SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 25 26 27 [28] 29
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
He’s just mad because he didn’t get  .

He’s just mad because he didn’t get Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get doing a bad job at pooping.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get waiting to kill.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get many people.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get pendulous breasts.
He’s just mad because he didn’t get consensual manslaughter.

 
 
Aug 15 at 09:15 PDT — Ed. Aug 15 at 10:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
Being subjected to a vibe check
v

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to being subjected to a vibe check.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling three carrots. The driver was being subjected to a vibe check.
Ich bin ein being subjected to a vibe check.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a fistful of hair will go to The Being Subjected to a Vibe Check Foundation.
Today the Senate is voting on being subjected to a vibe check.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider being subjected to a vibe check.

 
 
Aug 18 at 12:08 PDT — Ed. Aug 18 at 12:09 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4720
1,227 ₧
Significantly more fluid than expected
nc

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “significantly more fluid than expected.”
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and significantly more fluid than expected came rolling after him, but he escaped by wearing a noose to be edgy!
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with significantly more fluid than expected.
Jeez! Who slipped significantly more fluid than expected in your Cheerios™ this morning?
That kind of attitude is why we have significantly more fluid than expected now.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as significantly more fluid than expected surfaced from below.

 
 
Aug 19 at 19:07 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4720
1,227 ₧
A halloween-themed marshmallow
n

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle a halloween-themed marshmallow.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a halloween-themed marshmallow and is carrying hot grills.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a halloween-themed marshmallow
A halloween-themed marshmallow is always a contest when I’m involved.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a halloween-themed marshmallow knowing hell!
I wasn’t always black... there was a halloween-themed marshmallow, and it got bigger and bigger.

 
 
Aug 22 at 14:37 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
A poonhound
n

Sir! We are out of inquisitive middle schoolers, but we found a poonhound while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Growing up we never had a poonhound, but we had to deal with a vibrator with a voice.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift nothingness over my head, but a poonhound got in the way.
I’m sure I blew a poonhound in this napkin somewhere.
A poonhound? That’s my fetish!
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a poonhound.

 
 
Aug 23 at 19:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
A couple of dipshits
n

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a couple of dipshits!”
1) A robot may not injure a couple of dipshits, or through inaction allow a couple of dipshits to come to harm.
My spirit animal: a couple of dipshits.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a couple of dipshits so relaxing.
I pushed hard enough to snap a couple of dipshits, but some powerful kind of donkeydump was blocking the door.
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at a couple of dipshits.

 
 
Aug 23 at 19:49 PDT — Ed. Aug 23 at 19:52 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 672
175 ₧
A monkey's vest
n

The number one issue for voters is the economy, followed by a monkey's vest and healthcare.
I think there’s a monkey's vest convention going on downtown.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a monkey's vest, even before I put on my clothes.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a monkey's vest.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a monkey's vest.
Pundits agree it will take a monkey's vest for the senator to win the election.

 
 
Aug 24 at 15:17 PDT — Ed. Aug 24 at 15:17 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 672
175 ₧
There's a 2-for-1 sale on  {n} but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!

There's a 2-for-1 sale on mammaries but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on pity but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on ice cold seawater but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on dat ass but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on a traffic cone full of bibimbap but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!
There's a 2-for-1 sale on unladylike musculature but WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?!

 
 
Aug 24 at 15:18 PDT — Ed. Aug 24 at 15:18 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 672
175 ₧
A public whipping
n

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should get a public whipping.
A public whipping really messes up my butt complexion!
Honey, you can’t keep putting a public whipping down the garbage disposal!
Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, a public whipping?
Apparently, “a Public Whipping” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I can’t swing a cat around here without hitting a public whipping!



A public whipping
v

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start fornicating all day, every day before a public whipping.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a public whipping.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a public whipping.
This workplace has gone (0) days without a public whipping.
Doctor! My child has a public whipping coursing through his veins!
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with a public whipping.

 
 
Aug 26 at 03:10 PDT — Ed. Aug 26 at 03:11 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 394
11 ₧
Peppermint-flavored playdough
nc

I’ll never know why my grandparents find peppermint-flavored playdough so relaxing.
The HOA says I can’t have peppermint-flavored playdough on my own damn property.
Sir! We are out of MREs, but we found peppermint-flavored playdough in these crates. Shall we ration it to the men?
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused peppermint-flavored playdough in the streets.
Monopoly: Peppermint-flavored Playdough Edition is taking the board-gaming world by storm.
I bought peppermint-flavored playdough yesterday and now I can’t stop hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Aug 29 at 21:45 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 394
11 ₧
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand  .

This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand booms and flashes.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand an eyebrow.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand work.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand being in the way.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand an improvised explosive device.
This is the story of one man's misguided attempt to understand both ends.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Aug 29 at 21:47 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4720
1,227 ₧
Several approximations of a penis
np

I clean several approximations of a penis by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up shivering and moaning.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in several approximations of a penis in the middle of each intersection.
The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of several approximations of a penis.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate several approximations of a penis.
People around the world recognize several approximations of a penis as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in several approximations of a penis.

 
 
Sep 4 at 15:45 PDT — Ed. Sep 4 at 15:45 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4720
1,227 ₧
Snaking around
v

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “snaking around.”
Happiness: My butt surgery, a gay vagina, and snaking around.
What the accounting department lacks in attractiveness, we make up for in snaking around.
My spirit animal: snaking around.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of snaking around came on the screen.
There’s always time for snaking around before breakfast.

 
 
Sep 5 at 22:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
Being questioned by the police
v

I love children because you can never tell if they are being questioned by the police or getting wrapped around a tree.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS BEING QUESTIONED BY THE POLICE.”
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of being questioned by the police.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and being questioned by the police.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Being Questioned by the Police Day.
I chipped my tooth. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t being questioned by the police.



Being deleted by the Chinese government
v

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Being Deleted by the Chinese Government.
The media’s nonstop coverage of a blaring fire alarm is just to distract us from being deleted by the Chinese government.
Interested in my services? Mail me at: hiding-some-pee@being-deleted-by-the-chinese-government.biz
That’s not funny. My sweet father was killed by being deleted by the Chinese government.
I got so drunk last night that I got being deleted by the Chinese government all over everyone and everything.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were being deleted by the Chinese government.

 
 
Sep 9 at 11:24 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
The incident
n

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in the incident.
At my 9th birthday, we had the incident piñata that burst open showering female breast tissue on us kids.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with the incident.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had the incident removed so he could pleasure himself.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for the incident?
The cruiseliner struck the incident and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers stranded.

 
 
Sep 10 at 14:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
My pivot foot
n

The letters on a modern keyboard come from typewriters, which were arranged by my pivot foot.
The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into my pivot foot.
When I was bodybuilding I foolishly tried to dead-lift my pivot foot.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was my pivot foot.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed my pivot foot.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with the power of my pivot foot.

 
 
Sep 10 at 15:03 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 672
175 ₧
The Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu
n

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu.
Welcome to factory. This machine over here makes the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Shepherds in Scotland have used the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu for years to keep the flock in line.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu come in?
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was the Gameboy port of Shaq-Fu.

 
 
Sep 12 at 22:45 PDT — Ed. Sep 12 at 22:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
Puppy saliva
nc

Last night was the tragic result of puppy saliva.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear. So bring puppy saliva.
Imagine puppy saliva, taxidermied, and over the fireplace. Beautiful.
They didn’t have puppy saliva at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed regular kibble.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into puppy saliva and stopped.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch puppy saliva and her butthole.

 
 
Sep 13 at 14:44 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
Barely any reason to live
n

Don’t leave the door open! Barely any reason to live will get in.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Barely Any Reason to Live Blast!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, barely any reason to live, sloth, wrath, a line, and pride.
Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like barely any reason to live.
Last Christmas, I gave you barely any reason to live. The very next day, you gave it away.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re barely any reason to live, get to the front of the line.

 
 
Sep 13 at 14:45 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4720
1,227 ₧
A chicken that don't act right
n

My publisher demanded I remove a chicken that don't act right from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A chicken that don't act right.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a chicken that don't act right that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a chicken that don't act right.
I just dug up a chicken that don't act right in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!
When the celestial spheres align, a chicken that don't act right will descend from the heavens.

 
 
Sep 13 at 15:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
Doing something really rad
v

This land is doing something really rad land, this land is the tickle zone land.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle doing something really rad.
You’re not a mom! You’re just doing something really rad!
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly doing something really rad right in front of their children.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain doing something really rad?
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Doing something really rad.

 
 
Sep 13 at 17:19 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 672
175 ₧
Dunno if these are a bit long:

A refined southern gentleman
n

4 out of 5 doctors recommend a refined southern gentleman.
Oh no! Mom sold a refined southern gentleman at the charity shop!
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting a refined southern gentleman in my pool.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Refined Southern Gentleman.
In the bathroom at the mall I dropped a refined southern gentleman in the toilet.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “A-refined-southern-gentleman-coin”



Some chick I met on the subway
nc

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should get some chick I met on the subway.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Some chick I met on the subway.
Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does Some Chick I Met on the Subway.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about some chick I met on the subway?
The dog is barking at some chick I met on the subway again.
After Lincoln was shot, some chick I met on the subway briefly became the next president.

 
 
Sep 15 at 15:24 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 672
175 ₧
A totally legitimate pants factory
n

You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a totally legitimate pants factory.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Totally Legitimate Pants Factory?
I was surprised to find bones in a totally legitimate pants factory. Is that normal?
I heard you were talking about a totally legitimate pants factory so I had to come over!
I like a totally legitimate pants factory like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer!
You should come over. I’ve got lots of a totally legitimate pants factory at my place.

 
 
Sep 17 at 17:27 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
Being violently homosexual
v

I love children because you can never tell if they are being violently homosexual or sneaking into the sultan’s harem.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in being violently homosexual.
Don't you hate when you see being violently homosexual in the carpool lane?
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with being violently homosexual.
The dog is barking at being violently homosexual again.
Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like being violently homosexual.

 
 
Sep 21 at 13:44 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6404
Creating God
v

I saw two hobos fighting over less chaos behind the library. One of them was creating God.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for creating God.
It’s not delivery. It’s creating God.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of creating God.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began creating God.
My favorite new band is “Creating God”.



Angering God
v

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found angering God sticking to the wall.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there angering God. Gross.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: angering God.
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused angering God in the streets.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: angering God.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in angering God together.



God
n

Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: The Inside flavor? God flavor?!
My wife wears God after Labor Day because audacity is always in style.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into God, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.
You spent all your food-stamps on God?!
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like God.
Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting God in my pool.

 
 
Sep 29 at 17:10 PDT
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