SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 26 27 28 [29] 30 31 32 ... 105 106 107
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 299
11 ₧
awkward sexual advances np

Awkward sexual advances: It’s nature’s candy!
Awkward sexual advances like this is enough to kill a horse!
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: awkward sexual advances.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is awkward sexual advances.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from providing unscrupulous advice with awkward sexual advances.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Awkward Sexual Advances”! I shook his hand and it felt like awkward sexual advances.



unsolicited opinions on Israel np

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to unsolicited opinions on Israel.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing unsolicited opinions on Israel at cars and passers-by.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with unsolicited opinions on Israel went off early, ejecting no more joy into the air!
Furious that I was creeping upstairs into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into unsolicited opinions on Israel.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as unsolicited opinions on Israel.
On the assembly line we heat unsolicited opinions on Israel to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is wishing your girlfriend would get kidnapped.



a group of gay white-supremacists called “Aryan Thrust” n

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a group of gay white-supremacists called “Aryan Thrust” and I think I believe her!
My kid was acting like a group of gay white-supremacists called “Aryan Thrust”, so I took away deliberately standing in front of a cannon privileges.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a group of gay white-supremacists called “Aryan Thrust”.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a group of gay white-supremacists called “Aryan Thrust”.
They said a group of gay white-supremacists called “Aryan Thrust” was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with man animals.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-group-of-gay-white-supremacists-called-aryan-thrust@a-tender-moment.net



the new "Moral America" n

But I promised my kids they could get the new "Moral America" for Christmas!
At the skating rink there was the new "Moral America" and everyone fell down at once.
On Ebay you can get the new "Moral America" but it comes in several tiny boxes.
You stole the new "Moral America" from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re a big, red X and you’re going to hell!
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, the new "Moral America" emerged.
Let killer abs host your next party, providing the new "Moral America" like you’ve never seen before.



a plan to revert the world to a prehistoric-like state n

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value a plan to revert the world to a prehistoric-like state more. Now hold still.
Getting a plan to revert the world to a prehistoric-like state back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a plan to revert the world to a prehistoric-like state while we were still in the car.
I’ve been chopping down trees to build a plan to revert the world to a prehistoric-like state for me and my wife.
Ah, a plan to revert the world to a prehistoric-like state for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a plan to revert the world to a prehistoric-like state, and the eco-glass windows trap in leftover McDonald’s®.



when you're watching hentai but the plot is so good you forget to masturbate v

For my last meal I want a madhouse! A madhouse! seasoned heavily with when you're watching hentai but the plot is so good you forget to masturbate.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and when you're watching hentai but the plot is so good you forget to masturbate in the Philippines.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore when you're watching hentai but the plot is so good you forget to masturbate in a very realistic way.
I’ve got a master’s degree in When You're Watching Hentai but the Plot Is so Good You Forget to Masturbate!
If you kids don’t stop smearing, I will turn when you're watching hentai but the plot is so good you forget to masturbate around!
Here’s a certificate for when you're watching hentai but the plot is so good you forget to masturbate. I am at your service.



handcrafted potato chips np

Ugh. I ate handcrafted potato chips last night and I’ve been trying to put on the brave men and women fighting for us all morning.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Handcrafted Potato Chips is a bargain.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, handcrafted potato chips... Sweet! Sunny-D!
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of handcrafted potato chips.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of handcrafted potato chips came on the screen.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide handcrafted potato chips directly.



hateful free-form jazz nc

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for hateful free-form jazz?
When the beef came at me it was like hateful free-form jazz.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned hateful free-form jazz. As a result, his men were well motivated.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have hateful free-form jazz.
My pharmacist separated carrion birds into two piles, and carefully lowered one into hateful free-form jazz.
I buried my treasure under hateful free-form jazz so you’d never find it!


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2016 Jun 25 at 21:50 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 299
11 ₧
Social Justice Warriors np

You spent all your food-stamps on Social Justice Warriors?!
I didn’t think this house would sell with lady business in the attic. Anyway, I’m Social Justice Warriors.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, Social Justice Warriors emerged.
Life without love is like Social Justice Warriors without torture porn or fruit.
Social Justice Warriors! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all carefully removing my skeleton.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by Social Justice Warriors around the building.




the horrors brought on by Social Justice Warriors np

The rich aroma of the horrors brought on by Social Justice Warriors, from the hills of Colombia.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by the horrors brought on by Social Justice Warriors.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the horrors brought on by Social Justice Warriors in the sea.
Let no spider host your next party, providing the horrors brought on by Social Justice Warriors like you’ve never seen before.
If the horrors brought on by Social Justice Warriors were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of the horrors brought on by Social Justice Warriors in history, rode into battle atop Axl Rose and his big teeth.




today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?" I responded:  !!!

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?" I responded: a broken lock!!!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?" I responded: a berserk horse!!!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?" I responded: a top hat full of assholes!!!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?" I responded: feeling manful!!!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?" I responded: a good soak!!!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?" I responded: a utility belt!!!


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2016 Jun 26 at 01:05 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 140
10,000 pinches ?

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were 10,000 pinches, would you be 10,000 pinches as well?”
The authorities followed the trail of 10,000 pinches, leading them straight to the suspect.
1) A robot may not injure 10,000 pinches, or through inaction allow 10,000 pinches to come to harm.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing 10,000 pinches is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into 10,000 pinches, get to the front of the line.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into 10,000 pinches, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start handcuffing a four-year-old.

 
 
2016 Jun 26 at 16:43 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
meatball marinara nc

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, meatball marinara, toilet paper, shelter, and my love of children.
Sir! We are out of Mama Hole and Papa Pole, but we found meatball marinara while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from meatball marinara.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for meatball marinara.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was meatball marinara.
Authorities were tallying damage from meatball marinara that struck southern California Friday evening.

 
 
2016 Jun 27 at 15:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
the biggest number n

Working on my car I found the biggest number had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about the biggest number?
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the biggest number jumping and nipping at me from below and even wiring money to far off lands.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking the biggest number into women’s purses and bags.
Monopoly: Maximum Bitch Mode Edition comes with divorce papers and the biggest number instead of houses and hotels.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the biggest number in the pillows.



allergies np

There’s no reason for allergies before breakfast.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of allergies on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're allergies!
During routine surgery, the doctors found allergies embedded in my abdomen.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of allergies.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider allergies.

 
 
2016 Jun 28 at 10:48 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 28 at 10:50 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
my fingernails np

In a world with my fingernails being the small spoon, one man must overcome shame. Coming this summer.
In the third world, luxuries like my fingernails are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to a utility belt.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about drinking wine in the tub all day and my fingernails. Should I talk to him?
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found my fingernails.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with my fingernails.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk my fingernails.



an extremely painful sneeze n

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to an extremely painful sneeze.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of curious, probing tendrils, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into an extremely painful sneeze.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put an extremely painful sneeze in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
Ugh. I ate a playpen last night and I’ve been trying to put on an extremely painful sneeze all morning.
You stole vandalism from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re an extremely painful sneeze and you’re going to hell!
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need an extremely painful sneeze and turkey gravy.



taking it easy v

My car looks like it’s taking it easy but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s spinning blades, with taking it easy around the edges, and a cure for what ails ya on top.
When I get older, I don’t want to be taking it easy.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with black lace went off early, ejecting taking it easy into the air!
My publisher demanded I remove taking it easy from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were taking it easy, would you be taking it easy as well?”

 
 
2016 Jun 28 at 10:54 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 299
11 ₧
Metal Gear nc

When the beef came at me it was like Metal Gear.
Here’s a certificate for Metal Gear. I am at your service.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but Metal Gear.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all Metal Gear, right while I’m handcuffing a four-year-old.
I can’t swing an abomination unto God around here without hitting Metal Gear!
I need a hotel room with Metal Gear, and I need a molecule brought to me every four hours.



Outer Heaven nc

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with Outer Heaven went off early, ejecting investigating crimes and making arrests into the air!
For my last meal I want Outer Heaven seasoned heavily with a top hat full of assholes.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like Outer Heaven and is carrying a good soak.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a thump on the head. It was not my lips you kissed, but Outer Heaven.
Outer Heaven saved is Outer Heaven earned.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Outer Heaven” syndrome!



the Milwaukee suburbs np

Every French soldier carries the Milwaukee suburbs in his knapsack.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but the Milwaukee suburbs.
Chase bank is giving out the Milwaukee suburbs this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider the Milwaukee suburbs.
Her inheritance was squandered upon the Milwaukee suburbs while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a refreshing douche of Sprite in her own home.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, the Milwaukee suburbs every single day.



High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND np

I can’t shake the feeling there’s always High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND just around the corner.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND.
If you kids don’t stop getting too excited, I will turn High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND around!
You spent all your food-stamps on High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND?!
It’s lucky to touch High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
There is no revenge so complete as High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND.



  is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by  .2

turning over is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by good vibes.
hyperactive legs is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by bellybutton logic.
ammunition is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a little piece of shit.
long, spindly legs is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a lamprey infestation.
the child-parent relationship is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by an English-speaking Mexican.
a traffic cop is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by a strong magnet.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2016 Jun 28 at 21:48 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
screwing with pants on v

In this 15th century painting, screwing with pants on is represented by a man with a guillotine for a head.
The authorities followed the trail of screwing with pants on, leading them straight to the suspect.
It’s not delivery. It’s screwing with pants on.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, all your drama, sloth, wrath, screwing with pants on, and pride.
There is no revenge so complete as screwing with pants on.
You stole insurance from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re screwing with pants on and you’re going to hell!

 
 
2016 Jun 30 at 12:34 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jun 30 at 12:42 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 299
11 ₧
this brainwashed wide-eyed white knight n

Thanks for this brainwashed wide-eyed white knight last night. *wink* *wink*
Our artisanal process ages Schizo Batman for 3 years, before going right into this brainwashed wide-eyed white knight, rapidly doubting its validity.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me this brainwashed wide-eyed white knight while we were still in the car.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by this brainwashed wide-eyed white knight around the building.
Last night I dreamed of a child section. I cannot shake the feeling that this brainwashed wide-eyed white knight will arrive soon.
My house. 8 o’clock. This brainwashed wide-eyed white knight.



murdering everyone who is different from you v

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift military-themed porn over my head, but murdering everyone who is different from you got in the way.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “murdering everyone who is different from you” incident in the science lab.
Throughout human history, murdering everyone who is different from you has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of murdering everyone who is different from you.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began murdering everyone who is different from you.
Furious that I was murdering everyone who is different from you into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a hollow shell.



trying to handcuff a ghost v

Trying to handcuff a ghost is the only way to say goodbye.
I can’t believe you guys went trying to handcuff a ghost without me! Loop me in next time, I want a flesh wand too!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then trying to handcuff a ghost really affected me.
I think that ecstasy was cut with witnesses. After one hit I began very, very rapidly trying to handcuff a ghost.
Alexander also named a city in India “Trying to Handcuff a Ghost” after his dead horse.
Trying to handcuff a ghost isn’t getting old, but I sure am!



rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about v

Researchers have trained chimps to recognise rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about by rewarding them with a fresh banana.
Men, like captured pirates, go farthest when they are rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about in the Philippines.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
The authorities followed the trail of rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about, leading them straight to the suspect.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2016 Jun 30 at 21:59 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
I'd like to wear  {s} but it takes all day to put on.

I'd like to wear the shittier one but it takes all day to put on.
I'd like to wear a ghoulish feast but it takes all day to put on.
I'd like to wear the winning lottery numbers but it takes all day to put on.
I'd like to wear a shrieking verbal tirade but it takes all day to put on.
I'd like to wear someone tougher but it takes all day to put on.
I'd like to wear a prelude to battle but it takes all day to put on.



a machine that changes nothing n

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of rent-controlled coffins and a mouthfeel like a machine that changes nothing.
Dad! I’m all done chasing a firetruck, so I have a machine that changes nothing left over if you’re still interested.
Daddy! There’s a machine that changes nothing under my bed. Kill it kill it!
I like my women like I like questions. Ceaseless questions: bursting exuberantly onto the national scene with a machine that changes nothing.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a machine that changes nothing while I’m Mom and Dad!
What the snake jizz department lacks in selection, we make up for in a machine that changes nothing.



a plan that changes nothing n

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a plan that changes nothing.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like a plan that changes nothing.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a plan that changes nothing removed from her and infectious laughter removed from me.
My mom picked me up a plan that changes nothing from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
My dream house has retribution built in, an extra garage for things to fix, and a plan that changes nothing for the door bell.
God didn’t create me. God created a plan that changes nothing. And a plan that changes nothing created me.



Things were getting out of hand. I only managed to stop a split second before entering  {n}.

Things were getting out of hand. I only managed to stop a split second before entering a foul odor.
Things were getting out of hand. I only managed to stop a split second before entering solutions.
Things were getting out of hand. I only managed to stop a split second before entering useless noodle arms.
Things were getting out of hand. I only managed to stop a split second before entering sloppy seconds.
Things were getting out of hand. I only managed to stop a split second before entering a yellow suit.
Things were getting out of hand. I only managed to stop a split second before entering 50 years.



big dudes with big dudes np

At spring training a foul ball bounced off tight clothes in the stands and then knocked big dudes with big dudes off a skin tag.
For my last meal I want big dudes with big dudes seasoned heavily with sex friends.
Big dudes with big dudes is the only way to say goodbye.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with big dudes with big dudes went off early, ejecting smoky chipotle flavored scuba air into the air!
Last Christmas, everyone got any decent person under the tree and big dudes with big dudes in their stockings!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about big dudes with big dudes.



NORTH KOREA n

NORTH KOREA has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by NORTH KOREA around the building.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into the best woman for the job, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start NORTH KOREA.
In this 15th century painting, NORTH KOREA is represented by a man with a fistful of glitter for a head.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with NORTH KOREA. So bring vandalism.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for NORTH KOREA?



stealthy beej's np

At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have stealthy beej's! Some of us just want giggling schoolgirls with cameras.”
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Stealthy Beej's” and it helps me with a stretch.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be stealthy beej's.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk stealthy beej's.
Apparently, “Stealthy Beej's” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of stealthy beej's in the sky.



While you're at the store can you pick up  , in family size?

While you're at the store can you pick up an actual rusty trombone, in family size?
While you're at the store can you pick up a well-oiled machine, in family size?
While you're at the store can you pick up a refreshing douche of Sprite, in family size?
While you're at the store can you pick up hot lava, in family size?
While you're at the store can you pick up a photocopy of your face, in family size?
While you're at the store can you pick up five full-time chefs, in family size?



nut sack hairs np

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was nut sack hairs.
I want to be buried with nut sack hairs.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by nut sack hairs.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed nut sack hairs up and down the highway.
Look, man, I’m not into nut sack hairs. But $20 is $20.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of nut sack hairs in history, rode into battle atop a deluge of vomit.

 
 
2016 Jul 2 at 00:22 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jul 2 at 00:34 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 140
beating up retarded people v

For science class we went on a field trip to see how beating up retarded people happens.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into beating up retarded people! She’s 62!
I’m late to my meeting for beating up retarded people.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but beating up retarded people.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me beating up retarded people at the party last night.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of beating up retarded people came on the screen.

 
 
2016 Jul 2 at 00:26 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
saying "she's busy" v

Saying "she's busy" brings skin worms to a child’s face.
The rich aroma of saying "she's busy", from the hills of Colombia.
In a world with mostly unused hypodermics fusing together, one man must overcome saying "she's busy". Coming this summer.
Ich bin ein saying "she's busy".
I can’t believe you guys went saying "she's busy" without me! Loop me in next time, I want most people too!
My favorite new band is “Saying "she's Busy" and Bear Sperm”.



holding his head under water v

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be holding his head under water if I wanted a new family.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into holding his head under water, get to the front of the line.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're holding his head under water!
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s holding his head under water.
Last night I dreamed of holding his head under water. I cannot shake the feeling that the most beautiful face ever will arrive soon.
I went rafting, saw holding his head under water in the river, no big deal.

 
 
2016 Jul 2 at 00:48 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jul 2 at 00:50 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
Thanks for making all mine look stupid... DAN.
 
 
2016 Jul 2 at 00:54 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
James Bond will return in "The Man With  "!

James Bond will return in "The Man With turkey gravy"!
James Bond will return in "The Man With spraying up the wall"!
James Bond will return in "The Man With the atmosphere"!
James Bond will return in "The Man With a skinless horror"!
James Bond will return in "The Man With punching a hole in the roof"!
James Bond will return in "The Man With my first time"!



How do you do uppercase blanks?
 
 
2016 Jul 3 at 13:27 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Martha Stewart, orgasming n

A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in Martha Stewart, orgasming.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Martha Stewart, Orgasming.
Ever since Martha Stewart, orgasming appeared in the neighborhood, soul-damning has been eyed with suspicion.
In this 15th century painting, Martha Stewart, orgasming is represented by a man with my taxidermied daughter for a head.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as Martha Stewart, orgasming surfaced from below.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only helpful subordinates and Martha Stewart, orgasming.

 
 
2016 Jul 3 at 16:30 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jul 3 at 16:31 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
a dead battery n

President Reagan and his entire cabinet got a dead battery before every meeting.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a dead battery.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a dead battery. The driver was turning over.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a dead battery one ounce at a time.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a dead battery!”
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced the man who is stalking me with a dead battery.

 
 
2016 Jul 3 at 16:33 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jul 3 at 16:34 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
air pressure nc

I buried my treasure under air pressure so you’d never find it!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during air pressure that overturned their car.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a conventional man. So bring air pressure.
CAUTION: Keep air pressure out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
The new bill before congress would mandate air pressure in all K-through-12 classrooms.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is air pressure.

 
 
2016 Jul 3 at 16:39 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
Due to budget cuts in the district, classrooms with no longer have  {n}  {v}.2

Due to budget cuts in the district, classrooms with no longer have fairy tales smearing blood all over the bathroom.
Due to budget cuts in the district, classrooms with no longer have a horrible proposition sewing it shut.
Due to budget cuts in the district, classrooms with no longer have existential ennui hiding just around the corner.
Due to budget cuts in the district, classrooms with no longer have a useful tip killing.
Due to budget cuts in the district, classrooms with no longer have so many dudes sinking into the mud.
Due to budget cuts in the district, classrooms with no longer have effective limits getting wrapped around a tree.

 
 
2016 Jul 3 at 16:50 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jul 3 at 16:53 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 299
11 ₧
a sassy computer wife nc

Thanks for a sassy computer wife last night. *wink* *wink*
Then God said, “Let there be a sassy computer wife”; and there was a sassy computer wife. And God saw that a sassy computer wife was good.
My nightly ritual involves juggling responsibilities, a foaming pipe snake, and finally a sassy computer wife just as I fall asleep.
Every French soldier carries a sassy computer wife in his knapsack.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a sassy computer wife in the sky.
Last Christmas, I gave you a sassy computer wife. The very next day, you gave it away.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2016 Jul 4 at 11:31 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
killing protesters v

The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Killing Protesters.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me killing protesters and it’s getting weird.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of killing protesters in its food processing operations.
I noticed symptoms of killing protesters, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s baseless hatred!” but I’m not sure.
My new phone looks like it’s killing protesters but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from killing protesters.

 
 
2016 Jul 6 at 16:00 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
butt licks np

I came with zebras disguised as horses to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought butt licks so nobody even noticed!
Jesus is butt licks.
A lifetime of butt licks awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
My favorite new band is “A Snack Attack and Butt Licks”.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Butt licks and the uncooperative dead.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about wriggly little worms and butt licks. Should I talk to him?



more juice nc

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than more juice.
I can’t believe you guys went being killed in the Spanish civil war without me! Loop me in next time, I want more juice too!
The TSA has made new rules mandating more juice on every commercial flight.
Music without the sounds of more juice is hardly music at all.
Let’s wait for a demonic religious lie to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get more juice.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced unsuspecting bystanders with more juice.



hitting me with a chain v

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider hitting me with a chain.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value hitting me with a chain more. Now hold still.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for hitting me with a chain.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift spines over my head, but hitting me with a chain got in the way.
10% of all proceeds from sales of all your drama will go to The Hitting Me with a Chain Foundation.
You stole a clever bastard from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re hitting me with a chain and you’re going to hell!



nestling vt

Our artisanal process ages a haunted theremin for 3 years, before going right into nestling, rapidly folding inward.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began nestling.
In my state, nestling is a legal right for me and my native brothers.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is nestling.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into nestling, get to the front of the line.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into nestling! She’s 62!



beeping vt

Experts said that based on preliminary data, beeping appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Howdy neighbor, love beeping! Let’s get the whole bottle of sleeping pills sometime!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about beeping, but with another hurdle!
Let a protective layer of rubber host your next party, providing beeping like you’ve never seen before.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me beeping and it’s getting weird.
Alexander also named a city in India “Beeping” after his dead horse.

 
 
2016 Jul 6 at 16:05 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
my evil little body n

My car looks like it’s my evil little body but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Jesus is my evil little body.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always my evil little body just around the corner.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to my evil little body.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for my evil little body.
A social skill is any skill facilitating my evil little body with others.



their white asses np

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate their white asses.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is their white asses.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using ropes to treat their white asses!
I’ve been chopping down trees to build their white asses for me and my wife.
Ah, their white asses for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Back in my day, we only had their white asses for door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes and we LIKED IT.



zero farts np

You spent all your food-stamps on zero farts?!
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride a code to live by. It made me feel like I was zero farts.
My pharmacist separated zero farts into two piles, and carefully lowered one into $20 worth of pot.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into zero farts.
I think that ecstasy was cut with zero farts. After one hit I began very, very rapidly huddling in the corner.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS ZERO FARTS A CARING, UNDERSTANDING MAN.”



no bitches np

On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing no bitches.”
At my 9th birthday, we had the Handsome Boy Modeling School piñata that burst open showering no bitches on us kids.
Can I get some floss? There’s no bitches between my teeth.
Here’s a certificate for no bitches. I am at your service.
In future times, the children will work together to build no bitches.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, no bitches emerged.



 
 
2016 Jul 6 at 16:28 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jul 6 at 16:31 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe n

The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe up and down the highway.
I pushed hard enough to snap a penis with flame decals and a racing stripe, but some powerful kind of moisture was blocking the door.

 
 
2016 Jul 9 at 15:53 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate  .

The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a bloody leotard.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a mind-erasing kit.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate making it go back in.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate swordplay.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate feeling manful.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a pillar of salt.

 
 
2016 Jul 12 at 05:43 PDT — Ed. 2016 Jul 12 at 05:43 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5901
a little lesbian boy n

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like a little lesbian boy.
The cineplex has been using a little lesbian boy in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a little lesbian boy. The driver was serving humanity.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a little lesbian boy.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a little lesbian boy.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow A Little Lesbian Boy?



my pokemons np

Honey, you can’t keep putting my pokemons down the garbage disposal!
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using my pokemons to treat girl problems!
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my pokemons and damage come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about my pokemons, but with an extremely tense spring!
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being my pokemons.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with my pokemons and a mysterious boy who fights a smooth vagina.



 
 
2016 Jul 12 at 16:14 PDT