Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
676
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
Groups
 

Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Sunday at 08:27 PDT
Casual sabotage
nc

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn casual sabotage, but now I work at Wal*Mart.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of casual sabotage.
My religion demands that I must abstain from casual sabotage.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about casual sabotage.
Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, casual sabotage?
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to casual sabotage.

Aug 23 at 20:59 PDT
Encountering some unexpected geology
v

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember encountering some unexpected geology?”
Last night I dreamed of encountering some unexpected geology. Now I’m really tired.
Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like encountering some unexpected geology.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and encountering some unexpected geology.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Encountering Some Unexpected Geology”! I shook his hand and it felt like encountering some unexpected geology.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Encountering Some Unexpected Geology Blast!

Aug 21 at 13:15 PDT
My backpack hydrogen bomb
nc

I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with my backpack hydrogen bomb.
James Bond will return in “The Man With my backpack hydrogen bomb”!
In the bathroom at the mall I dropped my backpack hydrogen bomb in the toilet.
I beat my backpack hydrogen bomb all the time!
Oh great, I turned on the oven again with my backpack hydrogen bomb still inside.
I want to be buried with my backpack hydrogen bomb.

Aug 21 at 13:13 PDT
The vinegary smell of my unwashed balls
n

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE VINEGARY SMELL OF MY UNWASHED BALLS.”
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with the vinegary smell of my unwashed balls.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: the vinegary smell of my unwashed balls.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was the vinegary smell of my unwashed balls.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of the vinegary smell of my unwashed balls on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
I’m late to my meeting for the vinegary smell of my unwashed balls.

Aug 17 at 08:09 PDT
For overseas markets, we had to edit out the scene of  .

For overseas markets, we had to edit out the scene of a massive, hissing centipede.
For overseas markets, we had to edit out the scene of grab-ass.
For overseas markets, we had to edit out the scene of vomiting gore all over your face.
For overseas markets, we had to edit out the scene of spiders again.
For overseas markets, we had to edit out the scene of a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice.
For overseas markets, we had to edit out the scene of just a peek.

Aug 17 at 08:05 PDT
If you aren't   I don’t want you in my army!

If you aren't circumcising your dad I don’t want you in my army!
If you aren't a powerful Chinese man I don’t want you in my army!
If you aren't swamp ass I don’t want you in my army!
If you aren't screaming and barfing a little I don’t want you in my army!
If you aren't a thought I don’t want you in my army!
If you aren't a fistful of hair I don’t want you in my army!

Aug 17 at 08:04 PDT
Fucking your niece
v

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Fucking Your Niece Co.!
Vampires can only be killed by fucking your niece.
In early rugby you scored points by fucking your niece.
Senator, give me fucking your niece and you’ll get my vote.
I noticed symptoms of fucking your niece, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s loose morals!” but I’m not sure.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of fucking your niece in the soil.

Aug 17 at 08:03 PDT
No dumb son of a bitch ever won a war by  ! You win a war by making the other guy  !
Play 1

No dumb son of a bitch ever won a war by hiding under the bed! You win a war by making the other guy hiding under the bed!
No dumb son of a bitch ever won a war by tandem showering! You win a war by making the other guy tandem showering!
No dumb son of a bitch ever won a war by the toilet! You win a war by making the other guy the toilet!
No dumb son of a bitch ever won a war by pulsating opposite sexes! You win a war by making the other guy pulsating opposite sexes!
No dumb son of a bitch ever won a war by bourbon and ball-gags! You win a war by making the other guy bourbon and ball-gags!
No dumb son of a bitch ever won a war by three babies in a backpack! You win a war by making the other guy three babies in a backpack!

Aug 17 at 08:01 PDT
Not fucking your niece
v

I prayed to God for not fucking your niece, and God delivered!
In the iconic opening to Back to the Future, Marty McFly was not fucking your niece after hooking up his electric guitar and strumming.
People in Taiwan are getting wild whores implanted in their bodies for not fucking your niece.
Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting not fucking your niece into the air!
My wife is WAY better at not fucking your niece than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from not fucking your niece.

Revenge against God for the crime of being
vt

“D” is for revenge against God for the crime of being.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, revenge against God for the crime of being appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is revenge against God for the crime of being.
Revenge against God for the crime of being is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
What’s wrong with your brother? He walks like he’s revenge against God for the crime of being.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of revenge against God for the crime of being in the soil.