aaronjer

aaronjer

User name
aaronjer
Assigned title
*****'n Admin
Assigned post color
#838405
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Comrade General 5-Star Comrade General 5-Star
Registration date
2005 March 21
Post count
4715
Score
1,227 ₧
Location
Upstairs by the sink.
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America/Los_Angeles
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Recent posts by aaronjer

Recent posts by aaronjer

Sep 13 at 15:00 PDT
A chicken that don't act right
n

My publisher demanded I remove a chicken that don't act right from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A chicken that don't act right.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a chicken that don't act right that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a chicken that don't act right.
I just dug up a chicken that don't act right in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!
When the celestial spheres align, a chicken that don't act right will descend from the heavens.

Snaking around
v

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “snaking around.”
Happiness: My butt surgery, a gay vagina, and snaking around.
What the accounting department lacks in attractiveness, we make up for in snaking around.
My spirit animal: snaking around.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of snaking around came on the screen.
There’s always time for snaking around before breakfast.

Several approximations of a penis
np

I clean several approximations of a penis by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up shivering and moaning.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in several approximations of a penis in the middle of each intersection.
The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of several approximations of a penis.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate several approximations of a penis.
People around the world recognize several approximations of a penis as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in several approximations of a penis.

Aug 22 at 14:37 PDT
A halloween-themed marshmallow
n

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle a halloween-themed marshmallow.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a halloween-themed marshmallow and is carrying hot grills.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a halloween-themed marshmallow
A halloween-themed marshmallow is always a contest when I’m involved.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a halloween-themed marshmallow knowing hell!
I wasn’t always black... there was a halloween-themed marshmallow, and it got bigger and bigger.

Aug 19 at 19:07 PDT
Significantly more fluid than expected
nc

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “significantly more fluid than expected.”
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and significantly more fluid than expected came rolling after him, but he escaped by wearing a noose to be edgy!
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with significantly more fluid than expected.
Jeez! Who slipped significantly more fluid than expected in your Cheerios™ this morning?
That kind of attitude is why we have significantly more fluid than expected now.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as significantly more fluid than expected surfaced from below.

Aug 13 at 20:10 PDT
Less centipedes and more penis
np

Less centipedes and more penis has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as less centipedes and more penis equipped with careful penetration.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into less centipedes and more penis! She’s 62!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with just a coincidence. So bring less centipedes and more penis.
The shockwave from a Secret Service agent at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused less centipedes and more penis in the streets.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of less centipedes and more penis.

Aug 12 at 16:48 PDT
Just you, surprisingly
n

Pool rules: No running. No enough mules. Keep just you, surprisingly out of the deep end.
There is no revenge so complete as just you, surprisingly.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of just you, surprisingly in the soil.
Just you, surprisingly is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just taking it easy. Sorry.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add just you, surprisingly to the pan, while stirring constantly.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found just you, surprisingly sticking to the wall.

Aug 11 at 18:47 PDT
An awful handy
n

The TSA has made new rules mandating an awful handy on every commercial flight.
It’s not delivery. It’s an awful handy.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me an awful handy and it’s getting weird.
Today I bought an awful handy from the back of a van. They also threw in an empty Tic Tac® box, which I didn’t even think was legal.
At BASF, we don't *make* an awful handy, we make an awful handy *better*.
The authorities followed the trail of an awful handy, leading them straight to the suspect.

Aug 10 at 18:33 PDT
My spaghett
nc

The best comfort food will always be greens, my spaghett, and fried chicken.
For Halloween we’re peeling my spaghett so it feels like eyeballs, and we made jerking it so it feels like brains.
I clean my spaghett by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up killing the Batman.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found my spaghett inside. I should take it to Pakistani cosmonauts!
There’s always time for my spaghett before breakfast.
My wife is WAY better at my spaghett than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years

Aug 10 at 01:11 PDT
While  {n} is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.

While a gasping woman is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While Velcro shoes is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While words is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While the rope my pappy hanged his self with is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While a small chubby is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.
While hate-fucking is too soft to be of practical use, it is strikingly beautiful.