I couldn’t get into my apartment. Some powerful kind of The aquatic warlord of the sea people was blocking the door.

These wounds were given to me by The aquatic warlord of the sea people.

Looking out the window of Apollo 11, Neil Armstrong saw a sight very few had ever seen: The aquatic warlord of the sea people.

Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold. The hole makes them look like they’re The aquatic warlord of the sea people.

If we’re gonna play an RPG, my character is going to be The aquatic warlord of the sea people.

My father made a living selling The aquatic warlord of the sea people. He supported our whole family that way.

When I saw half man, half politician I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting killed in my house, I freaked!

Half man, half politician? That’s my fetish!

I’ve made a mistake and half man, half politician isn’t going to be the same. Sorry.

Jeez! Who slipped half man, half politician in your Cheerios™ this morning?

I’m sure I tossed half man, half politician in this dumpster somewhere.

Don’t look at me while I’m half man, half politician! It messes me up!

Utilizing the cruelest weapons: a new fad among teenggers.

They don’t allow utilizing the cruelest weapons at the topless bars around here anymore.

We can be utilizing the cruelest weapons. And no one has to know.

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Utilizing the Cruelest Weapons”! I shook his hand and it felt like utilizing the cruelest weapons.

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for utilizing the cruelest weapons.

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on utilizing the cruelest weapons.

I got residue from exploiting the most mysterious powers in my nail beds!

Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by exploiting the most mysterious powers?

Exploiting the most mysterious powers is a uniquely British problem.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen exploiting the most mysterious powers.

Exploiting the most mysterious powers is known to the state of California to cause cancer.

“D” is for exploiting the most mysterious powers.

There are many pivotal events in human history, but all pale in comparison to a joke from the Internet.

There are many pivotal events in human history, but all pale in comparison to an icky bug.

There are many pivotal events in human history, but all pale in comparison to fluids from my face.

There are many pivotal events in human history, but all pale in comparison to barfing in the closet later.

There are many pivotal events in human history, but all pale in comparison to touching your vaggie while sleeping.

There are many pivotal events in human history, but all pale in comparison to ice cold seawater.

The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy all the leopards, and you get the Finno-Korean Hyper War as a sign up bonus.

At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a purring kitten. That’s supposed to help me with the Finno-Korean Hyper War?!

The transferred sperm cells are kept in the Finno-Korean Hyper War, where they can remain viable for longer periods.

The Finno-Korean Hyper War? I got all dressed up for the Finno-Korean Hyper War?

The gas pump is saying “Push button to select the Finno-Korean Hyper War.”

It’s always nice to relive the Finno-Korean Hyper War in my mind.

My parents saved all my baby teeth in somehow a whole banana at once.

Today you’re on the receiving end of somehow a whole banana at once.

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “somehow a whole banana at once”.

We can be somehow a whole banana at once. And no one has to know.

I’m taking this opportunity to reassess my views on somehow a whole banana at once, and grow as a person.

My “friends” came over and put somehow a whole banana at once in the toilet.

I’m getting a whole banana at once somehow installed in my car, like a rock star!

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “a whole banana at once somehow.”

Everything I need to live on a desert island: A whole banana at once somehow and 2,000 dried and pressed cats.

I looked up “your sexual awakening” in Urban Dictionary. It’s an act involving a whole banana at once somehow.

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a whole banana at once somehow.

My mom says when I was a baby I looked like a whole banana at once somehow and I kept receiving a death threat.

The survey team detected the infection at the work site so I grabbed just me by my li'l lonesome and drove straight there.

At LAX travelers were horrified to see just me by my li'l lonesome spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.

At my full potential, I’m just me by my li'l lonesome.

They don’t make just me by my li'l lonesome like they used to!

The people next door are sick! I hear they use just me by my li'l lonesome as a toilet.

This is a great movie, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has just me by my li'l lonesome.

James Bond will return in “The Man with the Fig That Was... in Me...”!

When the celestial spheres align, the fig that was... in me... will descend from the heavens.

In the third world, luxuries like the fig that was... in me... are an alien concept.

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with the fig that was... in me... on board.

Don’t you hate when you see the fig that was... in me... in the carpool lane?

Daddy! There’s the fig that was... in me... under my bed. Kill it kill it!

If we work together, we can finish getting whisked away.

Jonathan, don’t you understand getting whisked away is killing your grandmother?!

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by getting whisked away around the building.

Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by getting whisked away.

I can’t believe you forced my mom into getting whisked away! She’s 62!

Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? Getting whisked away.

Walmart will no longer sell The Annointed One in child size!

But of the tree of The Annointed One you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like The Annointed One.

Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with The Annointed One.

I’m in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of The Annointed One.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with The Annointed One between every two.

It’s like they always say: sheer cantankerousness never changes.

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt sheer cantankerousness in the sea.

Dad’s just mad because he didn’t get sheer cantankerousness.

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s sheer cantankerousness.

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have sheer cantankerousness on the top.

“Sheer cantankerousness torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get info from a suspected terrorist.

Today I learned my father has been mooning the explosion for forty years.

Dad’s just mad because he didn’t get mooning the explosion.

Shared mooning the explosion with Dad last night. He was cool about it, too!

I’m in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of mooning the explosion.

If I have to be honest, I’ve often fantasized about mooning the explosion.

Last night was the tragic result of mooning the explosion.

Extending-Castle-Doctrine-to-Someone-Elses-House-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

Never shake a baby. It could lead to extending Castle Doctrine to someone else's house.

The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for extending Castle Doctrine to someone else's house during the Iraq War.

I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about extending Castle Doctrine to someone else's house.

My tiny act of rebellion today was extending Castle Doctrine to someone else's house with no shoes!

Men, like the Lord, go farthest when they are extending Castle Doctrine to someone else's house.

Killing upwards of six figures of people is known to the state of California to cause cancer.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents killing upwards of six figures of people.

I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with killing upwards of six figures of people.

Man, I drank so much last night that I’m basically killing upwards of six figures of people.

My publisher demanded I remove killing upwards of six figures of people from my manuscript on account of “decency.”

If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably means he’s killing upwards of six figures of people.

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found the skull you keep your brain in sticking to the wall.

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for the skull you keep your brain in.

Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using the skull you keep your brain in wisely.

Let Martha host your next party, providing the skull you keep your brain in like you’ve never experienced before.

Doctor, I’m feeling the skull you keep your brain in sensation when I pee.

I found out why I’m always sick... they found the skull you keep your brain in in the walls at my office.

The dog barked and ran away, because he saw me putting whipped cream on my nipples.

My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m putting whipped cream on my nipples.

I looked up “putting whipped cream on my nipples” in Urban Dictionary. It’s an act involving black market lungs.

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for putting whipped cream on my nipples?

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by putting whipped cream on my nipples.

I’m putting whipped cream on my nipples for Jesus.

Men, like an explosive red barrel, go farthest when they are putting whipped cream on your nipples.

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into putting whipped cream on your nipples, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.

When I get older, I don’t want to put whipped cream on your nipples.

It is disrespectful and dangerous to put whipped cream on your nipples during sex.

At the gym they have this new machine where you’re putting whipped cream on your nipples.

I don’t know anything about putting whipped cream on your nipples. I was home schooled.

Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for putting whipped cream on one's nipples without even getting up.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start putting whipped cream on one's nipples.

A lifetime of putting whipped cream on one's nipples awaits. Call now for a free consultation.

That’s my son, who’s about as useful as putting whipped cream on one's nipples.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of putting whipped cream on one's nipples.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with putting whipped cream on one's nipples between every two.