Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
304
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
Groups
 

Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Sep 16 at 19:33 PDT
A little cat-sized machine gun
n

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Wet Dog Smell Co., tapping into the growing market for a little cat-sized machine gun.
Scorpions can shed a little cat-sized machine gun in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a little cat-sized machine gun like your brother?”
It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of a little cat-sized machine gun off the grill.
This year’s hottest album is “mailing anthrax” by a little cat-sized machine gun.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a sexy, but stylish full turn over my head, but a little cat-sized machine gun got in the way.

Aug 27 at 09:17 PDT
Salesman: *slaps top of  * This bad boy can fit so much   in it.
Play 2

Salesman: *slaps top of innocent women and children* This bad boy can fit so much a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of an orbital laser satellite* This bad boy can fit so much cannibals in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of a big donkey* This bad boy can fit so much a Powerpoint presentation in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of his tumor* This bad boy can fit so much removing a uterine tumor with my teeth in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of something sweet for the kids* This bad boy can fit so much being deep inside each other in it.
Salesman: *slaps top of Grandma’s ghost* This bad boy can fit so much a motorist in it.

Aug 27 at 09:12 PDT
Loss
nc

CAUTION: Keep this worthless orphan out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks loss.
Wolves don’t eat loss, and neither should kings.
This year’s hottest album is “cold toilet water in the butthole” by loss.
It’s lucky to touch loss; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with loss.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with loss.

Aug 17 at 22:22 PDT
Handholding cuddlesex
v

What Mom made nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid handholding cuddlesex.
Here on the assembly line we heat the power of love to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is handholding cuddlesex.
When you two are done handholding cuddlesex, can we please get a Turkish wedding and get out of here?!
Handholding cuddlesex can actually erode a humorless Japanese businessman, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
Ever since Pakistani cosmonauts appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while handholding cuddlesex.
My school is throwing a traffic cone full of bibimbap party this weekend. Come for wrestling alligators. Stay for handholding cuddlesex!

Aug 16 at 22:08 PDT
Real fast danger
nc

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s real fast danger.
Two best friends and real fast danger take a road trip, and discover my womanly virtue along the way.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of any decent person and the words “real fast danger”. I don’t get it!
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and real fast danger came rolling after him, but he escaped by drinking wine in the tub all day!
Last Christmas, everyone got real fast danger under the tree and my innards in their stockings!
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around real fast danger on the freeway.

Aug 15 at 20:15 PDT
  and   are qualities I look for in a potential spouse.
Play 2

my butt surgery and farting while asleep are qualities I look for in a potential spouse.
kids these days and a censor bar are qualities I look for in a potential spouse.
a super-tiny butt hole and a huge mountain are qualities I look for in a potential spouse.
blacking out and making a sex sound and a slut who will do anything are qualities I look for in a potential spouse.
a piece of lint near my vagina and no clean towels are qualities I look for in a potential spouse.
meatball marinara and conjuring are qualities I look for in a potential spouse.

Aug 5 at 12:46 PDT
Big anime titties
np

When the celestial spheres align, big anime titties will descend from the heavens.
I scream, you scream, little turds everywhere, big anime titties!
My dream house has big anime titties built in, an extra garage for getting tickled until you bust a nut, and Fidel Castro’s beard and hat for the door bell.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of big anime titties.
CAUTION: Keep big anime titties out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks Donald Trump’s tweets.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how big anime titties happens.

Jul 30 at 22:24 PDT
A young woman of marriageable age
n

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a young woman of marriageable age is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be drinking wine in the tub all day and where does a young woman of marriageable age come in?
Ich bin ein a young woman of marriageable age.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a young woman of marriageable age, would you be a young woman of marriageable age as well?”
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a young woman of marriageable age directly.
On the assembly line we heat a young woman of marriageable age to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is proving she’s a witch.

Jul 27 at 22:31 PDT
Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of  , with an estimated three to four   per 100 square kilometers.
Play 2

Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of a beefy meal, with an estimated three to four a spooky mummy per 100 square kilometers.
Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of godless heathens, with an estimated three to four uranium per 100 square kilometers.
Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of dat ass, with an estimated three to four a horrible selection of gay men per 100 square kilometers.
Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of whistling at women, with an estimated three to four Iron Maiden’s 747 per 100 square kilometers.
Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of awesome lectures, with an estimated three to four oozing holes per 100 square kilometers.
Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of the king and his family, with an estimated three to four black lace per 100 square kilometers.

Jul 27 at 22:28 PDT
Game Over
nc

My religion demands that I must abstain from Game Over. A fun game however, is OK.
Dagnabbit! I got Game Over all jammed up in the wheel well again.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually Game Over.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring Game Over.
Today I bought Game Over from the back of a van. They also threw in my sister’s closet, which I didn’t even think was legal.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all Game Over, right while I’m being tall enough to ride.