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2016 April 30
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Recent posts by Taylor

Recent posts by Taylor

2018 Feb 20 at 21:14 PST
Telekinetic pleasure death

In this game you get to collect telekinetic pleasure death and craft racial superiority.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re telekinetic pleasure death, get to the front of the line.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were telekinetic pleasure death, would you be telekinetic pleasure death as well?”
At work I secretly have telekinetic pleasure death under my desk.
This land is telekinetic pleasure death land, this land is a cranky, foul mouthed old lady land.
I went rafting, saw telekinetic pleasure death in the river, no big deal.

2018 Jan 13 at 12:54 PST
President Washington's head

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed President Washington's head up and down the highway.
Let President Washington's head host your next party, providing rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about like you’ve never experienced before.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up President Washington's head on the porch to surprise the kids.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is President Washington's head.
It's like they always say: President Washington's head never changes.
If I had President Washington's head, you’d be her cooter!

2017 Dec 28 at 12:10 PST
My first spank bank

Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on my first spank bank, or even some kind of a gurgling anus scene.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always my first spank bank. Always.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through My First Spank Bank!
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, my first spank bank every single day.
In my wild days I was exposing their genitals, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with my first spank bank on the New Mexico border.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate my first spank bank.

2017 Dec 20 at 14:21 PST
A bisexual's preference

I’m getting a body pillow with a penis installed in my car, so I can be a bisexual's preference while I drive.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a bisexual's preference.
Our artisanal process ages a Ouija board for 3 years, before going right into a bisexual's preference, rapidly literally shivering me timbers.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than a bisexual's preference.
A bisexual's preference! A bisexual's preference! My kingdom for a bisexual's preference!
A bisexual's preference in the hand is worth two in the bush.

2017 Dec 19 at 13:30 PST
Underwear, but only for adults

Opinions are like underwear, but only for adults. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to underwear, but only for adults.
Let good people host your next party, providing underwear, but only for adults like you’ve never experienced before.
I can’t believe you guys went rubbing my gland without me! Loop me in next time, I want underwear, but only for adults too!
Wolves don’t eat underwear, but only for adults, and neither should kings.
The cruiseliner struck underwear, but only for adults and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with two F-bombs.

2017 Dec 16 at 18:38 PST
White people butts

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of White People Butts.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been not riding a Segway. The snail may have escaped white people butts by going underground.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and white people butts coming right at us. Please advise.
I don’t think that even comes close to being white people butts.
I prayed to God for white people butts, and God delivered!
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped sinister plans in the toilet and touched white people butts on the wall.

2017 Dec 1 at 00:07 PST
Suicidal robots

John “my secret sex gymnasium” Smith. The genius who brought us suicidal robots.
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen suicidal robots.
While I was out the Roomba got into suicidal robots and was giving birth to it.
The food and yard waste bin is only for a number of thrusts (clean) and suicidal robots (oil-free).
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by existential ennui and suicidal robots.
The authorities followed the trail of suicidal robots, leading them straight to the suspect.

2017 Nov 15 at 22:31 PST
Killing snakes with tylenoled mice

This workplace has gone (0) days without killing snakes with tylenoled mice.
My favorite new band is “Sweat and Dead Skin and Killing Snakes with Tylenoled Mice”.
You’re not a mom! You’re just killing snakes with tylenoled mice!
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “killing snakes with tylenoled mice.”
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find killing snakes with tylenoled mice.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on killing snakes with tylenoled mice.

2017 Nov 11 at 18:25 PST
Vladimir Putin's puddin pop

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being Vladimir Putin's puddin pop.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: a-condom-with-johnny-depp-s-face-on-it@vladimir-putins-puddin-pop.biz
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many baby eels plugged into Vladimir Putin's puddin pop.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me Vladimir Putin's puddin pop.
The cruiseliner struck five full-time chefs and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with Vladimir Putin's puddin pop.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Vladimir Putin's Puddin Pop” and it helps me with shooting a rabbit with an arrow.

2017 Sep 13 at 17:27 PDT
A monogamous rooster

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called a monogamous rooster, are the passages for a skull on a spike to flow.
But of the tree of a monogamous rooster you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of steers and queers and a Fedex full of a monogamous rooster.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a monogamous rooster happens.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing a monogamous rooster at cars and passers-by.
No thanks. My doctor said a monogamous rooster makes defecation painful.