SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 26 27 28 [29] 30 31
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
Selling my pony
v

In Kentucky stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Selling My Pony Day.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit pendulous breasts and acquire selling my pony!
They said selling my pony was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of selling my pony!
My religion demands that I must abstain from selling my pony.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “selling my pony”.
I make treats for my cat by selling my pony with a good girl. Oreo loves it!

 
 
Sep 29 at 18:23 PDT — Ed. Sep 29 at 18:24 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
Being diverted through a culvert
v

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “being diverted through a culvert,” over and over again while in use.
I never expected to be fingered by being diverted through a culvert.
Daddy, what’s being diverted through a culvert? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Being Diverted Through a Culvert.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into being diverted through a culvert! She’s 62!
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Being-diverted-through-a-culvert-coin”

 
 
Sep 29 at 18:50 PDT
Kelpy-lee
2021 May 14 • 1
Gay men powers
np

I ordered gay men powers privately over the Internet so I can get better at my art.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw gay men powers in the mirror! I’m so scared!
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does gay men powers come in?
In prison we used to cook gay men powers in the toilet.
My wife is WAY better at gay men powers than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got gay men powers out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!

 
 
Sep 29 at 19:10 PDT — Ed. Sep 29 at 19:11 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
Leather play
nc

I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like leather play.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being leather play.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on leather play.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took leather play to the funeral.
The Internet is made out of leather play.
I can’t believe they used to churn leather play into butter.

 
 
Sep 30 at 13:32 PDT — Ed. Sep 30 at 13:33 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
The head
n

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow the Head?
Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires the head.
It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of the head off the grill.
Jeez! Who slipped the head in your Cheerios™ this morning?
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during the head that overturned their car.
My house. 8 o’clock. The head.

 
 
Sep 30 at 13:34 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
Every man
n

During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch every man and her butthole.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted every man to the vastness of space.
Art can be defined by the wrong man but only if it gets you every man and inspired.
James Bond will return in “The Man With every man”!
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with every man.
Look, man, I’m not into every man. But $20 is $20.

 
 
Sep 30 at 13:35 PDT — Ed. Sep 30 at 13:35 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
El Diablo
n

More armies need to incorporate El Diablo into their uniforms.
Art can be defined by El Diablo but only if it gets you setbacks and inspired.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be El Diablo.
You spent all your food-stamps on El Diablo?!
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “El Diablo
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by El Diablo around the building.

 
 
Sep 30 at 13:39 PDT — Ed. Sep 30 at 13:43 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
Being a weird little freak
v

Introducing, The Being a Weird Little Freak diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Being a Weird Little Freak” syndrome!
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and being a weird little freak in the Philippines.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s being a weird little freak.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend being a weird little freak.
I’m being a weird little freak for Jesus.

 
 
Sep 30 at 18:00 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4734
1,227 ₧
Getting in trouble in Target
v

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for getting in trouble in Target at the assembly line.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how getting in trouble in Target happens.
But of the tree of getting in trouble in Target you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Lucy Liu has studied ancient rituals of getting in trouble in Target.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting in trouble in Target,” over and over again while in use.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with getting in trouble in Target.

 
 
Oct 4 at 08:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples
np

Today the Senate is voting on Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples.
At my full potential, I’m Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples.
Our artisanal process ages Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples each day, and get a homeless man jerking it on the bus for kitty to chase around.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and Joe Rogan's loooooong nipples came rolling after him!

 
 
Oct 6 at 21:32 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 680
175 ₧
A well intentioned soft boy
n

My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing a well intentioned soft boy, since we’re so good at it.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a well intentioned soft boy.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should get a well intentioned soft boy.
CAUTION: Keep a well intentioned soft boy out of hopper and chute opening.
Great job on the proposal! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a well intentioned soft boy.
The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of a well intentioned soft boy.

 
 
Oct 12 at 22:34 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4734
1,227 ₧
Sex with your girlfriend
nc

In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out sex with your girlfriend for free on every corner.
My new phone looks like it’s sex with your girlfriend but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I think that ecstasy was cut with sex with your girlfriend. Now I'm freaking out.
The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into sex with your girlfriend.
For my last meal I want sex with your girlfriend.
At the new Asian-inspired spot downtown, the chef will prepare sex with your girlfriend right at your table.

 
 
Oct 13 at 08:13 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4734
1,227 ₧
The folds of my vagina
np

I looked up “the folds of my vagina” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving a certain je ne sais quoi.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: The folds of my vagina and apple slices.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under the folds of my vagina.
I’ve got a master’s degree in the Folds of My Vagina!
Oh great, I turned on the oven again with the folds of my vagina still inside.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does the folds of my vagina come in?

 
 
Oct 13 at 13:26 PDT — Ed. Oct 13 at 13:27 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 680
175 ₧
A whole roast turkey
n

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a whole roast turkey, would you be a whole roast turkey as well?”
These wounds were given to me by a whole roast turkey.
The only thing we could all agree on for a pizza topping: a whole roast turkey.
The dog is barking at a whole roast turkey again.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a whole roast turkey that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
The new top grade of gasoline has a whole roast turkey as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

 
 
Oct 20 at 01:54 PDT — Ed. Oct 20 at 02:07 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 680
175 ₧
I died at this one.
"My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a whole roast turkey from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt."
 
 
Oct 20 at 01:56 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 396
11 ₧
A coked up Welsh James Bond
n

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A coked up Welsh James Bond can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Thanks for a coked up Welsh James Bond last night. *wink* *wink*
A coked up Welsh James Bond! A coked up Welsh James Bond! My kingdom for a coked up Welsh James Bond!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a coked up Welsh James Bond.
The city condemned our house after finding a coked up Welsh James Bond in the crawlspace.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a coked up Welsh James Bond in the soil.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Oct 20 at 19:13 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 396
11 ₧
A paper bag full of lube
n

Let Martha host your next party, providing a paper bag full of lube like you’ve never experienced before.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a paper bag full of lube.
I clean a paper bag full of lube by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up being cooked and eaten.
My wife is WAY better at a paper bag full of lube than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a paper bag full of lube.”
But I promised I would get my kids a paper bag full of lube for Christmas!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Oct 20 at 19:14 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 680
175 ₧
Bone-eating worms
np

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “bone-eating worms.”
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... bone-eating worms.
When the stadium was demolished it revealed bone-eating worms, bringing onlookers from far and wide.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of bone-eating worms.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of bone-eating worms.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on bone-eating worms.

 
 
Oct 22 at 17:41 PDT — Ed. Oct 22 at 17:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6421
Obtaining a goth girlfriend
v

The authorities followed the trail of obtaining a goth girlfriend, leading them straight to the suspect.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is obtaining a goth girlfriend.
My wife is WAY better at obtaining a goth girlfriend than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
The Great Wall was actually built to keep obtaining a goth girlfriend out of mainland China.
Are you there God? It’s me, obtaining a goth girlfriend.
Art can be defined by obtaining a goth girlfriend but only if it gets you my hood and inspired.

 
 
Oct 25 at 13:35 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4734
1,227 ₧
Unexpected cum
nc

In public restrooms I always put unexpected cum on the toilet before sitting down.
The city condemned our house after finding unexpected cum in the crawlspace.
This party was a real snooze, until unexpected cum got things jumpin’.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “unexpected cum.”
James Bond will return in “The Man With unexpected cum”!
Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s unexpected cum.

 
 
Oct 25 at 16:37 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4734
1,227 ₧
Unexpectedly cumming
vt

That kind of attitude is why we have unexpectedly cumming now.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in unexpectedly cumming!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with unexpectedly cumming.
It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of unexpectedly cumming on the Titanic.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with unexpectedly cumming.
In the iconic opening to Back to the Future, Marty McFly was unexpectedly cumming after hooking up his electric guitar and strumming.

 
 
Oct 25 at 16:38 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4734
1,227 ₧
A 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11
n

I came with your comfort zone to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 so nobody even noticed!
A 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
If you do a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 right, all that matters is you have a good time.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11.
The hardware store didn’t have a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 left, so I got duct tape and plastic.
The weirdest thing about a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11 is that sometimes even girls have a 64 oz. Double Gulp from 7-11.

 
 
Oct 26 at 09:56 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4734
1,227 ₧
Duck cheese
n

Go, go, Gadget Duck Cheese!
You can’t keep running around like duck cheese, you’re going to put an eye out!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “duck cheese”.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but duck cheese.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as duck cheese.
These penguins lay eggs which must stay under duck cheese to keep warm.

 
 
Oct 28 at 01:17 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 170
Half-babies in the wrong hole
n

If mom hears us talking about Half-babies in the wrong hole we’ll be SO grounded!
The survey team detected Half-babies in the wrong hole at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s Half-babies in the wrong hole.
I feel great! I got Half-babies in the wrong hole in my bloodstream.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of Half-babies in the wrong hole on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of Half-babies in the wrong hole came on the screen.

 
 
Oct 30 at 16:25 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 396
11 ₧
The same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God
n

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God.
My mom says you have to call it the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God or you get in trouble!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!
You’re not a mom! You’re just the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God!
The problem with America is the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Nov 1 at 21:24 PDT
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