SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

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Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
The Make a Wish foundation had to close its doors after a dying kid asked for   and no one had the heart to tell them 'no'.

The Make a Wish foundation had to close its doors after a dying kid asked for any decent person and no one had the heart to tell them 'no'.
The Make a Wish foundation had to close its doors after a dying kid asked for a frantic woman and no one had the heart to tell them 'no'.
The Make a Wish foundation had to close its doors after a dying kid asked for my beautiful, transgender father and no one had the heart to tell them 'no'.
The Make a Wish foundation had to close its doors after a dying kid asked for snake jizz and no one had the heart to tell them 'no'.
The Make a Wish foundation had to close its doors after a dying kid asked for boiling water and no one had the heart to tell them 'no'.
The Make a Wish foundation had to close its doors after a dying kid asked for shitting glitter and no one had the heart to tell them 'no'.



Maybe a little wordy...
 
 
2020 Oct 15 at 19:23 PDT — Ed. 2020 Oct 15 at 19:26 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
My whole 5th grade class
nc

I like my women like I like my whole 5th grade class: getting slathered with pandering to the normies.
Vote for me and I’ll stop taking a flying leap, get rid of real, actual witchcraft, and give everyone my whole 5th grade class for free.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in my whole 5th grade class.
My religion demands that I must abstain from my whole 5th grade class. A touch however, is OK.
For Halloween we’re peeling my whole 5th grade class so it feels like eyeballs, and we made distended tubes so it feels like brains.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? My whole 5th grade class.

 
 
2020 Oct 17 at 01:52 PDT — Ed. 2020 Oct 17 at 02:05 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
My father made a living selling  {x}, he supported our whole family with that income.

My father made a living selling a bunch of kids, he supported our whole family with that income.
My father made a living selling a creepy dude, he supported our whole family with that income.
My father made a living selling alcohol, he supported our whole family with that income.
My father made a living selling pubes, he supported our whole family with that income.
My father made a living selling nipple placement, he supported our whole family with that income.
My father made a living selling a cheesy substance, he supported our whole family with that income.

 
 
2020 Oct 17 at 02:17 PDT — Ed. 2020 Oct 17 at 02:17 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
A woman who just got out of the shower
n

Back in my day, we only had a woman who just got out of the shower for the women and we LIKED IT.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Woman Who Just Got out of the Shower?
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a woman who just got out of the shower.
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with a woman who just got out of the shower?
It’s lucky to touch a woman who just got out of the shower; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
In my wild days I was licking, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a woman who just got out of the shower on the New Mexico border.

 
 
2020 Oct 26 at 09:51 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
Alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler
n

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler to treat Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster)!
Help! I’m alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler and I need YOU to do something about it!
Taco Bell® is the spice of alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler.
In some households, they’ve trained alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler to use the potty.
Alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler! Alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler! My kingdom for alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler!
I pushed hard enough to snap alleged Nazi Adolph Hitler, but some powerful kind of cough syrup was blocking the door.

 
 
2020 Oct 31 at 00:54 PDT — Ed. 2020 Oct 31 at 00:55 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Sex that gets you pregnant
nc

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by sex that gets you pregnant.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with sex that gets you pregnant jumping and nipping at me from below and even threatening my wife and child.
My girlfriend kicked sex that gets you pregnant, and now she’s a Japanese vending machine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from sex that gets you pregnant.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into sex that gets you pregnant.
I was surprised to find bones in sex that gets you pregnant. Is that normal?

 
 
2020 Nov 1 at 01:39 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Using the bathroom in a normal way
v

While you’re at the store can you pick up using the bathroom in a normal way, in family size?
10% of all proceeds from sales of Angelina Jolie’s lips will go to The Using the Bathroom in a Normal Way Foundation.
I’m using the bathroom in a normal way today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with tikka masala.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re using the bathroom in a normal way, get to the front of the line.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A finely sculpted buttock, the ’80s and using the bathroom in a normal way.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m using the bathroom in a normal way.


 
 
2020 Nov 4 at 01:59 PST — Ed. 2020 Nov 4 at 02:00 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Flipping over
v

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “flipping over,” over and over again while in use.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady flipping over with a boy with a penis.
R Kelly fantasizes about flipping over with a young Beyonce.
When I saw secret Jews I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, flipping over, I freaked!
My dream house has all the beer built in, an extra garage for flipping over, and that dirty little louse for the door bell.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with flipping over.

 
 
2020 Nov 13 at 12:34 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
A whale about to be disintegrated by TNT
n

I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT!
They didn’t have a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed zoo smell.
Amtrak officials confirm a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT would have prevented train derailment.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT and my card appeared in mercy killing!
“D” is for a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT.
Ever since the incident with a whale about to be disintegrated by TNT I’ve been haunted by a caring, understanding man.



Becoming fully disintegrated
v

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use becoming fully disintegrated to treat a felony!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “becoming fully disintegrated”.
In a world with gases and smoke becoming fully disintegrated, one man must overcome being in a state of total ecstasy. Coming this summer.
Thanks for becoming fully disintegrated last night. *wink* *wink*
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was becoming fully disintegrated.
Let a child with emotional issues host your next party, providing becoming fully disintegrated like you’ve never experienced before.

 
 
2020 Nov 13 at 13:35 PST — Ed. 2020 Nov 13 at 13:37 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
A breeding population of cat girls
n

I got a breeding population of cat girls as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with almost no air left?
A breeding population of cat girls is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just being an overweight bitch. Sorry.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a breeding population of cat girls.
Monopoly: Pity Edition comes with a breeding population of cat girls and Mom’s face instead of houses and hotels.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only my murder list and a breeding population of cat girls.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me a breeding population of cat girls and it’s getting weird.

 
 
2020 Nov 13 at 20:58 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
What looks to me like a real penis
n

But I promised I would get my kids what looks to me like a real penis for Christmas!
I got what looks to me like a real penis as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with two firetrucks?
In this game you get to collect hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex and craft what looks to me like a real penis.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using what looks to me like a real penis to forage for food.
My displeasure torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get what looks to me like a real penis from a suspected terrorist.
The Sword of Damocles was what looks to me like a real penis hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.

 
 
2020 Nov 16 at 12:24 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
The Country Bear Jamboree
n

My religion demands that I must abstain from The Country Bear Jamboree. Being ashamed of your nakedness however, is OK.
The truly rich have mansions with The Country Bear Jamboree room, the black president room, and servants to handle an exploitative sex tape.
Chase bank is giving out The Country Bear Jamboree this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
I’m ghosts who don’t know what they’re doing today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with The Country Bear Jamboree.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy The Country Bear Jamboree that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Let’s wait for a made up racial slur to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get The Country Bear Jamboree.

 
 
2020 Nov 20 at 12:01 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
A sea cucumber can eject  {s} from the anus in self-defense.

A sea cucumber can eject a slut who will do anything from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject a ceremonial ribbon from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject the Dutch oven from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject my murder list from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject a scissor session from the anus in self-defense.



Sticky filaments
np

10% of all proceeds from sales of sticky filaments will go to The Raping an Entire Family Including the Dog Foundation.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into sticky filaments! She’s 62!
Although moving away from sticky filaments proved effective for schools, the switch to another way in initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with sticky filaments! It’s all here in my manifesto!
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a backdoor woman, with sticky filaments around the edges, and bodily fluids on top.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with sticky filaments.

 
 
2020 Nov 20 at 19:47 PST — Ed. 2020 Nov 20 at 19:47 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Being blocked by glaciers
v

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of being blocked by glaciers on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride each hole, sequentially. It made me feel like I was being blocked by glaciers.
I saw mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be being blocked by glaciers with us.”
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is being blocked by glaciers.
The only thing standing in your way is being blocked by glaciers.
I’m the ashes of your beloved dog today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with being blocked by glaciers.

 
 
Dec 5 at 15:52 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
The blood of live crabs
n

There’s always time for the blood of live crabs before breakfast.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the blood of live crabs went off early, ejecting you and me into the air!
10% of all proceeds from sales of the blood of live crabs will go to The Truck Stop Sex Foundation.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had the blood of live crabs destroyed and shame killed as well.
No one in Morocco can be the blood of live crabs without registering with the government.
Honey, you can’t keep putting the blood of live crabs down the garbage disposal!

 
 
Dec 8 at 09:50 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The two remaining Beastie Boys
n

Her inheritance was squandered upon the two remaining Beastie Boys while Cinderella was abused and forced to become it to come out the other end in her own home.
When you two are done hatching out of an egg, can we please get the two remaining Beastie Boys and get out of here?!
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include the two remaining Beastie Boys, Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face, dry mouth, and my DNA.
Great job on the proposal for shooting a rabbit with an arrow, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the two remaining Beastie Boys.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit oral passion and acquire the two remaining Beastie Boys!
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed the two remaining Beastie Boys.

 
 
Dec 8 at 11:12 PST — Ed. Dec 8 at 11:12 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Letting Jesus take the wheel
v

A good description of sex, suitable for children: Real, actual witchcraft; Hitler’s dildo; letting Jesus take the wheel.
Just the tip is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just letting Jesus take the wheel. Sorry.
I’m going to post the new white card "letting Jesus take the wheel" to SAH. What do you think to a joke from the Internet?
See now black people walk like butt stuff. But white people -- white people walk like they’re letting Jesus take the wheel!
The problem with America is letting Jesus take the wheel.
Pool rules: No running. No letting Jesus take the wheel. Keep the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago out of the deep end.

 
 
Dec 15 at 13:15 PST — Ed. Dec 15 at 13:15 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Performing a sex act
v

The media’s nonstop coverage of performing a sex act is just to distract us from whatEVER.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be performing a sex act while I’m threatening my wife and child!
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with performing a sex act, a naturopathic remedy.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of narcotics and the words “performing a sex act”. I don’t get it!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all performing a sex act when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
All the best love stories include performing a sex act.

 
 
Dec 15 at 18:31 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
A medieval siege engine
n

Help! I’m a medieval siege engine and I need YOU to do something about it!
I think a lot of people would pay to see a medieval siege engine.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a medieval siege engine.”
Dad! I’m all done breaking a promise, so I have a medieval siege engine left over if you’re still interested.
The weirdest thing about a medieval siege engine is that sometimes even girls have a medieval siege engine.
We’re having a loading screen situation. Watch out for a medieval siege engine and please stand by...

 
 
Dec 24 at 04:56 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
either/or

The ziggurat
n

The weirdest thing about the ziggurat is that sometimes even girls have the ziggurat.
During routine surgery, the doctors found the ziggurat embedded in my abdomen.
In a world with a child muzzle popping out of the ground, one man must overcome the ziggurat. Coming this summer.
In the first Battle of the Ziggurat he faced an injection, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The ziggurat is always a contest when I’m involved.
We can be the ziggurat. And no one has to know.



The temple atop a ziggurat
n

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am murdering everyone who is different from you. Would you like to try our new special, the temple atop a ziggurat?
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into the temple atop a ziggurat, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a child drowning in a vat of molasses.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of the temple atop a ziggurat.
The city put in new road signs to indicate the temple atop a ziggurat just up ahead.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “the temple atop a ziggurat,” with a picture of a humiliated animal.
I thought I was alone with the temple atop a ziggurat but my mom walked in. We got to letting her in and I felt better.

 
 
Dec 27 at 16:35 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Exercise with my sister
nc

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to exercise with my sister, even before I put on my clothes.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like exercise with my sister.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got exercise with my sister out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I want to be buried with exercise with my sister.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s exercise with my sister.
Exercise with my sister has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

 
 
Dec 29 at 14:31 PST — Ed. Dec 29 at 14:34 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
The only kind of safe sex is  .

The only kind of safe sex is the brave men and women fighting for us.
The only kind of safe sex is a system of tunnels leading to key locations.
The only kind of safe sex is a touch.
The only kind of safe sex is wings.
The only kind of safe sex is a child predator.
The only kind of safe sex is closing her legs.



Sex in a safe
v

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for sex in a safe and putting up with you at the assembly line.
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with sex in a safe?
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began sex in a safe in front of his top supporters.
I don’t need love because I’m sex in a safe. Sorry mom!
Vote for me and I’ll stop sex in a safe, get rid of alien technology, and give everyone a night of unrestrained passion for free.
Go, go, Gadget Sex in a Safe!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 29 at 14:45 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
Get out of my room, mom! I'm  !

Get out of my room, mom! I'm the white bitch!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm an automated turret!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm unexpected penetration!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm dating your daughter!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm a broken man!
Get out of my room, mom! I'm a Japanese vending machine!



The Viet Cong
np

The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... the Viet Cong.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of the Viet Cong.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only the Viet Cong and lethal radiation come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
The dog ate a sociopath so we’re waiting for the Viet Cong.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of the Viet Cong in its food processing operations.
I’m the Viet Cong today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with hoping nothing kills you.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 29 at 14:51 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
The new hit Broadway show  : The Musical.

The new hit Broadway show racist bullshit: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show Winona Ryder’s leather jacket: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show a harbor for your unclean thoughts: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show somersaults: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show a lumberjack orgy: The Musical.
The new hit Broadway show Big Gay: The Musical.



Collaborate and listen
vt

Today you’re on the receiving end of collaborate and listen.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m collaborate and listen.
Guys. Guys! Collaborate and listen is getting a little close to ​mmmiiillllennn​NNIAAALLSS!!!!
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for collaborate and listen.
The HOA says I can’t raise a comfortable spot on my property. Meanwhile no word about collaborate and listen at the Jones’s!
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all collaborate and listen, right while I’m raping an entire family including the dog.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 29 at 14:51 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
Singapore now has a new holiday where   is celebrated.

Singapore now has a new holiday where female breast tissue is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where a falling chimney is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where your grandmother, who loves you is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where wet cat food is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where lacerations is celebrated.
Singapore now has a new holiday where a protective membrane is celebrated.



I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of   again!

I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of a gurgling anus again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of irresponsible parenting again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of a wild animal again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of a rough testicle again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of Tony’s prison baby again!
I failed ‘No Nut November’ because of my VERY jealous, protective pet spider again!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 29 at 15:30 PST
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