Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
Avatar
Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
389
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
Groups
 

Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Jul 18 at 17:47 PDT
A duffel bag full of spagetti
n

A new study found that giving employees compliments and a duffel bag full of spagetti can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
We can be a duffel bag full of spagetti. And no one has to know.
It’s not delivery. It’s a duffel bag full of spagetti.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with motor control and a strange boy who fights a duffel bag full of spagetti.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a duffel bag full of spagetti in the attic. Anyway, I’m horsing around.
Oh no! Obama put a small chubby in the water to turn a duffel bag full of spagetti gay!

Jul 18 at 17:43 PDT
A worried dinosaur
n

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a worried dinosaur.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a worried dinosaur.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a worried dinosaur in the back seat.
Stripping is how a worried dinosaur always dies.
A salesman came to the door selling a worried dinosaur. I didn’t open. He slid nothing at all under the door.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took a worried dinosaur to the funeral.

May 17 at 20:43 PDT
A quiet echo
n

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a quiet echo, and the eco-glass windows trap in bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton.
A quiet echo: It’s nature’s candy!
If you do it right, a quiet echo is all about a screaming dog.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a quiet echo to the vastness of space.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a quiet echo in the pillows.
When I get older, I don’t want to be a quiet echo.

A 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™
n

Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ flavor and then fist pumping flavor.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ is being tall enough to ride.
Burned clothing can wear down a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
Music without the sounds of a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ is hardly music at all.
If a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ in the mirror! And it smelled like getting boinked in there! I’m so scared!

Apr 26 at 06:49 PDT
A full-body cringe
n

Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a full-body cringe.
If mom hears us talking about a full-body cringe we’ll be SO grounded!
We’re having a wet tongue situation. Watch out for a full-body cringe and please stand by...
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a full-body cringe.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a full-body cringe and a mouthfeel like your fluid-filled lungs.
Today I bought no evidence of any infidelity from the back of a van. They also threw in a full-body cringe, which I didn’t even think was legal.

Apr 14 at 22:30 PDT
There is an untapped infinite supply of   in the ocean.

There is an untapped infinite supply of landlady bosoms in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of waking in terror in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of the taxpayers in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of getting slathered in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of a shrieking tarantula in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of Christopher Lloyd holding a dog in the ocean.

Apr 14 at 22:27 PDT
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to   already.

News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to a bad landing already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to formaldehyde already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to a bad chicken already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to instant death already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to a ripe body already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to several children already.

Apr 14 at 22:26 PDT
An impenetrable wall of swine
n

An impenetrable wall of swine is always a contest when I’m involved.
They don’t make an impenetrable wall of swine like they used to! This one doesn’t even have too much denim.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but an impenetrable wall of swine.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually an impenetrable wall of swine.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up an impenetrable wall of swine on the porch to surprise the kids.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a weak spot, part was a hollow shell, and it was crowned with an impenetrable wall of swine.

Apr 14 at 22:24 PDT
5,000 feral hogs
np

John “5,000 feral hogs” Smith. The genius who brought us rival anthills.
Vote for me and I’ll stop catching one in the bum, get rid of a garbage disposal, and give everyone 5,000 feral hogs for free.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me 5,000 feral hogs while we were still in the car.
This year’s hottest new fashion is 5,000 feral hogs on your head.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about 5,000 feral hogs.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about 5,000 feral hogs, but with getting too excited!

Apr 14 at 22:23 PDT
On this map, each dot represents  .

On this map, each dot represents a censor bar.
On this map, each dot represents getting a face full of crotch.
On this map, each dot represents a garbage truck.
On this map, each dot represents my murder list.
On this map, each dot represents a crazy cat lady.
On this map, each dot represents its opposite.