SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 17 18 19 [20] 21 22 23 ... 108 109 110
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
spraying up the wall v

Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with spraying up the wall .
Facebook just bought Fingernail Torture Company, hoping to get a stronger position in spraying up the wall .
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “spraying up the wall ” incident in the science lab.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw spraying up the wall for the first time!
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to spraying up the wall .
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from spraying up the wall .



the baby n

Science never solves a problem without creating the baby .
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with nine guys you fucked and a mysterious boy who fights the baby .
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed the baby up and down the highway.
When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered the baby operation.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of the baby .
God didn’t create me. God created the baby . And the baby created me.



Don't shake  {cs} so hard, it'll start  .2

Don't shake a cake you can have and eat, too so hard, it'll start my syndrome.
Don't shake a barbecued meal worm so hard, it'll start sex friends.
Don't shake hopefully not me this time so hard, it'll start bat country.
Don't shake Princess Perfect so hard, it'll start valid reasons.
Don't shake dubious girl so hard, it'll start a carefully contained fart.
Don't shake a nurse so hard, it'll start a karate chop.

 
 
2016 May 13 at 17:05 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 13 at 17:07 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
I think it's lovely that you're getting into  , but I won't tell your father. He'll start  {spv}.2

I think it's lovely that you're getting into a choreographed dance, but I won't tell your father. He'll start the chair.
I think it's lovely that you're getting into a nurse, but I won't tell your father. He'll start riding your bike down the Luxor.
I think it's lovely that you're getting into a uniquely adapted slave race, but I won't tell your father. He'll start diddling.
I think it's lovely that you're getting into a crown of femurs, but I won't tell your father. He'll start the Army.
I think it's lovely that you're getting into a real jerk-off, but I won't tell your father. He'll start beef curtains.
I think it's lovely that you're getting into amputated eyelids, but I won't tell your father. He'll start running until you die.

 
 
2016 May 13 at 17:09 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 13 at 17:13 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
Dad! I'm all done  {v}, so I have  {sc} left over if you're still interested.2

Dad! I'm all done peeing crabs, so I have a watchful guard left over if you're still interested.
Dad! I'm all done walking backwards into John Cena, so I have a man-machine interface left over if you're still interested.
Dad! I'm all done being attacked by a skeleton, so I have a spooky mummy left over if you're still interested.
Dad! I'm all done relaxing and letting it roll down your leg, so I have Quetzalcoatl left over if you're still interested.
Dad! I'm all done fighting one-on-one, so I have an even stupider idea left over if you're still interested.
Dad! I'm all done not noticing, so I have compost left over if you're still interested.

 
 
2016 May 13 at 17:14 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 13 at 17:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
some pricks np

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took some pricks to the funeral.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me some pricks while we were still in the car.
See now black people walk like some pricks . But white people -- white people walk like they’re the aliens running government!
The city put in new road signs to indicate some pricks just up ahead.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of a ripe potato, so the temporary replacement uses some pricks .
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out some pricks .



a wall with maps, photos and yarn connecting things n

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a souped-up Segway and a mouthfeel like a wall with maps, photos and yarn connecting things .
My mom picked me up a wall with maps, photos and yarn connecting things from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
They don’t make gravitational collapse like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a wall with maps, photos and yarn connecting things .
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a succulent jumbo prawn, sloth, wrath, a wall with maps, photos and yarn connecting things , and pride.
My kid was acting like security clearance, so I took away a wall with maps, photos and yarn connecting things and strands of my darling’s hair privileges.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a wall with maps, photos and yarn connecting things , toilet paper, shelter, and a nutty liqueur.



a snail with a cuss painted on its shell n

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put a snail with a cuss painted on its shell in the pillows.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a snail with a cuss painted on its shell .
My car looks like it’s a snail with a cuss painted on its shell but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A snail with a cuss painted on its shell , keepin’ it tight and big pants.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed a snail with a cuss painted on its shell up and down the highway.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a snail with a cuss painted on its shell .



a construction-paper chain n

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a construction-paper chain .”
Go, go, Gadget a Construction-paper Chain!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a construction-paper chain .
John “closing her legs” Smith. The genius who brought us a construction-paper chain .
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a construction-paper chain and I think I believe her!
Chris Angel threw the deck of cards at a withered serpent and my card appeared in a construction-paper chain !



 
 
2016 May 13 at 17:21 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 13 at 17:23 PDT
RealAccount
2015 Aug 30 • 12
being fucking dead v

Being fucking dead is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with being fucking dead.
I came home to find helpful subordinates replaced with being fucking dead.
Men, like a cascade of molten lava upon the unsuspecting, go farthest when they are being fucking dead.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually being fucking dead.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into being fucking dead! She’s 62!

 
 
2016 May 14 at 16:32 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 14 at 16:53 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
the greatest mistake of my life n

No one in Morocco can be the greatest mistake of my life without registering with the government.
Science never solves a problem without creating the greatest mistake of my life.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with the greatest mistake of my life. So bring bellybutton logic.
Every French soldier carries the greatest mistake of my life in his knapsack.
I’ve been dancing to the new single by “The Greatest Mistake of My Life and Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s Frilly Neckerchief”.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing the greatest mistake of my life is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 May 14 at 18:28 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 14 at 18:29 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
power of attorney nc

Lonely guys in Japan can buy power of attorney that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in power of attorney.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed power of attorney up and down the highway.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for power of attorney.
The city put in new road signs to indicate power of attorney just up ahead.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on power of attorney.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 May 14 at 18:30 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 14 at 18:31 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 554
175 ₧
writing emo poetry v

Pundits agree it will take writing emo poetry for the senator to win the election.
This workplace has gone (0) days without writing emo poetry.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by writing emo poetry.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for writing emo poetry.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other my hater, while a man is writing emo poetry on a galloping horse.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Writing Emo Poetry!

 
 
2016 May 15 at 15:10 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 15 at 15:11 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 150
Sir! Our patrol has found   while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?

Sir! Our patrol has found cinderblock justice while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found a Swiss murder suit while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found bellowing while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found beef curtains while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found cranberry sauce or juice while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! Our patrol has found sabotage while marching. Shall we ration it to the men?

 
 
2016 May 15 at 15:13 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 20 at 22:29 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
Just a thought.

Sir! We are out of  {pc}, but we found  {sc} while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?2

Sir! We are out of killer abs, but we found PTSD while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! We are out of inquisitive middle schoolers, but we found a deep cut while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! We are out of domestic strife, but we found a child born of incest while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! We are out of man animals, but we found a glass rod while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! We are out of quicksand, but we found failure abroad while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Sir! We are out of spider silk, but we found a madhouse! A madhouse! while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?

 
 
2016 May 16 at 11:20 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 16 at 11:21 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
I pushed hard enough to snap  {n}, but some powerful kind of  {c} was blocking the door.2

I pushed hard enough to snap water, but some powerful kind of explicit eating was blocking the door.
I pushed hard enough to snap pastel colors, but some powerful kind of Voodoo driving school was blocking the door.
I pushed hard enough to snap my first time, but some powerful kind of grab-ass was blocking the door.
I pushed hard enough to snap a summer sausage, but some powerful kind of steampunk bullshit was blocking the door.
I pushed hard enough to snap a hose, but some powerful kind of too much denim was blocking the door.
I pushed hard enough to snap a change in my medical history, but some powerful kind of clemency was blocking the door.

 
 
2016 May 17 at 11:26 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 17 at 11:32 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
 {Upc}! As far as the eye can see! And it's all  {v}.2

Black power! As far as the eye can see! And it's all being carted away.
Failure! As far as the eye can see! And it's all ravaging Earth’s resources.
Pendulous breasts! As far as the eye can see! And it's all succumbing to nature.
Bromance! As far as the eye can see! And it's all hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about.
Swindling queers! As far as the eye can see! And it's all getting business tips in bed.
Dope! As far as the eye can see! And it's all farting like a bagpipe.

 
 
2016 May 17 at 11:36 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 17 at 11:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
bedtime nc

I got into my car and sat on bedtime . Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get cooties removed from her and bedtime removed from me.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider bedtime .
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by headroom and bedtime .
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found bedtime .
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Bedtime Blast!



waking in terror v

My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between waking in terror and breaking a promise.
When spiders is ready, waking in terror will appear.
I chipped my tooth on the steamboat captain. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t waking in terror .
A social skill is any skill facilitating Arizona and waking in terror with others.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was waking in terror .
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then waking in terror really affected me.



wetting the bed v

If you have a dream about an even wider gap, it meas you’re worried about wetting the bed .
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only smooth boys and wetting the bed .
I came home to find wetting the bed replaced with a small chubby.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to wetting the bed , even before I put on my clothes.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s wetting the bed and I think I believe her!
Pool rules: No running. No wetting the bed . Keep a robot face out of the deep end.



mailing anthrax vt

Man animals nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid mailing anthrax.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am gathering supplies. Would you like to try our new special, mailing anthrax?
Happiness: Mailing anthrax, a robustly satisfying fart, and 100% plastic adult toys.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by mailing anthrax.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by mailing anthrax.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Expectorating Some Sludge” and it helps me with mailing anthrax.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:09 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 18 at 11:11 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
sticking it to the man v

I tried sticking it to the man but it was too tight. Then I tried my point of view but it was TOO LOOSE.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Fancy Santas, sticking it to the man and a utility belt.
Throughout human history, sticking it to the man has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is sticking it to the man .
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value sticking it to the man more. Now hold still.
Life without love is like sticking it to the man without gourmet drinking chocolate or fruit.



going down the garbage disposal v

Pundits agree it will take going down the garbage disposal for the senator to win the election.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to going down the garbage disposal , even before I put on my clothes.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of going down the garbage disposal in the soil.
We can be going down the garbage disposal . And no one has to know.
Who so pulleth out a healthy fantasy life of this stone is rightwise king born of going down the garbage disposal .
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then going down the garbage disposal really affected me.



fellating everything in the room v

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by fellating everything in the room .
When I get older, I don’t want to be fellating everything in the room .
The band hadn’t started playing when a fishy substance went off early, ejecting fellating everything in the room into the air!
Ever since a quickie moved into the neighborhood, fellating everything in the room has been eyed with suspicion.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a humorless Japanese businessman removed so he could be fellating everything in the room .
A new Wes Anderson movie nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid fellating everything in the room .



a glass pane n

Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: coyote-bisque@a-glass-pane.net
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing a glass pane.”
The fire raged out of control after the fire hoses got caught around a glass pane.
Ich bin ein a glass pane.
Daddy! There’s a glass pane under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a glass pane.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:15 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
pandering to the normies v

Ever since MY SKULL! moved into the neighborhood, pandering to the normies has been eyed with suspicion.
When I get older, I don’t want to be pandering to the normies .
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a useful tip painted on both sides, which some say encourages pandering to the normies .
The authorities followed the trail of pandering to the normies , leading them straight to the suspect.
The rich aroma of pandering to the normies , from the hills of Colombia.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other the child-parent relationship, while a man is pandering to the normies on a galloping horse.



a pipe bomb n

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a pipe bomb .
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a pipe bomb .
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about hounding the family dog and a pipe bomb . Should I talk to him?
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a pipe bomb .
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a pipe bomb .
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a pipe bomb came on the screen.



self-cutting v

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore self-cutting in a very realistic way.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s self-cutting .
My dream house has subordinated masculinity out front, picture windows for self-cutting , and mixed feelings in the garage.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for self-cutting .
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide self-cutting directly.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find self-cutting so relaxing.



licking it v

Back when I was licking it, I got shot in a low wall by a great review.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was licking it.
Men, like machine gun fire, go farthest when they are licking it.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for being strung up and licking it at the assembly line.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a hunky, Adonis-like male figure. Would you like to try our new special, licking it?
At the coffee shop they wrote “licking it” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:22 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 18 at 11:31 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
shitty chairs from IKEA® np

I reached expectantly into the combination, but found only shitty chairs from IKEA® .
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found shitty chairs from IKEA® .
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren’t both shitty chairs from IKEA® .
My religion demands that I must always have 100% plastic adult toys, and that I must abstain from shitty chairs from IKEA® .
Shitty chairs from IKEA® ... like a woman’s.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up shitty chairs from IKEA® on the porch to surprise the kids.



LOST CAT: Has the colors of  {n}. Name tag says " {pc}" but she responds to  .3

LOST CAT: Has the colors of the song of my people. Name tag says "existential ennui" but she responds to joie de vivre.
LOST CAT: Has the colors of an unscheduled cement testing contest. Name tag says "poorly orchestrated group sex" but she responds to computer problems.
LOST CAT: Has the colors of my musk. Name tag says "chocolate chip juice" but she responds to unseemliness.
LOST CAT: Has the colors of maximum attitude. Name tag says "domestic strife" but she responds to an enslaved tribe.
LOST CAT: Has the colors of intense pain. Name tag says "unbridled fury" but she responds to the circular shape of the garter.
LOST CAT: Has the colors of an automated turret. Name tag says "stainless steel plating" but she responds to yanking hard.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:34 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 18 at 11:35 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
I need help with my computer! I downloaded  {n} and now I'm having trouble with  . 2

I need help with my computer! I downloaded unnatural lust and now I'm having trouble with my private supply.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a rocket with a mouse strapped on and now I'm having trouble with significant legal reform.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a deceitful word and now I'm having trouble with ceaseless chanting.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded really bad teeth and now I'm having trouble with pleading for more men and supplies.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded an abomination unto God and now I'm having trouble with raw goose.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded ground control and now I'm having trouble with a leak.



emoticons np

A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with emoticons .
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began emoticons .
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare emoticons right at your table.
When presented with a human-sized harness, emoticons will fart blood in anticipation.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with emoticons !”
Chase bank is giving out emoticons this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.



unrestrained passion nc

During my driving test, I backed my car into unrestrained passion . I still got an 85!
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need the most unusual, unexpected taste and unrestrained passion .
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Unrestrained Passion Blast!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually unrestrained passion .
President Clinton and his entire cabinet got unrestrained passion before every meeting.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were unrestrained passion , would you be unrestrained passion as well?”



a condom n

Pool rules: No running. No thinness. Keep a condom out of the deep end.
He also named a city in India “A Condom” after his dead horse.
If a condom were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Daddy! There’s a condom under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Teaching pseudoscience nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid a condom.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a condom.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:38 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 18 at 11:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
Alexander the OK n

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put Alexander the OK in the pillows.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember Alexander the OK ?”
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned Alexander the OK . As a result, his men were well motivated.
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with Alexander the OK in my hand.
They don’t make Alexander the OK like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a quick one.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, Alexander the OK appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.



fusing together v

My new phone looks like it’s fusing together but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about fusing together , but with finding out my first husband was still alive!
Can you come get me? I went to disturbing trends with some guys who promised me fusing together .
Then God said, “Let there be fusing together ”; and there was fusing together . And God saw that fusing together was good.
The survey team detected fusing together so I threw a smooth vagina in my truck and drove straight there.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of fusing together came on the screen.



boiling vt

In this 15th century painting, boiling is represented by a man with a puffed up chest for a head.
Thanks for boiling last night. *wink* *wink*
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider boiling .
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Boiling Blast!
10% of all proceeds from sales of a military laboratory will go to The Boiling foundation.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Boiling



getting lost in Walmart® v

Researchers have managed to train chimps to recognize getting lost in Walmart® by rewarding then with whatEVER.
During the war, German scientists experimented with getting lost in Walmart® to weaponize my fantasy physique.
I am become getting lost in Walmart®, the destroyer of worlds.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting lost in Walmart®.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was Italian financiers, part was getting lost in Walmart®, and it was crowned with a Russian bride.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by getting lost in Walmart® around the building.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:43 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
her birthday n

The city put in new road signs to indicate her birthday just up ahead.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get her birthday removed from her and passive-aggressive tendencies removed from me.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with her birthday hanging in the window.
Hark! What her birthday through yonder window breaks?
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Her Birthday” syndrome!
Go, go, Gadget Her Birthday!



Wikipedia nc

If Wikipedia were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Wikipedia up and down the highway.
The last thing I tried to dead-lift over my head was hot grills, but Wikipedia got in the way.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to Wikipedia .
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of Wikipedia -loving bot that hates a dragon made of motorcycle.
Wikipedia is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.



145 degrees hot np

In the third world, luxuries like a top hat full of assholes are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to 145 degrees hot .
President Clinton and his entire cabinet got 145 degrees hot before every meeting.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing 145 degrees hot .”
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into moistness. It was not my lips you kissed, but 145 degrees hot .
Life without love is like truth serum without 145 degrees hot or fruit.
My kid was acting like 145 degrees hot , so I took away an entity in death and prying her mouth open privileges.



blindness nc

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a vortex that keeps mumbling, sloth, wrath, blindness, and pride.
The new top grade of gasoline has blindness as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
Pool rules: No running. No security clearance. Keep blindness out of the deep end.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as blindness.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with an X-rated broadcast and a mysterious boy who fights blindness.
Music without the sounds of blindness is hardly music at all.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
spicy chicken ?

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re spicy chicken and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
John “spicy chicken ” Smith. The genius who brought us simple pleasures.
My religion demands that I must always have spicy chicken , and that I must abstain from a snake pit.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Spicy Chicken”! I shook his hand and it felt like spicy chicken .
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing spicy chicken at cars and passers-by.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always spicy chicken just around the corner.



human body warmth ?

Jesus is human body warmth.
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with human body warmth in my hand.
Researchers have managed to train chimps to recognise human body warmth by rewarding them with painting rude words on the cat.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me human body warmth.
When a person has human body warmth, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
Can I get some floss? There’s human body warmth between my teeth.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 11:47 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 18 at 12:53 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
a naked man running in the freeway n

A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of a naked man running in the freeway on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing a naked man running in the freeway .”
I came home to find eating trash replaced with a naked man running in the freeway .
I found out why I’m always sick... they found a naked man running in the freeway in the walls at my office.
In future times, the children will work together to build a naked man running in the freeway .
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a naked man running in the freeway .



a shock collar n

Always walk into an interview with a truck full of ladders and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate a shock collar .
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a shock collar .
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a shock collar , which hung in the air for days.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a shock collar .
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a shock collar . It made me feel like I was udders.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a shock collar .



a bomb collar n

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a bomb collar ... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with 50 years and are instructed to be a bomb collar no matter what.
Go, go, Gadget a Bomb Collar!
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for a bomb collar ?
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a bomb collar came on the screen.
Can you come get me? I went to a suffering bastard with some guys who promised me a bomb collar .



Googling vt

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're Googling!
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a feeding tube removed so he could be Googling.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value Googling more. Now hold still.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by Googling and the Black Prince.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide Googling directly.
I noticed symptoms of Googling, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s bear sperm!” but I’m not sure.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 12:58 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
seizing the means of production v

Great job on the proposal for seizing the means of production, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you an exhumed corpse.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and seizing the means of production. There was a report.
I noticed symptoms of seizing the means of production, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s ancient Chinese medicine!” but I’m not sure.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of seizing the means of production.
I tried an army of 35,000 men but it was too tight. Then I tried seizing the means of production but it was TOO LOOSE.
Happiness: Seizing the means of production, a “magic” wand, and eating trash.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 May 18 at 13:02 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave n

An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave in every room.
The city put in new road signs to indicate a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave just up ahead.
One has to secrete a jelly in which to slip a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave down people’s throats - and one always secretes too much jelly.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave .
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave .
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave onto the International Space Station.



this asshole n

My car looks like it’s this asshole but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only this asshole and a Swiss murder suit come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about this asshole .
Every French soldier carries this asshole in his knapsack.
My dream house has this asshole out front, picture windows for a smiling idiot, and the key factors in the garage.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re this asshole and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.



the nanny n

Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk the nanny .
Last Christmas, I gave you the nanny . The very next day, you gave it away.
They don’t make a healthy fantasy life like they used to! This one doesn’t even have the nanny .
A bloody leotard brings the nanny and a smile to a child’s face.
There is no revenge so complete as the nanny .
I didn’t think this house would sell with a lie that corrupts the Earth in the attic. Anyway, I’m the nanny .



blow nc

Ich bin ein blow.
Blow is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
Blow! Blow! My kingdom for blow!
I went rafting, saw blow in the river, no big deal.
I noticed symptoms of blow, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s beef curtains!” but I’m not sure.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot removed from her and blow removed from me.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 13:02 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
a car full of Puerto Ricans n

I tried to sneak out of the store with a car full of Puerto Ricans under one arm and spiders down my pants.
I’m late to my meeting for a car full of Puerto Ricans .
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a car full of Puerto Ricans , would you be a car full of Puerto Ricans as well?”
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have a car full of Puerto Ricans .
Last Christmas, I gave you a car full of Puerto Ricans . The very next day, you gave it away.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw a car full of Puerto Ricans for the first time!



wet jeans np

Facebook just bought Wet Jeans Company, hoping to get a stronger position in keepin’ it warm in the cooch.
At the skating rink there was wet jeans and everyone fell down at once.
Always walk into an interview with wet jeans and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate delegating responsibilities.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a shock. It was not my lips you kissed, but wet jeans .
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, wet jeans , toilet paper, shelter, and black market organs.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride some guy named Darryl. It made me feel like I was wet jeans .



work nc

The water tower looks like it’s work from this angle.
Work has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using ear worms to treat work !
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about work and a coarse wind. Should I talk to him?
My dream house has a cold yogi out front, picture windows for work , and the brave men and women fighting for us in the garage.
The terrorists will execute one hostage every 20 minutes unless they receive work .



meaningless symbols np

Bumper sticker: My other ride is meaningless symbols.
Howdy neighbor, love meaningless symbols! Let’s get a fifteen-pound newborn sometime!
Whenever I cook meaningless symbols I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into morningwood.
You spent all your food-stamps on meaningless symbols?!
Apparently, “Meaningless Symbols” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Let meaningless symbols host your next party, providing putting the “I” back in “team” like you’ve never seen before.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 13:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5952
grinding on it v

I chipped my tooth on a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t grinding on it.
Growing up we never had a little of this, a little of that, but we had to deal with grinding on it, and I want the opposite for my children.
Then God said, “Let there be grinding on it”; and there was grinding on it. And God saw that grinding on it was good.
Can you come get me? I went to movie and television adaptations with some guys who promised me grinding on it.
My nightly ritual involves acute watery diarrhea, grinding on it, and finally a corresponding rise in wages just as I fall asleep.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of secret Jews and a mouthfeel like grinding on it.

 
 
2016 May 18 at 13:07 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 18 at 13:07 PDT