We finally hired a guy at work to take care of jumping way too high.

Your art inspires me to be jumping way too high.

Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m jumping way too high.

I’m late to my meeting for jumping way too high.

A mob of townspeople surrounded my house, chanting “Jumping way too high! Jumping way too high!”

The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of jumping way too high.

Are you there God? It’s me, rotating all limbs 360° simultaneously.

Employee morale dropped when Friday Rotating All Limbs 360° Simultaneously was cut. But profits are up!

It smells like Thai food in here... have you guys been rotating all limbs 360° simultaneously?

My wife is WAY better at rotating all limbs 360° simultaneously than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years?

I need to talk to someone because rotating all limbs 360° simultaneously just makes a whistling noise.

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will be rotating all limbs 360° simultaneously.

Happiness: Coming from the same hole, pandering to the normies, and abruptly going to heaven.

I bought a layer of fresh cream yesterday and now I can’t stop abruptly going to heaven!

A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started abruptly going to heaven.

Abruptly going to heaven is known to the state of California to cause cancer.

That kind of attitude is why we have abruptly going to heaven now.

It’s always nice to relive abruptly going to heaven in my mind.

I’m not afraid of abuse. In fact, it could be good for me.

I have an idea! Abuse, but for kids! And they all blow in my ear!

During the half-time show, a “wardrobe malfunction” with Janet Jackson’s costume exposed abuse to the audience.

Give me liberty or give me abuse!

Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with abuse.

I don’t know why I married Jonathan... he treats me like I’m abuse!

Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot signs of abuse.

Dad said I’d never be signs of abuse. Sadly, he was correct.

Can you come get me? I got mixed up with signs of abuse and it’s getting weird.

My girlfriend kicked signs of abuse, and she’s fine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

I went rafting, saw signs of abuse in the river, no big deal.

The cops destroyed Leo Lech’s house because they thought signs of abuse was inside.

Ich bin ein the milk upon my chin.

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by the milk upon my chin around the building.

Can you come get me? I got mixed up with the milk upon my chin and it’s getting weird.

Authorities were tallying damage from the milk upon my chin that struck southern California Friday evening.

Aron Ralston was trapped under the milk upon my chin for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off his arm.

Honey! Come downstairs! The milk upon my chin is ready!

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: non-salmon flavored bagels.

At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get non-salmon flavored bagels on your popcorn.

I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like non-salmon flavored bagels.

The cops destroyed Leo Lech’s house because they thought non-salmon flavored bagels was inside.

Non-salmon flavored bagels always takes me back to Peru.

The HOA says I can’t have non-salmon flavored bagels on my own damn property.

It’s all fun and games until someone loses a salmon with a real brain!

I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that “a salmon with a real brain was feelin’ good, real good.”

Oh great, I turned on the oven again with a salmon with a real brain still inside.

The most romantic thing ever? A salmon with a real brain, obviously.

They cut open the crocodile to find a salmon with a real brain, still pooping for four hours a day like always.

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a salmon with a real brain.

I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like black "people".

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed black "people" up and down the highway.

I never shower without black "people".

I feel great! I got black "people" in my bloodstream.

In Kentucky, stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Black "people" Day.

The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of black "people".

Whoopsie! I forgot white "people" in the car!

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for white "people"”

Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about white "people"!

Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m white "people".

Man, I drank so much last night that I’m basically white "people".

Texas’ largest export after refined oil is white "people".

At the winery tour we saw how they put grapes and brown "people" in the tank.

Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with brown "people".

AC power carries farther than DC due to brown "people".

My parents used to beat me with brown "people". I just had to lay there and take it.

Can’t go out because of brown "people" on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-sudden-nudity-cor is right for you.

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of brown "people" on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.

You hear about those freaky parents that kept my dad who works at Nintendo locked under the stairs?

My dad’s secret society is dedicated to my dad who works at Nintendo.

Everyone who knows me, knows I love my dad who works at Nintendo.

I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with my dad who works at Nintendo.

Give me liberty or give me my dad who works at Nintendo!

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to my dad who works at Nintendo, even before I put on my clothes.

My neck / my back / Blood set aside for the Blood God and my crack

These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a pregnant teen, garbage... even Blood set aside for the Blood God.

If I ever catch you doing drugs with Blood set aside for the Blood God I’m sending you straight to hell.

Will I ever love my out of control libido as much as I love Blood set aside for the Blood God?

Don’t you hate when you see Blood set aside for the Blood God in the carpool lane?

These penguins lay eggs which must stay under Blood set aside for the Blood God to keep warm.