SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike

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aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
Lost my virginity to  . Lost my other virginity to  .
Play 2

Lost my virginity to the devil. Lost my other virginity to an ant in my beard.
Lost my virginity to a child predator. Lost my other virginity to high-fiving an entire family including the dog.
Lost my virginity to furries. Lost my other virginity to one of every drug.
Lost my virginity to taking a flying leap. Lost my other virginity to all your drama.
Lost my virginity to getting attacked by a garbage truck. Lost my other virginity to your name.
Lost my virginity to setbacks. Lost my other virginity to a sloppy blowjob.

 
 
Sep 8 at 08:04 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
Basically the same thing
n

Basically the same thing is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch basically the same thing at the girls camp.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find basically the same thing all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Basically the Same Thing?
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of basically the same thing in the sky.
If I was God, you would be basically the same thing.

 
 
Sep 8 at 08:05 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
Silky fingers
np

On Ebay you can get silky fingers but it may be counterfeit.
I’m a caring, understanding man today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with silky fingers.
The pharmacist separated silky fingers into two parts, and gave me both.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for silky fingers.
If I was God, you would be silky fingers.
Silky fingers slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”

 
 
Sep 8 at 08:06 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6513
One piano
n

We’re having one piano situation. Please stand by...
One piano gets me into some awkward situations. But I won’t stop.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, one piano appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
My spirit animal: one piano.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by one piano.
Can I get some floss? There’s one piano between my teeth.



No love ever again
nc

Driving late at night, I was horrified to find no love ever again in the back seat.
Our artisanal process ages no love ever again for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.
My wife printed me a certifcate for no love ever again. I’m excited for tonight!
The terrorists will execute a hostage every 20 minutes until they receive no love ever again.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in no love ever again.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent no love ever again, certainly others would have.

 
 
Sep 8 at 13:42 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6513
Being a real cutie batootie
v

Life without love is like being a real cutie batootie without fruit.
The Spice girls are getting back together with a new member: Being a Real Cutie Batootie Spice!
In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Being a Real Cutie Batootie.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent being a real cutie batootie, certainly others would have.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Being-a-real-cutie-batootie-coin”
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was being a real cutie batootie.

 
 
Sep 8 at 14:29 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 176
Masturbating with the infinity gauntlet
v

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi. The driver was masturbating with the infinity gauntlet.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for masturbating with the infinity gauntlet.
They cut open the crocodile to find no evidence of any infidelity, still masturbating with the infinity gauntlet like always.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by masturbating with the infinity gauntlet.
My spirit animal: masturbating with the infinity gauntlet.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re masturbating with the infinity gauntlet and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

 
 
Sep 8 at 22:44 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
My Splatoon OC
n

Throw my Splatoon OC at your enemies to distract them.
Today you’re on the receiving end of my Splatoon OC.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl-on-this-spring-s-hottest-new-fashions, or even some kind of my-Splatoon-OC scene.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, my Splatoon OC emerged.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s my Splatoon OC.
At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced compressed gas with my Splatoon OC.

 
 
Sep 9 at 08:09 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
An upside-down version
n

Honey, you can’t keep putting an upside-down version down the garbage disposal!
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “an upside-down version
I’ll never know why my grandparents find an upside-down version so relaxing.
Oh no! Mom sold an upside-down version at the charity shop!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then an upside-down version really affected me.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by an upside-down version around the building.

 
 
Sep 9 at 08:12 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 176
A fist full of bees
n

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a fist full of bees and tried to attack it.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into a fist full of bees and stopped.
It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of a fist full of bees off the grill.
These special lenses help you see the horrible truth of deals: a fist full of bees.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of a fist full of bees.
My mom says you have to call it a fist full of bees or you get in trouble!

 
 
Sep 16 at 16:10 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 176
Aaron's overactive digestive system
n

Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting Aaron's overactive digestive system into the air!
Politics. The Scary Men Party, is always trying to shove Aaron's overactive digestive system down our throats.
Can’t go out because of Aaron's overactive digestive system on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-nudity-cor is right for you.
In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Aaron's Overactive Digestive System.
The city council wants to cut down on Aaron's overactive digestive system after 8pm.
Shepherds in Scotland have used Aaron's overactive digestive system for years to keep the flock in line.

 
 
Sep 16 at 22:18 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 176
Popping the scrotum to get the testicle
v

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of popping the scrotum to get the testicle.
“D” is for popping the scrotum to get the testicle.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to popping the scrotum to get the testicle, even before I put on my clothes.
Introducing, The Popping the Scrotum to Get the Testicle diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
If mom hears us talking about popping the scrotum to get the testicle we’ll be SO grounded!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS POPPING THE SCROTUM TO GET THE TESTICLE.”

 
 
Sep 17 at 22:07 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6513
Signa said:
card=v popping the scrotum to get the testicle

😬
 
 
Sep 18 at 21:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6513
A bucket full of hotdogs
n

The survey team detected a bucket full of hotdogs at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a bucket full of hotdogs, and I feel better.
All the best love stories include a bucket full of hotdogs.
We put a bucket full of hotdogs in your tea!
Interested in my services? Mail me at: being-in-a-state-of-total-ecstasy@a-bucket-full-of-hotdogs.biz
My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a bucket full of hotdogs from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.



A pack of raccoons
n

The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with a pack of raccoons.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about a pack of raccoons.
Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with a pack of raccoons.
What will we do with a pack of raccoons early in the morning?
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a pack of raccoons.
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for a pack of raccoons!



Feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons
v

I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons.
They said feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons!
Those hoodlums graffitied feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons on my mailbox again.
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as vacuuming feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons.
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold. The hole makes them look like they’re feeding a bucket full of hotdogs to a pack of raccoons.

 
 
Sep 18 at 21:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6513
Medicine
nc

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s medicine and I think I believe her!
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about medicine.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and medicine.
For Christmas, everyone got medicine in their stockings!
United Airlines had a passenger beaten and dragged off a plane when he refused to give up medicine.
A Russian couple taught a bear how to be medicine.

 
 
Sep 18 at 22:28 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
A woman shitting in London
n

My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a woman shitting in London from the freezer and put it down the back of my shirt.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed a woman shitting in London up and down the highway.
The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on a woman shitting in London.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a woman shitting in London.
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch a woman shitting in London and her butthole.
I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a woman shitting in London.

 
 
Sep 21 at 16:30 PDT — Ed. Sep 21 at 16:30 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
Does bruno mars is gay
np

What were you doing in here? I keep finding does bruno mars is gay between the couch cushions.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to does bruno mars is gay.
Don’t count does bruno mars is gay before they hatch.
All the best love stories include does bruno mars is gay.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “does bruno mars is gay.”
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me does bruno mars is gay and it’s getting weird.

 
 
Sep 21 at 16:32 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
A stranger's mystery weed
n

A stranger's mystery weed: It’s nature’s candy!
I got into my car and sat on a stranger's mystery weed. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Hello, 911? I think there’s a stranger's mystery weed in my house...
The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused a stranger's mystery weed in the streets.
Go, go, Gadget a Stranger's Mystery Weed!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a stranger's mystery weed.”

 
 
Sep 21 at 17:48 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
Frolicking through the cave with Stacy
v

When you two are done frolicking through the cave with Stacy, can we get back to work?
If mom hears us talking about frolicking through the cave with Stacy we’ll be SO grounded!
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for frolicking through the cave with Stacy.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: frolicking through the cave with Stacy!!!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw frolicking through the cave with Stacy in the mirror! I’m so scared!
My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel Frolicking-through-the-cave-with-Stacy-iatto with whip and sprinkles.

 
 
Sep 22 at 16:14 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6513
Escaping justice
v

I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like escaping justice.
If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about escaping justice.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of escaping justice in the soil.
PG rated movies cut to escaping justice instead of showing sex.
No thanks. My doctor said escaping justice makes defecation painful.
Happiness: Escaping justice, solving a problem, and holding hands.

 
 
Sep 23 at 00:07 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 731
175 ₧
A new horror movie called "I Saw   Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by  .
Play 2

A new horror movie called "I Saw being dragged by the neck Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by a steering wheel.
A new horror movie called "I Saw a little sack of ball sacks Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by side effects.
A new horror movie called "I Saw at least 10 pounds of pork Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by more blood.
A new horror movie called "I Saw a syringe of Tabasco Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by a single slice.
A new horror movie called "I Saw human body warmth Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by most people.
A new horror movie called "I Saw being too busy Last Summer" in which countless teens are killed by the president’s helicopter.

 
 
Sep 27 at 15:26 PDT — Ed. Sep 27 at 16:28 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 682
11 ₧
Casual sabotage
nc

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn casual sabotage, but now I work at Wal*Mart.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of casual sabotage.
My religion demands that I must abstain from casual sabotage.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about casual sabotage.
Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, casual sabotage?
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to casual sabotage.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Oct 2 at 08:27 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
Confirming the sex
v

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with confirming the sex. I barely even felt the needles.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on confirming the sex.
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent confirming the sex, certainly others would have.
15% of married men say they’ve cheated by confirming the sex with another woman.
Kim Jong-un’s Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for confirming the sex.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and confirming the sex.

 
 
Oct 6 at 13:23 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 731
175 ₧
A gun with which to kill you
n

Honey, you can’t keep putting a gun with which to kill you down the garbage disposal!
They said a gun with which to kill you was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of a gun with which to kill you!
I got into my car and sat on a gun with which to kill you. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Can’t go out because of a gun with which to kill you on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-victory-or-death-cor is right for you.
I feel great! I got a gun with which to kill you in my bloodstream.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by a gun with which to kill you?

 
 
Oct 6 at 15:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6513
A flamingo with a gun
n

When I was bodybuilding I foolishly tried to dead-lift a flamingo with a gun.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found a flamingo with a gun inside.
Always walk into an interview with a flamingo with a gun and confidence, and you’ll get the job.
Daddy! There’s a flamingo with a gun under my bed. Kill it kill it!
At Boeing R&D, we test that demon torture puzzle box by subjecting it to a flamingo with a gun and extreme heat.
Could you buy me a flamingo with a gun? I’ll pay you back.

 
 
Oct 9 at 08:05 PDT — Ed. Oct 9 at 08:06 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4877
1,227 ₧
An explosion that has nothing to do with butts
n

Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear. So bring an explosion that has nothing to do with butts.
During the half-time show, a “wardrobe malfunction” with Janet Jackson’s costume exposed an explosion that has nothing to do with butts to the audience.
I saw two hobos fighting over an explosion that has nothing to do with butts behind the library. One of them was being sterilized.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as an explosion that has nothing to do with butts surfaced from below.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, dat ass, sloth, wrath, an explosion that has nothing to do with butts, and pride.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl-on-greed-secrets-poison-and-murder, or even some kind of an-explosion-that-has-nothing-to-do-with-butts scene.

 
 
Oct 9 at 15:44 PDT