SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 99 100 101 [102] 103 104 105 106 107 108 109
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
This old busted shit
np

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain this old busted shit?
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “this old busted shit,” with a picture of a sack of otters.
I will do anything for a period. But I won’t do this old busted shit!
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed this old busted shit.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as freshly squozen poo water and comes with 1 USB-C port and this old busted shit! Groovy!
We’re having an emaciated bovine situation. Watch out for this old busted shit and please stand by...

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 23 at 16:43 PDT — Ed. Jun 23 at 16:44 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
Accidental Asians
np

Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in accidental Asians.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at honey and my card appeared in accidental Asians!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of accidental Asians circumcising your dad.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Accidental Asians”! I shook his hand and it felt like accidental Asians.
Until quite recently, accidental Asians had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
You spent all your food-stamps on accidental Asians?!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 23 at 16:44 PDT — Ed. Jun 23 at 16:45 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
Born into a war you don’t fully understand
nc

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on born into a war you don’t fully understand.
I reached expectantly into an entire 8th-grader, but found only born into a war you don’t fully understand.
In public restrooms I always put born into a war you don’t fully understand on the toilet before sitting down.
My girlfriend kicked almost no air left, and now she’s born into a war you don’t fully understand. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Science never solves a problem without creating born into a war you don’t fully understand.
I looked up “born into a war you don’t fully understand” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving milking a buffalo.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 23 at 16:45 PDT — Ed. Jun 23 at 16:45 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
Reading your thought words
np

In a world with reading your thought words pushing it deeper, one man must overcome my shadow. Coming this summer.
Man invented reading your thought words, so woman invented my bisexuality.
But I promised I would get my kids reading your thought words for Christmas!
I never expected to be fingered by reading your thought words.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a very old jellybean and acquire reading your thought words!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all reading your thought words when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 23 at 16:46 PDT — Ed. Jun 23 at 16:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Zero cupcakes
np

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on zero cupcakes.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a gigantic eyeball on a stalk in the toilet and touched zero cupcakes on the wall.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to zero cupcakes.
It’s not delivery. It’s zero cupcakes.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with zero cupcakes.
In the third world, luxuries like an invisible wall are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to zero cupcakes.

 
 
Jun 26 at 00:03 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Zero chupacabras
np

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen zero chupacabras.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Zero Chupacabras Blast!
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be falling into boiling water and where does zero chupacabras come in?
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with zero chupacabras.
If mom hears us talking about zero chupacabras we’ll be SO grounded!
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get zero chupacabras removed from her and bad juju removed from me.

 
 
Jun 26 at 00:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Two vials of essence of cat screams
np

Blow torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get two vials of essence of cat screams from a suspected terrorist.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find Russian dressing, two vials of essence of cat screams and a good soak.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “two vials of essence of cat screams”.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a slut who deserved it destroyed and two vials of essence of cat screams killed as well.
First you get Mexican forces. Then you get two vials of essence of cat screams. Then you get a milky sweat bead.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Two Vials of Essence of Cat Screams?

 
 
Jun 26 at 15:04 PDT — Ed. Jun 26 at 15:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in  {n}.

Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in hot water.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in grabby hands.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in an ant in my beard.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in my front fat.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in a mutilated torso.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in loose morals.

 
 
Jun 26 at 15:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Family startled to find  {n} hiding in pool noodle.

Family startled to find extremely poor judgment hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find my first time hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find a hot bubbly blast of my innards hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find the cruel ambition of my father hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find several children hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find so few little turds hiding in pool noodle.

 
 
Jun 26 at 15:32 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Come to find out  {n} was hiding in the shower while I was  {v}.
Play 2

Come to find out a period was hiding in the shower while I was wetting the bed.
Come to find out a weak little person was hiding in the shower while I was achieving an orgasm.
Come to find out the black president was hiding in the shower while I was closing her legs.
Come to find out the coming race war was hiding in the shower while I was joining the Army in a panic.
Come to find out the women was hiding in the shower while I was biking down the Luxor.
Come to find out intense pain was hiding in the shower while I was touching your vaggie while sleeping.



Come to find out  {n} was  {v} in the shower while I was  {v}.
Play 3

Come to find out llama spit was offending people in the shower while I was hiding some pee.
Come to find out spiders again was getting crushed between two trucks in the shower while I was sitting in the bathtub.
Come to find out a number of thrusts was untwisting in the shower while I was listening to sad music and being sad.
Come to find out shaved bears was grabbing her pussy in the shower while I was being hit by space debris.
Come to find out a silent, anonymous encounter was hiding in the shower while I was nothing else.
Come to find out a fistful of glitter was going straight to hell for this in the shower while I was delegating responsibilities.

 
 
Jun 27 at 16:49 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
A glitter strap-on dildo
n

Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a glitter strap-on dildo mailing anthrax.
It's like they always say: a glitter strap-on dildo never changes.
I buried my treasure under a glitter strap-on dildo so you’d never find it!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a glitter strap-on dildo.
There is no revenge so complete as a glitter strap-on dildo.
I prayed to God for a glitter strap-on dildo, and God delivered!

 
 
Jun 28 at 10:55 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Right in the sack
nc

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only my black son and right in the sack.
Monopoly: Right in the Sack Edition comes with a stupid student and smooth boys instead of houses and hotels.
They didn’t have a lump in the blanket at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed right in the sack.
Amtrak officials confirm right in the sack would have prevented train derailment.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt right in the sack in the sea.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into right in the sack, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start listening to sad music and being sad.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:20 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into  {n}.

My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into white chocolate, if you know what I mean.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a humiliated animal.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into an improvised explosive device.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into hot babes.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a forty foot Ferris wheel.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into heavy hearts.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:21 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Waiting in the car alone
v

When I saw victory or death I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, waiting in the car alone, I freaked!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was waiting in the car alone.
I’m late to my meeting for waiting in the car alone.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s waiting in the car alone.
I beat waiting in the car alone all the time!
I thought I was alone with the reanimated corpse of my neighbor but my mom walked in. We got to waiting in the car alone and I felt better.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:21 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get  {n} up the stairs.

"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a quickie up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a short muscular rectum up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get another man up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get balls caught in the car window up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get life-altering injuries up the stairs.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:22 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Levitating
vt

The referee just issued a red card to levitating for sliding into giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be levitating and where does nasty boys come in?
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with levitating.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn levitating, but now for work I’m the nanny. Go figure!
It’s time to scrape the remains of levitating off the driveway.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about levitating.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:23 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Going "shloop!"
v

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with power of attorney went off early, ejecting going "shloop!" into the air!
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s going "shloop!".
I’ve finally got the last of curses out of going "shloop!".
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by going "shloop!".
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Going "shloop!".
During the war, German scientists experimented with going "shloop!" to weaponize every part of the buffalo.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:24 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 15:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
Coming back
v

My new phone looks like it’s coming back but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be coming back during sex.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for coming back and to avoid no touching and no sex.
This year’s hottest album is “coming back” by slavery.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a uniquely adapted slave race and the words “coming back”. I don’t get it!
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s coming back.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:29 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
As the magician crammed the last of  {n} into his mouth,  {n} popped out his ear!
Play 2

As the magician crammed the last of a grave error into his mouth, a special little fuck popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a prop gun into his mouth, trapped stairs that fold into a ramp popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of the “fun” stuff into his mouth, bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a tiny Jamaican into his mouth, pictures of my body popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of too much denim into his mouth, a dick out popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a Christmas tree into his mouth, ointment popped out his ear!

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:30 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 15:31 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of   on them.

These playing cards all have naughty pictures of quicksand on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of butt licks on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a puffy penis costume on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of turkey tacos on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a dusty butthole on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of poopy toilet paper on them.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:32 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 15:32 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5934
A no-legged cat
n

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a no-legged cat in the pillows.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a no-legged cat and to avoid human body warmth.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a no-legged cat.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady smashing skulls with a no-legged cat.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a no-legged cat, a naturopathic remedy.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into a no-legged cat.

 
 
Jun 28 at 15:33 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 15:39 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
I learned the hard way that there will be   in the apocalypse.

I learned the hard way that there will be dying evil in the apocalypse.
I learned the hard way that there will be good, Christian values in the apocalypse.
I learned the hard way that there will be skin slack in the apocalypse.
I learned the hard way that there will be amputated eyelids in the apocalypse.
I learned the hard way that there will be the taste of Rohypnol in the apocalypse.
I learned the hard way that there will be very expensive gelato in the apocalypse.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 30 at 02:21 PDT — Ed. Jun 30 at 02:24 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
No civil rights
np

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had sharp claws removed so he could be no civil rights.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is no civil rights.
In a world with no civil rights brimming with babies, one man must overcome a guilty little boy. Coming this summer.
I scream, you scream, no civil rights, a tard!
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with no civil rights. I barely even felt a grand staircase.
Daddy! There’s no civil rights under my bed. Kill it kill it!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 30 at 02:24 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
  is a very specific fetish, but is one which this establishment can cater to.

just a coincidence is a very specific fetish, but is one which this establishment can cater to.
rolling eyes is a very specific fetish, but is one which this establishment can cater to.
putting on pants is a very specific fetish, but is one which this establishment can cater to.
hate-fucking is a very specific fetish, but is one which this establishment can cater to.
exact science is a very specific fetish, but is one which this establishment can cater to.
something even sexier is a very specific fetish, but is one which this establishment can cater to.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 30 at 02:25 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
An albino dominatrix
n

When you two are done hitting a man out of his wheelchair, can we please get an albino dominatrix and get out of here?!
My kids keep installing an albino dominatrix on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
My nightly ritual involves the big ol’ boys, a hanging body, and finally an albino dominatrix just as I fall asleep.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with an albino dominatrix, a naturopathic remedy.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: An albino dominatrix; that dirty little louse; gassing.
An albino dominatrix? That’s my fetish!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jun 30 at 02:26 PDT