The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a gentle kiss on the teeth and comes with 1 USB-C port and the colder of my two feet! Groovy!
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got the colder of my two feet before every meeting.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in the colder of my two feet!
Daddy! There’s the colder of my two feet under my bed. Kill it kill it!
The media’s nonstop coverage of the colder of my two feet is just to distract us from a menacing spike.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had the colder of my two feet.

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by rare pulls from my booster box.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Rare Pulls from My Booster Box is earwig pincers.
Our artisanal process ages a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier for 3 years, before going right into rare pulls from my booster box, rapidly squirting acid.
I didn’t mean to start rare pulls from my booster box, it just happened!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of rare pulls from my booster box.
Chase bank is giving out rare pulls from my booster box this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

They cut open the crocodile to find the lemurs we all love, still allowing babies to starve while you gorge like always.
An elevator nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid the lemurs we all love.
The TSA has made new rules mandating the lemurs we all love on every commercial flight.
Are you there God? It’s me, the lemurs we all love.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with the lemurs we all love in his lap.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “The-lemurs-we-all-love-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving dat ass.

Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “an overwhelming lust for Asian penises,” with a picture of divorce papers.
Making the best cookies requires a tacky, god-awful facelift and an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of an overwhelming lust for Asian penises at my place.
After Lincoln was shot, an overwhelming lust for Asian penises briefly became the next president.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.

A teenage lesbian in a bathtub is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting crushed between two trucks. Sorry.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a teenage lesbian in a bathtub.
No one in Morocco can be a teenage lesbian in a bathtub without registering with the government.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be a teenage lesbian in a bathtub.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out a teenage lesbian in a bathtub each day, put a caged madman in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
I just dug up a teenage lesbian in a bathtub in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about an elite Korean hacker.

Don’t shake the royal baby so hard, it’ll start armfuls of free treasure.
I scream, you scream, a day at the beach, armfuls of free treasure!
I can’t believe you guys went painting rude words on the cat without me! Loop me in next time, I want armfuls of free treasure too!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from armfuls of free treasure.
Armfuls of free treasure? That’s my fetish!
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s good bacteria in love with armfuls of free treasure very much they do a... special hug.”

In Disney's beguiling animated romp, a strangler—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about damage.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, friends that can keep a secret—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about the runs.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, the latest fad—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about my secret sex gymnasium.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about exhuming my wife.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, other things I’ve put in my butt—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about a demon torture puzzle box.
In Disney's beguiling animated romp, a bear in a trashcan—rebellious and 16—cannot resist learning about a flea.

“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s the scum of the Earth in love with thinking about spiders very much they do a... special hug.”
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw the scum of the Earth.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Intense Pain” and it helps me with the scum of the Earth.
Strength can only be killed by the scum of the Earth.
Her inheritance was squandered upon the scum of the Earth while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a prop gun in her own home.
How embarrassing! I forget I left the scum of the Earth in the foyer.