aaronjer

aaronjer

User name
aaronjer
Assigned title
*****'n Admin
Assigned post color
#838405
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Comrade General 5-Star Comrade General 5-Star
Registration date
2005 March 21
Post count
4693
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1,227 ₧
Location
Upstairs by the sink.
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America/Los_Angeles
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Recent posts by aaronjer

Recent posts by aaronjer

Kielbasa I had yesterday
nc

Interested in my services? Mail me at: space-nazis@kielbasa-i-had-yesterday.biz
On Ebay you can get kielbasa I had yesterday but it may be counterfeit.
Imagine kielbasa I had yesterday, taxidermied, and over the fireplace. Beautiful.
Meet me by that sculpture downtown. You know, it’s a protective membrane balanced on kielbasa I had yesterday.
If I had kielbasa I had yesterday, you’d be a yappy little dog!
Jeez! Who slipped kielbasa I had yesterday in your Cheerios™ this morning?

Thursday at 17:20 PDT
Whatever they want
nc

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add whatever they want to the pan, while stirring constantly.
A salesman came to the door selling grandma’s soggy diaper. I didn’t open. He slid whatever they want under the door.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all whatever they want when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to whatever they want.
Thanks for whatever they want last night. *wink* *wink*
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a foul odor spice, whatever they want spice, and a pubic tuft spice!



Whatever I want
nc

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see whatever I want!
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... whatever I want.
Although moving away from our own biological child proved effective for schools, the switch to whatever I want initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Another man, whatever I want and just not much food.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of white boys and a Fedex full of whatever I want.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock whatever I want and a dollar in a room and let ‘em fight it out.

Wednesday at 09:46 PDT
Getting trapped in an elevator
v

I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about getting trapped in an elevator tomorrow.
Amtrak officials confirm getting trapped in an elevator would have prevented train derailment.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of getting trapped in an elevator came on the screen.
See now black people walk like wetness. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting trapped in an elevator!
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were getting trapped in an elevator.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “getting trapped in an elevator”.

Wednesday at 09:34 PDT
A big, strong man
n

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a big, strong man destroyed and complete removal of the head killed as well.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock the pelvis and a big, strong man in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
All the best love stories include a big, strong man.
In public restrooms I always put a big, strong man on the toilet before sitting down.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a big, strong man.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a big, strong man?

Jul 17 at 22:56 PDT
The flirting couch
n

I beat the flirting couch all the time!
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find the flirting couch in the back seat.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being the flirting couch.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with the flirting couch! It’s all here in my manifesto!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of the Flirting Couch”! I shook his hand and it felt like the flirting couch.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of the flirting couch.

Jul 16 at 12:27 PDT
The mouth of someone you love
n

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, the mouth of someone you love, sloth, wrath, exhuming, and pride.
I was vacuuming when I sucked oiled thighs out from under the couch. I kept pulling until the mouth of someone you love came out too!
Can I get some floss? There’s the mouth of someone you love between my teeth.
I saw success down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be the mouth of someone you love with us.”
I’m shoving the mouth of someone you love in the ground, in hopes that a happy ending at a low price comes and harvests it.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be the mouth of someone you love.

Jul 15 at 08:20 PDT
A completely real person who wasn't me
n

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a completely real person who wasn't me.
I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a completely real person who wasn't me.
Apparently, “a Completely Real Person Who Wasn't Me” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a completely real person who wasn't me.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start holding hands before a completely real person who wasn't me.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a completely real person who wasn't me.

Jul 11 at 23:02 PDT
A lot of very solid pieces
np

Help! I’m a lot of very solid pieces and I need YOU to do something about it!
Always hold on to a lot of very solid pieces to remember me.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a lot of very solid pieces?”
Opinions are like a lot of very solid pieces. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Work accusations up until frothing before spreading across a lot of very solid pieces, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
A lot of very solid pieces? That’s my fetish!

Jun 28 at 09:43 PDT
Two of those three people
np

12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing two of those three people at cars and passers-by.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by two of those three people.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Gettin’ all up close; two of those three people; bloodlust.
Pundits agree it will take two of those three people for the senator to win the election.
The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of two of those three people.
Sir! We are out of two of those three people, but we found Krampus, the child punisher while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?

Jun 28 at 09:39 PDT
This precious booze
n

The ‘all the air in the room moth’ has adapted to feed on this precious booze, and hide under a real jerk-off in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
People in Taiwan are getting this precious booze implanted in their bodies for having no gag reflex.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s the tickle zone in love with this precious booze very much they do a... special hug.”
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the most humane action by rewarding them with this precious booze.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and this precious booze in the Philippines.
Being picked is how this precious booze always dies.