SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

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Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
The only good meme in 2016 was  .

The only good meme in 2016 was having peed.
The only good meme in 2016 was Milla Jovovich’s dirty underwear.
The only good meme in 2016 was my bacon strip.
The only good meme in 2016 was the pilot, who died instantly.
The only good meme in 2016 was not a single lion.
The only good meme in 2016 was being fucking dead.



As Shakespeare once said, “ .”

As Shakespeare once said, “literal sugar tits.”
As Shakespeare once said, “the penis.”
As Shakespeare once said, “a wet burst.”
As Shakespeare once said, “beets. Mashed beets.”
As Shakespeare once said, “a woman’s ankles.”
As Shakespeare once said, “fate.”


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 29 at 15:30 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
Even more lotion
nc

My pharmacist separated a lumberjack orgy into two parts, and carefully lowered one into even more lotion.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be succumbing to nature and where does even more lotion come in?
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, even more lotion every single day.
Senator, give me even more lotion and you’ll get my vote.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as even more lotion surfaced from below.
When the beef came at me it was like even more lotion.



Death and suffering
vt

My publisher demanded I remove death and suffering from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
The rich aroma of death and suffering, from the hills of Colombia.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s death and suffering.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of years of pain. Half the country is death and suffering.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly death and suffering right in front of their children.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by death and suffering.



Many, many tiny bodies
np

Pool rules: No running. No curses. Keep many, many tiny bodies out of the deep end.
Guys. Guys! Many, many tiny bodies is getting a little close to giggling schoolgirls with cameras!
In future times, the children will work together to build many, many tiny bodies.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a list of names and now I’m having trouble with many, many tiny bodies.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into many, many tiny bodies and stopped.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Many, Many Tiny Bodies!” You’re cursed with my hater until the end of the game!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 30 at 01:49 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
A gremlin that wants your poop
n

I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a gremlin that wants your poop.
My favorite new band is “A Nosedive and a Gremlin That Wants Your Poop”.
This land is a gremlin that wants your poop land, this land is KA-BLAM!! land.
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a gremlin that wants your poop.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a gremlin that wants your poop and can be used for mailing anthrax.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a gremlin that wants your poop and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like reduced brain intelligence.

 
 
Dec 30 at 10:38 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Somebody else's pussy
n

Somebody else's pussy? That’s my fetish!
If mom hears us talking about somebody else's pussy we’ll be SO grounded!
Experts said that based on preliminary data, somebody else's pussy appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had somebody else's pussy removed so she can live a normal life.
At work I secretly have somebody else's pussy under my desk.
How high do you have to be to put somebody else's pussy on greed, secrets, poison and murder?

 
 
Dec 30 at 19:33 PST — Ed. Dec 30 at 19:33 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight
n

A new study found that giving employees compliments and the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
That kind of attitude is why we have the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight now.
This food is so good it’s making the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight quiver!
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight removed from her and an unexpected finger removed from me.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight in the pillows.
My wife printed me a certifcate for the merciless clutch of the enraged corpse-knight. I’m excited for tonight!

 
 
Jan 6 at 11:10 PST — Ed. Jan 6 at 11:11 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Your son's exposed balls
np

The best comfort food will always be greens, your son's exposed balls, and fried chicken.
Guys. Guys! Some kind of magic juice is getting a little close to your son's exposed balls!
For my last meal I want Dad’s ass seasoned lightly with your son's exposed balls.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about your son's exposed balls.
I like your son's exposed balls like I like my coffee: yanking hard, put in a sack, and dragged across complete removal of the head.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of bedding and a Fedex full of your son's exposed balls.

 
 
Jan 22 at 18:24 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
My adult daughter
n

I saw my adult daughter down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be torturing your family with us.”
This new Mario game is weird. You need my adult daughter to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying crush beast.
Always hold on to my adult daughter to remember me.
Chase bank is giving out my adult daughter this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
I thought I was alone with my adult daughter but my mom walked in. We got to touching my deformity and I felt better.
Go, go, Gadget My Adult Daughter!

 
 
Jan 23 at 16:28 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
My other daughter, Jenny
n

These special lenses help colorblind people see that my other daughter, Jenny is blowing in my ear.
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s my other daughter, Jenny.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in my other daughter, Jenny.
It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of my other daughter, Jenny off the grill.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in my other daughter, Jenny.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on my other daughter, Jenny when I bought another leopard.

 
 
Jan 23 at 16:30 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The noise you make
nc

At the coffee shop they put “the noise you make” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for the noise you make.
Introducing, The The Noise You Make diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find the noise you make.
Opinions are like the noise you make. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in the noise you make. That’s supposed to help me with a grave error?!

 
 
Jan 25 at 11:56 PST — Ed. Jan 25 at 12:04 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Someone else's pee stream
n

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be slipping on a jizz slick and where does someone else's pee stream come in?
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, switching genitals, sloth, wrath, someone else's pee stream, and pride.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a sarcastic horse. It made me feel like I was someone else's pee stream.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called leopard print top hats, are the passages for someone else's pee stream to flow.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Someone Else's Pee Stream.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: T-boning an ambulance, someone else's pee stream and a mindless animal response.

 
 
Jan 25 at 16:12 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
Intensive brain conditioning
vt

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about intensive brain conditioning.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there intensive brain conditioning. Gross.
When I get older, I don’t want to be intensive brain conditioning.
There is no revenge so complete as intensive brain conditioning.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like intensive brain conditioning.
Intensive brain conditioning in the hand is worth two in the bush.

 
 
Feb 2 at 01:07 PST — Ed. Feb 2 at 01:07 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
A donkey that has been utterly defeated
n

You can’t keep running around like a donkey that has been utterly defeated, you’re endangering poorly orchestrated group sex!
Sir! We are out of gay shit, but we found a donkey that has been utterly defeated while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were a donkey that has been utterly defeated.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a donkey that has been utterly defeated.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a donkey that has been utterly defeated painted on both sides, which some say encourages a fun game.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a donkey that has been utterly defeated. I found him plummeting from 20,000 feet.

 
 
Feb 6 at 13:41 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Muscle turds
np

It’s time to scrape the remains of muscle turds off the driveway.
I was so surprised to see muscle turds that the ends fell out of my mouth.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a cat in a paper bag. She has stated, “I prefer muscle turds.”
10% of all proceeds from sales of anything on the face of this earth will go to The Muscle Turds Foundation.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of muscle turds in its food processing operations.
Alexander also named a city in India “Muscle Turds” after his dead horse.

 
 
Feb 6 at 17:06 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 392
11 ₧
Silky smooth knees
np

This land is a kiss on the lips land, this land is silky smooth knees land.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about silky smooth knees.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see silky smooth knees spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to silky smooth knees.
What will we do with silky smooth knees early in the morning?
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s Woman 2.0, with silky smooth knees around the edges, and a mass of lymphatic tissue on top.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Feb 9 at 01:42 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 668
175 ₧
A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole
np

I heard you were talking about A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole so I had to come over!
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole for the first time!
Sir! We are out of A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole, but we found a damned soul while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
A salesman came to the door selling A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole. I didn’t open. He slid “forensic evidence” (semen) under the door.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole removed so she can live a normal life.

 
 
Feb 13 at 22:32 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The endless onslaught of sperm
n

Ah, the endless onslaught of sperm for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with the endless onslaught of sperm.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to the endless onslaught of sperm.
I love your necklace! It’s the endless onslaught of sperm, right?
The endless onslaught of sperm can wear down exact science, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under the endless onslaught of sperm.

 
 
Feb 14 at 10:42 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
Triggering the release of a tiger
v

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and triggering the release of a tiger.
During the war, German scientists experimented with triggering the release of a tiger to weaponize a gaggle of nuns.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, triggering the release of a tiger appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I make a man in a meat suit for my cat by triggering the release of a tiger with no evidence of any infidelity. Oreo loves it!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS LOOSE MORALS TRIGGERING THE RELEASE OF A TIGER.”
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re triggering the release of a tiger and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

 
 
Feb 18 at 00:34 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
A very fast jet of particles
n

During my driving test, I backed my car into a very fast jet of particles. I still got an 85!
My spirit animal: a very fast jet of particles.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s screaming, with a very fast jet of particles around the edges, and a tuba full of mayonnaise on top.
My wife wears a very fast jet of particles after Labor Day because audacity is always in style.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a very fast jet of particles” incident in the science lab.
No one in Morocco can be a very fast jet of particles without registering with the government.

 
 
Feb 26 at 11:59 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The whole purpose of having a toilet
n

At the Amazon Go store you can grab the whole purpose of having a toilet and walk right out the door without burning my junk.
I like my women like I like the whole purpose of having a toilet: leaving your friends to die with deliberately standing in front of a cannon.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used the whole purpose of having a toilet.
The whole purpose of having a toilet! The whole purpose of having a toilet! My kingdom for the whole purpose of having a toilet!
Music without the sounds of the whole purpose of having a toilet is hardly music at all.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was the whole purpose of having a toilet and tried to attack it.

 
 
Mar 1 at 18:41 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6392
An underfunded school
n

Howdy neighbor, love an underfunded school! Let’s get a backdoor woman sometime!
Music without the sounds of an underfunded school is hardly music at all.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up an underfunded school in every room.
On the assembly line we heat an underfunded school to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is giving good solid advice.
I didn’t think this house would sell with an underfunded school in the attic. Anyway, I’m a face-hugger.
The referee just issued a red card to sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt for sliding into an underfunded school.

 
 
Mar 12 at 09:35 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Leopards dying at unprecedented rates
np

On Ebay you can get leopards dying at unprecedented rates but it may be counterfeit.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like leopards dying at unprecedented rates and can be used for vomiting gore all over your face.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Leopards dying at unprecedented rates and evil thinking.
My dream house has leopards dying at unprecedented rates built in, an extra garage for Disneyland!, and a really long nose hair for the door bell.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from leopards dying at unprecedented rates, and the eco-glass windows trap in our own biological child.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: leopards dying at unprecedented rates.

 
 
Mar 15 at 08:07 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
The diet of  {npc} consists primarily of fish, but also includes  {npc}.
Play 2

The diet of the reanimated corpse of my neighbor consists primarily of fish, but also includes sweat and dead skin.
The diet of the power of love consists primarily of fish, but also includes failure.
The diet of peeeeeeeEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEnnnnnnnNN​NNNNNisssss​sssssssssss​ssssss consists primarily of fish, but also includes nipple placement.
The diet of a weak spot consists primarily of fish, but also includes one mile of train rail.
The diet of apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down consists primarily of fish, but also includes a 57-foot-diameter tunnel boring machine.
The diet of Christopher Lloyd holding a dog consists primarily of fish, but also includes a humiliated animal.

 
 
Mar 16 at 08:31 PDT — Ed. Mar 16 at 08:41 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
A well-executed spin jump
n

I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of a Well-executed Spin Jump.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Pakistani cosmonauts and a well-executed spin jump.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a well-executed spin jump that overturned their car.
Growing up we never had giggle shits, but we had to deal with a well-executed spin jump.
I chipped my tooth on a crudely-drawn dick. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t a well-executed spin jump.
A well-executed spin jump gets me into some awkward situations. But a good girl has always got my back.

 
 
Mar 16 at 08:48 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
Milky chowder
nc

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood milky chowder.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re milky chowder!
Always walk into an interview with milky chowder and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate glittery eyelashes.
Honey, you can’t keep putting milky chowder down the garbage disposal!
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a big, heavy shotgun, ginger beer, and a squeeze of milky chowder. Serve in just the tip.
Can I get some floss? There’s milky chowder between my teeth.

 
 
Mar 24 at 16:58 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4715
1,227 ₧
A matryoshka doll full of cat poop
n

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “a matryoshka doll full of cat poop,” over and over again while in use.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a matryoshka doll full of cat poop.
Help! I’m a matryoshka doll full of cat poop and I need YOU to do something about it!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a matryoshka doll full of cat poop.”
A matryoshka doll full of cat poop in the hand is worth two in the bush.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a matryoshka doll full of cat poop from dispensaries.

 
 
Mar 28 at 17:17 PDT
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