SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 8 ... 107 108 109
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
GaaaaryyyyyyyyJeeeeeerrrrrr!!! You didn't let me have all of page 4!

At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have _____! Some of us just want _____."2

At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have a wall! Some of us just want a happy ending at a low price."
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have a Serbian delicacy! Some of us just want an Apache raiding party."
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have a male prostitute! Some of us just want pickle liquor."
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have little turds everywhere! Some of us just want a thump on the head."
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have the immigrant experience in America! Some of us just want unbelievably beautiful hair."
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have oneself! Some of us just want disappointment."



If my horrible neighbor doesn't get _____ off my property, I'm calling the cops!

If my horrible neighbor doesn't get phantom limb syndrome off my property, I'm calling the cops!
If my horrible neighbor doesn't get ladies’ underwear off my property, I'm calling the cops!
If my horrible neighbor doesn't get hot babes off my property, I'm calling the cops!
If my horrible neighbor doesn't get voluntary manslaughter off my property, I'm calling the cops!
If my horrible neighbor doesn't get much needed supplies off my property, I'm calling the cops!
If my horrible neighbor doesn't get a great review off my property, I'm calling the cops!

 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 17:45 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 18 at 18:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of _____, so the temporary replacement uses _____.2

The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of the Roman god of bloody shits, so the temporary replacement uses my taxidermied daughter.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of the highest intelligence possible, so the temporary replacement uses funds.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of cosmetic surgery for my cat, so the temporary replacement uses walking through the water thinking about spiders.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of putting up with you, so the temporary replacement uses an exercise machine.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of rumpy pumpy, so the temporary replacement uses customs.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of a feather, so the temporary replacement uses baking onto the sidewalk.

 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 18:05 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 27 at 02:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Catchin' heat for sellin' a piece of ass

In my state, catchin' heat for sellin' a piece of ass for sustenance is a legal right for many indigenous people.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in catchin' heat for sellin' a piece of ass, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
CAUTION: Keep catchin' heat for sellin' a piece of ass out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by catchin' heat for sellin' a piece of ass.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from catchin' heat for sellin' a piece of ass with the inside.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into catchin' heat for sellin' a piece of ass. It was not my lips you kissed, but damage.

 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 18:53 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 18 at 18:53 PDT
trainer6265

2014 Nov 5 • 21
Gaze apon my field of _____ and see that it is _____!2

Gaze apon my field of the majestic Humboldt squid and see that it is a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft!
Gaze apon my field of simple pleasures and see that it is quick-set cement!
Gaze apon my field of a willful misdeed and see that it is the big ol’ boys!
Gaze apon my field of manhandling the merchandise and see that it is abstinence!
Gaze apon my field of a hollow shell and see that it is wailing!
Gaze apon my field of a humorless Japanese businessman and see that it is a favorable outcome!

wait, but if you expect the unexpected, then the expected becomes the unexpected, so what do you expect?
 
 
2016 Mar 19 at 00:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than _____.

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than all the leopards.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than Roman battlesex.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than a nurse.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than organic porpoise semen.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than MY SKULL!.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than killer abs.

 
 
2016 Mar 19 at 02:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Sex for procreation

Every French soldier carries sex for procreation in his knapsack.
In this 15th century painting, sex for procreation is represented by a man with aiming for the open spots for a head.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned sex for procreation. As a result, his men were well motivated.
Furious that I had peed into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into sex for procreation.
When presented with sex for procreation, grunting mermaids will fart blood in anticipation.
sex for procreation is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.

 
 
2016 Mar 19 at 02:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
The moron I hired to kill you

When I get older, I don't want to be the moron I hired to kill you.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the moron I hired to kill you.
The thief was caught stealing a burn victim from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of the moron I hired to kill you.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me the moron I hired to kill you.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: the moron I hired to kill you, cinderblock justice and basing my opinion on Internet articles.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by the moron I hired to kill you.

 
 
2016 Mar 19 at 03:21 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 19 at 03:21 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 279
Jüri Pootsmann

Jüri Pootsmann makes good neighbors.
Ich bin ein Jüri Pootsmann.
Jüri Pootsmann... like a woman’s.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “spooning distance!” You’re cursed with Jüri Pootsmann until the end of the game!
The terrorists will execute one hostage every 20 minutes unless they receive Jüri Pootsmann.
God didn’t create me. God created Jüri Pootsmann. And Jüri Pootsmann created me.

 
 
2016 Mar 20 at 01:00 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
I was wondering if I could get a sort of political one. We'll see how this works although in reading anything with a verb, it would have to be tweaked.

I have _____. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.

I have sabotage. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have a slut who deserved it. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have an above/below the table snuggle. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have truth serum. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have fictitious queer same sex transformation. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have the recent tragedy in Africa. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Mar 20 at 17:58 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 20 at 17:58 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 279
NatureJay said:
I was wondering if I could get a sort of political one. We'll see how this works although in reading anything with a verb, it would have to be tweaked.

I have _____. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.

I have a corresponding rise in wages. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have a snack. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have spiders. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have prey. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have the white man. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have the manner to which I am accustomed. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.



I chuckled
 
 
2016 Mar 21 at 08:35 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
jeff is wizlord said:
NatureJay said:
I was wondering if I could get a sort of political one. We'll see how this works although in reading anything with a verb, it would have to be tweaked.

I have _____. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.

I have sinister plans. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have destroying their home planet. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have 80,000 tons of nuclear waste. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have sea urchins. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have a gaggle of nuns. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have yoga farts. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.



I chuckled

Does this re-sub every time it's quoted? Consider this a test case because I was curious since Jeff's iteration of "the white man" into the blank nearly had me pissing and rolling.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Mar 21 at 10:35 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
It does.

The quoting quotes what you typed, not what was generated.
 
 
2016 Mar 21 at 11:11 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
I figured as much. Seems like an interesting way of spamming re-rolls.

Anyway, I've been thinking about other entries since my last alphabert and while I don't want to go the route of trying that again (it's hard!), I do want to test another ambiguously white card, just to fuck around with things again.

"business"

When the beef came at me it was like "business".
The terrorists will execute one hostage every 20 minutes unless they receive "business".
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on "business".
I’m late to my meeting for "business".
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of "business".
I went rafting, saw "business" in the river, no big deal.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Mar 21 at 12:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
NatureJay said:
I figured as much. Seems like an interesting way of spamming re-rolls.


You can also just click Edit -> I AM DONE TYPING NOW and get a reroll.

NatureJay said:
...I do want to test another ambiguously white card, just to fuck around with things again.


Feel free to just post whatever in here. It's all about ideas. You can edit until you get good rolls. That's what I've been doing. This is basically the new card-tester-tool.
 
 
2016 Mar 21 at 13:32 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 142
10% of all proceeds will go to the _____ foundation.

10% of all proceeds will go to the an all-black cast foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the a really long nose hair foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the a crooked cop foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the that ass foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the the last thing I said foundation.
10% of all proceeds will go to the manliness foundation.

 
 
2016 Mar 22 at 15:43 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
I wanted to test another Civ V entry out so I'm going to try it as a two-for and a three-for

Quote:
"In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable."
–Dwight D. Eisenhower


In preparing for battle I have always found that _____ are useless, but _____ is indispensable.2

In preparing for battle I have always found that subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife are useless, but a fat and fancy pigeon is indispensable.
In preparing for battle I have always found that the events on Wednesday are useless, but a suffering bastard is indispensable.
In preparing for battle I have always found that eels are useless, but a stupid student is indispensable.
In preparing for battle I have always found that the stillness of death are useless, but bathwater is indispensable.
In preparing for battle I have always found that a wiggly meat tube are useless, but folding inward is indispensable.
In preparing for battle I have always found that a dream are useless, but a urinal cake is indispensable.



In preparing for _____ I have always found that _____ are useless, but _____ is indispensable.3

In preparing for a cascade of molten lava upon the unsuspecting I have always found that evading capture are useless, but most people is indispensable.
In preparing for that jackass I have always found that the song of my people are useless, but novelty gag dildo is indispensable.
In preparing for a great big sword I have always found that maximum attitude are useless, but a long visit is indispensable.
In preparing for a purgative elixir I have always found that breaking down in a cheap motel room are useless, but setbacks is indispensable.
In preparing for you sick fucks I have always found that eating a bowl of spider webs are useless, but Priapus, the patron god of boners is indispensable.
In preparing for a coming horrific hell I have always found that a Serbian delicacy are useless, but vintage trappings is indispensable.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Mar 22 at 19:14 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Just a video game

Chimps in the wild have been observed using just a video game to forage for food.
Woah, just a video game! I’m gonna put my mouth on it!
If just a video game were in the Olympics, Finland would be in great shape!
A lifetime of just a video game awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
In this 15th century painting, getting excited and throwing yourself in the mantrap is represented by a man with just a video game for a head.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “just a video game” syndrome!



Grandma's soggy diaper

This is my second kid. My first one came out as grandma's soggy diaper.
God didn’t create me. God created grandma's soggy diaper. And grandma's soggy diaper created me.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “grandma's soggy diaper
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of a time machine that has yet to be invented and grandma's soggy diaper.
Go, go, Gadget grandma's soggy diaper!
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy an ounce of grandma's soggy diaper at a time.

 
 
2016 Mar 22 at 23:02 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 22 at 23:03 PDT
trainer6265

2014 Nov 5 • 21
Sterquilinus,
The Roman god of bloody shits

In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually the Roman god of bloody shits.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of the Roman god of bloody shits heard remote.
The thief was caught stealing black magic orgasms from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of the Roman god of bloody shits.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “the Roman god of bloody shits” syndrome!
Furious that I had peed into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into the Roman god of bloody shits.
The only way to make sense out of the Roman god of bloody shits is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.

wait, but if you expect the unexpected, then the expected becomes the unexpected, so what do you expect?
 
 
2016 Mar 22 at 23:34 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 22 at 23:36 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
A shrieking verbal tirade

Happiness: a shrieking verbal tirade, a basket of kittens, and spiking the pug.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a shrieking verbal tirade!
My financial analyst had advised me against investing all my money in a shrieking verbal tirade.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “a shrieking verbal tirade” and it helps me with a remedy.
a shrieking verbal tirade is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Getting a shrieking verbal tirade back out of a volcano is next to impossible.


What our department store lacks in service, we make up for in _____.

What our department store lacks in service, we make up for in following your boner around the room.
What our department store lacks in service, we make up for in a backseat.
What our department store lacks in service, we make up for in flipping over and spraying into the air.
What our department store lacks in service, we make up for in a head full of ideas.
What our department store lacks in service, we make up for in a feast of blood.
What our department store lacks in service, we make up for in her first marriage.

 
 
2016 Mar 23 at 11:12 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 23 at 11:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on _____ when I bought _____.2

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a kangaroo kick to the head when I bought the highest intelligence possible.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a mistake when I bought laying eggs everywhere.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on useless noodle arms when I bought inquisitive middle schoolers.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on Yorkshire pudding when I bought inactivity and poor health.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on jalapeños when I bought not another leopard.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on diplomatic support when I bought steampunk bullshit.

 
 
2016 Mar 23 at 11:52 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Hot biscuits & gravy

Go, go, Gadget hot biscuits & gravy!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “hot biscuits & gravy”.
Man invented beans on toast, so woman invented hot biscuits & gravy.
1) A robot may not injure hot biscuits & gravy, or through inaction allow hot biscuits & gravy to come to harm.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, hot biscuits & gravy appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Amtrak officials confirm hot biscuits & gravy would have prevented train derailment.

 
 
2016 Mar 23 at 12:26 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 23 at 12:27 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Hiding just around the corner

On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing hiding just around the corner.”
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “hiding just around the corner”.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was hiding just around the corner.
Throughout human history, hiding just around the corner has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from hiding just around the corner.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live in hiding just around the corner across the street.

 
 
2016 Mar 23 at 12:29 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 23 at 12:32 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Welcome to Denny's®! I am _____. Would you like to try our new special, _____?2

Welcome to Denny's®! I am a nutty liqueur. Would you like to try our new special, a tiny bat crawling up your peehole?
Welcome to Denny's®! I am a one hundred dollar bill. Would you like to try our new special, death math?
Welcome to Denny's®! I am re-entering the ocean. Would you like to try our new special, cabin fever?
Welcome to Denny's®! I am Schizo Batman. Would you like to try our new special, catching one in the bum?
Welcome to Denny's®! I am a powerful Chinese man. Would you like to try our new special, the peaceful, majestic sugar cougar?
Welcome to Denny's®! I am twerking over one’s enemy’s grave. Would you like to try our new special, an accident?

 
 
2016 Mar 23 at 14:18 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 23 at 14:19 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about _____.

My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about my beautiful, transgender father.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about the events on Wednesday.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about man animals.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about a trail of footprints.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about skirting around the edges.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about just the thing.

 
 
2016 Mar 23 at 14:20 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 23 at 14:21 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
I want to speak to the post office manager! Someone needs to take responsibility for _____!

I want to speak to the post office manager! Someone needs to take responsibility for a syringe!
I want to speak to the post office manager! Someone needs to take responsibility for suggesting a murder!
I want to speak to the post office manager! Someone needs to take responsibility for farting while asleep!
I want to speak to the post office manager! Someone needs to take responsibility for some seriously fucked shit!
I want to speak to the post office manager! Someone needs to take responsibility for a time machine that has yet to be invented!
I want to speak to the post office manager! Someone needs to take responsibility for the most beautiful face ever!

 
 
2016 Mar 23 at 14:23 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 23 at 14:24 PDT