Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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Medals
1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
731
Score
175 ₧
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Timezone
UTC
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Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Friday at 23:32 PST
My tender little squirrel body
nc

I didn’t know they made my tender little squirrel body in lemon flavor.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with my tender little squirrel body. I barely even felt the needles.
The referee just issued a red card to my sister for sliding into my tender little squirrel body.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with my tender little squirrel body.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my tender little squirrel body to the funeral.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for my tender little squirrel body!

Nov 21 at 06:23 PST
Not sure which is funnier:

A single milliliter of sperm
n

Class, turn to page 105 and read “A Single Milliliter of Sperm and You”.
Ah, a single milliliter of sperm for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of vodka, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a life preserver. Serve in a single milliliter of sperm.
A single milliliter of sperm has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found a single milliliter of sperm sticking to the wall.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A single milliliter of sperm.



A single liter of sperm
n

I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a single liter of sperm.
If mom hears us talking about a single liter of sperm we’ll be SO grounded!
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a single liter of sperm to forage for food.
Slender and muscled, like a single liter of sperm. She was the spitting image of femininity.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a single liter of sperm and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
Command, we’ve got two choppers and a single liter of sperm coming right at us. Please advise.

Nov 18 at 12:52 PST
A substance called "Fun Compound"
n

When the beef came at me it was like a substance called "Fun Compound".
This party was a real snooze, until a substance called "Fun Compound" got things jumpin’.
In some households, they’ve trained a substance called "Fun Compound" to use the potty.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a substance called "Fun Compound".
On Ebay you can get a substance called "Fun Compound" but it may be counterfeit.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a substance called "Fun Compound". I found him rolling in it.

Nov 10 at 01:42 PST
A Yuletide surprise
n

Working on my car I found a Yuletide surprise had crawled inside the engine block and died.
The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything: a Yuletide surprise.
Last night was the tragic result of a Yuletide surprise.
The weirdest thing about a Yuletide surprise is that sometimes even girls have a Yuletide surprise.
I went rafting, saw a Yuletide surprise in the river, no big deal.
This food is so good it’s making a Yuletide surprise quiver!

Oct 30 at 00:44 PDT
The Iron Duke
nc

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of The Iron Duke.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about The Iron Duke. Should I talk to him?
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found The Iron Duke sticking to the wall.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out The Iron Duke for free on every corner.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “The Iron Duke” syndrome!
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about The Iron Duke.

Oct 21 at 19:24 PDT
A long and slender pig
n

It started out as drinks with friends and ended with a long and slender pig.
Art can be defined by a long and slender pig but only if it gets you outrageous fortune and inspired.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting a long and slender pig in my pool.
At spring training a foul ball bounced into the stands and hit a long and slender pig.
Stick out your tongue and say, “I was born on a long and slender pig.”
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under a long and slender pig.

Oct 15 at 20:05 PDT
The phenomenon known as "Space Rage"
n

The phenomenon known as "Space Rage" has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: The phenomenon known as "Space Rage" and apple slices.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit the phenomenon known as "Space Rage" and acquire Asia!
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at the phenomenon known as "Space Rage".
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into the phenomenon known as "Space Rage" and your cheeks should be relaxed.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: the phenomenon known as "Space Rage".

Oct 12 at 18:43 PDT
My whole arm, up to the elbow
nc

Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? My whole arm, up to the elbow.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my whole arm, up to the elbow to the funeral.
I was so surprised to see my whole arm, up to the elbow that my gum fell out of my mouth.
Apparently, “My Whole Arm, up to the Elbow” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
For Christmas, everyone got my whole arm, up to the elbow in their stockings!
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in my whole arm, up to the elbow.

A gun with which to kill you
n

Honey, you can’t keep putting a gun with which to kill you down the garbage disposal!
They said a gun with which to kill you was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of a gun with which to kill you!
I got into my car and sat on a gun with which to kill you. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Can’t go out because of a gun with which to kill you on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-victory-or-death-cor is right for you.
I feel great! I got a gun with which to kill you in my bloodstream.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by a gun with which to kill you?

Sep 27 at 15:26 PDT
A new horror movie called "I Saw   Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by  .
Play 2

A new horror movie called "I Saw being dragged by the neck Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by a steering wheel.
A new horror movie called "I Saw a little sack of ball sacks Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by side effects.
A new horror movie called "I Saw at least 10 pounds of pork Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by more blood.
A new horror movie called "I Saw a syringe of Tabasco Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by a single slice.
A new horror movie called "I Saw human body warmth Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by most people.
A new horror movie called "I Saw being too busy Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by the president’s helicopter.