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2005 March 20
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Seattle, WA, USA

Recent posts by SuperJer

Recent posts by SuperJer

Thursday at 00:53 PDT
An expedient conveyor belt

They didn’t have an expedient conveyor belt at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed mostly unused hypodermics.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by an expedient conveyor belt around the building.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see an expedient conveyor belt!
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “an expedient conveyor belt” incident in the science lab.
It’s time to scrape the remains of an expedient conveyor belt off the driveway.
Today I bought an expedient conveyor belt from the back of a van. They also threw in a raisin or maybe rabbit poop, which I didn’t even think was legal.

Wednesday at 21:10 PDT
Drowning in the toilet

Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there drowning in the toilet. Gross.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of divorce papers and the words “drowning in the toilet”. I don’t get it!
The White House will no longer enforce The Drowning in the Toilet Act of 1959. Thank God.
Slender and muscled, like a dust bunny. She was the spitting image of drowning in the toilet.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember drowning in the toilet?”
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were drowning in the toilet.

Wednesday at 19:41 PDT
Being really spooky

I’m being really spooky for Jesus.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw being really spooky for the first time!
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: NORTH KOREA being really spooky!
Doctor! My child has being really spooky coursing through his veins!
I chipped my tooth on a life preserver. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t being really spooky.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Being really spooky can increase your breast size in three weeks!

Being kinda spooky

Ich bin ein being kinda spooky.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Being Kinda Spooky.
We couldn’t land because of black votes caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like being kinda spooky.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn’t stop being kinda spooky.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be being kinda spooky while I’m taking a flying leap!
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s being kinda spooky.

Wednesday at 18:51 PDT
My whole authentic self

I got into my car and sat on my whole authentic self. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate my whole authentic self.
It’s time to scrape the remains of my whole authentic self off the driveway.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood my whole authentic self.
Great job on the proposal for shotgunning, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you my whole authentic self.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had my whole authentic self removed so he could be spraying up the wall.

Monday at 12:47 PDT
15 cups of coffee

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into 15 cups of coffee, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a finely sculpted buttock.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in 15 cups of coffee!
The patient kept screaming about “writhing on the floor and screaming my name”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and 15 cups of coffee emerged!
These special lenses help colorblind people see that 15 cups of coffee is dicking around.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to 15 cups of coffee.
Two best friends and a creepy dude take a road trip, and discover 15 cups of coffee along the way.

Monday at 12:24 PDT
Getting a c-section

The problem with America is getting a c-section.
I ordered battery acid privately over the Internet so I can get better at getting a c-section.
When I saw poopy toilet paper I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting a c-section, I freaked!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a kidney in an ice box before getting a c-section.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as getting a c-section.
My publisher demanded I remove getting a c-section from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

Monday at 11:26 PDT
Nobody likes  .

Nobody likes shooting myself in the foot.
Nobody likes a strangler.
Nobody likes a censor bar.
Nobody likes a wild animal.
Nobody likes an angry penis for the woman.
Nobody likes my evil little body.

Monday at 11:24 PDT
Going "ooh-la-la!"

Guys. Guys! Going "ooh-la-la!" is getting a little close to Jigglypuff!!
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of going "ooh-la-la!" in its food processing operations.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start holding hands before going "ooh-la-la!".
We’re having a cardboard lesbian situation. Watch out for going "ooh-la-la!" and please stand by...
In this 15th century painting, going "ooh-la-la!" is represented by a man with the chewy part for a head.
The survey team detected going "ooh-la-la!" at the work site so I threw a horse’s booty in my truck and drove straight there.

Monday at 08:02 PDT
Actually getting enough sleep

In a world with meatball marinara actually getting enough sleep, one man must overcome your mom’s bathroom. Coming this summer.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as actually getting enough sleep.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how actually getting enough sleep happens.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is actually getting enough sleep.
I think a lot of people would pay to see actually getting enough sleep.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re actually getting enough sleep and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

Monday at 07:51 PDT
Going home and shooting yourself in the head

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was going home and shooting yourself in the head.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate going home and shooting yourself in the head.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS EAR WORMS GOING HOME AND SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE HEAD.”
Could you buy me going home and shooting yourself in the head? I’ll pay you back.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about going home and shooting yourself in the head.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about going home and shooting yourself in the head?

A concealed weapon

The media’s nonstop coverage of a concealed weapon is just to distract us from raw goose.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a concealed weapon.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a concealed weapon in the foyer.
A concealed weapon is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just quitting Facebook. Sorry.
Last night I dreamed of a concealed weapon. I cannot shake the feeling that a succulent jumbo prawn will arrive soon.
I’m shoving a concealed weapon in the ground, in hopes that my sexual partners comes and harvests it.