Lunch Comedy of Errors

Lunch Comedy of Errors

General — Page [1] 2
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
Sometimes you go to lunch and everything goes wrong... hilariously wrong. Lunch today took a good 90 minutes and I laughed for about 45 of those.

We went to the new XO Chinese restaurant in Bellevue.

We were promptly seated in one of the private rooms, and that was the last thing that went right.

The menu was enormous, with at least 100 dishes. After a very long time, a waitress came and asked if we were ready. We were. But she didn't think so because we hadn't filled out the score-card indicating what we wanted. She said we had to fill it out and she'd be back. We never saw her again.

We filled it out almost immediately, but there was nowhere to put drinks.

Eventually a waiter showed up and snatched the score card. We had to beg him to slow down and let us order drinks. We asked for a couple of sodas and an Oolong tea and waters.

The onion-curry-pancake appetizer thing arrived and was delicious. But the appetizer plates and chopsticks were dirty and greasy. Like really greasy.

The sodas came out fine, plus a big pot of tea and FOUR teacups. They said it was jasmine but it tasted like Oolong. Weird. But no waters.

We asked for the waters again, and as long as most everyone was apparently having tea now, two more teacups. We got the SOME of the waters much later but never the teacups.

The manager poked his head in and informed me they were out of the noodles 'n' black bean sauce I ordered. This was annoying because we were forced to inscribe the order on the scorecard, without talking to the waitress. Ordering normally this would have been avoided. So I ordered the "Portuguese Squid Nightmare with Cheese" (as I'll call it) instead, because it was the only other thing I remembered from the menu.

The entrées came out one by one veeeerry slowly, and from different servers every time. The first victim got short ribs. They were supposed to be in a garlic sauce but they were in a honey sauce instead. They were extremely tough and difficult to eat. Victim 1 spent the rest of the meal picking the meagerest bits of protein off the bones.

The second victim got uncooked sliced potatoes with just a smack of pork lost inside. I don't know what it was called but we named it "Ham in a Haystack" since the pork part was needle-sized. It was almost inedible.

Victims 3, 4, and 5 all got Mongolian Beef. The server was extremely confused about who it was going to, and there was tons of unnecessary shuffling plates back and forth, and trying to hand a Mongbeef to someone who already had a Mongbeef. It was like Scooby-Doo.

The Mongbeef was the standard fare, and fortunately big enough to share with victims 1 and 2, who would have gone hungry otherwise.

Victim 4 asked for a side of rice. They asked if we were going to share. We asked how big the rice bowl was. They indicated "small." So 4 and 5 said they wanted one rice bowl each.

Then the weirdest server showed up with my "Portuguese Squid Nightmare with Cheese." Everyone had food but me, but he couldn't figure out who it was for. I just looked at him in disbelief before indicating it was mine. He then LEANED ALL THE WAY OVER victim 2, practically resting his chest on the "Ham in a Haystack" to hand me the Nightmare. There was AT LEAST 5 feet of clearance behind victim 2. He could have easily walked around. It was ultra bizarre. I couldn't stop laughing.

Then a waiter brought out ONE tiny bowl of rice and FIVE EMPTY BOWLS with soup spoons. I don't know what we were expected to do with those. I used one of the bowls to try the Oolong-jasmine tea.

The "Portuguese Squid Nightmare with Cheese" was actually pretty good and full of squid and cheese.

Epilogue:

Victim 2 took the haystack potatoes home, to finish cooking them for breakfast tomorrow.



 
 
2014 May 23 at 20:44 PDT — Ed. 2014 May 23 at 20:51 PDT
SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧
What chinese restaurant is this and do you ever eat at Taco del mar?
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2014 May 23 at 21:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
 
 
2014 May 23 at 21:02 PDT
ascv

2014 Apr 22 • 11
I felt like this the entire time:
 
 
2014 May 23 at 21:33 PDT
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
 
 
2014 May 24 at 08:15 PDT
SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧
Surely this would count as slander? Anyways, the fact that you said one of the guys brought food back should suggest it wasn't that bad? Maybe it was unusually busy or something? On a very related note, I live only 6 minutes away from that place So yeah, gotta move out of this area fast; lest i get chomo'd upon
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2014 May 24 at 10:03 PDT — Ed. 2014 May 24 at 10:03 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
Slander? I'm not lying this actually happened.

The guy who took the potatoes home took then home to FINISH COOKING THEM. Pic coming soon.
 
 
2014 May 24 at 12:41 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
The yelp reviews also seem to convey something of the wait staff circus.

Also for someone unusually concerned about being child-molested (while not a child) you sure do give away your location and other salient details of your life pretty often there, sraw.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2014 May 24 at 13:59 PDT
SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧
Well I mentioned it cause I wanted to add that I might visit there one day if we ever want to eat chinese food. As for the guy bringing it home and cooking it, well I guess that does make it pretty bad :( And how much was the bill and did you tip them? Cause I would give a very small amount after that
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2014 May 24 at 15:50 PDT
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
SRAW said:
Surely this would count as slander?

If anything, it'd be libellous, but I'd be surprised if anyone managed to get this near a court.
 
 
2014 May 24 at 20:30 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
Guys... Guys. It's not slander or libel unless I'm lying. Why do you think I'm lying exactly?
 
 
2014 May 25 at 02:17 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4628
1,227 ₧
SJ is a lying whore bitch.
 
 
2014 May 25 at 08:03 PDT
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
SuperJer said:
Guys... Guys. It's not slander or libel unless I'm lying. Why do you think I'm lying exactly?

Yeah sorry I meant that it would be libel if, you know, you were lying.

Though, in personal communication, I heard SJ talk about how he was totally going to stiff these guys by lying about it on his website.

/that might not be true
 
 
2014 May 25 at 11:10 PDT
Outcast
My points value is a hilarious example of numerical humor.

2009 Dec 13 • 562
80,085 ₧
Restaurants are overrated.
 
 
2014 May 25 at 12:46 PDT
the_cloud_system
polly pushy pants

2008 Aug 1 • 3074
-6 ₧
aaronjer said:
SJ is a lying whore bitch.


Lets get out of here scoob.
I drink to forget but I always remember.
 
 
2014 May 27 at 11:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
Here's the Ham-in-a-Haystack rehabilitated into breakfast the next day!

 
 
2014 May 27 at 13:41 PDT
SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧
Honestly it looks like typical chinese food, and also why did you decide to eat at a chinese restaurant? We all know that white people food is the best food
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2014 May 27 at 13:47 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4628
1,227 ₧
No, indian food is the best food.
 
 
2014 May 27 at 13:55 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
The only thing the English really got right was breakfast.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2014 May 27 at 14:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
SRAW said:
Honestly it looks like typical chinese food, and also why did you decide to eat at a chinese restaurant? We all know that white people food is the best food


aaronjer said:
No, indian food is the best food.


No, Indian people food is the best food.

NatureJay said:
The only thing the English really got right was breakfast.


What apout Fish & Chips?

So good even Americans call fries chips when paired with fish.
 
 
2014 May 27 at 16:10 PDT — Ed. 2014 May 27 at 16:13 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
SuperJer said:
NatureJay said:
The only thing the English really got right was breakfast.


What apout Fish & Chips?

So good even Americans call fries chips when paired with fish.

What apout them? Well, your point about chips being sometimes fries and sometimes chips is valid, w/r/t pairing with fish, but a lot of cultures have the notion of battering something and then frying it. The English may have more fun with it (there was a place I used to go to in New York called A Salt and Battery!), it's not really a phenomenon unique to them, they just had the resources (plentiful whitefish) to do right by it. And while I like a good finch and chips now and then, I don't feel like I crave it terribly often. Likewise, it's entirely dependent on fish and batter quality and people don't tend to do it up with seasoning, so it feels like it's something with only moderate expectations.

Full English Breakfast on the other hand is just a combination of so many other delightful things and without it we'd be eating croissants and drinking coffee like a bunch of a effete Frenchmen. I'll admit that it seems likely that other cuisines existed who did up their eggs or their sausages or whatnot as such, but there are definitely some categorically unique English-y things about it and the combination and timing of the meal seem novel.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2014 May 27 at 16:30 PDT
SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧
All I remember is that my father used to have marmalade with whiskey, which apparently is very british...
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2014 May 27 at 16:49 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
NatureJay said:
SuperJer said:
NatureJay said:
The only thing the English really got right was breakfast.


What apout Fish & Chips?

So good even Americans call fries chips when paired with fish.

What apout them? Well, your point about chips being sometimes fries and sometimes chips is valid, w/r/t pairing with fish, but [...] omigosh why won't I stop talking I just keep going and going and going [...]



 
 
2014 May 28 at 13:53 PDT — Ed. 2014 May 28 at 13:54 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
C'mon you typed way more than that in the beginning.

But yeah, I start typing and just keep goin' and goin'

Also, SRAW, I have never heard of marmalade and whisky? Usually I find people get pretty picky about anything being in their whisky, even ice.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2014 May 28 at 14:44 PDT — Ed. 2014 May 28 at 14:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6301
NatureJay said:
C'mon you typed way more than that in the beginning.

But yeah, I start typing and just keep goin' and goin'

Also, SRAW, I have never heard of marmalade and whisky? Usually I find people get pretty picky about anything being in their whisky, even ice.


Oh whoops sorry... <asshole mode disengaged>
 
 
2014 May 28 at 15:22 PDT
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