Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
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Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
398
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
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Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Jan 23 at 14:26 PST
Speaking Polish at home sometimes and talking to Americans online
np

I bought speaking Polish at home sometimes and talking to Americans online yesterday and now I can’t stop using advanced Kama Sutra techniques!
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was speaking Polish at home sometimes and talking to Americans online.
During the half-time show, a “wardrobe malfunction” with Janet Jackson’s costume exposed speaking Polish at home sometimes and talking to Americans online to the audience.
I noticed symptoms of inhaling, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s speaking Polish at home sometimes and talking to Americans online!” but I’m not sure.
Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: Speaking Polish at Home Sometimes and Talking to Americans Online flavor? Screwing with Pants on flavor?!
That’s not funny. My sweet father was killed by speaking Polish at home sometimes and talking to Americans online.

A non-nauseous amount of food
n

Throw a non-nauseous amount of food at your enemies to distract them.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a non-nauseous amount of food” incident in the science lab.
I thought I was alone with a non-nauseous amount of food but my mom walked in. We got to having peed and I felt better.
More armies need to incorporate a non-nauseous amount of food into their uniforms.
PG rated movies cut to a non-nauseous amount of food instead of showing sex.
At my full potential, I’m a non-nauseous amount of food.

IGN doesn’t know what the people want. The people want  .

IGN doesn’t know what the people want. The people want the T-Rex.
IGN doesn’t know what the people want. The people want gassing.
IGN doesn’t know what the people want. The people want frozen people.
IGN doesn’t know what the people want. The people want a grave error.
IGN doesn’t know what the people want. The people want industrial solvent.
IGN doesn’t know what the people want. The people want your panties.



TV-based melee kills
np

I Googled for TV-based melee kills and found a picture of myself.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with TV-based melee kills.
Back in my day, we only had TV-based melee kills for fun and we LIKED IT.
In this 15th century painting, TV-based melee kills is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at TV-based melee kills and my card appeared on top!
They say TV-based melee kills grew in Buddha’s footsteps.


The same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God
n

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God.
My mom says you have to call it the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God or you get in trouble!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!
You’re not a mom! You’re just the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God!
The problem with America is the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God.

Oct 20 at 19:14 PDT
A paper bag full of lube
n

Let Martha host your next party, providing a paper bag full of lube like you’ve never experienced before.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a paper bag full of lube.
I clean a paper bag full of lube by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up being cooked and eaten.
My wife is WAY better at a paper bag full of lube than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a paper bag full of lube.”
But I promised I would get my kids a paper bag full of lube for Christmas!

Oct 20 at 19:13 PDT
A coked up Welsh James Bond
n

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A coked up Welsh James Bond can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Thanks for a coked up Welsh James Bond last night. *wink* *wink*
A coked up Welsh James Bond! A coked up Welsh James Bond! My kingdom for a coked up Welsh James Bond!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a coked up Welsh James Bond.
The city condemned our house after finding a coked up Welsh James Bond in the crawlspace.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a coked up Welsh James Bond in the soil.

Aug 29 at 21:47 PDT
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand  .

This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand booms and flashes.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand an eyebrow.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand work.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand being in the way.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand an improvised explosive device.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand both ends.

Aug 29 at 21:45 PDT
Peppermint-flavored playdough
nc

I’ll never know why my grandparents find peppermint-flavored playdough so relaxing.
The HOA says I can’t have peppermint-flavored playdough on my own damn property.
Sir! We are out of MREs, but we found peppermint-flavored playdough in these crates. Shall we ration it to the men?
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused peppermint-flavored playdough in the streets.
Monopoly: Peppermint-flavored Playdough Edition is taking the board-gaming world by storm.
I bought peppermint-flavored playdough yesterday and now I can’t stop hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about!

Typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation
np

Amtrak officials confirm typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation would have prevented train derailment.
People around the world recognize typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
This workplace has gone (0) days without typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation.
Work John Travolta crying, as a woman up until frothing before spreading across typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
At the skating rink there was typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation and everyone fell down at once.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember typical middle-class lives of quiet desperation?”

2021 Jul 18 at 17:47 PDT
A duffel bag full of spagetti
n

A new study found that giving employees compliments and a duffel bag full of spagetti can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
We can be a duffel bag full of spagetti. And no one has to know.
It’s not delivery. It’s a duffel bag full of spagetti.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with motor control and a strange boy who fights a duffel bag full of spagetti.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a duffel bag full of spagetti in the attic. Anyway, I’m horsing around.
Oh no! Obama put a small chubby in the water to turn a duffel bag full of spagetti gay!