Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
358
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
Groups
 

Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Silky smooth knees
np

This land is a kiss on the lips land, this land is silky smooth knees land.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about silky smooth knees.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see silky smooth knees spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to silky smooth knees.
What will we do with silky smooth knees early in the morning?
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s Woman 2.0, with silky smooth knees around the edges, and a mass of lymphatic tissue on top.

Dec 30 at 01:49 PST
Even more lotion
nc

My pharmacist separated a lumberjack orgy into two parts, and carefully lowered one into even more lotion.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be succumbing to nature and where does even more lotion come in?
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, even more lotion every single day.
Senator, give me even more lotion and you’ll get my vote.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as even more lotion surfaced from below.
When the beef came at me it was like even more lotion.



Death and suffering
vt

My publisher demanded I remove death and suffering from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
The rich aroma of death and suffering, from the hills of Colombia.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s death and suffering.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of years of pain. Half the country is death and suffering.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly death and suffering right in front of their children.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by death and suffering.



Many, many tiny bodies
np

Pool rules: No running. No curses. Keep many, many tiny bodies out of the deep end.
Guys. Guys! Many, many tiny bodies is getting a little close to giggling schoolgirls with cameras!
In future times, the children will work together to build many, many tiny bodies.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a list of names and now I’m having trouble with many, many tiny bodies.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into many, many tiny bodies and stopped.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Many, Many Tiny Bodies!” You’re cursed with my hater until the end of the game!

Dec 29 at 15:30 PST
The only good meme in 2016 was  .

The only good meme in 2016 was having peed.
The only good meme in 2016 was Milla Jovovich’s dirty underwear.
The only good meme in 2016 was my bacon strip.
The only good meme in 2016 was the pilot, who died instantly.
The only good meme in 2016 was not a single lion.
The only good meme in 2016 was being fucking dead.



As Shakespeare once said, “ .”

As Shakespeare once said, “literal sugar tits.”
As Shakespeare once said, “the penis.”
As Shakespeare once said, “a wet burst.”
As Shakespeare once said, “beets. Mashed beets.”
As Shakespeare once said, “a woman’s ankles.”
As Shakespeare once said, “fate.”


Dec 29 at 15:30 PST
Singapore now has a new holiday where   is celebrated.

Singapore now has a new holiday where female breast tissue is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where a falling chimney is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where your grandmother, who loves you is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where wet cat food is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where lacerations is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where a protective membrane is celebrated.



I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of   again!

I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of a gurgling anus again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of irresponsible parenting again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of a wild animal again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of a rough testicle again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of Tony’s prison baby again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of my VERY jealous, protective pet spider again!

Dec 29 at 14:51 PST
The new hit Broadway show  : The Musical.

The new hit Broadway show racist bullshit: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show Winona Ryder’s leather jacket: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show a harbor for your unclean thoughts: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show somersaults: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show a lumberjack orgy: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show Big Gay: The Musical.



Collaborate and listen
vt

Today you’re on the receiving end of collaborate and listen.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m collaborate and listen.
Guys. Guys! Collaborate and listen is getting a little close to ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!!
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for collaborate and listen.
The HOA says I can’t raise a comfortable spot on my property. Meanwhile no word about collaborate and listen at the Jones’s!
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all collaborate and listen, right while I’m raping an entire family including the dog.

Dec 29 at 14:51 PST
Get out of my room, mom! I'm  !

Get out of my room, mom! I'm the white bitch!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm an automated turret!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm unexpected penetration!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm dating your daughter!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm a broken man!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm a Japanese vending machine!



The Viet Cong
np

The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... the Viet Cong.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of the Viet Cong.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only the Viet Cong and lethal radiation come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
The dog ate a sociopath so we’re waiting for the Viet Cong.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of the Viet Cong in its food processing operations.
I’m the Viet Cong today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with hoping nothing kills you.

Dec 29 at 14:45 PST
The only kind of safe sex is  .

The only kind of safe sex is the brave men and women fighting for us.
The only kind of safe sex is a system of tunnels leading to key locations.
The only kind of safe sex is a touch.
The only kind of safe sex is wings.
The only kind of safe sex is a child predator.
The only kind of safe sex is closing her legs.



Sex in a safe
v

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for sex in a safe and putting up with you at the assembly line.
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with sex in a safe?
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began sex in a safe in front of his top supporters.
I don’t need love because I’m sex in a safe. Sorry mom!
Vote for me and I’ll stop sex in a safe, get rid of alien technology, and give everyone a night of unrestrained passion for free.
Go, go, Gadget Sex in a Safe!

The limitations of the flesh are an illusion
n

My favorite new band is “The Next Time and the Limitations of the Flesh Are an Illusion”.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the limitations of the flesh are an illusion.
The TSA has made new rules mandating the limitations of the flesh are an illusion on every commercial flight.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and the limitations of the flesh are an illusion.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in the limitations of the flesh are an illusion!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the limitations of the flesh are an illusion.

It’s always nice to relive   in  .
Play 2

It’s always nice to relive that fly in here in the world’s fastest pump.
It’s always nice to relive The Blood-Soaked Queen in spreading disease.
It’s always nice to relive peach vodka in over-sized scissors.
It’s always nice to relive a total fucking mess in a screaming dog.
It’s always nice to relive a pinch in daddy juice.
It’s always nice to relive suggesting a murder in meaningless symbols.

Decades of debauchery
np

Scorpions can shed decades of debauchery in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
If mom hears us talking about decades of debauchery we’ll be SO grounded!
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of decades of debauchery. She has stated, “I prefer a riding crop.”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only decades of debauchery and wearing a noose to be edgy.
Decades of debauchery has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Art can be defined by backwash but only if it gets you decades of debauchery and inspired.



The harem of your mind
n

I looked up “our own biological child” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving the harem of your mind.
I thought I was alone with the harem of your mind but my mom walked in. We got to installing an update and I felt better.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were the harem of your mind, would you be the harem of your mind as well?”
Are you there God? It’s me, the harem of your mind.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were the harem of your mind.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up the harem of your mind in every room.