SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 78 79 80 [81] 82 83 84 ... 105 106 107
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
The fog that kills
n

Amtrak officials confirm the fog that kills would have prevented train derailment.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking the fog that kills into women’s purses and bags.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate the fog that kills to prepare for a mission to mars.
The fog that kills is the only way to say goodbye.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the fog that kills in the pillows.
An ant in my beard can actually erode the fog that kills, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.

 
 
2017 Jul 17 at 20:49 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 17 at 21:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
The best argument for polygamy
n

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took the best argument for polygamy to the funeral.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling the best argument for polygamy. The driver was fathering children with a lesbian.
At the skating rink there was the best argument for polygamy and everyone fell down at once.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like the best argument for polygamy and is carrying vacuous remarks.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the best argument for polygamy.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a complete set of cybernetic implants. So bring the best argument for polygamy.

 
 
2017 Jul 18 at 13:23 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Man, I hope this fits on one card.

I knew I was growing up when I got my first visit from  {n}, but when  {n} rolled into town, we all knew this summer was going to change our lives forever.
Play 2

I knew I was growing up when I got my first visit from the aliens running government, but when the reptile brain rolled into town, we all knew this summer was going to change our lives forever.
I knew I was growing up when I got my first visit from unneeded bulk, but when sugar from my father rolled into town, we all knew this summer was going to change our lives forever.
I knew I was growing up when I got my first visit from a blaring fire alarm, but when the seedy underbelly rolled into town, we all knew this summer was going to change our lives forever.
I knew I was growing up when I got my first visit from a lonely old man, but when passive-aggressive tendencies rolled into town, we all knew this summer was going to change our lives forever.
I knew I was growing up when I got my first visit from the first step to retake Texas, but when dilation of the uterus rolled into town, we all knew this summer was going to change our lives forever.
I knew I was growing up when I got my first visit from 100 steps, but when quiet poots rolled into town, we all knew this summer was going to change our lives forever.

 
 
2017 Jul 18 at 18:32 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
Penetration
nc

Don’t shake penetration so hard, it’ll start diplomatic support.
I don’t need love because I’m penetration. Sorry mom!
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with penetration.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of penetration heard remote.
While you’re at the store can you pick up penetration, in family size?
Growing up we never had an airbag, but we had to deal with penetration, and I want the opposite for my children.



Escaping
vt

Chimps in the wild have been observed using escaping to forage for food.
A gigantic eyeball on a stalk travelled over 20 feet after escaping.
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a face-hugger before escaping.
Men, like cabin fever, go farthest when they are escaping.
Thanks for escaping. Now get out of my bed!
Go, go, Gadget Escaping!

 
 
2017 Jul 19 at 11:28 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
Superior dad arms
np

Live wires hanging from the ceiling can actually erode superior dad arms, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen superior dad arms.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience superior dad arms like I was really there.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab superior dad arms and walk right out the door without choking bitches.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then superior dad arms really affected me.
Ah, superior dad arms for my collection. Now no one has more than me.

 
 
2017 Jul 20 at 18:50 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 20 at 18:50 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
A sensual full-body massage
n

A good description of sex, suitable for children: Sudden nudity; a sensual full-body massage; a crazy cat lady.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “A-coked-up-hooker-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase a sensual full-body massage!
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience a sensual full-body massage like I was really there.
We put a sensual full-body massage in your tea!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a sensual full-body massage.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into a sensual full-body massage! She’s 62!

 
 
2017 Jul 20 at 22:56 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
Dead mothers
np

A social skill is any skill facilitating dead mothers with others.
Daddy! There’s dead mothers under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Opinions are like dead mothers. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
God didn’t create me. God created dead mothers. And dead mothers created me.
I reached expectantly into a lonely grave, but found only dead mothers.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had dead mothers removed so he could be dating your daughter.

 
 
2017 Jul 22 at 11:11 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
A Salvador Dali RealDoll™
n

Ah, a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “A Salvador Dali RealDoll™,” the finest ship in the harbor!
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a Salvador Dali RealDoll™, which hung in the air for days.
Dagnabbit! I got a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ all jammed up in the wheel well again.
The rich aroma of a Salvador Dali RealDoll™, from the hills of Colombia.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a Salvador Dali RealDoll™?”

 
 
2017 Jul 22 at 11:22 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 22 at 13:53 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with  .

I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with invoking a curse.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with a little spurt.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with a spooky mummy.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with tikka masala.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with unbearable bitching.
I went to my step mom's church and the priest blessed me with naughty cave paintings.

 
 
2017 Jul 22 at 11:39 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 22 at 11:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
No thanks. My doctor said   makes defecation painful.

No thanks. My doctor said a submissive sex android makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said servile wretches makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said seeing my penis twice makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said the “swimsuit area” makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said ample legroom makes defecation painful.
No thanks. My doctor said a good thing for the heart makes defecation painful.

 
 
2017 Jul 22 at 13:51 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 22 at 13:51 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
A weaponized butthole
n

Experts said that based on preliminary data, a weaponized butthole appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a weaponized butthole in the pillows.
Help! I’m a weaponized butthole and I need YOU to do something about it!
My mom picked me up a weaponized butthole from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a weaponized butthole.
A weaponized butthole brings somersaults to a child’s face.

 
 
2017 Jul 23 at 14:18 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
Little nightmares
np

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate little nightmares.
On the assembly line we heat little nightmares to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is adopting a Romanian baby.
I ordered little nightmares privately over the Internet so I can get better at panicking in a Subaru.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted little nightmares to the vastness of space.
It’s lucky to touch little nightmares; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still little nightmares!

 
 
2017 Jul 24 at 09:13 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
The clear, unvarnished truth
n

the clear, unvarnished truth is not something you want to slide up your ass with reckless abandon.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from the clear, unvarnished truth.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of the clear, unvarnished truth getting all obsessed.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the clear, unvarnished truth by rewarding them with failure abroad.
I tried a hidden pancake but it was too tight. Then I tried the clear, unvarnished truth but it was TOO LOOSE.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the clear, unvarnished truth went off early, ejecting almost no air left into the air!

 
 
2017 Jul 24 at 18:09 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 24 at 18:10 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
Intersex children
np

While you’re at the store can you pick up intersex children, in family size?
Hark! What intersex children through yonder window breaks?
God didn’t create me. God created intersex children. And intersex children created me.
I make intersex children for my cat by wriggling and thrashing with a little sarin gas. Oreo loves it!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in intersex children.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: intersex children!!!

 
 
2017 Jul 25 at 16:04 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
For my next arts and crafts project I'm making  . But first I need to see if they have   at the craft store.
Play 2

For my next arts and crafts project I'm making windmilling. But first I need to see if they have Arizona at the craft store.
For my next arts and crafts project I'm making shotgunning. But first I need to see if they have the grossest whiff of minty poot at the craft store.
For my next arts and crafts project I'm making an active member of the communist party. But first I need to see if they have some birds eating all the poop away at the craft store.
For my next arts and crafts project I'm making a major problem. But first I need to see if they have a Swiss murder suit at the craft store.
For my next arts and crafts project I'm making this sentence. But first I need to see if they have truth serum at the craft store.
For my next arts and crafts project I'm making one of the Baldwin brothers. But first I need to see if they have a double-meat pizza at the craft store.

 
 
2017 Jul 25 at 16:37 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
I'm sorry:

I thought I was going to fart, but it came out as  {s}.

I thought I was going to fart, but it came out as a tissue.
I thought I was going to fart, but it came out as a squirt of mustard.
I thought I was going to fart, but it came out as a bloody leotard.
I thought I was going to fart, but it came out as a 5,000 acre forest fire.
I thought I was going to fart, but it came out as a mild orgasm.
I thought I was going to fart, but it came out as a crack in the sky.

 
 
2017 Jul 25 at 17:16 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 25 at 17:16 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
I get chills when  {sc} brushes against my leg.

I get chills when the finest quality cheese brushes against my leg.
I get chills when the bitter cold brushes against my leg.
I get chills when the princess’s saliva brushes against my leg.
I get chills when cold toilet water in the butthole brushes against my leg.
I get chills when my alter ego brushes against my leg.
I get chills when dude after dude brushes against my leg.

 
 
2017 Jul 26 at 13:13 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 26 at 13:14 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
I'm   today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with  .
Play 2

I'm a double-meat pizza today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with questions. Ceaseless questions.
I'm a blind, but happy, puppy today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with sinking into the mud.
I'm an under-the-table interaction today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with goat porn.
I'm taking a fair amount today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with Earth’s orbit.
I'm cinderblock justice today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with a listless wasp.
I'm dude after dude today because tomorrow I'll be over-encumbered with a corresponding rise in wages.

 
 
2017 Jul 26 at 16:36 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 26 at 16:37 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
Snarling and thrashing
vt

While I was out the Roomba got into very depraved porn and was snarling and thrashing.
I like my women like I like Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism: waking in terror with snarling and thrashing.
Amtrak officials confirm snarling and thrashing would have prevented train derailment.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in snarling and thrashing together.
All the best love stories include snarling and thrashing.
Slender and muscled, like this asshole. She was the spitting image of snarling and thrashing.

 
 
2017 Jul 26 at 16:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on  {n}. I found him  {v}.
Play 2

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on daddy juice. I found him violently crashing down the stairs.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on birth meat. I found him smiling like a donut.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on Mr. President. I found him basing my opinion on Internet articles.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on hella teen angst. I found him breaking down in a cheap motel room.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on halitosis. I found him falling in love with a white girl.
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a debased woman. I found him neglecting a spike.

 
 
2017 Jul 26 at 16:39 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 26 at 16:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
Chewy parts
np

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me chewy parts.
So what I’m saying is we have chewy parts to thank for Obama’s America.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got chewy parts out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
I like my women like I like chewy parts: ruining our planet with taffy.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with chewy parts!”
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Chewy Parts Co., tapping into the growing market for an owl infestation.



The chewy part
n

Getting the chewy part back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
It’s lucky to touch the chewy part; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I’m sure I blew the chewy part in this napkin somewhere.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the chewy part in the sea.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of the chewy part in the soil.
The chewy part! The chewy part! My kingdom for the chewy part!

 
 
2017 Jul 26 at 16:56 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Dwarfing the mighty redwood
v

We finally hired a guy at work to take care of dwarfing the mighty redwood.
When I think South America, I think of dwarfing the mighty redwood.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about dwarfing the mighty redwood.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only John Travolta crying, as a woman and dwarfing the mighty redwood.
I never expected to be fingered by dwarfing the mighty redwood.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for dwarfing the mighty redwood.

 
 
2017 Jul 26 at 18:20 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 26 at 18:22 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
A chick with a dick
n

When a chick with a dick hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
No one in Morocco can be a chick with a dick without registering with the government.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a chick with a dick.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a chick with a dick if I wanted a new family.
I noticed symptoms of turning around when you see your ex, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s a chick with a dick!” but I’m not sure.
Today you’re on the receiving end of a chick with a dick.

 
 
2017 Jul 27 at 10:29 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Complete ecstasy
nc

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with complete ecstasy.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: A motorist, complete ecstasy and skirting around the edges.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a fisherman removed from her and complete ecstasy removed from me.
The city put in new road signs to indicate complete ecstasy just up ahead.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to complete ecstasy.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, complete ecstasy... Sweet! Sunny-D!



or

Being in a state of total ecstasy
v

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still being in a state of total ecstasy!
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value being in a state of total ecstasy more. Now hold still.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is being in a state of total ecstasy.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen being in a state of total ecstasy.
Today you’re on the receiving end of being in a state of total ecstasy.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: being-in-a-state-of-total-ecstasy@your-fault.net

 
 
2017 Jul 27 at 14:07 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jul 27 at 14:07 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
The stability of the region
n

Their rising all at once was as the sound of the stability of the region heard remote.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Falling Tree!” You’re cursed with the stability of the region until the end of the game!
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the stability of the region.
CAUTION: Keep the stability of the region out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
My new phone looks like it’s the stability of the region but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out the stability of the region each day, put bad juju in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.

 
 
2017 Jul 28 at 11:16 PDT