6th Annual Pole Socking / Storm Chasing Olympium.

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

Hello, Reporter Elenkos here, live from the field in beautiful River City, Alabraska.
Today marks the opening of the Branch Jerian Polesocking Field and…

And I’m lost…

Seriously, my crew has no idea where the hell we are, or where the sidelines are supposed to be. We’re currently on the corner of…



Oh hell. Lets go left until we-



Oh my…

Perhaps if we take a bus to…



Never mind. This town is insane.

W-Wait! Gary get this. Not me! Up there!

It’s his exaltedness himself, Superjer!

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

It looks like you are right on the Eastern border of the quadrant six showboating field. SuperJer doesn't participate in the tournament as a contender, but he can't help skirt the borders and show off to the newbies.

Many of the administration regulators mistake SuperJer for an out of bounds spider-mine from the obstacle course quadrant... such situations usually end up in a bicycle-bourne triple wheel kick to Sergeant Stone, who always tries to keep the newbie regulators from disarming SuperJer.

On a ligher note, we're holding a byob memorial service for Lance Meredith, the only man to defeat Mr. Ribbon in a contest of wills and punching. His end was as quick and painful as his left jab.

Anyway Elenkos, if you're looking for the heavy action you should head 45 kilometers due west. That will bring you through the showboating region entirely and into the Standard Pole-Socking arena. Watch for the laser turrets though, word is that Mr. Ribbon has reprogrammed them to fire on your crew again. Shields up and stay frosty.

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

We’re back, and on track. And not a moment to soon, for we have a special treat for our viewers.

I’m here backstage for an exclusive look at Ilor’s newly built Shinobi-TEC TM Ninja Facility, specially designed to recruit and train NinJers.



Team Red Noah is displaying superior leadership and path-finding skills, traversing the course in record fashion.

Team Blue Water shows a marked improvement in aimless meandering, especially in the vicinity of the Swing-set of Death, gaining its recruits +1 to their dodge skill.

Team Black Nomad shows of some impressive polework, while the newly transferred Team Golden Gecko of the NCR countered with their dazzling feats of acrobatics and pneumatic catapults, something Team Nomad could hardly resist in trying out for themselves.



Earlier I saw Ilor himself overseeing the facility, but before I could go to interview him, some of Team Nomad’s Zomjas engaged a mock attack.



This apparently forced Ilor to vanished in a cloud of fire.



Never a dull moment here. Back to you.

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

In case some of you hadn't heard, team leaders are now allowed to undergo full cyberization. Ilor had his entire body augmented or replaced and now only his left eye and the three better quarters of his brain are original.

For new voluntary recruits we are now offering discount rates on cyborg body sets. The Mark V 'Hammer Arm' set is the most popular with Red Team, as their standard pole-socking hammer is equipped by default. Blue Team's Retro Squad is going with a real Classic: The first Cyborg body developed by ancient Native American mechanics in 200 BC. It's the heaviest set known to man, but it's defenses are impenetrable. The rock-hard chassis is powered by sun beams reflected by the same satellites the ancient Hopi and Navajo tribes put into action at the beginning of Pole-Socking history.

The Nomad's religion prevents them from cyberizing their bodies, but they have no sanctions against and take delight in enslaving and reprogramming other cyberized players. So watch out athletes, you never know when your squaddie will turn out to be a robot-zombie time bomb!

Truly professional journalism Elenkos, I was impressed to see you only took 30% casualties passing through Hellpit Gorge, and not a single camera-man lost spying on Ilor! I think some of them should try out to be Ninjas, stealthy as that! Keep it up and keep us posted.

general_zim
Le Tigre

2006 Sep 1 • 549
16 ₧

This is general_zim with an important news flash update


Iraqi Insurgents are attacking DangerJer stadium!!!




The iraqis poured into the stadium, spraying down innocent elderly people. They seemed to be a division of the least-succesful branch of the iraqi insurgency, IIAAEP (Iraqi Insurgents Against American Elderly People)


But lucky, the marines where there to solve the problem. Here is the video taken by our camera in the town outside dangerjer stadium.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_P7qPID2v8


Please, if you have any elderly people you care about with you, please lock them in the icebox in the basement.


That is all.

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

I hope they remembered to wrap that severed head in blessed cloth before incinerating it on a giant silver cross. If they'd didn't there will be hell to pay. Quite literally. That was definetly a successful attempt at summoning a Fetch through decapitation.

At least it isn't a Simulacrum... I hate those.

Mr. Ribbon
Malicious Outsider
2006 Sep 25 • 20
16 ₧

I'm back, baby!

some asshole deleted my account... aaronjer... but I'm ready to rejoin the Pole-Socking league through a handy loophole I discovered! Seeing as registration and blacklisting for Pole-Socking is handled by a division of superjer.com my blacklist status has been lifted!!

so anyway, im workin' on my brand new shit. I've already managed to reprogram 70% of Cammi's work and battle drones! She's gonna look like a real class act when I drop this humdinger of a death ray on 'er! as long as JMD stays out of my way... fuck that monkey. FUCK HIM TO HELL. Bebop and scat or I'll skin you like a bear!

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

I’d also like to take this moment to introduce Generalissimo Zimmermann, our newly appointed Provisional News Reporter (Junior Grade), who will be replacing some of the losses we suffered getting through the blockade set up on the corner of 177th and 1st.
He is a promising youth, with much potential in the Wild World of Superjer Sports.

In a related story, I have been following the introduction and fielding of Cammi Fall’s controversial SAPer Combat Android Troopers.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1845016404760165806

http://analogik.com/multimedia/video/tetra-vaal.mov

What does this mean for the future of Pole-Socking as a sport? Only time will tell.

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

Delete? Wha? I didn' do nuffin'.

general_zim
Le Tigre

2006 Sep 1 • 549
16 ₧

thanks elenkos. It's my first week outta boot camp. Lucky I was carrying those sporks. You shouldn't travel without sporks. Never.

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

Nah, there's viable substitutes. Both the scissork and the knifler work just as well in most circumstances.

Just a week ago I traveled across the entire south-west quadrant with a group of Administration Rangers and not one of us brought a spork. We only had one scissork to go between the whole squad and me... poor Lieutenant Stanton couldn't handle the meager rations and lost his mind about 120 miles south of Checkpoint Delta Six. Sadly, we had no choice but to tie him to a rocket and launch him back to base. He's now undergoing body reconstruction, soul reattachment, mental stability processing and a court martial. Lucky for Stanton even those discharged for mental conditions from the Pole-Socking Administration (or P-SA) get a huge severance package.

On an even more depressing note, P-SA sentries have detected a fleet of hovercraft numbering in the hundreds to the east. They are heading directly towards ground zero of the playing field. These hovercraft are unregistered and far too heavily equipped to follow Pole-Socking Manual Vehicle Regulations. I'm worried about their intentions, so I've decided that in this rare and unfortunate crisis I'll be appointing both Cammi Falls and Ilor as the commanding officers on the field. Don't fight, you two! This is really serious, people could be slaughtered in a manner totally against regulations! All software and hardware restraining plugs will be pulled from all equiptment, so grab the biggest and most illegal weapons you can find! I'll be heading the P-SA Rangers and Regulators through the hills to hit their flank while Cammi and Ilor's teams hold them at the Mississippi. If you see Ribbon make sure to shoot on sight, we do NOT need him interfering with this operation!

Oh, and I'm going to borrow your guard team Elenkos, we need all the soldiers we can get. I would suggest that you lay low at the Command Center until this blows over... but I know better than that. Just try not to get yourself killed? It's not easy finding replacements for positions such as yours.

Suit up and get ready to move out!

Mr. Ribbon
Malicious Outsider
2006 Sep 25 • 20
16 ₧

uh... this is sorta my fault... just sorta tho!

that fleet of hovercraft was made by Mr. Ribbon Heavy Manufacturing and Brewery. you know those drones I reprogrammed? well it turns out that I accidently set them to autonomous mode and then dropped the laptop I was hacking them with. I also was playing around with their combat settings and activated the "Purge Humans" command. Then they stole my hovercraft and ran off.

I'm pretty sure they will stay localized in the American Midwest, as their service area only extends so far. so even though this isn't REALLY my fault i've decided to help out by NOT firing any missiles at anyone fighting against the robot scourge. I'm sticking to non-explosive ballistic weaponry and stationary explosives such as mines, double-mines and reflective laser-bombs!

I'll be waiting in ambush! Have fun bitches!! Bebop and scat or I'll skin you like a bear!

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

On the eve of this monumental crisis, I think its best that we pause and reflect on the last conflict which shook the interweb to its very foundations and moorings.
As some of you are old enough to remember, a year ago our subsidiary shareholder and sole financer, Superjer.com, was locked in a cataclysmic battle with Superjer.net.
However, this clash of the titans was only a part in the larger World Web War.
Using our the latest advances in science and technology (and a box of crayons) we here at PSTV would like to present to you the first in a seven part series about the greatest generation.






But first, a word from our sponsor.

general_zim
Le Tigre

2006 Sep 1 • 549
16 ₧

wow omg

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

That sponsor wasn't very interesting... perhaps we should reallocate our funding to something that makes more money?

Mr. Ribbon
Malicious Outsider
2006 Sep 25 • 20
16 ₧

like Mr. Ribbon brand Giant Thresher Robots or Mr. Ribbon brand Standard-size Thresher Robots! those make a pretty penny on the Nomad market! Bebop and scat or I'll skin you like a bear!

jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 20 • 1375
34 ₧

I don't know why I'm posting here, I'm not really part of this so called Pole-Socking. But I have the pr0n, so I must be important.

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

You don't need porn to sock a pole, but it certainly can't hurt.

the_cloud_system
polly pushy pants

2008 Aug 1 • 2788
-6 ₧

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






put that in your Pole Socking pipe and smoke it moo moo moo, moo.

Mate de Vita
Kelli

2008 Oct 4 • 2397
159 ₧

Why is Elenkos' avatar somewhat familiar? ...and that's the bottom line because Mate de Vita said so.

Who controls the past, controls the future. Who controls the present, controls the past.

melloyellow582
The Original Portmanteau


2005 Mar 21 • 12818
666 ₧

Ha.

eDan Co.
Mighty Typist



2007 Sep 24 • 2917
252 ₧

Ja. You didn't know all his avatars before his current one were stolen from other users?


Cloud System, stop bumping old threads you little shit! May contain traces of invisible text.

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 3783
1,227 ₧

He can bump Pole Socking trucks all he wants!

Mate de Vita
Kelli

2008 Oct 4 • 2397
159 ₧

I knew for JMD's one, I didn't know for this one. ...and that's the bottom line because Mate de Vita said so.

Who controls the past, controls the future. Who controls the present, controls the past.

eDan Co.
Mighty Typist



2007 Sep 24 • 2917
252 ₧

I wish it was only Pole Socking threads he bumped... May contain traces of invisible text.