SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 75 76 77 [78] 79 80 81 ... 106 107 108
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
I think there's  {s} convention going on downtown.

I think there's a kiss on the lips convention going on downtown.
I think there's a girl on roller skates convention going on downtown.
I think there's a withered serpent convention going on downtown.
I think there's my replacement convention going on downtown.
I think there's a seat belt convention going on downtown.
I think there's all creation convention going on downtown.

 
 
2017 Jun 23 at 15:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
There's  {s} convention going on and everybody is  {v}.
Play 2

There's a winking hole convention going on and everybody is leaving your friends to die.
There's a more cavernous vagina convention going on and everybody is rumbling deep underground.
There's jesus’s death. convention going on and everybody is eating money.
There's a muffled yell convention going on and everybody is getting crushed between two trucks.
There's a faulty support convention going on and everybody is killing.
There's a skin tag convention going on and everybody is drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull.

 
 
2017 Jun 23 at 16:20 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for  {v}.

At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for being deep inside each other.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for foaming, not at the mouth.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for being dipped in Nutella.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for blowing chunks.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for falling into boiling water.
At Disneyland people wait in line for hours just for Jesus Christ.

 
 
2017 Jun 23 at 16:21 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Masculine sexuality
nc

Then God said, “Let there be masculine sexuality”; and there was masculine sexuality. And God saw that masculine sexuality was good.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to masculine sexuality, even before I put on my clothes.
The water tower looks like it’s masculine sexuality from this angle.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of masculine sexuality came on the screen.
Alexander also named a city in India “Masculine Sexuality” after his dead horse.
At Boeing R&D, we test dad by connecting through masculine sexuality to a special 10,000-volt battery.



Or

Feminine sexuality
nc

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am hitting a man out of his wheelchair. Would you like to try our new special, feminine sexuality?
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of feminine sexuality.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about feminine sexuality.
When the beef came at me it was like feminine sexuality.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about feminine sexuality, but with this stew!
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about feminine sexuality.

 
 
2017 Jun 23 at 17:48 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Man, if you switch the cards in that Boeing one...
 
 
2017 Jun 23 at 17:51 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 307
11 ₧
My emotionally compromised girlfriend
n

During my driving test, I backed my car into my emotionally compromised girlfriend. I still got an 85!
At the Amazon Go store you can grab my emotionally compromised girlfriend and walk right out the door without leaving your friends to die.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me my emotionally compromised girlfriend.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found my emotionally compromised girlfriend sticking to the wall.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like my emotionally compromised girlfriend and is carrying a tuba full of mayonnaise.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s my emotionally compromised girlfriend.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2017 Jun 24 at 20:21 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jun 24 at 20:22 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
A bottle of hair and grease
n

I like my women like I like a bottle of hair and grease: blowing chunks with a $160,000 diamond.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a bottle of hair and grease.
The Spice girls are getting back together! Their 3 new members include any decent person spice, impressing the most neutral observers spice, and a bottle of hair and grease spice!
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a bottle of hair and grease for me and my wife.
When the celestial spheres align, a bottle of hair and grease will descend from the heavens.
I just dug up my sweet in my backyard! I had no idea this place had a bottle of hair and grease.

 
 
2017 Jun 24 at 20:43 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop  {v}.

I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop baking onto the sidewalk.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop lifting off the toilet.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop smashing skulls.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop getting too excited.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop trusting everything the devil says.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn't stop doing surgery on LSD.

 
 
2017 Jun 25 at 20:35 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jun 25 at 20:37 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 307
11 ₧
An indoor snowball fight
n

If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be an indoor snowball fight .
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-hunky-adonis-like-male-figure@an-indoor-snowball-fight.net
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still an indoor snowball fight!
The thief was caught stealing a silent, anonymous encounter from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of an indoor snowball fight.
If you have a dream about an indoor snowball fight, it meas you’re worried about turkey gravy.
Here’s a certificate for an indoor snowball fight. I am at your service.



The friend-zone
n

The best comfort food will always be greens, the friend-zone, and fried chicken.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is the friend-zone.
I need a hotel room with the friend-zone, and I need an under-the-table interaction brought to me every four hours.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the friend-zone.
Shepherds in Scotland have used a body pillow with a penis for years to keep the flock from the friend-zone.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put the friend-zone in the slot, but I forget to take it out.



Disco-polka
nc

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had disco-polka removed so he could be your imaginary friend, Captain Howdy.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around disco-polka.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me disco-polka while we were still in the car.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “disco-polka,” over and over again while in use.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using disco-polka to forage for food.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be disco-polka if I wanted a new family.



A series of clicks and whistles
n

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a series of clicks and whistles, with pulling on my butthole hairs around the edges, and hand-to-hand combat on top.
I’m getting a series of clicks and whistles installed in my car, so I can be papal taxation while I drive.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value a series of clicks and whistles more. Now hold still.
What will we do with a series of clicks and whistles early in the morning?
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a series of clicks and whistles, but with a fistful of glitter!
The HOA says I can’t raise divorce papers on my property. Meanwhile no word about a series of clicks and whistles at the Jones’s!

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2017 Jun 25 at 20:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
15% of married men say they've cheated by  {v} with another woman.

15% of married men say they've cheated by struggling with a police officer with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by trying to handcuff a ghost with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by attacking everything in your path with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by running around slamming doors with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by being deep inside each other with another woman.
15% of married men say they've cheated by investigating crimes and making arrests with another woman.

 
 
2017 Jun 26 at 07:19 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
The Internet is made out of  {pc}.

The Internet is made out of thinness.
The Internet is made out of door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
The Internet is made out of effective limits.
The Internet is made out of heavy garbage.
The Internet is made out of booze.
The Internet is made out of white-knuckled terror.



According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of  {p}.

According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of bodily functions gone awry.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of rolling eyes.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of cooter muscles.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of assault preparations.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of yoga farts.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of not many teeth.

 
 
2017 Jun 26 at 07:55 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 142
Buying lingerie for your mom
v

Let a dirigible death match host your next party, providing buying lingerie for your mom like you’ve never seen before.
Buying lingerie for your mom is the only way to say goodbye.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find buying lingerie for your mom.
The patient kept screaming about “buying lingerie for your mom”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a flood of emotions emerged!
The White House will no longer enforce The Buying Lingerie for Your Mom Act of 1959. Thank God.
Happiness: Sizzling assholes, buying lingerie for your mom, and a medley.

 
 
2017 Jun 26 at 13:11 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jun 26 at 13:11 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow
np

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow hanging in the window.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow to prepare for a mission to mars.
Men, like the death simulator, go farthest when they are DJ Khaled and his fuck pillow.

 
 
2017 Jun 26 at 15:19 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
Parents, please consider which type of   is right for your child.

Parents, please consider which type of some kids is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a deceitful word is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of Satan’s mother is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a warhead is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of no black child is right for your child.
Parents, please consider which type of a child taxidermy video is right for your child.

 
 
2017 Jun 26 at 15:25 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Some naked fuck with a stick
nc

The 1940’s certainly had a thing about some naked fuck with a stick.
People around the world recognize some naked fuck with a stick as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Some Naked Fuck with a Stick”! I shook his hand and it felt like some naked fuck with a stick.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in some naked fuck with a stick, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Happiness: The moron I hired to kill you, a tiny Jamaican, and some naked fuck with a stick.
I need a hotel room with some naked fuck with a stick, and I need maximum bitch mode brought to me every four hours.

 
 
2017 Jun 26 at 20:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
Being angry and stupid
v

And my mother said, “How come you’re not being angry and stupid like your brother?”
I would have never thought that I’d actually be being angry and stupid while I’m workplace chatter!
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and being angry and stupid.
There is no revenge so complete as being angry and stupid.
Senator, give us being angry and stupid biannually and you’ll get our vote.
Hark! What being angry and stupid through yonder window breaks?

 
 
2017 Jun 27 at 13:00 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Shall I compare thee to  {s}? Thou art more temperate and  {sn}.
Play 2

Shall I compare thee to a summer sausage? Thou art more temperate and Mom’s feet.
Shall I compare thee to a list of names? Thou art more temperate and the mayor.
Shall I compare thee to a novelty oversized foam fist? Thou art more temperate and the whole planet.
Shall I compare thee to a lounge full of dandies? Thou art more temperate and insipid fools.
Shall I compare thee to the best of us? Thou art more temperate and an email.
Shall I compare thee to a savvy entrepreneur? Thou art more temperate and a lump in the blanket.

 
 
2017 Jun 27 at 13:45 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jun 27 at 13:45 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Wow, summer sausage first try :|

Maybe it should be
Shall I compare thee to  {s}? Thou art more lovely and  {v}.
Play 2

Shall I compare thee to a human-sized hamster ball? Thou art more lovely and shitting glitter.
Shall I compare thee to a radical student? Thou art more lovely and attacking everything in your path.
Shall I compare thee to wet like grandma does it? Thou art more lovely and kissing ass.
Shall I compare thee to a horizontal ass crack? Thou art more lovely and drilling into the brain.
Shall I compare thee to a prepaid Visa™? Thou art more lovely and running around slamming doors.
Shall I compare thee to a sociopath? Thou art more lovely and startling a tweaker.

 
 
2017 Jun 27 at 13:45 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jun 27 at 13:49 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
*fart noise*
?

Chase bank is giving out *fart noise* this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was *fart noise*.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with “that feeling”. I barely even felt *fart noise*.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab yoga farts and walk right out the door without *fart noise*.
The new bill before congress would mandate *fart noise* in all K-through-12 classrooms.
I got *fart noise* as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with kids these days?

 
 
2017 Jun 27 at 14:56 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
Everyone and their grandmothers
np

Everyone and their grandmothers is the spice of I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen everyone and their grandmothers.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Everyone and Their Grandmothers Blast!
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Everyone and Their Grandmothers?
They don’t make the last thing I said like they used to! This one doesn’t even have everyone and their grandmothers.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with everyone and their grandmothers.

 
 
2017 Jun 27 at 17:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
Kitten meat
nc

This new Mario game is weird. You need zebras disguised as horses to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying kitten meat.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: kitten meat.
I like valid reasoning like I like my coffee: expectorating some sludge, put in a sack, and dragged across kitten meat.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being kitten meat.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found kitten meat.
Sir! We are out of kitten meat, but we found the uncooperative dead while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?

 
 
2017 Jun 27 at 17:48 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
A dildo from my son
n

My kid was acting like a promise, so I took away a dildo from my son privileges.
In the first Battle of a Dildo from My Son he faced my brother, who I’m sure you remember, and with one great blow he split them in half.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as the mayor’s son equipped with a dildo from my son.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a dildo from my son happens.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be leaving nothing sacred and where does a dildo from my son come in?
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about taking a flying leap, but with a dildo from my son!

 
 
2017 Jun 27 at 23:30 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
Laughing gas
nc

How embarrassing! I forget I left laughing gas in the foyer.
I buried my treasure under laughing gas so you’d never find it!
Chase bank is giving out laughing gas this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in laughing gas.
Until quite recently, laughing gas had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
If you kids don’t stop touching my deformity, I will turn laughing gas around!



Huffing a whippet
v

My publisher demanded I remove huffing a whippet from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a sex-addicted panda and huffing a whippet.
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for huffing a whippet and murdering everyone who is different from you at the assembly line.
Furious that I was huffing a whippet into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into the whole bottle of sleeping pills.
When you two are done huffing a whippet, can we please get a deadly fall and get out of here?!
Watch me smearing. Now watch me huffing a whippet.



Dihydrogen monoxide
nc

I came with dihydrogen monoxide to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought a heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe so nobody even noticed!
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got dihydrogen monoxide out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is dihydrogen monoxide.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: dihydrogen monoxide.
This year’s hottest new fashion is dihydrogen monoxide on your head.
Science never solves a problem without creating dihydrogen monoxide.

 
 
2017 Jun 28 at 11:46 PDT — Ed. 2017 Jun 28 at 11:48 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
Voices
np

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about voices, but with my secret place!
Amtrak officials confirm voices would have prevented train derailment.
While I was out the Roomba got into voices and was snuggling with Ian McKellen.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain voices?
You evaded my “Voices” attack! Most impressive.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with voices! It’s all here in my manifesto!

 
 
2017 Jun 28 at 12:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5922
Apple is now selling  {n} in pink gold.

Apple is now selling a bad chicken in pink gold.
Apple is now selling the first chimp in space in pink gold.
Apple is now selling morningwood in pink gold.
Apple is now selling markings on my neck in pink gold.
Apple is now selling their white asses in pink gold.
Apple is now selling Liam Neeson’s Halfway House for Silly Girls in pink gold.

 
 
2017 Jun 28 at 12:22 PDT