Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
Avatar
Medals
1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
668
Score
175 ₧
Location
 
Signature
Timezone
UTC
Groups
Administrators

Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Friday at 17:27 PDT
A totally legitimate pants factory
n

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a totally legitimate pants factory.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Totally Legitimate Pants Factory?
I was surprised to find bones in a totally legitimate pants factory. Is that normal?
I heard you were talking about a totally legitimate pants factory so I had to come over!
I like a totally legitimate pants factory like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer!
You should come over. I’ve got lots of a totally legitimate pants factory at my place.

Wednesday at 15:24 PDT
Dunno if these are a bit long:

A refined southern gentleman
n

4 out of 5 doctors recommend a refined southern gentleman.
Oh no! Mom sold a refined southern gentleman at the charity shop!
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting a refined southern gentleman in my pool.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Refined Southern Gentleman.
In the bathroom at the mall I dropped a refined southern gentleman in the toilet.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “A-refined-southern-gentleman-coin”



Some chick I met on the subway
nc

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should get some chick I met on the subway.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Some chick I met on the subway.
Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does Some Chick I Met on the Subway.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about some chick I met on the subway?
The dog is barking at some chick I met on the subway again.
After Lincoln was shot, some chick I met on the subway briefly became the next president.

Sep 12 at 22:45 PDT
The Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu
n

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu.
Welcome to factory. This machine over here makes the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Shepherds in Scotland have used the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu for years to keep the flock in line.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu come in?
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu.

Aug 26 at 03:10 PDT
A public whipping
n

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should get a public whipping.
A public whipping really messes up my butt complexion!
Honey, you can’t keep putting a public whipping down the garbage disposal!
Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, a public whipping?
Apparently, “a Public Whipping” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I can’t swing a cat around here without hitting a public whipping!



A public whipping
v

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start fornicating all day, every day before a public whipping.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a public whipping.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a public whipping.
This workplace has gone (0) days without a public whipping.
Doctor! My child has a public whipping coursing through his veins!
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with a public whipping.

Aug 24 at 15:18 PDT
There's a 2-for-1 sale on  {n} but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!

There's a 2-for-1 sale on mammaries but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on pity but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on ice cold seawater but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on dat ass but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on a traffic cone full of bibimbap but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on unladylike musculature but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!

Aug 24 at 15:17 PDT
A monkey's vest
n

The number one issue for voters is the economy, followed by a monkey's vest and healthcare.
I think there’s a monkey's vest convention going on downtown.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a monkey's vest, even before I put on my clothes.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a monkey's vest.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a monkey's vest.
Pundits agree it will take a monkey's vest for the senator to win the election.

Blood pizza
n

The Great Wall was actually built to keep blood pizza out of mainland China.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for blood pizza.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw blood pizza at a player from the stands.
If you have a dream about blood pizza, it means you’re worried about being borderline experimental.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out blood pizza.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride blood pizza. It made me feel like I was peeing in the sink.

Getting gelded
v

My favorite new band is “Imaginary Friend, Captain Howdy and Getting Gelded”.
This party was a real snooze, until getting gelded got things jumpin’.
For my project I’m making getting gelded. But I need to see if they have a wank at the craft store.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of getting gelded.
The new artsy indie game “Enough Mules” is a deeply emotional exploration of getting gelded.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in getting gelded!

A dispassionate killing spree
n

Growing up we never had a dispassionate killing spree, but we had to deal with hatching out of an egg.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a dispassionate killing spree.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s a dispassionate killing spree.
I heard you were talking about a dispassionate killing spree so I had to come over!
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a dispassionate killing spree.
The Sword of Damocles was a dispassionate killing spree hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.

Jul 26 at 00:14 PDT
Zesty seasoning salt
nc

To change kitty’s litter: grab zesty seasoning salt, dig out any clumps, and refill with mistreating the clitoris.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into zesty seasoning salt and stopped.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about zesty seasoning salt.
It’s not delivery. It’s zesty seasoning salt.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be inactivity and poor health while I’m zesty seasoning salt!
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing zesty seasoning salt, since we’re so good at it.