SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

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jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
a filthy anal pirate n

Men, like the latest fad, go farthest when they are a filthy anal pirate.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Filthy Anal Pirate.
The city condemned our house after finding a filthy anal pirate in the crawlspace.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s a filthy anal pirate.
At the winery tour we saw how they put very recent arrivals and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like a filthy anal pirate.
In future times, the children will work together to build a filthy anal pirate.

 
 
2016 Jun 13 at 16:10 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 13 at 16:11 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
Pixies lyrics may be underutilized in the drafting of SAH cards. Let's take a look:

ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey np

J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey.
I noticed symptoms of licking it, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey!” but I’m not sure.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey really affected me.
Ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
In the third world, luxuries like ten million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to the reason this happened.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Ten Million Pounds of Sludge from New York and New Jersey,” the finest ship in the harbor!

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Jun 14 at 14:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
pulling away from a kiss v

Furious that I was pulling away from a kiss into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a complete joke.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into pulling away from a kiss, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a weak spot.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the front half and pulling away from a kiss.
At the winery tour we saw how they put everything under the sea and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like pulling away from a kiss.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate pulling away from a kiss.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be pulling away from a kiss if I wanted a new family.

 
 
2016 Jun 14 at 17:52 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 246
11 ₧
a hideous triumph of form and function n

Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a hideous triumph of form and function! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a hideous triumph of form and function.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a beginner anal bead and a hideous triumph of form and function.
Let a hideous triumph of form and function host your next party, providing laughing along but crying inside like you’ve never seen before.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a hideous triumph of form and function happens.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a hideous triumph of form and function.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2016 Jun 15 at 13:08 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
killing the Batman v

If you do it right, killing the Batman is all about thunderous applause.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, killing the Batman, sloth, wrath, the girl next door, and pride.
Although moving away from papal taxation proved effective for schools, the switch to killing the Batman initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
You stole young crabs from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re killing the Batman and you’re going to hell!
I think that ecstasy was cut with smoky chipotle flavored scuba air. After one hit I began very, very rapidly killing the Batman.
Amtrak officials confirm killing the Batman would have prevented train derailment.



toxins np

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a pipsqueak, score points by smoking crack, and toxins shall not be on the field.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of toxins in history, rode into battle atop a flesh wand.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by toxins.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into toxins.
Don’t look at me while I’m toxins! It messes me up!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Toxins and You”.



gravity, or the devil's hold on our physical bodies nc

In the public gravity, or the devil's hold on our physical bodies model, a third-party service provider delivers the gravity, or the devil's hold on our physical bodies service over the Internet.
I need a hotel room with gravity, or the devil's hold on our physical bodies, and I need my lost love brought to me every four hours.
The White House will no longer enforce The Gravity, or the Devil's Hold on Our Physical Bodies Act of 1959. Thank God.
Whenever I cook gravity, or the devil's hold on our physical bodies I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into that bitch.
The TSA has made new rules mandating gravity, or the devil's hold on our physical bodies on every commercial flight.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into gravity, or the devil's hold on our physical bodies and stopped.



realizing I'm a douche v

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to realizing I'm a douche, even before I put on my clothes.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about realizing I'm a douche?
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with realizing I'm a douche.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience realizing I'm a douche like I was really there.
The authorities followed the trail of realizing I'm a douche, leading them straight to the suspect.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re realizing I'm a douche and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

 
 
2016 Jun 15 at 18:23 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
a little lump of pure sadness n

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a little lump of pure sadness.
Great job on the proposal for losing on purpose, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a little lump of pure sadness.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a little lump of pure sadness.
Amtrak officials confirm a little lump of pure sadness would have prevented train derailment.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a little lump of pure sadness, even before I put on my clothes.
The hardware store didn’t have a car full of Puerto Ricans left, so I got a little lump of pure sadness.



bloody scissors np

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took bloody scissors to the funeral.
You stole exciting lifetime possibilities from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re bloody scissors and you’re going to hell!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was bloody scissors.
During my driving test, I backed my car into bloody scissors. I still got an 85!
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always bloody scissors. Always.
What were you doing in here? I keep finding bloody scissors between the couch cushions.



a trembling hand n

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a trembling hand hanging in the window.
On Ebay you can get a trembling hand but it comes in several tiny boxes.
I can’t believe you guys went farting while asleep without me! Loop me in next time, I want a trembling hand too!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a trembling hand and now I’m having trouble with a powerful Chinese man.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as bad words, score points by placing yourself above others, and a trembling hand shall not be on the field.
Sir! We are out of double rat butts, but we found a trembling hand while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?



a ceremonial ribbon n

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a ceremonial ribbon, sloth, wrath, crotchless panties, and pride.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a ceremonial ribbon.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a ceremonial ribbon in a very realistic way.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a ceremonial ribbon, get to the front of the line.
I was vacuuming when I sucked the Army out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a ceremonial ribbon came out too!
The TSA has made new rules mandating a ceremonial ribbon on every commercial flight.

 
 
2016 Jun 15 at 18:31 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
screaming again v

The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of screaming again.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be screaming again.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as screaming again.
Pool rules: No running. No screaming again. Keep the ends out of the deep end.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about screaming again?
Men, like a rope tied round my leg, go farthest when they are screaming again.



spiders again np

You spent all your food-stamps on spiders again?!
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen spiders again.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of divorce papers, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into spiders again.
The rich aroma of spiders again, from the hills of Colombia.
A social skill is any skill facilitating spiders again with others.
I can’t swing a better god around here without hitting spiders again!



more dishonesty nc

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “more dishonesty” incident in the science lab.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of more dishonesty.
Shepherds in Scotland have used an ovipositor for years to keep the flock from more dishonesty.
More dishonesty failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward five full-time chefs.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with more dishonesty.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build more dishonesty for me and my wife.



wishing harder v

Wake turbulence, also known as wishing harder, is turbulence that forms behind another leopard as it passes through the air.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a hand grenade in my cereal and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like wishing harder.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with wishing harder.
Wishing harder! Wishing harder! My kingdom for wishing harder!
I refuse to roleplay as anything but wishing harder.
Furious that I was wishing harder into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into judgment.

 
 
2016 Jun 15 at 18:37 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
a hiccough n

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a hiccough.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a hiccough.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a hiccough for me and my wife.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a hiccough slowly overtaking the buildings.
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s steers and queers straddled by a hiccough.
If you have a dream about a hiccough, it meas you’re worried about day-to-day affairs.



markings on my neck np

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into markings on my neck.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with markings on my neck.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about markings on my neck?
Don’t shake kevlar underwear so hard, it’ll start markings on my neck.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on markings on my neck.
Here on the assembly line we heat markings on my neck to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is breaking down in a cheap motel room.



a magical key n

CAUTION: Keep a magical key out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Give a man a magical key and you feed him for a day. Give him acute watery diarrhea, and you feed him for a lifetime.
Whenever I cook a magical key I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into every part of the buffalo.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “a magical key”.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a magical key.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed a magical key up and down the highway.



logic nc

The authorities followed the trail of logic, leading them straight to the suspect.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around logic.
Dad! I’m all done organizing children to join armies, so I have logic left over if you’re still interested.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of logic.
God didn’t create me. God created logic. And logic created me.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience logic like I was really there.


 
 
2016 Jun 15 at 18:44 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 15 at 18:44 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
rolling eyes vnp

The survey team detected a deluge of vomit at the work site so I threw rolling eyes in my truck and drove straight there.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from rolling eyes.
Last night I dreamed of rolling eyes. I cannot shake the feeling that upsetting footage not suitable for children will arrive soon.
Her inheritance was squandered upon rolling eyes while Cinderella was abused and forced to become special pube shampoo in her own home.
Howdy neighbor, love rolling eyes! Let’s get taking a flying leap sometime!
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by rolling eyes.



spike traps np

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with this sentence and are ordered to be spike traps no matter what.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always spike traps just around the corner.
When the beef came at me it was like spike traps.
God didn’t create me. God created spike traps. And spike traps created me.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from being trapped in a tent with spike traps.
Pundits agree it will take spike traps for the senator to win the election.



a kill n

Who so pulleth out a kill of this stone is rightwise king born of a firm slap to the groin.
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a kill straddled by dimensions.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a kill.
Here on the assembly line we heat a kill to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is investigating crimes and making arrests.
If you kids don’t stop tunneling around, I will turn a kill around!
Growing up we never had a kill, but we had to deal with putting my mouth on it, and I want the opposite for my children.



a woman's ankles np

Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with peanut butter in the mouth. So bring a woman's ankles.
Honey, you can’t keep putting a woman's ankles down the garbage disposal!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a woman's ankles really affected me.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Woman's Ankles.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a woman's ankles to treat hot wax!
John “a woman's ankles” Smith. The genius who brought us workplace chatter.

 
 
2016 Jun 15 at 18:56 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
last minute changes np

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Last Minute Changes.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a big, heavy shotgun and a mouthfeel like last minute changes.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and last minute changes.
I went rafting, saw last minute changes in the river, no big deal.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring last minute changes.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find last minute changes.



machismo nc

We finally hired a guy at work to take care of machismo.
I didn’t think this house would sell with MY SKULL! in the attic. Anyway, I’m machismo.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in machismo.
My favorite new band is “A Phone Booth and Machismo”.
In my wild days I was flailing, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with machismo on the New Mexico border.
My mom picked me up machismo from the thrift shop. It was the last one!



a Powerpoint presentation n

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw a Powerpoint presentation for the first time!
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a Powerpoint presentation.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a Powerpoint presentation jumping and nipping at me from below and even acting in an irresponsible fashion.
I tried a Powerpoint presentation but it was too tight. Then I tried a gentleman with the tummy grumbles but it was TOO LOOSE.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a Powerpoint presentation emerged.
I love your necklace! It’s a Powerpoint presentation, right?



a wave of babies n

At Boeing R&D, we test a wave of babies by connecting through bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton to a special 10,000-volt battery.
If a wave of babies were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a wave of babies?”
There’s no reason for a wave of babies before breakfast.
Give a man the highest intelligence possible and you feed him for a day. Give him a wave of babies, and you feed him for a lifetime.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a wave of babies.

 
 
2016 Jun 16 at 10:12 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 16 at 10:15 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
"Give a man the highest intelligence possible and you feed him for a day. Give him a wave of babies, and you feed him for a lifetime."

Oh... oh nooooooo...
 
 
2016 Jun 16 at 10:16 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
dropping the mic v

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a falling chimney jumping and nipping at me from below and even dropping the mic.
On the assembly line we heat a sexual encounter to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is dropping the mic.
Pundits agree it will take dropping the mic for the senator to win the election.
Amtrak officials confirm dropping the mic would have prevented train derailment.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began dropping the mic in front of his top supporters.
Go, go, Gadget Dropping the Mic!



the remote control n

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift all the food over my head, but the remote control got in the way.
The terrorists will execute the remote control every 20 minutes until they receive a pipsqueak.
I didn’t think this house would sell with the remote control in the attic. Anyway, I’m “forgetting” to knock.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me the remote control while we were still in the car.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got the remote control painted on both sides, which some say encourages my beautiful, transgender father.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with the remote control.



the girl locked in that tower n

It’s not delivery. It’s the girl locked in that tower.
The TSA has made new rules mandating the girl locked in that tower on every commercial flight.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was the girl locked in that tower.
Howdy neighbor, love leftover McDonald’s®! Let’s get the girl locked in that tower sometime!
Lonely guys in Japan can buy the girl locked in that tower that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk the girl locked in that tower.



a butt-warmer n

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a butt-warmer came on the screen.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a butt-warmer slowly overtaking the buildings.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a butt-warmer.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a butt-warmer to forage for food.
Authorities were tallying damage from a butt-warmer that struck southern California Friday evening.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about its opposite and a butt-warmer. Should I talk to him?

 
 
2016 Jun 16 at 11:31 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 16 at 11:33 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
harsh chemicals np

The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of harsh chemicals.
I was so surprised to see a hot bubbly blast of my innards that harsh chemicals fell out of my mouth.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only harsh chemicals and a gush come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
During routine surgery, the doctors found harsh chemicals embedded in my abdomen.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is harsh chemicals.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of harsh chemicals heard remote.



a carpet beetle n

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A CARPET BEETLE STARTLING A TWEAKER.”
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Carpet Beetle” syndrome!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a carpet beetle.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a carpet beetle.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a carpet beetle.
Thanks for a carpet beetle last night. *wink* *wink*



a thick lesbian n

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a thick lesbian.
Don’t look at me while I’m a thick lesbian! It messes me up!
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a leaf blower. It made me feel like I was a thick lesbian.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had a thick lesbian.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a thick lesbian.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen a thick lesbian.



giant meaty hands np

Science never solves a problem without creating giant meaty hands.
My kid was acting like the first blush of womanhood, so I took away giant meaty hands privileges.
What the terminal illness department lacks in selection, we make up for in giant meaty hands.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began giant meaty hands.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a good thing for the heart by rewarding them with giant meaty hands.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using giant meaty hands to treat a spinning jenny!

 
 
2016 Jun 16 at 13:34 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
a 16-lane highway n

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a 16-lane highway.
When the beef came at me it was like a 16-lane highway.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a 16-lane highway went off early, ejecting a pig on top into the air!
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a 16-lane highway teaching pseudoscience.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a 16-lane highway.
At Boeing R&D, we test a legless dog on a wheeled cart by connecting through a 16-lane highway to a special 10,000-volt battery.



deals np

We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a horizontal ass crack, deals, and the next time.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were deals, would you be deals as well?”
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: deals@a-fruitless-task.net
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of deals in its food processing operations.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a deep cut by rewarding them with deals.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had my last tooth removed so he could be deals.



a hummer n

My nightly ritual involves a hummer, doing things to the body, and finally being a bad little boy just as I fall asleep.
Two best friends and a hummer take a road trip, and discover firing ports along the way.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a hummer and a war canoe. Should I talk to him?
At LAX travelers were horrified to see a hummer spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a hummer. Would you like to try our new special, pretending to forget?
CAUTION: Keep a hummer out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.



bait nc

I am become valid reasons, the destroyer of bait.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of bait.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have bait.
Help! I’m bait and I need YOU to do something about it!
When I saw bait I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, breaking in, I went white as a sheet!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to bait.

 
 
2016 Jun 16 at 15:18 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 136
Watching your sister bang v

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and Watching your sister bang. There was a report.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s Watching your sister bang.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into Watching your sister bang, get to the front of the line.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how Watching your sister bang happens.
Thanks for Watching your sister bang last night. *wink* *wink*
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the final hour. Would you like to try our new special, Watching your sister bang?


 
 
2016 Jun 18 at 01:14 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 18 at 01:16 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
Signa said:

watching your sister bang v

I noticed symptoms of zigzagging wildly, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s watching your sister bang!” but I’m not sure.
Although moving away from watching your sister bang proved effective for schools, the switch to the shittier one initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
This workplace has gone (0) days without watching your sister bang.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is watching your sister bang.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with watching your sister bang! It’s all here in my manifesto!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was watching your sister bang.




Is this really that good?
 
 
2016 Jun 18 at 01:55 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 18 at 01:55 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
the community buttplug n

Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: the-community-buttplug@flipping-over-and-spraying-into-the-air.net
See now black people walk like the community buttplug. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a felony!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as the community buttplug surfaced from below.
It’s not delivery. It’s the community buttplug.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed the community buttplug up and down the highway.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in the community buttplug in the middle of each intersection.

 
 
2016 Jun 18 at 18:14 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
grandpa's peakless jawbone n

I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with grandpa's peakless jawbone.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be grandpa's peakless jawbone.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Grandpa's Peakless Jawbone” syndrome!
My pharmacist separated grandpa's peakless jawbone into two piles, and carefully lowered one into not quite enough lube.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and grandpa's peakless jawbone in the Philippines.
In this 15th century painting, providing unscrupulous advice is represented by a man with grandpa's peakless jawbone for a head.

 
 
2016 Jun 20 at 10:30 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
getting all fucked up on PCP v

Getting all fucked up on PCP is the only way to say goodbye.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the death simulator jumping and nipping at me from below and even getting all fucked up on PCP.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had any decent person removed so he could be getting all fucked up on PCP.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be getting all fucked up on PCP if I wanted a new family.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into getting all fucked up on PCP.
It’s not delivery. It’s getting all fucked up on PCP.

 
 
2016 Jun 21 at 05:25 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
gnawing through solid stone v

I noticed symptoms of claws, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s gnawing through solid stone!” but I’m not sure.
I’m late to my meeting for gnawing through solid stone.
The new bill before congress would mandate gnawing through solid stone in all K-through-12 classrooms.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began gnawing through solid stone.
If you ask me, gnawing through solid stone makes good neighbors.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, gnawing through solid stone appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

 
 
2016 Jun 21 at 10:25 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 21 at 10:44 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
Queef Latina nc

Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a sociopath straddled by Queef Latina.
If you do it right, not riding a Segway is all about Queef Latina.
At the coffee shop they wrote “Queef Latina” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Honey, you can’t keep putting Queef Latina down the garbage disposal!
Queef Latina has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of the finest quality cheese and a Fedex full of Queef Latina.

 
 
2016 Jun 23 at 11:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
drinking and driving vtnc

Drinking and driving nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid fighting one-on-one.
The rich aroma of drinking and driving, from the hills of Colombia.
People around the world recognize drinking and driving as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
Drinking and driving is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “drinking and driving”.
Drinking and driving: It’s nature’s candy!



refusing to tell v

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to refusing to tell.
I went rafting, saw refusing to tell in the river, no big deal.
Music without the sounds of refusing to tell is hardly music at all.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me refusing to tell and it’s getting weird.
Going solo while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of refusing to tell.
At the winery tour we saw how they put snake jizz and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like refusing to tell.



a really bad cold n

My car looks like it’s a really bad cold but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
I was so surprised to see a really bad cold that a beginner anal bead fell out of my mouth.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a really bad cold.
Our artisanal process ages a mushroom for 3 years, before going right into a really bad cold, rapidly shotgunning.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a really bad cold in the sea.
For my last meal I want a traffic cop seasoned heavily with a really bad cold.



my neck hole n

At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have strands of my darling’s hair! Some of us just want my neck hole.”
My neck hole like this is enough to kill a horse!
At Boeing R&D, we test uneaten food by connecting through my neck hole to a special 10,000-volt battery.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up my neck hole in every room.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as my neck hole.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience my neck hole like I was really there.

 
 
2016 Jun 23 at 16:53 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
hot sex nc

In a world with a good thing for the heart circumcising your dad, one man must overcome hot sex. Coming this summer.
I was vacuuming when I sucked hot sex out from under the couch. I kept pulling until multiple cameras came out too!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during hot sex that overturned their car.
The best comfort food will always be greens, hot sex, and fried chicken.
This workplace has gone (0) days without hot sex.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Hot Sex!



a clamp n

At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have grab-ass! Some of us just want a clamp.”
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a clamp.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a clamp.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a clamp removed so he could be bodily fluids.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got abstinence painted on both sides, which some say encourages a clamp.
Last Christmas, I gave you a clamp. The very next day, you gave it away.



my orientation n

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, my orientation... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore my orientation in a very realistic way.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling my orientation. The driver was reaching around.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of my orientation and a mouthfeel like a tacky, god-awful facelift.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: An inattentive mother and my orientation.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift my orientation over my head, but Yorkshire pudding got in the way.



dorks np

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like dorks.
You spent all your food-stamps on dorks?!
Two best friends and a falling chimney take a road trip, and discover dorks along the way.
I reached expectantly into dorks, but found only a loaded gun.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but dorks.
Look, man, I’m not into dorks. But $20 is $20.

 
 
2016 Jun 24 at 10:50 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5794
going to Wendy's v

If going to Wendy's were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
I need help with my computer! I downloaded prancing piglets and now I’m having trouble with going to Wendy's.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're going to Wendy's!
The cruiseliner struck unrestrained passion and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with going to Wendy's.
If you ask me, going to Wendy's makes good neighbors.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: going to Wendy's.



a disease n

Chase bank is giving out a disease this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with a faulty support and a mysterious boy who fights a disease.
There’s no reason for a disease before breakfast.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a disease.
Authorities were tallying damage from a disease that struck southern California Friday evening.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a disease... Sweet! Sunny-D!



a time machine n

The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put a time machine in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed a time machine up and down the highway.
At the winery tour we saw how they put worse people than that and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like a time machine.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a time machine.
Monopoly: Aged Beef Edition comes with one more and a time machine instead of houses and hotels.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a time machine while we were still in the car.



cutting vt

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was cutting.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Cutting!” You’re cursed with thinness until the end of the game!
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are cutting and squandering.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw cutting for the first time!
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a breach of confidence, while a man is cutting on a galloping horse.
I chipped my tooth on a backseat. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t cutting.

 
 
2016 Jun 24 at 11:24 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
pitching your tent v

I need help with my computer! I downloaded a silly goose and now I’m having trouble with pitching your tent.
The authorities followed the trail of pitching your tent, leading them straight to the suspect.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was pitching your tent.
Always walk into an interview with strands of my darling’s hair and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate pitching your tent.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about pitching your tent.
Jesus is pitching your tent.



Is this your first time  {v}? You should practice more.

Is this your first time impacting my sister? You should practice more.
Is this your first time why I suck at this job? You should practice more.
Is this your first time completely avoiding conflict? You should practice more.
Is this your first time gathering supplies? You should practice more.
Is this your first time twerking while uncontrollably farting? You should practice more.
Is this your first time trusting everything the devil says? You should practice more.

 
 
2016 Jun 24 at 20:45 PDT