SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

General — Page 1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7 8 9 ... 12 13 14
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
The tour bus
n

In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch the tour bus at the girls camp.
No more the tour bus at Starbucks.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the tour bus. Would you like to try our new special, hiding the pain?
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by the tour bus?
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s the tour bus in love with fathering children with a lesbian very much they do a... special hug.”
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the tour bus.

 
 
Mar 28 at 16:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Lip gloss
nc

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn my hot little hands, but now for work I’m lip gloss. Go figure!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as Mom’s feet and comes with 1 USB-C port and lip gloss! Groovy!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how lip gloss happens.
The weirdest thing about lip gloss is that sometimes even girls have lip gloss.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like lip gloss.
The truly rich have mansions with a beefy meal room, quiet poots room, and servants to handle lip gloss.

 
 
Mar 28 at 16:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A concrete pillar
n

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a concrete pillar spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a concrete pillar to weaponize skeleton hands.
The water tower looks like it’s a concrete pillar from this angle.
My new phone looks like it’s a concrete pillar but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Opioids help people with a concrete pillar, but then they can’t poop.
The referee just issued a red card to a fluid-filled body cavity for sliding into a concrete pillar.

 
 
Mar 28 at 16:06 PDT — Ed. Mar 28 at 16:06 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A wet nose
n

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a wet nose, part was falling into boiling water, and it was crowned with a rope tied round my leg.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, a wet nose came out onto the bed.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a wet nose.
Less lasagna torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get a wet nose from a suspected terrorist.
Amtrak officials confirm a wet nose would have prevented train derailment.
The president’s tweet reads: “The David Bowie’s mysterious bulge story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a wet nose for explaining things to children! Very sad and sick!”

 
 
Mar 28 at 16:08 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Jar after jar of bacon grease
n

I’ve finally got the last of an earthworm out of jar after jar of bacon grease.
The hardware store didn’t have a tangled Slinky® left, so I got jar after jar of bacon grease.
Can I get some floss? There’s jar after jar of bacon grease between my teeth.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on jar after jar of bacon grease.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: jar-after-jar-of-bacon-grease@half-a-spider.biz
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a boyfriend shaped bed, jar after jar of bacon grease and their white asses.

 
 
Mar 28 at 16:09 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Images
np

We can be images. And no one has to know.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in images. That’s supposed to help me with making sure no one sees?!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than images.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up images in every room.
I want to be buried with images.
During my driving test, I backed my car into images. I still got an 85!

 
 
Mar 28 at 16:10 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Self-destructing
v

I would have never thought that I’d actually be the stillness of death while I’m self-destructing!
I beat self-destructing all the time!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore self-destructing in a very realistic way.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for self-destructing and to avoid some kids.
I just dug up the chair in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about self-destructing.
A Lonely Grave is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by self-destructing.

 
 
Mar 28 at 17:22 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
HIV, the virus that causes AIDS
n

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
At the winery tour we saw how they put leopard print top hats and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and HIV, the virus that causes AIDS can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called party bitches, are the passages for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS to flow.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of HIV, the Virus That Causes AIDS”! I shook his hand and it felt like HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.



Goats and soda
np

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Goats and Soda?
On the assembly line we heat goats and soda to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is mounting.
I prayed to God for goats and soda, and God delivered!
They cut open the crocodile to find goats and soda, still KA-BLAM!! like always.
We put goats and soda in your tea!
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in goats and soda.

 
 
Mar 29 at 12:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have  {s} infestation in his brain.

Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a gay Mexican infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a finely sculpted buttock infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have an exit wound infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a girl on roller skates infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a 57-foot-diameter tunnel boring machine infestation in his brain.

 
 
Mar 30 at 12:36 PDT — Ed. Mar 30 at 12:37 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A baby having a FIT
n

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a baby having a FIT... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Here on the assembly line we heat a baby having a FIT to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is nothing else.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into a baby having a FIT and your cheeks should be relaxed.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a baby having a FIT for free on every corner.
They said a baby having a FIT was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got a baby having a FIT out the ears!
The referee just issued a red card to a woman’s ankles for sliding into a baby having a FIT.

 
 
Mar 30 at 12:39 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A heterosexual vegetarian
n

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A heterosexual vegetarian can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a heterosexual vegetarian.
Happiness: A long rambling story, a sexbot named F.I.S.T.O., and a heterosexual vegetarian.
I’m getting a heterosexual vegetarian installed in my car, so I can be weird legs while I drive.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a heterosexual vegetarian when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a heterosexual vegetarian if I wanted a new family.

 
 
Mar 31 at 20:21 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Secret notes
np

Growing up we never had secret notes, but we had to deal with blocking the exit, and I want the opposite for my children.
In this game you get to collect secret notes and craft you sick fucks.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in secret notes.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on secret notes.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with secret notes.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore secret notes in a very realistic way.

 
 
Apr 2 at 08:47 PDT — Ed. Apr 2 at 15:34 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
We all have Aaronjer to thank for these.

A bed that fucks you to sleep
n

Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a bed that fucks you to sleep.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a bed that fucks you to sleep, and you get a wet tongue as a sign up bonus.
When I get older, I don’t want to be a bed that fucks you to sleep.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in a bed that fucks you to sleep together.
For Halloween we’re peeling a bed that fucks you to sleep so it feels like eyeballs, and we made a beehive so it feels like brains.
When the stadium was demolished it revealed a bed that fucks you to sleep, bringing onlookers from far and wide.



The bed that fucks you to sleep
n

The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of the bed that fucks you to sleep.
I’m shoving motor control in the ground, in hopes that the bed that fucks you to sleep comes and harvests it.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: a-headless-chicken-runnin-round@the-bed-that-fucks-you-to-sleep.biz
You evaded my “The Bed That Fucks You to Sleep” attack! Most impressive.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off the bed that fucks you to sleep in the stands and then knocked a really long nose hair off the polite scorn of a Canadian.
It’s time to scrape the remains of the bed that fucks you to sleep off the driveway.

 
 
Apr 3 at 01:33 PDT — Ed. Apr 3 at 01:35 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
Also this one

A hard-core, heavy hitting knob twister
n

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a hard-core, heavy hitting knob twister. Would you like to try our new special, getting too excited?
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a hard-core, heavy hitting knob twister appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a hard-core, heavy hitting knob twister.
John “a hard-core, heavy hitting knob twister” Smith. The genius who brought us greed, secrets, poison and murder.
I love your necklace! It’s a hard-core, heavy hitting knob twister, right?
The city council wants to cut down on a hard-core, heavy hitting knob twister. Meanwhile people are freely hiding the pain!

 
 
Apr 3 at 01:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Crying in the closet
v

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with crying in the closet, a naturopathic remedy.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Crying in the Closet” syndrome!
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Crying-in-the-closet-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a festively decorated corpse.
Our artisanal process ages a beefy meal for 3 years, before going right into crying in the closet, rapidly throating.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about crying in the closet tomorrow.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be crying in the closet during sex.

 
 
Apr 3 at 13:49 PDT — Ed. Apr 3 at 13:50 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
I genuinely don't remember if this is an existing or already suggested card:

One single out-of-place pube
nc

That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “One Single Out-of-place Pube,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: One single out-of-place pube with hugs and kisses.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about one single out-of-place pube?
When the beef came at me it was like one single out-of-place pube.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been being asleep, not dead. The snail may have escaped one single out-of-place pube by going underground.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find one single out-of-place pube all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!

 
 
Apr 4 at 17:02 PDT — Ed. Apr 4 at 17:04 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
A sleeping tiger
n

Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a sleeping tiger.
The patient kept screaming about “a sleeping tiger”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a complete set of cybernetic implants emerged!
My house. 8 o’clock. A sleeping tiger.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a sleeping tiger.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a sleeping tiger.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a sleeping tiger.

 
 
Apr 4 at 17:05 PDT — Ed. Apr 4 at 17:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
I was wondering if this would work as a noun (as opposed to "eating a..." which is already in)

A bowl of spider webs
n

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a bowl of spider webs and my card appeared in another leopard!
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still a bowl of spider webs!
I was so surprised to see a Steam update that a bowl of spider webs fell out of my mouth.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a bowl of spider webs.
a bowl of spider webs is where my latest perversion goes to die.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a bowl of spider webs from dispensaries.

 
 
Apr 4 at 17:31 PDT — Ed. Apr 4 at 17:33 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A box of cards with rude words on
n

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of thick oatmeal and a mouthfeel like a box of cards with rude words on.
When the suspect’s car crashed, a box of cards with rude words on launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on 19 cannons
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a box of cards with rude words on.
The cruiseliner struck a box of cards with rude words on and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with the chair.
After 6 grueling years, Microsoft and I have created a box of cards with rude words on.
If my neighbor doesn’t get a box of cards with rude words on off my property, I’m calling the cops!

 
 
Apr 4 at 17:34 PDT — Ed. Apr 4 at 17:36 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 159
Exfoliating mastrubation techniques
np

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put Exfoliating mastrubation techniques in the pillows.
At the coffee shop they put “Exfoliating mastrubation techniques” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Slender and muscled, like sandpaper. She was the spitting image of Exfoliating mastrubation techniques.
That kind of attitude is why we have Exfoliating mastrubation techniques now.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was Exfoliating mastrubation techniques.
I will do anything for Exfoliating mastrubation techniques. But I won’t do mostly unused hypodermics!

 
 
Apr 5 at 22:05 PDT — Ed. Apr 5 at 22:07 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's   block!

Minecraft added a fun new block: it's 50 years block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's Hitler’s dildo block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's a carefully contained fart block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's a fluid-filled body cavity block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's an even freakier dude block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's an enhanced interrogation block!

 
 
Apr 8 at 15:54 PDT — Ed. Apr 8 at 15:56 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about  .

I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about furiously caressing each other.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about the atom.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about a flea.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about the girl next door.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about being an overweight bitch.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about child-bearing hips.

 
 
Apr 8 at 15:57 PDT — Ed. Apr 8 at 15:57 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
Whistles, cooing noises and gestures
np

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood whistles, cooing noises and gestures.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s rumpy pumpy straddled by whistles, cooing noises and gestures.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed whistles, cooing noises and gestures.
I went rafting, saw whistles, cooing noises and gestures in the river, no big deal.
I’ve been chopping down BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM to build whistles, cooing noises and gestures for me and my wife.
I was so surprised to see a lumberjack orgy that whistles, cooing noises and gestures fell out of my mouth.

 
 
Apr 9 at 02:30 PDT — Ed. Apr 9 at 19:19 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
A bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint
nc

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint every single day.
In this game you get to collect a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint and craft Dad’s ass.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a rope tied round my leg, a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint, dry mouth, and bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton.
Last night was the tragic result of a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint pulling on my butthole hairs!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint.

 
 
Apr 9 at 19:20 PDT — Ed. Apr 9 at 19:23 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
I feel like this one had to be a repeat:

Two kids in a trench coat
np

Although moving away from the men who helped me proved effective for schools, the switch to two kids in a trench coat initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The White House will no longer enforce The Two Kids in a Trench Coat Act of 1959. Thank God.
Hello, 911? I think there’s two kids in a trench coat in my house...
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into two kids in a trench coat.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for two kids in a trench coat.
If mom hears us talking about two kids in a trench coat we’ll be SO grounded!

 
 
Apr 9 at 19:24 PDT
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