Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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Medals
1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
586
Score
175 ₧
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Timezone
UTC
Groups
Administrators

Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Yesterday at 01:08 PDT
Divine retribution
nc

I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is divine retribution.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be divine retribution.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by divine retribution.
I prayed to God for divine retribution, and God delivered!
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out divine retribution for free on every corner.
If you have a dream about kicking the door down, it means you’re worried about divine retribution.

Sunday at 03:03 PDT
Also:

My booty
n

If you kids don’t stop smearing blood all over the bathroom, I will turn my booty around!
I don’t think that even comes close to being my booty.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many oiled thighs plugged into my booty.
I can’t swing a car crash around here without hitting my booty!
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by my booty.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of my booty.



Your booty
n

I will do anything for your booty. But I won’t do balls caught in the car window!
I never expected to be fingered by your booty.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of your booty, a made up racial slur, and both me and your father.
Slender and muscled, like a trap that shoots a poison dart. She was the spitting image of your booty.
The best comfort food will always be greens, your booty, and fried chicken.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about your booty.

Sunday at 03:01 PDT
Hey, let's comparitive gender studies!

Booty
n

How high do you have to be to put hula hoops on booty?
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used booty.
1) A robot may not injure booty, or through inaction allow booty to come to harm.
I’m sure I blew booty in this napkin somewhere.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy booty, and you get my sister’s closet as a sign up bonus.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is booty.



Her booty
n

In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch her booty at the girls camp.
Back in my day, we only had a shard of shrapnel for her booty and we LIKED IT.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, her booty... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Introducing, The Her Booty diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS HER BOOTY ROLLING EYES.”
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as her booty equipped with the deceased.



His booty
n

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Drinking Wine in the Tub All Day Co., tapping into the growing market for his booty.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw his booty overboard!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “His Booty and You”.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with his booty.
My house. 8 o’clock. His booty.
My girlfriend kicked his booty, and now she’s smearing blood all over the bathroom. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

Apr 11 at 12:07 PDT
A nuclear powered jackhammer
n

I can’t swing a nuclear powered jackhammer around here without hitting a car full of Puerto Ricans!
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a nuclear powered jackhammer.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a nuclear powered jackhammer acting like a child!
This new Mario game is weird. You need more dishonesty to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a nuclear powered jackhammer.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a nuclear powered jackhammer in the middle of each intersection.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a nuclear powered jackhammer really affected me.

Apr 10 at 21:08 PDT
NASA engineers were able to help the mars crew repair  {n} using only  {n} and  {n}.
Play 3

NASA engineers were able to help the mars crew repair prey using only nasty boys and my dead parents.
NASA engineers were able to help the mars crew repair an iceberg using only a ripcord and a little piece of shit.
NASA engineers were able to help the mars crew repair Roman battlesex using only mercury poisoning and blindness.
NASA engineers were able to help the mars crew repair smooth boys using only a fridge full of heads and a creepy dude.
NASA engineers were able to help the mars crew repair the toilet using only a robot body and laser sounds.
NASA engineers were able to help the mars crew repair this worthless orphan using only a kidney in an ice box and furries.

I feel like this one had to be a repeat:

Two kids in a trench coat
np

Although moving away from the men who helped me proved effective for schools, the switch to two kids in a trench coat initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The White House will no longer enforce The Two Kids in a Trench Coat Act of 1959. Thank God.
Hello, 911? I think there’s two kids in a trench coat in my house...
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into two kids in a trench coat.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for two kids in a trench coat.
If mom hears us talking about two kids in a trench coat we’ll be SO grounded!

A bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint
nc

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint every single day.
In this game you get to collect a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint and craft Dad’s ass.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a rope tied round my leg, a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint, dry mouth, and bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton.
Last night was the tragic result of a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint pulling on my butthole hairs!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint.

Whistles, cooing noises and gestures
np

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood whistles, cooing noises and gestures.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s rumpy pumpy straddled by whistles, cooing noises and gestures.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed whistles, cooing noises and gestures.
I went rafting, saw whistles, cooing noises and gestures in the river, no big deal.
I’ve been chopping down BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM to build whistles, cooing noises and gestures for me and my wife.
I was so surprised to see a lumberjack orgy that whistles, cooing noises and gestures fell out of my mouth.

A sleeping tiger
n

Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a sleeping tiger.
The patient kept screaming about “a sleeping tiger”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a complete set of cybernetic implants emerged!
My house. 8 o’clock. A sleeping tiger.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a sleeping tiger.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a sleeping tiger.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a sleeping tiger.

I genuinely don't remember if this is an existing or already suggested card:

One single out-of-place pube
nc

That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “One Single Out-of-place Pube,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: One single out-of-place pube with hugs and kisses.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about one single out-of-place pube?
When the beef came at me it was like one single out-of-place pube.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been being asleep, not dead. The snail may have escaped one single out-of-place pube by going underground.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find one single out-of-place pube all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!