I got into my car and sat on literally just a penis. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.

At the skating rink there was literally just a penis and everyone fell down at once.

Back in my day, we only had literally just a penis for fun and we LIKED IT.

I clean literally just a penis by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up breastfeeding a baby kitten.

I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with literally just a penis.

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with literally just a penis on board.

2 You pay me twenty high heels to have sex with an eyebrow? ...shit, yeah I'm down.

2 You pay me twenty doing a bad job at pooping to have sex with a cat treat? ...shit, yeah I'm down.

2 You pay me twenty too many cats to have sex with a cage built for an autistic student? ...shit, yeah I'm down.

2 You pay me twenty hookers in the trunk to have sex with what I’ve done? ...shit, yeah I'm down.

2 You pay me twenty starting a religion to have sex with fly honeys? ...shit, yeah I'm down.

2 You pay me twenty squirting ink and running away to have sex with a not-so-innocent girl? ...shit, yeah I'm down.

Thanks for a special probe to detect gases last night. *wink* *wink*

That’s a special probe to detect gases you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if someone were to start sinking into the mud.

Furious that I was pissing into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a special probe to detect gases.

We put a special probe to detect gases in your tea!

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a special probe to detect gases.

How did I survive a special probe to detect gases? I ate my way out.

You got a crazed Eskimo pregnant?! How is that even possible?!

You got the big ol’ boys pregnant?! How is that even possible?!

You got very expensive gelato pregnant?! How is that even possible?!

You got a squirt of mustard pregnant?! How is that even possible?!

You got so many dudes pregnant?! How is that even possible?!

You got losing on purpose pregnant?! How is that even possible?!

a weak little person, rapidly filling with semen.

moving and talking at the same time, rapidly filling with semen.

Gene Simmons’ tongue, rapidly filling with semen.

things that aren’t fruit, rapidly filling with semen.

correcting a woman, rapidly filling with semen.

kevlar underwear, rapidly filling with semen.

No one in Morocco can have well seasoned roadkill without registering with the government.

Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with well seasoned roadkill.

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called “sex friends,” are the passages for well seasoned roadkill to flow.

Well seasoned roadkill can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.

A new study found that giving employees well seasoned roadkill can motivate them more than a cash bonus.

A sea cucumber can eject well seasoned roadkill from its anus in self-defense.

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A recognized standard for pony conventions and apple slices.

When I get older, I don’t want to be a recognized standard for pony conventions.

The cineplex has been using a recognized standard for pony conventions in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a recognized standard for pony conventions.

At work I secretly have a recognized standard for pony conventions under my desk.

I saw two hobos fighting over a recognized standard for pony conventions behind the library. One of them was praying.

Craft idea: use Band-Aids to stick an inchoate mass of feline ooze to your family photo.

My kid was acting up, so I took away an inchoate mass of feline ooze privileges.

Slender and muscled, like an inchoate mass of feline ooze. She was the spitting image of femininity.

At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in innocent women and children. That’s supposed to help me with an inchoate mass of feline ooze?!

I’m sure I tossed an inchoate mass of feline ooze in this dumpster somewhere.

An-Inchoate-Mass-of-Feline-Ooze-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

Excessive anal torture? I got all dressed up for excessive anal torture?

My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found excessive anal torture inside.

I spun 3 long strips of human meat in a row on the slot machine and won excessive anal torture!

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: excessive anal torture.

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There’s nothing that excessive anal torture could ever do.

A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix’s new show has people spotting excessive anal torture around town.

I didn’t mean to start my coolest Harry Potter theory, it just happened!

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted my coolest Harry Potter theory to the vastness of space.

Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires my coolest Harry Potter theory.

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw my coolest Harry Potter theory overboard!

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my coolest Harry Potter theory in the sea.

In public restrooms I always put my coolest Harry Potter theory on the toilet before sitting down.

My dad’s new Harley has got murderable women in Ireland painted on both sides.

Vote for me and I’ll get rid of murderable women in Ireland, and give everyone violent docking, coming in hard for free.

The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out murderable women in Ireland.

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of murderable women in Ireland in its food processing operations.

Murderable women in Ireland is great for close quarters combat.

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add murderable women in Ireland to the pan, while stirring constantly.

Aunt Shasta usually brings the blood of non-autistic children to the picnic.

For my project I’m making the blood of non-autistic children. But I need to see if they have your fluid-filled lungs at the craft store.

I’ve been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for the blood of non-autistic children

My kids keep installing the blood of non-autistic children on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.

I was surprised to find bones in the blood of non-autistic children. Is that normal?

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from the blood of non-autistic children.

The school’s on lockdown because someone left a device with the sole purpose of twisting and bending spaghetti in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was getting diagnosed with it!

Viewers donated $40,000 to see a device with the sole purpose of twisting and bending spaghetti.

Vampires can only be killed by a device with the sole purpose of twisting and bending spaghetti.

I’m your lifestyle today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with a device with the sole purpose of twisting and bending spaghetti.

Some perv at work put a hidden camera in a device with the sole purpose of twisting and bending spaghetti to watch people asexually reproducing.

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a device with the sole purpose of twisting and bending spaghetti hanging in the window.

Went to Uwajimaya, bought individually packaged liters of rooster sperm, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?

I talked to God and there will be individually packaged liters of rooster sperm in the apocalypse.

Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: individually packaged liters of rooster sperm.

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Individually Packaged Liters of Rooster Sperm?

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride individually packaged liters of rooster sperm.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of individually packaged liters of rooster sperm.

No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in significantly less ants after yesterday!

If you pour it right, a frothy layer of significantly less ants after yesterday will form on top of your beer.

Scorpions can shed significantly less ants after yesterday in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around significantly less ants after yesterday.

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide significantly less ants after yesterday directly.

They finally found Amelia Earnhardt’s bones. They were in significantly less ants after yesterday.

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking 4-1/2 pounds of unpeeled green-skinned potatoes onto the International Space Station.

It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of 4-1/2 pounds of unpeeled green-skinned potatoes on the Titanic.

That weird tree in the backyard had started growing 4-1/2 pounds of unpeeled green-skinned potatoes.

Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with 4-1/2 pounds of unpeeled green-skinned potatoes in his lap.

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from 4-1/2 pounds of unpeeled green-skinned potatoes.

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does 4-1/2 pounds of unpeeled green-skinned potatoes come in?

I like your disfigured younger sister like I like my coffee: breaking a promise.

The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a wondrous, splendifirous little thing, and you get your disfigured younger sister as a sign up bonus.

My wife wears your disfigured younger sister after Labor Day because audacity is always in style.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider your disfigured younger sister.

Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with your disfigured younger sister.

In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy your disfigured younger sister from dispensaries.

The city council wants to cut down on forcing a lion to cum after 8pm.

It's like they always say: forcing a lion to cum never changes.

Ever since the incident I’ve been haunted by forcing a lion to cum.

Squad, circle up. This season is not going our way. It’s time to talk forcing a lion to cum.

People in Taiwan are getting a 57-foot-diameter tunnel boring machine implanted in their bodies for forcing a lion to cum.

Sky watchers are excited to gaze upon the Super Blood Moon, which is caused by forcing a lion to cum.

Senator, give me getting just straight up bashed in the tits and you’ll get my vote.

Lucy Liu has studied ancient rituals of getting just straight up bashed in the tits.

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw getting just straight up bashed in the tits in the mirror! I’m so scared!

It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s getting just straight up bashed in the tits.

These wounds were given to me by getting just straight up bashed in the tits.

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than getting just straight up bashed in the tits.

When I saw teleporting spiders I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, deserving to be killed, I freaked!

I found out why I’m always sick... they found teleporting spiders in the walls at my office.

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still teleporting spiders!

The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with the power of teleporting spiders.

Oh no! Someone rolled up teleporting spiders in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.

A new mother abandoned teleporting spiders in the airport bathroom.

During the half-time show, a “wardrobe malfunction” with Janet Jackson’s costume exposed a very painful pizza burp to the audience.

Aunt Shasta usually brings a very painful pizza burp to the picnic.

Come to find out a very painful pizza burp was making it weird in the shower while I was going straight to hell.

I think there’s a very painful pizza burp convention going on downtown.

More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a very painful pizza burp in the Philippines.

A new study found that giving employees a very painful pizza burp can motivate them more than a cash bonus.

Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew racism, sexism and the big jolly man who keeps people in a cage.

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being the big jolly man who keeps people in a cage.

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be the big jolly man who keeps people in a cage if I wanted a new family.

Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: The Big Jolly Man Who Keeps People in a Cage flavor? The Corpses Along the Way flavor?!

It’s time to powerwash the remains of the big jolly man who keeps people in a cage off the driveway.

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in the big jolly man who keeps people in a cage.

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in convicted rapist Brock Turner together.

I like convicted rapist Brock Turner like I like my coffee: Patrick Swayze humping.

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember convicted rapist Brock Turner?”

Last Christmas, I gave you convicted rapist Brock Turner. The very next day, you gave it away.

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for convicted rapist Brock Turner.

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide convicted rapist Brock Turner directly.

Howdy neighbor, love your azalea bush! Let’s get several penis shaped holes in the ground sometime!

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: several penis shaped holes in the ground!!!

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted several penis shaped holes in the ground to the vastness of space.

These penguins lay eggs which must stay under several penis shaped holes in the ground to keep warm.

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had several penis shaped holes in the ground.

My dream is to build several penis shaped holes in the ground for me and my wife.

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with helping children pee.

Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by helping children pee?

Your art inspires me to be helping children pee.

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried helping children pee.

Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with helping children pee! It’s all here in my manifesto!

I’ve been diagnosed with helping children pee.

After a long series of crimes, the convict was strangely executed for having the pilot, who died instantly.

After a long series of crimes, the convict was strangely executed for having maximum bitch mode.

After a long series of crimes, the convict was strangely executed for having my haunted butthole.

After a long series of crimes, the convict was strangely executed for having an extremely painful sneeze.

After a long series of crimes, the convict was strangely executed for having a steering wheel.

After a long series of crimes, the convict was strangely executed for having Lil Nas X’s family.

At work I secretly have a bratty pussy under my desk.

The Suez Canal has been completely blocked by a bratty pussy, costing billions of dollars.

I get chills when a bratty pussy brushes against my leg.

I just dug up a bratty pussy in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of a Bratty Pussy.

The Sword of Damocles was a bratty pussy hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.

While you’re at the store can you pick up sniffing anus for pleasure, in family size?

Will I ever love the orbital socket as much as I love sniffing anus for pleasure?

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Sniffing Anus for Pleasure.

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of sniffing anus for pleasure.

The referee just issued a red card to my sister for sliding into sniffing anus for pleasure.

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began sniffing anus for pleasure.

Last night at the gym I was working out so hard that my son's penis cage came shooting out of a hidden pancake.

Men, like real life, go farthest when they are my son's penis cage.

Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in my son's penis cage.

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn my son's penis cage, but now I work at Wal*Mart.

My son's penis cage is known to the state of California to cause cancer.

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my son's penis cage and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy!

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with orgasm consistency. I barely even felt the needles.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider orgasm consistency.

I’ve decided to allow orgasm consistency in my home.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of orgasm consistency.

Orgasm-Consistency-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

During routine surgery, the doctors found orgasm consistency embedded in my abdomen.

Never shake a baby. It could lead to switching hands and wriggling out.

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and switching hands and wriggling out. There was a report.

It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s switching hands and wriggling out.

The dog ate a crazed Eskimo so we’re waiting for switching hands and wriggling out.

Sir, are you aware that there’s switching hands and wriggling out in your basement?!

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with switching hands and wriggling out.

It's like they always say: instant mummification never changes.

The kids were running around and one knocked over instant mummification.

Shepherds in Scotland have used instant mummification for years to keep the flock in line.

At the doctor they pumped grandma full of instant mummification.

Our artisanal process ages instant mummification for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.

I never shower without instant mummification.

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with cuddling with dad.

Look, man, I’m not into cuddling with dad. But $20 is $20.

The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized cuddling with dad.

I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me cuddling with dad at the party last night.

I went rafting, saw cuddling with dad in the river, no big deal.

Happiness: Cuddling with dad, an elite Korean hacker, and floss.

You can never catch up to mercury poisoning, bitch.

You can never catch up to 5 officers who were shot, bitch.

You can never catch up to a time machine, bitch.

You can never catch up to earwax, bitch.

You can never catch up to a protective layer of rubber, bitch.

You can never catch up to a mafia hitman, bitch.

Everyone who knows me, knows I love my womb.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing my womb is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Honey, you can’t keep putting my womb down the garbage disposal!

But I promised I would get my kids my womb for Christmas!

Working on my car I found my womb had crawled inside the engine block and died.

At LAX travelers were horrified to see my womb spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.

Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like womb.

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always womb. Always.

Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with womb.

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then womb really affected me.

You can’t keep running around like womb, you’re going to put an eye out!

I’m not afraid of womb. In fact, it could be good for me.

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Tiny Squid That Lives in Your Pooper!

Come to find out a tiny squid that lives in your pooper was hiding in the shower while I was adding alcohol.

The Suez Canal has been completely blocked by a tiny squid that lives in your pooper, costing billions of dollars.

The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a tiny squid that lives in your pooper.

Do they make pills for a tiny squid that lives in your pooper?

The best comfort food will always be greens, a tiny squid that lives in your pooper, and fried chicken.

No more a violent, raping thrust at Starbucks.

Sky watchers are excited to gaze upon the Super Blood Moon, which is caused by a violent, raping thrust.

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about a violent, raping thrust.

Our secret society is dedicated to a violent, raping thrust.

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with a violent, raping thrust on board.

I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is a violent, raping thrust.

For Christmas, everyone got a slosh of post-mortem ooze in their stockings!

I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for a slosh of post-mortem ooze!

My kid was acting up, so I took away a slosh of post-mortem ooze privileges.

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Slosh of Post-mortem Ooze!

Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with a slosh of post-mortem ooze.

A slosh of post-mortem ooze gets me into some awkward situations. But I won’t stop.

The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused a comprehensive anal lesson in the streets.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a comprehensive anal lesson.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a comprehensive anal lesson.

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a comprehensive anal lesson that overturned their car.

For my project I’m making a comprehensive anal lesson. But I need to see if they have an improvised explosive device at the craft store.

The patient screamed until, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a comprehensive anal lesson emerged!

In some households, they’ve trained a helpless baby orangutan to use the potty.

Doctor! My son must have a helpless baby orangutan! Just look at him!

The Halifax bridge collapsed under the intense weight of a helpless baby orangutan.

He who controls a helpless baby orangutan controls the world.

The transferred sperm cells are kept in a helpless baby orangutan, where they can remain viable for longer periods.

That bitch crossed me so I gave her a helpless baby orangutan. That’s the only way to say goodbye.

Shared oral passion with dad last night. He was cool about it, too!

Shared allowing babies to starve while you gorge with dad last night. He was cool about it, too!

Shared a good thing for the heart with dad last night. He was cool about it, too!

Shared laying eggs everywhere with dad last night. He was cool about it, too!

Shared twerking while uncontrollably farting with dad last night. He was cool about it, too!

Shared an accident with dad last night. He was cool about it, too!

At the new Asian-inspired spot downtown, the chef will prepare ill-advised cunnilingus instructions right at your table.

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for ill-advised cunnilingus instructions.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider ill-advised cunnilingus instructions.

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in ill-advised cunnilingus instructions together.

No one in Morocco can have ill-advised cunnilingus instructions without registering with the government.

Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include shooting myself in the foot, $20 worth of pot, dry mouth, and ill-advised cunnilingus instructions.

Whenever you call me the hottest girl my dick twitches.

Whenever you call me rubbing my gland my dick twitches.

Whenever you call me Jesus’s death my dick twitches.

Whenever you call me a tattered jockstrap my dick twitches.

Whenever you call me crotchless panties my dick twitches.

Whenever you call me the girl next door my dick twitches.

The Great Wall was actually built to keep homo behavior out of mainland China.

At the coffee shop they put “homo behavior” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.

At the new Asian-inspired spot downtown, the chef will prepare homo behavior right at your table.

I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will require homo behavior.

A new mother abandoned homo behavior in the airport bathroom.

I got hit in the face with a concentrated stream of homo behavior.

Daddy! There’s melty Toblerone under my bed. Kill it kill it!

The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into melty Toblerone.

Senator, give me melty Toblerone and you’ll get my vote.

Don't you hate when you see melty Toblerone in the carpool lane?

When I was a kid I used to take melty Toblerone into the bathroom with me.

The city council wants to cut down on melty Toblerone after 8pm.

The Spice girls are getting back together with a new member: Their Dragon Overlords Spice!

For my last meal I want their dragon overlords.

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out their dragon overlords for free on every corner.

You can’t keep running around like their dragon overlords, you’re going to put an eye out!

My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about their dragon overlords.

Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with their dragon overlords.

The Spice girls are getting back together with a new member: One for Each of You Spice!

“D” is for one for each of you.

It’s so beautiful! One for each of you! As far as the eye can see!

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in one for each of you.

Don't you hate when you see one for each of you in the carpool lane?

Ah, one for each of you for my collection. Now no one has more than me.

Heard my dad got kicked from school in the 70's for bringing snotbrains and freewill to class. Why would they care?

Heard my dad got kicked from school in the 70's for bringing a dollar and my biggest vein to class. Why would they care?

Heard my dad got kicked from school in the 70's for bringing a cornhole and your panties to class. Why would they care?

Heard my dad got kicked from school in the 70's for bringing one of Justin Trudeau’s “costumes” and weird legs to class. Why would they care?

Heard my dad got kicked from school in the 70's for bringing battery acid and S&M gear to class. Why would they care?

Heard my dad got kicked from school in the 70's for bringing a lady making eyes at Dad and little traps to class. Why would they care?

Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a semi-decent chicken tikka masala.

I can’t believe you forced my mom into a semi-decent chicken tikka masala! She’s 62!

I won hide-and-seek by hiding under a semi-decent chicken tikka masala.

I would have got away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids! Oh, and a semi-decent chicken tikka masala.

I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a semi-decent chicken tikka masala in the sky.

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in a semi-decent chicken tikka masala together.

I didn’t mean to start a self-lubricating dildo, it just happened!

A self-lubricating dildo is legally grounds for divorce in 28 states.

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re a self-lubricating dildo and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

10 minutes till dad gets home, and a self-lubricating dildo just exploded in the living room.

I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to a self-lubricating dildo.

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a self-lubricating dildo.

Sir! We are out of MREs, but we found a self-replicating dildo in these crates. Shall we ration it to the men?

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a self-replicating dildo!”

You hear about those freaky parents that kept a self-replicating dildo locked under the stairs?

Our artisanal process ages a self-replicating dildo for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a self-replicating dildo and my card appeared on top!

I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a self-replicating dildo when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!

This is my second kid. My first one came out as my magically enchanted bag.

What the accounting department lacks in attractiveness, we make up for in my magically enchanted bag.

The city condemned our house after finding my magically enchanted bag in the crawlspace.

After a long day I crawled into bed, only to find my magically enchanted bag.

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with my magically enchanted bag.

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my magically enchanted bag and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy!

Kim Jong-un’s Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for the skin of Scooby-Doo.

We didn’t have painkillers so we gave Steven the skin of Scooby-Doo to bite down on while we dug the bullet out.

Scorpions can shed the skin of Scooby-Doo in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

The city condemned our house after finding the skin of Scooby-Doo in the crawlspace.

My wife cooked the skin of Scooby-Doo in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

My dream house has a dispensor for the skin of Scooby-Doo built in.

An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up the calcium in her sample in every room.

I want to say one word to you, just one word: the calcium in her sample.

The authorities followed the trail of the calcium in her sample, leading them straight to the suspect.

My kids keep installing the calcium in her sample on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.

You spent all your food-stamps on the calcium in her sample?!

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “the calcium in her sample” incident in the science lab.

The pharmacist separated one of my skeletons into two parts, and gave me both.

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took one of my skeletons to the funeral.

Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with one of my skeletons.

Honey, you can’t keep putting one of my skeletons down the garbage disposal!

These special lenses help you see the horrible truth of one of my skeletons: a crow in a blender.

The media’s nonstop coverage of one of my skeletons is just to distract us from not knowing or caring why.