SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 45 46 47 [48] 49 50 51 ... 105 106 107
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
putting on masks and fucking vt

I’m late to my meeting for putting on masks and fucking.
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Putting on Masks and Fucking.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of putting on masks and fucking, so the temporary replacement uses a cheesy substance.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only an anatomically correct sock puppet and putting on masks and fucking.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience putting on masks and fucking like I was really there.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate putting on masks and fucking.

 
 
2016 Nov 6 at 01:15 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
being attacked by the Japanese v

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re being attacked by the Japanese and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide being attacked by the Japanese directly.
Being attacked by a skeleton while driving has been statistically shown to increase the risk of being attacked by the Japanese.
Happiness: Bigger problems, nudity, and being attacked by the Japanese.
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me being attacked by the Japanese and it’s getting weird.
On the assembly line we heat an under-the-table interaction to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is being attacked by the Japanese.



fusing with the alien v

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of fusing with the alien came on the screen.
When I get older, I don’t want to be fusing with the alien.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using fusing with the alien to treat a fishy substance!
Fusing with the alien failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward antibiotics.
Fusing with the alien! Fusing with the alien! My kingdom for fusing with the alien!
Our artisanal process ages a bony ass for 3 years, before going right into fusing with the alien, rapidly keelhauling.

 
 
2016 Nov 6 at 01:07 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
a schill for our alien overlords nc

It’s not delivery. It’s a schill for our alien overlords.
Furious that I was pandering to the normies into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a schill for our alien overlords.
Back in my day, we only had a schill for our alien overlords for exciting lifetime possibilities and we LIKED IT.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a schill for our alien overlords.
How high do you have to be to enjoy a schill for our alien overlords in the absolute verifiable truth?
For my last meal I want a schill for our alien overlords seasoned heavily with a hackneyed truism.

 
 
2016 Nov 6 at 01:49 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
an ocean of shit n

Daddy! There’s an ocean of shit under my bed. Kill it kill it!
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with an ocean of shit slowly overtaking the buildings.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, an ocean of shit, toilet paper, shelter, and my SIM card.
Here on the assembly line we heat an ocean of shit to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is wriggling and thrashing.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of an ocean of shit, so the temporary replacement uses bitches on the love throne.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using an ocean of shit to forage for food.

 
 
2016 Nov 6 at 11:02 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
a minivan with a dead body in it n

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Minivan with a Dead Body in It” syndrome!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a minivan with a dead body in it.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a minivan with a dead body in it... Sweet! Sunny-D!
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need a minivan with a dead body in it and spongy flesh.
You spent all your food-stamps on a minivan with a dead body in it?!
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a minivan with a dead body in it in the sky.

 
 
2016 Nov 6 at 17:53 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 6 at 17:53 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
acting mature for once v

On the assembly line we heat a busy bee to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is acting mature for once.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “acting mature for once.”
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was acting mature for once.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with 19 cannons jumping and nipping at me from below and even acting mature for once.
Acting mature for once brings ionizing radiation to a child’s face.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by acting mature for once.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 00:33 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 8 at 00:35 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Dr. Sangfroid n

If you have a dream about Dr. Sangfroid, it meas you’re worried about literally every single thing.
Dr. Sangfroid like this is enough to kill a horse!
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling Dr. Sangfroid. The driver was putting on pants.
CAUTION: Keep Dr. Sangfroid out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
During routine surgery, the doctors found Dr. Sangfroid embedded in my abdomen.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but Dr. Sangfroid.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 02:15 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 8 at 02:16 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Nazi Germany n

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is Nazi Germany.
Her inheritance was squandered upon Nazi Germany while Cinderella was abused and forced to become the white man in her own home.
Pundits agree it will take Nazi Germany for the senator to win the election.
You can’t get Nazi Germany big enough or a Christmas tree long enough to suit me.
Ever since Nazi Germany appeared in the neighborhood, new rules from on high has been eyed with suspicion.
Can I get some floss? There’s Nazi Germany between my teeth.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 15:43 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
an axe-swinging Viking n

An axe-swinging Viking has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be an axe-swinging Viking.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned an axe-swinging Viking. As a result, his men were well motivated.
The cruiseliner struck an axe-swinging Viking and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with assault preparations.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at an axe-swinging Viking and my card appeared in an army of 35,000 men!
Although moving away from an axe-swinging Viking proved effective for schools, the switch to the measure of a man initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 15:44 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 8 at 15:45 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
the president n

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with the president.
Last Christmas, I gave you the president. The very next day, you gave it away.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy the president one ounce at a time.
In my wild days I was smearing blood all over the bathroom, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with the president on the New Mexico border.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore the president in a very realistic way.
The president isn’t getting old, but I sure am!

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 15:46 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 8 at 15:46 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a massive, hissing centipede n

When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a massive, hissing centipede over my head, but chugging NyQuil™ got in the way.
For my last meal I want a mistake seasoned heavily with a massive, hissing centipede.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a massive, hissing centipede?
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a massive, hissing centipede that overturned their car.
I was vacuuming when I sucked a massive, hissing centipede out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a lump in the blanket came out too!
The TSA has made new rules mandating a massive, hissing centipede on every commercial flight.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 15:47 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 8 at 15:48 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Warchief Bloodmoor's minions np

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Warchief Bloodmoor's Minions”! I shook his hand and it felt like Warchief Bloodmoor's minions.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Untwisting Co., tapping into the growing market for Warchief Bloodmoor's minions.
My nightly ritual involves Warchief Bloodmoor's minions, mailing anthrax, and finally getting all obsessed just as I fall asleep.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a big bomb, but now for work I’m Warchief Bloodmoor's minions. Go figure!
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Warchief Bloodmoor's minions jumping and nipping at me from below and even laughing and lying.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Warchief Bloodmoor's Minions and You”.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 15:49 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 8 at 15:52 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a heliotropic penis n

The survey team detected endangered animals at the work site so I threw a heliotropic penis in my truck and drove straight there.
My publisher demanded I remove a heliotropic penis from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a heliotropic penis.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a heliotropic penis, even before I put on my clothes.
There’s no reason for a heliotropic penis before breakfast.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a heliotropic penis.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 18:15 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 8 at 18:17 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a very fertile pussycat n

The new bill before congress would mandate a very fertile pussycat in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for a very fertile pussycat.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: An episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects with a very fertile pussycat.
It’s lucky to touch a very fertile pussycat; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a very fertile pussycat.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a very fertile pussycat and the world’s fastest pump.

 
 
2016 Nov 8 at 18:54 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
a cow fetus, floating in formaldehyde nc

Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with feminine hygiene products. So bring a cow fetus, floating in formaldehyde.
Wake turbulence, also known as things that aren’t fruit, is turbulence that forms behind a cow fetus, floating in formaldehyde as it passes through the air.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “a cow fetus, floating in formaldehyde” incident in the science lab.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Cow Fetus, Floating in Formaldehyde.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a cow fetus, floating in formaldehyde in the pillows.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a cow fetus, floating in formaldehyde and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like dryness problems.



(Thank you Neil Gaiman)
 
 
2016 Nov 9 at 06:07 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 9 at 06:08 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
goin' to the cemetery to set traps v

Shepherds in Scotland have used goin' to the cemetery to set traps for years to keep the flock from the first chimp in space.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw goin' to the cemetery to set traps for the first time!
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of barely any swag and a mouthfeel like goin' to the cemetery to set traps.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into goin' to the cemetery to set traps.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Goin' to the Cemetery to Set Traps
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as goin' to the cemetery to set traps or impressing the most neutral observers.

 
 
2016 Nov 9 at 15:34 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of  {vpc}. You'll all get  {n}!2

Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of prying her mouth open. You'll all get a dense woolly undercoat over the chest!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of organizing children to join armies. You'll all get frozen people!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of running until you die. You'll all get an anatomically correct sock puppet!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of swamp ass. You'll all get the normal manner!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of spiders. You'll all get a threat from Eurasia!
Everybody line up against the wall, in descending order of terminal illness. You'll all get every pterodactyl!



Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by  .

Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by human tears out of a champagne flute.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by ground control.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by cranberry sauce or juice.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by an oblong breast.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by a fridge full of heads.
Water bears can survive in space and volcanoes, but they can be killed by a wet tongue.



To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding  {s} section. I say it's about time!

To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding one more section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding your imaginary friend, Captain Howdy section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding the gravy dimension section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding a strongly-worded letter section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding a loaded gun section. I say it's about time!
To keep up with modern sensibilities, the Brussels Philhamronic Orchestra is adding a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug section. I say it's about time!



During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're  , John."

During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're a carafe of broccoli chowder, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're pomp, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're the Handsome Boy Modeling School, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're sufficient funds, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're a skin tag, John."
During most of his adult accomplishments, the voices in John Nash Jr's head just kept saying, "You're a moisture-wicking fleece Canadian sleeve for the penis, John."

 
 
2016 Nov 9 at 17:31 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 9 at 17:35 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
a bus full of white children n

In the third world, luxuries like lips are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to a bus full of white children.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a suitcase full of guns and money by rewarding them with a bus full of white children.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a bus full of white children in its food processing operations.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a bus full of white children.
The city condemned our house after finding a bus full of white children in the crawlspace.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a bus full of white children to weaponize the last breath of a dying man.



a bus full of Vietnamese children n

I chipped my tooth on a bus full of Vietnamese children. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t violent death.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with a bus full of Vietnamese children and a mysterious boy who fights cheering children.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a bus full of Vietnamese children.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a bus full of Vietnamese children.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as jury duty, score points by lifting his kilt and winking, and a bus full of Vietnamese children shall not be on the field.
Dad! I’m all done fellating everything in the room, so I have a bus full of Vietnamese children left over if you’re still interested.



Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of  {pc} hanging over the freeway.

Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of significant legal reform hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of grabby hands hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of endangered animals hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of anger and shock hanging over the freeway.
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours rescue a bus full of turkey gravy hanging over the freeway.

 
 
2016 Nov 9 at 19:42 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
a game Dad made me play n

The TSA has made new rules mandating a game Dad made me play on every commercial flight.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off a game Dad made me play in the stands and then knocked eels off a mass of lymphatic tissue.
Until quite recently, a game Dad made me play had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience a game Dad made me play like I was really there.
Happiness: A soap bubble, a game Dad made me play, and ululating majestically.
On Ebay you can get a game Dad made me play but it comes in several tiny boxes.

 
 
2016 Nov 9 at 19:45 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
talking weird v

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, talking weird, sloth, wrath, the moron I hired to kill you, and pride.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to talking weird.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s talking weird, with hugs and kisses around the edges, and a backseat on top.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began talking weird.
But of the tree of knowledge of apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down and talking weird you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “talking weird”.

 
 
2016 Nov 9 at 21:31 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
 {n}, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with   in a state of ruin.2

the absolute verifiable truth, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with half a man in a state of ruin.
white men with guns, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes in a state of ruin.
grunting mermaids, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with two F-bombs in a state of ruin.
the pelvis, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with nothing much in a state of ruin.
a shard of shrapnel, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with the real adversary in a state of ruin.
a girl on roller skates, thought to be lost forever in a plane crash in the Mediterranean, now being hauled out of the sea by Greek fishermen, along with attacking everything in your path in a state of ruin.

 
 
2016 Nov 9 at 21:33 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 9 at 21:37 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
drinking some syrup v

I tried drinking some syrup but it was too tight. Then I tried a gush but it was TOO LOOSE.
Always walk into an interview with my exoskeleton and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate drinking some syrup.
This year’s hottest new fashion is drinking some syrup on your head.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a serious scuffle and a mouthfeel like drinking some syrup.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is drinking some syrup.
My favorite new band is “Clemency and Drinking Some Syrup”.

 
 
2016 Nov 10 at 04:40 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
a soulless ginger n

The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are Mexican forces and a soulless ginger.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a soulless ginger in the middle of each intersection.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Leaf Blower!” You’re cursed with a soulless ginger until the end of the game!
Apparently, “a Soulless Ginger” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn techniques, but now for work I’m a soulless ginger. Go figure!
If a soulless ginger were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!



turning into a white woman v

But of the tree of knowledge of a garbage truck and turning into a white woman you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Men, like a crow in a blender, go farthest when they are turning into a white woman.
I went rafting, saw turning into a white woman in the river, no big deal.
Turning into a white woman has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
I am become turning into a white woman, the destroyer of a boy, but like... a manly boy.
What the hors d’oeuvres department lacks in selection, we make up for in turning into a white woman.

 
 
2016 Nov 10 at 10:03 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
rappin' and makin' beats v

After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Rappin' and Makin' Beats
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was rappin' and makin' beats.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value rappin' and makin' beats more. Now hold still.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of rappin' and makin' beats in its food processing operations.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is rappin' and makin' beats.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about rappin' and makin' beats?



dropping some hot raps over a sick beat v

I chipped my tooth on Mexican forces. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t dropping some hot raps over a sick beat.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to dropping some hot raps over a sick beat.
The TSA has made new rules mandating dropping some hot raps over a sick beat on every commercial flight.
Great job on the proposal for dropping some hot raps over a sick beat, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a gut.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s dropping some hot raps over a sick beat and I think I believe her!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually dropping some hot raps over a sick beat.

 
 
2016 Nov 10 at 20:15 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5903
naked wrestling ncvt

You stole naked wrestling from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re giving it a tweak and you’re going to hell!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during naked wrestling that overturned their car.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find naked wrestling in the back seat.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up naked wrestling in every room.
The thief was caught stealing solvent from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of naked wrestling.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, naked wrestling emerged.

 
 
2016 Nov 11 at 13:33 PST