Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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Medals
1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
628
Score
175 ₧
Location
 
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Timezone
UTC
Groups
Administrators

Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

Thursday at 03:12 PDT
An actual bone penis
n

Honey, you can’t keep putting an actual bone penis down the garbage disposal!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking an actual bone penis onto the International Space Station.
In public restrooms I always put an actual bone penis on the toilet before sitting down.
At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced an actual bone penis with a reception area for social events.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was an actual bone penis.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into an actual bone penis! She’s 62!

Apr 26 at 21:17 PDT
Daddy's little grandpa
nc

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “daddy's little grandpa”.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with daddy's little grandpa.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use competitive masturbation to treat daddy's little grandpa!
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing daddy's little grandpa at cars and passers-by.
Chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus with daddy's little grandpa is a uniquely British problem.
Ever since the incident with daddy's little grandpa I’ve been haunted by a pig on top.

Apr 26 at 21:08 PDT
My fragile naked pink body
nc

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: My Fragile Naked Pink Body Blast!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in my fragile naked pink body.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle my fragile naked pink body.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on my fragile naked pink body.
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with my fragile naked pink body.
Thanks for my fragile naked pink body last night. *wink* *wink*

I've got a lot of shit that looks like someone's torso...
Someone's torso
n

We put someone's torso in your tea!
My car looks like it’s someone's torso but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of someone's torso, a determined shark, and The Super Buttsex Arena.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with someone's torso! It’s all here in my manifesto!
My new phone looks like it’s someone's torso but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend someone's torso.

Jan 31 at 21:19 PST
A fairly muscular teenage girl
n

I think a lot of people would pay to see a fairly muscular teenage girl.
CAUTION: Keep a fairly muscular teenage girl out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks endangered animals.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a fairly muscular teenage girl.
The Sword of Damocles was a fairly muscular teenage girl hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a fairly muscular teenage girl really affected me.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and a fairly muscular teenage girl coming right at us. Please advise.

A soulless vessel
n

I can’t believe you forced my mom into a soulless vessel! She’s 62!
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into a soulless vessel and stopped.
I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a soulless vessel.
Let scary men host your next party, providing a soulless vessel like you’ve never experienced before.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like a soulless vessel.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit edible disguises and acquire a soulless vessel!

Dec 11 at 01:04 PST
Presenting like a mandril
v

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began presenting like a mandril.
Your lifestyle travelled over 20 feet after presenting like a mandril.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about presenting like a mandril.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by presenting like a mandril.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent presenting like a mandril, certainly others would have.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between presenting like a mandril and threatening my wife and child.

Nov 24 at 20:56 PST
Thick pads of knee skin
np

Opinions are like thick pads of knee skin. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Pool rules: No running. No accepting any crap without opposing thoughts. Keep thick pads of knee skin out of the deep end.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually thick pads of knee skin.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but thick pads of knee skin.
Thick pads of knee skin in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of thick pads of knee skin. Half the country is shotgunning.

Nov 19 at 22:08 PST
One of my sexual partners
n

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at gurgling tar pits and my card appeared in one of my sexual partners!
In Kentucky stores can’t sell one of my sexual partners after 8pm, or on holidays like Passive-aggressive Tendencies Day.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called claws, are the passages for one of my sexual partners to flow.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a bunch of kids and a mouthfeel like one of my sexual partners.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted one of my sexual partners to the vastness of space.
If you do it right, one of my sexual partners is all about doing things to the body.