Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
345
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
Groups
 

Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Jun 27 at 16:37 PDT
CTRL+F BUTTHOLE
nc

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found CTRL+F BUTTHOLE sticking to the wall.
I was born on a pile of CTRL+F BUTTHOLE.
CTRL+F BUTTHOLE is always a contest when I’m involved.
I chipped my tooth on cooties. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t CTRL+F BUTTHOLE.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into CTRL+F BUTTHOLE.
Our artisanal process ages my baby door for 3 years, before going right into CTRL+F BUTTHOLE, rapidly eating trash.

Jun 27 at 15:23 PDT
Background giggles
np

For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a stupid student, background giggles and complete madness.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise background giggles by rewarding them with a creepy dude.
The media’s nonstop coverage of background giggles is just to distract us from extra padding for my butt.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in background giggles.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: background giggles.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as background giggles surfaced from below.

Jun 27 at 15:01 PDT
Eating the floor
v

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was eating the floor.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “eating the floor.”
The new bill before congress would require eating the floor in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Alexander also named a city in India “Eating the Floor” after his dead horse.
If mom hears us talking about eating the floor we’ll be SO grounded!
You should come over. I’ve got lots of eating the floor at my place.

Jun 27 at 15:00 PDT
A kitten with a pension for violence
n

In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a kitten with a pension for violence.
Oh no! Mom sold a kitten with a pension for violence at the charity shop!
If you do it right, a kitten with a pension for violence is all about passive-aggressive tendencies.
The patient kept screaming about “a kitten with a pension for violence”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and bedtime emerged!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a kitten with a pension for violence swindling queers.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a kitten with a pension for violence.

Jun 27 at 15:00 PDT
A ballerina on crack
n

I think a lot of people would pay to see a ballerina on crack.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, a ballerina on crack came out onto the bed.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a ballerina on crack
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for a ballerina on crack!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A ballerina on crack, everywhere but Oklahoma and claws.
Then God said, “Let there be a ballerina on crack”; and there was a ballerina on crack. And God saw that a ballerina on crack was good.

Jun 27 at 14:59 PDT
Deadly death bullets
np

How embarrassing! I forget I left deadly death bullets in the foyer.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took deadly death bullets to the funeral.
We put deadly death bullets in your tea!
The rich aroma of deadly death bullets, from the hills of Colombia.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always deadly death bullets just around the corner.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy deadly death bullets that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.

Jun 27 at 14:59 PDT
Cybernetically-enhanced porn
nc

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: cybernetically-enhanced porn.
Ever since cybernetically-enhanced porn appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while being carted away.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “cybernetically-enhanced porn
See now black people walk like something equivalent. But white people -- white people walk like they’re cybernetically-enhanced porn!
Thanks for cybernetically-enhanced porn last night. *wink* *wink*
It’s lucky to touch cybernetically-enhanced porn; it’s even luckier to touch mine.

May 25 at 17:25 PDT
An ass that won't quit
n

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still an ass that won't quit!
My kid was acting like an ass that won't quit, so I took away resting bitch face privileges.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include goin’ up the butt sideways spice, an English-speaking Mexican spice, and an ass that won't quit spice!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all an ass that won't quit when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of an Ass That Won't Quit”! I shook his hand and it felt like an ass that won't quit.
I was surprised to find bones in an ass that won't quit. Is that normal?

May 25 at 17:24 PDT
A boner that wont stop
n

The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a watermelon owned by a black man and a strange boy who fights a boner that wont stop.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a boner that wont stop, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a face-hugger. Serve in an email.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a boner that wont stop.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a boner that wont stop at the girls camp.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a boner that wont stop, while a man is grinding on it on a galloping horse.
Today you’re on the receiving end of a boner that wont stop.

May 24 at 20:12 PDT
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of   and handing over control to  .
Play 2

The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of every credit card and handing over control to a sassy male news reporter.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of every part of the buffalo and handing over control to lifting off the toilet.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of good vibes and handing over control to an exploitative sex tape.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of foaming, not at the mouth and handing over control to my sex tape.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of an earthworm and handing over control to murdering someone through the internet.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of earwig pincers and handing over control to a good soak.