Dangerous Secret Robots!

Dangerous Secret Robots!

General — Page [1]
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4646
1,227 ₧
I just woke up from a dream about robots. Here's my attempt to write it down. Apparently, there were robots that had infiltrated society* by posing as real people. Some of them were in important or famous positions and some of them just acted like common folk. They were deemed a threat by whoever was giving me my orders. My superiors claimed that even in small groups they would be able to seize control of all the vital systems of the city... and do stuff.

*About 50,000 people living in a classic Sci-Fi dome structure on an inhospitable planet. Everything was designed to look like some kind of pristine and advanced overly culturally enriched East Indian city. Lots of the domes and minarets and crap. None of the people were East Indian that I saw, they were mostly Caucasian with a few Chinese thrown in here and there.

At first I thought I was some kind of Super-Soldier or Superhero or something, because I could jump several stories high and lift small cars and such... but as per usual it later turned out that I was some kind of vampiric thing. Why am I always some kind of vampiric thing in dreams?! I don't find vampires particularly fascinating while I'm awake! WTF! Anyway, I'll get into that more later.

The first secret robot I was sent after was posing as a famous race car driver. The race would go through the entire city, and he would only show up right as the race started, and disappear somehow after he crossed the finish line (always first) along with his car. This meant that if I was going to destroy him, I'd have to catch him in a race. The vehicles were heavily armored variations of Japanese sports cars, as was mine, because I decided to join the race to catch him instead of just laying a trap (which would have been a far simpler plan...). After speeding through the city for a couple minutes, we'd already pulled far ahead of the rest of the racers. I managed to pull up along side him and ram both of our vehicles over a turn on a bridge and permanently out of the race. I was wearing a white jumpsuit with completely covering accessories. Black gloves, boots, and a nearly fishbowlesque helmet completely protected me from the bad, bad sun. I also had blades fixed to my arms that projected parallel to my hands as 2-foot long swords.

Both the robot and I burst out of our wrecks with ease, he immediately recognized my mission and sprouted blades similar to mine. He was also wearing a similar outfit, but it had red shoulders and the helmet was open. We were a match in strength and speed. We started off without about 20 seconds of stabbing, slashing, and parrying. Neither of us landed a blow. He then jumped back and slammed his blades onto the ground, they started vibrating with a low hum, and electricity visible coursed along them. I leaped in with an overhead swing with my right arm and a block with my left, and was met with an explosive shock that sent my flying back where I came from. Parries from him now meant ouchies for me. Great. The electricity and vibrated stopped after he had shocked me once, but he slammed them on the ground again for the same effect. He just stared at me and grinned, not moving from his guarding position. I was the one that had to kill him... it's not like I could expect him to attack when he didn't have to. So... I tore a 5 foot tall metal lamp post out of the ground, and used it like a bat to hit a stone bench at him. He jumped out of the way with relative ease. The second time I hit another bench at him, but purposefully aimed way too high and off the mark anyway. He didn't move and just looked confused. I hit a third and final object, this time a drinking fountain, directly at him. He dodged out of the way... and right into a collision course with the still falling second bench. I just assumed he would dodge the exact same distance as the first time. Stupid robots and their precise evasive maneuvers. He was unable to parry in time before I could dash in and cross-cut him into four pieces. He was in fact wires and such on the inside.

The next robot came to me. Immediately. From behind, without me noticing. She apparently wasn't strong enough to kill me directly, so she tore off my helmet... leaving me to fry in the sun. Luckily for me I was wearing a balaclava under the helmet, although I had to spend some of my time looking down to keep direct sun from vaporizing my eyes. I only got a quick glimpse of her, but she was dressed like Disney's Snow White for no explainable reason. She could run very quickly, fast enough to keep away from me if I just ran after her... and I wanted my helmet back and her shooting sparks and twitching. We were right next to a large and very square artificial lake, and she began to run around it. A blast door for a tunnel on the other side of the lake was slowly closing, and she appeared to be heading for it. I'd never make it through running... so I tore off my arm blades, and while leaping as far forward into the lake as possible stuck them onto my feet as water skis. The lake actually had a current going in my direction, and somehow I would push off the water on small waves for more velocity and 10-foot or so jump. It would have been extremely fun if I wasn't so anxious about reaching my destination in time. She got there before me anyway, and I got there just fast enough to dive forward and slide under the door, breaking the blades off my feet on the outside of the door. The tunnel was crammed full of industrial equipment and large heavy metal objects like dumpsters. She could fit between them quickly and easily... I could not. At the other end of the tunnel, probably 100 yards away, was another slowly closing blast door. I really didn't want to get stuck in here... I quickly realized that one of the large industrial objects directly in front of me was an enormous rocket engine. I ripped off a panel and started frantically hitting buttons and switches. It beeped a lot, made a low grinding noise, and blasted the majority of the contents of the tunnel out the other end, while blasting itself through the first blast door. The tunnel was permanently open on both ends, and the robot had been crushed up against a wall by a dumpster. She was definitely shooting sparks and twitching, and my helmet was safe! Yay!

I immediately went across the street to grocery store, where I knew another robot was located. The grocery store had no one in it other than the robot, because this robot was clearly malfunctioning and scaring the crap out of people. It looked like a small old lady in a jogging suit, and she was sitting cross-legged inside a shopping cart. The cart was slowly rolling down aisles, seemingly unpowered, with her somehow directing it to go around corners. Yeah, weird. While she was rolling past the canned fruit I blocked her way at the end of the aisle. Without any expression she picked up a can of peaches and hurled it at me at about mach 4. Luckily she missed, because I didn't see that coming at all, and it put a sizable hole in the concrete wall behind me. While she was selecting a second nutritious projectile, I dashed forward and knocked her cart over, she fell face first onto the ground, and the cart lay on top of her. I stomped on her head as hard and as fast as I could about 20 times... but all I managed to do was scrape off the skin around her head. Underneath was a solid metal head with 8 tiny red eyes placed like spider eyes. It had no other features. The robot lifted itself off the ground, throwing me off in the process, and just sort of slid or possibly floated back up into the grocery cart, which had stood back up on it's own somehow. It then sprouted four obviously mechanical arms from it's sides. With six arms it picked up various cans, and put me into a world of trouble. Five missed, the other one clipped the side of my knee, and probably fractured a bone or two. I got around the end of aisle before a second volley could be fired. The robot resumed it's process of slowly rolling down aisles and going around corners... at least now I could see it over the aisles, because the extra four arms were all sticking up and waving around like Medusa's hair or something.

I limped my way over to the deli, and went back into the employee section. Due the restraints of living in a Sci-Fi dome city, the slaughterhouse was part of the grocery store. I found a live cow in the back, which I bit on the side of the neck. After a few seconds of confused mooing, it started curling up and drying on the edges. After a few more seconds it was nothing but a surreal cow statue of ash like substance, which tipped over and fell apart into no more than 4-5 pounds of dust. This process healed me completely. I had actually been getting considerably weaker and slower up until this point, especially while my helmet was off. I went back into the grocery store for round two at full strength.

My first plan was to get it out of the damned shopping cart, just because it was pissing my off. I went to the aisle next to it, and pushed the whole cereal section over onto it. The robot skittered low out from under the shelves like a spider... which looked very odd given that the arms, legs and torso still looked human. It's cart was mangled, so it stood up on it's human legs and slowly shuffled forward down the aisles... ignoring me completely when I wasn't in sight of it. I waited until it was in the bread aisle for my attack. I had a very large box of gobstoppers and a kitchen knife from the deli for weapons. I confronted the robot in the aisle, and it predictably began throwing foodstuffs at me. The bread, even at Mach 4, did not make an effective weapon. I tore open the gobstoppers and rolled them down the aisle. The shuffling robot immediately slipped on them and fell on it's back. It attempted to right itself, but continued to slip on gobstoppers... it did not have very good balance. I jumped from one end of the aisle into the middle of it and directly on top of the incredibly disturbing looking spider-old-woman--robot thing. I started pulling and hacking away at the joints where it's limbs were attached to it's body, since the head seemed undamagable. The limbs came off surprisingly easily, including the human looking ones, as they were really just the same thing with fake meat wrapped around them. With little resistance, I turned the robot into a squirming torso with a head. I then brought it outside, carried it about a block, and then dumped it into the lake. A few seconds later I heard a muffled explosion and the water rose a couple feet.

I don't remember what happened after that, or I woke up. I dunno which.

 
 
2008 Nov 8 at 19:01 PST — Ed. 2008 Nov 8 at 19:19 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 358
11 ₧
But the important thing is that you ripped faces off in order to check for circuitry.
I periodically do this to people I meet.
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2008 Nov 8 at 19:21 PST — Ed. 2008 Nov 8 at 19:22 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4646
1,227 ₧
But don't you usually just find meat and screaming?
 
 
2008 Nov 8 at 19:29 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 358
11 ₧
Yes.
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2008 Nov 8 at 19:51 PST
SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide

Roar Of The Tigress Medal
2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧
I actually read this one.cause robots sounded intrestng.and damn.Ya you should def write books or make flash movies of this shit.

surprisingly the old woman spider thing didn't have samurai swords in her hands.
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
 
 
2008 Nov 8 at 21:10 PST
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
Havokk Edge said:
books or flash movies

Today's youth thinks funny...
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 Nov 8 at 23:17 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4646
1,227 ₧
Tch. This one wasn't nearly as interesting as the Elf one, and neither of those could compare to the Finisher one. I'm happy that your brain has developed far enough to make it possible for you to read one thing for more than 45 seconds... but... don't miss out one the really good ones over ROBOTS!

Also... why is she supposed to have samurai swords?

Oh, and Edan... would you have preferred he said Books or web comics? Because there are too many web comics, and I can't draw fast enough to make one anyway. Not that I'd ever make a flash movie.
 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 03:54 PST — Ed. 2008 Nov 9 at 03:56 PST
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
*funny joke about in before the lock*

Yeah, that's another decent one. In terms of consistency, however, your other ones win.
 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 04:17 PST
SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide

Roar Of The Tigress Medal
2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧
eDan Co. said:
Havokk Edge said:
books or flash movies

Today's youth thinks funny...


arent you like a year older than me??
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 09:50 PST
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
I wasn't saying I'm any different. I just never realized how silly modern life is sometimes.

Also, forget I even said that 'cus I don't think anyone else understands what I was saying.
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 09:58 PST
melloyellow582
The Original Portmanteau

Brisk.
2005 Mar 21 • 12860
666 ₧
havokk, are you 13 or 14?
 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 13:29 PST
SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide

Roar Of The Tigress Medal
2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧
15
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 15:19 PST
DaveDays
Miley Cyrus Stalker

2008 Jul 21 • 203
153 ₧
aaronjer said:
I just woke up from a dream about robots. Here's my attempt to write it down. Apparently, there were robots that had infiltrated society* by posing as real people. Some of them were in important or famous positions and some of them just acted like common folk. They were deemed a threat by whoever was giving me my orders. My superiors claimed that even in small groups they would be able to seize control of all the vital systems of the city... and do stuff.

*About 50,000 people living in a classic Sci-Fi dome structure on an inhospitable planet. Everything was designed to look like some kind of pristine and advanced overly culturally enriched East Indian city. Lots of the domes and minarets and crap. None of the people were East Indian that I saw, they were mostly Caucasian with a few Chinese thrown in here and there.

At first I thought I was some kind of Super-Soldier or Superhero or something, because I could jump several stories high and lift small cars and such... but as per usual it later turned out that I was some kind of vampiric thing. Why am I always some kind of vampiric thing in dreams?! I don't find vampires particularly fascinating while I'm awake! WTF! Anyway, I'll get into that more later.

The first secret robot I was sent after was posing as a famous race car driver. The race would go through the entire city, and he would only show up right as the race started, and disappear somehow after he crossed the finish line (always first) along with his car. This meant that if I was going to destroy him, I'd have to catch him in a race. The vehicles were heavily armored variations of Japanese sports cars, as was mine, because I decided to join the race to catch him instead of just laying a trap (which would have been a far simpler plan...). After speeding through the city for a couple minutes, we'd already pulled far ahead of the rest of the racers. I managed to pull up along side him and ram both of our vehicles over a turn on a bridge and permanently out of the race. I was wearing a white jumpsuit with completely covering accessories. Black gloves, boots, and a nearly fishbowlesque helmet completely protected me from the bad, bad sun. I also had blades fixed to my arms that projected parallel to my hands as 2-foot long swords.

Both the robot and I burst out of our wrecks with ease, he immediately recognized my mission and sprouted blades similar to mine. He was also wearing a similar outfit, but it had red shoulders and the helmet was open. We were a match in strength and speed. We started off without about 20 seconds of stabbing, slashing, and parrying. Neither of us landed a blow. He then jumped back and slammed his blades onto the ground, they started vibrating with a low hum, and electricity visible coursed along them. I leaped in with an overhead swing with my right arm and a block with my left, and was met with an explosive shock that sent my flying back where I came from. Parries from him now meant ouchies for me. Great. The electricity and vibrated stopped after he had shocked me once, but he slammed them on the ground again for the same effect. He just stared at me and grinned, not moving from his guarding position. I was the one that had to kill him... it's not like I could expect him to attack when he didn't have to. So... I tore a 5 foot tall metal lamp post out of the ground, and used it like a bat to hit a stone bench at him. He jumped out of the way with relative ease. The second time I hit another bench at him, but purposefully aimed way too high and off the mark anyway. He didn't move and just looked confused. I hit a third and final object, this time a drinking fountain, directly at him. He dodged out of the way... and right into a collision course with the still falling second bench. I just assumed he would dodge the exact same distance as the first time. Stupid robots and their precise evasive maneuvers. He was unable to parry in time before I could dash in and cross-cut him into four pieces. He was in fact wires and such on the inside.

The next robot came to me. Immediately. From behind, without me noticing. She apparently wasn't strong enough to kill me directly, so she tore off my helmet... leaving me to fry in the sun. Luckily for me I was wearing a balaclava under the helmet, although I had to spend some of my time looking down to keep direct sun from vaporizing my eyes. I only got a quick glimpse of her, but she was dressed like Disney's Snow White for no explainable reason. She could run very quickly, fast enough to keep away from me if I just ran after her... and I wanted my helmet back and her shooting sparks and twitching. We were right next to a large and very square artificial lake, and she began to run around it. A blast door for a tunnel on the other side of the lake was slowly closing, and she appeared to be heading for it. I'd never make it through running... so I tore off my arm blades, and while leaping as far forward into the lake as possible stuck them onto my feet as water skis. The lake actually had a current going in my direction, and somehow I would push off the water on small waves for more velocity and 10-foot or so jump. It would have been extremely fun if I wasn't so anxious about reaching my destination in time. She got there before me anyway, and I got there just fast enough to dive forward and slide under the door, breaking the blades off my feet on the outside of the door. The tunnel was crammed full of industrial equipment and large heavy metal objects like dumpsters. She could fit between them quickly and easily... I could not. At the other end of the tunnel, probably 100 yards away, was another slowly closing blast door. I really didn't want to get stuck in here... I quickly realized that one of the large industrial objects directly in front of me was an enormous rocket engine. I ripped off a panel and started frantically hitting buttons and switches. It beeped a lot, made a low grinding noise, and blasted the majority of the contents of the tunnel out the other end, while blasting itself through the first blast door. The tunnel was permanently open on both ends, and the robot had been crushed up against a wall by a dumpster. She was definitely shooting sparks and twitching, and my helmet was safe! Yay!

I immediately went across the street to grocery store, where I knew another robot was located. The grocery store had no one in it other than the robot, because this robot was clearly malfunctioning and scaring the crap out of people. It looked like a small old lady in a jogging suit, and she was sitting cross-legged inside a shopping cart. The cart was slowly rolling down aisles, seemingly unpowered, with her somehow directing it to go around corners. Yeah, weird. While she was rolling past the canned fruit I blocked her way at the end of the aisle. Without any expression she picked up a can of peaches and hurled it at me at about mach 4. Luckily she missed, because I didn't see that coming at all, and it put a sizable hole in the concrete wall behind me. While she was selecting a second nutritious projectile, I dashed forward and knocked her cart over, she fell face first onto the ground, and the cart lay on top of her. I stomped on her head as hard and as fast as I could about 20 times... but all I managed to do was scrape off the skin around her head. Underneath was a solid metal head with 8 tiny red eyes placed like spider eyes. It had no other features. The robot lifted itself off the ground, throwing me off in the process, and just sort of slid or possibly floated back up into the grocery cart, which had stood back up on it's own somehow. It then sprouted four obviously mechanical arms from it's sides. With six arms it picked up various cans, and put me into a world of trouble. Five missed, the other one clipped the side of my knee, and probably fractured a bone or two. I got around the end of aisle before a second volley could be fired. The robot resumed it's process of slowly rolling down aisles and going around corners... at least now I could see it over the aisles, because the extra four arms were all sticking up and waving around like Medusa's hair or something.

I limped my way over to the deli, and went back into the employee section. Due the restraints of living in a Sci-Fi dome city, the slaughterhouse was part of the grocery store. I found a live cow in the back, which I bit on the side of the neck. After a few seconds of confused mooing, it started curling up and drying on the edges. After a few more seconds it was nothing but a surreal cow statue of ash like substance, which tipped over and fell apart into no more than 4-5 pounds of dust. This process healed me completely. I had actually been getting considerably weaker and slower up until this point, especially while my helmet was off. I went back into the grocery store for round two at full strength.

My first plan was to get it out of the damned shopping cart, just because it was pissing my off. I went to the aisle next to it, and pushed the whole cereal section over onto it. The robot skittered low out from under the shelves like a spider... which looked very odd given that the arms, legs and torso still looked human. It's cart was mangled, so it stood up on it's human legs and slowly shuffled forward down the aisles... ignoring me completely when I wasn't in sight of it. I waited until it was in the bread aisle for my attack. I had a very large box of gobstoppers and a kitchen knife from the deli for weapons. I confronted the robot in the aisle, and it predictably began throwing foodstuffs at me. The bread, even at Mach 4, did not make an effective weapon. I tore open the gobstoppers and rolled them down the aisle. The shuffling robot immediately slipped on them and fell on it's back. It attempted to right itself, but continued to slip on gobstoppers... it did not have very good balance. I jumped from one end of the aisle into the middle of it and directly on top of the incredibly disturbing looking spider-old-woman--robot thing. I started pulling and hacking away at the joints where it's limbs were attached to it's body, since the head seemed undamagable. The limbs came off surprisingly easily, including the human looking ones, as they were really just the same thing with fake meat wrapped around them. With little resistance, I turned the robot into a squirming torso with a head. I then brought it outside, carried it about a block, and then dumped it into the lake. A few seconds later I heard a muffled explosion and the water rose a couple feet.

I don't remember what happened after that, or I woke up. I dunno which.




wow... that um... that was quite a mouthful.

 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 17:53 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4646
1,227 ₧
Yeah, sorry, I do that sometimes. I used to just write down dreams after I wake up in a .txt and then forget about them... but then it occurred to me that I could subject hapless internet people to them instead.
 
 
2008 Nov 9 at 19:00 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 358
11 ₧
DaveDays said:
wow... that um... that was quite a mouthful.


That's what 'she' said. 'She' being your mother.
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2008 Nov 10 at 17:24 PST — Ed. 2008 Nov 10 at 17:25 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4646
1,227 ₧
That was way too obvious. Bad form, Crytax.
 
 
2008 Nov 10 at 23:29 PST
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
 
 
2008 Nov 11 at 06:55 PST
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