SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 37 38 39 [40] 41 42 43 ... 51 52 53
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Spilled ink congealing in random patterns
v

I’m late to my meeting for spilled ink congealing in random patterns.
I will do anything for mammaries. But I won’t do spilled ink congealing in random patterns!
I’m spilled ink congealing in random patterns in the streets, but a male prostitute in the sheets.
Spilled-Ink-Congealing-in-Random-Patterns-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Jesus is spilled ink congealing in random patterns.
Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for spilled ink congealing in random patterns.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 18:45 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A sexual predator
n

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a sexual predator.
Back in my day, we only had a sexual predator for fun and we LIKED IT.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a sexual predator” incident in the science lab.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a sexual predator.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a sexual predator!”
The cruiseliner struck a sexual predator and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers stranded.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 18:45 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Goin' to the city to be a stud
nc

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for goin' to the city to be a stud?
My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel Goin-to-the-city-to-be-a-stud-iatto with whip and sprinkles.
Monopoly: Goin' to the City to Be a Stud Edition is taking the board-gaming world by storm.
The TSA has made new rules mandating goin' to the city to be a stud on every commercial flight.
If you do goin' to the city to be a stud right, all that matters is you have a good time.
The letters on a modern keyboard come from typewriters, which were arranged by goin' to the city to be a stud.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 18:46 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Making the Dutch pay for their crimes
v

I will do anything for making the Dutch pay for their crimes. But I won’t do a harbor for your unclean thoughts!
I will do anything for making the Dutch pay for their crimes. But I won’t do that!
It has been prophesized that the young king will eventually be killed by making the Dutch pay for their crimes.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw making the Dutch pay for their crimes for the first time!
The water tower looks like it’s making the Dutch pay for their crimes from this angle.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still making the Dutch pay for their crimes!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 18:46 PDT — Ed. Jul 12 at 18:47 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
You know,   makes a perfectly acceptable  .
Play 2

You know, orgies makes a perfectly acceptable snake jizz.
You know, the white bitch makes a perfectly acceptable tugging too hard.
You know, either me or you makes a perfectly acceptable a way rude hunger.
You know, a murder, and then another murder makes a perfectly acceptable a Japanese woman’s underwear.
You know, a tuba full of mayonnaise makes a perfectly acceptable dying evil.
You know, chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus makes a perfectly acceptable a quality buttplug.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 18:47 PDT — Ed. Jul 12 at 20:23 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Nude driving
vt

Nude driving! Nude driving! My kingdom for nude driving!
The rich aroma of nude driving, from the hills of Colombia.
The new bill before congress would require nude driving in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to nude driving, even before I put on my clothes.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: nude driving.
I like nude driving like I like my coffee: fellating everything in the room.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:24 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Imprisoning my enemies in a gulag
v

What’s wrong with your brother? He walks like he’s imprisoning my enemies in a gulag.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of imprisoning my enemies in a gulag came on the screen.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with imprisoning my enemies in a gulag! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I went rafting, saw imprisoning my enemies in a gulag in the river, no big deal.
Imprisoning my enemies in a gulag really messes up my butt complexion!
My car looks like it’s imprisoning my enemies in a gulag but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:28 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Genuine actors
np

This year’s hottest new fashion is genuine actors on your head.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took genuine actors to the funeral.
These snails have evolved to live underground without light or genuine actors.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Genuine Actors.
After 6 years in development, I have created genuine actors.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of vodka, ginger beer, and a squeeze of genuine actors. Serve in a motorist.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:29 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
See his lecture series, " ."

See his lecture series, "my dead parents."
See his lecture series, "my secret sex gymnasium."
See his lecture series, "rude kids."
See his lecture series, "a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it."
See his lecture series, "a lady making eyes at Dad."
See his lecture series, "jalapeños."

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:30 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
I don't know how, but I think I just became  .

I don't know how, but I think I just became Tony’s prison baby.
I don't know how, but I think I just became my brother, who I’m sure you remember.
I don't know how, but I think I just became a grand staircase.
I don't know how, but I think I just became a loaded gun.
I don't know how, but I think I just became a caged madman.
I don't know how, but I think I just became shooting a rabbit with an arrow.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:30 PDT — Ed. Jul 12 at 20:30 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use  

Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier
Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use a deathbed
Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use ammunition
Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use doing things to the body
Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use the polite scorn of a Canadian
Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use a felony

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:31 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
The natural radar of   protects our northern borders.

The natural radar of the taxpayers protects our northern borders.
The natural radar of a stink bug protects our northern borders.
The natural radar of white men with guns protects our northern borders.
The natural radar of mom protects our northern borders.
The natural radar of doing it RIGHT this time! protects our northern borders.
The natural radar of a flea protects our northern borders.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:31 PDT — Ed. Jul 12 at 20:32 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Dying of nonchalance
v

In the iconic opening to Back to the Future, Marty McFly was dying of nonchalance after hooking up his electric guitar and strumming.
The media’s nonstop coverage of dying of nonchalance is just to distract us from neglecting a spike.
I don’t need love because I’m dying of nonchalance. Sorry mom!
The authorities followed the trail of dying of nonchalance, leading them straight to the suspect.
Those hoodlums graffitied dying of nonchalance on my mailbox again.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually dying of nonchalance.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:32 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A planet where apes evolved from men
n

This land is a planet where apes evolved from men land, this land is getting slathered land.
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a planet where apes evolved from men.
Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with a planet where apes evolved from men.
For Christmas, everyone got a planet where apes evolved from men in their stockings!
The city put in new road signs to indicate a planet where apes evolved from men just up ahead.
My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel A-planet-where-apes-evolved-from-men-iatto with whip and sprinkles.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:33 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride  .

Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride a soul-stealing telephone.
Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride shame.
Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry.
Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride death.
Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride the sun.
Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride a motorist.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:33 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret
nc

NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret hanging in the window.
Oh great, I turned on the oven again with Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret still inside.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret.
Dagnabbit! I got Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret all jammed up in the wheel well again.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:34 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
My judo bikini
nc

Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug my judo bikini the fastest.
Ever since my judo bikini appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while changing.
During the war, German scientists experimented to weaponize my judo bikini.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! My judo bikini can increase your breast size in three weeks!
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen my judo bikini.
My judo bikini from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:34 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Huge angular red marshmallows
np

If huge angular red marshmallows were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with huge angular red marshmallows.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found huge angular red marshmallows inside.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “huge angular red marshmallows.”
We can be huge angular red marshmallows. And no one has to know.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about huge angular red marshmallows.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:35 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
The year of the cat
n

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember the year of the cat?”
When I was bodybuilding I foolishly tried to dead-lift the year of the cat.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking the year of the cat into women’s purses and bags.
The year of the cat can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
Scorpions can shed the year of the cat in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
At BASF, we don't *make* the year of the cat, we make the year of the cat *better*.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:36 PDT — Ed. Jul 12 at 20:37 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
My faith is tested daily by God allowing   to exist.

My faith is tested daily by God allowing a dead clown on the stairs to exist.
My faith is tested daily by God allowing desperate dog sex to exist.
My faith is tested daily by God allowing electric sex to exist.
My faith is tested daily by God allowing my mom teaching sex ed to exist.
My faith is tested daily by God allowing a Japanese vending machine to exist.
My faith is tested daily by God allowing sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt to exist.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:38 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
America
nc

The pharmacist separated America into two parts, and gave me both.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, America... Sweet! Sunny-D!
I got into my car and sat on America. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into America.
I was born on a pile of America.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang America on the Christmas tree.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 12 at 20:39 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
I saw an ad in the local paper that simply read, “Wanted:  .”

I saw an ad in the local paper that simply read, “Wanted: a felony.”
I saw an ad in the local paper that simply read, “Wanted: every pterodactyl.”
I saw an ad in the local paper that simply read, “Wanted: the Army.”
I saw an ad in the local paper that simply read, “Wanted: beating up Dracula.”
I saw an ad in the local paper that simply read, “Wanted: your blessed little heart.”
I saw an ad in the local paper that simply read, “Wanted: struggling to get out of the van.”

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 14 at 12:31 PDT — Ed. Jul 14 at 12:55 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A whiny, halfwit coward
n

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a whiny, halfwit coward emerged.
Men, like a whiny, halfwit coward, go farthest when they are you and me.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a whiny, halfwit coward hanging in the window.
The strongest Sumo training technique is a whiny, halfwit coward.
The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a whiny, halfwit coward.
I came with bad words to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a whiny, halfwit coward so nobody even noticed!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 14 at 12:55 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
A big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy
n

Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy in the back seat.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy.
The strongest Sumo training technique is a big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy.
I want to be buried with a big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 14 at 12:56 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 675
11 ₧
Data entry with no pants
np

I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me data entry with no pants while we were still in the car.
At Boeing R&D, we test too much wiggling by subjecting it to data entry with no pants and extreme heat.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in data entry with no pants in the middle of each intersection.
Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does Data Entry with No Pants.
Working on my car I found data entry with no pants had crawled inside the engine block and died.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with data entry with no pants.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 14 at 12:57 PDT — Ed. Jul 14 at 12:57 PDT