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User
Scissoring her by the bonfire
v

Don’t be Scissoring her by the bonfire alone! Join the Scissoring Her by the Bonfire Club and do it with others.
Watch me screaming. Now watch me Scissoring her by the bonfire.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about Scissoring her by the bonfire.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Special Pube Shampoo” and it helps me with Scissoring her by the bonfire.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in Scissoring her by the bonfire together.
Wolves don’t eat Scissoring her by the bonfire, and neither should kings.

User
Wenis time!
nc

I would have never thought that I’d actually be Wenis time! while I’m sticking it to the man!
The referee just issued a red card to Wenis time! for sliding into a slut who deserved it.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about ionizing radiation and Wenis time!. Should I talk to him?
But I promised I would get my kids Wenis time! for Christmas!
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk Wenis time!.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Wenis Time!”! I shook his hand and it felt like Wenis time!.

User
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the  !

Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the removing a uterine tumor with my teeth!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the complete ecstasy!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the the instructions!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the my momma’s fatness!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the loudspeakers!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the shaved bears!

User
Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks
?

I got into my car and sat on Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks!
A new study found that giving employees compliments and Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks?
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks?
No thanks. My doctor said Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks makes defecation painful.

User
4lbs of piss
n

I didn’t mean to start 4lbs of piss, it just happened!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about no black child, but with 4lbs of piss!
When the celestial spheres align, 4lbs of piss will descend from the heavens.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock 4lbs of piss and the ashes of your beloved dog in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
They cut open the crocodile to find 4lbs of piss, still nothing else like always.
I came with 4lbs of piss to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a wayward dental implant so nobody even noticed!

User
Lubing up with WD-40
v

Ever since feigned sympathy appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while lubing up with WD-40.
I don’t know how impregnating your five-year-old brother could lead to lubing up with WD-40 but it probably involves manliness!
The media’s nonstop coverage of terminal illness is just to distract us from lubing up with WD-40.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like mediocre tits and can be used for lubing up with WD-40.
Lubing up with WD-40! Lubing up with WD-40! My kingdom for lubing up with WD-40!
I think a lot of people would pay to see lubing up with WD-40.

User
Necking with a best friend
v

More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and Necking with a best friend in the Philippines.
CAUTION: Keep a dead clown on the stairs out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks Necking with a best friend.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: necking-with-a-best-friend@realizing-i-m-a-douche.biz
Let poorly orchestrated group sex host your next party, providing Necking with a best friend like you’ve never experienced before.
Necking-with-a-Best-Friend-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of pulsating opposite sexes. Half the country is Necking with a best friend.

User
Giving spiderman a blow job
v

Don’t look at me while I’m Giving spiderman a blow job! It messes me up!
On the assembly line we heat a blood transfusion to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is Giving spiderman a blow job.
I clean all the food by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up Giving spiderman a blow job.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for Giving spiderman a blow job
Slender and muscled, like hot lava. She was the spitting image of Giving spiderman a blow job.
Watch me Giving spiderman a blow job. Now watch me spinning blades.

User
A jazz-hands freakout
np

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than A jazz-hands freakout.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with A jazz-hands freakout.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to A jazz-hands freakout.
I think that ecstasy was cut with A jazz-hands freakout. After one hit I began very, very rapidly leaving your friends to die.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s A jazz-hands freakout.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still A jazz-hands freakout!

User
Exfoliating mastrubation techniques
np

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put Exfoliating mastrubation techniques in the pillows.
At the coffee shop they put “Exfoliating mastrubation techniques” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Slender and muscled, like sandpaper. She was the spitting image of Exfoliating mastrubation techniques.
That kind of attitude is why we have Exfoliating mastrubation techniques now.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was Exfoliating mastrubation techniques.
I will do anything for Exfoliating mastrubation techniques. But I won’t do mostly unused hypodermics!

User
I've been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for  

I've been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for thick oatmeal
I've been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for a pussy, wet and dripping
I've been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for swindling queers
I've been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for the reanimated corpse of my neighbor
I've been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for choking bitches
I've been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for blocking the exit

User
Who will be the winner?

Every part of the foreskin
nc

3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of just a bit of cocaine and a Fedex full of Every part of the foreskin.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw Every part of the foreskin for the first time!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking Every part of the foreskin onto the International Space Station.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Every part of the foreskin up and down the highway.
Apparently, “Every Part of the Foreskin” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as Every part of the foreskin, score points by seizing the means of production, and you and me shall not be on the field.



Just a bit of foreskin
nc

Are you there God? It’s me, Just a bit of foreskin.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw Just a bit of foreskin.
When Just a bit of foreskin is ready, cosmetic surgery for my cat will appear.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s Just a bit of foreskin and I think I believe her!
During the half-time show, a rip in Just a bit of foreskin exposed a dream to the audience.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got Just a bit of foreskin before every meeting.



The foreskin
nc

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re The foreskin, get to the front of the line.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of The Foreskin”! I shook his hand and it felt like The foreskin.
Howdy neighbor, love The foreskin! Let’s get child-bearing hips sometime!
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need The foreskin and too much wiggling.
The survey team detected whatEVER at the work site so I threw The foreskin in my truck and drove straight there.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle The foreskin.

User
Consuming a pool of children's tears
v

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider Consuming a pool of children's tears.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re Consuming a pool of children's tears!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: Consuming a pool of children's tears!!!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS MAN ANIMALS CONSUMING A POOL OF CHILDREN'S TEARS.”
The dog ate pictures of my body so we’re waiting for Consuming a pool of children's tears.
Consuming a pool of children's tears is the spice of hot sparks.

User
Using the president's daughter as a meat shield
v

We’re having a velvet fist situation. Watch out for Using the president's daughter as a meat shield and please stand by...
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like Using the president's daughter as a meat shield.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with Using the president's daughter as a meat shield.
During my time in the Navy I was taunted and called Mr. Using the President's Daughter as a Meat Shield.
Vote for me and I’ll stop Using the president's daughter as a meat shield, get rid of alien parasite larvae, and give everyone Gene Simmons’ tongue for free.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about Using the president's daughter as a meat shield tomorrow.

User
Getting horny for monkeys
v

That kind of attitude is why we have Getting horny for monkeys now.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in Getting horny for monkeys.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had what the dog ate removed so he could be Getting horny for monkeys.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to Getting horny for monkeys, even before I put on my clothes.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by Getting horny for monkeys.
The water tower looks like it’s Getting horny for monkeys from this angle.

User
A highly stressed mime
nc

My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing A highly stressed mime, since we’re so good at it.
During the war, German scientists experimented with A highly stressed mime to weaponize my out of control libido.
Dagnabbit! I got A highly stressed mime all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and A highly stressed mime coming right at us. Please advise.
While I was out the Roomba got into A highly stressed mime and was getting crushed between two trucks.
My favorite new band is “A Highly Stressed Mime and an Old Hornet”.

User
The Alabama Bible Boys
np

I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all The Alabama Bible Boys when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Happiness: The Alabama Bible Boys, taffy, and a slip of the tongue.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during The Alabama Bible Boys that overturned their car.
People in Taiwan are getting The Alabama Bible Boys implanted in their bodies for humping people.
I prayed to God for The Alabama Bible Boys, and God delivered!
Command, we’ve got two choppers and The Alabama Bible Boys coming right at us. Please advise.

User
Making pop culture references
v

Look, man, I’m not into Making pop culture references. But $20 is $20.
This year’s hottest new fashion is Making pop culture references on your head.
I will do anything for Making pop culture references. But I won’t do their white asses!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from Making pop culture references.
This food is so good it’s making Making pop culture references quiver!
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried Making pop culture references.

User
Flexing on Grandma
v

They cut open the crocodile to find the cruel ambition of my father, still Flexing on Grandma like always.
Shepherds in Scotland have used breaking a promise for years to keep the flock from Flexing on Grandma.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is Flexing on Grandma.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be Flexing on Grandma if I wanted a new family.
CAUTION: Keep a $160,000 diamond out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks Flexing on Grandma.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and Flexing on Grandma can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.

User
Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs
np

During the war, German scientists experimented with the next time to weaponize Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs?
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs”.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like my daughter and is carrying Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs in his lap.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs.

User
Experiencing female pattern baldness
v

It smells like Thai food in here... have you been Experiencing female pattern baldness?
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of that demon torture puzzle box. She has stated, “I prefer Experiencing female pattern baldness.”
I’m Experiencing female pattern baldness for Jesus.
We have a zero tolerance policy for Experiencing female pattern baldness here at Disney. So get overzealous product placement and get out!
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for Experiencing female pattern baldness.
I bought spines yesterday and now I can’t stop Experiencing female pattern baldness!

User
Pooping and screaming
vt

I refuse to roleplay as anything but pooping and screaming.
No thanks. My doctor said pooping and screaming makes defecation painful.
Jesus is pooping and screaming.
Furious that I was pooping and screaming into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into baseless hatred.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with pooping and screaming.
We have a zero tolerance policy for an odd number of titties here at Disney. So get pooping and screaming and get out!

User
A fancy orphan
n

The rich aroma of a fancy orphan, from the hills of Colombia.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a fancy orphan in the sky.
My kid was acting like a fancy orphan, so I took away nasty boys privileges.
My pharmacist separated a death sentence into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a fancy orphan.
In future times, the children will work together to build a fancy orphan.
A fancy orphan saved is a fancy orphan earned.

User
Flying to Peru to eat a pet
v

Always walk into an interview with Christopher Lloyd holding a dog and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate Flying to Peru to eat a pet.
At the winery tour we saw how they put the reanimated corpse of my neighbor and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like Flying to Peru to eat a pet.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find Flying to Peru to eat a pet so relaxing.
The authorities followed the trail of Flying to Peru to eat a pet, leading them straight to the suspect.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of Flying to Peru to eat a pet.
If you do it right, a Japanese woman’s underwear is all about Flying to Peru to eat a pet.

User
A toilet designed like a highchair
nc

The ‘A toilet designed like a highchair moth’ has adapted to feed on intestines draped everywhere, and hide under lactating dogs in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood A toilet designed like a highchair.
I could tell several children had ended up behind me when I felt A toilet designed like a highchair as I backed up.
My dream house has A toilet designed like a highchair built in, an extra garage for fornicating all day, every day, and too much wiggling for the door bell.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were A toilet designed like a highchair, would you be A toilet designed like a highchair as well?”
The new bill before congress would require A toilet designed like a highchair in all K-through-12 classrooms.

User
Launching nukes for the greater good
v

Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as going to Wendy’s or Launching nukes for the greater good.
15% of married men say they’ve cheated by Launching nukes for the greater good with another woman.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “Launching nukes for the greater good”.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a madhouse! A madhouse! and to avoid Launching nukes for the greater good.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using Launching nukes for the greater good to forage for food.
My house. 8 o’clock. Launching nukes for the greater good.

User
  is more disgusting than the most depraved, sickest porn.

fellating everything in the room is more disgusting than the most depraved, sickest porn.
either me or you is more disgusting than the most depraved, sickest porn.
my butt surgery is more disgusting than the most depraved, sickest porn.
an ankle holster is more disgusting than the most depraved, sickest porn.
repeating the same mistake is more disgusting than the most depraved, sickest porn.
a tiny bone fragment is more disgusting than the most depraved, sickest porn.

User
Justin Trudeau's campaign promise:   in every room, and   on every corner.
Play 2

Justin Trudeau's campaign promise: extra padding for my butt in every room, and peeing in a cup on every corner.
Justin Trudeau's campaign promise: Mom’s feet in every room, and waking in terror on every corner.
Justin Trudeau's campaign promise: our own biological child in every room, and some kids on every corner.
Justin Trudeau's campaign promise: the royal baby in every room, and mandibles on every corner.
Justin Trudeau's campaign promise: nitro-boosted performance in every room, and Big Gay on every corner.
Justin Trudeau's campaign promise: a Japanese woman’s underwear in every room, and a complete set of cybernetic implants on every corner.

User
Putting the fear of God in you
v

There’s a human convention going on and everybody is Putting the fear of God in you.
The HOA says I can’t raise a pregnant teen on my property. Meanwhile no word about Putting the fear of God in you at the Jones’s!
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, Putting the fear of God in you every single day.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s Putting the fear of God in you and I think I believe her!
If Putting the fear of God in you were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
My religion demands that I must abstain from Putting the fear of God in you. Being hit by space debris however, is OK.

User
An unexpected finger
n

More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and an unexpected finger in the Philippines.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a respected neurosurgeon and now I’m having trouble with an unexpected finger.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “an unexpected finger,” over and over again while in use.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into an unexpected finger! She’s 62!
There’s an unexpected finger convention going on and everybody is completely wigging out.
Throating with an unexpected finger is a uniquely British problem.

User
Disguising fudge as poop
v

I don’t know how brimming with babies could lead to compressed gas but it probably involves disguising fudge as poop!
Experts said that based on preliminary data, disguising fudge as poop appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s disguising fudge as poop.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “disguising fudge as poop,” over and over again while in use.
At the coffee shop they put “disguising fudge as poop” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Disguising-Fudge-as-Poop-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

User
A hill to die on
n

This food is so good it’s making A hill to die on quiver!
The problem with America is A hill to die on.
I got the roof as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with A hill to die on?
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during A hill to die on that overturned their car.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to A hill to die on.
Last night I dreamed of doing things to the body. I cannot shake the feeling that A hill to die on will arrive soon.



Dying on a hill
v

I noticed symptoms of laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s dying on a hill!” but I’m not sure.
When complete removal of the head is ready, dying on a hill will appear.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start dying on a hill before a hidden pancake.
Dying on a hill is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me dying on a hill at the party last night.
I like many people like I like my coffee: dying on a hill, put in a sack, and dragged across a thought.



A lesbian with a penis
n

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Lesbian with a Penis?
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood a lesbian with a penis.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a lesbian with a penis from dispensaries.
My house. 8 o’clock. A lesbian with a penis.
My kids keep installing a lesbian with a penis on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Lesbian with a Penis and You”.

User
Playing Surgeon Simulator with Jared Fogle
v

Pool rules: No running. No playing Surgeon Simulator with Jared Fogle. Keep a certain je ne sais quoi out of the deep end.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of this spring’s hottest new fashions and a mouthfeel like playing Surgeon Simulator with Jared Fogle.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not playing Surgeon Simulator with Jared Fogle like your brother?”
Alexander also named a city in India “Playing Surgeon Simulator with Jared Fogle” after his dead horse.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember playing Surgeon Simulator with Jared Fogle?”
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like playing Surgeon Simulator with Jared Fogle.

User
Masturbating into a potted plant
v

You evaded my “Masturbating into a Potted Plant” attack! Most impressive.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than masturbating into a potted plant.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all masturbating into a potted plant when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a strange candy that makes you gay masturbating into a potted plant.
Apparently, “Masturbating into a Potted Plant” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by masturbating into a potted plant.

User
A poop hurricane
n

No thanks. My doctor said a poop hurricane makes defecation painful.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a poop hurricane!”
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a poop hurricane and comes with 1 USB-C port and dope! Groovy!
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a poop hurricane.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a poop hurricane into women’s purses and bags.
Last night I dreamed of porkin’. I cannot shake the feeling that a poop hurricane will arrive soon.

User
User
A buttplug fidget spinner
n

A buttplug fidget spinner really messes up my butt complexion!
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “a ceremonial ribbon,” with a picture of a buttplug fidget spinner.
Two best friends and mutual discomfort take a road trip, and discover a buttplug fidget spinner along the way.
The patient kept screaming about “lubricant”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a buttplug fidget spinner emerged!
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like no evidence of any infidelity and is carrying a buttplug fidget spinner.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a buttplug fidget spinner slowly overtaking the buildings.

User
My mom says you have to call it  {n} or you get in trouble!

My mom says you have to call it an anatomically correct sock puppet or you get in trouble!
My mom says you have to call it rigid peen or you get in trouble!
My mom says you have to call it the royal baby or you get in trouble!
My mom says you have to call it baseless hatred or you get in trouble!
My mom says you have to call it a super-tiny butt hole or you get in trouble!
My mom says you have to call it reduced brain intelligence or you get in trouble!

User
The fart zone
n

The fart zone isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Help! I’m the fart zone and I need YOU to do something about it!
Today you’re on the receiving end of the fart zone.
There’s no reason for the fart zone before breakfast.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about the fart zone.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with the fart zone.

User
An invoice printed from a hooker
n

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with aged beef and are ordered to be an invoice printed from a hooker no matter what.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as an invoice printed from a hooker equipped with daddy in his underpants.
An invoice printed from a hooker brings a smile to a child’s face.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually an invoice printed from a hooker.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being an invoice printed from a hooker.
Introducing, The An Invoice Printed from a Hooker diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!



Printing hooker invoices
v

I refuse to roleplay as anything but printing hooker invoices.
Although moving away from printing hooker invoices proved effective for schools, the switch to my birthday initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Always walk into an interview with Mom and Dad and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate printing hooker invoices.
Slender and muscled, like any decent person. She was the spitting image of printing hooker invoices.
Printing hooker invoices is the spice of a disgrace.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced justice for all with printing hooker invoices.

User
Cleaning up grandma's dead body
v

Cleaning up grandma's dead body can actually erode love handles, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
I noticed symptoms of KA-BLAM!!, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s cleaning up grandma's dead body!” but I’m not sure.
I ordered my immortal soul privately over the Internet so I can get better at cleaning up grandma's dead body.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Cleaning up Grandma's Dead Body.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a new Wes Anderson movie in the attic. Anyway, I’m cleaning up grandma's dead body.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about cleaning up grandma's dead body and drunk sexting my sister. Should I talk to him?

User
A bony fine ass
n

If you have a dream about a bony fine ass, it meas you’re worried about squirting acid.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a bony fine ass in a very realistic way.
This year’s hottest new fashion is a bony fine ass on your head.
Men, like a bony fine ass, go farthest when they are an actual rusty trombone.
I’m getting a bony fine ass installed in my car, so I can be cutting a hole in my pants while I drive.
If you do it right, a remarkably swift recovery is all about a bony fine ass.

User
A bonney fine ass
n

A Bonney Fine Ass is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a bonney fine ass in the sea.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a mild orgasm removed from her and a bonney fine ass removed from me.
Men, like Mom’s feet, go farthest when they are a bonney fine ass.
If you have a dream about butt sounds, it meas you’re worried about a bonney fine ass.
My new phone looks like it’s a bonney fine ass but I don’t mind. It makes calls.

Truck
User
I misread the title of the thread. I thought this was going to be about a truck sexist.
User
Drumming up awareness for clown horror
v

I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me drumming up awareness for clown horror at the party last night.
Pundits agree it will take drumming up awareness for clown horror for the senator to win the election.
You evaded my “Drumming up Awareness for Clown Horror” attack! Most impressive.
I never expected to be fingered by drumming up awareness for clown horror.
No more drumming up awareness for clown horror at Starbucks.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a pig chute. It made me feel like I was drumming up awareness for clown horror.

User
Ambidextrous fapping
v

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Ambidextrous Fapping!
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there ambidextrous fapping. Gross.
My nightly ritual involves lots of rattled nerves, ambidextrous fapping, and finally hugs and kisses just as I fall asleep.
Although moving away from a censor bar proved effective for schools, the switch to ambidextrous fapping initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Ambidextrous fapping brings a rocket with a mouse strapped on to a child’s face.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of half the people around here, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into ambidextrous fapping.

User
His grindr profile
n

I found out why I’m always sick... they found his grindr profile in the walls at my office.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in his grindr profile.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s his grindr profile and I think I believe her!
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with his grindr profile.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out his grindr profile each day, put fluids from my face in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
I was vacuuming when I sucked furry children out from under the couch. I kept pulling until his grindr profile came out too!

User
Her Tinder profile
n

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to her Tinder profile.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced our fraternity ritual with her Tinder profile.
I beat her Tinder profile all the time!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, her Tinder profile, sloth, wrath, heavy hearts, and pride.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw her Tinder profile at a player from the stands.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Her Tinder Profile,” the finest ship in the harbor!

User
A gay Mexican
n

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a gay Mexican.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a gay Mexican is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
It’s not delivery. It’s a gay Mexican.
You spent all your food-stamps on a gay Mexican?!
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a gay Mexican so relaxing.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the steamboat captain, score points by keepin’ it tight, and a gay Mexican shall not be on the field.



Plunging your hand in
v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than plunging your hand in.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, plunging your hand in appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about plunging your hand in.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be plunging your hand in.
The new bill before congress would mandate plunging your hand in in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using untwisting to treat plunging your hand in!

User
Buying lingerie for your mom
v

Let a dirigible death match host your next party, providing buying lingerie for your mom like you’ve never seen before.
Buying lingerie for your mom is the only way to say goodbye.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find buying lingerie for your mom.
The patient kept screaming about “buying lingerie for your mom”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a flood of emotions emerged!
The White House will no longer enforce The Buying Lingerie for Your Mom Act of 1959. Thank God.
Happiness: Sizzling assholes, buying lingerie for your mom, and a medley.

User
A A goatse-inspired light fixture
?

Let’s wait for puberty cream to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get A A goatse-inspired light fixture.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with A A goatse-inspired light fixture.
My girlfriend kicked my latest perversion, and now she’s A A goatse-inspired light fixture. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
The new bill before congress would mandate A A goatse-inspired light fixture in all K-through-12 classrooms.
First you get searching his ass. Then you get A A goatse-inspired light fixture. Then you get a dictionary for swears.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Marginal Gains Does A A Goatse-inspired Light Fixture.

User
A human child in a bag
n

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s A human child in a bag and I think I believe her!
I looked up “A human child in a bag” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving a happy accident.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw A human child in a bag overboard!
The new top grade of gasoline has A human child in a bag as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s A human child in a bag.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, A human child in a bag appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
Baby pheromones
n

I wasn’t always black... there was baby pheromones, and it got bigger and bigger.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of baby pheromones.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually baby pheromones.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by baby pheromones around the building.
Furious that I was becoming an adult into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into baby pheromones.
In my wild days I was _{n} landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that _{nc} came shooting out of my ass!, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with baby pheromones on the New Mexico border.

User
Fleeing directly onto my penis
v

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into fleeing directly onto my penis, get to the front of the line.
James Bond will return in “The Man With fleeing directly onto my penis”!
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was fleeing directly onto my penis.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m fleeing directly onto my penis.
When I get older, I don’t want to be fleeing directly onto my penis.
The TSA has made new rules mandating fleeing directly onto my penis on every commercial flight.

User
Screeching autistically
v

I saw a big chicken order down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be screeching autistically with us.”
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as screeching autistically.
Great job on the proposal for screeching autistically, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a thump on the head.
Senator, give us screeching autistically biannually and you’ll get our vote.
To change kitty’s litter: grab a shock, dig out any clumps, and refill with screeching autistically.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Screeching Autistically” syndrome!

User
Autistic screeching
v

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was autistic screeching, part was my swollen jaw, and it was crowned with the “swimsuit area”.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for putting on pants and autistic screeching at the assembly line.
See now black people walk like a slut who will do anything. But white people -- white people walk like they’re autistic screeching!
People in Taiwan are getting a reliable source of income implanted in their bodies for autistic screeching.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began autistic screeching in front of his top supporters.
Music without the sounds of autistic screeching is hardly music at all.

User
What is in the microwave?  .

What is in the microwave? throwing a 9 year old.
What is in the microwave? a perverted, unnatural cavern.
What is in the microwave? lethal radiation.
What is in the microwave? a roll of toilet paper.
What is in the microwave? a quiet plop.
What is in the microwave? a surgical rotary saw.

User
Making dubstep noises at random passerbys
v

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s making dubstep noises at random passerbys and I think I believe her!
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, making dubstep noises at random passerbys, toilet paper, shelter, and the caboose of a mantrain.
I’m gonna prove the link between grab-ass and making dubstep noises at random passerbys! You’ll all see!
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of making dubstep noises at random passerbys in its food processing operations.
John “making dubstep noises at random passerbys” Smith. The genius who brought us an enormous cushion.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is making dubstep noises at random passerbys.

User
Bisexual bivalves
n

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being bisexual bivalves.
Could you buy me bisexual bivalves? I’ll pay you back.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, bisexual bivalves emerged.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other bisexual bivalves, while a man is not riding a Segway on a galloping horse.
Hark! What bisexual bivalves through yonder window breaks?
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate bisexual bivalves.

User
Filling your diaper
v

There’s no reason for filling your diaper before breakfast.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “filling your diaper.”
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by filling your diaper.
Ever since the incident with the wool over my eyes I’ve been haunted by filling your diaper.
Look, man, I’m not into filling your diaper. But $20 is $20.
When I get older, I don’t want to be filling your diaper.

User
"It's impossible," said Pride. "It's risky," said Experience. "It's pointless," said Reason. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. And that's when I tried  {scv}

"It's impossible," said Pride. "It's risky," said Experience. "It's pointless," said Reason. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. And that's when I tried a good girl
"It's impossible," said Pride. "It's risky," said Experience. "It's pointless," said Reason. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. And that's when I tried a pregnant teen
"It's impossible," said Pride. "It's risky," said Experience. "It's pointless," said Reason. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. And that's when I tried a wondrous, splendifirous little thing
"It's impossible," said Pride. "It's risky," said Experience. "It's pointless," said Reason. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. And that's when I tried a slot
"It's impossible," said Pride. "It's risky," said Experience. "It's pointless," said Reason. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. And that's when I tried the song of my people
"It's impossible," said Pride. "It's risky," said Experience. "It's pointless," said Reason. "Give it a try," whispered the Heart. And that's when I tried rolling in it

User
Sucking on cheese all day
v

Men, like a ripe potato, go farthest when they are sucking on cheese all day.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between finding a safe place and sucking on cheese all day.
Sucking on cheese all day like this is enough to kill a horse!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Sucking on Cheese All Day”! I shook his hand and it felt like sucking on cheese all day.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of little turds everywhere, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into sucking on cheese all day.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling setbacks. The driver was sucking on cheese all day.

User
receiving one kudo v

My new phone looks like it’s receiving one kudo but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by receiving one kudo and a surgical rotary saw.
James Bond will return in “The Man With receiving one kudo”!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into receiving one kudo! She’s 62!
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain receiving one kudo?
I heard you were talking about receiving one kudo so I had to come over!

User
one kudo n

If my neighbor doesn’t get one kudo off my property, I’m calling the cops!
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to one kudo.
First you get T-boning an ambulance. Then you get another hole in the head. Then you get one kudo.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under one kudo.
The patient kept screaming about “one kudo”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and voluminous hair emerged!
I came with shaved bears to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought one kudo so nobody even noticed!

User
Time to try something completely mundane and potentially awful. I'll probably need to redact this.

intersectional feminism = n

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate intersectional feminism =.
For my last meal I want my hot little hands seasoned heavily with intersectional feminism =.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into intersectional feminism =! She’s 62!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was intersectional feminism =.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need solutions and intersectional feminism =.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring intersectional feminism =.

User
Waterboarding a baby v

Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with Waterboarding a baby! It’s all here in my manifesto!
No one in Morocco can be Waterboarding a baby without registering with the government.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began Waterboarding a baby.
I ordered less lasagna privately over the Internet so I can get better at Waterboarding a baby.
The authorities followed the trail of Waterboarding a baby, leading them straight to the suspect.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Waterboarding a baby.

User
eating five guys for dinner v

My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen eating five guys for dinner.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with eating five guys for dinner.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of eating five guys for dinner on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in eating five guys for dinner.
My dream house has seed built in, an extra garage for eating five guys for dinner, and a demon torture puzzle box for the door bell.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into eating five guys for dinner! She’s 62!

User
introducing, the   diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!

Introducing, the upsetting footage not suitable for children diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
Introducing, the battery acid diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
Introducing, the a pig in the middle diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
Introducing, the a new reality show diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
Introducing, the the part you pee into diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
Introducing, the being dragged diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!

User
Turning on the oven and then going to bed v

If you have a dream about children’s toys, it meas you’re worried about Turning on the oven and then going to bed.
I went rafting, saw Turning on the oven and then going to bed in the river, no big deal.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of Turning on the oven and then going to bed.
Howdy neighbor, love really bad teeth! Let’s get Turning on the oven and then going to bed sometime!
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is Turning on the oven and then going to bed.
Wake turbulence, also known as Turning on the oven and then going to bed, is turbulence that forms behind a length of chain as it passes through the air.

User
a bacon wrapped dildo n

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a bacon wrapped dildo.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a bacon wrapped dildo” incident in the science lab.
Last Christmas, I gave you a bacon wrapped dildo. The very next day, you gave it away.
My nightly ritual involves a bacon wrapped dildo, the T-Rex, and finally just rockin’ that ass just as I fall asleep.
When the mixture is bubbling, add a bacon wrapped dildo to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A bacon wrapped dildo.

User
Writing notes in blood, using comic sans v

During the war, German scientists experimented with Writing notes in blood, using comic sans to weaponize an entire 8th-grader.
My house. 8 o’clock. Writing notes in blood, using comic sans.
Amtrak officials confirm Writing notes in blood, using comic sans would have prevented train derailment.
In my state, Writing notes in blood, using comic sans is a legal right for me and my native brothers.
Pool rules: No running. No Writing notes in blood, using comic sans. Keep pomp out of the deep end.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS FEMALE BREAST TISSUE WRITING NOTES IN BLOOD, USING COMIC SANS.”

User
20 dollars n

Help! I’m 20 dollars and I need YOU to do something about it!
Is it true that in Nevada you can pay for a lady smiling like a donut with 20 dollars?
My nightly ritual involves an automated turret, chugging NyQuil™, and finally 20 dollars just as I fall asleep.
20 dollars! 20 dollars! My kingdom for 20 dollars!
Hark! What 20 dollars through yonder window breaks?
Experts said that based on preliminary data, 20 dollars appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

User
a missing pickle n

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Missing Pickle” syndrome!
I can’t swing a missing pickle around here without hitting insipid fools!
When large recoil is ready, a missing pickle will appear.
On the assembly line we heat a missing pickle to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is “forgetting” to knock.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of a missing pickle.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a missing pickle came on the screen.

User
A boy with a penis n

Here on the assembly line we heat A boy with a penis to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is turning over.
The thief was caught stealing A boy with a penis from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of sinister plans.
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s A boy with a penis straddled by tiny uranium rods.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for A boy with a penis.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other A boy with a penis, while a man is shooting a rabbit with an arrow on a galloping horse.
You evaded my “A Boy with a Penis” attack! Most impressive.

User
toilet jam nc

In Kentucky stores can’t sell toilet jam after 8pm, or on holidays like Almost Enough Oxygen Day.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always toilet jam just around the corner.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt toilet jam in the sea.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found toilet jam.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Toilet Jam” syndrome!
The hardware store didn’t have a jaundiced view of humanity left, so I got toilet jam.

User
I took my car to the car wash and the washer made the sound   would make!

I took my car to the car wash and the washer made the sound not quite enough lube would make!
I took my car to the car wash and the washer made the sound balls caught in the car window would make!
I took my car to the car wash and the washer made the sound damage would make!
I took my car to the car wash and the washer made the sound flipping over and spraying into the air would make!
I took my car to the car wash and the washer made the sound a crocodile death-rolling my taint would make!
I took my car to the car wash and the washer made the sound meaningless symbols would make!

User
A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon. n

A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon. failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward Taco Bell®.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon., part was screaming and barfing a little, and it was crowned with $200 worth of Taco Bell™.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon.. Would you like to try our new special, an extremely uncomfortable mattress?
A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon.! A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon.! My kingdom for A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon.!
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon..
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into A 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon.. It was not my lips you kissed, but a chip off the ol’ block.



participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon v

Let’s wait for a pack of smokes to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon.
When circular logic is ready, participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon will appear.
Is it true that in Nevada you can pay for a lady participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon with worse people than that?
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon by rewarding them with the recent tragedy in Africa.
In the public participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon model, a third-party service provider delivers the participating in a 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon service over the Internet.



The 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon! n

Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with The 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon!. So bring a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
I got a squeaky-clean bottom as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with The 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon!?
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only The 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon! and my work come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
Pundits agree it will take The 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon! for the senator to win the election.
You evaded my “The 26.2 Hour Spank-a-thon!” attack! Most impressive.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw The 26.2 hour Spank-a-thon! for the first time!

User
Preheating a Jew v

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is Preheating a Jew.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into Preheating a Jew.
At the coffee shop they put “Preheating a Jew” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with Preheating a Jew.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like Preheating a Jew.
My kid was acting like soft buns, so I took away Preheating a Jew privileges.

User
a sad panda n

I can’t believe you forced my mom into a sad panda! She’s 62!
Then God said, “Let there be a sad panda”; and there was a sad panda. And God saw that a sad panda was good.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have a sad panda.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a sad panda.
I can’t believe you guys went falling into boiling water without me! Loop me in next time, I want a sad panda too!
Angelina Jolie’s lips failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a sad panda.

User
mastrubating into the faces of your enemies v

I need help with my computer! I downloaded two firetrucks and now I’m having trouble with mastrubating into the faces of your enemies.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a gasoline enema, score points by mastrubating into the faces of your enemies, and skin-tight leather pants shall not be on the field.
We can be mastrubating into the faces of your enemies. And no one has to know.
John “mastrubating into the faces of your enemies” Smith. The genius who brought us a line.
In my state, mastrubating into the faces of your enemies is a legal right for me and my native brothers.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: ointment@mastrubating-into-the-faces-of-your-enemies.net

User
a lesbian's head n

I buried my treasure under a lesbian's head so you’d never find it!
Pundits agree it will take a lesbian's head for the senator to win the election.
The cruiseliner struck a lesbian's head and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a hanging vine.
I got so drunk last night that I got a lesbian's head all over everyone and everything.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a lesbian's head while I’m inviting the cops!
In this game you get to collect gay shit and craft a lesbian's head.

User
 ? That's my fetish!

a mental illness? That's my fetish!
thick fingers? That's my fetish!
a projectile? That's my fetish!
hate-fucking? That's my fetish!
an Easy-Bake™ oven? That's my fetish!
things that aren’t intelligible? That's my fetish!

User
splitting a corpse like a wishbone v

Ever since the incident with splitting a corpse like a wishbone I’ve been haunted by a riding crop.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be splitting a corpse like a wishbone.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for splitting a corpse like a wishbone.
The authorities followed the trail of splitting a corpse like a wishbone, leading them straight to the suspect.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: splitting a corpse like a wishbone.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Splitting a corpse like a wishbone.

User
I must consume as much  {nc} as possible so I can be complete.

I must consume as much hotdog grade “meat” as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much quiet poots as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much thirst as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much steampunk bullshit as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much ribs as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much eerie silence as possible so I can be complete.



nazi propaganda n

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into nazi propaganda.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Big Bomb!” You’re cursed with nazi propaganda until the end of the game!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Uniquely Adapted Slave Race” and it helps me with nazi propaganda.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in nazi propaganda.
On the assembly line we heat nazi propaganda to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is acting in an irresponsible fashion.
Nazi propaganda is the only way to say goodbye.



I must consume as much as  {n} as possible so I can be complete.

I must consume as much as real, actual witchcraft as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much as an airbag as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much as bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much as the peaceful, majestic sugar cougar as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much as a face-hugger as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much as my SIM card as possible so I can be complete.


User
A more sensitive dick n

No one in Morocco can be A more sensitive dick without registering with the government.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is A more sensitive dick.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a sassy male news reporter. So bring A more sensitive dick.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into A more sensitive dick, get to the front of the line.
My favorite new band is “A Bump on a Log and A More Sensitive Dick”.
Music without the sounds of A more sensitive dick is hardly music at all.

User
a male pregnancy test n

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a male pregnancy test.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a male pregnancy test in the pillows.
The city put in new road signs to indicate a male pregnancy test just up ahead.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with a male pregnancy test.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a male pregnancy test.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen a male pregnancy test.

User
Alex, we can't ALL get away with treating women like  {n}.

Alex, we can't ALL get away with treating women like five full-time chefs.
Alex, we can't ALL get away with treating women like ass.
Alex, we can't ALL get away with treating women like an exploding car.
Alex, we can't ALL get away with treating women like live wires hanging from the ceiling.
Alex, we can't ALL get away with treating women like an actual rusty trombone.
Alex, we can't ALL get away with treating women like the mayor.

User
Mr. Hands on VHS n

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide Mr. Hands on VHS directly.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience Mr. Hands on VHS like I was really there.
I like my women like I like Mr. Hands on VHS: never being appreciated with landlady bosoms.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than Mr. Hands on VHS.
This year’s hottest new fashion is Mr. Hands on VHS on your head.
Ah, Mr. Hands on VHS for my collection. Now no one has more than me.

User
Electrodes for questionable chodes nc

After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created Electrodes for questionable chodes.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into Electrodes for questionable chodes, get to the front of the line.
I ordered Electrodes for questionable chodes privately over the Internet so I can get better at teaching pseudoscience.
Sir! We are out of spiders, but we found Electrodes for questionable chodes while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
The new top grade of gasoline has Electrodes for questionable chodes as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for Electrodes for questionable chodes.

User
anally consuming a walnut v

I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a nurse and anally consuming a walnut. Should I talk to him?
John “horror movie gore” Smith. The genius who brought us anally consuming a walnut.
At the coffee shop they wrote “anally consuming a walnut” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of anally consuming a walnut came on the screen.
Amtrak officials confirm anally consuming a walnut would have prevented train derailment.
Anally consuming a walnut failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward Grandma’s ghost.

User
I heard you were talking about   so I had to come over!

I heard you were talking about my tortoise’s heat lamp so I had to come over!
I heard you were talking about a busy bee so I had to come over!
I heard you were talking about a healthcare professional so I had to come over!
I heard you were talking about physical fatigue so I had to come over!
I heard you were talking about refusing any help so I had to come over!
I heard you were talking about a stink bug so I had to come over!

User
Fathering children with a lesbian v

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for Fathering children with a lesbian.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by Fathering children with a lesbian.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, Fathering children with a lesbian every single day.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of work Fathering children with a lesbian.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Fathering Children with a Lesbian
I chipped my tooth on a quick one. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t Fathering children with a lesbian.

User
9 out of 10 dentists agree:   makes for better teeth and healthy gums.

9 out of 10 dentists agree: tiny men makes for better teeth and healthy gums.
9 out of 10 dentists agree: an ally makes for better teeth and healthy gums.
9 out of 10 dentists agree: long deep kisses with eyes wide open makes for better teeth and healthy gums.
9 out of 10 dentists agree: leftover McDonald’s® makes for better teeth and healthy gums.
9 out of 10 dentists agree: a novelty oversized foam fist makes for better teeth and healthy gums.
9 out of 10 dentists agree: a berserk horse makes for better teeth and healthy gums.

User
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out " ," over and over again while in use.

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out "finding out my first husband was still alive," over and over again while in use.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out "a jackhammer," over and over again while in use.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out "my immortal soul," over and over again while in use.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out "an ancient insignificant dead Jew," over and over again while in use.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out "their own mothers," over and over again while in use.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out "milking a buffalo," over and over again while in use.

User
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include   spice,   spice, and   spice!3

The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include dick slapping spice, American interference spice, and a pale reflection spice!
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include real human interaction spice, my immortal soul spice, and copycats spice!
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a tiny bone fragment spice, the key factors spice, and a salty sailor spice!
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a leather swing spice, joining the Army in a panic spice, and handcuffing a four-year-old spice!
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a deal breaker spice, the placenta spice, and two F-bombs spice!
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include ammunition spice, a stupid student spice, and slipping some handcuffs under the door spice!

User
an unending cycle of mental abuse ?

Any man who can drive safely while kissing an unending cycle of mental abuse is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about an unending cycle of mental abuse?
The city put in new road signs to indicate an unending cycle of mental abuse just up ahead.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a cat, but upside down. Would you like to try our new special, an unending cycle of mental abuse?
Furious that I was an unending cycle of mental abuse into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into the French crown.
Let an unending cycle of mental abuse host your next party, providing a big mean dookie on deck like you’ve never seen before.

User
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was   and tried to attack it.

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a snake pit and tried to attack it.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was innocent women and children and tried to attack it.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was another leopard and tried to attack it.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was blindness and tried to attack it.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was raw goose and tried to attack it.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was doing surgery on LSD and tried to attack it.

User
adopting a Juggalo v

I noticed symptoms of adopting a Juggalo, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s creeping upstairs!” but I’m not sure.
Adopting a Juggalo is the only way to say goodbye.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Dark Magic Co., tapping into the growing market for adopting a Juggalo.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore adopting a Juggalo in a very realistic way.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then adopting a Juggalo really affected me.
Music without the sounds of adopting a Juggalo is hardly music at all.

User
  is just another word for  2

an ice cream truck is just another word for a coming horrific hell
a small angry cloud is just another word for what you did to my face
wallowing in your filth is just another word for a flip
another hole in the head is just another word for a sugar cougar
taffy is just another word for feigned sympathy
refusing any help is just another word for an empty Tic Tac® box



the caboose of a mantrain n

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as the caboose of a mantrain.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for the caboose of a mantrain.
There is no revenge so complete as the caboose of a mantrain.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of hot biscuits & gravy, my kid sister, and the caboose of a mantrain.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into the caboose of a mantrain.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with the caboose of a mantrain.

User
beating up retarded people v

For science class we went on a field trip to see how beating up retarded people happens.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into beating up retarded people! She’s 62!
I’m late to my meeting for beating up retarded people.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but beating up retarded people.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me beating up retarded people at the party last night.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of beating up retarded people came on the screen.

User
10,000 pinches ?

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were 10,000 pinches, would you be 10,000 pinches as well?”
The authorities followed the trail of 10,000 pinches, leading them straight to the suspect.
1) A robot may not injure 10,000 pinches, or through inaction allow 10,000 pinches to come to harm.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing 10,000 pinches is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into 10,000 pinches, get to the front of the line.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into 10,000 pinches, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start handcuffing a four-year-old.

User
Watching your sister bang v

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and Watching your sister bang. There was a report.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s Watching your sister bang.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into Watching your sister bang, get to the front of the line.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how Watching your sister bang happens.
Thanks for Watching your sister bang last night. *wink* *wink*
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the final hour. Would you like to try our new special, Watching your sister bang?


User
full service barbecue ?

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed full service barbecue up and down the highway.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, full service barbecue... Sweet! Sunny-D!
During routine surgery, the doctors found full service barbecue embedded in my abdomen.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Full Service Barbecue!
In a world with pulsating opposite sexes full service barbecue, one man must overcome mediocre tits. Coming this summer.
Full service barbecue has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

User
tandem showering ?

Jesus is tandem showering.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by tandem showering.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to tandem showering.
Back when I was tandem showering, I got shot in a reach-around by elastic action.
The hardware store didn’t have a Christmas tree left, so I got tandem showering.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with tandem showering.

User
getting furious at an 8 year old v

Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as getting furious at an 8 year old or loving my idiot husband despite his faults.
Getting furious at an 8 year old is the only way to say goodbye.
Facebook just bought the Heart Company, hoping to get a stronger position in getting furious at an 8 year old.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a large abscess, score points by getting furious at an 8 year old, and a French knight shall not be on the field.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Getting Furious at an 8 Year Old!
Researchers have managed to train chimps to recognize you special little fuck by rewarding then with getting furious at an 8 year old.

User
Sir! Our patrol has found   while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?

Sir! Our patrol has found cinderblock justice while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found a Swiss murder suit while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found bellowing while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found beef curtains while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found cranberry sauce or juice while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found sabotage while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?

User
a benevolent tornado ?

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Benevolent Tornado” syndrome!
I’m getting a flimsy pterodactyl installed in my car, so I can be a benevolent tornado while I drive.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s a benevolent tornado.
Ich bin ein a benevolent tornado.
Although moving away from twerking while uncontrollably farting proved effective for schools, switching to a benevolent tornado initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing a benevolent tornado at cars and passers-by.

User
Murdering someone through the internet ?

Murdering someone through the internet can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is Murdering someone through the internet.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Murdering someone through the internet.
This workplace has gone (0) days without Murdering someone through the internet.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only diplomatic support and Murdering someone through the internet.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find Murdering someone through the internet so relaxing.

User
special pube shampoo ?

In future times, the children will work together to build special pube shampoo.
A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of special pube shampoo on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered special pube shampoo operation.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by special pube shampoo.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned special pube shampoo. As a result, his men were well motivated.
They don’t make a dragon made of motorcycle like they used to! This one doesn’t even have special pube shampoo.

User
Signa said:
A shady sack of shit ?

Chase bank is giving out A shady sack of shit this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Working on my car I found A shady sack of shit had crawled inside the engine block and died.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up A shady sack of shit in every room.
The true reason for the Tacoma narrows bridge collapse? A shady sack of shit
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with inertia and are instructed to be A shady sack of shit no matter what.
President Clinton and his entire cabinet got A shady sack of shit before every meeting.


Ok, that was too good. I was thinking about my roommate, and now we have a card.
User
A shady sack of shit ?

A submissive sex android brings A shady sack of shit and a smile to a child’s face.
Give a man A shady sack of shit and you feed him for a day. Give him raw recruits, and you feed him for a lifetime.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need A shady sack of shit and a yappy little dog.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of A shady sack of shit, so the temporary replacement uses ribs.
SWF seeking LTR or fun for now, if you’re into A shady sack of shit, get to the front of the line.
My religion demands that I must always have a big alert, and that I must abstain from A shady sack of shit.

User
A fist full of hair

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Fist Full of Hair Blast!
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a fist full of hair.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a fist full of hair! It’s all here in my manifesto!
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a fist full of hair, toilet paper, shelter, and a crotchety old hermit.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a fist full of hair.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a fist full of hair.

User
The bowel fairy

Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “The Bowel Fairy”.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a spirit of camaraderie, score points by people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm, and The bowel fairy shall not be on the field.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider The bowel fairy.
When the celestial spheres align, The bowel fairy will descend from the heavens.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw The bowel fairy overboard!
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with The bowel fairy in my hand.

User
A big donkey

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a big donkey, toilet paper, shelter, and having too many irons in the fire.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need a big donkey and sinuses.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a big donkey.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a big donkey on every commercial flight.
He also named a city in India “A Big Donkey” after his dead horse.
I like my women like I like deserving to be killed: with a big donkey.

User
Running for presidency

Apparently, “Running for Presidency” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, running for presidency appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The best comfort food will always be greens, running for presidency, and fried chicken.
I’m late to my meeting for running for presidency.
Running for presidency... like a woman’s.
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with running for presidency in my hand.

User
10% of all proceeds will go to the _____ foundation.

10% of all proceeds will go to the an all-black cast foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the a really long nose hair foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the a crooked cop foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the that ass foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the the last thing I said foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the manliness foundation.

User
A crusty hummer

You evaded my “a crusty hummer” attack! Most impressive.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a crusty hummer, sloth, wrath, twerking while uncontrollably farting, and pride.
Single white female seeking long term relationship, if you’re into a crusty hummer, get to the front of the line.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a crusty hummer and circumcising your dad come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
a crusty hummer! a crusty hummer! My kingdom for a crusty hummer!
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a crusty hummer and is carrying running around slamming doors.

User
A lacist calicature

Jan Sobieski, leading the largest cavalry charge in history, rode into battle atop a lacist calicature.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “a lacist calicature”.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a lacist calicature.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a lacist calicature.
Men, like a lacist calicature, go farthest when they are smoothest.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a lacist calicature and big pants.

User
A wind breaker that breaks wind

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a wind breaker that breaks wind” incident in the science lab.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a wind breaker that breaks wind in every room.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a wind breaker that breaks wind.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a wind breaker that breaks wind emerged.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “a wind breaker that breaks wind”.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a wind breaker that breaks wind.

User
Another one from my gum wrapper

I wish I was more _____

I wish I was more a makeshift defensive structure
I wish I was more no record of their death
I wish I was more success
I wish I was more a dust cloud
I wish I was more a willful misdeed
I wish I was more bodily fluids

User
A zany flesh-light mascot

When the beef came at me it was like a zany flesh-light mascot.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with a zany flesh-light mascot.
A lifetime of a zany flesh-light mascot awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a zany flesh-light mascot?
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of evil thinking and a zany flesh-light mascot.
You evaded my “a zany flesh-light mascot” attack! Most impressive.

User
If I see another _____ I'll _____2

If I see another the mud pits I'll palace after palace
If I see another an angry penis for the woman I'll a vortex that keeps mumbling
If I see another an electron sex party I'll attacking everything in your path
If I see another chicken sashimi I'll hounding the family dog
If I see another swindling queers I'll laughing and lying
If I see another black magic orgasms I'll untameable wildlings


Play 2
User
Elevator Fucking

Pissing on Hospitality
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Santa porn
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The rumors are greatly exaggerated; I don't NEED _.
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Overdosing on Viagra and laxatives.
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Being judged by a 9 year old
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"kids are calling it "_" and it's not what you think"

10 hours of vacuum cleaner noises
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The hygiene fairy

Hugs and kisses
User
Damn, I feel like dragon trainer. I just keep posting.


Doing a bad job at pooping
User
A baby Jesus imposter
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Milking the dog
User
Adjustment to nezumi's:

"Oh no! ___ fell in the volcano. I'm going to go try to retrieve it."
User
Nezumi said:
Getting _ back pot of a volcano is nearly impossible.



Is that English? I don't understand it one bit.
User
___, Golden Corral's new slogan
User
Getting business tips in bed.
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Selling the kids for food.
User
SuperJer said:
molkman said:



User
Throwing a 9 year old.
User
I just read about that myself! I'm pretty sure the announcement came after Nezumi's post.
User
Are they bad enough you don't want to embarrass yourself? Then they aren't good ones.

Otherwise, just post them. It's not like they will get into the game if they are mediocre.


Edit:

I just realized I read Dragon's signature, not his post.
User
Circumcising your dog
Truck
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Grumble Grumble.
User
xXJigsaw23Xx said:
SuperJer said:
xXJigsaw23Xx said:
Signa said:
BloodFarts said:

































User
BloodFarts said:










User
See if you can't get a cell with a trap door spider. The ones that aren't on lockdown usually can help you escape.
User
SuperJer said:

User
xXJigsaw23Xx said:

User
SuperJer said:
Signa said:
ascv said:
SuperJer said:
FallingShit said:
jeff is wizlord said:
ascv said:
SuperJer said:













User
SRAW said:



SuperJer said:
User
ascv said:
SuperJer said:
FallingShit said:
jeff is wizlord said:
ascv said:
SuperJer said:










User
User
You should talk, pig fucker.
User
Well Jay, anyone hanging around you probably is thinking about suicide anyway. ;)

(How do we not having a winking smiley on this site?)
Truck
User
I do.

AND YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY! They are mine!
User
Man, Pizza is a lot better with ____ on it!
User
Masturbating to pictures of dead animals.
User
One-eyed dick
User
The fact you had to ask instead of using Hamton is pretty sad.
User
Eating while screaming.

Doing it with a hand behind your back.
User
The ashes of your pet dog.
Truck
User
I frequently have dreams where I can perform telekinesis. I had one last night where I can remember a few details.

So, instead of just discovering my powers, I had been granted them by... something, and I was practicing them, just to get used to what I could do. I was at the dinner table, and I was starting to grab food out of people's mouths as they tried to eat it. Usually, things I grab start flowing around me (I guess I want to see how many things I can juggle at once) and the food was no exception.
User
Sick vid

I have to thank Tim for this submission.
User
I hung my towel on the remains of the other desk last week.
User
Black card:

____tested, mother approved.