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2005 March 20
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Seattle, WA, USA

Recent posts by SuperJer

Recent posts by SuperJer

Wednesday at 17:14 PST
A bird heart

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a bird heart
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a bird heart in a very realistic way.
We are going to taxidermy a bird heart to make a statue out of it!
You spent all your food-stamps on a bird heart?!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into a bird heart! She’s 62!
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a bird heart.

Jan 15 at 09:28 PST
Saying, "This couldn't happen to me"

At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began saying, "This couldn't happen to me" in front of his top supporters.
This land is shame land, this land is saying, "This couldn't happen to me" land.
At Boeing R&D, we test a deathbed by subjecting it to saying, "This couldn't happen to me" and extreme heat.
I will do anything for saying, "This couldn't happen to me". But I won’t do that!
We couldn’t land because of an exploitative sex tape caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like saying, "This couldn't happen to me".
If you do it right, saying, "This couldn't happen to me" is all about no Internet.

Jan 12 at 13:18 PST

During my driving test, I backed my car into music. I still got an 85!
This is my second kid. My first one came out as music.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for music and to avoid a little lesbian boy.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were music.
My school is throwing a frantic woman party this weekend. Come for an old hornet. Stay for music!
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with music.

Jan 12 at 13:15 PST
Getting upset

More armies need to incorporate getting upset into their uniforms.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell sex friends after 8pm, or on holidays like Getting Upset Day.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a bruised ego while I’m getting upset!
Getting upset! Getting upset! My kingdom for getting upset!
We couldn’t land because of sinister plans caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like getting upset.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting upset.

Jan 12 at 01:53 PST
Amazing technology

I want to say one word to you, just one word: amazing technology.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “amazing technology,” over and over again while in use.
Thanks for amazing technology last night. *wink* *wink*
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, amazing technology... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at amazing technology and my card appeared in a hole!
In prison we used to cook amazing technology in the toilet.

Launching missiles

This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of launching missiles.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider launching missiles.
I’m late to my meeting for launching missiles.
I thought I was alone with what you did to my face but my mom walked in. We got to launching missiles and I felt better.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about launching missiles.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a sexually aggressive woman while I’m launching missiles!

Dec 20 at 14:47 PST
The rent money

Chase bank is giving out the rent money this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Happiness: The rent money, a urinal cake, and panicking in a Subaru.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around the rent money on the freeway.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is the rent money.
During the war, German scientists experimented with resealing my vagina to weaponize the rent money.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Spandex, the rent money and emoticons.

Dec 15 at 00:59 PST
Already peeing

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks. Would you like to try our new special, already peeing?
Politics. The Hurting Me Party, is always trying to shove rolling down our throats. This time it’s already peeing.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with already peeing! It’s all here in my manifesto!
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had already peeing removed so she can live a normal life.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was already peeing.
Ever since the incident with already peeing I’ve been haunted by the whole planet.

Absolute slime

Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed absolute slime.
Help! I’m absolute slime and I need YOU to do something about it!
Absolute slime? That’s my fetish!
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of absolute slime.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of absolute slime vomiting gore all over your face.
You spent all your food-stamps on absolute slime?!

Cat drool

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a vigorous grind destroyed and cat drool killed as well.
Cat-Drool-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
During routine surgery, the doctors found cat drool embedded in my abdomen.
My favorite new band is “Children’s Toys and Cat Drool”.
Daddy! There’s cat drool under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start eating trash before cat drool.