SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 8 9 10 [11] 12 13 14 ... 105 106 107
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of _____ and a mouthfeel like _____.2

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of mildew, mold, and traces of fungal spores and a mouthfeel like a serious scuffle.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a long-buried secret and a mouthfeel like a treasure map.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of floating away in a fucking balloon and a mouthfeel like tight clothes.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a big, naked Santa and a mouthfeel like sudsy bodies.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a jet of hot air and a mouthfeel like nine guys you fucked.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of giving birth to a prosthetic baby and a mouthfeel like a dream.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 14:26 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 25 at 14:30 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted _____ to the vastness of space.

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a hackneyed truism to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a flea to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted cops getting high to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted the world’s fastest pump to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted black magic orgasms to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted another hole in the head to the vastness of space.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 14:32 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Chase bank is giving out _____ this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

Chase bank is giving out assuming complete control this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Chase bank is giving out black market organs this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Chase bank is giving out a boiled bag of pig cushion this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Chase bank is giving out vacuous remarks this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Chase bank is giving out llama spit this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Chase bank is giving out family fun night this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 14:38 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 25 at 14:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Lonely guys in Japan can buy _____ that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.

Lonely guys in Japan can buy an X-rated PSA that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy the associated risks that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy cranberry sauce or juice that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a fishy substance that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy an eyewitness that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy the sound of someone sipping soup that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 14:40 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 25 at 14:40 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with _____ and instructed to be _____ at all costs.2

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with cranberry sauce or juice and instructed to be a Turkish wedding at all costs.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a pill for every problem and instructed to be overwatch at all costs.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a little sumthin sumthin and instructed to be a bad white card at all costs.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with Liam Neeson’s Halfway House for Silly Girls and instructed to be a burst of energy at all costs.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a plump, lazy hyena and instructed to be a crack in the sky at all costs.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a satchel full of yeast and instructed to be flailing at all costs.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 14:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
The Great Wall was actually built to keep _____ out of mainland China.

The Great Wall was actually built to keep solvent out of mainland China.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep neglecting a spike out of mainland China.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a submissive sex android out of mainland China.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a respected neurosurgeon out of mainland China.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a battalion of ruthless, killer cyborgs out of mainland China.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep assuming complete control out of mainland China.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 14:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Kinect automatically recognizes when you're _____ and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

Kinect automatically recognizes when you're the French crown and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you're kevlar underwear and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you're dying in captivity and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you're cuts on the wall and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you're milking a buffalo and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you're crush beast and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 14:53 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 25 at 14:54 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren't both _____.

I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren't both bucking.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren't both intense pain.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren't both Mexican forces.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren't both horsing around.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren't both a corresponding rise in wages.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren't both being hit by space debris.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 16:16 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 140
Running for presidency

Apparently, “Running for Presidency” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, running for presidency appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The best comfort food will always be greens, running for presidency, and fried chicken.
I’m late to my meeting for running for presidency.
Running for presidency... like a woman’s.
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with running for presidency in my hand.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 22:29 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 25 at 22:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
I can't believe you forced my mom into _____! She's 42!

I can't believe you forced my mom into the king and his family! She's 42!
I can't believe you forced my mom into a falling piano! She's 42!
I can't believe you forced my mom into the child-parent relationship! She's 42!
I can't believe you forced my mom into clemency! She's 42!
I can't believe you forced my mom into disturbing trends! She's 42!
I can't believe you forced my mom into this sentence! She's 42!

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 22:29 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 26 at 01:09 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 140
A big donkey

It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a big donkey, toilet paper, shelter, and having too many irons in the fire.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need a big donkey and sinuses.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with a big donkey.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a big donkey on every commercial flight.
He also named a city in India “A Big Donkey” after his dead horse.
I like my women like I like deserving to be killed: with a big donkey.

 
 
2016 Mar 25 at 23:13 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
I ordered _____ privately over the Internet so I can get better at _____.2

I ordered a gynecological procedure privately over the Internet so I can get better at laughing along but crying inside.
I ordered beans on toast privately over the Internet so I can get better at an empty Tic Tac® box.
I ordered my person privately over the Internet so I can get better at an unclothed manikin.
I ordered chocolate chip juice privately over the Internet so I can get better at flimflam.
I ordered most people privately over the Internet so I can get better at the tickle zone.
I ordered too much peanut butter in the mouth privately over the Internet so I can get better at masticating fresh fruit.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 00:56 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 26 at 00:57 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
The brave men and women fighting for us

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, the brave men and women fighting for us emerged.
This workplace has gone (0) days without the brave men and women fighting for us.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: the-brave-men-and-women-fighting-for-us@victory-or-death.net
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during the brave men and women fighting for us that overturned their car.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by the brave men and women fighting for us.
My religion demands that I must always have the brave men and women fighting for us, and that I must abstain from banning the Pope.



Fees from the bank

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Whoever Collapses First” and it helps me with fees from the bank.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in fees from the bank, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on fees from the bank.
Come on down to Golden Corral for fees from the bank.
If fees from the bank were in the Olympics, Finland would be in great shape!
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only fees from the bank and cannibals come from Texas, Private Cowboy!



Proving she's a witch

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with proving she's a witch!”
Although moving away from proving she's a witch proved effective for schools, switching to all the food initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Proving She's a Witch!
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for proving she's a witch.
The rich aroma of proving she's a witch, from the hills of Columbia.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Proving She's a Witch!” You’re cursed with a small angry cloud until the end of the game!



Saving all the Jews

See now black people walk like saving all the Jews. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a jaunty tune!
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with saving all the Jews.
Voltron assemble! Saving all the Jews forms the left arm!
The White House will no longer enforce The Saving All the Jews Act of 1959. Thank God.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk saving all the Jews.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was saving all the Jews.



Punching a hole in the roof

Punching a hole in the roof has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of punching a hole in the roof.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Punching a Hole in the Roof,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from my first time with punching a hole in the roof.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as punching a hole in the roof.
Men, like punching a hole in the roof, go farthest when they are smoothest.



Kicking the door down

A social skill is any skill facilitating surviving and kicking the door down with others.
When a person has kicking the door down, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
Kicking the door down is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
But I promised my kids they could get kicking the door down for Christmas!
Chimps in the wild have been observed using kicking the door down to forage for food.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing kicking the door down.”



Painting rude words on the cat

When the celestial spheres align, painting rude words on the cat will descend from the heavens.
Painting Rude Words on the Cat”: A new sport for boys and girls.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with painting rude words on the cat and a mysterious boy who fights oral fixations.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider painting rude words on the cat.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, painting rude words on the cat, toilet paper, shelter, and unbearable bitching.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and painting rude words on the cat take a road trip, and discover a doozy along the way.



The island and everyone on it

A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of the island and everyone on it on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
I’m finally sisters with the island and everyone on it!
Until quite recently, the island and everyone on it had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like the island and everyone on it.
In this 15th century painting, the island and everyone on it is represented by a man with a carton of expired milk for a head.
Last night I dreamed of a bag of tricks. I cannot shake the feeling that the island and everyone on it will arrive soon.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 01:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
A very hot pan

I came home to find a cat, but upside down replaced with a very hot pan.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a very hot pan in the Philippines.
The only way to make sense out of a very hot pan is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
Always walk into an interview with a very hot pan and confidence, you’ll get the job for sure!
The thief was caught stealing a very hot pan from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of a backup plan.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a very hot pan.



Stairs all the way up

J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of stairs all the way up.
Hark! What stairs all the way up through yonder window breaks?
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around stairs all the way up on the freeway.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “stairs all the way up” incident in the science lab.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with stairs all the way up! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Furious that I had peed into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into stairs all the way up.



A glass rod

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Familiar Scent” and it helps me with a glass rod.
Authorities were tallying damage from a glass rod that struck southern California Friday evening.
My financial analyst had advised me against investing all my money in a glass rod.
You remind me of the basic unit of physics because you are always a glass rod to me.
One has to secrete a jelly in which to slip a glass rod down people’s throats - and one always secretes too much jelly.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a glass rod.



A power cord

Let a power cord host your next party, providing hiding with your warriors like you’ve never seen before.
The unofficial symbol of the United States is a power cord.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a power cord.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Power Cord”.
When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered a power cord operation.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a power cord.



A broken lock

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a broken lock, score points by steers and queers, and a faulty support shall not be on the field.
A Broken Lock”: A new sport for boys and girls.
See now black people walk like a broken lock. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a crusty dish rag!
I refuse to roleplay as anything but a broken lock.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a broken lock.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a broken lock and journeying to far-off lands.



A creepier perv

Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of not noticing and a creepier perv.
Amtrak officials confirm a creepier perv would have prevented train derailment.
Single white female seeking long term relationship, if you’re into a creepier perv, get to the front of the line.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a creepier perv.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and a creepier perv take a road trip, and discover a good soak along the way.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Creepier Perv!



My wedding ring

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live in my wedding ring across the street.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “My Wedding Ring” syndrome!
Apparently, “My Wedding Ring” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Throughout human history, my wedding ring has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest cavalry charge in history, rode into battle atop my wedding ring.
If you don’t stop my wedding ring, I’ll load you on my catapult and fire you into a vibrator with a voice!



The combination

Damn it! I got the combination jammed in the wheel well again.
In my state, the combination for sustenance is a legal right for many indigenous people.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in the combination, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of the combination in the soil.
Mumbo jumbo brings the combination and a smile to a child’s face.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned the combination. As a result, his men were well motivated.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 01:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
A fat lot o' good

When a person has a fat lot o' good, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a bargain, part was a fat lot o' good, and it was crowned with the stars of the night sky.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Fat Lot O' Good!
My house. 8 o’clock. A fat lot o' good.
I’ve been dancing to the new single by “A Fat Lot O' Good and a Big Bomb”.
A fat lot o' good: It’s nature’s candy!



Hot wax

Everything I need to live on a desert island: Hot wax with space madness.
Life without love is like hot wax without the taxpayers or fruit.
Every French soldier carries hot wax in his knapsack.
I like my women like I like lewd acts in public: with hot wax.
Ich bin ein hot wax.
I came home to find lying perfectly still replaced with hot wax.



Carpet stains

Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as fisticuffs atop a zeppelin, score points by carpet stains, and Angelina Jolie’s lips shall not be on the field.
Can I get some floss? There’s carpet stains between my teeth.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A white card and carpet stains.
Carpet stains has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing carpet stains.”
Although moving away from carpet stains proved effective for schools, switching to stubby fingers initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.



An ice cream truck

Their rising all at once was as the sound of an ice cream truck heard remote.
In the public an ice cream truck model, a third-party service provider delivers the an ice cream truck service over the Internet.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live in an ice cream truck across the street.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of an ice cream truck.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were an ice cream truck, would you be an ice cream truck as well?”
Chimps in the wild have been observed using an ice cream truck to forage for food.



What the dog ate

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Back-breaking Zit” and it helps me with what the dog ate.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for what the dog ate.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, leaving your friends to die, toilet paper, shelter, and what the dog ate.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like what the dog ate.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of what the dog ate.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a leather swing in the attic. Anyway, I’m what the dog ate.



My vicinity

Come on down to Golden Corral for my vicinity.
Apparently, “My Vicinity” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with my vicinity and a mysterious boy who fights keepin’ it tight.
During routine surgery, the doctors found my vicinity embedded in my abdomen.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and tunneling around take a road trip, and discover my vicinity along the way.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up my vicinity in every room.



My swollen jaw

You put my swollen jaw back right now, young man, you’ve already had yours!
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by my swollen jaw.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “my swollen jaw” incident in the science lab.
My swollen jaw makes good neighbors.
God didn’t create me. God created my swollen jaw. And my swollen jaw created me.
Amtrak officials confirm my swollen jaw would have prevented train derailment.



A projectile

Getting a projectile back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Financial Distress!” You’re cursed with a projectile until the end of the game!
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Projectile” syndrome!
A Projectile: The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan.
Thanks for a projectile. Now get out of my bed!
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a projectile.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 01:30 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Firemen with a trampoline

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live in firemen with a trampoline across the street.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest cavalry charge in history, rode into battle atop firemen with a trampoline.
How embarrassing! I forget I left firemen with a trampoline in the foyer.
But of the tree of knowledge of covering the expenses and firemen with a trampoline you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk firemen with a trampoline.
Furious that I had peed into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into firemen with a trampoline.



An enormous cushion

Who so pulleth out Katy Perry’s kitty, Kitty Purry of this stone is rightwise king born of an enormous cushion.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on an enormous cushion.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, an enormous cushion appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Man invented being in the way, so woman invented an enormous cushion.
An enormous cushion makes good neighbors.
My house. 8 o’clock. An enormous cushion.



The Easter bunny

I’m finally sisters with the Easter bunny!
The Easter bunny is not horrible if a child is doing it.
A social skill is any skill facilitating the Easter bunny and a top hat full of assholes with others.
Music without the sounds of the Easter bunny is hardly music at all.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember the Easter bunny?”
I’m late to my meeting for the Easter bunny.



Bad acting

In my state, bad acting for sustenance is a legal right for many indigenous people.
I wasn’t always black... there was bad acting, and it got bigger and bigger.
BonerQuest! Chapter 7, in which our randy hero deals with bad acting.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring bad acting.
Bad acting has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
God didn’t create me. God created bad acting. And bad acting created me.



A $160,000 diamond

Come on down to Golden Corral for a $160,000 diamond.
The White House will no longer enforce The A $160,000 Diamond Act of 1959. Thank God.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a $160,000 diamond.
In this game you get to collect pure honey and craft a $160,000 diamond.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Your signature manoeuvre with a $160,000 diamond.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned a $160,000 diamond. As a result, his men were well motivated.



$20 worth of pot

This is my second kid. My first one came out as $20 worth of pot.
The city condemned our house after finding $20 worth of pot in the crawlspace.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with $20 worth of pot! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then $20 worth of pot really affected me.
Can I get some floss? There’s $20 worth of pot between my teeth.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on $20 worth of pot.



Orange dye

My religion demands that I must always have orange dye, and that I must abstain from a liability.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into something equivalent. It was not my lips you kissed, but orange dye.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from orange dye with catching one in the bum.
But I promised my kids they could get orange dye for Christmas!
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with orange dye!”
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began orange dye in front of his top supporters.



Your fault

You can’t get your fault big enough or pirate booty long enough to suit me.
When a person has your fault, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Your Fault,” the finest ship in the harbor!
How high do you have to be to put a mass of lymphatic tissue on your fault?
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “your fault”.
I like my women like I like handcuffing a four-year-old: with your fault.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 01:36 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 26 at 01:39 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
A squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls

Any man who can drive safely while kissing A squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of A squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls and the mysteries of childbirth.
Give a man A squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls and you feed him for a day. Give him an unscheduled cement testing contest, and you feed him for a lifetime.
I went rafting, saw A squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls in the river, no big deal.
Man invented A squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls, so woman invented a puffed up chest.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: a-victorian-penny-dreadful@a-squirming-pile-of-japanese-robot-sex-dolls.net

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 01:54 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 140
The bowel fairy

Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “The Bowel Fairy”.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a spirit of camaraderie, score points by people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm, and The bowel fairy shall not be on the field.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider The bowel fairy.
When the celestial spheres align, The bowel fairy will descend from the heavens.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw The bowel fairy overboard!
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with The bowel fairy in my hand.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 02:38 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 140
A fist full of hair

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Fist Full of Hair Blast!
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with a fist full of hair.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a fist full of hair! It’s all here in my manifesto!
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a fist full of hair, toilet paper, shelter, and a crotchety old hermit.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a fist full of hair.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a fist full of hair.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 02:42 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
I was thinking of a particular Achewood comic and decided to temporarily break with my assertion that we had too many crass cards.

A strap-on butt

I wasn’t always black... there was A strap-on butt, and it got bigger and bigger.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from A strap-on butt.
Can I get some floss? There’s A strap-on butt between my teeth.
A strap-on butt is the only way to say goodbye.
A strap-on butt makes good neighbors.
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of A strap-on butt and a choreographed dance.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 12:59 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
A single shot to the head

I didn’t think this house would sell with running and jumping into the darkness and hoping nothing kills you in the attic. Anyway, I’m a single shot to the head.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a single shot to the head.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a single shot to the head in the Philippines.
He also named a city in India “A Single Shot to the Head” after his dead horse.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a single shot to the head! It’s all here in my manifesto!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a single shot to the head.

 
 
2016 Mar 26 at 23:59 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 26 at 23:59 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his chest and abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with _____.

Though mortally wounded by three shots to his chest and abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with the shittier one.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his chest and abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with relative tranquility.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his chest and abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with inhabitants.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his chest and abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with tiny men.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his chest and abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a little sumthin sumthin.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his chest and abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a dirigible death match.

 
 
2016 Mar 27 at 00:01 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
After president Reagan was shot, he was pushed into _____ by a secret service agent.

After president Reagan was shot, he was pushed into a lucky toss by a secret service agent.
After president Reagan was shot, he was pushed into steampunk bullshit by a secret service agent.
After president Reagan was shot, he was pushed into no wheelchair access by a secret service agent.
After president Reagan was shot, he was pushed into a loss of manpower by a secret service agent.
After president Reagan was shot, he was pushed into eating all the poop away by a secret service agent.
After president Reagan was shot, he was pushed into my DNA by a secret service agent.

 
 
2016 Mar 27 at 01:10 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
My neighbors always went the extra mile on Christmas with their display of _____.

My neighbors always went the extra mile on Christmas with their display of Coach Diddleplayers.
My neighbors always went the extra mile on Christmas with their display of carpet stains.
My neighbors always went the extra mile on Christmas with their display of slipping on a jizz slick.
My neighbors always went the extra mile on Christmas with their display of things to fix.
My neighbors always went the extra mile on Christmas with their display of torturing your family.
My neighbors always went the extra mile on Christmas with their display of horsing around.

 
 
2016 Mar 27 at 02:01 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Getting ready for Hillary

At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as getting ready for Hillary surfaced from below.
In preparing for getting ready for Hillary I have always found that nipping it in the bud are useless, but three babies in a backpack is indispensable.
10% of all proceeds will go to the getting ready for Hillary foundation.
I found out why I'm always sick -- they found getting ready for Hillary in the walls at my office.
BonerQuest! Chapter 7, in which our randy hero deals with getting ready for Hillary.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of just a video game and a mouthfeel like getting ready for Hillary.

 
 
2016 Mar 27 at 02:11 PDT