SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 49 50 51 [52] 53 54 55 ... 107 108 109
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
getting covered in spicy mayonnaise v

We can be getting covered in spicy mayonnaise. And no one has to know.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me getting covered in spicy mayonnaise at the party last night.
But I promised my kids they could get getting covered in spicy mayonnaise for Christmas!
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting covered in spicy mayonnaise.

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 01:03 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 17 at 01:05 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
my skin n

I got a light dusting of pubes as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with my skin?
I tried to sneak out of the store with my skin under one arm and the killing of educated adults down my pants.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed my skin up and down the highway.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about my skin?
Monopoly: All Your Drama Edition comes with the front half and my skin instead of houses and hotels.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my skin to the funeral.

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 01:05 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
It was awful, in the middle of having sex  {n} leaked out of my butt.

It was awful, in the middle of having sex a squealing 6- and 10-year-old leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex pendulous breasts leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex a tribal village leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex quiet poots leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex the wool over my eyes leaked out of my butt.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex anger and shock leaked out of my butt.

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 02:26 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Stay out of that lake!  {n} will shoot up your urethra!

Stay out of that lake! the men who helped me will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! carrion birds will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! unrestrained passion will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! hot babes will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! an army of 35,000 men will shoot up your urethra!
Stay out of that lake! an extremely uncomfortable mattress will shoot up your urethra!

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 02:27 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 17 at 02:29 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
When  {n} finally expired,  {n}, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.2

When a mind-erasing kit finally expired, a leopard invasion, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a pinch finally expired, bad juju, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When $20 worth of pot finally expired, a pipe bomb, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a glass pane finally expired, girl problems, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a big ol’ fruit finally expired, inquisitive middle schoolers, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.
When a stolen Army helicopter finally expired, white men with guns, a type of parasite, burst out and started squirming around.

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 02:32 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 17 at 02:36 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
the monster who murdered your husband n

Happiness: The monster who murdered your husband, violent death, and the finest quality cheese.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the monster who murdered your husband by rewarding them with a falling tree.
I love your necklace! It’s the monster who murdered your husband, right?
I’m getting the monster who murdered your husband installed in my car, so I can be the only thing left while I drive.
If you have a dream about the monster who murdered your husband, it meas you’re worried about gourmet drinking chocolate.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was the monster who murdered your husband.

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 17:17 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 17 at 17:17 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
The road of royalty is paved with  , and awash with  .2

The road of royalty is paved with a deal breaker, and awash with a watermelon.
The road of royalty is paved with this spring’s hottest new fashions, and awash with a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
The road of royalty is paved with a great big sword, and awash with the shittier one.
The road of royalty is paved with insincerity, and awash with horny catgirls.
The road of royalty is paved with three carrots, and awash with a quiver of love arrows.
The road of royalty is paved with an enchanted ring, and awash with money.

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 17:19 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for  "

I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for God in human form"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for unrestrained passion"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for insipid fools"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for ill-advised business decisions"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for useless noodle arms"
I slowly crept up to her bed, whispering, "Get ready for a firm slap to the groin"

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 17:21 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 17 at 17:23 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
I saw  {n} down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be   with us."2

I saw an even stupider idea down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be mammaries with us."
I saw a photocopy of your face down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be glittery eyelashes with us."
I saw a deceitful word down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be a battalion of ruthless, killer cyborgs with us."
I saw military-themed porn down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be being in the way with us."
I saw dope down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be a more imminent danger with us."
I saw hella teen angst down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "You'll be getting crushed between two trucks with us."

 
 
2016 Nov 17 at 17:25 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 18 at 15:51 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
eating batteries v

I refuse to roleplay as anything but eating batteries.
This workplace has gone (0) days without eating batteries.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from eating batteries, and the eco-glass windows trap in slaughter.
Thanks for eating batteries. Now get out of my bed!
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about MY SKULL! and eating batteries. Should I talk to him?
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Eating Batteries!

 
 
2016 Nov 18 at 11:36 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
aaronjer said:
card= I saw _{n} down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, "Come _{vt} with us."


Unfortunately that's the wrong verb tense. Maybe just leave play in there?

...they said, "Come play  {vt} with us."

...they said, "Come play installing an update with us."
...they said, "Come play going straight to hell for this with us."
...they said, "Come play laughing along but crying inside with us."
...they said, "Come play flipping over and spraying into the air with us."
...they said, "Come play blacking out and making a sex sound with us."
...they said, "Come play leaving no trace with us."



Also, {vt} is redundant. {t} implies {v} so you should just have {t} if that's what you meant. The rule is it only has to match one so {vt} = {v}. All {t}'s are {v}'s anyway.

It works the opposite way on white cards. On white cards you are setting flags, on black cards you are filtering for at-least-one.
 
 
2016 Nov 18 at 11:40 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
...they said, "Come play  {t} with us."

...they said, "Come play dropping an upper-decker with us."
...they said, "Come play reaching around with us."
...they said, "Come play up in it with us."
...they said, "Come play spongy flesh with us."
...they said, "Come play a tightrope with us."
...they said, "Come play whaling with us."



...but also there aren't many {vt} cards so sometimes it gives up and just puts whatever in there. It only searches so far...

no black child n

If my neighbor doesn’t get no black child off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with the taste of Rohypnol. So bring no black child.
You evaded my “No Black Child” attack! Most impressive.
Ich bin ein no black child.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of no black child in the sky.
Don’t look at me while I’m no black child! It messes me up!

 
 
2016 Nov 18 at 11:42 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 18 at 13:09 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5924
Trent Reznor's vocal style nc

In my wild days I was not noticing, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with Trent Reznor's vocal style on the New Mexico border.
In this game you get to collect cuts on the wall and craft Trent Reznor's vocal style.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around Trent Reznor's vocal style on the freeway.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Thinking about dwarves, Trent Reznor's vocal style and unisexuality.
Until quite recently, Trent Reznor's vocal style had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of Trent Reznor's vocal style-loving bot that hates good, Christian values.

 
 
2016 Nov 18 at 14:14 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
a stable, monogamous, heterosexual relationship n

The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of a stable, monogamous, heterosexual relationship, so the temporary replacement uses the gravy dimension.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of a stable, monogamous, heterosexual relationship.
The hardware store didn’t have a stable, monogamous, heterosexual relationship left, so I got a deal breaker.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a stable, monogamous, heterosexual relationship. I still got an 85!
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a stable, monogamous, heterosexual relationship.”
I can’t believe you guys went mistreating the clitoris without me! Loop me in next time, I want a stable, monogamous, heterosexual relationship too!

 
 
2016 Nov 18 at 23:30 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
I looked up " " in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving  .2

I looked up "relative tranquility" in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving lots of rattled nerves.
I looked up "a weak little person" in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving toned thighs.
I looked up "smooth boys" in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving Pakistani cosmonauts.
I looked up "a foul odor" in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving an infinite supply of anything and everything right at your fucking fingertips.
I looked up "a suitcase full of guns and money" in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving a 1 cm square patch of skin.
I looked up "lifting off the toilet" in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving a crudely-drawn dick.

 
 
2016 Nov 19 at 15:48 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
a citrus-pine scented double ply taint-wipe n

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a citrus-pine scented double ply taint-wipe onto the International Space Station.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a citrus-pine scented double ply taint-wipe. Always.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. A Citrus-pine Scented Double Ply Taint-wipe is a gentle, flourished spanking.
I ordered a citrus-pine scented double ply taint-wipe privately over the Internet so I can get better at saving all the Jews.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a citrus-pine scented double ply taint-wipe, and the eco-glass windows trap in five adult sons.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of unknown assailants in history, rode into battle atop a citrus-pine scented double ply taint-wipe.

 
 
2016 Nov 19 at 23:59 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 20 at 00:00 PST
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
I've got a really bad idea:

 {n} landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that  {nc} came shooting out of my ass!2

my illegitimate son landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that stubby fingers came shooting out of my ass!
your imaginary friend, Captain Howdy landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that a salad came shooting out of my ass!
a sex swing landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that a stroke came shooting out of my ass!
a fisherman landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that a little spurt came shooting out of my ass!
my secret sex gymnasium landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that dilation of the uterus came shooting out of my ass!
gangstas landed on my stomach, which hurt pretty bad, but the amazing thing is that all your drama came shooting out of my ass!

 
 
2016 Nov 20 at 00:11 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 20 at 00:22 PST
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 317
11 ₧
That ain’t no office! What kind of office is full of  ?

That ain’t no office! What kind of office is full of the world’s fastest pump?
That ain’t no office! What kind of office is full of ear worms?
That ain’t no office! What kind of office is full of helpful subordinates?
That ain’t no office! What kind of office is full of the “swimsuit area”?
That ain’t no office! What kind of office is full of those glorious gams?
That ain’t no office! What kind of office is full of the egg I hatched from?



And when the ducks found the ugliest duckling, he had transformed into .

And when the ducks found the ugliest duckling, he had transformed intoMom and Dad.
And when the ducks found the ugliest duckling, he had transformed intoa sex-addicted panda.
And when the ducks found the ugliest duckling, he had transformed intoa ripe body.
And when the ducks found the ugliest duckling, he had transformed intoexistential ennui.
And when the ducks found the ugliest duckling, he had transformed intodank memes.
And when the ducks found the ugliest duckling, he had transformed intoWoman 2.0.



the cutest little Viking n

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the cutest little Viking jumping and nipping at me from below and even following your boner around the room.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of the cutest little Viking, Jüri Pootsmann, and respite.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the cutest little Viking in the sea.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring the cutest little Viking.
I chipped my tooth on the cutest little Viking. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t two F-bombs.
Pool rules: No running. No fairy tales. Keep the cutest little Viking out of the deep end.



a haunted sandcastle n

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am servile wretches. Would you like to try our new special, a haunted sandcastle?
In future times, the children will work together to build a haunted sandcastle.
Let seed host your next party, providing a haunted sandcastle like you’ve never seen before.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a haunted sandcastle. Always.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a haunted sandcastle like your brother?”
I’m getting a haunted sandcastle installed in my car, so I can be Krampus, the child punisher while I drive.



bourbon and ball-gags np

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, high-voltage wires, sloth, wrath, bourbon and ball-gags, and pride.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of cinderblock justice and a Fedex full of bourbon and ball-gags.
There is no revenge so complete as bourbon and ball-gags.
It’s not delivery. It’s bourbon and ball-gags.
You can’t get bourbon and ball-gags big enough or the roof long enough to suit me.
The cruiseliner struck bourbon and ball-gags and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with putting on pants.



spare “adhesive tape” and “belts” np

My publisher demanded I remove spare “adhesive tape” and “belts” from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Spare “adhesive Tape” and “belts”” syndrome!
Can I get some floss? There’s spare “adhesive tape” and “belts” between my teeth.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took spare “adhesive tape” and “belts” to the funeral.
Two best friends and animal friends take a road trip, and discover spare “adhesive tape” and “belts” along the way.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with spare “adhesive tape” and “belts”.



gas station candy np

Working on my car I found gas station candy had crawled inside the engine block and died.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in gas station candy.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about gas station candy.
Getting gas station candy back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
If you have a dream about a van down by the river, it meas you’re worried about gas station candy.
I buried my treasure under gas station candy so you’d never find it!



being under-qualified at everything except for murdering innocent minorities v

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “being under-qualified at everything except for murdering innocent minorities.”
I like my women like I like being under-qualified at everything except for murdering innocent minorities: fusing together with laying claim.
When the chair is ready, being under-qualified at everything except for murdering innocent minorities will appear.
Happiness: Being under-qualified at everything except for murdering innocent minorities, a submissive sex android, and windmilling.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider being under-qualified at everything except for murdering innocent minorities.
Don’t shake my picture so hard, it’ll start being under-qualified at everything except for murdering innocent minorities.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
2016 Nov 20 at 12:36 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a smoking crater filled with blood n

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a smoking crater filled with blood in the pillows.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Smoking Crater Filled with Blood” after his dead horse.
Don’t look at me while I’m a smoking crater filled with blood! It messes me up!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about hotboxing a cat, but with a smoking crater filled with blood!
I can’t believe you guys went adopting a Romanian baby without me! Loop me in next time, I want a smoking crater filled with blood too!
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with my person and a mysterious boy who fights a smoking crater filled with blood.

 
 
2016 Nov 21 at 16:15 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a guilty little boy n

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a guilty little boy.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen a guilty little boy.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a guilty little boy in the soil.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a guilty little boy.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a guilty little boy. Always.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a guilty little boy so relaxing.

 
 
2016 Nov 21 at 16:16 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
my lovely bits np

Getting my lovely bits back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
In the public my lovely bits model, a third-party service provider delivers the my lovely bits service over the Internet.
A social skill is any skill facilitating my lovely bits with others.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like my lovely bits.
Let a piece of Lego® in the carpet host your next party, providing my lovely bits like you’ve never seen before.
Who so pulleth out a slip of the tongue of this stone is rightwise king born of my lovely bits.

 
 
2016 Nov 21 at 16:28 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 21 at 16:36 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a vagina that smiles n

Music without the sounds of a vagina that smiles is hardly music at all.
Although moving away from a vagina that smiles proved effective for schools, the switch to many people initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
In this 15th century painting, reduced brain intelligence is represented by a man with a vagina that smiles for a head.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Eskimo Settlements Co., tapping into the growing market for a vagina that smiles.
If you have a dream about a vagina that smiles, it meas you’re worried about a bunch of vulvas in my face.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with a vagina that smiles.

 
 
2016 Nov 22 at 16:27 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a runaway buzzsaw n

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow A Runaway Buzzsaw?
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a runaway buzzsaw.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always a runaway buzzsaw just around the corner.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a runaway buzzsaw.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a runaway buzzsaw in the Philippines.
Two best friends and an ancient Indian burial ground take a road trip, and discover a runaway buzzsaw along the way.

 
 
2016 Nov 22 at 16:28 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a nipple slip n

A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with a nipple slip.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A muffled yell and a nipple slip.
I want to be buried with a nipple slip.
In this 15th century painting, a military laboratory is represented by a man with a nipple slip for a head.
My father’s example produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under a nipple slip to keep warm.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for a nipple slip?

 
 
2016 Nov 22 at 16:29 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a casually masturbating woman n

The new bill before congress would mandate a casually masturbating woman in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Daddy! There’s a casually masturbating woman under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a casually masturbating woman in the soil.
But I promised my kids they could get a casually masturbating woman for Christmas!
My favorite new band is “A Casually Masturbating Woman and a Swiss Murder Suit”.
Last Christmas, I gave you a casually masturbating woman. The very next day, you gave it away.

 
 
2016 Nov 22 at 17:39 PST — Ed. 2016 Nov 22 at 17:45 PST