SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

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Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A lingering groundswelling sweetness
n

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a lingering groundswelling sweetness and chewing gum.
A lingering groundswelling sweetness is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A LINGERING GROUNDSWELLING SWEETNESS.”
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear. So bring a lingering groundswelling sweetness.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a lingering groundswelling sweetness.
At the coffee shop they put “a lingering groundswelling sweetness” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:25 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
The girder-shape of ecstasy
n

Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, the girder-shape of ecstasy?
The sign at the fountain says not to throw the girder-shape of ecstasy in.
Wolves don’t eat the girder-shape of ecstasy, and neither should kings.
If my neighbor doesn’t get the girder-shape of ecstasy off my property, I’m calling the cops!
The secret to a happy marriage: the girder-shape of ecstasy.
In future times, the children will work together to build the girder-shape of ecstasy.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:26 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
I really shouldn't stick   in there. However...

I really shouldn't stick one more in there. However...
I really shouldn't stick a child with emotional issues in there. However...
I really shouldn't stick seeing my penis twice in there. However...
I really shouldn't stick a lesbian’s head in there. However...
I really shouldn't stick hoping nothing kills you in there. However...
I really shouldn't stick a phone ringing off the hook in there. However...

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:27 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A pitch-black kitchen at night
n

In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy a pitch-black kitchen at night from dispensaries.
Until quite recently, a pitch-black kitchen at night had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
We’re having a pitch-black kitchen at night situation. Please stand by...
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a pitch-black kitchen at night.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a well-rehearsed lie, and you get a pitch-black kitchen at night as a sign up bonus.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a pitch-black kitchen at night.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:35 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Our secret clone notes
np

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and our secret clone notes.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with our secret clone notes, a naturopathic remedy.
For my last meal I want our secret clone notes.
Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with our secret clone notes.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and our secret clone notes coming right at us. Please advise.
Senator, give me our secret clone notes and you’ll get my vote.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:39 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A post-it note
n

This land is taffy land, this land is a post-it note land.
I came with a bitch as nasty as that to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a post-it note so nobody even noticed!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a post-it note.”
Opioids help people with a post-it note, but then they can’t poop.
The blurry picture of the “Loch Ness monster” was actually a picture of a post-it note.
They cut open the crocodile to find a post-it note, still drunk sexting my sister like always.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:40 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
An incriminating videotape
n

My car looks like it’s an incriminating videotape but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
It has been prophesized that the young king will eventually be killed by an incriminating videotape.
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with an incriminating videotape.
Can’t go out because of an incriminating videotape on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-Roman-battlesex-cor is right for you.
No one in Morocco can be an incriminating videotape without registering with the government.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see an incriminating videotape!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:41 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A file written in a careful, round cursive
n

Last night was the tragic result of a file written in a careful, round cursive.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a file written in a careful, round cursive.
Ever since the incident with a file written in a careful, round cursive I’ve been haunted.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took a file written in a careful, round cursive to the funeral.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang a file written in a careful, round cursive on the Christmas tree.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a file written in a careful, round cursive to forage for food.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:41 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A man's face decaying into a zombie's face
n

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in a man's face decaying into a zombie's face together.
My spirit animal: a man's face decaying into a zombie's face.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw a man's face decaying into a zombie's face in.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a man's face decaying into a zombie's face!”
The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of a man's face decaying into a zombie's face.
They don’t make a man's face decaying into a zombie's face like they used to!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:43 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Turning into a brisket
v

Watch me cheating. Now watch me turning into a brisket.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “turning into a brisket.”
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for turning into a brisket!
I will do anything for turning into a brisket. But I won’t do that!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a gown before turning into a brisket.
The only thing we could all agree on for a pizza topping: turning into a brisket.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:44 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
You know,   makes a perfectly acceptable toupee.

You know, the men who helped me makes a perfectly acceptable toupee.
You know, putting my mouth on it makes a perfectly acceptable toupee.
You know, a big fat blunt, duuude! makes a perfectly acceptable toupee.
You know, the president’s daughter makes a perfectly acceptable toupee.
You know, a loaded gun makes a perfectly acceptable toupee.
You know, a submissive sex android makes a perfectly acceptable toupee.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:44 PDT — Ed. Jul 29 at 16:45 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Good old-fashioned nightmare fuel
nc

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.
Oh no! Someone rolled up good old-fashioned nightmare fuel in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.
Good old-fashioned nightmare fuel is really getting all up in my business!
I accidentally dropped good old-fashioned nightmare fuel in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
The water tower looks like it’s good old-fashioned nightmare fuel from this angle.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:45 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Your girlfriend's mother
nc

When I think South America, I feel your girlfriend's mother.
Meet me by that sculpture downtown. You know, it’s your girlfriend's mother on stilts.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with your girlfriend's mother.
I accidentally dropped your girlfriend's mother in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
The hippo’s tail launched your girlfriend's mother all over the place.
Class, turn to page 105 and read “Your Girlfriend's Mother and You”.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 29 at 16:51 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4868
1,227 ₧
Emergency repopulation
nc

4 out of 5 doctors recommend emergency repopulation.
I like emergency repopulation like I like my coffee: getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have emergency repopulation on the top.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn emergency repopulation, but now I work at Wal*Mart.
Our artisanal process ages emergency repopulation for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.
At Boeing R&D, we test what’s inside by subjecting it to emergency repopulation and extreme heat.

 
 
Jul 30 at 07:48 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A series of tents and sexual assaults
n

Don’t leave the door open! A series of tents and sexual assaults will get in.
My new phone looks like it’s a series of tents and sexual assaults but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
We put a series of tents and sexual assaults in your tea!
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a series of tents and sexual assaults directly.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a series of tents and sexual assaults.
A series of tents and sexual assaults is a temporary setback on the road to assassinating Kim Jong-un!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Aug 7 at 01:31 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A city and an economy
n

Furious that I was pissing into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a city and an economy.
Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with a city and an economy.
Life without love is like a city and an economy without fruit.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a city and an economy all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a city and an economy. Should I talk to him?
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a city and an economy happens.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Aug 7 at 01:32 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
He thinks he’s better than me because he has   instead of  .
Play 2

He thinks he’s better than me because he has a bloody thing that popped instead of a tacky, god-awful facelift.
He thinks he’s better than me because he has the Lord instead of eels.
He thinks he’s better than me because he has most of my money instead of throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap.
He thinks he’s better than me because he has just falling out of my bung hole instead of something even wetter.
He thinks he’s better than me because he has a can of Coke instead of my sexual partners.
He thinks he’s better than me because he has rolling a golf cart instead of the collar around my neck.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Aug 7 at 01:33 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Revenge against God for the crime of being
vt

“D” is for revenge against God for the crime of being.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, revenge against God for the crime of being appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is revenge against God for the crime of being.
Revenge against God for the crime of being is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
What’s wrong with your brother? He walks like he’s revenge against God for the crime of being.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of revenge against God for the crime of being in the soil.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Aug 8 at 06:33 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4868
1,227 ₧
You can expect  {n} to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.

You can expect a Ouija board to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect sufficient funds to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect so many freakin’ cats to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect a guillotine to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect my skin to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.
You can expect dark magic to be warm, slick with sweat, and easy to slide into.

 
 
Aug 9 at 14:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6507
A downed power line
n

The new Harley-Davidson has got a downed power line painted on both sides.
A downed power line slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”
Here on the assembly line we heat a downed power line to a steaming, bright cherry red.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a downed power line.
Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting a downed power line into the air!
We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a downed power line.

 
 
Aug 10 at 12:49 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6507
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m  !

Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m maintaining total stealth!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m screaming and barfing a little!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m a soap bubble!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m the Army!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m boiling water!
Lifetime TV movie protagonist: He treats me like I’m being slathered in baby oil!

 
 
Aug 10 at 14:44 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4868
1,227 ₧
The perfect excuse to get naked
n

Ever since the perfect excuse to get naked appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while changing.
If I was God, you would be the perfect excuse to get naked.
We put the perfect excuse to get naked in your tea!
I looked up “an abomination unto God” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving the perfect excuse to get naked.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get the perfect excuse to get naked removed from us both.
I buried my treasure under the perfect excuse to get naked so you’d never find it!

 
 
Aug 10 at 23:36 PDT — Ed. Aug 10 at 23:37 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4868
1,227 ₧
Traditional Mario gameplay
nc

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, traditional Mario gameplay emerged.
The new artsy indie game “Booms and Flashes” is a deeply emotional exploration of traditional Mario gameplay.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking traditional Mario gameplay into women’s purses and bags.
It’s so beautiful! Traditional Mario gameplay! As far as the eye can see!
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find traditional Mario gameplay.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried traditional Mario gameplay.

 
 
Aug 13 at 13:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6507
Salt, pepper, and Cholula® sauce
nc

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was salt, pepper, and Cholula® sauce and tried to attack it.
I like salt, pepper, and Cholula® sauce like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was salt, pepper, and Cholula® sauce.
If I was God, you would be salt, pepper, and Cholula® sauce.
If salt, pepper, and Cholula® sauce were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
I love your necklace! It’s salt, pepper, and Cholula® sauce, right?

 
 
Aug 14 at 09:01 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6507
Being stubborn
v

It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s being stubborn.
Work is a temporary setback on the road to being stubborn!
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a muscular, naked Santa. I found him being stubborn.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for being stubborn
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to being stubborn, even before I put on my clothes.
The city council wants to cut down on being stubborn after 8pm.

 
 
Aug 14 at 09:03 PDT