Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
563
Score
175 ₧
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Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Jan 30 at 14:40 PST
Random young sparkle fairies
np

Tits like a Smoking Chimney is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by random young sparkle fairies.
If I had random young sparkle fairies, you’d be a quick one!
Ah, random young sparkle fairies for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around random young sparkle fairies on the freeway.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from random young sparkle fairies, and the eco-glass windows trap in rude kids.
We’re having no more joy situation. Watch out for random young sparkle fairies and please stand by...

Jan 29 at 22:33 PST
Ok, but maybe more realistically

A crazy strong robot
n

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw a crazy strong robot overboard!
While I was out the Roomba got into a crazy strong robot and was stretching it till it rips.
My publisher demanded I remove a crazy strong robot from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
You spent all your food-stamps on a crazy strong robot?!
A crazy strong robot is the only way to say goodbye.
The only thing standing in your way is a crazy strong robot.

Jan 29 at 22:32 PST
A crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves
n

Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves and to avoid filling my mouth.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves straddled by freewill.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves, would you be a crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves as well?”
In the third world, luxuries like a crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves are an alien concept.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use a crazy strong robot with the brain of Keanu Reeves to treat a bottle of urine!

Jan 22 at 23:53 PST
Do we already have something like this (I'm not sure which is funnier, squirting ink and then running subverts expectations, but swimming might be better in the larger context of the whole black card)

Squirting ink and running away
v

I ordered lower standards privately over the Internet so I can get better at squirting ink and running away.
Although moving away from squirting ink and running away proved effective for schools, the switch to Satan’s latest abomination initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a wank. Would you like to try our new special, squirting ink and running away?
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of very depraved porn. She has stated, “I prefer squirting ink and running away.”
Squirting ink and running away! Squirting ink and running away! My kingdom for squirting ink and running away!
If you do it right, shotgunning is all about squirting ink and running away.



Squirting ink and swimming away
v

Help! I’m squirting ink and swimming away and I need YOU to do something about it!
I never expected to be fingered by squirting ink and swimming away.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Squirting ink and swimming away.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a tickle and squirting ink and swimming away. Should I talk to him?
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk squirting ink and swimming away.
Squirting ink and swimming away really messes up my butt complexion!

Jan 17 at 15:36 PST
Jesus christ can we have just one of these threads where the first page isn't literally 20 miles long?

Sexy fingers
np

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is sexy fingers.
For Halloween we’re peeling sexy fingers so it feels like eyeballs, and we made getting all fucked up on PCP so it feels like brains.
The new bill before congress would require sexy fingers in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Introducing, The Sexy Fingers diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of sexy fingers.
I just dug up shaved bears in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about sexy fingers.

Jan 4 at 07:17 PST
Giving or receiving a hickey
v

The only thing standing in your way is giving or receiving a hickey.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually giving or receiving a hickey.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, giving or receiving a hickey every single day.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was giving or receiving a hickey.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of giving or receiving a hickey.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized giving or receiving a hickey.

Jan 3 at 19:13 PST
We had just gotten the panicking crowd back in their seats when  {n} came crashing through the window and  {c} flew everywhere.
Play 2

We had just gotten the panicking crowd back in their seats when my out of control libido came crashing through the window and electric sex flew everywhere.
We had just gotten the panicking crowd back in their seats when big dudes with big dudes came crashing through the window and kevlar underwear flew everywhere.
We had just gotten the panicking crowd back in their seats when eels came crashing through the window and very expensive gelato flew everywhere.
We had just gotten the panicking crowd back in their seats when a sex swing came crashing through the window and nudity flew everywhere.
We had just gotten the panicking crowd back in their seats when hot biscuits & gravy came crashing through the window and mutual discomfort flew everywhere.
We had just gotten the panicking crowd back in their seats when bourbon and ball-gags came crashing through the window and skin slack flew everywhere.

Dec 30 at 23:04 PST
I think this neighbor crushing one needs more development.

When I quit my job I crushed  {s} and made my boss and co-workers watch.

When I quit my job I crushed original white, straight Barbie and made my boss and co-workers watch.
When I quit my job I crushed the reason this happened and made my boss and co-workers watch.
When I quit my job I crushed a cat in a paper bag and made my boss and co-workers watch.
When I quit my job I crushed a stiff upper lip and made my boss and co-workers watch.
When I quit my job I crushed a squealing 4-year-old and made my boss and co-workers watch.
When I quit my job I crushed the song of my people and made my boss and co-workers watch.



Dec 30 at 22:55 PST
I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed  {s}.

I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed the roof.
I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed a pubic tuft.
I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed The Super Buttsex Arena.
I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed my baby door.
I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed the things I’m hiding in my basement.
I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed a guilty little boy.

Dec 9 at 00:31 PST
The nozzle of a firehose
n

While I was out the Roomba got into the nozzle of a firehose and was nothing else.
I’m getting the nozzle of a firehose installed in my car, so I can be a feeding tube while I drive.
I’m late to my meeting for the nozzle of a firehose.
The nozzle of a firehose is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just wearing John Travolta’s face. Sorry.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the nozzle of a firehose.
Senator, give us the nozzle of a firehose biannually and you’ll get our vote.