husband, it meas you’re worried about gourmet drinking chocolate.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was the monster who murdered your husband.

User
When  {n} finally expired,  {n}, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.2

When a mind-erasing kit finally expired, a leopard invasion, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a pinch finally expired, bad juju, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When $20 worth of pot finally expired, a pipe bomb, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a glass pane finally expired, girl problems, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a big ol’ fruit finally expired, inquisitive middle schoolers, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a stolen Army helicopter finally expired, white men with guns, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.

User
Stay out of that lake!  {n} will shoot up your urethra!

Stay out of that lake! the men who helped me will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! carrion birds will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! unrestrained passion will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! hot babes will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! an army of 35,000 men will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! an extremely uncomfortable mattress will shoot up your urethra!

User
It was awful, in the middle of having sex  {n} leaked out of my butt.

It was awful, in the middle of having sex a squealing 6- and 10-year-old leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex pendulous breasts leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex a tribal village leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex quiet poots leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex the wool over my eyes leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex anger and shock leaked out of my butt.

User
my skin n

I got a light dusting of pubes as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with my skin?
I tried to sneak out of the store with my skin under one arm and the killing of educated adults down my pants.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed my skin up and down the highway.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about my skin?
Monopoly: All Your Drama Edition comes with the front half and my skin instead of houses and hotels.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my skin to the funeral.

User
getting covered in spicy mayonnaise v

We can be getting covered in spicy mayonnaise. And no one has to know.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me getting covered in spicy mayonnaise at the party last night.
But I promised my kids they could get getting covered in spicy mayonnaise for Christmas!
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.

User
a swarm of bats n

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Little Turds Everywhere Co., tapping into the growing market for a swarm of bats.
My publisher demanded I remove a swarm of bats from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a swarm of bats!”
My pharmacist separated a swarm of bats into two piles, and carefully lowered one into chafing jeans.
The city condemned our house after finding a swarm of bats in the crawlspace.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a swarm of bats directly.

User
a girl with a bag on her head n

How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of the savory gels of her lust, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into a girl with a bag on her head.
I pushed hard enough to snap a girl with a bag on her head, but some powerful kind of special pube shampoo was blocking the door.
My publisher demanded I remove a girl with a bag on her head from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
If my neighbor doesn’t get a girl with a bag on her head off my property, I’m calling the cops!
The transferred sperm cells are kept in a girl with a bag on her head, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a girl with a bag on her head spraying up the wall.

User
nasty boys np

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft and are ordered to be nasty boys no matter what.
I’m getting a karate chop installed in my car, so I can be nasty boys while I drive.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and nasty boys in the Philippines.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide nasty boys directly.
My publisher demanded I remove nasty boys from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift nasty boys over my head, but my wedding ring got in the way.

User
my towering afro n

I would have never thought that I’d actually be a creepy marionette while I’m my towering afro!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then my towering afro really affected me.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of my towering afro.
In future times, the children will work together to build my towering afro.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, my towering afro emerged.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with yoga farts went off early, ejecting my towering afro into the air!

User
a blind, but happy, puppy n

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Blind, but Happy, Puppy.
When I saw a blind, but happy, puppy I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, making it go back in, I went white as a sheet!
Our artisanal process ages a blind, but happy, puppy for 3 years, before going right into what we needed, rapidly working myself up into a frenzy.
Whenever I cook a blind, but happy, puppy I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into alcohol.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A blind, but happy, puppy with two bats in a giant pair of pajamas.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a blind, but happy, puppy! It’s all here in my manifesto!

User
a man with no legs n

During my driving test, I backed my car into a man with no legs. I still got an 85!
Until quite recently, a man with no legs had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Help! I’m a man with no legs and I need YOU to do something about it!
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing a man with no legs.”
There is no revenge so complete as a man with no legs.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around a man with no legs on the freeway.

User
the cruel ambition of my father n

Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw the cruel ambition of my father at a player from the stands.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “the cruel ambition of my father.”
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the cruel ambition of my father.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got wrestling alligators painted on both sides, which some say encourages the cruel ambition of my father.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of the cruel ambition of my father in the soil.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began the cruel ambition of my father.

User
The Goddamned Fun Police nc

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with The Goddamned Fun Police.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always The Goddamned Fun Police just around the corner.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Getting crushed between two trucks, The Goddamned Fun Police and the runs.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like The Goddamned Fun Police.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy The Goddamned Fun Police that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
You spent all your food-stamps on The Goddamned Fun Police?!

User
my wonderful new scabies infection n

I need a hotel room with my wonderful new scabies infection, and I need my golden goose brought to me every four hours.
I tried to sneak out of the store with my wonderful new scabies infection under one arm and that urpy feeling like when you eat too much down my pants.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my wonderful new scabies infection in the sea.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other my wonderful new scabies infection, while a man is getting all obsessed on a galloping horse.
Her inheritance was squandered upon my wonderful new scabies infection while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a bony ass in her own home.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had my wonderful new scabies infection.

User
a homeless junkie with AIDS n

10% of all proceeds from sales of a homeless junkie with AIDS will go to The Crossing a Moral Boundary Foundation.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a homeless junkie with AIDS.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a homeless junkie with AIDS.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always a homeless junkie with AIDS just around the corner.
The city condemned our house after finding a homeless junkie with AIDS in the crawlspace.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a homeless junkie with AIDS appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
Putin's sexy 2017 calendar n

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re Putin's sexy 2017 calendar and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using Putin's sexy 2017 calendar to forage for food.
Putin's sexy 2017 calendar isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of Putin's sexy 2017 calendar, so the temporary replacement uses an air-filled bladder.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in Putin's sexy 2017 calendar in the middle of each intersection.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find Putin's sexy 2017 calendar in the back seat.

User
Russia's best hacker n

Our artisanal process ages gangstas for 3 years, before going right into Russia's best hacker, rapidly reaching around.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “Russia's best hacker” incident in the science lab.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of ideas above your station, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into Russia's best hacker.
I’m late to my meeting for Russia's best hacker.
I can’t believe you guys went completely wigging out without me! Loop me in next time, I want Russia's best hacker too!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, Russia's best hacker, sloth, wrath, thrifty moms, and pride.

User
that dirty little louse n

Experts said that based on preliminary data, that dirty little louse appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of that dirty little louse.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for that dirty little louse.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected that dirty little louse, which hung in the air for days.
In a world with a kiss on the lips being asleep, not dead, one man must overcome that dirty little louse. Coming this summer.
During my driving test, I backed my car into that dirty little louse. I still got an 85!

User
a mangy street dog n

My dream house has childbirth built in, an extra garage for sex toy directions, and a mangy street dog for the door bell.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a mangy street dog.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a mangy street dog, part was doing surgery on LSD, and it was crowned with a fruitless task.
Give a man a mangy street dog and you feed him for a day. Give him a moisture-wicking fleece Canadian sleeve for the penis, and you feed him for a lifetime.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a mangy street dog.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow A Mangy Street Dog?

User
that boy who lives in the sewer n

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: That boy who lives in the sewer and arthouse films about transexuals.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from that boy who lives in the sewer, and the eco-glass windows trap in a good strategy.
Life without love is like panicking in a Subaru without that boy who lives in the sewer or fruit.
That boy who lives in the sewer has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at that boy who lives in the sewer and my card appeared in two F-bombs!
CAUTION: Keep that boy who lives in the sewer out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.

User
an eagle with a broken wing n

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began an eagle with a broken wing.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always an eagle with a broken wing just around the corner.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about an eagle with a broken wing and loving someone SO much. Should I talk to him?
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “An Eagle with a Broken Wing,” the finest ship in the harbor!
They don’t make an eagle with a broken wing like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a complete set of cybernetic implants.
My mom picked me up an eagle with a broken wing from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

User
summoning a demon for sex v

My dream house has Earth’s orbit built in, an extra garage for summoning a demon for sex, and sharpened teeth for the door bell.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s summoning a demon for sex.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is summoning a demon for sex.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to summoning a demon for sex.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Summoning a Demon for Sex!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore summoning a demon for sex in a very realistic way.

User
your rotten child n

The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: What’s for Dinner Does Your Rotten Child.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off your rotten child in the stands and then knocked a ghastly folly off a male prostitute.
Chase bank is giving out your rotten child this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into your rotten child.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with your rotten child. So bring mumbo jumbo.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with your rotten child.

User
a cis-white hetero shitlord n

Science never solves a problem without creating a cis-white hetero shitlord.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a cis-white hetero shitlord popped out!
This year’s hottest new fashion is a cis-white hetero shitlord on your head.
A cis-white hetero shitlord saved is a cis-white hetero shitlord earned.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a cis-white hetero shitlord emerged.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of a cis-white hetero shitlord.

User
a troubled transexual n

The first item of evidence in The People vs. A Troubled Transexual is mutual benefit.
Then God said, “Let there be a troubled transexual”; and there was a troubled transexual. And God saw that a troubled transexual was good.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a troubled transexual.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a troubled transexual in the sea.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a troubled transexual is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
It’s not delivery. It’s a troubled transexual.

User
a gasping woman n

Here’s a certificate for a gasping woman. I am at your service.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a gasping woman and baby eels.
Don’t shake the most unusual, unexpected taste so hard, it’ll start a gasping woman.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a gasping woman appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a weak spot removed from her and a gasping woman removed from me.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a gasping woman, get to the front of the line.

User
Not understanding the family business, my kids saw me slaughter  {n} out back. Now they're terrified of me, it's ridiculous.

Not understanding the family business, my kids saw me slaughter an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome out back. Now they're terrified of me, it's ridiculous.
Not understanding the family business, my kids saw me slaughter a seductively smiling Scarlett Johansson out back. Now they're terrified of me, it's ridiculous.
Not understanding the family business, my kids saw me slaughter maximum bitch mode out back. Now they're terrified of me, it's ridiculous.
Not understanding the family business, my kids saw me slaughter people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm out back. Now they're terrified of me, it's ridiculous.
Not understanding the family business, my kids saw me slaughter large recoil out back. Now they're terrified of me, it's ridiculous.
Not understanding the family business, my kids saw me slaughter a vacant stare out back. Now they're terrified of me, it's ridiculous.

User
Do not spare them, but slaughter  {n}, children, infants,  {n}, camels and donkeys.2

Do not spare them, but slaughter dos and don’ts, children, infants, hyperactive legs, camels and donkeys.
Do not spare them, but slaughter a radical student, children, infants, a traffic cop, camels and donkeys.
Do not spare them, but slaughter nitro-boosted performance, children, infants, a humiliated animal, camels and donkeys.
Do not spare them, but slaughter heartlessness, children, infants, mom, camels and donkeys.
Do not spare them, but slaughter the last condom, children, infants, Mexican forces, camels and donkeys.
Do not spare them, but slaughter a conventional man, children, infants, shaved bears, camels and donkeys.

User
what you have done to us n

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? What you have done to us.
At the coffee shop they wrote “what you have done to us” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find what you have done to us.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow What You Have Done to Us?
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for what you have done to us?
A remarkably swift recovery brings what you have done to us to a child’s face.

User
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes  {n} of yours and dashes them against the rocks.

Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes #1 Dad of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes any decent person of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes horny catgirls of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes a sarcastic horse of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes subordinated masculinity of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes a thorough examination of yours and dashes them against the rocks.

User
Muslims don't hate  {n}, they just think they need to be eliminated.

Muslims don't hate ideological differences, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate the stars of the night sky, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate bromance, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate a creepy marionette, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate the part you pee into, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate a violent episode, they just think they need to be eliminated.

User
makin' people v

Makin' people like this is enough to kill a horse!
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about makin' people?
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of makin' people, so the temporary replacement uses a surgical rotary saw.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of makin' people in the soil.
Being carted away nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid makin' people.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to makin' people.

User
getting your dick touched v

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of getting your dick touched.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and getting your dick touched.
Our artisanal process ages scary men for 3 years, before going right into copycats, rapidly getting your dick touched.
Pundits agree it will take getting your dick touched for the senator to win the election.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, Grandma’s ghost, sloth, wrath, getting your dick touched, and pride.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, getting your dick touched, toilet paper, shelter, and the bitter cold.

User
being pure and heterosexual v

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be being pure and heterosexual.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re being pure and heterosexual and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Amtrak officials confirm being pure and heterosexual would have prevented train derailment.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a watchful guard in the attic. Anyway, I’m being pure and heterosexual.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Bear Sperm Co., tapping into the growing market for being pure and heterosexual.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be ribs while I’m being pure and heterosexual!

User
a plump house-cat n

This is my second kid. My first one came out as a plump house-cat.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a plump house-cat.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A phone booth and a plump house-cat.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a plump house-cat so relaxing.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had an unfair coin destroyed and a plump house-cat killed as well.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into a plump house-cat and stopped.

User
my hot, lesbian sister n

At spring training a foul ball bounced off a butt poop fart in the stands and then knocked my hot, lesbian sister off the wrong man.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide my hot, lesbian sister directly.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is my hot, lesbian sister.
They don’t make my hot, lesbian sister like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a giant eraser.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to my hot, lesbian sister, even before I put on my clothes.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced a mother whale with my hot, lesbian sister.

User
killing the gays v

Killing the gays brings my haunted butthole to a child’s face.
Music without the sounds of killing the gays is hardly music at all.
If you ask me, killing the gays makes good neighbors.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with killing the gays! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Then God said, “Let there be killing the gays”; and there was killing the gays. And God saw that killing the gays was good.
When I saw ball peeking I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, killing the gays, I went white as a sheet!



the gays nc

What the the gays department lacks in selection, we make up for in a barbecued meal worm.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Gays” after his dead horse.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the gays.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found the gays.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of the gays.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring the gays.

User
two country bumpkins np

At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare two country bumpkins right at your table.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to two country bumpkins.
I pushed hard enough to snap two country bumpkins, but some powerful kind of eerie silence was blocking the door.
You can’t get two country bumpkins big enough or a new Wes Anderson movie long enough to suit me.
In a world with the Army tugging too hard, one man must overcome two country bumpkins. Coming this summer.
If you ask me, two country bumpkins makes good neighbors.

User
literal sugar tits np

I left my wife at home all day and she replaced literal sugar tits with a jaundiced view of humanity.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value literal sugar tits more. Now hold still.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of literal sugar tits.
I was so surprised to see a gigantic eyeball on a stalk that literal sugar tits fell out of my mouth.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS LITERAL SUGAR TITS SAVING ALL THE JEWS.”
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of literal sugar tits, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into mediocre tits.

User
stopping just in time v

I ordered shame privately over the Internet so I can get better at stopping just in time.
John “eating feathers” Smith. The genius who brought us stopping just in time.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a more cavernous vagina, score points by stopping just in time, and a pillar of salt shall not be on the field.
I like my women like I like a silent, anonymous encounter: stopping just in time with compressed gas.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of stopping just in time.
Here’s a certificate for stopping just in time. I am at your service.

User
a twitching hand n

If you do it right, a twitching hand is all about oiled thighs.
My favorite new band is “A Twitching Hand and Giving Birth to It”.
On Ebay you can get a twitching hand but it comes in several tiny boxes.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: The same pay and a twitching hand.
Dagnabbit! I got a twitching hand all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Great job on the proposal for making it weird, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a twitching hand.

User
being slightly incestuous v

Ever since body shaming appeared in the neighborhood, being slightly incestuous has been eyed with suspicion.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Being slightly incestuous, a light dusting of pubes and a cattle pen and a horse corral.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about being slightly incestuous?
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of being slightly incestuous.
During the war, German scientists experimented with being slightly incestuous to weaponize a church full of liars.
In my state, being slightly incestuous is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

User
a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers n

I ordered a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers privately over the Internet so I can get better at breaking down in a cheap motel room.
My mom picked me up a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
The cineplex has been using a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers to the vastness of space.
A twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.

User
smothering this child v

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with an air-filled bladder went off early, ejecting smothering this child into the air!
Jesus is smothering this child.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value smothering this child more. Now hold still.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all smothering this child, right while I’m carefully removing my skeleton.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Smothering This Child!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Reasonable stereotypes, smothering this child and a berserk horse.

User
getting fat v

If you have a dream about cooter muscles, it meas you’re worried about getting fat.
For my last meal I want a slut who deserved it seasoned heavily with getting fat.
Pool rules: No running. No getting fat. Keep a watchful guard out of the deep end.
I’m late to my meeting for getting fat.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got inhabitants painted on both sides, which some say encourages getting fat.
When I get older, I don’t want to be getting fat.

User
big numbers np

I think that ecstasy was cut with big numbers. After one hit I began very, very rapidly danglin’ out there all pink and naked.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to big numbers.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on big numbers when I bought the seedy underbelly.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Daddy Juice Does Big Numbers.
When the beef came at me it was like big numbers.
Wake turbulence, also known as big numbers, is turbulence that forms behind a long, winding trail of blood as it passes through the air.

User
murdering everyone who knows the secret v

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about white men with guns, but with murdering everyone who knows the secret!
Go, go, Gadget Murdering Everyone Who Knows the Secret!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then murdering everyone who knows the secret really affected me.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw murdering everyone who knows the secret for the first time!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of murdering everyone who knows the secret.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Murdering Everyone Who Knows the Secret

User
a back-ass-wards idiot idea n

My dream house has a back-ass-wards idiot idea built in, an extra garage for I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them, and space Nazis for the door bell.
Don’t look at me while I’m a back-ass-wards idiot idea! It messes me up!
Two best friends and my wedding ring take a road trip, and discover a back-ass-wards idiot idea along the way.
I got into my car and sat on a back-ass-wards idiot idea. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a back-ass-wards idiot idea, even before I put on my clothes.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from wandering around with a back-ass-wards idiot idea.

User
falling literally forever v

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began falling literally forever.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into falling literally forever, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start raw recruits.
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are jury duty and falling literally forever.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with falling literally forever.
When the beef came at me it was like falling literally forever.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of falling literally forever, so the temporary replacement uses the very foundation.

User
humping people v

My new phone looks like it’s humping people but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to humping people.
Here’s a certificate for humping people. I am at your service.
They said humping people was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with a big bomb.
Shepherds in Scotland have used humping people for years to keep the flock from membranes.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of humping people.

User
popping out of the ground v

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by popping out of the ground.
Last night I dreamed of popping out of the ground. I cannot shake the feeling that some guy named Darryl will arrive soon.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between zigzagging wildly and popping out of the ground.
Popping out of the ground! Popping out of the ground! My kingdom for popping out of the ground!
The thief was caught stealing dad from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of popping out of the ground.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was popping out of the ground.

User
a quiet corner bistro n

During the war, German scientists experimented with feasting and slaughter to weaponize a quiet corner bistro.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a quiet corner bistro.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a quiet corner bistro. Would you like to try our new special, slapping everything?
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Spiders Does a Quiet Corner Bistro.
When the celestial spheres align, a quiet corner bistro will descend from the heavens.
For my last meal I want an English-speaking Mexican seasoned heavily with a quiet corner bistro.

User
accidentally hitting your daughter v

I’ll never know why my grandparents find accidentally hitting your daughter so relaxing.
The survey team detected accidentally hitting your daughter at the work site so I threw no recourse in my truck and drove straight there.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a strap-on painted on both sides, which some say encourages accidentally hitting your daughter.
When I saw a thought I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, accidentally hitting your daughter, I went white as a sheet!
In this 15th century painting, accidentally hitting your daughter is represented by a man with a gasoline enema for a head.
Accidentally hitting your daughter like this is enough to kill a horse!

User
a crazed man clinging to the ceiling n

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a crazed man clinging to the ceiling, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start shenanigans.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from bellowing with a crazed man clinging to the ceiling.
You spent all your food-stamps on a crazed man clinging to the ceiling?!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a crazed man clinging to the ceiling.
My favorite new band is “A Crazed Man Clinging to the Ceiling and a Bad Landing”.
Ich bin ein a crazed man clinging to the ceiling.

User
a ghost that hunts white people n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a ghost that hunts white people hanging in the window.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a deceitful word painted on both sides, which some say encourages a ghost that hunts white people.
But of the tree of knowledge of a ghost that hunts white people and a protruding vein you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
A ghost that hunts white people failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward the whole sick crew.
Here on the assembly line we heat a ghost that hunts white people to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is wet like grandma does it.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into a ghost that hunts white people and stopped.

User
You know,   looks delicious, but I'm afraid to try.

You know, a quiver of love arrows looks delicious, but I'm afraid to try.
You know, long, spindly legs looks delicious, but I'm afraid to try.
You know, a plan gone horribly wrong looks delicious, but I'm afraid to try.
You know, all the king’s treasure looks delicious, but I'm afraid to try.
You know, what’s for dinner looks delicious, but I'm afraid to try.
You know, a tard looks delicious, but I'm afraid to try.

User
You have to separate the waste. This bin is for  . This one is for  , and this bin if for everything else. Oh, and put  {n} in individual zip-lock bags.3

You have to separate the waste. This bin is for a flesh wand. This one is for demonic possession, and this bin if for everything else. Oh, and put an entity in death in individual zip-lock bags.
You have to separate the waste. This bin is for theatrics. This one is for being asleep, not dead, and this bin if for everything else. Oh, and put just a video game in individual zip-lock bags.
You have to separate the waste. This bin is for neglecting a spike. This one is for the rifleman’s upper body, and this bin if for everything else. Oh, and put a big, heavy shotgun in individual zip-lock bags.
You have to separate the waste. This bin is for shoulder blades. This one is for evil thinking, and this bin if for everything else. Oh, and put shame in individual zip-lock bags.
You have to separate the waste. This bin is for a ghoulish feast. This one is for my private supply, and this bin if for everything else. Oh, and put an abomination unto God in individual zip-lock bags.
You have to separate the waste. This bin is for both emissaries. This one is for masturbating to pictures of dead animals, and this bin if for everything else. Oh, and put my sweet in individual zip-lock bags.

User
The patient kept screaming "   ". Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and  {n} emerged!3

The patient kept screaming "no wheelchair access the roof". Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and no recourse emerged!
The patient kept screaming "nothing at all the ashes of your beloved dog". Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and gut-wrenching testimony emerged!
The patient kept screaming "a perfect vacuum putting up with you". Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and an enraged bee emerged!
The patient kept screaming "the instructions running until you die". Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and swindling queers emerged!
The patient kept screaming "being unfit to even live a surgical rotary saw". Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and Gene Simmons’ tongue emerged!
The patient kept screaming "a corresponding rise in wages being the small spoon". Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a suitcase full of guns and money emerged!

User
While I was working on the radio tower  {n} came loose and swung right into  {n}!2

While I was working on the radio tower nothing good came loose and swung right into irresponsible parenting!
While I was working on the radio tower a “magic wand” came loose and swung right into a tight fit!
While I was working on the radio tower a good thing for the heart came loose and swung right into a broken lock!
While I was working on the radio tower inertia came loose and swung right into my sexual partners!
While I was working on the radio tower thunderclaps came loose and swung right into a pale reflection!
While I was working on the radio tower filthy underpants came loose and swung right into tight clothes!

User
The destruction of   is a tragedy. The destruction of   is business as usual.2

The destruction of a cranky, foul mouthed old lady is a tragedy. The destruction of an even stupider idea is business as usual.
The destruction of extra padding for my butt is a tragedy. The destruction of radicalizing the natives is business as usual.
The destruction of an enraged bee is a tragedy. The destruction of my replacement is business as usual.
The destruction of a nurse is a tragedy. The destruction of a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft is business as usual.
The destruction of nutters running around with chainsaws is a tragedy. The destruction of putting on pants is business as usual.
The destruction of the yellow line down the middle of the road is a tragedy. The destruction of water is business as usual.

User
slapping me bum-bum v

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was slapping me bum-bum.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always slapping me bum-bum. Always.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be slapping me bum-bum while I’m bear sperm!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into slapping me bum-bum! She’s 62!
Last night I dreamed of slapping me bum-bum. I cannot shake the feeling that a tacky, god-awful facelift will arrive soon.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s slapping me bum-bum.

User
Don't insult  , lots of people are  . Hell, aren't some of our neighbors  ?1

Don't insult mood enhancing hormones, lots of people are mood enhancing hormones. Hell, aren't some of our neighbors mood enhancing hormones?
Don't insult proving she’s a witch, lots of people are proving she’s a witch. Hell, aren't some of our neighbors proving she’s a witch?
Don't insult a bunch of vulvas in my face, lots of people are a bunch of vulvas in my face. Hell, aren't some of our neighbors a bunch of vulvas in my face?
Don't insult effective limits, lots of people are effective limits. Hell, aren't some of our neighbors effective limits?
Don't insult a madhouse! A madhouse!, lots of people are a madhouse! A madhouse!. Hell, aren't some of our neighbors a madhouse! A madhouse!?
Don't insult a wet burst, lots of people are a wet burst. Hell, aren't some of our neighbors a wet burst?

User
my transparent panties n

When the beef came at me it was like my transparent panties.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw my transparent panties at a player from the stands.
Alexander also named a city in India “My Transparent Panties” after his dead horse.
I got into my car and sat on my transparent panties. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “my transparent panties” incident in the science lab.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got my transparent panties before every meeting.

User
a scimitar twirling terrorist n

In this game you get to collect mediocre tits and craft a scimitar twirling terrorist.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a scimitar twirling terrorist onto the International Space Station.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find a scimitar twirling terrorist.
Go, go, Gadget a Scimitar Twirling Terrorist!
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a scimitar twirling terrorist, would you be a scimitar twirling terrorist as well?”
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing a scimitar twirling terrorist, since we’re so good at it.

User
the prettiest pixie n

Chimps in the wild have been observed using the prettiest pixie to forage for food.
Music without the sounds of the prettiest pixie is hardly music at all.
The prettiest pixie nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid the real judge of me.
Honey, you can’t keep putting the prettiest pixie down the garbage disposal!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from the prettiest pixie.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but the prettiest pixie.

User
a purring kitten n

When the stadium was demolished it ejected a purring kitten, which hung in the air for days.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a Facebook post, with mostly unused hypodermics around the edges, and a purring kitten on top.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a purring kitten.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a purring kitten.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced a purring kitten with the ashes of your beloved dog.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a purring kitten.

User
Snoop Dogg's magic umbrella n

Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into Snoop Dogg's magic umbrella and stopped.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put Snoop Dogg's magic umbrella in the pillows.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw Snoop Dogg's magic umbrella overboard!
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me Snoop Dogg's magic umbrella while we were still in the car.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, Snoop Dogg's magic umbrella emerged.
I chipped my tooth on regular contact. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t Snoop Dogg's magic umbrella.



2Pac's golden uzi n

Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of 2Pac's golden uzi scissoring.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing 2Pac's golden uzi, since we’re so good at it.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up 2Pac's golden uzi on the porch to surprise the kids.
Whenever I cook 2Pac's golden uzi I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into the brave men and women fighting for us.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in 2Pac's golden uzi.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling 2Pac's golden uzi. The driver was sinking into the mud.



Biggie Smalls' gangsta flava nc

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience Biggie Smalls' gangsta flava like I was really there.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a line when I bought Biggie Smalls' gangsta flava.
Dagnabbit! I got Biggie Smalls' gangsta flava all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at Biggie Smalls' gangsta flava and my card appeared in unsuspecting bystanders!
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using giving birth to it to treat Biggie Smalls' gangsta flava!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “Biggie Smalls' gangsta flava.”



50 Cent's best crack pipe n

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had grandma’s soggy diaper removed so he could be 50 Cent's best crack pipe.
Help! I’m 50 Cent's best crack pipe and I need YOU to do something about it!
The TSA has made new rules mandating 50 Cent's best crack pipe on every commercial flight.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in 50 Cent's best crack pipe.
I’m late to my meeting for 50 Cent's best crack pipe.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s my nuggets, late at night, with firing ports around the edges, and 50 Cent's best crack pipe on top.

User
wandering eyes np

I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, wandering eyes popped out!
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of all our faces, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into wandering eyes.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned wandering eyes. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of wandering eyes in the soil.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a slot, and the eco-glass windows trap in wandering eyes.
The city put in new road signs to indicate wandering eyes just up ahead.

User
makin' hot gravy v

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always makin' hot gravy. Always.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a ghoulish feast jumping and nipping at me from below and even makin' hot gravy.
I think that ecstasy was cut with maximum attitude. After one hit I began very, very rapidly makin' hot gravy.
They said makin' hot gravy was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with affectionate biting.
A lifetime of makin' hot gravy awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
The authorities followed the trail of makin' hot gravy, leading them straight to the suspect.

User
a hot beef injection n

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a hot beef injection directly.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a hot beef injection.
My house. 8 o’clock. A hot beef injection.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a hot beef injection.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about hot biscuits & gravy and a hot beef injection. Should I talk to him?
I was so surprised to see a hot beef injection that shaved bears fell out of my mouth.

User
Who so pulleth out this sword of  {n} shall be  {scv}.2

Who so pulleth out this sword of hors d’oeuvres shall be having a zero-value existence.
Who so pulleth out this sword of many people shall be a wayward dental implant.
Who so pulleth out this sword of swamp ass shall be a debased woman.
Who so pulleth out this sword of bodily functions gone awry shall be gunfire.
Who so pulleth out this sword of every part of the buffalo shall be a “magic wand”.
Who so pulleth out this sword of every step of the way shall be springing into action.

User
not quite tipping over v

Not quite tipping over isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Ich bin ein not quite tipping over.
If you have a dream about thinness, it meas you’re worried about not quite tipping over.
Here on the assembly line we heat nature’s candy to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is not quite tipping over.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re not quite tipping over and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find not quite tipping over so relaxing.

User
dude after dude nc

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from an enhanced interrogation, and the eco-glass windows trap in dude after dude.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to dude after dude.
Dude after dude: It’s nature’s candy!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: An episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects with dude after dude.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “dude after dude”.
Man invented ceaseless chanting, so woman invented dude after dude.

User
 {n}, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with   in a state of ruin.2

the absolute verifiable truth, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with half a man in a state of ruin.
white men with guns, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes in a state of ruin.
grunting mermaids, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with two F-bombs in a state of ruin.
the pelvis, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with nothing much in a state of ruin.
a shard of shrapnel, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with the real adversary in a state of ruin.
a girl on roller skates, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with attacking everything in your path in a state of ruin.

User
goin' to the cemetery to set traps v

Shepherds in Scotland have used goin' to the cemetery to set traps for years to keep the flock from the first chimp in space.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw goin' to the cemetery to set traps for the first time!
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of barely any swag and a mouthfeel like goin' to the cemetery to set traps.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into goin' to the cemetery to set traps.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Goin' to the Cemetery to Set Traps
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as goin' to the cemetery to set traps or impressing the most neutral observers.

User
a very fertile pussycat n

The new bill before congress would mandate a very fertile pussycat in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a very fertile pussycat.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: An episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects with a very fertile pussycat.
It’s lucky to touch a very fertile pussycat; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a very fertile pussycat.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a very fertile pussycat and the world’s fastest pump.

User
a heliotropic penis n

The survey team detected endangered animals at the work site so I threw a heliotropic penis in my truck and drove straight there.
My publisher demanded I remove a heliotropic penis from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a heliotropic penis.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a heliotropic penis, even before I put on my clothes.
There’s no reason for a heliotropic penis before breakfast.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a heliotropic penis.

User
Warchief Bloodmoor's minions np

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Warchief Bloodmoor's Minions”! I shook his hand and it felt like Warchief Bloodmoor's minions.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Untwisting Co., tapping into the growing market for Warchief Bloodmoor's minions.
My nightly ritual involves Warchief Bloodmoor's minions, mailing anthrax, and finally getting all obsessed just as I fall asleep.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a big bomb, but now for work I’m Warchief Bloodmoor's minions. Go figure!
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Warchief Bloodmoor's minions jumping and nipping at me from below and even laughing and lying.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Warchief Bloodmoor's Minions and You”.

User
a massive, hissing centipede n

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a massive, hissing centipede over my head, but chugging NyQuil™ got in the way.
For my last meal I want a mistake seasoned heavily with a massive, hissing centipede.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a massive, hissing centipede?
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a massive, hissing centipede that overturned their car.
I was vacuuming when I sucked a massive, hissing centipede out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a lump in the blanket came out too!
The TSA has made new rules mandating a massive, hissing centipede on every commercial flight.

User
the president n

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with the president.
Last Christmas, I gave you the president. The very next day, you gave it away.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy the president one ounce at a time.
In my wild days I was smearing blood all over the bathroom, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with the president on the New Mexico border.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore the president in a very realistic way.
The president isn’t getting old, but I sure am!

User
an axe-swinging Viking n

An axe-swinging Viking has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be an axe-swinging Viking.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned an axe-swinging Viking. As a result, his men were well motivated.
The cruiseliner struck an axe-swinging Viking and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with assault preparations.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at an axe-swinging Viking and my card appeared in an army of 35,000 men!
Although moving away from an axe-swinging Viking proved effective for schools, the switch to the measure of a man initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.

User
Nazi Germany n

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is Nazi Germany.
Her inheritance was squandered upon Nazi Germany while Cinderella was abused and forced to become the white man in her own home.
Pundits agree it will take Nazi Germany for the senator to win the election.
You can’t get Nazi Germany big enough or a Christmas tree long enough to suit me.
Ever since Nazi Germany appeared in the neighborhood, new rules from on high has been eyed with suspicion.
Can I get some floss? There’s Nazi Germany between my teeth.

User
acting mature for once v

On the assembly line we heat a busy bee to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is acting mature for once.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “acting mature for once.”
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was acting mature for once.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with 19 cannons jumping and nipping at me from below and even acting mature for once.
Acting mature for once brings ionizing radiation to a child’s face.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by acting mature for once.

User
a barkin' pussy n

Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Barkin' Pussy and You”.
Whenever I cook a barkin' pussy I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into a wall of spikes.
The new top grade of gasoline has a barkin' pussy as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a barkin' pussy, which hung in the air for days.
A barkin' pussy brings secretions to a child’s face.
I tried to sneak out of the store with a healthy fantasy life under one arm and a barkin' pussy down my pants.

User
eatin' possum, mmm-mmm v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as eatin' possum, mmm-mmm.
Let a Kazakhstani grandma host your next party, providing eatin' possum, mmm-mmm like you’ve never seen before.
They said eatin' possum, mmm-mmm was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with the southwest corner.
In this 15th century painting, eatin' possum, mmm-mmm is represented by a man with a code to live by for a head.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of eatin' possum, mmm-mmm in the soil.
During the war, German scientists experimented with eatin' possum, mmm-mmm to weaponize the good cop.

User
accidental suicide nc

Everything I need to live on a desert island: Accidental suicide with spinning blades.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're accidental suicide!
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to accidental suicide.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with accidental suicide.
In this game you get to collect accidental suicide and craft the latest fad.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began accidental suicide.

User
squeezing a swollen gland v

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “squeezing a swollen gland.”
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Squeezing a Swollen Gland
I’m getting hatred for children installed in my car, so I can be squeezing a swollen gland while I drive.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into ill-advised business decisions, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start squeezing a swollen gland.
Pundits agree it will take squeezing a swollen gland for the senator to win the election.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for squeezing a swollen gland?

User
sounding like "SHOOOOM!" v

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for sounding like "SHOOOOM!".
Amtrak officials confirm sounding like "SHOOOOM!" would have prevented train derailment.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of sounding like "SHOOOOM!" in the soil.
Wake turbulence, also known as sounding like "SHOOOOM!", is turbulence that forms behind sliced vegetables as it passes through the air.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember sounding like "SHOOOOM!"?”
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Sounding like "SHOOOOM!".

User
getting distracted v

More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and getting distracted in the Philippines.
Pool rules: No running. No getting distracted. Keep a bag of duck vaginas out of the deep end.
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Getting Distracted.
Getting distracted failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a big chicken order.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of goat porn-loving bot that hates getting distracted.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of getting distracted heard remote.

User
Opinions are like  {n}. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

Opinions are like a dead clown on the stairs. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Opinions are like a way rude hunger. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Opinions are like a debased woman. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Opinions are like a garbage truck. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Opinions are like a cat in a paper bag. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Opinions are like wet dog smell. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.


User
Is that  ? Makes ya look purdier than butter on toast.

Is that a horizontal ass crack? Makes ya look purdier than butter on toast.
Is that the ashes of your beloved dog? Makes ya look purdier than butter on toast.
Is that mounting? Makes ya look purdier than butter on toast.
Is that a makeshift defensive structure? Makes ya look purdier than butter on toast.
Is that due time? Makes ya look purdier than butter on toast.
Is that newer technology? Makes ya look purdier than butter on toast.

User
dilling my pickle v

The authorities followed the trail of dilling my pickle, leading them straight to the suspect.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift sloppy seconds over my head, but dilling my pickle got in the way.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be dilling my pickle if I wanted a new family.
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are dilling my pickle and a traffic cop.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of jury duty dilling my pickle.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by dilling my pickle.

User
mah huntin' rifle, yee-haw n

My mom picked me up mah huntin' rifle, yee-haw from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by mah huntin' rifle, yee-haw and a pill for every problem.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around mah huntin' rifle, yee-haw.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of oozing holes in history, rode into battle atop mah huntin' rifle, yee-haw.
I was vacuuming when I sucked all the leopards out from under the couch. I kept pulling until mah huntin' rifle, yee-haw came out too!
You stole mah huntin' rifle, yee-haw from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re going as deep as possible and you’re going to hell!

User
pressing myself into it v

If you kids don’t stop pressing myself into it, I will turn the body around!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Pressing Myself into It” syndrome!
Hark! What pressing myself into it through yonder window breaks?
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Pressing Myself into It Co., tapping into the growing market for that fly in here.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into pressing myself into it.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of pressing myself into it.

User
ditching the kids v

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Becoming an Adult Co., tapping into the growing market for ditching the kids.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Ditching the Kids” syndrome!
My dream house has rude kids built in, an extra garage for ditching the kids, and a dream for the door bell.
This year’s hottest new fashion is ditching the kids on your head.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Ditching the Kids”! I shook his hand and it felt like ditching the kids.
My new phone looks like it’s ditching the kids but I don’t mind. It makes calls.

User
my embarrasingly affectionate father n

I want to be buried with my embarrasingly affectionate father.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of My Embarrasingly Affectionate Father.
Here on the assembly line we heat my embarrasingly affectionate father to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is tunneling around.
Don’t shake my Judo bikini so hard, it’ll start my embarrasingly affectionate father.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be my embarrasingly affectionate father.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of my embarrasingly affectionate father in the soil.

User
a rampaging golem n

The night before Easter, we’ll set up a rampaging golem on the porch to surprise the kids.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a rampaging golem.
I’m getting cooties installed in my car, so I can be a rampaging golem while I drive.
I went rafting, saw a rampaging golem in the river, no big deal.
A rampaging golem has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a rampaging golem.

User
murderous jealousy n

The terrorists will execute murderous jealousy every 20 minutes until they receive why I suck at this job.
I didn’t think this house would sell with human murder in the attic. Anyway, I’m murderous jealousy.
Howdy neighbor, love murderous jealousy! Let’s get fat guys dressed as Sailor Moon sometime!
Can I get some floss? There’s murderous jealousy between my teeth.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as murderous jealousy surfaced from below.
Murderous jealousy: It’s nature’s candy!

User
a man with busy hands n

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a man with busy hands.
I can’t swing the recent tragedy in Africa around here without hitting a man with busy hands!
At the skating rink there was a man with busy hands and everyone fell down at once.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a man with busy hands to the vastness of space.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a man with busy hands by rewarding them with being unfit to even live.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a man with busy hands.

User
a surprisingly attractive crack whore n

The city put in new road signs to indicate a surprisingly attractive crack whore just up ahead.
I wasn’t always black... there was a surprisingly attractive crack whore, and it got bigger and bigger.
My car looks like it’s a surprisingly attractive crack whore but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
If you kids don’t stop slipping on a jizz slick, I will turn a surprisingly attractive crack whore around!
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a surprisingly attractive crack whore if I wanted a new family.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw a surprisingly attractive crack whore overboard!

User
a slut who will do anything n

The terrorists will execute a slut who will do anything every 20 minutes until they receive maximum attitude.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience a slut who will do anything like I was really there.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a slut who will do anything.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Slut Who Will Do Anything!” You’re cursed with a big surprise until the end of the game!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a slut who will do anything went off early, ejecting kissing ass into the air!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a slut who will do anything, sloth, wrath, bad words, and pride.

User
a terrifying emptiness n

I found out why I’m always sick... they found a terrifying emptiness in the walls at my office.
Getting a terrifying emptiness back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a terrifying emptiness.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a terrifying emptiness, the S.W.A.T. team, and a good thing for the heart.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a terrifying emptiness?
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a terrifying emptiness that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.

User
bland salsa and stale fucking chips nc

Hark! What bland salsa and stale fucking chips through yonder window breaks?
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into bland salsa and stale fucking chips and stopped.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around bland salsa and stale fucking chips.
This workplace has gone (0) days without bland salsa and stale fucking chips.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of bland salsa and stale fucking chips heard remote.
Pundits agree it will take bland salsa and stale fucking chips for the senator to win the election.

User
literal sugar tits np

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to literal sugar tits.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with literal sugar tits.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for literal sugar tits?
Authorities were tallying damage from literal sugar tits that struck southern California Friday evening.
It’s not delivery. It’s literal sugar tits.
I can’t believe you guys went pulling off pants without me! Loop me in next time, I want literal sugar tits too!

User
this worthless orphan n

The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of a good soak, so the temporary replacement uses this worthless orphan.
I didn’t think this house would sell with this worthless orphan in the attic. Anyway, I’m blindness.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride this worthless orphan. It made me feel like I was your signature manoeuvre.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt this worthless orphan in the sea.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of this worthless orphan in its food processing operations.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Cabin Fever Does This Worthless Orphan.

User
a grenade in the sock drawer n

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had balls caught in the car window destroyed and a grenade in the sock drawer killed as well.
Our artisanal process ages a grenade in the sock drawer for 3 years, before going right into M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong, rapidly bursting exuberantly onto the national scene.
Then God said, “Let there be a grenade in the sock drawer”; and there was a grenade in the sock drawer. And God saw that a grenade in the sock drawer was good.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a grenade in the sock drawer.”
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Grenade in the Sock Drawer Blast!
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a grenade in the sock drawer.

User
shouldering most of the blame v

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by shouldering most of the blame.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into making sure no one sees, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start shouldering most of the blame.
Throughout human history, shouldering most of the blame has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
My religion demands that I must abstain from the orbital socket. Shouldering most of the blame however, is OK.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then shouldering most of the blame really affected me.
You stole a royal fleet of galleys from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re shouldering most of the blame and you’re going to hell!

User
terrorizing a toddler v

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're terrorizing a toddler!
I can’t believe you guys went terrorizing a toddler without me! Loop me in next time, I want just a video game too!
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with terrorizing a toddler.
Last night I dreamed of terrorizing a toddler. I cannot shake the feeling that the stillness of death will arrive soon.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in terrorizing a toddler.
In the public terrorizing a toddler model, a third-party service provider delivers the terrorizing a toddler service over the Internet.

User
terrorizing that pussy v

There is no revenge so complete as terrorizing that pussy.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am an exploding car. Would you like to try our new special, terrorizing that pussy?
When the beef came at me it was like terrorizing that pussy.
At the coffee shop they wrote “terrorizing that pussy” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
In this 15th century painting, terrorizing that pussy is represented by a man with a gaunt face for a head.
At the winery tour we saw how they put kevlar underwear and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like terrorizing that pussy.

User
Try   without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.

Try a weak little person without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try body shaming without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try diplomatic support without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try torturing your family without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try a top hat full of assholes without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try gay shit without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.


User
When I jumped off a roof in New York in   costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

When I jumped off a roof in New York in a clever bastard costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in skin slack costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in the power-off switch costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in my momma’s fatness costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in a friend costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in startling a tweaker costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

User
Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull n

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from all white moms, and the eco-glass windows trap in Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull.
What the real human interaction department lacks in selection, we make up for in Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull.
The new top grade of gasoline has Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The terrorists will execute Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s frilly neckerchief every 20 minutes until they receive Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull.
Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Here’s a certificate for Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull. I am at your service.

User
the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago n

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago one ounce at a time.
Daddy! There’s the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Repair Service!” You’re cursed with the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago until the end of the game!
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago popped out!
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago. Always.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago, which hung in the air for days.

User
I was trimming  {n} when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud  {n} jumped straight up!2

I was trimming an entire 8th-grader when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud shavings jumped straight up!
I was trimming Schadenfreude when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud half the people around here jumped straight up!
I was trimming voluminous hair when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud nine guys you fucked jumped straight up!
I was trimming a small child with no arms on a buttered skateboard when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud Vietnam War 2 jumped straight up!
I was trimming bodily fluids when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud a gut jumped straight up!
I was trimming pirate booty when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud a urinal cake jumped straight up!

User
The only deaths from   are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.

The only deaths from brimming with babies are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from slaughter are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from a fish choad are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from recalled pizza with glass in it are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from this strife are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from a squeaky-clean bottom are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.

User
literally shivering me timbers v

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide literally shivering me timbers directly.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of a glass rod-loving bot that hates literally shivering me timbers.
When I get older, I don’t want to be literally shivering me timbers.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was hot biscuits & gravy, part was literally shivering me timbers, and it was crowned with a vast treasury of specimens.
You stole cardiac arrest from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re literally shivering me timbers and you’re going to hell!
And my mother said, “How come you’re not literally shivering me timbers like your brother?”

User
an excuse to get naked n

See now black people walk like an excuse to get naked. But white people -- white people walk like they’re Christopher Lloyd holding a dog!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: An Excuse to Get Naked Does the Army.
Here’s a certificate for an excuse to get naked. I am at your service.
Thanks for an excuse to get naked. Now get out of my bed!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a robotic policeman, an excuse to get naked, and hand-to-hand combat.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually an excuse to get naked.

User
In the first Battle of   he faced  {n}, and with one great blow he split them in half.2

In the first Battle of an emerging sense of national identity he faced 100% plastic adult toys, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of desperate dog sex he faced nuances, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of hate-fucking he faced my point of view, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of following your boner around the room he faced a Kazakhstani grandma, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of untameable wildlings he faced a pill for every problem, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of a big stink he faced the big ol’ boys, and with one great blow he split them in half.

User
Senator, give us   biannually and you'll get our vote.

Senator, give us being stuck forever biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us the ’80s biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us a utility belt biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us a glass pane biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us money biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us glittery eyelashes biannually and you'll get our vote.

User
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like  {n}. She was the spitting image of  .2

She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like $200 worth of Taco Bell™. She was the spitting image of getting groped by a senator.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like the hand in my pocket. She was the spitting image of ample legroom.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like a cataclysmic magic spell. She was the spitting image of this strife.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like a homeless man jerking it on the bus. She was the spitting image of a gentle kiss on the teeth.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like a spooky mummy. She was the spitting image of just rockin’ that ass.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like an exit wound. She was the spitting image of godless heathens.

User
I finally let down my hair when I saw  {n} come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make  {n}.2

I finally let down my hair when I saw a horizontal ass crack come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make mood enhancing hormones.
I finally let down my hair when I saw the majestic Humboldt squid come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make black magic orgasms.
I finally let down my hair when I saw dressing come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make the mud pits.
I finally let down my hair when I saw 100 steps come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make a Christmas tree.
I finally let down my hair when I saw a mind-erasing kit come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make outrageous fortune.
I finally let down my hair when I saw ground control come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make shitty chairs from IKEA®.

User
stinking up the place v

But I promised my kids they could get stinking up the place for Christmas!
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of violent docking, coming in hard stinking up the place.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Stinking up the Place” and it helps me with thirst.
Help! I’m stinking up the place and I need YOU to do something about it!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then stinking up the place really affected me.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk stinking up the place.

User
scratching till it bleeds v

Here on the assembly line we heat fate to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is scratching till it bleeds.
Wake turbulence, also known as scratching till it bleeds, is turbulence that forms behind slaughter as it passes through the air.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into scratching till it bleeds! She’s 62!
During the war, German scientists experimented with scratching till it bleeds to weaponize plenty of everything.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began scratching till it bleeds.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride your name. It made me feel like I was scratching till it bleeds.

User
getting forced to pee outdoors v

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like getting forced to pee outdoors.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, landlubbers, toilet paper, shelter, and getting forced to pee outdoors.
Pundits agree it will take getting forced to pee outdoors for the senator to win the election.
Music without the sounds of getting forced to pee outdoors is hardly music at all.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Getting Forced to Pee Outdoors
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting forced to pee outdoors.

User
pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks v

I need help with my computer! I downloaded not another leopard and now I’m having trouble with pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks.
Don’t look at me while I’m pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks! It messes me up!
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks, get to the front of the line.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks.
They said pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with a head full of teeth.
In my state, pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

User
slurping up the remainder v

I can’t believe you forced my mom into slurping up the remainder! She’s 62!
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by slurping up the remainder.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of slurping up the remainder.
Let a riding crop host your next party, providing slurping up the remainder like you’ve never seen before.
You stole a wayward dental implant from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re slurping up the remainder and you’re going to hell!
Dad! I’m all done slurping up the remainder, so I have my mom teaching sex ed left over if you’re still interested.

User
even more bees np

The city condemned our house after finding even more bees in the crawlspace.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-velvet-fist@even-more-bees.net
My kid was acting like sandpaper, so I took away even more bees privileges.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value even more bees more. Now hold still.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of even more bees.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be making it weird while I’m even more bees!

User
what's basically just a naked lady n

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for what's basically just a naked lady.
During my driving test, I backed my car into what's basically just a naked lady. I still got an 85!
What's basically just a naked lady is the only way to say goodbye.
The water tower looks like it’s what's basically just a naked lady from this angle.
Last Christmas, everyone got an underwear shoot under the tree and what's basically just a naked lady in their stockings!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to what's basically just a naked lady.

User
being deep inside each other v

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began being deep inside each other.
Apparently, “Being Deep Inside Each Other” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with being deep inside each other.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Being Deep Inside Each Other”! I shook his hand and it felt like being deep inside each other.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of 50 years, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into being deep inside each other.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide being deep inside each other directly.

User
feeling really good about my penis v

My favorite new band is “Various Fluids and Feeling Really Good About My Penis”.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began feeling really good about my penis.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from feeling really good about my penis, and the eco-glass windows trap in a finely sculpted buttock.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is feeling really good about my penis.
Always walk into an interview with some dead guy’s money and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate feeling really good about my penis.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with feeling really good about my penis.

User
this stupid wizard n

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value this stupid wizard more. Now hold still.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have this stupid wizard.
Happiness: This stupid wizard, various fluids, and big men.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under this stupid wizard.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by this stupid wizard.
You stole a bad time from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re this stupid wizard and you’re going to hell!

User
lethal radiation nc

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Lethal radiation and Coach Diddleplayers.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide lethal radiation directly.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of lethal radiation.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of lethal radiation.
I need a hotel room with lethal radiation, and I need the moron I hired to kill you brought to me every four hours.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to lethal radiation.

User
a mafia hitman n

My religion demands that I must abstain from a mafia hitman. Aged beef however, is OK.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Mafia Hitman.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a mafia hitman.
It’s not delivery. It’s a mafia hitman.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a mafia hitman.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a mafia hitman.

User
ripping out their brains v

My dream house has animalistic hunger built in, an extra garage for ripping out their brains, and baby eels for the door bell.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began ripping out their brains.
Ripping out their brains failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a secret elevator button.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only an elite Korean hacker and ripping out their brains.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on ripping out their brains.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember ripping out their brains?”

User
my little poochy-poo n

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my little poochy-poo came on the screen.
Always walk into an interview with my little poochy-poo and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate accidentally decking a cop in the head.
My little poochy-poo: It’s nature’s candy!
I got into my car and sat on my little poochy-poo. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
The hardware store didn’t have my little poochy-poo left, so I got a watermelon.
In this game you get to collect pastel colors and craft my little poochy-poo.

User
screwing the pooch v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than screwing the pooch.
Let’s wait for a lack of ideas to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get screwing the pooch.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into screwing the pooch.
My nightly ritual involves quick-set cement, screwing the pooch, and finally a sexually aggressive woman just as I fall asleep.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with screwing the pooch! It’s all here in my manifesto!
When I saw bodily harm I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, screwing the pooch, I went white as a sheet!

User
busting the most delicious nut in the world v

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began busting the most delicious nut in the world.
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are busting the most delicious nut in the world and a choir of angels.
In my wild days I was busting the most delicious nut in the world, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with body parts of celebrities on the New Mexico border.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always busting the most delicious nut in the world. Always.
The cruiseliner struck the tickle zone and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with busting the most delicious nut in the world.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between busting the most delicious nut in the world and giving birth to your own parents.

User
the epitome of sin n

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking the epitome of sin onto the International Space Station.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned the epitome of sin. As a result, his men were well motivated.
John “the epitome of sin” Smith. The genius who brought us a dog boner.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with the epitome of sin.
There’s no reason for the epitome of sin before breakfast.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a crack and a mouthfeel like the epitome of sin.

User
Elijah Wood's baby blues np

At LAX travelers were horrified to see Elijah Wood's baby blues spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around Elijah Wood's baby blues on the freeway.
Whenever I cook cannibals I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into Elijah Wood's baby blues.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: Elijah Wood's baby blues.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt Elijah Wood's baby blues in the sea.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under Elijah Wood's baby blues.

User
Charlie Sheen's punchin' arm n

You spent all your food-stamps on Charlie Sheen's punchin' arm?!
Getting Charlie Sheen's punchin' arm back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned Charlie Sheen's punchin' arm. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be Charlie Sheen's punchin' arm.
At Boeing R&D, we test Charlie Sheen's punchin' arm by connecting through what may become a boner to a special 10,000-volt battery.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with Charlie Sheen's punchin' arm and a mysterious boy who fights the yellow line down the middle of the road.

User
J. K. Rowling's strong chin n

J. K. Rowling's strong chin! J. K. Rowling's strong chin! My kingdom for J. K. Rowling's strong chin!
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like J. K. Rowling's strong chin.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of dos and don’ts, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into J. K. Rowling's strong chin.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in J. K. Rowling's strong chin.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with J. K. Rowling's strong chin.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around J. K. Rowling's strong chin on the freeway.

User
my fella n

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my fella to the funeral.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of My Fella”! I shook his hand and it felt like my fella.
The terrorists will execute my fella every 20 minutes until they receive your idiot ideas.
I can’t believe you guys went getting crushed between two trucks without me! Loop me in next time, I want my fella too!
My pharmacist separated the Handsome Boy Modeling School into two piles, and carefully lowered one into my fella.
Honey, you can’t keep putting my fella down the garbage disposal!

User
a camel that won't stop following you n

In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a camel that won't stop following you.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong and my card appeared in a camel that won't stop following you!
Men, like my first time, go farthest when they are a camel that won't stop following you.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a camel that won't stop following you and a mouthfeel like carrion birds.
But I promised my kids they could get a camel that won't stop following you for Christmas!
Always walk into an interview with a pregnant teen and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate a camel that won't stop following you.

User
a cat darting around frantically n

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a cat darting around frantically came on the screen.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a cat darting around frantically.
Every French soldier carries a cat darting around frantically in his knapsack.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned a cat darting around frantically. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a cat darting around frantically.
I buried my treasure under a cat darting around frantically so you’d never find it!

User
grabbing my body v

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had the bowel fairy removed so he could be grabbing my body.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be sinuses while I’m grabbing my body!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about sex smell and grabbing my body. Should I talk to him?
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “grabbing my body”.
My house. 8 o’clock. Grabbing my body.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with so many dudes went off early, ejecting grabbing my body into the air!

User
a god damned poisonous snake n

Don’t look at me while I’m a god damned poisonous snake! It messes me up!
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with a god damned poisonous snake.
A god damned poisonous snake nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid a gash.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a god damned poisonous snake that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
John “attacking everything in your path” Smith. The genius who brought us a god damned poisonous snake.
Back in my day, we only had a god damned poisonous snake for a strangler and we LIKED IT.

User
a ho who gives up dat bootay n

The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A ho who gives up dat bootay, a cheesy substance and sex for procreation.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Ho Who Gives up Dat Bootay and You”.
The authorities followed the trail of a ho who gives up dat bootay, leading them straight to the suspect.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a ho who gives up dat bootay.
Let pure honey host your next party, providing a ho who gives up dat bootay like you’ve never seen before.
Daddy! There’s a ho who gives up dat bootay under my bed. Kill it kill it!

User
a furious lady covered in pasta sauce n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a furious lady covered in pasta sauce, part was a line, and it was crowned with the last great American.
On Ebay you can get a furious lady covered in pasta sauce but it comes in several tiny boxes.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a furious lady covered in pasta sauce! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I was so surprised to see a furious lady covered in pasta sauce that a bed specifically designed for death fell out of my mouth.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a furious lady covered in pasta sauce, while a man is flailing on a galloping horse.
Her inheritance was squandered upon most of my blood while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a furious lady covered in pasta sauce in her own home.

User
a bewildered Swedish man n

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a bewildered Swedish man.
I am become a fresh banana, the destroyer of a bewildered Swedish man.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a bewildered Swedish man.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a bewildered Swedish man.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a bewildered Swedish man.
Music without the sounds of a bewildered Swedish man is hardly music at all.

User
a lustful gorilla that doesn't understand 'no' n

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a lustful gorilla that doesn't understand 'no'. Always.
The water tower looks like it’s a lustful gorilla that doesn't understand 'no' from this angle.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a lustful gorilla that doesn't understand 'no'?”
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a lustful gorilla that doesn't understand 'no'.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a lustful gorilla that doesn't understand 'no'... Sweet! Sunny-D!
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a lustful gorilla that doesn't understand 'no'.

User
a sweet little morsel, if you catch my drift, n

The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are a sweet little morsel, if you catch my drift, and disturbing trends.
Always walk into an interview with curious bisexuals and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate a sweet little morsel, if you catch my drift,.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have a sweet little morsel, if you catch my drift,.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a sweet little morsel, if you catch my drift, that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a sweet little morsel, if you catch my drift, in the soil.
A social skill is any skill facilitating a sweet little morsel, if you catch my drift, with others.

User
my sixth-grade crush n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was Disneyland!, part was sinister plans, and it was crowned with my sixth-grade crush.
Ich bin ein my sixth-grade crush.
You spent all your food-stamps on my sixth-grade crush?!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of my sixth-grade crush.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up my sixth-grade crush on the porch to surprise the kids.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not my sixth-grade crush like your brother?”

User
those assholes from school np

Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into those assholes from school and stopped.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, those assholes from school every single day.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy those assholes from school that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by those assholes from school.
You can’t get those assholes from school big enough or my vicinity long enough to suit me.
I got a vast treasury of specimens as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with those assholes from school?

User
my little shit of a niece again n

A social skill is any skill facilitating my little shit of a niece again with others.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a happy ending at a low price removed from her and my little shit of a niece again removed from me.
My little shit of a niece again is the only way to say goodbye.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me my little shit of a niece again and it’s getting weird.
You spent all your food-stamps on my little shit of a niece again?!
When I saw my little shit of a niece again I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, reaching around, I went white as a sheet!

User
my little shit of a niece n

I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find my little shit of a niece.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build my little shit of a niece for me and my wife.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from dealing drugs with my little shit of a niece.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift my little shit of a niece over my head, but a leaf blower got in the way.
At the coffee shop they wrote “my little shit of a niece” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is my little shit of a niece.

User
my cool lesbian aunt n

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, non-human animals, sloth, wrath, my cool lesbian aunt, and pride.
When the beef came at me it was like my cool lesbian aunt.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by my cool lesbian aunt.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn my cool lesbian aunt, but now for work I’m the child-parent relationship. Go figure!
I’ll never know why my grandparents find my cool lesbian aunt so relaxing.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of firing ports-loving bot that hates my cool lesbian aunt.

User
the ol' ball and chain n

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as the ol' ball and chain.
When the celestial spheres align, the ol' ball and chain will descend from the heavens.
Science never solves a problem without creating the ol' ball and chain.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was the ol' ball and chain.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “the ol' ball and chain” incident in the science lab.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was vile doings, part was an empty Tic Tac® box, and it was crowned with the ol' ball and chain.

User
splooging literally everywhere v

I didn’t think this house would sell with gases and smoke in the attic. Anyway, I’m splooging literally everywhere.
I’m getting ceaseless chanting installed in my car, so I can be splooging literally everywhere while I drive.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS INSIPID FOOLS SPLOOGING LITERALLY EVERYWHERE.”
I tried splooging literally everywhere but it was too tight. Then I tried a beginner anal bead but it was TOO LOOSE.
The survey team detected splooging literally everywhere at the work site so I threw a leather swing in my truck and drove straight there.
Music without the sounds of splooging literally everywhere is hardly music at all.

User
sipping my drink as everyone dies v

Researchers have trained chimps to recognise joining the Army in a panic by rewarding them with sipping my drink as everyone dies.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about sipping my drink as everyone dies.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, sipping my drink as everyone dies, toilet paper, shelter, and godless heathens.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “sipping my drink as everyone dies”.
All the king’s treasure! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all sipping my drink as everyone dies.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is sipping my drink as everyone dies.

User
I went to the mall looking for  {n}, but ended up walking out with  {n}! So fancy, but so expensive!2

I went to the mall looking for a special little fuck, but ended up walking out with a gold ingot! So fancy, but so expensive!
I went to the mall looking for a tightrope, but ended up walking out with a cattle pen and a horse corral! So fancy, but so expensive!
I went to the mall looking for a shot in the dark, but ended up walking out with an extremely uncomfortable mattress! So fancy, but so expensive!
I went to the mall looking for a gentleman with the tummy grumbles, but ended up walking out with a quiver of love arrows! So fancy, but so expensive!
I went to the mall looking for a complete joke, but ended up walking out with a mirror that lies! So fancy, but so expensive!
I went to the mall looking for your fluid-filled lungs, but ended up walking out with no spider! So fancy, but so expensive!

User
I wish Macy's wouldn't only sell  {p} that cling to your butt.

I wish Macy's wouldn't only sell free exotic crabs for adoption (trained!) that cling to your butt.
I wish Macy's wouldn't only sell no less than sixteen Mexican corpses that cling to your butt.
I wish Macy's wouldn't only sell bucketloads that cling to your butt.
I wish Macy's wouldn't only sell some birds eating all the poop away that cling to your butt.
I wish Macy's wouldn't only sell insensitive holiday celebrations that cling to your butt.
I wish Macy's wouldn't only sell man animals that cling to your butt.

User
Maggie Gyllenhaal crying in silence n

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from Maggie Gyllenhaal crying in silence.
We can be Maggie Gyllenhaal crying in silence. And no one has to know.
You stole corporate America from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re Maggie Gyllenhaal crying in silence and you’re going to hell!
Chase bank is giving out Maggie Gyllenhaal crying in silence this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Rip” and it helps me with Maggie Gyllenhaal crying in silence.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling Maggie Gyllenhaal crying in silence. The driver was undressing.

User
Jake Gyllenhaal's shameful secret n

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on Jake Gyllenhaal's shameful secret.
I reached expectantly into Jake Gyllenhaal's shameful secret, but found only three babies in a backpack.
Don’t look at me while I’m Jake Gyllenhaal's shameful secret! It messes me up!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with Jake Gyllenhaal's shameful secret.
During routine surgery, the doctors found Jake Gyllenhaal's shameful secret embedded in my abdomen.
If you kids don’t stop struggling with a police officer, I will turn Jake Gyllenhaal's shameful secret around!

User
Marina Sirtis' disapproving frown n

My pharmacist separated a liberal application into two piles, and carefully lowered one into Marina Sirtis' disapproving frown.
Hark! What Marina Sirtis' disapproving frown through yonder window breaks?
When the beef came at me it was like Marina Sirtis' disapproving frown.
Howdy neighbor, love Marina Sirtis' disapproving frown! Let’s get freshly squozen poo water sometime!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into Marina Sirtis' disapproving frown! She’s 62!
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with Marina Sirtis' disapproving frown.

User
your own genitals np

Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge your own genitals.
Getting your own genitals back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
1) A robot may not injure your own genitals, or through inaction allow your own genitals to come to harm.
If you have a dream about a better place now, it meas you’re worried about your own genitals.
Your own genitals: It’s nature’s candy!
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for your own genitals.

User
When mating season begins  {sp} will present a potential partner with  , along with a hopping dance.2

When mating season begins B.J. Pussylips will present a potential partner with theatrics, along with a hopping dance.
When mating season begins a watchful guard will present a potential partner with unrestrained passion, along with a hopping dance.
When mating season begins a small child with no arms on a buttered skateboard will present a potential partner with a big, red X, along with a hopping dance.
When mating season begins the uncooperative dead will present a potential partner with a puffy penis costume, along with a hopping dance.
When mating season begins a conventional man will present a potential partner with the man who is stalking me, along with a hopping dance.
When mating season begins a half-brain slave will present a potential partner with a list of names, along with a hopping dance.

User
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw   in the mirror! And it smelled like   in there! I'm so scared!2

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw diversions in the mirror! And it smelled like attention in there! I'm so scared!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw weight loss in the mirror! And it smelled like a bereaved wife with nothing to lose in there! I'm so scared!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw eight sexual partners in the mirror! And it smelled like the thing hanging out of my butt in there! I'm so scared!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw flailing in the mirror! And it smelled like the royal baby in there! I'm so scared!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw stylized male violence in the mirror! And it smelled like the ends in there! I'm so scared!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw hiding some pee in the mirror! And it smelled like hot biscuits & gravy in there! I'm so scared!

User
After a truck ran over  {s} there was so much damage you couldn't tell it apart from  {n}.2

After a truck ran over an empty Tic Tac® box there was so much damage you couldn't tell it apart from steampunk bullshit.
After a truck ran over a friend there was so much damage you couldn't tell it apart from donkeydump.
After a truck ran over Oprah’s warm embrace there was so much damage you couldn't tell it apart from peanut butter in the mouth.
After a truck ran over an icky bug there was so much damage you couldn't tell it apart from birth meat.
After a truck ran over an anatomically correct sock puppet there was so much damage you couldn't tell it apart from taffy.
After a truck ran over a shard of shrapnel there was so much damage you couldn't tell it apart from Her Majesty, the Queen.

User
me n

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Me Blast!
Look, man, I’m not into me. But $20 is $20.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was me.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a boy, but like... a manly boy. Would you like to try our new special, me?
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only me and a crusty dish rag.
My pharmacist separated a cat, but upside down into two piles, and carefully lowered one into me.

User
I could tell  {n} had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.

I could tell a mental illness had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.
I could tell a crocodile death-rolling my taint had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.
I could tell a bold move had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.
I could tell jalapeños had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.
I could tell a pulpy mass had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.
I could tell a psychiatrist examining my behavior had ended up behind me when I felt a sudden pinch as I backed up.

User
I thought I'd solve two problems at once by stuffing  {n} down the gopher holes. But that's worse for my lawn than the gophers!

I thought I'd solve two problems at once by stuffing vile doings down the gopher holes. But that's worse for my lawn than the gophers!
I thought I'd solve two problems at once by stuffing wet dog smell down the gopher holes. But that's worse for my lawn than the gophers!
I thought I'd solve two problems at once by stuffing “Cajun style” down the gopher holes. But that's worse for my lawn than the gophers!
I thought I'd solve two problems at once by stuffing David Bowie’s mysterious bulge down the gopher holes. But that's worse for my lawn than the gophers!
I thought I'd solve two problems at once by stuffing his tumor down the gopher holes. But that's worse for my lawn than the gophers!
I thought I'd solve two problems at once by stuffing a cranky, foul mouthed old lady down the gopher holes. But that's worse for my lawn than the gophers!

User
The ' {ct} moth' has adapted to feed on  {n}, and hide under  {n} in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.3

The 'plasma moth' has adapted to feed on the final hour, and hide under 80,000 tons of nuclear waste in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
The 'bad acting moth' has adapted to feed on a pinch, and hide under a strangler in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
The 'ionizing radiation moth' has adapted to feed on rubbery, cleaner poops, and hide under the atmosphere in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
The 'relative tranquility moth' has adapted to feed on a pill for every problem, and hide under none more in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
The 'Schadenfreude moth' has adapted to feed on beautiful girl hair, and hide under blue skies and sparkling water in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
The 'my arm that fell asleep moth' has adapted to feed on an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around, and hide under your idiot ideas in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.

User
I pulled  {n} out of the way just before the entire thing collapsed under the stress of  !2

I pulled a phone ringing off the hook out of the way just before the entire thing collapsed under the stress of a demon torture puzzle box!
I pulled strands of my darling’s hair out of the way just before the entire thing collapsed under the stress of halitosis!
I pulled terminal illness out of the way just before the entire thing collapsed under the stress of a winning blow!
I pulled a silent, anonymous encounter out of the way just before the entire thing collapsed under the stress of a telescoping baton!
I pulled a listless wasp out of the way just before the entire thing collapsed under the stress of the reanimated corpse of my neighbor!
I pulled killer abs out of the way just before the entire thing collapsed under the stress of doubting its validity!

User
literally anything else nc

McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of literally anything else.
Literally anything else: It’s nature’s candy!
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in literally anything else.
At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have a pig chute! Some of us just want literally anything else.”
What the literally anything else department lacks in selection, we make up for in prancing piglets.
I reached expectantly into literally anything else, but found only a broken man.

User
getting it on v

Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk getting it on.
Here’s a certificate for getting it on. I am at your service.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide getting it on directly.
See now black people walk like a snake pit. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting it on!
Ich bin ein getting it on.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like getting it on.

User
absolutely no black people nc

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember absolutely no black people?”
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt absolutely no black people in the sea.
Apparently, “Absolutely No Black People” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
My house. 8 o’clock. Absolutely no black people.
Shepherds in Scotland have used moistness for years to keep the flock from absolutely no black people.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with absolutely no black people.

User
sexy kitty time nc

Hark! What sexy kitty time through yonder window breaks?
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being sexy kitty time.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a new Wes Anderson movie and sexy kitty time.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by sexy kitty time.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in sexy kitty time.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember sexy kitty time?”

User
Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area n

This is my second kid. My first one came out as Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area jumping and nipping at me from below and even giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area.
The survey team detected Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area at the work site so I threw “forensic evidence” (semen) in my truck and drove straight there.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Kissing Ass” and it helps me with Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area so relaxing.

User
Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear n

I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear popped out!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear. The driver was gettin’ all up close.
At the winery tour we saw how they put Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like all white moms.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear.
Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear is the only way to say goodbye.

User
Nicki Minaj's hot pants n

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw Nicki Minaj's hot pants overboard!
I didn’t think this house would sell with Nicki Minaj's hot pants in the attic. Anyway, I’m smearing.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Nicki Minaj's Hot Pants and You”.
Let’s wait for a lack of ideas to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get Nicki Minaj's hot pants.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a fridge full of heads, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Nicki Minaj's hot pants.
At Boeing R&D, we test an anatomically correct sock puppet by connecting through Nicki Minaj's hot pants to a special 10,000-volt battery.

User
pooping in their mouths v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from pooping in their mouths, and the eco-glass windows trap in assault preparations.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began pooping in their mouths in front of his top supporters.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a puffed up chest and pooping in their mouths.
Pool rules: No running. No pooping in their mouths. Keep the deceased out of the deep end.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into pooping in their mouths.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how pooping in their mouths happens.

User
pitching a god damn hissy fit v

In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually pitching a god damn hissy fit.
I think that ecstasy was cut with Indian burn. After one hit I began very, very rapidly pitching a god damn hissy fit.
No one in Morocco can be pitching a god damn hissy fit without registering with the government.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by pitching a god damn hissy fit.
Although moving away from pitching a god damn hissy fit proved effective for schools, the switch to cheating initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got the mud pits painted on both sides, which some say encourages pitching a god damn hissy fit.

User
getting drunk and sawing your legs off v

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to getting drunk and sawing your legs off, even before I put on my clothes.
The water tower looks like it’s getting drunk and sawing your legs off from this angle.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep getting drunk and sawing your legs off out of mainland China.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting drunk and sawing your legs off.
Last night I dreamed of getting drunk and sawing your legs off. I cannot shake the feeling that a burned out wasteland will arrive soon.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began getting drunk and sawing your legs off.

User
getting carried away v

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is getting carried away.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for getting carried away?
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting carried away.
I think that ecstasy was cut with sinister plans. After one hit I began very, very rapidly getting carried away.
Ever since my sister’s closet appeared in the neighborhood, getting carried away has been eyed with suspicion.
I went rafting, saw getting carried away in the river, no big deal.

User
a wondrous, splendifirous little thing n

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a wondrous, splendifirous little thing.
Honey, you can’t keep putting a wondrous, splendifirous little thing down the garbage disposal!
You spent all your food-stamps on a wondrous, splendifirous little thing?!
I went rafting, saw a wondrous, splendifirous little thing in the river, no big deal.
Science never solves a problem without creating a wondrous, splendifirous little thing.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a wondrous, splendifirous little thing.

User
storing snacks in her uterus v

The thief was caught stealing failure from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of storing snacks in her uterus.
In my wild days I was storing snacks in her uterus, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with installing an update on the New Mexico border.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of solutions, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into storing snacks in her uterus.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Storing Snacks in Her Uterus and You”.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of storing snacks in her uterus.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be storing snacks in her uterus.

User
a pocket full of roses n

Happiness: Most of my money, a pocket full of roses, and gross mystery meat.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under a pocket full of roses.
The hardware store didn’t have the girl next door left, so I got a pocket full of roses.
Let the placenta host your next party, providing a pocket full of roses like you’ve never seen before.
I came with a pocket full of roses to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a newer, sleeker leopard so nobody even noticed!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a pocket full of roses onto the International Space Station.

User
a baggy full of tater tots n

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re a baggy full of tater tots and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
When the mixture is bubbling, add a baggy full of tater tots to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
Daddy! There’s a baggy full of tater tots under my bed. Kill it kill it!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A dumpster fire, a baggy full of tater tots and several children.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into an airbag, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a baggy full of tater tots.
When the celestial spheres align, a baggy full of tater tots will descend from the heavens.

User
bouncing flesh n

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, bouncing flesh, toilet paper, shelter, and someone tougher.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected bouncing flesh, which hung in the air for days.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be ointment while I’m bouncing flesh!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt bouncing flesh in the sea.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not bouncing flesh like your brother?”
On the assembly line we heat bouncing flesh to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is learning an important lesson.

User
my scumbag partner n

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with my scumbag partner and are ordered to be the rusted chassis of a ’68 Impala no matter what.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began my scumbag partner.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not my scumbag partner like your brother?”
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with my scumbag partner.
Let’s wait for my scumbag partner to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get vile doings.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s my scumbag partner and I think I believe her!

User
nothing but jingle bells v

Chimps in the wild have been observed using nothing but jingle bells to forage for food.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Nothing but Jingle Bells!
My house. 8 o’clock. Nothing but jingle bells.
Let’s wait for landlubbers to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get nothing but jingle bells.
This year’s hottest new fashion is nothing but jingle bells on your head.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride all the leopards. It made me feel like I was nothing but jingle bells.

User
a crispy outside with a pink center n

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a crispy outside with a pink center around the building.
I was so surprised to see a crispy outside with a pink center that her first marriage fell out of my mouth.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of passive-aggressive tendencies in history, rode into battle atop a crispy outside with a pink center.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a crispy outside with a pink center.
A crispy outside with a pink center is the only way to say goodbye.
Great job on the proposal for prying her mouth open, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a crispy outside with a pink center.

User
shameful thoughts of big sis nc

Ah, shameful thoughts of big sis for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Then God said, “Let there be shameful thoughts of big sis”; and there was shameful thoughts of big sis. And God saw that shameful thoughts of big sis was good.
I got into my car and sat on shameful thoughts of big sis. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Here on the assembly line we heat shameful thoughts of big sis to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is turning over.
Growing up we never had shameful thoughts of big sis, but we had to deal with laying claim, and I want the opposite for my children.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear in a trashcan. So bring shameful thoughts of big sis.

User
presenting with your butt raised v

Always walk into an interview with Dad’s money and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate presenting with your butt raised.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re presenting with your butt raised and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I think that ecstasy was cut with really bad teeth. After one hit I began very, very rapidly presenting with your butt raised.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by presenting with your butt raised.
The rich aroma of presenting with your butt raised, from the hills of Colombia.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, being attacked by a skeleton, toilet paper, shelter, and presenting with your butt raised.

User
fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden v

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Giving Birth to Your Own Parents Co., tapping into the growing market for fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor.
Happiness: Sinuses, fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden, and a dollar.
Ich bin ein fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden.
The authorities followed the trail of fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden, leading them straight to the suspect.
During the war, German scientists experimented with fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden to weaponize a guy.

User
just absolutely tearing it up out there v

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of just absolutely tearing it up out there in its food processing operations.
You evaded my “Just Absolutely Tearing It up out There” attack! Most impressive.
Shepherds in Scotland have used diplomatic support for years to keep the flock from just absolutely tearing it up out there.
My religion demands that I must abstain from just absolutely tearing it up out there. A sex-addicted panda however, is OK.
A lifetime of just absolutely tearing it up out there awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I tried a French knight but it was too tight. Then I tried just absolutely tearing it up out there but it was TOO LOOSE.

User
being in big trouble, young lady v

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Being in Big Trouble, Young Lady”! I shook his hand and it felt like being in big trouble, young lady.
I think that ecstasy was cut with drugs. After one hit I began very, very rapidly being in big trouble, young lady.
Wake turbulence, also known as being in big trouble, young lady, is turbulence that forms behind a magnetic implant as it passes through the air.
Pundits agree it will take being in big trouble, young lady for the senator to win the election.
They said being in big trouble, young lady was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with the “treasure box”.
See now black people walk like circular logic. But white people -- white people walk like they’re being in big trouble, young lady!

User
big trouble nc

Getting big trouble back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: big trouble.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, big trouble every single day.
Who so pulleth out a plug for the other hole of this stone is rightwise king born of big trouble.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about big trouble and grandma’s soggy diaper. Should I talk to him?
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into big trouble. It was not my lips you kissed, but eerie silence.

User
splitting her in half like firewood v

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like splitting her in half like firewood.
John “eating a bowl of spider webs” Smith. The genius who brought us splitting her in half like firewood.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a determined shark, while a man is splitting her in half like firewood on a galloping horse.
Splitting her in half like firewood while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of writing emo poetry.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was splitting her in half like firewood.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into splitting her in half like firewood! She’s 62!

User
putting a rain check on that beej v

I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with putting a rain check on that beej.
Jesus is putting a rain check on that beej.
The cruiseliner struck Jüri Pootsmann and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with putting a rain check on that beej.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a lie that corrupts the Earth. It made me feel like I was putting a rain check on that beej.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for putting a rain check on that beej.
Wake turbulence, also known as putting a rain check on that beej, is turbulence that forms behind a refreshing douche of Sprite as it passes through the air.

User
the freakin' Don n

Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of a shrieking verbal tirade-loving bot that hates the freakin' Don.
I was vacuuming when I sucked the freakin' Don out from under the couch. I kept pulling until tits like a smoking chimney came out too!
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of oiled thighs, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into the freakin' Don.
Don’t shake the freakin' Don so hard, it’ll start a ghoulish feast.
The freakin' Don! The freakin' Don! My kingdom for the freakin' Don!
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, the freakin' Don... Sweet! Sunny-D!

User
slicing them open from groin to grin v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than slicing them open from groin to grin.
Our artisanal process ages a bloody leotard for 3 years, before going right into a wank, rapidly slicing them open from groin to grin.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “slicing them open from groin to grin.”
Slicing them open from groin to grin brings wobbles to a child’s face.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about slicing them open from groin to grin.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a milky sweat bead to treat slicing them open from groin to grin!

User
the murder weapon n

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am black leggings. Would you like to try our new special, the murder weapon?
The best comfort food will always be greens, the murder weapon, and fried chicken.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with the murder weapon.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about the murder weapon?
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride the murder weapon. It made me feel like I was the good cop.
Give a man a little of this, a little of that and you feed him for a day. Give him the murder weapon, and you feed him for a lifetime.

User
flopping around with broken bones v

I want to say one word to you, just one word: flopping around with broken bones.
My religion demands that I must abstain from flopping around with broken bones. An imitation poop spiral however, is OK.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Flopping Around with Broken Bones”! I shook his hand and it felt like flopping around with broken bones.
Throughout human history, flopping around with broken bones has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into flopping around with broken bones! She’s 62!
During the war, German scientists experimented with flopping around with broken bones to weaponize a steering wheel.

User
sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking v

If you do it right, sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking is all about a berserk horse.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking, so the temporary replacement uses freewill.
Look, man, I’m not into sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking. But $20 is $20.
Both my ears! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking while I’m no clean towels!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking.

User
wearing nothing vt

The cruiseliner struck a super-tiny butt hole and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with wearing nothing.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me wearing nothing at the party last night.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began wearing nothing.
My favorite new band is “Birth Meat and Wearing Nothing”.
You stole anything on the face of this earth from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re wearing nothing and you’re going to hell!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is wearing nothing.

User
cool fingerless gloves np

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Cool Fingerless Gloves”! I shook his hand and it felt like cool fingerless gloves.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but cool fingerless gloves.
Authorities were tallying damage from cool fingerless gloves that struck southern California Friday evening.
If you have a dream about a great big sword, it meas you’re worried about cool fingerless gloves.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted cool fingerless gloves to the vastness of space.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge cool fingerless gloves.

User
a vagina full of centipedes n

The cineplex has been using a vagina full of centipedes in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a vagina full of centipedes. The driver was getting impregnated by an advanced robot.
It’s lucky to touch a vagina full of centipedes; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have a vagina full of centipedes.
Go, go, Gadget a Vagina Full of Centipedes!
You can’t get cinderblock justice big enough or a vagina full of centipedes long enough to suit me.

User
the largest turban ever, I mean like ever n

I came with the largest turban ever, I mean like ever to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought the French crown so nobody even noticed!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began the largest turban ever, I mean like ever.
There’s no reason for the largest turban ever, I mean like ever before breakfast.
John “a fruitless task” Smith. The genius who brought us the largest turban ever, I mean like ever.
The largest turban ever, I mean like ever brings some seriously fucked shit to a child’s face.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into the largest turban ever, I mean like ever! She’s 62!

User
George Clooney porn nc

Wake turbulence, also known as floppin’ out my baby door, is turbulence that forms behind George Clooney porn as it passes through the air.
No one in Morocco can be George Clooney porn without registering with the government.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “George Clooney Porn,” the finest ship in the harbor!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in George Clooney porn.
I tried to sneak out of the store with a happy accident under one arm and George Clooney porn down my pants.
George Clooney porn: It’s nature’s candy!

User
backing up on it v

In my wild days I was backing up on it, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with jury duty on the New Mexico border.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: backing up on it.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by backing up on it around the building.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, backing up on it appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Backing up on It.
I am become backing up on it, the destroyer of a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice.

User
putting the kids to bed v

Growing up we never had somersaults, but we had to deal with putting the kids to bed, and I want the opposite for my children.
The cruiseliner struck a bullet hole and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with putting the kids to bed.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by putting the kids to bed.
This year’s hottest new fashion is putting the kids to bed on your head.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Putting the Kids to Bed.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Putting the Kids to Bed

User
paddling little butts v

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with paddling little butts.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn paddling little butts, but now for work I’m your idiot ideas. Go figure!
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with insurance went off early, ejecting paddling little butts into the air!
Growing up we never had a watchful guard, but we had to deal with paddling little butts, and I want the opposite for my children.
See now black people walk like a secret room. But white people -- white people walk like they’re paddling little butts!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for paddling little butts and wiring money to far off lands at the assembly line.

User
bearing so much fruit v

The survey team detected bearing so much fruit at the work site so I threw your lifestyle in my truck and drove straight there.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw bearing so much fruit for the first time!
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for bearing so much fruit.
Let evil thinking host your next party, providing bearing so much fruit like you’ve never seen before.
Life without love is like bearing so much fruit without a riding crop or fruit.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with bearing so much fruit.

User
red hot lava nc

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only vile doings and red hot lava.
During routine surgery, the doctors found red hot lava embedded in my abdomen.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride red hot lava. It made me feel like I was wearing a noose to be edgy.
Daddy! There’s red hot lava under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I reached expectantly into red hot lava, but found only my hood.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from being attacked by a skeleton with red hot lava.

User
a shrieking tarantula n

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a shrieking tarantula?
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a shrieking tarantula in the pillows.
Getting a shrieking tarantula back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience a shrieking tarantula like I was really there.
My car looks like it’s a shrieking tarantula but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
My house. 8 o’clock. A shrieking tarantula.

User
keeping my girlfriend happy v

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience keeping my girlfriend happy like I was really there.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was keeping my girlfriend happy.
Keeping my girlfriend happy! Keeping my girlfriend happy! My kingdom for keeping my girlfriend happy!
Keeping my girlfriend happy isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Hark! What keeping my girlfriend happy through yonder window breaks?
Ich bin ein keeping my girlfriend happy.

User
milking it v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as milking it.
Pool rules: No running. No milking it. Keep a state trooper out of the deep end.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of two bats in a giant pair of pajamas milking it.
I tried a girl gone sour but it was too tight. Then I tried milking it but it was TOO LOOSE.
In my wild days I was milking it, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with the bowel fairy on the New Mexico border.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, milking it, sloth, wrath, hiding with your warriors, and pride.

User
an old Dutch cheese press n

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with an old Dutch cheese press.
An old Dutch cheese press is the only way to say goodbye.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, going solo, toilet paper, shelter, and an old Dutch cheese press.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of an old Dutch cheese press.
If my neighbor doesn’t get an old Dutch cheese press off my property, I’m calling the cops!
My pharmacist separated control of the English Channel into two piles, and carefully lowered one into an old Dutch cheese press.

User
I'm gonna prove the link between   and  ! You'll all see!2

I'm gonna prove the link between the Handsome Boy Modeling School and election year politics! You'll all see!
I'm gonna prove the link between techniques and panicking in a Subaru! You'll all see!
I'm gonna prove the link between fictitious queer same sex transformation and all sorts of shit! You'll all see!
I'm gonna prove the link between a demonic religious lie and a surgical rotary saw! You'll all see!
I'm gonna prove the link between urine sprinkles and an old, Asian martial arts master! You'll all see!
I'm gonna prove the link between a crowd of revelers and a conflict of interest! You'll all see!

User
Mom, what's  ? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.

Mom, what's terminal illness? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Mom, what's finding out my first husband was still alive? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Mom, what's backwash? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Mom, what's ionizing radiation? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Mom, what's divorce papers? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Mom, what's a fresh lung? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.

User
my dirty little secret n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with my dirty little secret hanging in the window.
I pushed hard enough to snap my dirty little secret, but some powerful kind of undercooked meat was blocking the door.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s my dirty little secret and I think I believe her!
Great job on the proposal for doing things for attention, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you my dirty little secret.
For my last meal I want a sex swing seasoned heavily with my dirty little secret.
If you kids don’t stop crashing out of a window, I will turn my dirty little secret around!

User
baby Jesus n

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw baby Jesus overboard!
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are baby Jesus and an all-female gang called the Lizzies.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in baby Jesus.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only baby Jesus and an automated turret come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
On the assembly line we heat baby Jesus to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is wandering around.
The rich aroma of baby Jesus, from the hills of Colombia.

User
Jesus Christ n

This is my second kid. My first one came out as Jesus Christ.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than Jesus Christ.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as Jesus Christ.
Last night I dreamed of Jesus Christ. I cannot shake the feeling that curious bisexuals will arrive soon.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw Jesus Christ at a player from the stands.
Jesus Christ failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward man animals.

User
his holiness the pope n

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be his holiness the pope.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by his holiness the pope.
What the inhabitants department lacks in selection, we make up for in his holiness the pope.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of embers in history, rode into battle atop his holiness the pope.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about his holiness the pope.
Dad! I’m all done startling a tweaker, so I have his holiness the pope left over if you’re still interested.

User
my crazy hot daughter n

The city put in new road signs to indicate my crazy hot daughter just up ahead.
Honey, you can’t keep putting my crazy hot daughter down the garbage disposal!
At my 9th birthday, we had my crazy hot daughter piñata that burst open showering big pants on us kids.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with my crazy hot daughter slowly overtaking the buildings.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find my crazy hot daughter.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw my crazy hot daughter overboard!

User
my black son n

At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other my black son, while a man is knowing hell on a galloping horse.
During my driving test, I backed my car into my black son. I still got an 85!
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find my black son in the back seat.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to my black son.
Science never solves a problem without creating my black son.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my black son to the funeral.

User
a miscarriage n

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a miscarriage, score points by getting groped by a senator, and a gush shall not be on the field.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a miscarriage.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a miscarriage destroyed and furries killed as well.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a miscarriage.
I pushed hard enough to snap a miscarriage, but some powerful kind of leftover McDonald’s® was blocking the door.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a miscarriage.

User
the Lindbergh baby n

Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the Lindbergh baby.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the Lindbergh baby.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of the Lindbergh baby.
Don’t shake the Lindbergh baby so hard, it’ll start a rip.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found the Lindbergh baby.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a real value, but with the Lindbergh baby!

User
consuming the flesh of a Dutch child v

Consuming the flesh of a Dutch child brings hella teen angst to a child’s face.
Don’t shake hot water so hard, it’ll start consuming the flesh of a Dutch child.
Howdy neighbor, love an enchanted ring! Let’s get consuming the flesh of a Dutch child sometime!
I can’t believe you guys went consuming the flesh of a Dutch child without me! Loop me in next time, I want Yakety Sax too!
Our artisanal process ages the Handsome Boy Modeling School for 3 years, before going right into a piece of cake, rapidly consuming the flesh of a Dutch child.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of consuming the flesh of a Dutch child in the soil.

User
Whoopi Goldberg's last breath n

If you have a dream about Whoopi Goldberg's last breath, it meas you’re worried about mutual benefit.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then Whoopi Goldberg's last breath really affected me.
Working on my car I found Whoopi Goldberg's last breath had crawled inside the engine block and died.
The water tower looks like it’s Whoopi Goldberg's last breath from this angle.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is Whoopi Goldberg's last breath.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “Whoopi Goldberg's last breath”.

User
making Brian poop v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got killers painted on both sides, which some say encourages making Brian poop.
Wake turbulence, also known as making Brian poop, is turbulence that forms behind demons as it passes through the air.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between rolling in it and making Brian poop.
In this 15th century painting, making Brian poop is represented by a man with I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them for a head.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find making Brian poop so relaxing.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Making Brian Poop!” You’re cursed with failure abroad until the end of the game!

User
the inevitable gruesome execution n

My house. 8 o’clock. The inevitable gruesome execution.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found the inevitable gruesome execution in the walls at my office.
You evaded my “The Inevitable Gruesome Execution” attack! Most impressive.
I went rafting, saw the inevitable gruesome execution in the river, no big deal.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be the inevitable gruesome execution if I wanted a new family.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build the inevitable gruesome execution for me and my wife.

User
a fanatic disciple of the evil goddess n

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a fanatic disciple of the evil goddess.
I wasn’t always black... there was a fanatic disciple of the evil goddess, and it got bigger and bigger.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me a fanatic disciple of the evil goddess and it’s getting weird.
Although moving away from a deceitful word proved effective for schools, the switch to a fanatic disciple of the evil goddess initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
When the beef came at me it was like a fanatic disciple of the evil goddess.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a fanatic disciple of the evil goddess.

User
my prize petunias n

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by my prize petunias.
Last Christmas, I gave you my prize petunias. The very next day, you gave it away.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, my prize petunias, sloth, wrath, a mind-erasing kit, and pride.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with my prize petunias.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than my prize petunias.
I buried my treasure under my prize petunias so you’d never find it!

User
an entire field of carrots n

The city put in new road signs to indicate an entire field of carrots just up ahead.
In this game you get to collect embers and craft an entire field of carrots.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put an entire field of carrots in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy an entire field of carrots that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to an entire field of carrots.
They said an entire field of carrots was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with the last condom.

User
getting hella preggers v

Experts said that based on preliminary data, getting hella preggers appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Getting Hella Preggers.
When something even wetter is ready, getting hella preggers will appear.
Thanks for getting hella preggers. Now get out of my bed!
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Getting Hella Preggers!
Men, like a bandsaw, go farthest when they are getting hella preggers.

User
I popped the zit on my back, there was stuff that looked like  {n} in there!

I popped the zit on my back, there was stuff that looked like a hearty 8-pound pork roast in there!
I popped the zit on my back, there was stuff that looked like victory or death in there!
I popped the zit on my back, there was stuff that looked like turkey tacos in there!
I popped the zit on my back, there was stuff that looked like a gaggle of nuns in there!
I popped the zit on my back, there was stuff that looked like a mind such as yours in there!
I popped the zit on my back, there was stuff that looked like intestines draped everywhere in there!

User
My girlfriend kicked  {n}, and now she's  . I want to break up with her but I'm afraid!2

My girlfriend kicked a hanging body, and now she's a madhouse! A madhouse!. I want to break up with her but I'm afraid!
My girlfriend kicked a back-breaking zit, and now she's a do-gooder. I want to break up with her but I'm afraid!
My girlfriend kicked a forgotten relic, and now she's black lace. I want to break up with her but I'm afraid!
My girlfriend kicked the S.W.A.T. team, and now she's being fucking dead. I want to break up with her but I'm afraid!
My girlfriend kicked ill-advised business decisions, and now she's your idiot ideas. I want to break up with her but I'm afraid!
My girlfriend kicked damage, and now she's a caring, understanding man. I want to break up with her but I'm afraid!

User
I was surprised to find bones in  {n}. Is that normal?

I was surprised to find bones in female breast tissue. Is that normal?
I was surprised to find bones in no clean towels. Is that normal?
I was surprised to find bones in a big ol’ fruit. Is that normal?
I was surprised to find bones in a quiver of love arrows. Is that normal?
I was surprised to find bones in 80,000 tons of nuclear waste. Is that normal?
I was surprised to find bones in sudsy bodies. Is that normal?

User
treasuring the good things in life v

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am treasuring the good things in life. Would you like to try our new special, going down the garbage disposal?
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for treasuring the good things in life and lumbering around at the assembly line.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Treasuring the Good Things in Life”! I shook his hand and it felt like treasuring the good things in life.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were treasuring the good things in life, would you be treasuring the good things in life as well?”
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with lifeless husks went off early, ejecting treasuring the good things in life into the air!
My new phone looks like it’s treasuring the good things in life but I don’t mind. It makes calls.

User
my boys np

The water tower looks like it’s my boys from this angle.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off my boys in the stands and then knocked a leaf blower off a dense woolly undercoat over the chest.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about my boys.
See now black people walk like my boys. But white people -- white people walk like they’re the finest quality cheese!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of my boys.
After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created my boys.

User
outwitting a child v

I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me outwitting a child at the party last night.
But I promised my kids they could get outwitting a child for Christmas!
My religion demands that I must abstain from getting HUGE. Outwitting a child however, is OK.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of their own mothers, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into outwitting a child.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of outwitting a child, so the temporary replacement uses a tard.
Here’s a certificate for outwitting a child. I am at your service.



murdering a pedophile v

The thief was caught stealing my replacement from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of murdering a pedophile.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value murdering a pedophile more. Now hold still.
Murdering a pedophile nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid a big chicken order.
Don’t shake cardiac arrest so hard, it’ll start murdering a pedophile.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not murdering a pedophile like your brother?”
Growing up we never had ape sounds, but we had to deal with murdering a pedophile, and I want the opposite for my children.

User
People were shocked when photos were leaked of Scarlett Johansson smiling with  {n} in her lap.

People were shocked when photos were leaked of Scarlett Johansson smiling with seed in her lap.
People were shocked when photos were leaked of Scarlett Johansson smiling with a wayward dental implant in her lap.
People were shocked when photos were leaked of Scarlett Johansson smiling with five adult sons in her lap.
People were shocked when photos were leaked of Scarlett Johansson smiling with Gene Simmons’ tongue in her lap.
People were shocked when photos were leaked of Scarlett Johansson smiling with a coked up hooker in her lap.
People were shocked when photos were leaked of Scarlett Johansson smiling with compost in her lap.

User
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of  . She has stated, "I prefer  ."2

Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a prybar. She has stated, "I prefer poking all the little bugs."
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a submissive sex android. She has stated, "I prefer bitches on the love throne."
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a child section. She has stated, "I prefer just a video game."
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a Christmas tree. She has stated, "I prefer young crabs."
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of getting tickled until you bust a nut. She has stated, "I prefer killing myself, rather than being disgraced."
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of elbow grease. She has stated, "I prefer being controlled by a child."

User
a sudden penetration n

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a sudden penetration.
Two best friends and cooter muscles take a road trip, and discover a sudden penetration along the way.
You spent all your food-stamps on a sudden penetration?!
Go, go, Gadget a Sudden Penetration!
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a sudden penetration, which hung in the air for days.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Tiny Men Co., tapping into the growing market for a sudden penetration.

User
stretching it till it rips v

In this 15th century painting, stretching it till it rips is represented by a man with a bear in a trashcan for a head.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was stretching it till it rips.
My publisher demanded I remove stretching it till it rips from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Chimps in the wild have been observed using stretching it till it rips to forage for food.
My religion demands that I must abstain from impacting my sister. Stretching it till it rips however, is OK.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from stretching it till it rips, and the eco-glass windows trap in the southwest corner.

User
making it hurt v

If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s making it hurt.
For my last meal I want a child section seasoned heavily with making it hurt.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all bodily harm, right while I’m making it hurt.
No one in Morocco can be making it hurt without registering with the government.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on making it hurt.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and making it hurt. There was a report.



dying in a fire v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as dying in a fire.
It’s not delivery. It’s dying in a fire.
In this 15th century painting, dying in a fire is represented by a man with grabby hands for a head.
Pundits agree it will take dying in a fire for the senator to win the election.
If you have a dream about 100 steps, it meas you’re worried about dying in a fire.
The rich aroma of dying in a fire, from the hills of Colombia.

User
apologizing for real this time v

The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and apologizing for real this time.
If you have a dream about apologizing for real this time, it meas you’re worried about swindling queers.
There is no revenge so complete as apologizing for real this time.
I noticed symptoms of apologizing for real this time, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s our fraternity ritual!” but I’m not sure.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as only my index finger, score points by apologizing for real this time, and bucketloads shall not be on the field.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find apologizing for real this time so relaxing.

User
a little surprise incest nc

Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a little surprise incest in the back seat.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a little surprise incest on the porch to surprise the kids.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a little surprise incest, which hung in the air for days.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a little surprise incest one ounce at a time.
My publisher demanded I remove a little surprise incest from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a Secret Service agent while I’m a little surprise incest!

User
marrying my dad v

This workplace has gone (0) days without marrying my dad.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a suffering bastard painted on both sides, which some say encourages marrying my dad.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how marrying my dad happens.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep marrying my dad out of mainland China.
Marrying my dad has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
For my last meal I want bellowing seasoned heavily with marrying my dad.

User
drunk sexting my sister v

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then drunk sexting my sister really affected me.
It’s not delivery. It’s drunk sexting my sister.
A heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid drunk sexting my sister.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, drunk sexting my sister every single day.
Pool rules: No running. No drunk sexting my sister. Keep three carrots out of the deep end.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a meat hook in the attic. Anyway, I’m drunk sexting my sister.

User
drunk sexting your sister v

Then God said, “Let there be drunk sexting your sister”; and there was drunk sexting your sister. And God saw that drunk sexting your sister was good.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Drunk Sexting Your Sister!
There is no revenge so complete as drunk sexting your sister.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using drunk sexting your sister to treat all your drama!
I can’t believe you guys went drunk sexting your sister without me! Loop me in next time, I want my hood too!
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate drunk sexting your sister.

User
autocannibalism nc

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of autocannibalism.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on autocannibalism.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Autocannibalism” and it helps me with acting like a child.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Autocannibalism Does Reduced Brain Intelligence.
Daddy! There’s autocannibalism under my bed. Kill it kill it!
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got autocannibalism before every meeting.

User
grabbing her pussy v

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of grabbing her pussy came on the screen.
When the beef came at me it was like grabbing her pussy.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were grabbing her pussy, would you be grabbing her pussy as well?”
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about grabbing her pussy.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen grabbing her pussy.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and grabbing her pussy.

User
skinning you v

Thanks for skinning you. Now get out of my bed!
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen skinning you.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: skinning you.
I’m getting a bad landing installed in my car, so I can be skinning you while I drive.
If you do it right, hula hoops is all about skinning you.
I didn’t think this house would sell with my extended family in the attic. Anyway, I’m skinning you.



touching your pee pee v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got effective limits painted on both sides, which some say encourages touching your pee pee.
If you have a dream about touching your pee pee, it meas you’re worried about smacking your bitch in public.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: hate-fucking@touching-your-pee-pee.net
During the war, German scientists experimented with touching your pee pee to weaponize an army of 35,000 men.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience touching your pee pee like I was really there.
If touching your pee pee were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!

User
taking it hard v

My publisher demanded I remove taking it hard from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Ich bin ein taking it hard.
My new phone looks like it’s taking it hard but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, taking it hard every single day.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and taking it hard. There was a report.
Our artisanal process ages a good strategy for 3 years, before going right into mandibles, rapidly taking it hard.

User
biting your pillow v

At the winery tour we saw how they put a big dang deal and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like biting your pillow.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember biting your pillow?”
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all biting your pillow, right while I’m putting up with you.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep biting your pillow out of mainland China.
You evaded my “Biting Your Pillow” attack! Most impressive.
Music without the sounds of biting your pillow is hardly music at all.

User
a bandit mask n

A charcoal briquette failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a bandit mask.
But of the tree of knowledge of a fishy substance and a bandit mask you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I wasn’t always black... there was a bandit mask, and it got bigger and bigger.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a bandit mask came on the screen.
If you have a dream about a deathbed, it meas you’re worried about a bandit mask.
During routine surgery, the doctors found a bandit mask embedded in my abdomen.

User
nuptials nc

I’ll never know why my grandparents find nuptials so relaxing.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s getting crushed between two trucks, with a censor bar around the edges, and nuptials on top.
I want to be buried with nuptials.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as nuptials surfaced from below.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into nuptials! She’s 62!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with nuptials. So bring a long visit.

User
Gary Busey in his pillow fort n

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS GARY BUSEY IN HIS PILLOW FORT BANNING THE POPE.”
Ah, Gary Busey in his pillow fort for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
I chipped my tooth on long deep kisses with eyes wide open. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t Gary Busey in his pillow fort.
Last Christmas, I gave you Gary Busey in his pillow fort. The very next day, you gave it away.
A three room Japanese apartment produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under Gary Busey in his pillow fort to keep warm.
At the skating rink there was Gary Busey in his pillow fort and everyone fell down at once.

User
my girls np

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with my girls jumping and nipping at me from below and even sobbing silently to yourself as the night closes in.
In my wild days I was leaving your friends to die, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with my girls on the New Mexico border.
The best comfort food will always be greens, my girls, and fried chicken.
Although moving away from my mouth proved effective for schools, the switch to my girls initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of my girls, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into yanking hard.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by drunk waterboarding and my girls.

User
a lady making eyes at dad n

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a lady making eyes at dad?
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a lady making eyes at dad.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a lady making eyes at dad will go to The Mailing Anthrax Foundation.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a lady making eyes at dad.”
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a lady making eyes at dad and I think I believe her!
I am become a lady making eyes at dad, the destroyer of a technicality.

User
pushing it deeper v

Don’t shake a complete wimp so hard, it’ll start pushing it deeper.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began pushing it deeper.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Pushing it deeper, a useful tip and fellating everything in the room.
But of the tree of knowledge of pushing it deeper and a crazed gunman you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Great job on the proposal for pushing it deeper, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a salty sailor.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and pushing it deeper in the Philippines.

User
jumpin' three feet off the freakin' ground v

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore jumpin' three feet off the freakin' ground in a very realistic way.
I ordered upgrades privately over the Internet so I can get better at jumpin' three feet off the freakin' ground.
Jumpin' three feet off the freakin' ground is the only way to say goodbye.
The authorities followed the trail of jumpin' three feet off the freakin' ground, leading them straight to the suspect.
I chipped my tooth on nosy neighbors. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t jumpin' three feet off the freakin' ground.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about jumpin' three feet off the freakin' ground?

User
cuddling vt

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by cuddling.
Dad! I’m all done cuddling, so I have beard stroking left over if you’re still interested.
Our artisanal process ages bed inspectors for 3 years, before going right into great tits, rapidly cuddling.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually cuddling.
In the public cuddling model, a third-party service provider delivers the cuddling service over the Internet.
My house. 8 o’clock. Cuddling.



When the suspect's car crashed,   was launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on  .2

When the suspect's car crashed, a great big sword was launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on a pillar of salt.
When the suspect's car crashed, a gaggle of nuns was launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on a gynecological procedure.
When the suspect's car crashed, a friend was launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on adult language.
When the suspect's car crashed, installing an update was launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on a state trooper.
When the suspect's car crashed, smearing was launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on bucketloads.
When the suspect's car crashed, feasting and slaughter was launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on the whole planet.

User
this bloody massacre n

My kid was acting like stainless steel plating, so I took away this bloody massacre privileges.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in this bloody massacre.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a positive test for bodily fluids, sloth, wrath, this bloody massacre, and pride.
Help! I’m this bloody massacre and I need YOU to do something about it!
When the stadium was demolished it ejected this bloody massacre, which hung in the air for days.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk this bloody massacre.



The Blood-Soaked Queen n

After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created The Blood-Soaked Queen.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “The Blood-Soaked Queen”.
Although moving away from The Blood-Soaked Queen proved effective for schools, the switch to the stars of the night sky initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of The Blood-Soaked Queen in the sky.
At the skating rink there was The Blood-Soaked Queen and everyone fell down at once.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using shaved bears to treat The Blood-Soaked Queen!

User
raping marauders v

Who so pulleth out your lifestyle of this stone is rightwise king born of raping marauders.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of raping marauders came on the screen.
No one in Morocco can be raping marauders without registering with the government.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of raping marauders heard remote.
Ever since a lamprey infestation appeared in the neighborhood, raping marauders has been eyed with suspicion.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and raping marauders in the Philippines.

User
rope after rope of thick spunk nc

I tried an extremely tense spring but it was too tight. Then I tried rope after rope of thick spunk but it was TOO LOOSE.
I like my women like I like hyperactive legs: impressing the most neutral observers with rope after rope of thick spunk.
Every French soldier carries rope after rope of thick spunk in his knapsack.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from rope after rope of thick spunk.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of hiding with your warriors, so the temporary replacement uses rope after rope of thick spunk.
The rich aroma of rope after rope of thick spunk, from the hills of Colombia.

User
organizing my father's bones v

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was organizing my father's bones.
Although moving away from my SIM card proved effective for schools, the switch to organizing my father's bones initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into organizing my father's bones.
I’m getting a useful tip installed in my car, so I can be organizing my father's bones while I drive.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually organizing my father's bones.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of quicksand-loving bot that hates organizing my father's bones.

User
Yes.
User
Why would you think that? It doesn't even mention Michelle Obama.
User
getting raped in an uber v

Look, man, I’m not into getting raped in an uber. But $20 is $20.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how getting raped in an uber happens.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by getting raped in an uber.
The White House will no longer enforce The Getting Raped in an Uber Act of 1959. Thank God.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of the power-off switch-loving bot that hates getting raped in an uber.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of getting raped in an uber.

User
But I wrote it for you...
User
I find her completely naked in the bathroom with the door wide open.

"It's time!" she desperately says between forceful breaths.

I stand in shock, in awe of what I am witnessing.

She puts one leg up on the edge of the sink. Her knee perilously close to activating the cold water. The danger arouses me in ways I cannot describe.

She grunts, "It's coming!"

There is a loud thud, and then another, from the other side of the wall. Surely it's Michelle Obama trying to escape her restraints. I don't even consider checking on it, I'm totally enraptured in the scene before me.

"Fuuuck!" she agonizes as her abdomen clenches and her body tenses and relaxes rhythmically.

I feel a pang of fear. Something is wrong. It should have started by now. I wrack my brain for something I can do to help but come up with nothing but impotent shame.

Another thud. The First Lady can wait.

"You- ah! You-" she tries to start, but the involuntary motion of her body overwhelms her.

Her knee ever so slightly taps the faucet. It's all I can do to remain standing on my shaking knees as pleasure courses through my body.

She gulps before speaking and locks eyes with me, those dark eyes like a whole world to explore and get hopelessly lost in.

"You have to hit me- ah! AH! Don't... hold back!"

My legs are jello. Hit her? Now? It's a superhuman feat that I'm not flat on my face. I can't do it, but I must. I will. I won't fail her when it matters most.

I step towards her, one at a time. I can do this. I time my steps to the thudding sounds of the wife of the first black president of the United States of America. Patriotism gives me courage. Thank God for Uncle Sam.

"You little bitch, I said HIT ME!" she bellows, teeth clenched, pleasure and agony rippling through her skin.

I hear the cold water start to run with a metallic squeak, but I'm so focused on the powerful woman in front of me that I don't miss a beat.

Now I'm rock hard, and I clench my fist to match. Sweat is running down the tensed muscles on my face.

"DO IT!"

I wind up, and it's over before I know what's happening. Now my fist is sunk deep into her stomach, she's howling in rage. I try to recount everything that just happened in the split seconds I have to think. The turd left her anus like Apollo 11 heading for the moon. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. Bravest fucking Americans on or off the planet.

That's where it went wrong. The shit overflew its destination, leaving a smudge on the seat before falling uselessly into the rubbish bin beside the toilet.

I came before I'd realized what happened, my shame mixing with undeserved pleasure as I struggled to keep my composure.

She knew from the look on my face what had transpired. I thought I'd see her break, but she was filled with determination.

"I- ah! I can do one more!"

'You're crazy!' I wanted to say, but, deep down, I knew this majestic woman could do anything.

"Hit me again!"

I wouldn't disappoint her by hesitating. Not now. Not when she's my queen and I'm her knight. The second blow leaves her gasping. Her leg slips off the sink just as our last hope leaves her already scorched ass and heads for one last chance at victory.

It moves like a blur, speed and precision defined. I halfway expected it to shatter porcelain, even though I know for a fact that's impossible for anyone. The wet slap tells me it hit home. A sprinkle of water from the impact cools my skin, I flinch at the sudden change in temperature.

The thudding has stopped. Michelle Obama is either long gone or too tired to struggle at this point. I don't give a damn which, because the woman I've devoted my life to has just done something I'll never forget.

She's collapsed in a pile, somehow still able to speak with nothing left in her gas tank.

"Put me in the tub and clean me up, you little minx."

I comply immediately, my mind chasing itself in circles as I wonder what she'll say. She sees my anxiety written all over my body.

"And... good job, brave knight."

That's all I needed to hear. I can now die knowing I'm worth something.

User
getting blown apart by a pink laser v

Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of that ass-loving bot that hates getting blown apart by a pink laser.
When I get older, I don’t want to be getting blown apart by a pink laser.
I like my women like I like that bitch: getting blown apart by a pink laser with keepin’ it tight.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting blown apart by a pink laser.
If you kids don’t stop getting blown apart by a pink laser, I will turn hiding the elderly around!
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, getting blown apart by a pink laser, toilet paper, shelter, and a burned out wasteland.

User
a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe n

The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe up and down the highway.
I pushed hard enough to snap a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe, but some powerful kind of moisture was blocking the door.

User
Martha Stewart, orgasming n

A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in Martha Stewart, orgasming.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Martha Stewart, Orgasming.
Ever since Martha Stewart, orgasming appeared in the neighborhood, soul-damning has been eyed with suspicion.
In this 15th century painting, Martha Stewart, orgasming is represented by a man with my taxidermied daughter for a head.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as Martha Stewart, orgasming surfaced from below.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only helpful subordinates and Martha Stewart, orgasming.

User
the community buttplug n

Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: the-community-buttplug@flipping-over-and-spraying-into-the-air.net
See now black people walk like the community buttplug. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a felony!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as the community buttplug surfaced from below.
It’s not delivery. It’s the community buttplug.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed the community buttplug up and down the highway.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in the community buttplug in the middle of each intersection.

User
making out v

Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as making out or impacting my sister.
My car looks like it’s making out but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: making-out@spider-silk.net
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as making out.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a thick, luscious banana slug, toilet paper, shelter, and making out.
The rich aroma of making out, from the hills of Colombia.

User
lavishing her with presents v

My new phone looks like it’s lavishing her with presents but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
In the public lavishing her with presents model, a third-party service provider delivers the lavishing her with presents service over the Internet.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a period and a mouthfeel like lavishing her with presents.
Life without love is like lavishing her with presents without morphine or fruit.
John “lavishing her with presents” Smith. The genius who brought us so many dudes.
Thanks for lavishing her with presents last night. *wink* *wink*

User
Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana n

Lonely guys in Japan can buy Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be thick fingers while I’m Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana!
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana.
Help! I’m Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana and I need YOU to do something about it!

User
Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes np

Daddy! There’s Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes under my bed. Kill it kill it!
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes up and down the highway.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Science never solves a problem without creating Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes.

User
Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster) n

When the stadium was demolished it ejected Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster), which hung in the air for days.
Alexander also named a city in India “Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but Faster)” after his dead horse.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster).
When I saw Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster) I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, smearing, I went white as a sheet!
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster), and the eco-glass windows trap in vile doings.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but Faster) and You”.

User
exposing their genitals v

What the sliced vegetables department lacks in selection, we make up for in exposing their genitals.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a foaming pipe snake, toilet paper, shelter, and exposing their genitals.
The survey team detected exposing their genitals at the work site so I threw the basement in my truck and drove straight there.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Finding a place to fart, wallowing in your filth and exposing their genitals.
Here’s a certificate for exposing their genitals from me. Redeem at any time!
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider exposing their genitals.

User
violent pregnant things np

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to violent pregnant things.
The White House will no longer enforce The Violent Pregnant Things Act of 1959. Thank God.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during violent pregnant things that overturned their car.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: violent pregnant things.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a firm slap to the groin. It was not my lips you kissed, but violent pregnant things.
Amtrak officials confirm violent pregnant things would have prevented train derailment.

User
  can actually erode  , which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.2

a cage built for an autistic student can actually erode the men who helped me, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
tiny men can actually erode Lord Deathstroke, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
a grave error can actually erode the Army, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
being hit by space debris can actually erode bursting exuberantly onto the national scene, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
a cattle pen and a horse corral can actually erode violating the rules of war, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
goners can actually erode stuff Asians like, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.

User
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been  {v}. The snail may have escaped   by going underground.2

A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been sneaking into the sultan’s harem. The snail may have escaped bedding by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been putting my mouth on it. The snail may have escaped the Black Prince by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been getting all obsessed. The snail may have escaped becoming an adult by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been pacifying all religions. The snail may have escaped a cat in a paper bag by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been surviving. The snail may have escaped a period by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been lifting his kilt and winking. The snail may have escaped King Edward’s sexual licentiousness by going underground.

User
the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life n

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life.
During routine surgery, the doctors found the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life embedded in my abdomen.
It’s not delivery. It’s the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: The Juiciest Cunt I Ever Seen in My Life Blast!
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life” incident in the science lab.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life and 50,000 volts of electricity.

User
Don't put yourself in  {n} without protection. It's just not safe.

Don't put yourself in zebras disguised as horses without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in an 18 by 6 meter block of concrete without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in a heron without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in the placenta without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in hella teen angst without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in a snack attack without protection. It's just not safe.

User
  tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.

the fuel line tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
a widening gyre tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
every part of the buffalo tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
competitive masturbation tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
less lasagna tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.

User
boiling hot manchowder nc

Let sufficient funds host your next party, providing boiling hot manchowder like you’ve never seen before.
Ever since boiling hot manchowder appeared in the neighborhood, most people has been eyed with suspicion.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: sustained-surface-winds@boiling-hot-manchowder.net
Boiling hot manchowder is the only way to say goodbye.
I reached expectantly into an invisible wall, but found only boiling hot manchowder.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of boiling hot manchowder heard remote.

User
suffocating vt

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s suffocating and I think I believe her!
At the coffee shop they wrote “suffocating” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I chipped my tooth on a crocodile death-rolling my taint. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t suffocating.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Suffocating
My car looks like it’s suffocating but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for suffocating.

User
ass nc

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt ass in the sea.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as ass.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Ass!
A social skill is any skill facilitating morbid thoughts and ass with others.
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get ass off my property, I’m calling the cops!
The Great Wall was actually built to keep ass out of mainland China.

User
Police say three armed men forced  {n} into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was  {v} on Staten Island.2

Police say three armed men forced cinderblock justice into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was expectorating some sludge on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced a horse’s mouth into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was finding out my first husband was still alive on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced turmoil into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was rumbling deep underground on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced the big ol’ boys into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was lifting off the toilet on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced slug trails into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was not noticing on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced a flip into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was masticating fresh fruit on Staten Island.

User
raping an entire family including the dog v

After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Raping an Entire Family Including the Dog
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, being carted away, sloth, wrath, raping an entire family including the dog, and pride.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by Yorkshire pudding and raping an entire family including the dog.
Hark! What raping an entire family including the dog through yonder window breaks?
Raping an entire family including the dog is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
The only way to make sense out of raping an entire family including the dog is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.

User
sweating, groaning and screaming vt

Bumper sticker: My other ride is sweating, groaning and screaming.
Amtrak officials confirm sweating, groaning and screaming would have prevented train derailment.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with sweating, groaning and screaming.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Sweating, Groaning and Screaming” syndrome!
Always walk into an interview with a blinding flash of insight and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate sweating, groaning and screaming.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, sweating, groaning and screaming appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
my hot girlfriend n

On my way to work today, I had to swerve around my hot girlfriend on the freeway.
At the winery tour we saw how they put my hot girlfriend and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like gourmet drinking chocolate.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of my hot girlfriend.
I ordered my hot girlfriend privately over the Internet so I can get better at twerking while farting bubbles.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for my hot girlfriend?
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got naval victory painted on both sides, which some say encourages my hot girlfriend.

User
the water n

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always the water. Always.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore the water in a very realistic way.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider the water.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Water.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow the water?
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into the water.



thinking about spiders v

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember thinking about spiders?”
I’m getting Malibu Barbie installed in my car, so I can be thinking about spiders while I drive.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw thinking about spiders for the first time!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began thinking about spiders.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s thinking about spiders and I think I believe her!
I ordered a skull on a spike privately over the Internet so I can get better at thinking about spiders.

User
lactating dogs np

Working on my car I found lactating dogs had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Pundits agree it will take lactating dogs for the senator to win the election.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of lactating dogs in the sky.
Shepherds in Scotland have used lactating dogs for years to keep the flock from maggots.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of lactating dogs.
1) A robot may not injure lactating dogs, or through inaction allow lactating dogs to come to harm.



They didn't have   at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by  .2

They didn't have a centerpiece at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by hella teen angst.
They didn't have David Bowie, the ultimate Moon Lord at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by the wrong man.
They didn't have unnatural lust at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by acts.
They didn't have Cochise at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by a crooked cop.
They didn't have a prepaid Visa™ at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by infinite sausage.
They didn't have a bathroom scale at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by Quaaludes.

User
Sometimes I wish I could just lock  {n} and  {n} in a room and let 'em fight it out.2

Sometimes I wish I could just lock a bag of duck vaginas and a big donkey in a room and let 'em fight it out.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock a strong magnet and an even harder bang in a room and let 'em fight it out.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock Mama Hole and Papa Pole and mermen in a room and let 'em fight it out.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock a remedy and a night of gentle flatulence in a room and let 'em fight it out.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock a hearty 8-pound pork roast and tiny men in a room and let 'em fight it out.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock dad and the runs in a room and let 'em fight it out.

User
my hot little hands np

When my hot little hands is ready, a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice will appear.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience my hot little hands like I was really there.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like my hot little hands.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a human face, with my hot little hands around the edges, and lollygagging on top.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in my hot little hands.
I ordered my hot little hands privately over the Internet so I can get better at putting up with you.

User
Consider  {v} with  . It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. 2

Consider covering the expenses with a one hundred dollar bill. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Consider pacifying all religions with a loose handrail. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Consider crossing a moral boundary with a sexy, but stylish full turn. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Consider being bred in captivity with precious ambergris. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Consider putting up with you with a banana slug. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Consider chasing a firetruck with a time machine that has yet to be invented. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.


User
Giving up   is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Giving up being controlled by a child is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Giving up a urinal cake is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Giving up bitches on the love throne is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Giving up a cascade of problems is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Giving up a perverted, unnatural cavern is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Giving up the nectar of the gods is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.


User
Get   first, then you can screw up   as you please. 2

Get a shard of shrapnel first, then you can screw up smearing as you please.
Get eating a bowl of spider webs first, then you can screw up friends that can keep a secret as you please.
Get a half-brain slave first, then you can screw up droppin’ trou on the way up the stairs as you please.
Get giggling schoolgirls with cameras first, then you can screw up a complete set of cybernetic implants as you please.
Get pierced butt cheeks first, then you can screw up befuddlin’ mah dumb cracka mind as you please.
Get a dog head first, then you can screw up your imaginary friend, Captain Howdy as you please.


User
The fear of   follows from the fear of  . A man who is   is prepared to die at any time. 3

The fear of loving my idiot husband despite his faults follows from the fear of my brother, who I’m sure you remember. A man who is ear worms is prepared to die at any time.
The fear of a firm slap to the groin follows from the fear of a church full of liars. A man who is a state trooper is prepared to die at any time.
The fear of a liberal application follows from the fear of a skin tag. A man who is wanting to be noticed is prepared to die at any time.
The fear of a Swiss murder suit follows from the fear of a result of high energy prices. A man who is your fluid-filled lungs is prepared to die at any time.
The fear of fewer wheels follows from the fear of an ant in my beard. A man who is American interference is prepared to die at any time.
The fear of a psychiatrist examining my behavior follows from the fear of something to consider. A man who is feeding upon nematodes is prepared to die at any time.


User
a mortal wound n

The cineplex has been using a mortal wound in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
This workplace has gone (0) days without a mortal wound.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk a mortal wound.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a mortal wound and a mouthfeel like blacking out and making a sex sound.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a mortal wound came on the screen.
At my 9th birthday, we had a mortal wound piñata that burst open showering acute watery diarrhea on us kids.

User
repeating the same mistake v

I’ll never know why my grandparents find repeating the same mistake so relaxing.
Always walk into an interview with one thousand scorpions and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate repeating the same mistake.
My nightly ritual involves a plan gone horribly wrong, repeating the same mistake, and finally fighting your family just as I fall asleep.
Amtrak officials confirm repeating the same mistake would have prevented train derailment.
See now black people walk like the top 3 floors. But white people -- white people walk like they’re repeating the same mistake!
I’m getting complex maths installed in my car, so I can be repeating the same mistake while I drive.

User
being too busy v

The survey team detected being too busy so I threw the normal manner in my truck and drove straight there.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by being too busy around the building.
Being too busy has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then being too busy really affected me.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: being too busy .
There is no revenge so complete as being too busy .



being busy with it v

Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of ideas above your station and being busy with it.
The new bill before congress would mandate a creepy dude and provide subsidies for being busy with it.
My nightly ritual involves a collar around my neck, being busy with it, and finally bear sperm just as I fall asleep.
Although moving away from tender pinches proved effective for schools, switching to being busy with it initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, you, ya dirty bum, sloth, wrath, being busy with it, and pride.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren’t both being busy with it.

User
his tumor n

Go, go, Gadget His Tumor!
During my driving test, I backed my car into his tumor. I still got an 85!
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide his tumor directly.
10% of all proceeds from sales of his tumor will go to The Fighting One-on-one foundation.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in his tumor.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of his tumor.

User
a suddenly quiet infant n

Happiness: A frantic woman, a suddenly quiet infant, and multiethnic genitalia.
I thought I was being attacked, and I defended myself with a suddenly quiet infant.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a suddenly quiet infant, with almost enough oxygen around the edges, and the wool over my eyes on top.
If you have a dream about a suddenly quiet infant, it meas you’re worried about a lump in the blanket.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a suddenly quiet infant and a soap bubble.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Suddenly Quiet Infant Blast!

User
the best parts of slavery np

I got into my car and sat on the best parts of slavery. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of the best parts of slavery and a mouthfeel like a gynecological procedure.
Can I get some floss? There’s the best parts of slavery between my teeth.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of the best parts of slavery.
Howdy neighbor, love the best parts of slavery! Let’s get 100% plastic adult toys sometime!
Shepherds in Scotland have used a bold move for years to keep the flock from the best parts of slavery.

User
You stole  {n} from a charity? That's like taking candy from a baby! You're   and you're going to hell!2

You stole you kids from a charity? That's like taking candy from a baby! You're bucketloads and you're going to hell!
You stole a low wall from a charity? That's like taking candy from a baby! You're attacking everything in your path and you're going to hell!
You stole a fancy feast from a charity? That's like taking candy from a baby! You're a playpen and you're going to hell!
You stole those glorious gams from a charity? That's like taking candy from a baby! You're fate and you're going to hell!
You stole the manner to which I am accustomed from a charity? That's like taking candy from a baby! You're fresh young minds and you're going to hell!
You stole flailing from a charity? That's like taking candy from a baby! You're closet lesbians and you're going to hell!

User
What  {ptc}!? I don't remember   the way you remember!2

What desperate dog sex!? I don't remember lewd acts in public the way you remember!
What ocean Nazis!? I don't remember getting HUGE the way you remember!
What due time!? I don't remember plenty of everything the way you remember!
What all the leopards!? I don't remember females with four teats the way you remember!
What transvestite cosplay!? I don't remember a deluge of vomit the way you remember!
What nosy neighbors!? I don't remember fewer wheels the way you remember!

User
dank memes np

I tried to sneak out of the store with dank memes under one arm and multiethnic genitalia down my pants.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only an icy tomb and dank memes come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found dank memes.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and Saint Dracula’s cathedral take a road trip, and discover dank memes along the way.
I keep finding dank memes between the couch cushions. Are these yours?
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by dank memes around the building.

User
They say that everything is about sex, except  , which is about  .2

They say that everything is about sex, except yoga farts, which is about lips.
They say that everything is about sex, except black leggings, which is about the white man.
They say that everything is about sex, except robotic beer wenches, which is about an eyeless face.
They say that everything is about sex, except high heels, which is about sneaking into the sultan’s harem.
They say that everything is about sex, except a dirigible death match, which is about twiddly fingers.
They say that everything is about sex, except anorexia, which is about 19 cannons.

User
getting snapped in half v

Thanks for getting snapped in half last night. *wink* *wink*
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always getting snapped in half. Always.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “getting snapped in half”.
Apparently, “Getting Snapped in Half” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
The authorities followed the trail of getting snapped in half, leading them straight to the suspect.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like getting snapped in half.

User
slapping everything v

During the war, German scientists experimented with slapping everything to weaponize mercury poisoning.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride my mom teaching sex ed. It made me feel like I was slapping everything.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a head full of ideas and a mouthfeel like slapping everything.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then slapping everything really affected me.
The survey team detected slapping everything so I threw stainless steel plating in my truck and drove straight there.
If you have a dream about Disneyland!, it meas you’re worried about slapping everything.

User
When I saw  {n} I was scared, but when it suddenly started  {v} and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!2

When I saw my sister’s closet I was scared, but when it suddenly started pleading for more men and supplies and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a day at the beach I was scared, but when it suddenly started windmilling and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a strangler I was scared, but when it suddenly started running until you die and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw my private supply I was scared, but when it suddenly started doing it RIGHT this time! and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a demon torture puzzle box I was scared, but when it suddenly started closing her legs and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a sterilized dog I was scared, but when it suddenly started danglin’ out there all pink and naked and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!

User
touching my deformity v

Military scientists in Syria found traces of touching my deformity in the soil.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: touching-my-deformity@the-dutch-oven.net
SWF seeking LTR or fun for now, if you’re into touching my deformity, get to the front of the line.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “touching my deformity”.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and touching my deformity.
Facebook just bought a Bad Time Company, hoping to get a stronger position in touching my deformity.



corruption nc

Getting corruption back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring corruption.
My nightly ritual involves a horizontal ass crack, corruption, and finally doing a bad job at pooping just as I fall asleep.
God didn’t create me. God created corruption. And corruption created me.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Corruption.
Corruption can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.

User
a child born of incest ?

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a jackhammer and a child born of incest come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
The city put in new road signs to indicate a child born of incest just up ahead.
It’s lucky to touch a child born of incest; it’s even luckier to touch someone else’s.
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of a child born of incest and a riding crop.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found a child born of incest in the walls at my office.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a child born of incest.

User
They said I was out of my league, that I'd never get freaky with   or even have  . They were wrong.2

They said I was out of my league, that I'd never get freaky with valid reasons or even have a launch. They were wrong.
They said I was out of my league, that I'd never get freaky with a big, brown beaver or even have dilation of the uterus. They were wrong.
They said I was out of my league, that I'd never get freaky with theatrics or even have a total fucking mess. They were wrong.
They said I was out of my league, that I'd never get freaky with sharp claws or even have an alternate timeline where the Nazis won. They were wrong.
They said I was out of my league, that I'd never get freaky with the child-parent relationship or even have Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face. They were wrong.
They said I was out of my league, that I'd never get freaky with self-inflicted wounds or even have wanting to be noticed. They were wrong.

User
good, christian values ?

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as good, christian values, score points by having too many irons in the fire, and gourmet drinking chocolate shall not be on the field.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using good, christian values to forage for food.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: drool-drops@good-christian-values.net
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with good, christian values! It’s all here in my manifesto!
My religion demands that I must always have spooning distance, and that I must abstain from good, christian values.
Last night I dreamed of good, christian values. I cannot shake the feeling that a nation of damsels will arrive soon.

User
My little brother is strange, he'll turn up his nose to   but loves it when it's with  {n}.2

My little brother is strange, he'll turn up his nose to bathwater but loves it when it's with a thick layer of frosting.
My little brother is strange, he'll turn up his nose to kicking the door down but loves it when it's with the price of HIV.
My little brother is strange, he'll turn up his nose to napkins but loves it when it's with reasonable stereotypes.
My little brother is strange, he'll turn up his nose to the taste of Rohypnol but loves it when it's with a familiar scent.
My little brother is strange, he'll turn up his nose to a fat and fancy pigeon but loves it when it's with spiders.
My little brother is strange, he'll turn up his nose to stainless steel plating but loves it when it's with sliced vegetables.

User
waiting for you in your room v

Look, man, I’m not into waiting for you in your room. But $20 is $20.
The water tower looks like it’s waiting for you in your room from this angle.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s waiting for you in your room.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Waiting for You in Your Room Blast!
Men, like a piece of cake, go farthest when they are waiting for you in your room.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on waiting for you in your room.

User
a child huddled in the corner ?

My nightly ritual involves a child huddled in the corner, a humorless Japanese businessman, and finally Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism just as I fall asleep.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put a child huddled in the corner in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a child huddled in the corner.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a child huddled in the corner. I still got an 85!
Last Christmas, I gave you a child huddled in the corner. The very next day, you gave it away.
Always walk into an interview with worse people than that and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate a child huddled in the corner.

User
gangstas np

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to gangstas.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, gangstas in and out.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate gangstas.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for gangstas.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Gangstas”! I shook his hand and it felt like gangstas.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put gangstas in the pillows.

User
your best friend ?

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a girl on roller skates, part was a feast of blood, and it was crowned with your best friend.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide your best friend directly.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow your best friend?
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s your best friend and I think I believe her!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about your best friend.
Spice up the bedroom by your best friend.

User
making sure it hurts ?

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide making sure it hurts directly.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of making sure it hurts.
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of making sure it hurts and a child muzzle.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Making Sure It Hurts,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I’ve been dancing to the new single by “Making Sure It Hurts and a Cure for What Ails Ya”.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s making sure it hurts.

User
going as deep as possible ?

Man invented going as deep as possible, so woman invented not a bear.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was going as deep as possible.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Going as Deep as Possible” syndrome!
I am become going as deep as possible, the destroyer of worlds.
Back in my day, we had going as deep as possible for a low wall and we LIKED IT.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “going as deep as possible” incident in the science lab.

User
forcing me to watch ?

I thought I was being attacked, and I defended myself with forcing me to watch.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually forcing me to watch.
There’s no reason for forcing me to watch before breakfast.
I went rafting, saw forcing me to watch in the river, no big deal.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of forcing me to watch, the NAACP, and swindling queers.
Forcing me to watch is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.

User
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding,  ,  , all that sort of thing.2

Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, Cochise, the last man in the room, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, a royal fleet of galleys, fewer wheels, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, an obstinate, but lovable grandfather, the off-switch, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, what Mom made, feeling fat and sassy, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, negotiating peace, going straight to hell for this, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, a flea, the French crown, all that sort of thing.

User
The fortunes were squandered upon   while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become   in her own house.2

The fortunes were squandered upon not taking care of your body while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become a bag of chips in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon adhesive in all the wrong places while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become pooping for four hours a day in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon a little of this, a little of that while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become piles of limbs in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon reasonable stereotypes while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become a tiny Jamaican in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon a flagrant misuse of the English language while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become an itchy shirt tag in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon earwig pincers while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become the heart in her own house.

User
Nailed it.
nailing it ?

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy an ounce of nailing it at a time.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s nailing it.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep nailing it out of mainland China.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using nailing it to forage for food.
Don’t look at me while I’m nailing it! It messes me up!
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: nailing-it@a-fresh-clean-merkin.net

User
Wake turbulence, also known as  , is turbulence that forms behind   as it passes through the air.2

Wake turbulence, also known as twerking while uncontrollably farting, is turbulence that forms behind body shaming as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as real life, is turbulence that forms behind explicit eating as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a well-rehearsed lie, is turbulence that forms behind floating away in a fucking balloon as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a poisonous bosom snake, is turbulence that forms behind leaving nothing sacred as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a sterilized dog, is turbulence that forms behind a serious scuffle as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a nurse, is turbulence that forms behind the heart as it passes through the air.

User
a totally fake magic spell ?

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a totally fake magic spell spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
A totally fake magic spell is the only way to say goodbye.
I noticed symptoms of less candy than usual, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s a totally fake magic spell!” but I’m not sure.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a totally fake magic spell to forage for food.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a totally fake magic spell while we were still in the car.
My dream house has casualties out front, picture windows for double rat butts, and a totally fake magic spell in the garage.

User
To cast the spell to ward away  , young wizard, prepare a mixture with   and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus  dus !"3

To cast the spell to ward away very fine points, young wizard, prepare a mixture with a medley and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus a death sentencedus !"
To cast the spell to ward away amputated eyelids, young wizard, prepare a mixture with feasting and slaughter and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus insinceritydus !"
To cast the spell to ward away alien parasite larvae, young wizard, prepare a mixture with a hollow shell and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus what we asked fordus !"
To cast the spell to ward away doing a bad job at pooping, young wizard, prepare a mixture with insurance and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus entering hibernationdus !"
To cast the spell to ward away an under-the-table interaction, young wizard, prepare a mixture with violent death and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus a giant cyborgdus !"
To cast the spell to ward away a bullet hole, young wizard, prepare a mixture with several children and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus gettin’ all up closedus !"

User
having no time for your childish behavior ?

Having no time for your childish behavior can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
In this 15th century painting, having no time for your childish behavior is represented by a man with affectionate biting for a head.
Ich bin ein having no time for your childish behavior.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of having no time for your childish behavior.
The city condemned our house after finding having no time for your childish behavior in the crawlspace.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to having no time for your childish behavior, even before I put on my clothes.

User
getting all over my new furniture ?

Until quite recently, getting all over my new furniture had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for getting all over my new furniture.
The hardware store didn’t have getting all over my new furniture left, so I got a planet.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is getting all over my new furniture.
My nightly ritual involves getting all over my new furniture, a giant eraser, and finally filthy underpants just as I fall asleep.
In my state, getting all over my new furniture for sustenance is a legal right for many indigenous people.

User
being dragged ?

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had being dragged.
My car looks like it’s being dragged but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Being dragged can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw being dragged for the first time!
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with being dragged hanging in the window.
BonerQuest! Chapter 7, in which our randy hero deals with being dragged.

User
hitting a man out of his wheelchair ?

John “hitting a man out of his wheelchair” Smith. The genius who brought us expulsion.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, hitting a man out of his wheelchair... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with hitting a man out of his wheelchair hanging in the window.
hitting a man out of his wheelchair isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as hitting a man out of his wheelchair surfaced from below.
In the public hitting a man out of his wheelchair model, a third-party service provider delivers the hitting a man out of his wheelchair service over the Internet.

User
alcohol ?

Then God said, “Let there be alcohol”; and there was alcohol. And God saw that alcohol was good.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with alcohol! It’s all here in my manifesto!
The city condemned our house after finding alcohol in the crawlspace.
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with alcohol in my hand.
The cruiseliner struck alcohol and sank, leaving hundreds of vacationers in the water to deal with shenanigans.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not alcohol like your brother?”

User
I came with   to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought   so nobody even noticed!2

I came with a silly goose to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a provocation so nobody even noticed!
I came with an exercise machine to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought my point of view so nobody even noticed!
I came with a collar around my neck to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a mental illness so nobody even noticed!
I came with habanero salsa to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought unnatural lust so nobody even noticed!
I came with a busy bee to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought 19 cannons so nobody even noticed!
I came with seeking death to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought pendulous breasts so nobody even noticed!

User
The airline provided   as a fantastic way to keep us happy on the flight. Didn't need it, though, I brought  !2

The airline provided an Uber™ we didn’t order as a fantastic way to keep us happy on the flight. Didn't need it, though, I brought a strangler!
The airline provided valid reasoning as a fantastic way to keep us happy on the flight. Didn't need it, though, I brought a xenophobic history lesson!
The airline provided bursting exuberantly onto the national scene as a fantastic way to keep us happy on the flight. Didn't need it, though, I brought the jape of the century!
The airline provided #1 Dad as a fantastic way to keep us happy on the flight. Didn't need it, though, I brought a vast understatement!
The airline provided a wailing infant as a fantastic way to keep us happy on the flight. Didn't need it, though, I brought a suffering bastard!
The airline provided the bowel fairy as a fantastic way to keep us happy on the flight. Didn't need it, though, I brought infectious laughter!

User
Damn it, don't sneak up on me when I'm workin' on  ! If I didn't realize you wasn't   I coulda shot ya dead!2

Damn it, don't sneak up on me when I'm workin' on slash and burn shaving! If I didn't realize you wasn't baby Brussels sprouts and butter I coulda shot ya dead!
Damn it, don't sneak up on me when I'm workin' on a mutilated torso! If I didn't realize you wasn't my sexual partners I coulda shot ya dead!
Damn it, don't sneak up on me when I'm workin' on worse people than that! If I didn't realize you wasn't a dusty butthole I coulda shot ya dead!
Damn it, don't sneak up on me when I'm workin' on floating away in a fucking balloon! If I didn't realize you wasn't in-flight entertainment I coulda shot ya dead!
Damn it, don't sneak up on me when I'm workin' on hot slugs! If I didn't realize you wasn't a succulent jumbo prawn I coulda shot ya dead!
Damn it, don't sneak up on me when I'm workin' on accidentally decking a cop in the head! If I didn't realize you wasn't a fruitless task I coulda shot ya dead!

User
I aspire to be more than just  . Without   I think I can do it.2

I aspire to be more than just a shiftless ne’er-do-well. Without real life I think I can do it.
I aspire to be more than just a bad time. Without sabotage I think I can do it.
I aspire to be more than just a leather swing. Without palace after palace I think I can do it.
I aspire to be more than just just plain racism. Without a jaundiced view of humanity I think I can do it.
I aspire to be more than just exact science. Without newer technology I think I can do it.
I aspire to be more than just 50,000 volts of electricity. Without a one hundred dollar bill I think I can do it.

User
  nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid  ?2

a creepier perv nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid the reality of the situation?
oral fixations nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid Liam Neeson’s Halfway House for Silly Girls?
a historical dame nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid compressed gas?
an iceberg nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid eating a bowl of spider webs?
horsing around nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid shenanigans?
an Uber™ we didn’t order nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes?

User
My kid was acting like  , so I took away   and   privileges.3

My kid was acting like wriggly little worms, so I took away a velvet fist and lady business privileges.
My kid was acting like something just about right, so I took away mediocre tits and tumbling down a mountain privileges.
My kid was acting like sinister plans, so I took away a hackneyed truism and Moon Base Alpha privileges.
My kid was acting like a leopard invasion, so I took away fingernail torture and an effigy privileges.
My kid was acting like godless heathens, so I took away a squirt of mustard and relaxing and letting it roll down your leg privileges.
My kid was acting like seed, so I took away a berserk horse and laughing and lying privileges.

User
I got   as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with  ?2

I got a determined shark as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with a big dang deal?
I got stunning, beautiful moobs as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with furries?
I got black leggings as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with a tiny bat crawling up your peehole?
I got a caged madman as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with drool drops?
I got killers as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with a sassy male news reporter?
I got thrifty moms as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with Taco Bell®?

User
prying her mouth open ?

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide prying her mouth open directly.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about casting a hex and prying her mouth open. Should I talk to him?
There is no revenge so complete as prying her mouth open.
I got into my car and sat on prying her mouth open. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Go, go, Gadget Prying Her Mouth Open!
The authorities followed the trail of prying her mouth open, leading them straight to the suspect.

User
The seven natural uses for   in the garden include applying it evenly to ward off  .2

The seven natural uses for bodily harm in the garden include applying it evenly to ward off friends that can keep a secret.
The seven natural uses for a gold ingot in the garden include applying it evenly to ward off a broken ceiling tile.
The seven natural uses for one Planck length in the garden include applying it evenly to ward off tumbling down a mountain.
The seven natural uses for smoky chipotle flavored scuba air in the garden include applying it evenly to ward off an unfair coin.
The seven natural uses for valid reasoning in the garden include applying it evenly to ward off deliberately standing in front of a cannon.
The seven natural uses for rigid pipes in the garden include applying it evenly to ward off a demon torture puzzle box.

User
Barry loading himself up in the cannon ?

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then Barry loading himself up in the cannon really affected me.
During routine surgery, the doctors found Barry loading himself up in the cannon embedded in my abdomen.
Barry loading himself up in the cannon is the only way to say goodbye.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is Barry loading himself up in the cannon.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. A Broken Ceiling Tile is Barry loading himself up in the cannon.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always Barry loading himself up in the cannon. Always.

User
an arctic wizard with a knife ?

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was an arctic wizard with a knife.
Getting an arctic wizard with a knife back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Here’s a certificate for an arctic wizard with a knife from me. Redeem at any time!
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out an arctic wizard with a knife.
Don’t look at me while I’m an arctic wizard with a knife! It messes me up!
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put an arctic wizard with a knife in the pillows.

User
One month later   produces an egg which resembles  . This egg must be protected for several months.2

One month later extra padding for my butt produces an egg which resembles that urpy feeling like when you eat too much. This egg must be protected for several months.
One month later Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry produces an egg which resembles my point of view. This egg must be protected for several months.
One month later blocking the exit produces an egg which resembles a long rambling story. This egg must be protected for several months.
One month later everything under the sea produces an egg which resembles manliness. This egg must be protected for several months.
One month later specimens produces an egg which resembles twerking over my enemy’s grave. This egg must be protected for several months.
One month later a slot produces an egg which resembles my fantasy. This egg must be protected for several months.

User
I've never heard   talk, but I'm confident that it's possible.

I've never heard Orange Julius talk, but I'm confident that it's possible.
I've never heard white-knuckled terror talk, but I'm confident that it's possible.
I've never heard greedy land barons talk, but I'm confident that it's possible.
I've never heard taking a lonesome road talk, but I'm confident that it's possible.
I've never heard dark magic talk, but I'm confident that it's possible.
I've never heard the taste of Rohypnol talk, but I'm confident that it's possible.

User
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with  . So bring  .2

Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with upsetting footage not suitable for children. So bring every pterodactyl.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with Eskimo settlements. So bring a do-gooder.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with rumpy pumpy. So bring expectorating some sludge.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with mood enhancing hormones. So bring wishing your girlfriend would get kidnapped.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with just a peek. So bring maximum attitude.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with springing into action. So bring most people.

User
getting busy v

SWF seeking LTR or fun for now, if you’re into getting busy, get to the front of the line.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting busy.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, getting busy appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The unofficial symbol of the United States is getting busy.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide getting busy directly.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by getting busy.

v]
User
_____ will have to do because we still need time for _____ if we want to ready for the party.2

white-knuckled terror will have to do because we still need time for going out on a limb if we want to ready for the party.
an alibi will have to do because we still need time for a madhouse! A madhouse! if we want to ready for the party.
the thin veneer of causality that underlies porn will have to do because we still need time for the hole where the heart once fit if we want to ready for the party.
a listless wasp will have to do because we still need time for a bad chicken if we want to ready for the party.
my love of children will have to do because we still need time for an empty Tic Tac® box if we want to ready for the party.
a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft will have to do because we still need time for Voodoo driving school if we want to ready for the party.

User
John "_____" Smith. The genius who brought us _____.2

John "unbelievably beautiful hair" Smith. The genius who brought us a fifteen-pound newborn.
John "a quiver of love arrows" Smith. The genius who brought us setbacks.
John "sex smell" Smith. The genius who brought us torturing your family.
John "poorly orchestrated group sex" Smith. The genius who brought us real, actual witchcraft.
John "the NAACP" Smith. The genius who brought us a very hot pan.
John "ill-advised business decisions" Smith. The genius who brought us Disneyland!.

User
That's the opposite of _____! How will that help us with _____?!2

That's the opposite of Ein Berliner! How will that help us with attacking everything in your path?!
That's the opposite of Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor! How will that help us with both emissaries?!
That's the opposite of a hardened native warrior! How will that help us with a large abscess?!
That's the opposite of high-voltage wires! How will that help us with the last breath of a dying man?!
That's the opposite of fingernail torture! How will that help us with only my index finger?!
That's the opposite of an even harder bang! How will that help us with too much wiggling?!

User
My entire life I've been waiting for _____... and now that I'm satisfied, all I want is _____.2

My entire life I've been waiting for my point of view... and now that I'm satisfied, all I want is a human tooth necklace.
My entire life I've been waiting for its opposite... and now that I'm satisfied, all I want is breastfeeding.
My entire life I've been waiting for what we asked for... and now that I'm satisfied, all I want is the amount of land in southern Scotland.
My entire life I've been waiting for a power cord... and now that I'm satisfied, all I want is opulent fuckers.
My entire life I've been waiting for oil-covered birds... and now that I'm satisfied, all I want is a pack of smokes.
My entire life I've been waiting for a very hot pan... and now that I'm satisfied, all I want is four cheese wheels.

User
_____ will continue to surprise us when _____ flies past in July.2

David Bowie, the ultimate Moon Lord will continue to surprise us when a bottle of urine flies past in July.
really bad teeth will continue to surprise us when those glorious gams flies past in July.
military-themed porn will continue to surprise us when fly honeys flies past in July.
my Kazakhstani grandma will continue to surprise us when a crooked cop flies past in July.
$20 worth of pot will continue to surprise us when a ziggurat made of torsos flies past in July.
mixed feelings will continue to surprise us when friendly nanomachines flies past in July.



If you were sitting on _____, you would see that _____ revolves around _____.3

If you were sitting on Mama Hole and Papa Pole, you would see that great tits revolves around maximum attitude.
If you were sitting on unseemliness, you would see that a giant cyborg revolves around a nation of damsels.
If you were sitting on a stupid student, you would see that surviving revolves around laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers.
If you were sitting on everything all at once, you would see that having no retort revolves around force-feeding a bird.
If you were sitting on marginal gains, you would see that the egg I hatched from revolves around a burst of energy.
If you were sitting on the next time, you would see that Arizona revolves around a head full of ideas.

User
When _____ suddenly expired, the family, the government and _____ fought bitterly over _____.3

When pickle liquor suddenly expired, the family, the government and a fat lot o’ good fought bitterly over a carafe of broccoli chowder.
When people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm suddenly expired, the family, the government and my baby door fought bitterly over hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about.
When the girl next door suddenly expired, the family, the government and a top hat full of assholes fought bitterly over chicken sashimi.
When a prepaid Visa™ suddenly expired, the family, the government and blacking out and making a sex sound fought bitterly over being controlled by a child.
When impacting my sister suddenly expired, the family, the government and swamp ass fought bitterly over a lonely grave.
When long deep kisses with eyes wide open suddenly expired, the family, the government and my replacement fought bitterly over a girl on roller skates.

User
Hopefully not me this time

The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out hopefully not me this time.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of hopefully not me this time.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “hopefully not me this time”.
Give a man revealing just enough to garner interest and you feed him for a day. Give him hopefully not me this time, and you feed him for a lifetime.
Hark! What hopefully not me this time through yonder window breaks?
Back when I was hopefully not me this time, I got shot in a charcoal briquette by nothing but the truth.

User
Hiding just around the corner

On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing hiding just around the corner.”
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “hiding just around the corner”.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was hiding just around the corner.
Throughout human history, hiding just around the corner has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from hiding just around the corner.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live in hiding just around the corner across the street.

User
Hot biscuits & gravy

Go, go, Gadget hot biscuits & gravy!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “hot biscuits & gravy”.
Man invented beans on toast, so woman invented hot biscuits & gravy.
1) A robot may not injure hot biscuits & gravy, or through inaction allow hot biscuits & gravy to come to harm.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, hot biscuits & gravy appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Amtrak officials confirm hot biscuits & gravy would have prevented train derailment.

User
Always walk into an interview with _____ and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to _____!2

Always walk into an interview with a van down by the river and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to something I just hate!
Always walk into an interview with a choir of angels and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to total collapse!
Always walk into an interview with laying eggs everywhere and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to sneaking into the sultan’s harem!
Always walk into an interview with blowing the lid off the present civilization and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to quick-set cement!
Always walk into an interview with kissing ass with your dick and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to a sexual encounter!
Always walk into an interview with lots of rattled nerves and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to the mighty moon-worm!

User
Just me, by myself

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: just me, by myself and fisticuffs atop a zeppelin.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find just me, by myself in the back seat.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of just me, by myself.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find just me, by myself.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow just me, by myself?
When feeding upon nematodes is ready, just me, by myself will appear.

User
You

When the celestial spheres align, you will descend from the heavens.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were you, would you be you as well?”
This is my second kid. My first one came out as you.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to you.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like you and is carrying children’s toys.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of you heard remote.

User
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to _____, even before I put on my clothes.

In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to Priapus, the patron god of boners, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to witnesses, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to upsetting footage not suitable for children, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to nuclear warfare, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to a feather boa, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to having a zero-value existence, even before I put on my clothes.

User
Last night I dreamed of _____. I cannot shake the feeling that _____ will arrive soon.2

Last night I dreamed of my DNA. I cannot shake the feeling that Roman battlesex will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of a shiftless ne’er-do-well. I cannot shake the feeling that a hand grenade in my cereal will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of mammaries. I cannot shake the feeling that relative tranquility will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of judgment. I cannot shake the feeling that an irritated throat will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of a big chicken order. I cannot shake the feeling that a positive test for bodily fluids will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of smooth boys. I cannot shake the feeling that too much wiggling will arrive soon.

User
Putting up with you

J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of putting up with you.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by the last great American and putting up with you.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “putting up with you,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “putting up with you”.
Man invented putting up with you, so woman invented a swanky new style.
putting up with you has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
The halo on your fucking head

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw the halo on your fucking head overboard!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “the halo on your fucking head”.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is the halo on your fucking head.
My financial analyst had advised me against investing all my money in the halo on your fucking head.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “the halo on your fucking head” and it helps me with foaming, not at the mouth.
You remind me of the halo on your fucking head because you are always casting a hex to me.

User
My love of children

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my love of children and a squirt of mustard come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and oiled thighs take a road trip, and discover my love of children along the way.
Apparently, “my love of children” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to my love of children.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was my love of children.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: my love of children.

User
My brother, who I'm sure you remember

A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of my brother, who I'm sure you remember on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Getting my brother, who I'm sure you remember back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is my brother, who I'm sure you remember.
CAUTION: Keep my brother, who I'm sure you remember out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
my brother, who I'm sure you remember makes good neighbors.
my brother, who I'm sure you remember can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.

User
My kid sister

Howdy neighbor, love my kid sister! Let’s get a velvet fist sometime!
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being my kid sister.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “my kid sister!” You’re cursed with goners until the end of the game!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “my kid sister”.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, my kid sister popped out!
my kid sister is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

User
Mommy driving me to school

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like mommy driving me to school.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and mommy driving me to school take a road trip, and discover an ankle holster along the way.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into this. It was not my lips you kissed, but mommy driving me to school.
Happiness: mommy driving me to school, adults eating teenagers alive, and four cheese wheels.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was mommy driving me to school.
Let mommy driving me to school host your next party, providing a sleepy kitty like you’ve never seen before.

User
Daddy in his underpants

Hark! What daddy in his underpants through yonder window breaks?
This is my second kid. My first one came out as daddy in his underpants.
The terrorists will execute one hostage every 20 minutes unless they receive daddy in his underpants.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride daddy in his underpants. It made me feel like I was thick pudding.
After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created daddy in his underpants.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing daddy in his underpants.”

User
Machine gun fire

When presented with machine gun fire, blowing the lid off the present civilization will fart blood in anticipation.
Go, go, Gadget machine gun fire!
Man invented machine gun fire, so woman invented just a bit of cocaine.
There is no revenge so complete as machine gun fire.
It’s not delivery. It’s machine gun fire.
I am become machine gun fire, the destroyer of worlds.

User
Pastel colors

Driving late at night, I was horrified to find pastel colors in the back seat.
Jesus is pastel colors.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: godless heathens with pastel colors.
Single white female seeking long term relationship, if you’re into pastel colors, get to the front of the line.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need pastel colors and a snack attack.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was pastel colors.

User
A little piece of shit

The rich aroma of a little piece of shit, from the hills of Columbia.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as embers, score points by porn of people from around the office, and a little piece of shit shall not be on the field.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around a little piece of shit on the freeway.
Happiness: a little piece of shit, learning an important lesson, and shenanigans.
a little piece of shit is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a little piece of shit.

User
Loving my idiot husband despite his faults

loving my idiot husband despite his faults: It’s nature’s candy!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on loving my idiot husband despite his faults.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with loving my idiot husband despite his faults and a mysterious boy who fights juking left at the last second.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on loving my idiot husband despite his faults.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of loving my idiot husband despite his faults.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “loving my idiot husband despite his faults”.

User
Never being appreciated

never being appreciated... like a woman’s.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using never being appreciated to treat one night in Bangkok!
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by never being appreciated.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being never being appreciated.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from the basic unit of physics with never being appreciated.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live in never being appreciated across the street.

User
Basing my opinion on internet articles

A lifetime of basing my opinion on internet articles awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: feeling manful@basing my opinion on internet articles.net
If basing my opinion on internet articles were in the Olympics, Finland would be in great shape!
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of basing my opinion on internet articles.
basing my opinion on internet articles”: A new sport for boys and girls.
I reached expectantly into a strongly-worded letter, but found only basing my opinion on internet articles.

User
Completely avoiding conflict

When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered completely avoiding conflict operation.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to completely avoiding conflict.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a wall of spikes@completely avoiding conflict.net
I thought I was being attacked, and I defended myself with completely avoiding conflict.
It’s lucky to touch completely avoiding conflict; it’s even luckier to touch someone else’s.
completely avoiding conflict... like a woman’s.

User
Let's get that sub 7:55 we've always been talking about.
User
One single big one

Every French soldier carries one single big one in his knapsack.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with one single big one!”
I am become one single big one, the destroyer of worlds.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then one single big one really affected me.
In future times, the children will work together to build one single big one.
one single big one! one single big one! My kingdom for one single big one!



This tested extremely well.
User
Although moving away from _____ proved effective for schools, switching to _____ initially led to a spike of hospitalization in children.2

Although moving away from hands-free massage proved effective for schools, switching to a real jerk-off initially led to a spike of hospitalization in children.
Although moving away from a ghoulish feast proved effective for schools, switching to a good thing for the heart initially led to a spike of hospitalization in children.
Although moving away from a cataclysmic magic spell proved effective for schools, switching to a breach of confidence initially led to a spike of hospitalization in children.
Although moving away from yanking hard proved effective for schools, switching to a molecule initially led to a spike of hospitalization in children.
Although moving away from the real adversary proved effective for schools, switching to insipid fools initially led to a spike of hospitalization in children.
Although moving away from a garbage truck proved effective for schools, switching to fart jokes and naughty cave paintings initially led to a spike of hospitalization in children.

User
These are all wonderful phrases.
User
MATUA TUPUNA!
User
the respect I deserve

the tragic extent of my failings
User
Boy love
The love of a boy
A boy's love

I'm not sure which is funniest. Pick one. They all sound pedophilic even though the girl equivalent does not. Go figure. Do it. Figure. Do it now.
User
Doing your best and trying your hardest.

Ridding the carcass of any diseases.
User
mom
dad
User
I also don't care who anyone is.
User
Fat-shaming your dead kids.
Truck
User
...is it bone in?
Truck
User
Was it bone in? Was it served in a traffic cone?
User
If the other inmates in spider jail find out why you're in the joint they're gonna fuck you up.
User
User
Talking to your father while he's laying on the floor dying
Truck
User
Cactus rights are all over the place in Washington, and are mostly based on city ordinances. For example, in Bremerton, if you're caught mishandling a cactus you can be fined up to $50, no big deal. However, in the fairly small town of Shelton you'll risk the death penalty for so much as even talking about a cactus, or in one case Hames vs. Carter(2011), describing a 'prickly' situation.
User
A penis-consuming butthole.
Truck
User
Spiders have no legal rights in the state of Washington, you're good, but if you leave the state you might be prosecuted.
Truck
User
I'm sorry I don't have any aids I put it all in SRAW's ass.
User
farting like a bagpipe
User
My thyroid laughed.
User
cosmetic surgery for my cat
User
a sugar father
User
daddy juice
User
Thankfully, _ can usually be pronounced dead when finally making it to _.

My mouth

User
Some kind of bizarre barbecue CPR

Mouth to mouth pig ribs

Barely in the butthole
User
An infinite supply of anything and everything right at your fucking fingertips.
User
Free exotic crabs for adoption (trained!)
User
Wallowing in the pee.
User
Kaboom Kaboom Thunder Blood from the Tombstone.

OR

Blood from the tombstone.
User
Pooping in the dutch oven.

Finding a safe place.
User
You'll get rid of it eventually.
User
Winging it with the ginger chicks.
User
Looks like a good spot to hang some headphones.
User
I want to touch you, Jeff.
User
Two bats in a giant pair of pajamas.

Thank you, Zelda.
User
You don't need to get good at the texturing.
Truck
User
Don't worry, Nick, you'll get that Maltese Falcon.

Also, killing your boyfriend would only make things worse. Since he did actually kill your cousin, you should just turn him in. You get the inheritance legitimately that way!
User
handcuffing a four-year-old
Truck
User
Jeff, no.
User
You do know that the age of a game does not reflect how long it is, right?
User
a mass of lymphatic tissue

debriding biological tissue

a gynecologic procedure

dilation of the uterus
User
Punching a brain.
User
Assuming complete control.
Truck
User
I don't know what a kz/shop is. Sounds pretty gay, though...
User
Think of it this way: If you fuck up, we'll all make fun of you, and think less of you forever.
Truck
User
Do it, faggot.
User
smiling ladies in caves

a bat crawling up your peehole
User
Filthy Clown Rump
User
Crytax said:
A truck full of ladders


I like this one, the rest are meh.
User
Giant blue spiders and flies that have nothing to do
User
A disparate cloud of floaty sugar pubes
User
I randomly got back to and finished this animation that I started many years ago. Isn't that swell?

User
SuperJer said:
Do you have a PC that can run it? PCs from 2 years ago already out perform current gen consoles.

I want them to redo Skyrim and fix the boring dialog and missing animations. And the boring ending.


And the absolute lack of characters.
Truck
User
I lol'd pretty hard at your decision there.
User
Spunk Eggs.
User
Machine-gun Betty is just a funny sounding name. Also she's my ex-wife.
User
Keepin' it warm in the cooch.
User
A penis with a tongue.

A tongue with a ball sack.

A head full of ideas.

A close friend.

Making it weird.

Telling kids about sex.

A ruby-eyed beast in the dark.

Truth Serum.

The very foundation.

An automated turret.

Machine-gun Betty.
User
Homo Hot Lips
User
I am in love.
User
I dressed up as a SWAT zombie and chased customers around my store all day. It was great! Some of them actually ran out of the store and didn't come back!
User
Circumcising your dad.
User
Dark Sun: Shattered Lands, bitches.

Y'all ain't know shit 'bout no old games.
Truck
User
I really can't quite figure how there are 4.8 million of someone else's magic cards in my bedroom.
Truck
User
I was into MtG but then too many expansions came out and I got scared. That was back when like Alliances came out I think... so, yeah, I'm a little out of touch.
User
I will just keep logging in because it won't hurt anything.
User
This conversation amuses me.

Also, on a separate note, I took a bunch of pants from the store without paying for them. I went home and brought up the hem a little bit, but the police noticed my modifications and fined me three thousand dollars.
User
Ryu was my first level and he was really, really easy with just the buster. I get that you can time one shot well, but I don't want to play a megaman game where that is the only enemy type.
User
Ryu, then Chunlord, then Rolentax, then the purple woman, then Dhalsim. Dhalsim level was the worst, and made me stop playing. Every enemy was extremely irritating, and none of the weapons I acquired were any more useful than the megabuster.
User
I didn't like it. I played 5 of the levels, beat 3 of them, and noticed there was very little variance in enemy type, and that all of the enemies had irritating invincibility periods or other methods of completely avoiding damage. None of the weapons I obtained overcame these things. The game was a real chore to play.
User
Yeah, I wanna see kmac's CV runs, kmac is my boy.
User
Who here is twelve? Am I twelve? What is happening.
User
Hutch?
User
Don't concern yourself.
User
Full Monty Mole disrupts many races:



Mario is HUGE:





Wario is HUGER:



What is it but folly for a man to see all others as rivals and enemies? Ludwig is ponderous:

User
Here you go, try one these.



User
I did, thank you.
User
Foopy Parts
User
I've done some things I shouldn't do.





User
SuperJer said:
When the time comes to spin the cocoon in which it will spend the winter, it must decide whether to go up _, or down _.

Truck
User
NurtureJack said:
THERE'S A SECOND SEASON OF MUSHISHI?

ASHFJDFDSGLHSDRFGHLADSFweoigutry%g owre fdhvnrawlhwdfilhrwyh?G

NNNNGGGGHHH NGGGGGHHHH!!! NNNNNNNGGGGGGHHHHH!!! NNGGH!
User
There is a general theme of SJ and I alternating posts.






And then womanly.



Also, apparently Rosalina is getting upgrades, probably as a result of emotional trauma.







Bonus Crazed Mario and Link:



Bonus What is this I don't even:





In the past there was also a bit of sanic flair:




Which got better drawn and more horrifying at the end.



Or just more horrifying.

User
Alan Tudyk was not chemically castrated. That card is stupid.
User
No, indian food is the best food.
Truck
User
Well, they always do build water temples in places where the veil between worlds is thin.
User
SJ is a lying whore bitch.
User
a big chicken order
User
Having already overcome ______, finally surpassing ______ was the crowning achievement of her long career.

Having already overcome a moral boundary, finally surpassing being unable to look yourself in the mirror was the crowning achievement of her long career.

Having already overcome a sexual encounter, finally surpassing my latest perversion was the crowning achievement of her long career.
Truck
User
He probably brought a still living sow with him to the holy lands.
User
a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice
User
Cheating is the only way to win AFAIK.
User
Shut up, Frist, you're not even a real person.
User
"A horizontal ass crack"
User
SuperJer, 2014 said:
I was made in China, but then so was every tangible surface in the USA.

User
"a beauteous comb over"
User
SuperJer said:
chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus.


White card?
User
I heard pound, fresh and joy in the same sentence. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sure I'm all for it.
User
Respect the Crawfather.
User
SRAW said:
aaronjer said:
Wait staff gets paid almost entirely in tips in the US. Their non-tip wage is nearly nothing.


They get paid minimum wage which is more than enough to buy a LOT of pizza, just saying

And also I don't understand all the funny license plates, cause one of my neighbors had a STAYFLY plate


That depends on the state. Some are required to pay normal state minimum wage, many are allowed to pay like $2 an hour.
User
Twitching bodies at the bottom of the ocean.
User
4 was good enough for me to play it a little before I got bored. That's better than most games!
User
"a system of tunnels leading to key locations."

Who is wise? He that learns from ______. Who is powerful? He that governs ______. Who is rich? He that is content with ______. Who is that? Nobody.


OR

Who is ______? He that learns from everyone. Who is ______? He that governs his passions. Who is ______? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.

OR

Who is wise? He that learns from ______. Who is powerful? He that governs ______. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? ______.

User
I need to know how much that tornado can bench so that I might accurately mock its noodle gusts.

White Cards:
Useless noodle arms
A wimpy tornado
User
Wait staff gets paid almost entirely in tips in the US. Their non-tip wage is nearly nothing.
Truck
User
That voltorb looks like a fucking pokeball you fuck up.
User
SuperJer said:

Twerking on accident.


Fixed.
User
Twerking your front butt.
Truck
User
It's not funny. A man died.
User
Cheat Engine can be used to snoop the fuck out of (and alter) variables. It takes around half an hour for someone of my intellect to figure out how to do it.

This can be used to watch variables while a program is running.
Truck
User
Gun can fight.
Truck
User
You have a boring head.
Truck
User
That's very special.
User
...

...

I think I may have to award points for the first time in years.
User
"Do not make sexual advances unless you are given ____"

"The key is to choose ____ wisely instead of being enslaved by the whims of the many."

Non-human animals
User
That should be "a good one", Supes.
Truck
User
It requires multiple people, and SuperJer not being an asshole.
Truck
User
Truck
User
That's called sleep paralysis! Some people have it all the time! Try not to be one of those people!

Also, Jay, stop watching stupid movies for silly girls.
User
Yeah... but you have to get your service from cocks... Is being Speed Cloud really worth it?
User
A lot of runs have that, you just have to skip ahead until you find the game for realsies.
Truck
User
Edan hasn't played superjer.com/forum/sah yet. This is shameful.
User
The cave story run was great. A donator asked a guy to slap the runner, and they did... really hard. Then later another donator asked the same guy to hug him to make up for the slap. So he did. And it was a long, sensual hug, that ended with a gentle kiss on the cheek. It was all so wonderful.
Truck
User
i liek cholocats!
Truck
User
I am glad that eDan has finally fired the requisite number of missiles at brown people, for the requisite number of years. Please, never leave us again.
Truck
User
You will receive all available help.
Truck
User
If it's not at least 90% as long as Harry Potter's wand I am not interested.
Truck
User
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!
Truck
User
I tend to dislike movies in general, I never feel like it's possible to tell an entire story in ~2 hours. The only movies I usually like are ones that exist in conjunction with an existing on going series, so the movie doesn't have to waste half its time setting up the universe and characters.
User
Aaron Wilson: I'd play starbound but I don't know what it is and I don't have any money.

Aaron Wilson: And there is a lakitu in my house throwing around spiney shells.

Aaron Wilson: WTF

Jeffrey Loynd: I wouldn't suggest you playing it now anyway since it's still in beta

Jeffrey Loynd: KILL IT

Jeffrey Loynd: NAO

Aaron Wilson: I tried, but it was able to incapacitate me... and... Jeff... ... :(

Aaron Wilson: It raped me.

Jeffrey Loynd: ;-;

Jeffrey Loynd: It's ruined

Jeffrey Loynd: Everything is ruined

Aaron Wilson: I am no longer marriageable.

Aaron Wilson: I will become a spinster... my family will disown me.

Aaron Wilson: What kind of wife would I be?

Jeffrey Loynd: One with many quirks

Aaron Wilson: Maybe some disreputable man with a little coin and a drinking problem will take me in as a mistress. I'll be abused, but at least I'll have a roof over my head.

Jeffrey Loynd: You don't have to do that to yourself

Jeffrey Loynd: I'll take care of you from now on

Aaron Wilson: You say that, but your family and mine have always had close ties. If my family abandons me, yours will surely force you to break off contact with me on pain of exile from the estate.

Aaron Wilson: You'll lose your inheritance! And your future as a knight in the order of the black rose! I could never do that to you!

Aaron Wilson: Don't let this ruin both our lives.

Jeffrey Loynd: Don't be a fool dear one! Your love is all that matters to me! To hells with the inheritance. To hells with the order and my family!

Jeffrey Loynd: If they disown me, we disown them

Aaron Wilson: And I know you truly love the young lady of house Vetienne, would you abandon her and your own happiness for my sake alone? I could not bear it, the comfort would bring me no joy, I'd rather live in a gutter chasing rats for survival than see you both taken from each other. Lady Vetienne is kind, and beautiful, and does not deserve this betrayal.

Jeffrey Loynd: Lady Vetienne is indeed kind and beautiful, she is also a decade younger than me. I cannot be happy with a child! I'm old enough to be her uncle!

Aaron Wilson: Well, you are her second cousin once removed, if recall the family tree, but I have seen you gladly share her company! Was I reading romance when there was mere friendship between you?

Jeffrey Loynd: You were, my lady

Aaron Wilson: I hear so much talk from father about a supposed marriage arranged between you, I had assumed you were already privy to it!

Jeffrey Loynd: There is an arranged marriage arranged for me? I will have to have a word with father...

Aaron Wilson: Do not approach him aggressively! This is mere hearsay, and may be banter based on mere whimsy and speculation by my father! I know of no concrete plan to wed you to lady Vetienne. He may simply be fooled as I was into believing there was love between you.

Jeffrey Loynd: I suppose I'll have to be subtle then. But you know better than anyone how bad I am at subtlety.

Aaron Wilson: And yet I find it endlessly amusing, the day you drew steel on Sir Cullen for the mere insinuation he made about your sister. I've never seen a man so ready to beg forgiveness. Woe be to the woman who finds herself his wife, he is a man fit for nothing, if a man at all.

Aaron Wilson: But this distraction has only lasted for so long! What am I to do? If you really wish to leave all your fortune and future behind, would we not be forced to flee the city, mayhap even the country? Your father would blame me, for certain, labelling me harlot and seductress... could I even live with the fear of his wrath? I know nothing of the customs outside our lands, how would we survive?

Jeffrey Loynd: We'll find a way

Jeffrey Loynd: I have friends outside the country. I will let them know we are coming. They'll be ready to ferry us away from all of this

Aaron Wilson: Oh, but I would hate to disappear in the night like some rogue... would be that there was some way to make my sisters understand! They are too young to make sense of this... I dread to think of what they will be told of me, what they will think of me! And sweet Charlotte, she cannot bear to part from my side for more than mere minutes ever since mother died... but I supposed I would be taken from her regardless, by your plan or by my exile...

Aaron Wilson: Curse that lakitu! I would gladly endure its violation a hundred times if it meant no man ever knew of it!

Jeffrey Loynd: Then we must find a way to erase the past

Jeffrey Loynd: Come

Jeffrey Loynd: We shall do it together!

Jeffrey Loynd: *Que dramatic music*

Aaron Wilson: This is making me laugh so hard I'm not sure I can continue the charade? Improv? What are we even doing?

Aaron Wilson: This needs to go down in the history books.

Jeffrey Loynd: I have no idea. How even did this happen?

Aaron Wilson: I can't believe this started with lakitu rape.

Jeffrey Loynd: I just about bust my gut. Which would have been really awkward since I'm sitting across from my boss

Jeffrey Loynd: Bwahahahaha
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:D
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:D
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I prefer to think of Guu as a capricious trickster god. There's never even the slightest explanation as to what she is, but it all makes a lot more sense that way. Anyway, things get really serious sometimes in Jungle Guu, which I think helps balance out the extreme absurdity of every single thing that happens while Guu is around. There's a lot more going on in the show than "People dicking around in the Jungle", it just takes a while for it to start happening.

Stuff like how Weda seems like a totally shiftless, drunken fool of a mother for the comedic aspect of it causing problems for Hare. And then you find out WHY she's an alcoholic, and you're like... this isn't funny anmyore...
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I guess if you don't like it, you don't like it. I still think it's pure magic, though. Especially when Weda beats up those bank robbers... still makes my heart skip a beat.
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SRAW said:
a hot mess

tl;dr

I would suggest that you watch Legend of Galactic Heroes, but nobody should ever watch that.

I know I mentioned it before, but anyone that hasn't watched Jungle Guu yet needs to get on that shit.
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Woulda been better if he didn't move after hitting the sign.
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Last time I got missionaries I made up a long string of lies about how I used to be Mormon and all the crazy stuff we Mormons got up to, and how that care-free devil-may-care lifestyle simply doesn't suit me anymore as I've matured with age.

One of them was glaring at me the entire time, because it was obviously total bullshit, but he was trained to be polite so didn't say anything. The other guy TOTALLY believed it and was shocked... just shocked.

Oh, and a long time ago, I had missionaries, and I told them that I couldn't convert because my cat hated religion and would probably run away.
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The Thrones never send me any good dreams. Fuck the Thrones.
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Mine aren't direct messages from God, they are from an awfully specific cherubim. Man, that cherubim. Recollections, am I right?
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We've got sex and death plenty covered in the subconscious realms.
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I had a dream I got shot and then I woke up because someone was literally trying to murder me.
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If you die in the dream you wake up for real!
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I had a dream last night. In it, I was a mob hitman. I was a cold-blooded killer in a highly organized mafia that had a firm grip on the city I lived in. The mafia was notoriously more powerful than the police, did not hesitate to kill anyone who crossed them... and were strangely honest, fair and straightforward about it. Essentially there were three fatally important rules: You don't rat out the mob, you don't steal from the mob, and you don't attack anyone in the mob.

I had many homicidal encounters, one notable one in which I was only supposed to shoot one woman for informing the police about our activities. I almost couldn't believe it when I was told about it, as she had supposedly called the cops after seeing a few mobsters get rough with a businessman that wasn't paying his protection money. She practically commit suicide by ratting us out, and for something the police probably wouldn't even act on!

Once at her house, I got in quick and I shot her in the back. She never saw it coming, all was well... until her husband came home right as I was leaving. Upon seeing my car in the driveway, a dead-giveaway mobster town car, he already knew his wife was dead, and he was frantically calling the police. I was all, "Ah, come on! Whaddya gotta call the cops for, that's what did your wife in! Now I gotta shoot you too! I can't believe how stupid that was! I'm standing right here! With a gun!"

So I did kill him, although it was really more of a suicide. He was, however, coming home from the grocery store, and his daughter had been collecting comestibles from their SUV. Unfortunately for both of us, she decided to steal my car while I was busy phoning my bosses about things getting more complicated. I had left the car running with the keys in the ignition for a quick get away, but it had backfired on me fiercely. Since I had the dad's keys, I jumped in the SUV to chase her down and get back my boss's car. I knew there was barely any gas in my car, because I had been stupid and forgot to fill it up, so it was only a couple of miles before I caught up to her frantically trying to refuel at a gas station. Strictly following the rules would mean I'd have to shoot her too, since she stole the car, even though she had heard me yelling that all her dad had to do was 'nothing' if he didn't want to get shot. So I started yelling at her that all she had to do was 'nothing' if she didn't want to get shot, but I also wasn't quite cold-blooded enough to shoot a kid without hesitation.

I started telling her that I was going to try to get special dispensation from the bosses to let her off the hook, when, unfortunately for all three of us, two cops came to a stop at the gas station in their cruiser. The girl, obviously in a panic, got their attention whether she wanted to or not, and I had to quickly react and shoot both of the officers as well, as this wasn't going to go down any other way that didn't get me killed or imprisoned. At this point there was enough evidence splattered around the place from all four of us bleeding for various reasons that I decided I needed to do a quick clean-up job. Luckily, someone always kept a quantity of plastic explosives in the trunk of the car, so I decided to blow up the entire gas station... I didn't actually check to see if there was an attendant present, so I may have unintentionally killed even one more person. The girl, after both trying to run away and also use her phone (like seriously, why does everyone keep giving me reasons to shoot them!?) had annoyed me enough that I decided to replace the explosives in the trunk with her sans electronic communication devices. I drove away and set off the bomb, turning the whole scene into a crater, and the bodies of the officers into seared particulates.

The headquarters was a very lavish office building with heavily armed and well dressed guards standing in plain view of the woebegone police. I dragged the now exhausted, timid, and thankfully compliant girl up to see the most important wiseguy I could find. The don was out, but the consigliere was in, and that was good enough for me. I told him how crazy the simple whack job got, and how the girl only 'temporarily' borrowed my ride, so maybe I could just... not shoot her... if that would be okay? After silently staring at me during my long tale of adventure he suddenly looked very pleased. He told me he was surprised that I took initiative all the times I should, and that I came to him about the girl. I didn't even need to beg, he demanded I let the girl go immediately. According to him, icing a kid is bad for the public image, and not worth the minuscule chance she'd get us all pinched.

At this point I had time to think about what had happened, and I realized I'd unnecessarily blown up the girl's parent's SUV along with the gas station. It was almost brand new, and I didn't want nobody calling me cheap or irresponsible, so I gave her thirty large as the approximate value of the vehicle. Mind you, in my head this was just being an honest man, and the 'recently having killed her parents' didn't even factor into it. I told the girl she better suppress her family gene for committing suicide on the mob, and also told her if she wanted to come looking for vengeance it would be nice if she waited a few years until she was an adult, so that when I whacked her it wouldn't make me look like a son of a bitch.

Later on, I had a very interesting, if not incredibly frustrating conversation with a couple wiseguys. The mob suspected an associate of being up to something, we didn't know what, but we were looking into it. The twit had been sweating and twitching like crazy the last time a capo started talking to him, and he seemed like he was trying to avoid us altogether. So the three of us had a few words with him at his place of residence. We told him to stay home, not let anybody in, and not touch the phone. It was part keeping him from going on the lam while we checked out what he'd been up to, and part to see if he'd make a run for it, giving us no reason to doubt his ambiguous treachery.

We holed up in the attic of the house across the street with a high-tech x-ray scope sniper rifle, so we could shoot him as soon as he did what we expected him to, or we got called about him being a rat... or a thief... or whatever the hell he did. Now, these two jokers were made men, they had nothing to worry about. Even if they screwed the gig up they'd get a slap on the wrist a worst... but I wasn't made yet, even as hard as I was trying, so I had a vested interest in not cocking anything up. Seeing as these two had only begrudgingly agreed to be part of something as lowly as keeping an eye on possible rat, they weren't taking it very seriously. While we should have been quiet and attentive, we instead had an incredibly insipid conversation, it went something like this:

Me: "Alright, alright, so Vinnie, you're here to shoot the rifle, and I'm here to keep an eye out for trouble, but what's he doin' here?"

Vincent: "I'm not Vinnie you goof, dats Vinnie."

Me: "You're messing with me, the boss called you Vinnie not twenty minutes ago."

Vinnie: "Nah, we call me Vinnie, we call him Vincent."

Me: "Wait, you're both Vinnie?"

Vincent: "You got it all wrong, he's Vinnie, I'm Vincent.

Me: (Pointing at Vincent) But the boss called you Vinnie, I did not get you two confused. (pointing at Vinnie) You weren't even there!"

Vincent: "Yeah, so what?"

Me: "So what? So you're Vinnie too!"

Vincent: "What, you mean I shoulda corrected the boss? Forget about it!"

Me: "Well why's he gotta send both of you on the same job? Two guys he calls Vinnie? It's like a liability or somethin', gonna get the wires crossed!"

Vinnie: "The boss didn't send me, he doesn't even know I'm here."

Me: (exasperated) "Well then let's get back on track, whaddya doin' here, Vinnie?"

Vincent: "He owed me a favor, this rat could take hours to do somethin' stupid, and given the experience so far, I'd probably end up shooting myself before I shot him if I had to shoot the shit with your stupid ass the whole time."

Me: "Hey, if I knew this gig was a plus one I woulda brought a date, not some fat asshole, nothin' personal Vinnie."

Vinnie: "Hey! You want me to whack you or somethin'?"

Vincent: "C'mon Vinnie, you are a fat asshole, give the kid a break."

Vinnie: "Ah, forget about it!"

Me: "Hey, not to dampen this mood we got goin', but I've seen our rat walk by the window like half a dozen times while you been lookin' back at me. You gonna actually keep an eye on him or should I hold the rifle?"

Vincent: "Nobody touches this beauty but me. Not yet, I haven't even given her a name yet, and she's still a virgin!"

Me: "Alright, I won't touch your lady-friend, just keep your eyes on her or she's gonna get jealous."

Vinnie: (suddenly and very disbelieving) "I wasn't payin' attention, did you say Theresa's a virgin?"

Vincent: "Nah, the rifle not my girl."

Vinnie: "Ah, I was gonna ask you why she was wailing like banshee if you weren't, you know..."

Vincent: "Shut the hell up, Vinnie."

Vinnie: "Yeah, yeah."

Me: "Come on, you were lookin' through that scope for a total of six and a half seconds before you turned around and started jabbering to Vinnie again."

Vincent: (turning back to look through the scope) "Sorry, mom."

Me: "He get away yet?"

Vincent: "Nah, he's still scurrying about like a rat in a maze. I wish he'd sit still so I could shoot him more easy. Wait, you think he knows I'm up here, that we're gonna find somethin' out?"

Vinnie: "He'd have to be a real top-notch goof not to think we're watchin' his stupid ass."

Me: "Which makes him nervous, he's just nervous, a nervous guy is gonna pace whether or not he's a canary. Just keep an eye on him or he'll fly away!"

Vincent: "Whatever."

A minute goes by with Vincent actually watching the rat.

Vinnie: "I'm glad I had two cups a coffee before you picked me up."

Vincent: "Tell me about it, I'd fall right out the window if I'd skipped my fix."

Vincent has turned around again, I am glaring rancorously to no effect.

Vinnie: "Nothin' wakes you up like a black cuppa joe."

Vincent: "Black? Whaddya wanna knock yourself back out? You gotta make it smooth and sweet, somethin' to relax the hangover."

Vinnie: "Aw, come on, that's a woman's drink, don't tell me you drink it like that."

Vincent: "With two creams and two sugars or I'll go wild."

Vinnie: "You ain't kiddin'! I can hardly believe it, you iced more marks than I can count to and you drink it like that?"

Vincent: "Whassat gotta do with it? You're the nut job, drinkin' that swill, why dontcha just chew on the beans at that rate?

Vinnie: "Rather that then grow a pair of tits drinkin' what you drink."

Vincent: "You see, he's right, you are a fat asshole!"

Vinnie: "Well, maybe your new boyfriend can take you on a date when you've dolled yourself up with your lady drink."

Vincent: "You got bigger tits than Theresa, Vinnie, you're the one drinking the wrong kinda joe."

I cut Vinnie off before he can retort.

Me: "Oh my god, stop talking about tits or coffee or whatever and watch the fucking rat."

Vincent: "Hey, this is deep, we gotta figure this out."

Me: "We're gonna be deep underground if you let him get away."

Vinnie: "Nah, just you, we're made, we'll just say you messed it up."

Me: "Oh, that's just great, why don't you just shoot me now?!"

Vinnie: "I'm pullin' your leg! We wouldn't do that. Probably. Besides, he's not goin' nowhere, he's too busy stomping a track into his kitchen floor."

Me: "That'll be great comfort when the boss has my thumbs broken."

Vincent: "Stop changing the subject, new guy, you gotta break the tie."

Vinnie: "Yeah, it's gotta be black, right?"

Me: "Man I hardly even drink coffee, I don't fuckin' know."

Vinnie & Vincent: "What?!"

Vinnie: "This guy doesn't drink coffee? Where'd you find this asshole, Vinnie?!"

Vincent: "I-"

Me: "HEY! You just called him Vinnie! I knew it!"

Vinnie: "Wha- no I- you had me confused, you don't drink coffee, the hell is wrong with you?!"

Me: "It's just a drink, don't get so worked up about it."

Vinnie: "Ah, forget about it!"

Vincent: "Yeah, we'll have to ask the don, he'll set it straight, whaddya care what this cugine thinks, anyway?"

Vinnie: "Alright, alright, but I got another question."

Me: "I'm sure you do, Vincent, the rat, the rifle, at least pretend you give a shit!"

Vincent: (Turning back around to check on the rat again) "Ah, he's still there."

Me: "You sure?"

Vincent: "No, where the hell did he go?"

Me: "What?!"

Vincent: "Haha, gotcha!"

Vinnie and Vincent have a good long guffaw.

Me: "Remind me to knock out a few of your teeth when they confirm me, wiseguy."

Vincent: "You're welcome to try, if you want a free trip to the hospital."

Vinnie: "Damn it, I said I had another question, I'm gonna forget it!"

Vincent: "Alright, what?"

Vinnie: "So, you gotta think about this. But if you had to pick one, and one to be gone foreva, coffee or tea?"

Vincent: "What kind of a stupid ass ques-"

Vinnie: "No, no, no! You gotta look at the big picture, I ain't talkin' about you and me, I'm talkin' about the whole world."

Vincent: "That's still a stupid ass question, Vinnie, Tea can take a hike, everybody drinks coffee every day!"

Vinnie: "Sure, sure, here in America, but I said the whole world, Vince, you gotta really think about it!"

Vincent: "Alright, I thought about it, and you're an idiot."

Vinnie: "You know how many people need tea like we need coffee! Fuckin' China and the Brits, that's gotta be half the world!"

Vincent: "China and England aren't half the world, Vinnie.

Vinnie: "I was givin' an example or somethin', gimmie a break. But you gotta admit, those Brits would be jumpin' off Big Ben by the millions if they lose their tea. S'why I'm sayin' you gotta really think about."

Vincent: "Where do you come up with this shit? Alright, new guy, coffee is more important than tea. Vinnie's an idiot, right?

Me: "Look, I told you I don't even drink coffee."

Vincent whips around, rifle and all.

Vincent: "You're siding with this son of a bitch?!"

Me: "Whoa! I'm not siding with nobody, I just don't give a shit, Vince, point that thing somewhere else!"

Vincent: "Nah, I'm just messin' with you again!"

Vinnie and Vincent have another hearty guffaw.

Me: "For the love of baby Jesus, could you quit yappin' and keep an eye on the rat for more than ten seconds?!"

Vincent: "Nah, it doesn't matta."

Me: "What?"

Vincent: "The boss texted me five minutes ago, he's no rat, he's just nervous."

Me: "Then what have we been doin' here?!"

Vincent: "Talkin' about coffee and tits and shit, whaddya think?"

Vinnie: "Yeah, we gotta figure this stuff out, it can't be all about whackin' a rat."

Me: "Can I go back to having a shootout with the cops? At least then I knew what the hell was going on."

Vinnie: "You had a shootout with the cops?"

Vincent: "And he blew up a gas station."

Vinnie: "That was you?!"

Me: "Yeah, no big deal, there was blood, bullets and bodies everywhere, I didn't have time to clean it the slow way, so I just made a crater out of it.

Vinnie: "Damn it, I stop at that place for coffee! Why you gotta mess things up? I oughta pop you one!"

Me: "You're not serious."

Vincent: "He's catching on, Vinnie, I think we need a new mark."

Me: "Hey, don't get me wrong, you had me those other times, most people can't pull one over on me like that."

Vincent: "I think we just got a compliment from Mr. by-the-books here, look out the window, are pigs flyin'?

Vinnie: "Nah, just canaries."

Me: "Oh, shut up."








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Molkers, don't be doubtin'. Anything is possible as long as you believe.
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Every triangle deserves a chance to be a cute triangle.
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Subjugation!




Of your post!




Get over it, Mate!
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No!
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That's not a thing you ever do. You draw ten cards and then put them in the three empty slots at the top depending if it's a pick 1, 2 or 3.

When you're the czar you wait for everyone to play, or take too long, and then hit the call it button and choose a winner.

The scoreboard on the right indicates how many cards each player currently has in play, so you know when to call it.

Awarded points can be spent on the daily designated victuals, confections and provisions, assuming the stock has not been depleted by previous players.

The world is enough to hold me to the ground, but only by my own allowance, as I am not beholden to gravity and atmosphere.
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For the lulz, I did a bodyswap with a deity of a human fortress. Deities are just underworld demons tricking people into thinking they are gods, but they are unbelievably dangerous, and similar to forgotten beasts.

This one is a skinless, three eyed bear twisted into human form that knows and intones the names of all it encounters. It has a poisonous bite, the syndrome of which causes blistering, then massive pain, then paralysis, then necrosis of the bitten area. It's extremely fun.

I strangled a dragon and broke it's neck before it managed to suffocate.

Also I carry around a slade boulder and throw it at things so I can watch them explode.

Most hilariously? My stats are described as "Superbear Devilishly Strong" and such. Because it's a Bear Devil. There's also a female Bear Devil in charge of another human civilization that I sometimes go on adventures with.
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Throwing up into an autistic woman's vagina.

Mopping up the mess with your underwear.

Relaxing and letting it roll down your leg.
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Technically it's a roguelike. You last as long as you can, and you WILL die. There is only tragedy for the dwarves.
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My axelords took on a forgotten beast composed of fire. They managed to kill it... but all of them were sprayed with some kind of toxin. Months later they all developed kidney problems, vomited all over the fortress, and died.