a child taxidermy video when still a little warm? Fresh enough, I say.

a not-so-innocent girl when still a little warm? Fresh enough, I say.

a dog when still a little warm? Fresh enough, I say.

yelling “DIE!” when still a little warm? Fresh enough, I say.

completely wigging out when still a little warm? Fresh enough, I say.

getting tossed in the trash when still a little warm? Fresh enough, I say.

You know what never fails to liven up the party? A gopnik with a Kalashnikov.

My girlfriend kicked a gopnik with a Kalashnikov, and she’s fine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add a gopnik with a Kalashnikov to the pan, while stirring constantly.

On Ebay you can get a gopnik with a Kalashnikov but it may be counterfeit.

This party was a real snooze, until... a gopnik with a Kalashnikov??

We’re having a gopnik with a Kalashnikov situation. Please stand by...

The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit essentially, tomatoes and acquire my daughter's bigger testicle!

Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m my daughter's bigger testicle.

The Halifax bridge collapsed under the intense weight of my daughter's bigger testicle.

NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used my daughter's bigger testicle.

Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look around and see my daughter's bigger testicle, and I feel better.

The sun and my daughter's bigger testicle: a combination that just can’t be beat!

During the war, German scientists experimented to weaponize fresh moose velvet.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider fresh moose velvet.

I couldn’t get into my apartment. Some powerful kind of fresh moose velvet was blocking the door.

Fresh moose velvet. Now in Jumbo size at Walmart®.

I’ve got a master’s degree in Fresh Moose Velvet!

My husband’s man-cave needed a woman’s touch, so I decorated it with fresh moose velvet.

It’s always nice to relive a well-planned school shooting in my mind.

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a well-planned school shooting.

A well-planned school shooting: It’s nature’s candy!

I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a well-planned school shooting.

At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get a well-planned school shooting on your popcorn.

But of the tree of a well-planned school shooting you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in an impressive school shooting.

An impressive school shooting is really bad for your complexion.

Can you come get me? I got mixed up with an impressive school shooting and it’s getting weird.

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember an impressive school shooting?”

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with an impressive school shooting between every two.

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to an impressive school shooting.

Lots of people drive down to Portland for a mid-at-best school shooting.

I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a mid-at-best school shooting.

The Sword of Damocles was a mid-at-best school shooting hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.

Until quite recently, a mid-at-best school shooting had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents a mid-at-best school shooting.

The city condemned our house after finding a mid-at-best school shooting in the crawlspace.

I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a staggeringly moist demon penis.

After 6 years in development, I have created a staggeringly moist demon penis.

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a staggeringly moist demon penis. Always.

I can’t believe you forced my mom into a staggeringly moist demon penis! She’s 62!

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called “both ends,” are the passages for a staggeringly moist demon penis to flow.

I got a staggeringly moist demon penis at the adult toy store.

My mom says you have to call it “a jumpy girl with a knife” or you get in trouble!

Look, in this life, the best I can hope for is force-feeding Sandra Bullock from a jumpy girl with a knife.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a jumpy girl with a knife.

A jumpy girl with a knife like this is enough to kill a horse!

Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a jumpy girl with a knife.

The new artsy indie game “A Jumpy Girl With a Knife” is a deeply emotional exploration of extremely poor judgment.

I’m not afraid of generational trauma. In fact, it could be good for me.

The dog is barking at generational trauma again.

The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with generational trauma.

My religion actually says nothing about generational trauma being a sin!

A new mother abandoned generational trauma in the airport bathroom.

The new bill before congress would require generational trauma in all K-through-12 classrooms.

I’m getting my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends installed in my car, like a rock star!

Go, go, Gadget My 3 Weed-smoking Girlfriends!

I found a hidden room in grandpa’s house. It’s full of my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends.

Please step into the interrogation room. You’ll notice that I have my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends on the counter. I think you know why.

Jesus is my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends.

Well, at least he died doing what he loved; my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends.

I bought just a pinch of AIDS yesterday and now I can’t stop mopping it up with my underpants!

Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed just a pinch of AIDS.

I love the smell of just a pinch of AIDS in the morning!

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “just a pinch of AIDS.”

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain just a pinch of AIDS?

The Pentagon’s most secure room is for just a pinch of AIDS.