Nezumi

Nezumi

User name
Nezumi
Assigned title
Asshole Admin
Assigned post color
#838304
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Medals
1-Up Medal 1-Up Medal
Registration date
2005 March 26
Post count
654
Score
175 ₧
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Timezone
UTC
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Recent posts by Nezumi

Recent posts by Nezumi

A panicked flap towards the ocean
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating a panicked flap towards the ocean on every commercial flight.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a panicked flap towards the ocean?
I didn’t mean to start a panicked flap towards the ocean, it just happened!
At the winery tour we saw how they put this very house and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like a panicked flap towards the ocean.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a panicked flap towards the ocean and tried to attack it.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a panicked flap towards the ocean.

Apr 27 at 00:30 PDT
A centaur with an assault rifle
n

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a centaur with an assault rifle
In this game you get to collect llama spit and craft a centaur with an assault rifle.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a centaur with an assault rifle.
My pharmacist separated a happy ending at a low price into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a centaur with an assault rifle.
The shockwave from a sex-addicted panda at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused a centaur with an assault rifle in the streets.
I accidentally dropped a centaur with an assault rifle in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

Feb 13 at 22:32 PST
A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole
np

I heard you were talking about A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole so I had to come over!
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole for the first time!
Sir! We are out of A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole, but we found a damned soul while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
A salesman came to the door selling A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole. I didn’t open. He slid “forensic evidence” (semen) under the door.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had A symbiotic alien that lives in your pee-hole removed so she can live a normal life.

Intensive brain conditioning
vt

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about intensive brain conditioning.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there intensive brain conditioning. Gross.
When I get older, I don’t want to be intensive brain conditioning.
There is no revenge so complete as intensive brain conditioning.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like intensive brain conditioning.
Intensive brain conditioning in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Dec 27 at 16:35 PST
either/or

The ziggurat
n

The weirdest thing about the ziggurat is that sometimes even girls have the ziggurat.
During routine surgery, the doctors found the ziggurat embedded in my abdomen.
In a world with a child muzzle popping out of the ground, one man must overcome the ziggurat. Coming this summer.
In the first Battle of the Ziggurat he faced an injection, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The ziggurat is always a contest when I’m involved.
We can be the ziggurat. And no one has to know.



The temple atop a ziggurat
n

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am murdering everyone who is different from you. Would you like to try our new special, the temple atop a ziggurat?
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into the temple atop a ziggurat, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a child drowning in a vat of molasses.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of the temple atop a ziggurat.
The city put in new road signs to indicate the temple atop a ziggurat just up ahead.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “the temple atop a ziggurat,” with a picture of a humiliated animal.
I thought I was alone with the temple atop a ziggurat but my mom walked in. We got to letting her in and I felt better.

Dec 24 at 04:56 PST
A medieval siege engine
n

Help! I’m a medieval siege engine and I need YOU to do something about it!
I think a lot of people would pay to see a medieval siege engine.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a medieval siege engine.”
Dad! I’m all done breaking a promise, so I have a medieval siege engine left over if you’re still interested.
The weirdest thing about a medieval siege engine is that sometimes even girls have a medieval siege engine.
We’re having a loading screen situation. Watch out for a medieval siege engine and please stand by...

The blood of live crabs
n

There’s always time for the blood of live crabs before breakfast.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the blood of live crabs went off early, ejecting you and me into the air!
10% of all proceeds from sales of the blood of live crabs will go to The Truck Stop Sex Foundation.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had the blood of live crabs destroyed and shame killed as well.
No one in Morocco can be the blood of live crabs without registering with the government.
Honey, you can’t keep putting the blood of live crabs down the garbage disposal!

Nov 20 at 19:47 PST
A sea cucumber can eject  {s} from the anus in self-defense.

A sea cucumber can eject a slut who will do anything from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject a ceremonial ribbon from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject the Dutch oven from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject my murder list from the anus in self-defense.
A sea cucumber can eject a scissor session from the anus in self-defense.



Sticky filaments
np

10% of all proceeds from sales of sticky filaments will go to The Raping an Entire Family Including the Dog Foundation.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into sticky filaments! She’s 62!
Although moving away from sticky filaments proved effective for schools, the switch to another way in initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with sticky filaments! It’s all here in my manifesto!
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a backdoor woman, with sticky filaments around the edges, and bodily fluids on top.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with sticky filaments.

Nov 20 at 12:01 PST
The Country Bear Jamboree
n

My religion demands that I must abstain from The Country Bear Jamboree. Being ashamed of your nakedness however, is OK.
The truly rich have mansions with The Country Bear Jamboree room, the black president room, and servants to handle an exploitative sex tape.
Chase bank is giving out The Country Bear Jamboree this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
I’m ghosts who don’t know what they’re doing today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with The Country Bear Jamboree.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy The Country Bear Jamboree that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Let’s wait for a made up racial slur to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get The Country Bear Jamboree.

Nov 13 at 20:58 PST
A breeding population of cat girls
n

I got a breeding population of cat girls as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with almost no air left?
A breeding population of cat girls is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just being an overweight bitch. Sorry.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a breeding population of cat girls.
Monopoly: Pity Edition comes with a breeding population of cat girls and Mom’s face instead of houses and hotels.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only my murder list and a breeding population of cat girls.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me a breeding population of cat girls and it’s getting weird.