Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
394
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
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Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Wednesday at 19:14 PDT
A paper bag full of lube
n

Let Martha host your next party, providing a paper bag full of lube like you’ve never experienced before.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a paper bag full of lube.
I clean a paper bag full of lube by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up being cooked and eaten.
My wife is WAY better at a paper bag full of lube than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a paper bag full of lube.”
But I promised I would get my kids a paper bag full of lube for Christmas!

Wednesday at 19:13 PDT
A coked up Welsh James Bond
n

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A coked up Welsh James Bond can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Thanks for a coked up Welsh James Bond last night. *wink* *wink*
A coked up Welsh James Bond! A coked up Welsh James Bond! My kingdom for a coked up Welsh James Bond!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a coked up Welsh James Bond.
The city condemned our house after finding a coked up Welsh James Bond in the crawlspace.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a coked up Welsh James Bond in the soil.

Aug 29 at 21:47 PDT
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand  .

This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand booms and flashes.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand an eyebrow.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand work.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand being in the way.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand an improvised explosive device.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand both ends.

Aug 29 at 21:45 PDT
Peppermint-flavored playdough
nc

I’ll never know why my grandparents find peppermint-flavored playdough so relaxing.
The HOA says I can’t have peppermint-flavored playdough on my own damn property.
Sir! We are out of MREs, but we found peppermint-flavored playdough in these crates. Shall we ration it to the men?
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused peppermint-flavored playdough in the streets.
Monopoly: Peppermint-flavored Playdough Edition is taking the board-gaming world by storm.
I bought peppermint-flavored playdough yesterday and now I can’t stop hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about!

Typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation
np

Amtrak officials confirm typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation would have prevented train derailment.
People around the world recognize typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
This workplace has gone (0) days without typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation.
Work John Travolta crying, as a woman up until frothing before spreading across typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
At the skating rink there was typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation and everyone fell down at once.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation?”

Jul 18 at 17:47 PDT
A duffel bag full of spagetti
n

A new study found that giving employees compliments and a duffel bag full of spagetti can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
We can be a duffel bag full of spagetti. And no one has to know.
It’s not delivery. It’s a duffel bag full of spagetti.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with motor control and a strange boy who fights a duffel bag full of spagetti.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a duffel bag full of spagetti in the attic. Anyway, I’m horsing around.
Oh no! Obama put a small chubby in the water to turn a duffel bag full of spagetti gay!

Jul 18 at 17:43 PDT
A worried dinosaur
n

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a worried dinosaur.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a worried dinosaur.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a worried dinosaur in the back seat.
Stripping is how a worried dinosaur always dies.
A salesman came to the door selling a worried dinosaur. I didn’t open. He slid nothing at all under the door.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took a worried dinosaur to the funeral.

May 17 at 20:43 PDT
A quiet echo
n

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a quiet echo, and the eco-glass windows trap in bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton.
A quiet echo: It’s nature’s candy!
If you do it right, a quiet echo is all about a screaming dog.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a quiet echo to the vastness of space.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a quiet echo in the pillows.
When I get older, I don’t want to be a quiet echo.

A 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™
n

Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ flavor and then fist pumping flavor.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ is being tall enough to ride.
Burned clothing can wear down a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
Music without the sounds of a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ is hardly music at all.
If a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ in the mirror! And it smelled like getting boinked in there! I’m so scared!

Apr 26 at 06:49 PDT
A full-body cringe
n

Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a full-body cringe.
If mom hears us talking about a full-body cringe we’ll be SO grounded!
We’re having a wet tongue situation. Watch out for a full-body cringe and please stand by...
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a full-body cringe.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a full-body cringe and a mouthfeel like your fluid-filled lungs.
Today I bought no evidence of any infidelity from the back of a van. They also threw in a full-body cringe, which I didn’t even think was legal.