Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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Medals
1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
604
Score
175 ₧
Location
 
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Timezone
UTC
Groups
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Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Friday at 19:25 PDT
World War III will be started by an extremist dictator who wants to destroy  .

World War III will be started by an extremist dictator who wants to destroy a carefully contained fart.
World War III will be started by an extremist dictator who wants to destroy self-inflicted wounds.
World War III will be started by an extremist dictator who wants to destroy a humiliated animal.
World War III will be started by an extremist dictator who wants to destroy killing Kim Jong-un.
World War III will be started by an extremist dictator who wants to destroy an exploding car.
World War III will be started by an extremist dictator who wants to destroy Disneyland!.

Getting t-boned in space
v

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for getting t-boned in space and making it weird at the assembly line.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for getting t-boned in space
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with getting t-boned in space.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “getting t-boned in space,” with a picture of the greatest mistake of my life.
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting t-boned in space.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting t-boned in space for the first time!

Jul 24 at 20:02 PDT
The meat sweats
n

They said the meat sweats was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of the meat sweats!
Here on the assembly line we heat the meat sweats to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is moving and talking at the same time.
Exploding from both ends with the meat sweats is a uniquely British problem.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of the meat sweats.
Going straight to hell is a temporary setback on the road to the meat sweats!
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate the meat sweats.

Jun 29 at 16:29 PDT
Oh, I've got it! This is a better phrasing:


Employee morale went down when we banned   from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had  installed in the lobby.
Play 2

Employee morale went down when we banned fuzzy handcuffs from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had struggling to get out of the vaninstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned a complete set of cybernetic implants from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had instant deathinstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned a flea from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had the nannyinstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had bedtimeinstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned a Steam update from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had shitty chairs from IKEA®installed in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned compressed gas from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had things that aren’t fruitinstalled in the lobby.

Jun 26 at 20:20 PDT
This one might be kinda long:

Employee morale went down when we removed   from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got  {n}.
Play 2

Employee morale went down when we removed stainless steel plating from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got quiet poots.
Employee morale went down when we removed a child drowning in a vat of molasses from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a carpet beetle.
Employee morale went down when we removed nothing else from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a guillotine.
Employee morale went down when we removed being strung up from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got feigned sympathy.
Employee morale went down when we removed a bad landing from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got damage.
Employee morale went down when we removed my bruised thighs from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a deluge of vomit.



Employee morale went down when we stopped  {v} on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got  .
Play 2

Employee morale went down when we stopped horsing around on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a ceremonial ribbon.
Employee morale went down when we stopped giving birth to a prosthetic baby on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a gaggle of nuns.
Employee morale went down when we stopped smearing on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a squeaky-clean bottom.
Employee morale went down when we stopped blowing in my ear on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got almost everyone.
Employee morale went down when we stopped tandem showering on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a crocodile death-rolling my taint.
Employee morale went down when we stopped doing your best and trying your hardest on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got 80,000 tons of nuclear waste.

Jun 14 at 15:52 PDT
This here heap of garbage
n

Don’t look at me while I’m this here heap of garbage! It messes me up!
There’s always time for this here heap of garbage before breakfast.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with this here heap of garbage.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of this here heap of garbage.
You can’t keep running around like this here heap of garbage, you’re endangering a very old jellybean!
Wolves don’t eat this here heap of garbage, and neither should kings.

Jun 14 at 15:45 PDT
This horse bone totem never changes. It never, for example, turns into a bloodthirsty demon horse. That is what every one says, always.
Jun 14 at 15:42 PDT
This carved horse bone totem
n

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was this carved horse bone totem.
Doctor! My child has this carved horse bone totem coursing through his veins!
Alexander also named a city in India “This Carved Horse Bone Totem” after his dead horse.
It's like they always say: this carved horse bone totem never changes.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me this carved horse bone totem while we were still in the car.
The media’s nonstop coverage of a system of tunnels leading to key locations is just to distract us from this carved horse bone totem.

May 24 at 18:47 PDT
My mouth
n

My girlfriend kicked shaking, and now she’s my mouth. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
When my mouth hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
When I get older, I don’t want to be my mouth.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about my mouth.
At Boeing R&D, we test a hole by subjecting it to my mouth and blasts of energy.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me my mouth while we were still in the car.

May 21 at 10:38 PDT
A celebrity's orifice
n

The cineplex has been using a celebrity's orifice in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
When you two are done carefully removing my skeleton, can we please get a celebrity's orifice and get out of here?!
Chase bank is giving out a celebrity's orifice this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a celebrity's orifice.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Celebrity's Orifice Does a Huge Mountain.
At the coffee shop they put “a celebrity's orifice” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.