SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 14 15 16 [17] 18 19 20 ... 107 108 109
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Possible card update:

Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of  {pc} in history, rode into battle atop  {s}.2

Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of spices in history, rode into battle atop a back-wreaking zit.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of snake jizz in history, rode into battle atop a close friend.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of smooth boys in history, rode into battle atop the “swimsuit area”.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of no recourse in history, rode into battle atop a great big sword.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of insurance in history, rode into battle atop a truck full of ladders.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of anorexia in history, rode into battle atop a historical dame.

 
 
2016 Apr 21 at 14:36 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 21 at 14:38 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
loose teeth np

Getting loose teeth back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Science never solves a problem without creating loose teeth.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of loose teeth in the sky.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, Axl Rose and his big teeth, toilet paper, shelter, and loose teeth.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow loose teeth?
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by loose teeth.



enough heat to loosen up the teeth nc

More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and enough heat to loosen up the teeth in the Philippines.
Who so pulleth out the measure of a man of this stone is rightwise king born of enough heat to loosen up the teeth.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed enough heat to loosen up the teeth up and down the highway.
In this 15th century painting, wailing is represented by a man with enough heat to loosen up the teeth for a head.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking enough heat to loosen up the teeth onto the International Space Station.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, enough heat to loosen up the teeth popped out!

 
 
2016 Apr 21 at 14:44 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 279
a little creative violence ?

A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of a little creative violence on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Little Creative Violence!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a little creative violence, but with the measure of a man!
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get a little creative violence off my property, I’m calling the cops!
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a little creative violence like your brother?”
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare a little creative violence right at your table.

 
 
2016 Apr 22 at 10:14 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 279
a vicious cupboard lesbian ?

And my mother said, “How come you’re not a vicious cupboard lesbian like your brother?”
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a vicious cupboard lesbian.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a vicious cupboard lesbian.
The water tower looks like it’s a vicious cupboard lesbian from this angle.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a vicious cupboard lesbian in the soil.
A vicious cupboard lesbian: It’s nature’s candy!

 
 
2016 Apr 22 at 10:15 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
poetic license nc

Thanks for poetic license last night. *wink* *wink*
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put poetic license in the pillows.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Poetic License” syndrome!
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw poetic license for the first time!
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing poetic license, since we’re so good at it.
Growing up we never had fewer wheels, but we had to deal with poetic license, and I want the opposite for my children.



This one needs rephrased, to get rid of the "it", and I'd like it to be more specific. (I'm trying Boeing for specificity)
At the Boeing production plant, we always test  {n} by hooking it up to  {n} and running 10,000 volts of electricity through them.2

At the Boeing production plant, we always test David Bowie’s mysterious bulge by hooking it up to the stillness of death and running 10,000 volts of electricity through them.
At the Boeing production plant, we always test a winking hole by hooking it up to no record of their death and running 10,000 volts of electricity through them.
At the Boeing production plant, we always test the basement by hooking it up to mom and running 10,000 volts of electricity through them.
At the Boeing production plant, we always test a big slow boat by hooking it up to a hidden pancake and running 10,000 volts of electricity through them.
At the Boeing production plant, we always test an even stupider idea by hooking it up to that ass and running 10,000 volts of electricity through them.
At the Boeing production plant, we always test the roof by hooking it up to the contents of your vacuum cleaner bag and running 10,000 volts of electricity through them.


 
 
2016 Apr 24 at 16:46 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 24 at 16:46 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
touching my deformity v

Military scientists in Syria found traces of touching my deformity in the soil.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: touching-my-deformity@the-dutch-oven.net
SWF seeking LTR or fun for now, if you’re into touching my deformity, get to the front of the line.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “touching my deformity”.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and touching my deformity.
Facebook just bought a Bad Time Company, hoping to get a stronger position in touching my deformity.



corruption nc

Getting corruption back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring corruption.
My nightly ritual involves a horizontal ass crack, corruption, and finally doing a bad job at pooping just as I fall asleep.
God didn’t create me. God created corruption. And corruption created me.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Corruption.
Corruption can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.

 
 
2016 Apr 24 at 22:56 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 24 at 23:02 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
When I saw  {n} I was scared, but when it suddenly started  {v} and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!2

When I saw my sister’s closet I was scared, but when it suddenly started pleading for more men and supplies and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a day at the beach I was scared, but when it suddenly started windmilling and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a strangler I was scared, but when it suddenly started running until you die and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw my private supply I was scared, but when it suddenly started doing it RIGHT this time! and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a demon torture puzzle box I was scared, but when it suddenly started closing her legs and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a sterilized dog I was scared, but when it suddenly started danglin’ out there all pink and naked and coming towards me I went white as a sheet!

 
 
2016 Apr 24 at 23:05 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 24 at 23:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Rephrase thoughts:

When I saw  {n} I was scared, but when it started coming toward me,  {v}, I went white as a sheet!2

When I saw a savvy entrepreneur I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, getting tickled until you bust a nut, I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a blinding flash of insight I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, smoking crack, I went white as a sheet!
When I saw the moron I hired to kill you I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, brimming with babies, I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a tribal village I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, sinking into the mud, I went white as a sheet!
When I saw a child drowning in a vat of molasses I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, wishing your girlfriend would get kidnapped, I went white as a sheet!
When I saw ideas above your station I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus, I went white as a sheet!

 
 
2016 Apr 25 at 11:32 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 25 at 11:33 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
A friend dropped this in conversation and now it's a white card.

spooning with guests v

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of an ankle holster and a mouthfeel like spooning with guests.
spooning with guests isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
I can’t believe you forced my mom into spooning with guests! She’s 62!
In the public spooning with guests model, a third-party service provider delivers the spooning with guests service over the Internet.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always spooning with guests. Always.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re spooning with guests and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Apr 26 at 19:35 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
slapping everything v

During the war, German scientists experimented with slapping everything to weaponize mercury poisoning.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride my mom teaching sex ed. It made me feel like I was slapping everything.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a head full of ideas and a mouthfeel like slapping everything.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then slapping everything really affected me.
The survey team detected slapping everything so I threw stainless steel plating in my truck and drove straight there.
If you have a dream about Disneyland!, it meas you’re worried about slapping everything.

 
 
2016 Apr 27 at 00:11 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 27 at 00:16 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
getting snapped in half v

Thanks for getting snapped in half last night. *wink* *wink*
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always getting snapped in half. Always.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “getting snapped in half”.
Apparently, “Getting Snapped in Half” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
The authorities followed the trail of getting snapped in half, leading them straight to the suspect.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like getting snapped in half.

 
 
2016 Apr 27 at 00:18 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 27 at 00:18 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
They say that everything is about sex, except  , which is about  .2

They say that everything is about sex, except yoga farts, which is about lips.
They say that everything is about sex, except black leggings, which is about the white man.
They say that everything is about sex, except robotic beer wenches, which is about an eyeless face.
They say that everything is about sex, except high heels, which is about sneaking into the sultan’s harem.
They say that everything is about sex, except a dirigible death match, which is about twiddly fingers.
They say that everything is about sex, except anorexia, which is about 19 cannons.

 
 
2016 Apr 27 at 00:20 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 27 at 00:30 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
a cranky, foul mouthed old lady n

I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
How embarrassing! I forget I left a cranky, foul mouthed old lady in the foyer.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of peeing in the sink and a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
A cranky, foul mouthed old lady is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
When a person has a cranky, foul mouthed old lady, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.

 
 
2016 Apr 29 at 05:33 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn  , but now for work I'm  . Go figure!2

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a zealous follower, but now for work I'm a shard of shrapnel. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn feeding upon nematodes, but now for work I'm dressing. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a light dusting of pubes, but now for work I'm almost no air left. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn death math, but now for work I'm sock puppets. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn lying perfectly still, but now for work I'm a little of this, a little of that. Go figure!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn dope, but now for work I'm deserving to be killed. Go figure!



Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling  {n}. The driver was  {v}.2

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling the most humane action. The driver was drawing your knife and slashing your way out of the tent.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling an ally. The driver was keepin’ it warm in the cooch.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling mutual benefit. The driver was saving all the Jews.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling ribs. The driver was circumcising your dad.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a utility belt. The driver was giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a lonely grave. The driver was flailing.



How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of  {p}, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into  .2

How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of pierced butt cheeks, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into evading capture.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of spices, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into competitive masturbation.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of tender pinches, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into subordinated masculinity.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of the little lies we tell, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into a purgative elixir.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of heavy iron dildos, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into a humiliated animal.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of life-altering injuries, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into walking backwards into John Cena.

 
 
2016 Apr 29 at 10:25 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 29 at 10:26 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
child-bearing hips np

Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with child-bearing hips and are instructed to be an infinite supply of anything and everything right at your fucking fingertips no matter what.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, child-bearing hips in and out.
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with child-bearing hips in my hand.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing child-bearing hips.”
For science class we went on a field trip to see how child-bearing hips happens.
Amtrak officials confirm child-bearing hips would have prevented train derailment.

100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Apr 29 at 12:51 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 29 at 12:51 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with  {n} jumping and nipping at me from below and even  {v}.2

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a burst of energy jumping and nipping at me from below and even subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with one thousand scorpions jumping and nipping at me from below and even foaming, not at the mouth.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with an ant in my beard jumping and nipping at me from below and even chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with A SKELETON jumping and nipping at me from below and even rolling a golf cart.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the mayor jumping and nipping at me from below and even smearing.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a big stink jumping and nipping at me from below and even floating away in a fucking balloon.



Reword halp?
 
 
2016 Apr 29 at 17:34 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 29 at 18:13 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
my out of control libido nc

I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, my out of control libido popped out!
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was being controlled by a child, part was my out of control libido, and it was crowned with tainted love.
The best comfort food will always be greens, my out of control libido, and fried chicken.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by those glorious gams and my out of control libido.
The thief was caught stealing ass pennies from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of my out of control libido.
In this 15th century painting, steampunk bullshit is represented by a man with my out of control libido for a head.

 
 
2016 Apr 29 at 18:40 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 29 at 18:40 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 142
special pube shampoo ?

In future times, the children will work together to build special pube shampoo.
A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of special pube shampoo on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered special pube shampoo operation.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by special pube shampoo.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned special pube shampoo. As a result, his men were well motivated.
They don’t make a dragon made of motorcycle like they used to! This one doesn’t even have special pube shampoo.

 
 
2016 Apr 29 at 23:03 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
writhing on the floor and screaming my name v

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
Ever since a giant brain with four faces but no limbs moved into the neighborhood, writhing on the floor and screaming my name has been eyed with suspicion.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
Don’t look at me while I’m writhing on the floor and screaming my name! It messes me up!

 
 
2016 May 1 at 15:46 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 1 at 15:46 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began  {v}.

As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began jerking it.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began scissoring.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began following your boner around the room.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began doubting its validity.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began expectorating some sludge.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began horsing around.


Fixed tense (thanks Jeff). Stupid autocorrect...
 
 
2016 May 1 at 15:52 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 1 at 23:54 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 279
I would have never thought that I'd actually be  {v} while I'm  {v}!2

I would have never thought that I'd actually be leaving nothing sacred while I'm slipping on a jizz slick!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be losing on purpose while I'm leaving your friends to die!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be fornicating all day, every day while I'm whistling at women!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be turning around when you see your ex while I'm knowing hell!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be doing surgery on LSD while I'm doing it RIGHT this time!!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be never being appreciated while I'm lumbering around!

 
 
2016 May 1 at 18:49 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 1 at 18:50 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 279
Nezumi said:
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began  {v}.

As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began going solo.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began breaking a promise.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began laughing and lying.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began being difficult on the set.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began roping it in.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began juking left at the last second.



Changed it so it's fully past tense
 
 
2016 May 1 at 18:52 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 142
Murdering someone through the internet ?

Murdering someone through the internet can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is Murdering someone through the internet.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Murdering someone through the internet.
This workplace has gone (0) days without Murdering someone through the internet.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only diplomatic support and Murdering someone through the internet.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find Murdering someone through the internet so relaxing.

 
 
2016 May 1 at 19:45 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 1 at 19:46 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
jeff is wizlord said:
I would have never thought that I'd actually be _{v} while I'm _{v}!


Seems like this could work with singulars too.

I would have never thought that I'd actually be  {vs} while I'm  {v}!2

I would have never thought that I'd actually be a spicy banana aftertaste while I'm never being appreciated!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be a do-gooder while I'm doing things for attention!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be a screaming dog while I'm wearing the bones of the dead!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be the sound of someone sipping soup while I'm organizing children to join armies!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be a wayward dental implant while I'm force-feeding a bird!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be an enormous cushion while I'm rolling a golf cart!

 
 
2016 May 2 at 11:44 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 2 at 11:48 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
I think that ecstasy was cut with  {pc}. After one hit I began very, very rapidly  {v}.2

I think that ecstasy was cut with “forensic evidence” (semen). After one hit I began very, very rapidly ululating majestically.
I think that ecstasy was cut with spongy flesh. After one hit I began very, very rapidly smearing.
I think that ecstasy was cut with 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars. After one hit I began very, very rapidly scoring.
I think that ecstasy was cut with upsetting footage not suitable for children. After one hit I began very, very rapidly sneaking into the sultan’s harem.
I think that ecstasy was cut with thunderclaps. After one hit I began very, very rapidly investigating crimes and making arrests.
I think that ecstasy was cut with exciting lifetime possibilities. After one hit I began very, very rapidly seeking death.

 
 
2016 May 2 at 11:53 PDT — Ed. 2016 May 2 at 11:55 PDT