SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 90 91 92 [93] 94 95 96 97 98
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Being assaulted by Geraldo
v

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with being assaulted by Geraldo. I barely even felt Patrick Swayze making a clay pot with his butthole.
Our artisanal process ages a guilty little boy for 3 years, before going right into being assaulted by Geraldo, rapidly getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
I can’t believe you guys went being assaulted by Geraldo without me! Loop me in next time, I want a gentle kiss on the teeth too!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Being Assaulted by Geraldo” syndrome!
My religion demands that I must abstain from the majestic Humboldt squid. Being assaulted by Geraldo however, is OK.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was being assaulted by Geraldo and tried to attack it.

 
 
Nov 29 at 13:39 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly  {v} dozens of times.

Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being hit by space debris dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being too busy dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being strung up dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly hiding some pee dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly fathering children with a lesbian dozens of times.
Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly sneaking into the sultan’s harem dozens of times.

 
 
Nov 29 at 13:47 PST — Ed. Nov 29 at 13:48 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Darth Anus
n

I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with Darth Anus.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Darth Anus and nothing good.
I’m Darth Anus in the streets, but inertia in the sheets.
I beat Darth Anus all the time!
Thanks for Darth Anus last night. *wink* *wink*
I’m gonna prove the link between installing an update and Darth Anus! You’ll all see!

 
 
Nov 29 at 14:27 PST
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 136
A hill to die on
n

This food is so good it’s making A hill to die on quiver!
The problem with America is A hill to die on.
I got the roof as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with A hill to die on?
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during A hill to die on that overturned their car.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to A hill to die on.
Last night I dreamed of doing things to the body. I cannot shake the feeling that A hill to die on will arrive soon.



Dying on a hill
v

I noticed symptoms of laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s dying on a hill!” but I’m not sure.
When complete removal of the head is ready, dying on a hill will appear.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start dying on a hill before a hidden pancake.
Dying on a hill is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me dying on a hill at the party last night.
I like many people like I like my coffee: dying on a hill, put in a sack, and dragged across a thought.



A lesbian with a penis
n

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow a Lesbian with a Penis?
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood a lesbian with a penis.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a lesbian with a penis from dispensaries.
My house. 8 o’clock. A lesbian with a penis.
My kids keep installing a lesbian with a penis on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Lesbian with a Penis and You”.

 
 
Nov 30 at 16:35 PST
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Suicidal robots
np

John “my secret sex gymnasium” Smith. The genius who brought us suicidal robots.
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen suicidal robots.
While I was out the Roomba got into suicidal robots and was giving birth to it.
The food and yard waste bin is only for a number of thrusts (clean) and suicidal robots (oil-free).
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by existential ennui and suicidal robots.
The authorities followed the trail of suicidal robots, leading them straight to the suspect.

 
 
Dec 1 at 00:07 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving  {n} in Bette Midler's nose.

Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving outrageous fortune in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving baseless hatred in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving an ovipositor in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a wish-granting goblin in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a leather swing in Bette Midler's nose.
Geraldo may be in trouble for shoving a one hundred dollar bill in Bette Midler's nose.

 
 
Dec 1 at 16:13 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 241
11 ₧
Homonecrophilia
nc

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a tiny bone fragment, and the eco-glass windows trap in homonecrophilia.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as homonecrophilia.
Opinions are like homonecrophilia. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
It’s not delivery. It’s homonecrophilia.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into homonecrophilia and stopped.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of homonecrophilia.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 3 at 12:54 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all  {n}.

Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all the song of my people.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all unbearable bitching.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all a karate chop.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all racial superiority.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all this asshole.
Oh no! I missed the part of the license agreement where Sony takes ownership of all earwax.

 
 
Dec 4 at 16:36 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Your grandfather likes to use   as a catheter.

Your grandfather likes to use a friend as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a night of unrestrained passion as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use the rope my pappy hanged his self with as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use tasteful blackface as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a traffic cone full of bibimbap as a catheter.
Your grandfather likes to use a gay vagina as a catheter.



Teaching dad to queef
v

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for teaching dad to queef.
Alexander also named a city in India “Teaching Dad to Queef” after his dead horse.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all teaching dad to queef when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
They said teaching dad to queef was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got teaching dad to queef out the ears!
I’m late to my meeting for teaching dad to queef.
Amtrak officials confirm teaching dad to queef would have prevented train derailment.

 
 
Dec 4 at 21:05 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
A ten-day-old dog corpse
nc

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a ten-day-old dog corpse out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A ten-day-old dog corpse can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a ten-day-old dog corpse and I think I believe her!
Man invented spines, so woman invented a ten-day-old dog corpse.
I’m late to my meeting for a ten-day-old dog corpse.
Howdy neighbor, love a crocodile death-rolling my taint! Let’s get a ten-day-old dog corpse sometime!

 
 
Dec 5 at 11:41 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 241
11 ₧
A new species of loud, stupid animal
n

I saw a new species of loud, stupid animal down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be the killing of educated adults with us.”
I’m late to my meeting for a new species of loud, stupid animal.
In public restrooms I always put a new species of loud, stupid animal on the toilet before sitting down.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a new species of loud, stupid animal will go to The Really Bad Teeth Foundation.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but a new species of loud, stupid animal.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a new species of loud, stupid animal... Sweet! Sunny-D!



An impenetrable wall of swine
n

I found out why I’m always sick... they found an impenetrable wall of swine in the walls at my office.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by an impenetrable wall of swine and a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for an impenetrable wall of swine.
This year’s hottest new fashion is an impenetrable wall of swine on your head.
You’re not a mom! You’re just an impenetrable wall of swine!
This land is fictitious queer same sex transformation land, this land is an impenetrable wall of swine land.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Dec 5 at 21:02 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
My pee steam, so warm
n

In future times, the children will work together to build my pee steam, so warm.
At the skating rink there was my pee steam, so warm and everyone fell down at once.
My religion demands that I must abstain from intestines draped everywhere. My pee steam, so warm however, is OK.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a lumberjack orgy. That’s supposed to help me with my pee steam, so warm?!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore my pee steam, so warm in a very realistic way.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began my pee steam, so warm.

 
 
Dec 7 at 20:27 PST — Ed. Dec 8 at 11:43 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
I had to go to the hospital for  .

I had to go to the hospital for rigid peen.
I had to go to the hospital for shenanigans.
I had to go to the hospital for letting her in.
I had to go to the hospital for realizing I’m a douche.
I had to go to the hospital for zebras disguised as horses.
I had to go to the hospital for a bad landing.

 
 
Dec 8 at 11:42 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
During sex, my girlfriend started  {v}. But she finished and we got back at it.

During sex, my girlfriend started refusing any help. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started dealing drugs. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started beard stroking. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started floating away in a fucking balloon. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started touching your pee pee. But she finished and we got back at it.
During sex, my girlfriend started spreading disease. But she finished and we got back at it.

 
 
Dec 10 at 09:36 PST — Ed. Dec 10 at 09:37 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
I can't believe the mailman stuffed  {n} into my mailbox instead of knocking!

I can't believe the mailman stuffed a bus full of white children into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a silent, anonymous encounter into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed my Kazakhstani grandma into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a sack of otters into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug into my mailbox instead of knocking!
I can't believe the mailman stuffed the back seat into my mailbox instead of knocking!

 
 
Dec 11 at 12:38 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Tie rope to both ends of  {n}. Now you can be  {v}!
Play 2

Tie rope to both ends of Hitler’s dildo. Now you can be beard stroking!
Tie rope to both ends of Milla Jovovich’s dirty underwear. Now you can be letting her in!
Tie rope to both ends of a uniquely adapted slave race. Now you can be jammin’ a body in the wood chipper!
Tie rope to both ends of a warhead. Now you can be _{Uv} with _{n} is a uniquely British problem.!
Tie rope to both ends of meatball marinara. Now you can be having peed!
Tie rope to both ends of ear worms. Now you can be humping people!

 
 
Dec 11 at 12:39 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
A crate of hentai
n

If my neighbor doesn’t get a crate of hentai off my property, I’m calling the cops!
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a crate of hentai in the sea.
Last night I dreamed of a crate of hentai. I cannot shake the feeling that iodine will arrive soon.
The baby gets me into some awkward situations. But a crate of hentai has always got my back.
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a crate of hentai and can be used for picking at it.
I like my women like I like a gentleman with the tummy grumbles: working me up into a frenzy with a crate of hentai.



My disappointing son
v

If you’re interested in my services, email me at: my-disappointing-son@50-years.biz
We’re having my latest perversion situation. Watch out for my disappointing son and please stand by...
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “my disappointing son,” over and over again while in use.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: my disappointing son.
If I had standing in line at Costco, you’d be my disappointing son!
Shepherds in Scotland have used my disappointing son for years to keep the flock from being in the way.

 
 
Dec 14 at 11:15 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time  {v}.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time vibrating my pineal gland.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time violently crashing down the stairs.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time needing one more inch.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time wetting the bed.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time inhaling.
Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time squirting everywhere.

 
 
Dec 14 at 11:39 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
This election has proved that   is 1.5% better than pedophilia.

This election has proved that going down the garbage disposal is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a sassy male news reporter is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that trying to handcuff a ghost is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a bullet hole is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that running with a floppy, out-of-control hand is 1.5% better than pedophilia.
This election has proved that a little lesbian boy is 1.5% better than pedophilia.

 
 
Dec 14 at 13:49 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from  {v} to  {v}.
Play 2

Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from squirting acid to tugging too hard.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from adopting a Romanian baby to sticking it to the man.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from writhing on the floor and screaming my name to keepin’ it tight.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from making a little whoopsie to masturbating to pictures of dead animals.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from hiding to monkeying around.
Matt Damon's sexual assault spectrum goes from stopping just in time to inspecting the poo.



Stretching my husband's anus
v

The rich aroma of stretching my husband's anus, from the hills of Colombia.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of stretching my husband's anus and the words “breastfeeding”. I don’t get it!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be stretching my husband's anus.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Stretching-my-husbands-anus-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving pregnancy.
My house. 8 o’clock. Stretching my husband's anus.
Doctor! My child has stretching my husband's anus coursing through his veins!



Eating each other
v

My nightly ritual involves following your boner around the room, grandma’s soggy diaper, and finally eating each other just as I fall asleep.
The authorities followed the trail of eating each other, leading them straight to the suspect.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to eating each other, even before I put on my clothes.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re eating each other!
At the coffee shop they put “eating each other” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw eating each other for the first time!

 
 
Dec 15 at 12:51 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Black woman civil war
nc

Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out black woman civil war each day, put almost enough oxygen in the corner and let kitty fend for herself.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was black woman civil war.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with black woman civil war.
Last Christmas, everyone got a genital louse under the tree and black woman civil war in their stockings!
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw black woman civil war for the first time!
The new top grade of gasoline has black woman civil war as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

 
 
Dec 15 at 14:15 PST — Ed. Dec 15 at 14:15 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Suddenly screaming the N-word
v

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain suddenly screaming the N-word?
I don’t know how suddenly screaming the N-word could lead to threatening my mom but it probably involves going to Wendy’s!
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of the egg I hatched from suddenly screaming the N-word.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as suddenly screaming the N-word or chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a long rambling story while I’m suddenly screaming the N-word!
Ever since spines appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while suddenly screaming the N-word.

 
 
Dec 16 at 14:00 PST
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
White people butts
np

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of White People Butts.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been not riding a Segway. The snail may have escaped white people butts by going underground.
Command, we’ve got two choppers and white people butts coming right at us. Please advise.
I don’t think that even comes close to being white people butts.
I prayed to God for white people butts, and God delivered!
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped sinister plans in the toilet and touched white people butts on the wall.

 
 
Dec 16 at 18:38 PST — Ed. Dec 16 at 19:07 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes " ."

Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "a bad chicken."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "the stillness of death."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "pulling on my butthole hairs."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "a basket of kittens."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "wetting the bed."
Most fish go "blub blub." But my fish, Rocky, goes "Her Majesty, the Queen."

 
 
Dec 17 at 10:53 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5752
Zesty lemon pepper
nc

The sign at the fountain says not to throw zesty lemon pepper in.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to zesty lemon pepper, even before I put on my clothes.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock zesty lemon pepper and a horse’s mouth in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
During the half-time show, a rip in a succulent jumbo prawn exposed zesty lemon pepper to the audience.
Dad! I’m all done vomiting gore all over your face, so I have zesty lemon pepper left over if you’re still interested.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with zesty lemon pepper!”



And 007 was trapped in a room filling with  {pc}!

And 007 was trapped in a room filling with cinderblock justice!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with live wires hanging from the ceiling!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with man animals!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with salt!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with shenanigans!
And 007 was trapped in a room filling with just the tip!

 
 
Dec 17 at 10:55 PST