SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 96 97 98 [99] 100 101 102 ... 108 109 110
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
 {Un}: everybody gets one.

A slot: everybody gets one.
Dilation of the uterus: everybody gets one.
Mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores: everybody gets one.
A human-sized hamster ball: everybody gets one.
A gold ingot: everybody gets one.
An Amazon woman: everybody gets one.

 
 
Apr 24 at 09:28 PDT — Ed. Apr 24 at 09:28 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
You know the human centipede? This is more like  {n} centipede.

You know the human centipede? This is more like a plump, lazy hyena centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like Her Majesty, the Queen centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like an empty Tic Tac® box centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like the shittier one centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like the egg I hatched from centipede.
You know the human centipede? This is more like a very old jellybean centipede.

 
 
Apr 27 at 10:04 PDT — Ed. Apr 27 at 10:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Being dissolved in acid
v

You can’t keep running around like being dissolved in acid, you’re endangering the bitter cold!
The HOA says I can’t raise good bacteria on my property. Meanwhile no word about being dissolved in acid at the Jones’s!
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Being Dissolved in Acid
Shepherds in Scotland have used being dissolved in acid for years to keep the flock from a protective layer of rubber.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep being dissolved in acid out of mainland China.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then being dissolved in acid really affected me.

 
 
Apr 27 at 11:55 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Marching together
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: marching together!!!
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized marching together.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with marching together.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, marching together appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was needing one more inch, part was marching together, and it was crowned with a drop of blood.
Marching together can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.



March together with us for   rights!

March together with us for wriggling and thrashing rights!
March together with us for wet dog smell rights!
March together with us for a cunt slap rights!
March together with us for being dragged rights!
March together with us for the rifleman’s upper body rights!
March together with us for pendulous breasts rights!

 
 
Apr 27 at 17:45 PDT — Ed. Apr 27 at 19:03 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Getting killed in my house
v

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as my hot girlfriend, score points by getting killed in my house, and my bisexuality shall not be on the field.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn getting killed in my house, but now for work I’m a bitch as nasty as that. Go figure!
This year’s hottest new fashion is getting killed in my house on your head.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re getting killed in my house, get to the front of the line.
I’m late to my meeting for getting killed in my house.
Apparently, “Getting Killed in My House” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

 
 
Apr 30 at 15:51 PDT — Ed. Apr 30 at 15:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into  {n} factory to catch  {p}.
Play 2

Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into honey factory to catch sex toy directions.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a wiggly meat tube factory to catch shaved bears.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a screaming dog factory to catch your sisters.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into crush beast factory to catch furries.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into a gurgling anus factory to catch REEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEEEE​EEEEEEEEEET.
Pokemon Go players having been trespassing into an accident factory to catch their own mothers.

 
 
Apr 30 at 15:53 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
I ate   whilst   on the way to school.
Play 2

I ate just plain racism whilst serving humanity on the way to school.
I ate getting all fucked up on PCP whilst a violent sneeze on the way to school.
I ate a hotdog whilst crotch rot on the way to school.
I ate an enraged bee whilst a deathbed on the way to school.
I ate a big slow boat whilst getting snapped in half on the way to school.
I ate big pants whilst bloodlust on the way to school.



In the far future, the 2010s will be known as the Golden Age of  .

In the far future, the 2010s will be known as the Golden Age of an odd number of titties.
In the far future, the 2010s will be known as the Golden Age of bromance.
In the far future, the 2010s will be known as the Golden Age of $10.
In the far future, the 2010s will be known as the Golden Age of a mutilated torso.
In the far future, the 2010s will be known as the Golden Age of the toilet.
In the far future, the 2010s will be known as the Golden Age of a loaded gun.



On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with  .

On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with it to come out the other end.
On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with that ass.
On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with a bunch of vulvas in my face.
On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with beautiful girl hair.
On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with burning my junk.
On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with 40,000°F plasma.



 , the breakfast of champions.

a cheesy substance, the breakfast of champions.
black votes, the breakfast of champions.
spandex, the breakfast of champions.
subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife, the breakfast of champions.
being dipped in Nutella, the breakfast of champions.
my VERY jealous, protective pet spider, the breakfast of champions.



My only regret is never having   while  .
Play 2

My only regret is never having your greasy food hole while butter sauce.
My only regret is never having you and me while irresponsible parenting.
My only regret is never having being pickled while a slut who will do anything.
My only regret is never having a prybar while needing one more inch.
My only regret is never having many people while the Hell pits.
My only regret is never having a cat in a paper bag while a suitcase full of guns and money.




What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Apr 30 at 21:34 PDT — Ed. Apr 30 at 21:35 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
Who needs friends when you have  ?

Who needs friends when you have twerking while uncontrollably farting?
Who needs friends when you have a comfortable spot?
Who needs friends when you have just rockin’ that ass?
Who needs friends when you have a Powerpoint presentation?
Who needs friends when you have a complete set of cybernetic implants?
Who needs friends when you have anything on the face of this earth?



I get by with a little help from  .

I get by with a little help from a fatal bee sting on the anus.
I get by with a little help from an enraged bee.
I get by with a little help from the winning lottery numbers.
I get by with a little help from listening to sad music and being sad.
I get by with a little help from your mom’s bathroom.
I get by with a little help from most of my money.



I got pulled over the other day when I was  . Apparently, that's a crime.

I got pulled over the other day when I was a kidney in an ice box. Apparently, that's a crime.
I got pulled over the other day when I was sweat and dead skin. Apparently, that's a crime.
I got pulled over the other day when I was a dumpster fire. Apparently, that's a crime.
I got pulled over the other day when I was the only thing left. Apparently, that's a crime.
I got pulled over the other day when I was hula hoops. Apparently, that's a crime.
I got pulled over the other day when I was a wiggly meat tube. Apparently, that's a crime.



When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of  .

When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt.
When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of an ancient Indian burial ground.
When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of ice cold seawater.
When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of a deathbed.
When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of sudden nudity.
When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of lips.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Apr 30 at 21:36 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
The magic of live theatre
nc

Jesus is the magic of live theatre.
The magic of live theatre can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
The truly rich have mansions with a dumpster fire room, a phone ringing off the hook room, and servants to handle the magic of live theatre.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy the next time, and you get the magic of live theatre as a sign up bonus.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “the magic of live theatre.”
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use the magic of live theatre to treat a smiling idiot!



American Gladiators
np

I found out why I’m always sick... they found American Gladiators in the walls at my office.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, Iron Maiden’s 747, sloth, wrath, American Gladiators, and pride.
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around American Gladiators on the freeway.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is American Gladiators.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was American Gladiators.
We can be American Gladiators. And no one has to know.



Bingeing and purging
vt

All the best love stories include bingeing and purging.
What the evil thinking department lacks in selection, we make up for in bingeing and purging.
Daddy, what’s bingeing and purging? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Opioids help people with bingeing and purging, but then they cant poop.
I thought I was alone with hot grills but my mom walked in. We got to bingeing and purging and I felt better.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then bingeing and purging really affected me.



Slapping a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth
v

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen slapping a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth.
The problem with America is slapping a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and slapping a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a certain je ne sais quoi. That’s supposed to help me with slapping a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth?!
We couldn’t land because of a grape in a condom caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like slapping a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth.
My spirit animal: slapping a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth.



Jerking off into a pool of children's tears
v

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still jerking off into a pool of children's tears!
Life without love is like jerking off into a pool of children's tears without a protective membrane or fruit.
People in Taiwan are getting a well-rehearsed lie implanted in their bodies for jerking off into a pool of children's tears.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw my momma’s fatness in the mirror! And it smelled like jerking off into a pool of children's tears in there! I’m so scared!
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of jerking off into a pool of children's tears.
Furious that I was jerking off into a pool of children's tears into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into female breast tissue.



Lumberjack fantasies
np

Chimps in the wild have been observed using lumberjack fantasies to forage for food.
Lumberjack fantasies is the spice of a bunch of kids.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to lumberjack fantasies.
My wife is WAY better at lumberjack fantasies than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
It’s time to scrape the remains of lumberjack fantasies off the driveway.
If you kids don’t stop terrorizing that pussy, I will turn lumberjack fantasies around!



A much younger woman
n

For my last meal I want the loudest possible noise seasoned lightly with a much younger woman.
At my 9th birthday, we had a much younger woman piñata that burst open showering tainted love on us kids.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a much younger woman going straight to hell for this.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a much younger woman onto the International Space Station.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a much younger woman in the back seat.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a much younger woman in the pillows.



Ejaculating inside another man's wife
v

At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a frantic woman and can be used for ejaculating inside another man's wife.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for ejaculating inside another man's wife.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling the princess’s saliva. The driver was ejaculating inside another man's wife.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: ejaculating inside another man's wife!!!
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of ejaculating inside another man's wife.
Great job on the proposal for ejaculating inside another man's wife, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a rotting infant carcass.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Apr 30 at 21:38 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
10,000 Syrian refugees
np

In my wild days I was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with 10,000 Syrian refugees on the New Mexico border.
No more 10,000 Syrian refugees at Starbucks.
Always hold on to 10,000 Syrian refugees to remember me.
I buried my treasure under 10,000 Syrian refugees so you’d never find it!
Military scientists in Syria found traces of 10,000 Syrian refugees in the soil.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned 10,000 Syrian refugees. As a result, his men were well motivated.


Extremely tight trousers
np

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain extremely tight trousers?
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, extremely tight trousers, toilet paper, shelter, and black votes.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate extremely tight trousers.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of extremely tight trousers, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a real jerk-off. Serve in a close friend.
It’s lucky to touch extremely tight trousers; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began extremely tight trousers.


Multiple Personality Disorder
nc

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with Multiple Personality Disorder.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt Multiple Personality Disorder in the sea.
To change kitty’s litter: grab the island and everyone on it, dig out any clumps, and refill with Multiple Personality Disorder.
I don’t think that even comes close to being Multiple Personality Disorder.
Dagnabbit! I got Multiple Personality Disorder all jammed up in the wheel well again.
I think that ecstasy was cut with Multiple Personality Disorder. After one hit I began very, very rapidly spiking a pug.


A dragon dildo bigger than your left work boot
n

At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a dragon dildo bigger than your left work boot and can be used for working me up into a frenzy.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a dragon dildo bigger than your left work boot.
You spent all your food-stamps on a dragon dildo bigger than your left work boot?!
I went rafting, saw a dragon dildo bigger than your left work boot in the river, no big deal.
It’s not delivery. It’s a dragon dildo bigger than your left work boot.
My girlfriend kicked sex, and now she’s a dragon dildo bigger than your left work boot. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!


The internet
n

The internet really messes up my butt complexion!
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and the internet.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the internet is being a bitch.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need the internet and scary men.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded the internet and now I’m having trouble with the Lord.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a sex swing mishap destroyed and the internet killed as well.


Pornstars
np

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for pornstars.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with pornstars in his lap.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s throating, with a caring, understanding man around the edges, and pornstars on top.
My spirit animal: pornstars.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with pornstars jumping and nipping at me from below and even humping people.
So what I’m saying is we have pornstars to thank for Obama’s America.


Puppets representing all the important people in your life
v

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be puppets representing all the important people in your life if I wanted a new family.
The media’s nonstop coverage of $200 worth of Taco Bell™ is just to distract us from puppets representing all the important people in your life.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all various fluids, right while I’m puppets representing all the important people in your life.
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen puppets representing all the important people in your life.
The patient kept screaming about “puppets representing all the important people in your life”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and nasty boys emerged!
Although moving away from puppets representing all the important people in your life proved effective for schools, the switch to a strangler initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.


Demonstrating what never to do
v

There’s the community buttplug convention going on and everybody is demonstrating what never to do.
I chipped my tooth on each hole, sequentially. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t demonstrating what never to do.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk demonstrating what never to do.
I beat demonstrating what never to do all the time!
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am demonstrating what never to do. Would you like to try our new special, murdering?
I saw a short muscular rectum down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be demonstrating what never to do with us.”


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Apr 30 at 21:39 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
1000 slim jims
np

When 1000 slim jims hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
1000 slim jims like this is enough to kill a horse!
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with 1000 slim jims slowly overtaking the buildings.
People in Taiwan are getting 1000 slim jims implanted in their bodies for smoking crack.
I buried my treasure under 1000 slim jims so you’d never find it!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found 1000 slim jims.


Dying
vt

I thought I was alone with dying evil but my mom walked in. We got to dying and I felt better.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling 20 dollars. The driver was dying.
Growing up we never had their white asses, but we had to deal with dying, and I want the opposite for my children.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about dying.
See now black people walk like a tard. But white people -- white people walk like they’re dying!
chocolate? Or maybe poop is where dying goes to die.


My unfinished homework
nc

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had my unfinished homework destroyed and extremely poor judgment killed as well.
My unfinished homework is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
I will do anything for my unfinished homework. But I won’t do that!
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got my unfinished homework painted on both sides, which some say encourages the sound of someone sipping soup.
Today I bought a pig on top from the back of a van. They also threw in my unfinished homework, which I didn’t even think was legal.
The White House will no longer enforce The My Unfinished Homework Act of 1959. Thank God.


Dressed up as my dog for Halloween
np

Dressed up as my dog for Halloween: It’s nature’s candy!
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into dressed up as my dog for Halloween, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start the working man.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on dressed up as my dog for Halloween, or even some kind of the president’s daughter scene.
My spirit animal: dressed up as my dog for Halloween.
Dressed up as my dog for Halloween! Dressed up as my dog for Halloween! My kingdom for dressed up as my dog for Halloween!
I clean dressed up as my dog for Halloween by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up suggesting a murder.


The cold, limp remains of what used to be a dog
n

I got into my car and sat on the cold, limp remains of what used to be a dog. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy the cold, limp remains of what used to be a dog that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: The cold, limp remains of what used to be a dog with hands-free massage.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, the cold, limp remains of what used to be a dog popped out!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during the cold, limp remains of what used to be a dog that overturned their car.
I ordered the cold, limp remains of what used to be a dog privately over the Internet so I can get better at being fucking dead.


My collection of my ex wife's discarded hair
nc

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from three babies in a backpack, and the eco-glass windows trap in my collection of my ex wife's discarded hair.
Always hold on to my collection of my ex wife's discarded hair to remember me.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, my collection of my ex wife's discarded hair came out onto the bed.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and my collection of my ex wife's discarded hair can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
If you have a dream about taking a flying leap, it means you’re worried about my collection of my ex wife's discarded hair.
My collection of my ex wife's discarded hair is a temporary setback on the road to snuggling with Ian McKellen!


A slimy tentacle monster
n

Although moving away from a slimy tentacle monster proved effective for schools, the switch to some bitch named Carol initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Every French soldier carries a slimy tentacle monster in his knapsack.
This land is a slimy tentacle monster land, this land is a mafia hitman land.
No one in Morocco can be a slimy tentacle monster without registering with the government.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of a slimy tentacle monster.
Honey, you can’t keep putting a slimy tentacle monster down the garbage disposal!


A lumpy space princess
n

Our artisanal process ages a lumpy space princess for 3 years, before going right into Yakety Sax, rapidly getting stepped on by a dominatrix.
The patient kept screaming about “caustic solvent”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a lumpy space princess emerged!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in a lumpy space princess!
My pharmacist separated a lumpy space princess into two parts, and carefully lowered one into Dad’s ass.
You’re not a mom! You’re just a lumpy space princess!
I’m shoving so few little turds in the ground, in hopes that a lumpy space princess comes and harvests it.


Six gummy bears and some scotch
np

Six gummy bears and some scotch? That’s my fetish!
My dream house has too much wiggling built in, an extra garage for six gummy bears and some scotch, and bitches on the love throne for the door bell.
The president’s tweet reads: “The six gummy bears and some scotch story is a hoax! Just an excuse by no clean towels for blacking out and making a sex sound! Very sad and sick!”
This new Mario game is weird. You need irresponsible parenting to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying six gummy bears and some scotch.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be six gummy bears and some scotch if I wanted a new family.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise Samuel L. Jackson’s pubic area by rewarding them with six gummy bears and some scotch.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Apr 30 at 21:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
CRYTAX CARD DUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!

wwwhhooooOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!!!
 
 
May 1 at 10:52 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Back pain
nc

Getting back pain back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
My religion demands that I must abstain from a 100 foot tidal wave. Back pain however, is OK.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on back pain.
1) A robot may not injure back pain, or through inaction allow back pain to come to harm.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Back pain and another hole in the head.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had back pain.



An argumentative vegan
n

To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago and an argumentative vegan.
James Bond will return in “The Man With an argumentative vegan”!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! An argumentative vegan can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Ever since an argumentative vegan appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while hiding the pain.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like an argumentative vegan.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of black leggings, 19GB of horseporn, and an argumentative vegan.

 
 
May 1 at 11:08 PDT — Ed. May 1 at 11:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Getting dragged out in the street and shot
v

Don’t shake the inside so hard, it’ll start getting dragged out in the street and shot.
The problem with America is getting dragged out in the street and shot.
While I was out the Roomba got into those responsible and was getting dragged out in the street and shot.
I will do anything for getting dragged out in the street and shot. But I won’t do that!
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with getting dragged out in the street and shot.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed getting dragged out in the street and shot.



 {Un} should be dragged out in the street and shot.

A gasoline enema should be dragged out in the street and shot.
A novelty gag dildo should be dragged out in the street and shot.
Dudes should be dragged out in the street and shot.
The tickle zone should be dragged out in the street and shot.
That sex move that drives me crazy should be dragged out in the street and shot.
A wasted life should be dragged out in the street and shot.

 
 
May 2 at 14:19 PDT — Ed. May 2 at 14:20 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with  {n}.

The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a secret.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a great big sword.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a wet spot.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with something even wetter.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with loudspeakers.
The CDC warns that romaine lettuce is contaminated with a projectile.

 
 
May 2 at 15:25 PDT — Ed. May 2 at 15:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
For April Fools, I glued  {n} under my coworkers desks.

For April Fools, I glued a greased slope under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued love under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued flailing under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued a wayward dental implant under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued the women under my coworkers desks.
For April Fools, I glued hot sparks under my coworkers desks.

 
 
May 2 at 15:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy
n

The dog ate DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy so we’re waiting for machine gun fire.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of sock puppets, squirting acid, and DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
The cruiseliner struck DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a menacing spike.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
“D” is for DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy.
I was surprised to find bones in DJ Khaled most definitely not eating pussy. Is that normal?



The human butthole
n

The new artsy indie game “The Human Butthole” is a deeply emotional exploration of getting impregnated by an advanced robot.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the human butthole.
I will do anything for the human butthole. But I won’t do that!
This party was a real snooze, until the human butthole got things jumpin’.
I thought I was alone with the human butthole but my mom walked in. We got to acting like a child and I felt better.
Doctor! My child has the human butthole coursing through his veins!

 
 
May 4 at 13:55 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Pooch cancer
nc

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re pooch cancer!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as some guy named Darryl, score points by writhing on the floor and screaming my name, and pooch cancer shall not be on the field.
pooch cancer is where filthy underpants goes to die.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have pooch cancer.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for pooch cancer and to avoid exploding from both ends.
Furious that I was stopping just in time into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into pooch cancer.

 
 
May 4 at 18:39 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Not peeing on the seat
v

The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of not peeing on the seat.
Not peeing on the seat really messes up my butt complexion!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in not peeing on the seat.
I like my women like I like graffiti that says “FUCK YOU”: not peeing on the seat with scissoring.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find not peeing on the seat so relaxing.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all blowing in my ear, right while I’m not peeing on the seat.



Only peeing on the seat
v

At the Amazon Go store you can grab all the air in the room and walk right out the door without only peeing on the seat.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to only peeing on the seat.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with only peeing on the seat.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling Axl Rose and his big teeth. The driver was only peeing on the seat.
I think a lot of people would pay to see only peeing on the seat.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk only peeing on the seat.



Getting pee on the seat
v

Shepherds in Scotland have used pitching a god damn hissy fit for years to keep the flock from getting pee on the seat.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as cunting around even harder or getting pee on the seat.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began getting pee on the seat.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but getting pee on the seat.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: getting pee on the seat.
The White House will no longer enforce The Getting Pee on the Seat Act of 1959. Thank God.

 
 
May 9 at 14:56 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Having a heart attach in Azteca
v

There’s mom convention going on and everybody is having a heart attach in Azteca.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “having a heart attach in Azteca,” over and over again while in use.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re having a heart attach in Azteca!
But I promised I would get my kids having a heart attach in Azteca for Christmas!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s having a heart attach in Azteca and I think I believe her!
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in having a heart attach in Azteca together.



 
 
May 10 at 12:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Horsepox
nc

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use horsepox to treat a virus!
Honey, you can’t keep putting horsepox down the garbage disposal!
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift horsepox over my head, but a tattered jockstrap got in the way.
Can’t go out because of two firetrucks on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-horsepox-cor is right for you.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by horsepox.
My girlfriend kicked a lamprey infestation, and now she’s horsepox. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

 
 
May 11 at 10:15 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Traveling one minute back in time
v

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of traveling one minute back in time came on the screen.
Apparently, “Traveling One Minute Back in Time” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
There is no revenge so complete as traveling one minute back in time.
No thanks. My doctor said traveling one minute back in time makes defecation painful.
When you two are done traveling one minute back in time, can we please get cheering children and get out of here?!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be traveling one minute back in time.

 
 
May 13 at 01:05 PDT — Ed. May 13 at 01:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Every mom
nc

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a wild animal and a mouthfeel like every mom.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in every mom in the middle of each intersection.
Apparently, “Every Mom” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with every mom.
Every mom: It’s nature’s candy!
Ever since the incident with a kitten pawing at my wiener I’ve been haunted by every mom.



Every mom's nightmare
n

The new top grade of gasoline has every mom's nightmare as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is every mom's nightmare.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took every mom's nightmare to the funeral.
Make sure to hang a shard of shrapnel in a tree so every mom's nightmare leaves your tent alone.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s every mom's nightmare.
Every mom's nightmare can only be killed by a protective layer of rubber.

 
 
May 13 at 08:09 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Getting a job
v

I scream, you scream, getting a job, a single shot to the head!
At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like other things I’ve put in my butt and can be used for getting a job.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in getting a job!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Getting a Job” syndrome!
Getting a job like this is enough to kill a horse!
Getting a job is the spice of elbow grease.

 
 
May 16 at 08:23 PDT — Ed. May 16 at 08:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5955
Confirmed fatalities
np

Today I bought confirmed fatalities from the back of a van. They also threw in a mistake, which I didn’t even think was legal.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found confirmed fatalities.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only confirmed fatalities and the brave men and women fighting for us come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I thought I was alone with confirmed fatalities but my mom walked in. We got to listening to sad music and being sad and I felt better.
Are you there God? It’s me, confirmed fatalities.
You, ya dirty bum nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid confirmed fatalities.

 
 
May 18 at 11:21 PDT