Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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Medals
1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
616
Score
175 ₧
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Timezone
UTC
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Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Tuesday at 23:22 PDT
I went back in time and destroyed  {n} before banging my own grandma. Whoops!

I went back in time and destroyed giggling schoolgirls with cameras before banging my own grandma. Whoops!
I went back in time and destroyed the power of love before banging my own grandma. Whoops!
I went back in time and destroyed the big ol’ boys before banging my own grandma. Whoops!
I went back in time and destroyed loose teeth before banging my own grandma. Whoops!
I went back in time and destroyed something even wetter before banging my own grandma. Whoops!
I went back in time and destroyed a tiny bat crawling up your peehole before banging my own grandma. Whoops!

The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up  {v}.

The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up touching your vaggie while sleeping.
The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up breaking in.
The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up getting off.
The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up assassinating Kim Jong-un.
The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
The last time my buddies and I were this drunk, the three of us and a sheep wound up trying to get away with murder.

Spitroasting a lion
v

This food is so good it’s making spitroasting a lion quiver!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Christopher Lloyd holding a dog; my musk; spitroasting a lion.
If you do it right, spitroasting a lion is all about bloodlust.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is spitroasting a lion.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s spitroasting a lion.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into the Mormon church, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start spitroasting a lion.

Chefs are going crazy over this new device that lets you peel and core  {p} at the same time without getting your hands dirty.

Chefs are going crazy over this new device that lets you peel and core claws at the same time without getting your hands dirty.
Chefs are going crazy over this new device that lets you peel and core earwig pincers at the same time without getting your hands dirty.
Chefs are going crazy over this new device that lets you peel and core divorce papers at the same time without getting your hands dirty.
Chefs are going crazy over this new device that lets you peel and core insane shoes at the same time without getting your hands dirty.
Chefs are going crazy over this new device that lets you peel and core amputated eyelids at the same time without getting your hands dirty.
Chefs are going crazy over this new device that lets you peel and core all the leopards at the same time without getting your hands dirty.

Sep 27 at 23:04 PDT
Getting knocked up by my gay cousin
v

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus before getting knocked up by my gay cousin.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re getting knocked up by my gay cousin!
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting knocked up by my gay cousin.
The problem with America is getting knocked up by my gay cousin.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly getting knocked up by my gay cousin right in front of their children.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began getting knocked up by my gay cousin in front of his top supporters.

Sep 15 at 01:01 PDT
My gross uncle who died when he was 17
n

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “My-gross-uncle-who-died-when-he-was-17-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving an exploding car.
Art can be defined by my gross uncle who died when he was 17 but only if it gets you baby Jesus and inspired.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and my gross uncle who died when he was 17 in the Philippines.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: my gross uncle who died when he was 17!!!
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a small chubby and my card appeared in my gross uncle who died when he was 17!
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for my gross uncle who died when he was 17.

My flabby belly paunch
n

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore my flabby belly paunch in a very realistic way.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “my flabby belly paunch” incident in the science lab.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into my flabby belly paunch and your cheeks should be relaxed.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for my flabby belly paunch!
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of my flabby belly paunch.
My flabby belly paunch is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just freezing solid. Sorry.

Aug 23 at 23:27 PDT
Ok, but for real:
"Instructions unclear: got my clenched fist stuck in my happy place."
Aug 23 at 23:26 PDT
My clenched fist
n

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had my clenched fist.
I’ve finally got the last of industrial solvent out of my clenched fist.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like my clenched fist.
Instructions unclear: got my happy place stuck in my clenched fist.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about my clenched fist and the whole planet. Should I talk to him?
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about my clenched fist?

Aug 23 at 23:16 PDT
7 or 8 hobos
np

At work I secretly have 7 or 8 hobos under my desk.
At the coffee shop they put “7 or 8 hobos” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
If I had secret Jews, you’d be 7 or 8 hobos!
7 or 8 hobos is my womanly virtue in the ocean of life!
Shepherds in Scotland have used 7 or 8 hobos for years to keep the flock from door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with violent death and a strange boy who fights 7 or 8 hobos.