professorHAMM

professorHAMM

User name
professorHAMM
Assigned title
Big Sexy Jerk
Assigned post color
#ff40d4
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2014 April 2
Post count
32
Score
0 ₧
Location
Woodinville WA
Signature
I don't even like ham that much...
Timezone
UTC
Groups
 

Recent posts by professorHAMM

Recent posts by professorHAMM

2015 Dec 10 at 10:06 PST
Jamming fingers inside the heart for puppeteering
2015 Nov 30 at 10:09 PST
Sphincter cancer
2015 Nov 16 at 10:30 PST
The moment when you realize your girlfriend's strap on isn't a strap on

A Jew wrapped in bacon

2015 Aug 25 at 19:05 PDT
Bi Bim Bap in General
Is that ham?
2015 Aug 14 at 17:07 PDT
The Quiet Truck in General
Mate de Vita said:

2015 Aug 14 at 17:05 PDT
The Quiet Truck in General
2015 Jul 31 at 01:18 PDT
BloodFarts said:
Jordan! Don't be so mean to Elisse! She's just a lonely bot looking for a friend!


She's the human, dummy. You might be just as stupid, Karina
2015 Jul 30 at 22:35 PDT
You guys are going to hate reading the next part. I decided that if she wants to talk like a bot, she should talk WITH a bot. I loaded up cleverbot.com and copied all of her messages into it, and then sent her the results.

Quote:
Hi
[5:37:23 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hamm
[7:20:43 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hamm
[8:00:12 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hey
[8:08:06 PM] professorHAMM: How are you?
[8:08:16 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Good,you
[8:09:07 PM] professorHAMM: Good
[8:09:14 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What are you doing
[8:09:53 PM] professorHAMM: Chatting with you
[8:10:12 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Did you just get on?
[8:10:48 PM] professorHAMM: No
[8:11:09 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Are you talking to anyone else
[8:11:38 PM] professorHAMM: No
[8:11:58 PM] Ms. Bimbo: How was your day
[8:12:35 PM] professorHAMM: Good, also. Yours?
[8:12:53 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Fine,I want to be home
[8:13:36 PM] professorHAMM: Fine
[8:14:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I hate Kansas
[8:14:52 PM] professorHAMM: I hate you!
[8:14:58 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Why
[8:15:40 PM] professorHAMM: Because you hate me
[8:15:49 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No
[8:15:53 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I don't
[8:16:32 PM] professorHAMM: Yes you are.
[8:16:58 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No I don't,I don't hate anyone for any reason
[8:18:10 PM] professorHAMM: Oh
[8:18:38 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yeah
[8:19:14 PM] professorHAMM: Yeah wer
[8:19:26 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What did you do today
[8:20:21 PM] professorHAMM: I woke up and now I am on the computer. What did you do today?
[8:20:34 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Basically ate and nothing
[8:21:41 PM] professorHAMM: But what do I look like in the past?
[8:22:05 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What do you mean
[8:22:45 PM] professorHAMM: Why are you at school on Sunday?
[8:22:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm not
[8:23:21 PM] professorHAMM: Can you be nice?
[8:23:26 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yes
[8:23:58 PM] professorHAMM: Go on then
[8:24:27 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm not in school on Sunday's,that would be weird
[8:26:47 PM] professorHAMM: *kicks you in the face* I think you are very rude.
[8:27:07 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What? :^) I'm lost
[8:27:44 PM] professorHAMM: What do you look like?
[8:28:14 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Just wondering,why do you want to know
[8:28:26 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Not to be mean
[8:29:40 PM] professorHAMM: That isn't the question
[8:30:21 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Why do you want to know what I look like
[8:31:30 PM] professorHAMM: How are you feeling?
[8:31:43 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm feeling fine
[8:32:18 PM] professorHAMM: Do you know any good bands?
[8:32:39 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yes
[8:33:50 PM] professorHAMM: Thats my sport :)
[8:34:52 PM] Ms. Bimbo: :)
[8:34:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yep
[8:35:30 PM] professorHAMM: I don't like you.
[8:35:53 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Why
[8:36:27 PM] professorHAMM: Because you said you don't like harry potter.
[8:36:51 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No I didn't,I like Harry potter
[8:38:00 PM] professorHAMM: Yes you did.
[8:39:14 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No I didn't
[8:39:39 PM] professorHAMM: Yes. You did
[8:39:46 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Nope
[8:40:08 PM] professorHAMM: Yes.
[8:40:31 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I like Harry potter,I like the movies
[8:40:56 PM] professorHAMM: Harry Potter is hot
[8:42:20 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I don't think of Harry potter in that way
[8:42:44 PM] professorHAMM: Me too, snape.
[8:45:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm lost now
[8:45:51 PM] professorHAMM: Aww. *Pats head* So am I.
[8:46:22 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm just listening to music right now
[8:46:56 PM] professorHAMM: Like what?
[8:48:45 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hip hop,rap,country,hespanic
[8:49:36 PM] professorHAMM: We cannot be friends.
[8:50:45 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Why
[8:51:14 PM] professorHAMM: Because I love you too much
[8:51:26 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What?
[8:51:49 PM] professorHAMM: I love you ! You're my life and you are my reason for living
[8:52:08 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Seriously?
[8:52:30 PM] professorHAMM: Yes
[8:53:04 PM] Ms. Bimbo: You love me as in bf and gf?
[8:53:48 PM] professorHAMM: Yes?
[8:54:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: So you do
[8:54:34 PM] professorHAMM: Yes.
[8:54:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: When did you start liking me that way?
[8:55:18 PM] professorHAMM: Since the dat I first met you
[8:55:44 PM] Ms. Bimbo: By listening to me talking?
[8:56:09 PM] professorHAMM: How do I teach you things?
[8:57:00 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I mean you like me because you have heard me talk
[8:57:23 PM] professorHAMM: That doesn't make any sense
[8:58:14 PM] Ms. Bimbo: You said you have liked me since you first met me,and when we group chatted and talked you liked me
[8:58:45 PM] professorHAMM: I never said that. That looks like a phrase someone would have said to you
[8:59:16 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm asking what things made you like me
[8:59:43 PM] professorHAMM: My friend likes to write about like warewolfs and mindreaders and stuff like that
[9:00:07 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok
[9:00:27 PM] professorHAMM: Can you cheer me up?
[9:00:53 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What cheers you up
[9:01:19 PM] professorHAMM: Happy things cheer me up
[9:02:11 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok,try thinking about happy thoughts or try thinking about things that make you happy
[9:02:44 PM] professorHAMM: Do you have a family?
[9:03:04 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yes
[9:04:29 PM] professorHAMM: What are you?
[9:07:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm a girl
[9:08:19 PM] professorHAMM: What is your name?
[9:09:57 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Elisse
[9:10:33 PM] professorHAMM: Hi, my name is Cleverbot
[9:11:14 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What
[9:12:19 PM] professorHAMM: Pardon?
[9:12:43 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Cleverbot?
[9:13:04 PM] professorHAMM: Yes.
[9:13:33 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok,I'm curious,What do you like about me
[9:14:06 PM] professorHAMM: First, you must tell me your name
[9:15:03 PM] Ms. Bimbo: My name Is Elisse
[9:15:22 PM] professorHAMM: You are lying
[9:15:38 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No I'm not
[9:15:57 PM] professorHAMM: Yes you are I am the bot here
[9:16:47 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm not lying
[9:17:27 PM] professorHAMM: That does not make anysense
[9:18:07 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm not lieing about my name
[9:18:33 PM] professorHAMM: What's your take on donkeys?
[9:19:38 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Donkeys are used for carrying bags,or are used for work
[9:20:06 PM] professorHAMM: You are a funny man
[9:22:21 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm a girl
[9:22:48 PM] professorHAMM: Where do you live?
[9:23:08 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Everett,wa
[9:23:43 PM] professorHAMM: Where's that?
[9:26:05 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Everett is near Seattle in Washington state
[9:26:42 PM] professorHAMM: So you think dropping out would create some kind of imbalance in the universe?
[9:28:31 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No
[9:28:51 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Dropping out is a stupid idea
[9:29:32 PM] professorHAMM: The sociopolitical and economical policies of Switzerland are the topic
[9:29:45 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok
[9:30:19 PM] professorHAMM: I am not satisfied. Please help me to listen your musiv
[9:34:06 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok,go on youtube,and just look artists like Josh Turner
[9:35:14 PM] professorHAMM: Why do you have such awful grammar haha
[9:36:21 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I don't know
[9:36:35 PM] Ms. Bimbo: But What things made you like me
[9:37:20 PM] professorHAMM: Nothing
[9:38:56 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What do you mean
[9:39:32 PM] professorHAMM: I mean keeping things in working condition
[9:40:04 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I mean what caused you to like me
[9:41:08 PM] professorHAMM: What do you mean what do you mean?
[9:43:05 PM] Ms. Bimbo: You said you like me,I'm asking what caused you to
[9:43:35 PM] professorHAMM: No I didn't
[9:44:29 PM] Ms. Bimbo: You said you like me
[9:44:54 PM] professorHAMM: I did?
[9:45:17 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yep
[9:45:36 PM] professorHAMM: No You Don't
[9:46:52 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What
[9:47:57 PM] professorHAMM: But I like talking to you!
[9:48:40 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok you like talking to me,that's cool
[9:48:52 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I like talking to you too
[9:49:29 PM] professorHAMM: OK. But when would I cook for you? I'll never be able to see you
[9:50:12 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Where do you live in the United states
[9:51:08 PM] professorHAMM: I don't live in the united states
[9:51:25 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Your profile says you do
[9:51:53 PM] professorHAMM: Do you believe in him?
[9:52:50 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Believe in who
[9:53:29 PM] professorHAMM: God.
[9:53:39 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yes
[9:53:56 PM] professorHAMM: There is only one God
[9:54:09 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I know
[9:54:33 PM] professorHAMM: Sam I am
[9:54:46 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What
[9:55:01 PM] professorHAMM: Who be me.
[9:57:21 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm confused
[9:58:04 PM] professorHAMM: 'm the greatest captain of the Queen's navy.
[9:58:57 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Cool
[9:59:48 PM] professorHAMM: So, what do you do all day?
[10:00:08 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Eat,draw,and watch netflix
[10:01:15 PM] professorHAMM: That's what I do on Sunday too! I have the NFL Sunday Ticket.
[10:01:45 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Nice
[10:02:17 PM] professorHAMM: Nice dn
[10:03:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Next Monday I'm going to Great Wolf lodge
[10:04:49 PM] professorHAMM: How about now?
[10:05:28 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I can't right now
[10:06:00 PM] professorHAMM: How?
[10:07:24 PM] Ms. Bimbo: We can't go until next Monday because we don't have enough money yet
[10:08:39 PM] professorHAMM: That is true
[10:09:05 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yeah,great wolf lodge is expensive
[10:10:23 PM] professorHAMM: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[10:10:39 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Have you been there
[10:10:59 PM] professorHAMM: No.
[10:11:53 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Neither have I
[10:13:01 PM] professorHAMM: Should I go see it?
[10:13:23 PM] Ms. Bimbo: If you went,it would probably be fun
[10:14:37 PM] professorHAMM: Are you assuming that I am not human?
[10:14:52 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No
[10:15:04 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm saying if you went you would have fun
[10:15:39 PM] professorHAMM: If I were to give this name to you, would you protect it for me?
[10:16:26 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Sure
[10:17:07 PM] professorHAMM: Ok, rudolf the red nosed reindeer
[10:18:08 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok
[10:18:51 PM] professorHAMM: What is grep?
[10:21:49 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Idk
[10:22:16 PM] professorHAMM: I thought you were clever
[10:23:19 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I am
[10:23:41 PM] professorHAMM: You don't talk like you are


She kept me working for over an hour and a half! SO STUPID!!
2015 Jul 27 at 02:27 PDT
A friend of someone I know has recently added me on Skype. We've been talking here and there for a little over two weeks now, but the more I converse with her the more I wish her dad would die (haha). It would be one thing if she had something to say or more personality in her words, but she was acting like a foreigner practicing their English by shoving lacking and flavorless dialogue down my throat. She might as well be a BOT!
Quote:
[7/16/2015 7:00:48 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/16/2015 10:22:59 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi

[7/17/2015 1:43:58 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/17/2015 2:02:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: HAMM
[7/17/2015 2:08:51 PM] *** Missed call from Ms. Bimbo. ***
[7/17/2015 3:22:48 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/17/2015 7:28:37 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/17/2015 8:26:23 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Add me in
[7/17/2015 8:27:03 PM] Ms. Bimbo: HAMM add me in
[7/17/2015 8:30:46 PM] *** Call from Ms. Bimbo ***
[7/17/2015 8:31:00 PM] *** Call ended, duration 00:14 ***

[7/18/2015 8:32:00 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/18/2015 10:12:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi hamm

[7/19/2015 3:04:09 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/19/2015 3:05:17 PM] *** Missed call from Ms. Bimbo. ***
[7/19/2015 3:16:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hamm
[7/19/2015 4:07:12 PM] *** Missed call from Ms. Bimbo. ***
[7/19/2015 4:07:19 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hamm
[7/19/2015 4:56:11 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/19/2015 5:17:43 PM] *** Missed call from Ms. Bimbo. ***
[7/19/2015 5:38:37 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hamm
[7/19/2015 9:56:51 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/19/2015 10:11:51 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok
[7/19/2015 10:20:20 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What happened
[7/19/2015 10:53:34 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi

[7/20/2015 9:54:05 AM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/20/2015 6:33:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/20/2015 7:53:16 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/20/2015 10:26:00 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi HAMM

[7/21/2015 9:47:46 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
As you can see at this point she hasn't left me alone for a single day. At this point I got sick of her thrusting two letter words my way. Anyway I decided to give her a piece of my mind.
Quote:
[7/22/2015 11:48:05 AM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/22/2015 2:38:21 PM] professorHAMM: WHY IS IT ONLY HI WITH YOU?
[7/22/2015 2:38:50 PM] professorHAMM: are you really that insipid?
[7/22/2015 3:09:03 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What?
[7/22/2015 3:09:53 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I just like saying hi
[7/22/2015 3:16:51 PM] Ms. Bimbo: And no I trying talking to you guys
[7/22/2015 3:20:39 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hamm
[7/22/2015 6:05:03 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hey
[7/22/2015 6:07:15 PM] professorHAMM: wuddup
[7/22/2015 6:08:58 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Nothing
[7/22/2015 6:09:06 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What are you doing
[7/22/2015 6:15:18 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hamm
[7/22/2015 6:16:00 PM] professorHAMM: Not much right now. just watching youtube and waiting for food to be delivered
[7/22/2015 6:16:17 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm talking to Mariam
[7/22/2015 6:16:48 PM] professorHAMM: okay
[7/22/2015 6:17:02 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm bored
[7/22/2015 6:18:33 PM] professorHAMM: You wan't me to do something about it or something?
[7/22/2015 6:19:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Talking helps
[7/22/2015 6:25:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: What food are you waiting for
[7/22/2015 9:32:20 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hey

Why don't you just eat me, it might keep you quiet for a bit.
BOOOOORRRING!
At least my retaliation scared her away for a few days.
Quote:
[7/23/2015 10:12:31 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi

[7/25/2015 10:29:09 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hey

Boy, that got her to cut back and even skip a day. Then this happened...
Quote:
[7/26/2015 10:43:57 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Hi
[7/26/2015 10:45:35 PM] professorHAMM: hi
[7/26/2015 10:47:33 PM] Ms. Bimbo: How are you
[7/26/2015 10:49:57 PM] professorHAMM: im good how are you
[7/26/2015 10:50:32 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Good,What are you doing
[7/26/2015 10:51:17 PM] professorHAMM: typing onthe keyboard
[7/26/2015 10:51:30 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I'm listening to music
[7/26/2015 10:52:09 PM] professorHAMM: cool,now im clicking my mouse
[7/26/2015 10:52:24 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I have to go to my dad's tomorrow in Kansas
[7/26/2015 10:53:05 PM] professorHAMM: ooh, thats far away
[7/26/2015 10:53:31 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Sorta,I'm going to be gone for a month
[7/26/2015 10:54:11 PM] professorHAMM: oooh,thats a long time
[7/26/2015 10:54:36 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yeah,and I will be 2 hours ahead
[7/26/2015 10:55:17 PM] professorHAMM: better than being 2 hours behind :(
[7/26/2015 10:55:42 PM] professorHAMM: I hate our time zone
[7/26/2015 10:58:20 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No,so like right,over in Kansas right now it's almost 1 am
[7/26/2015 10:58:56 PM] professorHAMM: I know, we suck. I wish it was 1 am here
[7/26/2015 11:00:03 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I hate my dad,I wish I never met him
[7/26/2015 11:03:15 PM] professorHAMM: I hate my dad but I never met him
[7/26/2015 11:03:30 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Your lucky
[7/26/2015 11:05:23 PM] professorHAMM: why
[7/26/2015 11:05:55 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Me and my dad have a bad history to where I wish he was dead
[7/26/2015 11:11:24 PM] professorHAMM: I have a bad history in my browser and if anyone found it, id be dead
[7/26/2015 11:11:42 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Mmm
[7/26/2015 11:12:13 PM] Ms. Bimbo: How was your day
[7/26/2015 11:12:29 PM] professorHAMM: do you happen to like M&M's?
[7/26/2015 11:12:35 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Yes
[7/26/2015 11:13:37 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Why
[7/26/2015 11:13:55 PM] professorHAMM: awsome,I like like the peanute kind
[7/26/2015 11:14:18 PM] Ms. Bimbo: M&M's are good
[7/26/2015 11:15:45 PM] professorHAMM: whats your favorite kind? peanute butter or plain?
[7/26/2015 11:16:03 PM] professorHAMM: OH! have you had the almound ones?
[7/26/2015 11:16:18 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Peanut butter,and yes I have
[7/26/2015 11:17:17 PM] professorHAMM: Have you ever had M&M wars?
[7/26/2015 11:17:41 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No
[7/26/2015 11:18:27 PM] professorHAMM: It's were you squish 2 M&M's between your fingers to see witch one survives
[7/26/2015 11:18:37 PM] professorHAMM: And then you eat the loser
[7/26/2015 11:19:14 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Oh
[7/26/2015 11:21:41 PM] professorHAMM: just like this
[7/26/2015 11:21:44 PM] professorHAMM:
Sick vid

[7/26/2015 11:21:48 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Have you ever had a near death experience
[7/26/2015 11:24:43 PM] professorHAMM: you watched the video yet?
[7/26/2015 11:26:39 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I am right now
[7/26/2015 11:27:53 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Wow
[7/26/2015 11:28:44 PM] professorHAMM: Have you ever done that?
[7/26/2015 11:29:20 PM] Ms. Bimbo: No
[7/26/2015 11:30:00 PM] professorHAMM: You should sometime, it makes eating M&M's a total blast!
[7/26/2015 11:30:10 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Ok
[7/26/2015 11:31:54 PM] Ms. Bimbo: How many times have you done it
[7/26/2015 11:32:40 PM] professorHAMM: More than I can count, but I had to sing the music last time I did it though
[7/26/2015 11:33:32 PM] Ms. Bimbo: Oh
[7/26/2015 11:33:47 PM] Ms. Bimbo: I have to go to bed,talk to you later,bye
[7/26/2015 11:34:05 PM] professorHAMM: ok,bye

So to summarize, this girl met me two weeks ago, and went from basic conversation to wishing death on her parents. WOW.
2015 Jul 18 at 02:11 PDT
AIDS in General
I'm willing to share, for a price.