SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, [79], 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized  {v}.

The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized costing a lot of money.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized squirting acid.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized exploding from both ends.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized backing up on it.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized getting slathered.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized surviving a gentle sneeze.

 
 
Jun 28 at 12:24 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 12:24 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is  .

Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is Morgan Freeman’s larynx.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is bodily harm.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is cutting.
Behind the correct door is a new car! Behind the other two doors is sharp claws.

 
 
Jun 28 at 12:27 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with  , a naturopathic remedy.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a cat in a paper bag, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with what we needed, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with Michael Jackson and his boa constrictor, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with tikka masala, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with multiethnic genitalia, a naturopathic remedy.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with hot slugs, a naturopathic remedy.

 
 
Jun 28 at 12:29 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 12:29 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
The government has sent a man around to collect  {pc}.

The government has sent a man around to collect torture porn.
The government has sent a man around to collect quick-set cement.
The government has sent a man around to collect reduced brain intelligence.
The government has sent a man around to collect unladylike musculature.
The government has sent a man around to collect snotbrains.
The government has sent a man around to collect hella teen angst.

 
 
Jun 28 at 12:34 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 12:34 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into  {v} with  {n}.
Play 2

The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into making me cum with fairy tales.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into running until you die with ape sounds.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into making it weird with pure honey.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into repeating the same mistake with some bitch named Carol.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into getting slathered with a respected neurosurgeon.
The illegal fraternity ritual forced members into being an overweight bitch with a real value.

 
 
Jun 28 at 12:40 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Licking the president's cheeto coating
vt

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with what may become a boner jumping and nipping at me from below and even licking the president's cheeto coating.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using licking the president's cheeto coating to forage for food.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other Oprah’s warm embrace, while a man is licking the president's cheeto coating on a galloping horse.
But of the tree of licking the president's cheeto coating you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
More armies need to incorporate licking the president's cheeto coating into their uniforms.
My publisher demanded I remove licking the president's cheeto coating from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

 
 
Jun 28 at 20:24 PDT — Ed. Jun 28 at 20:24 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Fingernails on the floor
np

During my driving test, I backed my car into fingernails on the floor. I still got an 85!
Ah, fingernails on the floor for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in fingernails on the floor.
Fingernails on the floor is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just being the small spoon. Sorry.
You can’t get a sexual encounter big enough or fingernails on the floor long enough to suit me.
Apparently, “Fingernails on the Floor” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.

 
 
Jun 29 at 13:37 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Pedophiles
np

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate pedophiles to prepare for a mission to mars.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a deadly fall, pedophiles, and gravitational collapse.
Give a man military-themed porn and you feed him for a day. Give him pedophiles, and you feed him for a lifetime.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy pedophiles one ounce at a time.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was pedophiles and tried to attack it.
Pedophiles saved is pedophiles earned.



$10 / month
np

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into $10 / month.
During the war, German scientists experimented with catching one in the bum to weaponize $10 / month.
Daddy! There’s $10 / month under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I scream, you scream, my daughter, $10 / month!
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to $10 / month.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at $10 / month and my card appeared in a preserved brain in a jar!



The president's tweet reads: "The   story is a hoax! Just an excuse by  {n} for  {v}! Very sad and sick!"
Play 3

The president's tweet reads: "The a back-breaking zit story is a hoax! Just an excuse by relative tranquility for breaking in! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The nut sack hairs story is a hoax! Just an excuse by all the leopards for making it weird! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The a big, brown beaver story is a hoax! Just an excuse by dryness problems for lubing up! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The tangled memories story is a hoax! Just an excuse by my gratitude for hiding with your warriors! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The shavings story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a vortex that keeps mumbling for being dragged! Very sad and sick!"
The president's tweet reads: "The another hurdle story is a hoax! Just an excuse by fingernail torture for waking in terror! Very sad and sick!"

 
 
Jun 30 at 10:31 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Opioids help people with  , but then they cant poop.

Opioids help people with retribution, but then they cant poop.
Opioids help people with a gaggle of nuns, but then they cant poop.
Opioids help people with abstinence, but then they cant poop.
Opioids help people with secret Jews, but then they cant poop.
Opioids help people with being shot at while fleeing, but then they cant poop.
Opioids help people with a Ouija board, but then they cant poop.

 
 
Jul 1 at 11:33 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Imitating Christ
v

Bumper sticker: My other ride is imitating Christ.
Jesus is imitating Christ.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with imitating Christ.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began imitating Christ.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and imitating Christ in the Philippines.
I’m getting a wet spot installed in my car, so I can be imitating Christ while I drive.

 
 
Jul 1 at 19:23 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 241
11 ₧
Alex Jones Memes are an amazing source of cards:

A homoerotic gang of mustaches
n

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of a homoerotic gang of mustaches on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing a homoerotic gang of mustaches, since we’re so good at it.
Don’t look at me while I’m a homoerotic gang of mustaches! It messes me up!
On the assembly line we heat a homoerotic gang of mustaches to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is never being appreciated.
Opinions are like a homoerotic gang of mustaches. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about a homoerotic gang of mustaches.



Growing mustaches to grow tough
v

Military scientists in Syria found traces of growing mustaches to grow tough in the soil.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find growing mustaches to grow tough.
But I promised I would get my kids growing mustaches to grow tough for Christmas!
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise growing mustaches to grow tough by rewarding them with taking it easy.
I noticed symptoms of the elevator shaft, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s growing mustaches to grow tough!” but I’m not sure.
The authorities followed the trail of growing mustaches to grow tough, leading them straight to the suspect.



An army of people in black uniforms with mustaches
n

In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in an army of people in black uniforms with mustaches in the middle of each intersection.
Stay out of that lake! an army of people in black uniforms with mustaches will shoot up your urethra!
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember an army of people in black uniforms with mustaches?”
When the beef came at me it was like an army of people in black uniforms with mustaches.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “An Army of People in Black Uniforms with Mustaches and You”.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed an army of people in black uniforms with mustaches up and down the highway.



Interdimensional shapeshifting child molesters
np

Ugh. I ate diversions last night and I’ve been trying to put on interdimensional shapeshifting child molesters all morning.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling interdimensional shapeshifting child molesters. The driver was hitting a man out of his wheelchair.
My nightly ritual involves interdimensional shapeshifting child molesters, lying on the floor, cheering, and finally a steering wheel just as I fall asleep.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide interdimensional shapeshifting child molesters directly.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in interdimensional shapeshifting child molesters.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by interdimensional shapeshifting child molesters.



Gay chemicals
np

I heard you were talking about gay chemicals so I had to come over!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from cunting around even harder with gay chemicals.
When I saw gay chemicals I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, inspecting the poo, I went white as a sheet!
For Halloween we’re peeling gay chemicals so it feels like eyeballs, and we made oozing holes so it feels like brains.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find gay chemicals in the back seat.
But of the tree of gay chemicals you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 2 at 08:44 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Tiger urine
nc

Then God said, “Let there be tiger urine”; and there was tiger urine. And God saw that tiger urine was good.
Hark! What tiger urine through yonder window breaks?
The shockwave from tiger urine at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused phantom limb syndrome in the streets.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about tiger urine.
What the Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks department lacks in selection, we make up for in tiger urine.
I got into my car and sat on tiger urine. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.

 
 
Jul 2 at 18:23 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
I'm sorry I didn't realize today was national   day. Go, be with "your people"

I'm sorry I didn't realize today was national most of my money day. Go, be with "your people"
I'm sorry I didn't realize today was national valid reasoning day. Go, be with "your people"
I'm sorry I didn't realize today was national the egg I hatched from day. Go, be with "your people"
I'm sorry I didn't realize today was national a sexy, but stylish full turn day. Go, be with "your people"
I'm sorry I didn't realize today was national ribs day. Go, be with "your people"
I'm sorry I didn't realize today was national hugs and kisses day. Go, be with "your people"

 
 
Jul 4 at 09:22 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Cream for my baby
nc

Could you buy me cream for my baby? I’ll pay you back.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with cream for my baby and are ordered to be the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago no matter what.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a vicious cupboard lesbian and cream for my baby.
I just dug up significant achievements in my backyard! I had no idea this place had cream for my baby.
The referee just issued a red card to cream for my baby for sliding into _{n} is not something you want to slide up your ass with reckless abandon..
The patient kept screaming about “reasons to do it”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and cream for my baby emerged!

 
 
Jul 4 at 12:44 PDT — Ed. Jul 4 at 12:49 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
High-fiving mid coitus
v

Alcohol is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just high-fiving mid coitus. Sorry.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began high-fiving mid coitus in front of his top supporters.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s high-fiving mid coitus.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find high-fiving mid coitus.
But I promised I would get my kids high-fiving mid coitus for Christmas!
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began high-fiving mid coitus.

 
 
Jul 4 at 12:45 PDT — Ed. Jul 4 at 12:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
This pizza comes with  {n} sauce and it's topped with  {pc}.
Play 2

This pizza comes with a conventional man sauce and it's topped with the bitter cold.
This pizza comes with my momma’s fatness sauce and it's topped with lethal radiation.
This pizza comes with no recourse sauce and it's topped with giant meaty hands.
This pizza comes with a difficult Canadian sauce and it's topped with all white moms.
This pizza comes with a long visit sauce and it's topped with greed, secrets, poison and murder.
This pizza comes with orange dye sauce and it's topped with spike traps.

 
 
Jul 4 at 12:54 PDT — Ed. Jul 4 at 12:55 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
 {Un}: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.

John Travolta crying, as a woman: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
Strength: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
A cracker: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
This strife: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
A long rambling story: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.
Circular logic: peel and chew on its sugary stands to extract its sweet juice.

 
 
Jul 4 at 13:29 PDT — Ed. Jul 4 at 13:30 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 241
11 ₧
During mating season, foreplay for the Siberian Ibex consists of  .

During mating season, foreplay for the Siberian Ibex consists of less lasagna.
During mating season, foreplay for the Siberian Ibex consists of fusing together.
During mating season, foreplay for the Siberian Ibex consists of white people and their fucking problems.
During mating season, foreplay for the Siberian Ibex consists of animal friends.
During mating season, foreplay for the Siberian Ibex consists of hooking yourself up to a machine you know nothing about.
During mating season, foreplay for the Siberian Ibex consists of vandalism.




40 minutes of hitting, screaming, and urinating
vt

The hottest new crptocurrency is “40-minutes-of-hitting-screaming-and-urinating-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase assault preparations!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by 40 minutes of hitting, screaming, and urinating around the building.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for 40 minutes of hitting, screaming, and urinating?
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate 40 minutes of hitting, screaming, and urinating.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience 40 minutes of hitting, screaming, and urinating like I was really there.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of 40 minutes of hitting, screaming, and urinating.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Jul 4 at 19:53 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
Pushing throat limits
v

Apparently, “Pushing Throat Limits” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I beat pushing throat limits all the time!
I don’t need love because I’m pushing throat limits. Sorry mom!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was pushing throat limits.
More armies need to incorporate pushing throat limits into their uniforms.
I went rafting, saw pushing throat limits in the river, no big deal.

 
 
Jul 4 at 23:23 PDT — Ed. Jul 4 at 23:23 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
A way huge discount
n

The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a way huge discount.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a way huge discount by rewarding them with a stretch.
I don’t need love because I’m a way huge discount. Sorry mom!
Here on the assembly line we heat a way huge discount to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is breaking a promise.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a way huge discount on every commercial flight.
The road of royalty is paved with a way huge discount, and awash with a traffic cop.

 
 
Jul 5 at 22:48 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
The log flume ride
n

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a puffed up chest removed so he could be the log flume ride.
Here on the assembly line we heat the log flume ride to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is walking backwards into John Cena.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around the log flume ride.
It’s lucky to touch the log flume ride; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all the log flume ride when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to the log flume ride.

 
 
Jul 6 at 19:45 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Chugging a brewski
v

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for chugging a brewski?
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from chugging a brewski.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and chugging a brewski. There was a report.
Chugging a brewski like this is enough to kill a horse!
Furious that I was chugging a brewski into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into the part you pee into.
A plump, lazy hyena travelled over 20 feet after chugging a brewski.



Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug  {c} the fastest.

Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug donkeydump the fastest.
Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug repair service the fastest.
Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug eerie silence the fastest.
Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug beautiful girl hair the fastest.
Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug violent docking, coming in hard the fastest.
Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug damage the fastest.



A whole barrel of pickles
n

We can be a whole barrel of pickles. And no one has to know.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add a whole barrel of pickles to the pan, while stirring constantly.
What will we do with a whole barrel of pickles early in the morning?
If you have a dream about a whole barrel of pickles, it meas you’re worried about Martha Stewart, orgasming.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a whole barrel of pickles.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a whole barrel of pickles. I still got an 85!

 
 
Jul 6 at 19:56 PDT — Ed. Jul 6 at 19:57 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
A wanton slut
n

Thanks for a wanton slut. Now get out of my bed!
The hardware store didn’t have a real sonuvabitch left, so I got a wanton slut.
I was vacuuming when I sucked too much milk out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a wanton slut came out too!
I got into my car and sat on a wanton slut. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I’m gonna prove the link between my mom fondling a meat sack and a wanton slut! You’ll all see!
While I was out the Roomba got into a wanton slut and was getting fat.

 
 
Jul 6 at 23:54 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Have these been suggested yet?

Killing
vt

Our artisanal process ages an emerging sense of national identity for 3 years, before going right into killing, rapidly mistaking a man for a lady.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for killing.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to killing.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as killing or pushing it deeper.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember killing?”
Today you’re on the receiving end of killing.



Murdering
vt

Thanks for murdering. Now get out of my bed!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, feeling manful, sloth, wrath, murdering, and pride.
No more murdering at Starbucks.
If I had murdering, you’d be dead!
My kid was acting like oozing holes, so I took away murdering privileges.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by murdering around the building.

 
 
Jul 7 at 20:20 PDT — Ed. Jul 8 at 02:29 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 136
A gay Mexican
n

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a gay Mexican.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a gay Mexican is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
It’s not delivery. It’s a gay Mexican.
You spent all your food-stamps on a gay Mexican?!
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a gay Mexican so relaxing.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the steamboat captain, score points by keepin’ it tight, and a gay Mexican shall not be on the field.



Plunging your hand in
v

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than plunging your hand in.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, plunging your hand in appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The 1940’s certainly had a thing about plunging your hand in.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be plunging your hand in.
The new bill before congress would mandate plunging your hand in in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using untwisting to treat plunging your hand in!

 
 
Jul 8 at 14:00 PDT
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