SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 38 39 40 [41] 42 43 44 ... 107 108 109
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
backing up on it v

In my wild days I was backing up on it, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with jury duty on the New Mexico border.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: backing up on it.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by backing up on it around the building.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, backing up on it appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Backing up on It.
I am become backing up on it, the destroyer of a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice.

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:36 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 24 at 21:37 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
George Clooney porn nc

Wake turbulence, also known as floppin’ out my baby door, is turbulence that forms behind George Clooney porn as it passes through the air.
No one in Morocco can be George Clooney porn without registering with the government.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “George Clooney Porn,” the finest ship in the harbor!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in George Clooney porn.
I tried to sneak out of the store with a happy accident under one arm and George Clooney porn down my pants.
George Clooney porn: It’s nature’s candy!

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:39 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
the largest turban ever, I mean like ever n

I came with the largest turban ever, I mean like ever to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought the French crown so nobody even noticed!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began the largest turban ever, I mean like ever.
There’s no reason for the largest turban ever, I mean like ever before breakfast.
John “a fruitless task” Smith. The genius who brought us the largest turban ever, I mean like ever.
The largest turban ever, I mean like ever brings some seriously fucked shit to a child’s face.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into the largest turban ever, I mean like ever! She’s 62!

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:41 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 24 at 21:41 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a vagina full of centipedes n

The cineplex has been using a vagina full of centipedes in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a vagina full of centipedes. The driver was getting impregnated by an advanced robot.
It’s lucky to touch a vagina full of centipedes; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have a vagina full of centipedes.
Go, go, Gadget a Vagina Full of Centipedes!
You can’t get cinderblock justice big enough or a vagina full of centipedes long enough to suit me.

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:43 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 24 at 21:44 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
cool fingerless gloves np

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Cool Fingerless Gloves”! I shook his hand and it felt like cool fingerless gloves.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but cool fingerless gloves.
Authorities were tallying damage from cool fingerless gloves that struck southern California Friday evening.
If you have a dream about a great big sword, it meas you’re worried about cool fingerless gloves.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted cool fingerless gloves to the vastness of space.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge cool fingerless gloves.

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:45 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
wearing nothing vt

The cruiseliner struck a super-tiny butt hole and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with wearing nothing.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me wearing nothing at the party last night.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began wearing nothing.
My favorite new band is “Birth Meat and Wearing Nothing”.
You stole anything on the face of this earth from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re wearing nothing and you’re going to hell!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is wearing nothing.

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
pussy smell wafting from your mouth nc

Sir! We are out of dank memes, but we found pussy smell wafting from your mouth while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
My pharmacist separated my return into two piles, and carefully lowered one into pussy smell wafting from your mouth.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of pussy smell wafting from your mouth.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy pussy smell wafting from your mouth that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began pussy smell wafting from your mouth.
The TSA has made new rules mandating pussy smell wafting from your mouth on every commercial flight.

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:48 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 24 at 21:48 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking v

If you do it right, sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking is all about a berserk horse.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking, so the temporary replacement uses freewill.
Look, man, I’m not into sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking. But $20 is $20.
Both my ears! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking while I’m no clean towels!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking.

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:50 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 24 at 21:51 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
flopping around with broken bones v

I want to say one word to you, just one word: flopping around with broken bones.
My religion demands that I must abstain from flopping around with broken bones. An imitation poop spiral however, is OK.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Flopping Around with Broken Bones”! I shook his hand and it felt like flopping around with broken bones.
Throughout human history, flopping around with broken bones has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into flopping around with broken bones! She’s 62!
During the war, German scientists experimented with flopping around with broken bones to weaponize a steering wheel.

 
 
2016 Oct 24 at 21:52 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 24 at 21:52 PDT
RealAccount
2015 Aug 30 • 12
OH GOD IT'S KILLING ME ?

This year’s hottest new fashion is OH GOD IT'S KILLING ME on your head.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out OH GOD IT'S KILLING ME.
Look, man, I’m not into OH GOD IT'S KILLING ME. But $20 is $20.
During my driving test, I backed my car into OH GOD IT'S KILLING ME. I still got an 85!
Impacting my sister while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of OH GOD IT'S KILLING ME.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by OH GOD IT'S KILLING ME and sudsy bodies.

 
 
2016 Oct 25 at 08:28 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Card edit:

Life is so strange. I went to college to study  , but now I work on  . Go figure!2

Life is so strange. I went to college to study stainless steel plating, but now I work on re-entering the ocean. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to study strands of my darling’s hair, but now I work on wallowing in your filth. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to study purple stuff, but now I work on a Hitler moustache. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to study not noticing, but now I work on a war canoe. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to study the chair, but now I work on diversions. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to study an eyewitness, but now I work on Jüri Pootsmann. Go figure!

 
 
2016 Oct 25 at 11:19 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 25 at 18:47 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
the murder weapon n

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am black leggings. Would you like to try our new special, the murder weapon?
The best comfort food will always be greens, the murder weapon, and fried chicken.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with the murder weapon.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about the murder weapon?
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride the murder weapon. It made me feel like I was the good cop.
Give a man a little of this, a little of that and you feed him for a day. Give him the murder weapon, and you feed him for a lifetime.

 
 
2016 Oct 25 at 19:11 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 25 at 19:12 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
slicing them open from groin to grin v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than slicing them open from groin to grin.
Our artisanal process ages a bloody leotard for 3 years, before going right into a wank, rapidly slicing them open from groin to grin.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “slicing them open from groin to grin.”
Slicing them open from groin to grin brings wobbles to a child’s face.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about slicing them open from groin to grin.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a milky sweat bead to treat slicing them open from groin to grin!

 
 
2016 Oct 25 at 19:13 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
the freakin' Don n

Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of a shrieking verbal tirade-loving bot that hates the freakin' Don.
I was vacuuming when I sucked the freakin' Don out from under the couch. I kept pulling until tits like a smoking chimney came out too!
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of oiled thighs, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into the freakin' Don.
Don’t shake the freakin' Don so hard, it’ll start a ghoulish feast.
The freakin' Don! The freakin' Don! My kingdom for the freakin' Don!
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, the freakin' Don... Sweet! Sunny-D!

 
 
2016 Oct 25 at 19:14 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 25 at 19:15 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Under my desk I've been secretly trying to squeeze  {n} out of  {n}.2

Under my desk I've been secretly trying to squeeze long, spindly legs out of a trail of footprints.
Under my desk I've been secretly trying to squeeze special pube shampoo out of a night of gentle flatulence.
Under my desk I've been secretly trying to squeeze sex friends out of the Handsome Boy Modeling School.
Under my desk I've been secretly trying to squeeze most people out of a plug for the other hole.
Under my desk I've been secretly trying to squeeze a determined shark out of the heart.
Under my desk I've been secretly trying to squeeze beets. Mashed beets out of a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it.

 
 
2016 Oct 26 at 12:13 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 26 at 12:16 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
the Samsung Galaxy Note7 n

10% of all proceeds from sales of the Samsung Galaxy Note7 will go to The Negotiating Peace Foundation.
In a world with a super-tiny butt hole adding alcohol, one man must overcome the Samsung Galaxy Note7. Coming this summer.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with the Samsung Galaxy Note7.
Working on my car I found the Samsung Galaxy Note7 had crawled inside the engine block and died.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other the Samsung Galaxy Note7, while a man is bursting exuberantly onto the national scene on a galloping horse.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s the Samsung Galaxy Note7, with sinister plans around the edges, and a total fucking mess on top.

 
 
2016 Oct 26 at 12:23 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 26 at 15:48 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
evacuating the airplane v

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to evacuating the airplane.
Growing up we never had such grace, but we had to deal with evacuating the airplane, and I want the opposite for my children.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of evacuating the airplane came on the screen.
Men, like a big slow boat, go farthest when they are evacuating the airplane.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from evacuating the airplane with a treasure map.
The TSA has made new rules mandating evacuating the airplane on every commercial flight.



gettin' mine v

At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other an ankle holster, while a man is gettin' mine on a galloping horse.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a human-sized harness removed so he could be gettin' mine.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of gettin' mine.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Collar Around My Neck!” You’re cursed with gettin' mine until the end of the game!
Pundits agree it will take gettin' mine for the senator to win the election.
We can be gettin' mine. And no one has to know.



a gulp of cough syrup n

My mom picked me up a gulp of cough syrup from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
How embarrassing! I forget I left a gulp of cough syrup in the foyer.
It’s not delivery. It’s a gulp of cough syrup.
CAUTION: Keep a gulp of cough syrup out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Life without love is like an Apache raiding party without a gulp of cough syrup or fruit.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a crime of passion, but now for work I’m a gulp of cough syrup. Go figure!



so many freakin' cats np

My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing so many freakin' cats, since we’re so good at it.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of so many freakin' cats heard remote.
Howdy neighbor, love military-themed porn! Let’s get so many freakin' cats sometime!
Drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull brings so many freakin' cats to a child’s face.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by so many freakin' cats around the building.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of so Many Freakin' Cats.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 14:14 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
putting a rain check on that beej v

I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with putting a rain check on that beej.
Jesus is putting a rain check on that beej.
The cruiseliner struck Jüri Pootsmann and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with putting a rain check on that beej.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a lie that corrupts the Earth. It made me feel like I was putting a rain check on that beej.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for putting a rain check on that beej.
Wake turbulence, also known as putting a rain check on that beej, is turbulence that forms behind a refreshing douche of Sprite as it passes through the air.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:13 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
splitting her in half like firewood v

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like splitting her in half like firewood.
John “eating a bowl of spider webs” Smith. The genius who brought us splitting her in half like firewood.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a determined shark, while a man is splitting her in half like firewood on a galloping horse.
Splitting her in half like firewood while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of writing emo poetry.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was splitting her in half like firewood.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into splitting her in half like firewood! She’s 62!

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:15 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
big trouble nc

Getting big trouble back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: big trouble.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, big trouble every single day.
Who so pulleth out a plug for the other hole of this stone is rightwise king born of big trouble.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about big trouble and grandma’s soggy diaper. Should I talk to him?
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into big trouble. It was not my lips you kissed, but eerie silence.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:15 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:16 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
being in big trouble, young lady v

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Being in Big Trouble, Young Lady”! I shook his hand and it felt like being in big trouble, young lady.
I think that ecstasy was cut with drugs. After one hit I began very, very rapidly being in big trouble, young lady.
Wake turbulence, also known as being in big trouble, young lady, is turbulence that forms behind a magnetic implant as it passes through the air.
Pundits agree it will take being in big trouble, young lady for the senator to win the election.
They said being in big trouble, young lady was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with the “treasure box”.
See now black people walk like circular logic. But white people -- white people walk like they’re being in big trouble, young lady!

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:17 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
just absolutely tearing it up out there v

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of just absolutely tearing it up out there in its food processing operations.
You evaded my “Just Absolutely Tearing It up out There” attack! Most impressive.
Shepherds in Scotland have used diplomatic support for years to keep the flock from just absolutely tearing it up out there.
My religion demands that I must abstain from just absolutely tearing it up out there. A sex-addicted panda however, is OK.
A lifetime of just absolutely tearing it up out there awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I tried a French knight but it was too tight. Then I tried just absolutely tearing it up out there but it was TOO LOOSE.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:18 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:19 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden v

Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Giving Birth to Your Own Parents Co., tapping into the growing market for fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor.
Happiness: Sinuses, fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden, and a dollar.
Ich bin ein fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden.
The authorities followed the trail of fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden, leading them straight to the suspect.
During the war, German scientists experimented with fucking them like they fucked Bin Laden to weaponize a guy.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:20 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
presenting with your butt raised v

Always walk into an interview with Dad’s money and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate presenting with your butt raised.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re presenting with your butt raised and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I think that ecstasy was cut with really bad teeth. After one hit I began very, very rapidly presenting with your butt raised.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by presenting with your butt raised.
The rich aroma of presenting with your butt raised, from the hills of Colombia.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, being attacked by a skeleton, toilet paper, shelter, and presenting with your butt raised.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:21 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
shameful thoughts of big sis nc

Ah, shameful thoughts of big sis for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Then God said, “Let there be shameful thoughts of big sis”; and there was shameful thoughts of big sis. And God saw that shameful thoughts of big sis was good.
I got into my car and sat on shameful thoughts of big sis. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Here on the assembly line we heat shameful thoughts of big sis to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is turning over.
Growing up we never had shameful thoughts of big sis, but we had to deal with laying claim, and I want the opposite for my children.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a bear in a trashcan. So bring shameful thoughts of big sis.

 
 
2016 Oct 27 at 16:23 PDT — Ed. 2016 Oct 27 at 16:23 PDT