SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 80 81 82 [83] 84 85 86 ... 103 104 105
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
A secret stash of beef
n

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a secret stash of beef, get to the front of the line.
People in Taiwan are getting a secret stash of beef implanted in their bodies for blowing chunks.
I’ve finally got the last of a secret stash of beef out of all creation.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a secret stash of beef... Sweet! Sunny-D!
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a secret stash of beef and walk right out the door without catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass.
My publisher demanded I remove a secret stash of beef from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

 
 
2017 Aug 5 at 20:29 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 5 at 20:30 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Glass shards
np

The best comfort food will always be greens, glass shards, and fried chicken.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise breastfeeding by rewarding them with glass shards.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in glass shards. That’s supposed to help me with a pulpy mass?!
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in glass shards.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found glass shards.
Howdy neighbor, love glass shards! Let’s get bloody hell sometime!



Oh great. Now I have  {s}-flavored bung hole.

Oh great. Now I have Samuel L. Jackson’s pubic area-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a threat from Eurasia-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a dust bunny-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a big ol’ fruit-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a real jerk-off-flavored bung hole.
Oh great. Now I have a cunt slap-flavored bung hole.

 
 
2017 Aug 6 at 09:44 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 6 at 09:47 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us  {n}.

We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us just a little something to cap off the night.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a test.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a fat lot o’ good.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us sliced vegetables.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us Satan’s dark snatch.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a close call.

 
 
2017 Aug 6 at 11:40 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 6 at 11:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Cramping up
v

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate cramping up.
But I promised I would get my kids cramping up for Christmas!
These special lenses help colorblind people see that the Dutch oven is cramping up.
Cramping up is the only way to say goodbye.
I got so drunk last night that I got cramping up all over everyone and everything.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Cramping up.

 
 
2017 Aug 7 at 12:28 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 7 at 12:31 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Listening to your own heartbeat on the phone
v

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been listening to your own heartbeat on the phone. The snail may have escaped pretending to forget by going underground.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from listening to your own heartbeat on the phone with a big slow boat.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a bellow of sympathy and listening to your own heartbeat on the phone.
Watch me anally consuming a walnut. Now watch me listening to your own heartbeat on the phone.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're listening to your own heartbeat on the phone!
During the war, German scientists experimented with listening to your own heartbeat on the phone to weaponize prancing piglets.

 
 
2017 Aug 7 at 14:51 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 7 at 14:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
There's   where I normally do my business.

There's a human where I normally do my business.
There's two country bumpkins where I normally do my business.
There's lower standards where I normally do my business.
There's hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex where I normally do my business.
There's a barbecued meal worm where I normally do my business.
There's running with a floppy, out-of-control hand where I normally do my business.

 
 
2017 Aug 7 at 22:06 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 7 at 22:07 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
Accepting the penis
v

Let’s wait for ice cold seawater to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get accepting the penis.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Accepting the Penis
In Kentucky stores can’t sell cosmetic surgery for my cat after 8pm, or on holidays like Accepting the Penis Day.
Life without love is like accepting the penis without your mom’s bathroom or fruit.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was accepting the penis and tried to attack it.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is accepting the penis.

 
 
2017 Aug 8 at 11:14 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
Pregnancy super powers
np

That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Pregnancy Super Powers,” the finest ship in the harbor!
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with pregnancy super powers slowly overtaking the buildings.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with pregnancy super powers! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain pregnancy super powers?
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into pregnancy super powers. It was not my lips you kissed, but something I just hate.
Thanks for pregnancy super powers last night. *wink* *wink*

 
 
2017 Aug 8 at 15:05 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
A home-made shiv
n

My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Wandering-around-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a home-made shiv.
They said a home-made shiv was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got a home-made shiv... and then some!
I was vacuuming when I sucked a way rude hunger out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a home-made shiv came out too!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a home-made shiv.
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a healthcare professional straddled by a home-made shiv.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a home-made shiv.


 
 
2017 Aug 8 at 17:02 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 8 at 17:03 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Strangling my horse
v

Alexander also named a city in India “Strangling My Horse” after his dead horse.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell naval victory after 8pm, or on holidays like Strangling My Horse Day.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found strangling my horse sticking to the wall.
Strangling my horse! Strangling my horse! My kingdom for strangling my horse!
Senator, give us strangling my horse biannually and you’ll get our vote.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all strangling my horse, right while I’m accidentally burning my junk.



Killing Kim Jong-un
v

Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “killing Kim Jong-un,” over and over again while in use.
Killing Kim Jong-un is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
There is no revenge so complete as killing Kim Jong-un.
It’s time to scrape the remains of killing Kim Jong-un off the driveway.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still killing Kim Jong-un!
I noticed symptoms of insurrection, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s killing Kim Jong-un!” but I’m not sure.

 
 
2017 Aug 9 at 08:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
 {Un} slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"

An anatomically correct sock puppet slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
Landlady bosoms slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
No minors slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
A wailing infant slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
A reception area for social events slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"
Iron Maiden’s 747 slowly began to open and someone yelled, "It's accepting us!"

 
 
2017 Aug 9 at 10:38 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 9 at 10:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Quality
nc

In future times, the children will work together to build quality.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a roll of toilet paper. That’s supposed to help me with quality?!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be quality.
Working on my car I found quality had crawled inside the engine block and died.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing quality at cars and passers-by.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always quality just around the corner.

 
 
2017 Aug 9 at 10:43 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 139
A bonney fine ass
n

A Bonney Fine Ass is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a bonney fine ass in the sea.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a mild orgasm removed from her and a bonney fine ass removed from me.
Men, like Mom’s feet, go farthest when they are a bonney fine ass.
If you have a dream about butt sounds, it meas you’re worried about a bonney fine ass.
My new phone looks like it’s a bonney fine ass but I don’t mind. It makes calls.

 
 
2017 Aug 9 at 22:57 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 9 at 22:58 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 139
A bony fine ass
n

If you have a dream about a bony fine ass, it meas you’re worried about squirting acid.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a bony fine ass in a very realistic way.
This year’s hottest new fashion is a bony fine ass on your head.
Men, like a bony fine ass, go farthest when they are an actual rusty trombone.
I’m getting a bony fine ass installed in my car, so I can be cutting a hole in my pants while I drive.
If you do it right, a remarkably swift recovery is all about a bony fine ass.

 
 
2017 Aug 9 at 23:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
A bona fide ass?
 
 
2017 Aug 10 at 07:56 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for  !

The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a gasping woman!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for zigzagging wildly!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for forcing the leprechauns to breed!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a phone booth!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for a prybar!
The FBI is at the door. They say they have a warrant for an extremely uncomfortable mattress!

 
 
2017 Aug 10 at 10:40 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 10 at 10:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
All that junk
nc

I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about all that junk and keeping the pressure on. Should I talk to him?
I can’t swing a mushroom around here without hitting all that junk!
When all that junk is ready, vole milk will appear.
I’m late to my meeting for all that junk.
People around the world recognize all that junk as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for all that junk.

 
 
2017 Aug 10 at 16:32 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 10 at 16:33 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Some kind of magic juice
nc

The patient kept screaming about “some kind of magic juice”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and the scary door emerged!
Some kind of magic juice? That’s my fetish!
This food is so good it’s making some kind of magic juice quiver!
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have some kind of magic juice.
I buried my treasure under some kind of magic juice so you’d never find it!
I don’t think that even comes close to being some kind of magic juice.



That time I nearly got us both killed
n

You evaded my “That Time I Nearly Got Us Both Killed” attack! Most impressive.
I was surprised to find bones in that time I nearly got us both killed. Is that normal?
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is that time I nearly got us both killed.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but that time I nearly got us both killed.
How high do you have to be to enjoy that time I nearly got us both killed in tiny uranium rods?
I found out why I’m always sick... they found that time I nearly got us both killed in the walls at my office.

 
 
2017 Aug 10 at 21:35 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 10 at 21:36 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa
v

I got so drunk last night that I got thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa all over everyone and everything.
This workplace has gone (0) days without thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Thinking I'm Not Racist While Enjoying a Chalupa!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was filling my mouth, part was thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa, and it was crowned with hugs and kisses.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and thinking I'm not racist while enjoying a chalupa. There was a report.



Toxic masculinity
nc

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on toxic masculinity.
I’ve finally got the last of a clown’s genitals out of toxic masculinity.
I love your necklace! It’s toxic masculinity, right?
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Toxic Masculinity Blast!
My publisher demanded I remove toxic masculinity from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I tried to sneak out of the store with toxic masculinity under one arm and a loading screen down my pants.

 
 
2017 Aug 11 at 11:43 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 11 at 11:47 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Empty space
nc

The referee just issued a red card to fingering for sliding into empty space.
All the best love stories include empty space.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found empty space inside. I should take it to lower standards!
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like empty space.
Sir! We are out of each hole, sequentially, but we found empty space while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Military scientists in Syria found traces of empty space in the soil.

 
 
2017 Aug 11 at 12:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
Right in the "yoohoo!"
nc

I chipped my tooth on right in the "yoohoo!". My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t insipid fools.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about right in the "yoohoo!"?
Right in the "yoohoo!" has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in right in the "yoohoo!", where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Ever since right in the "yoohoo!" appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while blowing the lid off the present civilization.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about what makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth, but with right in the "yoohoo!"!



The penis
n

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be waking in terror and where does the penis come in?
Apparently, “the Penis” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
My mom picked me up the penis from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
I got a girl on roller skates as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with the penis?
my secret place landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that the penis came shooting out of my ass!
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as untameable wildlings equipped with the penis.

 
 
2017 Aug 11 at 14:12 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm  {v}.

At the gym they have this new machine where I'm saving all the Jews.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm hate-fucking.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm falling in love with a white girl.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm not doing anything.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm punching a hole in the roof.
At the gym they have this new machine where I'm farting like a bagpipe.

 
 
2017 Aug 11 at 18:54 PDT — Ed. 2017 Aug 11 at 18:56 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Mommy juice
nc

Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with mommy juice in his lap.
The water tower looks like it’s mommy juice from this angle.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of mommy juice in the soil.
God didn’t create me. God created mommy juice. And mommy juice created me.
If you kids don’t stop being unfit to even live, I will turn mommy juice around!
I got into my car and sat on mommy juice. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.

 
 
2017 Aug 11 at 18:55 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see  , and I feel better.

Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see T-boning an ambulance, and I feel better.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see nothing, initially, and I feel better.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs, and I feel better.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a new reality show, and I feel better.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a mountain of jew gold, and I feel better.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see an igloo, and I feel better.

 
 
2017 Aug 11 at 18:58 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5859
I always get caught  {v} in the locker room. Sorry.

I always get caught shitting a bowling ball in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught accidentally hitting your daughter in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught working myself up into a frenzy in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught going solo in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught trusting everything the devil says in the locker room. Sorry.
I always get caught closing her legs in the locker room. Sorry.

 
 
2017 Aug 11 at 18:58 PDT