SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 97 98 99 [100] 101 102 103 ... 107 108 109
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
The school's on lockdown because someone left  {n} in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was  {v} with it!
Play 2

The school's on lockdown because someone left a giant eraser in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was rubbing my gland with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left Tony’s prison baby in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was picking at it with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was hitting a man out of his wheelchair with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left rolling eyes in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was completely wigging out with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left accusations in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was being fucking dead with it!
The school's on lockdown because someone left a feeding tube in the hall. And Mr. Ryan was sobbing silently to yourself as the night closes in with it!

 
 
May 18 at 11:22 PDT — Ed. May 18 at 11:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down  {n} Saturday

Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down skeleton hands Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down the escape route Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down these faggots Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down a piñata full of cigarettes Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down mutual discomfort Saturday
Prince Charles to walk Meghan Markle down an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around Saturday

 
 
May 18 at 11:27 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for  {v}.

Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for peeing out a crab.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for diddling.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for needing one more inch.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for gassing.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for sewing it shut.
Google's AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for being attacked by a skeleton.

 
 
May 18 at 11:29 PDT — Ed. May 18 at 11:30 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
My wife cooked  {n} in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

My wife cooked a pill for every problem in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked a quiet plop in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked a mafia hitman in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked sex friends in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!
My wife cooked your greasy food hole in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

 
 
May 18 at 13:37 PDT — Ed. May 18 at 13:37 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
 {Un}: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.

A little sack of ball sacks: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
No evidence of any infidelity: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Barely any swag: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Pure love: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
The Dutch oven: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.
Fly honeys: I'm not sure where it is, but I know what it is.

 
 
May 22 at 08:36 PDT — Ed. May 22 at 08:36 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Willing flesh
nc

We’re having a lucky toss situation. Watch out for willing flesh and please stand by...
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found willing flesh.
This workplace has gone (0) days without willing flesh.
Howdy neighbor, love willing flesh! Let’s get touching my deformity sometime!
Slender and muscled, like willing flesh. She was the spitting image of too much wiggling.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience willing flesh like I was really there.

 
 
May 22 at 13:25 PDT — Ed. May 22 at 13:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
A suspicious death in a neighboring city
n

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a suspicious death in a neighboring city that overturned their car.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for a suspicious death in a neighboring city.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “a suspicious death in a neighboring city.”
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a suspicious death in a neighboring city. Always.
This year’s hottest album is “touching your vaggie while sleeping” by a suspicious death in a neighboring city.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a suspicious death in a neighboring city... Sweet! Sunny-D!

 
 
May 22 at 13:28 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Huge glittery eyelashes
np

Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for clicking the mouse and to avoid huge glittery eyelashes.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of huge glittery eyelashes.
I’m getting huge glittery eyelashes installed in my car, so I can be gurgling tar pits while I drive.
For my last meal I want nine guys you fucked seasoned lightly with huge glittery eyelashes.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “huge glittery eyelashes
When I think South America, I feel huge glittery eyelashes.

 
 
May 22 at 13:29 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
The entire Mississippi River
n

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with the entire Mississippi River, a naturopathic remedy.
I went rafting, saw the entire Mississippi River in the river, no big deal.
More armies need to incorporate the entire Mississippi River into their uniforms.
All the best love stories include the entire Mississippi River.
Shepherds in Scotland have used peeing out a crab for years to keep the flock from the entire Mississippi River.
We have a zero tolerance policy for unexpected penetration here at Disney. So get the entire Mississippi River and get out!

 
 
May 22 at 13:29 PDT — Ed. May 22 at 13:31 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
We have a zero tolerance policy for   here at Disney. So take  {n} and leave quietly please.
Play 2

We have a zero tolerance policy for all sorts of shit here at Disney. So take a wet spot and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for cutting here at Disney. So take a sexually aggressive woman and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for lethal radiation here at Disney. So take bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for a purring kitten here at Disney. So take emoticons and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for the president’s helicopter here at Disney. So take a body pillow with a penis and leave quietly please.
We have a zero tolerance policy for needing one more inch here at Disney. So take the moron I hired to kill you and leave quietly please.

 
 
May 22 at 13:33 PDT — Ed. May 22 at 13:34 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Cranking super hard
v

An Even Freakier Dude is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by cranking super hard.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by cranking super hard.
I like so few little turds like I like my coffee: cranking super hard, put in a sack, and dragged across life-altering injuries.
Furious that I was cranking super hard into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into 19 cannons.
Cranking super hard is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Slender and muscled, like complex maths. She was the spitting image of cranking super hard.

 
 
May 24 at 14:53 PDT — Ed. May 24 at 14:53 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for   during the Iraq War.

The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for just plain racism during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for accidentally hitting your daughter during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for a Ouija board during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for crotch rot during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for crashing out of a window during the Iraq War.
The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for 80,000 tons of nuclear waste during the Iraq War.

 
 
May 24 at 14:55 PDT — Ed. May 24 at 14:56 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at  {UTv} of  {UTn}"
Play 2

My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Shitting a Bowling Ball of Hindquarters"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Leaking out My Bum of Dinosaurs"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Befuddlin’ Mah Dumb Cracka Mind of The Last Wish of a Dying Man"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Shaking of Unbelievably Beautiful Hair"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Accepting Any Crap Without Opposing Thoughts of A Sexual Encounter"
My mom got a trophy from work that says "Best at Mounting of Wetness"

 
 
May 25 at 11:06 PDT — Ed. May 25 at 11:08 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Looking like a sex offender
v

You evaded my “Looking like a Sex Offender” attack! Most impressive.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with looking like a sex offender.
Looking-like-a-Sex-Offender-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use looking like a sex offender to treat hate-fucking!
They cut open the crocodile to find wrestling alligators, still looking like a sex offender like always.
Doctor! My child has looking like a sex offender coursing through his veins!



A completely normal sexual encounter
n

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A completely normal sexual encounter.
Her inheritance was squandered upon some seriously fucked shit while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a completely normal sexual encounter in her own home.
“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a completely normal sexual encounter.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a completely normal sexual encounter.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a completely normal sexual encounter.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “A-completely-normal-sexual-encounter-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving demons.

 
 
May 25 at 21:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been  .

Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been a virus.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been hiding some pee.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been smashing skulls.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been my evil little body.
Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been disappointment.



Hooking onto the inside of my butt
v

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Meat and cheese nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about hooking onto the inside of my butt.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with hooking onto the inside of my butt.
I’m getting a succulent jumbo prawn installed in my car, so I can be hooking onto the inside of my butt while I drive.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a thick, luscious banana slug, a close friend and hooking onto the inside of my butt.

 
 
May 26 at 09:39 PDT — Ed. May 26 at 09:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Using my face as a fly swatter
v

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between untwisting and using my face as a fly swatter.
Pundits agree it will take using my face as a fly swatter for the senator to win the election.
Ich bin ein using my face as a fly swatter.
My new phone looks like it’s using my face as a fly swatter but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
At the winery tour we saw how they put no wheelchair access and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like using my face as a fly swatter.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be using my face as a fly swatter if I wanted a new family.



My face as a fly swatter
n

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see my face as a fly swatter!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about my face as a fly swatter.
I Googled for my face as a fly swatter and found a picture of myself.
Last Christmas, I gave you my face as a fly swatter. The very next day, you gave it away.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of my face as a fly swatter wriggling and thrashing.
It’s time to scrape the remains of my face as a fly swatter off the driveway.

 
 
May 26 at 09:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
The kids were running around and one knocked over  {n}.

The kids were running around and one knocked over a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves.
The kids were running around and one knocked over the part I pee out of.
The kids were running around and one knocked over accusations.
The kids were running around and one knocked over Nicki Minaj’s hot pants.
The kids were running around and one knocked over a prime cut of steak.
The kids were running around and one knocked over battery acid.

 
 
May 26 at 09:49 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Cutting my neck open
v

being suspended in gelatin is where cutting my neck open goes to die.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit cutting my neck open and acquire an invisible wall!
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s cutting my neck open, with his tumor around the edges, and Krampus, the child punisher on top.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is cutting my neck open.
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were cutting my neck open.
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been cutting my neck open?

 
 
May 26 at 13:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be  .

I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be a penis and a vagina.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be cuts on the wall.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be the pilot, who died instantly.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be skin slack.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be a mountain of jew gold.
I thought I had an STD, but it turned out to just be almost enough oxygen.

 
 
May 29 at 16:02 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Getting run over by a Bentley
v

A major problem is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting run over by a Bentley. Sorry.
Then God said, “Let there be getting run over by a Bentley”; and there was getting run over by a Bentley. And God saw that getting run over by a Bentley was good.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by filthy underpants and getting run over by a Bentley.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Getting Run over by a Bentley”! I shook his hand and it felt like getting run over by a Bentley.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift the taste of Rohypnol over my head, but getting run over by a Bentley got in the way.
Vote for me and I’ll stop getting run over by a Bentley, get rid of very expensive gelato, and give everyone shavings for free.

 
 
May 30 at 12:36 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
A robotic breast massager
n

I’m gonna prove the link between a robotic breast massager and cannibals! You’ll all see!
A robotic breast massager is your comfort zone in the ocean of life!
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a robotic breast massager and a roll of toilet paper.
I was vacuuming when I sucked formaldehyde out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a robotic breast massager came out too!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Robotic Breast Massager”! I shook his hand and it felt like a robotic breast massager.
If you have a dream about a robotic breast massager, it means you’re worried about joining the Army in a panic.

 
 
May 30 at 19:23 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
 {U}? I rinsed my hole for  ?
Play 1

A dusty butthole? I rinsed my hole for a dusty butthole?
Choking bitches? I rinsed my hole for choking bitches?
A karate chop? I rinsed my hole for a karate chop?
Steady pumping? I rinsed my hole for steady pumping?
My skin template? I rinsed my hole for my skin template?
Angelina Jolie’s lips? I rinsed my hole for Angelina Jolie’s lips?

 
 
May 31 at 23:40 PDT — Ed. May 31 at 23:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box
v

My spirit animal: sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box.
My publisher demanded I remove sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box gets me into some awkward situations. But 19GB of horseporn has always got my back.
Music without the sounds of sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box is hardly music at all.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain sucking a rat dry like a furry little juice box?

 
 
Jun 1 at 10:45 PDT — Ed. Jun 1 at 12:51 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
My Ellen Paige photo album
nc

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been cuddling. The snail may have escaped my Ellen Paige photo album by going underground.
The hardware store didn’t have desperate dog sex left, so I got my Ellen Paige photo album.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have my Ellen Paige photo album.
James Bond will return in “The Man With my Ellen Paige photo album”!
Work my Ellen Paige photo album up until frothing before spreading across the taxpayers, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
Wolves don’t eat my Ellen Paige photo album, and neither should kings.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 2 at 13:09 PDT — Ed. Jun 2 at 13:10 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
Kung-fu fighting
vt

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Kung-fu fighting.
For Halloween we’re peeling a uniquely adapted slave race so it feels like eyeballs, and we made kung-fu fighting so it feels like brains.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn kung-fu fighting, but now for work I’m a gentleman with the tummy grumbles. Go figure!
Senator, give us kung-fu fighting biannually and you’ll get our vote.
Life without love is like kung-fu fighting without recalled pizza with glass in it or fruit.
I will do anything for kung-fu fighting. But I won’t do that!



A magical ethnic person
n

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a magical ethnic person.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a magical ethnic person.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a magical ethnic person in the toilet and touched bedding on the wall.
I bought a magical ethnic person yesterday and now I can’t stop blowing in my ear!
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a magical ethnic person in the sky.
I want to be buried with a magical ethnic person.



A noble hobo
n

I could tell a noble hobo had ended up behind me when I felt Donald Trump’s tweets as I backed up.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a noble hobo.
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold, which has the hole right in a noble hobo.
Dagnabbit! I got a noble hobo all jammed up in the wheel well again.
a horse’s mouth is where a noble hobo goes to die.
There’s a noble hobo convention going on and everybody is sticking it to the man.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 2 at 13:11 PDT