SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 102 103 104 [105] 106 107 108
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Corpses along the way
np

Until quite recently, corpses along the way had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
The authorities followed the trail of corpses along the way, leading them straight to the suspect.
They didn’t have corpses along the way at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed doing surgery on LSD.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded corpses along the way and now I’m having trouble with industrial solvent.
Corpses-Along-the-Way-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
Corpses along the way can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.

 
 
Jul 16 at 10:32 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
The corpses along the way
n

I thought I was alone with the corpses along the way but my mom walked in. We got to being dipped in Nutella and I felt better.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, the corpses along the way appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I came with the corpses along the way to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought dat ass so nobody even noticed!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with the corpses along the way.
This new Mario game is weird. You need the corpses along the way to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying a lovable grandfather.
We couldn’t land because of a minivan with a dead body in it caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like the corpses along the way.

 
 
Jul 16 at 10:42 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
 {Un}: a bit much, even by my standards.

Man animals: a bit much, even by my standards.
Tainted love: a bit much, even by my standards.
The part I pee out of: a bit much, even by my standards.
Unexpected penetration: a bit much, even by my standards.
A time machine: a bit much, even by my standards.
The tiniest little idea in my pea brain: a bit much, even by my standards.

 
 
Jul 17 at 13:09 PDT — Ed. Jul 17 at 13:12 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
A sexual act with the mini-sub
n

Our artisanal process ages a good girl for 3 years, before going right into a sexual act with the mini-sub, rapidly murdering someone through the internet.
Let’s wait for a sexual act with the mini-sub to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get fathering children with a lesbian.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a sexual act with the mini-sub to the vastness of space.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a sexual act with the mini-sub.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Sexual Act with the Mini-sub?
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a sexual act with the mini-sub on the freeway.



Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with  {s}, called me  {n}.
Play 2

Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a guillotine, called me nasty boys.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a little piece of shit, called me a hot bubbly blast of my innards.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with the whole planet, called me an enraged bee.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a side fuck, called me a dollar.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a gay vagina, called me tandem showering.
Elon Musk, angered that I suggested he engage in a sexual act with a cage built for an autistic student, called me my hood.

 
 
Jul 18 at 10:35 PDT — Ed. Jul 18 at 10:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Seventeen espresso beans
np

I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing seventeen espresso beans down the gopher holes.
At work I secretly have seventeen espresso beans under my desk.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Seventeen Espresso Beans”! I shook his hand and it felt like seventeen espresso beans.
My girlfriend kicked cannibals, and now she’s seventeen espresso beans. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Can’t go out because of seventeen espresso beans on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-Taco-Bell-cor is right for you.
Always hold on to seventeen espresso beans to remember me.

 
 
Jul 18 at 13:55 PDT — Ed. Jul 18 at 13:58 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with  {n}, seared, and  {n}, raw.
Play 2

Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with spines, seared, and butt gas, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with a choreographed anti-drug dance, seared, and a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with pedophiles, seared, and salt, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with the royal baby, seared, and a great big sword, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with a mindless animal response, seared, and my shadow, raw.
Sumo Sushi introducing the "Bang Bang" roll with various fluids, seared, and mood enhancing hormones, raw.

 
 
Jul 18 at 13:59 PDT — Ed. Jul 18 at 14:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
A lava bomb
n

I chipped my tooth on a lava bomb. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t Velcro shoes.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a lava bomb.
When the celestial spheres align, a lava bomb will descend from the heavens.
Make sure to hang a lava bomb in a tree so a shard of shrapnel leaves your tent alone.
I wasn’t always black... there was a lava bomb, and it got bigger and bigger.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Lava Bomb” syndrome!

 
 
Jul 18 at 15:20 PDT — Ed. Jul 18 at 15:22 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Just talkin' on the phone
v

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for just talkin' on the phone
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to just talkin' on the phone, even before I put on my clothes.
Don’t look at me while I’m just talkin' on the phone! It messes me up!
My girlfriend kicked my Kazakhstani grandma, and now she’s just talkin' on the phone. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as just talkin' on the phone or lying on the floor, cheering.
The cruiseliner struck black lace and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with just talkin' on the phone.

 
 
Jul 19 at 12:09 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Different people
np

Make sure to hang different people in a tree so Fancy Santas leaves your tent alone.
I was surprised to find bones in different people. Is that normal?
During the half-time show, a rip in different people exposed Velcro shoes to the audience.
I thought I was alone with different people but my mom walked in. We got to being slathered in baby oil and I felt better.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into different people! She’s 62!
I want to be buried with different people.

 
 
Jul 19 at 12:11 PDT — Ed. Jul 19 at 12:13 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
My dad's thoughts
np

To change kitty’s litter: grab my dad's thoughts, dig out any clumps, and refill with a bitch as nasty as that.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to my dad's thoughts, even before I put on my clothes.
When I saw my dad's thoughts I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, carefully removing my skeleton, I freaked!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found my dad's thoughts.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of my dad's thoughts hanging over the freeway.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift my dad's thoughts over my head, but Axl Rose and his big teeth got in the way.



My sad thoughts
np

I bought my sad thoughts yesterday and now I can’t stop fornicating all day, every day!
A billboard on my way home had a picture of my sad thoughts and the words “the girl next door”. I don’t get it!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my sad thoughts in the sea.
The White House will no longer enforce The My Sad Thoughts Act of 1959. Thank God.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re my sad thoughts, get to the front of the line.
I’ve finally got the last of urine sprinkles out of my sad thoughts.

 
 
Jul 19 at 12:14 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
What was left
nc

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and what was left.
I didn’t think this house would sell with Asia in the attic. Anyway, I’m what was left.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of what was left and a Fedex full of deals.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about what was left?
Ever since what was left appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while completely wigging out.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned what was left. As a result, his men were well motivated.



Something to die for
n

When you two are done plummeting from 20,000 feet, can we please get something to die for and get out of here?!
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw my first time flavor and then something to die for flavor.
If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be something to die for.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in something to die for, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got something to die for painted on both sides, which some say encourages a rotting infant carcass.
My pharmacist separated something to die for into two parts, and carefully lowered one into an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around.



Just the thought of   makes me sick to my stomach.

Just the thought of skin worms makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of another way in makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of clicking the mouse makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of Axl Rose and his big teeth makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of his tumor makes me sick to my stomach.
Just the thought of the island and everyone on it makes me sick to my stomach.

 
 
Jul 19 at 12:19 PDT — Ed. Jul 19 at 22:31 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Sobbing quietly
v

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw sobbing quietly in the mirror! And it smelled like milking a buffalo in there! I’m so scared!
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Sobbing Quietly
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always sobbing quietly. Always.
I will do anything for Mom and Dad. But I won’t do sobbing quietly!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate sobbing quietly to prepare for a mission to mars.
They said sobbing quietly was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got sobbing quietly out the ears!

 
 
Jul 22 at 14:24 PDT — Ed. Jul 22 at 14:28 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Actually good pizza
nc

Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with actually good pizza.
During my driving test, I backed my car into actually good pizza. I still got an 85!
All the best love stories include actually good pizza.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate actually good pizza.
The Internet is made out of actually good pizza.
Scorpions can shed actually good pizza in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

 
 
Jul 23 at 16:04 PDT — Ed. Jul 23 at 16:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
A big fat butt
n

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Consensual Manslaughter” and it helps me with a big fat butt.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had a big fat butt removed so she can live a normal life.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a big fat butt.
My mom picked me up a big fat butt from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
When I get older, I don’t want to be a big fat butt.
I tried to sneak out of the store with the polite scorn of a Canadian under one arm and a big fat butt down my pants.

 
 
Jul 23 at 16:08 PDT — Ed. Jul 23 at 16:09 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
An eagle with human genitalia
n

4 out of 5 doctors recommend an eagle with human genitalia.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: An Eagle with Human Genitalia Blast!
I found out why I’m always sick... they found an eagle with human genitalia in the walls at my office.
Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see an eagle with human genitalia!
I don’t know how showing mercy could lead to an eagle with human genitalia but it probably involves many people!
Vote for me and I’ll stop slipping on a jizz slick, get rid of an eagle with human genitalia, and give everyone my secret sex gymnasium for free.

 
 
Jul 23 at 16:13 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Feeding my children
v

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only no minors and feeding my children.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Feeding My Children”! I shook his hand and it felt like feeding my children.
Last night was the tragic result of feeding my children
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had feeding my children removed so she can live a normal life.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be feeding my children.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: feeding my children.



Getting sold down the river
v

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Getting-sold-down-the-river-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving that sack of shit.
At the winery tour we saw how they put sweat and dead skin and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like getting sold down the river.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Wriggly little worms; getting sold down the river; a molecule.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with tender biting jumping and nipping at me from below and even getting sold down the river.
I make females with four teats for my cat by getting sold down the river with the thing hanging out of my butt. Oreo loves it!
We’re having the sound of someone sipping soup situation. Watch out for getting sold down the river and please stand by...

 
 
Jul 24 at 10:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
A giggling baby
n

Experts said that based on preliminary data, a giggling baby appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include a giggling baby spice, a made up racial slur spice, and honey spice!
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, a giggling baby popped out!
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a giggling baby and acquire shitting a bowling ball!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Mom and Dad; a giggling baby; my father’s example.
If you do it right, a giggling baby is all about my feelings.

 
 
Jul 26 at 11:03 PDT — Ed. Jul 26 at 11:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
A layer of fresh cream
n

Although moving away from lubricant proved effective for schools, the switch to a layer of fresh cream initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
My house. 8 o’clock. A layer of fresh cream.
Furious that I was being maimed in foreign lands into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a layer of fresh cream.
Can’t go out because of a layer of fresh cream on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-all-the-air-in-the-room-cor is right for you.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a layer of fresh cream, a naturopathic remedy.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Hate-fucking” and it helps me with a layer of fresh cream.

 
 
Jul 26 at 11:05 PDT — Ed. Jul 26 at 11:07 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
A safety belt
n

I was vacuuming when I sucked beef curtains out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a safety belt came out too!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a safety belt happens.
If a safety belt were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A gut with a safety belt.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a safety belt.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate a safety belt to prepare for a mission to mars.

 
 
Jul 26 at 11:08 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Lobster popcorn
nc

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with lobster popcorn. I barely even felt your lifestyle.
I saw industrial adhesive down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be lobster popcorn with us.”
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was lobster popcorn.
Here on the assembly line we heat lobster popcorn to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is untwisting.
In this 15th century painting, a slut who will do anything is represented by a man with lobster popcorn for a head.
Lobster popcorn has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

 
 
Jul 27 at 14:03 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5912
Chicken and water
nc

I scream, you scream, chicken and water, udders!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found chicken and water sticking to the wall.
Let’s wait for door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get chicken and water.
Don’t you hate the feeling of putting on fresh socks and stepping in a puddle of chicken and water?
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m chicken and water.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was chicken and water.

 
 
Jul 27 at 20:13 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 304
11 ₧
An underwater Chinese ghost base
n

In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a stupid student in the toilet and touched an underwater Chinese ghost base on the wall.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an underwater Chinese ghost base.
My religion demands that I must abstain from an underwater Chinese ghost base. 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison however, is OK.
When an underwater Chinese ghost base hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
The thief was caught stealing an old hornet from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of an underwater Chinese ghost base.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in an underwater Chinese ghost base.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 27 at 22:20 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 304
11 ₧
Women in refrigerators
np

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “women in refrigerators” incident in the science lab.
Science never solves a problem without creating women in refrigerators.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by women in refrigerators?
They cut open the crocodile to find women in refrigerators, still being asleep, not dead like always.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about women in refrigerators?
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s women in refrigerators.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 27 at 22:21 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 304
11 ₧
David Cage famously said “  is a failure of the game designer.”

David Cage famously said “a naked man running in the freeway is a failure of the game designer.”
David Cage famously said “allergies is a failure of the game designer.”
David Cage famously said “completely wigging out is a failure of the game designer.”
David Cage famously said “a Japanese woman’s underwear is a failure of the game designer.”
David Cage famously said “literally shivering me timbers is a failure of the game designer.”
David Cage famously said “black lace is a failure of the game designer.”

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 27 at 22:21 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 304
11 ₧
 , it’s great! Makes you less stressed!

machine gun fire, it’s great! Makes you less stressed!
my return, it’s great! Makes you less stressed!
cutting, it’s great! Makes you less stressed!
a very old jellybean, it’s great! Makes you less stressed!
reduced brain intelligence, it’s great! Makes you less stressed!
waterboarding just for fun, it’s great! Makes you less stressed!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 27 at 22:22 PDT