CHUCK NORRIS FACTS

CHUCK NORRIS FACTS

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xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.

THISISAMEDAL
2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧
OK guys heres another boredom truck. Ok lets see who knows the retarded yet funny facts of chuck norris. LIKE FOR EXAMPLE

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn
But even then, I had my honor. The largest Banora White tree grew on a wealthy man's estate. It was rumored, that those apples tasted the best, but I never stole from that tree, because the wealthy man's son, was my friend...
 
 
2008 May 24 at 07:33 PDT
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
Kids pee their names in snow, Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.

Chuck Norris had an arm wrestle with Superman. The loser had to wear his underpants over his pants.

The original name for the bible was 'Chuck Norris And Friends'.

Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

If you have 5$ and Chuck Norris has 5$, Chuck has more money than you.

There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 May 24 at 08:23 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 24 at 08:36 PDT
xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.

THISISAMEDAL
2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris
But even then, I had my honor. The largest Banora White tree grew on a wealthy man's estate. It was rumored, that those apples tasted the best, but I never stole from that tree, because the wealthy man's son, was my friend...
 
 
2008 May 24 at 08:33 PDT
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
A few I made up
*Chuck Norris can win a game of Tick-Tack-Toe in one move.
*Pluto is no longer a planet because Chuck Norris said so.
*Niagara Falls were formed when Chuck Norris decided to cum outside.
*Every point on F(x)=ChuckNorris is an extrema.
*Chuck Norris is why Osama Bin-Laden is hiding in a cave.
*Chuck Norris can't lose. Even if he were fighting himself, he'd just win twice.
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 May 24 at 09:15 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 24 at 10:15 PDT
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
If a man and woman are having sex and the woman is thinking about Chuck Norris it's OK because the man is thinking about Chuck Norris too.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris can touch this.
 
 
2008 May 24 at 10:02 PDT
xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.

THISISAMEDAL
2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
But even then, I had my honor. The largest Banora White tree grew on a wealthy man's estate. It was rumored, that those apples tasted the best, but I never stole from that tree, because the wealthy man's son, was my friend...
 
 
2008 May 24 at 11:28 PDT
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
xXJigsaw23Xx said:
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.


I don't get it...
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 May 24 at 11:59 PDT
xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.

THISISAMEDAL
2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧
That brand of potato chips was suppose to be so good. Their modo was they are irresistable or something like that

BTW Behind Chuck Norris's beard is not a chin just another fist
But even then, I had my honor. The largest Banora White tree grew on a wealthy man's estate. It was rumored, that those apples tasted the best, but I never stole from that tree, because the wealthy man's son, was my friend...
 
 
2008 May 24 at 12:01 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 24 at 12:03 PDT
begginer

2007 Oct 24 • 990
13 ₧
xXJigsaw23Xx said:
That brand of potato chips was suppose to be so good. Their modo was they are irresistable or something like that


Yeah they had a commercial with a guy trying to eat only 1 potato chip .

there was also a reference to that in Johnny Bravo ( you know that cartoon right ? ) where the initiation test was for him to eat only 1 potato chip , he couldn't resist
Wtf is that ? its a bird ! no its a plane ! amm maybe its a plastic bag . NO ! its SUPERJER ! the greatest super hero ever!
 
 
2008 May 24 at 14:22 PDT
begginer

2007 Oct 24 • 990
13 ₧
xXJigsaw23Xx said:

BTW Behind Chuck Norris's beard is not a chin just another fist


and that is one of the funniest celebrity-parody-joke in family guy
Wtf is that ? its a bird ! no its a plane ! amm maybe its a plastic bag . NO ! its SUPERJER ! the greatest super hero ever!
 
 
2008 May 24 at 14:24 PDT
xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.

THISISAMEDAL
2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧
some people wear superman pajamas to bed superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed

Tough guys eat nails for breakfast, Chuck Norris does his grocery shopping at Home (Depo)<--------Dont know how to spell so get over it
But even then, I had my honor. The largest Banora White tree grew on a wealthy man's estate. It was rumored, that those apples tasted the best, but I never stole from that tree, because the wealthy man's son, was my friend...
 
 
2008 May 24 at 19:28 PDT
CornJer
Metal does cocaine.

Frontline Heroism Medal
2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧
Chuck Norris doesn't need facts. His opinions ARE facts.
If you jump high enough you'll hurt your ankles when you land.
 
 
2008 May 24 at 20:04 PDT
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
JigSaw: Depot

CornJer: nice!
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 May 24 at 23:50 PDT
SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧
chuck norris = resistes the irresistable

chuck norris = beat spiderman in a climbing comp.

the internet used to be called "Chuck Norris"
jesus intended name was Chuck Noriss
Free Steam Games
 
 
2008 May 25 at 23:27 PDT
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
SRAW said:
chuck norris = resistes the irresistable

chuck norris = beat spiderman in a climbing comp.

the internet used to be called "Chuck Norris"
jesus intended name was Chuck Noriss


The facts I made up suck, but yours are simply in a different league of suckiness. I added the quote so everyone will see how ugly you are even if you delete your post.
I'm sorry. That was mean.
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 May 26 at 04:27 PDT
SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧
lol

Chuck Norris = says SRAW facts r good
Free Steam Games
 
 
2008 May 26 at 04:36 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4790
1,227 ₧
Jesus can turn water into wine. Chuck Norris can turn anything into wine.

Moses never parted the Red Sea, that's just what happens when Chuck Norris skips stones.

Jesus can walk on water, but only with Chuck Norris' permission.

The sky is blue because Chuck Norris told it to be.

Chuck Norris never uses batteries. Everything he touches is at full power.
 
 
2008 May 26 at 18:55 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 26 at 18:59 PDT
SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide

Roar Of The Tigress Medal
2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧


* When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
* When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.
* We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.
* Chuck Norris bites the hand that feeds him and eats their entrails.
* An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A Chuck Norris a day kills.
* Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
* When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
* Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
* Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.
* Chuck Norris invented the apple.
* Chuck Norris Built Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
* Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
* Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.
* Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.
* Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
* If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
* Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
* Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
* Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
* Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
* P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
* Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
* Chuck Norris' paradise is war.
* Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.
* Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
* Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
* Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
* Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
* Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
* Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
* Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
* As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
* Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
* Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
* Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.
* The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.
* Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
* Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
* The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.
* Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
* Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.
* Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
* On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.
* See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
* Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.
* Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.
* Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
* If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
* Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
* You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
* Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
* Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
* Chuck norris invented the corndog.
* The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.
* Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
* Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
* Chuck Norris belives the hype.
* Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.
* When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
* When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.
* Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.
* Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.
* Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.
* Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.
* When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
* Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
* Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
* Chuck Norris
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
 
 
2008 May 27 at 02:16 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 27 at 03:37 PDT
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
Havokk Edge said:
1. We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.
2. Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence...
3. Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.
4. Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
5. As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
6. Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
7. The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.
8. Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.


Remarks
1. So you're saying Chuck Norris doesn't know how to fight well?
2. Oh, right. 'Caus every normal person has 10 years added to his age every birthday?! DUMB!
3. Long and unfunny.
4. So can I.
5. My friend can. He does 22 one-handed chin-ups.
6. He was the last guy to shoot...
7. WHAT?! You're saying he has a disability??
8. I MADE THAT ONE UP!!!
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 May 27 at 03:38 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4790
1,227 ₧
I guess I oughta move these here. I made them up in chat!

Even when Chuck Norris was born he wouldn't cry, and the doctor who slapped him was sent to the morgue.

One time Chuck Norris decided he didn't want ice in his drink, that's the real story of how the Titanic sank.

The dinosaurs weren't wiped out by an asteroid. They were wiped out by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' goldfish feeds HIM.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to take out the trash on Garbage Day. Chuck Norris is ALWAYS taking out the trash.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to learn a foreign language. When Chuck Norris speaks, everyone understands.

When Chuck Norris is put on trial, the entire jury is sentenced to death.

Chuck Norris doesn't buy jewelry, he crushes his enemies into diamonds.

Chuck Norris found WMDs in Iraq.

Chuck Norris never goes to the bathroom. Once he eats, the food can never get out.

When an unstoppable force hits an immovable object, Chuck Norris DECIDES what happens.

Chuck Norris wins at Solitaire every time.

When Chuck Norris plays Rock, Paper, Scissors, he picks Rock and wins every time.

Chuck Norris can do a 1080 on a Snowboard with only two feet of air.

A quad-core processor isn't fast enough for Chuck Norris.

Steve Irwin wrestles alligators. Chuck Norris wrestles whales.

747s aren't big enough for Chuck Norris.

Communism isn't possible. Everything belongs to Chuck Norris.
 
 
2008 May 27 at 04:26 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 27 at 05:07 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4790
1,227 ₧
God created the world in seven days. Chuck Norris could have done it in six.

All the people of the world are brothers and sisters. Chuck Norris is everyone's Daddy.

When a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, Chuck Norris can hear it.

Walking up behind Chuck Norris is considered suicide in most countries.

When an unstoppable force hits an immovable object, it's just Chuck Norris clapping his hands.

Chuck Norris' shoes tie themselves, out of fear.

When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils faster.

When Chuck Norris flushes the toilet, the water spins in whatever direction he chooses.

When Chuck Norris flips a coin it never lands.

Chuck Norris can escape from a black hole, but they can't escape from him.

Chuck Norris takes candy from babies and doesn't feel bad about it.

Chuck Norris can be measured on the Richter scale.

Chuck Norris can defuse a bomb with a roundhouse kick.
 
 
2008 May 27 at 04:57 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 27 at 05:37 PDT
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
All of those are yours?
YOU ARE THE KING OF CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!

Although god did create the earth in 6 days... day 7 was 100% chllin'
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 May 27 at 07:18 PDT — Ed. 2008 May 27 at 07:20 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4790
1,227 ₧
No no no, as in, Chuck Norris would create it in 5 and rest on the 6th. He'd proceed to kick ass starting the 7th day.
 
 
2008 May 27 at 08:12 PDT
xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.

THISISAMEDAL
2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It
But even then, I had my honor. The largest Banora White tree grew on a wealthy man's estate. It was rumored, that those apples tasted the best, but I never stole from that tree, because the wealthy man's son, was my friend...
 
 
2008 May 27 at 08:39 PDT
SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide

Roar Of The Tigress Medal
2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
 
 
2008 May 27 at 08:44 PDT
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