SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 39 40 41 [42] 43 44 45 ... 107 108 109
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a crispy outside with a pink center n

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a crispy outside with a pink center around the building.
I was so surprised to see a crispy outside with a pink center that her first marriage fell out of my mouth.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of passive-aggressive tendencies in history, rode into battle atop a crispy outside with a pink center.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a crispy outside with a pink center.
A crispy outside with a pink center is the only way to say goodbye.
Great job on the proposal for prying her mouth open, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a crispy outside with a pink center.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:24 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:25 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
nothing but jingle bells v

Chimps in the wild have been observed using nothing but jingle bells to forage for food.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Nothing but Jingle Bells!
My house. 8 o’clock. Nothing but jingle bells.
Let’s wait for landlubbers to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get nothing but jingle bells.
This year’s hottest new fashion is nothing but jingle bells on your head.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride all the leopards. It made me feel like I was nothing but jingle bells.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:26 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
my scumbag partner n

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with my scumbag partner and are ordered to be the rusted chassis of a ’68 Impala no matter what.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began my scumbag partner.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not my scumbag partner like your brother?”
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with my scumbag partner.
Let’s wait for my scumbag partner to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get vile doings.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s my scumbag partner and I think I believe her!

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:27 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
bouncing flesh n

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, bouncing flesh, toilet paper, shelter, and someone tougher.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected bouncing flesh, which hung in the air for days.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be ointment while I’m bouncing flesh!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt bouncing flesh in the sea.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not bouncing flesh like your brother?”
On the assembly line we heat bouncing flesh to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is learning an important lesson.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:27 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a baggy full of tater tots n

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re a baggy full of tater tots and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
When the mixture is bubbling, add a baggy full of tater tots to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
Daddy! There’s a baggy full of tater tots under my bed. Kill it kill it!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A dumpster fire, a baggy full of tater tots and several children.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into an airbag, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a baggy full of tater tots.
When the celestial spheres align, a baggy full of tater tots will descend from the heavens.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:28 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a pocket full of roses n

Happiness: Most of my money, a pocket full of roses, and gross mystery meat.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under a pocket full of roses.
The hardware store didn’t have the girl next door left, so I got a pocket full of roses.
Let the placenta host your next party, providing a pocket full of roses like you’ve never seen before.
I came with a pocket full of roses to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a newer, sleeker leopard so nobody even noticed!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a pocket full of roses onto the International Space Station.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:29 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
storing snacks in her uterus v

The thief was caught stealing failure from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of storing snacks in her uterus.
In my wild days I was storing snacks in her uterus, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with installing an update on the New Mexico border.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of solutions, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into storing snacks in her uterus.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Storing Snacks in Her Uterus and You”.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of storing snacks in her uterus.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be storing snacks in her uterus.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:30 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:30 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a wondrous, splendifirous little thing n

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a wondrous, splendifirous little thing.
Honey, you can’t keep putting a wondrous, splendifirous little thing down the garbage disposal!
You spent all your food-stamps on a wondrous, splendifirous little thing?!
I went rafting, saw a wondrous, splendifirous little thing in the river, no big deal.
Science never solves a problem without creating a wondrous, splendifirous little thing.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a wondrous, splendifirous little thing.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:31 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:32 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
getting carried away v

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is getting carried away.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for getting carried away?
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting carried away.
I think that ecstasy was cut with sinister plans. After one hit I began very, very rapidly getting carried away.
Ever since my sister’s closet appeared in the neighborhood, getting carried away has been eyed with suspicion.
I went rafting, saw getting carried away in the river, no big deal.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:33 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
getting drunk and sawing your legs off v

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to getting drunk and sawing your legs off, even before I put on my clothes.
The water tower looks like it’s getting drunk and sawing your legs off from this angle.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep getting drunk and sawing your legs off out of mainland China.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting drunk and sawing your legs off.
Last night I dreamed of getting drunk and sawing your legs off. I cannot shake the feeling that a burned out wasteland will arrive soon.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began getting drunk and sawing your legs off.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:34 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
pitching a god damn hissy fit v

In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually pitching a god damn hissy fit.
I think that ecstasy was cut with Indian burn. After one hit I began very, very rapidly pitching a god damn hissy fit.
No one in Morocco can be pitching a god damn hissy fit without registering with the government.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by pitching a god damn hissy fit.
Although moving away from pitching a god damn hissy fit proved effective for schools, the switch to cheating initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got the mud pits painted on both sides, which some say encourages pitching a god damn hissy fit.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:34 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:35 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
pooping in their mouths v

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from pooping in their mouths, and the eco-glass windows trap in assault preparations.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began pooping in their mouths in front of his top supporters.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a puffed up chest and pooping in their mouths.
Pool rules: No running. No pooping in their mouths. Keep the deceased out of the deep end.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into pooping in their mouths.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how pooping in their mouths happens.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:36 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:37 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Nicki Minaj's hot pants n

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw Nicki Minaj's hot pants overboard!
I didn’t think this house would sell with Nicki Minaj's hot pants in the attic. Anyway, I’m smearing.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Nicki Minaj's Hot Pants and You”.
Let’s wait for a lack of ideas to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get Nicki Minaj's hot pants.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a fridge full of heads, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Nicki Minaj's hot pants.
At Boeing R&D, we test an anatomically correct sock puppet by connecting through Nicki Minaj's hot pants to a special 10,000-volt battery.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:40 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear n

I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear popped out!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear. The driver was gettin’ all up close.
At the winery tour we saw how they put Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like all white moms.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear.
Milla Jovovich's dirty underwear is the only way to say goodbye.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:42 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:43 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area n

This is my second kid. My first one came out as Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area jumping and nipping at me from below and even giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area.
The survey team detected Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area at the work site so I threw “forensic evidence” (semen) in my truck and drove straight there.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Kissing Ass” and it helps me with Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find Samuel L. Jackson's pubic area so relaxing.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:45 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Jesus, AaronJer ?

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s the ass end of nowhere, with finding out my first husband was still alive around the edges, and Jesus, AaronJer on top.
Sir! We are out of Jesus, AaronJer, but we found a virus while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to Jesus, AaronJer.
I was so surprised to see Jesus, AaronJer that slow diarrhea fell out of my mouth.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Jesus, AaronJer”! I shook his hand and it felt like Jesus, AaronJer.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into Jesus, AaronJer! She’s 62!

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 17:11 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Those are actually some really good celebrity cards. *GOLDSTAR*
 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 17:18 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
a registered sex offender n

McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a registered sex offender.
Jesus is a registered sex offender.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the same pay. Would you like to try our new special, a registered sex offender?
In this game you get to collect legs and craft a registered sex offender.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a registered sex offender.
Men, like a fresh lung, go farthest when they are a registered sex offender.



a 1924 Rickenbacker n

It’s lucky to touch a 1924 Rickenbacker; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced a 1924 Rickenbacker with waking in terror.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a 1924 Rickenbacker if I wanted a new family.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a 1924 Rickenbacker for me and my wife.
I want to be buried with a 1924 Rickenbacker.
Man invented a 1924 Rickenbacker, so woman invented a truck full of ladders.



pounding so hard v

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me pounding so hard and it’s getting weird.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by pounding so hard.
You evaded my “Pounding so Hard” attack! Most impressive.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift an exit wound over my head, but pounding so hard got in the way.
I’m late to my meeting for pounding so hard.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a demonic religious lie by rewarding them with pounding so hard.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 17:21 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
a positive attitude n

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a positive attitude, get to the front of the line.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a positive attitude hanging in the window.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as a positive attitude surfaced from below.
In a world with inquisitive middle schoolers sinking into the mud, one man must overcome a positive attitude. Coming this summer.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a positive attitude directly.
I want to be buried with a positive attitude.



smiles and sunshine np

A social skill is any skill facilitating smiles and sunshine with others.
For my last meal I want smiles and sunshine seasoned heavily with a bitter rivalry.
The cineplex has been using smiles and sunshine in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was smiles and sunshine.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me smiles and sunshine.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was stuff Asians like, part was smiles and sunshine, and it was crowned with space Nazis.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 17:25 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 17:27 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
really good grammar nc

Jesus is really good grammar.
I reached expectantly into really good grammar, but found only horror movie gore.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Really good grammar and whaling.
At the coffee shop they wrote “really good grammar” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Really good grammar.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be really good grammar if I wanted a new family.



costing a lot of money v

More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and costing a lot of money in the Philippines.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep costing a lot of money out of mainland China.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced Mexican forces with costing a lot of money.
I noticed symptoms of slipping on a jizz slick, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s costing a lot of money!” but I’m not sure.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me costing a lot of money and it’s getting weird.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into costing a lot of money, get to the front of the line.



The new version of Spy Party has a revamped UI for selecting  {n}, and a new level:  {UT}2

The new version of Spy Party has a revamped UI for selecting my vicinity, and a new level: A Cornhole
The new version of Spy Party has a revamped UI for selecting a prop gun, and a new level: Bellybutton Logic
The new version of Spy Party has a revamped UI for selecting a great review, and a new level: An Active Member of the Communist Party
The new version of Spy Party has a revamped UI for selecting my mouth, and a new level: A Harbor for Your Unclean Thoughts
The new version of Spy Party has a revamped UI for selecting clemency, and a new level: Grinding on It
The new version of Spy Party has a revamped UI for selecting bad words, and a new level: An Irritated Throat

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 17:51 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 18:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
This new Mario game is weird. You need  {n} to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying  {n}.2

This new Mario game is weird. You need the orbital socket to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a fishy substance.
This new Mario game is weird. You need a cow with haunting moos to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a bellow of sympathy.
This new Mario game is weird. You need a pig chute to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a dog boner.
This new Mario game is weird. You need cuts on the wall to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a fistful of glitter.
This new Mario game is weird. You need a more cavernous vagina to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a car full of Puerto Ricans.
This new Mario game is weird. You need a feather boa to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a hidden pancake.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 18:08 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 18:08 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
a scary noise n

Authorities were tallying damage from a scary noise that struck southern California Friday evening.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Scary Noise” syndrome!
How embarrassing! I forget I left a scary noise in the foyer.
Her inheritance was squandered upon a scary noise while Cinderella was abused and forced to become nature’s candy in her own home.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a scary noise.
Let a scary noise host your next party, providing divorce papers like you’ve never seen before.



nothing else v

I need help with my computer! I downloaded fingernail torture and now I’m having trouble with nothing else.
What the females with four teats department lacks in selection, we make up for in nothing else.
Look, man, I’m not into nothing else. But $20 is $20.
There’s no reason for nothing else before breakfast.
The cruiseliner struck bad math and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with nothing else.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by nothing else and a close friend.



pushing yer shit in v

I noticed symptoms of stylized male violence, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s pushing yer shit in!” but I’m not sure.
Pushing yer shit in isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
My publisher demanded I remove pushing yer shit in from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are pushing yer shit in and ample legroom.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into a dollar, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start pushing yer shit in.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-lumberjack-orgy@pushing-yer-shit-in.net



camera angles np

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at half a spider and my card appeared in camera angles!
The new bill before congress would mandate camera angles in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with camera angles hanging in the window.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be infectious laughter while I’m camera angles!
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on Italian financiers when I bought camera angles.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for camera angles.


 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 20:38 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 20:42 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
what's happening in the future n

I like my women like I like what's happening in the future: getting on top, and staying on top with giving birth to it.
Dad! I’m all done providing unscrupulous advice, so I have what's happening in the future left over if you’re still interested.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into what's happening in the future and stopped.
The new top grade of gasoline has what's happening in the future as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on what's happening in the future when I bought horny catgirls.
I want to be buried with what's happening in the future.



Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain  {pcv}?

Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain wanting to be noticed?
Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain grinding on it?
Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain moisture?
Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain loving someone SO much?
Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain twerking while uncontrollably farting?
Yeah right Charles! I know you're cheating on me! How do you explain no recourse?



At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in  {n}. That's supposed to help me with  ?!2

At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in violent death. That's supposed to help me with arthouse films about transexuals?!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in hot naughty bodies. That's supposed to help me with too much wiggling?!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in competitive masturbation. That's supposed to help me with a glass rod?!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in landlubbers. That's supposed to help me with an automated turret?!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in vile doings. That's supposed to help me with a big chicken order?!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in the most beautiful face ever. That's supposed to help me with my musk?!

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 20:50 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 20:54 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
what in the hell's going on n

A tug failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward what in the hell's going on.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in what in the hell's going on.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get back surgery removed from her and what in the hell's going on removed from me.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock googly eyes and what in the hell's going on in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in what in the hell's going on.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy what in the hell's going on that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.



Aron Ralston was trapped under  {n} for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off  {n}!2

Aron Ralston was trapped under a summer sausage for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a novelty gag dildo!
Aron Ralston was trapped under cannibals for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off snotbrains!
Aron Ralston was trapped under an angry penis for the woman for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a finely sculpted buttock!
Aron Ralston was trapped under my SIM card for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off great tits!
Aron Ralston was trapped under ice cold seawater for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off drugs!
Aron Ralston was trapped under a stretch for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off the loudest possible noise!



What will we do with  {n} early in the morning?

What will we do with my immortal soul early in the morning?
What will we do with ancient Chinese medicine early in the morning?
What will we do with turkey tacos early in the morning?
What will we do with dying evil early in the morning?
What will we do with circumstance early in the morning?
What will we do with a sexual encounter early in the morning?

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 21:02 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 21:09 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
We have a zero tolerance policy for  {pcv} here at Disney. So get   and get out!2

We have a zero tolerance policy for a fridge full of heads here at Disney. So get M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for bigger problems here at Disney. So get bloody hell and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for gut-wrenching testimony here at Disney. So get a mind such as yours and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for mercury poisoning here at Disney. So get people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for big men here at Disney. So get nuances and get out!
We have a zero tolerance policy for scary men here at Disney. So get removing a uterine tumor with my teeth and get out!

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 21:18 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 21:22 PDT