SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 13 14 15 [16] 17 18
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
 {U} is now possible at room temperature!

Fusing together is now possible at room temperature!
Such grace is now possible at room temperature!
A leak is now possible at room temperature!
“forensic evidence” (semen) is now possible at room temperature!
George Clooney porn is now possible at room temperature!
Truck stop sex is now possible at room temperature!

 
 
May 1 at 17:47 PDT — Ed. May 1 at 17:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
Engaging in cock and ball torture
v

My religion demands that I must abstain from answers to all of life’s questions. Engaging in cock and ball torture however, is OK.
Engaging in cock and ball torture! Engaging in cock and ball torture! My kingdom for engaging in cock and ball torture!
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is engaging in cock and ball torture.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to engaging in cock and ball torture.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized engaging in cock and ball torture.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be engaging in cock and ball torture and where does his holiness the pope come in?

 
 
May 3 at 17:54 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
Now being a robot
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw mediocre tits in the mirror! And it smelled like now being a robot in there! I’m so scared!
Now being a robot has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed now being a robot.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with now being a robot.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a headless chicken runnin’ ‘round jumping and nipping at me from below and even now being a robot.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me now being a robot and it’s getting weird.

 
 
May 4 at 22:53 PDT — Ed. May 5 at 00:33 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
Crawling under the fridge
v

My religion demands that I must abstain from sewing it shut. Crawling under the fridge however, is OK.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on crawling under the fridge.
Politics. The Our Cute Little Gay Faces Party, is always trying to shove an entire 8th-grader down our throats. This time it’s crawling under the fridge.
Ever since the incident with crawling under the fridge I’ve been haunted by shitty chairs from IKEA®.
Amtrak officials confirm crawling under the fridge would have prevented train derailment.
I bought an ancient insignificant dead Jew yesterday and now I can’t stop crawling under the fridge!



Sleeping completely nude
v

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s sleeping completely nude, with a big dang deal around the edges, and another hole in the head on top.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about sleeping completely nude tomorrow.
Barely in the butthole can only be killed by sleeping completely nude.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw sleeping completely nude in the mirror! And it smelled like teaching Grandpa to make gravy in there! I’m so scared!
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me sleeping completely nude at the party last night.
You’re not a mom! You’re just sleeping completely nude!

 
 
May 5 at 01:49 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
Trying to smile more
v

Military scientists in Syria found traces of trying to smile more in the soil.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began trying to smile more.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always trying to smile more. Always.
I like power of attorney like I like my coffee: trying to smile more, put in a sack, and dragged across that demon torture puzzle box.
Men, like a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls, go farthest when they are trying to smile more.
In the first Battle of Trying to Smile More he faced a loaded gun, and with one great blow he split them in half.

 
 
May 12 at 15:34 PDT — Ed. May 12 at 15:36 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
Cute pictures
np

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Cute pictures and a 5,000 acre forest fire.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Cute Pictures,” the finest ship in the harbor!
If you kids don’t stop being picked, I will turn cute pictures around!
The weirdest thing about cute pictures is that sometimes even girls have cute pictures.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with cute pictures.
Chase bank is giving out cute pictures this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

 
 
May 13 at 20:12 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
Traffic cones
np

Working on my car I found traffic cones had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Traffic cones has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up traffic cones in every room.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with traffic cones! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Although moving away from traffic cones proved effective for schools, the switch to a really long nose hair initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Traffic cones.

 
 
May 21 at 23:01 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
Incidental genocide
nc

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only incidental genocide and a guillotine come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then incidental genocide really affected me.
Daddy, what’s incidental genocide? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Last night I dreamed of being borderline experimental. I cannot shake the feeling that incidental genocide will arrive soon.
I feel great! I got incidental genocide in my bloodstream.
A lifetime of incidental genocide awaits. Call now for a free consultation.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
May 24 at 20:05 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of   and handing over control to  .
Play 2

The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of every credit card and handing over control to a sassy male news reporter.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of every part of the buffalo and handing over control to lifting off the toilet.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of good vibes and handing over control to an exploitative sex tape.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of foaming, not at the mouth and handing over control to my sex tape.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of an earthworm and handing over control to murdering someone through the internet.
The military heavily criticized Kerensky for his liberal policies, which included stripping officers of earwig pincers and handing over control to a good soak.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
May 24 at 20:12 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
The Little Genius Academy
n

I could tell the Little Genius Academy had ended up behind me when I felt a can of paint on a rope as I backed up.
Pool rules: No running. No organic porpoise semen. Keep the Little Genius Academy out of the deep end.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, the Little Genius Academy appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Look, man, I’m not into the Little Genius Academy. But $20 is $20.
I will do anything for the Little Genius Academy. But I won’t do that!
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see the Little Genius Academy, and I feel better.

 
 
May 24 at 21:33 PDT — Ed. May 24 at 21:36 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
A boner that wont stop
n

The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a watermelon owned by a black man and a strange boy who fights a boner that wont stop.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a boner that wont stop, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a face-hugger. Serve in an email.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a boner that wont stop.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a boner that wont stop at the girls camp.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a boner that wont stop, while a man is grinding on it on a galloping horse.
Today you’re on the receiving end of a boner that wont stop.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
May 25 at 17:24 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
An ass that won't quit
n

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still an ass that won't quit!
My kid was acting like an ass that won't quit, so I took away resting bitch face privileges.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include goin’ up the butt sideways spice, an English-speaking Mexican spice, and an ass that won't quit spice!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all an ass that won't quit when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of an Ass That Won't Quit”! I shook his hand and it felt like an ass that won't quit.
I was surprised to find bones in an ass that won't quit. Is that normal?

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
May 25 at 17:25 PDT — Ed. May 25 at 17:26 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4623
1,227 ₧
The exact same crab as the last time
n

It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of the exact same crab as the last time off the grill.
Slender and muscled, like the exact same crab as the last time. She was the spitting image of finding a place to fart.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and the exact same crab as the last time.
I chipped my tooth on the exact same crab as the last time. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t being cooked and eaten.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of unbelievably beautiful hair. She has stated, “I prefer the exact same crab as the last time.”
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: The exact same crab as the last time, not riding a Segway and a legless dog on a wheeled cart.

 
 
Jun 7 at 13:53 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4623
1,227 ₧
My idiot roommate Kyle
n

Alexander also named a city in India “My Idiot Roommate Kyle” after his dead horse.
Life without love is like my idiot roommate Kyle without abstinence or fruit.
Ich bin ein my idiot roommate Kyle.
We have a zero tolerance policy for catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass here at Disney. So get my idiot roommate Kyle and get out!
At my 9th birthday, we had my idiot roommate Kyle piñata that burst open showering REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET on us kids.
I clean my idiot roommate Kyle by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up getting fat.

 
 
Jun 7 at 14:08 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4623
1,227 ₧
The legal killing of a black man
n

Today I bought all the bacon from the back of a van. They also threw in the legal killing of a black man, which I didn’t even think was legal.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady doing it again with the legal killing of a black man.
During my driving test, I backed my car into the legal killing of a black man. I still got an 85!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than the legal killing of a black man.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on the legal killing of a black man, or even some kind of a dead cat scene.
A falling tree can wear down the legal killing of a black man, which gradually decreases effectiveness.

 
 
Jun 24 at 14:32 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4623
1,227 ₧
The illegal killing of a black man
n

Don’t shake a wasted life so hard, it’ll start the illegal killing of a black man.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for the illegal killing of a black man.
Senator, give me the illegal killing of a black man and you’ll get my vote.
This new Mario game is weird. You need the illegal killing of a black man to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying iodine.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see the illegal killing of a black man!
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by the illegal killing of a black man?

 
 
Jun 24 at 14:39 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6294
My irregular vagina
n

Senator, give me my irregular vagina and you’ll get my vote.
The truly rich have mansions with my irregular vagina room, a succulent jumbo prawn room, and servants to handle nipple placement.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put my irregular vagina in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a projectile, ginger beer, and a squeeze of my irregular vagina. Serve in a minivan with a dead body in it.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and my irregular vagina in the Philippines.
Hello, 911? I think there’s my irregular vagina in my house...

 
 
Jun 25 at 12:10 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4623
1,227 ₧
The pterodactyl in question
n

The pterodactyl in question travelled over 20 feet after inhaling.
In public restrooms I always put the pterodactyl in question on the toilet before sitting down.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Loudspeakers and the pterodactyl in question.
The pterodactyl in question is the only way to say goodbye.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Pterodactyl in Question” after his dead horse.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need my mouth and the pterodactyl in question.

 
 
Jun 25 at 19:27 PDT — Ed. Jun 25 at 19:27 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
Cybernetically-enhanced porn
nc

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: cybernetically-enhanced porn.
Ever since cybernetically-enhanced porn appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while being carted away.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “cybernetically-enhanced porn
See now black people walk like something equivalent. But white people -- white people walk like they’re cybernetically-enhanced porn!
Thanks for cybernetically-enhanced porn last night. *wink* *wink*
It’s lucky to touch cybernetically-enhanced porn; it’s even luckier to touch mine.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 27 at 14:59 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
Deadly death bullets
np

How embarrassing! I forget I left deadly death bullets in the foyer.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took deadly death bullets to the funeral.
We put deadly death bullets in your tea!
The rich aroma of deadly death bullets, from the hills of Colombia.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always deadly death bullets just around the corner.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy deadly death bullets that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 27 at 14:59 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
A ballerina on crack
n

I think a lot of people would pay to see a ballerina on crack.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, a ballerina on crack came out onto the bed.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “a ballerina on crack
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for a ballerina on crack!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A ballerina on crack, everywhere but Oklahoma and claws.
Then God said, “Let there be a ballerina on crack”; and there was a ballerina on crack. And God saw that a ballerina on crack was good.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 27 at 15:00 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
A kitten with a pension for violence
n

In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a kitten with a pension for violence.
Oh no! Mom sold a kitten with a pension for violence at the charity shop!
If you do it right, a kitten with a pension for violence is all about passive-aggressive tendencies.
The patient kept screaming about “a kitten with a pension for violence”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and bedtime emerged!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a kitten with a pension for violence swindling queers.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a kitten with a pension for violence.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 27 at 15:00 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
Eating the floor
v

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was eating the floor.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “eating the floor.”
The new bill before congress would require eating the floor in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Alexander also named a city in India “Eating the Floor” after his dead horse.
If mom hears us talking about eating the floor we’ll be SO grounded!
You should come over. I’ve got lots of eating the floor at my place.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 27 at 15:01 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
Background giggles
np

For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a stupid student, background giggles and complete madness.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise background giggles by rewarding them with a creepy dude.
The media’s nonstop coverage of background giggles is just to distract us from extra padding for my butt.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in background giggles.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: background giggles.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as background giggles surfaced from below.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 27 at 15:23 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 348
11 ₧
CTRL+F BUTTHOLE
nc

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found CTRL+F BUTTHOLE sticking to the wall.
I was born on a pile of CTRL+F BUTTHOLE.
CTRL+F BUTTHOLE is always a contest when I’m involved.
I chipped my tooth on cooties. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t CTRL+F BUTTHOLE.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into CTRL+F BUTTHOLE.
Our artisanal process ages my baby door for 3 years, before going right into CTRL+F BUTTHOLE, rapidly eating trash.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 27 at 16:37 PDT
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