SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

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aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
A normal skeleton
n

Today you’re on the receiving end of a normal skeleton.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a normal skeleton in the foyer.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s a normal skeleton.
What will we do with a normal skeleton early in the morning?
The cruiseliner struck some emo kid and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a normal skeleton.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Normal Skeleton” after his dead horse.

 
 
2020 Aug 14 at 02:47 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 14 at 02:48 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
Santa's dungeon
nc

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for Santa's dungeon.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in Santa's dungeon!
Making the best cookies requires laser sounds and Santa's dungeon.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found Santa's dungeon.
I think that ecstasy was cut with Santa's dungeon. After one hit I began very, very rapidly blocking the exit.
We’re having it to come out the other end situation. Watch out for Santa's dungeon and please stand by...

 
 
2020 Aug 16 at 22:15 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 16 at 22:16 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 167
4lbs of piss
n

I didn’t mean to start 4lbs of piss, it just happened!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about no black child, but with 4lbs of piss!
When the celestial spheres align, 4lbs of piss will descend from the heavens.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock 4lbs of piss and the ashes of your beloved dog in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
They cut open the crocodile to find 4lbs of piss, still nothing else like always.
I came with 4lbs of piss to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a wayward dental implant so nobody even noticed!

 
 
2020 Aug 22 at 19:43 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 22 at 19:44 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The pudding I have available
nc

Aron Ralston was trapped under the pudding I have available for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a police officer on Facebook!
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see the pudding I have available, and I feel better.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE PUDDING I HAVE AVAILABLE SNUGGLING WITH IAN MCKELLEN.”
10% of all proceeds from sales of cosmetic surgery for my cat will go to The The Pudding I Have Available Foundation.
After a truck ran over literally every single thing there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from the pudding I have available.
The truly rich have mansions with an imitation poop spiral room, the deceased room, and servants to handle the pudding I have available.

 
 
2020 Aug 23 at 04:49 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
What's left of it
nc

You stole water from a child? You’re what's left of it and you’re going to hell!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of what's left of it and the words “a cornhole”. I don’t get it!
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for what's left of it.
Can I get some floss? There’s what's left of it between my teeth.
I’m getting the next time installed in my car, so I can be what's left of it while I drive.
Senator, give me what's left of it and you’ll get my vote.

 
 
2020 Aug 23 at 04:50 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 23 at 04:51 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The man upstairs
n

I like the man upstairs like I like my coffee: spreading disease, put in a sack, and dragged across bedding.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a plug for the other hole, the man upstairs and a strange candy that makes you gay.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around the man upstairs.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The Man Upstairs!” You’re cursed with backing up on it until the end of the game!
Authorities were tallying damage from the man upstairs that struck southern California Friday evening.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and the man upstairs can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.

 
 
2020 Aug 23 at 07:49 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of  , but there are two definition systems:   and  .
Play 3

Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of John Wilkes Booth, but there are two definition systems: whatEVER and drinking toilet water.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of space Nazis, but there are two definition systems: llama spit and circumcising your dad.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of complex maths, but there are two definition systems: rhythmic pounding and popping out of the ground.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of Satan’s mother, but there are two definition systems: a humiliated animal and hot sparks.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of another way in, but there are two definition systems: leaking out my bum and the thing hanging out of my butt.
Scholars have failed to agree on a definition of leopard print top hats, but there are two definition systems: industrial solvent and a piece of lint near my vagina.

 
 
2020 Aug 23 at 07:53 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 23 at 07:55 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore  {n} with  {n} to fasten it.
Play 2

Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore a Japanese woman’s underwear with you and me to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore my salvation with a fridge full of heads to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore another way to kill me with delicate ladybrains to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore ribs with the escape route to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore steers and queers with half the people around here to fasten it.
Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore a gold ingot with a promise to fasten it.

 
 
2020 Aug 23 at 07:59 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 23 at 08:01 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse
v

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse like your brother?”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only that fly in here and popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse.
When one thousand scorpions is ready, popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse will appear.
Opioids help people with popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse, but then they can’t poop.
Jesus is popping a few rounds into Osama bin Laden’s corpse.

 
 
2020 Aug 23 at 18:36 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Leaving in an ambulance
v

Alexander also named a city in India “Leaving in an Ambulance” after his dead horse.
Leaving in an ambulance nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid fluids from my face.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for leaving in an ambulance.
Leaving in an ambulance is always a contest when I’m involved.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Leaving in an Ambulance!
I didn’t think this house would sell with BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM in the attic. Anyway, I’m leaving in an ambulance.

 
 
2020 Aug 23 at 18:43 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 23 at 18:43 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Fish sticks
np

What will we do with fish sticks early in the morning?
Always walk into an interview with graffiti that says “FUCK YOU” and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate fish sticks.
Until quite recently, fish sticks had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for fish sticks!
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out fish sticks.
The city council wants to cut down on fish sticks. Meanwhile people are freely shooting a rabbit with an arrow!

 
 
2020 Aug 24 at 20:54 PDT — Ed. 2020 Aug 24 at 21:01 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
Fun and games
np

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for fun and games.
There’s always time for fun and games before breakfast.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy fun and games from dispensaries.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me fun and games and it’s getting weird.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s fun and games straddled by ionizing radiation.
What were you doing in here? I keep finding fun and games between the couch cushions.

 
 
2020 Sep 2 at 21:21 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
A sturdy set of pelvis clamps
n

My kids keep installing a sturdy set of pelvis clamps on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a sturdy set of pelvis clamps.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw compost flavor and then a sturdy set of pelvis clamps flavor.
If you do it right, carefully removing my skeleton is all about a sturdy set of pelvis clamps.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti A-sturdy-set-of-pelvis-clamps-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a carefully contained fart.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a sturdy set of pelvis clamps slowly overtaking the buildings.

 
 
2020 Sep 5 at 19:55 PDT — Ed. 2020 Sep 5 at 19:55 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
A deep resonating thump sound
n

In prison we used to cook a deep resonating thump sound in the toilet.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a deep resonating thump sound.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s a deep resonating thump sound.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a deep resonating thump sound. I still got an 85!
The best comfort food will always be greens, a deep resonating thump sound, and fried chicken.
Always walk into an interview with a deep resonating thump sound and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate a succulent jumbo prawn.

 
 
2020 Sep 7 at 01:31 PDT — Ed. 2020 Sep 7 at 01:31 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
Please step into the interrogation cubicle. You'll notice that I have   on the counter. I think you know why.

Please step into the interrogation cubicle. You'll notice that I have empty space on the counter. I think you know why.
Please step into the interrogation cubicle. You'll notice that I have a dick out on the counter. I think you know why.
Please step into the interrogation cubicle. You'll notice that I have your husband on the counter. I think you know why.
Please step into the interrogation cubicle. You'll notice that I have the moron I hired to kill you on the counter. I think you know why.
Please step into the interrogation cubicle. You'll notice that I have not another leopard on the counter. I think you know why.
Please step into the interrogation cubicle. You'll notice that I have existential ennui on the counter. I think you know why.

 
 
2020 Sep 7 at 20:49 PDT — Ed. 2020 Sep 11 at 04:34 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Children
np

You spent all your food-stamps on children?!
Last Christmas, I gave you children. The very next day, you gave it away.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like children.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got children painted on both sides, which some say encourages Dad’s ass.
In future times, the children will work together to build children.
This food is so good it’s making children quiver!



My skincare routine
n

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed my skincare routine up and down the highway.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to my skincare routine.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use intense pressure to treat my skincare routine!
The new top grade of gasoline has my skincare routine as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “My Skincare Routine!” You’re cursed with a male prostitute until the end of the game!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the front half, but with my skincare routine!



Eating them
v

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by eating them.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “eating them,” with a picture of a protective membrane.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to eating them.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, eating them every single day.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “eating them”.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend eating them.

 
 
2020 Sep 8 at 11:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
I've decided to freeze  {n} now, in case I need it in the future.

I've decided to freeze a mild orgasm now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze sliced vegetables now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze the toilet now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze a heron now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze inactivity and poor health now, in case I need it in the future.
I've decided to freeze high-voltage wires now, in case I need it in the future.

 
 
2020 Sep 8 at 11:05 PDT — Ed. 2020 Sep 8 at 11:08 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
Decades of debauchery
np

Scorpions can shed decades of debauchery in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
If mom hears us talking about decades of debauchery we’ll be SO grounded!
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of decades of debauchery. She has stated, “I prefer a riding crop.”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only decades of debauchery and wearing a noose to be edgy.
Decades of debauchery has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Art can be defined by backwash but only if it gets you decades of debauchery and inspired.



The harem of your mind
n

I looked up “our own biological child” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving the harem of your mind.
I thought I was alone with the harem of your mind but my mom walked in. We got to installing an update and I felt better.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were the harem of your mind, would you be the harem of your mind as well?”
Are you there God? It’s me, the harem of your mind.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were the harem of your mind.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up the harem of your mind in every room.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2020 Sep 8 at 19:10 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
It’s always nice to relive   in  .
Play 2

It’s always nice to relive that fly in here in the world’s fastest pump.
It’s always nice to relive The Blood-Soaked Queen in spreading disease.
It’s always nice to relive peach vodka in over-sized scissors.
It’s always nice to relive a total fucking mess in a screaming dog.
It’s always nice to relive a pinch in daddy juice.
It’s always nice to relive suggesting a murder in meaningless symbols.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2020 Sep 8 at 19:12 PDT — Ed. 2020 Sep 8 at 19:12 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
The limitations of the flesh are an illusion
n

My favorite new band is “The Next Time and the Limitations of the Flesh Are an Illusion”.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the limitations of the flesh are an illusion.
The TSA has made new rules mandating the limitations of the flesh are an illusion on every commercial flight.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and the limitations of the flesh are an illusion.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in the limitations of the flesh are an illusion!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the limitations of the flesh are an illusion.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2020 Sep 8 at 19:13 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
An experimental humanoid
n

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me an experimental humanoid and it’s getting weird.
Making the best cookies requires my evil little body and an experimental humanoid.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was an experimental humanoid.
I noticed symptoms of crashing out of a window, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s an experimental humanoid!” but I’m not sure.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing an experimental humanoid is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Last Christmas, everyone got zoo smell under the tree and an experimental humanoid in their stockings!

 
 
2020 Sep 15 at 13:15 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 167
Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks
?

I got into my car and sat on Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks!
A new study found that giving employees compliments and Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks?
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks?
No thanks. My doctor said Rolling a wet cat in pop rocks makes defecation painful.

 
 
2020 Sep 18 at 00:17 PDT — Ed. 2020 Sep 18 at 00:19 PDT
Outcast
My points value is a hilarious example of numerical humor.

2009 Dec 13 • 563
80,085 ₧
I think I am too retarded to understand this thread. Can someone explain it to me in a simple way?
 
 
2020 Sep 26 at 00:48 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Go here http://www.superjer.com/forum/sah/ or click on Play SAH above

You need to have friends though :/

This thread is the place to submit new card ideas for the game. Every several months I copy the cards from here to the game, if they don't suck too much.
 
 
2020 Sep 30 at 18:15 PDT — Ed. 2020 Sep 30 at 18:17 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
A Victorian dildo
n

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a Victorian dildo.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: a Victorian dildo.
I’m late to my meeting for a Victorian dildo.
My wife printed me a certifcate for a Victorian dildo. I’m excited for tonight!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Victorian Dildo” syndrome!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a Victorian dildo when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!

 
 
2020 Oct 4 at 04:01 PDT
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