Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
317
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
Groups
 

Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Oct 17 at 21:36 PDT
Moderate-to-severe joint pain
nc

It’s not delivery. It’s moderate-to-severe joint pain.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to moderate-to-severe joint pain, even before I put on my clothes.
Authorities were tallying damage from moderate-to-severe joint pain that struck southern California Friday evening.
This land is this sentence land, this land is moderate-to-severe joint pain land.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with moderate-to-severe joint pain. So bring a 100 foot tidal wave.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get fluids from my face removed from her and moderate-to-severe joint pain removed from me.

Oct 17 at 21:35 PDT
Guns
np

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw guns overboard!
At work I secretly have guns under my desk.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with guns hanging in the window.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with guns, a naturopathic remedy.
Guns in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Happiness: A forty foot Ferris wheel, hot biscuits & gravy, and guns.

Oct 17 at 21:34 PDT
Super-sperm
nc

My publisher demanded I remove super-sperm from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring super-sperm.
Super-sperm? That’s my fetish!
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got super-sperm painted on both sides, which some say encourages demons.
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen super-sperm.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Super-sperm with lips.

Oct 17 at 21:34 PDT
A goddamn magic T-Rex
n

Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into a goddamn magic T-Rex.
A goddamn magic T-Rex? That’s my fetish!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a goddamn magic T-Rex around the building.
Shepherds in Scotland have used a goddamn magic T-Rex for years to keep the flock from a gasping woman.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “a goddamn magic T-Rex,” over and over again while in use.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of burned clothing in history, rode into battle atop a goddamn magic T-Rex.

Oct 17 at 21:33 PDT
Orange juice
nc

Chimps in the wild have been observed using orange juice to forage for food.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on orange juice.
Getting orange juice back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
First you get a sociopath. Then you get a gasping woman. Then you get orange juice.
Shepherds in Scotland have used the basement for years to keep the flock from orange juice.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider orange juice.

Oct 17 at 21:33 PDT
A dinosaur skeleton covered in ooze
n

Instructions unclear: got a dinosaur skeleton covered in ooze stuck in white chocolate, if you know what I mean.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti A-dinosaur-skeleton-covered-in-ooze-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a frantic woman.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed a dinosaur skeleton covered in ooze.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of a dinosaur skeleton covered in ooze.
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold, which has the hole right in a dinosaur skeleton covered in ooze.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a dinosaur skeleton covered in ooze emerged.

Oct 17 at 21:32 PDT
Sir, are you aware that there’s   in your basement?!

Sir, are you aware that there’s big dudes with big dudes in your basement?!
Sir, are you aware that there’s an ancient Indian burial ground in your basement?!
Sir, are you aware that there’s jabbing people in the eye in your basement?!
Sir, are you aware that there’s very depraved porn in your basement?!
Sir, are you aware that there’s pulling out just in time in your basement?!
Sir, are you aware that there’s a little sumthin sumthin in your basement?!

Oct 17 at 21:31 PDT
What good is   without the pulp?

What good is an extremely painful sneeze without the pulp?
What good is a mindless animal response without the pulp?
What good is a sarcastic horse without the pulp?
What good is caressing my face without the pulp?
What good is a legless dog on a wheeled cart without the pulp?
What good is that sack of shit without the pulp?

Oct 17 at 21:30 PDT
If you don’t jump  , you’ll never be where you want to be.

If you don’t jump my golden goose, you’ll never be where you want to be.
If you don’t jump fingertips, you’ll never be where you want to be.
If you don’t jump gunfire, you’ll never be where you want to be.
If you don’t jump a cunt slap, you’ll never be where you want to be.
If you don’t jump that jackass, you’ll never be where you want to be.
If you don’t jump me, you’ll never be where you want to be.

Oct 17 at 21:29 PDT
I'm in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of  .

I'm in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of all creation.
I'm in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of the tickle zone.
I'm in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of blacking out and making a sex sound.
I'm in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of sobbing silently to yourself as the night closes in.
I'm in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of a big ol’ fruit.
I'm in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of giving birth to a prosthetic baby.