Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
552
Score
175 ₧
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UTC
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Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Nov 2 at 10:49 PDT
My entire body, inside and out
nc

My wife printed me a certifcate for my entire body, inside and out. I’m excited for tonight!
The HOA says I can’t raise a flea on my property. Meanwhile no word about my entire body, inside and out at the Jones’s!
The media’s nonstop coverage of my entire body, inside and out is just to distract us from a Hot Pocket®.
The cruiseliner struck a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with my entire body, inside and out.
Back in my day, we only had a hurtling space rock for my entire body, inside and out and we LIKED IT.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw my entire body, inside and out in.

Oct 30 at 14:41 PDT
Alfred Hitchcock famously said that every scene in a movie should include  {n} and  {n}, and that the actor must always be  {v}.
Play 3

Alfred Hitchcock famously said that every scene in a movie should include a plump, lazy hyena and a piece of lint near my vagina, and that the actor must always be pulling out just in time.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said that every scene in a movie should include a boyfriend shaped bed and a dream, and that the actor must always be wandering around.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said that every scene in a movie should include pulsating opposite sexes and a divorce, and that the actor must always be hate-fucking.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said that every scene in a movie should include the reason this happened and wet like grandma does it, and that the actor must always be vomiting gore all over your face.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said that every scene in a movie should include wrestling alligators and black leggings, and that the actor must always be beeping.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said that every scene in a movie should include a bunch of kids and cuts on the wall, and that the actor must always be achieving an orgasm.



Maybe we can shrink that down? Or:

Alfred Hitchcock famously said every scene in a movie should include   with  .
Play 2

Alfred Hitchcock famously said every scene in a movie should include porkin’ with a comfortable spot.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said every scene in a movie should include a plug for the other hole with my evil little body.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said every scene in a movie should include amniotic fluid with victory or death.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said every scene in a movie should include that sack of shit with precious little white children.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said every scene in a movie should include a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other with $20 worth of pot.
Alfred Hitchcock famously said every scene in a movie should include not a single lion with no wheelchair access.

Oct 26 at 17:46 PDT
Getting gored by a hippo
v

Growing up we never had back surgery, but we had to deal with getting gored by a hippo, and I want the opposite for my children.
A creepy dude is getting gored by a hippo in the ocean of life!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually getting gored by a hippo.
Getting gored by a hippo is the spice of gay shit.
While I was out the Roomba got into my happy place and was getting gored by a hippo.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re getting gored by a hippo!

Oct 25 at 15:10 PDT
Gruntar, the warrior of legend
n

Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in Gruntar, the warrior of legend.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, Gruntar, the warrior of legend popped out!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Gruntar, the Warrior of Legend and You”.
When I get older, I don’t want to be Gruntar, the warrior of legend.
How high do you have to be to put Gruntar, the warrior of legend on alien parasite larvae?
The terrorists will execute steers and queers every 20 minutes until they receive Gruntar, the warrior of legend.

Oct 24 at 20:46 PDT
Tainted meat
nc

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as tainted meat.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but tainted meat.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been gettin’ all up close. The snail may have escaped tainted meat by going underground.
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with tainted meat.
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like tainted meat.
The city condemned our house after finding tainted meat in the crawlspace.

Oct 20 at 20:12 PDT
The Dark Master of Terror
n

This workplace has gone (0) days without the Dark Master of Terror.
The Dark Master of Terror is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by Mom’s face.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about the Dark Master of Terror and laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers. Should I talk to him?
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about the Dark Master of Terror?
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling the Dark Master of Terror. The driver was being attacked by a skeleton.
My mom picked me up the Dark Master of Terror from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

Oct 18 at 01:15 PDT
Licking it up and down
v

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s licking it up and down, with a crow in a blender around the edges, and baseless hatred on top.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for licking it up and down and getting infected at the assembly line.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like licking it up and down.
We can be licking it up and down. And no one has to know.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not licking it up and down like your brother?”
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about licking it up and down tomorrow.

Oct 17 at 11:52 PDT
Getting suddenly exsanguinated
v

If you kids don’t stop impacting my sister, I will turn getting suddenly exsanguinated around!
Although moving away from getting suddenly exsanguinated proved effective for schools, the switch to a homeless man jerking it initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Growing up we never had the coming race war, but we had to deal with getting suddenly exsanguinated, and I want the opposite for my children.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a yappy little dog and a mouthfeel like getting suddenly exsanguinated.
The water tower looks like it’s getting suddenly exsanguinated from this angle.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into getting suddenly exsanguinated! She’s 62!



or

Getting violently exsanguinated
v

I need help with my computer! I downloaded a mild orgasm and now I’m having trouble with getting violently exsanguinated.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the jaws of life by rewarding them with getting violently exsanguinated.
Always walk into an interview with my return and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate getting violently exsanguinated.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from getting violently exsanguinated.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Getting-violently-exsanguinated-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and your fluid-filled lungs.
Life without love is like getting violently exsanguinated without the grossest whiff of minty poot or fruit.

Oct 12 at 15:42 PDT
Producing a range of smells at will
v

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were producing a range of smells at will, would you be producing a range of smells at will as well?”
I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are producing a range of smells at will or getting snapped in half
R Kelly fantasizes about producing a range of smells at will with a young Beyonce.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang producing a range of smells at will on the Christmas tree.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around producing a range of smells at will on the freeway.
When you two are done producing a range of smells at will, can we please get a robot body and get out of here?!

Oct 6 at 13:20 PDT
Investing in real estate
v

Last night I dreamed of investing in real estate. I cannot shake the feeling that bait will arrive soon.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still investing in real estate!
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by investing in real estate.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use investing in real estate to treat party bitches!
At the Amazon Go store you can grab furries and walk right out the door without investing in real estate.
So what I’m saying is we have investing in real estate to thank for Obama’s America.



Making much better decisions
v

Making much better decisions can actually erode the community buttplug, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began making much better decisions.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by making much better decisions.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in making much better decisions!
Making much better decisions is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate making much better decisions to prepare for a mission to mars.