SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 42 43 44 [45] 46 47 48 ... 108 109 110
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 280
acting like an adult v

Amtrak officials confirm acting like an adult would have prevented train derailment.
If you have a dream about getting too excited, it meas you’re worried about acting like an adult.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Iodine!” You’re cursed with acting like an adult until the end of the game!
The survey team detected acting like an adult at the work site so I threw quicksand in my truck and drove straight there.
When I get older, I don’t want to be acting like an adult.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had prey removed so he could be acting like an adult.

 
 
2016 Oct 28 at 21:56 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 554
175 ₧
habanero poops n

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Habanero Poops?
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Habanero Poops and You”.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of habanero poops.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by habanero poops.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about habanero poops.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience habanero poops like I was really there.

 
 
2016 Oct 28 at 22:36 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 28 at 22:39 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 554
175 ₧
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate   to prepare for a mission to mars.

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate complex maths to prepare for a mission to mars.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate deliberately standing in front of a cannon to prepare for a mission to mars.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate being trapped in a tent to prepare for a mission to mars.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate bad math to prepare for a mission to mars.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate dryness problems to prepare for a mission to mars.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate the southwest corner to prepare for a mission to mars.

 
 
2016 Oct 28 at 23:46 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 2 at 23:14 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
bullying and suicide v

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by bullying and suicide around the building.
My nightly ritual involves bullying and suicide, a stink bug, and finally a mutilated torso just as I fall asleep.
Ever since no spider appeared in the neighborhood, bullying and suicide has been eyed with suspicion.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember bullying and suicide?”
See now black people walk like furries. But white people -- white people walk like they’re bullying and suicide!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore bullying and suicide in a very realistic way.

 
 
2016 Oct 29 at 13:35 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 554
175 ₧
butchering an octopus v

I’ll never know why my grandparents find butchering an octopus so relaxing.
I ordered an enhanced interrogation privately over the Internet so I can get better at butchering an octopus.
Butchering an octopus nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid a gentle kiss on the teeth.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from butchering an octopus, and the eco-glass windows trap in a box for your poop.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore butchering an octopus in a very realistic way.
Butchering an octopus isn’t getting old, but I sure am!

 
 
2016 Oct 29 at 17:22 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 554
175 ₧
the princess's saliva n

Happiness: The princess's saliva, reaching around, and a steering wheel.
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are gettin’ all up close and the princess's saliva.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from the princess's saliva.
At Boeing R&D, we test a curve by connecting through the princess's saliva to a special 10,000-volt battery.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about the princess's saliva and a snake pit. Should I talk to him?
Growing up we never had the princess's saliva, but we had to deal with one mile of train rail, and I want the opposite for my children.

 
 
2016 Oct 29 at 17:23 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 29 at 17:23 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
the passenger n

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride the passenger. It made me feel like I was our desire.
I got into my car and sat on the passenger. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
The passenger failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward another hurdle.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded meaty valves and now I’m having trouble with the passenger.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was the passenger.
They said the passenger was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with a squealing 6- and 10-year-old.



 
 
2016 Oct 30 at 15:50 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 30 at 16:48 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
carrying a dead body with a forklift v

I’m late to my meeting for carrying a dead body with a forklift.
The new bill before congress would mandate carrying a dead body with a forklift in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Although moving away from a milky sweat bead proved effective for schools, the switch to carrying a dead body with a forklift initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: carrying-a-dead-body-with-a-forklift@a-friend.net
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Carrying a Dead Body with a Forklift.
Pundits agree it will take carrying a dead body with a forklift for the senator to win the election.

 
 
2016 Oct 30 at 16:48 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
a Canadian goose n

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a Canadian goose over my head, but a Japanese vending machine got in the way.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a Canadian goose.
Ugh. I ate ape sounds last night and I’ve been trying to put on a Canadian goose all morning.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a Canadian goose.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see a Canadian goose spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a Canadian goose. I still got an 85!



blasting tunes v

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be blasting tunes if I wanted a new family.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: The signs of spousal abuse, blasting tunes and killer abs.
Go, go, Gadget Blasting Tunes!
Chimps in the wild have been observed using blasting tunes to forage for food.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is blasting tunes.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded my haunted butthole and now I’m having trouble with blasting tunes.



boiling hot tar vnc

Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into boiling hot tar and stopped.
Growing up we never had an episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects, but we had to deal with boiling hot tar, and I want the opposite for my children.
If you kids don’t stop proving she’s a witch, I will turn boiling hot tar around!
Man invented boiling hot tar, so woman invented a new Wes Anderson movie.
Our artisanal process ages the bad cop for 3 years, before going right into going solo, rapidly boiling hot tar.
The survey team detected boiling hot tar at the work site so I threw a bellow of sympathy in my truck and drove straight there.



more than enough squids np

At the skating rink there was more than enough squids and everyone fell down at once.
No one in Morocco can be more than enough squids without registering with the government.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into more than enough squids! She’s 62!
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of more than enough squids.
In the public more than enough squids model, a third-party service provider delivers the more than enough squids service over the Internet.
When the mixture is bubbling, add more than enough squids to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 11:49 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 1 at 11:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
a big sex and murder party n

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a preserved brain in a jar and are ordered to be a big sex and murder party no matter what.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a tightrope to weaponize a big sex and murder party.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a big sex and murder party.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with endangered animals and a mysterious boy who fights a big sex and murder party.
At my 9th birthday, we had a big sex and murder party piñata that burst open showering tender pinches on us kids.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off hot naughty bodies in the stands and then knocked a trap that shoots a poison dart off a big sex and murder party.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 12:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
eating the most delicious nut in the world v

If you do it right, eating the most delicious nut in the world is all about nothing at all.
Eating the most delicious nut in the world is the only way to say goodbye.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Eating the Most Delicious Nut in the World” syndrome!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with eating the most delicious nut in the world.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began eating the most delicious nut in the world.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got what we needed painted on both sides, which some say encourages eating the most delicious nut in the world.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 18:17 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 1 at 18:17 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
busting the most delicious nut in the world v

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began busting the most delicious nut in the world.
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are busting the most delicious nut in the world and a choir of angels.
In my wild days I was busting the most delicious nut in the world, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with body parts of celebrities on the New Mexico border.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always busting the most delicious nut in the world. Always.
The cruiseliner struck the tickle zone and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with busting the most delicious nut in the world.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between busting the most delicious nut in the world and giving birth to your own parents.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 21:55 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
screwing the pooch v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than screwing the pooch.
Let’s wait for a lack of ideas to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get screwing the pooch.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into screwing the pooch.
My nightly ritual involves quick-set cement, screwing the pooch, and finally a sexually aggressive woman just as I fall asleep.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with screwing the pooch! It’s all here in my manifesto!
When I saw bodily harm I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, screwing the pooch, I went white as a sheet!

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 21:56 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 1 at 21:57 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
my little poochy-poo n

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my little poochy-poo came on the screen.
Always walk into an interview with my little poochy-poo and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate accidentally decking a cop in the head.
My little poochy-poo: It’s nature’s candy!
I got into my car and sat on my little poochy-poo. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
The hardware store didn’t have my little poochy-poo left, so I got a watermelon.
In this game you get to collect pastel colors and craft my little poochy-poo.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 21:57 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
ripping out their brains v

My dream house has animalistic hunger built in, an extra garage for ripping out their brains, and baby eels for the door bell.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began ripping out their brains.
Ripping out their brains failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a secret elevator button.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only an elite Korean hacker and ripping out their brains.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on ripping out their brains.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember ripping out their brains?”

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 21:58 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 1 at 21:58 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a mafia hitman n

My religion demands that I must abstain from a mafia hitman. Aged beef however, is OK.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Mafia Hitman.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a mafia hitman.
It’s not delivery. It’s a mafia hitman.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a mafia hitman.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a mafia hitman.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 21:59 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
lethal radiation nc

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Lethal radiation and Coach Diddleplayers.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide lethal radiation directly.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of lethal radiation.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of lethal radiation.
I need a hotel room with lethal radiation, and I need the moron I hired to kill you brought to me every four hours.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to lethal radiation.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 22:01 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 1 at 22:02 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
this stupid wizard n

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value this stupid wizard more. Now hold still.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have this stupid wizard.
Happiness: This stupid wizard, various fluids, and big men.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under this stupid wizard.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by this stupid wizard.
You stole a bad time from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re this stupid wizard and you’re going to hell!

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 22:02 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 1 at 22:06 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
feeling really good about my penis v

My favorite new band is “Various Fluids and Feeling Really Good About My Penis”.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began feeling really good about my penis.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from feeling really good about my penis, and the eco-glass windows trap in a finely sculpted buttock.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is feeling really good about my penis.
Always walk into an interview with some dead guy’s money and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate feeling really good about my penis.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with feeling really good about my penis.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 22:07 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
being deep inside each other v

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began being deep inside each other.
Apparently, “Being Deep Inside Each Other” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with being deep inside each other.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Being Deep Inside Each Other”! I shook his hand and it felt like being deep inside each other.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of 50 years, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into being deep inside each other.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide being deep inside each other directly.

 
 
2016 Nov 1 at 22:09 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 1 at 22:10 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
great lengths np

But I promised my kids they could get great lengths for Christmas!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was great lengths.
They don’t make my bacon strip like they used to! This one doesn’t even have great lengths.
Pool rules: No running. No maximum attitude. Keep great lengths out of the deep end.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be great lengths while I’m a security guard!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of the first step to retake Texas, stuff Asians like, and great lengths.



our cute little gay faces np

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by our cute little gay faces.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring our cute little gay faces.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: our-cute-little-gay-faces@a-dickhole-lion.net
I was so surprised to see a little of this, a little of that that our cute little gay faces fell out of my mouth.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: our cute little gay faces.
Thanks for our cute little gay faces. Now get out of my bed!



a charred, wrecked hole n

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a charred, wrecked hole and marginal gains come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a charred, wrecked hole into women’s purses and bags.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a charred, wrecked hole out of mainland China.
For my last meal I want a charred, wrecked hole seasoned heavily with the most sensitive part of my body.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Charred, Wrecked Hole” after his dead horse.
For my last meal I want a charred, wrecked hole seasoned heavily with high-voltage wires.

 
 
2016 Nov 2 at 21:19 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 554
175 ₧
a device for crimping metal n

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn spongy flesh, but now for work I’m a device for crimping metal. Go figure!
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of a Japanese woman’s underwear, so the temporary replacement uses a device for crimping metal.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a device for crimping metal like your brother?”
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a device for crimping metal.
Great job on the proposal for doing it RIGHT this time!, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a device for crimping metal.
A device for crimping metal like this is enough to kill a horse!

 
 
2016 Nov 2 at 23:14 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
what's basically just a naked lady n

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for what's basically just a naked lady.
During my driving test, I backed my car into what's basically just a naked lady. I still got an 85!
What's basically just a naked lady is the only way to say goodbye.
The water tower looks like it’s what's basically just a naked lady from this angle.
Last Christmas, everyone got an underwear shoot under the tree and what's basically just a naked lady in their stockings!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to what's basically just a naked lady.

 
 
2016 Nov 3 at 12:20 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 3 at 12:21 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
even more bees np

The city condemned our house after finding even more bees in the crawlspace.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-velvet-fist@even-more-bees.net
My kid was acting like sandpaper, so I took away even more bees privileges.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value even more bees more. Now hold still.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of even more bees.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be making it weird while I’m even more bees!

 
 
2016 Nov 3 at 12:22 PDT — Ed. 2016 Nov 3 at 12:22 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
slurping up the remainder v

I can’t believe you forced my mom into slurping up the remainder! She’s 62!
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by slurping up the remainder.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of slurping up the remainder.
Let a riding crop host your next party, providing slurping up the remainder like you’ve never seen before.
You stole a wayward dental implant from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re slurping up the remainder and you’re going to hell!
Dad! I’m all done slurping up the remainder, so I have my mom teaching sex ed left over if you’re still interested.

 
 
2016 Nov 3 at 12:23 PDT