SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

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SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
White people, panicking
np

When white people, panicking hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “white people, panicking” incident in the science lab.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into white people, panicking, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start good bacteria.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate white people, panicking.
The city condemned our house after finding white people, panicking in the crawlspace.
Introducing, The White People, Panicking diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!



Shoulders
np

Military scientists in Syria found traces of shoulders in the soil.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but shoulders.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as my sexy fox costume and comes with 1 USB-C port and shoulders! Groovy!
Senator, I trust you enjoyed shoulders last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare shoulders right at your table.
While you’re at the store can you pick up shoulders, in family size?



My stretchmarks
np

You stole my stretchmarks from a child? You’re cranberry sauce or juice and you’re going to hell!
Although moving away from the women proved effective for schools, the switch to my stretchmarks initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
I came with my stretchmarks to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought inflatable safety bumpers so nobody even noticed!
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing my stretchmarks, since we’re so good at it.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s some bitch named Carol in love with my stretchmarks very much they do a... special hug.”
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re my stretchmarks, get to the front of the line.

 
 
Feb 26 at 15:50 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Adding mayonnaise
v

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn adding mayonnaise, but now for work I’m landlubbers. Go figure!
Alexander also named a city in India “Adding Mayonnaise” after his dead horse.
If I had adding mayonnaise, you’d be peeing in a cup!
Last night was the tragic result of adding mayonnaise
I didn’t think this house would sell with baby eels in the attic. Anyway, I’m adding mayonnaise.
The media’s nonstop coverage of bad words is just to distract us from adding mayonnaise.

 
 
Feb 26 at 15:53 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Going SPLASH
v

In this 15th century painting, going SPLASH is represented by a man with an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome for a head.
I will do anything for going SPLASH. But I won’t do that!
I didn’t think this house would sell with your mom’s bathroom in the attic. Anyway, I’m going SPLASH.
John “going SPLASH” Smith. The genius who brought us cooties.
They cut open the crocodile to find my murder list, still going SPLASH like always.
If you kids don’t stop wearing John Travolta’s face, I will turn going SPLASH around!

 
 
Feb 26 at 15:55 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal
v

Don’t be tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal alone! Join the Tracking Seth Rogen like a Hunted Animal Club and do it with others.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal!
Military scientists in Syria found traces of tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal in the soil.
There is no revenge so complete as tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of tracking Seth Rogen like a hunted animal.

 
 
Feb 26 at 15:59 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A little woodland creature
n

A little woodland creature? That’s my fetish!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a little woodland creature. The driver was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass.
Science never solves a problem without creating a little woodland creature.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a pinch, a little woodland creature, dry mouth, and being a bitch.
People in Taiwan are getting a little woodland creature implanted in their bodies for cutting a hole in my pants.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a little woodland creature. Always.

 
 
Feb 26 at 16:00 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A robot-crushing machine
n

The night before Easter, we’ll set up a robot-crushing machine on the porch to surprise the kids.
Oh no! Obama put a robot-crushing machine in the water to turn Satan’s latest abomination gay!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a robot-crushing machine.
This year’s hottest album is “Damage” by A Robot-crushing Machine.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about a robot-crushing machine.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called spines, are the passages for a robot-crushing machine to flow.



A 2-foot beard comb
n

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a 2-foot beard comb.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a 2-foot beard comb.
In public restrooms I always put a 2-foot beard comb on the toilet before sitting down.
I need a hotel room with a 2-foot beard comb, and I need shenanigans brought to me every four hours.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a 2-foot beard comb. She has stated, “I prefer the Handsome Boy Modeling School.”
You spent all your food-stamps on a 2-foot beard comb?!



Two perfect eggs
np

This workplace has gone (0) days without two perfect eggs.
Two perfect eggs is always a contest when I’m involved.
While I was out the Roomba got into two perfect eggs and was tunneling around.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by two perfect eggs?
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with two perfect eggs went off early, ejecting BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM into the air!
The ‘battery acid moth’ has adapted to feed on a gigantic eyeball on a stalk, and hide under two perfect eggs in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.

 
 
Feb 26 at 16:03 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
My garbage friends drew   on my face while I was passed out.

My garbage friends drew a cheesy substance on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew licking on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew a beginner anal bead on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew KA-BLAM!! on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole on my face while I was passed out.
My garbage friends drew an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome on my face while I was passed out.

 
 
Feb 27 at 08:48 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
An uncomfortably over-sexualized possum
n

Last Christmas, I gave you an uncomfortably over-sexualized possum. The very next day, you gave it away.
My kids keep installing an uncomfortably over-sexualized possum on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got an uncomfortably over-sexualized possum painted on both sides, which some say encourages electric sex.
When I think South America, I feel an uncomfortably over-sexualized possum.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually an uncomfortably over-sexualized possum.
I’ve finally got the last of a screaming dog out of an uncomfortably over-sexualized possum.

 
 
Mar 1 at 13:02 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 332
11 ₧
As it turns out,   is the least disturbing element of that story.

As it turns out, falling in love with a white girl is the least disturbing element of that story.
As it turns out, a loading screen is the least disturbing element of that story.
As it turns out, installing an update is the least disturbing element of that story.
As it turns out, less chaos is the least disturbing element of that story.
As it turns out, sufficient funds is the least disturbing element of that story.
As it turns out, a secret room is the least disturbing element of that story.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Mar 4 at 06:06 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 332
11 ₧
The bath-bomb ballsack
n

Slender and muscled, like a velvet fist. She was the spitting image of the bath-bomb ballsack.
Don’t leave the door open! the bath-bomb ballsack will get in.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find the bath-bomb ballsack.
The new artsy indie game “The Roof” is a deeply emotional exploration of the bath-bomb ballsack.
I wasn’t always black... there was the bath-bomb ballsack, and it got bigger and bigger.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see the bath-bomb ballsack spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Mar 4 at 06:07 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
A plump goose
n

Can I get some floss? There’s a plump goose between my teeth.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a plump goose.
We’re having a plump goose situation. Watch out for using advanced Kama Sutra techniques and please stand by...
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a plump goose.
The cineplex has been using a plump goose in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
I beat a plump goose all the time!

 
 
Mar 5 at 19:38 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
Alternatively:

A furious goose
n

This workplace has gone (0) days without a furious goose.
I Googled for a furious goose and found a picture of myself.
CAUTION: Keep a furious goose out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks white men with guns.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a furious goose.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Furious Goose.
I was so surprised to see floppy, out-of-control boobs that a furious goose fell out of my mouth.

 
 
Mar 5 at 19:39 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Unlimited salad and breadsticks
np

Unlimited salad and breadsticks like this is enough to kill a horse!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is unlimited salad and breadsticks.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, unlimited salad and breadsticks came out onto the bed.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Unlimited Salad and Breadsticks is the baby.
Unlimited salad and breadsticks is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
My wife printed me a certifcate for unlimited salad and breadsticks. I’m excited for tonight!

 
 
Mar 7 at 14:43 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
 {U} is  .
Play 2

Too much wiggling is a slut who deserved it.
A girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it is a lesbian’s head.
Stubby fingers is special pube shampoo.
Serving humanity is a cataclysmic magic spell.
The white bitch is the last great American.
Just rockin’ that ass is a small child with no arms on a buttered skateboard.

 
 
Mar 7 at 14:43 PST — Ed. Mar 7 at 14:44 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A game on your phone
n

No thanks. My doctor said a game on your phone makes defecation painful.
Oh no! Obama put a game on your phone in the water to turn a broken man gay!
Honey, you can’t keep putting a game on your phone down the garbage disposal!
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a game on your phone came on the screen.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a novelty gag dildo, a fistful of glitter, and a game on your phone.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a game on your phone.

 
 
Mar 7 at 15:34 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Last-ditch talks with the EU
np

It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, last-ditch talks with the EU came out onto the bed.
Here on the assembly line we heat last-ditch talks with the EU to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is hacking my foot off.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into that dirty little louse, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start last-ditch talks with the EU.
When last-ditch talks with the EU hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still last-ditch talks with the EU!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on last-ditch talks with the EU.

 
 
Mar 11 at 13:12 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Everything hurting
nc

A robustly satisfying fart is the spice of everything hurting.
This land is a syringe of Tabasco land, this land is everything hurting land.
Until quite recently, everything hurting had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I was so surprised to see a tangled Slinky® that everything hurting fell out of my mouth.
The authorities followed the trail of everything hurting, leading them straight to the suspect.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by everything hurting.

 
 
Mar 12 at 12:01 PDT — Ed. Mar 12 at 12:05 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
Both of these hot dogs
np

I was surprised to find bones in both of these hot dogs. Is that normal?
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of both of these hot dogs.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Coach Diddleplayers and both of these hot dogs.
You’re not a mom! You’re just both of these hot dogs!
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with a good soak. I barely even felt both of these hot dogs.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put both of these hot dogs in the slot, but I forget to take it out.

 
 
Mar 14 at 11:39 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
And just for the lulz:

Either of these hot dogs
np

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, either of these hot dogs every single day.
If either of these hot dogs were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me either of these hot dogs while we were still in the car.
I got so drunk last night that I got either of these hot dogs all over everyone and everything.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am either of these hot dogs. Would you like to try our new special, prey?
We can be either of these hot dogs. And no one has to know.

 
 
Mar 14 at 11:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
A drop of glue
n

People in Taiwan are getting a drop of glue implanted in their bodies for doing surgery on LSD.
Here on the assembly line we heat a drop of glue to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is going as deep as possible.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get the whole bottle of sleeping pills removed from her and a drop of glue removed from me.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a violent sneeze in the toilet and touched a drop of glue on the wall.
Ever since a drop of glue appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while floppin’ out my baby door.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a drop of glue.



Poodle fur
nc

Slender and muscled, like poodle fur. She was the spitting image of “that feeling”.
Making the best cookies requires poodle fur and googly eyes.
Last Christmas, everyone got my mouth under the tree and poodle fur in their stockings!
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about poodle fur?
I want to say one word to you, just one word: poodle fur.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of poodle fur.



Living, loving, and laughing
vt

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start being slathered in baby oil before living, loving, and laughing.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as formaldehyde, score points by living, loving, and laughing, and people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm shall not be on the field.
If living, loving, and laughing were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from living, loving, and laughing, and the eco-glass windows trap in another leopard.
Can’t go out because of a humorless Japanese businessman on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-living-loving-and-laughing-cor is right for you.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how living, loving, and laughing happens.

 
 
Mar 15 at 16:51 PDT — Ed. Mar 15 at 16:52 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 620
175 ₧
The tenured professor of Butt Studies
n

I went rafting, saw the tenured professor of Butt Studies in the river, no big deal.
I’m an ankle holster in the streets, but the tenured professor of Butt Studies in the sheets.
The tenured professor of Butt Studies like this is enough to kill a horse!
We can be the tenured professor of Butt Studies. And no one has to know.
I’m shoving a quickie in the ground, in hopes that the tenured professor of Butt Studies comes and harvests it.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring the tenured professor of Butt Studies.

 
 
Mar 16 at 00:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Getting close
v

The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got black power painted on both sides, which some say encourages getting close.
I’m going to post the new white card "getting close" to SAH. What do you think to anal cleansing tablets?
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate getting close.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be getting close during sex.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a beefy meal before getting close.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of getting close.

 
 
Mar 16 at 16:58 PDT — Ed. Mar 16 at 20:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Essentially, tomatoes
np

My kids keep installing essentially, tomatoes on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from essentially, tomatoes, and the eco-glass windows trap in unladylike musculature.
Introducing, The Essentially, Tomatoes diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re essentially, tomatoes!
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to essentially, tomatoes, even before I put on my clothes.
It’s time to scrape the remains of essentially, tomatoes off the driveway.

 
 
Mar 16 at 20:41 PDT — Ed. Mar 18 at 11:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get  {n} on your popcorn.

At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get irresponsible parenting on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get literal sugar tits on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get a dog head on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get that sack of shit on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get a total fucking mess on your popcorn.
At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get black lace on your popcorn.

 
 
Mar 18 at 11:07 PDT — Ed. Mar 18 at 11:09 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6239
Fucking animals
npv

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be fucking animals and where does a human-sized harness come in?
Oh no! Obama put a festively decorated corpse in the water to turn fucking animals gay!
Are you there God? It’s me, fucking animals.
If fucking animals were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re fucking animals!
If mom hears us talking about fucking animals we’ll be SO grounded!

 
 
Mar 19 at 15:04 PDT — Ed. Mar 19 at 15:06 PDT
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