SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

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aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
Everything except your dick
n

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out everything except your dick for free on every corner.
Amtrak officials confirm everything except your dick would have prevented train derailment.
Everything except your dick slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”
Sometimes I wish I could just lock everything except your dick and a frantic woman in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
Jesus is everything except your dick.
John “a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim” Smith. The genius who brought us everything except your dick.

 
 
Feb 17 at 01:12 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
How come   stinks so bad this time?

How come no black child stinks so bad this time?
How come Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole stinks so bad this time?
How come rolling eyes stinks so bad this time?
How come a big bomb stinks so bad this time?
How come dat ass stinks so bad this time?
How come the reanimated corpse of my neighbor stinks so bad this time?

 
 
Feb 17 at 01:14 PST — Ed. Feb 17 at 01:16 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
The cool fluid
n

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for the cool fluid.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw the cool fluid at a player from the stands.
You stole the cool fluid from a child?
Ever since the incident with the cool fluid I’ve been haunted.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Cool Fluid” after his dead horse.
No thanks. My doctor said the cool fluid makes defecation painful.

 
 
Feb 18 at 19:33 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
I was unable to move when I felt  {n} enter my anus.

I was unable to move when I felt a bloody thing that popped enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt a crusty dish rag enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt pregnancy enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt frozen people enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt a dusty butthole enter my anus.
I was unable to move when I felt a dead clown on the stairs enter my anus.

 
 
Feb 18 at 19:34 PST — Ed. Feb 18 at 22:59 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
These little bastards
np

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is these little bastards.
The dog is barking at these little bastards again.
For Christmas, everyone got these little bastards in their stockings!
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, these little bastards emerged.
I found out why I’m always sick... they found these little bastards in the walls at my office.
Ha! You activated my trap card, you’re cursed with these little bastards until the end of the game!



Those little bastards
np

The Great Wall was actually built to keep those little bastards out of mainland China.
Scorpions can shed those little bastards in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get those little bastards removed from us both.
Today you’re on the receiving end of those little bastards.
During routine surgery, the doctors found those little bastards embedded in my abdomen.
Today I bought those little bastards from the back of a van. They also threw in your husband, which I didn’t even think was legal.

 
 
Feb 21 at 06:04 PST — Ed. Feb 21 at 06:05 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
My pimp
nc

Wolves don’t eat my pimp, and neither should kings.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with my pimp! It’s all here in my manifesto!
The sign at the fountain says not to throw my pimp in.
My-Pimp-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
The transferred sperm cells are kept in my pimp, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
I got so drunk last night that I got my pimp all over everyone and everything.



My weed dealer
nc

I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is my weed dealer.
1) A robot may not injure my weed dealer, or through inaction allow my weed dealer to come to harm.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how my weed dealer happens.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “My Weed Dealer” syndrome!
Life Hack: use Band-Aids to stick my weed dealer to your family photo.
For Halloween we’re peeling grapes so they feel like eyeballs, and we prepared my weed dealer so it feels like brains.

 
 
Feb 22 at 00:36 PST
blopp
2022 Feb 22 • 1
Replace the nuclear family with  

Replace the nuclear family with shitting all over me
Replace the nuclear family with hindquarters
Replace the nuclear family with needing one more inch
Replace the nuclear family with adult language
Replace the nuclear family with catching one in the bum
Replace the nuclear family with a crusty dish rag

 
 
Feb 22 at 14:02 PST — Ed. Feb 22 at 14:03 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
This powder I bought on Amazon
n

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about this powder I bought on Amazon?
During routine surgery, the doctors found this powder I bought on Amazon embedded in my abdomen.
The MacBook Air weighs 1.1 lbs and comes with a USB-C port and this powder I bought on Amazon! Groovy!
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found this powder I bought on Amazon inside.
Art can be defined by the “fun” stuff but only if it gets you this powder I bought on Amazon and inspired.
I’m sure I blew this powder I bought on Amazon in this napkin somewhere.



Some powder I bought on Amazon
nc

Some powder I bought on Amazon really messes up my butt complexion!
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for some powder I bought on Amazon.
The letters on a modern keyboard come from typewriters, which were arranged by some powder I bought on Amazon.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy my hood, and you get some powder I bought on Amazon as a sign up bonus.
Are you there God? It’s me, some powder I bought on Amazon.
What will we do with some powder I bought on Amazon early in the morning?



I think this iteration is the winner:
This sack of chemicals I bought on Amazon
n

At BASF we don’t make this sack of chemicals I bought on Amazon. We make this sack of chemicals I bought on Amazon better.
Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with this sack of chemicals I bought on Amazon.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: This sack of chemicals I bought on Amazon.
The media’s nonstop coverage of 50 years is just to distract us from this sack of chemicals I bought on Amazon.
The Spice girls are getting back together with a new member: This Sack of Chemicals I Bought on Amazon Spice!
This food is so good it’s making this sack of chemicals I bought on Amazon quiver!

 
 
Feb 23 at 05:12 PST — Ed. Feb 23 at 05:14 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6445
Calmly shredding a mouse
v

Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for calmly shredding a mouse.
I saw two hobos fighting over amniotic fluid behind the library. One of them was calmly shredding a mouse.
I make treats for my cat by calmly shredding a mouse with mom. Oreo loves it!
I noticed symptoms of sad people doing sad things for their sad lives, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s calmly shredding a mouse!” but I’m not sure.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk calmly shredding a mouse.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m calmly shredding a mouse.

 
 
Feb 23 at 13:39 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6445
A screeching hawk
n

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a screeching hawk.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a screeching hawk.
Politics. The Blowing in My Ear Party, is always trying to shove a screeching hawk down our throats.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, a screeching hawk came out onto the bed.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch a screeching hawk and her butthole.
Thanks for a screeching hawk last night. *wink* *wink*

 
 
Feb 23 at 13:40 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
Sex toys designed for adults
np

Music without the sounds of sex toys designed for adults is hardly music at all.
I heard you were talking about sex toys designed for adults so I had to come over!
My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel Sex-toys-designed-for-adults-iatto with whip and sprinkles.
Sex toys designed for adults has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Could you buy me sex toys designed for adults? I’ll pay you back.
Don't you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with sex toys designed for adults?

 
 
Feb 24 at 09:05 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
Real heroes don't wear  , they wear  .
Play 2

Real heroes don't wear some next-level shit, they wear getting groped by a senator.
Real heroes don't wear killing protesters, they wear a mortal wound.
Real heroes don't wear bedding, they wear strong thighs.
Real heroes don't wear a homeless man jerking it on the bus, they wear daddy in his underpants.
Real heroes don't wear my beautiful, transgender father, they wear flailing.
Real heroes don't wear a determined shark, they wear success.

 
 
Feb 24 at 09:08 PST — Ed. Feb 24 at 09:09 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
My magic cape
n

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still my magic cape!
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my magic cape and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I reached expectantly into another leopard, but found only my magic cape.
Throw my magic cape at your enemies to distract them.
When the beef came at me it was like my magic cape.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see my magic cape spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.

 
 
Feb 24 at 09:11 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
A sad boy with two broken arms
n

I want to be buried with a sad boy with two broken arms.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a sad boy with two broken arms.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a sad boy with two broken arms in its food processing operations.
Wolves don’t eat a sad boy with two broken arms, and neither should kings.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with a sad boy with two broken arms.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put a sad boy with two broken arms in the slot, but I forget to take it out.

 
 
Feb 24 at 09:11 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
Everyone I hate
nc

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to everyone I hate.
The rich aroma of everyone I hate, from the hills of Colombia.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed everyone I hate.
The everyone I hate story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the elites for hatching out of an egg!
I didn’t think this house would sell with everyone I hate in the attic.
Opinions are like everyone I hate. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

 
 
Feb 24 at 09:13 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys   anyway.

I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys the savory gels of her lust anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys prey anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys the hands of the enemy anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys competitive masturbation anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys witnesses anyway.
I don't see what the problem is, heat from cooking destroys a tard anyway.

 
 
Mar 1 at 18:40 PST — Ed. Mar 1 at 18:40 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
All the sperm cells
np

No one in Morocco can be all the sperm cells without registering with the government.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, all the sperm cells popped out!
I got into my car and sat on all the sperm cells. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with all the sperm cells! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Today you’re on the receiving end of all the sperm cells.
I prayed to God for all the sperm cells, and God delivered!

 
 
Mar 1 at 18:41 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
My frail human body
n

The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of vodka, ginger beer, and a squeeze of her left vaginal wall. Serve in my frail human body.
There’s always time for my frail human body before breakfast.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from my frail human body.
At my full potential, I’m my frail human body.
At BASF, we don't *make* my frail human body, we make my frail human body *better*.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for my frail human body

 
 
Mar 4 at 23:05 PST — Ed. Mar 4 at 23:05 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
Aggressive bootyclaps
np

The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into aggressive bootyclaps.
Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: Eating Trash flavor? Aggressive Bootyclaps flavor?!
There’s always time for aggressive bootyclaps before breakfast.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: aggressive bootyclaps.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of aggressive bootyclaps.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed aggressive bootyclaps up and down the highway.

 
 
Mar 4 at 23:32 PST — Ed. Mar 4 at 23:32 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
Being naked and covered in honey
v

The problem with America is being naked and covered in honey.
Being naked and covered in honey is always a contest when I’m involved.
Ok, I’ll admit being naked and covered in honey might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in catching one in the bum.
I saw the twins in the corridor. I froze in terror as they said, “You’ll be being naked and covered in honey with us.”
Music without the sounds of being naked and covered in honey is hardly music at all.
The survey team detected being naked and covered in honey at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there.

 
 
Mar 10 at 14:12 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
A ruse intended to lure mortals into the act of copulation
n

Our secret society is dedicated a ruse intended to lure mortals into the act of copulation.
Sir! We are out of MREs, but we found a ruse intended to lure mortals into the act of copulation in these crates. Shall we ration it to the men?
I bought a ruse intended to lure mortals into the act of copulation yesterday and now I can’t stop trying to handcuff a ghost!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in $18 worth of Taco Bell™. That’s supposed to help me with a ruse intended to lure mortals into the act of copulation?!
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a ruse intended to lure mortals into the act of copulation... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a ruse intended to lure mortals into the act of copulation.

 
 
Mar 15 at 00:52 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
An insanely, ridiculously long foreskin
n

The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin.
You’re not a mom! You’re just an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin!
The problem with America is an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin.
But of the tree of an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Could you buy me an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin? I’ll pay you back.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for an insanely, ridiculously long foreskin.

 
 
Mar 17 at 16:51 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 717
175 ₧
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
n

I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
After a long day I crawled into bed, only to find Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I barely even felt the needles.
Opioids help people with Archbishop Desmond Tutu, but then they can’t poop.
My favorite new band is “Archbishop Desmond Tutu”.

 
 
Mar 22 at 13:51 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4836
1,227 ₧
Watching  {n} use   is oddly satisfying.
Play 2

Watching micropenises use a coked up hooker is oddly satisfying.
Watching thrifty moms use seed is oddly satisfying.
Watching the majestic Humboldt squid use oiled thighs is oddly satisfying.
Watching the back seat use chugging NyQuil™ is oddly satisfying.
Watching a minivan with a dead body in it use complete removal of the head is oddly satisfying.
Watching a karate chop use catching one in the bum is oddly satisfying.

 
 
Mar 23 at 12:22 PDT — Ed. Mar 23 at 12:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6445
Inspired by Wal*Mart:

Giving birth in the paper towel aisle
v

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to giving birth in the paper towel aisle.
The dog ate a real sonuvabitch so we’re waiting for giving birth in the paper towel aisle.
Do they make pills for giving birth in the paper towel aisle?
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, giving birth in the paper towel aisle every single day.
In this 15th century painting, giving birth in the paper towel aisle is represented by a man with cheese for a head.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there giving birth in the paper towel aisle. Gross.



Cooking meth in the camping section
v

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried cooking meth in the camping section.
Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting cooking meth in the camping section into the air!
You’re not a mom! You’re just cooking meth in the camping section!
I’m special pube shampoo in the streets, but cooking meth in the camping section in the sheets.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw cooking meth in the camping section.
The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on cooking meth in the camping section.



In Wal*Mart we saw a man  {v}.

In Wal*Mart we saw a man abusing a goat.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man taking it hard.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man wanting blood.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man having a zero-value existence.
In Wal*Mart we saw a man losing on purpose.

 
 
Mar 23 at 13:35 PDT
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